Yannis Pappas Hour - I Almost Died Again - Long Days with Yannis Pappas - Episode 10

Episode Date: March 7, 2021

Yanni is back off his quick trip to Miami and appearance on Andrew Schulz Flagrant2. He contemplates the difference between art and entertainment, and the difference between pre and post child hanky panky. He tells us how we can change the world with a tee shirt guns. Why young people are important to fight against dictatorships. Who you taking in a bombs fight between aoc and pelosi, the squad the musical and of course Yanni’s near death experience flying back from miami and much much more.   For bonus content and to Support LongDays click here: https://www.patreon.com/yannilongdays The show goes out every Sunday at noon to youtube and audio platforms but while it's being recorded the show goes LIVE on Yannis' Instagram! Come join in on the LONG DAY Follow Yanni Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yo, what's up, Delas? Welcome to another episode of Long Days with Yanni. That's me, Yanni the singer. I've had a little work done. I'm looking a little younger. I'm looking a little sexier and less mustachey, but make zero mistake about it. I am Yanni.

I am Yanni, and I'm coming to you live from the Acropolis right now. Take a peek. Here we are at the Acropolis. I'm a Greek God I'm a representative of my people we're gonna take back Turkey from Turkey even though we never had it but we're definitely taking back my dad's island of Evros and we're taking back that part of Cyprus let's go Greeks put on your

fucking Air Max 97s that you're still wearing because it's the most popular sneaker in Greece let's get our pack of cigarettes and our coffee and a couple of gyros and attack. Let's attack Turkey. Let's do it. We are Greek. We are strong. We're the Al Bundia countries. That's what Greeks are. We always talk about the glory days, but now we're selling shoes. But we're always talking about the greatness of antiquity. That is the greatness of antiquity that is the greatness of greeks here's the thing greeks are like you know like what's something that's calm and then once it gets activated greeks are like they don't start none won't be none of fucking our own shit up until we have a common enemy we're kind of like that we're kind of like we're kind of like

gremlins we're cute and cuddly and just fight amongst each other but when you give greeks a common enemy they will win the world uh cup in europe against all odds i called it the world cup even though it was the euro cup because who gives a shit who fucking gives a shit about your dumb sport until america starts dominating it because it's popular here i don't care about about Z-Dan, Z-Dan. And why do you have the same name twice, dog? Couldn't you fucking parents diversify? Why is he called Z-Dan, Z-Dan? Did you ever notice that?

He's got the same name fucking twice. I'm not repeating your name. I don't have fucking Tourette's. This isn't a Martin Scorsese movie. Get the papers, get the papers. Your name is Z Dan okay you're the fucking Beyonce of soccer players and you're retired he was great he was great in our generation now you the great thing about soccer players and baseball players if you walk them down you walking down the street

you could you would start a fight with them you know I mean they're the type of athletes you look like you could take like if I was walking down the street and I saw like Steve Sachs, you remember Steve Sachs? Couldn't throw to first base from second base on the Yankees. If I saw Steve Sass, I'd be like, what the fuck are you looking at, dog? I wouldn't even hesitate to fucking pop shit with Steve Sachs. Even Derek Jeter, you ever seen him?

I seen him. He's kind of tall. Like A-Rod, I'd be like, I'd hold up. I'd warn him that I bite and he's in for it. If he wants to get, if he wants to tussle, I'm a biter. I tickles dicks. It's what it is. Dylan Dallas, sign the fucking contract.

Jake Paul, sign the fucking contract. How many times I got to talk to your people, dog? Tickle fight all day, dog. None of that MMA shit, dog. Tickle, tickle, son. But yo, that's the great thing about soccer players. I mean, if you saw, what's the Italian kid's name? He's famous. If you saw Lionel Messi, if you saw Lionel Messi, first of all, why is his name's Lionel? Lionel Messi, dog. Yo, dude, did you ever meet a white guy named Lionel? I knew three black guys named Lionel.

First of all, why are you trying to cultural appropriate the Lionel name, dog? You see what I'm saying, family? But if you saw Lionel Messi walking down the street and like he bumped into you, like you would turn around and be like, what's up? But if you saw, let's say, I'll take it. If you saw Alonzo Ball and he bumped you, you'd be like what's up but if you saw let's say um i'll take if you saw alonzo ball and he bumped you you'd be like yo dog the sidewalk is yours you start singing nas to him and say the sidewalk is yours it's yours it's your the world is yours you know what here's the deal jay-z definitely run won the beef with nas he won the the rap beef, but Nas did win the commercial voiceover war.

So nobody gives him credit that he voices over a lot of Hennessy commercials and Jay-Z doesn't. So that's a good thing about Nas. Here's the thing, Nas and Jay-Z is a great analogy for like what people's tastes are and how we're kind of divided into two categories of people one people appreciate like talent and the other people like people who look like camels i mean jay-z looks like a camel dog he looks like he tried to get me to smoke and i'm 14

in 1984 camel joe yeah he looks like a camel came to life he's got some good songs he's got some great songs and he's a great lyricist but do people say nas is better just because nas isn't as popular he's more of an artist you know how people like to do that they like to go yo he's not as nice as nas but it's like if he was as nice as nas wouldn't nas be as big as jay-z and dating at least Michelle? Wouldn't, can't, can't fucking Nas at least get the number two Destiny's Child chick, Michelle, Michelle Zalbinger? What was, no, she's not even number two. Kelly O'Ryan. Yo, they're all Google Maps face.

It's wild. Yo, when you're in a band with, when you're in a band with Beyonce and then Beyonce leaves uh the rest of your band is just like you know when you look at google maps and they just if the person's there they blur their face like yo if you if you heard a destiny's child song in your dream and it was destiny's child you would only see Beyonce who was that Kelly Ripa what was it? Kelly. Just Kelly. Kelly. Kelly. Kelly. Kelly. Kelly. Kelly, Sean. Kelly.

Kelly. Kelly Rowland. Yeah. Kelly Rowland. Yeah. Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams. Yeah. I mean, I don't know.

Those are the two types of people. Some people like art and some people like pop. There's entertainment. And you can't really knock. You can't knock entertainer. People love Taylor Smith. Is she an artist or is she an entertainer? There's entertainment. You can't really knock. You can't knock entertainment. People love Taylor Smith. Is she an artist or is she an entertainer?

If you said she's an entertainer, people would go, that's your taste. Then come see you and your taste would be you like to sculpt fat people. Then they'd be like, that's your entertainment. But it's art. What makes art? Is it the skill level? Then Rothko's not art because he I could have done Rothko but you did it and here's a funny thing Drew doesn't know what a Rothko is he's 23 years old no idea I mean he just popped out of his mom's puss recently how funny is that yo his mom may still have the line right here. Yo, having sex, because it's my wife's,

it's me and my wife's anniversary and birthday. They're all within three days. So we got married. This is our two-year anniversary. We got married March 2nd, and then her birthday's on the 4th. I got married to my wife two days before her birthday, so I would remember her birthday.

