Yannis Pappas Hour - Diabetic Oracles - LongDays with Yannis Pappas (ft. Sergio Chicon) - Episode 21

Episode Date: May 23, 2021

Yanni has the set almost ready—it’s a work in progress—and guests are here and coming! Meet Sergio Chicon, one of the funniest guys we know. He’s a stand up comedian, boxing trainer and dirt bag investigator. Serg and Yanni cover their impressions of a bombed out Atlantic City after their sold out shows there, reptiles and their splendor, why a diabetic woman missing both legs smoking a cigarette knows the truth and much, much more. It’s LongDays, my peoples, my family.   For an additional bonus episode ever week and more content, click here and support the show: https://www.patreon.com/yannilongdays   Fellas, go to https://www.keeps.com/fumes and get your first month free   The show goes out every Sunday at noon to youtube and audio platforms but while it's being recorded the show goes LIVE on Yannis' Instagram!   Come join in on the LONG DAY Follow Yannis Pappas   Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up everybody? Welcome to another episode of Long Days with Giannis Pappas. As you can see, we have what you call a set at this point. It's all ready. And you know, John Stamos told me he was going to be a guest on this podcast, and although it was going to be by Zoom, I didn't want to do it without a set. So now we're going to run it through with Sergio to make sure the shots look good. So I'm here with my very good friend. I'm joking, by the way. That's a joke.

You're supposed to laugh. No, I felt like you took it seriously. I felt like you took it seriously. No, no. You were like, yo, does he have the... I was just thinking about the pocket dial of John Stamos at the show. We'll talk about that too. My very good friend, Sergio Chacon, comedian, boxing expert, dusty kid, very dusty.

He says he likes dusty stuff. He came up with the expression dusty on his weekend. And let me tell you something right now. It's a keeper. Yeah, I've been moving around like a dusty kid. I was on a dusty ass train from Manhattan and doing some dusty ass shit. Looking at other people's text messages on the train. You ever do that shit, Jesse?

Just look over someone's shoulder and read a text. I'm always looking forward to like a sex text or something like that. I'm a nosy kid. That's inappropriate. I think that's borderline criminal at that point. It might be. And I'm not too good to be a peeping Tom, but I have a ground level apartment, so I don't see shit. But if I have binoculars and I lived in a high riser, I would definitely have a whole setup going on.

There's something about seeing people have sex that you don't know. It's like in person like live yeah yeah nobody's gonna see that and go like alright no

I shouldn't be doing this yeah they're not gonna go like this with the curtains yeah nobody's gonna close you're gonna look yeah even if you're Jesus I think Jesus would look

yeah I think even the best people morally will look yeah I'm holding the binoculars with one hand pop so if you don't know we didn't tell you what dusty means so dusty means let me let me break me and sergio just did a weekend together thank you to

all the fans that came out we had a great time just packed out celebrity theater so much fun long days fans everywhere so me and serge did this show and we were staying at what you would now call kind of a dusty hotel right uh it's the Claridge Hotel that at one point was popping. Absolutely beautiful structurally, but it is just dusty. I mean, as soon as I walk into my hotel room, five-inch pubic hair, curly. And I left it there the entire weekend. I wasn't touching that shit.

Yeah, it was a dusty spot, and Serge, he made up the term dusty that weekend. So he just made it up. that's a Sergio Chicone special Dusty means it's kind of a synonym for dirtbag shit you're kind of an expert in snakes everything that comes out of your mind is either reptile related

boxing related comedy related or you filter everything through you're like a dirtbag investigator all you do is search for what your friends are doing that's dirtbag or for what you are doing that's dirtbag yeah this is a good way to punctuate things that's some dirtbag shit yeah and i'll tell you what some dirtbag shit is atlantic city is some dirtbag shit atlantic city looks like it is being

interviewed by sergio on his podcast. And Sergio's going, so what happened, man? What happened to you? How you got so dusty? Yeah, I mean, I have some dusty ass guests on my show. Have you ever watched a clip? I'm always getting like, I got to get you on for the shooting victims portion. Because I got shooting victims.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesse, what do you think about this for a potential show? The shooter and the victim same room we were talking about it and they made up like six hours ago wait let me tell you

first of all we were talking about that Atlantic City that's a great idea second of all you didn't notice some dirtbag shit I'm doing right now

I've done this shit before I still have the sticker on the shirt from Old Navy. There's nothing like a fresh shirt. Nothing like a fresh shirt. But you get you get stopped

right in your tracks when you have to when you have to pull out that sticker in public. Right? Why is that? It happens in jeans. Like it fucks up your flow.

Yeah. So we did the show. We had a good time in Atlantic City. Fun show. Especially the first night. One show. Does anything feel as good as one show when We had a good time in Atlantic City. Fun show, especially the first night. One show. Does anything feel as good as one show when you just have to do one show?

That's it. We did one show, and then the second night we did two shows. But the hotel, just so we'll start with the hotel, the Hotel Atlantic City is called The Claridge. It almost looks like Jack Nicholson's In the Shining, the way the hotel used to be. And then you get there and it's just kind of a shell of itself. It's not, and Atlantic City, I mean, Atlantic City looks bombed out.

Atlantic City looked like it got bombed. It looks like actually the CCP in China bombed it and we're trying to keep the culture going. Yeah, like every other building is boarded up. It really is something off the wire. I think you said that it feels like something off culture going. Yeah, like every other building is boarded up. It really is something out the wire. I think you said that. It feels like something out the wire. Yeah. But, you know, I don't mind that.

You don't mind it until it keeps you up at night. Yeah, I just kind of walks around with his head up like, oh, like scoffing at everything. He's like, oh, I can't. Oh, this place is disgusting. But I kind of like the seed in this. I don't mind seeing people down and out and, you know, and kind of being around that because it just shows how much better I'm doing than them. And I like those comparisons. That's why you like it.

You like it for some dusty reasons. Yeah, I like it for some dusty reasons. So you like to look at people and be like, I'm better than you. Yeah, yeah. I'm like way ahead of you on so many levels. Right. Physically, mentally, I just got it. Also, you know, like I said this on stage, so I'll say it again.

The thing about Atlantic City, we went to the White House to get some sandwiches. And when Sergio was talking to his wife, he was like, yeah, me and Yanis. First of all, Dirtbag, you call me Yanis. I go back and forth. I've known you for over a decade. I say Yanis and Yanis. Yeah, you go Yanis. He was like, yeah, you know, me and Yanis.

And every time I call you Yanis, I can feel you dart. Yeah, I mean, yo, dude, he referred to my name as if he was a host on an urban show that never met me before. You know how many times on an urban show I've been called coming to stage, Yanis. So he told his wife, he goes, me and Yanis went to, we went to, he called it White Castle. He couldn't even, he's so, sometimes he'll get so lazy with the information because he doesn't care that the place was called white house he said yeah me and yannis went to white castle he goes we went to this really good spot white castle like his wife would be like what really good spot white castle and i said the guy says it's called white house yeah and this is how

dirtbag atlantic city is it looks like the whole city the primary economy of Atlantic City is drug dealing you know how you go to San Francisco you're like oh this is a tech town you come here you're like

oh this is Wall Street this is a money town you go to Atlantic City you go like you could knock on any door and they'd be like can I get some drugs and they'd be like

yup and they're not gonna be good drugs they're gonna be some dusty ass drugs know that but I gotta say man my record in Atlantic City

is one and two the first time I, man, my record in Atlantic City is one and two. The first time I went out there... You fought in Atlantic City? No. I didn't fight in Atlantic City, but I fought my addiction in Atlantic City. And I lost twice.

I'm one and two. The first time I went there, I dragged myself to Oblivion. And I was hanging out with some lady who had a raspy voice. She was like, you're going to let me

drink your sangria? And I hung out with her. And she had a raspy voice. She was like, you're going to let me drink your sangria? And I hung out with her. And she had no bottom teeth. It was just like a wolf. Like a bulldog. She had bulldog teeth. And she was a lot of fun. You know, like she was a lot of fun.

I remember she had these big, big titties. And it was like a vein squiggling on it. And she had a tattoo of a devil. And she was cool. I think her name was Dorothy and she said, yeah, you're going to share that sun grill, papi.

And I hung out with her for a good portion of my time out there. Like at least four hours in the sun. And I wasn't supposed to be drinking at that time. You're probably never

supposed to be drinking because you're the type of kid who has one and then one turns into a hundred, right? Yeah, so I had a little bit of cocaine left over from the night before I went to Atlantic City on my bus. I took a bump on a Greyhound bus.

Yeah. Like it was like a bumpy ass ride taking a bump. And my friend was like this. Yo, say me something. Like peeking over like a prairie dog out of a mound. You know what I'm saying? It was just that kind of weekend. But it was a fun weekend.

Sometimes it is matches Yeah Because that was a good company So that was That was 0-1 right I lost the first Because I was I came back to New York

Like a piece of shit Wait but is that a loss That sounds like a win to me It's a loss because I shouldn't be behaving that way Right As an adult Right

You know I mean You know Maybe it wasn't a loss But I definitely like No that sounds like a loss If you're doing a bump On a greyhound Yeah that's a loss That but I definitely like. No, that sounds like a loss. If you're doing a bump on a greyhound. Yeah, that's a loss. That's dangerous.

