Yannis Pappas Hour - Baptized Live on NBC

Episode Date: May 26, 2023

Yanni & the gang explore the Christian revivals/awakings of the past and predict that another great one is coming. There’s a massive religious backlash coming. So, join us for instruction and delight. We’ll help you prepare and survive it.   See Yanni do stand up, live  Dates & Cities below Boston July 8 Poughkeepsie, July 21-22 Long Island Aug 17 Salt Lake City aug 4-5 Dallas Aug 24-26 Springfield l, MO sept 7-9 Calgary Sept 22–23 FORTË Wayne, Indiana Sept 29-30 Toronto Oct 7 Red Bank, NJ Oct 14 San Fran Oct 27-28 New York Nov 4 Providence Nov 10-11 Phoenix Nov 16-18 Spokane Dec 1-2 Tulsa Dec 8-9 Louisville Dec 15-16   Watch Yanni’s stand up special: https://youtu.be/ArlCFemEDvQ   Join our highlights page for highlight clips of every episode: https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykw   New episodes every Friday and new bonus episodes every following Tuesday at Patreon.com/yannispappashour

Hello, Fediverseans, fans of the Giannis Pappas Hour. I am Giannis Pappas. That's a very funny, hilarious young comedian, Jared Harvin, and the world's famous finger painter, Jesse Scaturo, with his new Jeffrey Dahmer glasses behind the keys of steel. Slowly keying away. We have an absolutely unbelievable promo for you. Free.

You guys like free stuff? Well, guess what? Right now, we are offering a free membership at Patreon at the $5 tier to become a Fediversean. Just go to patreon.com slash Janus Pappas Hour.

Join the free seven-day trial so you will get to access all the bonus content for free. The point of that is to get you to love it and stick around. We do so much fun stuff back there. Support the show. There's 1,000 of you there already. We love you so much.

I want to say thank you to those 1,000. And now we need another 1,000 because we're building our Spartan 300. You're having another kid. I'm having another kid, so we need a 3,000. Also, guys, how about some live dates? How you guys love this part. You can fast forward if you're not interested. The Wilbur Theater, July 8th.

Most of the tickets are gone. Come help me sell out that show, the Wilbur Theater. Laugh It Up in Poughkeepsie, July 21st through 22nd. Wise Guys in Jordan Landing, Utah. Basically Salt Lake City, August 4th, 5th. Paramount in Long Island. Tickets going good. August 17th, Long Island, Huntington. Then Dallas, Texas, August 24th, 5th, Paramount, Long Island. Tickets going good. August 17th, Long Island, Huntington.

Then Dallas, Texas, August 24th through the 26th. Springfield, Missouri, September 7th through the 9th. Calgary, Alberta, September 22nd, 23rd. Fort Wayne, Indiana, September 20th, 9th, and 30th. Toronto, some point. Red Bank, New Jersey, the Vogel, October 14th. San Francisco at Cobbs, October 27th and 28th. Big room.

Get those tickets now. Sony Hall, New York City, homecoming, November 4th. Providence, 10th and 11th in November. Phoenix, November 16th and 17th. Spokane, Washington, December 1st through 2nd. Tulsa, December 8th through 9th. Louisville, Kentucky, December 15th through 16th, and a Soul Joel gig in there sometime January, June 24th or something. Go to the Soul Joel

website or whatever out there in Royersford, Pennsylvania. Now enjoy this absolutely mind-blowing podcast episode for your pairing pleasure with working out at the gym or procrastinating at work or just stalking a girl in your car waiting for her to come out. Podcast goes good with all those things. I'm a podcast sommelier. Trust me. Enjoy this podcast where we delve deep into Christian revivals. Hey everybody, what's up? Politics and the propaganda. Get his kids screwed in. Got a lot to say. Ah, shit.

It's about to be a long day. It's a long day. It's a long day. Hey, everybody. What's up? Welcome to another episode of the Honest Papas Hour, where we're just trying to make sense of it all for you, to bring us all together, sit down, and have one big prayer session. Prayer meetup group.

I want prayer group chat. Prayer is coming back. Pray for me. I pray for you. Pray for a Coke. Pray for a smile. Pray for a Sprite. Was there a prayer Coke commercial at one point?

It was like a meditative Coke commercial. Yeah, but they almost flirted with the word pray for a Coke. There's nothing more beautiful than the commercialization of Christianity. That's right. Santa Claus. Santa Claus came around. Okay? Because listen, baby, I go into a goddamn Woolworths.

I don't know. I just made us 1950s kids. Because Woolworths was like the big store back then. You go into a, I don't know. Susan Robo. Yeah. I go into a Woolworths in the 1950s. You. You go to, I don't know. Susan Robo. Yeah, I go to Woolworth's in the 1950s. You go in.

I go in through the back. You go in through a different door of the Woolworth's with your parents. We're still in the same Woolworth, different part of it. Like a mosque. The guys are over here. The women are over here. Right? We're in Woolworth.

And you're the parent. You want to take your kid and give him the Christmas spirit. Right? And you can't just go oh son do you want to cross with a bleeding crucified jesus doesn't that bring out the holiday spirit and make you want to get under the mistletoe no no no no give me a fat old jolly jay larson looking superhero yeah i can fly through the sky no matter how fat and fucking drunk he is. Leave out cookies for him and give him type 2 diabetes.

Absolutely. Let's get cookies going. Let's get red suits going. And if you don't think they market research to red suit, you got another thing coming. Because red and blue

are strong colors that evoke emotions from each other. Santa was not going to have a turquoise Santa suit. No, yeah. Santa was not going to have a turquoise Santa suit. No, yeah. It was always going to be red. It wasn't going to look like turmeric, no.

It was never going to be turmeric color. It was never going to be orange. It was never going to be purple. Red. Red rain coming down. So you got to commercialize. You got to have meetings. You got to go, all right, look, let's get this prayer buck cooking.

Let's get a prayer buck. You know how to turn a prayer buck? Because, you know, one way you could do it is the grassroots way, which is you just hand out a bucket. You just go into a room and the little, the, it's almost like the church conductor comes around You know that, you're a Long Island kid You've been on the LIRR

Yes, sir When you see the guy with the big gut And the shirt a little freppled Coming out of his pant with his fucking hat on Your first thought is going Why are we still doing this? It's not 1930 I don't have to be in a different car anymore

I don't have to shop at Woolworths Why are you still wearing a train conductor uniform? All you're doing is correcting tickets. Correcting tickets. I meant to say collecting tickets, but my Asian heritage came out, and I said correcting. I spent a couple years in Taiwan.

Unfortunately, collecting turned into correcting. You're going, why are we still wearing those uniforms? But he comes around, and he pokes a fucking hole in the ticket. You always think there's a way that you can get away with it. You're like, how do I just sit here? How do these guys keep track of all these tickets? But somehow they do. I don't even understand how that system works.

It's a poke hole system. And somehow they keep track of wherever you are. Like you couldn't just grab another girl's ticket, move it over. I don't fucking know. Everyone pays. If you don't pay for your ticket, you go't just grab another girl's ticket, move it over. I don't fucking know. Everyone pays. If you don't pay for your ticket, you go to jail in Long Island. Yeah.

Which is redundant because you already live in a jail, which is called Long Island. All from an act that your daughter can do at Arts and Crafts. Absolutely. They even use

an Arts and Crafts fucking thing. Yeah. It's a grown man in a uniform coming around going... Making a smiley face on an emoji on a piece of paper.

Yeah. Those are the conductors that got the extra charisma trying to make their jobs happy. Like, yeah, you got picked last at dodgeball when you were younger, weren't you? Yeah, or he's just a little slow. Slow guys have a good time. Slow guys are always having a good time. Because it's a job that a slow guy can't do.

And there's no security on the train. Anything can happen on a train. I was sent a video of there just some gang shooting on the train. Some guy was getting off. Some guy blasted him in the back of the head. The conductor's not there because he's busy collecting people's paper tickets and making smiley faces on them. He's got a uniform, but he can't help you.

You know? So, I mean, it's he's so the guy, the guy who collects the money at the church is kind of like the church conductor. You think you're getting a free ride because you just get on the train. And here's the deal. If you've got to only go one stop, sometimes you can get away with it. Sometimes they don't come around for that one stop. So you can make it from Syosset to maybe wherever's closest to Syosset. Garden City, maybe?

Garden City to Syosset. Maybe you could go one stop without the train conductor coming around asking for your ticket. So you ride free, right? If you go to only 15, 20, 30 minutes of the service, you leave, you can get the service for free. Missed the cycle. service, you leave, you can get the service for free. It's the cycle. But if you're there from minute 17 past, because they do a couple of shifts now, right?

They do a couple of shifts. They come around. They come around early. They come around with those baskets. Train Nazis. They pass this. And I like the ones where they don't trust the pay. Like there's the baskets that they just hand you the basket and then you take the basket.

And what you can do there is people throw money in the basket, and as you pass it, you can just take money out and put a dollar in and make change for yourself. That's very young Christian. Yeah, so in the Greek churches where nobody trusts anybody, there's a big pole attached to that thing. And the guy just, he hands it out like a ladle, and he just pulls it and just retrieves money soup from everybody and watches the whole

time make sure there's no greek thieves trying to make change for post-church diner money ain't gonna happen so is that a bucket on the end of a pole it's a bucket on the end of a pole it's like you're fishing what are you guys collecting cherries it's collecting tribute he just puts it in front of your face and you got to put money in there? Yeah, and then he spins it a few times and then you see that the physics of it keeps the money in there. And you go, whoa, Jesus.

That's what I would do. I'd have a routine. That's interesting because the fact that there's not more Greeks in lacrosse baffles me. Yeah, there should be. That's a good point. I would have a routine, though. I would twist it a few times

and hope that the money stayed in. Make some churches for the kid. Put it on the kid. Like, take the money out. Use the basket as a hat that goes on one of the kids. Whoa, look at that. It's like an ancient Greek boppet. Yeah.

I'd make a little show out of it. I'd try to get some tips on the side. Now, how long did you have to put the money into the basket, though? Like five seconds, ten seconds? You're supposed to have it ready. You're supposed to know what the deal is. And you can put money in right you can't that's the social pressure right that's why collecting tips is so good that's why they've now added tips to every single screen no matter what you go get a cup of coffee you gotta you know thank god they turn it to you now

so you can at least but when it was like both there and you're like, all right, here's $4. Here's the mortgage of my house. You did turn around and pour coffee into a cup for me. Like now they're asking for tips all the time. Yeah. Yeah. It's a colonoscopy tip. Yeah.

It's just, it's out of control. It's an out of control, but it does make for good service. People are trying to get service. Even Jesus too. He's got to throw on for good service. People are trying to get service. Even Jesus, too, has got to throw in a good service. You know backstage you're going, hey, man, we got some heavy rollers coming in tonight. You know?

You know the family that owns a couple Applebee's franchises down the road are coming in tonight. So let's put our best foot forward and get those baskets out there. Let's get this Holy Ghost circulating. Moving. Let's get this Holy Ghost circulating. Moving. Let's move this Holy Ghost a little bit and get some bucks. Yeah. Let's turn a Christian dollar.

Let's turn a goddamn Christian dollar. This country, America, was founded on Judeo-Christian principles. Don't you love hearing that? It was founded on Judeo-Christian principles. Now, what does Judeo mean? Judeo means Jewish people. Ah, okay. So the difference between the Christians and the Jews

is that the Jews... The Jews are wrong and the Christians are right. It's a small difference. One's right, one's wrong. One's going to heaven, one's going to hell. One represents the devil. One represents the sweet angelic white dove

of peace in the sky. The Holy Trinity, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The self-contained symbiotic family of Christianity. And then there's just the nebbish Jew God. No hell, no heaven. Just make it or break it.

