Yannis Pappas Hour - Jokes are Attacks

Episode Date: October 24, 2021

America is under attack by Dave Chapelle and comedy. Rachel Levine has become the first four star female Admiral, it’s one small step for females, one giant leap for funny. Rudy Giuliani is on Cameo and for hire because he’s got bigly legal trouble, China has alien technology and Squid Game is a documentary about North Korea. It’s a wasdadealis week, pumpkins. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/yannilongdaysSponsors: Candid https://go.candidco.com/lp/audio/fumes?utm_source=VT&utm_medium=POD&utm_campaign=GROW_XX_SK_SS_PR_XXX_XX_VR_XX&utm_term=XX_US048S_XX_XX_XX_XX_XX_FUMES&utm_content=XX_XX_XX_XX_XX_POD60&auto_apply_promo_code=FUMESHello Freshhttps://www.hellofresh.com/pages/podcast?c=longdays14&utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=cpm&utm_campaign=4020201510podcast&utm_content=longdays14&dm=meals&featured=family&mealsize=3-4Quiphttps://www.getquip.com/affiliate?affiliate=fumes&utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=sponsor&utm_campaign=longdays_with_yannis_pappasThe show goes out every Saturday night to youtube and podcast audio platforms but while it's being recorded the show goes LIVE on Yannis' Instagram!Come join in on the LONG DAY & Follow Yannis PappasInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappasWebsite - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I want to sex you up, TikTok you don't stop, TikTok you don't stop, I want to sex you up, TikTok you don't stop, TikTok you don't stop. It's Yanni P and welcome to another episode of your weekly long day. That is what you call an oxymoron because weeks have seven days, but now my weeks are called days because it's International Pronoun Day and it's time to celebrate. Shout out your pronouns and shout them out loud and proud. Mine are hee-haw. What's up, Tullius? What a week we have. Mark Zuckerberg under fire.

Facebook got sued $14 million for knowingly being involved with AstraZeneca's collecting of our information. I don't care, AstraZeneca. Figure me out, baby. I don't care. What else is going on? China secretly launched some type of hyper-technological missile that caught US intelligence by surprise, and they are worried that we're in an arms race. Good thing you just woke up, baby, because the alarm clock's been going on and it's in Chinese. It's Squid Games 24-7. I know it's Korean, but for the sake of the joke, they're all from the East and the language sounds the same. So welcome to a new world where China

has been fucking arming up, baby. They're getting getting ready China's arming up like a high school white suburban shooter getting ready to approach a middle school good thing we're getting ready maybe we should arm our security guards and by security guards I mean some of our new members of the military who are trans and congratulations to Dr. Rachel Levine, the first female four-star admiral in our public health service. I didn't even know what that was before this, but I am going to do this whole episode in TikTok dance. Party in the ghetto, in the ghetto. We got a lot going on. There's some mercenaries who were kidnapped in Haiti. That's kind of on the tourist brochure. When you go to Haiti,

some of the things you can check out are being kidnapped. So good luck to those 16 Americans and one Canadian who will never be heard from again. Condoleezza Rice was on The View. Lots of drama, lots of drama. Girl fight. Girl fight. What's all the laws? Rudy Giuliani posted a video in Abraham Lincoln face. Kid's got legal troubles. Please go order a cameo from him now because he has cameo and there's nothing funnier than a cameo from Rudy Giuliani who's doing cameos so

he can raise money for his defense because Donald Trump hasn't given him a penny and has left him out to dry. What's the deal is pig organs are being used possibly in the first transplant that ever happened on a human. They used a cadaver. They took a kidney from a pig, a manipulated pig, genetically manipulated, so they didn't have that sugar problem, and it worked. So, fucking eat those steaks, baby. Eat those burgers, baby. Drink that alcohol, baby. If those organs fail, you can get a fucking cop's kidney. What a weekend. I don't mean to call cops pigs, but the joke was there and I took it.

I know it was an attack. I just launched an attack on cops. If cops were the sensitive group that the trans community is right now, Cops were the sensitive group that the trans community is right now. George Takai, the great social commentator, who otherwise is known as some guy on Star Trek, the Asian guy on Star Trek. By the way, Star Trek was ahead of the curve on the diversity scale.

Right, Jess? They had Senator O'Hara on there, right? She was the hot black chick, Pato Roma. Then we had Captain Kirk, and we had a fucking Vulcan on there. Talk about diversity. And you had an Asian guy, okay? Back in the days where there were no Asian guys. There was only Jerry Lee Lewis

in big glasses and buck teeth. So shout out to George Katai, who is what you call a three dollar bill the kid loves men and uh he called dave chappelle special an attack it was an attack um i agree it was like a supersonic missile that circled the atmosphere and landed 12 miles off its mark surprising chinese intelligence it was an attack so i'm sorry i just launched that attack against police by calling them pigs in that joke in the opening um i've put myself on notice and put myself on notice i put myself on notice i put myself on notice um november 4th i will be in bal in Baltimore with the great Sergio Chicone and Jared Harvin.

