Yannis Pappas Hour - America's Son

Episode Date: August 13, 2022

Pete Davidson is America’s favorite son and must rise again. Yanni has some sound analysis and advise for his old buddy Pete Davidson and a big FU to Kanye. Whether you like or or not Biden may be having the best week yet by co-opting progressive and MAGA causes. Polio is back, why wouldn’t it be? And Yanni writes a sequel to Westside Story starring NATO and China’s crew of degenerates. When you’re a Jett, you’re a Jett! Wepa!SponsorDad Grasshttps://dadgrass.com/pages/FUMES?utm_source=paragon_fumes&utm_medium=podcast_sponsorship&utm_campaign=fumesFor this and every week’s bonus episodes https://www.patreon.com/yannilongdays Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Guys, before we get started, I want to tell you some of my live dates. More are coming in right now. Always check yannispapascomedy.com. I'm filling up for the fall and winter, and those are coming soon. But right now, I will be in Point Pleasant, New Jersey, down there in the Jersey Shore, baby. September 9th and 10th, get your tickets at yannispapascomedy.com. And then in November, November 11th and 12th, I'll be at the Vulcan Gas Company in Austin,

Texas. Get your tickets, yanncan Gas Company in Austin, Texas. Get your tickets, yannispappascomedy.com. See me live. All new hour. We're working on it. It's going to be even better than the last one. Tell your friends. Buy your tickets now.

More importantly, patreon.com slash yannilongdays. Go join the Patreon for weekly bonus episodes. I enjoy hanging out with Jared Harvin and Jesse Scaturo and really kicking it in because there's something about when you do comedy to subscribers, you're free. It's a freedom. Listen, let's be honest. You got to hold back a little bit now because freaking Google and these companies, they really kind of make you think about it a little bit. They're going like, are they going to take this episode down? Nobody can take down the episodes at Patreon.

So, here's a freedom that you want to be a part of. Do you love freedom? Do you love America? Are you a freeloading fucking Long Days fan? It's time for you to be a fucking, stop being a freeloading Long Days fan and move out of your mother's house and join the Patreon, patreon.com slash yannilongdays. If you don't, Kanye's going to find you. What a week in news we have.

Your headlines filtered through. Delicious mania is the only way to do it. It's tough to tell nowadays what news is real or fake or what people's opinions are it's almost like when you talk to somebody it seems like they've given you the story before they've read the article well that's what we do here at long days we read the clickbait headlines that we form our opinions thereafter. And then we read the story after. That's kind of our angle. Okay. Is it true? Is it not? Who cares? What a week we got. I want to start off by talking about my old friend, Pete Davidson, who I know in the comedy

community, he's going through a breakup and Kanye West is bullying him and making him feel bad. Here's the deal, Kanye, okay? Don't you got to be at Mar-a-Lago defending your papers, defending your leader's papers. They're taking papers from your leader. You should be in Florida right now in your rain boots. Why are you wearing crazy people rain boots in LA in the middle of summer? Have you seen him? He looks like he is a undercover Antifa rock thrower. Don't you have a Starbucks to throw a rock through? Why are you dressing like a goddamn weirdo?

Stop making fun of people who have some mental health struggles because, Bubba, your mental health struggles are next level. But I love your fucking health struggles are next level. But I love your fucking music, goddammit. And that's the way I like my rock stars. Confused politically, controversial, and absolutely bonafide crazy.

Just like Pink Floyd's guy, Roger Waters, who now has come out and called Biden a war criminal. Listen, just sing Pink the Wall in the middle of Schenectady, New York, for a bunch of 60-year-old people who want to be nostalgic. CNN, why are you interviewing Roger Waters on geopolitical war? Why are you making headlines out of someone in Pink Floyd's opinion on the conflict between Ukraine and Russia. Why not just ask me? Why not ask me?

Okay? Why not just go down to your local comedy club and find out what Annie Letterman thinks about it? Trump's Mar-a-Lago has been raided. They're going after Trump. Big news. Chipotle's got a big settlement for New York workers who were upset about the way they were being treated,

and New York took a $1 million little kickback penalty from Chipotle. So that's what you call the burrito tax. That's going down. Aaron Rodgers is doing out ayahuasca and he's saying that's why he had two MVP seasons we will be off next week because I'm going to Mexico to do ayahuasca

find out if we can take this podcast to the next level because he may be the most talented quarterback of all time and who knew? Ayahuasca is the new steroids. This might bring in an era where all NFL players are just going to Mexico. This might really be a big boost for the Ayahuasca and shaman.

Shamans might be in high demand after this because you know when you take Ayahuasca, you got to be in the presence of a shaman so your brain doesn't break. know a trusted medically trained shaman needs to be on hand while you're vomiting from the poison of ayahuasca which supposedly is life-changing i don't know maybe it's supposed a lot of actors have reported that they've had feelings after they've taken ayahuasca so that's a new thing. They're like, oh my God, I found my soul a little bit.

But then they start another movie as soon as they're requested called Diamond Dickhead Shits the Gold Nugget While Diving Gun Guy Dives. And then they say, why do we have a gun problem? Well, maybe it's because you just did a 90-minute commercial for AR-15s, Mark Wahlberg. I know you're a good Catholic who likes to blind Taiwanese people.

Anyway, here's my thoughts. Okay? Pete Davidson, we are behind you. You are America's Phoenix. Okay? We're all your dads. You lost your dad at 9-11? Well, we're all your dads. You lost your dad at 9-11? Well, we're all your dads. You're out there doing it for us.

I want you to know you have my support. You have everyone's support. You are out there. You are bodying the hottest chicks on the planet. You don't stop now, my friend. I know you think that your last stop, I know you think

your last stop was Kim Kardashian, but guess what? You got a lot more bowling pins to knock down for us, my friend. You're out there for every single mediocre married guy living that dream, knocking down these tents. And we don't need you to stop. Derek Jeter fell. George Clooney fell.

And he also might be gay. And Richard Gere's got a gerbil in his ass. You're our only hope. You and Leonardo DiCaprio. And the legal system. That supports Leonardo DiCaprio. With his NDAs. Are our only hope.

All right? The towers came down, and that dick's got to rise up, baby, and find those 10 puss-pusses. And this is not the right hand, right? Because someone's going to Photoshop this right now. That was part of the motion. But right now, this is going to be the Seth Simon article

with my hand going up. This is long days. We're not Nazis. And das was das. I love Pete Davidson. Pete Davidson's one of those... There's nothing more American than Pete Davidson right now, okay? He's a star and he's out there just slaying. And you know what? He has a heart too. I mean, the guy, he's a fun guy to look up to when it comes to banging hot chicks because he falls for them all. And he reminds me of me. I'm a guy, like Mike Tyson said, if I fuck you, I love you.

By the way, when did he become Confucius? Every time I see an internet clip of Mike Tyson talking, I am all ears. And then he says like the most wisest thing you've ever heard. And you're like, how did that happen, dog? Did he get like punched wise? Did he like the opposite happen? Did like when he got punched so much, it just like had the opposite effect? It's incredible, dog.

If I fuck you, I love you. You ever see that clip? He's like, if I fuck you, I love you. I mean, whoever Pete Davidson taps, he falls for big time. He's a romantic. Yeah, he's got a spot on his body for your tattoo. And I love that. I love the hopeless romantic.

Like, he's just like a French hero, dog. I mean, he just falls for these chicks, dog. He takes on their voting opinions. Next thing you know, he's got a Hillary tattoo. Next chick he's going to bone is going to be some progressive star from Minnesota. Next thing you know, dude's going to start wearing an Ilhan Omar shirt. I mean, he goes hard. He goes hard, dog.