Get into tapestries and move on up. Create an immigrant community and thrive. Meanwhile, the Jews do not take donations at temple. Irony sometimes hits you in a weird place. Now, do you think they do that because they don't want the stereotype hitting? Or do you think they do it in a different way? Maybe that's what they market it out. It's like, come here.

It's free. Don't worry. Sit down. Enjoy the baraka, the toys. Enjoy the wafers. Enjoy the shiver wine. But then there's like a quarter to get into the bathroom stall. Yeah, have your Woody Allen type affair.

Yeah, but then everything else is monetized. This seat costs $3. Yeah, everything is a machine. You go to get your Old Testament and you gotta go into a vending machine. Hey, everybody's gotta make a couple of shekels around here.

This has gone off the rails quick. So for the first part of our ceremony, everybody, if you have forgotten your head mask, your head frisbee, if you forgot your hair frisbee, we are selling them in the back of the synagogue. And here's the good news. Here's the good news. We want to get you on a plan. Some of you are forgetful. Some of you are confined and forgetful.

Guess what? We have a membership where you can just take one of ours every time you come in on a Saturday because on a Sunday the Lord rested. If you come in on a Saturday because on a Sunday the Lord rested. If you come in on a Sabbath, on a Sabbath, maybe Jews are neurotic and have anxiety because they got to go to church on fucking Saturday.

That's when everyone's partying. That's got to be tough. That's really got to be tough. I would have anxiety too. Also staring into a plate of lo mein when everyone's out there under the mistletoe drinking fucking reindeer cum. It's gotta be tough.

They love Chinese food though. Chinese food's not gonna cut a nice goddamn fake Chinese tree in your house with prezzies under from Brookstone. I want a new massager. Yeah. Yeah, I want a nice give me a nice goddamn Applebee's gift certificate. I want a new massager Yeah Yeah I want a nice Give me a nice God damn Applebee's gift certificate

I want a I want 10 Two for 20 meals in a row You're a dad now So you're just gonna get pajamas every year Give me some slippers And a god damn Giant's can opener

Are you kidding me That beats a That beats Chicken fried dumplings Any single day of the week Brought to me by some Chinese waiter in a dirty black tuxedo with black running shoes. That hates me. That absolutely hates me.

It's great service, though. Yeah. The worse the service, the better the food. Really? Sometimes. You think so? With a Chinese restaurant or Asian restaurants? Yeah.

Yeah. I've never been to an Asian restaurant where the service was friendly. You're right, I wouldn't trust the food. Why are you guys being friendly? What's going on with the walk situation back there? Waitress spit in my water. I was like, a little man here is great. Have you ever had a Chinese waiter or waitress who was not completely cold?

They're so indifferent to you. It's like they slap on your noodles and your duck sauce in the front, hot mustard. They come, you take your order. Okay. They take it quick. Matter of factly,

they treat you like you're getting your oil changed. The worst is when you go to, it's like, it's like I'm at a Jiffy Lube. Yeah. Maybe a little smile or something. That's, they're not soft.

They're not empathetic at all. No. They just assume things about you. The worst when you go to a Chinese restaurant that also has a buffet, and they assume that you come in for the buffet. You want buffet? Fat ass? Buffet?

Buffet, right? Buffet, right? Yeah. I just wanted some crab legs. Buffet. Fat ass. Buffet. Now, when you walk in, do they just automatically just place a Frank's red hot sauce on the table?

automatically just place a Frank's red hot sauce on the table. I mean, I used to go to lunch with this black chick that I worked with. It was just me and her. We were the personal assistant to this con artist. And I think I might have talked about it in the podcast. We'd go get Chinese. And it was the first time I'd seen she had hot sauce in her purse. It was the first time I'd seen it. We'd go get Chinese and it was the first time I'd seen she had hot sauce in her purse. It was the first time I'd seen it.

We'd go get the Chinese. We'd get General Tso's or whatever or sesame and she would light it up and guess who else would light it up? I would light it up. And guess how much

she liked me? She would let me light it up with her Frank's Red Hot. Yeah. Because the Chinese hot sauce is like a weird jelly type of hot sauce. Now you want the Frank's Red Hot.

Yeah. You want that regular. Nobody likes Tabasco. I don't know why Tabascos are in diners. Nobody likes it. Too vinegary. Too vinegary. Everyone likes Frank's Red Hot.

Yeah. I say give me the black people hot sauce. Of course. Give me that Big Mama's. She lets you put hot sauce on her food. She let me take her bottle. Okay. And g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g food, she let me take her bottle and get on mine.

Oh, okay. That's like being an honorable member in the NAACP. It is. I mean, it's like basically like getting a hood pass. I think I can stroll through the hood after that. Is that the dude that shared Shaquina's hot sauce? Yeah, he's good. I think I'm

just good at that point. I feel like I could roll through any neighborhood and be like, how y'all feeling? Y'all good? And people would be all right with that. Do you know that's in a commercial now? Yeah. Drewski.

Yeah, Drewski. How y'all feeling? Y'all good? My friend sent it to me like, oh, Jeremy walks on stage. Now, the Black Church is the minor leagues for R&B singers. Of course. Yeah.

They really, you do, you spend some time in the church, and then you leave the church and become a multimillion dollar recording artist who doesn't live, let's say, a very church-like life at that point. You know? You hear about all these guys that started in the church, like I think Ike Turner, the list goes on of people starting a church. Maybe even James Brown, right?

They started singing in churches. Rick James, perhaps. Then the next thing you know, they're living out there in that world, and they bring all that church soul out into the world, and then they start doing cocaine. So it's a nice combination of black Holy Spirit. Because let me tell you something.

Black Holy Spirit is different. It's different. I've been to a church of God in Christ. It's different. That fucking like, you know, that sort of like oppressed community Holy Ghost is different. It means something. Yeah. If somebody wants to get saved, you see some thug

walk up to the front and shit like that. Everyone's emotional. There's a drum going and they save his ass or whatever and he wants to get saved that day or cleaned up, whatever it's called, right? Yeah. Some dude's been sinning. He walks to the front. Baptized. Baptized. He comes out. He dude's been sinning. He walks to the front. Baptized. Baptized. He comes out.

He wants to do a test. He wants to protest. And that shit gets you emotional. You feel emotional. Whatever's happening in there, it's drumming up some emotions. It makes you feel like a woman. You're having emotions in there. You get moved by that preacher.

I can see why preachers fuck so much pussy. Because he gets them worked up in some performance. Yeah. It's like watching a show. Like Elvis when he did his comeback special. Absolutely.

And they got nice clothes on. Fucking gator shoes. $400. A nice tailored suit made right down the fucking road by the guy who's in the third row with jerry curls. He's got his own church suit shop.

Mm-hmm. And the preacher just fucks. He takes you down for coffee and cake, and he gets you right there in the linen closet. Bangs you out. And he calls you Miss Something, right? Miss Something. Mm-hmm.

Miss Something. You banging on Miss Barrel? Uh-huh. Miss Williams? Miss Williams? I heard the preacher been fucking Miss something. Miss something. You banging on Miss Barrel? Uh-huh. Miss Williams? I heard the preacher been fucking Miss Williams. Yeah. Uh-uh. Preacher been fucking Miss Williams.

Miss Williams is no good. She's up to no good. The preacher always has like a rag to wipe their face with. Yeah. That's how you know they're good. Patting them down. Yeah. The only place you can see that is either at a black church Or a black comedy show

True Yeah Tony Roberts used to come up there With like Four rags He looked like he was a guy Who'd dry your car At the end of a car wash

He would show up With like eight rags And just be patting himself down Like he was a car That just went through it It was a comedy show Or housekeeping Absolutely

It looked like He was gonna clean my kitchen Yeah It's a big tradition in America. You know, the Republicans always say Judeo-Christian tradition. We wouldn't be a country without it, even though I think the founding fathers were pretty clear that they wanted separation of church and state.

Very clear. And our government is based on a tri-cameral checks and balances system with church out of it. They don't even get taxed. Freedom of religion. It's your business. And it's based on common law. And more Greece and Rome than anything.

Right? And John Locke than anything. Inalienable rights. John Locke. The writers of the Enlightenment. So I don't know. But it was founded by Judeo-Christian people So maybe that's what that means

So I think we're a more secular country I think that the proof's in the pudding, right? Like women can talk Which I'm not saying is a good thing I'm just saying Shows that we're a secular country That they can run off at the mouth Show their boobies

Dance around Drive Drive These bitches can get jobs Become men They can become men show their boobies, dance around. Drive. Drive. These bitches can get jobs. Become men. They can become men. Is there a bigger privilege?

You know, they can talk out of turn. They can win money in divorces. They can divorce you. They can complain when you come up from your basement when you grab a Brooklyn Cannery and say that you're waking up your daughter. You can do that. I mean, that didn't happen in the Middle Ages. You go right into Gaul, right?

Go to Gaul in 1365 and see what a bitch could do. All a bitch could do was milk a fucking mule and get the babies right and change cloth diapers. And catch bubonic plague. And have a muff on your vatch vatch. Change cloth diapers. And catch bubonic plague. And have a muff on your vatch vatch. And hope that people on horsemen,

whatever vagabond group of marauding, Asiatic conquerors were coming through, didn't come through and raped every woman and children in the spot. Really hope and pray. Dog, you look out your window and you hear horse hoofs without unfariered horse hoofs. Yeah. And you see a fucking Asiatic guy with a long head or a fucking bad guy in a Bruce Lee movie ponytail. You're in Trub Trub.

The Mongols are here. There's no Sam Goubert there to save you. Dog, you look out your window and you're in Gaul, old France. You look out your window as a farm wife. You see a bunch of dudes dressed as genies with fucking crooked swords. And an old time bed nap hat on. You know those nap hats? Yeah.

You're in trub-trub. The fucking Arabs are coming to get you. They're on rugs, flying, with curly shoes like the Iron Sheik. And one of them's playing an accordion. Absolutely, Doug. They're throwing hummus into the mouths of their horses. You smell baba ghanoush in the air. And you hear...

Get ready! Because you're in Trump Trump and you're about to get pillaged and raped. That was all you could do back then. Hope and pray. You know? The Muzzies and the Christies would go to war over back and forth, you know. And I think the Muslims in the seven-game series, I think they won. Because that's what it was.

It was the finals. It was the Christian crusades. And I think overall, the Muzzies won. I don't remember if it was four to three. It was a bunch of battles. And I'm serious. Could have been five to four. We should look it up.

But at the end of the day, the muzzies did take us. But then guess what? We did come back and take them by forming America in between the Atlantic and Pacific ocean safe in our Judeo Christian values and our cracker barrel fuel. We're good to go. As long as we can get ourselves some grits and go to a

mega church to watch a guy named Creflo Dollar. We're good. We are good to go. As long as my boy closes his eyes. What's his name? Houston. Joel Osteen. As long as Joel Osteen, when he closes his eyes, you see, he's got to close his

eyes because he's going like, I can't believe they're buying his shit. His eyes. If you ever He's got to close his eyes because he's going like, I can't believe they're buying this shit. His eyes. If you ever watch him preach, you'll notice he's... And then Jesus said, with his little jerry curl mullet and his crispy white teeth, brand new Air Force One looking teeth.

