Yannis Pappas Hour - 3 Bleeps in a Minute

Episode Date: February 17, 2023

Yannis goes wild in this fun episode! Should you take the over or under on Benifer? Taking a look at what Botox has done to some of your favorite aging celebrities, Narcon on the house, and more! Sponsors:Native https://www.nativecos.com/?conditional_message=WELCOME!%20USE%20DISCOUNT%25FUMES%20AT%20CHECKOUT&utm_medium=podcast&utm_source=long_days_with_yannispappas&discount=FUMESBox of Awesome https://www.bespokepost.com/startPromo code: fumes Join for our weekly bonus episodehttps://www.patreon.com/yannispappashour See Yannis live Dates & Cities below All tickets: https://www.yannispappascomedy.comSeattle (Tacoma) Feb 16-18 Chicago Feb 24-26Atlantic City March 3rdEmmaus Pa, March 4DC March 9-11Stamford CT April 7,8Tampa April 21-22Watch Yanni’s stand up special: https://youtu.be/ArlCFemEDvQJoin our highlights page for highlight clips of every episode: https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykwNew episodes every Friday and new bonus episodes every following Tuesday at Patreon.com/yannispappashour Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Before we start this episode, if you were watching it the weekend that it came out, I am with Jared Harvin, and we are in Tacoma, Washington right now. So that's outside of Seattle. So get some tickets for that. I'm sure there's some tickets left. Chicago, February 24th through 26th. That's sold out, I believe. There may be a few tickets for Sunday, but all the other shows are sold out.

Thank you very much. Then March 3rd, we will be in Atlantic City at Atlantic City Comedy Club. March 4th, Emmaus Theater in Emmaus, Pennsylvania. One show each time. Then DC, March 9th through the 11th. Now, my Dallas, Texas, Plano, Springfield, and Phoenix dates are being rescheduled for personal reasons. I got to reschedule those. So the next states will be Stanford, Connecticut at the brand new New York Comedy Club, April 7th and 8th. And then Tampa, April 21st through the 22nd. And then I will be off until my baby is born.

So get your tickets at yannispapascomedy.com. That is yannispapascomedy.com right now for all these dates. And if you had tickets for those shows, including San Francisco, Providence, Phoenix, Springfield, Plano, they will be transferred to the new dates or they'll be honored. And you can make a decision whether you want to come. And I will be announcing when those new dates will be on the next episode. So this was a really fun episode. You guys are going to love it.

And thanks to everyone in Madison who came out, sold out weekend. It was great. In fact, we've had a few sold out. We have a couple of sellouts in a row, baby. Yeah.

So thank you to the fans. I really appreciate it. And we'll see you at those shows and enjoy this app. Appreciate it. And we'll see you at those shows and enjoy this app. What's up, everybody? Welcome to the Giannis Pappas Hour.

The news's job is to get you absolutely terrified by insinuation or straight out fear mongering. Our job here is to take the pressure off, to give you a little massage with a happy ending of love, to make the news funner. Because if you take one week off of the news, you really realize that life is not that terrifying because you don't know about all the bad things. The news, the one thing that they want to do is they want to make sure you know about the bad things. The news, the one thing that they want to do is they want to make sure

you know about the bad things. And that's because we all have a little loophole in our brain where we want to be accepted. So anything negative, we pay attention to. That's why you see the one person not laughing in the crowd

when the rest of the crowd is laughing and that's all you can focus on because it's left over from evolution. The same reason why people have panic attacks because they feel like they're going to get attacked by a bear. But that bear now is just the IRS. That's what that is. So the news takes advantage of that. And so does everybody.

And boy, do they scare the hell out of you with headlines like unvaccinated people now more likely to get diabetes. Hey, let me fix that for you. Americans are more likely to get diabetes. I, let me fix that for you. Americans are more likely to get diabetes. I mean, what are we talking about here? You think COVID really fucking shifted the battle into the favor of diabetes? Or did Carl's Jr.? It was already a reality.

If you're born on American soil, there's a preponderance of evidence to suggest that you have a higher chance of diabetes because there's Skittles in your pocket, fatty boom baddy. There's Skittles in your pocket and there's Milky Way bars under your floorboards. Also, the vaccine may have something to do with it. How many vaccine emojis did we throw up for Raquel Welsh dying at 82 with them big ass titties? But vaccine emojis.

Throw up those vaccine emojis when you go to her funeral, Raquel Welsh. Let's throw up those vaccine emojis. Also, vaccine emojis, rest in peace. The vaccine emojis is a new rest in peace. Is a new rest in peace. Rest in peace to the four objects that got shot down by the United States military.

I'll believe it when I see it. I don't know. Maybe it's UFOs just throwing some fucking balloons up there so podcasts just can have content. Maybe they're podcast fans and they're just getting a little sick of most podcasts who just sit around and chat phoning it in. Who knows?

Who knows what their fans are? But a couple balloons got shot out of the sky or unidentified flying objects. We will also weigh in on it. We're going to weigh in. Bernie Sanders suggesting that teachers should nationally make minimum 60 grand a year. Now, when I found out that teachers don't make 60 grand a year, I said, you know what? That makes a lot of sense. That makes a lot of sense.

We'll talk more about that right after we talk about Jordan Peterson owning. Owning on Twitter. Jordan Peterson, a grown man, dare I say, in his 60s. With children who are already getting Botox. And I did her podcast. I mean, women turn to Boquox quick now. Boquox. They turn quick.

I mean, Michaela Peterson, I mean, she's Canadian, whatever, right? And look, she's very like Scandinavian white looking, so you got to say opposite of black, they age in dog years, you know? Like Scandinavians, they look good until they're like 40, and then they just look like they climbed Mount Everest for a living. Their skin gets all weathered. So she's already starting to Botox.

I think she's in her early 30s. So, I mean, this guy's already got kids with Botox and he's beefing with Greta Thunberg on Twitter. Not a good deal. Remember what happened to the last guy the next day after he beefed with Greta Thunberg? She's protected by the devil's advocate Al Pacino. I wouldn't fuck with her.

She is protected by Kaiser Sese. Daniel Miscavige, the head of Scientology, is finally getting charged with some labor problem in Tampa, Florida. Down here in Tampa, Florida. Down here in Florida, the judge pulled him in and said,

David, brother, we can't, we can't, you can't run your cult, brother. All right? Without us knowing what's going on. So they're coming at him. And good news, America. Good news. Narcon, the opiate antidote, is now being considered to be available without prescription.

So, good news. You can go ahead and have your opioid overdose, and you don't have to have a note from the doctor to get the snake cure. This is Giannis Papasour, and let's choppy suey. I want to tell us that no.

All right. I want to start this episode by saying patreon.com slash Giannis Papasour for your weekly bonus episodes. Support the show. Support the show as much as you want, which is a mixture of Sherbert and support. I thought you were

trying to say Chappelle Show. Chappelle Show, Chappelle. Support the show. No Clonies today, so this is just, this is just my brain. Off the cuff. And you know what?

I want to say this. I got this dental appliance, this sleep apnea dental appliance. No more snoring. Cured my snoring. Never had had more energy if you snore go get yourself a sleep test at home and maybe get that appliance it's comfortable in your mouth it pulls your jaw forward a little bit and it opens up your airwave nice we should make that an ad huh we should make that an ad i don't know i don't know what the company is but i'm saying it's not cheap it It's not cheap, but, you know, sleep apnea will eventually kill you.

