Yannis Pappas Hour - Floyd Mayweather Caused the Pandemic - LongDays with Yannis Pappas - Episode 19

Episode Date: May 9, 2021

Too many white guys were the industrial capitalists, so whateves! Elon Musk hosted SNL, Floyd Mayweather is behind The pandemic because he killed his baby momma, the APU law, Yanni’s brilliant idea to separate the art from the artist by creating a Me Too island and utilizing zoom, Bill & Melinda didn’t make it, Italian heritage day is replacing Columbus day and much much more, mah. It all ends with a long day about unarmed police homicides and Yanni is rocking The Squad on his shirt, vamanos. For weekly bonus episode on weds and additional bonus content, here: https://www.patreon.com/yannilongdays   The show goes out every Sunday at noon to youtube and audio platforms but while it's being recorded the show goes LIVE on Yannis' Instagram!   Come join in on the LONG DAY Follow Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, everybody, wow, do we have a show for you. We got John Stamos calling Giannis during Greek Easter and speaking to his in-laws and complimenting how beautiful his mother-in-law is. He's used to that one. Trump trying to get back on Facebook, started his own Facebook. Trump Facebook.

Trump Twitter. Trump Stakes. Trump Buildings. Why hasn't he done this sooner? We need Trump back. Do we not? The world at least needs his Twitter. That's my opinion.

More tomorrow when we get into this in 1975. Elon Musk, the newest comedian, selling out arenas, doing comedy on Saturday Night Live. A few trigger-happy cast members are upset that Hitler himself will be hosting Saturday Night Live. Bill Gates and Melinda Gates are getting a divorce. The patriarchy strikes again. And what I mean by that is divorce court.

No bigger tool of the patriarchy strikes again and what i mean by that is divorce court no bigger tool of the patriarchy than divorce court i'm sure he's going to win uh in other news uh wayne lepierre is not a good shot and he's a fugazi who isn't it's called the jake paul effect uh mario gonzalez is a hispanic who was killed by police, but nobody cares about the Hispanics and others. Who are the others, by the way? Are they Hawaiian, South Asian? These unarmed others getting killed. Who's looking out for them?

Who's marching for them? Others' lives matter. The Son of Sam's making a bullshit documentary. That's not true. Because Hollywood is shameless and they're trying to make money on conspiracy theories. He's also a Jew. His name was David Berkowitz. He's the only Berkowitz that didn't become a dentist.

In other news, de Blasio's a fucking communist asshole and he's ended snow days. I don't give a shit what you do with this fucking city. There could be heroin addicts shooting up on my door, but if my daughter doesn't get a snow day, I'm gonna fuck you in the ass with my communist dick. What's the deal is everybody?

What's the deal is? What's the deal is for Cinco de Mayo? Que es el dia, Swepa? Que dia es con carne? Because speaking words without full sentences and other languages is just fun to get the day started. I recommend you wake up, hit three wastadillas. Wastadillas. Wastadillas.

And then a low one. Wastadillas. That's like the boys to men guy who doesn't sing. That's the wast the dealers or the guy who comes in and goes, girl, you know, we're walking down the beach and I loved you and I missed you. That's that was, and then you got the ones who sing. That's the high ones. What's the dollars? What's the dollars? That's the talk singer of the was the Dallas hit three. What's the Wastadelias. Wastadelias. Wastadelias. Wastadelias.

That's the talk singer of the Wastadelias. Hit three Wastadelias. This is what Yanni the doctor prescribes. Three Wastadelias, one yas to get the gay out. Do not leave the house with the gay in. Ready? One, two, three. Yas.

Yas. God, I feel straight. Yes! Yes! God, I feel straight. And then, of course, take your vitamins, brother, to ward off that COVID. I want to go to India right now, and I'd like to say, hi, I'm against the vaccine. How about you guys? I don't think the vaccine can help you guys

here and they'll go you're absolutely right i can't do that voice because of harry condobolo's law does he has he gotten that law passed through senate that you can't do a poo's voice anymore you can't do a poo's voice anymore why why is it because you hate the working class? A guy who owns his own business? Okay. I think that's what we're really seeing is the sons of those working class immigrants going, you know what? We hate you, daddy, because I'm a content creator now. I'm an octopus. I don't work with my hands and that you worked with your hands and that you owned your own business and had to work hard is embarrassing for me because rich people don't work hard and hard work is in barra saying, of course, nobody works hard. That's why Dodge coin is making money. You used to have to work

to make money. Even the guys who rigged the stock market, like the old industrial capitalists, the guys who rigged the stock market like the old industrial capitalists they worked they built a railroad um monopoly they built a railroad monopoly what else do these fucking guys do what was it calvin klein jp morgan yeah who cares because they're white guys they're fucking white guys too many white guys phoebe robinson i think she had a podcast called too many white guys they're fucking white guys too many white guys phoebe robinson i think she had a podcast called too many white guys um yeah who who's a jp morgan jp chase jp johnson and uh jp carnegie okay the jps they had too many railroads but then look what they did with their money they gave us libraries they gave with their money. They gave us libraries. They gave us the Metropolitan Museum. They gave us universities. They built things with their money, but even those guys had to work. They had an actual tactile, if you don't know the word, fucking look it up,

you dumb idiots. They had something that was tactile. Their business, you could see it. You know what I mean? They worked, they worked their way up. They came here. Okay? And how did Carnegie become a rich Scotland? He was from Scotland. Was he from Scotland? Can we stop with this? Scotland, just talk normal. Okay?

You're not in an episode of Game of Thrones. Scotland, you don't have to fucking talk like a chicken to get the words out. I'm from Scotland. Just talk normal, you know united states figured it out you don't gotta fucking move your body to talk english what are you doing the irish the falcon had to cut a falcon so just talk normal what did they do what did carnegie do different than the other irish and scots that came here he didn't drink every day guy went to work okay he didn't come home and drink by the way the uh by the way the saint patty's day parade where they're all wearing skirts did you know that that's corporal

appreciation for the scottish irish don't wear skirts cuz they just fucking take their pants off and piss in the street okay so what happened was one time a Scottish guy was visiting Ireland and he saw an Irish guy walking with no pants on he threw a fucking towel around him and the guy walked home and he thought it was the beginning of a march because everyone else was leaving the bar at that time so they all walked and followed him and then they said we should wear skirts too but really it's a Scottish thing did you know that's not even an Irish thing so just how nothing's real anymore maybe started with the St. Paddy's Day parade.

That's where this fucking bullshit world that we live in, where everyone's pretending to be better than they are. By the way, can we correct what they're called? They're not called social justice warriors. We're forgetting a very important word in that description. You know what that word is? Social media justice warriors. We always forget the word media, okay? Because social justice warriors are computer-based. They sit in line and they tweet, bang bang bang bang bang bang bang and then they go

and they buy dodge coin so they can separate themselves from the working class from the poor people they don't live anywhere near poor people they don't know how to relate to them name me one huge white liberal comic or even black liberal comic like and i don't mean liberal like hey man you know i like obama i'm talking about like alt scene alt scene like hey guys i'm an awkward guy and my scene was big in the early 2000s when the the dot-com boom was going name me one that could do good in front of their own people who could actually like murder and have a good set. You want to know why they can't? Because they don't live around them.

They don't know what they think is funny. They're uncomfortable there. They've never met one. They're all in white fraternities or sororities. You don't know them. So what they're doing now is investing in Dodge coin. Dodge coin started as a joke and now it's worth more than what, what were we saying before?

