Yannis Pappas Hour - Armenian Serpent Poos Poos

Episode Date: October 7, 2023

Senator Bob Menedez is a fun, fun corrupt Jersey Senator that more people need to appreciate. 2 PAC’s murderer has been arrested and San Francisco is the office of the unemployed.  See Yanni do stand up live in your town: Red Bank, NJ Oct 14 San Fran Oct 27-28 New York City Nov 4 Providence Nov 10-11 Phoenix Nov 16-18 Spokane Dec 1-2 Tulsa Dec 8-9 Louisville Dec 15-16 Portland Jan 11 Vancouver Jan 12 Toronto March 23 San Diego Kansas City  Ticket links on yannispappascomedy.com Join our highlights page for highlight clips from the episodes: https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykw new bonus episodes every Wednesday at https://www.patreon.com/yannispappashour?utm_campaign=creatorshare_

Hello, everyone. My name is Yanis Pappas, and welcome to the Yanis Pappas Hour, where we seriously cover news and research is done by a guy, a Mexican who makes pizza dough. Tupac's killer has been indicted after he made a confession on Vlad TV or bossip. He made a confession on black websites about 10 years ago, but supposedly for some reason he couldn't be indicted. But all of the media, he did a media run like he was releasing a book. John Stamos has a book coming out, by the way,

he did a media run of admitting that he killed Tupac Shakur like John Stam was released in his book. It's almost like he had a publicist working with him. And it was because of that that finally he was indicted. They really were slow to catch this guy after he just told people on the Internet that he killed him. I have to say, I think if it was Eminem, I think the killer would have been caught immediately. I have to say there's got to be something to that because why did it take 27 years to catch a guy who told everyone that he murdered Tupac Shakur?

Very, very, very suspicious. What a week. Nancy Pelosi is paying her final respects to Dianne Feinstein who will lay at rest in the state,

in I think the state house or something in San Francisco. She's basically paying her final respects and saying, I'll see you in a couple of minutes. Also, it was reported that her grave was stolen immediately and all grave companies have removed themselves from San Francisco and seven Starbucks have followed suit. Everyone's stealing everything there. So the grave is gone.

It's been robbed. San Francisco is the Wild West right now. A third party has found 60% of Americans have said that they want a third party, according to a Gallup poll. So I will tell you that I will be launching my third party and announcing it on this episode. Stay tuned for that. There are bedbugs in Paris.

Bedbugs in Paris. So we paid them back, finally. We paid them back. The Freedom Fries didn't stick, but guess what? We went, take those. So there have always been dirty people. Whenever you go into a French restaurant, why is the mirror always dirty? Have you ever noticed that?

It's like a dirty old mirror. Is that part of the feng shui? Is that part of the feng shui? The ambiance. Ambiance, the interior. Ambiance, exactly, the interior designing. The French are just a dirty people. They smell like cheese

and they got hairy armpits and the women still elect to have muff. I don't know that for a fact. I suspect it. There is no French porn, by the way, because that's just what they call life. Have you noticed that there's no French porn category? There's German porn.

If you want to see a guy try to squeeze a bottle out of his anus, you can do that. Canadian wildfires are making their way all the way down to Florida again. So these Canadian wildfires are basically New York Jews. These come off the top of the head, too. I don't need any writers. And they're all mine. The DOJ is finally putting some sanctions on some Chinese companies that are providing fentanyl to Mexican cartels.

Listen, everybody's got to get their dough from somewhere. Pizza places get their dough from somewhere. Mexican cartels got to get their dough from somewhere pizza places get their dough from somewhere Mexican cartels got to get their fentanyl from somewhere so maybe like when America went to Sri Lanka and Vietnam and other countries during the COVID lockdowns when Chinese companies were not producing fast enough maybe Mexico's got to look elsewhere for their fentanyl

maybe they got to take a gander and make another country a little richer. Diversify. It's nice to see. Let's bring up another third world country. I'm sure they could make fentanyl in Laos. I'd love some Laosian fentanyl. Maybe it's not as lethal. There's a lot to get to, including Bob Menendez.

Senator Bob Menendez, I'm sorry, Alicia. I know you. We worked a fusion together, but I got to do my job. Your father's been indicted for falling in love with a woman with big hoo-hahs. And that's just what takes you down. Like I said many a times, beware the serpent post-poose. This is the Giannis Papas Hour and let's get into it everybody, non-binaries included. I love the Bob Menendez case the most. Um, I would love to recuse myself from this story because I am friends with Alicia Menendez. I worked with her at Fusion.

She's an anchor at MSNBC, a fellow Democrat with her father, Bob Menendez, who's been in office for a long time. To be honest with you, this is how I like my Jersey politicians. I want them fat or corrupt. It's Jersey. You know what I mean? The land of the Sopranos. There's nobody straight edged and by the book in Jersey. I mean, Bob Menendez looks as crooked. He looks like a caricature of a greedy politician. He had some scandals before this as well that we can probably look into. If Jesse can Google fast enough while I am talking about Bob Menendez.

But this is not the first run in Bob Menendez has had with controversy, with scandal, with doing some things that are untoward. I like that word, untoward. Untoward. Every politician, when they do their ad, should be like, and this advertisement was untoward. This is brought to you by a gentleman who is untoward. So we just found quickly New York Magazine five, the five, oh, I love it when they say the five most

jaw-dropping allegations meaning there's more than five um against Bob Menendez he's had he's had a few in the past this one is interesting because it's the most recent one and we'll find out about the previous ones see if we can have some fun with them. But this one involves gold bars, mounds of cash, and a Mercedes Benz. And it all started when he started banging on and off again, this Armenian hoo-ha. I mean, this Armenian poos-poos. Can I ask you a question, Jesse? Do you see some type of pattern with Armenian women ruining guys? Now, look, the Armenians are my people. We're Greek. We were both enslaved and oppressed by the Turks.

So the Armenians love the Greeks and the Greeks love the Armenians. But listen, when it comes to my love for the Armenians, it is strictly homosexual. I am not sticking my fun stick in crazy. Something about Armenian women just robs guys of their moral compass and their minds, and they just lose it, man. And they end up flatlining in Vegas and being brought back to life. Their basketball careers crumble. They can't rebound again. Tristan Thompson never, I don't think he grabbed one more rebound after he started sticking his fun stick in,

in one of these crazies. I don't even remember which one they are. They all look like the same one. Now, by the way, they all got the same face. They all like look like Kim Kardashian. I can't tell which one's which.

They probably go to the same doctor. Yeah. Tim Dillon, I think called it one time we were hanging out. I don't know if he's ever said it on his show, but it was so funny. He was like, I want to go to that doctor. Those bitches got new heads. Shout out for that. So he started banging this broad who's got massive, massive, massive titties.

He's got big titties. Look at those titties, dog. And those are natties because they got a droop to them. You can see the droop. And look at little Bob Menendez. Do you know how happy he is when those fun bags hit his face? You can just see him sweating with his gut, smelling like a Korean laundromat

because he got his shirts laundered in dc at a korean laundry mat you know that businessman smell smells like a korean laundry mat which is a mixture of tofu korean people and cat and starch starch right so his body smells like sweat and a korean laundry mat he's got those gray hairs on his chest with his skinny arms and his fat pasta gut and she's just bouncing up and down him and the fun bags just banging him in his tiny little corrupt head while he while he avoids his family who probably is estranged due to his multiple corruption scandals. I love Bob Menendez. Not a lot is known about Bob Menendez.