So, look, if you're a fatty, then all you got to do is lose weight. I assume most of you are fucking fatties. So, I don't know if the sleep appliance is going to help more than weight watchers, more than meals in a kit. But if it's not that, take a peek. It's really worked for me. It's doing wonders for me. So far, so good.

But Patreon.com slash Giannis Papathour. This is a fat Greta Thunberg on the screen. For your bonus episodes, which are great. And go binge them, you know, do what you got to do. But we're going to start this fun news episode. As always, Jared Harvard is here and the world's most famous finger painter, Jesse Scatoro, who hides his art, is here. Let's start with Ben and Jen.

Ben and Jen have pulled the old Pete D. The old Pete D. Never go Pete D. Pulled the old Pete D and got a tattoo of their love. Now, here's the deal. They've done studies. They've done peer-reviewed studies that anyone who tattoos their lover on their body has a 100% breakup rate. Have you ever met anyone?

Have you ever? Let me ask you two a question, okay? Let me ask you two a question. You two fruity arts majors. A question. One in fucking finger painting and the other one in Shakespearean acting. Have you and will you ever meet,

ever, a couple that currently has tattoos of each other on their body at dinner? Is that possible? Do you think that's more likely or an alien invasion? Which would you suspect you will see first? I'm going to say unequivocally an alien invasion will happen before I meet a couple that's been together 10 plus years with tattoos of the other on their body.

There's nothing that says impulse more than tattoos on your body because getting tattoos is a bad decision to begin with. Case in fucking point. Yeah. Okay? That's a piece of barbed wire. That's what that is?

I only had 50 bucks, so I wanted to get the whole thing. It's been barbed wire this whole time? Yeah. Dog, I thought it was a broken piece of asparagus. Either that or it just looks like a cancer scar. It looks like seaweed or whatever you want to call it. You know what?

It's good you didn't finish it. You look like Pam Anderson. I know. It was, I think, the same template as Pam Anderson. Thank God I only had 50 bucks in college. And then I have one on my ankle, which I like to curl my girl tat, which I got in Miami on the inside of my ankle. They're never good decisions.

So Ben and Jen got, what, two arrows, and they showed it off on their Dunkin' Donuts commercial? Is that what happened? what, two arrows, and they showed it off on their Dunkin' Donuts commercial? Is that what happened? There's nothing when you can commodify true love for Dunkin' Donuts when you're both multimillionaires. Do these people say no to anything? But you know what?

I think maybe he loves Dunkin'. He loves Dunkin'. Dude, he's a former alcoholic, and alcoholics love fucking Red Bulls and iced coffees. Is there anything more that a former addict loves than a fucking iced coffee? You ever see Sergio Chicone order three extra tall fucking nitro-infused cold brew iced coffees? Those are as close as cocaine as you can get. You gotta replace that addiction with something. With as close to cocaine.

Yeah. Which is funny because that level of caffeine is like borderline cocaine. But yeah, Ben's a former alcoholic and his marriage and children, his responsibilities with Jennifer Gardner drove him to drink. Which is a very sweet thing to say about his ex-wife.

So now, yeah, they did their Dunkin' Donuts commercial. And in the Dunkin' Donuts commercial, he's working there. And then she goes, where have you been? Ben, how come you ain't home? It's Jetty from the block. Where you been? And he's like, what? Stop bothering me at work, Jetty.

I'm over here. As if he's Andy Kaufman. As if he's fucking been to a Dunkin' Donuts, Jetty. I love it here. As if he's Andy Kaufman. As if he's fucking been to a Dunkin' Donuts. You know? He's probably never even seen Quincy Mass. I mean, the kid's from Cambridge, right? Yeah. Him and Matt Damon are like from the park slope of Boston.

But yeah, they better get ready to turn those, you know, because Tattoo looks like two rowing paddles It looks like arrows They're going to have to get a sailboat They're going to have to connect that to a sailboat at some point Either that or they're going to have to become spokespersons for Bluetooth Yeah Pete D will be getting a text for advice on a good cover-up tattoo guy

Yeah You can't tattoo the name of your lover on your body. Yeah. I'm sorry I made another joke about you, but guess what? You're in us weekly. Yes. I mean, what do you want me to fucking do? Ignore it?

Please come on this podcast. Yeah, just come on. What the fuck? Please. Jesus Christ. I mean, Jesus. I tell you. Yeah.

So that was one of the Super Bowl commercials. Jesse's just caught in a spiral of better for love photos. I mean, why doesn't BetMGM do fun stuff? This is why they should not have replaced me with Turtle from Entourage. Because I got good ideas. I wonder how those ratings are doing. I got good ideas. You know what would be a fun bet for the ladies?

How come men are the only people that bet, and why is sports the only thing that's bet on? Why don't we add some betting for the ladies and what would that betting be a time frame on when ben and jennifer will break up okay or when a housewives thing like when will one od When's one going to prison? Who's going to smack who? I mean, there's plenty of things that you can use that women like that's related to gossip that you could bet on. Women love gossip.

So wouldn't that be a great, if you could bet on that? Yeah. Like under five, you know, it's like if you hit it, if you hit the mark, you get the daily double or whatever. I'm not a better. I think that's what BetMGM is starting to understand

when I would go on there and be like, all right, who played last week? What's the upside down over the six? I would say, instead of the over under,

I'd be like, what's the upside down? I don't bet because I'm not a gambler. Oh, here you can bet on J-Lo and Ben Affleck's odds of getting divorced are separated by 2025. I don't bet because I'm not a gambler. Oh, here you can bet on J-Lo and Ben Affleck's odds of getting divorced or separated by 2025. So there, I mean, but there's no official click or anything. Bet MGM or DraftKings should do that.

Yeah, FanDuel. That's fun. I would bet on that. Yeah. Because that's a funny one. It's like the Yankees and the Red Sox. And listen, it's a long-time investment too. It's like a stock, right?

So if they stay together, some people will bet that they're going to stay together, and then those people will win. It'll be worth more, right? Can you buy stock? This is, again, I'm doing a joke off my special Blowing the Light, but it's kind of true. You buy stock in the relationship, and that'll be fun. You buy stock in companies. Why can't you buy stock in relationships? And and that would be fun. You buy stock in companies.

Why can't you buy stock in relationships? And if they stay together, your stock goes up. Now they got an incentive to stay together. But even if Ben and Jen had that incentive, they're not making it. They're just not making it. Two narcissists can't make it. They just can't. Because here is the reality about relationships.

My dad told me the truth. Best case scenario, best case scenario, they're close to impossible. That's what he told me. He also told me life's about survival and a few other things that have brought on some existentialist ennui. It would have been nice if he just said there's a heaven and we're all going to it. And it's full of puppies that you can frolic with. He didn't say that though.

I understand. I understand why people need that because I want it. There's puppies in heaven and I'm going there. But my dad was like, it's about survival,

no different than a cockroach. Also, marry a woman who's 10 years younger because women age like shit. Also, the third thing I said, which best case scenario, even a good relationship is next to hard.

That's why it's like even when people ask advice and they're like, maybe I should get in a relationship. I'm going like, it's never going to happen for you. If you're contemplating it, at the first sign of something hard, you're getting out of there. Anything that's worthwhile is going to be hard. Comedy has been hard, right? Mm-hmm.

You know? I remember at the beginning, I was fucking driving for $150. That's year five of a marriage in comedy years, driving 15 hours for $100. But it's worth it. Nothing good's not. So Ben and Jen, just stop. But it's worth it. Nothing good's not. So Ben and Jen, just stop. Just stop with the marriages.

