Yannis Pappas Hour - Millennials are Boomers - LongDays with Yannis Pappas - Episode 37

Episode Date: September 12, 2021

Growth is over. Millennials need to understand that everyone older invented the comfort that created their platforms. Erika Jayne knew what her husband Tom Gigardi was up to. How stupid you got to be to hire an Italian lawyer. Yanni fights back against the deer haunting his lawn with a primal strategy, and Yanni reviews Drake and Kanye’s new albums. Who named Ethereum and what is it? Also, Yanni invents his own monetary system based on Taylor Swift’s nectar and Jason Momoa’s locks! This is LongDays so you know was da deal is.   Sponsors:   Babbel: https://www.babbel.com Promo: LongDays   For an additional bonus episode every week and more Yantent, click here and support the show: https://www.patreon.com/yannilongdays   The show goes out every Saturday night at 9 PM est. to youtube and podcast audio platforms but while it's being recorded the show goes LIVE on Yannis' Instagram!   Come join in on the LONG DAY & Follow Yannis Pappas   Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Good morning, everybody. We're recording a little earlier, so you can expect a lot more Yanni Bynum moments. That just happened. That was the first one. Welcome to the show. That is Long Days with Yannis Pappas. I am Yannis Pappas, and boy, do we have a crazy week going on right now. Acapulco just got smashed with an earthquake. Wow. Wow. So if you're 99 years old or 103, do not plan your vacation in

Acapulco right now. China is starting a rejuvenation program where they are definitely turning the dial up on communism and turning the dial down on capitalism. No more feminine men allowed on television in China. Also, video games? No! Like I said, China is the new Germany and Russia is the new Italy. It's basically China's bitch and partner. What else is going on?

The Catholic Church. We got a lot to talk about. A Catholic priest has left the church because he fell in love with a woman who writes satanic literature. He was previously doing conversion therapy. I wonder how well that turned out for the people he turned back to straight. Jeff Bezos doesn't want to die. He wants to live forever like the vampire he is. If you wanted to cut his head off, maybe you are right.

This is Long Days with Giannis Papas and this is the end of the show. Thanks for watching. God, this may be one of my favorite shows that we've ever done so far. And I know that even before we started, just because of what I've been reading all week. Okay? Last night, I was just taking a piss outside in my backyard, which is what I like to do since I live in the country now. Although both my neighbors do have a view of my backyard. I wait till it's pitch dark and I take my glue gun out

and I pee on the grass while mosquitoes bite my leg. But I deal with the mosquitoes because there's something so primal and beautiful about taking a sweet piss on the grass. It returns you to nature. You can hear the Native Americans hum. you know all the animals in the area you're feeling the vibrations of all that pee hitting the fucking ground they know a human's around baby and I just like knowing that when animals come to my backyard

I've marked my territory I know how to fucking communicate with these fucks listen I'm sending a message to the deer community keep your fucking overpopulated prey lucky bastard

because all the predators have been eliminated by fucking pussy humans off my backyard because you're bringing ticks and ticks bring Lyme disease and there's no vaccine for Lyme disease, but you can treat it with Tylenol and zinc. Okay. I want your fucking ass off my lawn.

So what I do is I, yes, I go to four corners of my property and I pee like a fucking dog to send a message to the fucking foxes, the coyotes, but most importantly, the fucking deer. Isn't it such a great analogy of what happened right before the pandemic, the revenge of the nerds era we were living in? That's what the fucking deer are. They're the nerds. They're overpopulated. Now they're fucking ruining your car. People are dying because they're trying to avoid them because they don't want to kill a deer. Even though they're like ants, there's millions of them now because there's no fucking bears, no bobcats, and no fucking wolves. We are about to make wolves extinct.

Why? Because it could eat your baby or your dog? Put a fence up, dickhead. Now we got a fucking deer problem. And what do deer bring? Ticks. Ticks, which are more dangerous to you than a fucking wolf. How many people have been eaten by wolves in the fucking 20th century? Okay. You got a gun firing

the air. They go away. They don't come by you, dog. And don't leave your fucking poodle outside at night. But because people are scared of wolves, you're scared of bears and everything. Now we got to deal with 3 trillion fucking deer bringing ticks into my backyard. Not on my fucking watch. I take my dick out and I pee a perimeter around my property to let these fucks know that there's a Greek living there, baby, and I'm a predator. And I will fucking sling one up on Easter and start a new tradition where we start eating fucking deer. Because that's what we're going to have to do pretty soon because you have to go off the grid. Everything is collapsing. It's fucking collapsing.

So you better fucking get in bed with Elon Musk's Tesla and get yourself a Tesla roof to get off the grid. I mean, if you do the math, it's pretty much comparable. You know, you have to get a generator for when a fall, when a tree falls on your line. Okay, this is country thinking. You're going to get a new for when a tree falls on your line. Okay, this is country thinking. You're going to get a new roof that's another 15 grand.

Just have fucking Elon slap on some fucking glass magic energy roof on you, and you don't have to pay an electric bill ever again. Get into the future. Get yourself an NFT. Get yourself a Tesla, and you better pay for that Tesla with Ethereum. Why the fuck does the new money sound like a superhero in a fucking movie? Why does Ethereum sound like a character? Why does he sound like Thanos' Robin? Thanos and Ethereum.

What's the movie, the black superhero movie? I love how they just made, remade, they remade, they urbanized Superman. And then the guy died from colon cancer. What was that movie called?

God damn it. What was it called? The Black Panther. The Black Panther. I preferred the real Black Panthers in the 60s and 70s that would just shoot white people. That was a little funner and they were doing more superhero good.

They had more of a cause. Ethereum just sounds like a bad guy that the Black Panther has to kill. So I need to buy some NFTs. Can someone make an NFT of me, please? And sell it to me cheap so then I can resell it and make some Ethereum so I can go get nothing with it?

The only thing you can buy with Ethereum is more Ethereum or an NFT, okay? And I have to compete with Steph Curry because he just bought a fucking baby gorilla NFT to make his profile pic. Because as far as I understand, what the kids are doing now, since nobody makes anything here anymore,

there's no industry. The only thing left is gambling. That's why my other job, I work for a gambling company. We're just gambling. We're just investing in shit. So he bought this. So Jesse, let me ask you a question.

Why could you not just redraw that monkey or take a screenshot and say you own that NFT? I have no idea. Of course you don't have any idea. Anytime anyone asks a real question about Bitcoin or Ethereum, they just go, you're a boomer. And it's like, yeah, I come from a generation where things had to make sense, you fucking young idiots. I come from the generation that made all this technology that gave you this apparatus to sit around and mentally jerk your dick online and not look at each other in the face in the real world. So you're making fun of us calling us boomers when we made all this shit for you. Guess what?

Steve Jobs wasn't 15. This ain't reality TV. What movie is that? Jack Nicholson. The Departed. A little too long. Although Leonardo DiCaprio looked good in that shirtless sex scene. That little tricep when he holds it down.

