Yannis Pappas Hour - Heat from the Wok

Episode Date: March 3, 2023

Yanni talks his sold out weekend in Chicago, China accusing the US of being insecure, the illustrious career of Lori Lightfoot, Disney loses their tax enemy status by Desantis, Ja Morant making bad decisions again and more!Join for our weekly bonus episodehttps://www.patreon.com/yannispappashour See Yannis live Dates & Cities below All tickets: https://www.yannispappascomedy.comAtlantic City March 3rdEmmaus Pa, March 4DC March 9-11Stamford CT April 7,8Tampa April 21-22Providence Phoenix San Fran More Watch Yanni’s stand up special: https://youtu.be/ArlCFemEDvQJoin our highlights page for highlight clips of every episode: https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykwNew episodes every Friday and new bonus episodes every following Tuesday at Patreon.com/yannispappashour Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up, everybody? Before we start this show, I'd like you to know about some of my upcoming performances. Tonight, I'm in Atlantic City at the Celebrity Theater. Get those tickets at yannispapascomedy.com if you're just a last-minute type of person. Then the Emmaus Theater in Emmaus, Pennsylvania. That's Saturday, March 4th. Arlington Draft House, March 9th through the 11th in Washington, D.C. Stanford, Connecticut, March 7th through the 8th in Washington, D.C. Stanford, Connecticut March 7th through the 8th. Beautiful new comedy club, New York Comedy Club. And Tampa Sidesplitters April 21st through the 22nd.

Then Plano, Texas August 24th through the 26th. Providence, Rhode Island November 10th through the 11th, all rescheduled. And Phoenix November 16th through the 18th. Patreon.com slash Janusz Papasauer for more riveting content. And now, let's get to the show. What's up, everybody? Here's Janusz Papas with your nightly, weekly, and monthly and last year's news. John Morant has made another bad decision.

I think basketball players probably have the highest percentage of millionaires making bad decisions. It should be a reality show called Millionaires Making Bad Decisions. We'll get into it. Lori Lightfoot has been defrocked. She's been defrocked. Here's the thing that I respect most. Lori Lightfoot has been defrocked. She's been defrocked. Here's the thing that I respect most about Lori Lightfoot. She spent however many years, I think it felt like 50. It could have been she's only in office for two,

but it felt like 50 to 100. She really pitched a long day. She did a full game. She pitched a complete game out there in Chicago as far as making the news and making people annoyed. Lori Lightfoot and her receding hairline has gone away. Her policies of if somebody mugs you in Chicago, you have to apologize to them for being outside and apologizing for how society has failed them is gone. The new mayor is, I didn't bother to learn the name

because until you can prove that you're going to be a star like Lori Lightfoot, I'm not bothering to learn the name and learn the name at all. Big message about colon cancer here on our WebMD podcast that I want to talk about. I don't know if that got any jokes, but I will.

I would like to do a public service announcement. I want to do some good. A public service announcement. I want to do some good. Corporate Kingdom has come to an end. That is, I guess, the Vatican-level status of the Disney company in Orlando, Florida. DeSantis has put an end to that. DeSantis has really put an end.

His campaign slogan as governor of Florida should be like, we're putting an end. It's just a list of things we're putting an end to. Putting an end to black history, putting an end to trans bathrooms, we're putting an end to Disneyland having their own authority over a certain area. We're putting an end to maybe Trump's run in 2024.

Stay tuned. I got the scoop. I got the answer. Who's going to win the GOP primary? Trump? Shaker Kobe, baby. What else is going on? TikTok.

Ooh, hanging on by a thin thread. Hanging in there. Hanging in there. Hanging in there. I spoke to Sergio Chacon today. He said he hates when people say they're hanging in there. He hates that because he goes, am I supposed to follow up and go like, are you okay? But then when you do that, most people go like, yeah, dude, of course I'm okay. Hanging in there is an expression, but it's like hanging in there sounds like you're just hanging.

Doesn't sound like you're doing good. So don't say hanging in there. Say you're just hanging. Doesn't sound like you're doing good. So don't say hanging in there. Say I'm doing good. Lie. Because nobody is. Oh, and this is what he decides to call right in the middle of the episode. Maybe I could say it right there. Hey, for now, it's a no-go.

China says TikTok bans reflect U.S. insecurity. So China says that we're insecure. The thing that's making girls insecure, you can't argue with them. China's basically saying, hey, man, well, you guys can't handle the heat from the wok. Wok is Chinese cooking, right, Jess? That's correct. Yeah, so if you weren't making your shitty instant coffee, you would have been available for a laugh on that one.

But Jesse's just the most okay guy in the universe. Give him an instant coffee. Give him some fucking slippers. He's fine. You're just fine all the time. Black History Month is over. We will have a moment of silence. RIP Black History Month.

Jared can no longer walk in front of me online in the plane because Black History Month is over, dog. Don't talk to me. Don't acknowledge me. Don't make eye contact with me in the green room. I was letting Jared make eye contact with me in the green room on our shows because of Black History Month. Now it's over. Your month's over.

Guess who doesn't love that? Guess who's weighing in on that? Someone who doesn't like to weigh in on anything else. Draymond Green. A guy with no opinions has finally decided to have one. We'll get into that. And a fun one. The Mexican president

has tweeted a photo of what he calls an elf. So the leader of a country has seen an elf and he tweeted it. And he did it earnestly because why the hell wouldn't he? But we're going to have a good time today

here on Mr. Yanni's Neighborhood. Won't you be mine? Won't you be my friend for the news and be a friend of the cult of what's lying wrong? And there's something up. Now here comes a great kid you know you can trust. From the true who's who. To the news and cameras. To the fake politics.

And the propaganda. Get his kids screwed in. Got a lot to say. Aw, shit. It's about to be a long day. It's a long day. It's a long day. Everybody wants a cult.

Maybe. We got a cult of fetophiles. We got a cult of fetophiles. We got a cult of fetophiles. People are nervous that podcasts are losing their popularity. Guess who's not nervous? A podcast that hasn't become popular yet. So that's the benefit to not being huge. We're a boutique right now,

and people are going, oh, podcasting's oversaturated. There's no money in podcasting. And we're hey babe that's another tuesday or wednesday or thursday and we're totally fine with it the best part about not going up is you don't got to come down you're right there in the middle even steven easy peasy franks and beans. Greens and peas. Greens and peas. It's comfortable. It's cozy.

Like a good Chicago 40 degree day that we experienced. Me and Jared took a date up to the top of what used to be the Sears Tower. Yes. Now I think it's just called Ping Ta Heong Tower. I think they just used the address, and we know what that means. That means that a sweet old Chinese company decided to offer all cash for the tallest building in the Western Hemisphere. I love how it's now the tallest building in the Western Hemisphere. I love how it's now the tallest building

in the Western Hemisphere. Like that means something. Yeah, because now it just, it means like, it's like being the greatest scorer in the G League. Yeah. You know, it's just like going like, this guy was the MVP of the G League. It's like being the tallest midget.

Right, because now you go over to the Eastern Hemisphere and boy, do they got some big building cocks out there. I mean, they are fully erect, full mast, and they have the bigger buildings. But me and Jared went up to the top. We looked around. I'm not sure if it was worth 80 bucks a pop. It wasn't.

I think it was 40 bucks a ticket. Holy shit. But me and Jared were proactive, okay? We didn't get our reservation until 3.30. But, you know, I said I'm going right up to this guy because this guy does not care about his job. If you want to beat the system and you want to cut a line or you want to do anything,

listen to Ole Yanni right here. You want to look into the face of the person who's behind the register, behind the clicker, behind the counter, and you want to see what level of apathy there is in that face. Some people just don't want no trouble. Some people are conflict averse. But most of all, you'll find, especially post-COVID and in America, most people don't care about their jobs.

COVID and in America, most people don't care about their jobs. So the guy who was taking tickets for getting us up to the top of Pinky House Tower in Chicago, we just went up there and said, hey man, we requested 230, but it pushed out 330 because all the 230s were sold out. And I was like, you know, I got to get my black son back to the Boys and Girls Club by a certain hour. Okay, because he has a foosball tournament that he's ranked in. And I said, my name's Mr. Drummond or whatever his name was. And he goes, you know what? Sir, you guys can go in right now. So we skipped the line like a couple of pushy Jews on a Broadway break.