Here's the thing. Celebrities, stop with the nuptials. Keep your options open. Like... Keep... You got to edit that out. Bleep it. Bleep edit that out bleep it just bleep it keep your options open stop lying to yourselves stop lying stop lie you're not normal people you're gonna have an extreme high of a life and then you're gonna die of a pill overdose when the high comes down. Because you're not going to be able to deal with not being it.

Okay? Only Paul Newman could deal with that. And he started a not-for-profit company and lived in Connecticut. But not Ben and Jen. They're not going to deal with it well. Yeah, they're not going to make their own salad. I mean, have you seen Madonna? She looks like she was in the...

Yeah. And survived. She looks like she was in the... Yeah. And survived. She looks like she was sticking her head out of a window on a freeway. Yeah, bleep that too. Make a note. I mean, Madonna... I just realized what you said. Yeah, I know.

You got to bleep that. Dog, Madonna looks like she got stung by 150 yellow jackets. She looked like she was on Wild Boys with Chris Pontius and Steve-O. And they put her in a closet and she got stung by 150 fucking yellow jackets. She looks like a fish off a shark tail. She looked like she got fucking stung by those yellow jackets that kill all the bees. Bee pain. You know those killer ones?

She looked like she got stabbed by a bunch of those killer bees. You got three beeps in a minute. Don't forget. Stop with the nuptials, right, Jess? Yeah. I mean, look at what's happened to Madonna. She looks like a jack-o'-lantern. Dog, she looks like Mickey Rourke on Halloween.

She looks like she's been floating face down. Have you seen Mickey Rourke? Pull up Mickey Rourke. I mean, what are these people doing to themselves? Look, my dad looked pretty good in his 80s. You just have to not. But you see, the thing is, these people, they all. Dude, Mickey Rourke and Madonna look like the same person at this point.

I mean, that looks like Madonna. That looks like Madonna transitioned to a guy. I mean, look at what Mickey Rourke has done to himself. He looks like he's recovering from a UFC fight wounds. It's tough to see. Pull that one up. Yeah, no, the profile. Oof.

I mean, Jesus Christ mean he's jesus christ he's wearing a wig that's sewn on oh my god it's sewn on how old is he at this point that might be for a movie i hope no no it's just it ends bad with the plastic surgery it just you remember joan rivers just started to look like a doll you know know, it's like, what are we doing? Yeah. It's, the nuptials never work. I think Steve Carell's still with his wife, Nancy Walls. Yeah. There's a few that stick it out, but it's not, it's, you can tell the people who are more stable than not, you know?

You can tell kind of Steve Carell's is going to work out for a while. Howard's worked out for a while right and then he got with beth are you working on your howard no yeah i was just going there like um yeah yeah howard's with beth now right and beth's younger yeah she's like 15 years yeah do they live in the same house or does he make her take COVID tests before they go to bed? Yeah, I think they live in a mansion. They live in a palace in the Hamptons. And he has kids with his first wife, right?

Does he have kids with Beth? No, no kids. No kids with Beth. Just a ton of cats. Just a ton of cats. You know, that's what Hollywood is. It ends ugly, right? It just goes, because it's such a high when you're famous.

It's such a high that you can't let that go. You're going to chase that forever. You can't. It's not a place meant for longevity. You got to join Scientology or something. You know, that's actually a good solution, right? They're giving this guy, David Miscavige, a hard time. You know, he's the guy that has, you know,

pictures of Tom Cruise with gerbils in his butts and things like this. That's how he extorts John Travolta and Tom Cruise to keep sending money to the Scientology religion to get the aliens out of your brain, which is the same thing when I did social work that we put people on Depakote for. So tomato, tomato, you know? If you're in Scientology,

it's not crazy to get the aliens out of your brain. So, David Miscavige is finally considered served in labor trafficking lawsuit. What's labor trafficking? After 27 tries. Teflon Don, baby. You can't get him.

You ever see how much of a pipsqueak he is too? He speaks eye to eye to Tom Cruise He goes listen He goes if you stop Going out there and talking about how psych meds are bad Or if you stop jumping on couches And pretending to be fucking Hare Krishna happy

If you stop for one second The pictures of the gerbils in your butt will go all over every digital outlet. Tampa federal magistrate, Judge Julius. Sounds like a freestyle singer in Tampa who retires to Tampa. Shower me with love. Shower with love. You're my fantasy girl. It's a nostalgic tour with Julius. With Julius, Suzy Q, and the other guy. I can't remember his name. What's the fantasy girl? Fantasy girl guy.

You're my fantasy. Something B. Fantasy Girl guy. You're my fantasy. Something B. Freestyle singers always did first name and then initial of the last name. Suzy Q, Judge Julie S. And what was the guy from Fantasy Girl?

Just pull it up real quick. Google it, but then you gotta go back to that. Fantasy Girl by, now I need to know it. You're my fantasy. By Johnny O. Johnny O was great with the Jerry Curls. Dude, this is what your mom was, you know, dancing to. Yeah, she was listening to the name of cereals.

Yeah. Johnny O's. Your mom's probably big on, do you think she's 60s? 60, yeah. She may be up on freestyle. Yeah, 60s. That's a little old for freestyle. A little, yeah.

But you love freestyle. I love freestyle. I know you old, too, because you would listen to a freestyle mix on YouTube in the gym. There's nothing better to get you in shape. There's nothing better to hype you up than listening to a little Johnny O fantasy girl when you're on the fucking treadmill.

It was 80s and 90s, so I was young. But yeah, 50s, maybe early young But yeah 50s maybe early 60s Your mom's early 60s right? Yeah She could be up on On the extinct music genre Of

Freestyle Yeah That Madonna Speaking of Madonna adopted Kind of killed it Blondie kind of stole from it When she started, because Madonna started

Dating Jellybean Benitez Huge Maurica fan by the way Jellybean Benitez, that was that sound That was happening in New York and then they made it pop And it just kind of died But to be fair, Madonna adopts a lot She does adopt, yeah, she adopted music styles That she stole and then children

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I don't even know what that is What is labor trafficking? What does that even mean? So you make I'm guessing it's like sex trafficking But you make people work against their will Yeah Okay they were forced into the church as kids

and had to work in adulthood for almost no pay. Yeah, I mean, the thing about Scientology is they just got lawyers, and they're just going to go, hey, that's part of the service. As he goes like this, I can just picture him adjusting his cufflinks. That's part of church service.

He's just got some real nice, like top-of-the-line his cufflinks. That's part of church service. He's just got some real nice, like top of the line, Tiffany cufflinks, his hair. He smells like Polo cologne suits got pinstripes. And he's just going to the judge, judge Julius, who's just sitting there going, tell me what's happening. He's going, yeah, they're, uh, that's not forced labor. That's part of their service to the Thetan god. And he just fixes his cufflinks and knows that he's Teflon. He's going to get out of it, especially in Tampa. You can't make anything stick in Tampa. You can't.

It's a town of strippers. And Tommy Terrific couldn't even stick there. He was there one, two years. He's out. Nobody goes to Tampa to settle down yeah you move to tampa to blow it to blow to hide from child support and fucking blow your money and blow your life away and blow your brains out so let's see if they uh I like how this is a very cute way, labor trafficking, of accusing him of slavery.

So, you know. Yeah. It's slavery, basically. Against their will. I mean, but is it against their will if they're seven and they don't have a will? Against their will. I mean, but is it against their will if they're seven and they don't have a will?