And the girl he was banging, that looked like some good passes some sweet passes it's funny women um will say they like leo from certain movies and other movies no as if it's a different person uh that you know no wonder why the human species has gone to rides because women didn't evolve, right? If you talk to someone and they tell you that Erica from The Real Housewives had no idea that her husband was siphoning off millions to pay for her fucking bullshit midlife crisis R&B career, you're a fucking moron, okay? You're a moron for watching The Real Housewives, okay?

Or as I like to call it, feminine meth, mind meth. I like to call it mind meth for women. If you're watching that, you're fucking stupid. And if you think Erica had no idea, you're fucking double stupid. That bitch, may I say that cunt, that fucking cunt Erica, knew exactly what the fuck was going on when her fucking shitty Italian fucking husband, Tom Giardi, was stealing money

from all his victims that he represented because he co-mingled the money in his own account. Fucking. Who gets an Italian lawyer, dog? Okay, stereotypes exist for a reason, okay? That's like hiring a Greek to do construction on your house. He's gonna go,

we're looking here. I know I said the price. I gave you the first price. The first price was based on what I see. But after I take the wall down, now I see you have infestation of Turkish people living inside the wall.

So I have to charge you another 15,000 to kill of Turkish people living inside the wall. So I have to charge you another $15,000 to kill the Turkish people, hide the bodies, get rid of the smell, and put up a new wall. So we have a new price. Cigarette hanging out of his mouth. I'm sorry, the first price was not this price.

Okay? You gotta know, you know, you're playing a game of his mind. I'm sorry, this first price was not this price. Okay? You gotta know, you know, you're playing a game of pickup. Who are you gonna pick first? Me, Jesse, or whatever black kid happens to be standing next to us.

You gotta count your money. You need somebody to help you figure out how to expense your expenses in your Ethereum business, who are you going to call? Okay. Who are you going to call? You're going to call your Polish accountant? Are you going to call, let me see, are you going to call your Pakistani accountant? No. You're going to call your Jewish friend Adi Greenberg

and he'll take care of it for you. Show up, he'll have loafers with tassels on them. Okay? He'll be wearing compression socks with khakis, sweat on his shirt

and a nice yarmulke with a skin rash and you know your money's safe, bubby. Okay? That's the ice cream man. Okay, you need somebody killed? Are you going to go see your friend Artie Greenberg? I'm sorry, bubby, I can't do that. I get anxiety. I can't. My mother told me to be a good person. Yahweh's watching me. I can't do it, bubby. You need me to help you steal. I can do that, puppy, but I can't kill anybody. Or you're going to go see Vladimir Volisny-Vusny.

He'll get the job done. So you know she knew. She married a guy, a lawyer named Tard. What's his name? Tom Girardi. Hey, how you doing? Welcome to Girardi's. You see, my name's fucking Tom Girardi. Welcome. doing welcome to Girardi's you see my name's

fucking Tom Girardi welcome I'm helping a lot of fucking people get their money I moved out here to LA there's a lot of good fucking scores out here you know

we're talking about the five towns this fucking Jew broad has got a lot of money I'm going to fucking Hollywood to make this fucking money my lawyer's name

is Tom Girardi of course she knew that bitch she knew so who do you think made all this shit you fucking young idiots punching away on your goddamn phones giving me a career why am i yelling at the people who give me a career because i'll tell you who's not into me It's the boomers. Here's my prediction, to be honest with you. Here's my prediction. Growth is over. I think we've finally come to the point where growth is over. I truly

think we have done everything. Okay. I used to have a joke about it. Go watch my half hour on Comedy Central. It's up where I said we did it. We made it to the end. There's cocaine and sushi everywhere. Exactly. It can't really get much better than this. The phone is as good as it gets. People are putting it on their watches. I bought the iWatch. It's just redundant. It's just another way for my wife to look through my phone. So this is bullshit. And it's also another way if you're a absolute hypochondriac, which we all are now because we've got too much time on our hands,

to check your heartbeat and your blood oxygen level every three minutes. So thank you, Steve Jobs. You adopted crack whore. Never trust adopted people. They have a high rate of criminality. That is a fact. The rejection from the mother cannot be overcome. You can grow up without a father like Shaq did and become a very successful, loving man.

But when you are rejected by the mother, when you're thrown out by your Syrian mother, your Sandra Dee mom who tosses you out. You're just never gonna talk to your daughter again and you're gonna be a cunt. A lot of cunts gonna happen in this fucking episode.

Do you know how many people had to get yelled at for that fucking iPhone? But it's worth it, dog. That's why. You need evil. You need evil. Steve Jobs was evil.

That's why the Lord took him. Okay. Why do you think the Lord took him? Because his daughter's prayers worked. You pray hard enough. My wife prayed to my father for our daughter. Boom. My daughter was born on my father's birthday. Crazy. You don't think Steve Jobs' daughter is equally praying for cancer for her father who doesn't see her? You don't think she went to bed and said, what do you want for Christmas? And she closed her eyes when she was seven and said, please, please, please kill my daddy. You know how much jealousy and anger was in her? Spite and hate is an underestimated emotion. It's very motivating. And I think she asked the Lord to take him. That's his daughter, right? Oh, no. Who's that?

Who's that woman with him? Looks like his daughter, but it could just be his wife or his pretend wife. When you get that popular, man, you get that famous, you can't have a real relationship. Let's be honest. When you get Bill Gates or Steve Jobs money, you can't just have a woman yell at you that your sneakers are on the floor anymore. It's not that.

You make her sign all types of paperwork. You make a deal. You say, here's 15 million. You're gonna pretend to be my wife for 10 years. I'm going to go to my basement where I have sex slaves and eunuchs and Thai she boys and animals and men and women. I mean, who has that amount of money and doesn't indulge in every single dark curiosity they have. Who doesn't do that? You telling me Prince was taking women on dates and going, hey, do you want to just see what Netflix

shows are on? I mean, it doesn't work that way, dog. Can you imagine going like, oh, what do you want to do tonight? You want to just, what's new on Netflix? You want to watch Money Heist? what's new on Netflix? You want to watch Money Heist? He's Prince. He's not a man. He's a different thing. He has to fuck something.

Someone's got to show up that's like, he's got to fuck like a minotaur. He needs like a hybrid animal, you know, to feel. I mean, it's like when any woman would just have you, I mean, it's just like, you know,

it's called the Magic Johnson effect. You just get AIDS from a guy. Once you run through, I think the number is probably like 700. Once you get to about 700, four Rome dime pieces that throw themselves at you, women kind of, they kind of lose their appeal at that point. So if you're anyone out there who sex comes easy to you and dying pieces of throwing themselves at you, you're fucked because that's the way nature works.

