Yannis Pappas Hour - Dassit & Derren Brown

Episode Date: December 15, 2023

Yanni addresses the SNL situation, the manipulation advertisers use to hack our subconscious, the important summit that happened on X with Andrew Tate, Elon Musk, and Alex Jones, and why anti-Semites haven't targeted the number of Jews who have won Nobel Peace Prizes in the sciences. Finally, Yanni alludes to the problem of theft circulating in the comedy world and how it reminds him of advertising. Not a coincidence that content creators are lying like brands, as they're acting like brands.   See Yanni do stand up live in your town: Ticket links on yannispappascomedy.com Join our highlights page for highlight clips from the episodes: https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykw Join our channel! new bonus episodes every Wednesday at https://www.patreon.com/yannispappashour?utm_campaign=creatorshare_

Howdy hoes, it's the Honest Pappas hour. How's everybody doing out there? And by everybody, I mean the teachers who are on OnlyFans as well. Your secret should be safe with students. Rats. Why do these people keep ratting? Tell these kids to keep their mouth shut. If you find out your teacher's on OnlyFans,

pay for it and smack off like a good teenage boy. Stop running your mouth and getting these chicks fired. I mean, they're getting paid 15 cents to educate you while ChatGBT exists. I mean, they can't teach you something you can't just Google. So let these girls make a living, okay? We're sending billions of dollars to Ukraine and our teachers have to work second jobs as porn stars. Google. So let these girls make a living. Okay. We send the billions of dollars to Ukraine and

our teachers have to work second jobs as porn stars. It's America, baby. It's what it is. Like I said, ladies, there's a viable option for you. If you don't got a club foot, do it. Even if you got a club foot, you will find 200 guys who are into it five bucks that's a nice little boost to your personal gdp ladies we're gonna get into it a couple of uh teachers were outed for their only fans pages and guess what when it hit the news subscriptions skyrocketed because like i said last episode there's nothing we love more than scandalous behavior. Everyone's soon going to get that through their heads. Everyone soon is going to be starting to act scandalous more than they already have and are. So put your bra on and get

ready. Strap into the roller coaster. That's going to be the chaos of personal behavior coming soon as now we can monetize it fully through our gossip economy and our car crash driven click media. It's America, baby.

Howdy hoes. Howdy howdy howdy. SNL's been nutty nutty nutty nutty nutty it's their really their only way to make the news is to be controversial at this point I'm starting to assume that they do it on purpose in order to make the news and and be relevant um who knows if they do it on purpose and say hey you're going to sit out this sketch. There's going to be speculation. You weren't comfortable. We're going to make the news.

They're fully driven by tabloid culture now as well. Like the rest of the media, SNL is a part of the culture wars, baby. You can't escape them. They are delicious. I fulfilled a childhood dream and was on SNL this week. So now I can say with my old friend, Nate Bargatze, you hosted, but yeah, I got a sketch on. We will talk about it. Sheila Jackson Lee lost her bid to be mayor of Houston because everyone just showed up to vote on the wrong day. So she's trying to get

back into the house because the mayoral thing didn't work out. Her advertising campaign was just wasted money. It was like a pilot at HBO. It just was a waste of money. It didn't work out. Guess what? Half of teens polled in a new poll say they are online constantly. And in other news, Half of teens polled in a new poll say they are online constantly. And in other news, news is wet. I'm surprised it's only half of teens. You know what that poll should really say? Half of the teens polled admitted that they were online constantly, and the other half lied because they're all online.

But finally, I want to get to the most important news this week, is that NASA has found a missing tomato that was orbiting the Earth, and they came upon it again. So if you were worried about the missing tomato, I saw that tomato on a bunch of milk cartons, and we found the tomato. I wonder what that tomato tastes like

when you mix it with space air. This is the Yanis Papasour, where we just want to give you good news from now on. The world's going to be fine. Do not worry about China ramming a Philippine vessel in the South China Sea. See, no big deal. Do not worry about the cyber attacks on critical, crucial American energy companies located in Hawaii and an attempted attack on a Texas energy grid. energy grids that are located close to the South China Sea, which suggests a change in strategy from political and educational sabotage to sow chaos to, hey, we're getting ready. We're getting ready to take Taiwan and we want to know that we can confuse your ability to send troops to the theater of war. Ignore that because there is a tomato that was found in space. This is the Honest Papasour. Get your swim trunks on. We're going underwater. I just noticed I don't say what's the deal is anymore.

I tried to force that catchphrase down people's throats. A lot of fans do say, What's the dollars? And when I call you, I always still say, What's the dollars? What's the dollars is great, but I try to really force it down their throats. You can't force a catchphrase down people's throats.

It happens naturally. Like Das said, I didn't choose it as a catchphrase. The fans did when they watched the video. And every fan after they watch the video does a certain voice where they go, and da set. Now, the character, Maurese, which I created 12 years ago, which became quite iconic, was ahead of her time and extremely popular, extremely popular. I mean, it brought people together. You got the gay community that loves it.

They do her at drag shows all the time. You got obviously the Cuban and Puerto Rican Dominican communities that love it. You got your white girls that love it. You got your white guys that love it. You got everyone loves it. And she is a pre-op transgendered woman from a Latin woman, half Latin, half Czechoslovakian, from the Lower East Side of New York City. You know, J-Lo watched it, loved it.

Pitbull loved it. Rosario Dawson quoted it on The Tonight Show years ago. She put the meme up on her social media. Cal Pan put the meme up with her going, I'm just looking for someone to make me feel wepa all the time. Now, da se, said that way, and da se, is the way people say it after they watch the video. You're a fan of the video.

