Yannis Pappas Hour - Herschel Walker’s Abortion Etiquette

Episode Date: October 8, 2022

Yanni unleashes a long day up top and then it starts raining funny thereafter. Find out what the three types of people are, what the comedy scene was like right before Nazi Germany, the cheating scandal in professional fishing, Hershel Walker’s abortion etiquette, and finally the elephant in the room (space rocket) that leads to the attack on a Russian cosmonaut in the international space station. Sponsors Manscaped https://www.manscaped.comPromo code: FUMESWatch Yanni’s stand up special: https://youtu.be/ArlCFemEDvQJoin our Patreon for hilarious bonus episodes each week: https://www.patreon.com/yannilongdaysJoin our highlights page for podcast highlight clips: https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykwLongdays is your news show that’s not news. Come cheat on your beliefs with the delicious maniac. New episodes every Saturday and new bonus every Thursday on Patreon.com/yannilongdays Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey everybody, let me tell you about my dates before we start this amazing episode. Guess what, Austin, Texas? I am coming to Austin November 11th and 12th at the Vulcan Gas Company. So get your tickets at yannispappascomedy.com. See me live. Satisfaction guaranteed! Then I'll be at House of Comedy in Detroit, Michigan, December 1st through the 3rd. To the old Motor City. We're bringing it back. I'm going to buy a house there for $3. After I'm done, I'm going to Chicago, Illinois from February 24th through the 25th

at Zany's Comedy Club. GiannisPappasComedy.com, baby. That is the 24th through the 26th of February. Then Tampa, Florida, January, February, March, April. I got it because it says four here and I got to, I'm so stupid. I got to go January, February, March, April. April 21st through the 22nd, Tampa, Florida. More dates coming.

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because I bring the sunshine. Just call me Daylight Savings Yanni. We got a lot going on in the world this week, particularly America, particularly on this planet because it can't be anywhere else. God, Giselle and Tom did not make it. It looks like they're breaking up. We could tell because they were losing games,

which, you know, Aaron Rodgers probably hated this news because he's got a losing record to Tom Brady. Beat him again. He's creeping up to being 500 with him, 50-50. And now he realizes, oh, man, the reason why he's losing his mind is somewhere else. I can't beat this guy if he's got a healthy mind and a healthy relationship. I'm sorry, Aaron.

It's what it is. He also got vaccinated. Aaron Judge hit 62 home runs without steroids. That's why nobody cares because he wasn't cheating like they're doing in fishing, which I didn't know was a professional sport and chess.

The two most unathletic sports have what's equivalent to the steroid era in baseball happening right now. We will talk about it. What a scandal in the fishing community. This is really going to upend a lot of, it's going to upend the purity of a father and son going out on a canoe and fishing and talking about the birds and the bees. They're going to go, oh, man, you can't even keep that pure. Because, you know, some father's going to be cheating and already have the fish attached to the hook and pretend like he's fishing good.

But really, he's just trying to beat his son. I didn't even know you could be competitive about fishing. I thought it was something you just sat around and just smoked a cigar, and then you did it. I don't know. I'm from New York City. I've never seen anyone fish who wasn't Chinese doing it off of concrete, off the Bay Ridge Ferry Terminal, which is something you can see

if you come to New York and you want to see a tourist attraction, go to the Bay Ridge stop of the ferry, and you'll see a bunch of Asian guys catching dinner or sushi in the rest of the local restaurants that you could eat later that night. That's all I know. Herschel Walker's running for Senate, and he's anti-abortion, and supposedly some woman came forward with a receipt that he paid for her abortion and got her a get well card which

is my favorite part about it and he signed it the way he would sign his memorabilia he didn't say love you herschel he just signed it no love you no sincerely just herschel you know thinking hey man one day this car will be worth money you got to give the guy credit that he actually ran for senate credit that he actually ran for Senate as a former football star from the 80s, you know, on the conservative family values ticket. You gotta give him credit.

That's a ballsy move, just going like this. Hopefully nobody brings anything up. So that's a good one. South Korea did some missile drills with the United States and unfortunately dropped the missile on themselves by accident. It's what you call the old Plexico Burris.

It happens. Soccer, big tragedy. Some more people died in the most violent, civilized sport that Europe and the world favors. We had some deaths over in Indonesia where badminton is actually the most popular sport. So that just lets you know that different people are two different things. I just can I can't conceivably in an objective reality conceive of me getting excited over a badminton sport I

Can't even conceptualize badminton not on the beach. I Can't even see it not being played on the beach while people giggle. So I don't know what's going on. I didn't know it was a professional sport. This is the episode where you're going to find out about sports you didn't know were sports. Badminton, fishing, and chess. Three sports that are kind of not sports. This is long days.

Fucking roll up your window shade and let the sun shine in. It's time for a little dip into the pool of delicious mania where we find out we go deep and give you the fair and unbalanced and unbiased Dillis. That's what we do, right? We want you to cheat on your beliefs and have a laugh. That's our tagline. That's what we came up with our marketing department. I'm inhaling dust throughout this whole episode. I can taste the dust in my mouth.

I'm having my bathroom renovated so we can actually shit like human beings. Because before that that my bathroom looked like a crack house where we even heard louis ck trying to flush the toilet and he couldn't now my bathroom has a hole in it so if you got to take a shit you got to pretend like you're in china in the countryside where they shit in holes the way nature intended but we're gonna have a nice bathroom very soon but there's a lot going on. Let's start serious and work out. I just think generally we're living in a humorless time right now.

It's a humorless time where everyone has been made to believe that there's some sort of emperor and they're beyond reproach. They don't have a sense of humor about themselves. Everyone gets offended. It's's raining deal with it you're gonna hear some raindrops hit the the installed air conditioner in my old apartment we're not in a hollywood studio right now there's dust everywhere the floors are ramsacked and now it's drizzling off my air conditioner big fucking whoopee and by big whoopee i don't mean the uh the, I don't mean the movie Bros at the box office. That didn't do good. We'll talk about that.

But everyone's kind of humorless. Nobody has a sense of humor about themselves anymore. It's a weird insight that I've had. And we had Joe DeRosa on a couple of episodes again, and he really detailed it well. He's like, it's everybody, and it's true. Everyone doesn't want to be made fun of. Nobody wants to be wrong. Nobody wants to see themselves as a human being. There's something very inhumane of not being able to take a joke about yourself.

It shows a lack of humanity, a lack of awareness, a lack of humility, which is where humanity really lies in your humility. And people are like, don't make fun of me. I'm just, it's like, that's not how it goes. I wonder if like Nazi Germany before the Nazis came to power, if comedy was also being killed. And it's not just being killed by cancel culture. That's the point. It's everyone.

And Joe's right about that. Everyone's humorless. Everyone's humorless. I don't even think it has anything to do with the internet. I think it just has something more to do with just a general zeitgeist or something. You know, I don't know. Maybe this is, like I said,

something that happened in Nazi Germany beforehand. Because you think, what was the culture that enabled something like that to rise up? It was probably humorless. There probably wasn't a lot of, let's go hear what the comedian has to say. Because you know what the comedian would have been saying? He would have been making fun of Adolf.