Whatever you, however far you go in one direction, something comes to pull you in the other one and that other one is a guy's asshole. It's just what happens. To balance yourself out, you're going to need to fuck a guy. When you get to 700 women, to balance yourself out, you're going to have to fuck a guy. The same way billionaires, and me and Jesse know this as a fact because when we first started shooting stuff, we shot a video for a dominatrix called slaver size which i think is still a good idea where it's a workout video for people who are into snm and i

don't even remember what she was doing but i guess she was just like whipping them and making them work out which uh it's not a real good idea it's more of a christopher guest movie but um Christopher Guest movie. But, you know, we know from the fact that, we know for a fact that the people who are most often into being humiliated and getting kicked in the balls or going and cleaning some woman's apartment or licking their feet or, you know, having them, you know, hit them with whips, are people who are very powerful and wealthy, which lets you know that nature always seek balance. Okay, that's what's happening with the environment. We fucked around with it and nature tugged back. Nature is going, no, no, no,

now it's time to fall into a guy's asshole. It's, oh, you will always, if you go too far in any direction, you will always get pulled back into a guy's asshole. It's, you will always, if you go too far in any direction, you will always get pulled back into a guy's asshole. So, that's what's going on right now with

climate change, global warming, carbon emissions. It's too much. So nature's going, uh-uh, here's some fucking floods. Here's some tsunamis.

Here's some droughts. Here's some fires. What's the dollars? It's a game of ping pong where we go, what's the dollars? And nature goes, what the dollars? Right back at you. It's like a tennis match. It's like a tennis match, except it's intergender.

We're the female tennis player going like, we want this. And then nature's going, wapow. No. This is what you get. So it's balanced. That's why growth is over. That's why I really feel like now there's nowhere to go. I was staring at Jupiter the other day,

last night, after I was peeing on the ground marking my territory, and I started pondering how big the universe is. Like 100,000 billion fucking stars in a galaxy, and then there's 100 billion galaxies. I mean, what? What?

What? What's that? What's that? Can you even fathom that? Is that possible to even grok? Is that what it is? It's 100,000 billion stars. Who the fuck knows? It's like an infinite amount of stars in like a thousand billion galaxies. I don't even know what the fuck.

A hundred thousand. A hundred billion. A hundred billion galaxies. Can you just Google that real quick? Because I'm curious. How many galaxies are there in the universe? And I started thinking about, okay. The closest Earth-like planet to us is called, what, Proxima

B or something? And it's four light years away, which at current would take one of our rocket ships 7,000 years to get to. 7,000 years. So there are, just in case you're willing, there are 2 trillion galaxies. I mean, 2 trillion galaxies. It's a number your brain cannot, only a computer can fathom that. 2 trillion galaxies, each consisting of billions of stars. Consisting of billions of stars.

Oh my God. So the observable universe is estimated to contain 200 billion to 2 trillion galaxies. So in maybe 2 trillion galaxies, there's billions of stars. I mean, what the fuck are we talking about here? Talk about an infinite appetite. So we're not going to get to fucking Proxima b. And even if we do, they saw some solar flares that like send radiation into the atmosphere

and they make it unhabitable for humans. I mean, are we going to make it? This is a race. This is a race to whether we can get to another planet because this one, there's a hole in the ship, dear Lila. There's a hole in the ship, dear Lila. That's why everyone's trying to get off the planet right now with money because they know something's bad. So there's Proxima b. Looks like it's a lot of water. And there's definitely other life out there because they're finding these fucking planets with water all over the place.

Look at all that water on Proxima B. There's probably life there now, you know? But it's fucking, it takes 7,000 years with our current technology to travel there. What did I say it was? Four light years away or some shit? So it takes light four years to travel, right? Is that what I said? Something like that. So that means it takes light four years to travel. So when you look at Proxima, this is another wild fact,

you're looking back four years. You're looking into the past. I can't fucking figure this shit out. But you know what we can figure out? We're really gonna argue with people who figured this shit out? When you get on Twitter and you hear people arguing with people who figured this shit out? Just shut the fuck up and let them do what they do, dog.

Just let them fucking do what they do. Tie your fucking shoelaces and bunny ears. Go collect your fucking unemployment and peruse Twitter. Argue for fun. But just shut the fuck up, okay? If you don't have charisma like me, shut the fuck up and consume. Not everyone's a producer. How can you argue? I was looking at this guy going, there's people who actually have built things that can see this shit. Are you kidding me, dog? I don't even know how this fucking, I don't even know how this refrigerator works.

You're gonna tell me you built a telescope that can see four light years away? Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here with that fucking, with that fucking, I ain't taking no fucking Biden commie juice, you fucking crazy. I ain't taking no fucking Biden fucking commie soda.

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Babble, language for life. okay babble language for life so nfts ethereum um bitcoin whatever you guys are doing is um is called uh it's you're you're just masturbating You're masturbating to each other. But maybe I'm just a boomer. Maybe I'm just a boomer. Because when I found out about NFTs, I'm going, okay, so what do you do? You hang them on your wall for your house for people to see? And Jesse said, no, here's the deal. You change your profile pic to floss and let people know that you got a lot of money

because your profile pic is an original NFT. And I said, oh yeah, we're the fucked up generation. We're the ones with problems. We don't get it. And then you go to TikTok and you see some 14-year-old girl twerk for seven seconds and get paid $50 million. Okay. When my father had comedians like Jackie Gleason, who would drink 14 scotches, eat 10 steaks, go in and read a script for the first time in an era where you could not make a mistake because they used films. A film was expensive.

So you had to get everything in like one take he would go in there read it once no rehearsal and then create some of the most classic comedy you've ever seen in your entire life and now you guys got who the fuck knows what's going when i see your comedians i'm going i guess this isn't a TED talk I guess this isn't the ramblings of a crazy person on a subway train I guess I'm supposed to laugh because she's fat and brown I guess I guess this is good because she says she fucks boys and girls i don't know i don't know what's going on but we're the generation that doesn't get it we don't get it the generation that gave you hip-hop the generation that gave you rock and roll

the generation that gave you screens to stare at that gave you planes to fly in, that gave you helicopters to die in, because let's be honest, you get in a helicopter with Bill Burr, you're going to fucking die eventually. What are you doing, Bill Burr? You're getting in a fucking helicopter? Just stay on the fucking ground. You don't need to get closer to the sun. You're too pale.

That gave you electricity? that gave you electricity, those are the generations that just didn't get it because they were biased. They were discriminatory. They did not respect a woman in the workplace. Backstroke, backstroke, backstroke, yes. They didn't get it. You remember when you had to be like Eddie Murphy to get on SNL?

Now all you gotta do is just like fuck a pop star, get a bunch bunch of tattoos and do some opiates it's a fall from grace i love when they when they the young people say the older gen they they use boomer as a pejorative. That kind of like, you know, your generation, the boomers actually, my parents were not boomers. Jesse's, boomers are like 70 right now, right? So that generation, yeah, I mean, they sold out quicker. I mean, they sold out quicker than some people we know for money.

The boomers went from free love to, how can I sell this Coca-Cola for you, sir? But at least when they were making fun of the older generations, they backed up their lifestyle with their cause. These people go, we're for this. And then they just go and they listen to some rich girl's podcast who goes, who broadcasts from the Hamptons, who talks about social justice. I mean, it is so fucking hilarious.

