Yannis Pappas Hour - New Year Same Fumes - Long Days with Yannis Pappas - Episode 1

Episode Date: January 3, 2021

Every Sunday Comedian Yannis Pappas is here to give you a LONG DAY! He's going to attack the headlines and the trending bullshit. He's also going to answer questions from the fans live on air. The show goes out every Sunday to youtube and audio platforms but while it's being recorded the show goes LIVE it Yannis' Instagram! Come join in on the LONG DAY. This Episode Yanni has a LONG ONE. He talks how the internet has opened the gates of hell on our society, Trump falling apart on his way out of office, Yanni takes some WILD questions from the fans in the Instagram Live Chat, Dr.Fauci had a LONG year, Tim Dillon calls into the show, Tim Dillon talks about aliens being real, Yannis mentions Mark Normand for 1 second, outrage sells get used to it, what to do if you are the son of someone very famous, Yanni drops some wisdom! Love is an action not a concept. CUZ THAT WAS A LONG DAY! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, what's the Dallas? What's the Dallas? This is the first episode of Yanni Long Days where we are going to be exploring my functioning mental illness together. I'm going to be giving you a fucking long day. Once a week, you can tune in. You could also, if you want to just, we're going to be talking to fans live while this happens. Right now, Instagram live is going on my Instagram account. So people are chiming in, asking me questions. That's going to be part of it.

They want to hear my opinion on something. We're going to be doing that too. If I get lightheaded or have an anxiety attack, we'll have to pause or we'll just have to wait for it to pass. Or I will tell you I'm having an anxiety attack as we're talking because I don't have any Klonopins. Today, I'm trying to do the first day where I didn't bring Klonis in my pocket. And I never used them.

I haven't used them for a while. But just in case I start feeling a little ootsy, I call it ootsy. It's just nice to know that it's there. You know what I mean? It's like somebody's talking shit to you in the bar. It's just nice to have a gun. I understand how Long Island homeowners think now. You know, you just see a car sitting outside your house it's just nice to pick up the gun and hold it and look

at them through your camera and say is that a neighbor's relative parking on the street because there's too many cars in the driveway or is that somebody scoping out my house let me close my blinds go in the attic and put my rifle through the hole i have in the attic to just shoot anyone who may be on the island who i don't recognize i'm gonna be slipping into your favorite character sean terry fucking derek from uh from florida uh marisa misofanos anything i'm gonna be changing personalities we're gonna be talking about current events. I'm going to be exploring my stream of consciousness wherever the fucking electrons fire or neurons, whatever they're called.

If there's a doctor out there or a scientist, who cares? I'm a scientist now. My gender is hee-haw. My profession is scientists and journalists. Why the fuck not? We live during the era of the democratization of truth. So who knows? Does the vaccine work?

Does it not work? It's a matter of opinion. And that's what I love about 2020. You put your little spin on it. You take the information in, which none of us can understand because it's science. And let's be honest, how many percent of the people are scientists?

I mean, Binky's a smart kid. He set up all this shit. But if I asked him how that camera worked, he's gonna go, I don't know, I'm a fucking potato monkey from Whitestone, New York. I don't know how these wires work. There's magic in them. I don't know if Jesus pisses through the wire and puts magic fucking seeing

shit through the camera and hearing shit. That's what I'd call it. There's magic hearing shit and seeing shit through all this equipment. So Binky's a smart kid. He doesn't know how it works, but Binky could go online and be like, fuck this new camera. It's blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I have an opinion.

There's also Bill Gates has a microchip in my asshole, and he's giving me colon cancer. And why not? And then there's a million other fucking morons who grew up like Binky, whose father probably hit him when he was drunk. And he has sort of a blind spot in his fucking personality. And they go, Binky, I agree with you.

There's a fucking microchip in my asshole too. How do I know? Because I had a cold on Tuesday. So that's what's happened. The internet has opened the fucking, as I said to Tim Dillon, the fucking gates of hell. And it's fun.