So get your tickets. Also a whole bunch of new dates just went up. Phoenix, Tampa, etc. I'm in Canada. GiannisPappasComedy.com for tickets. And please, everybody, I've been shadowbanned on Instagram. If you like this comedy, go to

Patreon.com slash GianniLongDays and join for a bonus episode and other content. Support the show. It's important. Be proactive about the type of comedy you still want to exist in this world because this is being considered an attack. Also, please, on iTunes, go and rate and review the podcast. It pushes it up the rankings. Tell your

friends, join the clips page on YouTube as well. Make sure you're subscribed on YouTube. It's a fun show to watch. Who doesn't want to see my beautiful face? My eyes are so close. They'll make you think about how you wish your family was closer this Thanksgiving. If you're in a fight with your family, think of my eyes and get closer. Dave Chappelle. So the trans, and also we have, of course, Comet Roulette right now, the great king of the Comet Roulette chat. Jared Harvard's in here. Sergio checked in in between boxing sessions in the middle of some park

or under a bridge or in a taxi cab or on top of a roof or wherever his gym is this week. Could be on a boat, could be on the ferry. I mean, he will train you anywhere. Just hit up Sergio Chico and he will come train you in your bathtub, your bathroom, in your basement. He'll train you in somebody else's hair. He's available to train you anywhere. I mean,

anytime I go to Sergio Chacon stories, there's somebody hitting mitts and it's in a strange location. So he's doing what he can. Also, he prefers cash to avoid taxes because that's what we all like to do. So don't hit him in the Venmo. Pay him in Bitcoin. Even though Sergio does not understand Bitcoin, he's got a new boxing podcast. Check it out. Sergio, no job, Chacon, somebody said. Now, Sergio is a very successful boxing trainer. If you're in the New York area, go join. He's the best trainer out there and a very hilarious comedian. As you know, he'll be with me on November 4th, which is going to be a fun time for the three of us, unless I get pulled over. And then I will have a black and essentially a Puerto Rican and a half in the car.

So there's a good chance we're all going downtown in Baltimore while we're passing Baltimore to go to Timonium, which is, I guess, the suburb of Baltimore, somewhere outside of the wire. I will be transporting minorities across state lines for my show on November 4th. So it will be fun, but it also proves that I'm a fucking diversity person first. So happy pronouns day. Pick your pronouns, say them loud and proud. Okay. And until we see these new movie ideas that i've been coming up with okay until we see the social uh hall of justice movie called resist with spider person and wonder woman's

daughter who uh identifies as a her they um versus some of the special villains we'll have like the Triggerer, like the special villain called A White Man and his sidekick Karen. And my favorite villain, the Misgenderer. So I would love to see

that Hall of Justice movie be made. Somebody, Ark707, without a profile. You know when there's not a profile pic that the comments are going to be, could get you demonetized. So he calls George

the quote unquote Taiwanese twink freak to Kai. So I shouldn't have read it, but I did. Somebody's pronouns, the star spangled kid, says his pronouns are fuzzy muzzy. So it's what it is. It's Greek. It's pronoun day. So go for it, guys.

A body was found believed to be the squeak brain laundry just now. Oh, they found him. So he's dead. Oh, they found him. So he's dead. Oh, big fucking mystery. I bet you he was in a national park and hopefully he got eaten by bears. So Dr. Rachel Levine, the New York Times tweeted out an article

and in their tweet they said, the first, the first female four-star admirable, admirable, admiral of the public health service. And Twitter went ablaze with memes and comments, and it was ratioed pretty much one way, and that way, And it was pretty, it was ratioed pretty much one way.

And that way, one way was jokes about Dr. Rachel Levine being female. One of them was Homer Simpson in a dress twirling, which you know how a lot of times people animate, you know, there's a thing you can animate yourself and turn yourself into a Simpson. If you did the reverse and took Homer Simpson and

humanized him, anthropomorphized him, if you will, he would look a little like Dr. Rachel Levine. That's just what I'm seeing with my eyes. So Dr. Rachel Levine is a trans woman. And you know that because of eyesight. So if you can use your eyes, you can see that this is a trans woman. A woman, and what that means is a woman, what's the best way to say this? My nose is itching today. I must be allergic to myself.

She is. Somebody else said, it looks like Will Ferrell in a wig. Now, are you allowed to make those jokes? Who knows? It would be great if she had a sense of humor about it, but she probably doesn't. And Rachel Levine was a trans woman, is a trans woman, meaning at some point before she started taking hormone blockers and estrogen, before she started taking hormone blockers and estrogen with the help of science to fix that shit,

she was allowed to play pick up ball with the boys. This is what I'm saying. So a lot of people on Twitter had a lot of fun. I think that's the best way is have some fun with it. Here she is. One great step forward for women one great leap forward for funny

what can you do I mean she's a handsome woman so the article of course called her transgender She's a handsome woman. So, the article, of course, called her transgender and everything, but whoever runs the Twitter account of New York Times,

and I don't know if you know, like all the Twitter accounts are people, for all these companies, are run by like 20-year-old kids, right? Because old people just don't understand the internet at all. They don't know what's going on.

So they hire these young Gen Z people. And they handle the Twitter accounts. So the New York Times tweeted, quote. Oh, that's not it. Yeah, just New York Times. You can go to my Twitter and find it. They basically quoted first female four-star admiral. And there was a lot of women in the comments underneath.

And you can go read the comments and have fun with them, but there's a lot of women in there going, this does nothing for women. And I disagree. I disagree. I think what it does for women is it shows that, first of all, being a woman isn't all that you thought. You used to think getting your period and having a womb made you a woman.

But you know what makes you a woman? Whoever tweets you are a woman. I joke. She's a trans woman. I don't understand what's so wrong with, why is it not good enough? Why is not the acceptance of trans women good enough? What's so wrong? Like what is so wrong? You know who makes the best argument that there's something wrong with trans women is trans activists who insist on saying, call me. I'm just a woman. Don't say, I'm a woman, I'm a woman, I'm a woman.

You're going like, but then if you're a woman, what's my wife? And you're like, she's also a woman. You're going, okay. Well, is there any difference? They're going, there's no fucking difference. You're going like, okay.

One of them doesn't need to fucking stick a needle in their arm like they're Jose Canseco every week. And she can make a baby and the other one still has a piece. So can we at least acknowledge some variation amongst women and call her a trans woman?