It makes me want to punch myself in my own asshole, lube it up. And so it goes in the hole. I want to fucking hit a hole in one with my asshole with my fist because I don't know what to do with myself. Because when you see that, you're going like, what is your generation about? Like, what do you guys care about? I know what you tweet about, but then I see what you do and I go, those two things don't add up. Okay. You're not going to live in the woods and shit in a wood shack that you built. You're not living off the land. You're living in New York City paying $4,000 and I'm supposed to be impressed because you're

growing zucchinis on your fire escape? I'm supposed to be impressed you're committed to renewable energy while you fucking light up your gas stove to cook your meth drug that you water down with CBD oil or whatever the fuck the hip drug is. And then there's a zucchini plant on your fucking fire escape while your parents pay three grand for you to live in a fucking dump. What does your generation care about? Do you care about climate change?

Okay, well then you can't just march and block traffic that does nothing you care about fucking climate change you have to go out there and fuck naked on the street make music about it i mean it's crazy dude these people go we care about climate change we care about the children in darfur and then they just put on Drake who goes like I got 50 million coats I'm from Canada what I hang out with my posse and we get mad blood I wear a lot of starter jackets because I'm bringing the 80s back somebody wrote these rhymes for me because I'm not that creative I do have charisma I wasn't on the grassy high this shouldn't be allowed by the rules of hip hop I should not be allowed to be a hip-hop artist because I was on a grassy high. This shouldn't be allowed by the rules of hip hop. I should not be allowed to be a hip hop artist

because I was on a Canadian television show about children. What is your generation about? Are you guys making music? What do they got, Billie Eilish? She's just going like, just like humming like a dead bird. Sing about climate change. Make us, you remember Jimi Hendrix?

You remember the anti-war songs and like Bob Dylan and shit? And do drugs. And they're not doing like good drugs. They're doing like fentanyl, which like if you do a little bit of that, you just die. Do some fucking acid, man. They actually, the boomers did actually change the world a little bit they influenced politics

voting rights act civil rights civil rights legislation that was enacted what the fuck are you guys doing? what are you doing? you're trying to you're trying to get another

bathroom built? you know what I'm saying? You're hashtagging and then you're drinking champagne? Where's your music about it? Where's the culture you're creating about it? You know?

I don't get it. But we're the generation that had a problem. Billie Irish has some heavy machinery. Does she have big titties? I assume that this fan, when she said Billie Eilish has some heavy machinery, means she's got some big titties.

Can we take a peek? Yeah, she's got some heavy machinery. She's got some heavy machinery. What's the dollar? Bone thugs and climate change. Where's that band? Shout out to envy underscore logistics underscore. Yeah, just make your screen name unrememberable.

Z to drop out. Give it up for Zach Isis. Z to drop out uh y'all know him he wrote and performed the theme song for this show he says if Giannis starts spitting bars it's over for all rappers I'm Caucasian definitely not Asian call me anything else I slice you like Jason Basin on the microphone so if you ain't me, just leave me alone, because I'm rated X, that's right, I'm restricted, try to mess with that, and you'll be convicted of the worst crime you ever see, she grabbed my dick, and she started smoking it, wrapped her lips around it, and she started smoking it, like a cigarette, I felt my body start to sweat, the room

was getting hotter, just like the lumbata, so i opened up the window to let in a cool breeze all of a sudden she cracked open her knees and said please please fuck me robo cheese yes that is the one verse i wrote when i was 14 because as jesse knows you had to have some bars when you were my age what was your rap name again do you remember any of your verses my name is jared does all i'll sculpt it with the facade we all we were so in a rap because we were our generation we were in the generation where a whole new art form has when's it where is a new art form has Has anyone created a new music? Is there a new music form? What is there? Trance?

What the fuck's going on? Have you, we create, hip hop was created when I was a child. Z to drop out. Thank you for the long days theme song. Zach Ice says Z to drop out. Go follow him. Don't age yourself.

Why not? I love how in this country being older is like a disability. I'm wiser than you, asshole. I've been around longer. Okay, here's a new, this is what your generation, this is what you fucking gen z rapper you're a rapper you're what i mean i don't mean rapper by music i mean you are a

fucking chocolate bar rapper you've done nothing you've created synthwave synthwave is a combination of 80s sci-fi. Great. Reganomics. You know when fucking you could kill a homeless person and go and do a line of coke and the cops wouldn't ask anything. Combination of 80s sci-fi soundtracks

and modern electric production techniques. Great. I guess I'll go to Joe DeRosa's house and he'll tell me about that instead of having kids. Synthwave. Can we hear some synth wave? I bet you it sounds like

a fork caught in a garbage disposal. But our generation doesn't get it. You don't even know what your fucking gender is. But we don't understand. Pick one. I don't care what you are. Just do it early.

So if you want to be a chick, you look like one. Okay? I don't understand why people say these parents can't let their kids take fucking, it's not your kid. What do you care? What do you, you're a libertarian, but you're, this is what I understand.

Libertarians who are against abortion. What the fuck? Is it your fucking kid? What are you talking about? I thought you were for freedom. If some fucking is living off my body. Okay, here's the deal. Ladies, if they don't let you choose to end your pregnancy, this is what you do.

Just drink Coca-Cola with no food for four days until that baby dies. with no food for four days until that baby dies. No food, just Coca-Cola. This abortion brought to you by Coke. Be a nice little clown. Be a nice little dog running next to a pregnant lady as she just bounces around trying to kill the baby running too hard doing somersaults

learn Brazilian Jiu Jitsu when you're six months pregnant and make sure you tell them to punch you in the abs that's the way you fight back against Texas's abortion law which we will get to I got a lot to get to

I didn't plan to go off on all these tangents but my mind is a graveyard of organization. It's where organization goes to die. So let's listen to a little synth shit. This is the new music. This is what you guys have done. This is how you want to change the world. I mean, their generation can't even come up

with a good spokesperson for climate change. It's a fucking 12-year-old autistic girl from Sweden who is their spokesperson. Go ahead, let's hear it. The world's over. This is what you're doing? It's actually kind of dubbed up. Can you just...

It just sounds like the opening credits to a Corey Haim movie. All right. House music, freestyle, hip hop. That was all created by Gen Xers. That's my generation, right? We're Gen X. Club, remember house music?

House music all night long. Say what? house music all night say what house music all night i house you you're in my heart now you know what's up let you huh jungle brothers there was different genres of rap now it's just like there was it was like native tongue it was east coast you know what can you do there was there was backup dancers there was break dances there was people cutting there was actually like artistic skill and talent that had to go into being an artist now drake just goes like this and he does that stupid dance in a fucking puffy coat. What's that song? Come on, dog.