So white. And his beautiful wife can rake in millions with 250 behind the wall of a urinal. Look at those pearly whites in Houston. We're safe. Your super bloom season. It may be rising in your life now,

but there's a super bloom in your future. God's favor is going to make things happen that you could have never seen without the rain. So if you're sitting right there in your hospital bed, stage four cancer, don't you worry. Just send $25 to joelolstein.net. Yeah. And we will donate that money to building,

building bathrooms in Uganda. Of course, on the way to Uganda, that money will take a little bit of a haircut and a bath so it looks good when it gets to Uganda. Of course, on the way to Uganda, that money will take a little bit of a haircut and a bath so it looks good when it gets to Uganda. We don't like money to show up woofin'. We like it nice and coiffed and shaved. So we'll trim a little bit off the top

and we'll wash a little bit. We'll wash and we'll launder a little bit of that money into the coffers of Joel Osteen's personal God-fearing Chase, J.P. Morgan Chase account. You know these banks just have those accounts. They got those accounts that they just look the other way,

and they go, this is Joel Osteen's account. Joel Osteen every week comes in with a bucket full of shekels, dumps them in, and goes, hey, man, you wash my back, I wash yours. What do we call this account? What do we call it? We can't call it a slush fund account because that's too honest. What do we call it? Do we call it for the children?

Is there something going on with children? You throw the word children in there, you can, this account is the children. You form a little LLC, form a little nonprofit called the Children's Are the Future. Cancer, you throw that word in there. Well-being, how about Children's Well-Being Endowment Fund. That's all you need. Children's Well-Being Endowment Fund of Houston proper. If you put children

and well-being, you can put whatever you want after that. You can put children, well-being, Lamborghini, Stacey Adams, anything you want. It works.

Fine. Because you started with children and well-being. That's fine. And people are like, you know what? I'm in. I'll look the other way.

I don't want to know what's going on with that fund. You deposit, you take out, you do what you do. You write it off. It's a non-profit. I'm not asking you to do're doing it for nonprofits. It's a lot of money you're

raising. It's a lot of money getting raised. Because here's the deal. When you don't officially sell something to someone, you're a nonprofit. But you are still selling them something, but it's not considered a sale. It's considered a donation. So if you want to avoid taxes, just consider it not a subscription to Patreon.com Salon G House, Papa's Hour. Just consider it, please, a donation. That way I won't pay any

taxes on it. This is a religious donation. You are here. I'm a fucking religious leader. I'm starting a church called Feta Cesar. Fentecostal. Fentecostal Fetacostal. Fetacostal. Fetacostal. Welcome to the Fetacostal Church.

We will take your $5 donations where we will be preaching to you behind the paywall, behind where the devil can get us. The devil can't reach us behind the walls of Patreon. Those guys are unbelievably charismatic. It's a massive skill to be able to steal and rob people of their money with them thinking you're helping them in some way. Yeah. Honestly, you'd think people would look the other way when they put their Venmo in their sermon.

Yeah, I mean, these guys have just gotten caught so many times. It's just blatant at this point. At this point, they've gotten to... I'm almost... That they continue to work. Give them credit, dog. I mean, they are, you know, you can't cancel one of these guys. I mean, this dude right here, Mr. Joel Osteen. I mean, he got three, you know, he closed during Katrina.

I was about to call it Farina. During Katrina. Because I love Farina. Yeah, I love Farina, too. Give me some. Those are grits, right? Yeah. Breakfast grits. Yeah, yeah, I love Farina. Yeah, I love Farina too. Give me some. Those are grits, right? Breakfast grits. Yeah, you can say that.

Is Farina just white people's grits? No, no, no. That's polenta. Polenta. Polenta's white people's grits. Yes, that's correct. Well, polenta is to grits. What a cookout is to a bar.

Why do people have something that they call barbecues? We're having a cookout? No, we're having a barbecue. They don't call it a barbecue. We're barbecuing. Clan meeting. We're barbecuing, I think. We're barbecuing.

We're grilling. Thank you. It's grilling. Thank you. It's grilling. That's what it is. Grilling. Black people having a cookout. Black people have a barbecue. White people are grilling.

We're going to be grilling today. So come over about four. We're going to be grilling. We got some halibut. We got some vegetables on the top tier grill. As I said, we got some zucchini. We got some grilled zucchini. And to your grill. Some zucchini. As I said, we got some zucchini. We got some grilled zucchini. And we have some halibut.

We paste a little butter on the halibut. And please bring your own compost. And we have Purina. We have a side of Purina. Yeah, we're going to be feeding cats. We have Purina. Farina. It's milled wheat.

Popular in the United States. It's just like Christian revivals Yeah Farina's great Christian revivals Farina Mega churches You know It's all part of our culture

And it's cyclical And we do kind of bounce from one foot to the next Where we go from rational Reason Cynical Evidence based Scientific back to faith. And we do that kind of... Religious pinball.

We do that pinball. And you see that through history too, right? It was like the Renaissance came after the Dark Ages. And then after the Renaissance, another Christian revival. It's faith and reason. Faith and reason are constantly playing pinball. And it comes to trends where everyone goes reason, and then every button goes faith.

And I think what happens is everyone goes reason when times are good. When times are good, people are like, yeah, shut up, dog, because pre-Sherlock you're going to burn and heal. You're shitting. And you're like, yeah. And I'm having a good time with it. I'm having a good time with it. I'm having a good time with it. I can afford

horse. I can afford steaks. I'm getting rich now. Listen, I don't care if I'm going to hell because this McRib tastes fantastic. I have money. So teach me how to get rich. So in America, there's this rich time. And you can tell by there was a time in history where

the two most famous books at that time were really indicative of like what was going on, right? One was at one point, it was Benjamin Franklin's like How to Get Rich Almanac, right? He had some book called like Get Rich Quick. It was basically

like he was Andrew Tate of his day. He was teaching you how to get super cars, except they were going to be super kites. The way to wealth. The way to wealth. Ben Franklin on money and success. I think this was like the first fucking bullshit book on how to pad your wallet.

This was like the first 48 laws of power was Ben Franklin sitting around fucking bored, being like, yo, this is what happened. Probably society got very feminized and Ben Franklin was like, I got to get these dudes out there being masculine and making money again. All right, y'all,

this is how you're going to get those super buggies. You want a super buggy with a real fucking stallion racehorse on it? Not that pussy feminine shit? Let me tell you how to do it. All right, you get rich or fucking die trying. All right, what you got to do is you got to fucking get yourself a fucking, and back then you were probably like, all you got to do it Alright You get rich or fucking die trying Alright What you gotta do Is you gotta fucking get yourself a fucking

And back then you were probably like All you gotta do is get yourself a fucking cotton field And then get yourself a couple of employees You know what I'm saying Stop with this pussy shit Let's get strong Yeah he's like If you don't have the 40 acres and the mule by 22

You're a failure You're a failure Where's your 22 You need a mule You ain't got a fucking mule What are you doing You sitting around You're a failure. You're a failure. Where's your 22? You need a mule. You ain't got a fucking mule. What are you doing? You sitting around? You're not working out?

You're not fucking working out? You're not doing churn butter workouts? You're not doing three finger pushups before supper? Nobody called it dinner back then. It was supper. Yeah. What you doing, man? Read my book, y'all.

Benjamin Franklin. It's called The Way to We'all Benjamin Franklin It's called The Way to Wealth Benjamin Franklin On Money in 60 How funny is it That there was a Fucking self-help book

In what year? 17 Something February 7, 2011 Yeah Benny Franklin got cloned I assume it was sometime In the 1700s, right? Because that's when that fatty lived.

He was a little bit of a fatty with a fat face. I think he got syphilis as well. How are you going to make a self-help book if you died at the age of 33? That's right. He actually lived a little bit. I think he was one of the ones. He went a little longer. But what did he do?

He flew a kite. He got electrocuted by it. He signed the fucking declaration, right? He did a lot of shit. He was like a scientist. He was a real smart guy. But he was just around mainly? He never got in the office? He was just around. You know, he did famously say I think when they asked him why he didn't run for president he did say because just wanting the job would be suspect

enough. So he was kind of like an honest guy. But I think he also banged whores. But does that make you a bad guy? No. He was a political philosopher. He was a founding father. He signed the Declaration of Independence. He drafted it. He was the first postmaster general. Sixth president of

Pennsylvania. I didn't know that. He discovered electricity, right? Like, he figured that shit out. I mean, he was a real renaissance man. These guys were a little smarter than we are today. They're a little smarter. You go on Twitter, it's just a little smarter. It was a trade-off. Right now, everyone's just listening to a bunch of fucking college dropout dipshits on Twitter accounts that just critique and complain

because they have no idea how to build or sustain anything. So they build a following off of critiquing and complaining fucking third-rung articles that they read from other schmucks who also haven't done anything. They don't get the balls to fucking run a country and be in the Illuminati. Do you know how hard it is to keep this shit going? It's like, yeah, okay, you're complaining about the war in Iraq. Do you have a better idea, guy who dropped out of a community college with a Twitter account? Yeah, stop complaining about sovereign state if you can't spell sovereign.

Exactly. I mean, what the fuck? These people right now, we're just a culture of people burning it down. You know, they're just getting followers because they're going like, this is what's wrong with it. And you're going like, all right, dog, there's always something wrong with it. What's your solution? I don't give a fuck. I pay for that.

Fuck, it's all bullshit. Fuck it, it's all bullshit? I don't give a fuck. I ain't got to pay for that. Fuck, it's all bullshit. Fuck it, it's all bullshit. It's all going to shit. Everyone's just going, it's all going to shit. And they're doing it for their own pocket. And people are following them. But these people have no idea what they're talking about because they've never built anything. They don't know what it takes to build something.

So listen to me. Because I'm building. Listen to us. We're building a podcast. We're building something completely inconsequential that has no value to anything. And we're also sitting here doing exactly what I just said they're doing. Ripping people apart to bring them together. We're all fucking stupid. We're pretty stupid.

We just asked, what did Benjamin Franklin do? He's one of the most famous, not just American figures, but worldwide. Didn't he also ambassador to France a little bit? He did a little bit of everything. And from the looks of it, he served my lunch. I mean, he does look like a lunch lady. Yeah. He looks like a lunch lady.

Looks like he likes lunch, too. Yeah, he looks like, you're like, where's your hairnet, Bertha? Put your hairnet back on. You forgot your hairnet. I don't know if he knows more about Pennsylvania or Sloppy Joe's. I don't want any pieces of your hair getting in the piggies in the blanket going out today on Tuesday at PS379.

He wrote Poor Richard's Almanac, which was another one. So it was around the 17-somethings. Oh, yeah, that's right. Newspaper editor. I think that was his start-off point. Oh, yeah, he did that. And also the kite shit, right? He flew a kite and discovered electricity. Yeah, he got electrocuted and probably thought he turned gay. Yeah, he figured out how to

do light bulbs and stuff. Also, they found 10 bodies in his basement, which was a wild thing. Also, maybe he was murdering in his basement, which was a wild thing. Also, maybe he was murdering people, or maybe he was doing anatomy experiments on them, and he buried them there. But it was a little weird that they found like 10 fucking skeletons buried in his basement.

Also, maybe he was doing a little clown work on the side and then fucking killing people with a killer knot that they couldn't get rid of. Maybe he was the first John Wayne Gacy, the first self-help fucking douchebag. He was a lot. He was just trying to practice his autopsies. And he died of syphilis, I think, right?

He went the way of... Didn't he die of something very undignified? How do you get syphilis? You put your dick in a dirty fucking stank hole. I see. That's how you do it. You get in there and you go, something's wrong with this fish, but you eat it anyway. Either that how you do it. You get in there and you go, something's wrong

with this fish, but you eat it anyway. Which I've done. Jarrow like this. What's that? He suffered from gout. Oh, he had gout. Gout, wow.