It's more than Twitter. It's worth more than like Verizon. It's probably, it's probably worth more than, uh, than water. Dodge coin may be worth more than Apple at this point. Um, dodge coin may be worth more than apple at this point um it's a real nice marketing ploy and we have to stop with this elon musk uh worship because he's gonna let us down okay because one of these journalists from their office in their bed is going to look through the annals

of elon musk personal history and without a doubt somebody is going to come through the annals of Elon Musk's personal history. And without a doubt, somebody is going to come forward and say, Elon Musk said something rude to me in a boardroom, and your hero will go down and Tesla will plummet. Once the competitors in all the other car companies start really creating electric cars that me too allegation is going to come for elon musk and tesla will plummet does yanni agree with me too abso-fucking-lutely let's take them down let's we've taken down a lot of scumbags what's me too they're kind of like charlie's angels they're just girls out there kicking karate at guys who said who are rude i mean why don't they it's kind of like charlie's angels because how come they haven't done a reboot of charlie's

angels with like just cancelers just fucking taylor lorenz just writing her piece for new york times a net ass they have zap guns that just go, a net ass. And then Elon Musk gets frozen. I didn't do it. I swear to God. She said yes. I promise.

I think that you're onto something. There's a reboot coming. Reboot. It's called Charlie's Angels, but instead it's called Charlie's Non-Binary Angels out to put you on net ass. Somebody wants to know, how was the lamb on Sunday, Malaka? It was good. And who's a bigger predator for lambs? Okay. Cause if you look on

the nature channel, David Attenborough, right? Is that his name? The guy who he hosts all those documentaries, the world and everything. You know who I'm talking about. He's got a great voice. hosts all those documentaries, the world and everything. You know who I'm talking about. He's got a great voice. He would tell you that zoologists and scientists who study animals would say that the biggest predator, and also, you know, fairy tales would say the biggest predator of lambs is wolves. I beg to differ.

The biggest predator for lambs is Greeks. And you know what their slaughter day is? Greek Easter, because Jesus appreciates nothing more than a skinless face melting in the fire on a rotisserie over coals in the backyard of a Greek mechanic in Queens, Brooklyn. God does not enjoy any sacrifice more than looking down at a stone 15 square feet backyard

behind a garage with Greek music playing and cardboard on either side of the lamp to keep the smoke and flavor in and what looks like a dog rotating on a spit as a Greek guy with a mustache slices off a little bit of his leg to see if the lamb is fully roasted while on the grill next to it the guts wrapped in the intestines of the lamb are being cooked and they're called kokoretsi which is one

of my favorite words in greek because it's a fun word called kokoretsi but really it's just the guts of the lamb wrapped in intestines and it's delicious yeah i love it and i also eat the guts in a soup called mayaritza yes i do now let me tell you what happened i was got sidetracked you gotta remember where i was because i looked down. I played comment roulette, which is where we look down and we read what comic comment. New tour dates, guys. Go to YanisPapasComedy.com, Tampa, Tampa, Richmond, Virginia. It's the United States tour. Y-A-N-N-I-T-E-D. United States tour. Richmond, Tampa, San Antonio. I said no to Baltimore.

Okay, I'll figure it out. Yanni's doing things differently this year. What was I about to say? Oh yeah, here's what happened. Greek Easter. By the way, John Stamos Faceimed me and said hello to uh my entire in-law family which was very nice very nice guy dude big stand-up comedy fan and he watches his podcast so yes he doesn't speak a lick a greek like me um you know we don't speak

that much greek but we were able to say christos and nasty but his christos and nasty didn't he says it like an american which is always funny and the greeks come down hard on us because he's like christos and osti you know which we're gonna keep a secret because the greeks love john stamos because john stamos he is our michael jackson he is our whitney he is our whitney houston okay whitney houston was smoking crack black people were in denial of it they didn't believe it they still don't believe it to this day they deserve not to believe it okay because sometimes you just need your heroes okay there's a huge contingent of socialist jews on the upper west side who still will not accept the fact that woody allen might have diddled his adopted daughter they won't

accept it they're sitting there going okay he's not a jewish man he's not a jewish man at all remember from the movie the man's not a jew he's not a jew here's the thing i'm all for me too because we take down a lot of people and if you look at the pygmy chimps which is uh our closest relative the pygmy chimps they're very peaceful the pygmy chimps they fuck a lot they're also bisexual the millennials are onto something um and they're very peaceful and And why is that? The women gang up on the men. How about them apples right there? Did you guys know that?

So pygmy chimps are peaceful because what women will do was when a guy gets out of line, like a pygmy chimp will go and be like, hey, how you doing, bro? You got nice fucking orangutan tits. You mind if I fucking suck one of those fucking tits while I jerk my dick and my asshole hangs out of my cheeks? Because I'm a monkey. Hey, you want to come fucking shit his banana? And then he goes to give her a banana and he

puts his dick where the banana was, that old trick. You know, he's like, here's the banana. And then she goes to eat it. And then he throws his dick right there. And he goes, yeah, fucking suck that dick girl. Okay. The girls go, uh-uh. The pygmy girls, they go have a girl meeting. They go have a fucking girl meeting, which is basically they go to Huffington Post writer's room and they go, uh-uh.

The meeting starts with a uh-uh, uh-uh. Do you guys hear, did you guys hear with Untanta, with Untanta the champ? Yeah, he thinks he's so fucking cool. He's running his little shit. I mean, I have to say, I wasn't trying to tell him

until I found out what kind of fucking asshole he is, but he was so, he's such a good fucking tree swinger. I gave him, I gave him a little fucking light, but he was fucking rude Ladies, activate

Charlie's Angels And then they get in the trees And they fucking fuck him up, dog Like that's what the lionesses will do sometimes To the male lion When the male lion's trying to kill some cubs, dude Ladies got to activate Unify those pussies

You know what I'm saying? Transformers, pussies activate, pussies for peace, dog. Come on. Stop hating each other, ladies. So I'm for the Me Too movement. I think we've brought down like, you can take Bill Cosby. I mean, we're not going to miss. I mean, Bill, was he that funny, dog? I mean Bill was he that funny dog I mean what was it that hard to pause I mean I never really loved Bill Cosby stuff I never did I mean who's funnier who's more talented Bill Cosby or Eddie Murphy really oh Eddie Murphy's not talented because he said a few curse words we're talking about comedic talent was Bill Cosby that talented because he did this face you know and he ate a jello pop and he could pause and he had good writers on his show?

He was funny. He was a good storyteller, but his stories were stupid. They were for children. Who gives a fuck? Comedy's not great if you can bring your grandmother and your son. Fuck that. Let's be honest. If you could bring your son and your grandmother to the same fucking show, you as well be watching the fucking lion king on broadway it's bullshit might as well be

your office where you can't say anything who becomes a comedian to watch what they can say fuck this era and fuck you too martin was a good show martin was talented so we lost bill cosby big fucking deal dude his eyes were starting to get too weird anyway. You don't want to see him on the screen. His eyes were checking out before he was. Who else did we lose? Weinstein. We lost Weinstein.

Who gives a fuck, guys? He looks like coffee cakes from fucking Bronxdale. Who cares about losing Weinstein? Who else did we lose? Kevin Spacey. You know, that's a tough one. Kevin Spacey was fun. But his canceling was almost worth it for those videos,

those spooky videos he put up on YouTube after his canceling in character from House of Cards. And then supposedly one of his accusers died and then he put up the video. So he probably had them killed. Who cares too? Hollywood, do what you want. I don't care.