I like Kanye. Donda's dope. Have you heard Donda? Jay Harvin 15 says that sounded like Lil' Kabul. Why is there not... See, in our generation, there would be a rapper already called Lil' Afghanistan. And there would be a rapper already called little afghanistan

and there would be a group called the taliban and they would be dope no yeah i love rappers because they just take rap used to be like yo just glorify the most criminals there was there was there's a gadi there's a gadi there's a Gotti. There's a Gotti. There's a, I mean, every single big criminal ended up becoming a rapper. There'd be white kids from the suburbs going to see the Taliban right now, if this was 1997. And the Taliban will be doing a music festival

with Redman, Method Man, and someone called Stone Cold Killer. It's someone called Stone Cold Killer. What's the bomb? So growth is over, I think. Maybe that's why they haven't figured out a new music to invent because maybe there are no more musics to invent. The universe is finite.

There's only a certain amount of notes you can play. There's only a certain amount of octaves. There's only a certain amount of notes you can play. There's only a certain amount of octaves. There's only a certain amount of stories. So maybe we're at that point where it's not really, it's more about your individuality, maybe more about your delivery or something. I don't know, but I know growth is over because there's nowhere to go.

It can't get more comfortable than this. We control the temperature. You can eat raw fish like a Scandinavian prince on a bus driver's salary. You're walking around with a computer. I mean, like I was saying before, how much better can this get? You're going to put this in my eyeball? I mean, what's the difference, dog? I just, you know, I like that I can like choose to look at the internet or not.

I don't want to have the internet in my eyeball, okay? Unless you can like put like sex in there and it's not cheating if you can do that you ever notice that's like the number one selling thing always internet's the most amazing information uh innovation known to man and the number one thing people use it for is to fucking jerk off. It just shows we're animals. We are animals. No matter how high we climb, we're still animals.

And you can see that in all the strife in the world. It's crazy to think how much we have evolved with technology and science. And then there's people on the internet who benefit from technology and science every single day just screaming at scientists and tech people. The people who have given them this comfort, they're just going, you greedy bitch. It's like, dude, do you understand? If they weren't greedy, they wouldn't have come up with this shit. I mean, don't be a hater. Jeff Bezos wants to live forever. Why not?

He wants to be a vampire. Why not? A lot of this stuff just comes from jealousy, right? And that's why capitalism may end up not being the system that works because it creates so much inequality. Here's the thing people don't want to admit. A lot of the reason why capitalism creates so much inequality isn't because it's an evil system, okay? It's because

the difference between a smart person and a dumb person is so vast. And capitalism allows for those smart people to flourish, which makes the gap even bigger. That's why you hate Jeff Bezos so much because you could never do what he did. You could never do what he did. And America, the first and only and most pure system

that allows you to become filthy fucking evil rich, facilitates that. That's the part you little bitchy socialists don't want to admit. Is that it just exposes how less than ordinary you are because it allows the brilliant people to thrive. So what happened? Revenge of the nerds.

But they weren't nerds because nerds, revenge of the mediocre happened where people said fuck that. And they started pressuring and complaining their way into getting specials and TV shows and attention and jobs. And the people who are great are scared going, oh God, you just give them, just pay them off so they don't kill me. I don't want my head chopped off. But that was their first mistake because I bet you the aristocracy in France said the same thing. Just give them a

little bit more. Not saying the company's hiding all their money overseas is a good thing. Not saying them avoiding paying their share taxes is a good thing either. And if you get your heads cut off, I guess the last thing you're going to think is damn I should not have set up that shell company in the Cayman Islands was it worth an extra 3 billion was it worth the extra 3 billion that I could have redistributed into society and given for longevity

if we don't start focusing on longevity at all and balance we're fucked capitalism made us grow and has given us great innovation. But now we need something new, baby. And I'm not talking about Andrew Yang free money, okay? And I'm not talking about Ethereum.

We have to trade Jason Momoa's hair. And I hate to say it because she's just so beautiful and pure. What's her name? The pop singer from Pennsylvania, the tall one? Taylor Swift's pussy juice. Okay?

Think about money based on natural resources. Jason Momoa can grow an infinite amount of hair. So we just have him continue to grow. You know, we give him like whatever science thing keeps his hair growing. We chop it up, chop it up. Okay. Then they melt it down. They melt it down and you own one or two or three or four strands of Momoa. melt it down. They melt it down and you own one or two or three or four strands of Momoa. And then to make it equal also, you got to turn her on. So we got to put Jason Momoa and Taylor Swift in their own sort of, we got to sacrifice them. Okay. It's like every great civilization knew that somebody had to be sacrificed. You look back at the Incans. They fucking took some disabled kid.

They walked them up to the top of the temple. That's why they had those temples, to watch the sacrificed human just roll down the stairs. The Spartans would throw them off cliffs. You take Taylor Swift, you hook and pull, and you milk her. You milk her of that precious resource that has value. The Chinese drink it because they think that it gives them potency. It replaces rhino horn, saves the rhinos.

They're no longer extinct. And Japanese believe in that superstitionship because they're godless people. Did I say Japanese? I meant Chinese. I meant Chinese. I got my Asians mixed up. Apologies. The Chinese stopped drinking rhino horns.

So they stopped cutting off rhino horns and they just start, instead of just a little espresso shot of Taylor Swift's pussy juices. Also, Joe Rogan starts touting it as a cure for COVID. But it has to be taken in tandem with zinc. Am I purporting, am I purporting to you now that Jason Momoa's hair locks and Taylor Swift's should be the new basis for our monetary system? You're goddamn right I am and I'll tell you what at least those are two real things I can taste I can taste Taylor Swift's this is just this I can touch Jason Momoa's beautiful fucking wavy hair. Those are things that I can have a tactile experience with.

Okay? So listen, you Gen X and millennial losers who are basing your money on something that's invisible, that just lives in an invisible place. I created something called currency based on Taylor Swift's Pussy Juice standard. Okay, we replaced the gold standard with Pussy Juice standard. And we sacrificed Taylor Swift. We won't miss her music. And then, of course, we clone her. We keep cloning her to get that precious,

fumeless, Scandinavian, Pennsylvania-made, homegrown, yingling pussy juice from her holy pastas. So Jeff Bezos is investing his money in a startup that is seeking to end aging and for people to live forever. This is one of the hazards of becoming so rich and powerful is that it becomes Shakespearean.

The third act is just always tragic because here's the deal. This is the irony of life. And like I said, nature always seeks balance, which if you go too far in one direction, you end up in a guy's asshole. Remember that. And I'll explain to you what's going on here. You see it all the time. You see it with Madonna in her Instagram. You see it with plastic surgery. You see it in Hollywood. It's just, it ends bad. People dying of drug overdose and stuff because they can't handle aging. They can't handle the finitude of life, how ephemeral it is, how pointless they really are, how powerless they are,

how insignificant they are. They can't handle it. Their ego can't handle it. The ego, the greatest friend to ingenuity and also the biggest foe for human sustainability. That's the real hazard to getting rich and famous. That's the real hazard to getting rich and famous. That's the real hazard to being super ambitious

is that you're going to end up having a tough time leaving. Doug, let's just be honest. If you're me and you and the bells start tolling, what is it? For whom the bells tolled? The bells start tolling. What's the Hemingway phrase? For whom the bells tolled. So when the bells toll for us. Yeah. When the bells toll for me and Jesse, we're going to go, all right, I guess I don't got to pay bills anymore.