You thought it was funny. You start going around with your friends, and you're going, and da se. I want to go, and you can use it for anything. I'm going to the store, and da se. I want somebody to take me to Westchester and I said, and I said, I'm trying to tell you that said, so obviously Marisa did not invent that said, because that said is saying that said with like a New Yorican accent, instead of saying, that's it. You say that said, right Because you're speaking in Spanglish or whatever.

And it's just New Yorkers, we say this, that, these, and those. My dad would always make me go this, that, these, and those. But Marisa, the character, is directly responsible for das et becoming funny and a thing said in a certain way. And it's a certain way. Um, and it's been that way. She's really, um,

affected the zeitgeist in that way. And in the way, and what I mean by that is that I think some people often may not know as years went by where it originated, right? Cause it just got so big. It became a thing like you go girl some people be like you go girl i'm like where did it actually start oh that's from

martin lawrence's thing right um from his special you go girl i mean people would probably say you go girl but he made it a thing it's like have mercy when john stamos made have mercy a thing people say have mercy but he made it a thing. Have Mercy was his catchphrase right on the show. So you can't be from Miami and be Cuban and not know that. The two spots that Marissa has been the most popular has been Miami and New York City. Those are the two spots it exploded. Lines around the block.

People saying, that's it. We sold shirts that said, that's it. I mean, you know. So if you do a sketch where the punchline is, that's it, and that's it, it's obvious to everyone that you stole it um i'm flattered because olivia rodrigo's in there she's got talent um but you know this is this just shows the schism of these two worlds right you got this tv world where people push you and they make you into a star or whatever. And then you got this world, this grassroots world of this iconic character

that has brought joy to so many people. Soldiers telling me they watched it when they were in battle in Afghanistan. I mean, the list goes on of the amount of people who've told me what that character has done for them during dark times. It's been a real positive for her. She's a real source of light in the world. She's so well established and it's so known that it's hers

that doing it in this comedy context, everyone was just saying, hey, you stole that. Like it was a known thing. The sketch was just really bad, but it was stolen. It's stolen. a known thing the sketch was just really bad um but it was stolen it's stolen snl stole the sketch from me and it was nice to be on snl it was nice to watch what i created what i created way ahead of its time find its way onto a mainstream uh television show which

is mostly now used as a punchline. It's sad to watch being a New York comedy that was such a bastion for, you know, just edgy, original comedy. And now it's just people are just always going, that's still on the air. Ah, ah, woke garbage. It's just kind of, nobody really watches it

unless there's a controversy, you know, unless the media picks up on someone walking off or somebody dating someone or it, you know, what celebrities on there. And it's not what it used to be. It used to be that the actual comedians on there would get famous from the comedy they did. Now it's like, who's hosting? And that's the only thing that matters. And, you know, I give them credit for surviving through this in some way and figuring out a way to survive. But it's sad to watch.

It's sort of a cautionary tale of something staying past its welcome. It's obvious it can't compete with the speed of the internet and how many people make sketches and how much content is out there and how comedians have to riff so much now. and how much content is out there and how comedians have to riff so much now. Comedians start to become beloved for how funny they are off the top of the head on podcasts and stuff.

And the people that are on this show probably still try to look down at podcasts and go, oh, he's got a podcast. Yeah, and he's making as much money as Matt Damon to star in a movie. You fucking antiquated DVD player. You're a DVD player. Yeah. If you knew how successful and popular and how much tickets were sold by the more popular, funny podcasters. I mean, I don't know what you're talking about. It's you're just making

yourself look bad by continuing to try to shit on a world that has completely usurped the destination TV world and movies and everything. It is what it is. Now, is it healthy? Probably not. But was TV healthy? Was it TV healthy when they were pitching us all those ads? ads it's not a coincidence that add became a thing when everyone started being raised by television with commercials every 30 seconds when you were getting things thrown at you by companies that are very much aware of your subconscious and how to hack it you know what i mean that's the funny

thing uh that's not to make fun of the libertarian paradise again but it's like we're all defenseless to manipulation by uh subliminal messages it's a proven thing that advertisers know about go watch the darren brown special that you know honest medium from um england who showed you how it's done right he's just tricking everyone there's an episode where he has that uh british comedian on and he manipulates him into wanting what's in the present what is in the box and the guy goes so what would be your ideal present the guy goes a red bike and then he opens the president it's a red bike and the guy goes what the hell and you know what the worst part is listen to this dude he asked him before he did that darren brown the name is you can google the

sketch i mean not to sketch the show he asked the celebrity to a week ago write down what his ideal present would be and put it in an envelope right so the guy wrote wallet and he put it in an envelope and then so the guy's going in there going like, it's a wallet. The guy manipulates him into, with all the suggestive tricks, into saying red bike. He opens the present, he sees red bike. And then he goes, now open the envelope. And he goes, wallet. He forgot that he wanted a wallet.

And he's just like, I want the red bike. And then they show you, he shows you afterwards what he did with imagery and words and touching him with certain uh you know before and saying buh and sir and certain things that manipulate you i mean why did i want to smoke why do kids want to smoke cigarettes that first cigarette you had when you were a teenager is the grossest tasting thing in the world but we keep doing it not because we love the cigarettes they they're horrible they make you cough they stink they make your clothes stink it's because it was cool how did it become cool so we will always be manipulated by bad actors who are trying to manipulate us for their financial

gain so that's where you go okay maybe we need some regulation but then you go that flies in We'll always be manipulated by bad actors who are trying to manipulate us for their financial gain. So that's where you go, okay, maybe we need some regulation. But then you go, that flies in the face of my principles on paper. I got to live it free. Everyone's got to be free to make their own choice. Government's got to be out of anything. You're like, all right. So if there's a free-for-all, watch what happens. Watch what happens.