You know, little short little guy who was born in Austria. I mean, what are the jokes? He's not even Aryan. He's German. I mean, he's Austrian, right? even Aryan he's German I mean he's he's Austrian right which to us there's no difference but when you look at him and you look at the guy who played Thor there's a big difference one of them looks like he should be sitting behind a desk with tassel shoes on doing my accounting and the other one looks like he should be raping and

pillaging a British Isles town is a big difference what he was preaching wasn't what he was practicing so right there a comedian would have pointed that out a comedian would have said hey adolf you're up here talking about the ubermensch that you perverted from nietzsche philosophy talking about how we're the super people and we're superior but look at you dog you got one nut you're five foot five and mustache looks like a fucking brownie stain after a dessert binge. What are you talking about? You got a weird big-ass nose. You look like you're wearing Groucho Marx glasses.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. So a comedian would have pointed that out, and probably the whole thing would have never happened, amongst other things he would have pointed out, and probably the whole thing would have never happened. Amongst other things, he would have pointed out. Because that's what comedians do. We make fun of the foibles, get smitten. Good word. We point out the foibles, we make fun of them.

Our own everything. That's what we do. That's how you remain free. That's how you remain free. Like I've said many times. that's how you remain free. Like I've said many times, offense, being offended is a small price to pay to know that you still live in a free society.

And there's no other way to know that you're free than if offense is permitted. Think about that. It was a great monologue. You're like the comic version of Thanos. Well, I wanted to get the long day out of the way before the rain starts. But there's

really three types of people generally I've found in my life. You can really categorize people. Now, the irony is this sounds very Nazi-ish. There are only three types of people and they all go in these three categories. No individuals, just people. This group, this group,

you take this group, you put some here. You take that group, you put some there. That's the irony. And there's the joke. I made fun of myself, how stupid I am. That's what we're supposed to be doing. We're supposed to be making fun of anything lofty, hypocrisy, ourselves.

Everything should be made fun of all the time because this is a cosmic fucking joke. We're floating on a ball in the middle of nothing, okay ufos are jerking off to us and bouncing it's fun people get powerful and then they fall that's hilarious that's the comedy for the simulators watching people with egos try to climb up climb up and then just watching them come down that's what they laugh at they laugh at napoleon Waterloo. They laugh at Joe Rogan in Austin. It's a joke. He would find it funny because he has a sense of humor.

But all the mighty fall. That's what we're here to do. The Spanish Armada, everything falls. He's a comic. He's a humble guy. He has humility. He would find it funny. He doesn't get upset.

He doesn't get upset and get disappointed like you're some sort of emperor. You're going to, oh, yeah, people are talking about me. Yeah, you're in the news. What'd you want me to do?

Oh, boy. I mean, seriously. Now, we're family members? And I make fun of them, too. Everyone has lost their sense of fucking humor. It's because they don't want to admit that they're human and they make errors and they can be made fun of, make fun of me, I'm an open book, do I have a line, yes, my line of decency is personal, getting personal, talking about people's family,

talking about, making jokes about people who have disabilities and even that can still be funny depending, anything can be funny if you work but generally you're treading on some, you know, there's lines. Of course there's lines. Of course there's lines. If there weren't lines, there wouldn't be edgy humor. There wouldn't be tightrope walk humor, which I love to do. And of course you're going to miss, but again, it's important.

The attempt is there and people understand what a comedian is trying to do. To quote the great Tim Dillon, who I think is one of the funniest comedians of our generation. I'll just say that. It has nothing to do with me being friends. He's just hilarious. And he's smart. And he had a great line recently. Comedy is not accuracy.

It's trying to be funny. It's a simple quote and I love it. Comedy is not accuracy. Okay? It's trying to be funny it's a simple quote and i love it comedy is not accuracy okay trying to be funny people have really lost their humor so the three types of people generally now that i get back onto my get back into my hachi spiel i want to say it different so we don't get probably beep that word too aren't my hachi spiel the three groups the hachi spiel i'm just saying the word wrong instead Instead of Nazi. Bleep it. You got three general groups of people that I've encountered.

I didn't know what Hachispiel was, dog. I thought it was a deli in Brooklyn. I know. Hachispiel sounds like a pretty decent German restaurant. You want to go to Hachispiel and get some ballpark franks because that's what it is, Germans. It's ballpark franks. Fresh-dried pickles, too? Yeah.

That's not a cuisine, dog. It's garnishes and ballpark franks. A fresh drop of pickles too? Yeah. That's not a cuisine, dog. It's garnishes and ballpark Franks. That's what you're giving me. Okay? It's garnishes, ballpark Franks, and what elderly people can eat because they've lost their teeth. Applesauce. That's it.

Can't just coast on beer. No, you can't coast on beer. They do make good beer. So I guess they have that. They like to get drunk and try to exterminate people. That's their culture. It's in there, dog.

It's in all wasps. Don't trust those fuckers. I'm telling you, they're aliens. Those people are soulless. They reluctantly laugh. I'm talking to all of them, all right? And I'm talking as a Greek from a culture where we talk a lot. We give off our emotions.

We say what we think. We're philosophical people. Yeah, we give off our emotions, we say what we think, we're philosophical people. Yeah, we've been lacking behind a little bit, but that's because we're enjoying life, which you should do. Have a coffee, sit in a cafe for 13 hours, and play with worry beads. What are you rushing for? Why are you Sisyphus pushing the rock up the hill only to have it fall on you? But that's what these Germanic tribes people, we used to call them barbarians, and that's what I still call them, and I'm talking about all the Anglo-Saxons, all the German, all the Germanic peoples, you're still barbarians to me, and you guys want to exterminate,

because you got no comedy, comedy is necessary for a healthy society, to study for a healthy society. Anyway, the three people, you got generally honest people, dishonest people, and deluded people. Those are your three types of people. People who care about the truth, people who know the truth but don't care, could care less. Those are the deceptive ones. And then the deluded ones who just don't know the truth about themselves and refuse to see it because they have aspirations. And there's a lot of comedians that fall into that category. And I put the comedians in quote. Those are the guys who are like 20, 30 years in.

They're still running open mics. You're going, what are you doing? I mean, what's going on? It's been 30 years. I mean, why are you still producing a show at Broadway Comedy Club? Like, what are you doing? It's 30 years now, 20, why are you still producing a show at Broadway Comedy Club? Like, what are you doing? It's 30 years now, 20 years, even 10. Has anyone ever said you were funny? Nobody has. Has any other comedian came up to me and said, man, I love that joke. It's never

happened. So why do you, they're deluded. There's some hole in them that they want to fill. And this is the perfect time for those people. And that's my point. This is a perfect time with the internet and the zeitgeist we currently live under for person two and person three. This is a sociopath's playground we're living in. People get on the internet, they come up with grifts, and calm down, Gary Vee, okay? It's a joke. down gary v okay it's a joke it's true but it's a joke um and they just you know they're marketing their thing you don't know you're like what's your talent exactly what exactly do you do and you're like i'm famous and you're like from what you're like from uh you know doing a dance for seven seconds, you're going, oh, that's not,

you don't really have like a talent. It's just famous for being famous. It all started really with the Osbournes television show, but at least he was famous. But then it made his family famous for being in his house. That's where it started. And then from there, we got into MTV Cribs where the celebrities are inviting us into their houses

so we're it's just I'm famous it's like yeah but I would like to see you in movies like no look at me in my house obnoxious American fucking obsequious good get smarter it's a good word kind of thing and then it went it just continued on with sex tapes making famous Paris Hilton being the pioneer. I mean, she was the real Louisa Clark of that. I mean, talk about, she was the Newton. She was the Isaac Newton of being a famous whore. And that started that era. And these people are richer than people with talent.

She got famous from her father being rich and her banging someone on a tape. And then her friend, Kim Kardashian was like, I want that. I want that. How do I get that? Should I make a movie? Should I become an actress?