I mean, how could it be against their will if they're seven years old and they don't understand what a will is yet? Yeah. They don't understand what an agency is. They don't even know who they are. Some of them think they're girls or boys. Yeah. If you don't know what it is, it can't be stolen from you. It can't be taken from you if you don't know what it is. Yeah. So that's would be my defense for David Miscavige,

who's a great, great guy. I hear good things. Okay. Listen, some people are so good that they get documentaries made about them on YouTube. And all I can say is I heard and hear good things about him and others who have documentaries about them. I hear good things. Yeah. A lot of people, you just hear good stuff. You hear good things. And David Miscavige is someone that a lot of people have a lot of nice things to say about. Mm-hmm.

Especially former people in the cult who say he was a great hang, he was a supportive guy, and the most important aspect of his personality, empathetic to their needs and their work hours. Who's this bitch ruining it? Who's this? Is this Julius? Valeska Paris is one of the three former Sea Org members suing the church, alleging they had to work for the church into adulthood for almost no pay. Almost no pay.

Okay, blowjobs count as pay. Maybe David Miscavige ate the pussy out, and that's pay. Yeah, he's short enough to get down there. Cult leaders love to fuck their slaves. Yeah. You know, but it's willing. It's almost like a necessity. They willingly go in, man.

It's a requirement. Listen, I have, I have empathy for the parents, but let's be honest. Some parents put this four or seven year old, she grew up in the church, right? So it was, she is the parent's property until she's 18. So if the parents are on board with her working in child slavery for David Miscavige's cufflinks, then that's their business. So be it.

It's like loaning on a bike. That's their business. You're telling me worse things aren't happening in Tampa, Florida, than goddamn labor trafficking? Give me a break. Team David Miscavige on here. Scientology has to move on, okay? Because you hear great things, like the kid from The 50 Show

who got accused of raping multiple women. David Masterson. Oh, yeah, Danny Masterson. Danny Masterson. You hear a lot of good things about it. That's the thing about Scientology. It's got a great reputation, okay? It's like the comedy zone about Scientology. It's got a great reputation. It's like the comedy zone

in Jacksonville. It's got everyone buzzing. Yeah. It's not just talking about the flies and the food. Not talking about the flies and the food, which is not an exaggeration. There were flies in the food. Literal flies in the food. Here's Danny Masterson, a squeaky clean

sitcom star who made headlines in 2017 when he was first accused of sexual assault. Not harassment. Assault. He has since pleaded not guilty after being charged. Nobody's going to plead guilty to that. You got to fight that. Yeah. when allegedly raping three women.

Four women claimed in March 2017 that the 70s show alum sexually assaulted them in the early 2000s. And then a fifth woman came forward in December. Once you got to start in five, you just got to assume, you know. You just hope you don't have a sixth man. He repeatedly raped her. Three of the five alleged victims were Scientologists,

which is a church that Masterson has been a part of since he was a child. The other two accusers, Chrissy Carnell Bixler and Bobetta Rails, previously dated the star. Okay, so you got two who dated. Those I'm always a little weird about Because you dated them, what does that mean?

Okay, but I don't want to go there, man You know? I don't want to say that that can't happen either Because guys can be abusive and do abusive things Of course Parents do abusive things to kids Spouses do abusive things So I'm not going to say that that can't happen

But there's a whole bunch here So basically my point is Scientology's got a great rep. They're doing good work. And then that chick who, first of all, it hired a lot of people. That chick who was king of queens. She's got a lot of great things to say about it. She highly recommends.

She gives it five stars. Leah Remini. Leah Remini. Leah Remini, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. She's out of the church now, and she's calling it a cult. She's what you call a whistleblower. She's the Edward Snowden of Scientology.

She's from Brooklyn, right? I think, you know, I don't know where she's from. Do you know? But she did a doc. When they start making docs about you, dog, I think that's time... I think you... Like, when you get called for quote for a doc about you

and you're not an athlete, I think it's time to get out of Dodge. Get out of Dodge. I think you want to go look at Argentinian passports and move into whatever ex-criminal neighborhood is hiding out in Amsterdam. Amsterdam, Argentina. Argentina.

By the way, editorial retraction, Vasco da Gama supposedly never came to America. I think he was the one That went under South Africa I think you were trying to reference Amerigo Vespucci I was trying to reference one of them And of course the guy says Still love you

But you're a fucking moron You're absolutely right Vasco da Gama never came to America It's just one of those dudes That had scurvy Yeah but also You know For comedy

I was looking for a funny name in the joke. So I will accept the editorial retraction. And this is a retraction from the bonus episode. Which you need to go subscribe right now to listen to. Right. I will accept the editorial retraction. But I will also, to be completely transparent, I wasn't going for accuracy there. Sometimes I am going for accuracy and I am wrong. I wasn't going for accuracy there. Sometimes I am going for accuracy

and I am wrong. I wasn't going for accuracy, you fucking nerd, that you knew exactly where Vasco da Gama sailed. Yeah. Okay? I don't know.

Did he sail around the Cape or did he sail around the Caribbean? Who gives a fuck, nerd? You were just trying to get the job done. You're like Mahomes throwing a shuffle pass. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I mean, I was just trying to throw a shuffle pass there and get it done.

It came to my mind, and Vasco da Gama is a funny name for an explorer. I said Vasco da Gama's coming or something to kill Indians or whatever I said, because the episode is called Blowing Over the Teepees. Because we were in Wisconsin, and you just see a bunch of Germanic-looking, thick, thick fucking

Germanic-looking Viking guys who you know's ancestors blew over a few teepees. Straight white. The only thing you have to worry about in Madison is the ice. That's right. You got to be careful of the ice in the streets of Madison. Yeah. They don't do a great job in Madison

considering they're used to it with the ice. Yeah. Also, we couldn't land in Madison because of snow. I was like, I thought that's what you guys do there. Like, what's going on? Like, what do you mean we can't? That's like saying, don't get in the water or you'll get wet. I thought you fucking do snow every winter.

You don't know how to land a fucking plane in snow? The airfield should just be a bunny hill. Yeah, in the place where it snows every day? What's going on with the world? You can't get good help anymore. I'm moving into China. Can't get good help anymore. I'm moving into China.

Now, like I said, I had no idea that teachers make under $60,000. You can't expect such an important job to be only $60,000 and want good results. This is America. Nobody's going to do something when they're not motivated by money. Why would teachers be any different? Teachers should get paid 300K. Imagine teachers got paid 300K, and then they should get a bonus structure

based on how many of their students are above the goddamn literacy line or whatever. Why is it not motivation-based? Why is it not – why are we pretending we're not America? We're not trying to churn out loving, good socialists. We're trying to churn out heartless, sociopathic reptilian capitalists who are looking for self-interested business ideas to get on Shark Tank. We got to get these fucking kids on Shark Tank so they can pitch Mr. Wonderful and the chick who could catch it from QVC.

Nancy Walls What's her name? Yeah I don't know what her name is That chick can catch it Yeah But Barbara Corkin can't catch it Yeah but that's the reason Why she can't catch it

Is because she's sitting Next to Barbara all the time Yeah Barbara Corkin Barbara Corkin looks like Julie Andrews Take a second Yeah Barbara Corkin looks like

She just swallowed lemons Or something Yeah Real estate tycoon I'm not going to take a deal from the Queen of England. Yeah, the QFC chick could get bent over, though. It's something that a guy that wasn't married would say. So, I mean, why is it not incentive-based?