Because we all know it's a trans woman and I think everyone is okay with calling her her, but to say in the tweet that Rachel Levine was sworn in as the first female four-star admirable. This is the New York Times. This is the New York Times.

Not the Onion. This is the New York Times tweeting, Rachel Levine was sworn in as the first female four-star admiral in history and you look at the picture and you go everyone's going like is that the first female four-star admiral can we do first female with an asterisk on it like a rod's stats how about we just do that like barry bonds holds the home run record but when there's an asterisk next to it because he was taking shots can't we just do the same thing with female trans champions like this just a little asterix so that was what it'll be it'll be female with an asterisk so it'll be like a bobby it'll i'm sorry it'll be. It'll be female with an asterisk. So it'll be like a Bobby. I'm sorry.

It'll be like a Barry Bonds. Did I say Bobby Bonilla who's still getting paid by the Mets? It'll be like a Barry Bonds stat. It's like he did hit those home runs. Technically, you can get a blowjob from this woman and I don't think it's gay. So just put an asterisk next to it. She is a woman. She's a trans woman.

She's a trans woman. She is a woman. She's a trans woman. She's a trans woman. I will be demonetized from this very funny, very reasonable, disarming rant because trans people are beautiful.

I say it every week. Gotta have a character that's one. I find a lot of trans women very attractive. They're beautiful. They don't deserve discrimination. But everyone needs to be joked about. Nobody can take themselves too seriously. Because it seems like those people you can't joke about

don't want equal treatment. They want special treatment. They want to be above. Okay? Because who traditionally can't you joke about? Kings, queens, priests, things like that. People in power. So if trans people want true equality,

they should welcome jokes. Dave Chappelle's special. I think this is the second week we're talking about, but it's just like, as always in America, it's the biggest story. Meanwhile, in China,

they launched some supersonic fucking missile without our intelligence even knowing. We got caught by surprise, which is wild that our intelligence is so bad now that we're not even on top of that. But, you know,

it's, it's a headline here that the trans workers at Netflix are going to be staging a walkout in protest of Dave Chappelle's attack. And the CEO of Netflix has, he has reconsidered his position already. So I don't know

if people really believe that he genuinely believes that or if he's been bullied into pulling back his position because he's changed his position now. And he says that he misspoke. He acknowledges words are violence. Dave Chappelle's special was a violent attack

on the trans community. But I don't think he's pulling the special. So yeah, he says his stance on this Dave Chappelle special hasn't changed, but he screwed up his message to staff ahead of their planned walkout. So whatever he's saying, you can make sure he didn't meet with any of his lawyers or publicists or PR reps and didn't change his opinion. You can assume that his, whatever you hear him saying,

is his true, genuine thoughts from his heart. The Dave Chappelle special is like still top 10 in the country, which lets you know only a minority of the people in this country enjoy Dave Chappelle. Only just a few. Not many people in this country share his views, and not many in this country are scared to say it because they will have their private emails read. Anyway, do comedians get their spots axed if they admit that Dave Chappelle's special was shit? That's Dee Donnelly.

You know, was it shit? Dave Ch Donnelly. You know, was it shit? Dave Chappelle, here's the thing, which you may not know. You got hacks. Okay, most people have no sophistication. That's why

when they go to a restaurant, they can't tell the difference between Applebee's and fucking some great Italian restaurant like El Molino in New York. They don't know the difference. If they experience El Molino, they might be able to tell, but they don't.

Most of people, most of people, most of people lack a sophistication. So they don't know what Chappelle was doing there. It was very funny, just not like bang, bang, bang, hack funny. Hacks are very funny. Hacks are very funny, but they're called hacks, especially by insiders who are comedians, because we know the degree of difficulty is very low. It's like watching a skateboarder just ollie, right? You get graded on degree of difficulty. So Chappelle is past that point of just going up there and crushing, crushing,

crushing. Everyone knows he can do it. Everyone knows how funny he is. And he's past that point in his artistic development. Now he wants to say something. Now he wants to take the hot button full of shit issues of the day and play around with them. That's what comedians do. They keep everyone honest. That's what the court jester's purpose was in the king's court. If you had a wise king, he wanted a jester there because kings knew

that obsequiousness gets smarter. Obsequiousness isn't loyalty. It is deception. Okay? Sometimes when you disagree with the king you're being loyal to him and the only person

who has the balls to disagree with power structures or powerful people is comedians because we're fucking rebels and we're sigma males the good ones are and we just sugar coat it

we go hey I'm gonna dance while I do it party in the ghetto you're full of shit in the ghetto party in the ghetto trans women aren full of shit in the ghetto. Party in the ghetto. Trans women aren't women.

They're trans women. A trans woman is a trans woman and a woman is a woman. Party in the ghetto. We in the... See, we just... We sugarcoat it with charisma. But generally, comedians sugarcoat the truth. It's like having a children's vitamin. It fixes... It's good for you, but we put

a little sugar on it so you take it down because you're unsophisticated, barely sliding into human chimps. That's most of us. Our public education system in America is a failure. I'm talking to my own fan base. You guys are chimps because I am. I am. I'm a C minus D student. I'm a chimp. I do this for a living. I'm not an engineer. I don't fucking know anything about virology. I'm not a doctor.

I'm not even a fucking chiropractor. So for me to pretend like I know what's going on, I don't. I entertain. I read the news, and I'm trying to be entertaining whoever's listening to this and going yannis is a philosopher if i'm your philosopher you're here barely sliding into human chimp i'm talking about play at the plate they have to review it and you're just getting a pinky under the tag human you're a bonobo chimp omar as well says ivermectin monkeys which is very funny it's the same reason shows like Big Bang Theory were number one for 10 years. People like cheap, safe laughs.