I want him to start banging Ivanka Trump. We need to have him. Like, Washington, D.C. needs to get involved with him, dog. I mean, you know, there are some princesses out there. There are some daughters of multinationals who will definitely share some inside secrets after a nice little dick down from PDD, America's favorite son. We are all his father.

I'm old enough to be his father on an episode of Teen Mom. Okay? If we did an MTV Teen Mom and I just called myself Teen Mom. But, dog, he's going to get over this breakup. Right now he's going through a rough time. And, Kanye, what are you doing? What are you doing what are you doing all right you married a woman you married a woman who got famous because she got fucked

she got fucked on a private video and that's what set her career in motion and then now you're like all upset that your wife left you and started banging another dude. Why are you dressing like that? That's my main concern. That's my main concern. And my other main concern is why are people buying those people tire Yeezys that look like melted tires that go on your feet. Basically, you can go into any 99 cent store and get the same exact shoe for $3.99. I don't get it.

There they are right there in the top corner, top left. I mean, what is that, dog? It's a hideous. It looks like people tires. It looks like he got those at an auto body shop. Those are hideous. Those are hideous. You could buy them on Amazon.

They look like they were sneakers that got melted in a fire. It looks like it would be something someone was wearing out of a, ran out of a house that Anne Heche just crashed into. Poor Anne Heche. She's in a coma now. Thoughts and prayers go out to Anne Heche. Apparently, I heard some rumors was

drunk, was drunk driving, right? And she tried to flee the scene. But, you know, that's not a major part of the story yet because right now it's just she's in a coma um and explains what legal jeopardy she may face that's the headlines but there's rumors of people have photos of her in a car and there's like a vodka bottle in the car but you never know in this era it could just be some troll that just photoshops a vodka bottle in the car, but you never know in this era, it could just be some troll that just Photoshop's a vodka bottle in there and

then puts it out there. Like you just don't know. It could be, uh, there's probably already an, and Hayes, um, uh,

car crash, deep fake porn at this point where someone's just banging someone who looks like and Hayes and there's just flames everywhere. That's probably already cooking time to throw a snooze in and take this episode to the next level so what he did Pete Davidson has checked into a trauma place yes trauma therapy to deal with all the social media heckleness that uh Kanye's giving him. Yeah, I mean, the thing about Pete is he's a comic. He's a sensitive guy. He's a sensitive, good guy who falls for these ladies.

He falls for them. He falls hard. You know? He's a sensitive, good guy. Look, one guy, I like his music a lot. I do like Kanye's music very much. The other guy, you know, I did 9-11 disaster relief. Okay, and like I said last episode,

we're continuing this theme until the Cold War is over. If your dad did any type of service, I'm siding with you. His dad was a firefighter who died in 9-11. So I back. I'm just backing. I'm backing the red, white, and blue on this one. I am team PDD. You're going to be okay, dog. You're going to be okay. I'm trying to think if I had his life, if I would be heartbroken. You know what I mean? Because what essentially makes you heartbroken after a relationship is your lack of options.

You know, that's that's really what it is. You know what I mean? You got to go like the and the reason why a lot of times you stay in a relationship is you're like, dude, I don't know if I'm going to be, you know, like. I got to like either go through this whole thing again to meet another one or like, look, I'm not going to really be cleaning up at the bar being like, hey, how you doing? How's it going? I'm Giannis Pappas, the podcaster. Podcaster, stand-up comedian.

Or for normal guys, it's just like they go to bar. Like, you know, he's got his pick of the litter. There's a lot of like, I'm talking A-listers just lining up. That's my point. Like how depressed can you be when you can drown your tears? You can use your tears as lubrication on the next pusses that you roll up to. You can marry into the Mossad. He can treat women like that scene in Swingers

where that dude goes, this place is dead anyway, man. And they just haul ass to another spot. He's a dude bar hopping, really. He puss hops. So, I mean, how long did you think you were going to be together with Kim Kardashian? I think I read one article like they wanted to have kids together. Dog, she's 45.

Plus, that's not, like, they don't have real kids, right? Like, they make a, like, women in Hollywood don't do that to their bodies. They't have real kids Right Like they make Like the Women in Hollywood Don't do that to their bodies They'll have a surrogate Like Kanye's kids Were probably born In like four different

Paid off Jamaican women Who carried those babies Right Got those Jamaican nannies Started earlier Yeah Yeah You know

Jamaican nannies Really got into that line of work like Greeks did diners. Somehow they just got into the nannying business. They got a monopoly on the game. They got a monopoly on the game, dog. There's a lot of white kids from affluent neighborhoods who are very familiar with the smell of lotion and incense. From a very young age, they smell that and they go,

that reminds me of my childhood. Yeah, they go to Mastro's and ask if they have cocoa bread. They're looking for cocoa bread. They're very familiar with cocoa bread. Only the most experienced Jamaican food connoisseurs know the difference between cocoa bread and coconut bread. I know I'm with someone who hasn't been to a beef patty spot if they don't order the cocoa bread with the beef patty

and they don't know that the beef patty goes in the cocoa bread like a sandwich, which still doesn't make sense to me, but it works. Because beef patty is its own sandwich, right? It's like bread around the beef patty. And then they throw the beef patty in the cocoa bread and you're like, dog, that's redundant, but it's delicious, they go together. And then they throw the beef patty in the cocoa bread and you're like dog that's redundant but it's delicious they go together and then there's the coconut bread which is a lot sweeter that's more like a dessert you know the cocoa bread's kind of like coconut bread light

it's like halfway there you want to go all the way it's like when someone orders a burger i'm going like why not get a cheeseburger? What kind of psycho gets a burger without a slice of cheese on it when the cheese is available? Like, what kind of psycho does that? My dad used to do that. I'd be like, you prefer it without the cheese? If the option is there to make it better,

why would you not take that? Why would you not take that? I don't get it. I don't get it. That's not weird to you when someone just goes I'll have a plain burger that's like getting a slice

and saying like give me only sauce on the slice you're going like what are you talking about pizza comes with sauce and cheese my friend yeah

you can't fucking you can't deviate on Italian food Italians won't have it I remember I was at a real Italian restaurant with my brother and my father once. And my brother ordered the seafood pasta. And he asked the waiter for cheese. And the waiter was from Italy. And the waiter just said no.

He said no. And my brother laughed thinking he was joking. And the cheese never came. He didn't care about his tip. He didn't care about the service. He was like, we just don't do that. Never came. He didn't care about his tip. He didn't care about the service. He was like, we just don't do that. And the CEO at corporate headquarters of Domino's found that out the hard way. How naive do you have to be to try to open up

one store in Italy? Domino's. Domino's has called it quits in Italy, Domino's. Domino's has called it quits in Italy after locals shun American pies. I mean, dog, you think Antifa throws rocks through Starbucks windows. You should have seen what the local residents of Nepali did to the windows of that Domino's.

They called it quits. There's no way Domino's is going to catch on in Italy. It's. A disgraziat. They called it quits. There's no way Domino's is going to catch on in Italy. It's just not going to happen. They just, it's a sin. What do they call it? Disgraziat. Disgraziat. So it just didn't catch on.

I wonder why. I mean, that's just, that's just a real mystery, huh? Didn't work out. I think it's really funny that Italy has kicked dominoes out like usually conquered people do to conquerors. They were like, get it out. They probably had like parades.

There's probably going to be like Italian parades in cities where they're like holding up dominoes, pizza boxes boxes and like hanging them and burning them in effigy. Like they did to Mussolini. They're hanging the slices upside down. They're probably shooting guns at the slices. Domino's is trash. Oh, yeah, it is. It is absolute trash.