Fingerpainting school should be the same thing. It should be like, how good is your sculpture? And then it should be eliminated. Turn everything into a reality show. be the same thing. They should be like, how good is your sculpture? And then it should be eliminated. Turn everything into a reality show. Turn the cameras on. Put these kids in school, make them fight to the death. The ones whose sculptures are not up to par in the finger painting school,

they break a pool stick or make them sculpt each other out of razor blades. I don't know, do something. Come on, I'm bored. I'm bored. We're bored. We're getting fucking bored. There was a shooting in Michigan,

and I don't even think it made the news. Three are dead, five critical. Imagine going to college, and then you just hear, and you're like, and you're just going, and I'm at school, and there's a, and you're just going, I'm at school, there's a shooting, I don't know what to say, now this kid reached out to me, and he wanted me to

talk about it, he's a fan, and he's also a student at Michigan, he got shot, and he messaged me personally, yeah, I showed it to Jared, he only caught a little bit. He caught some shrapnel, but he got hit, but he lived. And he's one of these guys that was in this situation. And he said, please talk about it. He goes, I didn't even think CCNN covering it. I think everyone kind of covered it. I think the problem is we've all become numb and we've accepted it. and we've accepted it. We no longer should be asking for reasonable gun control or whatever you want to call it, or assault weapon bans or whatever.

I mean, the guy's gun was illegal anyway or something. He was on a no-gun list. But I mean, the country's so inundated with guns, it's not hard to get a gun. There's fucking guns everywhere. We love our fucking guns. I think really you have to go into body armor. Kids have to go to school in full body armor.

I think it's what you have to do. Tommy Hilfiger, are you listening? It's time for Fashion Week in New York to add bulletproof body armor. Then we need some entrepreneurs and some scientists thinking about breathable wear that is bulletproof.

Yeah. From head to toe, like knights in the middle age, but breathable. Yeah. Breathable. It's a good idea. Like goddamn Tommy John's, Long John's. Breathable. Breathable cotton bulletproof armor.

That's the only thing. Or have these, everyone fucking strapped. There's this child marshal. I don't know what to tell you. People are going to be lining up for the Kevlar Fours. We're the only country this happens to at this rate,

not even close. I wonder why. I don't know what it is. It must be mental illness. Like a squirrel finds an acorn. It's mental illness only. As if mental illness just started. As if mental illness

doesn't afflict everyone in the fucking world. I don't know what to tell you. And I love my gun in the fucking world. I don't know what to tell you. And I love my gun. I own one. I don't know what to tell you. I don't know. But he even said, he said, I'm not, he's like, I'm not an anti-gun guy.

He says, if someone in the classroom would have had a gun, the shooting would have been five minutes as opposed to five hours. Did it go on for five hours? Maybe the lockdown. I'm not sure. I remember reading the uh the newspaper news uh reports that he was like on the campus for about two hours not sure five the thing is look it is a mental health issue obviously it's these guys turn evil but the point is that there's always

mentally ill people the point is you don't want them to get these things in their hands that's the whole point so that a whole leap in logic that it's a mental health issue. It's like, of course it is. These are all not mutually exclusive, okay? Nothing's mutually exclusive in the world. Everything has context, right? Just like you can't, like we joked about, the gun always gets the credit when it saves the day and gets all the blame when it murders, like my wife.

You know, you can't do that either. You know, it's, I don't know. He wanted me to talk about it and i'm talking about i am someone who has uh been the victim of a crime with a gun it sucks um you know jesse knew me back then and then i was fine and i had panic attacks over it and ptsd it changed you it changed me It's a horrible thing. It changed how you thought. It changed how you felt.

It changed how you went through TSA. Exactly. I had a bullet in my ass and it would set it off. Look, she's a piece, whoever that is. Something a guy who wasn't married would say. I'm glad you're okay. To the fan who's watching this right now, I'm glad you're okay. He even said, you don't have to use my name.

I'm not looking for recognition. Yeah. He said, I'm not an anti-gun guy. He just goes, something has to be done. Because here's the thing. When you're a victim of it, it's different. It's always different. First-hand experience always changes you.

You don't think about your political beliefs. You're not so, you know, those are what people who talk for a living do. People who talk for a living stick to their beliefs. People who own, who have an interest, who own a gun, they stick to theirs. Hardcore, the people who are against stick to theirs. And it's not a black and white issue. It's one of those things where you know yeah people like this ruin

it for everybody else no different than uh you know having to have the suda fed behind the fucking locked cabinet most people are not going to grab the suda fed and chop it up to make whatever but one dude will right that one guy tried to blow up a fucking plane with his sneakers now we all got to take our fucking sneakers off at the airport. I don't love that, but living in a society and when you have kids, you start to go, can we come to the table and make everyone happy somehow? I believe we can.

I believe we can. Okay. I just believe we can. I just feel like there's too much money in people not doing that. Too much pride and too much money in people not doing that too much pride and too much money nobody wants to compromise nobody wants to walk away miserable for the greater good so the only the only solution is fucking body armor body armor i want to see the fucking chef in body armor. I want to hear clanking. When you go to a school, you just see people walking around

looking like it's 50 legions under the sea. Yeah. They're walking around in skydiving outfits. Not skydiving, sea diving outfits. Yeah.

You know when they wear those fucking helmets like that? Yeah. Metal suits. That'd be what it sounds like to Antebellum South. Yeah. You got to have that.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Militarize the campuses. Yeah, militarize the campuses. I don't give a shit. It's bad that people can't go to school. There should be checkpoints everywhere so then we can feel more free. You know, that's the irony. It's like we want to be free. We want the government out of it.

Okay, but the solution is checkpoints in front of every class you gotta it's got to be sealed off by federal troops and it's the everyone's got a show id if they want to come in and you're going hey wait a second we're full circle to what we didn't want and i'm going that's what happens when you don't want to compromise treat guns how you treat a covid treat fucking guns the way you do your relationship you compromise you're not going to like everything if you want to compromise. Treat guns how you treated COVID. Treat fucking guns the way you do your relationship. You compromise. You're not going to like everything. If you want to stick together,

if you're going to live with someone else, you got to do things you don't like. Like once in a while, fucking the Real Housewives is on, and I'm sitting in the living room, and I want to stay warm by the fire. I don't want to go in the basement, and I got to fucking watch Real Housewives for a bit. That's stupid, fucking inane show

that my wife loves and all women love because it's like a fucking, it's like taking a goddamn Klonopin for them. It's like taking a Xanax. They just go, Sometimes you gotta do things you don't want to do. Mm-hmm. Sometimes you do things you shouldn't do.

Like quote tweet Greta Thunberg as a 65-year-old man. I think we got after him in the intro a little bit, didn't we? Yeah. Was that the intro where I said he's got a daughter who has already gotten Botox? Yeah. It's what you call shooting two arrows with one gun. She's got a sense of humor, I hope.

I mean, listen, people are getting Botox. You know, people get Botox. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes it looks decent, and then some people just overdo it. You got to do a little. Are you ever going to do any Botox? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I like your solution. Jesse once said, having a beard, it's... Less face. Someone said a beard looks good on you. What did you say? Less face. You look...

It's like telling someone they look good with less face. Which is true. So a beard... Well, for a guy, I think a beard, as you get older, can hide all the loose jowls. So I'm just going to stick with a beard as you get older can hide all the loose jowls so I'm just gonna stick with a beard as I get older

I'm not gonna do any Botox lucky you're blessed plus old people don't get wrinkly old people you know when people get real old

they get like their skin gets young again I mean they look frail as shit yeah you can't tell if they're smiling or crying yeah they look frail but they get

at the end you know I guess you're like unless you're like a if they're smiling or crying. Yeah, they look frail. But they get, at the end, you know, I guess you're like, unless you're like a really ancient Asian person or something, but like older people, black and white, they get like, they get, your skin gets tight again. Yeah, but you're going to rock the full gray beard? Huh?