That's great. It makes it easy. I'm like, oh yeah, we were married. But yo, it's time for hanky panky i mean we have a kid but this is my this is my first foray into post kid hanky panky it's different hanky panky is different when you got when you're watching a baby monitor okay because you know what it is we got cia surveillance on our child at all times i mean it is fucking black and white tvs all over the place with sound machines everywhere so we got to figure out spots to do hanky panky and you got to fucking you know what it's like hanky panky first of all i'm saying hanky panky because hanky panky is

fucking hilarious i'm not the only one who's called jay-z joe camel because there's when he when he pulled it up he's like yeah so it's a well-known thing that the kid looks like a camel it's what it is okay i look like an inbred human being with one. I look like a Cyclops with one eye in between my head. So I look like, yeah, I look like David Duchovny. If he got hit by a car and got his face reconstructed. So here's the funny thing about Hanky Panky before you have a baby and after you have a baby, Hanky Panky before you have a baby and after you have a baby hanky panky before you have a baby is no rules it's like wherever we are hanky panky's happening it's kind of like mma was before dana white decided to civilize it right you know you could headbutt your girl you could

you could put your toes in the chain you could put your toes in the in the fence it was no rules it was fun it was real jail rules it's rules, hanky panky. But then when you pop out another human bead and actually contribute to the census, once you're involved in increasing the census of your neighborhood, you know what I mean? You get a call and you change from two to three. Now you're talking about no eye gouging,

you know, get your hands off the fence, get your toes out of the fence. You're talking about no headbutts, no punches to the back of the head no knees when a guy's down there's a lot of rules i mean hanky panky is full of fun there's a ref in the room going hey that's the that's a flagrant too you can't do that you got you got you got four minutes to get this done before that baby wakes up uh my baby looks like it has a toupee, which is hilarious because her hairline starts back here. She looks like Rudy Giuliani

when Rudy Giuliani was mayor and tried to hold on to like three. My baby looks like a substitute teacher. And it's funny because all babies usually look like Winston Churchill, but my baby looks like Rudy Giuliani. So it's what it is. I love when I look at the people,

who are watching live on Instagram, because the hearts start fucking flying around the room, just because I'm looking at them, you know what it's like, you know what it's like doing this podcast, you know when you're at a game, and the t-shirt gun comes to you, and people start doing the wave,

for a fucking t-shirt, people will do anything for a fucking t-shirt, why did they not think the cops, when people were rioting, to just pull out a couple of t-shirt why did they not think the cops when people were riding to just pull out a couple of t-shirt guns and send the fucking couple of t-shirts into the crowd it would have placated all of the crowd and there would have been no property damage why not when those fucking when those fucking trump soldiers those so isn't it funny that they're following a guy who was a real estate tycoon from New York City and it's just like dudes showing up from Alabama

like, I'm here to defend Trump's honor. And he's up there getting blown by like a model who's friends with his daughter in like a gold toilet, you know? It's hilarious. But when those fucking Trump soldiers stormed the Capitol, I mean, if the Capitol Police would have had a few T-shirt guns, how quick do you think they could have dispersed that crowd?

If they shot a T, the crowd would have just started running after the T-shirt, you know? And if they had one hot girl just with a surprisingly strong arm just throwing into the back, everyone would just get, there's always that one girl girl just with a real with a surprisingly strong arm just throwing into the back everyone would just get there's always that one girl who's like a good dancer she comes out there does like three cheerleader flips and then fucking you're like damn that bitch can throw a football they also have that slingshot and they got the slingshot one everyone's going i want that t-shirt it's a three dollar t-shirt it's a gilded it's not even quality cotton

and people go crazy for it i mean it's like your girl's going to wear it as a night shirt. And then maybe the next guy she fucks after you, you know, because he hasn't moved in yet, he might wear it home because, you know, he dirty, he got some glue on his shirt. There was one time I was wearing another guy's shirt. And that's what made me realize that. Way back, if my wife's watching, this is way back. I remember because, you know, when you stay at a a girl's house you don't have to change your clothes

you spend the night and if you get a little glue on your own shirt you got to wear another shirt and girls only have their size of shirts or they have the previous guy's old shirts that he left that he glued on so i was wearing that guy's glued on shirt i mean it was washed but still it was glued on you know what i'm saying and then the next guy after me when he leaves when he glues on his shirt and he doesn't have a change of shirts he's gonna wear my glued on shirt and it never ends and it builds a bridge all the way to china with glued shirts you're from jersey You fucking, you've smelled like a lot of things. Shawarma stands, drug, here's the thing.

When you're born in Jersey and you're born, Drew, you were born in what part of Jersey? Oh, dude. Yeah, so Drew was born in Hackensack. So let me just tell you something about someone who was fucking born, whose father was a firefighter and was your mother a teacher, nurse? What was she? Yeah. She stayed home, mom. Whose father was a firefighter And was your mother teacher, nurse? What was she? Yeah She stayed home mom

So yeah fucking talking to the microphone So basically you're fucking New York You're an Irish fucking kid from New York Who's fucking Your father was probably fucking hanging out with Sean Terry Fucking drinking beers They were fucking They were having a good time

And when you were fucking delivered That fucking room smelled like Drakkar Noir There's no fucking way That your delivery room When your dad walked in there He's a fucking Cause I don't know if you noticed Firefighters smell like two things

Beer and Drakkar Noir And they put the Drakkar Noir on To cover up the beer But you can't fucking cover up Drinking cold beer here So there's always Yeah I just Firefighters always smell like Drakkar Noir Cover up the beer, but you can't fucking cover up drinking cold beer here. So there's always a, yeah, I just, firefighters always smell like Drakkar Noir. You ever notice that?

Irish kids like to do a little spritz. Here's the funny thing about Irish kids. Drew's Irish. Here's the funny thing about Irish kids I always found hilarious. First of all, they push all their emotions down, which is hilarious. It all lives in like a box, like in the bottom of their back by their balls it's like all the bad thing that i mean this they're the only people who could just like you know they could have been like you know priests could have ran a chain on them when they were seven and they just push it down and get a job and just raise 10 kids and fuck their wives and it's just that they that they just pour alcohol in it

and just push it down. It's just gallons of alcohol over the molestation. You know? Okay, I'm the bad guy. It's not happening at all. The Catholic church has no problem with it. But here's the funny thing about Catholic kids. They will drink themselves into a frenzy.

They will fist fight and never go down. I mean, an Irish kid's face will look like pizza. You cannot get that kid on the ground do you remember that one internet video where um the dude who just died from miami where kimbo slice fought that irish cop in boston i mean kimbo basically just collapsed from exhaustion because that irish kid would not go down i mean his face looked like he had been tortured by a terrorist group in the middle east and they were trying to get information out of him he looked like a pepperoni pizza I mean Irish kids will not go fucking down that's how tough they are but they bruise easy so it looks like they're losing the fight but you

got to have a strong wind to beat an Irish guy or bite biting always is great but the thing that's funny about Irish guys is that they'll do that. They'll drink themselves to death. They'll fight. They're fucking tough guys. They'll put on Dracar Noir. But they'll also leave the room to fart. Irish guys don't like to fart. You never noticed that? I had no idea, no.

Remember when my ex-girlfriend was Irish? Yeah. Yeah, her dad is fucking drinking beers or whatever. But like, if he had to fart, he would like excuse himself

and go to the bathroom. And I was telling that to Verzi and he had to fart he would like excuse himself and go to the bathroom and I was telling that to Verzi and he was dying because he has some Irish friends and he's like it's true

like they like it's embarrassing to fart it's like dirty to them I mean yeah they'll fucking curse you out or whatever and then they fart and they go

excuse yourself and they go to the bathroom and they just they just fart and they treat it like women yeah Irish guys do not like to fart I don't even go to the bathroom

I just hold it in and it farts in my stomach Yeah Did your Was your pops Comfortable farting Well no My pops was the Slovak

My mom was the Irish one Oh Your mom was the Irish one My mom Wow Fucking Megan My mom eats potato pancakes And freaking corned beef

What's your mom's name Megan Well her old name Is Catherine Lapp Catherine Catherine's a good Catherine O'Hara. Catherine.