Especially in Italy. That shit probably stuck out like a sore thumb. Yeah, yeah, it is. It is absolute trash. Especially in Italy. That shit probably stuck out like a sore thumb. Yeah, you can't do that in Italy. You can get away with that in Scandinavia. You can get away with that in Germany where they don't know the difference. Those people are just happy not to be eating a sausage with a side of applesauce. I remember I went to a four-star restaurant in Germany, dog. They gave me a ballpark frank with applesauce,

and that's what they put on your plate. I mean, it's really, like, incredible. It's really incredible how bad German cuisine is. I mean, those people have no souls and no hearts. It's what it is. Certain groups of people just have no souls, and it's Germans. I'm allowed to say that. I'm allowed to say that about Germans

because you're going to have to deal with those jokes for the rest of your lives for what you did. Okay, you tried to conquer the world. You tried to throw people in ovens. The least I can do is talk about your lack of savvy with ovens. Okay? You know? That would never happen in Italy, even though they got fascist.

You notice, no, people were going in ovens because they were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's a sacred thing.

The only thing that goes in is what my grandma cooks. We have better use for these. Yeah, no, we don't put people in there. Whoa, whoa,

whoa, what are you doing? What are you fucking doing? I saw what goes in there. What goes in there is a fresh bread. You put a gun To that person's head Like a human being

Yeah put a gun Kill him outside Like what are you doing Like in the movie Goodfellas I wasted four fucking Aprons on this kid We gotta toughen

This fucking kid up Kill him outside But not in a tomato garden You gonna kill somebody You do it outside Don't do it in the kitchen This is where No no comes

No no no What are you doing here You're making a mistake. You're making a disgrace here. You don't want to put people in the oven. You put a nice beef stew in the oven. You put a nice salt pancetta. Oreganada consuela.

That's a better seat. That's a better lot. Yeah, you're not going to be eating any Jew oregangano in Italy. In Germany, they're like, oh, fine, just put anything in the oven. We'll put anything in the oven. I mean, these people, their cuisine is really disgusting. Summer camp food.

It's gross. I mean, it's absolutely gross. The only thing they do good is beer they make good beer like in belgium places like that but then guess what they drink it warm the same thing in england and those are all old germanic tribes they all come from the same thing they're all germanic former barbarians you know beer and pretzels yeah well my people were down there in the Mediterranean sipping on wine, figs, grapes, little fish, a little dolmades, and the Italians were sitting there with a little pasta

figuring out what to do with the tomato. These people were throwing pigs into a fucking flute and having a side of applesauce. I mean, it's really crazy how they put no emphasis on food. Zero. That just lets you know how bad they want to conquer the world, that they didn't focus on cuisine. Yeah, that's right.

It's in them, too. They can't stop. It's just in there. It's really in there. In hating German news, that was that segment. And I don't hate the Germans. It's all jokes. All right, this episode is brought to you by Dadgrass.

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Everyone's speculating on what's going on and nobody knows. So the FBI has done an unannounced raid sanctioned by a federal judge, right? Because of probable cause, supposedly, to take some documents that apparently were supposed to be classified, right? Mm-hmm. But ended up in Mar-a-Lago.

Yeah. After the presidency, it's supposed to go to the National Archives, whatever files that you deal with with the president. And certain files ended up at Mar-a-Lago. So he basically took home a stapler that didn't belong to him. Yeah. It's office property. Mm-hmm. He got caught Mar-a-Lago. So he basically took home a stapler that didn't belong to him. Yeah.

It's office property. Mm-hmm. He got caught stealing some Post-it notes. This better, they better have something. Otherwise, you're going to turn this guy into a martyr right now. Mm-mm. Like, they better have something, dude. And that's the thing.

You keep going after him, it only makes him, it only seems to get his supporters more riled up. There's an old expression in D.C., the only things that could take you down are being caught with a dead woman and a live boy. And the reason for that is because these guys got so much dirt and filth on them that it's really like nothing's really shocking, right? You know, you find out some guy was taking payoffs from some lobby group.

You're like, yeah, they all are. You find out somebody's giving their husband stock tips so he can, you know, figure out which stocks to buy to make millions. You're like, they all are, right? You find out some guys got a cousin who's sitting on the board of some company that just gets a government contract that then back funnels that money back to him through some shell corporation, which is underneath another corporation that somehow has his housekeeper, who's also his cousin on the payroll of the family.

And somehow they're all in Venice, just enjoying a nice gondola ride. You're going like, they're all doing that. You're going like, they're all doing that. You find out one of them's sticking a cigar in their 21-year-old intern's puss. You're like, okay, they're all doing that. But until you end up with a dead intern in the woods, like Gary Condit, who, by the way, that got swept under the rug as soon as 9-11 happened.

That went away. That was like the biggest news before 9-11 was Jennifer. What was her? Jennifer Levin? No, that was another one. It was another intern who just showed up in, I think, Rock Creek Park or one of those parks in D.C. And it turned out she was having an affair with Gary Condit.

And as soon as 9-11 hit, it was just no more speculation that he killed her. You know? Chandra Levy. I got it right. Oh no, I said Jennifer Levin, who got killed by Robert Chambers. So you better have something good

on him. If you don't find a dead boy or a live girl, he's probably going to survive it. Nothing affects him. He'll be able to spin it, right? He's got scandal antibodies. Yeah, I mean, he just spins it. I mean, he spins everything, dog.

He even spun losing the election and got people to support him. He spun that. He spun that. Even though he said before the first election, if I lose it, he was like on record saying, if I lose it, it was stolen the first time. He's like my strategy. I think I think they could catch Donald Trump on a phone call saying, here's the thing.

People are so stupid. If I lose to Hillary Clinton, I'm just going to say it was thrown and people are going to believe it. And that could be caught on record and people would just go like, that's my guy telling it like it is. I think you could catch him just like, not only saying I grab women by the pussy, you could actually have video of him

just like walking around parties grabbing pussies and people would be like, that's my guy. He tells it like it is. Well, at least he's a man of his word. He's a man of his word. He keeps it real. The reason why people love him is because he does not give a fuck. He does not give a fuck.

And I think some of that has to do with the era that we live in now where it's hard to spin things. You're going to get caught, right? It's the era of receipts. So at least he says it, right? So there's like nothing to catch him on. His strategy is he says so many wild things, so many, lack of a better word, not politically correct things that you don't know what to get him on, as soon as you're going over here going, whoa, that's wild, you're like, oh,

shit, he just said that to, you're like, oh, it's just like there's too much, you know, there's nothing to focus on, whereas like all these other politicians are trying to be Jimmy Fallon, right, so like want everyone to love him, right? They're basically, you know, that's the thing that politicians and late night talk show hosts have in common. It's like, they're trying to appeal to everyone. So they're hiding so much, hiding so much, pretending to be angels, pretending to be perfect.

When one thing comes out, it like, it becomes like, you know, Trump, one thing would come out every three hours and you're going like, we don't even know what to get it. There's just too much. We're overwhelmed. It's like an avalanche of controversy. So people, I think,

kind of just respected him for his brutal honesty, whether he was saying something good or bad. I feel like he could walk into someone's house who supported him and be like, I'd love to fuck your wife sir and he would go that's my prez eisenhower would never do that yeah telling it like it is telling it like it is he exposed a lot of that stuff in hollywood where i well basically ugly people hollywood where nobody's like saying what needs to be said.