We figured out a way to cut the line, and we did good. And we went up there, and I don't recommend it. It's a longer wait to get on the elevator and off the elevator than it is to look at. And to be honest with you, past a little bit of the Chicago skyline, not much to see in Ohio. Just a lot of fog. Yeah.

Since LeBron left, there's nothing to see. If LeBron's not in Cleveland, there's nothing to see beyond Chicago. But Chicago's a beautiful, clean town, and winter is the best time to visit it because it's too cold to shoot. So that's always good. Yeah, it's a great city. Yeah, I say don't go in the summer. You don't want to go out.

When I go, it's beautiful outside. It's 10 degrees. Walk around. Enjoy the city safely. Safe and it's clean. It's like New York with test corrections. Let's be honest. You can't shoot in mittens.

That's a good Eagle wit joke. Yeah. And here's the deal. Me and Jared, we wanted to go see Chicago's biggest tourist attraction. We wanted to see it. So we went to the Subway sandwich spot that Jussie Smollett bought his sandwich from to just see Chicago's most important spot. Yes.

And I like to wonder about when the guy who made that sandwich, if he knew that Jussie Smollett was not going to eat that sandwich. Because there's a way you order the sandwich when you're going to eat it. You pay attention to the details and the condiments and you're very pointy. But you know, Jesse Smollett, knowing that the sandwich was just going to be a prop

and a fake hate crime, was probably going like, just put whatever, just give me a sandwich. He's just going like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Roll it in, I don't care. Give me a used one. Take one out of the garbage. It doesn't matter.

This is going to be on the floor in 15 minutes when I get hit by my buddies who I paid who are fake MAGA guys. Doesn't matter. This is a prop. Doesn't matter. Yeah. The guy was like, do you want casserole mustard? He was probably going, I don't know, dude.

What would you put on it? Just let's get this. Let's get this moving because my two African, uh, my two African co-stars are, are got masks on and they're ready. And it's cold out. It's negative five. When, when hate crimes stakeouts usually happen. Really funny. Still something's hold up like Chappelle show. So does Jesse smollett's fake hate crime holds up very funny and since we were in the neck of the woods you know it was nice to think about yeah it was nice to think about the jesse smollett um some people are great criminals and some people just don't think through all the details but thankfully there are people who don't think all the details because they provided great there are people who don't think all the details

because they provided great fodder for comedy, and nobody made a better comedy joke about Justice Millette than Dave Chappelle by saying, find out where Kanye West was last night. Any Housers, let's talk about John Morant because you're very upset about this I am very upset Jared called me and he said

You know what? This is really The black excellence Instagram pages Are not happy right now No, they're not And I don't know if you follow Any black excellence pages But they're out there

Yeah They're out there They're out there They're filled with Oprah They're filled with Tyler Perry And they're filled with Justice Mollet They're out there Like black albinos There's're filled with Tyler Perry And they're filled with Justice Mollet They're out there, like black albinos There's a few

There's a few pages And when you see them, you get surprised You get surprised Now, do you follow any black excellence pages? Yes, well, World Star Hip Hop If there was the opposite of a black excellence page It would be World Star Hip Hop By the way, why are they still calling

that world star hip hop? It's got nothing to do with the world. It's got nothing to do with being a star and has nothing to do with hip hop. Why don't they just call it

inappropriately filmed street fights? Why don't they call it society ruiner? Something like that. Why don't they call it a traumatic watch why don't they call it you shouldn't have scrolled to this they call it reason why you got denied for a 401k yeah they should have called it like did you watch this to the end oh my god we're close to the end so john morant did what so uh earlier maybe about two months ago it was reported that

John Morant actually had some of his posse threatened an opposing team after a game they were chirping and basically the opposing team approached their bus in a tunnel this this and that and later that night it was reported that members of the opposing team they had a laser pointer

a red dot sight pointed at them from an SUV that John Morant was riding in. Great, great leadership that you want to see from your point guard, you know? But recently today, it came out that it's reported that a police had a report that John Morant actually threatened a 17-year-old kid, punching him in the face about 15 to 17 times and also threatening him with a gun at a park in June. Are we sure these weren't birthday punches for turning 17?

Also, he was with his posse and you said this was a couple weeks ago. You sure if he was with his posse it wasn't 25 years ago in 1995? Because I don't think anyone still refers to it as a posse. He was with his clique, he was with his crew. Yeah, but you can't say gang, that's a trigger word during Black History Month. That's right. Yes. He was with his cohorts. Yeah, he was with his clique He was with his crew Yeah but you can't say gang That's a trigger word During Black History Month That's right Yes He was with his cohorts

Yeah he was with his associates His associates is the way to go Yes So John Morant Is one of the most famous people in the country One of the most famous basketball players on the planet And it seems like he's making Two bad decisions in a row

At what point Does Allen Iverson give him a phone call? famous basketball players on the planet. And it seems like he's making two bad decisions in a row. At what point does Allen Iverson give him a phone call and say, Hey, John, let's talk immediately. Yeah. Yeah. John,

listen, I need the money right now. Let me be your spiritual advisor. Let me be your advisor to not go down my path. Yeah. Let me be the bumpers in your bowling alley. Yeah. I would always, that's a great career path

when your career becomes teaching people not to be you. You know, that's like a whole field of guys who were like former addicts or whatever and their whole job now is to be like, hey guys, don't be me. Yeah. You know, don't do that. Like there's AI, there's a field for that.

Or like, how about Antoine Walker could do that or like how about antoine walker could do that can call up john be like hey listen man i had a posse too but guess what else i had 300 million guess who got the 300 million my posse so pick which one you can't have a posse and 300 million. You got to choose. Yeah, you got to choose. You do got to choose. You got to choose. You know, maybe the posse, maybe you can fly in first class and the posse could take Spirit Airlines. Spirit Airlines should be,

the commercial should be for your posse, for your associates. That's what it should be. Make no mistake, if you had no hookup at Delta, I mean, you'd be firmly comfortable in a Spirit Airlines seat. Yeah, I'd be sitting next to a chicken.

Yeah. Yeah, do you think they bring chickens on there, like farm animals? Yeah, chickens, farm animals, yeah, all that shit. Has anyone got shot on a Spirit flight yet? Is there TCS? What are they called?

TCA. TSA. Air Marshal, you mean? Does a Spirit have an Air Marshal? And does he shoot like that when he gets off? If something goes down on the plane, does the Air Marshal just go like that? So John Morant's making bad decisions.

How do we help John Morant to be like, hey, dog, you can't, you know. Here's the thing. Sometimes guys are so real, they're so down to earth, that they don't know that they're like now multimillionaires. And in a different, they take it, they breathe a different air. You can't be breathing the same air as a 17-year-old at the park who pisses you off, who then you beat down. Because now you've assaulted a minor.

You've committed a crime and you're John Moran. Yeah. Now, don't get me wrong. Memphis Grizzlies will find a way to make it go under the rug, which is what makes this country so great, is that the law only applies to you if you're middle class or if you're poor. But if you're rich, there will be a way to get out of this for John Moran. True.

But he is black, though. Remember that. He still is black. And you saw what happened to Sha'Carri Richardson. Here's the deal. John Moran makes so much money for the Memphis establishment and Grizzlies. They'll figure something out for John Morant. Not only does he make it for Memphis,

he's like one of the most exciting players that the white kids love to look at. He's got that charisma. He's got that major charisma that you just can't get rid of. Is it fun doing a podcast in an old pre-war New York City apartment that gets to be 100 degrees? No, not really. Is it fun to do a podcast and question whether you have stage four COVID

because you're like, is my temperature 109 right now? How hot are you right now? I'm very hot. Yeah, and you got an Ice Cube shirt on. Yeah. I look like I'm about to perform a drive-by, but it is nostalgic to do a podcast

in a room that sounds like it has an old TV playing in the background. Yeah, it does. It sounds like TV static. Or there's a rattlesnake here. Rattlesnake here, or a black woman dissatisfied at a comedy show. Either that, or it sounds like Tiger Woods' car After his wife found out he was cheating

Yeah, did John Morant's mom not finish his name? Did she like die while she was filling out? Is it supposed to be Jamal or Jared or No, John means godly Oh, John, but isn't there supposed to be an H on there? Does he have an H on his name? Or is it just J-A? Just J-A

But, you know I just wish John Morant would, you know, represent himself that way, especially not, you know, for black people. I mean, dog, if a 15-year-old or 17-year-old pisses you off, just let them down how most NBA players let kids down and just not sign their autographs. Yeah, so how does John Morant make you feel as a young black teenager from 10 you were young black teenager 10 years ago i guess in 2023 you're a young you're a teenager 23 25 but here's the deal

jared at 25 is wiser than a lot of 40 year old guys i've spoken to he really and what i think i can attribute his wisdom to is his R&B humming. He hums. I do. To keep, some people do yoga. Jared hums. Yeah. You're a hummer. Some people have Pilates.