Because listen, we're past peak. We're at the, we're past peak. We like when Rome took a longer time because information traveled longer during that time. And they switched into their dictator phase, the Caesars. So they were able to keep the people down. Now the floodgates have been opened by the internet. And just as an object picks up speed as it's falling to the ground, I mean, shit is moving quick now. I mean, if this was Rome,

we would have had to wait like 100, 200 years to find out that Hillary was Hilaria. But because of the internet, that shit moved quick. I mean, she's only been married to Alec Baldwin for like three years and 14 kids. I mean, those two are fucking recreating. He must be so attracted to her, Binky. Oh, yeah.

He's got like five kids with her, and he met her when he was like 60 and she was 14. Yeah. And she's not Puerto Rican, but nobody questioned it because of the amount of kids she had at such a young age. Because I grew up in Brooklyn, and nobody can push out human beings quicker

than a young Puerto Rican girl. We have people writing in, did you think you were going to die when you had COVID? Yes, I did think I was going to die when I had COVID. That is a good question. And that was a weird feeling. Because here's the deal. Let's be completely honest.

Binky will tell you the truth. And the truth is, I was pushing 225, 230. Okay, I was quarantined, which means the gyms were closed. And if you remember, as you can see what's coming back, before quarantine, I was a cut, sexy Greek kid, around 205, 200 pounds. Mostly muscle, a little bit of fat because I like to eat. I got a fucking eating problem. But quarantine happened, and the gyms closed, and my wife was pregnant,

and we started watching Mad Men. And, of course, when you watch Mad Men and you have a pregnant wife, what happens? She starts wanting mozzarella sticks with her chicken fingers. And so she had all sorts of weird frozen food cravings. And I picked them up. We just sat around, and I started drinking fucking beer. I was having fucking a beer night. Because this is what happens after you get fucking married. When you get fucking a beer night because this is what happens after

you get fucking married. When you get fucking married and your wife's fucking pregnant and your life becomes fucking being in the house, you fucking have a beer. That's what comes with being a straight guy at fucking nighttime. You go in the fucking refrigerator and you get a beer to take the fucking edge off while she's telling you to fucking be quiet because you're fucking watching the game. She's sleeping in the air rope. So I started drinking about a beer to take the fucking edge off. Well, she's telling you to fucking be quiet because you're fucking watching the game. She's sleeping in the air rope. So I started drinking about a beer a night, and that's it. I mean, alcohol's not my thing.

You know what I mean? I'm a Greek kid. It's actually been proven that, you know, Southern Europeans have a less, less of a chance of becoming alcoholics because they've had alcohol longer. I mean, you know what I mean? That's just what it is.

Northern European kids, they're like the Asians. They've only got it for like the last 20 to 50 years and boy, do they have music. That's because their bodies haven't built up a tolerance to it like COVID. I got nature shield right now. Come fucking spit in my mouth. I don't give a shit.

I'll go see a China man on the street collecting cans and I'll say, spit in my mouth, you can do nothing to me, coronavirus. Somebody's writing in, wants to know about, what do you think of Dr. Fauci's year from start to end? Dr. Fauci needs to shut the fuck up, okay? I respect the little fucking squeak from Long Island. He's got a New York accent, and that's fun to watch. That our top fucking military guy, I'm sorry, our top disease guy who probably does a lot of military shit as well,

because make no mistake, we are also creating biological weapons since World War I, chemical weapons since World War I. So I'm sure he talks to the Pentagon a lot. And it's really funny that our top disease expert just sounds like a dude who might hand you a MetroCard in the MTA train station.

That's fun. But he needs to shut the fuck up. Like the problem. And I'll answer you first. Yes, I thought I was going to die. And that was bad. And that's what was very scary. And when you have a newborn, it made it very scary. And there was a moment where I actually said to myself, like, I was feeling so sick. I was like, is the only way out of this to die? And that was a scary thought because I never had that thought before. And that freaked me out.

That's okay. Yeah, just give me one second. I'm gonna press buzz. Who's here, food? Oh, Yanni ordered some food, guys. Sorry, we'll eat it later. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dr. Fauci, this whole era, when historians look back on it,

is an era where either the establishment took power again, which I say good. I say good. Let the elites run the country. That's what their families have been doing for generations. And all they got to do, because they know they got to pay us off or else we show up at their gates and murder their entire families like Tsar Nicholas. So give them back the power.