You know, everyone's tiptoeing around and trying to get votes. He just barreled through it. And like, we need a wall. We need to do this. We got to get illegal immigrants out. You know, he said a lot of things that aren't necessarily untrue

because now you see the Democrats are building a wall in certain places. Right? Because a border works. You know? There are already fences and walls in certain parts. So this wall thing became like this. Like, you know, like he was, it almost sounded like on the left,

it was like he's trying to put, you know, like he was, like he was, it almost sounded like on the left, it was like he's trying to put, it almost, the way they spun that wall thing was like he's trying to put people in ovens. When really he's just saying he's having a border. We need a border. And the reason why people reacted so strongly to that is because the Democrats wouldn't say anything remotely like we need a border.

They would just keep going like there's no illegal people. We got to take care of the dreamers like they'd avoid it. But their policies would always be like kind of hard on immigrants in some way. Illegal immigrants. You know? Or he would just come out and say it. So I think people just respected that. Yeah.

Especially after Obama, who was nicknamed the deporter in chief, his rhetoric was always kind of soft, but what he was doing was hard, which is how you do it as a politician if you don't want to be divisive. Yeah. Trump was like Indian food. Hardcore. Like, I know this is good, but this is going down. It's a little too spicy for me.

He's like Indian food. It's just, it's spicy. He comes in spicy. And, it's an era of political correctness, right? It's an era where like,

oh, can I say this? Can I say that? And he just says it. He just says it. And he's a great entertainer. He's been created by the hollywood machine he's an unbelievable entertainer he's one of the first reality stars even before reality tv he was like a

personality that was always in the gossip pages always in page six he made himself into a star he wasn't interested in being like one of these behind the scenes, quiet billionaires who just makes money. Money's not his motivation. The kid likes fame. He likes action. He likes the spotlight. He loves it. He always has. Back in the day when he used to pretend like he was his own publicist. You ever hear those phone calls? It's really funny. Like, yeah, Donald Trump is going to be over at, you know, he's going to be over on the 14th floor. Da-da-da-da-da.

And you're going like, hmm, you sound familiar. Yeah, no, this is Ricky, Ricky Johns. I'm Donald Trump's publicist. And you're going like, you sound pretty familiar, Ricky. It was actually him just calling news outlets. Donald Trump's publicist. And you're going like, you sound pretty familiar, Ricky. It was actually him just calling news outlets. Part of the reason why he was able to win so many points, I feel like, with his war with the media,

because he knows them. He used them to get famous. So he knows what their foibles are. He knows what their weaknesses are. And he knows how slimy they can be. He knows how easily manipulated they can be in getting a story. So when they're trying to talk about, we're just reporting the truth, he's like, that's not what you guys do. And I know it because you guys made me.

You guys made me a star. Hollywood made him a star, which is the irony of it. He's kind of like their Frankenstein. If there's no, if there's no, uh, apprentice, he's not known to the rest of the country. Really? You know, he's like, he's a guy who had an extra role in Home Alone. And he's like a staple in New York City. Right. To quote the comedian Christian Finnegan, who had a joke, which I always thought was funny. He was like, to New Yorkers, he was like the naked cowboy. He was like a New York celebrity.

Yeah. Who everyone loved, by the way. Hanging out with rappers. Constantly hanging out with rappers constantly hanging out with rappers he was in rap songs it's funny too nobody called him a race he was a democrat i mean dude he was a democrat till he ran for president i mean he was a fucking democrat he was going howard stern he would go try to sell his dumb ties on david letterman they all had him on the programs.

And it wasn't because he was a boring guy. He was this big personality with this stupid hair and this orange skin tone that was a spray on tan. I mean, the guy is a flamboyant, ridiculous-looking character. This big orange dude with a comb over where his hair goes the wrong way. And he paints himself orange. And you can tell he puts the eye goggles on and just goes,

shh. You know? And he would go on there and he'd sell his fucking ties on David Letterman. He switched sides like Anakin. He did the old switcheroo that we talked about.

Anakin Pussy Grabber. Dude. He did the old switcheroo like we talked about last episode. He did that old switcheroo that we talked about. Anakin Pussy Grabber. Dude. He did the old switcheroo like we talked about last episode. He did that old switcheroo. The switcheroo works big. If I went hard right or left right now, it would be big for the pot. Crossover. It would be big.

Especially in this era. And that's why so many people do it. Because nobody's trying to get everybody anymore. You know? And you're just trying to get your anymore, you know, and you're just trying to, you know, you're just trying to get your like little following. If we went hard right or hard left and put comedy last, are you kidding me? Numbers would double. That's what people want. That's what both sides really want. They want to tune in and be like, they want to hear a rallying cry. They don't want to be made

fun of. People want you to make fun of the other thing i get those comments constantly and they're hilarious they're really hilarious like you know it's like you know the thing about you can clearly see he's a dem you know or you could or you'll get the comment the other way like you know what sean king why are you making fun of john keg doing great things he's a fucking white guy pretending to be black you don't't think I can't make comedy about that? You know? People just are very uncomfortable with comedy. They're uncomfortable with comedy right now.

You need to fall into a political category right now. They're uncomfortable you need to fall into a political category right now. They're uncomfortable. Nobody, it's very funny. Everyone's become very sensitive and hypocritical.

It's very funny. They're sensitive about the things that pertain to them. You could slam. As long as you're slamming their enemy, you could slam their enemy.

You know? We need something to unify us right now, and that's Pete Davidson. We all got to get behind Pete Davidson. That's something we can all get behind, right? You can look past the Hillary tattoo, right? Right wing? Kid got a Hillary tattoo on his body. It's misunderstood, but he has a good heart.

But, dude, I like the recklessness of that i like the recklessness of the fact that he just was dating ariana grande for 13 hours and the first thing he'd do is he was like give me a permanent tattoo of her bunny ears behind my ear i like that you know we're not here forever sometimes people live like they're gonna be here forever Pete Davidson's not living like he's gonna be here forever he's like yeah I got an open spot on my body you know you'd probably be a good idea

I'm so in love with Ariana Grande the most popular singer in the planet this relationship's definitely gonna work sorry I might as well just get a tattoo immediately he made his body a human living artifact dog if you have one good phone conversation with this kid there's a good chance your name's gonna end up on his body that's all it takes he's probably gotten every tattoo artist who's probably given given him a tattoo and be like we'll see in six months for the for the correction tattoo right that would be a funny i would love to

be a fly on the wall with him and his tattoo artist where his tattoo artist knows he's going like he's going like yeah give me the give me the um give me the bunny ears give me the um give me the bunny ears give me her bunny ears and the tattoo artist is probably figuring out a he's going yeah okay yeah we'll give you the bunny ears like and he's trying to figure out like what he can turn it into in six months he's going like uh he's bringing up conversations that give him ideas of what he can turn into. He's going like, so did you like that last Batman movie? Just trying to find out if he's a fan of Batman so he can turn those ears into like a Batman helmet.

He's got RBG and Hillary on there. I mean, this is hilarious, dog. It's a kid from Staten Island walking around with fucking RBG and Hillary. When people find his body, when he dies, they're going to translate all his tattoos like they're hieroglyphics. Yeah, when he was getting the RBG tattoo, you know, he's probably got some, like, very informed tattoo artist who knows that RBG probably should have resigned under Obama and maybe abortion will one day be overturned. He's going like, you know, how old's your mother, man? She kind of looks like RBG, right?

Is she a white lady? Does she wear glasses? You know, he gets to Hillary. He's like, yeah, man, are you into, you know, is there any middle-aged or older women you like who you could potentially one day fall in love with? Because we could definitely turn this Hillary tattoo into a Meryl Streep tattoo if we need to.