I have Jill Scott. You like to hum, my friend. Yes. So this is disappointing to you, Jared. Yes. Okay, what do we do? Who do we contact to change it? I think we just got to surround him with some just real run-of-the-mill Indiana white boys. Get in a Larry Bird.

Get in a Keith Van Horn. Get in somebody who, you know, when they talk about shooting, the only shooting that they know is the three-point shooting. They don't know if it's coming from a Uzi or not. So you got to do a white perimeter around him. You got to do a white perimeter around him. Not a cop perimeter. You could also do a white perimeter and him. You got to do a white perimeter around him. And not a cop perimeter. Exactly. You could also do a white perimeter

and it's cops. Yes. You would do a white perimeter of white basketball players around John Morant saying you need a little time away

from your friends from the old neighborhood. Yes, I need Stephen Adams to take him surfing. Yeah. Stephen Adams is on his team. Yes.

Australian cat. So what are the consequences now for John Morant? Nothing. Nothing? Nothing. Nothing? Nothing. I think, you know, if he keeps on threatening to shoot people, I think God will give him a consequence and blow out his knee next time he goes up for a layup. That's what you call karma.

Karma. Instant karma. That's going to happen anyway, unfortunately. And I don't mean to wish bad, but any basketball player... Hold up. I just caught a glimpse of myself in a fucking reflection. I look pretty good today. Any... I hate when people

say when I'm not wearing glasses I look like a guy who wears glasses. That's just because they're used to seeing me with glasses. I also didn't like the fact that Bobby Lee referred to my nose as a bulbing nose. I didn't like that. Also, I think we have some editorial retractions

from that episode with Bobby Lee. I'd like to start with my apologies to the Tacoma area. Yeah, there were so many people that commented that didn't. I'm sorry that you took it so seriously that I shit on Tacoma. But I mean, just go outside. Take a peek around. I mean, it's not Paris, right?

It's Tacoma. Yeah. It's getting there. But I mean, the weather is really chew a gun. I mean, you turn on the weather and they go, today the chance of chewing a gun is going to be around 14%. And in Seattle, there's a 17% chance of tear gas because there's protests.

So the West Coast is exactly what I figured it would be. But the crowds were great, and if you came to my show, I love you, and I love Tacoma. I love performing there for a day, and I'm not going to lie to you. I want to get the fuck out of Dodge. Yes, yeah.

There was a goddamn piece of plastic in my sushi. Mm-hmm. But the waterfront was great, and boy, was that enterprise rental car very charming. I mean, what do you want me to tell you, Jesse Scaturo? Wow, Jesse Scaturo's got a ditch shirt on today. That shirt, I can tell you from experience, is at least 25 years old.

Blast from the past, though. 20 years old. How old do you think that ditch shirt is? Can't be. I don't know. You still have a ditch shirt in your T-shirt rotation? Yeah. Because you're a simple man. Yeah. And that's what I love about you. I don't know. You still have a ditch shirt in your t-shirt rotation? Yeah. Because you're a simple man.

Yeah. And that's what I love about you. Yes, I do. I got to clean it up. My t-shirt drawer is a mess. You haven't even gotten like a bunch of new free t-shirts that would supplant that t-shirt? Dude, I got so many t-shirts. It's ridiculous.

I actually like this t-shirt, though. That's a nice t-shirt. Yeah. It's got a nice fade on it. Yeah, yeah. I like this one. Yeah, and it's good memories. Yeah, and the armpits aren't blown out. Yeah, it's good memories.

Everything was in front of us. Now everything is a little in front and a little behind. When you're in the middle, you're going like, there's a lot there, but there's also a lot there. Yeah, your career is nearsighted. It's nearsighted now. Is what it is.

Jared Harvin The god The assassin So I'd like to just make a A very special Health announcement Go ahead Did I mention on the last episode

That I went and got Checked I think it was on the Patreon Where I said I went and got checked For that little thing And it's like getting a high When you realize it's not cancer on your PP. Yes, that was on the last episode. This is important for men to hear.

Colon cancer is on the rise. I just want to do a favor out there. When you turn 40, just say you're having stomach cramps and go get a colonoscopy. That's just say, oh, I'm having stomach cramps. I have some problems. Just so your insurance and go get a colonoscopy. That's just say, oh, I'm having stomach cramps. I have some problems. Just so your insurance will pay for a colonoscopy. The age used to be 50. Now they've changed it to 45.

But, you know, sometimes people as early as 40 get them. And there's no symptoms until it's too late. So if you have polyps, they go in there, they remove them. It's no big deal. And then you're fresh. You're ready to go. So it's an easy procedure. Get a colonoscopy. If you haven't yet and you're in your 40s, if you're in your 50s or 60s, what are you doing? But if you're in your 40s, get a colonoscopy.

40 is, I would do it at 40. I did my first one at 40, I had two polyps. Now two polyps don't necessarily turn into cancer, and some of them, but they remove them anyway. And then there's certain other polyps that could turn into cancer that don't necessarily turn into cancer, but they could. They remove those too. It's all about catching them, you know? So they get them, they get them out, and then you don't get fucking ass cancer.

For a while, at least. Which is good. Ain't this place grand? It's still a fun place if you have a sense of humor. The key to humor, the secret sauce, is sorrow. And boy. Sorrow with a little bit of trauma in there. Sorrow with a little bit of trauma.

A little bit of trauma, yeah. There's a dollop of trauma. Jesse, you got a great sense of humor. You got a great laugh. What's the key? I like funny people. Be funny, I'll laugh. Yeah. And how do you avoid the sadness of the world? I like funny people. Be funny. I'll laugh. Yeah.

And how do you avoid the sadness of the world? You just don't think about it. Yeah. You sculpt. You throw yourself into something. I stick my head firmly into sand. Yeah, Eddie. He avoids socks at all costs.

Ain't nothing wrong with sticking your hand firmly in the sand, bending over, and letting a cock ram you right in the fucking asshole. I just wanted to say that with that accent. Yeah. Because it was an impulse at that moment. I think you need to take a visit to Manhattan Beach. I do. So get your colon checked out.

Yeah. Your dad's had his two-hole reamed, right? Yes. Yes, he has. And he's all good? He's all good. But, you know, it's rising amongst black men, too. So, you know, leave that homophobia shit at the door, dog.

You know, a finger's going to go on your ass anyway. It's going to be a doctor or it's going to be the government. So just fucking get that shit checked out. Well, here's the thing. If you're upset about it, it's not even a finger. They throw you to sleep with propofol,

I think it is, which is the nicest nap you'll ever take. And then you just wake up three seconds later. It's been 15 minutes and you're done. And then you're like a little woozy for a second. It wears off. And then you go get the biggest burger you ever had in your life.

You have to drink some garbage the night before to shit your, that's the worst part, but it's one day you do it and it's done. And then you have, you know, you don't have to take like drugs. You can just go get diagnoses and clear it.

That feels better. I would love to go to a doctor every day and be like, is this cancer? Is that cancer? Just to hear no. And then you go, ah. I would love to go to a doctor every day and be like, is this cancer? Is that cancer? Just to hear no. And then you go, ah.

You just want to click your heels and walk away like the fairy that you are. So go get your colon checked. That's just a little something there. You know, the scope goes into two. And eat your greens too.

And leave behind all the fucking bad shit. There's so much bad shit that people put into their body. Stop drinking soda. Go get your Brooklyn Cannery. Get rid of the e-cigs. Get rid of the vaping, the smoking. There's no reason

why you should go around smelling like a carnival. Get rid of that shit. It's not good for your body. Grown ass man, 26 year old smelling like bubble gum. Yeah, that's not cool. And also, I got rid of the snows. You can do it. I don't know what to do with myself, but I got rid of the snows. I quit. Yeah, I got rid of it. How long now? It's not cool. No, yeah. And also, I got rid of the snows. You can do it. I don't know what to do with myself, but I got rid of the snows. I quit. Yeah, I got rid of it.