I'm never going to the Hollywood Hills. I'm never going to be buried under your basement because the cops can't make it up there. It's a spooky town. Kevin Spacey's just been great in some movies. And I don't know what he's accused of, but I think he's getting off. Kevin Spacey, who else did we lose?

Obviously, Chris D, Ilya. We lost him. Louie. Louie. We lost Louie. That was a big loss, but we kind of got maybe the most out of it. Maybe Louie in his 50s might have been like,

hey, guys, you know? It's like Jimi Hendrix living. Maybe Me Too came and got Louie right before he just started to stink but the problem is is he didn't stink the stuff he's put out post post uh the world knowing that he jacks off in front of people chris delia's back yeah is he is he his whole fan was young girls. So I'm sure it's going to dwindle just a little bit. And what guy's going to tell his girlfriend they're on the treadmill listening to Chris D'Elia's podcast? He's going to get hurt a little bit in his numbers.

But I, you know, I don't wish the guy well. I don't wish him bad. I don't know what happened. But I do know the accusations. And I don't like those accusations. Once you get a daughter, you're like, I don't like those accusations. Once you get a daughter, you're like, I don't like those accusations. You know what I mean? But Woody, dog, Woody, if he did it, okay, if he did it.

Now, Woody Allen is what you call good. That's quality, okay? If you don't like Woody Allen, it's because you're stupid. So Woody Allen is just like, we'll go down, his history is maybe the best movie director. I mean, he makes a movie a year, and there's usually always something to like about a Woody Allen movie. I mean, the guy's made some brilliant films. He's been canceled now.

After that documentary now, he's kind of fully canceled. So he can't really work. I think his last movie couldn't get financed. Can't we just throw him on house arrest, but then let him off to make the movies? Because the movies didn't create, do the possible crime that he's accused of. Okay. He didn't do that. You know, it's the same thing with Polanski. Just put these guys in jail, but then let them make the movies. Like, you know how a mob boss calls shots from prison.

Can't they write the script and direct the movie on zoom? Zoom's good during the pandemic. If you want to have an office meeting, but it's also good to let a pedophile make his movie, have a meeting with his first ad over zoom and direct what he wants you're still allowed pen and paper or a fucking ibm typewriter in prison right i mean why should we suffer here's my thing woody allen should suffer if he did that so put woody allen in jail but why should we suffer from not having his movies?

His movies didn't diddle fucking Dana. What's her name? Dylan. Dylan. Right. So why should we suffer? Okay.

There's a lot of young girls who probably going, okay, Chris Lee is the fucking statutory rapist. He's an asshole. I think. But I miss him kicking his leg in the air

And talking about drunk girls I'm a drunk girl I was a drunk 13 year old once Why should they suffer Chris D'Elia can be doing zoom Shows From From prison or an island

We put them all on islands You get me too there's a me too island And you put them all on islands. You get Me Too, there's a Me Too island and you put them all then and then they do a Me Too talent show. Why should we lose the art? Can't we separate the art from the artist? Why can't we have a Me Too island like Dana created for the UFC during the pandemic

where all the fighters went into this island. They all got tested. Instead, it's like a pedophile island or a me too island, you know, where the people who have been me too, who are also talented, go to this island and put on fucking zoom shows. Cause it's problem solved. Michael Jackson would probably still be alive right now Michael Jackson was alive okay we take away his fucking ferris wheel we take away his porno mags we take away I'm gonna climb trees we cut the trees down we throw them on a fucking island in Dubai where they all are can you imagine that show that lineup of me tours r kelly headliner michael jackson bill cosby's comedy

woody allen don't forget seinfeld dated a teenager at one point we go back and get him for shoshana whatever her name was seinfeld who else did something bad cuz chris d'alia i mean chris d'alia he's with a lot of legends because he'd be hard to follow i mean that kid likes to Seinfeld who else did something bad cuz Chris D'Elia I mean Chris D'Elia he's with a lot of legends because he'd be hard to follow I mean that kid likes to kick his leg around so also talented Chris D'Elia he crushes

who else are we missing Kevin Spacey does a monologue Shakespearean monologue who are we missing James Charles Brad Pitt dated a 16 year old when he was 27 Who are we missing? James Charles, Brad Pitt dated a 16-year-old when he was 27. Comet roulette. I did not know that.

Some guys just kind of got grandfathered in because what they did happened before Charlie's Angels formed. So I think this is a great idea to have sort of a a me too to island where they're forced to do their talent shows make their movies from there over zoom because it doesn't make sense to make us suffer more they've already done enough to society the least they can do is be forced to make the movies or the art that we like while they are in prison they They can't live. So the artist gets punished, but their art is free. I just solved with the help of modern technology and Zoom, I'll buy stock. I should have bought stock in you.

With the help of modern technology, like most things, problem solved because that's an age old problem. Do we separate the art from the artist? Yes, with Zoom. I look down, I just see a Trump 2024. So Trump has started his own Twitter on his website. This was a matter of time. I think what he's going to probably do is start his own country in like Texas, and then he'll have his own presidency. He'll be called, he'll be, Trump will be the president of Trump presidencies. He'll just start his own everything.

Like he started his own building, stakes, football league, casinos. He's just going to slap his name on like a cheesy Vegas imitation White House. And he'll just have his own presidency in like Arkansas, some shit like that. And Trump fucking country will be lit. Cause okay.

Can you imagine Trump's country within the United States? There'll be a fucking beautiful, glamorous wall around all of Arkansas. I mean, everything will be gold. They'll everyone be wearing a make America great again, hats. And then he'll, they'll have a baseball team called MAGAs. There'll be a sports team called MAGAs. Is there a female version of creeps and pedophiles? No.

No. Yeah, I mean, look, if like a 40-year-old teacher bangs you out when you're 15, society's gonna look at that and go, oh, she manipulated you, that was wrong. But to the 15-year-old that happened to, it's just a good teacher.

That's just some, you're just getting a lesson in something that you should know. I mean, if you're going to be banging girls your own age, I mean, banging someone who's in her 40s, she'll teach you things that young girls can't teach you. Because you know how long I was doing this when I was, you know how long I was fingering like this? Like I was pressing an elevator button that didn't work just in and out. Like I'm cutting butter. And no girl told me they

would just sit there and go, I asked out of yas. You know how many times, you know how long it took me to know that you got to, you know, that washboard up there that you got to rub that. I think, I think until my 30s. I think until my 30s, I was disappointing winning. If some 40-year-old teacher had taken me after class and raped me, maybe society would be paralyzed. If there was 40 women out there, if that was a part of your general education requirement

at your undergraduate college the world would be a better place if every undergraduate was forced to bang a 40 or 50 year old woman men would learn how to be better in bed maybe they wouldn't be so insecure they learn how to come women would want to have sex more because more guys would be skilled like lesbians because make no mistake lesbians are fucking the top skilled women on eating pussy. Okay? Even if there was a class taught by a lesbian as a general education requirement

at your liberal arts school, it would be better for society. We need to stop with this puritanical shit. Okay? People like to fuck. Teach them how to fuck. We don't want to learn from these fake movies anymore oh yas daddy yas daddy yas uh yas daddy stick it in there yas daddy yas i know she doesn't