Shannon from Flannigan. Her maiden name is O'Donnell. Fuck yeah. Catherine O'Donnell. Your dad met her at the bar. She had a fucking shot there. The Descos bar. Yeah, she was sitting there

with her girls. Fucking what do you want? You a firefighter? Well, I'm staying in Jersey. I'm telling you that right fucking now. He's like, yeah, I'm a firefighter.

I'm Slovak. Fuck yeah. What the fuck yeah. Yeah, I mean, New York just has a lot of personality. And working class New York has a lot of, somebody just said potato monkey fumes. Yeah, Irish kids are potato monkeys. They're the pancakes. Yeah.

So, I mean, here's the thing. Dr. Seuss, no bueno. No bueno, amigo. And I just became a father, so here's the deal. I will be searching every single fucking buck that sees my baby's face, and we will be looking for objectionable material. So what did he get canceled for exactly, Dr. Seuss?

I think he had some objectionable cartoons. I think there was actually some legitimacy to this because I think he had some objectionable cartoons. I think there was actually some legitimacy to this because I think he's got like, he drew Chinese people with like slits. But this was, I mean,

this comes from an era. I mean, when was Dr. Seuss, Dr. Seuss was like alive in the 40s and 50s, right? Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean,

we were at war. I mean, at that point, we were at war with Japan. So, I'm surprised he didn't draw them even worse than that. I mean, I'm war I mean he was at that point we were at war with Japan so I'm surprised he didn't draw them even worse than that

I mean I'm sure he drew them they kind of looked they looked a little jaundiced isn't it funny when you look at old cartoons of Asian dudes

you're like yeah he you can just excuse and be like nah that particular character I think was a little jaundiced he was a little sick that's why his skin color

is completely yellow I mean fuck when you look at an Asian cartoon from the 50s dude it looks like a Lakers uniform little jaundice he was a little sick that's why his skin color is completely yellow i mean fucking when you look at an asian cartoon from the 50s dude it looks like a lakers uniform i mean yeah so obviously yellow skin he's running with chop what's so wrong with that he's rolling with a with a bowl of soup uh what do they call that um noodles ramen he's got a bowl of ramen and he's wearing um one of those um fan hats he's got a ponytail he's got a ponytail that's not that's what he got canceled over look up what year that was a chinese boy who eats sticks dude that is not that bad you know like you said compared to the other content that was out that time and that's not that bad i thought it was

gonna be like you know you know when they do like the two teeth and the glasses. You know, look, dude, I'm Greek. I wouldn't get offended by a Dr. Seuss characterization, Greek, even if there was like a little eunuch boy hanging out of a guy's ass.

I'd be like, you know what, that's pretty accurate if you read the history of our people. We're not gay, but we were pretty good at practicing it,

you know what I mean? You ever see Jerry Lewis's Chinese guy? Yeah. 1937. I'll say this about jerry lewis's uh chinese guy accurate i mean back then at least they went for accuracy breakfast at tiffany's yeah jacob jerry lewis is uh china man i think he was probably just his character was called chinaman but back then dude there wasn't the internet like people weren't like roaming around you know blackish wasn't on internet. Like, people weren't, like, roaming around, you know?

Black-ish wasn't on TV yet. You didn't have, uh, you didn't have, what's the Asian sitcom? Yeah, I mean, Jerry Lewis, but full hard. But you know who gets a pass? You know who gets a pass? Um, Mrs. Wong from Mad TV. What was that? You looking like a guy.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When are they gonna come after her? Hi, Ms. Wong. IADtv, what was that? You looking like a guy. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When are they gonna come after her? Hi, Ms. Wong. I'm Officer Tamarind. I need to get a description from you and it's only gonna take us a few minutes, alrighty? I saw everything, okay. Oh, great.

Great. Can you describe the perpetrator to me, ma'am? Yeah, he look like a man. Okay, he was a man. Yo, everything I tell you, I saw. It's coming. Dude, they're going to cut. It's coming.

You know she's hot. You know she's getting that residual mad TV check, going, like, should I give it back? She's trying to get mad TV done. Like, mad TV never happened. She looking like a man. Any day now. Yeah, I mean, does anyone really care? She's trying to get mad TV done. Mad TV never happened. She looking like a mad. Eddie Dana. Yeah.

I mean, does anyone really care? Does anyone really care? Mrs. Swan. Mrs. Swan. She looking like a mad. I mean, dude, thank God I'm not more famous because they would try to come after more. Here's the thing about.

The yellow face. Oh, did they come after her yet? Yeah. You knew it read what it says we'll have you read the headline we'll have you want on more yeah like what is it miss swan is yellow face we'll have you wanting wanton more okay so give credit where credit's due. That is a juicy headline. That is really nice. Um, so, uh, look, I I've been thinking about these young kids like millennials and, um, and Gen Z and, you know, oftentimes because what are we, Jen? We're Jen. What are we? Gen Y?

We're X. Gen X. Because we're a little older and all older people get annoyed by younger people, I'm usually making fun of them. But let me tell you why I'm appreciative of millennials and Gen X. It's because I think they're the only ones that can protect us against falling into a communist dictatorship. And I'll tell you why. Because they don't have kids. They don't have kids and they still enjoy like fucking a lot, you know, and they got tons of

energy. When your population gets too old and like, that's why it's important to have a population where there's a lot of young people because they will fight. They'll resist. They'll hit the streets. They'll go knock down government buildings like, dude, I'm not doing that. If some guy got on TV and said, okay, you're not allowed to go out after seven anymore, I'm going to go, thank God. I don't fucking want to go out. You win, dog. I don't have the energy to fight off a dictator. That's the one reason. The second reason is when you're marrying a kid you're already being conditioned to follow orders it's like if some guy gets in the tv and is like you have to take the trash out by this time i'm gonna be like at

least it's not my fucking wife telling me what to do but i'm already conditioned to like listen to whatever my wife wants when you have a baby after you have a baby you your wife just gets another level of confidence that you're not gonna leave so they just start doing wild shit like the bossing around is almost hilarious like you have to love your wife to stay with them because fuck you you know what i'm saying it's like the biggest threat to fucking communism is your taste in guys. Because, yeah, that's the whole reason why you need feminism is because you guys like horrible people. But so when you find a nice guy who likes you like me, you just treat him like shit, you know, in a funny way.

It's like I was taking a shower today. I was taking a shower. And while I'm in the shower, she comes in the shower and says, you're going to get bagels. You're gonna get bagels for me at Bagel Boy, right? I'm like, yeah. Could you have waited 10 minutes or maybe texted me later about that?

She's like, I just thought about it so I didn't want to forget. It's like, so it's like, oh, you're doing it. You're telling me what you want to tell me. I could have been taking a shit. I could have been being attacked by robbers and you'd be like, can you not forget to bring up bagels, because I don't want to forget later, it's like, how about you tell me when it's a little convenient for me, I'm in the middle of a shower rubbing my own balls, you walk in, I could have been, I could have been pleasuring myself,

and then you walk in holding my baby, I don't want my baby to see that, I don't want my baby to see what I've been doing for 90% of the time while you were pregnant. Okay. Mrs. Poppins is taking a beating on this episode, but you know what? Stand up's dead. So I'm just throwing these premises at the fucking camera. So yeah, that's why you got to really be appreciative of young people. You ever think about that, how vital they are to sort of being the foot soldiers for our freedom? Old people are going to roll over. Yeah, but it could work against you, too. Those young people get whipped up into a fervor, and then you got the Red Guard.