If you start banging Meryl Streep, you know? We got to have a plan B for these tattoos, Petey. Because these are some permanent decisions, dog. People change their political opinions all the time. Things come out in the news about people all the fucking time, right? Every comic was walking around saying Cosby was their his their favorite comic until we found out that Cosby was putting

ladies to sleep and having unconsensual sex with them things happen there's the bunny ears right behind his his ear but I just love the recklessness of it you know and I also love the recklessness of it, you know? And I also love the gamut of tattoos he has from RBG to Jaws. And then also the alien from that alien movie. Yeah. He belongs at the Smithsonian. Yeah. I mean, dog, he's America. His body has things from high culture, low culture, you know?

Getting naked with this kid is like going to the modern museum of art. You know when you go to the museum, you walk in one room, you're like, ah, this is the good stuff. This is the smart. And then you walk in another room, it's like the modern art room, and it's like some spaghetti on the floor. It's like the modern art room. And it's like some spaghetti on a floor. It's like Pete Davidson's body. You go from like an incredible fucking Supreme Court justice.

And then all the way down to a keyhole. And Shaolin. Because he's from Staten Island, right? It's called Shaolin. Yeah. Yeah. Dude. He's got the Bada Bing. Yeah. B Yeah. Yeah. Dude. He's got the Bada Bing.

Yeah, Bada Bing's on there. He's the only kid to have a Bada Bing tattoo with a Hillary tattoo. It's hilarious, dog. I mean, it's really fucking hilarious. He's got a seventh grader's desk for a body. Yeah. I mean, you gotta love Pete Davidson.

Charming guy, though. He has a star quality about him. He's got that, like, star smile. Charming, but misunderstood. He's the real-life Edward Scissorhands. He's the real-life Edward Scissorhands, man, from Staten Island. And we got to rally around him, dog, okay? You got to rally around him during this breakup,

and we got to get him back out there as soon as possible because it's just a feel-good story when you find out who he's banging. Like, is there anything funner than seeing him courtside with Kate Beckinsale? No. I mean, dude, he is banging, like, the most unexpected women, you know? It's like, what? Pete Davidson's with Ariana Grande and they're getting married.

It's fun. It gives you hope. In an era where like there's no spirituality or nothing to unify us, it just, the dude lives hopeful, okay? He's with Kim Kardashian, the most famous woman on the world. You know, for some weird reasons, she's already got four kids.

She's 45 years old. And I bet you, if you talk to Pete Davidson, he's like, we're starting a family. You're like, dog, she already has got a family and her ex-husband's wearing rubber boots and talking about killing you. He's he's see, dude, he is a glass half full kind of guy. He sees it. It's her. She's the skeptic.

That bitch who ruined it. He's going like, we could fucking start a family. We could do this. I love you. Let's get married. Let's have kids. You know? You're the one who's going be loyal to me he sees her

dude he sees her the way i see my wife who's just like a good woman from long island who's got family values he sees that in kim kardashian who got famous fucking ray j on a video and whose mom definitely fucked oj sim to make her half-sister. Oh, yeah. I mean, these bitches are fucking rearranging their bodies. I mean, they go to the plastic fucking surgery office. More than a fat kid goes to the cupcake store. I mean, these chicks are doing more damage

to female body image than any. I mean, it's so coiffed, right? I mean, airbrushed and medically enhanced and all this stuff. But Pete Davidson

doesn't see that dog. He sees her soul. He sees the good Armenian immigrant daughter that she was who had a lawyer father who represented OJ Simpson. Because her father believed in the amount of money he could pay him to get him off for murder. What I'm saying is optimism, dog. Optimism. All right, you're handed a case.

You're handed a case where clearly the ex almost cut the head off of a woman, and you're going like, I could win that case. He saw that in her because she had that from her father. And that's what they bonded on. Is there anyone more optimistic on this planet than Pete

Davidson? We need his optimism right now. He's looking at that Ukraine-Russia crisis and he's going, I can go over there. I can fall in love with Putin and I can stop it. I'll marry Putin, dog. I'll marry Putin's daughter. Dude, we need Pete Davidson out there right now banging Putin's mistress. I want to up the stakes. Kanye's throwing threats out on Instagram. I want Putin to threaten nuclear war to have Pete Davidson stop fucking his mistress

who's stranded somewhere in Switzerland or something. Right? That young girl, she's stranded somewhere in like Switzerland or something. Right? That young girl, she's like stranded in Switzerland. And like people want to like, they want to dox her. They're seeking to dox her. She's really being ostracized. We need Pete Davidson out there working for our country, dog. You've done Hollywood, man. You've done Hollywood, man.

You've done the music business. You've done it. Kate Beckinsale, Ariana Grande. What's his hit list? It's ridiculous. I mean, dogs, he's putting up Aaron Judge this year numbers. I mean, the kid, his hit list is crazy. This is where he started.

That's where he started. And that's pretty high. She's great. Carly Aquilino is where he started. That's where he started. And that's pretty high. She's great. Carly Aquilino is where he started. Funny, too. Yeah. Funny, hot. Then he goes on to Kazzy David, Larry David's daughter, right?

He probably converted to Judaism for that. The kid's probably a Jew right now. I mean, he believes, dog. He has his own noodle cool recipe. Dude, he believes. Right? he has his own noodle cool recipe dude he believes right then he goes to Ariana Grande and he convinces her

to marry him they get engaged they're about to get married he believes it didn't get called off because of him it didn't get called off because of him

you know and these women fall into the spell for a little bit they're like yeah we're gonna get married we're gonna get engaged and Pete's like

we're gonna do it and then Ariana Grande goes wait a second I just looked at my tour schedule and I don't know for a little bit. They're like, yeah, we're going to get married. We're going to get engaged. And Pete's like, we're going to do it. And then Ariana Grande goes, wait a second. I just looked at my tour schedule and I don't know if I could pencil in living at your mom's house

in Staten Island. I don't know if that could work because that's, you know, that's what happens with these types of, these relationships is like reality. It's like when you fall in love

with like a trust fund girl and you're from the other side of the tracks, you know? Dude, his life is the notebook every day. He believes, dog. He just believes. I mean, he's a kid from Staten Island with a firefighter as a father.

He grew up like middle working class, middle class, like working class on the lower side of middle with like a firefighter dad. Like his dad came home every day and he's like, fucking Pete, when you grow up,. And he's like fucking Pete.

When you grow up. This fucking helmet's gonna be yours. It's gonna be fucking yours. My father before me wore this helmet. You're gonna fucking wear this helmet. You're gonna get 60 fucking G's a year. You're gonna sit at the fucking. You're gonna sit at the bar in Bay Ridge.

And you're gonna root for the Jets. And that's what you're gonna do. And if somebody insults fucking Derek Jeter. you're going to punch him right in the mouth. I don't care how much jail time you do. You fucking, you popped your cherry. You went to jail for the Yankees and I appreciate what you did. That's where he started. And look at him with Kate Beckinsale, dog.

Yeah. How can people not get behind this story? Because they don't realize what they're seeing. It's amazing. It's an immigrant story happening in America, though. It's an immigrant story happening through celebrity woman's pussies. Yeah. I mean, he got to the United States on the raft, but that raft is Lorne Michaels.

Dog. His dick is the immigrant boat sailing from Italy to Ellis Island. Yeah, you could probably find Elian Gonzalez on that. I mean, who's this one? Margaret Qualley? Margaret Qualley? I mean, come on, dog. She's fine, though.

Margaret Qualley. I mean, who's out there right now? I mean, look, I know. This is a message to him. I know Pete, okay? I remember Pete when he was a kid. He's a good dude. Yeah.