Full gray beard? I was just thinking about my dad in his bed. He was just like, I was like, I remember thinking with his full head of hair, I was like, he looks kind of young. And he was just dying. I heard his spits like, I was like, I remember thinking with his full head of hair, I was like, he looks kind of young and he was just dying. I heard his spits like, he was like dying on morphine.

He's like, and I remember going, he looks pretty young for a 91 year old man who's crossing over to John Edwards to join John Edwards' realm. I'm going to go see John Edwards

and see if I can contact my pops. Yeah, I mean. Don't do that. No. Why? Motherfucker would tell you they just eating coleslaw and shit. Yeah.

How y'all feeling? Y'all good? Come on, Madison. How y'all feeling? Y'all good? Who's that, Jared? Yeah. It got in my head earlier.

Now, don't feel self-conscious about it when you're out of state. I'm not feeling self-conscious. You're the one making yourself a modern-day Al Jolson No are we good? Yo Madison Nah Madison come on let me feel you y'all good?

I do that for every place I open up with Yeah it's good It's a good thing to start Yeah it's fight or flight for white people Cause like oh god there's a black dude yelling at me How you feeling? Are y'all good? Now Narcon I think this is a great,

this is like a great moment in American history that the opioid antidote is now going to be available with a prescription, which basically means they're just throwing up their arms, going like, you know what? There's too many people overdosing on opiate. We can't just, because you know what that means, right? That means like people are going to know

it's more readily available because we're humans, right? We have the great potential to have empathy and communicate through emotions and all this stuff, but that's not what we're going to do. We're going to find out some brilliant guy created the antidote for opioid overdoses and we're going do we're gonna find out some brilliant guy created the antidote for opioid overdoses and we're gonna find comfort in knowing that that safety net is there so then we can go

and fucking go hard and lean in to a nice opiate dosage yeah going hey you know what if i overdose just make sure you get to get to have that thing close so that's why they probably wanted to make a prescription because they don't want it readily available because it almost sort of tacitly supports. It enables you to go wild out. Tacitly enables you to do opioids. But now they're just probably throwing their hands up going like, look, I mean, people are dying at a rate that let's just fucking put it in drive-thrus like give it away in happy meals put it in taco bell meals

it's like you get two crispy tacos and narcon with fries yeah every time kevin the right hand's a free throw yeah just fucking give them out they hand them out they're probably gonna just start handing them out like uh pens at the bank they're gonna be cheap just start handing them out like pens at the bank. They're going to be cheap. Just here's your Narcon and like, yeah, go do your opioid. Dude, the opioid crisis epidemic in America is what now? According to Google. Here we are.

This is official NIH. Holy shit. I mean, I don't know the exact numbers but it's the opposite of tesla stock christ now obviously these are always underreported right people just drop dead or whatever when they're poor like these are autopsies right they do autopsies for this yeah and half those went to covet anyway yeah i mean so 1999, it has shot up from under 20,000, which is way too much. Um, and it's steadily increased to 2021 where it is 106,699. Um, uh, is that one year? That's in a year. Yeah. That's one year. Holy mackerel.

So in a year, 106,699, that's like COVID numbers, right? What did COVID take? A hundred thousand, two? Depends on who you ask. Depends on which podcast you listen to. Um, but, but that's up there with the official COVID numbers, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Like COVID first year. how many people died? Okay, the top 10 leading cause of death. This is reputable too. Okay, heart disease still number one. Because nobody's going to take our fucking, nobody's going to take our long John Silvers from us. That's straight. We have the worst worst diet so heart disease number one 647 000 okay that's killing close that's killing over half a a year cancer 600 000 top two still okay that's uh that's islam and volkanovski pound for pound

still the two best after that fight. Unintentional injuries. We're stupid. So number three is stupidity. Deaths in 2010, number three. Number four, chronic lower respiratory disease. A group of lung conditions that block the air. Okay, so that's smoking, emphysema.

This goes with obesity too. That's like the same thing as being out of shape, right? Bronchitis, emphysema, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. We're getting close though to opioid numbers. Look at this. 160. 160. So the fat will kill you.

Stroke and cerebral diseases, again, that has also to do with obesity and being unhealthy. Yeah, vascular dementia dementia ischemic attack oh alzheimer's number six but those people die old most of them are old yeah it is a killer but it's a killer though it's up there get about it's like jason kidd yeah it's up there though but you know what they're curing that now they have a fucking pill it's like looks like diabetes this is all tied to health dog this. This is America, right? Yep. Diabetes.

You can do one through seven minus Alzheimer's. Six out of the seven are all tied to diet and health. We are a fucking fatty boom baddie. Fatty boom baddie. Everyone says fatty boom baddie, right? But the way Tim says it makes me laugh every time. He goes, she's a real Fatty Boobati. So diabetes, seven.

Look at this. Opioids is above diabetes right now. Diabetes is at 83,000. Wow. So now opioids, this was 2017. This is an old list. Right. So wait, go up because we know what the number was.

So what was the number again? It was 100,000. 106,000 hundred six so go back so 106 in 2021 so now it is the we can just do it by the math still six this is the seventh it would be the sixth it would be the sixth it would be a head of diabetes opioid that is a choice that is prevent. That has nothing to do with your health. It's just a drug you take. Now, opioid, is that fentanyl? Yeah. Yeah.

I believe so, yeah. Fentanyl is a synthetic opioid. Synthetic opioid. So they're taking either heroin or fentanyl. It's getting laced in a lot of stuff, which I don't understand. Yeah. Like, why are they lacing things with fentanyl? I don't know.

All I know is fentanyl was created in China. That's all I'm going to say. That's all I'm going to say. I call it that because it was made in China. China. Remember that where they said, why are you calling it to China? And he goes, because it's from China.

I mean, originally, it comes from Mexico, but it was created in China. So that's why I say. All right. So Narcon's out there. So get it. Taco Bell, throw it in your fucking happy bills. We've seen enough pictures of whole families nodding off.

You ever see those pictures with the family just in the car like that? And the baby's just in the booster seat drinking an apple juice? I mean, that's like a photo of America right now. just in the car like that. And the baby's just in the booster seat drinking an apple juice. I mean, that's like a photo of America right now. You know, there's tons of those. But we're going to end on a happy note. Nikki Hales is running for president. So I don't know anything about her. So that's just a fact if you didn't know.

She was the governor of some southern state, right? She's running for president of the GOP. So she's the first one to announce, right? Or I think Trump announced, right? So he's going to have a tough time with her. I think he's going to have a tough time. South Carolina. South Carolina, Nikki Haley.

I think he liked her. Like, they had a thing, right? They were like, cool. She was in his administration. Yeah, she was in his administration. So she's running. She's going to run against him. He's going to have a tough time with her.

You know? Plus, you know, he got the vax, so he could drop it any moment. Vaccine emojis, RIP. So just like Biden, I don't know. She's kind of, she's a little bit of a puss. Is she a little bit of a piece or is that my imagination? Yeah, not bad. Yeah, she is.

She's a tan girl. Yeah. She's tan. She got some football throwing hands for sure. Yeah. I mean, yeah, those hands are up down a brisket for sure. Yeah. Nikki Haley's is.