That is exactly true. And so what Dave Chappelle was doing is a higher degree of difficulty that even if the general population can't understand, which apparently they can because his special is extremely popular. And it was even before the controversy really kicked in because he's a very talented comedian. So hacks have no degree of difficulty. They go for the lowest common denominator, you know, like the easy jokes. You know those comedians and some of them are very, very funny. Hacks are not not funny. You know what I'm saying? You don't go to a Jeff Dunham concert and not crack up. Jeff Dunham doesn't not kill. He fucking crushes. Okay? Any hack you can think of, you know, they crush.

And I don't even consider Jeff Dunham a hack because he can fucking, he's got a skill. He can do puppets and shit. I can't do that. It's a skill. There's a lot of the hacks you know who go out there and they're fun and they throw a party but there's nothing behind it. And that's fine too. It's entertainment. But Dave Chappelle is not just an entertainer.

He is more Chaucerian in spirit. Chaucer, Jeffrey Chaucer, get smarter. I was about to say a joke but I'm not gonna. What can I say?

This ain't whatever podcast you think it is, which is a little lighter on substance. Jeffrey Chaucer came up with the best definition of art I've ever heard. It is instruction and delight. Okay? I love that. What is art? It's instruction and delight. Okay. I love that. What is art? It's instruction and delight.

You know, when you watch something and you're just delighted, that's entertainment. When you watch something and you're just instructed, that's a lecture. When you combine those two, what you're watching is art. So people with a little bit more of a sophisticated palate, a little bit, people who read a little bit more, who don't just mindlessly have a molested glow on their face and just scroll TikTok for four hours like I do, appreciate the Dave Chappelle special. And the controversy it stirs up is needed. It's needed. Those discussions are needed. Reality always needs to be defended because once you start compromising what reality is, once you cannot agree on what reality is, objective reality is no longer discernible,

then we are vulnerable. If we can't agree on reality, we are vulnerable for a strong man to come in and impose one on us. If you look through history. So that's probably what will happen next in America. There'll be some dictator who will come through and he'll impose his version of reality on us. And we will accept it. The majority will accept it because of fear and also just exhaustion from irrationality. People will just be so tired of the irrational bullshit

that they'll just go, as long as you can shut these people up, we don't care what you're doing. Throw them in fucking camps. We don't give a shit because your extreme behavior creates reactionaries. Okay?

You don't do any services to your cause by protesting Dave Chappelle's special or, you know, calling J.K. Rowling's a turf because she believes women who were born women should only compete with women who were born women. So that makes her some sort of monster like fucking Stalin.

You don't do yourself any service because that's an unreasonable position. What do I know though? Jay Harvin 15 15 when Giannis says get smarter it sounds like what a trans person would say to someone

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And so I just want to give a shout out to all the people who have no vaccinated immunity or natural immunity and who are just nice, warm, cozy hosts for the virus to replicate in. So shout out to you, much respect. The cases in England have skyrocketed with this variant

and now the variant's been detected in the United States because some fucking Brit on holiday went to Miami and decided to bang a Brazilian hooker and then of course she banged some fucking other guys and whatever. Okay, you don't get it that way, but you know what I'm talking about. Everyone in Miami's banging everybody.

The place smells like glorious Defon's Pus Pus. It's a sex town. So we'll probably have another spike coming up and you people who want an end to mandates and an end to the pandemic, thank you for contributing for it to continue. Coming up, and you people who want an end to mandates and an end to the pandemic, thank you for contributing for it to continue.

It is what it is, okay? And I get it. How can you tell a population that the vaccine is not as dangerous as the virus when in the same breath you're saying this is the first female four-star admirable of the public health service how can you do how can you in the same you're looking the same people in the eye you're looking the same people in the eye okay and you're saying these things you're saying that this this weightlifter you're looking at people in the eye and this weightlifter who was a man who was a man a male weightlifter like a year or two before then gets to he can't fucking hold a candle next to male weightlifters. He's like middle of the back or below. But then he transitions in a year, in one year,

and competes against biological women in the Olympics. And you're looking at those people and saying, that's correct. And then you're also saying, we also want to try to convince you to take the vaccine. And then you wonder why they don't believe you. People are stupid, but they ain't that stupid. There she is. Look at her. Miss America.

You're not helping your cause. But what do I know? What do I know? I'm just a Greco-Roman wrestler trying to convince you to join my Patreon at patreon.com slash yannilongdays because this episode will get me in trouble. So please, patreon.com slash yannilongdays

so I can continue to joke freely. We're getting to that point where you can't joke freely. You have to watch what you say with jokes, which don't get me wrong, makes it funner. I mean, being a comedian is not fun. If you're the class clown, it's not fun if you think, if the teacher likes what you're doing, you're going, what's the point of this? But when you get to be a little naughty, a little rascal, I like being a rascal. Call me Rascal Pappas. Cyclox, Colt, where are you at? So it's International Pronouns Day, a day that, you know, the global population voted on and is happy is here i don't know where that came i don't

know how that holiday came about but it's international pronouns day so celebrate say your pronouns loud and proud z zam zipper zap poopy doopy yappy poppy kooka they there it whatever you identify as i bet you there's some sadomasochistic guy who goes to like dominatrices and he just he loves it

because his new pronoun is it call me thing degrade me shit on me shit on it and he gets hard every time he hears it the human brain is very fun

more fun than learning about the universe so Candelisa Rice went on The View which is I think one of the most sophisticated platforms for political dialogue and it was very controversial she said we have to get back to these

kitchen table issues and what I liked was when she said they got into a fight with the other girl who's on there I don't know her name because I don't watch The View and what I liked was when she said they got into a she got into a fight with the other girl who's on there I don't know her name because I don't watch The View

she got into a fight with another girl because the other girl was like let's talk about January 6th fucking you know this president blah blah blah

and Condoleezza Rice was like I already said it was wrong but our institutions prevailed they must prevail rule of law must prevail but my favorite part is when she goes

you know I'm an expert in political science I'm a political scientist she's like and I always thought I would see something like this in the countries I studied and not the country I live in

talking about the insurrection at the Capitol but then she said and this is I quote the one thing I didn't foresee was the rise of China talking about the insurrection at the Capitol. But then she said, and this is, I quote, the one thing I didn't foresee was the rise of China. So what were you watching? What show were you watching?