Yeah, well, you know, that's, you know. They followed the wrong leader. You got problems. Yeah, well, you know, it's called, if they're following AOC, look here. Here's the deal. AOC's got nice bombs. So if she bombs a country,

it's like, what are we talking about, right? Her bomb, like, you know? It's like people are always like, yeah, people say to, yeah, people go, Biden's fucking bombing right now. You understand? Do you understand? Biden is fucking bombing Syria and fucking nobody.

All you're talking about is fucking how evil AOC is when AOC is the only one talking out about Biden bombing Syria. All you do is talk bad about AOC. It's like, no, dude, I'm talking about AOC and bombing because I'm talking about her bombs. She got a couple of bombs. I mean, that is fat boy and little kid on her chest what were the nukes called fat boy and little kid um yeah can you Manhattan Mr. Manhattan I mean he kids fucking Gen Z you know I mean he just I mean he made the nuclear bombs just a fucking cartoon character Mr. Manhattan he made it an Eminem album can you pull up on pull up aoc's tweet about biden this is this is where we're at this is where we're at yeah she's got absolute i mean am i not supposed to notice that she's got jugs like who would you take like because look nancy

pelosi hates her it's no secret she hates nancy Pelosi. I think they solved this with an all-out fucking oiled-up tits fight because Nancy Pelosi has some bombs. Who are you taking in that fight? I'm taking AOC because those are grizzled veteran fucking titties that have lived through a couple of wars. They got a little weight to them because there's been a couple of babies that have been tugging on them, so her nipples are all tightened up. Just the same way Anthony Hopkins,

Anthony Apoketiaki. I just had a brain fart. Anthony Hopkins said in Silence of the Lambs, did they toughen him up? Remember when he was talking about her titties? Yeah, so it's like, yeah, because after a baby fucking sucks in that titty, that titty's a war veteran.

What are you talking about Pelosi, though? I'm talking if Nancy Pelosi and AOC's tits had a fight, if they had a tag team wrestling match, dog, I'm talking Road Warriors versus the Hart brothers. I'm taking the Road Warriors, grizzled veterans with face paint. I bet you she'll face paint her titties. Nancy Pelosi will show up to the fight with fucking indian war paint underneath and also an african garb to remember the fallen to police brutality which is still a fucking wild photo to see when you see all the democrats kneeling with africa medallions i thought i was in i thought i was in 1991 again where all white

kids were in africa medallions you remember that oh yeah yeah, I thought I was in 1991 again where all white kids were wearing African medallions. You remember that? Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was a good time. I'm taking Nancy Pelosi in a tag team fucking titty fight over AOC. No question, no doubt.

Let's see the fucking tweet. Okay, so AOC says, here is the profound danger of what we just did in Syria. A mad king president with majority disproval of Americans just decided to bomb a nation, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Democrats who take war money pass the laws allowing that. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Fucking, we got some juicy beef within the blue party. Wow. Dog, we always knew that nancy and aoc and the the fucking squad versus nancy pelosi and her bitches like if they were they should do a dance off fucking they're

gonna make a fucking musical about this one day how funny is that music gonna be like like you know some old opera singer fucking puts a cigarette out, plays Nancy Pelosi. Who's the dude who did Hamilton? If he don't do, if he don't make a rap musical

with Nancy Pelosi and AOC and the squad versus Nancy Pelosi and the old guard with Biden and Obama and they come in like, we bomb,

but we talk nice. We put people in cages, but we smile at you. We deported more illegal immigrants than any other president before. But Obama could fucking talk. And he comes in. I used to smoke Newports in college. Michelle is more charismatic than most Republicans.

She is my girl. I went to fucking D.C. and lived in Park Slope for a second. He did, by the way. And then AOC comes, goes, fuck you, put him on notice, drag him girl, drag him girl, drag him, drag him, drag him girl, drag him girl, drag him

girl, drag him, drag him, drag him. And then fucking the girl with the head wrap comes, what's her name? Oh, Ilhan Omar. Ilhan Omar comes and goes, I fucking, I didn't marry my brother. Why did I just make her Southern? I didn't marry my brother. This is a rumor. She married her brother for him to get his papers or whatever.

But she left her husband for another white dude. Yo, you living with a white dude? Yo, what you doing, girl? Yo, you got a fatty? What she going? Yo, I love it when black dudes like like, yo, he don't know, ma. When you're a white dude, the balls it takes to walk past black dudes when you got a fine black girl with a little bit of a butt. Because you walk by, they're like, yo, ma.

They act like, yo. How you did? Yo. And they're not mad. They're just like, they're concerned for you. Like, how's he going to serve you without the dick that you need right they get concerned they go yo ma i'm saying like but look they go like look though how you know they kind of look at that area and they go and they disrespect you too because they know you ain't gonna do that man hey guys take

you know fellas they know that's not happening, right? Like, yo, but they get concerned. Like, yo, mom, I'm not trying to be disrespectful. I'm just saying. How's he handling that? He can't. I mean, he can't handle that. Mom, I'm just saying. No, I'm just saying, let me help out.

Let me lend you a little dick. Yo, dude, can I lend her a little dick, dog? I'm doing you a solid, dog. Like, he's helping out. Like, yo, let me help you out, dog. You can't handle that. And they know, let me help you out, dog. You can handle that. And they know they kind of are right. A little bit.

You can handle it, kind of. But if shit gets to the dance floor, there's only, like, two dudes. Justin Timberlake and, like, maybe one of the guys from NSYNC. The other guys can handle on a dance floor. Otherwise, you're just a white guy. You're on a wall doing the white man wiggle. You're just fucking. Black girl's just going crazy and gyrating on your fucking junk and that's it um what do you i

think i made that joke on the last episode that's gonna happen a few times it's really gonna happen so aoc here's i mean she called him a mad king you know who's happy about this tweet now here's the thing is she right about what she's saying about syria i don't know i don't know the details of the bombing you know generally is it good to bomb people no it's not obviously good but i don't know what they did did they bomb first you know i mean you could argue all you want that we shouldn't have bombed hiroshima and nagasaki but it's like, I mean, everyone forgets they bombed Pearl Harbor first. So it's like, don't start. None won't be none.

Okay. That's rules. Those are, those are American rules. Don't start. None won't be none. So it's like, what did Syria do that? They got bombed. I don't know.

Were they talking shit about Joey B's wife? Then you might deserve to catch a couple of bombies. And I'm not talking about AOC's tight ties. I'm talking about you may get a couple of joints dropped on you, son. You might get a couple of croutons in your salad. You know, you might be sitting there and there might be two croutons that fall into your lettuce. Y'all hurt? So I don't know what they did.

But generally, is it good to bomb? People know. But that's not my concern here, whether she's right or wrong. My concern is she's an elected official who's tweeting at the president, calling him a mad king. Okay. You can't fucking diss the president on Twitter like that. I mean, this is not Nick Cannon's wiling out. You shouldn't be talking like that. You're a fucking congresswoman in the United States.

Legislative branch. That tweet might have been. But here's the deal. I think that tweet was old. Yeah, that tweet might have been old. No, no, no, that tweet's not old. The tweet's new. Well, I can't find the new one.

That one said 2018. That was on Trump. It might have been old. No, no, no. The tweet's not old. The tweet's new. Well, I can't find the new one. That one said 2018. That was on Trump. It might have been a Trumpy tweet. But on Google, it did say Biden. Can we double check that? Because, I mean, does that make this funnier or sadder? I guess it depends on your perspective. I mean, it's 2021.

So, you know, reality is a complete suggestion. Yeah, it might say 2018. There you go, it's 2018. It was under Trump. It was under Trump. But then there's crickets when we bomb. Oh, that's what she was saying. Yeah.