It worsened as he aged. He was in poor health during the signing of the U.S. Constitution in 1787. He lived a long time though And he died from a pleuritic attack Whatever the hell that is

He was 84 Which back then is like 170, right? His last words were A dying man can do nothing easy To his daughter after she suggested he change positions in bed And lie on his side So he could breathe more easily he's like bitch even when they were in those distressed moments they spoke more

poetically back then yeah because now i would have been like fucking shut up gianna i'm dying yeah just shut up i can't move i would like where's the uber eats order yeah it's like these guys were almost aware that they were like being recorded in history and they wanted everything to be elegant. You know? They were like, all right. He's so aware. He's like, this could be my dying word. Recording.

Like the way we film shit now, like, yo, get a film. Make sure it's monetized. He was going like, yo, get my scribe. Get ready. I'm going to look at my daughter. I'm going to hit this once. I'm doing one take. Write it down.

And he went, ugh. And he got up and he went, uh, nothing. A dying man can do nothing easy. And then he, uh, he groped. Beautiful. When I die, I'm going to be like, oh, fuck, I shit my pants.

Ha! And then you hear the death rattle. That last breath. No more oxygen. And it just goes out The lights go out The lights go out Like they are on this party This party's ending

Because I think these cycles are inevitable And I think I've become as much a believer Now Because when we were growing up We were coming off of Sort of Everyone was, everyone was religious. There was no parents that weren't religious. His jack-off generation,

your parents' jack-off generation called the boomers. Hippies. The fucking hippies. They were the ones that ran away from the church, fucked it up, started throwing syphilis around, they went up to cabins. They were sharing shit.

They were smoking dust. They were against the government. They were yelling at cops. They were rioting. They were trying to tear it all down because there were so many of them, and they were throwing a temper tantrum because they didn't want to work. That's what it is. They didn't want to work, these goddamn hippies and yippies.

So his parents' generation, I take it your parents are younger a little. 65, 64. Not boomers. They're after boomers. What are they? They're in between, Gen X. Maybe Gen, yeah. They're not Gen X.

No, we're Gen X. Yeah, they're in between boomers and Gen X. Yeah, you're like to whatever. Their parents, and so is your parents' generation. Because my parents were older, so my parents were not boomers. They were above boomers. Greatest generation? They were the greatest generation, I believe.

Made that for World War and Korean War. That's World War II, the greatest. Yeah, I think Korea was right close. Yeah, 1950 was just the doo-wop generation. 1950. 1950. So that generation ripped it all down. Yeah, 1950 was just the doo-wop generation 1950 So that generation ripped it all down It tore it all down So we came up as like, oh, it's not cool

It's not cool What's cool is like going to hear Eddie Murphy curse And like, that's cool And like getting money And wow, look at all these people with money MTV Cribs, everyone's got money And now it's gotten so extreme and shameful And like so opulent and it's almost inevitable.

Can't you feel that rubber band about to smack back right in the back, right in the back of the Kardashians' heads? The rubber band is just being pulled right now and it's going to snap right back and they're just going to whack. They're going to get whacked right in the back of the head. Rubber on rubber.

That fucking Christian rubber band is just gaining tension. Someone's going to let it go. That someone's going to be Carl Lentz. He's going to let it go. The disgraced preacher. But don't you feel, I think it's time for another revival. America has had a couple of Christian revivals, and they happen when communities are poor.

That's when you turn to the church. You don't got food, so you got the spiritual, and you all pull together, and that's when the preachers are really good, because they're also poor. It almost becomes comical when a church gets rich. It's comical. It's almost like when a comedian gets rich and they get on social media

and they're like, don't you hate? All right, I'm being a little too specific. It doesn't work is what I'm saying. It becomes comical. You're a multimillionaire at this point. It's almost impossible for you to continue to be funny. There's no struggle for you anymore. Now you got to figure out some deeper meaning or give it back.

You got to start over. Yeah, you got to start fresh. You've won the Monopoly game. You can't keep conquering. I mean, how does that feel? I mean, it was a joke. I love the guy. He liked my stuff.

Yeah, he likes it. It was just you can't be so big and continue to do comedy. My private jet didn't work today. Yeah, bro. I'll do another one. My fucking private jet didn't work today. Once you have Robert De Niro playing your father, you got to. You're at the top.

You're at the top. It's the same thing with church. When churches get so rich. I remember we would go into the church thing with church. When churches get so rich, I remember we would go into like the church I went to. First of all, we, the church we were from was a church in Brooklyn, but my parents were little immigrant climbers.

So, and they wanted to go to the church in the city where the richer people were so they could fucking network and get more business. You know, the Christian way, the way Jesus would have done it Let's go to the richer church Where there's more money We can make more money

Because that's what Jesus Jesus was Andrew Tate Jesus wanted you to get more money And more hoes Did you have good church clothes And bad church clothes? I had one church suit That smelled like incense

Because it's just because there's no oxygen in a Greek Orthodox church. There's hums in ancient Greece. Hums. Hymns. Well, hymns sounds like a guy. So it's more gender neutral. It's a hum. There's a lot of hums. And awful deacons.

They were great, but they just don't sing great. It sounds like they got a nasal infection. They're like... It's exactly how it sounds. Yeah. Sounds like a gator call. Yeah. I don't know how that became spiritual.

Then you go to one black church, you're like, oh, shit. They're like, it's Jesus. Yeah, a black church, you can just feel the spirit from outside the church. You really can. You hear that drum banging, that tambourine going. You really do feel it more. Yeah, you start to involuntarily twerk before you walk through the door. You do.

Did you go to a black church or a Latin church? No, I went to a non-denominational church. My church was in the basement of another church. Now, what does that mean, non-denominational? It's like a community college? Like everyone's in there? Everyone's accepted, you know? And it means that you're going to have a day-old Linzer tart for a snack after the church.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ain't no money in that racket. So you didn't go to an affluent church No not really So you probably had like real services Yeah I did Yeah Am I right

It's kind of like church becomes popular Church is a trend too And it usually happens when things get too opulent And people start to feel like We gotta pull it back a little bit Right We all start feeling a little guilty About how wild we're going

And that's when the Charlton's come in. And they start pitching to fucking Faith. And they hop on Instagram with Justin Bieber. And they're like, we're here. We're chill. We're Jesus. It's a pendulum. We're in Williamsburg.

Meet me for a beer. I'm your guy. They come in on the terms of the time. You know? They're like, we're here. Come on, guy. Come over here. Let's put a little donation.

Plus a lot of people feeling lost. Yeah, people feel lost. They feel empty. Need guidance. COVID, depression, what's this all about? We're all getting those feelings now. What's next? It almost feels like there's no future, right?

It's like Ukraine. Do you see that picture that New York Times posted of that Ukrainian city? It is like completely gone. It looks like Dresden after it got bombed in World War II. It's a German city, Dresden. The bombing of Dresden, very famous. I think they didn't use nuclear warheads,

but the same amount of people died. I mean, they killed maybe more. Dresden got fucking firebombed. And that's what this Ukrainian city looks like. It's brutal. Like all these condo buildings, the whole city is burned out. It's really bad. So people are growing up now. It's like they got nothing to look to. They're looking up to who? TikTok dancers? That must feel empty. that must feel empty. Everyone's a little empty right now.

So we're about due. We're about due for another fucking fire and brimstone revival. Somebody's got to wrap up. Oh, dude, they're going to baptize Pete Davidson on NBC in primetime. They're going to crucify the Kardashians. They're going to put witches on faggots. Yeah, I can say it. Because it's the rightians. They're going to put witches on faggots. Yeah, I can say it.

Because it's the right context. They're going to put those dumb witches with their small brains back in the kitchen and on faggots with their witchcraft and emotions. And fire and brimstone is back. Because the devil has run amok in Brooklyn and Manhattan. And the gays. And then that part of the sermon comes. And the fornicators and gays.

And God's virus that came to punish the gays and fornicators and communists did what it was supposed to do, to gays and fornicators and communists. Did what it was supposed to do, cleaning out most of you perverts and heathens and gluttons. Now those who'd wish to repent, please come to the front of this basement in Bushwick to be sacrificed on behalf of your more innocent family members who still have a chance.

Sacrifice yourself to Christ. Your sins are too deep. You can't be saved, but maybe your family can. And we'll buy it because it'll give us meaning. It will give us a team to root for. It'll give us an enemy. Now we'll turn on each other once again. Who's the sinner?

The gossip will come back. This is the town. Horror. Then we'll have a real enemy. We'll roll up on the Muslim neighborhoods and go, you guys want to get, it'll be like the movie The Outsiders. Just everyone will have religious garb on. And then there'll be wars in the neighborhoods.

New inquisitions. New Muslim conquerings, Ottomans. We'll have new wars. Then it'll get chill again. There'll be a detente, no peace. And then the religious musicals will start. It'll be a big deal. It'll be like, is that Satan?

The first musical will just be a Romeo and Juliet story between a Christian and a Muslim doing turf war. And that'll be that. It'll be a take on that because there's only a certain amount of stories. And that'll be the beginning. And they go, wait, that's like the Elvis Presley moment. Wait, this is it. You see how it slowly happens?

Yes. It slowly happened. Elvis was just, I think he just did this. That's all it took. And people were like, oh, my God. And then Janet Jackson's titty. And they were like, oh, my God. And then we were acting like they were wrong.

Going like, what's the big deal? It's just a vat. But now we see that they were right. Because that just leads to all types of anal transitions, non-binary chaos. Close the gates of hell. Come to the sermon and listen to Jack, Jack Nielsen, former shoemaker. Because back, that's what they, during the revivals,

it's like these former shoemakers start, they just start preaching in the street. They start gathering in the street. And then the old traditional church people get, they get threatened by the new preachers. They're like, hey, man, it's almost like touring comics. See internet guys and go, whoa, whoa, whoa. We do it the old school way. And they go, there is no old school way, Jack.

This is how we're doing it now. It's my town now. Come to the park while I'll be preaching for 45 minutes about burning witches and sinners. Do you think those cobblers ever got those professions confused between the shoemaking and preaching? Hell so. You're like, oh, burn the witches, burn them down. And also, Tom, I have your nine and a half ready after the sermon. Also, we finished up on those shoes that you sent me.

Also, shop will be open tomorrow. It is a holiday, but we got a lot of orders. We got Some Fucking fly I'm talking Fly Hard Horse

Horse leather shoes The first Great Awakening Happened in 1730 Yikes It lasted Until about 1740 It was like 10 years Of hardcore

Trying to clean up These streets You know What do they call it The Arab Spring They had one too right It happens dog 1740s, like 10 years of hardcore trying to clean up these streets. What do they call it? The Arab Spring? They had one too, right? It happens, dog. People don't see this coming. It's coming. It's coming. And I'm going to get out in the forefront of it. I'm sick of these grifters getting all the fucking credit.

Yeah, man. Welcome to VCon. What'd you do? We're getting influencers together. All the influencers. We're going to make money. We're going to prosper. Yeah, that was that trend. I'm hopping on the burn them down. I'm going to throw. I'm throwing Gary Vee into a

medieval torture device. Yeah, man. This is late. Let's sell these. No. No more selling, Gary. No more selling, Gary. Shop is closed. The. Shop is closed. The internet shop is closed. The algorithm is closed.

Now I want to hear you scream, Gary, and repent. Repent. Give me 14 Hail Marys as we pull you apart. As we pull you apart with wild pitbulls from the street. The way they used to use wolves, we just used street pitbulls to tie meat to each hand. So you go, it's fucking lit. Oh, God, fuck.

Shit. Oh, no. Fucking monitor. Because that's the next trend coming. It's inevitable. If you look at history, that's the trend. coming It's inevitable If you look at history That's the trend It snaps back like a rubber bag And goes extreme the other way

And you cannot tell me We are not fully extreme Deep in hedonism right now Yeah We're hedonism This is Sodom and Gomorrah shit Nobody caters to the middle This is Sodom and Gomorrah shit

Church is becoming cool again Because you know what? It became so uncool to be like, what's up? Yeah, how you doing? I'm non-binary. It's like so fucking 2017 at this point. It's so 2017. I'm fucking non-binary.