I think she's Indian. Her announcement is unity. Is she Indian? I think she's of. Her announcement is unity. Is she Indian? I think she's of Indian descent. Blackfoot tribe, yeah. Yeah, it's an easy way to derail her campaign. So I don't think Native American Indian, I think. Oh, Indian Indian.

Oh, you mean Sakhpaneer Indian. You're talking about booty, booty, booty, boo. Yeah. Someone's just going to make a clip of that right there. Booty, booty, booty, boo. Yeah, you talk about three bit. It doesn't work if you don't lean into it. Booty, booty, booty, boo.

Booty, booty, booty, boo. You can't just booty, boo, boo it. You got to do booty, booty, booty, boo. Hey, Kazarian, relax. Yeah. I know. I'm a horrible person, and you're a great person. We turned away from fear towards God.

So her message is unity. Unity. All right. So that'll be fun to watch. Nikki Haley and Trump go at it on the right. Yeah. It'll be fun to watch her and Kamala see who has the best curry recipe.

Yeah. Kamala Harris was quoted as saying that the relations between China and America did not suffer at all from the downing of the balloon. Okay. Yeah. Which, you know, maybe she's, I mean, the relations are just bad, generally.

So I don't know, like, if that made it worse. It's going to make it worse, right? It's definitely going to make it worse. It's going to make it worse. China's looking for any excuse. And China said that we, but we've been sending balloons for 10 years. So, I mean, happy birthday. What if World War III happens over balloons?

Because now China responded and said, you've been sending balloons for 10 years. It's like, first of all, dog, we're way ahead of balloons. We're way ahead of fucking spy balloons. We're watching you from Google maps, dog. I can look in China with Google maps. Okay. We don't need fucking balloons. You and your goddamn 18th century technology sending them fucking, what are you sending Tom Sawyer up in a balloon with binoculars to take a peek at fucking Montana? We're not scared of your balloon. I mean, it was a slow-moving balloon. Yeah, she's Indian.

Wow. She's an Indian conservative. That means she's more into Akash Singh's comedy and less Hari Kondabulu. Because the Indians also kind of go along party lines a little bit. I think Akash would probably have a lot more right fans and Hari would have a lot more left fans. And then I think Nimesh is non-political. Yeah.

And then I think the other one's just on steroids. I think Kunal Nojami's just on steroids and casey aurora is just still at soul jolts but he's very funny yeah but there's a there's a nice and aparna is where's parna aparna aparna the female south asian comedian she's doing very well she was was writing for Jim Jefferies. She's doing very well. I thought you were tired. There's a lot of South Asians in comedy now. They are. Yeah, I mean, there's so many.

Osama Siddiqui's another good one. I think they're in head of the line in front of blacks now. Yeah. Yeah, I think Hollywood goes, the blacks are still not in the front. They do this whole thing about diversity and they pushed everywhere

and the blacks are still fucking doing the black rooms. I know about 20 black comedians who are funnier than a lot of people you fucking see, who the industry still is sort of like not going to those. Because those rooms are not in neighborhoods that those fucking people would go to. Yeah. They're not going to go watch Talent Show. No, they're not. They're not going to go watch Rob Stapleton's show.

But Rob Stapleton's funnier than almost anyone I can think of. Yeah. Talent's funnier than almost anyone I can think of. They. Talent's funnier than almost anyone I can think of. They're not going to any room that doesn't serve Jameson. Yeah. These people act like they're oppressed. They all went to fucking Ivy League schools and then became comedians. National Lampoon.

Just because your dad came from Pakistan or fucking Afghanistan or fucking, you know, who gives a shit? My dad came from, my granddad came from Egypt too. Fuck you. Fuck you, asshole. You guys only came here in the 70s. When did they come? The 70s? And then they took over the motel business and became the most successful people

in the country. You won. Stop bitching, everybody. Is that okay? I hear another documentary coming. The problem with Giannis Pappas. The problem with Giannis Pappas. The problem with Giannis Pappas. But here's the thing. All the things I'm saying are provably true.

That's the problem. They're provably true. Yeah. I think they are the most successful ethnic group right now on average. They're beating a whitey handedly. And in comedy, there's just a lot, and they're all good. Oh, and I forgot about Aziz. Aziz is very funny, and he wrote that song.

They took him off that show, Master of None, which is a great show, right? Remember the Netflix show? They took him off that show because some girl wrote some fucking dumb article about a bad date. He actually got flack for that. See, the problem was he was wearing like the Me Too pins and shit.

That's the problem. If you like to fishhook, don't put the pins on. Just silently support. Just do it. I remember he was wearing like, he was at the Oscars or some shit with the pin on. You know, he had like one of those support pins on. It's just a mission of guilt there, dog. And that's when the girl you fish hooked gets a little spiteful.

She was. Bitches get spiteful. And even though it was a complete false accusation and it's bullshit, and you know they took him off that show for that shit? That was his show. That was his fucking show. They replaced him. Yeah, they used him as bait.

I mean, dude, for something that 100% of the people who read it were like, this is bullshit. And now his parents have to know that the little fucking nerd squeak likes to fishhook? I'm not saying anything that wasn't in the news. I don't know the kid. I like the kid. I like all these people. It's in the news.

He fishhooked her like that. I did it too. According to her, it could be a lie. He did dispute it. If I didn't do that and a girl said i would dispute it yeah these people don't dispute shit enough if you learn anything from trump you got to come out hard that's right you got to come out hard if you didn't do it never apologize if you did do it disappear and take antidepressants go to tampa yeah because another documentary is

coming in a couple years a A user-generated one. But if you didn't do it, you have to, you know, you have to go hard. And, of course, he sees, I would say, I would think more left. I think his audience would be more left. Akash has got some of the right. You're not even living in the United States no more. Yeah. So that's all of them.

And Kunal is a big movie star. Well, if he's not taking steroids, steroids God he's really working out a lot Is that protein powder at least? I hope so Cause that shit went straight to his chin dog I mean he got a He has like a He-Man jaw now Yeah

His shit can cut through tofu Yeah Also nice guy They're all very funny Very talented Very smart And It's great

It's great to see The diversity So Jordan Peterson talented very smart and um it's great it's great to see um the diversity um so jordan peterson quote tweeted uh greta thunberg and that was bad and we already covered that i got lost what we want to check out now is um a couple of videos we have some fun videos that I sent Jesse, and we'll finish with this. Okay, this is my new boo. Now, here's a Korean-American woman. This is Jared Speed right here. Yeah. Your generation with the purple hair.

Did you get into this? No, I would not get into that. No? No. Why would you say it like that? Are you discriminating? No, the girl take me to some ecstasy party and shit. People touching my ass and shit like that.

I'm good. I don't mess with nobody with no purple hair like that. How y'all feel, Madison? Y'all good? Alright, guys. Sorry, it was just the timing of it. Okay, let's listen to her. This is fun. She looks like a mermaid, though.

Yeah, but look at how she says the word white in white supremacy. And also her argument is fun. Why isn't it playing? You got to press play and then... Yeah, why isn't it playing? Yeah, but it would play already. Yeah, it would play.

Technical difficulties plague this show. Why can't we... Oh, here we go. What happens when you learn history written by white people who paint themselves as white saviors because white supremacy tells them they're the good guys? Korea's biggest heartbreak is our history of being torn apart into two separate countries.

Four white people's fight for world domination. separate countries for white people's fight for world domination. So her eyes look crazy. So I don't think it's a joke, but she could be a good character actress. And this could be, is this real? We don't know. I always love when people go white. White.