Should I learn a trade? Like, and Paris is going, it's not even that comic head at all. All you have to do, who's your boyfriend right now? Who's your boyfriend right now? Ray J, go, who's Ray J? It doesn't matter.

You're hot. Put the sex tape out. And boom, that was it. Made that whole family famous because she got banged on tape. And that brought in this era of grifters, celebrities who don't have a craft, and people who are just famous through drama and gossip, then the Real Housewives,

and all that stuff started coming in. And then the internet came in, and everyone could be famous for anything. A wild opinion, a dance, whatever it is, they could get famous. The democratization, which is mostly good, but has that dark side where I think it facilitates group two and three, the deluded and the, let's just say, careless with the truth. Because they've all, everyone's becoming Edward Bernays, marketer, you know, we're doing this boxing match, I'm, yeah, are you, you're fighting, you're fighting another 50-year-old retired MMA

guy, let me go pay, who's, it's probably in the contract going like, hey, I'm gonna, you take a dive in round four, and he's going, let me get this paid, it's, it's all become circus, WWE circus, right, everyone's cheating, Appearances are reality. Reality is negotiable. Nobody knows what the truth is anymore. People are cheating and fishing in chess because they want the success. There used to be a type of athlete or competitor

who wouldn't consider cheating winning. But in this society where people cheat to become famous, they just go, hey, why don't I just do that? The steroid era in baseball was a part of that zeitgeist as well. We've lost that group one. People can't even identify that group one anymore. You can't even identify. You make fun of Gary V. You look at all the comments, people defending Gary Vee as if he was Jesus himself. And I'm making a joke about him. People going, hey, man, he's got a bigger bank account than you.

I'm going, yeah, Mookie Wilson played for the Mets and he had a bigger bank account than Isaac fucking Einstein. And I just combined two intellectuals. Isaac Einstein. I put Newton and Einstein together because I'm fucking stupid. I'm a stupid male with a penis. Does that make Mookie Wilson greater

than Albert Einstein? Are we measuring who's great based on what their bank account is? And that just shows you comments like that, which abounded. I looked at them a few of them and I was like this is so interesting people have this connection to this guy who's completely bullshitting them I'm here to tell you one out of a million of you will be

able to flip your old baseball cards and make money out of it and the effort that you'll have to put into that will take away from you getting some sort of real job and taking care of your kids. There's other things. And look, I'm making fun. Gary Vee's obviously says a lot of other stuff that's good. All right. He's just a guy. I'm making fun. Okay. I'm just making fun. If there's a little truth in it, that's what makes it funny. Okay. So if you found yourself laughing at it, that means it was a kernel of truth in it. But again, comedy is not accuracy. It's trying to make you laugh. I don't hate Gary Vee.

I'd have him on my podcast anytime to boost the numbers. Grift away in that seat anytime you want. But I'm a comedian, and I got to do my job. As Tim Dillon would say. I quoted him twice now. And then the comments are going to be, why are you sucking Tim Dillon's dick? Fine, make fun of me.

I did for a second. That's fine. That's my point. But it's a great quote. We got to do our job. But it has really facilitated those two groups. And they're flourishing. They're really flourishing.

The liars and the deluded are really flourishing and it's set up this is the american casino hey the dream the internet made the dream available for everybody ah you could be a star just what just figure something out i think that even facilitates racists and extremists they go like as a way to get noticed man i bet you if you sit down with some of them and have a regular conversation you know hey man that's not you that's not really you right why are you saying that stuff andrew tate perfect example who's again people got very upset that i was making fun of a guy who pronounces it they got mad at me like i was like i'm criticizing who's the most who's the most beautiful person who's ever lived in the plant it's like i'm criticizing

the most beautiful thing i'm criticizing andrew tate who says that women are property all right people are telling me he's got a high iq they one guy me. He goes, he's a professional kickboxer with a high IQ. I'm like, yeah. I guess he was a good kickboxer for a guy who fought in some local kickboxing. He didn't even fight in the main kickboxing fucking K-1. He fought in some local. There's like ropes and a couple. A British guy from like Liverpool.

He's like fighting in some local. Fish and chip shop. Yeah, some fish and chip shop and shit. Yeah, he was a kickboxer. He can fuck me up, yeah. So with his genius IQ, let me get this. He became a kickboxing champion in some leagues nobody knows or gives a shit about.

And then he started a cam girl business. You know, he's got a genius IQ like Isaac Einstein. That one was on purpose. He's got a genius IQ because he's got a colorful personality. And when he was in trouble and he got taken off, he was quoted as saying, I'm playing a character. But then he goes on Piers Morgan and he tries to defend the positions earnestly.

So I can't make fun of that? Your self-esteem is so gone. Your delusion and your hope to be famous or rich and successful is so high that you believe Andrew Tate over the guy who's making fun of him. We're humorless and lost because I'm not selling you anything and you're so conditioned to be sold some bullshit

you think that I'm the one who's trying to hurt you you're lost internet fuck face you're lost Andrew Tate could give a shit about you he's not putting up his hustler university to make you more of a masculine man he's doing it to take your fucking money for bullshit he doesn't hand you an iphone he doesn't teach you how to fix a car he's not teaching you anything you're being manipulated and it's entertaining and I support it. That's the point. I also support it and he's hilarious. Okay. But it is what it is. His videos are very entertaining, but the point is people get angry. Like I'm talking about a God. It's almost i'm talking about andrew day bad look yanni no no it's not a bad look you getting upset about me talking about some dude who lives halfway around the world in some castle in romania with poor girls with fake tits going like this for guys to go and taking half their money for it

and defending him like i'm talking about your mother that's a bad luck am i wrong jared harvin no you're not wrong andrew tate is the guy that liam neeson saved his daughter from and taken he is sort of like a villain in that way dude him and his brother are very entertaining and they can punch decent they can kick i guess but that's become our measure now of like who our heroes are guys with cam girl businesses because he drives a bugatti yeah they're the bald paul brothers they're the bald brothers with like pseudo british accents it's very funny the paul brothers too very entertaining very athletic whatever but like you notice how they've been able to sort of manage the things they do perfectly to make money. First of all, they were pumping crypto, which Kim Kardashian also was pumping and got in trouble for.

That ended up losing people a lot of money. You guess who else was pumping crypto? Gary Vee. So if you really were looking out for the American family, why did you make so many of them lose so much money well you made a lot why you know how they perfectly manage it it's perfectly managed who they're gonna fight oh floyd mayweather and a 50 year old how was he 45 and what is he it's like fighting a woman compared to this guy's size i mean he's a big dude you know he's like six three he's like a heavyweight size floyd mayweather he's the size of my wife that's

how small he is you know and then jake paul fighting retired mma fighters and now he's fighting i think anderson silva is He's 50. It's elder abuse. Yeah, he's 45. When he fought him, he was like 43 or whatever. You know? So it's very perfect. Even if it's not like, hey, this round, we won't knock each other out, which we all know it is.

But even if it's not, you're going like, it's a little bit of a grift. But I support it because people tune in. It's entertaining. But let's admit what it is. Let's stop deifying these people, right? We're deifying them. You're deifying Andrew Tate. You're deifying all these people.

Why is that? Why is that? What has happened here? What have we lost? How have we become so humorless? I've noticed it. It's everybody. Joe DeRosa was right.