He's a guy who's constantly been in scandal. And he gets off all the time. But this time he's been indicted and it doesn't look good. There seems to be a lot of evidence, including, I mean, dude, they, I mean, they basically set up a production on this guy. I mean, they basically had, they have audio of them. I mean, they treated his, his, his life like a podcast for like a couple of months where they were putting out audio and visual and clips. They were doing YouTube long form. They were doing TikTok short. They did audio for the people who'd rather listen on Spotify.

They got Bob Menendez in every which way. I mean, they probably got him in the bedroom where they were knocking the boots. They got him. But he has pled not guilty. And that's what I love about my boy Robert, my boy Bob, my boy Bobby Menendez, because he never goes down without a fight

and he never admits what he's done. And we're going to go back and see all the things that he has done. And he pulled out what I like to call the old race card, I guess, right? It's the walk card, I guess, right? It's the woke card, I guess. He goes, and I should do this in an immigrant Hispanic accent, which he does not have. Those behind the campaign

simply cannot accept the fact that a first-generation Latino American from humble beginnings could rise to be a U.S. senator without a distinction. I dropped my pen and I like to fondle it. I'm getting my pen. Because I like to fondle it like he likes to fondle those tatas.

Those behind the campaign simply cannot accept the fact that a Latino American from home will be Guineas. Oh, you know he leaned into it. Oh, he leaned in hard. They're coming after me because I'm Latino. Just like when OJ leaned into black after that. I mean, dude, OJ had not been black for like 25 years. He dumped that black family he had, started dating banging blonde bitches

who were banging Jewish dudes for their sunglasses on his side. You know, what he did when he went to his house and the jury was coming to see the crime scene, he changed all the photos to his black friends. He took down the white wall and replaced. He actually did what Mookie wanted done and do the right thing. He did it. Mookie was like, I want you to put some brothers on that wall.

And OJ was like, that's a good idea. And he took down every white face, you know, and he just replaced them with all blacks and started playing that black card. You know why they're coming after me? Because he wanted that black support because he knew there was going to be some sisters on that jury. Come on, you know how they got, yo, Tanisha, you know how they got a brother down.

You know, he put that, he started code switching. Has you ever heard OJ when he used to do those commercials? I do hurts. Hi, I'm OJ Simpson. brother down you know he put that he started code switching has you ever hear oj when he used to do those commercials i hurts hi i'm oj simpson how you doing you guys want some uncle ben's rice and then she came over and said girl come on girl you know how these white devils got a brother all jammed up. You know what I mean? So he goes, even worse, they see me as an obstacle in the way of their broader political goals. I guess the DOJ, I mean, he's a Democrat. So here's another, this is my favorite part.

The cash found stuffed in his clothing. Menendez said at a press conference. I mean, I just see oink oink. It's just like a pig. Like he's fat. He's just stuffing money in his clothing. He's just like stuffing himself with money and gold bars and pasta. He said the cash found stuffed in his clothing was taken from his personal savings.

That's when you got to ask further questions, right? That's like last episode. By the way, I have an editorial retraction about last episode, Jesse. Hasan Minhaj was not educated at Harvard. And it makes sense now why he became a comedian. Okay. So he was educated at some, I think, UC Davis or something like that.

I don't know. Okay. Something like that. So I apologize. I apologize to... So he's off the hook. So he's off the hook. Essentially, I apologize.

He didn't do it. He didn't do it he didn't do it doesn't matter his theaters are sold out nobody cares about anything anymore you're good you're good i'm i'm just gonna start doing john stewart's act i don't think anyone will care but um much like much like when hasan um not to talk too much about it, because I think we got every angle last episode. You did 45 minutes on it. Yeah, I did 45 minutes on it. Sorry.

I'm sorry. Listen, it was fun, though. It was a great app. But much like when he said, by the way, I posted on my Twitter, you can go if you want to see it, a video, which is my favorite thing. I found an interview of him on Twitter telling the story seriously. And it's funny to watch those now after you know that they're lies.

It's just funny to watch him go, yeah, you know, white powder was found in my house. And the guy goes, that's frightening. He goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's frightening, right? And just knowing that he's lying, it's the best.

But much like that, when during that interview, he's just like yeah white house was sent somebody got my address they sent white white powder and he goes yeah you know but i gotta be willing to deal with the consequences that's why i the reporter could have very easily been like okay let me get this straight so somebody sent somebody got your address and they sent you white powder some of which got on your daughter. You took her to the hospital. Okay. Did you contact law enforcement?

Were you concerned that someone had your address? Did you move? That's a little scary. Did you contact the FBI? You're a person of note. That's when the FBI gets involved. Yeah. That part is not important.

What is important is I'm brave about my jokes. What's important is that in the face of adversity, I stand like a lighthouse against the waves of white supremacy that batter my brown skin over and over and over again. Booty, booty, booty, boo. I mean, just one follow-up question. Like, wow, what did the FBI say? That's what I would have said.

Because, you know, I'm a comic. I would have known he was full of shit. I would have just said, wow, what did the FBI say? And he would have known he was full of shit. I would have just said, wow, what did the FBI say? And he would have went, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum. They said, you always close your eyes when you're in your lips. Turns into that scene from Top Gun. Oh, you're back on the snooze. I'm back and forth, sweetheart.

Uh-oh. Listen, I'm smitten with it. I'm smitten with tobacco. Did you smoke dogs? And then you had to go to the snooze? Let's just say I had a few in Calgary. Uh-oh. No, no, no.

If my wife's watching, I'm joking. If she's not, I had a few in Calgary. This is the cycle, right? It's the cycle. It's just the same cycle. You know, it's like when addicts tell's just the same cycle you know it's like it's like it's like when addicts tell you they're clean you know or hunter biden says i'm done with crack so much like hassan it just takes one question my point being like

so what were you taking mounds of cash out and hiding them in your clothing for. And he would go, I want to take my daughter to Chuck E. Cheese. And this Chuck E. Cheese happened to have all their credit card machines were down. So I had to go take a bunch of cash out to take my daughter to Chuck E. Cheese. And then you just go, isn't your daughter Elisa Menendez? Isn't she like 40? She doesn't go to Chuck E. Cheese. And then you just go, isn't your daughter Elisa Menendez? Isn't she like 40? She doesn't go to Chuck E. Cheese anymore. She goes, okay, what happened was me and my wife like to go to strip clubs and they don't take the cash app.

So I had to go take a, but there's no singles here. It's all only hundreds. There's no singles here. It's all Egyptian donors. Because he was in bed with some shady Egyptians, right? Really the Egyptians threw up some pyramids. And since then it's really just be shady businessmen who go, who want to haggle on prices. My friend, my friend, my friend. Um, he also had $100,000 worth of gold bars that he allegedly received as bribes.

He also got those from his savings and stuffed them in his clothes. Imagine him leaving that, which I can only imagine was a hookah bar in Jersey where he met with these shady Arabs or North Africans, but they are Arabs. I'm getting Arab gold bars. That's going to be a rap song. Look, hopefully some hip-hop people listen to my podcast because they love putting dude. Bob Menendez needs to be on everyone's radar.

You know what I mean? Like, I'm that guy who finds these special people and lets people know he's fun. Yeah. He's fun. He's got street cred now. Dog, he's got gold bars. Who gets bribed in gold bars besides someone who's fun,

who's banging a fucking Armenian chick with triple-double Ds? And I ain't talking about batteries. How great is that? And he's a Dem, which makes it even funner. So over $100,000 worth of gold bars, which he also took out of his savings account to take to Chuck E. Cheese, so Alicia Menendez could

ride the rides. I mean, why would anyone need cash out of his savings? Unless you're paying a kidnapper to get your daughter back. Who needs all that cash unless you're putting it in a briefcase from some Albanians who've kidnapped your daughter?