enjoy it i want a real dykey lesbian to show me how to fucking find something the size of a pencil eraser with my tongue and be able to build up the jaw strength and endurance to be able to do it how come there's no fucking how come there's no training spas for that how come there's no gyms or instruction courses how come somebody hasn't invented a jaw strengthener for eating puss 97 of the women can only come when you eat their puss so how come we all get tired about 10% of the way through. And then we just go, can I just, you know, you know how hard it is to, you know, you're trying to find something a millimeter long. And then what happens is your

jaw just starts closing and then they're too polite. And they go, you're down there 40 minutes. And she's like i'm sorry that wasn't even it you're like i wasn't even on it why didn't you say anything to me and then you just pull out the rabbit and let let the machine wins john henry never wins why is there not why is there not a general education requirement where a 40 and 50 year old comes and teaches an 18 year old how to bang okay you get you do social work that should be a requirement that every kid has to do some sort of social work just to understand how important it is to be empathetic to people who are less fortunate than you i believe that and i also vehemently believe there should be more

places that are just legal hand jobs for both sexes in the mall right next to a yankee doodle store no more of this like oh it's a massage joint what is wrong what is wrong we're getting a handy okay do you know how many marriages will be saved with handies and we'll call the store handies it'll be a chain it'll be a chain right next to wetetzel's pretzels Yanni the tongue dancer thank you originally very funny and softball players yeah next to the Yankee Doodle lol thank you very much yes so comment roulette's going on patreon.com slash Yanni Long days at this point i think there's 18 bonus episodes at the lowest level you can access if you're loving the show and you want an additional episode my bonus episodes are called squeaky clean okay the studio is the bathtub it's become a fun thing now where people

get in the bathtub and take videos of themselves listening to the episodes it's a fun thing i it unleashes a different part of my brain when i'm naked taking a bath they send you videos oh yeah all the time i'm getting videos of people going yes butch and and and moving their toes like this one guy sent me a video yesterday where he goes he goes he was saying out loud he's like i was i was about to go to work and because i dropped it early yesterday new episode is up by the way i don't know when you're seeing this but so i dropped it a day early because we were a day late on the episode yesterday uh last week and he goes he does the video because i was about to go to work but then he i saw it squeaky clean came out he walked right

to the bathtub and he turns on the water you know because the best place to listen to squeaky clean is in the bathtub yourself so patreon.com slash yanni long day is very easy to remember go over there the lowest tier is five dollars a month which is like a dollar something a week come on if you can't afford five dollars a month then just stop listening to this podcast it's not for you it's not for you okay i don't want you as a fan but if you want another episode there's another episode that airs every week at patreon.com slash Yanni Longdays, as well as there's tiers, other tiers,

you know, where I'll come over your house and take a bath with you. Why not? And also character pieces and whatnot. Your uncles must love you. I don't know what that means, but thank you, Fatboy Strong. I love funny names.

Yanni, where's the best diner in Long Island City? And that comes from the James Lennon podcast. He's got just got a free shot out because of fucking comment roulette. You see, that's why you fucking hang out. Your podcast isn't going to take off anyway, though. So it's just a waste. Yanni, glossy eyes.

Am I glossy? Show the piece. No, I'm not going to take up my penis in the podcast because we will definitely get demonetized from that. Okay? We will definitely get demonetized. So, Dogecoin is now expensive. Elon Musk is hosting Saturday Night Live. Why not?

He posted on Twitter, can I get some suggestions for skits for Elon Musk when he came on? And I gave a suggestion that he puts SNL in a Tesla and SpaceX is that shit to space. That was my suggestion, to put the show in a Tesla and fucking put it in orbit. Shout out Smithtown Water Department. Sing us a song. Bring me the rain in the wintertime. I got a sign on my mind.

Yes, very funny. I can't remember his name, but one of the biggest requests I get from fans, they're like, why don't you and Tim Dillon do a podcast together? And it happens all the time. And somebody came up with a name. I can't remember your name right now.

Remind me, I'll shout you out in the next episode. I mean, you know, whatever your name is. The name would be the Fig and the Pig. Well, he's known as the Pig and I'm the Greek, so I'll be the Fig. I mean, that is one of the funniest names I've ever heard. And then someone said that my fans will be called figures. So comedy, comedy.

The fig and the pig in a street fight. Cut the beard, leave the goatee. No. Goatees are aggressive, dude. Goatees should only be on relief pitchers and truck drivers if not put that person in prison and then look for what they did afterwards because i guarantee if a guy's got a goatee and he's not a relief pitcher he's done something bad in his basement he's either cooking meth or there's some fucking children down there that need to be rescued. Oh man. So that's why I support me too. That's how you keep

a society in line. And that's my idea. Now, de Blasio has taken away snow days. Did you hear about this? I mean, can you believe this? And you know, what's funny is he did that at the time when we need a morale boost. I mean, of all the things that he's doing right now, he's making, or all the things that could come out of quarantine. De Blasio has made it, if you don't know. De Blasio is the communist mayor of New York City. His real name is not Bill De Blasio, okay? His real name is Wilhelm Weiner or something. Has this guy been checked for like being an undercover Nazi spy or whatever? What's his real name? Wilhelm? His name's not Bill de Blasio. It's a lie. He wanted to connect more with like Italian voters and sound more New York-y,

and he's full of shit. What he's done now is take away snow days from kids. So when it snows and people don't go to school, he said kids will have to work remotely now. What an asshole. Warren Wilhelm. Warren Wilhelm. His real name is Warren Wilhelm. Okay? That's like when we found out Carlos Mencia's real name was Ned. Okay, Wilhelm?

Can you just call him what it is? You're a Nazi dude and we don't like you, and you just got elected because you're tall, and you lied, and your name was Bill de Blasio, and the other reason you got elected is because you're a Democrat, and God, does this city love a Democrat, when was the last Democratic mayor that turned out good though, I don't think David Dinkins gets the credit he deserves, We did a whole episode on History Hyenas about David Dinkins. Check it out.

I think the media really fucked with him and the city was starting to change under Dinkins and it was actually him who wanted to hire more cops. It's a very interesting thing how the media or one incident can dictate who you are. I mean, it was the Crown Heights riots that killed him and that was it. It was the Crown Heights riots that killed David Dinkins.

And Giuliani came in and everyone knows what Giuliani did. He came in and he just cleaned up. He was, you know, he was a good mayor. New York needs a tough mayor. But who before that? What Democrat? I mean, Koch was good for some reasons, right? I don't even remember who was mayor before that.