How long now? It's been weeks. I mean, yeah, you do wrinkle your nose now like you're a member of Whoville more, but it's worked. Yeah, it's like there's no thing to put my anxiety. No place to put it. Has it been tough? It's a little tough.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's nicotine withdrawal, right? Yeah, but that's only a couple days it lasts. But also, you didn't return the coffee, so that's goodotine withdrawal right yeah but that only a couple days it lasts also you didn't return the coffee so that's good too i didn't return the coffee either you're not coffee addictions yeah so there's no addictions in me right now and uh the nicotine's gone it's just the memory of the habit that's the hard part but the nicotine takes two three days and you feel it you definitely feel that but i i fucking suck that up. I'm strong.

So nearly half of U.S. murders have gone unsolved. A new statistic. And by new statistic, I mean maybe just someone who wanted someone to click on an article. Can you really? Did someone really? Let me ask you this question. Let me ask you both this question, and you at home. Whenever you see one of these headlines,

what are the chances they did a very thorough study of everything countrywide? What are the chances that someone cared enough to get the absolute facts as opposed to, you know, cutting a few corners and editorializing a little bit to make the headline feel a little better. They definitely cut a few corners. What are the chances? No chances.

Let's take a delve into this a little bit just to see if I'm right. What do they say? I don't want to spend too long on this because we're in a flow and people's attention spans are really just, they're not there.

In 2021, only 51% of the homicides were, according to FBI statistics, analyzed by the Murder Accountability Project. Okay, so depending on how much you trust them, the country's seeing a continued decline in cleared cases compared to previous cases where the rates were close to 70. A case is defined as cleared when an arrest is made or there is an exception. So essentially what they're saying is that nearly half of U.S. murder cases go unsolved.

Great for podcast content, yes. We don't want, you don't want more solved cases, okay? There's podcasts out there making millions of dollars speculating on who it could be. So that's great. You know, that's capitalism. Yeah. Avoiding the market opens up. When being a cop becomes

the job that people want to do the least, then there's going to be a lot of murders and a lot of unsolved ones because nobody cares. And then what? The market corrects itself. Podcast content. Through the roof. True crime. There's going to be a lot of murders and a lot of unsolved ones because nobody cares. And then what? The market corrects itself. Podcast content.

Through the roof. True crime. Yeah. So one man's loss, another man's gain. Yeah, you got a murder conviction backed by Manscaped. That's true. That's what those podcasts do. That's really funny going like, and then he cut her head off.

Now, a word from Bespoke Post. My point is, like, if you're a cop and you're, like, sick of being, like, vilified or having a hard time out there or something like that, start a pod. Start a true crime pod saying, hey, I got this insight from the other side. Pays better. Right now in America, I think the job that people want to do the least Is cop And public school teacher Either that Or be your ophthalmologist Those three And

That's not a good sign Because if nobody wants To help me with my eyes It's not good That was mean Have my eyes separated A little bit As I've lost weight

I think so Yeah Because I think When my face gets bigger It pushes them in a little bit So I've lost weight? I think so, yeah. Because I think when my face gets bigger, it pushes them in a little bit. So your eyes are just becoming like Pangea. Yeah. And it's almost like when you lose weight, the meat from the fat goes right back into your dick, and you gain an inch or two.

Have you always been able to see your dick? No. No? No. What age did you lose that at? It's not an age thing. It's a weight thing. When I go over about 215, 217, I got to glance over.

Yeah. I got to look over. How much have you lost? I'm down 15, 16 pounds. I'm stuck at about 203, 204, but from 219. So I got to get to two. And then ideally 195 195 to 2 I can

I can You know I can exist around those numbers Yeah that's good fighting weight right there Yeah Where you at? Like 215 That's fine for 6'2

What are you 6'2? 6'2, 6'3 Yeah 6'2, 6'3 215 How what are you? 170. What?

170, 5'4". That's about right. So a lot of people don't know about the privileged status that Disney has in Orlando. This was a big, this is a big to-do. Okay, because DeSantis, like I said, is putting an end to everything. And so,

Governor DeSantis has taken back control over Disney's World Special District. So basically, this is like when the Seattle cops took back the Chop Chaz. You know there's a part of Copenhagen that was taken over by rebels and they just let them keep it. It's called Christiana.

So when you go in there, there's no cops, there's no anything. They just let them have it and it became like a tourist attraction. You can smoke weed, you can do anything. You know,

you can murder a family member, you can kill a prostitute like as long as it's done in christiana you're fine it's a small like couple block radius but the reason why it happened was the same reason why kind of chop chaz happened they just let it stay because in copenhagen they were just like all right we're you know we're open-minded let them keep it real life grand theft auto yeah and i've been to christiana and i smoked weed there um so governor de santa signed a bill on monday to take control of municipal services and development for the special zone encompassing walt disney world the move deals a major blow to the company's ability to operate with autonomy that's pretty

close actually de santis says the special district surrounding Disney World has enabled the park to unfairly skirt local rules and building codes. It's a loose DeSantis right there. Close enough in the wheelhouse. But DeSantis crew say the bill looks like retaliation for a growing feud

between Disney and the governor, which hit a tipping point last year when de santa said disney crossed the line by fucking kids on carousels did i read that wrong crossed the line by opposing an education bill that restricts classroom discussion around gender identity and sexual orientation can we stick to the ABCs? One, two, threes. Yeah, yeah. I'm all for gender identity and different sexual orientation. But when a kid is like four years old, can we stick to the one, two, threes and four by Bs?

Let the parents handle that. Jesus Christ. Who the hell is talking about gender identity at four? You know, or three or two. Dwayne Wade's son? I guess. He started early, right? Well, it's a she now, so.

She. Yeah. She started early. It's like, make it like beer. Just put it maybe seven. I don't fucking know. Who gives a shit? Or not.

Make it one. Who cares? Are we a little tired of hearing this? Yeah. Gender studies within children. Jeez. Like, just turn as many people trans as they want until they run out of hormone replacement. That'll be funny.

If there's like a shortage of that, like there was toilet paper during COVID and people were walking around with one tit, like an unfinished tit, and they're going like, hey man, hey man, I'm halfway. Fucking this is, I can't just run on the fucking, hormones are really horrible. Give me a fucking... Like, hey, what's going on? I got half a tit here.

I'm almost done. I'm half-baked. That would be funny. Let them all until there's a shortage. I think it'd be nice to transition. The heart of the bill is the appointment of a five-person state board to oversee municipal services such as fire protection and road maintenance where Disney operates.

So they use that to kind of get in there. They'll have the ability to raise revenue to fund services and pay off Disney's debts. His pledge to strip Disney of its special tax status, spark fears that local taxpayers will be left on the hook, which would in turn spark a significant spike in local tax rates. Okay. So that's the other side of it,

right? So you're going like, why does Disney have this special tax status? Well, they create a lot of jobs right um there's a lot of upkeep that the florida whatever so jesse explain this because you're smarter than me so how does this how does this spark fears in the local community well i think they're going to be on the hook for the bills like cleaning up and garbage and all that

shit oh all their garbage and shit whereas dis Disney was just taking care of that themselves. Yeah, but DeSantis would just raise their taxes. He'll just figure out another way. Yeah, he'll find out a way. The dude is schmack. DeSantis dressed on Monday. We got a strong DeSantis to the right guy. He just slipped it in there.

DeSantis is a schmack. He's not my guy. Do you have a guy? I like Yang, man. I want Yang back. You were always a Yang guy. I like Yang. He's gonna pay you a thousand bucks. Yeah, I have no guy. He's gonna pay you to vote for him. How could you not vote for him?

I like Yang. A thousand bucks a month? I'll vote for anybody. Yang was doing fine until he laughed at a joke at the stand and it was on video or something in New York. Whose joke? Nobody knows, but it was like a little off color, and they got him. Yeah, they got him.

Dude, if you pay me to vote for you, I'll vote for you. Yeah. Four-day work week's been tested in a couple countries, and it seems to be working out. That may be coming soon. Or as comics like to call it, four days too many of work. What? Four-day work week.

Guy, we do the two-hour work week, my friend, and we complain about that. It's kind of brutal. Well, the travel is brutal. Whitney Cummings said, where's my pills? But besides that, she also said we get paid to travel. And, you know, that's it. That's getting hacky.

Whitney's fine. She doesn't do pills. It's all a joke. It became a joke. Yeah. Let me just say, Whitney is one of the most genuinely nurturing people. She's great. And the whole pill thing.