Yeah, whatever. My pronouns are out of this world. My pronouns are, yeah, yeah, you're going to accommodate me. You're going to refer to me as a bunch of people at one time because that's what I want to be. That's what I am. I'm not going to get a normative job. I'm not a normative person.

I will have sex with him ever. And you're like, that was not cool anymore because that got played out, and now what's cool is this. This is what's cool now. This is the new influencer. Yeah, oh, when he gets his way, are you kidding me? It's going to be worse than Mel Gibson. When we get

the secret recording of Mark Wahlberg talking to his housekeeper, it is going to make the Mel Gibson take to his wife sound like a Nate Bargatze comedy show.

He's going to be like, listen to me take to his wife sound like a Nate Bargatze comedy show. Yeah. Because he's going to be like, listen to me, you little wetback. Bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep. I'm here selling merch. Now, when I say it's paired up and I hear that vacuum cleaner, I will fucking catapult you right back over that wall, Berta. I'm making a goddamn influencer video about my Christian merch.

I am selling municipal. The strength, the glory, the faggotry, whatever he says. Y'all, it's not just that. Look at the shoes. Look at the shoes. Municipal. Because I'm a good Christian. I'm trying to make Millions and millions And hundreds of millions

Of dollars off of you So I can give back To the poor people Of Uganda Through my Non-for-profit That I run With the Creflo dollar

He'll catapult her Right over the wall And when we get that You know So right now, this is, he has this amazing Instagram persona where all he does is work out, eat salmon with lemon, intermittent fast.

It is so fucking boring. I understand he may be in a good headspace. Let me tell you something. This is not where good art comes from. No, not at all. From stability and fastidiousness and taking care of your body. I mean, and staying prayed up.

I mean, let's be honest. Staying prayed up does not make for good art. Every video, stay prayed up. I also don't appreciate the come on, come on, feel it, feel it of praying. I don't like mixing come on, come on, feel it, feel it, and pray. I don't like that. I don't like being told to stay prayed up. I don't like that.

I like my hip hop over here and my time for prayer over here. I don't like Marky Mark telling me to stay prayed up. Yeah. I would prefer not. Yeah. I know you'd like to think that nobody remembers

come on, come on, feel it, feel it, feel the vibration. Or you're tugging on your knucksack and Calvin Klein's with a coked up cake moss. But I was there.

I was there when my ex-girlfriend told me that you dicked her down. Mark, you fucked my ex-girlfriend told me that you dicked her down. Mark, you fucked my ex-girlfriend from high school. I know she didn't mean anything to you, but she meant a lot to me at the time.

And I had to learn about it in a goddamn newspaper clipping. Girl seen with Marky Mark. And then on top of that, I have to have people tell me that I remind them of Marky Mark. They do? Yeah, they say I look like him, I sound like him sometimes.

Maybe if he was found in a river for three weeks. I mean, I guess, yeah. He was floating in the river. Maybe if he was found by the FBI in a river, in a lake. A bloated corpse of Marky Mark. Like Lorenzen Wright's killer. Or dead body, I should say. Horrible documentary, Lorenzen Wright.

Yeah. He's a basketball player. You got to check it out, Lorenzen Wright. It is weird when hip hop and religion comes together. It is weird, right? Imagine if T.D. Jakes made a collaboration with N1. It just doesn't work, man. Yeah.

Like Christian rap doesn't work. Christian rock and roll doesn't work. But it works a little bit. Christian rock and roll can work if you're unaware. You see, the thing is they got to hide it. You got to hide it. You got to hide it, especially in this era where it's not cool. Maybe it'll become cool.

Maybe Creed will become the hottest. Because before I knew Creed was like a Christian rock band and that song was about Jesus, I liked it. What was it again? Can you take me higher? Yeah, that was good. To a place. But then when you saw the interview and they were like,

can we pray before this interview? Okay, everyone, we're fasting for Virgin Mary's atonement. And you were like, alright, this isn't cool. Yeah. But it's about to be. Creed is about to do the Super Bowl halftime show. Right? With that other band

that's Christian Rock. With the chick and the guy. Wake me up, wake me for inside, get lit up, save me. You know that one? Wake me up, I don't care too far, wake me up. That was in Daredevil, I think. Save me. And then you find out that song is also about Christian shit.

Wake me up. Can't wake up. You don't like to be. Can't wake up. You don't like to be tricked like that though? I like that. I like it a little bit. I like when I eat a burger and I find out it's vegan. Oh, so you'd like a trans woman then. I'm just going home with this nice long Yeti. Guess we're trying something different tonight.

Wake me up. Know that song? Yeah. Save me. It hasn't been cool for a while But the thing is That it hasn't been cool for a while Means it's been cool for too long To not be that

And now it's time Swinging back To swing right back around It's a boomerang, dog All these R&B artists Are gonna go back into gospel Gospel's gonna to get big. We're about to have a big revival, right?

Big, big revival. The first revival in America, and they've had revivals all over the world in different places. Like I said, Arab Spring, then you've had them in Scandinavia. You've had them in England. They happen all the time. People don't talk about this, but it's coming. You're hearing it from here.

I'm telling you what's going to happen in the future. I'm telling you. There will be a baptism. There's going to be a reality show called, Oh, Which One's a Witch? And they just try to find the witch. And you know how The Bachelor's trying to find a husband? That's opulent.

That's sin. That's the devil. That's from Satan. Now we're gonna do A clean Christian version Where we're finding witches By giving them tests Starring a rope and a rock

Yes Which one of y'all Sucks good dick You're a witch But we'll find out first From you giving me head Witch Witch head

Now burner That's satisfying Imagine that's satisfying They have no power We're gonna go back To a place where women have no power. We're going to get drunk with power again. And women are going to go equal pay. We're going to go.

Just when they start the equal pay chant, equal pay. Sorry. Sorry I suggested it. I'll go to the other part of the mosque. Yes. I want to hear a female soccer player open her mouth during the Christian revival. Yeah, Kelsey Plung, tell me about how you just want equal representation in your pay based on what the owner's making.

Open that mouth. First of all, why are you a woman playing sports? Satan. Why are you avoiding your God order duty to rear children and make more Christians into this world you're not satisfied you're playing a man's sport

it's for men get back inside I want to see grease under those fingernails get back in that kitchen it's a Christian revival we're all going to sit down and watch Justin Bieber's under those fingernails. Get back in that kitchen. It's a Christian revival. We're all going to sit down and watch Justin Bieber's, Justin Bieber's

gospel hour. It's going to happen, right? P. Diddy's Justice Court. It's going to be a good one, right? Judged by a council of your religious viceroys Right No more mayors

Eric Adams They're going to take him down They're going to drag him through the street In their black robes In their bare feet With their ashes on their forehead Instead of throwing rocks at him They'll make him eat a honey bun

Yeah This ragtag bunch of like Black Lives Matter protesters or left-wing protesters, Antifa, all that we've seen the past couple years. Right now they're finding God. Right now they're finding God. They're also doing it for

content. They've tried everything else. It got old. Canceling became uncool. You know what's going to become cool now? Because it gave them authority, right? Like, we're right. You're wrong. You're doing something wrong. And then that got all that we went, fuck you. We surcied them. We queen surcied them. Fuck you, you guys.

And we blew them up. We think they're going to go away now. Now they found the real authority we can't question. God. Now they're coming. Humans will always find the faith to do what they really want to do deep inside. Faith's coming back. Always justify it. Wake me up. If you

think for one second that Nate Bargatze is not going to be playing from a blimp over a state after a full prayer while everyone's holding a candle after fasting for seven hours and then he's going to hold

communion after the comedy show, you have another thing coming. He's going's going to hold communion after the comedy show. You have another thing coming. He's going to be the second president of the Confederacy. Do you understand what I'm saying? He's going to be up in a blimp. Where the whole state can see the blimp. So I don't think a blimp will do. He'll be on a satellite.

He'll be on a satellite. Rotating. And everyone will have a telescope. Everyone will be watching a comedy show from a telescope, wearing those museum headpieces so you can hear the thing, when you can hear the tour. Everyone will have an earpiece in and a telescope, and he'll be sitting up there,

how's everyone, how's Tennessee doing tonight? And he'll mean Tennessee. How's Tennessee doing? Everyone will be forced to watch it, too. If you don't watch it, of course, you get crucified? Everyone will be forced to watch it, too. If you don't watch it, of course, you get crucified. So everyone's forced to watch it. They watch the show, and then he takes communion from this guy.

He takes communion. Who wants to come forward for communion? Everyone is baptized, communion, stuff like that. And then it's like, okay, now that we've done that, we've had our pure laps, we've ate the blood and body of Christ, now let's go out there and, for Jesus, in Jesus' name, have our weekly Tuesday purge. Let's go out there and clean up the streets a little bit.

Any sinners, kill them on sight. Here's your Christian AR-15, which is now called our Jesus Justice Gun. Go out there and do what you have to do. Clean up the streets of sinners. Clean. Purge. That's how it starts. It'll be beautiful. Like the Hunger Games with a big cross behind it.

We haven't had one for a while. First one was 1740. That was the first one The big dude there was Solomon Stoddard And Jonathan Edwards Jesus Jonathan, that just sounds like a revivalist's name He was revolved in a revival

Called the Frontier Revivals In the mid-1730s That began to wane in 1737 That does sound like something That a lot of natives just got cleared out of. Yeah. Yeah, the pastoral styles became a change.

In the late colonial period, most pastors in their sermons, which were theologically dense and advanced, a particular theological argument or interpretation, argued that the evangelical movement of the 1740s played a key role in the development of democratic thought. The Great Awakening represented the first time African Americans embraced Christianity in large numbers.

That's where it started. That's where the black community took the conqueror's god. That's when we were born. Because it's the conqueror's god. Yeah, we accepted our fate. The enslaver's god. We saw what was going on. We're like, all right, might as well.

It's like when I'm at a white barbecue and I see the potato salad. I got to bite the bullet. Might as well. Yeah. When in Rome. Are these raisins or beetles? When in Rome. You guys definitely took Christianity and jazzed it up.

Made it a lot funner. Oh, yeah. So then it spread to the English colonies of Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Prince Edward Island. That's up there in Canada. And then we had a second Great Awakening. The second Great Awakening was sometime in the 1840s. I'm going to say 1840 to 1850. It only lasted about 10 years.

And then people go, give me a fucking super call. Late 18th century to the middle of the 19th century. Yeah. All parts of the United States, too. Strong in the Northeast and Midwest. Yeah, you just start to see them rise up everywhere. This is where the Methodists became a church. The African Methodist Episcopal Church.

All these Protestant churches broke off. They had different opinions about where you could preach, how you could preach. A lot of guys, like I said, were preaching in fields or other places, and other churches didn't like that, so they split over that and created another church, Methodist, where you can do this or that. It was the one time where church was like gender. Yeah, right. You could switch.

There was a former slave from Delaware, Absalom Jones, was grabbed by a white church trustee in the midst of a prayer and forcibly told to leave. Okay, so that didn't change much. The Lord protects everybody and he loves everybody. Get that nigga out of here. The Lord loves everyone. We're all equal in the eyes of God.

Amzulim, get out of here, you dirty N-word. Closely related to the Second Great Awakening were other reform movements such as the temperance, abolition, and women's rights. Oh, so they started to come up, and that's kind of probably counter to the revival. It was a North, and then restricting the use of tobacco, dietary, and dress reforms.