But for four years, a game show host, a tabloid celebrity who was created by the media in Hollywood. That's the irony of it because they hate him so much, but they created him. He's not a real billionaire. He's not a smart politician. He's not even real billionaire. He's not a smart politician. He's not even good at business, as you can tell by his tax records and also the great expose that the Times did on him, the New York Times did on him, about how his father has bailed him out since he was, like, in his 20s.

But the kid was good at being a star. He's like the male Paris Hilton. So you've got to give him credit for that. He's a reality male Paris Hilton. So you gotta give him credit for that. We got a... He's a reality show. Zach Isis writing in. Wow, Zach Isis.

Yeah, you're getting... This question's being read by your replacement. Yanni, what do you think of the aliens and have you seen the phenomenon?

What do I think of the aliens? Hold on one second. Thank you, my friend. Good to see you. Yeah. I mean, when I had COVID COVID I was quarantined here and that Mexican kid was bringing me chicken soup

like every day but the chicken soup I couldn't get down so yeah Fauci needs to be quiet I don't know why he's talking I don't know why Fauci's talking so much I don't know why he's

talking to the media so much he's not a media personality he's not public relations trained he fucked up when he talked about the masks. See, the thing about people who are that smart is they overestimate the intelligence level of the American population. All you got to do is go on TikTok, which by the way, the Chinese named the TikTok because they know that we're at our end and they're laughing at us all you gotta do is go on tiktok to realize that look you want to think very carefully about what you say whatever comes out of your mouth to the american people through the media you also want to take a peek at what journalists are doing creating fiction to to get clicks and you want

to be very careful about what you're saying. He fucked up with the masks. That gave half the population the ammunition they needed to be like, you know what, this is Bill Gates' plot to watch us all. And then recently, now he's saying, you know, 2021's not going to be normal. It's going to be 2022. Herd immunity isn't 70%. Like I said before, it's 80, 90, it's 100.

Pretty soon he's going to say it's 400. Whatever's going to keep me on TV and keep me relevant because the guy's old and he wants to fucking make a splash. Shout out Daryl Hannah before he dies. So Fauci, don't think I don't know what you're doing. All small squeaks at the end of the fucking day, whether they're eggheads like him, nerds, or whether they're fucking pugnacious, insecure assholes like Napoleon and Hitler.

At the end of the day, squeaks are gonna try to take over the world and be heard and overcompensate. And that fucking squeak is having his moment right now. He's a smart kid. He sounds like a fucking sauce monkey from Brooklyn. But right now there's a part of him that's going like, this is my time to shine. I'm the star.

I'm walking out on my 80th birthday. By the way, kid looks good for 80 Squeaks. They live forever. You never walk around and see a tall or fat old person, but you will see Squeaks everywhere in their 90s. My dad was 5'9", I think. He shrunk down to 5'5". Kid lived to be 91.

And he had prostate cancer all over his body. I mean, the kid's balls were imploding. But he lived. Squeaks live forever. But squeaks are squeaks. So you got to watch them. You know what I mean? When they come swinging at you,

you got to put your hand on their forehead and say, Dr. Fauci, shut your mouth mouth he should not be allowed to talk to the press i do not know why a disease expert is talking to the press but i also blame trump because trump is fucking all over the place and shit rolls downhill so you gotta blame the guy who's at the top right like if you get a bad mcdonald's burger you don't complain to the fucking staff you go to the ceo mcdonald's and write a letter like my mom did for the last 15 years of her life because she had nothing to do and she was bored i mean she wanted to sue every company that fucking she felt wronged her and she caused me a lot of harm for 10 years tim dylan keeps calling you do you want to call him we can't we're in the

middle of a podcast it could be an emergency but who cares what kind of emergency could it be i mean the kid's on coke that's why he's calling me so many times uh and somebody writes in what about when they shut real comedians off YouTube? Will they go to Rumble? I don't know what Rumble is. That's another good question. This podcast is going to work out because these fans are fucking screwed in.

So yeah, but I was going to finish that thought was Donald Trump, you know, from the beginning, he was calling it the flu. He just mishandled this pandemic. And to the people who think this was just like, this was just sent to ruin his presidency, you're what they call a religious fanatic because this is a global pandemic.