Sorry, Alicia. I got a job. Shout out, Tim Dillon. I got to do my job. That's his to-go bag. That's his doggie bag for the meeting after they smoked strawberry-flavored hookah. And it had some uh kebab so he was indicted recently on federal corruption charges um from these bribes stacks of cash found hidden in his home a luxury vehicle a a $60,000 Mercedes for his girl who murdered someone in an accident.

So wait, can you go back up again? Because this is fun. Exchange for using his office to aid the government of Egypt. This is great. We got some hair. We have a senator in New Jersey. We have him on the payroll. Don't worry.

Senator Bob Menendez. Who knows? She's maybe like an intelligence or something with knockers like that. To aid the government of Egypt and enrich three New Jersey businessmen, despite his efforts to defend himself on a Monday press conference, legal experts said the details laid out in the indictment will present a major challenge to defense. Like I said, they got a lot of tape on the guy. They got a lot of footage.

It's like a serial killer's family. You ever notice every serial killer's family? Why do they have so much home video footage of Jeffrey Dahmer? My family took no, is there any footage of you as a kid on film? I got like three photographs. Yeah, if they wanted to make a documentary,

it'd be all like Polaroid stills of me crying because my mother's not home. I mean, every serial killer documentary, it's like Ted Bundy at three holding a horse. You know? It's like, why were serial killers' families filming so much? That's how much they got on Bob Menendez. They got enough as a serial killer's family when the child

was young. He's facing 45 years. But he'll get off because my defense, Jaime Attena! By the way, I think he's like Cuban, right? Are they Cuban? I mean, Cubans, can we call Cubans Latino?

Every Cuban I'd meet, for the most part, if they're not pitching for the Yankees, they look white as snow. I mean, he looks whiter than me with my big swarthy face. Cuban. Cuban. I mean, he looks whiter than me with my big swarthy face. Cuban. Cuban. I mean, yeah. I don't even know if you can consider that Latino. The only thing that's unusual about him is he's Cuban and he's a Democrat,

which is like, come on, man. That's like being a Muslim family and coming home with a Jew and saying, this is my wife. This is my wife, Danielle Rosenblatt. I want you to meet Mr. and Mrs. Atta. The alleged facts are so serious that they compromise the ability of Senator Menendez to effectively represent the people of our state,

said Governor Phil Murphy from a rest stop, from a Roy Rogers rest stop off of the Jersey Turnpike. While a Bruce Springsteen track was playing in the background. 41 shots. 41 shots. 41 shots.

New Jersey Democratic Congressman Andy Kim has already announced his intention to challenge Menendez for his next seat. I mean, how is he the only one? That's easy pickings. He said he's not leaving, Menendez. Oh, he's hanging in there? Yeah.

He said he's going nowhere. Yeah. So the FBI raided the Menendez home. That's a fun Menendez. Oh, he's hanging in there? Yeah. He's not going nowhere. Yeah. So the FBI raided the Menendez home. That's a fun raid, too. When he forgot to hide his gold bars. Just kept them in his clothes. They were probably just still in his pockets. You know, hanging in the closet on old suits.

Just gold bars hanging down. It's like that scene in Goodfellas. She's trying to flush him down the toilet. Yeah, she's trying to flush him down the toilet quick, but her to flush him down the toilet quick but her tits keep getting in the way the tits just block the toilet and they're just bouncing off i mean she's got gazungies um so they raided his home uh in jersey right i mean he's definitely he's inhaling her fumes constantly so he's probably morning sex she She's riding her. Tits are banging his face. Oh, battling Ram comes in.

They catch him. Little pecker out. Big gut. It's like the scene from Casino, you know? Sharon Stone. So wait, go back up. They found. This is fun.

Wait, wait. He's going, wait, wait, wait. Who are you guys? Wait, no, no, no, no. Don't look in there. Yeah, yeah, it's $480,000 in cash. Yeah, the bills were stuffed in my clothing. Yeah, it's from my savings account.

It's from my savings. I got $400,000 from my savings. I went and took it out. Here's some pictures. The pictures are pulled up pulled up go back up the pictures are fun crisp hundred dollar bills oh yeah oh look at that dude imagine having 480 grand in cash on a senator's salary in your home it's like a rap video and having the balls to make a to release a public statement saying, yeah, that's from my

savings account. I took it out. Well, why'd you take it out? Do they have pictures of the gold bars? Yeah! Straight gold bars. This

Swiss Bank Incorporation is stamped on them dude the swiss just get a pass right they're just like they're just a money laundering facility yeah because everyone's using them yeah so there's no one to crack down right because everyone's got their money there everyone's got their money there so like all the their money there. Like all the countries are like, all right, you guys get to exist. Yeah, and every war, they just attack around Switzerland. You ever notice that?

Switzerland's never involved in anything. They say we're neutral. Yeah, there's a good reason why we're neutral because the guys that are fighting each other both have their money in these banks. So neither one of them want to mess with it. Also, they hang out together. You know, it's probably a money dispute that they're fighting over and they send the boys to go be dead so she got a mercedes

benz this armenian chick who he i think that he ended up marrying her he was banging her on and off again for a while i think he's left his family a long time ago so the coup defendants uh hold up go back up the two co-defendants in the case, Jose Uribe, who just got called up from the minors to play for the Mets, and Weyl Hana, bought a Mercedes-Benz convertible for his wife as a purported bribe. In exchange, Menendez was to interfere in a state criminal prosecution of an associate of Uribe, who was charged with insurance fraud and an investigation of a family member working for him. After dinner in 2019, January, prosecutors say Uribe and Hanna forwarded information about their associates to Menendez through their wife. And Menendez leaned on a New Jersey official to get a non-incarceratory sentence for the man accused of fraud very simple

get my big-titted wife the beamer the boy does no jail time how does that sound simple i'd do that i'd make that deal and there's the car it is beauty. That is 60 grand paid for in cash. Beautiful Mercedes-Benz. Oh, here's the best part. They got the texts. Nadine, her name is Nadine, texts Arubay. You're a miracle worker who makes dreams come true. This is a girl who isn't into money at all. I will always remember that

after Urube paid the $15,000 down payment and secured financing for the monthly payments. Menendez brought the official investigating Urube's family member into his Senate office where he convinced him to drop the matter. They got it all on tape. Days later, the Menendez couple and Urube

got together for what prosecutors called hold on prosecutors called a celebration and there they are there they are having a little toast who picked up that bill uh yeah it wasn't it wasn't senator bobby it wasn't senator bob Menendez and his big-titted Armenian whore, which is what she's called in the Elisa Menendez home. Menendez allegedly tried to lift restrictions on $300 million in military aid to Egypt in exchange for a no-show job. I mean, this guy's great.

This guy is great. I mean, this guy's great. Yeah. This guy is great. I mean, let's get Wally Shawn. Is he still alive? No. Who's the guy from Sideways? You know, the guy, the face. Oh, oh, Paul Giamatti. Let's get Paul Giamatti.