It's everyone. No one can take a joke. Nobody wants to be joked about. Everyone's taking themselves very seriously. And I wonder if this leads to something very dark. I worry that this sets the stage for something very dark. I worry that this sets the stage for something very dark. Because like I said, I guarantee you in Germany, right before the Nazis took over, comedy clubs weren't booming. And I'm not trying to give comedy more importance than it deserves, but the jester is the only one who gives the king any sense

of what reality is. That was his role. That's why the king employed him. And if you were smart and good king who wanted to rule right, which there were few of because power corrupts, that's why we have democracy. That's what we learn from that. If you were a smart one, you'd listen to the jester, you'd laugh, but you'd leave thinking, eh, well, he has a point there. Maybe I am getting a little too big for my bridges. That's no good.

Because anytime you get too big for your bridges, anytime your ego starts taking steroids, it always leads to your fall it always precipitates your fall so it's important it's important to have a sense of humor now we switch i'm done because i can end up right there it's important to have a sense of humor that's it how long was that long day because i i just want know. I know we've lost half the audience. So I just want to know how long we are. It's perfect.

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You don't remember him. Me and Jesse do because we're 80. But Hershel Walker was an incredible football player. Happy birthday, Jesse, by the way. Happy birthday to Jesse Scatoro. I've never seen a brother have his own birthday and then bring treats for everybody else except for himself. Well, that's very Italian.

That's a very Italian move. Hey, it's my birthday. Yeah, I mean, if it's your birthday and you wanted to, you know, maybe you came a little better with one and a half egg clairs. Jared ate his already. Yeah, he ate mine. Or I should have known it. I've known Jesse 30 years. I should have known it I've known Jesse 30 years

I should have remembered It was your birthday And came in with a cake But I wouldn't do that Because that's gay You're a bad friend You're a real bad friend Yeah I don't

I wouldn't even know Here's your cake Like how do you do that And not feel weird Oh man happy birthday That's something you need A woman on staff to do Yeah

Because they do that And then we're all wearing hats that say, happy birthday, Jesse. That would make me feel weird if you brought a cake. But you just got to punch him in the chest like two seconds after. Yeah. Would that feel weird if I was like, Jesse, somebody's got a birthday. Who's the birthday boy? Turn the lights off, Jared.

Turn the lights off. Happy birthday to you. Okay, now make a real wish yay office fun office fun women are the one who without women we would all be sleeping in our own dung we really would my wife stayed at um my in-laws house last night um and i was supposed to do a couple of chores i didn't do any of them i laid in my bed and i yanked my penis over and over again and scrolled on my phone for no less than nine hours i did absolutely nothing at one point i realized i had one pant leg on one pant leg off for three and a half hours and i was like what am i doing i'm laying on a bed you look like one of jeffrey dahmer's victims i did

it's exactly how i look if someone walked in I look like the killer went to take a break and I was like in the middle of being killed. You try to sneak your way out the window. Yeah. I look like I was trying to muster up the strength to try to figure out how to get off that bed. That's how it looked like. Yeah.

It was nice to be alone though. Right. It was, it wasn't, it wasn't. I realized that like, that's why I'm a guy I think who sought out. I was like, I've always like want to be in relationships and like, I don't like, that's why I'm a guy I think who sought out. I was like,

I've always like want to be in relationships and like, I don't like the lonely shit. I don't like having nobody around. I was there and I was like, I was missing my dog. Even when I got up, I usually take my dog out at night. My dog wasn't there and I was just alone in this house.

And I even thought I was like, dude, if I ever am alone, like I'm a guy who's God forbid, I don't want it. I'm never getting divorced. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care what she does.

Same. She cheats on me. The guy's moving in with us. I don't care. I'm not. I'm not doing that alone shit. Because I was thinking like if that happened, I was like, I'm not going to live here. I'm not going to live in a house.

I'd go live in an apartment just because there's smaller walls. So there'd be less rooms to remind myself that I'm alone. I do not like the alone shit. You know? God bless you if you like it, but that's not for me. I like my family. I'm a family guy. It's, you know, that's my life.

At this point, it's like everything. Yeah, a little break is nice, you know. A little break is nice to really fucking discipline your fucking cock. With nobody in the house, full volume? We can put it all, especially when you live where i live like i used to even have to go tone down the volume when we lived in an apartment because i had neighbors but when you have space between your houses i put that shit i put it on the fucking on the audio bar under my tv you just blasted you rolled up to me and you heard, and I was even going,

I was letting it go. Meanwhile, your neighbors are thinking like a falcon's just chasing down a mice or something. Yeah, it sounded like thunder. You put it on the big screen? Huh? You put it on the big screen? Oh, dude, when you're alone in a country house? Because you got 72 inches on the wall.

I'm doing it on a big boy. I did the mirror off the iPhone. Yeah, she left. I did the inches on the wall. I'm talking about a big boy. I did the mirror off the iPhone. Yeah, she left. I did the mirror on the iPhone. I put the, I put the, the meta glasses on. I took Eva Olivia's pocket purse. None of this is true, but it's funny. Imagine she walks in.

I'm just like goggles around, thing on the tv surround sound audio and i just got evil love his puss on my thing all right we're demonetized what can you do this is definitely limited monetization but what can you do because that's the youtube community standards no sexual stuff god forbid god forbid the children see any that's a very american thing right there you ever notice that it's a very American thing right there You ever notice that? It's a very American thing Right? We're totally okay with violence

I've talked about it all the time On the internet About the true crime stuff But even in movies, right? It's like You know PG-13 The Rock kills 113 people

With his bare hands Right? Remember the guy from 90210 Showed his dick on Oz And it was like a national news story showed his dick something we all have without clothes it's how we all look he showed his limp penis on there and it was like a national news story oh did everyone see luke perry's piece yeah who cares he's got a piece like is there anything less threatening than a naked guy it just shows

that's part of the underpinnings of American culture. We're totally okay with violence and brutality, but anything sexual, my God, community standards. These kids can't know that people have penises and cocks and whatever. It's like, come on. Am I wrong? Am I wrong?

I just want to say that from Long Island. Am I wrong? I'm from Long Island. I'm very nervous. Long Islanders are very nervous. Oh my God? I'm from Long Island. I'm very nervous. Long Islanders are very nervous. Oh my God, there's a storm coming. Make sure, go to Stop and Shop, get extra wood. Make sure we got a generator to back up the generator. Should I buy a new generator? I think I should buy a generator. What happens if this generator gives out?

Make sure you stop by DeSicco's and then after that Just go to DeCicco's Then go to Giuseppe's Make sure Get some chicken collards Make sure You never know how long We're going to need food for Fill a pot full of water

You never know Oh my god I was just watching the news Can you believe what they're doing To this poor guy Trump It's horrible He's just a poor guy He's our saint

He's our hero Long Islanders are the only people That have prosciutto On their emergency evacuation list. How many bottles of water? Did you get 14 packets of bottle of water? You never know what could happen. They just assume the worst.

Oh, my God. The Northerns could get backed up. We could get trapped here. If there's a nuclear accident. They're already planning. They're already building bunkers right now. Please, Putin, do not launch the nukes i just had my bathroom renovated that would really you know how what kind of a bummer that would be you just want one clean

shit it might be one of the things that when the first nuke drops that might be one of the first things i think about before my family i might even go jesus christ i just have my bathroom renovated can't even fucking take one shower god damn it so herschel walker herschel walker So, Hershel Walker. Hershel Walker. Hershel Walker.

Now, Hershel Walker definitely has got a little tad. He's got a little bit of CTE. I think everyone from that era has got a tad. Yeah, it's a touch of nutmeg. Yeah. Now, Hershel Walker, he loves Trump. He's hilarious. He's a Trump Republican.