Because these companies aren't looking out for you. They're looking out for you giving them something. And that something is eight NFTs. Watch what happens because these companies aren't looking out for you. They're looking out for you giving them something. And that something is eight NFTs. It's hard greenbacks, baby. It's hard greenbacks printed by the old Federal Reserve, which you can buy stuff with. A Bugatti.

You can get your own Bugatti. You can get a room at the Four Seasons. You can travel privately. You can pay for prostitutes. And also buy their silence. You can get a guma on the side. Buy our silence. You can buy. Buy and buy and buy.

So that's why people do it. So it's an interesting thing. It's just an interesting thing. I'm glad that I was able to be a cast member for a week. Flattered, huh? Gonna get a royalty check? I'm sure, I'm sure it'll be asked if I feel weird about it. Do you feel weird about it?

Well, I don't feel weird about it. Do you feel weird about it do you feel weird about it well i don't feel weird about it do you feel weird what happens dude is like it's so funny because i've been talking about this um on on the pod me and tim have been talking about it it's this sort of error of one dimensional everyone's become and a brand so they're like Coca-Cola and what do advertisers do? They lie. They're one dimensional personalities and that's what you need to do

to really succeed. That's what grabs people's attention. You're known for one thing. One little one trick pony and people aren't confused by you. They don't want to go to your Twitter and go wait

I loved you from this other thing but now you're talking like what I do. You don't want to do that. You don't want to be a three dimensional human beings with different confusing people. So if you want to get big, that's what you do. The problem is a lot of people are getting caught now for lying because it's in the air. It's just, there's no consequences, especially in the comedy

community. There used to be big consequences. You'd be shunned. It would be a thing. You'd lose work. It ruins your career. And there's nobody doing that anymore. It used to just be Rogan who would just, with his platform, just, you know, or now it's the fans that do it. They make compilations eventually, you know, but there's just no consequences. And especially these younger generations that come up with the internet, you know, but there's just no consequences. And especially these younger generations that are, that come up with the internet, you know, and these writers, they just peruse online and they, ah, look me, whatever it is.

And there's just, there's no policing of it. So I hate to say it, but much like broken windows, you know, or you let people jump to turnstile. It just increasingly, that's how crime works. That's just how, that's why you have to be conservative on crime, no matter if you're a liberal or else your neighborhood where you live is going to go. I don't care how much your heart is bleeding through the sheets at night for disenfranchised groups. If you're not tough on crime, it's just an ever encroaching, inevitable thing that crime will become rampant.

an ever encroaching inevitable thing that crime will become rampant. No theory, no, no source of empathy, no amount of empathy is going to change that because that's how humans are because they like doing crime because crime's fun. Everyone's looking for a shortcut. That's why people like to gamble. Like, right? Like Maya Lansky said, uh, one money is twice as good as earned money. We're all at the casino now. And the social media companies got us at the casino, locked in. They're pumping air in there. It's likes.

Oh, I got to get likes. We're all just gamblers, just posting content. All right, let's just spin the wheel again. Let's try this. Did this go viral? Okay, no, it didn't. Let me try again. Let me try again. And that's how TikTok hooked these kids. because when you sign up at the beginning they let like your first video or

two video go explode explode you know they got you at the table they give you one those numbers are juiced yeah they give you a free one they juice the first one all these fake accounts liking and they juice it and then you're just chasing that dragon right you're chasing the dragon the next thing you know they're showing you all this confusing content next thing you know you're praising osama bin laden's uh alex de tocqueville book on america and you're going these kids are fucking wild then you're just seeing war footage that the algorithm's pushing you're going like what do you think's happening here yeah and china's just sit back you know eating their dolphin and playing with their rhino horns just laughing the whole time

China, rhino horns don't give you a bigger penis I know you're searching for why nature gave you guys such tiny penises and you think rhino horns and let me just say maybe Yao Ming's got a schlong but every time

I've looked at Asian porn, they just don't. When you look at the metrics, they just don't have them. They just don't have them. People got different features. The Greeks don't either. You can tell by the statues. I don't think it's anywhere near the epidemic that is in Asia. But Asians, at least I think some of the, I think maybe the Cambodians or whatever,

they may have, you know, Thailand might have a little bigger hogs. But, I mean, the good old Korean, Japanese, Chinese, I mean, you're dealing with Tic Tacs. And so I think that's why they buy into the rhino horns. and so I think that's why they buy into the rhino horns. They think that if they get these rhino horns, and what do they make it, like in a powder, and they drink it? And it's just complete placebo.

I mean, these fucking archaic cultural traditions are really hard to stamp out. Belief is hard to stamp out. Once you're in, you're in, and the younger they get you the better and reason be damned i mean you know there's a lot of religions out there where you go all right let's look at some of what these people did let's look at a sebastian mariscalco's new specialist called what is it consensual if she's nine and you just got to do a lot of mental gymnastics because you don't want anything

to uh disrupt to unearth your strongly held beliefs that's why you just can't penetrate that deep religion those extreme religion you can't penetrate them you can't penetrate that deep religion, those extreme religion. You can't penetrate them. You can't reason with them. You just, I mean, you either get overtaken by them or you overtake. I mean, what can you do in the real world? It's a tough thing. And the rhino horns is a perfect example of that. These motherfuckers, the whole, rhinos lose their horn.

At some point, if a rhino could speak, he would just like go, come on, guys. It's the same material as your fucking nail on your hand. It's not going to make your dick hard. Do you know how many rhinos are killed for this and what kind of black market this has created? And it goes all to China. For centuries, rhino horn has been used in traditional Chinese medicine. I hate to break it to you. It doesn't work.