I mean, Japan's in lockdown now. Sweden, who was trying herd immunity, that didn't work. They locked down. People are dying. You know, it happens. This is nature. Whether it was created in a lab or fucking from some

Bat's asshole Cause when he fucked A goat or something Or a cat Some of the fans are asking For you to call Tim on air You wanna call him on my phone Why the hell not

Let's call him back There you go This is what happens For the people on Instagram They're seeing this live And that's because It gets erased Because who knows

What's gonna happen Timmy Hey what's up buddy What's up, buddy? I'm sorry I'm calling you back. I know this is like kind of a rude thing to do, but I'm in the middle of doing the first episode of Yanni Long Days, and you called a couple times, so I just wanted to make sure.

I know it's early in Los Angeles, maybe 9. So are you on Coke again? No. Okay. No, no, no, no, no, no. We all get up early here. All right. Can I come to you like January 13th after Rogan?

Sure. Absolutely. Okay, good. Now, I got my own room. I'm not sleeping with Ben in bunk beds, right? No, we all have our own houses here. It's not like New York. Yeah.

We have money. Yeah, no. Timmy has guest houses now. Yeah, do I have my own Range Rover? Yeah. No, you don't have a range over keep working on one day yeah no i mean i'm trying to appreciate it yeah i'm trying to build my tiktok you're an artist you guys are cool and you know you're artists so you get you get to go to a

basement and you know talk about how how how cool and artistic everyone is. Here in L.A., all we have is money. We're plastic, fake monsters. Yeah, no, it's definitely... But I'll take it. It's definitely two extremes, New York and L.A., and it's because humanity is an abomination to this earth. So let's not pretend like they both don't suck. I believe that is to be the case.

Yeah, I mean, you know, you go to the West Coast, it's a horror show. You go to the East Coast, it's a deluded horror show. You go to the mirror in the middle, it's a horror show to look at. It's Carl's Jr. Yeah, it's a horror show to look at, yeah. Yeah, it's Hardee's, it's Carl's Jr., it's Bob's Big Boy. Yeah, it's just loose to the belt and take down, you know, 10,000 calories a day. Yeah, I mean, on the East Coast and West Coast, our souls are rotting.

In the middle, their actual, like, organs are rotting. So it's like we're all rotting. The middle is just a big cruise ship. It's just a big cruise ship in the middle. It's a big just, it's just a fucking Joker's cruise. Now, this podcast, this is your podcast to just go on crazy rants. Yes, this is my podcast to display my mental illness, my multiple personality disorder, to go on tangents,

and just, this is my podcast to not get popular, but to just do because Nate told me I should do it. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I'm an artist. This is my artist. This is for me to be an artist. Yeah. This is my, this is, uh, let's see, this is my less successful of the characters. So if the history hyenas is Marisa, this one's going to be the sneaker keeper. This is why Sean. This one's going to be the sneaker keeper. This is why, Sean. Well, that's because, hey, listen,

you got to do it if it feeds your soul, right? If it feeds your soul, then you got to do it. You got to be happy. Hey, look, some people are Van Gogh, some people, they're Picasso. Picasso was signing fucking napkins for $15,000 at restaurants, okay? Van Gogh cut off his ear, gave it to a hooker,

and died in a panic. I'm the latter. So that's just what it is. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's very healthy to compare yourself to Van Gogh. On the first episode of a podcast on Instagram. I think that's incredibly healthy.

Well, let's be honest. I think it's working. I think it's working. I think this podcast is working. Yeah, so... For your mental health, it's your Van Gogh. I get it. Well, let's be honest. I think it's working. I think it's working. I think this podcast is working. Yeah, so. We're in mental health. Here we go. I get it.

Well, it's working now that we got a surprise phone call from you because we throw this right in the fucking algorithm on YouTube. And boom, we get that fucking trickle down Tim Dillon love now. Don't think that every time you call me now, I'm not going to plug my phone into my computer and just record it and throw it on my future Patreon. That's fine. Listen, that's fine. Listen, as long as you can get me booked on a rooftop in New York, whatever you want, because that's what I want to do. I want to go perform next to a heat lamp on a roof in New York City.