So, he's into it. He's into everything. I'm not saying anything anything's wrong with it but I kind of am um um he's running on the he's running on the family values ticket a former football player like we said now the funny thing about this story he's running in Georgia he's running in Georgia as a conservative he's like a hardcore republican like i said trump republican i think nobody's been more supportive of trump than herschel walker they campaign together and he's got this son who how should we say is the stereotype of a gay guy from the 80s that's the way they used, like when you did a gay impression,

like it's the only way. It's Christian Walker. And he's a big Twitter personality and he's usually, it's fun to follow him. I follow him because it's just fun to watch his little videos go, guys, illegal immigrants

are storming this country. Yeah. We need to stop these illegal immigrants. It's just fun to hear like right-wing talking points out of the most left-wing voice it's fun yeah and he probably knew that he's a young kid talking about the theme we were talking about before he you know is it fashion a little bit i mean because you definitely stand out if you're just like highly effeminate i mean his eyes are that of the woman as soon as i see those eyes i want a blow job from him he's effeminate yeah yeah i got it take i was drawn first to the eyes you know he's got feline

cat female eyes if you hit the rest of his face in a glory hole, I'm not asking questions. Yeah, I think that was Zoe Kravitz. Yeah. Yeah, it looks like Zoe Kravitz cut her hair for some political cause. That's what he looks like. He's got very feminine eyes. Very feminine look. Let's just say him and Jackson Mahomes will get along. Yeah.

Alright, take a swing at Jackson. He deserves it. Yeah, Jackson Mahomes. Is he gay, Jackson Mahomes? Jackson. He deserves it. Yeah, Jackson Mahomes. Is he gay, Jackson Mahomes? He dances like he is. Yeah. Jackson Mahomes is the brother that is ruining the... Jackson Mahomes, or as he's affectionately known in Kansas City

as Fredo Corleone. Yes. As he's affectionately known in Kansas City as Fredo Corleone. The lesser of the two, the Brent Price brother. Sorry, Brent. I'm making a joke. You made it to the league. You shouldn't have, but you did.

Now, that was an 80s reference. Mark Price and Brent Price. Danny Hurley. Whatever you want to do. Gerald Wilkins, who had a decent career. I would love to see a ESPN special on talented brothers with a less talented brother combination and just did them all. Because the Eli Payton thing is rare. The Tiki and Rondé thing is rare.

The TJ and JJ thing is rare, although it's becoming more. It's usually like one superstar. It's usually Joe DiMaggio, and then he had a brother who played like three games in the major leagues. Joe DiMaggio, one of the greatest baseball players in history. He had a brother. It's usually Jason and like Barry Giambi. He's like some other guy.

So it's very funny that he ran for, he's running for Senate on the Family Values ticket. I wonder if that war room meeting, you know, what do they call those? The campaign war room meetings or whatever when they're getting started? They do something called that when they're raising money or whatever that's called.

Something. We don't claim to know things here. But there's something they do in prep for running when they're raising money and all that to build the campaign. Do you know there was one person who was probably like, yeah, everyone was all motivated. We're going to win this thing, you know? We're not going to let the Dems.'re gonna win this thing you know we're not gonna let the dems he's always talking about this

is just for the let the libs get their thing and you know one person was just kind of like wanted to be like it was like half like just but then like stopped you know because like i don't want to bring it i don't want to ruin the fun everyone's really pumped on herschel yeah i can't but it's probably gonna come up ah fuck i just let's let it happen cut the cake whatever let's have coffee like they're whatever they're whatever their war room refreshments were people were enjoying them you know the tea was going around the coffee you know people were enjoying the eclairs maybe a little bagel maybe it was a morning meagle a morning meeting and there was sometimes words get caught morning. Morning meeting, and they were enjoying their Einstein bagels

because they're not in New York, so it was shit bagels. Down in Georgia, they were probably enjoying some fucking fast food Einstein bagels with little tubs of Philadelphia cream cheese that they were spreading on the bagels with their plastic knives. And there was a fruit platter. And everyone felt really optimistic about Herschel Walker's run for political office, important political office. And there was that one person who remembered Herschel going,

Herschel, I mean, didn't you fuck half the country in 89? Didn't you and Sean Kemp high five and have a competition of who could fuck more women and make more kids? I'm just saying, you're running on the family values conservative ticket. You've stuck your dick in some miscellaneous holes. How many miscellaneous holes are we talking about, Herschel? Who knows, man? I can't remember.

I got CT. I can't remember, dog. When you fuck the amount of women that Herschel Walker fucked, you can't remember them all. And then the person probably goes, and also just one more question. This abortion thing is huge right now. It's huge.

Our position is we're against it in all cases. Herschel, at any time during your fame days on the road, do you remember at any point, is it possible that maybe you asked and paid for, and you know what we believe, the murder of your son. No, man, I can't, you know? I don't think so, because it's just too many. And plus the CT, maybe he just forgot, you know?

Maybe when she came forward, he was like, oh, you know, damn it. Maybe it came back maybe you remember and then he probably stuck to it she probably don't have she probably didn't keep the card of course you're gonna keep the card it was signed by one of the best football players to ever live you're gonna keep the card you're it's memorabilia you'll be able to sell that fucking thing on ebay she kept a card and the card is my favorite part of the story because you can't get funnier than a uh get well get well and then signed athlete i mean is there any more of a flippant could you be any more

flippant about the abortions you're paying for than a get well card that was handed to you that was put in front of you by your agent going let's not have any sour feelings we don't want anything to come back to us later we don't want anyone to come anything to come back to us later herschel and then he even made the joke the agent goes it's not like you're ever going to run for senate as a conservative in Georgia that would be the only way this would ever come back so it's worth it to be in the good graces of this woman pay for her abortion and give her a car you didn't even have to go to Hallmark I'll getmark. I put it in front of you. He went and got it. Whatever Jewish agent he had went and got the card and said,

Herschel, just sign it. And he probably slipped it in front of him amongst a bunch of other footballs he was signing. It was probably like football, football, football, football, football, abortion card, football, football, football, football, football, abortion card, football, football, football, football, football, helmet, abortion card. Football, football, football, football, football. Abortion card. Football, football, football, football, football. Helmet. Abortion card.

There's the card. She kept it. She kept the card, and she's got the check. And I watched the interview with him when he was being asked about it, and he just went straight into press secretary mode. He went, oh, man, you know, we just, we got to make sure the libs don't win this election. Let's go to Herschel. And he was on Fox too.

Herschel, do you remember at any point, any point paying a woman? She says she has the card. Oh, man. He goes, I sent a lot of people a lot of things. Not untrue. I don't blame him for not remembering. I do give him credit for going for it, dude. This is a feel-good story, like the joke I tried to make that somebody was upset about.

This is a feel-good story. He believes. Hershel Walker. It's not like he was running as a Democrat going, hey, man, have a Costco amount of abortions if you want. I'm an Obama Democrat. He's going, I'm a Trump Republican and abortion is murder. Oh shit. It's like Scooby-Doo. I would've got away with it if it wasn't for that measly abortion issue.

So there it is. There's the card. The card on the front says it has a coffee cup full of coffee. And what does it say? Relax? Rest and relax. Rest and relax.

Talk about a retirement card. Rest and relax. Rest and relax. Rest and relax. Retired that embryo. And then what does his handwriting say? It says recover also. Yeah, rest, relax, and recover. He sent her the wrong card.