It doesn't work. It's like chiropractic. He's just cracking your freaking back. It may feel nice because you're stretching a little bit, but it is placebo. How do you say placebo in Mandarin? In traditional Chinese medicine, the horn, which is shaved or ground into a powder and dissolved

in boiling water, is used to treat fevers, rheumatism, gout, and other disorders. Yeah, sure. I'll stick with Tylenol. I'll stick with Tylenol for the old fever. That works real good. China announces a legalization

of tiger bone and rhino horn from captive breed animals in hospitals in the same week that we release our Living Planet report showing wildlife populations have declined by 60% in less than 50 years because of China. They just reversed the ban on this. When was this? They're just continuing to do this.

Is there any evidence that it worked? Look at what they do to these rhinos, dude. These poachers, because there's a huge economy based on this. And it's illegal to do it where they do it. But in China, it's like shark fin soup, right? They just keep killing all the sharks, disrupting the ecosystem. I love how every you know this is why the christian eye toll is coming everyone just kid gloves this stuff right if it ain't if it ain't a european white male that you're wagging your finger at it's kid gloved always that's been the

predominant culture that has captured entertainment, education, and everything. Merit second. First, what is the look of this? Who's represented? Let's write some previous wrongs. Let's social engineer. And then you go, well, hey, you're discriminating against Asians.

You're going, going okay when it comes to asian horns we're just gonna say china plays a crucial role in tackling it's just china nobody's using rhino horns in the netherlands to get a boner or or cure their or. It's China. It's China. It's happening in China. And that's it. But they just downplay. They play a crucial role. Their part, you know,

it's some of the trafficking of illegal rhino horns from illegally harvested rhinos has been linked back to, potentially linked back to some parts of, in Asia, some parts in the Eastern Hemisphere. You know, it's just very kid-gloved a little bit. You know, it's the same thing with climate change. You're going, climate change is all of our problem.

Then you look at the numbers, you go, it's mostly a China India problem. So in the same week, the wild lock population has declined by over 50% because I'll say it for you because of China. Um, and here they at least admit it. We have to express our concern over China's announcement to legalize the use of tiger bone. Just concern. Just concern. It's very delicately put. Delicately put.

There'll be no protests for animal groups over this. It's just delicately put. We express a little concern. We're just a little concerned. We would never, you know, we would never want to suggest anyone is doing anything bad if they weren't historically colonizing. anything wrong if historically we cannot indict them for colonization how right am i right now i'm so right am i not right i mean getting a yes from you is like getting a yes from gobles i need a yes from someone who smells like candles purple hair yeah i need a yes from someone who's like purple hair so China's announcement to legalize the use of tiger bone and rhino horn from

captive breeds in hospitals has really boosted the domestic trade in antique tiger and rhino products China banned domestic trade in tiger bone and rhino horn in 1993 and that didn't stop anything, by the way. And this ban has been critical

in conserving these iconic species. It probably has a big role in the food chain as well in just keeping the balance. The announcement of a resumption of a legal market for these animal products is a huge setback for the enormous effort that have been made during the last 25 years to protect these animals in the wild.

It's so bad over there in Africa that a lot of these conservatists, what are they called, have just been cutting off the rhino horns. They're just going, because the rhino horns eventually- Yeah, they try and preempt it. Yeah, they just preempt them,

be like, we'll cut them off, at least so you don't kill the rhino. Yeah, because they shoot the animal. Yeah, they shoot the animal, they cut his whole face in half. Brutal. Yeah, so it. Yeah, they just preempt it and be like, we'll cut them off, at least so you don't kill the rhino. Yeah, because they shoot the animal. Yeah, they shoot the animal. They cut his whole face in half. Brutal. Yeah, so it's like this is something that just can't be stopped. And the reason it can't be stopped,

because of this huge market in China for rhino horns, and because they believe it has medicinal property, and it has sexual, it gives men sexual potency. And it's just a really great example about how superstition and belief is impossible to stamp out. You know, you know, people just say things and, and they, it's just emotional. It's beliefs, you know like uh it doesn't have any uh it doesn't it it's not in the real world these people are not they don't have two feet on the ground like dave portnoy just said he's immediately as a response as a response to harvard not um forcing cla Claudine gay. And pun intended, that bitch is as gay-looking as it comes.

I don't even know for a fact she's gay, but like I said, you can judge a person by their haircut. And let me tell you something, she's got the same haircut my friend Jaha had in fourth grade. You know? She's just got a guy's head. So I assume she's not interested in femininity. I don't think you're going to get her, um, to buy, uh, Amway makeup products. I just don't think, I don't think she's going to buy into Monet hair products. I don't think she's gonna, I just don't think she's going to buy into Monet hair products. I don't think she's going to, I just don't think she's into makeup.

There she is. There she is. So Dave Portnoy in his ire, he's like, what can I do? He goes, what can I do? I know what I can do. I can make a statement. I can release a statement saying we are no longer hiring Harvard grads at Barstool Sports. And then the follow-up question is, how many Harvard applicants do you have at Barstool Sports?

He's going, no, look, I don't know that for a fact. Maybe the place is littered with Harvard alumni like you know, like the Onion. Who knows? I don't know. Maybe, what's the other gazette that they all go to groundlings after? Isn't there another famous comedic? The Hard Lampoon.

Maybe it's just like writers for The Simpsons, right, who all wrote for the Lampoon and Harvard. Maybe Barstool Sports, the comedy is written all by former Lampooners. Maybe there's Harvard guys sitting, maybe there's a bunch of finger sniffers sitting around in the meeting room

at Barstool Sports, which I can only assume is just like a Nerf couch with like little Nerf hoops everywhere and energy drinks galore maybe they sit around and go okay we got another fucking idea let's get a chick in a bathing suit and let's yell about blacks we need a couple of harvard grads to help us film this pizza review outside of an obscure pizza joint in New Brunswick, New Jersey. We're hiring Harvard. or to continue your family legacy of being a Harvard alum by calling your waspy mom and dad who have slave-owning ancestors' portraits up in the foyer

and say, Mom and Dad, I'm taking our family name to Barstool. So I don't know how much of an effect that will have on Harvard, a barstool. So, I don't know how much of an effect that will have on Harvard, but it's definitely going to pressure them. I think that may be the coup de grâce for Harvard. They go, whoa, whoa, wait a second. Did Dave Portnoy say he's not hiring any more Harvard grads at

barstool? We got to fire this. We got to fire this. Can you beep it? Yeah. He issued a statement saying, your diploma is useless to me. Yeah, it was before. What are you going to do with that? What are you going to do with a scientist?