Yo, if I had you on one side and I had Atlantic City on the other, right, and I was the ref, I would hold up Atlantic City's arm. Yeah. I don't know why I'd pitch you not as a ref. You'd be disappointed in the decision, too. You'd go, damn, man, I don't know. I had a good time. I hung out with a woman who had a tattoo and a tit in her vein down down here is it it's a dirt bag i don't picture you as a rep as

a car girl like and not even with the marisa wig just like that with her with just a lot of hair just fucking holding the one oh okay so what's the other one and the other one was bad and i think i told you a little bit of this story i I'm hanging out with a, so I'm featuring for a magician, right? Out in Atlantic City. Yo, gigs, right? Hard to get a win when you're featuring for a magician. Yeah, and I'm still, you know, I'm in the cloud of my bullshit, right? But I still love and respect animals.

And this guy has a lot of animals as part of his act. That's what I like about you. Not to cut you off, but that's what I like about you. You love animals so much that i picture you coming home blowing lines lying to your wife hiding in the bathroom putting on there's always a fresh bowl of water for the snake there's always a fresh bowl you're always gonna come home and make sure you take care of your snakes even if you're high out of your mind you're gonna go to the freezer get out a mouse and feed and feed whatever his name is what's the names of of snakes uh astro pluto comet there's a

bunch of them elvira at this point sergio has nine snakes so most people have a midlife crisis they get a sports car christian i mean sergio just keeps getting snakes that was a freudian slip you're calling christopher are you supposed to call christopher because we're on the set yeah sergio just gets another snake yeah so, so, and then the second loss. So, I'm hanging out with a magician. And, you know, he's like, let's get fucked up. And he got, like, all these silver rings. He got his hair plastered to the side.

He's wearing a fedora. All the bullshit. He throws his doves and rabbits in the backseat of a Subaru. And it's, like, 90 degrees. And it's, like, no water. The car dries the bone. I'm like, yo, you got to give them water. He was like, oh no, man, they die off.

I just write it off. Like dirt bag shit. So the magician's basically saying like, if his dogs, doves die, he just gets another dove. He writes off the dead dove. Correct. And right there, that threw you for, that threw you for a loop because you love those doves.

Yeah. But in spite of the way he was going to treat those animals, I went ahead and I searched for drugs with the magician. Like all night long. I mean, that's just what drugs do to you, right? So we go and this guy's doing magic tricks. But fucking up, you know, there's nothing funnier than magic tricks. He's a magician though.

He's not just a magic guy. Yeah. He's a magician. So he He's not just a magic guy. Yeah. He's a magician. So he's supposed to, like, not fuck up. Yeah. Like a guy from work that's, you know, a janitor who does the little finger, you know, pulls the finger out. And, you know, you expect him to fuck up next to the mop bucket. Right, right.

But the magician, this guy's getting paid. Right. Oh, I saw him drink and this fucking up trick. Like, oh, I see it. I heard girls, like, saying, I see it. Like, but I'm far away. I'm, like, eight feet away. And this trick. Like, oh, I see it. I heard girls like saying, I see it. Like, but I'm far away. I'm like eight feet away and it's blowing up his face. I see it.

That's wrong. I can see a trick. But he's a low level magician. I mean, he doesn't have a billboard. He has more of a loose leaf piece of paper posted on a wall saying he'll be somewhere. Yeah, exactly. His flyer's on a piece of paper. Not even cardboard.

The shit is just a piece of paper taped up with a rip in it. Yeah, the dude is fucking, he's named after a horoscope sign probably, you know. He's just a dirt bag. But here's the thing. Blazing with the pads, you know, Velcro collars, that type of shit. Yeah. I mean, quarter-wear collars, my bad. That's the real magic trick of him is that he does his magic show.

And then what the kids don't know is when the magic show is done, he goes and searches for cocaine. That's the real magic right there. He gave up on me. Like, I just thought, oh, this guy, you know, he's not going to give up. And it's like 8 o'clock in the morning. We're in the casino floor of Atlantic City. I bump into this big black dude. We make eye contact.

Wait a second. He gave up on you being on the search? Like he says, I'm going home. So wait, you guys searched for cocaine until eight in the morning? Pretty much. That's a lot of hours to search for coke. That's a lot of hours.

And in the mix, he's fucking a magic tricks. But how do you not find cocaine for six hours in Atlantic City? He was making calls. Were you guys asking for something else? Were you that fucked up already? You were going like, what's it called? Did you guys forget what it was called?

No, no. He was making calls. And then I eventually just saw a street level. Let's just be honest, Serge. If our friend Angelo was alive in there, you would have been able

to find cocaine in 10 minutes. Rest in peace, Angelo. He would have appreciated it. He would have pulled out a top hat and a rabbit holding coke. So 8 in the morning, you guys are still

searching for coke. You've been searching for coke for hours. Now, how does one search for coke? Does one just walk up to people and go, do you have coke?

No, so he was making phone calls on like a shitty seller phone, you know, and then I became, I, you know, I was- Did you get mad and go, yo, motherfucker,

you're a magician, make some coke appear? A little bit. Yeah. Why don't you make some coke appear? I kept on, you know, he was talking to girls

and I was elbowing him like, yo, did anyone call back? He's like, nothing, buddy, nothing. And then he was fucking up a magic bit. Yeah. Why don't you make some Coke a beer? I kept on, you know, he was talking to girls and I was elbowing him like, yo, did anyone call back? He's like, nothing buddy, nothing. And then he was fucking up a magic trick.

And there's nothing worse than like just drinking and waiting for the Coke. Yeah, so 8 a.m. he decides to fold it in by how? How does he fold it in? He says to you,

Serge, buddy. He might have just disappeared. Yeah. He might have been the real. Very appropriate. Very apropos. Exactly.

And then I bump into this guy and he's like hydro. Wait a second. So you kept going. I kept going. You were like, I'm going to figure it out.

I was just trying to make eye contact with the right person. Right. And just, you know, that type of shit. Like I was cruising.

Yeah. Is that what it's about when you're trying to fight coke? Just it's all in the eye contact? Yeah, but I never.

Do you ever accidentally make eye contact with the dude who thinks you're just gay and goes and gives you and then you go. No, I never buy like that. That's how, you know but I never buy- Do you ever accidentally make eye contact with a dude who thinks you're just gay and goes, and gives you the- And then you go- No, I never buy like, that's how, I never buy off of some dude in the street like that. It's like the first time.

Right. You know, usually I have a Kinect, but I'm in Atlantic City, and this motherfucker was like, I got weed, coke. And I was like, you got coke? You know, like my eyes rolled back like the slot machine. They went. And there were like little snowflakes in my eyes. You know how they got the sevens?

But I was snowflakes. Yeah, jackpot. Yeah, jackpot. And I could. There was something about him. Oh, did you pay when you pulled out? Did you pay with like $6 bills that you unfolded? I went to the bank.

I went to like an ATM. Oh, that's bad. Yeah, I went to an ATM with him standing behind me. It was like a $10 fee. We did it outside the casino. So now we're like in an alleyway by a dumpster. Oh, man. Yeah, it's bad.

And I, you know, so he was like, you sure you don't want the weed? And when he said that, it suggested to me that he was like an empathetic. He was showing empathy. What? Because you're basically saying. He's telling me. He's telling me the coke is garbage. It's garbage.

Yeah, because he was like, you sure you don't want the weed? And I'm like, nah. I was like, nah. I was like, nah, I want the... And it was such a ridiculous bag of coke. It was like a Santa Claus bag, but clear. He pulled it off his shoulder and put it out. And I dropped the money in the middle of the street. A cop car flew by.

Did he give you his number just in case? Yes. He gave me his... How does that work? Me trying to be street savvy. Right. I told him Listen this is fake Give me a number

I'm gonna call you right now And I called him His phone rang He's like I got you So you didn't do the coke In front of him No no We're like in the street

Right right right So what's his cell phone number When he called It was him So at that point You're thinking it's legit Because he gave me his number Yeah man

Even though the coke Was probably like purple or something. Yeah. You're still like, yo, I need Coke. And as soon as I hit it, I went, hey, hey. And let me tell you, I hit it like eight more. Hey, hey. Hey.

And everything, my body was rejecting. I was tearing. My nose was running. And it was like saline solution or something. It was like crush. Yeah, it was super dirt bag. So you didn't get hired at all? You just got hurt?

Yeah, I just got hurt, man. Did you call him up? I called him up. He's like, nah, nah. He's just like, nah, can't be. I got you, man. I'm coming back. And they turned his phone off.

And that was it. Yeah, that was it. So you just kept calling straight to voicemail. Right, right. Did you give up on that eventually? You kept going. I just pictured you there for a full day going straight to voicemail. Right. Right. Did you give up on that eventually? You kept going. I just picked you there for a full day going straight to voicemail.