That also shows that people who are in power in the know are a little concerned. It's not just the Long Days podcast who's getting concerned now about China. And you know who else was concerned about China? This guy. According to him, it's China. So that could be a, the only thing that may unify us

is if people just, everyone starts getting concerned about China. The woman was like, you know, she was like, but wait a second. And I agree with the woman, whatever her name was,

whatever her, who she got into an argument was, where she goes, but let, you know, I'm concerned when 80% of Republicans, because you know, Condoleezza Rice was like, I don't want to run again.

I don't want, I don't want to see Donald Trump run again. She didn't say it, but she wasezza Rice was like, I don't want to run again. I don't want to see Donald Trump run again. She didn't say it, but she was implying it by saying, the people who've already been in there, I don't want to see them in office again. I want to see a new generation take it up from my party, et cetera. And then her name is Rice. She's on The View, apparently. She said, and this was a point that I give her credit for. She says, when you have 80% of the Republicans wanting to see Trump run in 2024, and Rice said, and that's a fact.

You know, right now they just did a poll and I saw that him and Biden are dead even. This is a twice impeached president who has created this false reality that he won the election, which he did not, okay? But, and you can hate me all you want for that. I don't know, fucking stop following me.

You think I give a shit. It's like, whatever. You wanna play, you can like Trump, but let's not not like reality. He didn't win. By all accounts, he didn't win. And Condoleezza Rice, because she was trying to ignore the point and trying to say that that's not true, said, I don't believe that.

I'm a political scientist. Unless I can see the questions that were actually given in the poll, unless I can see the assumptions that were put in the poll, I'm not going to take for granted that that poll was great. So that was her way of saying, I'm out of touch. That's her way of saying, we've lost our party. And I can't say it. Because Donny T's popularity is as high as it's ever been.

God, my nose is itching. I don't do blow. Jay Harden, 15. Condoleezza Rice got in a fight and she had to be separated to about the same distance as the gap in her teeth. Yeah.

If Condoleezza Rice had my eyes and I had her teeth, we could be on the cover of Mad Magazine. We could be the first interracial Alfred E. Newman head. Somebody's got a real question and it's the very funny Mark Palmieri.

He says, cuz, real question, does Condoleezza Rice got a deep fake? Meaning a deep fake porno. I don't know. I don't know, Mark. I don't know. Live update.

They found Brian Landry. Oh, wait a second. She does have a deep fake. She does have a deep fake. Mark Plumeri? Why is my nose itching? She does have a deep fake. Mark Palmieri? Why is my nose itching? She has a deep fake and it's very real. Yeah, she has a deep fake.

And let's just put it this way. Her deep fake looks like an after-hours strip club you would go to deep in East New York where you would see a lot of Hasidic Jews there. If you're not familiar with Brooklyn, you don't know what I'm talking about. But if you are from this area, you might know what I'm talking about if you've been to one of those strip clubs like I have been. Not trying to brag, but you'll always see a couple of Hasidic Jews sneaking out of the community in there. Oh, God.

Condoleezza Rice does have a deep fake and I'm crying laughing. So that was a little drama on The View. Condoleezza Rice was on there. It went fun. It went just like the story editors wanted to go. Drama, drama, drama. Mark Zuckerberg is, somebody's called her gonorrhea rice. Her deep fake smells like gonorrhea rice.

So there we go. Thank you, Ark707. Your nose itches when people are masturbating to your likeness common knowledge thank you funk master teabag um fuck marry kill AOC

Michelle Obama Condoleezza Rice I am going to marry Michelle Obama for the conversation I'm gonna fuck the shit out of Condoleezza Rice no I'm sorry

shit I am gonna marry Michelle Obama I'm going to fuck the shit out of Condoleezza Rice. No, I'm sorry. Shit. I am going to marry Michelle Obama. I'm going to fuck the shit out of her. And I am going to kill Condoleezza Rice. Sorry, babe. I'll be able to masturbate to your deep fakes though. So you're not totally out of the equation. Jay Harman 15, she has a deep fake and she doesn't have a bush because she had one for about four years. There comes the king, baby.

There comes the king. No bush because she was working for one. It's Mark Zuckerberg. Big trouble. He's being sued, civil suit, because of his confirmed,

allegedly confirmed prior knowledge of AstraZeneca stealing all of our data. They're basically saying that he knew, he let it happen, and I think he's getting sued for 14 million or some, which for him, what do you think 14 million is to Zuckerberg? Is that like pulling a 20 out

and tipping a fucking bus boy? It's like pulling a 20 out when your car pulls around for Mark Zuckey. AstraZeneca collected the data of millions of people and Facebook sold the data to astrazeneca for money what do you got speaking to the mic yeah what's it called cambridge analytica cambridge analytica what's astrazeneca that's it that's the vaccine. I am not a real doctor. I just play one on my show. Come on, man.