But she went white. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One more time. She hocked a loogie into it one more time please and this is what happens when you learn history written by people who paint themselves as white saviors because white supremacy tells them they're the good guys korea's biggest heartbreak is our history of being torn apart into two separate countries for people's fight for world domination. Okay. I think it's performance art.

Well, I don't know. Her parents came here, I think, to escape supremacy. Your parents came to a country for a worse life. I'm pretty sure China took over North Korea, right? Allied themselves with communists in North Korea and they invaded South Korea. And America, along with a slew of allies called NATO, defended the, what was it, 38th parallel?

Is that what it's called? The famous, yeah. To hold the line for South Korea, which is what South Korea wanted, which is what a lot of people in South Korea wanted. And a lot of people in South Korea are very happy that that happened. So, I don't know.

Her argument is weird too. But, I mean, would you expect a better argument for someone who said white? She sounded like she had a dry mouth full of crackers. Sounded like a rabbit kangaroo. Yeah. But it's got to be a joke, right? You think it's a joke?

I hope so. You can't tell nowadays. With that color hair, I don't think so. That color hair screams activism. Yeah, I mean And she has no idea Like it's like You can turn on a lot of stuff now

And it's really hilarious And the people are dead serious You know People are dead serious Because times are funny now And it's hard to add comedy to comedy Which is one of my cliches But it's a true one

Here's another video Of a This is what's happening to comedy, which is one of my cliches, but it's a true one. Here's another video of a... This is what's happening in state senates now. So this is a state senate in Arkansas. And... Transfemale, yes, sir. Do you have a penis? There it is.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait, let me rewind that. So this is a state senate in Arkansas, and this is a trans. Got to say, compliments to the chef. I would have never known she was trans. Yeah. Would you have ever guessed she was trans? Kind of cute, actually.

Yeah, she's kind of cute. You would never know she was trans at all. Yeah, I'd ask for seconds. Yeah. I'm not asking too many questions. Yeah. We said, this is duck. Yeah, I get down there.

I guess we're trying something different tonight. Yeah. I mean, you know, she's a lady. I mean, yeah. I mean, look, she's a lady. But yeah, she's a trans lady, right? So she's a trans lady. She's a lady, but she's a trans lady.

Okay. Sorry. No, so here we go. She's at this Judiciary Committee in Arkansas about Senate Bill 199, I think which would make doctors who help kids transition liable for like 99 years or something. So if the kid decides that he doesn't, correct me if I'm wrong, if the kid decides he wants to transition back,

because you get permanently changed by it, he can sue the doctor. So I think that's what the bill is. If I'm wrong, editorial retraction. But I believe that's what Bill 199 is. So she's here. And then Mr. Politically Correct has a question for her yeah in the senate you said that you're a trans woman i trans female yes sir do you have a penis that's horrible you're the one you're the one that brought that into the discussion

you said that you're a trans woman Now here's the thing though It's like It's a rude It's like crazy to speak that way In the senate right or whatever But like she's a trans woman Some of them got penises right But I do understand her point going like

What does that have to do with anything But you know if she would look better For trans right if she was look better for trans, right, if she was just like, yeah, I got a penis, I'm a trans woman, or if she said, I used to, if she made it, like, not a big deal, this whole thing of, like, off limits, off limits, off limits, or, like, you can't talk, I think it just, it doesn't help their cause. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. If you make it not a big deal, make a joke out of it, if she would have came back with, like with a Greta Thunberg slam dunk that she did on Andrew Tate, who knows? Maybe this guy would be in a Romanian prison tomorrow. If she would have came back and been like, yeah, and it's bigger than yours. I guarantee it's bigger than yours.

It would have been a viral clip. It would have been hilarious. That's the way you do it. Not like, oh, sir. Sir, how dare you? It's like, you know why he said it. Anyway, funny clip. And then we have, of course, Chelsea Handler.

The Daily Show is in a good place, and they are having guest hosts all the time, so she did this segment for The Daily Show that, of course, has got conservatives' pussies all in a bunch. Here we go. It won't play. It's basically the day in the life of a motherless, here we go, a childless woman. I wake up at 6 a.m. I remember that I have no kids to take to school, so I take an edible, masturbate, and go back to sleep. I wake Wait, pause it. She's just a douche. She said I go to my favorite spot, like I take a meditation session on a plane since I have no... She's just a douche.

She said, I go to my favorite spot, like I take a plane to Paris. This isn't about you not having a kid. It's about you being rich and rubbing it in people's faces. Okay, here she is. She does her yoga. ...of screaming kids, allowing me all the time in the world to become enlightened. The weightlessness of my existence has granted me superhuman powers. I teleport

myself back home. Then I get ready for a night out with whatever hot guy I met on Raya that morning. I call up a babysitter and tell her that I don't need her since I still don't have kids. This is just bad. Now it's time for a workout, so I hit Mount Everest for a quick climb.

I invent a time machine. Go back in time and kill Hitler. Freeze, you bastard! It's amazing what you can do when you have this much free time. Jesus Christ. And that's a day in the life of a childless woman. Comedy Central, please. Why are you besmirching the name of Jon Stewart?

Ever so increasingly. No, that was the day in the life of a rich white woman doing yoga, going to Paris, meeting guys on Raya. There's no single poor chicks meeting hot guys on Raya. This is what you call a blind spot. It was also not funny. Objectively, I don't think that was funny. There's nothing wrong with the subject matter.

I've seen a lot of funny women do stuff about not having a kid. That just was bad. And I watched it with an open mind. I was like, I hadn't seen it before. We did not watch it. We just saw the hoopla over it. Because it does have conservatives panties in a bunch.

Because there's nothing more that gets them upset than hearing a woman enjoy herself with no kids. Because they're like, women need to be fucking in the house raising the kids. And that's it. No career women. Career women are unhappy. It's like, not always. But most of the time. But guess who's also unhappy?

Women with kids. And ate no amount of Jesus. Don't fix that. But you know what will fix that? Celexa. Maybe Wellbutrin. No. Life's hard, no matter what. life's hard no matter what it's hard you know whatever your drug may

be just don't raw dog life yeah whether it's going to be jesus whether it's going to be a cult whether it's going to be psych meds therapy hobbies cutting yourself running too fast. Whatever you're running from, keep running. Don't stop. Don't raw dog life. Find some type of drug that gets you through or else you'll end up like Rihanna. That makes no sense. I was going to go like,

I didn't know who it was going to end up like. You could have just said Chelsea Handler. Chelsea Handler, but she's, I mean, you know how many meds she's probably on? Yeah. You think she raw dogs life? She wakes up and she takes a fucking cocktail of fucking Celexa and Welbutrin.

I'm sure. Anyway, yeah, that's it. We're not going to talk about Rihanna because, you know, I don't want to be the only one

to talk about it. I also don't want to be the only one to talk about the unidentified objects that are flying around the fucking space or whatever. Who gives a shit? I hope this news program made you feel a little better

about the fucking news that skews for you to feel upset. At least we're skewing for you you feel a little better about the fucking news that skews for you to feel upset. At least we're skewing for you to feel a little happier. Patreon.com slash Giannis Pappas Hour. And we'll see you next week after we show you some of our highest level Patreon shout outs. We support small business. So I want to give a shout out to my favorite soda company, All Natural, brooklyncannery.com, Giannis Pappas, all one word for 15% off your next order. The sodas are made with natural ingredients, no added sugar, low in calories, and they're prebiotic, good for your gut,

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