What are you going to do with the top 1% of brain, of finger sniffers? He's a brilliant guy. I enjoy him. I love his pizza reviews. I actually like go by his recommendations. He's got great taste in pizza and he built an empire over there. So,

as Andrew, as the great Andrew Schultz says, everyone can get these jokes. So you're getting them too. And it's going to be in the comments. Look at Yana's saving face just so he can go on KFC radio again. Yeah, that's what I did. My agent's texting me, Bubby.

What are we saying? What are we talking about? Bubby. He just said, you just haven't had my mom's latkes. So he must have seen my clip where I called them fucking home fries. He just said, you just haven't had my mom's latkes. So he must have seen my clip where I called them fucking home fries. Yeah, Bubby, I'm telling you, Bubby, you got to throw a little sour cream on them. Another thing that I will never have. I don't even get sour cream on my burritos.

No? Once in a blue. You're missing out. Once in a blue, but sour cream is dominant. I mean, you could throw sour cream on a ketchup packet and it'll taste good. Bubby, Bubby, no, you haven't had my mom's latkes. Bubby. Bubby, they're not just flat and fried potatoes, Bubby.

Latkes are an embarrassment of a food. Can I say it any other way? It's an embarrassment. They're burnt. You know what I mean? A neighbor brought them to my house and it was just burnt.

God, I hope he doesn't watch this. They were just burnt flat like cold potatoes. I just poured hot sauce all over them. I went, Baraka, the title, henum, malak, malam,

alo, shih tzu. Do you have latkes? No. Has anyone ever enjoyed a latke and not pretended a little bit is anyone and not pretended a little bit i'm sure there's some it's like having a christian wafer and going somebody out there i bet you i bet you yeah there's some good actor out there we could change your heart on this. But listen, dude, I mean, the tomato has been found. It's the most important part. What people don't know is NASA that lost the potato

came under great pressure from the Italian American League to find that tomato. They go, whoa, whoa, whoa. I got tomato. These tomatoes are from Israel. I use only Israeli tomatoes on my pizza. They got great tomatoes. They're world-renowned tomatoes.

But also Italy's got great tomatoes. Greece has got great tomatoes. A lot of places over there in the Middle East got great tomatoes. California also has got great tomatoes. You know? New Jersey. The beefsteak from New Jersey is a great tomato.

My dad used to call them tomatoes. John, you want your omelet with tomatoes? Tomato, with a tomato. That old 1950s Brooklyn accent is the best. I love it. I'm going to park by the Johnny Pump. He called them Johnny Pumps. Called Puerto Ricans Puerto Ricans.

Where are these Puerto Ricans? Is he Puerto Rican? Is Angelo Puerto Rican? I love that Puerto Rican character you did. It reminds me of a lot of Puerto Ricans I grew up with in Brooklyn. And tomato. You want a

tomato? You got to say with an eh at the end. Not tomato. It's tomato. Jersey's got great tomatoes. They do have great tomatoes. But yeah, I mean, the Italians were upset about this. I don't know whether they were more upset about this

or about Columbus Day being changed to Indigenous Peoples Day. Up in arms. They've been up in arms about those two things the most, I think. You know? So what can I say? Here we go. To Mr. DeVito.

My own. Yeah. Here we go. Here we go. So I think, I think Cush took a break from Tik TOK, called up NASA and said, find that tomato. So they found the tomato. Apparently it's been,

it's been a real mystery. It was the disappearance of the first tomato grown in space. So it was actually grown in space and it disappeared. Until this week when the seven astronauts at the International Space Station announced on the 25th anniversary of the orbiter that they found the rogue tomato. We,

well, we might have found something that someone had been looking for quite a while. NASA astronaut, finger sniffer, Jasmine, Mogue belly, Mogue belly.

Yeah. She cried when she found the tomato. Jesus Christ. She's just like my grandmother's missing a tomato. It was the first one to be harvested and grown in space. It was grown in March by American astronaut Frank Rubio. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't, don't, don't.

Look, the Mexicans can serve the food, but as far as harvesting the tomato, it's got to be delicate Italian hands. Okay? All right? The Mexicans may now dominate the kitchen, but as far as a tomato from my garden, I don't let anyone touch my garden.

It's my garden. These tomatoes are fresh from my garden. Come over. I'm jarring sauce. I'll be jarring sauce all season. We'll have sauce. White people in America love to have deer meat in the freezer for the winter. And the Italians like just

cans and cans and cans and cans of jarred sauce. I'm going to give a few to relatives on holidays. The rest is for me familia. They mine. So the red robin tomato was harvested as part of the NASA experiment to grow produce in space for longer-term missions in the future. They're trying to figure out how Italians will do on Mars.

This is a fresh tomato. Rubio said it was a proud moment. It would have made my mother proud. to me. Rubio said it was a proud moment. It would have made my mother proud. I continue the family tradition of growing tomatoes. She got mad. She said, you're becoming an astronaut.