He's a good dude. He's depressed right now. I just want to send a message. Dog, we are fucking with you, dog. We're with you, brother. We're with you, dog. We're fucking behind you. You're one of us, dog.

Yeah. Somebody start playing fucking Bruce Springsteen right now. And get a Bruce Springsteen tattoo. He's going through it. Yo, dog. Get a Long Days tattoo. Who's this one? This is Cindy Crawford's daughter.

Cindy Crawford's daughter! Oh, my God. He's with so many women, bro. He's literally like, dog, there's a bodega owner in Staten Island who knows Pete's family. Yeah. He's the only person.

There's 60. You could do six degrees of separation between Muhammad at a bodega and fucking Cape Beckinsale through Pete Davidson. It's an amazing fucking story. Olivia O'Brien. I don't know who she is, but damn. I mean, we're talking about Tony Gwynn, dog. How come he does not have the nickname Tony Gwynn? Why is Pete Davidson not being called Tony Gwynn?

Or at least James Bond. Dog, I want you to get a tattoo on your dick that says Tony Gwynn. You don't know who Tony Gwynn is because you're too young. It sounds like the greatest baseball hitter I've ever seen. Yeah, that's why the baseball player, yeah. And also one of the most unlikely athletes, much like Pete, like just unlikely hero in this regard. Tony Gwynn was like 300 pounds.

He would just walk. He would like waddle up to the plate and just put a hit wherever he wanted to. He's one of the all-time leaders in hits, right? He's up there. Look at Tony Gwynn. He was looking like that, smacking fucking singles between the shortstop and the third baseman. He's the 007 of comedy, guy.

I just feel like every man, every man is with you, man. I just feel like every man's with you. You know, he's America's son, man. You know? Keep it going, baby. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about this. It wasn't gonna... It wasn't gonna about this. It wasn't going to...

It wasn't going to last. No. I want you to... Up next, there's a couple of... What's her name from the royal family? Meghan Merkle. Meghan Merkle.

If he takes Meghan Merkle from Prince Harry, we're talking our victory over the British is complete. That is the cherry on top to the Revolutionary War. You're thinking too small. This guy has to go to the next stratosphere. I need him to do things that's not even possible. I want him to marry Princess Jasmine from Aladdin. I like

it. Fuck Elsa. Go animated, dog. Dog, fuck some of these animated celebrities. I want you to take down Elsa from Frozen. Fucking take down Peppa Pig. Take down all those bitches. My daughter watches Frozen every day. I want that thing to come on and just,

I want to see you walking through there with Machine Gun Kelly. You and Machine Gun Kelly just walking through Frozen to pick up Elsa and take her to Uncle Paulie's to get a fucking New York style hero. Oh, man. These Kardashians love to do work on their body. Yeah. Is this his entire hit list?

No, no, no. This is the list that. Oh, of what's out there and what's available? Yeah, yeah. Okay. This is what we're doing, Pete. We're going Julia Fox. I'd like to be like a general and get him in a room be like okay pete this is what we got planned first we're going to take you down to addison ray you got to take

that down all right tiktok is yet to be conquered by you so we're taking addison ray down boom then you're going to marry addison ray you're going to impregnate her but from Then you're going to marry Addison Rae. You're going to impregnate her. But from there, you're going to Simone Ashley, taking her down. Then we're going to move up the left flank down there and surprise them. And we're taking down Olivia Wilde. Okay. Now we're going to break the pattern and we're going up and you're sneaking off into Chicago to take down Michelle Obadog. And then Florence Pugh. And then Haley Bailey. Haley Barry. All the Haley's are going down.

You're taking down Eminem's daughter, Haley. Kendall Jenner, you're fucking her sister. Then you're going to do the mom. I forget her name. Chris. Yeah. sister then you're gonna do the mom I forget her name Chris yeah and then we're going all the way to Beyonce

because guess what she's got a hall pass from what Jay-Z did and then we're taking Alexa Demi down I don't know if you know who that is

and then we're taking Queen Elizabeth II down after you fuck Megan Burkle then we're taking Queen Elizabeth the second time. After you fuck Meghan Markle. You're taking down Queen Elizabeth. So wait a second. This is actually a funny tweet. This is a fake Twitter saying,

spotted Pete Davidson in New York City rebounding with Queen Elizabeth. So somebody had this idea before us. Very funny. So people are just putting, so this is a site where people are putting potential hit lists up for Pete. They had one with him and Nancy Pelosi too. Yeah.

That's hilarious. I bet you there's Vegas odds on this. Yeah. I mean, look, dude. Get back at that family, bro. I would go for all those sisters. Yeah. Kanye, shut look, dude. Get back at that family, bro. I would go for all those sisters. Yeah. Kanye, shut up, dude. Just shut up.

Anyway, heart goes out to Pete. You know, he'll get through it. He rebounded before, dog. He'll rebound again. He's a Nashville girl. Dude, kid's Dennis Rodman. He's rebounding. Why is it the people with tattoos on their body and that they dye their hair are our biggest hope for foreign policies?

We can send them over to China. China nixed that already. North Korea's got Dennis Rodman. We got to put people who dye their hair into other countries like they're incels. That's what we got to do. Yeah. That's what we got to do. Whitney Cummings, I'm calling on you for this one.

Whitney Cummings, we're talking to you. Okay? Whitney Cummings, we're talking to you. Okay? Whitney Cummings, we're talking to you. Biden's looking good right now. I mean, gas is down to $4. He passes that health care bill for the veterans, right? He passes that bill to focus on chip makers in America to compete with China.

What was that called? The chips and sciences bill or something like that? Yeah. So his approval rating has gone up. His approval rating now is still below 50%. I think he's at, but he's gone up two points to 40% maybe. And his disapproval rating has gone down a little bit. So, because it's the economy, stupid.

Jobs, the job market has recovered much higher than expected. These are just facts that are going to make some people angry. He's coming off a historic low, though. He's coming off a historic low, you know? He's coming off a historic low, though. He's coming off a historic low, you know? He's coming off a historic low, but the Golden State Warriors were down, too. They had a historic low the past couple seasons, and then they came back and won it.

So his approval rating is back up to 40, like I said, in the latest Reuters poll, and he's got some major victories under his belt. They've been completely overtaken by this in the media because of this raid on Mar-a-Lago. But the Senate passed the Inflation Reduction Act, which is a $740 billion bill meant to lower prescription drug costs

and promote clean energy. He got some climate change across the desks. He signed the Bipartisan Chips Act into law, which will invest $200 million into semiconductor chip manufacturing. That's a good thing. It was a bipartisan bill. So that is to look, dude, China might have shot itself in the face, dog, with this COVID

thing because it brought to light our dependence on foreign parts for tech. When the supply chain got disrupted because of COVID, America realized, yo, man, we need to start making things here. This could galvanize America into manufacturing again, which is really our only hope, right? Don't you think? Yeah. Jess, don't you think?

Bringing some of the manufacturing back home is our only hope. Absolutely. I'll tell you what people aren't going to like. He funded the IRS. Yeah, you know, that's not a goodie. He funded the IRS. So reconciliation bill includes nearly $80 billion for IRS. Where's all this money coming from?

For IRS, including enforcement audits. Ouch! People are not going to like that. Well, he's a Dem, so it's probably for the upper tier, right? Let's read the details. Let's read the details. So they passed their climate health and tax package.

Oh, they put it all there together. So it included, so it was all together. It was a combo platter, which they often do. They put that, they sneak that other stuff in the bills. So part of the agenda, the Inflation Reduction Act allocates $80 billion to the agency for the next 10 years. More than half of the money is meant for enforcement, with the IRS aiming to collect more from corporate and high net worth tax dodgers. Now, people on the right, you know, are mostly made up of middle class people.