You go, hi, he's going to pick up. I mean, he's on the level again. His number, just keep pressing. But it just went to voicemail. That was it. And you can't, did you leave a message? Like, yo, man. Yeah, I think I left a message.

We had previously spoken and you said that you were going to make good. This is. Yeah, I definitely left a message or two. And then I just called it. previously spoken and you said that you were going to make good this is uh it's yeah i definitely left a message or two and then i just i just i just uh called it and that's so that was oh that's oh and two that's that that's that second one is like a late round knockout yeah that was a knockout yeah yeah you know bad yeah like you ain't having cover from that one yeah it was it was almost it almost looked like the fight we watched where sanders was fighting good and then as soon as you sniffed the blow,

that's when Canelo broke his eye socket. But up until that point, there was a lot of hope to that night. You were on the way. That is definitely 0 for 2 in Atlantic City. I'm raising Atlantic City's arm once again. Now let's hear about the victory. Was it doing shows with Giannis Pappas

at the Celebrity Theater? Yeah, we had a good time. You know, anytime you're alone, you can get some dirtbag shit. But, you know, we worked out. We joked around a lot. And we had a good old time. It was just a wholesome weekend with some loosies on my part. I can't help it, man.

So all my people who, like, you know, look up to me, like, oh, man, Serge, you know, you work out so much. You run and everything. I'm a bit of a dirtbag. I smoke loosies. You know and everything. I'm a bit of a dirtbag. I smoke Lucys. I hide up from my daughter. There's always a little yellow carton. There's stats somewhere next to my CDs in the apartment. Well, here's the thing about you, too.

I hold on to it. You look like the last dude who's going to pull out a pack of American Spirits. I know. Yeah. I mean. I definitely look like a Newport. You look like a Newport. Yeah, but he pulls out American Spirits. I know. Yeah. I mean, I definitely got a Newport. You look like a Newport. Yeah,

but you pull out, he pulls out American Spirits. I mean, it's not like they make you feel any better either. Those shits burn like there's crack cocaine and then it burns slow. Yeah. You know,

it's a great cigarette for, for bar backs and waiters I hear because when they take their breaks from a job that they hate. It's a long one. It's a long smoke. It's a long one. It's a long smoke.

But you know, you, when you run, you ran, you run five miles. You woke up and you ran five miles on the boardwalk. I think you're entitled to a smoke. Yeah. It still feels dirtbag. I think that's like a dessert.

Well, it is dirtbag. But on the scale of the two stories you just told us, and then that you sneaking a Lucy, I'm going to go and sneak a Lucy almost sounds like you're going to see Beethoven do a symphony. I mean, that's how classy that shit sounds. Yeah, Jesse, can I ask you something? I feel a little dirtbag. I thought he was about to say, Jesse, why do you have a mullet?

I love it, man. You look like a relief pitcher, man. Like, I like it, right? That has to have been said. I can't be the first one. No. I mean, he looks like, when I see Jesse's look right now, I think of Jose Canseco. I think of Dennis Eckersley with that sidearm.

I think of Mike Schmidt. I think of Kirk Gibson limping over past the bases. Yeah, that's right. You just named all players from when you used to watch baseball. 80s and 90s. Dude, me too. I couldn't name one baseball player right now. Baseball has to do something to make the sport more exciting.

They got to do something. It's the only sport that has not adapted to the times. Every other sport has made rule changes to adapt to the faster pace, except for baseball. You know? So it's just the same thing. They allowed the American League to play the National League. They mixed that shit all up.

That was the change they make. Yeah, I mean, that's nice that that happened. They allowed the American League to play the National League. They mixed that shit all up. That was the change they make. Yeah, I mean, that's nice that that happened. They should have been doing that all along. But, I mean, they got to do something to speed up the game. People don't have the... Star Wars was the best thing that happened to it. It was, you know, like the kids said, that shit was lit. But the thing about baseball is you kind of enjoy it the old you get.

I can't believe I just said that. The kids say that. I'm getting old. And I got a 5 o'clock shadow on my head. And I think I'm going to regret all the views you get on this shit. It's annoying, man. that the kids say that i'm getting old yeah and i got a five o'clock shadow on my head and i think i'm gonna regret it all the views you get on this shit it's annoying man it's just like i should have came more prepared yo i can't lie when i went into your room when we were first going walk out and you you can't see the five o'clock shadow until you turn around and then it's like you

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For free. First month. No charge. And, you know, it's fucking age, man. i'm starting to get uh sunspots on me on it and my daughter's like oh daddy's like a speckled egg like that's good dude that's come that's comedic chops i call it a speckled egg speckled egg is funny speckled egg is real funny so was the win in atlantic city us or was there another story was that jumping the gun the one in atlantic city was us and i gotta tell you tell you, I kind of went in.

I had to mentally brace myself because I don't want to say it's traumatic, but it's definitely that was my experience in Atlanta two times over. Right. And so I go in like, oh, yeah, Atlantic City is dirtbag and plentiful. I know. But that's the way I behaved the last two times. So I had to definitely go in. Right, right, right right yeah I know it's a weird thing no that's kind of it's like the I remember the first show we did back here was like uh right after I had

COVID in here and when I got back in here it was just all bad memories from COVID you kind of a place gets haunted for you like that AC had that that haunting on it, but we turned it out nice. We went and got a brunch. We went and got brunch. We found the one outdoor spot. There was one restaurant that looks intact. That's not like

some sort of like burger spot or hot dog spot. Oh yeah. There's like one spot that's intact on the boardwalk and we met. But the waitress is annoying.

She was really annoying. At first we were like, oh, she's super dope and polite and then waitress is annoying she was really annoying at first we were like oh she's super dope and polite and then she was like she was like a fucking bird like a seagull like this mad intrusive

this guy hey can I help you with anything yeah she kept hovering over us yeah I mean I just remember her mouth like moving like this

hey can I help you with anything you need more water oh yeah I mean I'm not gonna you don't have to pay your bill now but be sure

to just you know put it up here because I want to make sure that I take the bill when you actually pay and I don't leave you with a credit card in there. And then she'd come back. Do you want some water? And we're still eating. Can I take a plate? Like she was annoying.

She was annoying. That's the thing is like when you're in New York, we are so spoiled. It's like if we were from like the Midwest or something, we would be like, she was so attentive. She kept coming. But New Yorkers, we're used to such a certain level of service that you can get to be too good. Where you're coming to the table too much, it's like,

you don't have to come check on us every five minutes. We got it. It almost felt like I thought she thought we were going to steal. It felt a little bit like that. She felt like we were going to get up on the bill. Yeah. And I know she didn't, but it felt like that a little bit. There was that tone.

After a while, I was like, yo, are you good? Which is a surprising tone because, I mean, we were like the two class. We looked like Harvard scholars walking around Atlantic City. I mean, there's some characters out there. We actually looked like we were like maybe. They could have thought Joe Biden and Kamala Harris walked in. That's how dusty Atlantic City is. I mean, we saw a woman in a mechanical wheelchair speeding

with a bleached blonde ponytail just blowing in the wind, smoking a cool with half legs. Yes. And just speeding like this. And I mean, I just,

I could not get enough of this woman because that woman has the answers. Anything you want, you want an honest answer from an individual, that is the woman. Because she doesn't care to lie to you. I mean, she put out her cigarette on her nub, correct? Yeah, she was like, psst.

I mean, she's the type of woman I could ask her, hey, do you think I need braces? And she would give me the honest answer. Like, no bullshit. People would be like, nice, now it's charming, braces? And she would give me the honest answer. Like no bullshit. People would be like, nice. Now it's charming. The open pipe. But no, she would be real. So you would ask her, do I need braces?

And she would say, yes. Yes, you do. You look like a fucking prairie dog. This is a true thing. We saw her. She was on the boardwalk. And she had two missing legs, one missing arm. And she was lighting a cigarette somehow with

one hand but you know handling it like nothing looked like like nothing looked awkward she was like yeah which leading which lets you know that she's been missing those arms for a long time because she's actually gotten used to it she's gotten used to how to light a cigarette with one arm. And the thing about her is that she looks like she hit a rock bottom a long time ago. That's like when you see someone like that, you can't go like, oh, that's rock bottom. You're like, oh, she hit rock bottom 10 years ago. You're looking at the consequences of rock bottom for 10 years ago. I mean, it's like a long time ago where shit went bad. Yeah, and she's still pushing.

Pushing, dude. She's pushing. She was speeding. Isn't it crazy how some people's rock bottoms are different? You know, that's a rock bottom, no doubt. Like, there's no doubt. But there's other people's rock bottom who are considered soft as, like, bitch motherfuckers. Like, oh, really?

You peed the bed and you stopped drinking? There's people like that. I know, yeah. You know? Yeah. There's people who move around like that. I had someone, I had a conversation with someone, and they were telling me this story, like, yeah, I had to stop drinking.

I'm like, why? They're like, because the cops caught me with a joint. And I thought it was a joke. I said, no, I got caught smoking a joint. Yeah, and you were like, really? That's hard for you? I sniffed baby powder at 8 in the morning, and I paid a $10 service charge for the ATM to get baby powder.