So I'm not a real newscaster. I just identify as one. Come on, man. So it's not AstraZeneca. It's Cambridge Analytica. But why do they all have these difficult names? I always am suspicious of anything that they make a difficult name because that's their way of like staying out of people's mouths.

You know what I mean? That's why if you're a good criminal, name yourself something crazy. Because if your name is like John Simpson or something like that, it's very easy for people to remember. But if your name is like Barretta Tappaxita Ussinitikata, then like people are, you can hide for a while. I feel that way about pharmaceuticals. Like have you ever heard of one pill that's easy to pronounce? They're all in the pharmaceutical companies. AstraZeneca.

Have you taken a Pharmabimitol? You know, that's for seizures. Pharmabimitol. All these names, like you can pull up all these names for pills and they're very hard to remember because they don't want you to be able to make it for free. They want you to pay for it big time or whatever.

Jay Harden 15. We're at the point where I can't tell if something is a new medicine or a new cheese. That is correct. Bri with a Y says blue chew is the only pill I can pronounce. They made that one real easy. Blue chew. So Zucky is getting sued for that. Kid was like, he was trying to make a little money. The kid, he was trying to make a little money.

So what can you do, Zuck? Good luck. Good luck, Zuck. Cambridge Analytica, they stole all of our info, right? The evidence further demonstrates that Mark Zuckerberg also participated in misleading the public and government officials about Facebook's role under these circumstances. Mr. Zuckerberg should be held liable for his involvement in the decision

that enabled the exposure of millions of users' data. Now, this is why this is significant, because this is the first time that Mark Zuckerberg has been implicated himself by name. And of course, Facebook released a genuine, heartfelt statement that they were just paying the $14 million

to stop the endless litigation, which is always a good way to just say I'm guilty. You know? I just don't want to deal with the litigation. When Michael Jackson settled out of court, he said, I just can't deal with these legal fees.

It's like, sure you can, just do one concert in Germany and you'll make, they love Michael Jackson over there. And you'll be able to pay for your legal defense of treating kids like candy. So, Rudy Giuliani, why is Rudy Giuliani in trouble? Everyone wants to know what, what, what did the great mayor, America's mayor, why is he in so much trouble? He's in big time trouble.

He's got legal troubles. He's has, he's had his license suspended in New York and DC. He's got a criminal probe happening right now and civil suits. Um, he also, uh, has to deal with the disbarment proceeding. happening right now and civil suits. He also has to deal with the disbarment proceeding to be disbarred, to not be able to ever practice law again. And so what do you do when you're in such hot water? You do this.

Let's watch it. Because this is what the Chinese see when they check out our news outlets to see what our leaders are doing. They're doing a little TikTok filter action. Virginia, vote against the man who dishonored our past

by selling my bedroom hundreds and hundreds of times to scoundrels in a pay for play scheme in my time we had a name for men who sold bedrooms for one night in your time the name is terry mccullough and the clinton flees once and for all. Okay, now, I don't know if Rudy Giuliani was available when Steven Spielberg made Lincoln, but I think that's a pretty, that's more of a dead-on Lincoln than Daniel Day-Lewis. What you're watching is a man who's lost his mind.

So I would like to amend my TV show idea. We're going to put them in what we call the Yanni Long Day's Loony Bin. Demi Lovato, Britney Spears, and Rudy Giuliani roll cameras. It's a special episode

of Deadliest Catch. What he's referring to is the gubernatorial candidate in Virginia who is, in the progressives' eyes, a old school moderate Democrat, which basically means Nazi, that he is railing against. So he wants you to vote for whoever the Republican nominee is in that governor's race in Virginia. And I think he did Abraham Lincoln's image a great service there.

Why he chose to do this, perhaps this was a cameo that someone paid for, and he just liked it so much that he posted it. Rudy Giuliani is on Cameo. So you can order a Cameo from me or you can order a Cameo from former presidential candidate, former mayor of New York City, Rudy Giuliani. Former private attorney to the president,

Rudolph Giuliani, who's in deep water with his criminal probe for his connections to Lou Parnas and Igor Fruman, who are Ukrainian and Soviet-born people who are linked to illegal campaign donations

from a foreign government. Goddamn, my nose. So, From a foreign government. God damn my nose. So. Does somebody want to start a Kickstarter for Rudy? Because I don't know if Cameo is going to cut it. I don't know if he's got enough filters. But I may order a Cameo from Rudy. Ark707 says.

Welcome to Rudy G's. Where the only theory we are critical of is the theory that I enacted the January 6th storm of the Capitol JayHarvin15 he's in deep water

and that water is murky because the makeup of his face is coming off very true that's why it's murky waters for Rudy G who's been abandoned

by the president the president is not helping him with his defense, and there's rumors that he might flip on the president because of the pressure in the criminal probe. We'll find out. We will find out. Fox News told him that he had

been banned from appearing on the network. That's how bad it has gotten. When you get banned from Fox, you did something. You did something, baby. Wow. So he's in hot water for claiming that two,

oh yeah, okay, this is what I like. This is the part I like, because this is what you have to do. You got to sue. So Giuliani helped land Fox in hot water for claiming that two election technology companies that helped rig the election in favor of Joe Biden, Dominion Voting Symptoms and Smartmatic

were involved in throwing the election for Biden. So what Dominion did and Smartmatic has done, and we've said it on the pocket before many episodes ago, is they're suing. So Fox is fucked. And Newsmax is fucked, because now they got to prove it in court. They're being sued for liable for millions of dollars. So Rudy Giuliani got Fox in a lot of trouble. So just go get your personalized video greeting from Rudy Giuliani before he's behind bars. That will not be a filter when the bars are in front of him. So,