Yeah. Billions is over, right? Yeah, yeah. Soldiers back on theatti. Yeah. Billions is over, right? Yeah, yeah. Soldiers back on the road. Yeah. Let's get Paul Giamatti and get a god dang movie cooking about good old short Bobby Fats. Bobby, wepa wepa cubana, fats, merendes. I mean, that's a pretty serious situation to lift restrictions on 300 milli in military aid

prosecutors claim the senate nobody nobody's paying attention to this stuff anymore because taylor swift is at a kansas city chiefs game yeah that's ridiculous it's really our our country has a fifth grade reading writing level and our news is just she's at the game again great can we watch the game now um the taylor swift effect is just jesus so prosecutors claim the senate foreign relations committee chair oh he's the chair that pretty powerful guy i would throw my weight around too. Provided sensitive U.S. government information and took other steps that secretly aided the government of Egypt. Specifically, he helped one of his co-conspirators,

Egyptian businessman Walehana. Waleh. I was pronouncing that wrong. I thought it was like a German guy. Walehana. But it's Walehana. Secure massive amounts of military funding for Egypt in exchange for the promise of a no-show job

for his wife. Wow. What did I say at the beginning of this story? You stick your fun stick in the crazy poos poos that has this all written all over it. He did this in the crazy poos poos. That has this all written all over it. He did this in exchange for some good dipping sauce.

You know when the sauce is really good? When they give you a side, animal style on the side, and you dip your burger in it, for my L.A. people. Or it's a real good Russian dressing, and you just can't stop dipping. I mean, she's got a good sauce. He did this, so he put his neck on the line for this bitch to have a no-show job, because she was probably sitting around going, I want to be, I don't just want to sit around the

house. I want you to think of me as somebody who has my own money. I want my own money. I don't want to just be around the house. I want you to think of me as somebody who has my own money. I want my own money. I don't want to just be thought of as Bob Hernandez's third wife or whatever it is. She ain't the mom. When you see Armenian titties, she usually ain't the mom. When an Armenian woman shows up in a household,

it's usually not the mom. mom. When an Armenian woman shows up in the household, it's usually not the mom. His wife then forwarded the email to Hannah, who sent it back to Menendez's wife to suggest he actually wrote it. Then Menendez and his wife tried to hide the matter by deleting the emails. They got you, baby. Just like my porn history, they know. Oh, man. He boasted that he's more powerful than the president of Egypt. Probably got him on tape saying that, right? I mean, that is a powerful position that he held, and he's a senator. They're very powerful.

As part of an alleged scheme to enrich Walhalla, Menendez helped the businessman secure his status as the only importer of halal meat from Egypt to the United States. That's a solid. What's wrong with to the United States. That's a solid. What's wrong with that? That's doing your boy a solid. I'm going to make you rich selling halal to all the Arabs on Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn while they sit around and plan the next attack? I'm joking. I'm joking and in exchange

get my big titted horrible wife a fucking no show job put her on the payroll she'll walk in once in a round shuffle a couple of papers adjust her bra and walk out and a paycheck will come and I don't got to hear her big mouth

when I'm trying to bang her in the ass because I'm a kinky little fucking corrupt senator he's probably banging her with suspenders on when I'm trying to bang her in the ass because I'm a kinky little fucking corrupt senator. He's probably banging her with suspenders on. He's probably got his size six male shoes still on with his trousers around his ankles, sweating on the verge of having a heart attack because the poos poos is so good. Can you picture his little tiny loafers

with the tassels on them? Because he's so short, he's got tiny feet, and he's so uncool. He wears his pants loose. They're not pegged. So his pant and the cuff just falls over his foot, so it looks like his foot is about this big. And so he puts his pants down to take a shit.

His feet just disappear under a pile of pant. Same thing when he's banging her. And she's much taller than him. Yeah, he's got to get on his dippy toes. Yeah, so he's got to ride her like a goddamn of pant. Same thing when he's banging her. And she's much taller than him. Yeah, he's got to get on his dippy toes. Yeah, so he's got to ride her like a goddamn jockey. Shout out Louis Katz. Remember he used to say, I do it jockey style? He used to like big bitches too,

so he could climb on them and pretend like he was a jockey. Because Louis Katz is a squeak. I'm having him on the podcast, by the way, to promote his special because he's a friend of mine and that's what I do for friends I damage my own algorithm position because nobody tuned in to hear what Louis Katz has to say

funny guy his best credit is he knows Ali Wong she was at his wedding Louis Katz Louis Katz's career is proof that the Jews do not run all of Hollywood you got the conspiracy that all Jews help not run all of Hollywood.

You got the conspiracy that all Jews help each other out, they run Hollywood, they're all in bed together. Take a look at Louis Katz's career. I'm kidding, Louis, but he would find it funny. I love Louis. Anyway, that's an inside joke. Still funny, though. People can see why it's funny.

In 2019, when the Department of Agriculture blocked the contract giving monopoly rights to hannah menendez met with hannah and an egyptian intelligence office i mean it just gets worse and worse jersey's just a fun spot an egyptian intelligence official at a steakhouse in dc two days later menendez called the usda official to lift their block on his business the indictment states that Hanna's business kept its monopoly after the USDA meeting. Hanna then allegedly provided over $23,000 in late mortgage payments for Menendez's wife. My house, I want my own house. Wow, dude. Imagine you're in all financial trouble and you land the score of your life,

a corrupt little chubby Cuban senator who can't get enough of the dipping sauce. At one point, Jose Arrube mentioned that Hannah may not be willing to pay the full amount to get her mortgage payments back on schedule. Menendez then replied that Hannah will be more powerful. Oh, that Hannah will be more powerful than the president of Egypt. So, hey, just pay her mortgage and he'll be more powerful.

I'll make him more powerful than the president of Egypt. He bent over backwards for this check. Prosecutors alleged that it just doesn't end. prosecutors alleged that it just doesn't end push to nominate lawyer philip sellinger for u.s attorney for journey new jersey because he believed he could lean on sellinger to kill a prosecution of one of his co-defendants fred daibis in a meeting menendez mentioned the fraud charges daibis is facing and said that he hoped sellinger would reconsider the case if you report i mean this guy was just going nuts oh yeah he was losing his mind over this sauce. This was some good nectar. Sweet poos.

Ah, probably had it in like a floral aroma. Man. I mean, dude, his nuts were probably hitting the wall. When he bust, it was probably like

that scene from Scary Movie where the guy ends up on the ceiling. It probably acted like when a helicopter comes off the ground. Bob Menendez just hits the ceiling when he busts. He probably looked like a little person hitting it, too. Just holding her big legs.

Couldn't see her face because the titties are right there. Just holding her big legs. Couldn't see her face because the titties are right there. It's such a funny couple to look at. She's a big girl. Oh, God. Yeah, look at her. Those big fun bags.

She's not as tall as I thought. It's the fun bags that threw me off. They're actually probably the same height, so my bad. He was getting the same size. He was fighting in his weight class. You know, he didn't go down in weight. She didn't come up. They're naturally probably around the same weight,

but he's a tiny little man. He's a tiny, tiny little man. There he is with her. I mean, you can tell, dude. She's Sharon Stone in Casino. You can just see it right here. You can see it in her eyes. Oh, it's always the best. It's always the best. Anyway, that's Bobby Menendez. Do we have any info on what he's done prior? I'll go to another story. And if you could find like a list of the

things that he's done prior, that could be fun. That could be a callback we do later on in the episode. But for now, I would like to talk about these Canadian wildfires, and I would like to do it as Sean Terry, a firefighter from Queens, New York. Now listen to me, Justin Trudeau, okay? Fidel Castro's fucking nephew. I swore when I was a little kid, I would never breathe that fucking commie air, okay?