I guess I don't have to get on the train anymore. I guess I don't got to do this bullshit anymore. Maybe something's good up there. Maybe I'll get 72 versions. Maybe the Muslims will let me in their section of the prison. Isn't it funny how heaven is orchestrated like prison? There's like a Muslim section, Catholic section. There's like different gangs when you go in. But if you're John Stamos, dog, I said this before,

he's going to have a tough time leaving. Because you go from're John Stamos, dog, I said this before, he's gonna have a tough time leaving because you go from being John Stamos to just holding hands with Jesus? I'll take being John Stamos on earth every single day. I'll take Jeff Bezos flying first class, doing whatever he wants with his little sex slave basement any single day over whatever

fucking the J-man is offering upstairs how can it beat that how Madonna who can sexually pleasure herself

adopt as many African kids as she wants she's got trillions of dollars she's got people treating her like a god she they're falling over her every footstep

gay guys just going yes queen oh my god Gay guys just going, yes, queen, oh my god. Gay guys just dancing around strike a pose. Everywhere she goes, they're just in clear heels. They're just strike a pose. Oh my god, queen,

yes, queen, yes, queen. How do you go from that to just hanging out with the Virgin Mary on a fucking cloud, sewing, feeling peace? It's rough.

So Jeff Bezos is going through that Shakespearean third act right now where he's trying to figure out a way to live forever. Not gonna happen. Not gonna happen. You can't reverse aging in anything. It will never be done. Planets die, stars die,

the universe will one be done. Planets die. Stars die. The universe will one day end. You can't do it, Jeff. But he's trying. So, instead of taking all that money and being like, you know what? Let me do some good.

Jeff's like, uh-uh. I want to stay Jeff Bezos. That's how good it is to be rich. But he earned it. It's his money, right? Who gives a fuck? The only thing is he shouldn't be able to hide his money

and not pay tax. That's what I believe. That just seems fair and common sense. It's like, look, he can make as much money as he wants, but he's got to pay. Think of taxes as like a kickback when you're that rich. It's like, these people made you rich. So it's like, you have to take care of them. It's no sweat off your back. What's the difference between having 1 billion and 10 billion? Come on. There has to be a limit to up or else the Fuhrer nature will impose one on you.

Don't turn mother nature into Hitler, please. And we have. And right now she's just walking around. There's a flood here. More fire here. Kill them here. That fucking earthquake is coming to Los Angeles or New York. You're going to see buildings fall into a fucking sinkhole. Don't just think that it's going to happen in Mexico. Al Capoco, which Al Capoco is funny, dog. Al Capoco used to be the spot. You remember when everyone was like, yeah, my lawyer's in Al Capoco. Like in the 70s, it was like the Cancun for our parents.

We're gonna go to Acapulco for the weekend and talk about this business deal, see? And then the cartels just took it over. And it was like, it's not safe to go to Acapulco. They probably like murdered a couple of British tourists and everyone was like, okay, we need to find a new spot.

You ever go on vacation in Mexico? okay, we need to find a new spot. You ever go on vacation in Mexico and the perimeter of the Americanized tourist section is just patrolled by police officers with machine guns and masks? That's a little disconcerting. When you're sipping your cervecha and you look over your shoulder

and you see a Toyota truck filled with masked Taliban with fucking guns. They're not Taliban, but they look like them. That's a little disconcerting. You're going, hey, I was at the beach. Why is the army here?

Why is the army here? And they're like, oh, because on the other side of that horizon, there's people who would try to kidnap your kids. You're like, oh, okay. That works.

I think I'll just, I think I'll just go to Dewey Beach. I think I'll go to Dewey Beach next time. Jeff Bezos is gonna live forever. Would you live forever? Nothing would have any meaning. It would be me life would be meaningless imagine that it would be there'll be no meaning to anything i'd be like hey man hey man like you there'll be no urgency or meaning life there'll be no there'll be no thrill in life i'd be like

hey man if i don't see you tomorrow i'll see you in like five gazillion trillion infinity years we get sick of everything that would actually be torturous to live forever. I do this a lot. I play with my nose a lot and I don't do coke. I would never want to live forever. That would be torturous. They are making sure the hotel employees can sell guests blow safely.

That's from Snoop Levine. What's he referring to? We love you in Montenegro. Thank you, Marco. I'm familiar with Montenegro because referring to? We love you in Montenegro. Thank you, Marco. I'm familiar with Montenegro because one of my best friends is from Montenegro and I've been there. Città, Budva, I've been there.

Podgorica. Nice skyline you have in Podgorica, by the way. It's just a couple of rocks. Drew Films. The great old Drew says, I want to be frozen like Walt Disney when I die and just wake up in 3,000 years. Try that on stage, Drew.

Jay Harvin, 15. I'd live forever because that's as long as it would take for black people to get treated right. I gotta take this kid. I gotta just have this kid.

I just gotta have this kid close to me. This kid is funny as fuck. Giannis' rap name would be Vanilla Snooze. Yo, Jay Harvin 15, dog. Just remember who said you were funny first, dog. When you pass me.

When your career blows up bigger than mine in 3, 2, 1, 0. Jay Harvin 15 is the real fucking deal. There's no question. These shit, I mean, he puts gems in here. I mean, he just drops them in. I mean, they're just gonna be like, Jay Harvin 15 gems in the live chat are like abortions in New York City.

They happen every three minutes. Imagine how big your gape would be after forever. Your gape, what does that mean? Only here for Jay Harvin's comments, says Mike Belmari. I mean, he's really the star of the comment roulette for sure. Jay Harvin, 15.

Follow him on Instagram. He's a very funny comic and obviously becoming part of the show, which is a lot of fun. And also Drew underscore films, Jesse Scaturo, all one word on the gram. Check out all his art and stuff. It's amazing.

I will be in Richmond, Virginia. I will be at the Sandman, guys. The Sandman Comedy Club in Richmond, Virginia, September 16th through 18th. Richmond, Virginia, get your tickets. I'll be in Maryland at Magoobie's Joke House, November 4th,

and then Phoenix, Arizona from the 2nd to the 4th of December at Rick Bronson's House of Comedy. More dates coming. Tampa, Dania Beach, Florida will be rescheduled. And San Antonio is being rescheduled. I will come back to those places when COVID chills out a little bit. Now let's get to this Catholic story.

So this Catholic priest in Spain has left the priesthood. He was previously doing gay conversion therapy, and now he's left the priesthood for a woman, and she was writing satanic novels. He's 52, so he resigned from his position at the diocese of whatever in Spanish for personal reasons. But the woman he left with

was a Spanish, whatever. He left for a woman, whatever her fucking name is. And she writes satanic fiction, right? So people are saying this is the work of the devil or whatever. Here's the deal.