Yeah, dropping drugs and money in an Atlantic City alleyway in front of cops. There was cops like zigzagging, you know. So what was for you, like, you're a guy who used to do stuff. You've been clean for a long time. I mean, I always joke, you know, we're good friends, so I always talk about how annoyingly clear-headed you are whatever i ask up you always go man it's not worth it you know it's just like don't do that and i'm like you know he why it annoys me that you're right every single time about what i should do and how to stay away from dirtbag shit and then

whenever i'm doing something dirtbag you fucking have to announce it on me can't even let me live my life you're going yeah you're doing that so what what was the rock bottom for you you know I was just looking around your apartment you had no snakes no no I'll tell you and this might be not this not very funny but I think it's honest and I think you would appreciate it uh because uh there was a time you were when my daughter was it was it was it at a Marisa show yes yes when you saw my expression of disapproval yo that was one that was one so just used to talk about how when you got high you got quiet that's how we knew you were high because you were quiet because how was it and your eyes

were mad squirrely yo it's like how you know i it was amazing i paid 50 bucks to become an uncomfortable introvert. Like, that's crazy that you would pay money to behave that way. It must feel really good. No, it didn't. You know, you fucked up my eye because you were asking questions. Yo, what spot were we at in Park Slope? It was a dope venue, like kind of divey. Oh, we were at Southpaw when it was still there.

Yeah, dogs. Come on, man. That was Marisa at its peak. Oh, we were at Southpaw when it was still there. Yeah, dogs. Come on, man. That was Marissa at its peak. Yeah, but you know what? Technically, during that scenario, I'm your boss, and I need to know if my employees are high on cocaine. Yeah. I mean, Angelo, I just assumed, but I mean, Serge was cracking the show open.

My daughter was born that night. Dirtbag shit yeah and i looked across from you and you looked at me like this you went so serge you want to yay yo and i was like no no no so that stood out to me that was one that was one there's many of those right um and my daughter was just born it was she was born in the day before yeah the day before she was born the day before i remember i remember that day i remember that i remember you were quiet and i remember you had it i i remember almost seeing it hit you where you're going like damn i think i i think i i the realization came on stage in my five minutes i just farted i just laughed before i think i used

three of my five minutes talking about oh oh shit, I'm a father. I think I might have done, I think I might have did that on stage. Where you just were like, oh my God, I'm a father. Yeah, hot. Oh shit, I'm a father. Oh shit. Like I think I did, that's probably some fucking grainy footage on a Nokia cell phone. Yeah, yeah.

Video camera, you know, video floating around. Yeah, that's what I, you talk about that on stage, I love that. You go, yo, if you want to, if you want to get off cocaine, the best way is to just become a father. Yeah. So basically your daughter is your AA. Yeah. I mean, so that's why,

so there's a collection of those moments, but there was one time that Charlie was maybe six to eight months, something like that. And I was hung over and it was the, it was a, a very, like it was a beautiful sunny day. And with me and Liz are staying in the studio apartment and it was hard to fucking wake up. I was so hung over.

And I remember Liz had like, was fed up. She was like, no, you're going to deal with your crying child. And I looked at Charlie through the bars of her crib, and I really didn't want to deal with it. Like, everything in me didn't want to deal with it. I was like, I don't want to do this. And I was like, oh, shit. It dawned on me that if I keep going this way,

I'm going to be a lot like my father. There were so many bad examples of what I could be and then it was that was it that was it

and then from that point on I did I used all the energy to get right and that was it like it was looking at her and I was like

yo she doesn't deserve this like I'm not even giving this shit a chance and she was crying I didn't want to deal with it like every part of me was like holy shit I don't want to be here wow. Every part of me was like, holy shit, I don't want to be here.

Wow, that's a powerful moment. That's a dope moment. And I remember her looking through the bars. I remember the sun. I remember how I felt. And that's a consequential thing. I go back to that. If I ever get a dirtbag temptation, that's one I go in the archives real quick,

and I pull that one out. That's a good one, man. You know what it is to me? Like I figured out a long time ago, because I have you as a friend, Verzi. I started realizing like, yo, at some point you got to like grow up and get a family and like have a normal life.

Because as comedians, we can't just keep going. We, you know, at the beginning, at the beginning, it's like fun. Like you're performing and it's like fun like you you're performing and it's like fun and it's a party and you're part of the party and then it becomes like a job like what you do to make money and stuff like that and then i feel like if you don't develop the other part of your life it goes back to a sad party it just ends up going like there are a lot of examples yeah it just ends up becoming like a sad party where you're still trying to party but it's not a party anymore because you're past the age for which you

should be partying so that's a really good thing that you had that moment yeah and uh you know and from that point on and the fact of the matter is i failed a few times after that but that was a strong driving force right and then you become you know and and it was the only thing that mattered and you know um then you gotta then you, then you get the annoying part comes in. Because when you're like newly sober, you're like a pink cloud. And I'm like a Jehovah's Witness with the Bible knocking on everyone's door. Hey, do you know I'm sober? I have 125 weeks.

And like I'm telling you, I'm enthusiastic. And people are excited. But I'm probably annoying. No, but you know. And that's why everyone wants to be sober with me. Because it's such a great thing. that's what I think it is like I think people who get successfully sober are so enthusiastic because it's you know how dark you know how dark it's been and then how bright it it must feel extra bright for you that's why you're so fucking annoying well we're like yo

Yanni it's a good day Yanni come on let's go also I mean I don't know if this is me before that, but also I've seen those dark days that I don't let little shit get to me. There's a lot of noise in your head that I can't allow myself to succumb to those grips because I'm like, this is trivial shit. This is something I created. And things that are beyond my control, that shit rolls off my shoulder.

The thing about you is you're a guy that needs to have a lot of stuff i have a lot of hobbies you got it you got a lot of hobbies you're you're at you got a hot you got a high drive you have a you're high energy even i know you're high energy because sometimes i'll be in a car with you sometimes i won't book you for a weekend because I'm just not in the mood. Because I know I'm not going to be in the mood for your shit. No, I love your shit all the time. But I will say this. Sometimes in the car, if the windows are rolled up, you come in a little loud.

Yeah, I got a whack volume, right? No, because you get excited. I come in at 10, right? Yeah, you come in. I spit when I talk, too. That's why the masks are good for guys like me. I see sometimes you try to block. I don't mind about the spitting,

but it's like when I'm driving, sometimes you hit that. I'm like, what is that, a car? You'd be like, yo, guru is dope. You just cut. You know, you got to. With the windows down, I think it's good. But when the windows are up,

that shit sometimes reverberates off the roof and hits me in all my orifices. Yeah. Because you're high energy. You got a lot of energy. That's why you got to. Sometimes I don't realize the volume and then I close my nostrils and I blow

and I'm like, holy shit, my ears are mad clogged. Like I was on another level. Yeah. Sometimes I was such a stranger and blow and then like,

oh, this is what... I should be talking like this. No, but it's... I don't find... I love it. There's nothing wrong with it. But you're a guy who needs to stay active and so you are now you do comedy you're a you're a boxing trainer and

you're an illegal snake enthusiast i only have one that's mildly venomous slow down is there a way to procure snakes legally they're legal they're legal right yeah do you have to have like a license for snakes or some shit they're misunderstood creatures I don't know what's misunderstood about a snake I mean all I know is a snake will choke you out

yeah but that rarely happens those stories are you know they make great news but it rarely happens yeah but they're reptiles dude they don't got feelings they're not like a dog

like if you had if there was a fire but dogs will fuck you up and they fuck people up every year after year that. That's true. That's a good point. But they're also, they also love their owners, at least. They'll never fuck.

Like, does your snake know you? Like, what's up, Serge? I think, no, they're not like, what's up, Serge? Does he recognize you bop? Because you bop. I mean, you ever see Serge come in? Serge is different heights when he bops. Like, if you were trying to measure him while he walked, you'd have to get both heights. Oh!

You hear that shit? The Mr. Softie. Yeah. You know, that makes a lot of kids feel good about getting the dessert. And they hold on to those memories of, like, their mother giving them money. And they're with their friends. And they're getting, you know, a soft serve on a cone with sprinkles on it. You know what that reminds me of? Yeah. Getting my ass kicked at 10 years old. What happened? and getting a soft serve on a cone with sprinkles on it.

You know what that reminds me of? Yeah. Getting my ass kicked at 10 years old. What happened? I got my ass kicked at 10 years old. What more do you want to know? With the soundtrack of the Mrs. Soft in the background? Yeah, it was a hot summer night in June, and I was walking by myself,

and it's intuition. That was my first lesson of going against my intuition. I was 10 years old I remember that's Charlie's age that's my daughter's age that's young like my daughter

doesn't even go out on her own she doesn't go to school school's right up the block I was roaming the streets around 9 o'clock at night heading home dirty from a day

of playing outside you know throwing rocks at my friends shit like that playing manhunt all that crazy shit oh you remember manhunt

that's a good New York City game. Kick the can, manhunt. You play kick the can? Yeah. Yeah, all that. You know, play by the fire hatchet, a pump, you know, stickball, all that. And there was a mob of kids. There was like 12 of them.