The abolition movement emerged in the North with the wider Second Great Awakening from 1800 to 1840, but more specifically 1840-50s when it really kicked in. And it became kind of non-existent in the 1840s and 50s. Oh, I said that wrong.

So it was basically from the 1800 to 1840 and sort of became, it ended around 1840, 50, where people probably started going, let's get that money again. Because it's as simple as that. It goes to like, let's get that money. Like when Benjamin Franklin's book was popular,

like it was, everyone was trying to get rich. And when there was some other religious book that was the most popular, it was like everyone was trying to get spiritual because they were poor. And then the third Great Awakening happened right after that in the 1850s to the 1900s.

And that was characterized by active missionary work. That's when people started going out to talk to darker skinned people. They probably went, okay, we're going to go to Mexico. We're going to talk to people who have a little more color than we

do. And we're going to wear clip-on ties and white shirts. And we're going to go to Mexico. We're going to talk to people who have a little more color than we do, and we're going to wear clip-on ties and white shirts, and we're going to preach the gospel and convert them to Jesus, in Jesus' name. So they went to Chateau Croix, social gospel approach to social issues. The YMCA was founded during the Third Great Awakening. Wow, in 1844. It played a major role in fostering revivals in the cities

in the 1858 Awakening and after. The revival of 1858 produced the leadership of Dwight L. Moody, some dude. He did religious work, and he carried the armies during the Civil War. He did all the religious work during the Civil War. The Christian and the Sanitary Commissions and the Freedmen's Society were also formed during that awakening.

Then we had a fourth awakening. And it's debated. It's a debated concept. And it has not received the acceptance of the first three great awakenings by historians. Why is that? It's like the fourth Jonas Brothers. Yeah. An economist named Robert Fogle says it happened in the late 1960s, early 70s.

The Jesus movement is cited as evidence of this awakening as it created a shift in church music styles. It was the 60s and 70s, so was it really the awakening or was it just drugs? Could have been drugs. Yeah. This is when drugs got hot. I don't think that's God. That's just ayahuasca.

Yeah. Mainland Protestant dominations weakened sharply in both membership and influence, while the most conservative religious dominations, such as Southern Baptists in Missouri, Sinod Lutherans, grew rapidly in numbers. Oh, so that's interesting. These are the evangelicals. Right. These are the Baptists. This is the meg's interesting. These are the evangelicals. Right. These are the Baptists.

This is the megachurch. This is the hardcore dudes. Which is the counter to the hippies, right? Yes. This is the counter to the hippies. So the hippies were the ones who were losing the numbers in the traditional denominations. Mainline Protestant denominations were probably

all full of the children who were boomers, of parents who were traditional Protestants. They became hippies and rejected it all, while these other fucking do-gooders of those kids went hardcore into Baptists. They got more hardcore. So it was like one extreme got very loose and hippie-ish, and the other one went and they were like the ones who were hosing everybody and trying to...

Double down on it. Yeah, they doubled down on it. And that's where we are now. That's been since the 70s. And then we had these born-again... They kind of creeped up, but they lost. They lost. Let's be honest.

The liberals have won the cultural war. You can say that. They lost. Let's be honest. The liberals have won the cultural war. You can say that. Gay marriage. The Republican Party accepts gays now. The Republican Party accepts Donald Trump as their president. I mean, that is not what a conservative used to look like. A guy who did blow? A guy who married a woman who posed with her tits out.

I mean, the first leader had her tits out. I mean, it is what it is. When you look in the history book, the first time the Playboys used. Yeah, it used to be that the guy had to be really chaste and religious. And now they just took, they basically took a liberal business guy, a liberal fiscally conservative guy who pretends like he

hates abortion just to get votes he doesn't give a shit what way he used to be for it big time he's a fucking massive con artist and people just think his story starts now like he just popped out of there we're new yorkers dude we We've known Donald Trump since he was just a guy in the Page Six gossip column. In Queens. Yeah, he was just a dude who would hang out with, you know, Russell Simmons and go to parties and fuck models. And would go on Howard Stern and say the nastiest shit. And talk about how the Democrats always have a better economy. And how he's a Democrat.

He mostly votes Democrat. He's pro-choice. All this shit. He's like the guy that you would least expect to fuck your girlfriend. Yeah, all of a sudden then, he realized he had a chance because he was on some fucking reality show.

You know who watches that reality show? It ain't Coastal fucking Libby's. So he became famous with the middle of America people, the people who typically vote right. So he's like, I'm going to vote as a pro-business Republican, as a guy, and I'll make some concessions on social things because I don't give a fuck. So here you go.

Yeah, I'm against abortion. We're going to change that up. I don't give a shit. Don't fuck with my money. He doesn't give a shit. It's the only thing he cares about, money. Yeah, you're telling me Donald Trump has never paid for an abortion? You got another thing coming.

Another thing coming. Herschel Walker paid for a few, and that's what took him down. And Donald Trump is his buddy. I think he's paid for abortions and self-tanner. Dog, I mean, listen. Abortions for guys who were banging a lot in the 80s and 90s, it's just. It comes with the territory. It comes with the territory.

It's like Coleslaw with barbecue. It's like having a tape collection. Yeah. It's like having a mixed tape collection. You know? It's like, you know, everyone had one. Right? You know what I'm talking about?

When you said tape collection, I was like, what fucking serial killers were you fucking? Music tape collection. Yeah. It's like having a tape collection. That sounds like something your brother would have. Yeah. It's like having a CD in your house. Everyone had it.

Yeah, I got you. Everyone fucking had an abortion back then. It's common law. If you were a big willy like that. So that's what's coming next. We're coming to the fifth great awakening. It's going to be amazing. How is that going to go down in your head?

Well, the Catholic numbers are down. I think the Catholic numbers are down because... They're... Go ahead. Because they're... The mass raping that they were doing of minors got out. It's really fucking with their demographics. It really...

Listen, the safest place for a young girl to be is Catholic school. Oh, yeah. You will get looked over. But for a young boy, I mean, Might as well feed it to a gator Yeah Better feed your son to a gator in Florida You have a better chance of surviving without some trauma So they're down

I mean, the Catholics are down It has remained steady among Protestants But Catholics are down right now It's tough to be Catholic That's the thing Mark Wahlberg stays prayed up as a Catholic, and he has a section of the house,

which is like a prayer thing, just a humble little $14 million wing of his house dedicated to the Lord. It's funny because it has nothing to do with religion. The tenets of religion would be like, you should give all that money away. That's what they, you're like, all right, I'm religious to a point.

I'm religious right where my $20 million home starts and you're fucking telling me what to do stops, I'm right there. That's, I'll meet you there. I'll meet you outside of the walls of my $20 million compound. I'll meet you there.'ll meet you outside of the walls Of my 20 million dollar compound I'll meet you there We'll start from there

And the Catholic church goes no no no we're not supposed to start Catholicism actually starts in like You know charity Giving away all your money, being poor Rich people don't get into any Let's negotiate Talk to my lawyer Hal can you please talk to the Pope?

This is a big get for Catholics. This is a big get. This is like having Tom Cruise during your scandal with Scientology. It's a big get. It's a big face. He's on Graham. He's doing modern methods of PR. He's on Graham. He's doing modern methods of, you know, PR. Yeah.

He's on the Graham. He's got big numbers. But he's doing it for a losing team, though. Well, right now they're going down, but they're still powerful, right? Because they're the Pope. They got all the poor countries. Yeah. Where they can just clip boys and nobody asks questions.

You know, 14 Mexican kids get raped in fucking, you know, somewhere in Chile. Do you think anyone's searching for them? No, I mean, that's where they probably do their most damage. Look, dude, if they were able to rape 300,000 kids over 20 or 30 years in France, think about what they can do in Uruguay where nobody's paying attention at all. Yeah. Think about what they can do. And they're powerful. They run everything. They're scouting those

boys out like Manchester United. They carry the authority of God. Right? So everyone just like never questions or looks into anything. And you know, they just, they took a little reputation hit.

But this is nothing they can't work through. But I tell you right now, it looks like a lot of people are joining the Eastern religion. Russian Orthodox, Eastern Orthodox, Greek Orthodox. Now, what does it mean to be Orthodox? Orthodox, there was a great schism with the Catholic Church. So the Catholic Church went one way and Eastern Orthodox church went the other way. Okay. And it's a schism having to do with, you know, priests can marry in our church.

They can't marry, you know, we're not fucking kids. I think that's basically the big difference. You know, we're just, we're not doing that. You know, I think that's, I think we have a different Easter and we don't fuck kids. I think those are the really two differences. You know, when you ask me about like, how was that club? Is that club like that club? It's like, here's the difference. That one, they fuck kids and that one, they can't marry.

And here, priests and bishops and all them, they can marry. Well, actually the priests. I don't think the bishops and the archbishops can marry. What can you do? So they're probably also maybe fucking kids. I just lost a lot of Greek friends. Who knows? Everyone should be allowed to marry. You're a human being.

You should be allowed to marry and you should be able to bang. There's nothing wrong with banging. The thing that troubles me so much and how I know it's coming is because like you see this backlash with Bud Light and everything. There's that massive like moral backlash coming to, you know, all the gay stuff and all that stuff. And people are going to start wanting to legislate what goes on in the bedroom. You can feel it. They feel like it threatens their kids. And you know what?

I do blame the gays. They rubbed it in their face a little too much. Literally. You don't know how to fucking win a war and just go away. Stop shoving it down the straight world's mouth. I mean... You know?

And that's what you like to do. Stop rubbing it in their face and shoving it down their mouth. Nobody runs into a gay bar and tries to throw the movie American Pie on and shotgun beers like you have to coexist differently. It's never going to be like, you know, it's like that's the most you can hope for. A good business deal is when both parties leave the table miserable. But it's like they coexist.

A deal was made. A deal was made. You're never going to convince people that drag child hour is going to work. It's just never going to happen. You're never going to convince people that Leah Thomas is the same as the other girls And I'm just saying that to politically correct this way She was a guy a year ago I mean what the fuck are we doing

She was a guy a year ago You're never going to convince people otherwise So what you did is you rubbed people's noses in it too much And now they're pissed And now they're fucking pushing back hard They're banning books and all that shit. You're throwing books in the library like my first fucking, the first time I got

blown by a guy and realized I was gay. And now they're like you can't do that but also let's get rid of Judy Bloom. Now they're going hard and they're banning everything because of one book you tried to push too. My first queer experience with my babysitter. Was it wrong? Or was it right?

Because they learned a lot from it. They don't know what to do with that. They don't know how to put that in the fiction section. You know there was one book like that. You know there was one or two books like that that were like, whoa, you're going too far. It was like a child's book and it said, my first prolapse asshole. Yeah. Yeah.

And then you know what happens after that. Then they go too hard. We went over We did a whole episode Of all these books That they're banning Where you're like I can't believe

They're banning that Most of them To be honest with you Are unreasonable But I bet you There's a few That are just going like Why is this in a

Third grader's library Why does a third grader Have access to my First queer experience Question mark Why And they're like Well because they want to help gay people.

They kill themselves. They all kill themselves. That's the thing. They all kill themselves. Everyone kills themselves. If there's no drag story or there's no fucking books in the library, they all have mental health crisis and kill themselves. We care about your mental health,

but Dr. Seuss doesn't have to rhyme words with pussy. Doesn't have to. And it just goes too far. So now the Christian revival's coming. And they don't see it coming. It's gonna be crazy, dude. See those marches with altar boys down the street holding fire?

And they're going to get, you know, they're gonna come for everybody. Taylor Swift, shut down. Excuse me? You're like, what? That outfit? No, no, no, no, no. You're going to come for everybody. Taylor Swift, shut down. Excuse me? You're like, what? That outfit? No, no, no, no, no. You're going to the convent.