Welcoming me to the home. Yes. Offering me a coat. She was very nice. And then totally forgot your name And didn't return your text Yeah I wished her happy birthday She did not say anything back

Yeah I texted her happy birthday She said sorry sir I don't have any money Yeah And who am I to say I enjoy a Kalani hearing again Yeah

So you know You gotta get through it somehow So their status is taken in a press release DeSantis office said the bill would also end some of their special privileges such as exemptions from state regulatory reviews

oh so the state's getting in there on Disney to review they're searching for the children that's right this is a comet pizza rescue but this time they may getting in there on Disney to review. They're searching for the children. That's right. This is a comic pizza rescue. But this time they may find some. Yeah. They ain't going to find them a comic pizza,

but they might find them at Disney. Yeah, they'll be like, yo, there's alcohol in this butterbeer. Yeah, you know, unfortunately, if there are pedophiles in the world and the jobs that they most likely like to get is not old folks' homes. You're not going to see a long line of pedophiles applying to be caseworkers at old folks homes. What you will see is a line of pedophiles being applicants for Disney World.

Yeah, and they can't get into the old folks homes anyway because there's too many Haitians applying. It covets. It covets. So what else is going on? In news. so what else is going on in news this is crazy to think that TikTok's about to be banned why would they stop this

and China has said that it shows how insecure we are right and you're like really China is that why you your tiktok is more called engineering ok tiktok the u.s government ban on chinese-owned videos sharing app tiktok reveal washington's own insecurities and are an abusive state power a a Chinese foreign ministry. He's not wrong, right? We're insecure about it. They're going, what, you can't handle a little democratization of fame?

You can't handle a little mirror back at you about what your education system has produced? Let's be honest. Let's talk real. Let's talk real for a second. Is TikTok the menace or is that we like it the menace? I don't know. It's one of those things.

Who's to blame, meth or the people who do meth? Who's to blame? You know the dangers. Who's to blame? It really is know the dangers. Who's to blame? It really is a reflection onto ourselves. It's a little bit of a mirror. It brings us closer. Yeah.

It makes us like basically touch ourselves. It's like a Chinese finger trap. It is. It's a little bit like a mirror. It's a little bit like a mirror watching white people dance not as good to black people and doing the shh over the N word when it comes up in the rap song.

Yes. Which is the TikTok way. Yeah, you might as well just say it at that point. I mean, you're already disrespecting my culture being upbeat. Work, work. Shh. Is that thing still around? What is that, the dunk?

Yeah, no, the... Oh, the dab? Yeah. Dab, you mean? Yeah, dab. Wow. I wasn't sure what you were doing. Well, we just had a Boomer Fest 2023.

You said dab, and you were doing an NFL touchdown celebration in 2002. Welcome to Boomer Fest 2023, where we're going to give you some dapple, and we're going to take you down to listen to some fire tunes. Come on down to Boomer Fest 2023. If you guys want to hear a light show, it's really a light show in here. Boy, is it light.

It gets light up in here, man. The kids call it lit. We call it a light show. All right. Come on. Boom. Da-da-da-da-da-da. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Welcome to Boomer Fest. Okay. Come one, come all, my simpletons, my simpies. Come my simpies. What are some other slangs that's hot right now? Bricked up. Come on down, brickled up down. Get your bricks down. Bring your hot bricks down.

What else we got? For Boomer Fest 2023. Fire is always a good one. Yeah. Wow, you're light on slang, my friend. Fire, brick, I mean dog. I mean, come on, I'm asking. Come on, my puppy dogs.

Come on down, puppy dogs. All my puppies, come on down. Come on down to Boomer Fest 2023. We're going to be hitting you with music that's really, really, really fire. Yeah. All the slang I can't say because it'll get you canceled, so. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. So I suspect the government takes a significant step of telling all federal employees that they can no longer use TikTok

on their work phones. Many Canadians, from business to private, individuals will reflect on the security of their own data and perhaps make choices. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau told reporters after the announcement. So Canadians are getting rid of it.

North America is getting rid of it. We here in Canada have had enough of your Chinese meddling. Chinese aren't interested in the Canadians. No. No, they're not interested in corrupting the Canadians. They're interested in corrupting the Americans. So Twitter is officially blocked in China. So why?

Do you want to hear the most annoying laugh of all time? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That laugh is sponsored by Mountain Dew. Yeah, ha ha. So isn't that funny that they said we're insecure, but they have blocked Twitter in China? I think YouTube and Instagram also.

Oh, yeah, you can't see a thing on there. Yeah. There's no way they're going to let you watch a Gary Vee how-to video. Yeah. No way. China's like strict parents.

Yeah. Instagram is also blocked in China. And that's weird because Mark Zuckerberg's wife is Chinese. So maybe you thought she could work something out for the deal.

Yeah, but she married a whitey so she lost her, you know, she lost her credit. You figure she could go over there and maybe talk some sense into them? Bring an Ali Wong special and they convene it over comedy and ramen? Yeah. And work it out.

YouTube is blocked in China. Google. Tempting to load the YouTube app or website while in mainland China will return an error. YouTube videos embedded on the other sites will not load.

Likewise, YouTube's paid content and YouTube TV are also blocked. You'll learn on this podcast. You'll learn that the trip that you're going to don't think about watching,

you're going to have to bring DVDs. If you go to China, you bring DVDs. I don't think Netflix is allowed in China, right? No. Unless you have a VPN. You're not allowed to do nothing in China. Besides that, you're watching Monsters and Law. Let me ask you a question.

Are you better off not knowing? Are you better off? It's like, and I say that in a Long Island accent because they, are they better off out there never coming to the city or knowing any different? Knowing any better? They don't know. They're on the island.

They don't think about anything. Except the one house that you showed me where the Dominican drug dealer's in there. But the rest of the neighborhood looks very good. You just stay away from that one house. That's all you got to know. Yeah. And then you go to your deli. You got your bagel stop.

You got your pizzas. You got a black-owned pizza there where Jared lives. Black-owned pizza. They got oxtail pizza. Yeah. What'sail pizza? What's it called? Shout them out. The Pie Hole. The Pie Hole. Is it good? Yeah, right behind Ralph Italian Ice's. Now, what are the chances when you go into the Pie Hole that

there's not a 90s hip-hop mix playing on Pandora? Oh, no. It's always Luther Vandross. Oh, they go Luther. Sexy and Grung. Always Luther. Yeah, I want an o always Luther Vandross. Oh, they go Luther. Sexy and grown. Yeah, always Luther. Yeah, I want an oxtail slice from a black-owned business. That and cuts and slices in Brooklyn.

Yeah. That's another one. Another black-owned business? Mm-hmm. Black-owned pizza shop, you mean. Support your black businesses. Pizza shop, yeah. Yeah.

No matter what, they're making the pizza on a turntable. Support your black businesses, including the podcast Flagrant 2. It's kind of a black business. Very black, yes. It's very diverse. He has a diverse crowd of young, cool guys.

He has a lot of dark-skinned people. He has Akash. He has Alex. He has his mustache. Yeah, and listen. I remember when I first went went I went on Brilliant Idiots Like to fill in for You know

Charlamagne? Charlamagne And I got like We don't talk about black people And forget the most famous black person Yeah and I went on there And I talked a lot about black people You know me

Yeah And the people loved it I got like 8,000 followers Cause I was you know Dropping science Like the kid usually does. Bong, bong, bong, bong, bong. But then I went on Flagrant 2 as well.

And then I remember I did a show in D.C. And it was like, dude, like 40 black dudes just came to the show. Like they just came out. And they're like, Flagrant 2. And it was like, so it's great. Schultz' podcast is great in that way. I think it's very diverse, and that's great. It's bringing the youth together.

It's not segregated anymore. You know what I mean? He's got the Indians. He's got the blacks. He's got the Karens. He's got the whites. He's got everybody in there. He's got the left.

He's got the right. It's the gateway podcast for other podcasts. He's got all guys there. He's got the left. He's got the right. It's the gateway podcast for other podcasts. He's got all guys who wear high pants. Anyone who takes a walk on the beach can look at a podcaster and go, that's the guy after my own heart who's always ready to put his toes in the sand. Oh, yeah. Because his pants are always a little high. Yeah, all of his podcasters look like shrimpers.