what a fucking fall from grace. God, this week, there's always a theme. You know, it's like Mark Zuckerberg, Rudy Giuliani, falling from grace. So,

that's what it is right now with Rudy. And, we lost Colin Powell, we lost Colin Powell this weekend, to depending on what news you read, if you read right wing outlets, he died from the COVID vaccine, and if you read left-wing Outlets, he was an 84-year-old man who had a grave illness and his breakthrough infection was too much

for his system to handle. He was 84 and he did have, what was his condition that he had? So let's look at some of these headlines. They're pretty funny because you can just tell the political divide in the headlines. Yeah, so even CNN, let's see what their headline is. Colin Powell, if you scroll up, Colin Powell, first black US Secretary of State, dies of COVID-19 amid cancer battle. So that is, I have to give

credit to CNN, that's an accurate, that would be an accurate, full representation of what was going on. The kid had cancer. So COVID threw him over the top. And then if you go, why don't we go to Newsmax, Colin Powell? Let's see what Newsmax is kicking up. Let's see what kind of dirt they're kicking up. Coffee and Cats wants us to know that Colin Powell didn't eat enough kale. So Newsmax on Colin Powell. Let's just take a little gander. Colin Powell, did they even report on it? Are they too scared to get sued even more?

Newsmax may be out of business from these voting machine. They're getting sued for a lot of money and there's no way they're not going to lose that case because they were taught, they were really slandering Dominion.

So I don't know. Or Fox, you know, because there was a bunch of headlines that saying, you know, the vaccine, you know,

the vaccines don't work, whatever. So rest in peace to Colin Powell, great African-American member of the Washington establishment for many, many years who did tell us there was weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. I think I do remember that. So that was one thing.

Let's see. Jesse will search for it because it's fun. Who are we looking at now? This is just an article that's... Putting it all together? Oh, let's see. Wait. So what did Tucker say?

None of the Fox News hosts mentioned the fact that 90% of Fox Corporation employees are vaccinated or the fact that unvaccinated Fox employees must submit to daily COVID tests, whatever. You get it. There was other articles out there that just said he died of COVID. They didn't mention that he was also

an 84-year-old battling cancer. So rest in peace to Colin Powell. Colin Powell. Colin Powell. And also rest in peace, I hate to say this, to the 17 mercenaries

who were kidnapped in Haiti. Good luck getting the government's attention right now. Imagine government's attention right now imagine calling joe biden right now and saying hey we got 16 christian missionaries in haiti i think they're demanding 1 million dollars per christian missionary the united states does not have any money right now. So that's like a crackhead. You're going to hit up your mom and you're like, yo, mom, I got a job.

I just need, you're like a crackhead gambler and you go to your mom's house. You're like, yo, mom, just give me a $100 loan. I'm telling you, I got a job. I'll be able to pay you back in three days. And your mom just goes, son, I'm out of money right now, okay? I gave it all to your Chinese father.

I just said he was Chinese because I wanted to diversify the family. No other reason. No strings attached. Just a diversified family in that example. So this gang has kidnapped US missionaries in Haiti. 17, 16, like I said, American one. One Canadian, which is like a practice American, you know, that's like a division three American. Who's worth more on the market?

You know, it's like when you go to these markets, it's very, it's very interesting. Like Patrice O'Neill was very correct about how much a missing white woman's worth. We can see that by how this chick is still making headlines. We're still searching for a killer, even though we know he's dead. He's dead now. We found he's dead. I found out live, he's dead. You know how many probably like black, Hispanic, whatever people go missing every year. And like they, it doesn't make natural headlines. So we know how much a white woman is worth missing. We also know how much a white adopted baby's worth.

Woo, that's top of the market, baby. If you want to adopt a white baby, you don't see any white babies adopted to poor families. There's not many white babies who go to poor families you gotta have a lot of money to get one of those top of the market

now let's find out how much a Christian missionary is worth what were their races let's find out we can't but Christian missionaries missing are kidnapped

are they as much are they worth as much as British civilians or journalists? Because I'll tell you how it ends for a couple of journalists. Remember that era where just journalists were fucking, every other week someone was sending you a beheading video of some journalist who got trapped in Iraq? I hope the best for these missionaries.

I really do. I just think Joe Biden's really fucking busy right now. The timing's real bad. He's getting that call and they're going like, yeah, there's 16 missionaries and one a million each. He's going like, ah, fuck, who doesn't want something right now? He's like, Jesus, gas is almost $4 a gallon.

We got an inflation crisis. We got this voting rights bill that we're fighting with the Republicans about. We got the budget we got to pass. We got this border crisis, which by the way, just so you know, border arrests right now are at an all-time high since 1986. So that lets you know two things. One, that illegal boarding crossings are at their highest and that's probably about it. That's all we know. Because the highest arrest doesn't mean like, you know, we're doing anything like mischievous. It just means that there's a lot of people to arrest. And yeah, indeed, I read that,

that border crossings right now are at an all-time high, illegal border crossings. So they arrested 1.7 million around. Jesus Christ, in one year, 1.7 million people, that's as big as like a lot of cities, try to get in. Oh man, so that's, it's not a big deal if you live in a gated community

in the Northeast, but God, if you live in El Paso, you definitely want to call ADT security and have them at least install a camera. More than 608,000 Mexican nationals were arrested, making it the largest group of migrants ever arrested at the border, followed by 367,000.

That's Catholic Church pedophilia numbers in France. Migrants from other countries other than Mexico and Central America, 309 Honduran nationals. So, the highest number of apprehensions were made at the Rio Grande.