Was it P. Diddy? Yeah, we weren't around. Technically was mayor before that was it p diddy yeah we weren't around technically bloomy was a dem yeah bloomberg technically was a dem but he kind of switched republican um he was the best bloomberg was the best dude except he wanted to get what read a big sodas okay yeah i bet you a lot of people who got COVID-19 wish he did that. We can't be trusted with big gulps. We can't be trusted. It's true, man. It's like when my mother-in-law brings sweets over to my house, I eat them. It's like having cigarettes laying around. I'm going to smoke one. You know? Giannis Pappas, the fat Greek kid. Thank you, Louis. Appreciate that. Bloomberg is a eugenicist squeak. That's what's great about the internet everyone's a fucking expert right now everyone is a goddamn expert blue i never heard

that one imagine that's the one that's true out of all of them hillary clinton is not a reptile but all this time mayor bloomberg is a eugenicist who just hides in basements and kills retarded kids So Bill Gates and Melinda Gates are getting a divorce I can tell you who's putting out a video For Melinda Gates Go to patreon.com slash yanni long days To hear Florida's favorite eligible bachelor Even though I'm married

I don't remember it Make a ploy a play for melinda gates sister so that video is up on patreon.com slash yanni long days and that is derrick from tallahassee putting a love letter video out for melinda gates um it's interesting because bill gates has started one new charity that he's donating to have you heard what it's interesting because bill gates has started one new charity that he's donating to have you heard what it's called it's called the melinda gates period um you gotta say you know when you talk about equal pay when you talk about the unfair advantage that men, especially straight white men have in this society, this patriarchal, colonial, European evil society,

there's none better example than the evils of the patriarchy, than divorce court, where men just take advantage of women over and over and over again. When is the last time a woman actually got something for her efforts in divorce court? Do you remember? I don't remember. This has to stop. These judges in divorce court have to start seeing the hard work these women do to carry all of the bags

they buy at Chanel. Okay, that comes with a personal assistant, a personal shopper, and maids who get minimum wage and are on the books. I'm sure each and every one of them is on the books. We have to stop this.

Is this something that makes you upset about how unfair divorce court is to women? I mean, Tiger Woods, poor fucking ex-wife. All those years she put in to become an au pair and watch American children while parents were working, and all she got was $250 million. Is that fair to you? Who's that fair to? I'm going on a limb here and I am speaking

up on behalf of women. Jeff Bezos, that fucking demon who delivers boxes to AOC's apartment door every day. Please God, please let one of her doormen be a fucking fan of this show and please dm me dog with a fucking phone photo of the fucking packages outside that goddamn girl's door i meant to say goddamn girl's door because you know that fucking bitch is on poshmark and you know she's on fucking amazon ordering fucking hair straightening supply shit, just like my wife does. But she doesn't want those jobs in New York, even though those fucking packages are on her doorstep. Please, please let her doorman be a fan.

Anyway, Jeff Bezos, that fucking demon. Can you please tell me how little he left to his poor wife in that settlement? Is that something you can look up? Drew's not here today. He just disappeared. I don't know where Drew is. I think Jersey swallowed him up. Or maybe one of the pedophiles they were hunting last night

finally turned around and did something about it. No. Yeah. What were you thinking, my guy? Drew underscore films. Follow Jesse Scaturo, all one word word on the Instagram to check out his art, which he's going to start selling now for millions of dollars. You got $61.4 billion.

Okay. Is that fair? Is that fair? What's her name? Mackenzie. Mackenzie. Okay. So,

you know, with a name like Mackenzie, she's coming from a family that started out with a couple mil, okay? Started out with a couple mil and definitely calls her dad father, okay? A lot of people's baby's first words are dada. Her first word was pony and father. Okay, Mackenzie got $61 billion.

Is that fair to her, okay? billion dollars is that fair to her okay what when are we going to dismantle this patriarchal aggression that that reveals itself in no better context than divorce it This is sickening. Now, Strahan. Do you know Strahan? One of the most charismatic guys I've ever met, okay? Jason Strahan, what's his name? Jason, yeah. Jason Strahan, Will Smith, and Bill Clinton are the three most charismatic men I've ever met, okay?

You ever met Barkley? I've never met Barkley. You met Barkley and you said he was charismatic and there was just like, yeah, there was just like white people around him. Just like doing shit for him when you shot that commercial. But let me tell you something.

Will Smith, Jason Strahan, and Bill Clinton looked at me like he knew me, dog. Bill Clinton made me feel soft and cuddly inside. If Bill Clinton wanted to stick a cigar in my pussy, I would grow a pussy and let him stick a cigar in it just because he fucking put a spell on me. That is how charismatic Bill Clinton is. But Jason Strahan,

how much did his poor wife get in the divorce settlement? It's outrageous. Absolutely outrageous. Absolutely outrageous. This has to end. No better evidence of the patriarchy than in these settlements where these women are getting fucking nothing. They're getting nada.

Did you find it? Cuz do you have dial up AOL? I still have an AOL email address. It's a good conversation starty. Who should be our king? Comment roulette where I look down and read whatever comments are there. We still got 75 left in the chat. 75 strong long haulers.

Go to patreon.com slash yannilongdays to join and get an additional bonus episode every week. If men aren't comfortable giving millions away in divorce court, they should stop mansplaining. Thank you, Chrissy Sophia. Fucking thank you, okay? Stop fucking mansplaining. that's all I hear that's all I fucking hear do you think when the husband and wife who came up with the RNA vaccine for COVID which uh again we don't appreciate because you know it's a first world problem should we

take it should we not take it COVID's not real anyway do you think the wife said to him when he was like uh he was I think he's Turkish and she's German it's a couple that came up with the first vaccine you know and nobody will remember their fucking names why would we does anyone even know who Jonas Salk is you have any lives these people fucking save with their genius and we just all we do is be like when's Jake Paul gonna fight fucking Britney Spears we're their genius and we just all we do is be like when's Jake Paul gonna fight fucking Britney Spears we're fucking idiots and we deserve to die from COVID I hope COVID 20 I hope COVID grows up and becomes an adult and kills more of us we deserve to go we don't appreciate shit you don't want the vaccine? Go fucking live in India.

Please shut the fuck up. Please. But can you imagine if she's, he was like, I think I figured out how we can teach the immune system to fight COVID. And she said, you shut the fuck up. Stop mansplaining to me, bitch. I'll do it.

Louis Pasteur. Does anyone even know who Louis Pasteur is? You tell a kid now and you go, that's what pasteurization means. And they would go, oh, well, I don't fucking drink milk anyway. I drink almond milk. So fuck Louis Pasteur. By the way, Wayne LaPierre, why did they let a Frenchman become the head of the NRA? I mean, did they not check that French people are cucks? Okay, you knew it all along. Wayne LaPierre. Now, frauds are fun. If I had a TV show,

one of my segments would be called Frauds Are Fun, and I'd have one segment dedicated to only Florida news, which the Daily Show stole from us at fusion or it was parallel thinking i'm sure um that was a failed tv show i had in fusion where we had a segment called what the florida we just did florida news because florida news is always crazy but wayne lipierre um uh he's the head of the nra he's the chief of the nra and all this old footage came out that he was trying to repress of him elephant hunting. That's because nobody likes that. Nobody likes watching someone fucking kill elephants for no reason.

It just means you got a really, really tiny glue gun. I mean, why would you go kill one of the most magnificent, peaceful animals on the planet for sport? You're a fuck. So that came out. And then it also came out that he's a horrible shot. He doesn't even know how to hold a gun.

He goes on shopping sprees in Rodeo Drive. That came up. And the worst part, he's actually in private, very worried about the culture he's created. Which the actual founder of the NRA was very pro-gun control, by the way. But don't tell anyone who lives in Texas that. So that's fun, dude.

That's fun. You know, that's like finding out Oprah doesn't fuck Stedman. We all kind of knew it, but we like to believe her and Stedman have this great relationship and Gail doesn't get her pussy licked on a regular basis and vice versa.

I mean, who is Gail and why are they good friends? Okay, a lot of people don't understand that these people are liars. Your favorite celebrities pretend to be someone else to win over your dollars because you like being lied to. And a lot of you are Midwestern idiots who don't accept gay people, so they pretend not to be gay, okay?