Up there in fucking Canada. Now you're forcing that fucking commie air down here on my free fucking tri-state area. And I don't like it one bit. You're fucking redistributing your fucking air like commies do and sending it down to the fucking red, white, and blue. And I don't like it one bit.

Can they fucking chill with the smoke coming down? More Canadian wildfire smoke invades Florida, okay? DeSantis. We still won't wear masks. Look at that. Look at that haze over Florida. Canadian wildfire smoke

creates a haze over Miami. Right now, that's happening because of Canadian wildfires. I mean, what is this, dude? At what point are we going to invade Canada? And this is an assault. It was like three days we couldn't go outside during summer. I want those three days back. It was more than three days, right?

It was just all over the place. Stop. Put your cigarette out. I think it was pretty funny, though, in the opening. I said, basically, Canadian... So, basically, Canadian Smoke is a snowbird Jew from New York City. It made it all the way down to Florida! I can't hear you!

Honey, can you turn... Hi, sweetheart! Yeah, no, yeah, no, your dad is... Yeah, he's making a smoothie in the background. We're going to the beach. We'll definitely be up for Thanksgiving. Why am I screaming? Hold on, I'm sorry, my hearing aid's not on.

Hi, David, how are you? No, dad is good. Yeah, we're just down here in Florida. Yeah, we're going to Clark Gables. We're down here in Clearwater. I can't hear you. What? What? I mean, we should just attack, man.

Enough of this. This is like is this not an encroachment of our border? I mean, from the south, we're getting migrants. From the north, we're getting Canadian smoke. What happened to our sovereignty as a nation? Should we build a... What can we build to stop the smoke?

A fan? Like a big fan. A big giant fan? Just blow it right back on them? I would vote for a candidate who was building a wall and a fan. That would be great. That would be great. That would be really great. Now, another Republican debate happened,

and I didn't watch because why would anyone watch the NIT tournament? That's what it is, the National Invitational Tournament for all the teams that didn't make March Madness. Invitational tournament for all the teams that didn't make March Madness. And Nikki Haley supposedly has pulled ahead against DeSantis in New Hampshire. And all the headlines go, who cares? I mean, talk about a empty victory. What's the point of what they're doing?

Doesn't he hold like a 20-point lead over everyone? So I don't even know why they continue to do these debates. Tensions between Nikki Haley, Donald Trump boil over at Republican debate. It doesn't matter. He's winning the nomination. It's it. You know, he's not, he's not, he's not there. It's not the real deal.

So what's the point? But anyway, if you were wondering, Nikki Haley has pulled into second place in one state over Ron DeSantis. So basically it's, they're going for silver and bronze at this point. They really are. Going for silver, silver and bronze. Right? Like the Dutch do in track and field.

It's like, all right, Jamaica, and we're just going for the bronze at this point. When you look to your left and you look to your right, when you line up at the line and dig your cleats, you're running cleats into those heels, and you look to your left and you see a Jamaican dude, and you look to your right and you see an African-American, you're playing for bronze. And that's exactly what's going on with this Republican field is it's over.

U.S. lawmakers have sought to remove the short form video app TikTok, which is owned by the Chinese company ByteDance. That's a Yanni special. ByteDance. From federal government and state issued devices. That would probably be a good idea. What is what is that doing in this article? Where are you seeing that? Oh, right there, because Vivek Ramaswamy, this time slamming the Ohio biotech entrepreneur for his stance on the social media platform.

Well, that's what she was doing. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, because he was probably going, what's wrong with it? I love dancing, and I love putting my crowd work clips up on that. That's where Vivek puts his crowd work clips up. So none of these people have any shot at all of winning anything. I do think it's funny that Tupac Shakur's murderer, I think in 2018, gave like a full interview

detailing the murder of Tupac Shakur. And sometimes I just don't understand the legal system, man. For some reason, they could not prosecute him for it. Like he was, like, it's so weird. It really is weird to me. I think it was Chris Rock. Remember they were like, he got shot on the strip, the Vegas strip in between. And then he said like two casinos or something like mobs of people out there.

And like, how did they not catch his killer for 27 years? So wait, he was, he was saying that he did it on social media. He gave an interview. He gave a full interview, right?

Talking about him doing it. And so they knew he did it, but they could not prosecute him because of some, I think it's called proffer. I think it's called proffer. Some legal reason they could not prosecute him until now. And the reason they could prosecute him is because he kept doing interviews talking about the killing. So that one interview was deemed inadmissible for some reason. I think it's called proffer. Maybe we can look that up. Or maybe I'm just making that word up and that'll be even better. Because it's my emotional truth. The proffer agreement is a

written contract between a federal prosecutor and defendant or a person under criminal investigation where the defendant agrees to provide the prosecutor yes so he was going to depend for something else so they couldn't use that against them because he was cooperating on something else he was singing on something else so i was right proffer see didn't all go to waste mom and dad so because of that they couldn't get him but then he did other interviews afterwards he just kept singing about it the funny part is in one part so he didn't pull the trigger but he was like the head guy he's like a big drug dealer and um we don't know like there's some conspiracies that sean diddy maybe uh paid for the hit called the hit nobody knows but he was definitely the the head guy they were

all uh south side crips right so he tells the story they they pulled up next to the car he's he's he's driving so he didn't pull the trigger his nephew in the back who supposedly is like a bad dude like a big time gangster right him and another guy were in the back so he tells the whole story it's funny he tells the whole story it's funny he tells the whole story and then the interviewer who i think might have been a cop or something was interviewing it which is funny an investigator um asked him so did your nephew pull the trigger and he goes he goes i'm keeping to the rules of the streets and i'm just saying the shot came from the back seat i saw that i was in a direct quote and you're going, dog, you told every other detail.

I mean, it's funny that that is, uh, what you're sticking stick. I just had a friend tell me that they had a, a friend who's Catholic tell them and they're Catholic and believe everything, except they're not into christenings. Cause they believe that's bullshit. They go the water on the baby's bullshit. You're going, that's what you're picking? Not the walking on water or water and wine? You know? Or that he ascended into heaven? You're going with

the water on the baby? It's like, that's what you're going to stick to the code for the streets to say which of the two guys pulled the trigger? It's a 50% chance. You can roll the dice and come up 50% catching the guy who did it. It's very funny.

So, yeah, they got the guy. Finally, they got him. Well, he's not the shooter, though. He's not the shooter, but he orchestrated the hit. Right, okay. So they got him. So it's one of two guys. You can't rat on your cousin.

I mean, he basically did by telling the story and who was in this car he just said he didn't say which one of the two pulled the gun pulled the trigger you know so i mean i imagine they're all will be charged um but it is funny to me man that it really took 27 years. They still don't know who killed Biggie either, right? I just don't think they look too long into it. They go, you know, especially back then, cops were a little, you know, there was no, like,

back then there was no badge cams and all that stuff. You know, he went, Sarge, Sarge, my wife's sister's got a birthday today today You mind if I call in early? What are you doing? Oh Uh Stagnato What are you working on?