You're singing for the church. You're not going to make money in the world for yourself. Now you're going to be making money for the church the way the Church of Latter-day Saints does it. You know they take 30%? I think they take 30% of every person's paycheck. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's what you call a little tribute to the boss you mean to tell me you got uncle sam going into your account and uncle jebediah abso-fucking-lutely and they build roads and they do whatever they say they do but

um there was a whistleblower on 60 minutes from the church of latter-day Saints who left the church who said he got disillusioned because the money just was growing and growing and growing. And obviously people were taking it for themselves. You know how human nature is. No matter what you call yourself, Jew, Christian, Buddhist, Buddhist is probably the best one. But, you know, Jew, Christian, Church of Latter-day Saints, But, you know, Jew, Christians, Church of Latter-day Saints,

libertarians, pesetarian, episcopalian, gospel, Baptist, Eastern European, Catholic, whatever it is, you're a dude. You're a person. And guess what? People love to be naughty no matter what. And you're going to be naughty. It's going to be very hard to not be naughty.

Temptations. It is much harder to not be naughty than it is to be naughty. It's much hard to not be naughty. Temptations. It is much harder to not be naughty than it is to be naughty. It's much harder to not be naughty. It's much harder to stop yourself from being naughty than it is to be good. I think I said the same thing two ways. Is it harder to not be naughty? I think it's the same thing said two ways. It's harder to not be naughty than say that sentence.

Yeah, I was saying the same thing twice because I was trying to be profound, but I made the point already. I made the same point twice over again, saying it two different ways. I just like how you think you can be profound while using the word naughty. Naughty!

Like Ben Franklin on his deathbed. Yeah. So I don't know. I think we're going to see a big fifth revival coming. What do you guys think? Is it coming? Is it coming hard? I don't know why you're so convinced it's going to be a Christian one.

Ooh, I like what you're serving up. Are the Muzzies coming? Could be. Yeah? Could be some. This is how you know the revival's coming. All right, everyone. So it's Friday night.

I'm getting ready to go out. I'm feeling kind. But before I go out, I've got a free game. And the only way I have free games is with an ice cold Budweiser. So good. Happy Friday. All right, everyone. Happy Friday.

I mean, this is, we're just, like the religious people, they're licking their chops. Yeah, so you think the Muslims, because they're just more devout. They don't have the numbers, though. They don't have the numbers in America. They don't have the numbers.

And I think they just live in a revival. I think in a lot of places, it's just religion is strong. I think right now, they're having a little itty-bitty bit of a revival in Afghanistan. I think with that, it was almost cruel what we did over there to the ladies. To go over there and give them just a little taste. A little hope.

A little taste of being able to see your hair. It's almost worse. It's like would you rather stay this rich that you are right now. Whatever money you have now. Would you rather stay this way your whole life or get rich for a second and then go way down. And then just lose it. And not worse than it is now. All the way down. What would you rather stay this way your whole life or get rich for a second and then go way down?

And then just lose it. Not worse than it is now, like all the way down. What would you rather do? Have that one moment of lots of money or stay so you never go all the way down? I'll definitely keep the negative $35 in my bank account. I think I'd like to stay at negative $35 as opposed to negative $6,000. Yeah, I wouldn't want to know. You get that little taste.

Not only do you lose it, But also you know what it tastes like And so that makes it even more depressing It's just better to live in the cave And be ignorance is bliss And just fucking You know be wrapped up like a mummy And it's not even like It wasn't even like

That was going to be given to you How like The Not the Mormons The other people in Pennsylvania The Mennonites Yeah the Mennonites How they take like a little break

And they go out Rum spring up Yeah rum spring It's not even like that You're going to be penalized Because you had that freedom in the first place. So, no, definitely, I'm taking that. I'm taking that. Yeah, I mean, listen, you're just going to have to just deal with the fact of never knowing what it's like

to not look like you're a mummy that got wrapped up, but they ran out of just a little bit extra, and so they left your eyes. Just pretend like you're in public when you're looking at yourself in the mirror at home. Doesn't a Muslim woman in Afghanistan under the Taliban just look like they wanted to get the full body but they just ran out of tape and they just got to the eyes and they're like, we ran out.

It's just not. Yeah, they just ran out a little bit. We left a little. We didn't have enough cloth. So we look at that dog. That is the human brain, baby. That for some reason

that's a good thing. I don't know how, but I do tell you it has something to do with the revival. And you don't ask questions. When you live in a faith based culture, you don't ask questions. You can't go, hey, I got a question. You can't even go, listen, I got a neighbor. And are you her?

Because I got two of you that wear the same outfit every day. And I can't really tell. I just want to say thank you for taking my Amazon box inside the door so it wasn't stolen. And if it's not you, could you tell the other woman who's completely, I don't know who she is because she's wrapped up? That would be a funny sketch, I think. You know? I mean, this one, there is no slit.

There's just a, there's a fencing net over her face. Because that's what God wanted. He wanted a woman in Afghanistan to look like the singer in The Fifth Element. Yes. I think God is a big fencing fan. Yes. And he wants the true religion to get all women the sport that they can play is fencing. Yeah.

God was a bronze in heaven. He wants them all to just get used to fencing attire. He wants everyone to go for the gold. Or beekeepers. You know, like. I think Allah, in his way, really wants women to beekeep. And so might as well just get them used to a beekeeper outfit at all times. And so they get ready for tending to the honey and being beekeepers.

And that makes sense because the woman's vagina has been referred to make nectar. So. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder yeah. Yeah. I wonder how this started. Just like one chick, one guy was like super insecure about anyone looking at his lady

and like he was so crazy and tough he just fucking threw a tarp over and said this is what it's going to be now. Yeah. This is what it's going to be. Like a 78 Chevy that doesn't have the transmission. I'm the only one who can see you.

I'm the only one who can ever see you. And hey, listen, I can't understand. Look, I think it's a good thing, right? I think marriages last a long time when one person can't get divorced. That was a sneaky joke. You know, think about it. You can't tell me that the marriage rates are not probably a lot better in places where, you know, women

can't get divorced. Yeah. I mean, marriage works. By law. That's a positive thing. By law. It has to. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, if you just like can't, if like you can't say anything, that's a great way to keep the numbers down. Yeah, exactly. You know, it's a great way to be like, hey, marriage works in our country. I don't know about you guys. You heathens keep breaking up. But our ladies are totally committed to our marriage.

You can ask them if it was allowed, but you can't. You cannot ask them. Oh, I feel bad for those ladies in the Taliban. But also, I like that the order, you know, there's probably a lot of order in Afghanistan right now. You know, it's like when the mob runs a neighborhood, you can't really get away with too much. You violate a couple of people's rights, but it sends a message to everybody. You know, one homeless person's on the street. You burn one, sends a message to everybody else.

Get a job. That motivates people. You know, if you just let them live on the street constantly, but the Taliban probably goes like, we're going to burn one and then let somebody else watch it so they can tell the other people who are just on the street stealing money or whatever, go, hey, look, this is

what happens if we stay. It sets a precedent. It's like, we should get a job cleaning the mosque or something like that. They're serious. These guys are serious. They're serious. I guys are serious. They're serious. They're serious, dude. They came over last night and they wrapped my wife up in sheet. I mean, it's over, Johnny. Yeah, so hand me that application to Baskin-Robbins.

I haven't seen my wife in three years. I don't know who's under that skirt. Be a great way to fucking, if you were a gay guy with a high voice, be a great way to catfish a guy and fuck a straight guy. Thomas Dale would love this. He's just a comedian nobody knows about.

You can just be in a shirt and just be like, Welcome home, Muhammad. It's me. Yeah, it's me. Totally. That's the way Allah likes it. Only from behind. Keep the sheet on the whole time.

He's got socks in his tits. Don't reach. Don't reach there. Muhammad, yo, yo. He's got socks in his tits and he's just... Oh, don't reach. Don't, no, no, no. Don't reach there. Don't reach there. Muhammad doesn't like that. Just from behind. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You know? Great way. Great way to sneak in somewhere. Great way to not need ID. Go to a bar

full burqa. How old are you? You know? I'm 46. Yeah. Do the TSA make them lift their burqas when they are you? I'm 46. Do the TSA make them lift their burkas when they're flying? It's a good question. I want to know. Do they let them in the airport in the first place? I don't know how America works. I think that depends on which airport you're at, right?

I don't know, but that's a good question. Do you have to lift your burka? You have to take your burka off when they want to look at your passport to make sure it's the same person. That is a very damn good question. This is a horrible question that we just asked, Jesse. No, it's a very good question because we want to know. But this question involves spaces and consonants and vowels.

Oh, yeah. Yes, you may need to at airport security would like to verify your identity. Oh, that's what he wrote. Please look how he spelled security. Securitaia. Here you go. Do you have to take your hijab off at the airport?

Right there, people ask. It's funny that when Google just lets you know that you're not the first one to ask this question. You have the right to request that the pat-down or removal be conducted by a person of your gender and that it occurs in a private area. Okay, that's nice. If you do not want the TSA offer to touch your hijab,

you must refuse and say that you would prefer to pat it down yourself. What does that mean? I don't know. Whatever it is. How are you going to pat it down yourself? I guess you pat it down and they let you in and then they cross their fingers and hope that everything goes good.

Just as long as nobody thinks they're racist. Now, pat your hip. Now, does that feel like a gun? Yeah. The most important thing is people go, nobody's being discriminated against here. That's the most important part. So you just let her check herself

or him check herself or whatever. And then you just go like this. Yeah. I hope we're right. Then they take an 80-year-old woman off the line. You ever see what they randomly select, like a 95-year-old grandmother, and she's like... And they're like, sorry, ma'am, you were randomly selected.

You're like, is this system really? When's the last... Can we do a little bit of profiling? Maybe not 80 and up of all races. I saw them pat down like a three-year-old. Yeah, I saw them pat down. But the 90-year-olds, because they're struggling to

stand up. They're like, okay, you got to stand up. Get out of your wheelchair. Yeah. The metal detector always goes off. Like Like I had my fever replaced Take the leg Nightmare they gotta travel They gotta get on a plane

They gotta go from wheelchair to coach They gotta have a guy meet them Or a woman meet them at the next place with a wheelchair Yeah they always look like they're experiencing turbulence. Yeah, I love seeing them when you land, those people with the wheelchairs, because they're just always in conversation with each other. They're so used to the job that they don't even think of you as a person.

You just get in there, and they're just talking with each other. They just wheel some frightened 90-year-old. I remember when my dad would have to get picked up by EMS or something when he had congestive heart failure or whatever. Yeah, those guys just keep talking. They just keep jamming while your dad's like... Because for them, it's just another body. That's my dad. Can you talk nice to him?

They're like, yeah, man, yo, so I don't know what it is, man. You're Marika? That's crazy, dog. You know what was funny? The two guys that came to my dad's house when he was having congestive heart, man. You're Marika? That's crazy, dog. You know what was funny? The two guys that came to my dad's house when he was having congestive heart failure did recognize me from Marika, and they were kind of like taking their time because they were, and I'm calling him Marika

because that's what he called them. A lot of times that's what the guys would call, are you Marika? So these two dudes, the EMS, and they were like talking to me about it. They're like, yo, we can't believe this. Meanwhile, my dad's naked. He's like a rogue. Like, yo, we can't believe this. Meanwhile, my dad's dating me.

He's like a rogue. Like, half conscious. And I kind of felt like it was just kind of a weird moment where I was like, I was happy to be recognized. But also, I would love to cut the conversation a little short because I felt like I don't want to distract you guys because right now I need you guys to keep my dad alive. I appreciate the shares, but my father's blue. Yeah.