Oh, okay. Okay, okay. What else is going on in the world? Yeah, it's funny. I was talking about Biden when this is a kind of a Yanni Biden moment where, I mean, Joe Biden would have done this and been like, oh, it's 2018. I was talking about Biden when this is a kind of a Yanni Biden moment where, I mean, Joe Biden would have done this and been like, oh, it's 2018. I'm sorry, I had that wrong.

But yeah, that's a good point. There was a lot of crickets about Biden bombing because they were mad when Trump was bombing. But supposedly they say, oh, he's got good reason. I don't know what the reason is. So I don't know if that made that whole section funnier or sadder, but we're going to gonna leave it as is we're not taking it out we're leaving it the the peanut gallery here on my live instagram is loving it go to patreon.com slash yanni sorry

patreon.com slash yanni long days is a good time to just plug. Whenever I do something this wrong, just tell me, go to plug. Just go like, you know, it's like when a anchor's in trouble and you're just going like, go to commercial.

For me, going to commercial would be go to plug. When I, when my news is like from, let's do a two year window. If I'm within two years, let me ride. But if we go back three years,

if I'm saying something is a tweet from today that was three years ago, tell me to plug the Patreon. So patreon.com slash Yanni Long Days for bonus content. I'll be at Soul Joel's March 13th. That's coming up. That's for Philly and New Jersey, wherever. Drive there.

There's not many comedy clubs open. It's a heated dome. BYOB. The tickets are going I know that yannispappascomedy.com to get tickets to see me

I'm talking to you Jersey Philly specifically it's close to you Royersford PA Soul Jules Comedy Club get tickets also

March 20th very important I'm at Gotham Comedy Club limited seating capacity socially distanced get those tickets and it's being broadcast around the world. It's a virtual comedy event.

I'm going to be going wild, even interacting with you, taking your questions, whatever. We're going to go fucking wild. It's virtual reality. You don't have to have VR glasses or anything like that. It's just on the internet. You can watch it anywhere. So go buy tickets, yannispappascomedy.com or rushtix.com. So go buy tickets,

yannispappascomedy.com or rushtix.com, rushtix.com, R-U-C-H-T-I-X.com to buy tickets for that. Anywhere in the world can watch me do live comedy. So go get those tickets. Bonus episodes up on patreon.com

and of course the character pieces, they're starting. We just shot a few and they're just gonna be weekly and all that stuff. So it's gonna be a lot of fun Tell friends of course This podcast is just starting

You know when it was episode 9 So it's more Very important to tell friends And And spread the word About what the fuck is going on I almost So I went

I did Flagrant 2 Down in Miami bro Like you know Bro Down there you know there's a lot of cocaine, bro. A lot of people say, yo, you're doing a lot of cocaine. Yo, bro, that's just called a Cuban coffee, bro. That's what we call that. A lot of cocaine is a Cuban coffee in Miami, bro. Here's the thing about Miami.

Like, nobody has like a real job. I think everyone's just like a professional sex worker. I think like if fans only or OnlyFans, was it OnlyFan? If OnlyFans headquarters is not in Miami, I mean like, what the fuck are we doing? Where's your headquarters? I mean,

if there's not a city that speaks to that website, it is Miami, bro. I mean, I suspect the CEO of OnlyFans is Miami, Florida. Ya hurt? So I went down, I did Flagrant 2, had a great time. CEO of OnlyFans is Miami, Florida. You heard? So I went down. I did Flagrant 2. Had a great time.

You know, Andrew Schultz tried to fucking grill me on the ending of History Hyenas. Obviously, it was an amicable, mutual decision. We wanted to do other things, and who knows if we ride in the future. So that is that. That's the end of that. There's nothing to say everything else is jokes

and just having fun our final episode's coming out March 24th History Hyenas so watch for that it's on Patreon now if you want to watch it now

our Patreon's staying up forever our whole catalog of all our episodes are staying up forever so you can just go enjoy them on YouTube, Patreon iTunes

wherever you want to enjoy History Hyenas you can enjoy it. So, and then I was flying back from Fort Lauderdale. I flew back and there was wind. It was like a wind, they delayed the flight because there was wind in Westchester.

And I'm one of these people who like has become too confident in flying because of the stats, you know? I'm real Ben Shapiro about it, you know? Hearing Ben Shapiro talk about anything, you almost feel like he's talking about, like, he could, if he was talking about, like, safety of planes, he'd be like, well, the data says you got a better chance of,

so you just get real confident based on the data because the data is like, you got a better chance of, like, getting struck by lightning while you're playing in the NBA. Yeah, I mean, it's like one in a billion to die. 1.005. 1.005% chance. The accident rate is a 1.005% chance.

That's almost like the COVID rate in Florida, brother. Open her up. We've opened Texas up, bro. Full throttle, brother. Texas her up. We've opened Texas up, bro. Full throttle, brother. Texas, you're leading the way. You're the George Washington of freedom, and Florida's coming next, brother. We're John Adams. We're right behind you. Texas, you are a pioneer, brother. Masks are going in the fireplace and slept. We don't have any fireplaces because we live in Texas, but we're going to build them now because obviously there was a big snowstorm in Texas this year, brother. And maybe we needed a couple of fireplaces, but I'll tell you what, brother, when you look at the rate of COVID infection,

it's much like the flu here, brother. We got a bad flu. Open her up, brother. Open the gates of Florida right now. My establishment's going to move to Texas. If you don't open for it, Governor DeSantis, we support you and what you've been doing, brother. But you got to go full throttle, brother. Hit the gas. Put her in fifth, brother. Is that the highest gear? I don't drive stiff.

I just, I only own a bike. I own a bike and I drive my bike with my flip-flops, brother. So I don't know if fifth gear is the highest, but Governor DeSantis, it's time to put Florida into maskless fifth gear, brother. Let's ride. Texas needs a partner, brother. You know, Ponch was nothing without Sancho. What was the chips' names again, brother?

I forget the Mexican one. Who were they, brother? Chips. It was Poncho and the Chips names again, brother? I forget the Mexican one. Who are they, brother Chips? It was Poncho and John, wasn't it, brother? So look, Texas and Florida, we're the Poncho and John of America, brother.

And I don't want to ride alone, amigo. So listen, DeSantis, follow the lead of Texas and open up full throttle, throttle brother I want to take my mask off anyway so you have a 0.005 chance of getting into an accident that is low dude that is low I mean you got a better chance of like you got a Justin Timberlake has a better chance of having a big glue gun Than that

There's no question Let me tell you something right now I saw his little fucking birthday Message to his girl Jessica Biel I mean Jessica Biel is looking the other way With that piece Cause she just wanted to be with Justin Timberlake

Because let me tell you something How I know he's got a little piece Because the universe is balanced And he's too good at everything else So he's got a little piece because the universe is balanced and he's too good at everything else so he's got a little I'm talking about itty bitty itty bitty short little glue gun I'm talking one of those travel size Elmer Fudd joints I'm talking about you know you get those little uh skinny crazy glue tubes he's got a little tiny crazy glue glue gun. It could be, I mean, look, it's so happy birthday. I mean, his girl is a stone cold for Rome peace.

She is a stone cold. You got to take out fucking a nuclear glue. You got to take out nuclear. You got to take out nukes to shoot her down. Those are the side, the peace guns, the peace guns you need to shoot her down would need to be nuclear that's how much of a peace she is he's too good of a golfer

too good at basketball too good of an actor too good looking could dance too good sing kids I'm telling you I'm telling you the kid's got a baby carrot

in his fucking jeans cuz I tell you that right now he's got chewing gum and a jufro that's how he moves like that he's got a tiny glue gun. I'm telling you,

he crosses his leg like a girl because he doesn't have to worry about smashing his hog. There's no question. No question, no questions asked. And that's just what it is. So I took this flight back

from Fort Lauderdale and there was wind. And so as we were landing, like I didn't know, like so turbulence in the air, if you're flying and you hit turbulence, the plane is meant to be able to take turbulence. It's just, it just can, it can handle it.