And I was walking towards them, and I saw some old ladies on the bench, and I told myself, I'm not going to walk away. My gut instinct was to, you know, go right and go around the field and avoid them. And I said, I'm going to walk right through them. I'm not going to be scared. So it wasn't, you weren't going against your intuition. You were trying to man up at 10 years old. Yeah, I guess so.

But something was telling me, move. And this kid went, you're talking shit shorty. And that ice cream truck was, you know. 10 years old. Yeah, he came out and he just started punching me in telling me, move. And this kid went, he was talking shit short, and that ice cream truck was, you know. Ten years old. Yeah, he came out, he just started punching me in my face, laughing. And then another one hit me. And there was a little old lady who didn't get up to help me. She was like, no, stop it, stop it.

And they fucked me up. Yeah, New York was a dusty place back then. Yeah. New York was a dusty, we were all the same generation. Jesse didn't even finish high school because going to school got too dusty. So you were out of fear? Like the kids were too wild that you just quit school? Yeah, I mean, dude, he's an artist.

He's too sensitive for that shit. I pretty much did the same thing. There was a lot of energy put in trying to fucking repel and defend myself and try to make up a character that can move around those fucking animals yeah too much energy rather than being focused on school school was the last thing that's the last thing that was on anyone's mind with school it was always about like whenever you there was an era in new york where whenever you went outside it was always in the back of your head at least that something bad could happen. That's not normal

to grow up like that. I know. That's like talk about post-traumatic stress disorder. I realized that much later. But then you know you think about

you know child soldiers and shit. I mean that's not what we've been through. See there goes clear-headed search. Clear-headed search. I mean it can't be bad

because somebody has it worse. I know. I know. I shouldn't do that. But you're not wrong. You're not wrong. Yeah, but there's always going to be... You're going boohoo, Jesse.

You had to get on the fucking A train and go to school. There's some kid in Africa who's got one arm who had to give his arm away for a diamond. Some fucking woman in Switzerland could get married. I don't like thinking like that because I feel like then you lose empathy. I do think that way, but at times I feel like, no, your battle is just as important. And people's, you know, rock bottoms or stories are just as important.

But when you know some other shit that's going on, it does trivialize it a bit. Well, the thing is you're not wrong. So it's like I remember Jesse used to tell me this. It's like because I remember you read What the What? What is the What? Which is about the incident in Darfur right? This look the Civil War in Darfur I mean and yeah, so it does it's different like yeah, we got scared on the train or whatever These guys were chopping off their arm I mean this this this one armed children all over Africa

So some woman in Europe could get married and have a diamond on her ring. I mean, it's some fucked up shit. And no women ever go like this. They always measure it in carats. I'm like, how about you measure it in how many missing arms it cost? This right here is four arms, four baby arms. Maybe it's different because there are kids who take the H&R and are killed or go into drugs because of that trauma. Is it different?

Yeah. kids who take the H and are killed or go into drugs because of that trauma is it different you know yeah it is relative to a certain extent but all bad things are bad things I guess but it is good to keep perspective so you know like hey you can complain about it but don't don't become a bitch about it right yeah I mean it's like Jesse got a GED but let's be honest I mean was he gonna get B's or A's anyway you ever try to do math around Jesse? He's like, wait, me and him, there's times we've been trying to figure out the check, and we're like, wait, and then we just call a seven-year-old. Are you like that with math? Terrible.

Your dogs. My daughter with the fractions, and that's the thing. I didn't like the homeschooling shit because she was asking a lot of questions. Daddy, can you help with my fractions? I was like, I got to walk the dog. I was taking my dog for like 15 walks per day.

My dog was like, what the fuck? Like, we just went out. I couldn't deal with it. And then I had to own it. I was like, I don't know this.

Your mom's gonna help you. Yeah, you got an interesting family too because you got like, you got stepkids kinda, right? You consider them stepkids? Yeah.

So I'm probably gonna be, well, so Liz has three kids from a previous marriage. She had kids young. Her first daughter, her first kid, her daughter, Liz is 18 years old, who is now going to be a mom. She's gay, so she did the in vitro thing, right? Which is really cool. Do you know what that is?

That was the thing. When you told me about it, I was like, yo, I didn't know how that process worked. Do you know how the process? That was the thing. When you told me about it, I was like, yo, I didn't know how that process worked. Do you know how the process works? It's amazing. Yeah. I knew very little about it. But it's, you basically freeze the eggs. But you could get a sperm donor and get a full description of who they are.

So like the schooling, whether they have any dirtbag tendencies. But it's all in the up and up. You know, their schooling is really dope. So you're saying the sperm donors are like his resume. You get to see his resume. Not as different to his. Do you think those dudes, what if they lie on their resume? What if it's like college educated, but the motherfucker didn't, he graduated high school

and that was it. Yeah, he's like, he's still working on his GED type shit. Yeah, he's like, I got my GE. When you're still working on your GED, you got your GE. Yeah, I mean, I could be a dude like me.

I'm not that bad. Yeah. I mean, you know, I'm susceptible to drug use but you know, I'm on the bank. I'm a good guy. Yeah, because they probably

don't put any of the negative stuff down, right? It's just the positive stuff. I mean, I don't know how much. Nobody goes like college graduate but also spent a couple years doing cocaine yeah but right i don't know how in depth they go i don't know what the process is i i wouldn't even be a potential candidate for a sperm donor because i was like i wonder if you could make it like uh like a pyramid scheme where like the more you pay the more you can find out

so it's like you pay an entry level it's like okay college educated but then if you do like another five grand it's like all right yeah i got and it's like, okay, college educated. But then if you do like another five grand, it's like, all right, yeah, I got a big dick. I got a big dick, yeah. Then another grand, he's like,

and then you just keep going and going and going. You find out the dude's parents own like a horse farm and they're billionaires. You know there's some dirtbag shit in this family. Got it.

Because everyone got some dirtbag shit. Everyone's got some dirtbag shit. And that's the thing, like, you know, everyone got some dirtbag, you have to own the dirtbag shit

within you or your family. So check this out. I didn't realize. So there's a basic package. And let's say it's 5G. It's like cable. Yeah. She didn't get the premium package.

She got the basic package, education, and like a quick little background. Oh, he grew up by horses in Canada or California. Right, right. So when this information was brought to my attention, I was like, oh, that's interesting. Wow. You got the sperm in the freezer. That's really cool, man. Where's the pitcher?

I said, oh, this package doesn't come with the pitcher. I'm like, what? I remember I was eating a burrito. I was like, you might want to ricochet them going up up, you know, spending a couple of more G's and getting the deluxe. You know. So the deluxe comes with the picture. Two weeks later, yeah. Two weeks later, I walk into the apartment.

My stepdaughter's there with, you know, with Liz, her mother. And I look at a picture on the table. I'm like, oi, who's that? She was like, that's the guy. We went out, we got the del the table. I'm like, oi, who's that? She was like, that's the guy. We went out, we got the deluxe package. I was like,

oh shit, I'm a fucking ugly. So he wasn't good looking. He wasn't good looking. He, you know how your eyes are real close together? He was like, ah,

but he had shark face. He had hammerhead shark. Like, I'm out of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that.

I don't, I think, you know, I don't trust that, that, that guy. My eyes are a little beady, right? Are they frustrated sometimes?

Wait, you said they're frustrated? Are they frustrated yet? Like when you look at me, do you just get frustrated because they're beady? Yeah, no. They're beady, but only when you're at certain points of your mood, they get a little beady. Like if you're upset, then I can't stand them. Why? What do they get when they're upset?

They get real beady? Yeah. They just get dry. They're like little beady. Like, if you're upset, then I can't stand them. Why? What do they get when they're upset? They get real beady? Yeah. They just get dry. They're like little oil drops. Just a little dark. Yeah, because I got dark eyes, too. So sometimes in photos, it just looks like my eyes are black. And all that happens, that's usually a small percentage of...

It's not really your disposition, but there's a certain time where you're not happy. I'm like, oh, you should be happy more often. Because the beady eyes are not very becoming yeah i mean i do have my eyes are really they're really close that's why i think i should just continue to wear glasses because at least it frames them and separates them a little bit so this guy gives them their own little houses instead of putting them in as roommates yeah this guy had in a studio apartment yo my eyes are roommates in a very small New York City studio apartment. And at least if I could give them their own little tenements.

Well, the pimple right now offsets it a little bit. It takes the attention off of it. Oh, you saw the pimple? Yeah. I mean, look at you, man, just pointing out all my dirtbag shit. You're a dirtbag investigator. That's the Atlantic City pimple. That was from White Castle.

No, that was probably from laying on that dusty-ass bed that hadn't got cleaned. We're lucky we didn't get scabies. No. So here's the deal. Last night. Wait, wait. Oh, yeah. Sorry, sorry.