The Catholic Church is the work of the devil. The Catholic Church was set up by Roman noblemen who wanted to rape children and get away with it. wanted to rape children and get away with it. That's what it is. Why do I say that? Because they've been caught raping thousands of children that we know of, which if you look back, you're going, man, before the internet, before a lot of things,

the Catholic Church was the most powerful church on the planet. And they must have operated with impunity for 2,000 plus years where they controlled kings and people and policy and killed scientists. and policy, and killed scientists. So, the amount of children that were probably raped may be equivalent to the amount of stars in the universe. Who knows how many they got. But how do I know it was an institution set up to rape children, basically to launder. They laundered rape with hope. Because think about it. Pizza places, they launder dirty drug money because you buy with cash. And so it's impossible to trace

how well your business is doing, et cetera. You know, you can kind of trace it with products and stuff like that. But you know, you pretend to be the opposite of what you are.

That's what sociopaths do. That's what the devil does. The devil's an analogy but bad people don't announce they're bad. They don't walk in and go, hey, I'm a fucking asshole. I'm going to rape this whole family. They sneak in, they pretend to be your friend,

and then they overcome you with their evil. They're sneaky bastards. They pretend to be the opposite to lure you in. Ted Bundy, oh, you know, my arm's broken. I'm just a helpless little thing. Hammer to the head, your titty's getting bit off. That's what happens. You lose a titty. The Catholic Church pretends to be this charitable good organization that loves everyone and wants to do good things and for people to be good. And turns out, we know now that they've been raping children. And you know, people will be mad at me for saying this. I didn't rape any children. That just lets you know how big marketing,

how big a role marketing is in what you can do. Think about it. Hitler marketed, you know? A lot of comedians you know, they're just really good marketers. A lot of rappers, marketers. They're not really the best. They just market themselves as the best. And we believe it because we're followers. It tugs at that need for us to belong to a tribe. It tugs at that need to fit in, to not have self-confidence and be a sigma male independent, to be part of a pack. And so they play on that. So let me ask you a question.

If I wanted to rape kids and get away with it, what would I do? I'd set up an institution where I said I got my authority from the unquestionable and almighty. I'd call myself father because nobody questions a father's authority. Plus, you're in good hands with your father. You're safe. I would make it so these fathers can't marry. So you never question why there are no women around. Because you know who tends to blow the whistle on people who are raping children? Women. They have what you call a little bit of a maternal instinct. They tend not to rape as much.

Then the women who want to be involved in the church, guess what? I'd remove them and put them in a convent over there where they can't leave or talk to anyone because they're married to God and they must stay away. Isn't that convenient? Then I would make everyone confess their sins to me like I'm Jeffrey fucking Epstein. So just in case you try to start some shit, I have you blackmailed. Then I'm going to be against a woman's right to choose. Because guess what?

Unwanted, neglected kids are my supply. You can't rape a well-tended-to kid. You can't rape a kid whose parents are paying attention, unless they're Irish. The power of denial that those people have, you could probably move a mountain if you got 100,000 Irish people together and said, now, I want you guys to all tell yourselves

there's not a mountain there. They would deny it and that mountain would move because no people can deny away a problem better than Irish. Did I say Italian? I said Italian? There's no question I got a brain tumor. Did I say Italian the first time? No. Okay, Irish. Did I say Italian? I said Italian? There's no question I got a brain tumor. Did I say Italian

the first time? No. Okay, Irish. Nobody has the powers of denial better than the Irish. The best. That's why

the Catholic Church went there. They went to all the poor areas and they were like, those people, they're poor, but they're gonna be our favorite

because, I mean, you could tell those motherfuckers anything. They just drink it down. You're like, yeah, you know, it's like fucking, you know, priest is gonna rape you. Nothing a couple fucking Guinnesses can't change.

Just fucking wash it down, push it down, push it down, push it down. Has anyone ever thought of that? That the Catholic Church was intentionally set up as a ruse to rape kids? It's something that

elites have been wanting to do since the beginning of time. You look back at every civilization, Ottomans, the Greeks, the Romans. It always gets weird. The Chinese, eunuchs, you know, they cut these kids' balls off and fuck them. I mean, it gets weird. When you get powerful and you get, that's what happens. That's nature telling you there is an end to up. You got too much. You know? I hate to be a hater. I hate to be a hater.

Get that money, girl. My grandfather was actually sent from the island of Inveros away from his family, like I've said, because the local sultan there was raping Greek kids. So they sent him away to Egypt and he never saw his family, like I've said, because the local sultan there was raping Greek kids. So they sent him away to Egypt and he never saw his family again. So I wonder, I wonder if many people hide behind their authority,

especially religious authority, and do very bad things. We know that they do. Now we know that they do. Thank you, Boston Globe. Do you know how many kids it is worldwide? How much, it could be like, it's almost like COVID.

You know someone who knows someone who's been raped by a priest. I know at least three people who know somebody who's been touched by a priest. It's like COVID. You know someone who knows someone or you know someone who's been touched by a priest. It's like COVID. You know someone who knows someone or you know someone who's had it. John Mulaney,

my brother in comedy, is back. He's sober and he's having a baby with Olivia Munn. That was quick, dog. I mean, how bad must that feel to be his ex-wife who I think was you know with him before

he got famous or whatever for the whatever you know those those things that's comedy he does he's funny he's funny dog but you know like he he's john mulaney is very funny but it's like um i think he'd be funnier if he just was a little more honest about the the mess that he is he's up there and he's like i'm all together i'm all together i'm from the 50s i got a bow tie on then he gets off here fuck you bitch don't talk back to me sign this NDA I just fuck your mother take me to rehab there was something we're from New York so me and Jesse actually before we even found out about John Mulaney remember we were talking like I just don't get it like I don't because we can sniff when someone's a little full of shit like you're just from New York

especially from our generation it was a way to survive when you left your house, to be honest with you, no matter who you are. If you lived in New York, you needed to be able to read people to kind of not get hurt in that era. So you can just sniff it on someone like, this person's full of shit. And if you're gonna be full of shit,

a sociopath or a complete liar, be funny at least. Be fun. Don't be a fucking drip. If you're at least fun, I'll let you in my life for a couple years. Be fun if you're going to be a complete fucking compulsive fucking full of shit liar. Don't be a drip. Yeah, I went up there.

Everything's great. So am I, wasn't I? Come see me in Atlantic City this weekend in 1937. I like this John Mulaney a lot better. Sober, fucking celebrity pussy.

Impregnated him. I mean, come on, dog. I'm going to get you pregnant. Now he's fucking probably hanging out with, what's his name? Come on, man. What's that comedian's name? Come on, man. He's funny, but his jokes.