I love Schultz. Schultz, when are you going to come on the pod? Make a clip and send it to him. Tag him in it. He'll see it. Schultz, when are you coming on my podcast? And I would like to go back on Flagrant 2 and give you COVID. Just kidding.

No, I really... It's been too long, Sheltzy. I love you. So the abandoned TikTok. I'm off it. Oh yeah? Yeah, I got sick of it, dude.

I rose up quick to 200,000. Not everything's about the fame and the money. Once I found out what they were doing, I just logged off and our boy who does the clips,

shout out. Thanks for coming out in Chicago. It was great to meet you. I just logged off And our boy Who does the clips Shout out Thanks for coming out In Chicago It was great to meet you My boy Andrew Love you to death Yes sir You're the best

You're a valuable part Of the team Very important A little chunkier Than I expected Huh? A little chunkier Than I expected

He's a chunky monkey But in good shape Handsome kid Yeah you know Big comedy fan Looks like he's Having some great real estate Listen He is a loyal monkey, but in good shape. Handsome kid. Yeah, you know. Big comedy fan. Looks like he's got some great real estate. Listen, he is a loyal fucking member of the team,

and I love him to death, and he lived in Chicago. He's so loyal, he bought a ticket. I would have got him in free. I mean, what are you doing? Anyway, he posts all on TikTok now. I'm off. I'm just off, you know? That's where you're getting the best engagement, though, right?

Your numbers are the best on TikTok. It started, and then they changed the algorithm, or somebody flagged me who had it out for me or i said something and then it's tiktok is like they protect the they're hypocritical if tiktok is the funniest because they'll be whoa you know like the armless nachi sketch they're like whoa yeah but then they'll have some girl going like yeah You'll see a yoga and it'll just be like, yeah. This is as close to my pussy as you can see. I follow one girl like that. It was the cameras just under her pussy.

And it's just, she does a yoga backflip. And she has a OnlyFans page that she's promoting. And Jared's a member. What is that? Not only are they the owner, I'm also a member. Oh, I'm not. What is that? Not only are we the owner, I'm also a client. Yeah, you know. Are you an OnlyFans kid? No.

No. No, I'm not. But, yeah, the Pilates thing is getting a little outrageous. I mean, it looks like there's a Hubble telescope on our clitoris. Yeah. I am sorry to Tacoma. No, you're not. No, I'm not.

No, we're not. I'm not. I mean, what type of, we walked down the street, 4 o' No, you're not. No, I'm not. No, we're not. I'm not. I mean, what type of, we walked down the street, 4 o'clock, all the restaurants were closed. What type of city is that, dog? I'm sorry people were hurt by it. What are the chances you're going to think we're going to get Jesse to come with us for a weekend and hang out? No, nowhere. He won't even come to Atlantic City.

You could drive with us. You want to drive? You don't want to go to Atlantic City. We all be in Miami. He didn't want to go, dog. You didn't want to go to Miami. He didn't want to go to Atlantic City. Well, you offered him Miami.

I was sitting there going like, all right, you paying for it? No, first of all, you offered him Miami, but you told him to stay in my room. Yeah. Well, now I don't like being lonely, and I don't snore, so I want Jared in my room. Ooh. Yeah. Single bed? No bed.

No bed. Just me and Jared in a Sleep sack Yeah you just inspired a whole Conspiracy theory Reddit of why I'm gay And how I made it in Hollywood now That's exactly how Jared meant

And if you think this is Hollywood You're way off Oh no it's not Hollywood Dog if you're doing sexual pleasures To get in a podcast You are gonna skyrocket this business. That would be funny. That would be funny.

Imagine I was like, you get a young guy in your podcast. You're into dudes. You get a young guy in your podcast. You're like, here's the deal. You're going to have to blow me once in a while. And then the guy goes, to be in your podcast? And he goes, yeah, you're right. You don't have to. He just kind of blow me once in a while. And then the guy goes, to be in your pockets? And he goes, yeah, you're right. You don't have to.

He just kind of admits he was worth a try. He was like, well, in that case, I just won't be on it because this doesn't matter. He goes, actually, you're right. That was worth a try. I'm just trying to blow you. Yeah, no, you got to save those for the big. You got to save those for the put on the dress parties where they offer you $15 million. You know, Dave Chappelle gets paranoid. You got to go those for the put on the dress parties where they offer you 15 million.

You know, Dave Chappelle gets, you got to go for the Dave Chappelle paranoia parties. Yeah. He's probably not all wrong either. But you got to be able on the sacrifice. You got to walk in there

and be like, yo, I'll do a Big Mama 6. He should make a movie he wants to make though and just fund it. That would be fun. That'll be nice, you know. But he just likes going on the road. He should make a horror film. Yeah. He won't have to pay for and just fund it. That would be fun. That'll be nice, you know. But he just likes

going on the road. He should make a horror film. Yeah. He won't have to pay for smoke machines. Yeah. Why is that? Because he smokes so much.

That's right. I want to make sure people understood. He really does smoke a lot. He's taking the express train out of here. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

The bullet train, dog. Unfortunately. People, you know, it's funny though, a lot of of it some of it is luck and genetic but not really let's be honest when you look at statistically americans and the way we die compared to like other places that don't have the processed foods and the cigarettes and not really you could hear in his voice too it's getting real gravelly here's the deal there are some people who get unlucky and they get cancer but not really for the most part if you clean your diet up you get your colonoscopy if you drink your water okay if you say your racial slurs in the privacy of your own car to get it out yes you have a good chance of living longer. That's doctor approved. Right?

Jesse loves racial slurs. That's not true. Someone just make a clip. I want to do a podcast. It took you too long to respond. It took you too long to respond. I want to do a podcast of all just clippable, cancelable moments.

And someone puts it together with AI bots. Because you've said some funny ones out of context. Remember we caught him saying a few? And he was like, I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean it like that. That's where Jared puts on his cop voice. I didn't mean it like that

at all, sir. I was, no, no, I didn't mean it like that. You tried to get me on some. You tried to get me on with the Minnesota, with the Somali people

and you thought I said. Your memory is fucking, imagine having a 25 year old memory. He didn't smoke weed. Jesus Christ. Who the hell remembers 15 episodes ago? Somebody who's trying to cancel you so you can get ahead of Chopas.

Yeah, all you said is they had big foreheads. And all I said is I saw Ilhan Omar about 100 times in the Mall of America. Yeah. I was like, there she is, there she is, there she is. There was a lot of body doubles. Yeah, it was like a... I'm just saying if she wanted to walk safely, she wouldn't need to hire security

if she walked to the Mall of America because she's everywhere. Yeah, it was like a Somali Truman Show. And shout out to our boy who's Somali who we hung out with that night. Yeah, Beza and I forgot the other brother's name. And you remembered their names. Another 25-year-old move.

I remember them as Flagrant 2 Fan 1 and 2. I remember them as flagrant two fan one and two. They were extras in the movie You Call Life. Yeah. So, TikTok will go by, but I think it's on its way out. Yeah. Right? Like, totally, it's on its way out.

There's going to be a lot of influencers looking for a paycheck. Yeah. Well, you know, there's a lot of murder work out there to do because you won't get caught. Start a podcast. Nobody has done this yet where they murder and then podcast about their murders as if they didn't do the murder for their own content. Sometimes you got to eat what you kill. So you got to go out there and kill to eat to make your ad revenue. I got a murderer from Manscaped.

We shouldn't be putting these ad names in these horrible sentences. These are not approved. You may want to bleep that Manscaped. Do you mind bleeping it? Remember bleep. We can't do that. Yeah, we can't do that, but

probably not going to get ads anyway. Well, actually, you don't have to do it because they're not listening to this episode unless they're... Are they a partner on this one? No. Okay. We have no ads. It's a murder from Manscaped. It's a good slogan. Yeah. Yeah. You want a bunch of shit you don't need?

A hookup? A spoke post? Cut your fumes and some necks. Abdi. Abdi. Abdi was the brother's name. Just remember. Guys, you got to support patreon.com slash yannilongdays. Yeah. God, this show's getting good, though, isn't it?

It's getting real good. We've really found the rhythm because we've been patient. We figured it out. And I just know this is a great episode. And I'm just happy that I can still be funny while also being in a sauna. It is hot in here. It is hot in here. It is hot in here. So I want to get into these two last stories, you know,

to make the news funner is our goal. And sometimes we don't have to do that because the news is already funner. So the Mexican president tweeted a photo of what he swears is a real elf now last i checked mexico is a real country right true and the president is a real president and that's a real position right true well apparently he saw will farrell in costume outside his house and tweeted it. Anything's possible. Mexican president goes viral for claim he has photo proof of mythical. What's going on here?