As if you don't fucking masturbate to lesbian porn, you hypocritical Christian housewife. I've never met one woman who doesn't flick her little bean to lesbo porn. What the fuck is that? What's that? You're not a little bit gay? You're not a little gay. Because that's a little different than guys. Dudes are just hard to swallow, literally. And it's just nobody wants to get a blowy and have a guy look up and go, was that good? You just don't want to hear that. You don't want to see hairy arms holding onto your side and then have a guy look up and go,

was that better than last time? You don't want to hear that noctive. At least you want the guy to go, was that better than last time, boss? Okay. Was it good, boss? Okay. If a guy blows me, he better have a fucking wig on or else we're going to have some issues. Do you know what I'm saying, Jess? But women, I mean, what is the hypocrisy of homophobic women when they all masturbate to lesbo porn? Did you know that? Did you know that like almost 100% of straight women

don't watch straight porn? They watch lesbian porn. There'll be women right here who are going to i talk to women all the time i like to study them like hyenas i'm just obsessed with them because they are hyenas they're fucking liars and they're good at it um but uh so a lot of these celebrities just lie about who they are they create a persona to uh because they don't want to disappoint their Midwestern fans who were sitting there going, I love like, I love watching Oprah. She's just one of the good ones. You know, she's one of the good ones. She's one of the good, you know, who's, and she's got a nice husband, Stedman. He almost looks like Thurgood Marshall. He almost looks like he's not even black, which is nice because, you know, when one of those come around, at least he's not listening to rap and whatnot.

Have you tried my pumpkin spice pie? Have you tried my banana nut muffins? How's my haircut? I got it at Supercuts, y'all. Do you like it? Yeah. This is my neck fat in the back because I ordered cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory online store, y'all. you like it yeah this is my neck fat in the back because I ordered cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory online store y'all they get delivered to my house this is my dog my house smells like cigarettes I don't move much I don't need an apple watch because I don't exercise I walk from the couch where I watch my shows, and one of those shows is Oprah. And I love her so much. She's such a nice, she's one of the good ones.

Oprah just can't come up and be like, hey, how you doing? I'm a black woman who likes vagina. They would go, uh-uh, we don't do that here. Push that down. Take her to church. Of course, dude. You don't think Oprah and Gayle are partners and Stedman is a beard?

Look me in the face right now. Look me in the face and tell me you don't believe that. Because 100% Gayle's her beard. And 100% Phil is Shaq's father. Phil is my father. And 100%, 100% Floyd Mayweather killed his baby's mama. Why is nobody looking into this fucking story? How many times do I have to bring it up?

How many times do I have to bring up the fact that fucking Floyd Mayweather had his baby mama killed right before she was about to fucking release a book talking about how he beat her up and they were also going to have a divorce settlement where she was asking for like 40 million now 40 million that's a lot of gold watches that he can show off on Instagram he wasn't going to let it happen she died mysteriously at 40 in her car in the morning. Hmm, just sitting in her car of an overdose after she was about to get all this money from Floyd. And then COVID happened right after. That's like the Gary Condon. Remember when Gary Condon killed that fucking,

or they thought he killed that intern? What was her name? Jessica Myers. Her name, Christie Brinkley, Alyssa Mil christy brinkley alissa milano he killed his intern or they thought he killed his intern because he was having an affair with her and they were looking into it his name was gary condon i think he was a senator congressman and then 9-11 happened and nobody it was the biggest story carried to condon and nobody ever thought gary condon did 9-11 nobody ever put that fucking together. They're blaming George Bush's family.

They're blaming the Jews, of course, because that train's never late. Nobody fucking blamed the squad. By the way, how do you like this shirt? I stand with the squad, y'all. Y'all fail me, y'all hurt. Nobody ever tried to blame 9-11 on Gary Condon. Nobody tried to blame COVID-19 on Floyd Mayweather

to get away with killing his baby's mama. Is this too much fuck? Is this too much church? As the kids say, church, church, church. You feel me? Exactly. Mayweather started COVID. That's what it is.

Columbus Day is over. It's now called Indigenous People's Day or something else, right? Italian Heritage Day. Which Italians will get used to? I think Italians will get used to that. Oh, you think they're going to fight for Columbus? Columbus just got fucking whacked. I'm sorry to say.

I don't disagree with this one. Okay? I think there's some good to this progressive reexamining of history. You shouldn't cancel characters because nobody's all good or bad. And if you get farther away in history, everyone was bad by today's standards because it was a little more brutal to survive. So you can't judge yesterday's quote unquote heroes of history by today's standards.

That's just what stupid people do. That's a lazy way to study history. And everyone's lazy now. You know, most people work from their fucking bed. But Columbus, let's re-examine was he worthy of a holiday okay I don't think so I don't fucking think so first of all he didn't discover shit okay he accidentally bumped into it you know what I mean he didn't plan it not a great man if you fucking accidentally stumble on some shit he didn't even conquer

anything he was just the first one there reported back and then the you know the real assholes came oscar de la joya and uh the painter de gas oscar de gas and dejas and picasso and those motherfuckers came and really did some murder on montezuma it wasn't even really columbus so you can't even celebrate him as like a great conquistador. He's just kind of a stupid dude who landed on some shit, you know? He just got lucky.

So yeah, the Vikings were here first and he didn't even really do much. And he was a little bit of an asshole too. So it's like, we shouldn't malign him 100%. But does he get a full day? I think it's worth to re-examine that. You know what I'm saying? I think it's worth to re-examine that.

Don't cancel him though. He should still be a figure of history. And you know, he's an Italian kid, right? So I'm sure his fucking sauce was decent. Don't take that away from him. To change it from Columbus Day to Italian Heritage Day? Why not? Italians should have an appreciation day, okay? Why does the Irish have a day where we celebrate their culture,

which is just getting shit-faced and peeing on the street, and we don't have a day where we celebrate what the Italians have done, which is cuisine. They gave us cuisine, mafia movies, Joe DiMaggio, Rudy Giuliani. Are you kidding me? Chris DiStefano when he pretended to be Italian because of his last name. They gave us him for one or two years of his career. Fucking Sebastian Maniscalco. Are you kidding me?

You want to give up? You want to give him up? Tony Danza? You're going to give up Tony Danza? Come on. The Fonzie was a Jew. Not a lot of people know. Sly Stallone?

You want to give up Sly? He's a great fucking American hero. Joe Pesci? Bobby De Niro? How many times Bobby De Niro you think's been called a fucking... Can you beep this? How many times Bobby De Niro you think's been called a fucking... Can you beep this? How many times in social clubs and Italian restaurants in some of the old neighborhoods and sheeps at bay,

how many times you think they call Bobby De Niro a... because of his views on politics now? I'm sure it's happened a few times. I'm doing a character piece and it's beeped. But Italians deserve a day. And on that day, man of gut is like half off or whatever. You go to any Italian specialty, you say, happy Italian heritage day. That's the day you can be proud to live in your mom's basement. That is the day you can be proud to never want your grandmother to wash her fucking hands to

keep that sauce colicky. That is a day you can be proud to have your eyebrows threaded so thin you look surprised when you're angry. That is a day you can be proud to have neon lighting on the bottom of your car. That is a day you can be proud to have once respected the Cuomo brothers because of their father. Father was a good guy. That is another one day you can be proud to have a stupid fucking name like Luigi. That is a day you can be proud of the love affair you have with Tameros.