Why are you becoming an astronaut? Oh, but I'm an astronaut like your father. I'm making the pizza. What's the other? The focaccio. I'm making the We gotta make the pizza What's the other? The focaccio The real Italians It's a focaccio

Give me the focaccio, brother So she got upset Her mom got upset Oh, disgrazia It's space Go to Italy Why you go to space? They don't have fresh fingers

It's space But he saved face by growing a tomato. Ma, this one's for you. This beautiful red tomato is for you. Did he sign the tomato? The one that he grew up with? I want that tomato. I want it dehydrated.

That tomato Is real important To every Italian American right now They want that fucking tomato You could do a lot with that tomato Dude I want it signed by Frank Rubio Like a baseball But a great astronaut Frank Rubio It was a real proud moment

Right up until the day he lost track Out of tomato He's not a real italian yeah you know you don't lose track of a fucking grown tomato what's funny is the tomato was just orbiting earth i think the aliens came saw a tomato orbiting earth and they said dude it's beyond we can't do anything we can't help these people they got a tomato in orbit because the funny thing is anything will just i think there's like a space jacket or gear also just orbiting there's tons of space there's

space junk that just orbits it get pulled by the gravitational pull it's finger sniffer stuff i don't understand how that works but the pull the earth and the moon and everything pulls on each other and even gravity is not like a pull down it's everything's pulling on each other. And even gravity is not like a pull down. It's everything's pulling on each other. We're pulling on each other. The furniture's pulling on the thing and the wall. I don't understand it. When I learned that, I was like, okay, I'm going back to asking AI what I leave as a tip.

Because, dude, I thought gravity pulls you down, but it's holding everything in place and everything's gravitational force is acting on everything else perfectly. Right? So this chair is fucking, everything is acting on each other to hold everything in place. Gravity's crazy. Too confusing.

It's too confusing for me. Huh? I just want to go, huh? It's crazy that there's people who understand this stuff, and none of them ever seem to be on Twitter. They don't have any hot takes. They probably just, like, if they went on Twitter, they would just weep and go, my God, we got to get to Mars, dude.

You got to get me away from Andrew Tate's Matrix as soon as possible. I am optimistic about the future of the world now because Alex Jones has been reinstated on Twitter and they did a very important summit. I think this is the most important summit that has happened in the, since the David Accords. I mean, how do you list this level of importance of summits than the summit that took place live on Axe

between Alex Jones, Andrew Tate, Elon Musk, and I believe Dave Smith from Legion of Skanks? And maybe a few other actors were in there. Maybe Tucker hopped in there after his muckraking reporting on the guy who smoked crack with Obama. They got into a live stream on

X to discuss, I can only imagine, how to dismantle Neo's, how to be Neo in the Matrix. Well, Elon did a poll. He asked the audience if they, if they should let Alex Jones. Yeah.

Who's going to say no to that. It was overwhelmingly. Yes. Yeah. I mean, but dude, have him on at this point. I follow this guy.

Who's just straight up Nazi. And I'm not even making this up. And what's disturbing is the algorithm. Keep showing them to me because I'm, I do like a fascinating, I'm going like, did he just say that? I follow a guy on X who is, let me be clear. I can't believe what I'm reading sometimes. And I'm just going like, I'm for free speech, but also, you know, it's like the paradox of tolerance.

It's like, I'm tolerant, but also, where's the line? Like what, like I can't, I know there's a lot of people, sound off in the comments if you hate what I'm saying. If you're a free speech absolutist, sound off in the comments. I'm just telling you that I am shocked with what i see um and just on x now you just have no idea what's true it's just like it is a potpourri of disinformation and it's like really like you don't even know what it's like depend you're like it's the worst i've ever seen of like

what what happened was it really what's going on? Like, cause everyone's just free to say whatever, but you know, that coming in, you know, that coming in. So if you're there for entertainment, it's great. Um, but the thing is like, I follow a guy who is a straight up Nazi. Like I can't emphasize that enough. Like his, the things he are saying, he's saying, it's just, it's crazy, dude. Is he decked out in swastikas and all that? No, no. I mean, I've seen those. I've also seen those. I've also seen the memes with all the Jews, like in fields.

You know, that's a big one going around right now. It's like the media, in government, like all the stars of David, like, you know, um, and, uh, just the, the conspiracies are there. It's just,

um, well, he didn't waste any time, Alex Jones. He wasn't, he's been tweeting up a story. He goes right back in. Right back.

Yeah. Yeah. I just wonder if the Jews, the Jews in the diaspora, as it's called, right. I just wonder if there's any correlation between their high positions in fields and their emphasis on education. I just wonder. I just wonder if there's any correlation between the amount of Asians you see at hospitals and their emphasis on education. I wonder if there's a correlation between the South Asians who are dominating tech and medicine and their emphasis on education.

I just wonder if there's a correlation between the Greeks' success in America, which is a very, they're one of the most successful ethnic groups, and any correlation between their emphasis on education. You know, the hard way. You know, it's earned money, ethnic groups and any correlation between the emphasis on education. You know, the hard way. You know, it's earned money, not won money.

Everyone wants to win money. Everyone wants to win that lotto ticket of fame. And I just think, I just wonder if that has anything to do with it. I just wonder. Now, I'm do with it. I just wonder. Now, I'm sure there's a little nepotism here and there, like there is with every ethnic group, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Let's just say maybe there's even a little more. Fine.

I'll concede that. I just wonder how we skip that. I wonder how that's just wonder i just wonder how we skip that i wonder how that's just a it's just missed i just wonder how it's like okay where like where these people go did they go to plattsburgh community college no no no they didn't do that how did he get his dentist license oh he went to harvard medical school he went to yeah he went to penn undergrad School. He went to, yeah, he went to Penn undergrad. No, I guess, I guess that's a cultural thing. They really, you know, the family just goes, hey, we don't, we won't talk to you unless, like, you know, it's just kind of a missed, you know, it's a misstep. I just wonder what opportunities there are for Jewish people that don't exist for everyone else because then

you see other ethnic groups like Nigerians come in and they start rising up Greeks Italians Irish they've all everyone's gotten to the tops a lot of blacks are at the top a lot of fields so I just wonder, wonder, ooh, who wrote the book of Jews? Tell me, tell me, baby, how did the Jews get successful? I wonder, wonder, wonder, till I look at their curriculum vitae. Ooh, who wrote the book of education? It's Jews. If you have any experience with these people, they really love their books. They love their school. They love their business smarts.