I'm working on that fat fucking black rapper Who took some lead You know The one Don't hurt him hammer That guy And he goes Fucking your wife's sister's party's more important

than who shot that fucking whale go home who cares you know that was the talk something something along

those lines he said there's one thing that's for sure when you're living that gangster life you already know that the stuff

you put out is gonna come back you never know how or when but there's never a doubt it's coming. So supposedly they're saying, prosecutors are saying, it stemmed from a rivalry and competition for dominance

in a musical genre at the time was dubbed gangster rap. Yeah, East Coast members of a blood gang sect associated with rap music, mogul Suge Knight, time was dubbed gangster rap yeah east coast members of a blood gang sect sect associated with rap music mogul suge knight against west coast members of a um crip set that davis so it's it was blood crip stuff i mean too bad tupac just got caught up i mean the kid went to music school i mean it's just too bad you know he went to like a la guardia type of school he was probably singing he probably did poetry and that era was just catching everybody up in that everyone

wanted to be a gangster even though guys weren't really gangsters he was so talented yeah tupac um but they got somebody it's news so there you have it it's funny when it comes out now it's like nobody cares this you remember how many people likes how many documentaries were like who shot tupac and now we know and just like nobody it's a it's almost like the conspiracy is more fun than getting the answer it's like are there aliens like people don't want to believe there's aliens because it's funner to be like are there aliens you know if like we found out who killed jfk that just puts a lot of conspiracy theory it just ends it and you don't want to end that just puts a lot of conspiracy theory. It just ends it. And you don't

want to end that. That gives a lot of people's lives purpose because they're figuring it out eternally, forever. And they have theories. So I kind of feel let down. And also it's 27 years later. It's like when my dad finally complimented me about comedy. It's like a little too late. Now that I'm doing well, where was that support when you told me I should go get my real estate license? I just don't know what to tell you. Except for the fact that San Francisco is a fun place. It's a fun place.

I will be in San Francisco. Oh yeah? October 21st and 22nd at Cobb's. Get your tickets. And I will be having private armed security escort me to and from the venue. What is going on in San Francisco, man? Seven Starbucks, seven, have closed and are leaving San Diego. Francisco.

What'd I say? San Francisco, sorry, yeah. San Diego people are going, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's not that cucked down. You know, San Diego is like a conservative town. Seven Starbucks are leaving. Now this is on the heels of tons of other companies, right? Like leaving because they've just been looted over and over and over again.

So they're closing seven downtown. That's seven, That's a lot. Dude, every Starbucks makes money. Have you ever gone into an empty Starbucks? I know you don't drink that shit, but have you ever seen an empty Starbucks? They all make money. So a company spokesperson explained that Starbucks

evaluates its stores' portfolios, blah, blah, blah. There are several factors Starbucks is considering. Don't you love this politically correct talk? When tasked with a tough decision of closing a store. How about this one? We don't want any lawsuits when our purple-haired employees get shot in the face for money. We all continue to listen to the needs of our partners

and ensure that they can focus on crafting beverages and creating connections in a welcoming environment, an environment where people aren't scared to open their laptops and sit and pretend that they're working all day. Starbucks is like the de facto spot to go to to look like you were busy if you're not busy. It's the office for the unemployed.

Maybe that's the title of the episode. The office for the unemployed. It's a goodie. So they're closing and they just, I don't know what downtown looks like right now, but- Is that where you're staying? Yeah, I mean mean the club is downtown yeah i'm i'm considering like sleeping in the comedy club

so they're closing their starbucks in the neighborhoods of the financial district cathedral hill south of market which is called soma you know if it's an acronym, it's a white neighborhood. If it's, you know, Bococca, Soho. If it's an acronym, it's whitey. Whitey, whitey, whitey. And Union Square, another whitey area. Effective October 22nd. Wow, they're wasting no time. Pull the cord.

That was the phone call. Pull the cord. Among the stores set to close include locations in these blah, blah, blah places. Transfer opportunities are available and will be offered to each impacted partner. We're really sorry, guys, but your safety comes first. It's like when an airplane won't get off the ground because there's a malfunction or something. They go, I'm sorry. I know you guys are upset that you've been sitting on the tarmac for six hours but safety comes first

now what other places have left san diego san francisco i think a bunch of tech companies have left and also retail though we've had a lot of retail retail closing because of the looting right because people are just getting free stuff dude the fall of san francisco san francisco was the most expensive city in the country a few years ago yeah right well silicon valley's there yeah silicon's values so recent like we're talking about like four or five years ago san francisco was more expensive than new york city correct yeah it's beautiful but they also have very restrictive building laws. So if you want to put up a bunch of high-rise apartment buildings, you can't do it there. So it causes the property values to go up and also causes homeless problems. Right. Well, what they might want to do is lift

that law and add one that says you can't steal stuff. That would help a little bit. That would really help out San Francisco. Man, where the hippies went. This is a real, I just hope this isn't like a harbinger of what's to come in all. Dude, I was in Fort Wayne, Indiana. You know, I was in Fort Wayne, Indiana. You know, I was in Fort Wayne, Indiana.

Every time I go to these cities, I feel like Clark Griswold in Family Vacation. I'm like, is this place closed? Every city feels closed. And all you do is see just these old glorious buildings from yesteryear when the city was manufacturing something before NAFTA. I mean, these are all the people that are being promised the world by Trump.

And, you know, this is a cycle of history over and over again, where some freaking guy fills a vacuum and makes all these promises to these disgruntled people who have a right to be disgruntled because we don't make anything anymore. So their jobs were just rendered out of the economy. And they're just in Fort Wayne doing meth, dude. I mean, look at Fort Wayne. At one point, it was a spot. You know, the Pistons used to play in Fort Wayne.

You know, before they went to Detroit, they were the, the Pistons used to play in Fort Wayne, you know, before they went to Detroit, they were the Fort Wayne Pistons. I said in Fort Wayne, I said, I'm staying here guys. I just bought a $30,000 square foot mansion for $13 and it killed. Dude, you can live on a golf course for 1100 bucks a month. Yeah. Um, the manager of the club told me she was gonna buy one of the historic homes and the historic homes in the historic district are beautiful yeah and she was like we were about to we were about to close she was like but everything in there was old um and i was like how much was going for she said a hundred, $100,000. Oh, God. You cannot buy one thing in New York City for $100,000.

Dude, you can't buy a car for, I mean, you know, $100,000. Dude, what can you buy for $100,000 in New York City? Nothing. The cheapest you can get is like $600,000, $500,000. You can get $300,000. Yeah, if you go way out. You get a junior one bedroom for like $300,000 if you go way out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you could buy a big, big, big house in the historic district,

which is beautiful, for $100,000. An OnlyFans girl could move there and live like a Rockefeller in Fort Wayne, Indiana. It's so flat, man. It's the flat, man. It's the most landlocked place I've ever seen. How were the crowds? They were fun.

They were really fun. Yeah, they're miserable. People need to laugh. Oh, it's the best shows. The problem is that I got to be there for two days. That's the issue. And it's funny because they got a lot of universities there. Purdue is there, a bunch of other universities. And that's what sort

of gives the city whatever small charm it has. So there are some cool restaurants and cool spots. Look, it's cool. There's some cool spots. The hotel I was staying at was incredible. The club was great and it was fun. So I'm joking, but not really. But that's what we do. We go to these places. That's why comedians, we know more like we, I knew Trump was going to win. Cause like you travel, you're in Pennsylvania, you see the signs and like,

you're just going like, I don't know if he's going to win, but he's got a shot, man. And it's all these people. And it's really NAFTA, right? It's really was NAFTA.

That was just sort of the, the coup de gras for all these places in the rust belt. And this place is dead in the Rust Belt. And it's like these places used to manufacture stuff and we just, our greedy businessmen went, let's get a higher profit margin by going to big head countries where they pay 13 cents for the same work.