So as long as we can do that, you know? Well, I don't know if you know this, but I know the Stan guys personally. They managed me for nine years. And yeah, my career looks like they managed me for 25, but they managed me for nine. So I know them personally. I could get you maybe booked upstairs, maybe after a Legion of Skanks live show.

I hope. Well, listen, I think I could get myself booked upstairs. I just got to start selling food. Yeah, you got to start making it. I mean, the sandwich market is cornered upstairs, but you think you could come in and throw some barbecue sauce on a fucking... Because, by the way... I might.

I might. Listen, I'll do that shit. I got no problem with that. Yeah. How is New York? New York is low with case, because LA is burning down with case. No. No, New York is 5%, so it's bad, but it's not like LA.

LA is burning. I think Florida and Texas are high, obviously, because, I mean, it's a fucking party down there. I mean, so, but, and they're big states. And, yeah, I think yesterday over 3,000 people died, So it was the biggest death day in history. Yeah, so people are dying. But you know what I mean? It's only 20 million people who have gotten it. And most of it's a walkthrough, you know?

I had a friend who told me, I mean, his girlfriend can't run anymore. And her dad died. And he was like, he had corona. And he was able to jog after three weeks. So he's like, corona's like a breeze. I'm like, your future father-in-law is dead, and your wife can't even jog anymore, your future wife. But here's the thing about COVID.

It's unpredictable. It's unpredictable. It's like bug chasing. You know what I mean? Right. Like, if you bug chase, the chances are you're not going to get the HIV, but you might. What is, why can't she jog anymore?

Is it just long term? Yeah, she had, it's just like she gets winded. She's one of those where she just gets winded. I mean, this congressman elect in Louisiana, he's dead. He was 40 years old. So he died. I mean, I know conspiracy theorists are going to say, you know, yeah, he died of like, I don't know. What do they say?

He had diabetes in his toes or whatever. But I mean, I mean, the truth of the matter is if the kid didn't get it does it does cause other stuff. Like I was talking to a doctor in Chicago and he said sometimes the GI version causes causes that, you know, you have to have surgery because the inflammation is so bad. And so it's funny. You know, it's funny have surgery because the inflammation is so bad. And so it's funny. You know, it's funny. They don't understand this. Smokers are really underrepresented in terms of serious COVID cases, like almost no serious smokers.

You're getting it. It's blowing medical professionals' heads. Yeah, there's a lot of it's a lot of stuff that's bizarre. So it's bizarre. Like when smokers get it, a lot of them die because they've destroyed their bodies, but smokers aren't getting it. It's very weird. They did this three,

this study in Israel where like a very small percentage of smokers contracted Corona versus the regular population. They don't know why that is. They think maybe it's because smoking increases a layer of mucus that it's just weird. It's like, it's a very strange thing out there nobody knows what's going on yeah well the ccp knows what's going on um right you have a healthy

guy you have that congressman who's 41 and healthy uh die and then you can have you know a morbidly obese uh person who's treated their body like shit, and it'd be a breeze. So it's so fucking weird, even though that shouldn't be the case. It's just random and insane. Yeah, and look at Chris. I mean, you have a guy like Chris who should have got COVID. I mean, he should also have AIDS and herpes, but he just doesn't have it.

I mean, I think he was tongue-kissing Andrew Santino. He slept with Donnie in the same bed, and he was there in the room with Akash when everyone in the room got it, except for him. So it is a very strange... Yeah, I mean, I sat in a room with a guy. I had breakfast with a guy who had it 45 minutes. I didn't know, and then he, you know, he told me, you know, I told you last week, me and Ben were having a meeting, and neither one of us got it. So I don't know. I think I either had it in March, or I have a weird immunity, or I'm just being careful. I'm getting lucky. I mean, I'm not going out and doing anything crazy.

I'm just staying at my house, going to the store, and whatever. So, I mean, it's weird, but it's also, you know, there's nobody rational. Everybody's like, okay, we need to shut down everything forever. And that's one group of people. And then the other group of people goes, let's go out to Chili's and dunk us. And the problem is that the economic damage of this isn't even quantifiable yet. We don't even understand. We don't even understand the evictions, the loss of revenue to businesses, what's happened. Like, you know, corporations are just taking everything over.