Yeah, no, no. So the deluxe package. So she doesn't use it. She left that motherfucker in the freezer with the sofrito and the fucking ice. Yo, with the frozen pop. She left that motherfucker still in there. So if you know somebody. So what did she do? She got it. She left. That motherfucker's still in there. So if you know somebody. So what did she do?

She got another one. Premium package. Good looking guy. Yeah, chiseled face features. Wait, so are you really telling me that you pay according to how good looking, how accomplished the guy is, sperm? I don't know if it goes by good looking, but you definitely pay to get the picture. You pay to get the picture? Like there's a basic package that doesn't give you the picture. Right. And then it's like a deluxe version paid to get the picture. You paid to get the picture? Yeah. Like, there's a basic package that doesn't give you the picture.

Right. And then it's like a deluxe version. You get the picture. And then it's like, you know, another one. But what if you get the picture and you don't like it? You paid for it already? You just have to deal with it? I think so.

That's whack. Yeah. And he looked a little bit like Drake. Yeah. You know, but with, you know, some other shit going on. So not exactly like Drake. Yeah. Drake, like after, like he got his face reconstructed. Yeah.. So not exactly like Drake. Yeah, just some other shit going on.

Drake, like after he got his face reconstructed. Yeah, like you look at Drake and go, hey. You know when you see somebody and you go. So he was to Drake as I am to John Stamos. Is that accurate? Yeah. John Stamos' wife in that show was a dirtbag. Isn't she locked up?

Which show For House Oh yeah With her kids She got in trouble right Yeah her kids She thought she was Going to get away with that shit

Yeah she tried to Help her kids Get into college or whatever People are nuts About education like that Yeah you know But a lot of people do that I think she's like the

Scapegoat She's like the scapegoat You know what I mean It's like They all do that Who doesn't Yeah I mean yeah Or they go hey You know somebody at the college It's all nepot all do that. Who doesn't? Yeah, I mean, yeah. Or they go, hey, you know, you know somebody at the college.

It's all nepotism. You know how it is. You weren't born yesterday. You're from the streets. You know how it works. Yeah. This is what I wanted to get back to about Atlantic City, though. So on our last night in Atlantic City, we did the shows, did great.

Then we were searching for the fight. This is how dirtbag Atlantic City is. And Serge made this point, and it's hilarious. Dude, we're in Atlantic City. There's like a couple of massive sports bars. We ended up going to this like sports area where the screen, it couldn't have been bigger. It was like the size of an airport hangar, the screen.

And they had on like the Utah Jazz game on a night where Canelo was fighting. So Atlantic City is so down in its luck that Serge pointed out, they didn't even spend 50 bucks to fucking get the Canelo fight. Yeah. I mean, we're watching fucking baseball.

I think they had a WNBA game on in fucking Atlantic City. It's only 50 bucks. So we couldn't even find the fight in Atlantic City. Yeah, we were in a fucking beautiful sports bar that looked amazing they didn't have the the the fight that the world was watching we were on my fucking the zone app on my phone my little ass finger showing the fight right with his finger hanging up like that because he can't grip the phone so it was just like that and his

finger was just his finger always hangs out like that and the artist was like can you do something with the finger i can't yeah he couldn't it was just moving around. And his finger was just like, his finger always hangs out like that. And the artist was like, can you do something with the finger? I can't. Yeah, it was just moving around like that. But you made a funny point. You said something about how like, because you spelled it out and we thought about it.

It's real funny. Like somebody actually made that decision. Somebody was sitting around and going like in Atlantic City, going like, yeah, no, you know, we don't have 50 bucks to spend for the fight. Yeah, I picture like a young, like intern or someone, you know, ambitious. Like, oh, spend for the yeah it's like i picture like a young like intern

or someone you know ambitious like oh we should have the fight on for our guests you know canelo is fighting us on this it's like uk versus mexico and like it's not in the budget yes 50 bucks 50 bucks i mean we me and you would have paid for it if we would have went to the head of atlantic city and been like yo let us buy the fight yes supremely dirtbag so the night So the night started off like that. So you know the night, you know when the night starts off like that, that it's going to be just a rough night. It's always like, what is that, the Murphy's Law?

Now, you just got the unlucky location because all I heard was one skirmish. I just heard one skirmish in the hallway. So it's our last night there. We're trying to leave early in the morning. We want to get a good night's sleep. A couple of healthy guys who worked out. You know what I mean?

We didn't eat that bad. You know, just watch the fight on Serge's phone. Me, him, and his finger. I'm awakened to fucking, you know, think, you know, Solange beating up Jay-Z. Think fucking, what's the, you you know Chris Brown beating up Rihanna or Johnny Depp and what's her name the white girl

I don't remember her name but like that you had to balance it out because I was throwing a lot of black people under the bus it's not the only dirtbag situation

to be fair it was a predominantly black hotel I mean I think one of the jokes I told was I said I think this hotel thought

the Cat Williams was here this weekend yo most of the jokes I told was I said, I think this hotel thought that Cat Williams was here this weekend. Yo, most of the people, everyone was nice. It just happened that there was a fucking couple. There was a couple. But it was dusty. There was a couple next door to me that was fighting.

And she was like, fuck you're going to do. Fuck. It was just like, oh. But here's the thing. This is the funny part. This is the funny part. Oh, please tell me. Serge all weekend was telling me, you know what here's the thing. This is the funny part. This is the funny part. Oh, please tell me. Serge all weekend was telling me, you know what?

He goes like, this is my favorite part. He goes all weekend. He's going, you know what? It's nice. It has character. Because he's so clear-headed. This is where his clear-headedness gets a little annoying. Because you know what?

You're saying it's a negative thing. But look, this place has character. You know, it's dusty, yeah. But I mean, these people have character. They're good people you know i mean it's all everything is fine it's it's a it's it's it may not be the classiest place you know i did find a pubic hair on my face when i woke up but you know he's so clear-headed he's going you know what you know the maid's probably not getting paid a lot right now covid and all that he's finding all the over empathy but god forbid that dustiness interrupts his night of sleep, what's the first thing the surge did?

What's the first thing he did? He called security. He went, hello, security. Security, there are some people, and I'm putting people in quotes because the way they're acting right now, you would not know it, who are interrupting my sleep.

Can you call the police now, please? Yeah, dog. The place is so didn't I couldn't even use the phone because I there was no front desk button So I just relied on other strangers the phone is somebody just say hello and you're like who's this? He's like yo, this is Jerry. Who's this? Right? You're like, yo, he's like I'm not the front desk. I'm at my house Oh, yeah, it was fucking so they were going crazy There was like a big fight in the hotel. And you called security. Security came up.

But you were getting close to going out there in your slippers and saying something. Excuse me. Can you guys keep it down? This is not okay. This is not okay. When people say that it's not okay, it's really annoying. No matter what it is. Yeah.

This is not okay. Now, you hear that a lot. You hear that tone a lot. Serge is like, you might be like, you got to be one of the best. I'm not just saying that because you're my friend, because I train with you. You're so good at it. Oh, I appreciate that. You're so good at it.

And you know. I enjoy it. You can tell I enjoy it. This is how you know you're good. Because you got the. I feel like if there was like, just like there's a basic level and a premium level and a deluxe package to the frozen sperm you could get if you want to do in vitro. I feel like if you're a trainer, who you are as a trainer can be seen through the clientele you got. And I think the lower trainers are going to get guys who are like, yo, you know, like I'm trying to get in shape.

Or like some douchebag from Wall Street going like, yeah, man, fucking teach me how to box or something. Just in case I want to call a waitress a bitch and the bouncers come i want to be able to handle myself sergio gets like top like white girls he gets these he gets like hives i love sergio he gets like they wreck when they recommend him they go oh my god he's so he's so personable he's so funny he's also a comic and he's so fucking sweet he's so sweet he's so personable. He's so funny. He's also a comic and he's so fucking sweet. He's so sweet. He's so good at his job.

Yeah. I got a dope crew. Yeah. And they're so good. And there's so many that follow and that are down that I can say no to people, which is fucking nice. I feel every now and then I got caught, you know, slipping, you know, there's a, there's a, someone would say no. And know, there's a dirt bag. You say no and then they'll see you on the street trading somebody else?

Yeah. You know, there was a guy, you know, he was like a super in the building. And sometimes you could, and that's fine. It doesn't matter. I can just tell there's bullshit coming up. Right. When they're like, do you do a half hour session? I know there's bullshit right there.

Right, right, right, right. Because you're already saying you want to pay half the money. Right, right, right, right. You do a half-hour session. All I want to do is hit the pads. I'm not a punching bag. You're not just going to hit my hands for 30 minutes. Right, right, right.

You know? Or I box before. I just want to hit pads. No, we're not doing that shit. I can smell that bullshit a mile away. Yeah. That is a good position. You've gotten so popular doing it that you have to turn down people.

Oh, yeah. It's a good thing. I like saying no. You it that you have to turn down people. Oh, yeah. It's a good thing. I like saying no. You like saying no. Yo, you should open your own spot at some point. Yeah. You don't seem to be impressed with the fact that I'm doing most of my classes under an oak tree. Well, here's the deal.