I guess like Kanye said, I'm jealous. There's a lot to learn. Maybe there is. I just don't know. It's just an interesting thing that that thing is always skipped in the, you know, as like maybe a causal, maybe like,

okay, this person is in government, their high position. Okay. Let's look at what is education is. I would start to believe the conspiracy. If I saw high school, I saw GED. I saw GED, General Equivalency Diploma.

I saw graduated from Apex Technical Institute in downtown Brooklyn. I would start to get online from Springfield College, from Cambridge College, not Cambridge University, I would be like, hey, something's going on here. These guys are really throwing down a ladder for their kinfolk. But they're just always kind of top of the class, top universities. It's just an interesting thing. Everyone skips that. All right.

I'm just reading a comment right now. Yanni, they have been kicked out of 151 countries. Do you think that's a coincidence? I don't know, man. I don't know. Maybe,

maybe, maybe it's not a coincidence because they, their success in those countries pisses people off. Maybe that's what it is. I just don't know. I just don't see people putting that theory forward. It's like I love basketball. You know what really pisses me off?

Black success in a sport that made it very difficult for me. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, the great Chris Rock pointed out African-Americans are at best 13% of the American population. They are 92% of the NFL. How did that happen?

I don't know. Certain things happen. Certain groups are good at certain things or they're into certain things or they emphasize certain things. And I think, ironically, the less you start thinking about race and culture and all those things,

the more you'll start to think causally, like maybe they love it. Maybe they're into it. Maybe they're just into it. Like Greeks are into smoking cigarettes and sitting in cafes and yelling about conspiracy theories. Maybe.

Maybe there's a little truth to stereotypes. I don't know. But it's an interesting thing. I digress I know it's not what people on the internet want to hear I'll tell you that right now it's not what they want to hear they want to believe

that their lack of success was because of some super Jew that stopped them from getting opportunities and I'm with you I've seen the super Jew I've seen him in person. Okay. He's a lot smaller than you think, but as small as you would expect. Yanni, that's not what we're talking about. We're just talking about, you know, they just don't have any allegiance of

America. Why is the Congress still been wearing an Israeli flagi flag i don't know you know i i there's there's a lot of reasons man i don't know dude certain cultures are into certain things why is nobody pissed about the amount of noble prizes they've won why is nobody pissed about that is because that that doesn't pay well i think but why is nobody pissed about that? Is it because that doesn't pay well? I think. But why is nobody pissed about their success? No group, especially that small, I mean, they're a tiny group, has the most Nobel Prizes in the sciences. How did that happen?

Is that a conspiracy? What is that? Why is that? Why? Why is that? Why is that? Why? Why is that? I'm asking you. 214 of people with at least one Jew in parent representing 22% of recipients. A total of 965 from the entire world jews or what tiny i mean dude 0.5 maybe

if that dude i mean i'm serious if that of the global population i mean it'd be interesting to know and they have 22 of the nobel prizes i what the, how come I'm just asking a question. Why is, does that never come up? Points to their point to their 0.2% of the global population. They have 22% of the Nobel prizes. My question is just like banking or politics or television. They're just as successful in the sciences. But why no anger about that?

Why is it just Hollywood politics and business and banking? Or I guess that's business, right? Why aren't we also looking to what kind of things are happening in the sciences? It's a decent point I'm making, right? You never hear any like, you know, of, I don't know what you want to call them. Some people would call them anti-Semites. Some people would call them guys who put the dots together.

I don't know, whatever you want to call them. But there's never anyone yelling about this, how unfair this is. There's no one, anyone, there's no, there's no memes. There's no memes with all the Jewish stars over the Nobel Prize winners. Why? Why is it only who's in the government? Why not also, why aren't they going, what's that?

Because I'll tell you why. Because the sciences, or even doctors, you don't see a bunch of, because it's so evident to everyone about how stupid they are in comparison. Like it's not even on the wishlist. Like people just know they can't do it.

They just know they can't be an astrophysicist. They just know they can't be a physician. They went to that first math class and they just went, I'm putting out a mixtape. I'm learning to act. I'm doing OnlyFans. I'm going to try to start a business. I'm vaping. I'm going to create a vape line. I'm going to create a spaghetti thing. I'm going into business like it's just so far beyond what most people can do that they don't even go there and also i think they don't go in there because it would blow a major hole in and what they think is the primary cause of what they're um try uh allegedly figuring out it would blow a major hole in that. It'd go, wait. Yeah. It just kind of lines up.

You know, it's almost like every field where you have to use your brain, they just kind of always do well, but they're not the only ones. And, um, you know, you see what's happening now with the Asian immigrants. They're starting, think the jews are starting to chant the chinese won't replace us that would be a funny like sketch it's like the white guys the mediocre white guys did the jew chanting the jews won't replace us with a great replacement theory and then you see the jews going like the chinese won't replace us and the chinese going is what it is they They're saying the Indians won't replace us. The Indians won't replace us. And then the Indians are going... I think the Chinese may be ahead of the Indians.

I wonder. Neck and neck. Yeah. I like to look this stat up because it's what percentage... What's a good way to look this up? About what percentage of... By the way, a guy made a comment. He's a good way to look this up? About like what percentage of, by the way,

a guy made a comment. He's a fan. So I just want to say, he made a comment on the last episode where he said, he said that they protested outside of Goldies in Philadelphia because the chef was funding the IDF. And so they, people found out and they were protesting because he was funding the FDI.