And if you had a small business, you're going to be fucked. And, I mean, if you own a restaurant, if you own a gym, if you own, you know, a small retail store, if you work at any of those industries, if you're a service industry employee, like, you've lost all of your income. The government gave you a $600 check. I mean, people are getting've lost all of your income. The government gave you a $600 check. I mean, people are getting pretty close to grabbing a gun. So, I mean, I think COVID's real. It's devastating. But at the end of the day, it's like, unless the government gives people more money or figures out a way to open things to a degree where people can go work,

there's going to be massive problems. And they might make COVID look like a breeze. Yeah, no, there was a guy with a machete the other day in Brooklyn who just hacked up a woman on the street. I think he might have been naked too. So it's a real Sophie's Choice we got going on between people's sanity, the economy,

and overcrowding the hospital system. You know, at some point you go, you know what, let's build some tents and and get these you know get these fucking stores that by the way the walmart's are wide open which is hilarious right so it's like the other problem it's like the walmart's are open so you can't be outside but so i'm driving around in la yesterday they're still doing tours of la cram seven people in a van and show them where fucking like Taylor Swift lives. Yeah, by the way,

like what is a tour of LA? Just telling stalkers where celebrities live? I mean, what else are you going to see? The fucking town was built 20 years ago on a fucking desert.

So listen to this. So they got fucking people in small little vans driving tourists around and cramming them in vans. But you can't have a salad on a patio if you own a restaurant. Like, you can't eat in the sun on a patio where transmission is very low.

But you can stand in Costco or Walmart or a liquor store, shoulder to shoulder with people, or take a tour. It just, it's sloppy and uneven uneven and people are getting very angry. This is one of the reasons why people don't want to take the vaccine and everything. It's like nobody trusts the government anymore because the government can't effectively govern. It really is, and I hate to harp on this point that we always bring up,

but it doesn't get much better. Things will open up, but this whole experience has shown us that we are not able to handle anything. And the next challenge, whether it's a pandemic or a war, I mean, it's just going to hasten and accelerate our demise so precipitously

it's going to be crazy. Yeah, because, you know, war doesn't happen anymore with, you know, guys, you know, troops storming your borders because everyone is so strapped with artillery and nukes that this is the way if war continues, which of course we're humanity, we will continue to have war.

It'll be done like this and it'll be done to expose the weaknesses of your enemies. Because I'll tell you what, Wuhan looked like fucking Times Square and Times Square looked like the inner city of Baltimore. So if you don't think the Chinese are winning, they're winning. like fucking Times Square and Times Square looked like the inner city of Baltimore. So if you don't think the Chinese are winning, they're winning. So like the great Tim Dillon said, for all you racists out there who keep talking about the conspiracy of the Jews, you don't even know, as the great Tim Dillon said, who you're

fucking supposed to be, who owns you. Because it ain't the Jews. You don't know who your rulers are. Yeah, they're coming. They're coming and they deserve it. to be who owns you because it ain't the Jews. You don't know who your rulers are. Yeah. Yeah, they're coming. They're coming and they deserve it. You know, they deserve it. If you're willing to release a bioweapon

to yourself first and then to the rest of the world, you probably deserve to win. I mean, I don't know what to say. Yeah, it's like Kaiser Soze when they kidnapped his family and then he shot his kid and his wife just to show these men of will what will really is.

They're like, look man, we will eat your pets and we will live in an apartment with 5,000 of us. We will collect cans at 90 years old and I'll carry them on my back

like a camel even though I'm getting a stipend from the government that's secret to buy your house. We are taking over surreptitiously with subterfuge because we're a sneaky

fucking political party that has complete control over a country. And because of Nixon and that fucking era where he said, let's go there and let you make our shit. We own you and got you by the balls. Just like fucking Hilaria has Alec Baldwin by the balls making kids. And now she's a famous yoga instructor. That's how it goes, baby. That's America. America is a famous yoga instructor. Like if America

had a job, it would be we're a famous yoga instructor as a country. That's exactly like, yeah. A white woman that likes crystals that does yoga and her parents pay for her apartment and you know what you're right it's this uh it causes the distrust amongst the people