Topkin Square Park. Here's the thing, Sergio. We were joking because it's funny. We did well. I did well under the pandemic with hyenas. We grew under the pandemic. Sergio i did well under the pandemic with hyenas we grew under the pandemic serge also did well under the pandemic you were one of those trainers that just said fucking adapted and you started working i jumped on it quick i didn't fuck around i felt sorry for myself by day 24 hours and then i jumped on the zoom and i did that and that sucked i didn't like

doing it right but i did it right and i did a lot of it right and i figured it out and you did a few freebies with me when I was recovering from COVID Yeah That felt good man Thank you for that That was real nice of you Yeah No it felt good to connect with you

Because we didn't see each other In a long time Yeah yeah yeah But once you started whining I was like Yo I got a bad connection When you started crying I was like

Yo yo you're shaking Yo where are you In the basement I kept on going like this To the screen Yo Yo Yo Yanni Push up You're gonna give me five squats Yo, where are you? In the basement? I kept on going like this to the screen. Yo. Yo.

Yo, Yanni. Push up. You're going to give me five squats. I'll call you. What's that like training people outside though? Because you don't have the privacy of a gym, so you have to deal with whoever's in the park all the time. Oh, dog.

I mean, it doesn't happen often. When you're dealing with the you know, the public, you have to nip it right on the butt. Because, you know, we're street savvy dudes. I could tell right off the bat, if I see a dude on a city bank, I'm like, yo, this guy doesn't have an active bank account. I could tell right off the bat.

Plastic bag hanging off the, you know, he likes to ride too much. He's doing, you know, sharp turn. You know, he's in a basketball court. He does not have an active biking account. He pulled that shit from the seat and figured it out. And now he wants to tell me that he was a Golden Gloves champion in 1986. Right, right. And what I do is when it comes to street people and i'm if i have a session going on with like five you know girls i'll i say what's up to them i engage with them

immediately i look right in the eye i said good morning bro and why do you do this so if you see someone kind of hovering around yeah that's a hover i yeah because people want to feel noticed because when someone hovers they're not up to any good. You know what one of my favorite hovers is? It's actually like the Atlantic City prostitute hover, where you're at the bar and you just like, you know those girls that just hover? That's how you know who's a prostitute and who's not. Because when a girl's not a prostitute,

she's like, if she's by you, it's like she's getting her drink and then she's like, she's got like a look like, get away from me. Yeah, gross. But if like you just see some girls hovering around you it's not because you're leonardo dicaprio yeah they're doing this they got the store they're going yeah yeah they're looking over yeah that's the look too that's the look yeah you look like someone so yes yes you look like a break dancer yeah oh one of them said that to you yeah yeah she was dusty she was

she was definitely a prostitute yeah definitely i can't just get a compliment right no i'm just saying not because she gave me a you sit on my parade no because it was just a weird compliment she was like you look like obama i was like i think she's just trying to make conversation and see if you want to go upstairs for real for a couple dollars but um so yeah you you're with these girls and so why do you do that when you see when you see when you see a guy who's hovering and guy you feel like is a street dude or sketchy why do you why do you immediately engage him first to let him know that you know he's there yeah because i i think ignoring or not me you know giving eye contact it gives them more of a reason to try

to figure out what the thing is that what's going on. Or they take it as a sign of disrespect. So I'll just be short and sweet, yo, good morning. And then if they want to continue to talk or something, they take it as like an introduction. I'm just working here. I got an hour. And I'm honest but short and sweet. Nip it on the butt.

And I'm honest, but short and sweet. Nipping on the butt. Because I've done the other, you know, turned away, roll my eyes towards the girls and not address it, and it just continues to happen. What's the most dirtbag shit that's happened out there during COVID? Do you have, like, any real dirtbags who are, like, looking at the girls and stuff?

Because you're kind of like their protector almost there when you're out there in the. So this one guy was hovering around and he was like, and I said hello to him, but he kept on coming around. And I played it out in my head like, you know, some shit may go down. Like this guy has bad energy. So that sucks that you're trying to train these girls and now you're also thinking at the same time. Yeah, which by the way, all the times I've been out there, it's never,

two times I was like, this is a little awkward. But so, all he wanted to do was tell his story. I'm done. He's like, did they pay you for that? I'm like, yeah, that's my job. He's like, yo,

I used to be a Golden Gloves champion. And then he started shouting boxes. He actually looked pretty good. He wasn't bad. I could tell he boxed. Right. And he goes, yo, I could have been somebody, man. But when I was 18, my boy got murdered.

And I saw the guy who killed him. And I murdered him. And I was like, he ruined my career. But yo, if that didn't happen, man, I would have been champion. Yo, at least he's a good friend, though, right? Yo, he's a good friend. He said that shit casually. that shit casually it wasn't like he was trying to impress me and somebody he wants to tell the story that he could have been a champion right and he took a life right like he mentioned that part of the story as if he just lost the metro card it was that casual right it was wild because he's a kid who lived he lived a hard life in jail, too. Was he older?

Yeah, he was probably like late 40s, 50s. He was young, 50s? Damn, so he got a short bid for murder. That's a short bid. Well, this one time, I'm training this guy. This is at Tompkins Square Park. This is a few years back. This guy comes through, and he's like a Middle Eastern stocky guy. He looks strong.

And he comes and he says, I practice my own martial art. And he says, I don't want to interfere with your session, but if you guys want to learn my martial art, I teach you both. It's a combination of jiu-jitsu. And he's like, mad intrusive. And he's like a thick dude, forearms are thick. And he says, may I show you? And I was like, I'm kind of busy right now so let's do it quick.

He's like, he says, you know, I can manipulate you with two hips. And he like grabbed me and that's a weird thing for a stranger to grab you.

Yeah. And you know, and he's like, take my card. You want Junior, your student? I teach you my martial arts. He was basically

marketing on your people. Yeah. He said, I'm not trying to steal your client. I just, you know, and I was like, that's exactly what you're trying to do.

It felt weird. Yeah. And he gives me his business card. Yeah. Now his business card is a, the picture on it is a selfie

of him laying in bed like this. With all the fat from his neck just falling on his ears. Yeah. That's not going to do it. Yeah. And on the business card, it states that he's a web designer,

martial artist. It's like a list of like 15 different things. Yeah. And on the very end, it says, Tannik Eastcourt. I don't know what that means. Tannik Eastcourt?

He's an escort? Well, this is what, like, I don't know. It was like, it was a Tannik escort. So, you is what, like, I don't know. It was like, it was a T'Nik escort. So, you know, I was, I go home. I tell the story to my wife. She's like, oh, my God, that's so weird.

And I was like, he said, there's a YouTube channel. On a YouTube channel, he's on a train breaking coconuts with his elbow. On a train, on an active working train. So, he's a strong dude. He's a strong. Yo, coconut? Yeah. He's like that. And he goes.

He's like that. He's like disgusted. And he finds a napkin somewhere. He goes. You know. He's somebody who probably has the skill. But he just needs help in the marketing department. Oh.

He's Andrew Schultz to come in and be like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's clean up that business card. Yeah. So check it out. He's baking coconuts. I get deep into it. Now it gets weird.

Now I got on his Twitter. And it's like, oh, I don't care if I have a tattoo of Al Qaeda on me. I still represent my people. I didn't get it. And it kind of spooked me out. Right, right, right. So I threw the card away. Yeah.

And then it's a story in the apartment, right? So Liz's brother comes in. He's like, oh, my God, that's so funny. Can I see his card, it's a story in the apartment, right? Right. So, Liz's brother comes in. He's like, oh my God, that's so funny. Can I see his card? He's like, what the hell is 10-inch? I was like,

I don't know. So, we type it in. 10-inch. And it's 10-inch in one word. 10-inch escort. So, what does that mean? He makes it a 10-inch escort, motherfucker.

Oh, that means he's got a 10-inch dick. Yeah. Yo, my man really needs to pick a career. Yo. Yo, you can't do it. You can't be a jujitsu web designer and a 10-inch escort. You got to pick one. You know, what they say, what is that?

Jack of all trades, master of none. You should have called him and like, yo, bro, let me see your jujitsu and let me see your dick. And whichever one I feel like is superior, you got to go with that. You can't have 10 inches and leave that for a life of jiu-jitsu. That motherfucker needs to be important. He needs a role model, somebody to guide him in the right direction. But it wasn't going to be you that day. No.

Because he was interrupting your session. Yeah. And also, if you have to give your business card, you're not going to get business. The best way to get business is word of mouth. No, like you got all word of mouth. You got a good word. It almost feels corny putting up, Hey, doing sessions. Right.

But that's just, you know, and it took, you know, it took a long time. You know what I mean? It's being personable. It also helps that I've been doing standup for years. I know how to work with people. I, you know, I know how to make them laugh. I know how to make it interesting. People learn differently too. Some people, I know how to make them laugh. I know how to make it interesting. People learn differently too.