That should be a victory for everyone. I don't understand how that's not. Nobody believes it. Because people don't believe it. I guess that's what it is. I guess that's what it is. People don't, I mean, do you not know how corporations and the top 1% get away with hiding their money?

I mean, that's what it is. Yeah, because they can afford to. They can afford to. Right. The middle class gets fucked. The poor get everything paid for, right? By the middle class, because the middle class are the only ones paying taxes

because they can't afford to hide it all, right? By the middle class, because the middle class are the only ones paying taxes because they can't afford to hide it all, right? And the rich get away with it. They create all these shell companies. They hide their money overseas. They find all these corporate loopholes. You know, they lace the pockets of politicians to look the other way. So this is a bill that's trying to clamp down on that. Hey, man, you know, this is when you go like, how can you tell me that's a bad thing? I would love somebody on the right to convince me on how that's a bad thing.

Put it in the comments. So he kind of is actually kind of accomplishing what the progressives want in this arena, which may kind of define them out of existence, right? Because he's kind of co-opting their, you know, because this is the part of the progressives that people are kind of on board with, right? They're kind of on board with like clamping down

on the corporate loopholes and the top 1% hiding their money. People are kind of on board with that. They're kind of on board with climate, protecting the climate. There's pretty much a scientific consensus on that, that we're in trouble when it comes to that. The majority are kind of on board with that, right? Where they lose everybody, where they lose everybody is where they go like two left on, you know, police shouldn't be doing policing and social workers should show up to murder scenes and defund all the police.

They lose people on that. They lose people when they're going, Amazon shouldn't come here because they're getting a tax break and what about all these working people? Where are they going to live? That's where they kind of lose people, going like, hey man, you're not living in the real world.

Right, that's where they lose people a little bit. You know, when they go to the border and they, you know, pretend to cry into a fence and say, you know, there's no, when they say that no people are illegal, they kind of lose people on that no people are illegal thing.

You know? When anyone goes like, hey, shouldn't we have a border? You know, we shouldn't have illegal, we shouldn't have people here illegally. And then their response is, no human is illegal. You're going like, you're kind of, what is that called?

A red herring, right? A logical fallacy. You're going like, what? That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying they're here in the country illegally. And they go, no human is illegal. And that's their only response. I remember when I worked at Fusion,

that was like the go-to line on any critique on immigration. Right. It would just go, no human is illegal. Yeah. It just shuts down the car. It just shuts down the conversation. You're going like,

wait a second. You know, most people want to border like every other, like every other country, you know, or when they go like, you know, woman's right to choose. I don't care if it's the baby, the they go like, you know, woman's right to choose.

I don't care if the baby's being delivered tomorrow. It's a woman's right. You're going like, nobody's in favor of that, dog. Nobody's in favor of that. But you know, they go hard like that. So I don't know. This could be a major victory for the left in that they're kind of

getting a lot of this bipartisan stuff done, kind of co-opting some of the calling calls of the progressives that have made people a little uncomfortable because of the other stuff that progressives kind of are for, now it's sort of like these traditional Democrats are kind of before. Now it's sort of like these traditional Democrats are kind of getting that stuff done. These are victories that AOC would like to have. She'd like the squad to have these victories is what I'm saying. And Biden, the guy who beat Bernie, the guy who came from the Obama administration and the Clinton years and that tradition is having these victories. So you know AOC's upset. She's going, this is fucking political appropriation.

So hey, I mean, say what you will, the kid's having a good week. And he beat COVID and he's 103. Twice. Yeah, I mean, he beat the Vegas odds on that. I checked the Vegas on that one, and they said the second one's going to take him down. But he made it.

Now he's delivering speeches, just coughing through it. So he's having a pretty good week. Inflation's on the decline. Gas is going down. Jobs. The job market is robust. He's bringing back chip manufacturing to America. He got healthcare for veterans who are suffering from those burn pits.

You know, he made Jon Stewart happy in his new career as a public advocate, which is a very good thing for those veterans. You know, because a lot of those guys had to inhale all that shit from the burn pits. Those burn pits were disgusting. They would throw rubber in there. They'd throw human waste.

They'd throw everything in Iraq. It was those burn pits. So what they would do, they would take everything and just put it in these burn pits and it would just be like this unhealthy, billowing clouds of smoke that these dudes would inhale

and they have all these uh problems and also 9-11 workers and veterans of 9-11 have lung problems and all that stuff i'm sure that's included in this bill the kid had some major victories and i'm sure the democrats pushed for this right now because midterms are coming up right they're it's kind of like aaron judge playing for that contract you know it just, it's a contract year. When midterms are up, it's a contract year and somehow things get done. Because the only thing that motivates people in America

is self-interest. It's a reality we all have to accept. Nobody's going to do things on principle. You go to Quebec or you go to fucking Scandinavia, they do things on principle. They say, you know what? We should all take care of old people because it makes for a healthy society. It's the moral thing to do. You can't say that in the States. People go, what does that got to do with me? I don't give

a shit about your grandma cuz. So you got to somehow appeal to people's self-interest. Somehow. You got to say, hey, we got to be able to all chip in to put this grandma in a home because if not, this grandma is going to break into your house and kill your kids because all grandmas are Mexican illegals. And then the right goes, yeah, put them in homes. Lock them up. Lock them up. Lock them up lock them up lock them up lock her up and you're like all grandmas are hillary lock them up in those institutions you say yeah those dementia wards are like where you should put political prisoners white-collar criminals

like hillary steals all your money clinton foundation soldiers coming to get you and they go lock them up lock them up and, yeah. And then you pass the bill and grandma gets to go to the Sunrise Residence. You have to appeal to people's self-interest and you got to manipulate them a little bit. Unfortunately, we're a stupid body politic. Public education has failed. We're stupid.

You got to manipulate people a little bit. What can you do? Okay? What are you going to manipulate people a little bit what can you do okay what are you gonna polio's back i mean talk about fucking comebacks polio's back yeah there's a kid who's like 20 years old in rockland county who was unvaccinated and now now his new nickname is fdr he's paralyzed from the waist down. Okay? Kid's got to, you know, kid's got to invest in some wheels, dog.

So here's the thing on polio. The good news is most people have nothing to worry about unless you're unvaccinated. Now, here's the thing about polio. The good news is most people have nothing to worry about unless you're unvaccinated. Now, here's the thing about polio and vaccines and shit. Like, if you're not vaccinated, polio's back, right? Because viruses are very hard to eradicate. So, you know, another strand is here. It's made its way back. It's in England as well.

There's a lot more cases in England. So they're saying if you're vaccinated, you're good. But if you're unvaccinated, you're at risk. And here's the thing about polio. Polio will leave you paralyzed. Polio ain't no joke. You know? COVID in a lot of cases was

tough. Most people get through COVID and, you know, can still breathe fine. Polio, you're risking losing your wheels, dog. You know what I'm saying? So, I don't know. Good luck with that, dog. I wonder if there's, you think there'll be a polio anti-vax movement? I don't know. Oh, yeah. It will if there's you think there'll be a polio anti-vax movement? I don't know.

Oh, yeah. It will be anti-movement. It'll be anti and it will be an anti-movement. Yes, this kid in Rockland County was in his 20s and now he's paralyzed. It's unfortunate. It's rough. So it's one case. polio's back, dog. Just like I said, it's the 50s again, baby. Because what? They eradicated it in 77, 75.

Jonas Salk, responsible for probably saving hundreds of millions of people. Nobody knows his goddamn name. Yeah. Polio virus type 2 was eradicated in 1999. And no cases of wild polio virus type 3 have been found since the last reported case in Nigeria in 2012.