like one lie that's why i said government uh you know get fauci off tv because he's not he's a fucking anyway that's another thing but it's's like, you get caught in one lie, then the idiots of the country, which the majority are, are gonna question everything. It's like if you tell the people, hey, look, you can drink, you can drink until your liver turns fucking purple, you can beat your kids, you can beat your wife, you can kill people in the car when you're drunk,

but you can't smoke weed or you go to prison you know and so that's your morality yeah people are gonna go you know what this is a little weird i know covid's a real thing but why can i fucking why can i go into an indoor walmart right and uh and just walk around and stand in a line of a hundred uh people who are we're trying to stay six feet apart but people are so fucking fat that they extend past the six feet and are in my area. And I can do that, but I can't fucking enjoy an omelet outside in,

in West Palm. You know what I mean? So it's like, yeah, I think it's also like the government, they just goes demons up there. Like Mitch McConnell, man,

they just don't want to give anyone money. They just hold on to the money. And you know, they're just, they don't want to give anyone money. They just hold on to the money. And, you know, they're just, they don't want to give people two grand, which in the grand scheme of things is nothing. And, you know, they're just demons, but they're giving Israel a trillion dollars, and they're giving the military industrial complex all the fucking money in the world.

And, you know, they're giving everybody money. You know, why are we giving Israel four billion dollars? Like, can anyone explain to me why we're doing that? Like, why are we giving Pakistan money? Why are we still building $4 billion? Can anyone explain to me why we're doing that? Why are we giving Pakistan money? Why are we still building missiles? We've got more missiles. We can blow up the world 90 times, and we're still building missiles

while we have five-mile-long food lines in Texas. Unless those people wake the fuck up, man, it's going to get bad. Nancy Pelosi's house is vandalized, and I don't agree with any violence ever. I always like to say that if this goes on YouTube. But, like, the reality is people are viciously angry, they're desperate, and it's a very combustible

mix. And I don't know why these motherfuckers, you know, it would cost a couple of billion dollars to give everyone two grand, which is nothing. It's, in the grand scheme of things. It's absolutely nothing. And it would just put a bandaid on. But what's going to happen is if they don't give people that money, you know, the winter

is going to be nasty. But guess what's coming? Summer. Yeah. People are going out in the summer. No, they're riding again. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. There'll be a little riding. We'll smash and grab. We'll smash and grab we'll smash and grab yeah and it's gonna happen because you know a cop is gonna do

something stupid we always know that some cop from like some frozen tundra of Minnesota Wisconsin is gonna do something stupid yeah

he's gonna shoot a guy in a Waffle House parking lot and then it's just gonna be a fuck it's gonna be on like

Donkey Kong yeah so I think we should just give people a little money try to get the cops to keep the guns in the pockets if possible yeah and uh you know move on but listen i gotta jump in the show or at least let me just say this or at least just shoot white people if you're a cop in a black neighborhood please get yourself a nerf gun and just let the cops get shot let's just do that for a year. And just like, if you got an itchy trigger finger,

just go to like, go to the suburbs and just, yeah, you can shoot a hundred white people and it'll be fine. Shoot Hilaria Baldwin. If the NYPD shot Hilaria Baldwin 300 times, are you telling me this country wouldn't work out? I think it might bring us together, yeah. And before we lose Tim. I mean, you just saw her body

against Bergdorf Goodman just getting, like, Amadou Diallo, hail of bullets. And say, bitch, you want to be a minority? Well, this is how we treat you. Anyway, Tim J. Dillon on Twitter.

Wait a second. Pinky wants to ask you one question. The fans want to know what he thinks about aliens real quick. They just want to know real quick what you think about aliens. The fans are asking. Then we can let you go. Aliens. I mean, you quick. They just want to know real quick what you think about aliens. The fans are asking, and then we can let you go.

Aliens. I mean, you know, it's impossible to know why the government keeps talking about aliens right now. Things are so bad, the government might actually be like, let's try to get these losers on a new hobby and talk about aliens.

But I don't care about aliens until they do the rifle thing, which is come down and bomb this planet. Yeah. Until they shut the lights off, I mean, yeah, if they were here, they would have done it. They would have done that already. A hundred percent. Yeah.

They would be here. But all right, brother, I got to start my day. I'll talk to you soon. All right. I'll call you later to talk. Yeah, please. All right. So there you go.