And some autocrat runs the country and he has the military at the factory with guns drawn. Say, is it time to change your diaper? That's the only break you can take because you're going to the bathroom in your diaper, and that's it. You have to eat while you stand, and you got to do 12, 15 hours,

and what are you, 11? Perfect. You can fit in this machine. You need somebody to do this in that machine. You're seven? Perfect. Get in there, booty boo. It's really what was signed,

the death certificate to America. You go to Rochester. I mean, dude, Rochester is a perfect example for me because there's two empty skyscrapers. Just empty. Empty. The Kodak and the Xerox building,

which are like iconic American companies. Rochester used to be booming. I mean, Detroit is the most well-known one, and there was a few empty buildings that they redid and they're trying to revitalize downtown. I guess these tech companies are moving to some of these places and advertising companies.

Didn't Tim move to Detroit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does he listen to this? Hi, Tim. Maybe he does. He might. What's up, Tim Matamor? So they're trying some things, but it's ugly out there man and i see it where does everyone

work they work at the school the universities and for the government you know that's it it's like amazon maybe amazon the government and schools those universities are the big employer there you know you go to syracuse it's like syracuse you take syracuse university out of syracuse, it's like Syracuse. You take Syracuse University out of Syracuse. It's just tranny meth heads. Troy, New York. Poughkeepsie was booming. When you go to Poughkeepsie, I was in Poughkeepsie recently, you can see Cleveland is one of the best examples. All the rich people were in Cleveland.

Cleveland is an incredible city. Obviously Detroit as well. And the list goes on and on and on and on and on. I mean, what are we talking about? D.C., Boston, New York, San Fran, San Diego, Austin, Dallas, you know, Houston, Miami. What else are we talking about? You know?

What other, like, flourish in Chicago? Chick gang. What else? What else, man? what else are we talking about you know what other like flourishing Chicago what else what else man you know you go to China it's like every one of their cities is like flourishing like I said we started the cities here and they finished them

in China and they did it quick so it's the Rust Belt you can get a, yeah, it's the Rust Belt and you can get a house for $13 in the Rust Belt. So, um, it's tough what's happening in these cities. And now San Francisco is like another casualty. Well, it shows you when there's one industry in a town, right? Like Detroit was one industry, one industry. And when that industry goes away, it's tough. Sanisco was a one industry town la one industry town they do have the big port in la though that's good for them that'll help

if you have a port that helps um i think savannah has a port great towards my love savannah savannah and charleston are just please don't touch charleston please just leave one city like charming and old like that but la i mean if the entertainment industry collapses i mean if this continues where they can just make anyone famous from anywhere you know some guy you know some guy out there on the outskirts of jacksonville florida just like hey man i'm shitting in my food and then you know i'm cooking today and he's like some fucking slow guy cooking meat he's got 40 million views and he's more famous than jennifer aniston i mean the internet has really not only democratized fame but also the location of fame you can get

famous and live everywhere the paul brothers are in puerto rico so they can not pay taxes they live there you know it's like you can be anywhere now. You don't have to be in LA anymore, which, uh, that's gotta be affecting LA in some way. I mean, you know, that's why this writer's strike went on for so long, right? Cause they were going like, we're not making any money. And the writers were going like, but I'm a writer. And they finally, I think they're reaching a deal. So congratulations to the writers. You guys are back in in business but you should start a podcast anyway as a ripcord start a podcast man you cannot depend on another pilot that won't get made um we're just in the era where a burke kreischer story is getting viewed as much as the tonight show so i it could happen la right new york will always be strong we got the big port

here all the chinese ships come in here all your plastic garbage gets dumped right here in red hook still right isn't there where all the big ships come in still i still see a bunch there yeah new york harbor although i bet you they go to california right yeah yeah they come from california over there yeah but we got a couple we got a couple i could smell the fried rice New York Harbor. Although I bet you they go to California, right? Yeah, they come from California. Closer over there, yeah. But we got a couple. We got a couple. I could smell the fried rice off the ships.

When I'm in Bay Ridge, you see the ships come through. That's a great thing about living in Bay Ridge is you can see all the cargo ships coming in. It's amazing. Yeah, it's amazing. It's still like today, in this day and age, that's still how they transfer goods. Still, that's the only way they can. It's the only way.

Because it's like, you can't put all that. That's the only way they can. Cause it's like, you can't put all that's too heavy for a plane. Or we could just make it here. Or we could make it here. From 2024. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. But you know what?

We gotta do, we got a little bit, right? I mean, I guess Elon Musk is putting some factories in Texas. That's good. Um, yeah, I mean, we have to do it. You gotta make stuff in your spot. I mean, how, I mean, how many podcasts and only fans pages are going to sustain us. How much comedy and porn can we do? I mean, it's really what it is, right? Service-based jobs, which is mostly bullshit,

with middlemen and all that. And now those are getting taken out by technology. So all those middleman jobs are getting taken out. There's no more travel agents. There's no more editor. I mean, it's just everything technology. So they're taking all that out. AI is taking all that out.

Technology is taking all that out. So there's like, what are the jobs left? Stand-up comedian and OnlyFans. That's it. And delivery. And delivery. Packages. It's about it.

And people making food. So you can always have a restaurant or whatever. But other than that, I mean, a couple lawyers are doing good. But, I mean, comedy managers, they're a lifeline for them. A lot of people don't have comedy managers anymore. It used to be unthinkable to not have a comedy manager. Just in my business, I can only imagine. I mean, stockbroker, you could just go on some app and do it, you know?

You don't need a stockbroker. So, I mean, these are all humans you could just go on some app and do it. You don't need a stockbroker. So, I mean, these are all humans that used to do this stuff. Now they're throwing robots everywhere. I mean, like robot cops. And it's just, there's nothing left to do. Try a podcast. Try one. You never know if it could hit.

Manly Girly Studios. Free shout out to you guys. Let's end on a fun story. First of there's bed bugs loose in paris but that's all i'm gonna say because who cares we've been dealing with bed bugs everywhere you got hipsters in paris welcome they're in there you're in those the hipsters bring them that's that's how you know that that's the smoke signal for hipsters is bedbugs. And so Marisa will be moving to Paris. But I think that's the least of your problems over there in Paris. I think there's some suburbs are burning constantly over there. And you got some assimilation problems and also some migration problems.

Dude, we destabilized the Middle East and it just sent like a flood of refugees into Europe. And those people don't just show up and go, bonjour. I can't wait to taste the croissant. They go, how can I make this area Syria? But they do that for one generation

and their kids go, bonjour. So it's fine. But I'm sure there's bigger problems for NATO and the European Union in America because the Pentagon says we're running out of money, we're running out of ammunition to give to the Ukrainians. We're given, I mean, the Ukraine and look, I support their cause. I think Russia and Putin is bad, but it is becoming evident now

that the Ukraine has sort of become like Bob Menendez's Armenian wife. She's just taken, taken, taken. And it may be bad because these are actual news articles out this week about the Pentagon going like we're running out of equipment, and then NATO's going that we're running out of ammunition to give to them. and then NATO's going, that we're running out of ammunition to give to them. Like what they don't understand is they don't watch this podcast. If NATO watches podcast, they would know that,

because I'm a history fan, right? I majored in history. That's why I did a previous podcast. It's my favorite animal was a hyena and I majored in history. And I will tell you, the one thing I know about Russians is they die by the millions. So they will just keep throwing bodies at death and Putin ain't

going to stop. So you got to have as many, are there as many bullets as there are Russians? I don't think so. Cause there's like a trillion of them. The Pentagon warns Congress is running low on money to replace weapons sent to Ukraine. And then also look at the NATO. So NATO says we're running out of ammo, which is funny. So you got bigger problems, France, than your bedbugs is what I'm trying to tell you. Western ammo stocks at quote unquote bottom of the barrel as Ukraine war drags on. And it's only been like two years, right?