What's his, from 30 Rock. Come on, man. Tracy Morgan. Tracy Morgan. I bet you John Mulaney and Tracy Morgan hanging out in LA. How many bitches we gonna get pregnant? How many bitches we gonna get pregnant? Drew Films. If John Mulaney's out and someone smacked Olivia's ass,

he's the type of guy to not defend her and just say, let's go to the car and we'll talk about how we can avoid this from happening again. It's actually very funny, Drew. It's actually very funny. That said, that's a kid from Jersey City who wears two Jesus Christ crosses and has Jesus Christ tattooed all over his chest because he knows he's going to have to fight and he knows John Mulaney is going to go like let's go to the car and I will tell you

how what you can wear to make sure that does not happen again I don't think this John Mulaney would do that I think the previous

John Mulaney would do that and then go snort a bunch of coke and I think this John Mulaney is going to turn around and say did you just fucking

touch my G bitch and he's going to take off his fucking tux. He's gonna roll up his J.Crew shirt. Okay? He's gonna take off his goddamn Lululemon pants. And he's gonna go like this. And he's gonna fist a cup like that.

Put him up, she. Put him up. Olivia Munn is a Peace. that put him up she put him out olivia money's a piece i'm just kidding i love john mulaney i don't know him and he's a very funny uh comedian and a great writer and whatever i don't give you like that stuff um so social security is running out gary newsom's being recalled uh social security this will be the first time that social security checks going out will not match taxes coming in thanks to the pandemic so you know what that means drum roll please hooker's about to be on

Drum roll, please. Hooker's about to be on the house. Prostitution's about to get legal in the United States of America. Taxed by Uncle Sam. Pussy with a surcharge. Hooker's about to be like, that handjob will cost you $12.99. And then when they ring you up, they'll be like, okay, that's $3.49 with sales tax. You're going to have to pay sales tax on your

blow job. What a fun episode. Patreon.com slash Yanni Long Days for the bonus episode. Additional content. Go join the channel, man. Subscribe. Become a member. If you love the show, show it. If you can afford it. If not, don't do it.

Just keep watching the free shit. But if you can afford it and you want more, there's a new episode every week. An additional episode on Patreon that you can listen to and we'll let jharvin15 take us out Florida Derek is about to have

a new private room open brother that's right brother come on down we're gonna have social security check night will you come on down

brother instead of handing you a social security check we will hand you a toothless prostitute who's been taken in living in the basement, brother, so she doesn't got to live on the streets of Tallahassee. I got a little arrangement

with the city council of Tallahassee, brother. We've gotten a lot of these meth heads off the street. They're working for me now, brother, doing odd jobs, cleaning up bullet shells around the gun range. You know what I'm talking about? Hauling in the Gator meat. We do got Gator Burgers half price for opening night of football on Thursday, brother.

Come on down, get your Gator Burger. Shoot your gun at our gun range and get your gullet shooter from Mariana behind the wood wall. And like I said, it is Social Security Night, brother. So we do have a full staff of local toothless prostitutes in the bathroom stalls who will blow you right after you drain the lizard after taking your gullet shooters, brother. We take care of you. That's a bathroom attendant. You can feel good about tipping, brother. Come on down to the Pink Lagoon, Crop Pit Flamingo. It's America with a wood wall. All right, guys. Now for our small business shout outs. You know the deal. I want to thank Andrew Cuomo's secretary. One of the best Patreon names we have.

Andrew Cuomo's secretary. Zjammarealty.com for any commercial or apartment rentals listings in Brooklyn. So check out Zjammarealty.com. That's ZjjamaRealty.com. That's ZjamaRealty.com. They will hook you up. So if you're looking for an apartment in New York, Brooklyn, hit them up.

ZjamaRealty.com. Andrew Cuomo's secretary. Then, of course, we got our boy Grant Trower down in South Florida. Granttrower.theatlanticrealtygroup.com is phone number 9545916465. You can follow him on the gram, grant underscore trower. Go, if you're going to the South Florida area and you need a spot and you're a fan, that's where you go. Tell your friends, whatever. We got our boy, Squeegee Luigi. You know the deal. He creates every item that he offers from cannabis, paraphernalia, exotic dab tools, pipes, rolling trays, luxury pens, jewelry, self-defense gear,

tools, furniture, and beyond. Get Turnt Co. That's his Instagram. Get Turnt Co. Go over there. Give him some support. Give him comments. Let him know. Get Turnt Co. on the gram, squeegee Luigi. Get Turnt Co. on the Instagram. Chris Manetti. If you want to drink some water and you're in philly uh if you're in the philly south jersey area call chris if you need to cash your business check uh go to minetti financial services call them up 215-750-3730 and go holler at chr boy. If you need to get your check cashed, Chris Minetti, two one five seven five Oh three seven three Oh, that way the IRS can't track you dude. Okay. That's your man. Tell him long day sent you Michael Hamlet jr. The Bronx brand.

Go check it out. The Bronx brand.com. Go support one of those artists up there. Buy something from there. Go peruse all the cool stuff they got up there. And if you put in the promo code FUMES, you'll get 15% off your order. So go to thebronxbrand.com. Then we got our boy Reese Orman. What's up, all us, Reese? So Reese wants you to know about techvera.com. Basically hire them for all your tech needs. They offer 24-7, 365 coverage and unlimited support to their flat rate partners. So they provide IT support

for your small to mid-sized businesses, and they work with businesses all around the country. So give them a call, techvera.com. They could do anything you need tech-wise. So instead of hiring tech people, just hire techvera.com. Very simple, very easy. Aaron Leaf, forthefree.us. It's an organization dedicated to providing artists from Hawaii a place to develop their craft. So go check out forthefree.us. And when everything opens up, live show dates will be up there. You'll be able to learn about artists. It's really all about the music scene in Hawaii. So go find out about cool bands if you're a music fan that are happening in Hawaii. And if you're vacationing in Hawaii anytime, you know you got to check out forthefree.us to find out what's going on. Rob at Rob's Mental Playground. Hyena in the tub, baby.

robsmentalplayground.com. If you are a Long Days fan, you must buy something from Rob's Mental Playground. That's just what you have to do. So Rob's Mental Playground on Instagram. He went live the other night. I was on there and he didn't see me. So that was your fault, Rob. Rob's Mental Playground, all one word on the gram, robsmentalplayground.com. Art, he's got art, t-shirts. The guy's a very talented artist and he's very fun and funny. So go interact with Rob's Mental Playground. And then of course, we got Jared Z from the Stinkbox, Tallahassee, looking for that hairy Yanni P to make me a cuzzy, you know, to deal 1-800-exclusive-autoshipping.com. So if you're moving anywhere around the world, United States, whatever it is,

you know what you got to do, okay? You go to exclusiveautoshipping.com, exclusiveautoshipping.com. Get your free quote to move your car anywhere in the United States. So thank you guys. Now for our Patreon names, patreon.com slash Yanni Longdays. Okay, want to welcome new Patreon members at patreon.com slash Yanni Longdays. Eli, Steven G, welcome guys. GM, Shaggy Lopez, Hunter Ellis, Zen Fitness with some Chinese letters, Elizabeth Hodson, Bianca Lindberg, Chris P. Bacon, and Josh Wiesen. Thank you guys. Patreon.com slash Yanni Longdays to become a member of the channel. And I will see you next week.