What you don't understand, what you don't understand, Jared, and let me explain this to the people who are a little, who don't understand, and I'm about to school you up on something. Me and Jesse could school you up, and he can back me up 100%. Go ahead. There was a time in this country where this article, this article could only be in one media outlet. And you know what that was called?

The Inquirer? It was called the National Inquirer. And that's what it is. And occasionally the National Inquirer would get the right story. Like most of it was just UFO baby eats black guy's dick because he thought it was barbecue and goes back. It was like the weirdest, you know, UFOs land, rape a woman, impregnate her. Now all of Minnesota is hybrid aliens.

It was stories like that, right? Wolf Boy found. Yeah, Wolf Boy found. Andrew Schultz, DNA done, 12%, Native American. It was all Amber Heard claims. Yes, it was certainly like that. So a story like this, where they go, we found a mythical elf, would be in the National Enquirer.

Now we're looking at a real media outlet. I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what to tell you, except this is the story, and you can't add comedy to comedy. The Mexican president, Andres Manuel Lopez, that's too many fucking names, guy. Mexican president, Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador.

What the fuck, dog? How many maiden names do you have? You're not a chick with a vagina who got married four times. Pick one, you greedy fuck. With a name like that, you got a prenup. I mean, come on. And you got to say Mexican President before that? To say his name, I just said six words.

That's like me going, what's up, Mr. Gray Beard, my boy that I grew up with, give it up everybody, for Jesse Fernando Sensato Scataro. You got to simplify that to has a great mole recipe. That's it. On his business card, he goes, everything is mystical. He said, everything is mystical he said everything is mystical on Twitter

accompanied by two photos including one that the president says shows an Olyx so what is an Olyx is that a Mexican girl who wants a green card what is an Olyx can someone call Fluffy and ask him what is an Alex? Can someone call,

call fluffy and ask him what's an Alex? How fast, how come on? Google it. Not Jesse. Cause it'll take forever. It says it right here. Alex is,

Oh, our small mischievous creatures that inhabit forests and fields and are prone to playing tricks on people like hiding things. Some people leave small offerings to appease them. The spirit in the mythological tradition of certain Maya peoples from the Yucatan Peninsula and Guatemala, also called the Chinica. It's like a Mexican leprechaun. So why didn't these Mexican leprechauns fucking,

why do they make themselves more known? Why don't they come out there in the day? First of all, the Mexican leprechauns, dog, how much shorter is the leprechauns than a lot of the Mexicans? Same thing. I mean, dog, if we're talking a Mexican leprechaun, a great vast majority of Mexicans you see are already hovering around the 5'3 and under range.

So if you get a leprechaun, you're talking about an Ant-Man level leprechaun. the pictures that the president saw was probably a picture of his cousin i mean it's very easy to fool someone into being a chupacabra calux you know can we see the pics wait wait a second he racked up nearly 5 million views in the post. Even the fucking Mexican president is trolling for content views. Oh, that looks exactly like a chupacabra. Dogs that carry feet in at night with no flash. Yeah. Dogs that looks like Jesse Scatoro. Wow, look at the eyes.

So what do we think? Is this an Alux? This dude clearly doesn't have an iPhone with night vision. This is an old flip phone photo. It's a scary looking thing, though. So what do they do, the Aluxes? What do they scare? It doesn't appear the president was joking.

I think they were the ones that told- No, we got that point. I think they were the ones that told Carlos Mencia to steal all the jokes. I think they were the ones. And he's not even Mexican. The photo of the alleged Alux was taken last week by an engineer at the construction site of a new train railway in Yucatan. Why don't they go hunting during the day

with cameras and guns and take one captive? The post has set off a mockery and astonishment including speculation that the creature in the tree is actually just an animal. Let's take a peek at that again and I'll tell you what animal that is.

He's half Mexican, too. Yeah. It could be an animal. I mean, I don't, I bet, what type of animal you think that is? Because that looks like a sloth. An animal that likes heavy metal? I mean, yeah, that looks like a sloth with a nice weave. Could be a sloth with a nice weave.

That's the best, that's the best tracks I've ever seen on a sloth in my life. Comment below. Do you believe in a luxus? I do. I'm not trying to disrespect anyone's culture. I believe in a luxus. I've seen them. I've seen a lot of them at Home Depot. I've seen a lot of them. Yeah, well, we all have. we all have things that we believe in.

Yeah. That, you know, other people don't, you know. Cause I think this is just a Mexican kid in a fucking heavy metal wig. Yeah. At night.

I think they set this shot up. Or, you know, sometimes these guys, Mexicans work so hard. Sometimes they get hammered. When you get hammered, you like to climb a tree once in a while.

One of these guys might've fucking climbed a tree. Or it could be the spirit of Michael Jackson. I had an ex-girlfriend whose father was like an Irish guy. He goes, when he drank whiskey, he would you like to climb a tree once in a while. One of these guys might have fucking climbed a tree. Or it could be the spirit of Michael Jackson. I had an ex-girlfriend whose father was like an Irish guy. He goes, when he drank whiskey, he would get naked and climb a tree. So maybe that's what Aluxes are. And all these years, it's just drunk Mexicans climbing trees

after a long, hard day of fucking real work. Because they like to get boozed up. Is this insensitive humor? I agree with you, it is. up. Is this insensitive humor? I agree with you, it is. But it is humor nonetheless. It is said in jest.

Nothing literally to be interpreted. If you put it in a British accent, it sounds like you're more official than you are. It is all said in jest. So, there you have it. Okay, we will end on this. Jared Harvin is getting engaged.

Congratulations to Jared Harvin and his new girlfriend from Madison, Wisconsin by way of Chicago. from Madison, Wisconsin, by way of Chicago. I'm making that up. Jared's a solo guy. Jared's like, he's like Jon Snow.

He goes it alone. You know? You're like a... I go it alone only when it means I don't have to sleep in the same bed as you. That's the only thing. Yeah. That's the only thing. you could you know you what you did you could have slept in that other bed instead of going back and forth back and forth back and forth but that bed was comfortable i get it but i don't snore anymore i believe you dog yeah i believe back and forth for what so so my room had two beds because you know i was like i was like oh the gym's here and he was

staying in the condo which was actually the condo ended up being nicer than the hotel room. But, you know, other comics were in there. You know, there's bed bugs in there, you know. Yeah, I mean, I was so excited to say there. It was nice. I laid my head down. I look at the guest book, see Sam Tallon, Adrian Ippolucci. And then it goes Dan Lamour and Natalie Cuomo.

Hey, we fucked here. Yeah. If you know those two, you know that's not a good sign. and Baluchi, and then it goes Dan LaMorte and Natalie Cuomo. Hey, we fucked here. If you know those two, you know that's not a good sign. Well, Sam Talent was in that bet. I know the Springs had some give. I wanted to say the other, but I only call guys fat. I don't call women. It's not right. You can only be gay

to do that. Gay guys have that right to call a girl fat. A straight guy can't. But I can call a guy a fucking fatty. Speaking of which, we need to get Mateo Lamb on this podcast. Yes. So, Black History Month's over. Yes, it is. Today,

we're filming this right now. It is the end of Black History Month. And we're filming this to celebrate the end of Black History Month. And we're filming this to celebrate the end of black history. Imagine. I said, this is the celebration of the end of Black History Month. No.

So Black History Month happened. I paid homage to Jared many times by letting him walk in front of me on the plane. And those days are over now. Black History Month's over. That was very funny when you said that. When it was early in the morning and you're, I think he had a better seat than me.

He gets hooked up. And I was like, you're doing it in front of me? He says, Black History Month, dog. And it was very funny. So, shall we call demure, usually demure and reclusive Draymond Green says, get rid of Black History Month, teach my history from January 1st to December 31st. I don't even have to listen to what he hears.