NATO official warns. They're running out of bullets, dude. It's rough. What are you going to start throwing shoes at them like they're George Bush giving a speech? Rocks? I'm telling you, there's millions of Russians. They'll just keep dying. Putin will just keep sending them.

The developments are troubling news for Ukraine as the war with neighboring Russia is in its 20th month and raise questions over whether Moscow may feel able to outlast Western commitment promises. I got to turn my back on you now. Fredo, the bottom of the barrel is now visible. Oof. Admiral Rob Bauer of the Netherlands, the chair of NATO military committee and NATO's most senior military official. Why would you make this stuff public? So China can just hear we have no ammo and

they just go this will be a good time to attack taiwan oh god can everyone sedatives in the water please are you nervous about this oh me yeah as long as there's a fat person to sculpt you're fine a little bit yeah you're a little nervous though right well yeah i mean it's a little nerve-wracking it's got to end at some point it's ridiculous but to your question why would they make this public that makes me question the whole thing to begin with why would they make this public right maybe it's a maybe it's a false flag to give russia false hope or it's some sort of, we need more money. Military industrial complex needs more money. Right.

Or maybe they're putting it out there to tell Ukraine, like, hey, try to close the deal. Yeah. Or else. Right. We got to close the pocketbook. Let's start negotiating peace. Yeah. Who knows?

Yeah, but that's a good question. I don't know. But that's what's happening there. And so, future's looking bright. It's really looking bright now. McCarthy got ousted. So every podcast can be talking about that. It is what it is.

It's the first time that it happened in history. I got nothing to say about it, except for the fact that it's noteworthy news that McCarthy is no longer the speaker. He got ousted. It's never happened before in history. All I know is that when he was, yeah, it's a historic house vote. So he got, when he got ousted, when he got in, in right he had to agree to the ability to be ousted right he had to lower the thresholds he lowered the threshold of votes to if they wanted to oust them yeah and he did and they're like this guy's cooperative and then he got outed he got boosted he got booed he got booted they gave him the boot um and he was forced out by a bunch of hard right conservatives.

Now, these guys are Trumpers? Yeah, I think so. It's that guy, Matt Gaetz. It's your girl, the CrossFit. Oh, yeah. Neanderthal head. Yeah, the CrossFit fucker. And then the Beetlejuice one.

Oh, yeah, Lauren Bober. The anti-squad. Yeah, the handjob queen. The anti-squad. Yeah. The handjob queen. Yeah. The creme de la croix.

It's the end of the political line for McCarthy, says the AP, who has said repeatedly that he would never give up, but found himself with no options. He was cornered in a building, snorted a bunch of coke, and he started firing his Hollywood, comically big Hollywood-style gun at a bunch of invading Hispanics. Neither the right-flank Republicans who engineered his ouster nor the Democrats who piled on seemed open to negotiate. So some Dems wanted him out too. Now, why were they so complicit, some of the Dems?

It makes the Republicans look bad. Yeah, it just makes them look bad. They have infighting and that's all that, right? He's like, hey, you guys got the majority. So we can't do anything anyway. So we'll throw a couple votes your way and make you look like you're disorganized and not unified.

We only got, yeah. But each party now has their squad. So the right now has these hardcore Trumpers. And then the left has the squad. The squad. So the right now has these hardcore Trumpers. Um, and then the left has the squad, the squad. And according to a Gallup poll, 60% of Americans are in favor of a third party. I have an idea for a third party. That party should be an all trans party. All trans, right? And that will distract the country because then that will start a conversation.

Should trans politicians be allowed to vote with cis politicians? Is there an unfair advantage there? And I think there is. I think there's an unfair advantage for the trans politicians because their bone density is bigger. And so on and so forth. So maybe we'll see a third party what would you like to see a communist party social democrat party i like uh i like wang why no uh free money yeah free money yeah yeah yang so you're essentially for ccp party yeah yeah i want andrew yang and i want to he says

he's gonna give you a thousand bucks a month yeah i mean he says he's gonna a thousand bucks a month good and then if he doesn't give it to you you just say where's my money yeah a thousand bucks a month yeah i mean he says give me a thousand bucks a month's good and then if he doesn't give it to you you just say where's my money yeah yeah a thousand bucks a month to play with your robots to fuck your to fuck your uh ai chick yeah to to make noodles right a little leftover to buy some sneakers off the goat app a thousand a month i mean why wouldn't you vote and what's his called what's his party called beep Beep it. Yeah, I think so. Beep that one. Do you remember? What?

To beep him? Of course, because I had to listen back when I had it. Yeah, beep that. I will beep that. Cover my mouth, too. No, it's okay. You don't have to cover my mouth. I could just say a fork dropped.

And made some noises. So what would that party be? The free money party? Uh-huh. Yeah. It's the forward party. Forward party. Forward.

The forward party. We do need another party. The Green Party's out there, right? And what are they for? Besides spoiling elections. Green Party, right? You got... They uh therefore the environment right what did i remember how about rfk how about we get a new party um with rfk and tulsi gabbard

called we swear to god we're not republicans oh you got the libertarians libertarian how about the libertarians dave smith for president yeah libertarians let's go fucking balls to the wall no intervention from anything jail rules let's go libertarian no safety nets all charity let's depend on the selfish goodwill of humanity and see how laissez faire capitalism does like what we had in the fucking railroad days, baby. The Industrial Revolution. Laissez-faire. See what happens.

Are people greedy? Will the stock market crash? Is it inevitable that we'll have to bail out the economy with redistributed taxes from the people? I say we give it a go. I say we give the communists one go and we give the libertarians one go. We should set up on two sides of the country

and see which one does better. Dude, and make it a show. Film it. Like a game show, yeah. Or here's an idea I had in Fort Wayne, Indiana. We put native Hoosiers, native Indiandians, whatever they're called, inbred

rednecks, who make Larry Bird look like a model. We put them, we put rural farming Indiandians, Hoosiers, in a house with Purdue freshmen,

college students, and they can only talk about politics. That's a fun idea too. But I love this game show. The right side of the country, all Democrat. The left side of the country, all Republican. And see who's doing better. And then at that point, you just got to be quiet. Whoever wins, wins. And don't be a sore loser. Don't be a sore loser. They're coming for your guns. Build a basement. What's up everybody. Uh, I will be in red bank, New Jersey, October 14th. I think there's three single tickets left. That's it in separate spots. So if you want to go alone, get one of those. Austin is sold out. Thank you very much. I'll be in San Francisco, October 27th and 28th. Sony Hall, New York City, November 4th.

Two shows. Providence, Rhode Island, November 10th and 11th. Phoenix, November 16th and 17th. Spokane, Washington, December 1 and 2nd. Tulsa, December 8 and 9. Louisville, December 15th and 16th. Portland at Revolution Hall, January 11th. Vancouver, January 12th at Vogue Theater.

San Diego, American Comedy Company, February 23rd, 24th. The Royal Theater in Toronto, March 23rd. And the Comedy Club of Kansas City, October 11th through 13th. Guys, want to give a shout out to ExclusiveAutoshipping.com if you're buying your car out of state or you are shipping your car, moving. Hit them up for a free quote. Military and student discounts apply.

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