It can handle it. Like a Jewish man is just bred to get his balls broken by his wife and they like it. I mean, you, Jewish guys are the toughest fucking businessmen. You go in and they bubby you to death. They will fucking crush your whole business over a Reuben sandwich

and walk away after they fucking bankrupted you and made a deal that worked in their favor because they're so tough and brilliant at businessmen and they fucking act like bosses and fucking push people around, and then they will get in the car and their wife will fucking yell at them because they got tickets to see George Mason.

George, what was his name? Jackie Mason. Jackie Mason or whatever. He's dead, but who's a big one, boogie? I don't know. They're going to go see Jerry Seinfeld at the casino, and they don't want to be late. They don't want to stand're going to go see Jerry Seinfeld at the casino and they don't want

to be late. They don't want to stand in line. And the husbands will just take it. So fucking planes are aerodynamically designed to take the pressure that a Jewish man is designed to take from his wife. And I've seen it firsthand. I grew up in Brooklyn. My mom's best friend was Jewish and her husband was one of the biggest defense lawyers in the fucking country. And she would just fucking shut up and he would just, he wouldn't say a damn thing. You put that

guy in court, he would probably crush it and get criminals off, drug dealers off. And his wife walked in the room. He's like, yeah, I'm going to go make you a tuna fish sandwich right now, babe. So that's how strong planes are. They're as strong as a Jewish man around his woman. They're designed to take that turbulence. But when you're landing, that's where you're really at risk of the plane crashing during landings. So there was like a windstorm like up there. And so as he got close to the ground,

the plane can take it higher. But when you get close to the ground, it's the winds pick up. There was one gust that almost flipped our plane. Like if we were lower, the plane would have struck into the ground. So the wind gust happened. We went like sideways.

And then the pilot flung it back up. He hit the, he went back up like we were this we were like we must have been like 100 feet off the ground 50 feet off the ground and we just felt it go tech everyone's gone and the girl next to me was going oh my god oh my god she go oh my god what's happening and she looked at me and i said i don't i'm not in the cockpit just like a woman they're fucking feminist and strong until you're about to die in an airplane. And then she was just looking for a man's arm to hold onto.

She grabbed my arm. I'm like, I'm married, bitch. Just because I'm fucking about to die. I don't want, I don't want this karma on me. Don't touch me. I'm married. I got a baby at home. I need to text my wife goodbye.

Which I did, by the way. That's a wild text to send. Really? Because yo bad dude this was the worst i've never i've only had smooth sailing flights and i told you i'm arrogant like ben shapiro because of the dad i'm like you can't die on an airplane wait what did you say what did you say in the text i text i said i love you and g i was i was almost uh i was almost contemplating not sending it because i didn't want to scare her make make her feel bad. But then I was like, wait, she's just going to find that I'm dead in the morning.

But you didn't say anything about the plane crashing? No, I just said, I love you. I love, well, you know, because, yeah. And also like I wanted it, when we were low, I wanted to make sure it went through. So I did it like right when the guy was taken off, I'm like, oh shit, we're going to die. And so people were just freaking out, dude.

There was a lot of people. You really see people. It's like the Joker said. Remember, he's like, you want to know who they really are? Remember that part? He's like, you want to know which one of them are cowards? It's kind of true. And let me just say, if you were sitting in 23A and you were wearing half a shirt

and you were clearly a Jewish girl, yeah, you don't come from, you have anxiety in your family and you were wearing half a shirt, and you were clearly a Jewish girl, yeah, you don't come from, you have anxiety in your family. Because she was even like, when there was a little turbulence in the air, I could see her, she would always grab the,

she was grabbing the chair, as if that does anything, when they go, as if you're not in the air, like they're like, okay, at least I'm on solid ground. No, you're not, bitch. Might as well go with the flow and surf it out.

Because you grabbing the end is not going to do anything. But then when she turned to me, she goes, what's going on? What did she say to me? She goes, what's happening? That'd be funny if I had the info. I was like, well, what's happening is he tried to make what we call a not two landing. But the wind gusts are coming from nine four. So what we got to do is we're going to circle back around Roger Five Niner. And Jimmy over in the tower told me what we're going to do is we're going to take a 9-6 hike.

And we call that a skydive channel. And we're going to take a skydive channel. Because that's not what she wanted. She just was looking for God to save her. But she can't because God don't care about JetBlue flights. He's too busy supporting Muslims' war against the infidels. So he's busy, okay? There's a lot of cartoonists that got to get their heads cut off.

God is fucking busy. He doesn't care about you and me. We're going down. So, but it was funny. There was one guy who either was knowledgeable or was just trying to get some pussy and figured if we don't die maybe this bitch will because he said to another girl there was like a bunch of cute girls sitting by me and the guy was like yeah you know this happens all the

time you know he was like you know what you know probably the wind was a little strong so he's gonna give it another go and then if not he'll probably just go land at someplace else big deal you know they'll give us a they'll give us like a you know a coupon to go sleep at a boston hotel like you know maybe we should maybe together so but he was playing it real cool but he could have been freaking out and having an adrenaline rush but he was like yo at least maybe i'll get laid now so what i heard him trying to play it off while people were screaming and you know you know but no but I was actually sitting next to the person

who was freaking out the most and she was going she was hyper and then when the plane landed she goes I'm sorry I scared you I was like I know you grew up in a family

where it was made to think it was all about you but you didn't scare me you know what scared me what was going on with the plane and the weather? So I know you think you're a little, what's going on?

Scared me, but you know what scared me more? Was that fucking nature was flipping us around like a paper airplane. I was in a 747 or whatever those fucking cruise ships in the sky are. And I mean, that wind gust treated us like a paper airplane. It was wild.

And so finally on the second run down we still had termites but he put it down and from what i learned is like landings are basically controlled crashes you crash something going hundreds of 400 miles an hour and they just know how to land it but that's where accidents happen if the wind gusts it and pushes you into the ground or the wing into the ground it can't the fuel explodes and you're done so it's like how that never happens and like plane crashes don't i mean what are the chances dude and i was going i was doing flagrant too so i'm like this is it every time i did akash fucking call jet blue and say you know what we didn't get him the first time let's am going to have to text Joe Rogan again? Am I going to have to want to blow up India again?

It was on the way there or on the way back? It was on the way back from doing Flagrant 2. The funny thing is, yeah, I got COVID doing Flagrant 2 and my sodium levels dropped so low I could have died. And that would have been a fucking real pussy way to die. What happened? His sodium levels dropped so low? I mean, that's like

saying he died from allergy to the peanut or something. It's like, did the guy have any crackers around? Like, who's taking care of this guy? So, yeah. So I've had, I kind of, part of me was in the plane, I was kind of laughing at myself going like, is God angry at me? Just, dude, stop being passive aggressive.

Like, if you want to say something, say something. Did I do something wrong? Because you keep trying to whack me. So it's like I've been shot. I got struck by lightning when I was in camp. I've had my head split open by a bat. I almost died from eating bad sausage in our old refrigerator. You remember that shit?

My heart rate went down to 20. I mean, what are you trying to do to me, God? And then I get COVID. I go to the hospital, sodium. And then this, this flight was like, I could have died on this fucking thing. What a way to go out. What a way to go out on a jet blue flight. And I didn't even have the headphones to watch the movies. I had only my iPhone.