But, you know, they totally knew that he was going to be alive because he lived. So I guess they know when it's in. Yeah, they've been around the block. They know when to make convo and when not. It's just they've been around. Everything becomes trite no matter what it is. Exactly.

You know? Everything becomes like, you know, I guess you're a mortician. Like, you know, you make the same jokes. When you get a body down there, you pick his penis up and you do whatever. Like tic-tac-toe or whatever. Or you stick a finger in his butt. Or you go, oh, oh, oh. Whatever you do to him.

Or you smack him. You know they have fun with the body down there. Exactly. My dad said he reported to a crime scene once. And there was a dude that hung himself with a tutu. My dad said you could cut the angst in the room with a knife so the detective walked in, he looked around the room, looked at the dude

and just spun him. And his tutu went up and everyone started laughing. It made him do a pirouette. I mean, that's fucking funny. It would have really cut the, you know. People don't understand that dude. They'd be like, oh, why would you?

It's so insensitive. It's like, do you know what his job is? I mean, let the guys have a little fun. The guy's dead. Let him play spit in the tail on the dead suicide guy. All right. So beware that Christian revival. Coming back.

Coming back. We want to always say thank you to our small business shout-outs. Our top-level Patreon members, we support small business. I love to do it. We charge very little, Jesse's in advertising. These people have been viewed by thousands and thousands. You know, when an episode we do gets like 80, 90,000 views, then you get another 80, 90 from audio.

You're talking about over 100,000 people have heard your brand. We hope we're helping. And I really do it because I love the charm of small business. I love the hustle. And that's why I drink Brooklyn Cannery. Brooklyncannery.com. Go order a case of natural, healthy sodas. Healthier. Okay.

Honest advertising. There's no added sugar, and it's low in calories, so go get them. Yes, and we're talking about natural sweeteners with monk fruit and stevia. These are from nature. Exactly. It's from nature, dog. From the earth. And the calories are low.

Oh, real low. The ginger beer is 22 calories. Wow. That's close to water. Water's zero. The ginger beer is 22 calories. Wow. It's a 20, that's close to water. Water's zero. It's only 22 away. Guess how much

the regular sodas are? 160. Mmm. When you get a ginger ale, it's 160 calories. High fructose corn syrup. You're gonna lose your feet. You're gonna get sick.

We can't even say syrup. That's how much we hate it. These are also prebiotic. 15% off your order with the promo code Giannis Pappas, all one it. These are also prebiotic. 15% off your order with the promo code JanusPapas, all one word. BrooklynCannery.com. They're also delicious. So it's a win-win-win. Seriously, they are.

Yeah. Alright. ExclusiveAutoshipping.com If you're buying your car out of state or if you're moving your car, they'll do it. ExclusiveAutoshipping.com Student and military discounts as well. Jared, no fumes. Love you.

Chris Minetti, come get to sign. 215-750-3730. Don't ask a lot of questions. Call the number and get your check cashed by Minetti Financial Services. No matter where that may happen, understand that you are still in the office of Minetti Financial Services, no matter where that may happen, understand that you are still in the office of Minetti Financial Services. Whether you're in the back of a Volkswagen,

an Uber, a Lyft, at a cheesesteak place, at a Wawa, on a street corner in Little Italy, Philly. In the parking lot of an AMC movie theater. You still are a patron at Minetti Financial Services because the office is everywhere. 215-750-3730 in New Jersey. a patron at Minetti Financial Services because the office is everywhere. 215-750-3730 in the Jersey and Philly area, South Jersey area.

So give them a call. Get your check cashed. ForTheFree.art is a pretty cool site where they have music in Hawaii. Yeah, new and up-and-coming artists and music that you may not know about in Hawaii. They got you covered. So ForTheFree.art, go check them out. They're starting live shows in December. Yeah, new and up-and-coming artists and music that you may not know about in Hawaii. They got you covered. So for the free.art, go check them out. They're starting live shows in December.

Yeah, December. December 2017. Okay. Sammy Gubera, who has now become what you call a fan favorite. Everyone is loving the sportshorsefarrier.com. Okay. There also is a number, 864-200-9007. Everyone is loving the sportshorsefarrier.com. Okay. There also is a number, 864-200-9007.

Will she pick up? Who knows? I'm talking to a very, very, very small amount of people out there who have horses. On top of having horses, you have to also live in the Nashville area, I assume. Unless you want to have exclusiveautoshipping.com move your horse. Transport your horse to have Sam Gobera crack it open and clean out their hooves. So,

I don't know if you know what farriers do, but they basically are the dermatologists. They're basically the podiatrists of horse people. They take care of their feet. Yeah. They don't have to go to medical school.

They go to some other dumb school. And they call themselves doctors. But she's a farrier. She's a farrier. And I know a lot of you guys out there are sick of your inadequate farrier costing. Sam will give you a good price to clean out your horse's feet. Okay?

And if you're into that, she'll take a few pictures with them and put them on OnlyFans. And you can do what you got to do with those horse's feet. We're not asking questions. We're not asking questions. She's not asking questions. She's asking you to support. Yeah, that's it. Now, look, Sam, if you want to do a little something where it's you and a horse on OnlyFans,

also, I think people would check that out. Yeah, but that's got to be on a $20 tier. Yeah, we just, on your $20 tier on your OnlyFans, I want to see, I want to see Rainbow's feet next to your foot. I want to see Strawberry's foot and then your foot right next to it. Nice pedicured up. You know, there's a market for that. A lot of guys are going to check in.

It's an underserved market Of guys who love feet Next to a horse's hoof Horse hoof in the frame Also a female foot Yep So I'm just giving suggestions Hopefully you'll get another Small business sponsorship

And it'll be Onlyfans.com Backslash Sam Gubera Foot fetish farrier. Foot fetish farrier. Call her up, 864-200-9007 or visit Sporthorsefarrier.com and get yourself an affordable, experienced horse farrier to fucking clean out those hoofs, baby,

in the Nashville area. Okay. The most popular podcast studio in the world is advertising on our podcast, and I'm very humbled and appreciative that the Manly Girly Studio is with us. They're based out of North Carolina, which is a podcasting hub.

They're friends. They're based out of North Carolina, which is a podcasting hub. It's, they're friends, they're comics, they do comedy, and they have fun shows. I love the fact that these guys got multiple shows. They do a big out there in North Carolina.

I just like, you know, it's like you got one that barely no one's listened to, you know, like what's the solution to this? Let's have six. Let's diversify.

Let's eat our own audience. Over quality. It'd be like if I started three other podcasts. It's like they can only take so much of you. But I think this is a network, and I think it's different guys. So it's different guys. So you may not be into Ju-Anon, but you could be into Casa de Thinking. Or you might be into the Manly Girly show.

Right? There's a variety there. Okay? You got your Ju-Anon for your Nazis. They're serving everybody. The Manly Girly, there's for the more liberal audience, and then, of course,

they got Casa de Thinking for the Republican Cubans. These guys were in Miami at some point, right? Yes, they were. They just moved from Miami. Oh, they just moved from Miami to North Carolina. That's a fucking backwards move. So get to know them better at the Manly Girly Show.

I forgot Gringo on the Rough. My favorite. Gringo on the Rough. It's just about a white guy who's been kidnapped by Mexican cartel members. And he's now at gringo on the rough. For our listeners, you can get 20%. I love that they were jumping straight to buying their merch. So whether you don't check them out or you do,

get their merch for fun. How funny would it be if you walked to the movies in a gringo on the rough shirt? People go, what's that? And you're like, I can't explain it. It's a podcast I don't listen to. Look how funny this story is. What is Gringo on the Rough? You're like, it's a podcast I don't listen to

That I heard about on a podcast I do listen to How fucking Matrix 2023 is that shit? So you get 20% off their merch with the promo code WEPA At their website, right? Manlygirliestudio.com Displaypros.net Jared, what are they about? Wepa at their website, right? Manlygirliestudio.com. Displaypros.net. Jared, what are they about?

They're about making you guys realize the real deal when it comes to custom trade show boots, retail fixtures, and promotional items. If you got something that you want to sell or demonstrate to the people, to the public so they can buy it, displaypros.net are your guys. Go to them. They'll give you a nice little consultation. And if you tell them we sent you, they'll give you 10% off your first purchase with using the code What'sTheDealIs. So go to

displaypros.net and get your shit fixed. Fixed? Or made? No, no, like fixed. Like, you know, get your shit fixed up. Get your wig flipped, shit like that. Yeah, yeah. And then, of course, we got this dude again. Have anyone read a chapter?

Still no. No, no. I will take it upon myself to not read it. You didn't see that one coming. All right, so where do we go? This is our little Eastern Hemi friend here. Cute, no Fumara, Eastern Hemi, but will suck your cock for a penny. Yeah, and he's promoting the city graphic novel.

And with this chat GPT summary, it says, In this graphic novel, readers are taking on a thrilling journey through the dark underbelly of a crime-ridden city where an aging crime lord finds himself losing control over his empire. With a third girl coming, that sounds like your house. As the terrorist groups and rival syndicates rise up to challenge his authority, the crime lord must navigate a treacherous landscape and fight to maintain his power.

Okay, now I want to change that a little bit now to add the American culture wars to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, there is a Nazi crime lord posting online, right? Friends with Fuentes, Nick Fuentes. Nick Fuentes has taken over the world. Can you scroll down? Friends with Fuentes, Nick Fuentes. Nick Fuentes has taken over the world.

Can you scroll down? So Nick Fuentes has taken over the world, and he's taken over online. His videos have gotten very, very, very, very popular, and he takes over Florida, and it becomes crime-ridden because everything is laissez-faire capitalism. So there's a lot of poor people at the bottom, and they start doing drugs.

But then a rival group of Antifa super lords come in to save the day from Nick Fuentes. They're Antifa. They're against fascists, and a big fight breaks out. Who's going to maintain power? I don't know, but it ends up being Kanye West wins.

Go read the book. Read it. Go follow his Instagram page, The City Graphic Novel. And also, if you want to read it, if you want to follow The City, follow it on Instagram. But if you want to read it, go to sarazar.com. Chapter 3 just came out, guys, so hop on that. Chapter 3.

Staffing Beaver. It's your favorite people right here. Our favorite. These guys will staff you up with loads of pussy. They find offshore remote talent to fill important roles in your business, and what they leave out is for a lot cheaper. So hire a bookkeeper, customer service rep, data entry specialist, graphic designer, inbound call expert, outbound call expert.

All you need is a 30-minute discovery call, and they can save you up to 70% Of what you're currently paying To fill those roles They'll get you a cheap fucking Indian bitch Who's basically living in child labor camps To do the fucking phone calls Yeah exactly

She'll get some semi indentured servant slave Somewhere in Mumbai To make the call for you guy And keep your books So Staffing Beaver is the place to go to cut costs and hire slaves. Go to StaffingBeaver.com and schedule

a discovery call with Rob. That's my favorite. No with Mr. Rob McFarland. No, it's just with a guy named Rob. Just call a guy named Rob over at StaffingBeaver.com We're going to do it without them knowing it's us. We're going to create a fake

one, and we're going to get on the fucking phone with Rob, and I'm going to tell him, I'm going to see how crooked they are. I'm going to say, listen, I got a lot of coke I need to move. What can you do for me? Do you got any connects? I want to get this. I got to unload this heroin in Afghanistan. Tell me what connects you got.

Office space? No. Supplies? No. Get out of here. Global talent is the hack to growing your business faster. So, go sure to follow them on Twitter, at Staffing Beaver for everything global talent. Remember, there's no place better to go than Staffing Beaver if you want to hire cheap slave

labor to cut your costs. They told us to spice up the read.