That was supposed to go to Joe Theismann. That's a post-football injury card. That was supposed to go to Joe Theismann after Harry Carson cracked his leg. Damn it, I sent her Joe Theismann's card. Now, what does he say? Pray. Pray you're okay.

Pray you're okay. Pray you're okay. Pray you're okay. Oh, I pray you're okay pray you're okay oh I pray you're oh no I pray you are feeling better Hershel Walker so his son Christian after this came out

and he denied it and he said ah man I sent a lot of people he goes this is just the Dems trying to ruin me you know fake news kind of thing then his son goes don't dad, don't even try that. Daddy.

He goes, let's pull up his tweets because he went hard. Christian went hard. And then he goes, he responded to Christian. He goes, I love my son. I don't know why he's doing this. He can't even use the excuse that it's the liberals trying to ruin me because Christian is a hardcore Republican. So Christian, this was a moment that just triggered Christian. He put politics aside, and he remembered all the missed birthdays. This is when the missed birthdays came home to roost. And here's Christian.

Can we just watch it for a second? Because I'm in the mood to feel like I want to go see Bros. I'm fucking crying. I stayed silent as the atrocities committed against my mom were downplayed. I stayed silent when it came out that my father, Herschel Walker, had all these great new kids across the country. Can you just imagine him at a drag show in clear heels, throwing dollar bills at the drag queen, slaying it,

and him going, yes, yes, slay it, slay it. But also remember, no immigration. Also remember, abortion is murder. Also remember, regulation is evil. Small government, small government small government small government small government now slay girls slay all right let's hear rupaul continue to be raised and you know my favorite issue to talk about is father absent. Surprise, because it affected me. That's why I talk about it all the time. Because it affected me.

Family values people. He has four kids, four different women. Wasn't in the house raising one of them. He was out having sex with other women. Now, Christian, Christian, hold on. Hold on now. Christian, this is daddy speaking now. Hold on now.

I did come to that one swim meet you had i just tried to think of a gay sport i did come to the one swim meet you had i was there it's not my fault we were playing the cardinals all right i did go to the one thing okay we did we did sit down we did sit down and we did i did buy you those madonna tickets once i do remember buying you those madonna tickets now just go now hear me out christian you're going too far you said four it's actually 17 so let's get it right it's not four other women it's 17 christian don't be don't be lying on your daddy i still love you though don't let the liberals ruin this oh whatever i'll tell you why it's not playing rose it froze it froze just like herschel walker's senate race aspirations because this is a killer this Because this is a killer.

This is a killer. That'll end it for him. So that's that. We get it. So Aaron Judge hit 62. You know, 62 home runs. It's the real record, right? It's the only record hit you know it's

like roger maris and him mickey mantle are the only guys that hit that amount of that amount of home runs whose head could fit in a helmet so you have two records you got one by people whose head looked like a helmet and then one by a couple people who did a race whose head could fit in the helmet. So it's the real record. This has a cheaters theme, this episode. A lot of cheaters. A lot of cheaters. Like in fishing and in chess.

Now, the fishing one is funny because it was caught on video. Now, these guys win professional fishing, which none of us knew was a real thing. Did you know professional fishing? I thought it was a pastime between fathers and sons. No. I thought it was the way dads

try to talk to their sons about not being gay on the water. That's all I thought about it. You crack a beer, you share your first beer with your dad, and you catch your first bass. I thought it was a cover-up for a Klan meeting.

Or that. You know, different perspectives. Different perspectives, but both probably true. That's what I thought. That's what you thought. But did you think it was a professional sport? No. How do you even fish against another guy?

Well, it did air on ESPN 13, so. It aired on ESPN 13 and a half now my question to you is how do you even fish competitively you fish how do you fish against another guy like it's not even there's no skill in like what the fish are gonna do so how what's the competition it's got to be weight right that's what this whole thing is about. So I guess it's speed, right? They put meat or bait. But even still, you can't control the fish about which hook they go to. I'm trying to like, it's the bait. It's the type of bait you put on the line.

Someone could put a worm and then you put a Big Mac. But they probably all know the best bait to put on. So how, like, seriously, it's one of those things where a lot of it's not up to you, right? The fish are stupid. The fish could go to his line or my line. Like, how is it more skill for the fish to go to your line? I don't understand.

I don't understand. Maybe it's like fish communities and different fish have different like wants. Yeah. And some of them just want to go with that rod? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know, man. I don't, I can't figure it out.

I don't know how you fish against another guy. Yeah. You know, but we've turned everything into a competition in America. It's the only thing we value. Who's the best, right? Even cooking, they've turned cooking. I guess it's the speed because you really,

they've turned cooking, they do, what is it, chopped where you have like 13 seconds to make a souffle? I love that show because they're like, okay, you got a Reese's Pieces, you got a gum wrapper, and you got a boot. Make a dish. And then they start the clock and people are like, okay, I guess I'll make boot franchise.

And then you get a ravioli lemon. And then they just like, and you're going like, we've turned that into a competition. So I'm sure you could turn anything into a competition. So fishing. So it's popular, I guess, because the purses are very big. So in these communities of imprints, The purses are very big.

So in these communities of imprints... Because fishing's not that sophisticated thing, right? You throw the fucking thing out. You don't got to learn. You don't have to be coordinated. You don't have to be dexterous, smarter to do it, right? So I'm just saying that because I assume there's a lot of people who are genetically lacking who pick up fishing professionally. No one has a discussion about the Pythagorean theorem when they're fishing.

No. And how do you retire from fishing? By going fishing? It's like in TNT. When TNT, when guys lose the playoffs, Kenny always had the funny thing about going fishing. It's very funny. But like, yeah, that's what you do when you're done working. So how do you retire as a fisher?

Do you get a job? Competitive fishing participants known as anglers are given specific period of time in which they, period of time in which they can fish in a designated area. At the end of the time period, oh, so it's all speed. But like I said, some of that's up to the fish fish so i don't know how it's exactly a fair thing it's also apparently up to how much weight you stuff in the fish and apparently they don't check your bag before you get in the boat because this guy had fucking he had joe rogan on it dumbbells on him that he was just stuffing in these fish and he was also putting like fish fillets in there he was he bought like a bunch of fish meat

at a supermarket and he was stuffing the fish with the with the with the fish fillets and the weight balls he had like uh it looked like musket pellets, like metal musket. And he was, and he was stuffing them. Some, and he's multiple time has been winning this. He's been winning it multiple times. And so somebody got suspicious and probably they got suspicious because Gary, whoever, what's his name? The guy, somebody, the guy who did it, the guy who cheated has been winning multiple times, but they probably were wondering because maybe his glasses are this thick and he probably has one arm. And they're like, how's this guy catching all this fish? I don't know what happened, but they got suspicious. Maybe he comes from a family of losers who haven't won anything.

But this is the cheater's box that he was caught with. They were just pulling him out. And there's a video of them just pulling them out of the fish. Go, what's this, motherfucker? What's this? And everyone had that accent because nobody comes from a big city and becomes a professional fish. So you didn't hear one black guy go, hey, man, what the fuck's up with this, man? Yo, dog. You didn't hear one

dog. You didn't hear one Hispanic guy. What are you doing here? You didn't hear that? You didn't hear one Hispanic guy. Why they have it here? What are you doing here? They fucking cheated here. You didn't hear that? You didn't hear one dying guy going, what the fuck is going on? You fucking, you heard, all you heard was,

man, what the fuck are you doing? You're fucking cheating, Billy. Fuck you, man. And the funny thing is, they're pulling out all the stuff from these fish in front of him. And he's just standing there like a shamed child caught playing with matches by his parents. He's caught.