That's what he says. As a history major myself, I have to say I wholeheartedly agree. So let's hear what he has to say, though. Let's see what new media has to say. After we watch a fucking goddamn video. What do you got there? I thought you were eating something. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

There you go. Just press play. The ad will play. We got to sit through this ad. Carlos Mencia is half Mexican. I knew it. Is he half Mexican? Yeah. I let Bobby Lee walk over me

the last episode because he said he was literally going to run over a dog and I made a joke about him not liking animals and he was like, what are you talking about, bro? I love animals. I wouldn't say that. You're dealing with a few karate chops. I wish they heard that. This is actually the first time you've seen me in a

Black History Month shirt. All Black History Month. It's very intentional and I really just threw this shirt on because I didn't have another shirt to throw on. But Black History Month, at some point, can we get rid of it? Like, at some point? Why do we got to keep getting the shortest month to celebrate our history?

You got governors who want to take our history out of schools. And I'm not going to be the fool to go say, yeah, we can celebrate it for 28 days. So at some point I'd like to get rid of it. It's, you know, we're making all these changes in the world. Can't talk about these people. Can't talk about those people. Can't say this, can't say that.

At some point it's time to get rid of black history. I get rid of black history month now get rid of black history like they're trying to do but black history month no teach teach teach my history from january 1st to december 31st and then do it again and then again and then again and then again that's what i'd like see. I like it. I like what he said. I got no comment on that except, you know, I kind of got a little chills from that. I liked it.

I liked it. Yeah. I like what he said. I never understood why it was in February. Anyway, you know. And also, I've been taught that, you know, black people built this country. So why just subjugate it to a month? Because the sky looks like the people in that month? I think it's one of those things, right?

What did you say again? Sorry. Because the sky looks like the people in that month? Because it's got clouds? It's dark. It's dark. Oh, right. It's dark and cloudy and it gets dark early.

Yes. Yeah. And it gets dark early. Yes. Yeah. I think the history, I would guess that, so here's the actual reason, a little history fact of the day. It's celebrated in February because Woodson chose a week in February because of Abraham Lincoln, whose birthday was February 12th,

and Frederick Douglass, who was both enslaved and did not know his actual birth date, but chose to celebrate it on February 14th. So two great Americans, had a lot to do with the end of slavery, so they chose those days. I think it's one of those overcompensation bullshit things. It's one of those ceremonial bullshit things. It's like saying the right thing,, you know, a joke or this word.

It's like, okay, you stopped it. I guess racism's over now. It's one of those things. Diversity hire for a month. It's one of those things. It's one of those meaningless ceremonial bullshit things that give you instead of like real actual change, you know? It's like, here's your month.

Are you okay? Yeah, Black History Month is, Black history is American history. They're interwoven. And so, yeah, there shouldn't be any like, hey, this is Black History Month. That should be, it should be, you know, all the time. You learn about Sojourner Truth,

and you learn about Frederick Douglass, and you learn about the abolitionist movement, you learn about slavery, you learn about sojourner truth and you learn about frederick douglas and you learn about the abolitionist movement you learn about slavery you learn about middle passage you learn about the history of america the tobacco fields the cotton fields the cotton jenny yeah the different state laws the slave fugitive acts plessy versus ferguson you get it all in The whole year I don't think there's 28 days Where McDonald's gets to fucking do a special For Black History Month To give you a quarter off a Happy Meal

Yeah, I mean, John Brown's tirade didn't even last that long Yeah, I mean, it's just I agree I got nothing to add and I think it was beautifully said Now, if there was a White History Month Or day, what do you think it would be on? A White history day? Mm-hmm.

I'd have to say July soccer. Sonia, let's go to Hamptons. There was a Greek history day. We would never know what it was because the Greeks would argue on which day it was until the end of time. I would just assume it was National Diner Day. Yeah. If there was a Jewish, if there was a Jewish history day or month, what would it be?

What would it be? I think it would be somewhere in the middle of the winter so they could go down to South florida and enjoy the weather down there because they really figured it out those snowbirds they figured it out how to do it you go to the west coast there's no water it's also too far of a flight the chinese food food in New York is too good to leave it year around. But when it gets cold outside, we go down to Florida. Mazel tov.

What's up, everybody? Small business shout-outs. Want to give a shout-out to brooklyncannery.com. Healthy sodas, prebiotic, low-calorie, all-natural sweeteners. Giannis Pappas, all one word for 15% off your next order. brooklyncannery.com. Get their coffee spritz, too. It was really good.

That is really good. It is really good, their coffee spritz. Very nice. What else we got? Jesse Scaturo. We have Nate Linder. Nate's killing it. He's killing it.

He's told me he's made his, the investment's been great. He keeps getting business. natelinder.com. He's a social media managing guru. He helps businesses across the world create high-performing websites. If you need brand awareness, better leads, you need help with your website, online sales, go to natelinder.com right now. He's killing it.

Chris Minetti, South Jersey, right? Philadelphia, 215-750-373. Oh, hit up Chris if you need to cash a check and you don't want nobody in your business. Then, of course, we got ForTheFree.art, all things music in Hawaii. They list show dates. They tell you about bands.

Check it out, ForTheFree.art. It's good peruse. Then we got Manly Girly Studios. They tell you about bands. Check it out for the free dart art. It's good peruse. Then we got Manly Girly Studios. They started in North Carolina. Wait a second. I thought they were in Miami. This is a new copy. Oh, they moved.

They're on the run. These guys are on the run. I love them. They're very supportive. So go check their stuff out. Their podcast network is a network of North Carolina comics and their friends. What are they doing? They're moving? Are they on the run?

Comedy troupe. Check out Casa de Thinking. Yeah, they're on the run like other comics that we know. That's right, where they're tackling some of life's biggest questions. What is love? What is consciousness? Will robots end humanity? Let's dig deep and explore the unknown, they say.

Oh, they got a new show called Jew Anon, and they made me read it, where they dive into conspiracy theories and unexplained phenomena. Okay, so it's tongue-in-cheek. And for your Gen Xers out there, A Side of Fries. They love that show, A Side of Fries. These are good names.

It's a perfect variety podcast. Get to know us better at The Manly Girly Show and Gringo in the Rough. Oh, look at this. For Giannis listeners, get 20% off merch. That's a good deal. The promo code. Dog, go get yourself, have some fun. You know, go wear a Manly Girly Show fucking shirt for fun.

And people go, who's that? It'd be like, yo, dog, it's just funny. It's some podcast I don't listen to that promotes on my other podcast. And I thought it would be funny if I just got that shit. So go get it. What else we got? Exclusiveautoshipping.com. You move in your car.

If you bought your car out of state, go to exclusiveautoshipping.com to get your free quote from our boy, Jared. Guess what? Military and student discounts are available. Exclusiveautoshipping.com. And how's about this? We got two new sponsors, I believe.

Yeah, no copy yet. Ryan Shortman? Ryan Shortman, but he gave us a website. So check it out at, what is it? Displayprose.net. Displayprose.net. All one word, displayprose.net DisplayPros.net All one word DisplayPros.net So welcome aboard

We'll find out what he wants And then we have Who is this? Is this another one? Yeah, yeah It's another one No copy yet Sam Goubert

She reached out to me Thank you We love you too Thank you for reaching out And what did she say? I like she went old school She gave a nice name there Sam, I haven't been cracked open and cleaned out in so long.

My hymen is regenerating itself. Goobera. Yeah, there you go. Real good. Old school. Yeah. Cocoed. Sam, you'll get fucking cracked open.

So what's her deal? Go ahead, Jesse. No, she just has to add her copy. We'll read it next week. Do we know what you... She reached out to you. Yeah, hold on. What, she just has to add her copy. We'll read it next. Do we know what you, she reached out you. Yeah. Hold on.

What'd she say? Let me see. Jesus Christ. She said, uh, something to do with, um, I got sponsors who don't give the copy.

This is so niche. We'll just see how it goes. Uh, most of my clients, clients, women, I have a few male, uh,

clients. She's the only fans girl. That is mainly for men within the hour of the Nashville area who have women in their lives that are into horses. Some random, I know, but that's even for, it just helps my SEO and the Google presence by posting my site more on platforms. I'm with it. So what's your site? She didn't give one, but

something to do with equestrians. So, you know, if you like horses, hit Sam up in the Nashville area. If we got any freaking wasps. Yeah, if you live near Nick Bargatze, hit her up. Yeah, if you live by me. Sammy, Sam girl, all right? You haven't been cracked open in a long time? Well, listen.

Ask and the universe will provide. Jared Harvin is a single man. I'm just a gigolo and everywhere I go, people admire my singing oh god join the club Sam yeah let's take a piece we got a piece on our hands

do we have a piece on it Jesse look at Jesse let me see alright is that it alright we'll see you next week thank you guys it's been a long day