Some people, it's words. Some of them, you got to, you know, show them exactly what it is. Like, you got to,

there's different ways of working with people. Some people respond to like a hard orders. Other people need thorough explanations and be a little softer, whatever the case,

but, I think, you know, the people people i work with it's a certain tone that's consistent and it works and it's word of mouth at this point now here's the thing about long days i obviously this podcast is all about me passionately ranting about stuff and telling the truth in the news. I'm the only trusted news source available. But it's very interesting and fascinating to me that people's passions, what they gravitate to, I think speaks more to who they are innately than to who they're nurtured by or whatever. Because there's plenty of parents

who try to give a baseball to their kid and the kid's like, I mean, you always hear that Ken Griffey Jr. story, but for every Ken Griffey Jr. story, there's a million baseball players whose kids didn't want to do that. So when people gravitate towards certain things, I feel like it's innate, almost destiny. You gravitate, there's something about you that's just,

you move around with funny energy. You've got a combination of hobbies and passions. They're not even hobbies. You are deeply passionate about boxing. And you went and sought out a job at Petland to be around animals. Yeah. I was proud of that job, too. And stand-up comedy.

And drugs. Now, you gave drugs. You threw drugs off the bridge, but how, was that a natural tug for you? Did you seek out Petland or did you see a sign in the store? Because I have a feeling you sought it out.

You had a goal to work at Petland. Yo, dogs. I used to go every weekend with my mother. We used to take a walk to Petland Discounts to get pinkies for my little king snake. So you got a snake first. You wanted a snake. Like, you didn't know any, did you know anyone with a snake that influenced you?

I had a library book that I read over and over. And I had a description of like 30 snakes. And I learned, I learned all about it. And you were drawn to it when you saw it. See what I'm saying? It's like, you are a sculptor and like and painter and artist and stuff like that and like he's so good at it but like i remember we were roommates when you started sculpting and the first thing he sculpted was like dope if you gave me something

i would sculpt a penis or smurf and that's it like i don't have the innate ability to do that so it's like there's something innate like you're born in your code that like and then you like you go through life trying. I think that's the point of life is to try to find those things that your code wants you to do. And you sort of feel that click when you find them. When you opened up that library book and you looked at those fucking evil animals who would choke out your rabbit, would not think twice about it, you fell in love. They bring me peace. They're slow-moving, the way they feel.

They're mysterious. They're beautiful creatures to me. I mean, if I really express to you how I feel about them, that's the way I feel. They bring me peace. Like, you know how someone tends to their garden? Yeah. When I tend to my animals, that's the way I feel.

That's great. You know, like the growth of it. I like to decorate the cages. Like, that's part of the fun, you know, giving a naturalistic enclosure, even though they're like in the equivalent of decorate the cages. Like, that's part of the fun, you know, giving it a naturalistic enclosure even though they're like in the equivalent of a studio apartment.

Yeah, yeah. But they don't know. They're snakes. Yeah, and you know, they like confined areas that are dark. You know, they have no arms, obviously.

So they like to feel like their body close to something. If not, they feel vulnerable. You don't want to approach a snake from above either because then they feel like a predator's above them. Right.

They always come in at the same eye level. Right. You know know tap them on the head with a little hook right because that's that food aggressive right i have one that comes out like ready like that bite his bottom lip like that like it's like me when i was used to look for coke like that so he's ready he wants food yeah so what you do you train them you tap them they have different personalities like you can tell them some of them are more food aggressive. Others are a little more shy. But it's very small variation.

It's not like humans where one person can be very smart. If you're interested in a reptile that has a real brain and they understand who their caretakers, monitor lizards, Komodo dragons, things in that family. Komodo dragons are dirtbags. Yeah, they're super intelligent, though. Like, they know the deal. They're dirtbag killers.

I would love to go to Komodo Island. Do you know what Komodo dragons do? How they kill? It's wild. So what they'll do is they'll stalk you. They'll stalk you and then run up and just bite you once. And they got venom. And then they'll just wait for you to, yeah, to kind of get paralyzed.

And then they eat you alive while you're paralyzed from got venom. And then they'll just wait for you to, yeah, to kind of get paralyzed. And then they eat you alive while you're paralyzed from the venom. So after they bite you, they just stalk you and hang around until you find kind of that. I would love to visit Komodo Island, though. You like dirtbag animals. But then you also love dogs, which to me are not dirtbag animals. I mean, they're amazing creatures, though. If you think about it, they've been around here for years. I had a six-foot iguana named Moesha who used to fucking whip my pit bull, Taina, with his tail to eat her dog food. He used to go, and they go.

And they walk and eat dog food. I had a fucking lizard, a vegetarian lizard that ate dog food. Yeah. And she used to hang out by the window sill like this. And one day, early Thanksgiving morning, I was awakened by my ex. We had a mattress on the floor, right?

That was my Murphy bed at the time. It's a mattress on the floor. And she's like, oh my God, Moesha has pushed the screen out. She was going back and forth on the screen. I went to retrieve Moesha has pushed the screen out. She was going back and forth on the screen. I went to retrieve Moesha. She falls out the window, surfing on the fucking screen.

Eight stories, Johnny. Did she live? Bang. I go downstairs. I'm going to flip five. The lizard looked cool as shit. It was all white with black shells like a fucking zebra lizard. It changed its colors?

Yeah, shocked. I thought it was dead. I was just going to put it in the fucking zebra lizard. Wait, it changed its colors? Yeah, shocked. I thought it was dead. I was just going to put it in the incinerator. I didn't know what to do. Yo, he got up and went. Amazing creatures. That is amazing, yeah. Eight story fall.

Eight stories. I pick it up. Of course, I run into an abuela, like an old Spanish woman in the lobby. She screams. I freak her out. I might have killed that woman. I never heard a howl like that. You know how old the Spanish people are.

They see a serpent like that. Just the way you're behaving. Oh, my God. Crazy, crazy. Imagine an old, you know. I'm very surprised that you react like that. It's very disappointing. No, I know.

But my favorite part of that story, it was a great story. But my favorite part of the story is I love when you try to pronounce Spanish words like you speak Spanish. You don't speak a lick of Spanish, but once in a while he'll be like,

you know, and then there'll be an abuelita. Yo, and Yachty is so fucking observant that he feels my discomfort immediately because we had a fan

who spoke to me in Spanish right outside of a parking lot and they said 50 things in spanish and i get the immigrant smile like oh thank you yeah but you didn't you didn't he didn't go to i don't i'm sorry i don't speak he pretended yeah so he did the immigrant smile anyway yeah yeah yeah

abuelita yo and the guy i think he even said despacito yo you looked at me like you just knew how uncomfortable i do and you were just waiting for them to leave and they left immediately as soon as they leave I made I made jokes about it I was like, yeah, I left the do kind of hanging you did cuz he said some shit and then you were like He did well easy way you wanna get yeah Yeah, he might have asked me a question I mean he said like 14 words. He was like Puerto Rican. He said Yeah I mean, he said like 14 words. He was like, Puerto Rican? He said, ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da. It was something. Yeah.

And he knew I was full of shit, and he kept it moving. But that happens to me all the time with Greek people, when they start speaking to me in Greek, and I'm like, yeah. It's the worst. It's the worst. But you know, I'm fucking, I'm not going to learn the language. I resigned to the idea. It's too late at this point. I feel the same way about Greek.

It's like, I'm just too late, man. It's too late. Yeah, I mean, I could way about Greek. It's like, I'm just too late, man. It's too late. Yeah, I mean, I could learn, but it's going to be a lot of time. Are you like me, like your sister speaks and you're the one who doesn't?

Absolutely. Yeah, that's like me too. My brother speaks. I'm the only one who doesn't. Sergio Chicone. Sergio Chicone on Instagram. You don't even want me to tell.

If somebody wants to like do a session with you, is there room? No, reach out. Reach out, yeah. I actually had a few of crossover fans, people who listen to the podcast. They're dope to train. Shout out to Smitty if he's listening to this. I have a few of them.

And, yeah, you're interested in the session? Let's get it on and popping it's a lot of fun it's a good workout and yeah but your own gloves though don't annoy me with that shit like do you provide gloves we just fucking went through a pandemic

why would you want to use someone else's glove using someone else's used glove is like the equivalent of wearing someone else's socks it is baffling to me that people will even ask those questions. Yeah, yeah. See how clear-headed he is?

And he loves the dusty scene, but he doesn't want anyone using chair and gloves. And I'm not just saying this because he's my dear friend, but he is, I mean, you won't get a better training experience if you want to learn how to box, you want to work out. I mean, he pushes. That's why he's so popular. So go check him out. Where do they hit you up? On the gram for that or what?

Yeah. Informal. Hit him up on the gram. Sergio Chicone. Yeah. Hit him up on the gram if you're interested or you know somebody who's interested. Also, check out his podcast, the DBS podcast. And, you know, hopefully, and I know it's true, hopefully, Serge will be coming out

with me a lot. You also probably see him doing stand-up all over the city, wherever. But, you know, go check him out. Support Serge. Listen to the DBS podcast. And thanks for being my first official guest with the sign. I appreciate you, homie. Thank you so much.