That is a day you can be proud to be a woman with a mustache. Don't, don't, on that day, on that day, you let it stay. You don't fucking go see some Indian to get rid of it. Okay, right here, just a little black hair and a little black there. That is a day you can be proud to be called by your offspring, ma. No M at the end, ma. That is a day you can be proud

to put on your slippers and walk down, walk down the basement stairs, leftover ziti that you made for your son who loves his ma, okay? He's a fucking successful fucking salesman, but he doesn't want to leave his house. That's the day you can be proud to want to get everybody out of your fucking neighborhood.

If these fucking, insert whatever slur you want there, move into this fucking neighborhood, I swear to God. That is a day you can be proud that your primary weapon of assault is a baseball bat. That is a day you can be proud. That is a day you can be proud of Mano Giannobili. Giannis became the edgy food comic. Shut the fuck up, Steven Vitrio.

Oh, because his last name's Vitrio, so I'm shitting on Italians, and the kid took it personally because of his ma. Because I love my fucking mother. Oh, man. Everyone gets it on long days. Bubbas.

Anyway, thank you very much for tuning in, especially Italians. I appreciate you being here. Floyd Mayweather, I hope you have checked this episode out. I'm fucking on to you. Elon Musk, you're on fucking. Wayne LaPierre, I don't know how to say fuck you in French, but fuck you for killing those elephants.

Mario Gonzalez, rest in peace. Who's Mario Gonzalez? Hmm, I wonder why we don't know. Jesse, have you heard of Mario Gonzalez? Have you heard of Tony Timpa? No. I wonder why. Is it because nobody cares about Hispanics and others?

As I mentioned at the beginning, that's how we'll end the show. Mario Gonzalez was a Hispanic man who was killed in San Francisco in an almost a virtually identical fashion to George Floyd, as was Tony Tempo. Tony Tempo.

And there's videos of both. There for the media to be outraged against about. They're for the activists to be outraged about, but they're not because our activism has become segregated. And until we are equally outraged as a society together, Republican or Democrat, male or female, squeak or tall kid, tall drinks of waters and squeaks, all races, all religions, all sexual preferences, about every unarmed, unjustified killing, we will never solve this issue,

which is obviously a problem. There is a police brutality problem. It doesn't happen as much as the media wants to portray it, which is also sad. But what's even worse is that they kill everybody. So the problem's even worse. The problem is worse. There's more people being killed that we should care about, but we don't because we only care about certain people who are killed because we want to tie that to a historical trauma, which is valid. Is that valid anymore? I don't know. You look at the stats and you go, it doesn't seem like it is as bad as it used to be. And also trauma, what is trauma? Trauma is not being able to not think the abuse

is there when it's not there anymore. That's what trauma is. Trauma is the abuse is gone, but you still think the abuse is there because you're traumatized. Is there some legitimacy towards that when you look at the data? Perhaps. Is there some legitimacy to that the media is using that trauma to further traumatize a traumatized population?

I fucking think so. Yanni Longday's fucking think so. Because like I said, the problem's even worse than the media is letting on, but they don't fucking report the Tony Tempas and the Mario Gonzalez et al, as it's called in Latin, because I'm a smart kid. Because there's tons of these murders happening. And when you look at all the stats of unarmed, unjustified, or at least unarmed police shootings, you see that they're killing fucking everybody at high rates. So why are we always focused on the race? Why is that the dominant, the predominant narrative? Is it

because of this historical drama? Is it because the media's focusing on this historical trauma, perhaps exaggerating the connection to this historical trauma? These are questions. These are fucking questions. Why don't we know about Mario Gonzalez? Why are there no article after article after article and the people say we did write about it yeah one or two fucking articles it's not plastered all over and paid for to be boosted by all these media outlets and reposted by the activists we are all americans until we start caring about every single one of these people and not really focusing on their skin color, that's when we will get some change. If Martin Luther King was alive today,

he'd say, I have a dream that all unarmed victims, regardless of race, are equal. I mean, that's dark comedy, but you get my point. It's a sad thing. My job is to be a comedian, but it's something that bothers me because I care. It would just be easier not to care and throw up a sad thing. My job is to be a comedian, but it's something that bothers me because I care. It would just be easier not to care and throw up a fucking slogan. Wouldn't it? That's just easier than sticking your neck out and talking about something that's going to piss some people off.

Go fuck your mother. I don't work for anybody except me. Yanni. I mean, just to make the point a little further, it's like they're killing everyone. So you go like, are they racist? I can understand why black people do think they're racist because it's tied to that historical trauma where they were being killed because they were black. And maybe some of them still are now, but they are killing white people. They are killing Hispanics, too. So you're going like, is that the right narrative? Is that the thing you take out of it because there's no even proof that um the george floyd murder was racially motivated and then when you see these other videos that resemble the george floyd

murder you're going like fuck this is even worse they're killing more people this should unite us even more where we're going like hey man you shouldn't kill anybody like this you know and yeah the numbers are probably inflated by the media too. It doesn't happen as much as the media wants to believe. But when you see the videos, you're going, there's a fucking problem where you have someone pinned on the ground and they're saying, I can't breathe or get off my neck.

And you're just not, they're not resisting and you're not rendering aid to them. I know you don't have a hard job and shit like that, but how did you get so fucking callous? It's wrong. Anyway, this is a comedy show. Somebody's got to make the fucking point. Guys, you know Yanni loves small businesses as we should.

Don't you think every big outlet should do this to support small businesses, especially after the pandemic? I will keep, I will keep, even though Jesse's a Jew and he's very mad at me for this, because he's a screwed in kid and he knows that they make fucking Monday. I will keep these at $100, five slots, that's it. They're obviously sold out because you're basically stealing from me. But I want to support these companies that I love. And here they are. You know, they become part of the show. You know who we're talking about. Let's start off with my favorite because we're talking about Italians. Let's talk about my boy, Joseph DeMonte. Okay. He is the proprietor,

just like Derek's the proprietor of the Pink Lagoon,c Pimflamingo. Joseph DeMonte's the proprietor of one of my favorite restaurants, Blue Agave on 3rd Avenue in Bay Ridge. Come support local. Come visit Bay Ridge. Eat there. Sit outside. Get yourself a cocktail. Maybe you'll see me and fucking Jesse and Drew,

if he's still alive, eating one day after an episode because we film right here in Bay Ridge. So you can follow him at Blue Agave Bay Ridge on the gram. All one word, Blue Agave Bay Ridge and go check out Blue Agave. And hey, he didn't give me any promo codes, but just go in there and say, hey, I'm a fan of Long Days

and I was told I'm going to get 20% off mojitos. Just give it a whirl. See what the fuck happens. His name's Josie DeMonte.onte so if you pay him in cash he'll work something out with yous as long as the government's not involved in this fucking transaction cuz let me ask you something is there anything italians love more than knowing that the government's not going to be involved in this fucking transaction we're doing this like men you hand me paper i hand you the fucking product there's no reason for uncle sam to put his hand in my pocket. We're brought to you by a new sponsor. I am so excited to have this small business sponsoring the show, Eastside Cheesecake. Now, let me tell you something right now.