So I was just sitting there playing computer. I was playing chess against a computer for three hours. You're in a movie. Yeah. I was in a movie. And yeah, I had to listen to the girl next to me go, what's going on? I don't know.

I don't work for the airline. I'm in your position. But she was definitely, she grabbed my arm. It was hilarious. She grabbed my arm and I was like, it's funny how scared you are of your wife when you're in a loving relationship. And you're like, I didn't want her.

Here we are thinking we're going to die. And my reaction was, can you get off my arm? First of all, my wife's not there. Second of all, she can't see it. But my first reaction was like, get off my arm. And now in retrospect, I was going like, that's the type of goddamn castration that happens to men after they're married. Because dude, that is the opposite of what a man should be thinking at that moment. At that moment, a man should be thinking at that moment. At that moment, a man should be going, take my dick out and jerk it and I'll play what you put.

Like this is our last chance. Let's give each other hand jobs. Let's go out, let's go out in euphoria. But instead I was like, come on, my wife might, you know, I was like, my wife's not even there. So, you know, things aren't based on reality a lot of times. But we lived, landed the plane and, uh, I prayed, which is hilarious. You do when you're in that position, you just do. It's kind of like, um, praying even atheists. I bet even, I bet you, even the biologist Dawkins would

pray in that situation. It's kind of like, here's the deal. It's kind of like if there was like hand sanitizer here on the way out, right? Even though, you know, nobody's got COVID in here, clearly. You're kind of, it's the options there, you take it. You go, hey, just in case, just in case, you know, just in case Yana or Drew had COVID, I'm gonna do that. It's like, that's what praying is. You're going, hey, just in case JC's up there and I get'm gonna do that it's like that's what praying is you're gonna hate just in case

JC's up there and I get to the fucking I get to club heaven I just wanna see if maybe I got the you know I got you're on the list yeah I mean

look dude if I die I hope it's with three hot chicks cause what if it's just a nightclub Lamar Odom he's out there

with the list yeah and he's like yo sorry man either come in here with three girls or Steph Curry otherwise it's not happening I imagine you can only

get in with if you because you can only get in with hot women if you're if you're just a regular guy or you got to know Steph I bet you Clay

Clay Clay is probably hitting a lot of clubs I mean you know his knees popped so that's it I don't know what he's doing but you know

you need religion in that moment that's where religion comes in handy that's why I just, you know, you need religion in that moment. That's where religion comes in handy. That's why I just like, you can't be a total atheist because it's like, what's that? You know, you do go to that, you know, a little bit. You got to give, I give Christopher Hitchens a lot of credit because he was an atheist up to, I mean, the guys,

I mean, he had brain cancer. I mean, the guy, he looked like a robocop at the end. I mean, I hope there's some smart people watching this who know how funny that was because he looked like RoboCop. He looked like Chucky after Chucky got burned a bunch of times and was still trying to come.

Like he just had lost his hair and he was still up there going, I'm going nowhere. I'm going nowhere. I'm going to darkness. Do you remember before you were born? That's where I'm headed. I mean, he was like a staunch atheist,

but who knows? Maybe when he got backstage, he was like, please God, forgive me. It's a fucking show. I got paid really well. It made me different. It made me stand out. And God was going, amen.

I'm not here, right dog? But that's where religion comes in. It comes in handy. Religion comes in handy there. But here's the thing. If you're going to make a bunch of shit up, because here's the thing. If there is a God,

he doesn't care what your religion is, right? We know that. In fact, sometimes I have more respect for atheists who are good people because at least they're doing it for a more pure reason. They're not hoping for some reward. It's kind of almost cheating

if you believe in a religion and you're being good just because you're going to get rewarded. What are you, a fucking dog trying to get a treat, obeying his master? Maybe God's a dick like that. I don't know. We're not a dick. Maybe he's just a good dog owner. Maybe God's a good dog owner. Be a good dog owner. Treat your dog like a dog and not a kid. Get it out of a fucking baby carriage. It's freaked out. It doesn't know what's going on. It wants to kill a fake squirrel. carriage. It's freaked out. It doesn't know what's going on. It wants to kill a fake squirrel. I don't know. But since you're making a bunch of stuff up, because all the mantras of religion are just dudes creating rules to, you know, bank checks or do whatever they're doing, right?

Or to just be in charge or it's their interpretation. Since we're making shit up, why aren't there, I mean, let's talk libertarian style. Why aren't there more options competing in the market for religions? You know, what are you offering? I'm willing to convert. I'm willing to listen. You know, when you go to like a job expo, there should be a fucking religious expo where you sit there and be like, what do you got for me, guy?

And Mormons are going, yo, nine wives. The only thing is you got to live in Salt Lake City. You're going, deals off. I don't care how many wives you offer in this life deals off because they're all blonde and they got freckles I'm not dealing with it I'm into fucking Latin chicks and Catholics are like we got you dog you into Latin chicks we got you okay not only are they Catholic but they'll do anything for five dollars. Because their money's just not worth as much. And you got a green card, hombre. And they're into, they don't believe in abortion,

so you can be plentiful and whatever. So Catholic, that's what they're offering, right? They're offering free babysitting from priests, a lot of youth services, if you're willing to look the other way. You do get a lot of free time though. If you're a Catholic, if you want to roll the dice,

play Russian roulette with whether this priest in your parish was moved from another one and has the taste for children, they're willing to take your kid, right? By the way, that's the reason why Catholics are against abortion. Because they fuck kids. And you never fuck with a motherfucker's supply.

Unwanted kids? That's what they're in the business of. If you like to fuck unwanted kids, you would hate the women who are not making unwanted kids. They're like, no, no, no, have it. We'll take care of it. In a basement somewhere. Oh, I'm the bad guy. I love when you do the Catholic stuff. I'm the bad guy. Like, no, no, have it. We'll take care of it. In a basement somewhere. Oh, I'm the bad guy.

I love when you do the Catholic stuff. I'm the bad guy. Like, the fucking dad is not out. Right, Jen Shapiro? My priest, when I was a kid, was found on an island with, like, eight little boys. Oh, he was like the Jeffrey Epstein of Catholic priests. He had his own Catholic little island. He was this big, heavyset guy.

And I remember I asked my mom, like, why doesn't he come around no more she just was the island popular like nobody asked any questions he was just like these are my kids i think it was puerto rico actually right nobody asked a lot of questions there yeah i guess like a vacation he went with them yeah probably convinced some parents like if anyone asks you're my kids and they just walked around with that glow just like that kidnapped glow. Remember, what was her name? Something smart, Alicia Smart. Yeah, Samantha Smart or something. She was kidnapped, then she got away, and then Stockholm.

Sometimes Stockholm syndrome, like, you know, if you give the kid ice cream, he may not fucking care that you're, you know, raping him every night. He's like, well, he does give me Carvel, so it's a good deal. My brain's not developed enough, so I'm kind of going with it.

That's the danger of being kidnapped is Stockholm syndrome. Yeah, Catholic priests, Catholic church should be really on notice for that but that's why they're against abortion is they don't want to mess with their supply this may be too much for some people it's a joke but you're gonna be mad at me for making a joke and not even if you are catholic you're gonna be mad at me for making a joke and not the priests who are out there raping boys you're still putting ashes on your fucking forehead but you've just unsubscribed from me you got your fucking priorities backwards megan or marisol or tony or janine always like an italian Latin or Irish name. Okay. Okay. Oh, handlings.

I'm just kidding. Um, but yeah, there should be more options. Like, what do you got for me? Okay. Catholics got Catholics. Definitely got babysitting on lock.