Yeah, that's where it's all going down. Sector that stretches along the border of Texas and Mexico. So, that's where it's all going down. Sector that stretches along the border of Texas and Mexico. So that's the spot. That's where the hole in the bucket deal lies is. Can't we just get some, you know that foam that they put in the hole and it expands?

Or what's that seal that the infomercial is? What's that infomercial? Something zeal? Seal? Flex seal. Put some flex seal in the wall. The Rio Grande, that would be a funny commercial. Are you listening to SNL? Flex seal. But you could never do that because comedy is hate speech now. You could never do a flex seal commercial about the hole in the wall in the Rio Grande. But that's a funny idea. Jay Harmon 15. They are

demanding 1 million per missionary or the Haitian equivalent which is 8 goats. So whichever whichever you can come up with first, one million US or eight goats Haitian per Christian missionary. I'd like to see if these people get rescued.

What do you think? What's the over under? Should we call BetMGM and ask them what Vegas says? Because I am taking the under that they don't get rescued. Did I say that right? I work for a betting network and I don't know how to bet. D. Donnelly says, put crocodiles in the Rio Grande. Boom. Sorted.

That he said sorted lets me know that he's an English kid. Because you guys talk weird. Sorted. Put some crocodiles down in the Rio Grande. Sorted. Put some crocodiles down in the Rio Grande. Sorted. The whole situation is sorted. So good luck to those mercenaries.

You know, Joe Biden's just on another call right now. I mean, it is just, the kid's got a, he's got a, we're in a national pandemic still, you know. And the kid is declining. He doesn't, you know, I don't know if he's got a lot of room in there, a lot of mental space for Christian missionaries.

They're almost barely making the news right now because Dave Chappelle made a comedy special. Oh. Oh. Oh, oh, you know, the media is just as guilty as unvaccinated people clogging up ICUs because there's a lot of stories that need to get out there that are real. But Dave Chappelle's special is taking up a bed. This is Long Days. Let's get to the Patreon. All right, guys.

Now for our special small business shout outs. Very appreciative of these guys. Always love supporting small business as should you. It's what gives the world its flavor, you know, so everything doesn't look like a goddamn Applebee's.

And also shout out to Channing Tatum who finally weighed in on Dave Chappelle's special. I was waiting for your official press release on that and you tweeted out that you were disappointed by it. So I didn't know how to think about it until I read your tweet. Because, I mean, what is your position on an issue before you hear from Channing Tatum? You don't really know until Channing Tatum weighs

in. So thank you, Channing Tatum, for taking the time out of your day to make sure that whatever movie you have coming up makes China and the studio happy or whatever. I don't know why China would care, but I don't even know what I'm saying. We may have to just cut that part out. Or we just leave it in just to show the wheels of this fucking machine and how franks and beans they are. Give a shout out to Nate Linder.

natelinder.com Okay, he builds websites. Websites, runs digital advertising campaigns. He is an online marketing genius, natelinder.com. Go check him out, get quotes. He'll help you with everything and get your social media game, your digital business much improved. We got Andrew Cuomo's secretary, one of the best all-star Patreon names of all time. And who's behind Andrew Cuomo's secretary one of the best all-star Patreon names of all time and who's behind Andrew Cuomo's secretary

the great ZjamaRealty.com okay a couple of screwed in Jewish kids in Brooklyn will find you an apartment or a commercial spot for your business any commercial or apartment rental listings in Brooklyn go to ZjamaRealty.com okay and you know the deal. What comes right after that is our boy Grant Trower in South Florida, okay? GrantTrower.TheAtlanticRealtyGroup.com.

Hit him up 954-591-6465 at Grant underscore Trower on the gram. He'll get you an apartment or anything you need in the South Florida area. If you're trying to cash a check or somebody else's check that you stole from their pocketbook, you go to Chris Minetti. All right. If it's got a piece of paper on it, if you got a piece of paper and there's a number on it, there's a good chance you'll get the check So hit up our good boy Chris Minetti at his phone number. That's it. 215-750-3730. He's got a lot of balls just giving his phone number because you know there's a lot of fans that are just calling up, doing voices, and pretending to fucking need checks cashed.

I want to know how many prank calls Chris Minetti's getting right now. So don't fuck with him too much, okay? Because I've seen Chris Minetti. He right now. So don't fuck with him too much, okay? Because I've seen Chris Minetti. He's a tough kid. So if you're in the Philly, South Jersey area, Philly, South Jersey area, and you want to get a higgy, and you want to give him,

215-750-3730, Chris Minetti, Financial Services. Michael Hamlet, thebronxbrand.com. Use the promo code FUMES for 15% off your order. Go get something from one of these local Bronx artists. The art there is absolutely amazing. So he revenue shares with them. Go get yourself a shirt, a piece of art. I may get one from my house, actually. So Michael Hamlet Jr., the Bronx brand. Reese Orman, do you know the deal with Reese?

My man Reese is all about Techvera, my friends. This is a great company. 24 hours, seven days a week, 365 coverage on all your tech needs. Just go to techvera.com and they will take care of whatever IT needs you need, security, et cetera, whatever it is, efficiency, driving automation, whatever it is. Instead of hiring individual tech personnel, you can just hire Tech Vera and they'll do everything for you. So it's very cool. Eastside Cheesecakes. I think

we're getting there. I think they go up October 31st. Eastside Cheesecakes is going national. About fucking time. So eastsidecheesecakes.com, Eastside Cheesecakes on the gram. The most amazing cheesecakes in the country. Go support Julia and Gregory. They are crushing it. Also available at Uncle Pauly's. I think he has like three locations

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Check out that food porn. Rob's Mental Playground. Rob's Mental Playground. Rob's Mental Playground. Rob'sMentalPlayground.com The entire month of November get 15% off apparel, 20% off prints,

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