He doesn't say anything. Did you see the video where he's just standing there, and they're abusing him? They're like, get him the fuck out. They want to beat him. Play it for a second. They want to beat him so bad. It's hundreds of thousands of dollars he's stealing. How about no?

How about no? We're not going to join you in Calabria. Stanley Tucci, I'm not going to Calabria to watch your dumb CNN show, okay? If it's not a girl doing yoga with the camera under her puss puss, I'm not interested. Here it is. This is so funny.

He's a two-time would-be winner. We got weights and fish. Get the f*** out of here. Get the f*** out of here. F*** you. It sounds like a Klan rally in their recreational time. Look at the guy, too. He's just caught, dude.

It's fun to watch a guy who's just caught. Now, here's the thing. Here's the thing. Can you pause it for a second? Here's the thing. Jesse Smollett was caught. He was just caught. There's something you got to respect about a guy who knows the culture

knows how deceivers and people who don't care about uh deceivers and um and uh delusional people are really flourishing during this time that's why he even tried to do what he did that's why this guy's trying to do what he did because what what I'm saying is true. This is their time. This is the time of the delusional and the untruthful. This is their time, right? That's why Jussie Smollett even tried that move. But you got to respect that when it happened to him, he said to himself, I know that this is the time.

There will be people who will still believe me in spite of the evidence. I am sticking to my story, okay? Those two guys tried to rape me. That's it. I don't know those guys. Like, Jussie, we have the check that you paid them. That's not my check.

He just stuck to it. This guy, that's what I would have done. I would have stood there and been like, that's not my fish. I haven't seen those balls. And they go, we're pulling them out of your basket. That's not my basket. I don't know how it got there.

You just keep going. It's like when you get caught cheating on your girlfriend. You never admit it. You go, it's, you just go, it's the CCP. I don't, you just go, you go, this has to do with Russia, Ukraine. You deflect. You become a press secretary you go he should have said

have you checked the job numbers that's what he should have said he should have went straight to the job numbers he should have just stood there like a kid caught that's when you deflect and you go this is a setup it's a goddamn setup Billy

it's the Dems. And then you unite them because, you know, nobody here is voting fucking liberal. So you go, you know what this is, man. This is Obama Democrat bullshit. They want us against each other, man. That's right. And then they go, fuck yeah, man. We forgot.

We forgot about that. We fucking forgot. You're right. They're trying to separate us. I forgot about that. Fishing is how I feed my wife, who's also my sister. I forgot about that fishing is how I feed my wife who's also my sister I forgot about the commies out there all right let's see the rest of it because they really start yelling at them sorry now you got to pull it up all again right yeah we gotta

watch the Stanley tucci ad again well it's just more of that same where they're yelling at him but it's funny when they're like get him out of here they go get him out of here walk him out they go i'm gonna because i'm gonna punch him they really wanted to fuck him up you know because a lot of money at stake but he got away with it a few times right he was or he got away at once he was about to be the two-time winner because he won and they just decided to check his fetch which i give the other fishers and the director of that tournament a lot of credit that shows at least some level of sophistication that you checked, that you even were suspicious. It shows some problem-solving skills for a bunch of people

who I assume are not mechanical engineers. Yeah. I would like to hear that conversation. Like, Billy, does that fish look like it's packing to you? Man, that fish don't look right. That fish don't look right that fish don't look right it looks bloated don't it that fish looks bloated man it looks like that what's that singer's name plays the flute lizzo that's a lizzo fish right there

so the united states nasa, and SpaceX launched a combined rocket to the International Space Station. Now, the story is one of the astronauts is a young lady named Anna Kinkana or Anna Ruski, whatever. She's a Russian. She's a Russian. She's a Russian. So there's one Russian passenger on the flight. Now, talk about don't bring up a conversation at Thanksgiving dinner with your family. Talk about going home for the holidays and saying, nobody bring up politics.

Right? You know, they all had a meeting and they're like, listen, we're going to space with Anna. You know how she is. You know where she comes from. Just anything but the elephant in the room. Don't bring up Russia-Ukraine. But, you know, it's a long flight to the International Space Station. There's only so many things you can talk about. Especially, you know, you talk about current events. Eventually, it's going to get somewhere from, so what did you have for dinner? Cool.

Yeah, no, man. Yeah, these, they really, the dinners they pack for these space flights, the mashed potatoes are, you know, the, no, man. Yeah, these, they really, the dinners they pack for these space flights, the mashed potatoes are, you know, the burgers are, freeze-dried food's not that great. Powdered ice cream, there's only so much I can eat about, eat of it. Where are you from, Anna? So, where are you from?

That comes up a lot. And you know, she's like, oh, I'm from Fort Lauderdale. I'm from Fort Lauderdale. I'm from Fort Lauderdale. Yeah, man, you're from Fort Lauderdale. So your parents moved there? Yeah. By way of where?

Russia. You go, oh, should we kill her? oh, should we kill her? It's just, there's some conversations that are off, off limits on that. It's going to be, it's just a hard thing to not bring up. How long are they up there? Seven, 10 weeks?

And it's on everyone's mind. You ever be around somebody and you know there's one thing you can't bring up? Like I said, I wouldn't bring up on the podcast and I brought up, it was one of the first things I said. It's hard. It's hard it's hard do you think they could like they beat her and then they say you can't say anything

because nobody cares about you but we're gonna we're gonna do this for ukraine yeah is there any uh is there any other women on that nicole man doesn't like her nasa's nicole man is not into anna kinkina he's not into it what they should do is like kidnap her or something and then call putin and say we got anna kinkina because you know there's one thing there's one thing about putin is he's um he has a lot of humanity to him so if he knows that there's just one russian who's been kidnapped i think he'll call it off because if there's one there's just one Russian who's been kidnapped, I think he'll call it off. Because if there's one thing that Putin values, it's human life. It's human life. And the only reason he's gone into Ukraine is because of NATO's expansion. That's the only reason is that

disrespect he doesn't like. That's it. There's no other reason. It's just that. And if Anna says that, they're going to kill her on that space flight. At some point, they're going to be playing some game drinking. They'll be having a little space wine, and that's in vino veritas, old Latin expression, in wine there is truth. So they're going to start drinking,

and at some point, you know, Nicole Mann is going to be like, you know what? I'm sick of talking about powdered mashed potatoes. Anna, what's your position on the Ukraine-Russian set? And she's going to be drunk, right, off of vodka because she's Russian and I'm stereotyping. So she's going to bring her own flask. And she's going to go, Ukraine's a bunch of dirty Nazis and we're there to denazify Ukraine. And then Anna and Nicole are going to start wrestling and Japan's Koyuchi Wakata

and NASA's Josh Quesada are going to start jerking off to it. That's the story in my head and I'm sticking to it. Not only are they going to jerk off to it, they're going to start rubbing them down with space oil it now they're gonna jerk off to it they're gonna start rubbing them down with space oil and just let them wrestle it out in the air because there's no gravity so they're just floating around and they're just going to oil them down you're going to oil them down and then

they're just it's a you can't even jerk off furiously because you're in space. So it's more of like a... Bust a space nut. Yes. Yes. And then accidentally, just like Jeffrey Toobin from The New Yorker, one of the cameras is going to go on and we're going to see this prestigious group of astronauts

oil wrestling and masturbating. And the war will be over because we'll all have a good laugh. And that'll be it. Guys, brooklyncannery.com. Get rid of the garbage sodas. Replace them with great sodas. Look at Jared there drinking the root beer. How many calories on that root beer, Jared?