Like we'll watch a kid, take them to ball games, whatever. If you're willing to be like, you know, if you, if you have a bad looking kid, not a bad deal.

You get to have a lot of parent dinners and you can be sure your kids probably not going to get molested. So if I got a bad looking kid, not a bad deal. You get to have a lot of parent dinners and you can be sure your kid's probably not going to get molested. So if I got a bad looking kid, Catholicism is a decent deal. Right? But how come none of these religions offer deals for women? They're 50% of the marketplace. All these religions appeal to men. What's up with a fucking female religion, dog? That gives them some benefits. Feminism. Feminism. Jason Mimosa is the god, dog. Here's what I'm offering, ladies, at my church, which you can contribute to at patreon.com slash yannilongdays. Here's my church. You get to ride Jason Mimosa.

Here's what we do. Freedom of religion, okay? In my religion, feminism or whatever you want to call it, Jason Mimosa has to be kidnapped and made property of that religion. And they can't stop you. That's my religion. That's my belief. Jason Mimosa is our temple and we all get to sit on his dick whenever we want. Whether Jason Mimosa likes it or not, it doesn't matter. It's part of our religion. So they kidnap Jason Mimosa.

He's on the altar. They just give him a couple of Viagras and they just, you know when you go to take communion at Catholic church, instead of taking communion, they all go up and just take a couple of dips on Jason Mimosa's schween

on his little hard glue gun and Lisa Bonet has to watch. watch that's part she's got to watch because fuck her she has it too good fuck that what did she do to deserve that man oh my god so why is there not that religion called the called jason mimosa just call it them call it mimosa ism And he doesn't like it, but it's your religious belief. Untaxed, separation of church and state, no laws can stop you from riding Jason Mimosa.

And then you guys get to bathe him, feed him, and watch him like a captor because he's a religious, sanctimonious figure. Looks like one. Yeah, Jason Mimosa is kind of like your altar slash Messiah slash God. And that's a great deal for ladies. I just came up with a religion

that really appeals to the women. Who wouldn't join my church to squat on his dick once a week on Sunday? Right before brunch, you go to church. Dog, who wouldn't? There wouldn't even be some gay guys that join and sit backwards. They go like, how do we do this? And they would just fucking go that way.

They couldn't, you know, they would figure it out. I might join that church for a week or two. In college. So that's just an idea that I have about that. And it's a good idea. It's a good idea. So that is it for the day. I hope your day was long.

I hope you enjoyed it. Remember, go to patreon.com slash yannilongdays. Follow me on Instagram, yannispappas. Tell your friends about the podcast, right, guys? For all you people who watch live, really appreciate you for checking the show out live. And thank you for commenting throughout it because you never know when I'm going to glance over

and take a peek at what's going on. What happened to the hearts? There go the hearts right there. They were a little late because people are like, you know, it's down to 45. It always starts with like 300. And people are like, I'll just watch it when it comes out or I just won't watch it. So Yanni Narrow Eyes will never be as good as Yanni. They called me Yanni Cozy Eyes.

My eyes are cozy eyes. And then sometimes they say my eyes when I do something good my eyes high five people want you to read the Patreon name yes I have to start doing that I have to start reading

the Patreon names that's something we're going to discuss we're going to have a little tea meeting and we're going to figure it out but next episode

will be the beginning of reading the Patreon names on here so try to do a funny name and join the Patreon. We got the bonus episodes of Squeaky Clean. People are loving them. Go ask for yourself, go see for yourself, ask people who are already there. It's a really fun bonus series. And the character pieces from all my characters are about to be up and then they will be forthcoming. And

on a regular basis, you'll be getting there's gonna i'm gonna be going live on there i mean patreon is where it's at i mean comedy should is best when it's subscriber base and you sign up for the things that you want so that's the philosophy we're doing thank you someone said loving the new show how do we get work together at gotham again i'm fully charged um yanni big bucks that's right We'll start Start contributing Support the show Patreon.com Slash Yanni Long Days

You got my days Check my website YannisPapasComedy.com Das What it is What is it Drew Films All one word

Drew underscore films Drew underscore films Follow him Also Director extraordinaire Producer extraordinaire Whatever What do you want to be called?

I don't care just be called fucking Jay Dizzle Jesse Scatoro all one word on Instagram for his finger paintings for his finger paintings yo when can I get a painting dog?

come to the studio yeah yo how are you still selling baby Socrates? you made a couple Jeezy's selling those were original sculptors

the original sculptors from the old Mr. Pano's videos were sculpted by hand by Jesse. He sold a few to some fucking eager Greeks. Oh, yeah. The Greeks loved it.

Yo, if you're a Greek and you own a diner, you're a big Mr. Panos fan from the past. First of all, we still got that merch up. Mr. Panos, Marisa merch, Mr. Panos merch. You can find that. Just Google it. Just fucking Google it. And then we got Long Day's merch coming soon. But if you want uh are there

any baby socrates statues left custom order custom order hit them up on the gram you know what we're fucking gen zers hit us up in the gram and get and we don't take any offers unless you got face tattoos and if you don't have a tiktok my friend yo if you don't fucking follow my boy drew underscore films okay drew films drew underscore if you don't fucking follow my boy Drew underscore films, okay? Drew films? Drew underscore films. If you don't follow him, dog, and tell him that his fucking $1,300 Giorgio Barbucci shorts ain't the shit. What was it?

You came in here with $1,300 sneakers the other day. Balenciaga. You got some Balenciagos. No, I'm into sneakers, but I never heard of those. What are they? Balenciagos? Balenciaga. Balenciagos. No, I'm into sneakers, but I never heard of those. What are they? Balencianos? Balenciaga.

Balenciaga. He came in with some Balenciagas. So, yo, I mean, you better be careful. Let me tell you something, Drew. You grew up in a safe New York,

but I think it's turning into the New York we grew up in. If you wear those Balenciagos, dog, you may walk home in socks one night. That happened to me one night. I walked home in socks in snowy, icy weather. They took the Timberlands off my feet and $60 out of my bus pass.

Okay? I got my basketball trophy stolen when I was 11 by a kid who told me, I said, what are you going to do with my basketball trophy? He said, I'm going to give it to my girl. I said, yo, it's not gold. It's plastic that's painted yellow. He said, still, I'm going to give it to my girl. I'm, yo, it's not gold. It's plastic that's painted yellow. He said, still, I'm going to give it to my girl. I'm like, you're not on the team.

You didn't accomplish this. He's like, it's still a nice present for my girl. Up the trophy. So I gave an 11-year-old my fucking MVP trophy. And that's how New York used to be. So, yeah, I remember that cold night. I walked home in socks. What year?

Yeah, when you try to avoid puddles. You try to avoid puddles to protect your sneakers. Try avoiding puddles because you don't want your socks to get any more soaked. Oh, it's so demoralizing. Yeah, and then when someone sees you, they know it. They know it. Back in the day, if someone saw you walking home with socks, they knew what was going on.

No woman stopped and said, are you okay? Are you homeless? They knew. If you were a kid walking they're like i just probably got probably lost his hat too you got got yeah i mean yo dudes used to go shopping on you yeah it's a good line i mean dudes would just see you and they looked at you like a store and they just went they just came over he's like yo dude i'm sorry don't mind me pa i'm just shopping right here let me get those nines let me get that fucking white yankee hat and that

nautica i'll take it thank you very much thank you very much yeah and can i return them if it's not my girl size i appreciate you dog and up the trophy if you kept that hat for more than a month if you kept that more if you kept a hat for more than a month in brooklyn in the 80s you either knew jujitsu or you bit