No, he wasn't. He was funding relief organizations that had to do with injured Israelis. I don't think the IDF is dependent on a falafel chef's. i mean you you protest because he was israeli he's jewish and he was probably sympathetic to israel's cause just just come on can we stop this i don't think the protesters like i know how we can i know how we can cut off the funding to the the military of israel they're counting on those falafel dollars i mean the guy i mean how much money do you think he was sending how good are his restaurants do it with the taxes in fucking philly hey the price of a falafel's gone up i'll tell you it's crazy on the one hand it was very encouraging because it showed that the fans are as stupid as me.

And in his defense, I'm wrong. Probably half the time. Um, there's no onus on me to be right. And he did it in a jokeful way, but I just wanted to tell that one fan you're all, you're wrong here. And,

um, I get, maybe I didn't mention that he was, um, he was funding, um, and I posted to him because, you know, our podcast is small enough that I can see individual stuff.

But I did post him an answer. And I took it directly from the NBC article from like 2012 about him. Or maybe like months before. was before it was before everything, you know, started happening. So he was, uh, he was, um, he's a big time chef, right? He's a big time chef. Yeah. And, um, so he, there was news about what he liked to fund. And I took this from an article from way before October 7th, 2023. So it just shows you that he's been funding this for a while. So he goes, he says, Goldie was fundraising for the IDF, hence the protest.

Apartheid supporters should always be made to feel uncomfortable. It makes total sense why you're unable to grow the audience. At times, you're thicker than a bowl of Quaker oats. And I just responded, I just direct quoted, Philadelphia-based Israeli chef Michael Solonov is helping to raise money for those injured in the war in Israel. Solonov owns four restaurants in Philadelphia, and this was another war in Israel.

Solonov owns four restaurants in Philadelphia under the banner Cook and Solo, whatever. He was awarded the James Beard Foundation Outstanding Restaurant 2019. He said he would be donating 100% of all sales Thursday to Friends of United, Hatzalah, the nonprofit emergency medical services outstanding restaurant 2019 he said he would be donating 100 of all sales thursday to friends of united hatsala the non-profit emergency medical services uh responds to emergencies across israel free of charge so he's donating it to medical stuff now that's not gonna stop that conspiracy train that money gets funneled to the idf come, dog. You think Israel's military

is dependent on the... What's the most he could be donating? I just don't know. I just don't know. I just don't know. Ah, there it is, Goldie. Looks like a goddamn good falafel ball um wait but this is a different guy chef caitlin mcmillan's oh this is different this is not it

no i guess it may be it that would make it even worse if the chef is irish i don't know maybe i put well no. Yeah. What's the who owns Goldie? No, it's him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I was right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So he's everything I said was what he's donates to. But that's not going to stop you from saying he's supporting he's financially funding the IDF. It's also not going to stop you from saying that it's just a straight up apartheid and like it's not complicated i mean you know i get it i get it you know i i think what makes the situation so complicated because there's both sides have points and it's like complicated it's not as simple as south african apartheid where it was like we're keeping the blicks it's just not the same. It's a different thing. It's, um, I know you'll scream

and say it's the same exact thing. I mean, I'm just hoping for a solution for all innocent people. And the solution is not going to come because this is about religion. This is about, uh, other powers intervening surreptitiously and having motives. And it just doesn't seem like it's going to end. And yeah, the Israelis have done some horrible things. They've done, you know, but also, I mean, you know, Gaza does have 42 hospitals. So they got 42 hospitals in Gaza.

That's a lot of hospitals for a little area. You know, I mean, people were saying from 2016, 13, that they used hospitals. I would do if I was launching a, whether you want to call it resistance or terror campaign, whatever, that's up to you. I would do that too. I'd be like, Hey, look, they're not, you know, but it is a human rights violation. What Israel's is doing is war crimes. What they've done is work. It's, it's a brutal situation, right? And everyone's acting out of fear and anger. And you know, the point is the way to stop it is to go after this guy for whatever shekels he sent to the IDF. You got to shut down this guy's, make him uncomfortable, make him uncomfortable. He's making fucking falafel balls. And that should do the trick, Goldie.

Anyway, I hope you stay as a fan. I just, you made the comment. I just, there's many other comments where people are completely right. You just, I think you happen to be wrong on that one. So I just wanted to talk about that because there's no way he's going to steal the funny from me that people showed up and they were yelling at a falafel restaurant. You're not going to steal the funny from me that people showed up and they were yelling at a falafel restaurant. You're not going to steal that funny from me. You're not going to steal the funny from me. Okay. That they were yelling at a falafel restaurant of an Israeli

chef in Philadelphia, um, because you had created, you know, just like there's a babies under the pizza shop. I think in your your mind you think there's a major major money laundering operation going through goldies and the money's going to the idf i just you know in his mind it's all open season baby i mean we're talking late night underneath goldies we're talking bitcoins and we're talking uh american American slush funds from the government being fucking funneled into briefcases in Goldies, straight on LL, straight to IDF soldiers to commit genocide and apartheid. In his brain, that's how it's happening. And Chef, whatever his fucking name is, Chef fucking Fatty Pants has to be made uncomfortable right before he pours tahini on a falafel.

Chef whatever his goddamn name is. Michael something. Mika whatever. So you're not stealing that funny from me guy. Okay? Don't steal funny from Yanni and don't try to add funny to funny. Those are my axioms right now.

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or search the link thinkingman, all one word, .substack.com. Guys, see me live. Louisville, this weekend, I'm here. Portland, January 11th. Vancouver, January 12th. Miami, Florida, January 19th through the 21st. San Francisco, February 9th and 10th.

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