We got about 23 calories. 23 calories on a soda without using artificial sweeteners. There's no trick here. I'm looking out for you, you fat fuck. Stop drinking goddamn Sprite and Coke and all that garbage. Exactly. I'm sorry. I'm just being honest. It's football season.

Get a couple of cases of these for the downstairs fridge. That's what I'm doing. I'm trying to help you. Help me help you. There's no catch here. They're not even paying me a lot of money. I'm helping you.

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I pay for it. I it i believe you they probably see the order and they're going like we probably send them but i pay for it i don't even ask because i it's like dude here's the thing i just get a craving once in a while i'm not a real big soda drinker but their stuff is so delicious and i just i'm like i go and i drink it i stay away from soda i wasn't drinking any soda until i ran into brooklyn cannery when you crack open a key lime jalapeno at night when you're watching i was i cracked one open last night i was watching the finishing the domer series which the last i didn't need i lost interest but it's just it's just they're good dude that little kick at the end. Little kick. It goes down smooth.

Brooklyncannery.com, man. Go just order a bunch of cases. And look, dude. It's all natural. And it's good for your gut. Longshore Coffee. I need some more coffee. I shouldn't have said I pay for the Brooklyn Cannery.

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Go on their website, longshorecoffee.com, and buy the coffee you like. Nate Linder. Nate Linder also messaged us. He said he enjoyed, he loved the Gary Vee clip. natelinder.com, Instagram, Nate underscore Linder. This is the guy who's just a small business shout out in order to someday be my marketing guy. Going to give you a try at some point.

But here's the deal. Nate just received a new client how do you like that he just received a new client from long days for a two thousand dollar website build project and he will work with this client in the springtime to market the website so this is what he does dog if you have anything he'll build your website he'll do all that shit okay nate's partnership with long days is paying for itself of course it is do you know anyone who's gonna put you out to 50 000 people for freaking 100 bucks by the way we have an open slot right we have one or two open slots or one open slot two

two open slots right one may come back on i guess but it's like yeah so it's one open slot so it's yeah it's 100 bucks it's a steal jesse wasn't advertising it really should be fucking 16 million a year it's 25 a read it's 25 a read that's really and that's why there's only 10 slots because obviously i can't do this i just do it for people i'm passionate about and i just love helping small businesses what gives everything character i hate everything being starbucks so um check out nate nate's partnership is paying for itself if you're on the fence about being a small business sponsor on long days, this is your signal to do it.

All right, I'll take the pitch. I thought this was about you, but I'll take the pitch. Thanks, Nate. Natelinder.com. He's great. The kid's smart. We talked to him. He's really smart.

And look how aggressive he is. This is what you need. You need someone annoying and persistent. If I like or respect my agent or a marketing guy, I know there's a problem. You need someone annoying and consistent, and I'm being serious. This guy is persistent. NateLinder.com. Go let him manage your social media and take it to the next level. And of course, over there past the water in South Jersey know south uh south jersey and uh philly we got chris minetti

uh down there no fucking no fucking bones about it call him up 215-750-3730 the fucking ravens lost your pest okay well that no that's eagles eagles eagles sorry if the eagles lost chris minetti's probably gonna make me do he's lost, Chris Minetti's probably going to make me do that. He's a guy from Philly, so he's going to be like, you do that, fuck, you pay some respect to the Eagles. So you call up Chris Minetti. Call up Chris Minetti, and if you're law enforcement, please don't call him. Leave him alone.

215-750-3730. He's born with the name Chris Minetti. What did you want him to do? Be a straight shooter? He didn't have his name made it so the guy, you know, he's going to have a check catching store. I mean, what'd you want him to do? You want him to become an accountant?

Would you fucking trust your accountant, Chris Minetti? Would you go to anyone named Chris Minetti other than to get a fucking cash check? Or break someone's neck? Chris Minetti, he's, anyone who'd write the copy, no social media, old school. That's an Italian kid who likes cash. So call Chris up at 215-750-3730. Don't you fucking dare try to Google anything.

And, of course, For the Free. What is it, Negan? For the Free dot, he has a new, For the Free dot art. So For the Free dot art. They're starting live shows again in December. So For the Free is an organization dedicated to providing artists from Hawaii a place to develop their craft. Host free shows, post free music by local artists. I mean, Hawaii.

You know? Mante Teo, baby. Get into that. Go catfish this dude. Catfish Aaron Leaf. Tell him you're a big time producer and see how long you can keep the relationship going. Say you want to buy his website

because you work for Arista Records and just Mante Teo the guy. Mante Teo him. For him for the free dot art check out that website it's a fun peruse and of course uh exclusive autoshipping.com should we just up exclusive autoshipping.com's money this guy's loaded he's loaded but I mean he does live in San Antonio so I do feel bad for him a little bad yeah he's in San Antonio not a great place I love for him. A little bad. Yeah, he's in San Antonio. Not a great place. I love it. I love the people who came out to the shows there. You know. I wish I could see you less.

Big people. ExclusiveOvershipping.com Jared came to the show, by the way. And he didn't say hello, which I respect him for. Because I didn't want to meet him either. I'm kidding. It's just an awkward combo you know you just go hey what's up how you doing what's going on i want to meet i want to meet any of you i'm lying don't talk to me this is not a relationship it's one way i'm the

entertainer you're the entertained he's dead ass right now i'm not great with that i do say hello i'm polite i just don't like When it carries on Yeah You know Yeah After three seconds Those hands are going

In the pockets And there's a sway Going left and right Jared knows the deal That doesn't I mean It doesn't mean I'm you know

It just means like I get it Like I know what it is Like you know When someone's cool It's the best When they're just Hey man

You know Fan of the show It's like Love you man But then when we start going Like when you start going Like let's go get some dinner i'm going like we did it's not we're not getting we're not here to get dinner i'm here to go back to the hotel and see jared's hair in a wrap yeah i'm here to i'm here to text jared and say hey i forgot my phone charger then

have him come down in his head wrap you used to hate the autograph line i hate it yeah it's like it's it's the thing i don't have that thing i don't i don't have that thing i love doing the thing but like i don't you know i don't i'm not i don't love getting wrecked and i don't love that whole part of it it's like uh i'm a normal guy i want you know it's weird i was in um i was in um low's the other day, and it's a little, you know, a woman, she messaged me on Instagram, and she was like, me and my husband are huge fans. We saw you at Lowe's. I just wanted to send you a message.

I think that's the way to do it. Send me on Instagram and say, hey, I saw you. That's good. But it's also a little creepy. Yeah, you saw me? But again, it's not, though, because she did see me. So I think that's the best way i don't know or just say hello quick hello i'm cool when i know it's gonna be quick

am i coming off like a dick now or i'm just too honest for this fucking career now you're right i mean who the fuck wants to be bothered by this shit you know yeah it was just like that that autograph line at those shows was like you know most people are cool and then it's like one or two person will make you pose and do all this stuff you want to go to dave and buster's yeah let's talk come over my house yeah it's like they own your time they own you they think yeah it's yeah so exclusive autoshipping.com jared thank you for not saying hello after the show. I'm kidding. But that you did it makes me want to meet you. That he did it is like, you know, because he's fucking rich.

He's got exclusiveautoshipping.com, which means if you're buying a car out of state or you're moving, they'll move it for you, baby. Walk you through the process. They offer free quotes. Student and military discounts are available. Exclusiveautoshipping.com. You fill out the form or call the number on the website.