So that's global. Huh? That's global. That's global. But we eradicated it in the 70s, I believe. If I'm correct, it was the 70s. Where it was like, it's been like gone since the 70s. And I think, if I remember correctly,

England, like 83 or 88, they eradicated it. 79. 79. I was close, dog. You know? I'm stupid, but I'm like halfway stupid. And that was because of the vaccine program. The U.S. has been been polio free since 79.

There are some people who are not vaccinated though from polio. There's a lot of people who don't believe in it and they don't get their kids vaccinated. So now there's a push to get kids vaccinated. And you're right, there will be a movement of people going like it's a ploy. But you know, unfortunately, some of those people may find out the hard way that that was a mistake nature don't care that's the funny thing about nature nature don't care dog it's not selective there's some there's some something refreshing about the amorality of nature you know nature has no beliefs nature has no rhetoric nature has no rhetoric. Nature has no conspiracies. Nature just comes for us all.

Consistent and fair. Yo, dog, nature's like Jordan. Yeah. They bring their A game. They're trying to kill us. Nature's constantly trying to kill us. From the moment you're born, there's bacteria and virus just trying to take you down and if you don't put the

georgetown clamps if you don't have defense you're not going to win you got a defense wins championships yeah it's just going to keep you alive you got it you got to operate by the jordan rules yeah you can't win with that phoenix run and gun offense i don't care how good and exciting steve nash's offense is or dan tony it's not going to winoni. It's not going to win. D'Antoni's not going to win. You know? You need defense. You need fucking vaccines. You need a good defensive player.

Everyone needs Bo on his team from San Antonio to just, what was his name? Bo. Remember the guy, Bo? He was on San Antonio, and he would play dirty a little bit. Every time someone would shoot, he would get into their airspace, and they would kind of land on his feet. His name was Bo something.

Bo. Anyway. Anyway. Sweden and Finland are joining the gang of NATO. NATO. They're in the gang, dog. Can someone do a Cold War musical? Wouldn't that be great?

Wouldn't that be great? It would be like a West Side Story based on the new alliances that have formed. So it'll be NATO on one side. They'll be the Puerto Rican group, right? Because we're the good guys. And in West Side Story, the Puerto Ricans were kind of the good guys, right? And then you got the socials on the other side, right?

Like always the nationalists kind of, right? Like they were against the Puerto Ricans. I never seen West Side Story because I'm a straight man. So I've never sat through the whole thing. But what's the two gangs again? There's one Puerto Rican side and an Italian. The other sides were Italian. Right. You know the Italians.

I mean, dude, connoisseurs of good old fucking working class racism is the Italians. When you talk about working class racism, Italians got it. They're the best at it. They don't like nobody in the neighborhood. They're the best. They want everything out like nobody in the neighborhood They're the best

They want everything out of my fucking neighborhood Even if you're a delivery guy An Amazon delivery guy They go get the fuck out of my neighborhood They go I gotta put this package here It's my job Get the fuck out of my neighborhood They don't even like electrical lines in the neighborhood

Yeah get the fuck out of my fucking neighborhood I think parents kick their kids out twice a week Out of habit In Italian neighborhoods Get the fuck out of twice a week out of habit in Italian neighborhoods. Get the fuck out of my house. Get out of my neighborhood. So is the Jetson... Italians would make great ghost hunters.

They would. Get the fuck out of here. You know, the aliens show up. The fucking, you know. That's why they don't go to Italian neighborhoods. They always go to like hillbilly spots cause hillbillies are like whoa

what the fuck is that man Italians first thing get the fuck out of here they start shooting fucking out get the fuck out of here baseball bats swinging at it

this fucking thing this fucking thing is trying to come and fuck my sister so the Jets and the Sharks so our Polisherto rican gang oh they were polacks they weren't italians oh now that's a little strange i mean how many polish people are in america not as many as italians yeah so the sharks were polacks

how did they even know how to form a gang? That's sophisticated. The old stereotype about Polish people being stupid is funny. How do you get a one-armed Polack out of a tree? You wave. That was like a big street joke. So here we go, dude. So the Jets obviously would be NATO, and the Sharks would be Iran, Turkey, North Korea, Russia, and China, the leader of the gang.

And we do a musical. One side's in English, the other side's in Chinese. And they dance it out. They dance it out. When you're a jet, you're a jet, when you're a When you're a jet You're a jet When you're a jet We got Maria and Tony

Want to be together Putin Why you stopping Maria and Tony They want to be together She wants to live in America Everything's planned in America And Tony dog Fell in love with a Puerto Rican, dog Dog, if it wasn't for West Side Story

Jared Harvin wouldn't be here Okay? Puerto Ricans Dude I mean, come on Let love happen Mi amor Corazon

West Side Story's not big in your house, dog? I would figure in a Puerto Rican household, you know, when you're born, they throw that on. They go, this is the story here that we got to do in America. This is what happened. Your father got healed. My father was big with my grandma. Yeah, my father put it on for you to see.

Zorro, you healed. This is how you heal. Well, after we came to the country, they want the sharks. The sharks tried to stop it. They tried to stop it, baby. Then we come, and your mother hit. She met him.

He's a policeman. They had sex, and you heal. Que pasa, mi gente? Now we heal, baby. We heal. We go to the Yankee Stadium. We heal. We also at the Yankees.

We go to work at the Yankees, baby. We got a bow-wiser in the cooler. We play baseball on the concrete, baby. We're here. Come on, we're here, baby. Here. It's out of here, baby. Your dad got that.

You know, your dad could have been, been Dude your dad could have been On the jets Yeah You know Yeah Puerto Rican's dog So that's what we need We need that We need that musical

Get to work Nato's recruiting man How do you think you get Jumped into Nato If it was a gang How do you get in there yeah um human rights rule of law dude i mean you know we've just been too inundated with conspiracy theories and like

it's just what you know the internet has just let everyone run wild. You know, it's like, so even when I said that, I'm thinking like the whole comment section would be like, do you know what we do? Oh, human rights my ass. It's like, all right, guy. All right, guy. All right. Can you walk down the street and fucking yell and say fucking,

you know, fuck Biden? You can. Go to Russia and yell fuck Putin. and fucking yell and say, fucking, you know, fuck Biden, you can. Go to Russia and yell, fuck Putin. See how quick you Star Trek out of here, my friend. That's the difference. Go to North Korea and say you got a business idea. Try that. And then go over to Iran

and say that you would like your sister to be able to show her hair. And see how that goes over. That's the fucking difference. That's the fucking difference. It's a big one. It's a fucking big one. Are you allowed to criticize the government here you are right are you allowed to say the vaccine's got fucking bill gates dick juice in them that'll paralyze you you're allowed

to that was the whole funny thing was that like they're like they're forcing us their forces they're making us it never happened there was There was never. We're still America. You know, there was private companies that said you had to do this. There was local governments that said, if you work for the city, you have to be vaccinated. There were certain things like that. But there was never any federal mandate that came down that forced anyone to get vaccinated. There's tons of people who didn't get vaccinated. They're all back to fucking work.

And they got COVID. Some of them are dead. Some of them are alive. Most of them are alive. Good for you. We all disagree. That's America. It's messy.

It doesn't mean you fucking hate someone. It's disagreement. This is America, baby. The proof of how good it is is that we can say it's bad in places that are bad you can't say it's bad or you go star trek baby you fucking zoom down with captain kirk and guess who's coming back it ain't you it's captain kirk because he's a star of the show and you're a nobody. Small business shout outs. Of course, we got our freaking cold spring water. Guys, go order a case right to your house.

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