I'm a sucker for two things. I'm a sucker for two things, cheesecake and key lime pie. Now, if you make a key lime pie cheesecake, I'm a sucker for it. My mother-in-law knows it too. She puts a fucking cheesecake in the fridge and it's gone. Guess what I'm putting in my fridge from now on? Because I'm going to get them free. Eastside cheesecake. Now, here's the deal. are quality they're blowing up okay we're talking about a couple julia and gregory now you support love do you support couples making cheesecakes because couples that make cheesecakes together stay together and julia and gregory they're from new york city and they moved to la real fucking original guys who isn't from fucking new york that wasn't born in mexico in la but they moved to la

and uh they lost their jobs during the pandemic and they started this company east side cheesecakes and they're fucking blowing up this is no lie um now they make their own cheesecake from scratch dogs they make the cheese fromdogs. They don't use no fucking powder. They don't use no fucking juniors and then say it was theirs by taking the fucking sticker off. They do it themselves. So you go to Eastside Cheesecakes on the gram, Eastside Cheesecakes, or you go to their website, eastsidecheesecakes.com, say hello, tell them Long Day sent you, and tell them Giannis said you get a 20 discount i don't know whatever discount they give you they give you or not um they they are going to be

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every fucking week jared so just stop complaining about it. Okay. I love Jared. This is a kid who will get your car moved. Okay. You got to, you stole the car. You want to move cross lines. Jared will do it. You're moving to Austin.

Are you moving to Austin? Are you moving to Austin from Los Angeles? And you need your car moved. Here's the deal. This cute fucking Jewish kid who got mad at me because I called him a Catholic kid, but he's a fucking, he's a member of the tribe and he chose it because he's screwed in. Jared, he will fucking ship your car nationwide, nationwide. So go to exclusiveautoshipping.com, get your free quote.

And if you're moving, whatever, you need a car to go someplace else and you don't want to drive it hit up my boy jared at exclusive auto shipping.com and get your fucking car moved um and i'm sure tell him i give you a discount as well um then of course we're brought to you by the smallest business we have which is just him it's rob's mentalground and boy is it a mental playground kid's got a wild mustache and I fucking love this kid he does arts, prints, t-shirts whatever, he sold some stuff already go to Rob's Mental Playground

on YouTube robsmentalplayground.com and on the gram, Rob's Mental Playground I mean buy a painting from the kid, why not and Rob, why have you not made a hyena for my studio? Hit me up. Okay, now let's read some Patreon names.

Yeah, by the way, before we start reading these Patreon names, Canada's chief medical advisor, or whoever she is, of course she's a woman, said that she recommends during sex that everyone wear a mask or even two masks. Canada, you pretend country. Can you just shut the fuck up and get people fucking vaccinated and start treating Quebec with a little bit of respect? Because the only fucking city I like to visit there

where I don't feel like it's too gothy. Just get people vaccinated, Justin Trudeau. You're a great first South Asian prime minister. You've made history. Now get into action and put some fucking needles in arms that aren't heroin on Queen Street. I'm sick of fucking seeing needles go in arm in Queen Street because you're so liberal.

The government can't do anything. Oh my God, if you're a heroin addict, please, we'll help you. We'll pay for your heroin. How about you pay for the vaccine? You fucking practice America. Your country should be called America's minor leagues. Why don't they just call it AAA?

Why don't they just call it, are you living in AA? When are you getting called up to the States? When are you getting called up to the States? You fucking pretend country. Get people vaccinated what the fuck dude we're almost at herd immunity here and we're fucking crazy gun nuts you guys are all fucking libtards you can't get some needles in your fucking elbows now for the patreon names just from last week we're gonna start and give him another shout out. Chet Hanks

Left Nut, just shout out to you. $10 member as well. Appreciate you. Then we got KY has joined. I assume that's KY Jelly. I appreciate you. Then Megan Ellis, welcome you potato monkey. Now we have San Francisco Squeak Patrol, aka Queen Kamala, handcuffed me to the Golden Gate Bridge in 2006. I can't leave. Please send help. Now, I usually don't like long ones, but I did enjoy that one. By the way, join Patreon.com slash Yanni Long Days. We obviously continuing the history, Iena's tradition of funny screen names. Why not?

So I'm just going to give that another read because I fucked it up. funny screen names, why not, so I'm just going to give that another read, because I fucked it up, San Francisco Squeak Patrol, aka Queen Kamala, handcuffed me to the Golden Gate Bridge in 2006, she's a prosecutor, I can't leave, please send help, I enjoyed it, then we have Arthur, Becky Sullivan, John Page, just here for the content, Nervous V, Matthew Bender, Jennifer Call, Long Hauler with the big dollars, ready to bring the fight to the Jake Paulers, really good, Brandon Kelly, Mike Irwin, Alex Alexandros, Kiriakos Stavropoulos, a.k.a. Lil Stamos. Because Lil Stamos is a banger. Alexandros, I think you're the Hall of Famer so far.

Then we got Richard Huntwork. Is that it? Go to one. Oh, go to one. Lil Stamos is a banger, no? Okay. And now we also welcome Richardard huntwork oh no i just did that sorry excuse me excuse me pardon me excuse me i'm trying to get out of this train excuse me

pardon me thank you here's my stop welcome uh madam asma the greek cyclops with fumare lollipops. Justin, welcome. John Somerford. Chrissy D says sorry. Okay, I might have spoke too soon with Los Namos. Chrissy D says sorry is a good one. That's a goodie. Eddie Rodriguez. Allie Elaine.

Smugger in fall. I'm still kicking over that one. Smugger in of Falcone smugger in a Falcone. Christian Salinas, miles, Rabby Gilbert, Lucas, Marco zombie rapture,

East side cheesecakes. Welcome. Sarah Lawler, Colby, Bialy, Javier Mela, White Walker, White Suge Knight. You heard? Also a goodie. Drexler, because you're born in the same list as uh chrissy d says sorry brows around tyke dana devin blackhead so wipe me down with my washcloth patone jesus's second coming is closer than yanni's eyes wait no that was jesus jesus's second coming is closer than yanni's eyes that is how you bring the heat right there. Welcome.

Knicker. Incel fumes. Incel fumes, very funny. That's a chicken finger. Wody, surviving Chinese bioweapons on the North Shore long before the Karonzis. A lot of personality in that one. That's a goodie.

Matina. Kotrombas. God, these Greek names. Even for a greek they're hard cotrombas matina welcome matina uh gasoline maxwell scrotum you got jesse good then we got jason michael williams chadler mondor Garrett Heikemer Heikemer Garrett Heikemer welcome then we have Francisco Maxim Prosperi welcome back cuz I recognize you John Michael Robert Fontan Fotonosa Robert Rosa, ma, I'm here. Raul Abarca, Tim F, welcome. Me, Me We Coffee, Me We Coffee, kids probably just screwed in and promoting his coffee brand, Me We Coffee. Well, you know, it's a screwed in kid. Darren Thompson, Yanni Schlondes, paps i uh scott chris p juan pinzone juan pinzone juan pinzone um garrett lancaster connor what the fuck no bs why no ff in the ss fine wick paul michael comment deleted it's a good one and then david spangler so once again patreon.com slash yanni long days

uh the hall of famer of that is definitely going to be chrissy d says sorry uh you know it's what it is comedy wins uh join up patreon.com slash yanni long days every week there's an additional episode that drops Wednesday and Thursday. Come get squeaky clean with the rest of the long haulers over there and go join the tier you can afford. Become a producer of the show, man. Really appreciate it. The subscription model is the model that makes for the best comedy. So it's because of you that we're growing.

Tell your friends and I'll see you next week.