That's what you call calling a, getting a call from a personal friend into content. And I was going to say Mark Norman, I was talking to him yesterday, so put his name in the tags on YouTube because he's hot right now like fish grease. He gets it. It's about the net. He told me he had one friend

who was like in the hospital for 11 days and then he had another friend who had like two, three days worth of symptoms. They're both healthy kids. So COVID is a fucking wild, it's a spin the wheel type of drug. You never know what can happen. Aliens, my opinion on aliens is

there's definitely aliens in the universe, but I mean, they're not here. They might have come and take a peek and just been like, think about it. Imagine you're an alien. If you have the technology to get a hundred billion light years away that means you can you've built something that can like warp time and space because nobody's gonna live that long and that's how long it takes

to travel you can't live long enough to go to like the last planet in the solar system which i don't know what it is because i'm not an astrologer. It's astronomy. I know I'm doing it as a joke, but it's like, it takes you, you go to Mars, you go there for a lifetime.

You don't come back. That's how fucking big and vast the universe is. If they could come to earth and they're that advanced, think about it. That would be like us looking at, uh, um, ant hill and going like, do you,

are you going to want to hang out? No, you're going to look at it and go like, that fucking blows. Imagine what it must be like to be ants. That sucks. They all die from some fucking queen. She treats them like shit. All they do is build and work all day

to serve this fucking cunt. And then that's all they do. They build bridges and sacrifice themselves for her, which is wild. Sounds a lot like what Alec Baldwin's doing with his career with Hilaria. But yeah, I mean, that's the power of pussy. Has anyone ever examined the power of pussy in other species? Praying mantises, they fucking eat the guys. Ants, they're all male and they're

out there working, dying to serve some fucking bitch who just sits there on like Java the hut in some fucking hole and can't be killed. And then they bring food back to her and someone fucks her. Someone gets to fuck her. Some, she does a contest and lets one ant or a couple ants fuck her. I'm not a zoologist. And then they all die.

Well, that's what influencers are, no? That's kind of what influencers are, right? So it's like, if you were an alien and you came and saw a fucking ant hill, are you gonna hang out want to let them know? You're going to take a peek and go, this sucks. Let's get back to our fucking lit ass planet where we can fuck yous in our mind. We vibrate in each other and cum a hundred million times because our brains are so strong.

You think the Kama Sutra is fucking lit? If we travel a hundred million, you know how lit alien sex must be if they have figured out a way to travel billions of light years away that fucking sex is litty litty tiktok should be illegal it's fucking children in air force ones making adults hard stop it we have someone writing in, what do you think about Elliot Page? Elliot Page, formerly known as Prince, right? Look, look, this is a complicated subject. First of all, her career was fizzling down a little bit. She was one of the loudest advocates for Jesse Smollett when he came out, which is a fun

video. When you cut this, if you could find it, she's on a talk show going like enough is enough from her, like probably $4 million apartment in Portland or San Diego or whatever dumb imaginary West coast city that was founded by East coasters 20 years ago. I mean, you guys are just like, your whole coast is Vegas. It's just Vegas. The East Coasters, you know, you got fucking Mormons and then East Coasters

that just went out there and started businesses and then you're like the second or third generation kids and you're living on a fantasy. The whole West Coast is just fucking built on fantasy. Come for gold.

Come for fame. You know, come if you follow a guy named Joe Smith. If you're stupid enough to follow a guy who you think is a prophet and his name is Joe, fucking China, take the West Coast. America is really the Northeast Corridor. That's the nucleus.

That's the brain. I mean, if you go to Florida, you think that's the brain? No, that's the penis. That's America's penis. It makes mistakes and it fucks up. That's America's penis. It makes mistakes and it fucks up. Florida's America's penis. The Northeast Corridor, you know, where we got MIT, fucking Harvard, RIT,

where the country was started. That's the brain. The middle of the country, obviously America's stomach. That's where it likes to eat. That's the fucking stomach and gut. And it takes in a lot of food. And then the West Coast is sort of the mental illness, the dreams, the delusions, the childish ambitions,

the immaturity, you know, of the country. So that is our country if it was a person. What was your question again, Binky? Because I got lost in my own brain and it didn't, it wasn't a good payoff. Here's another one. How are we going to fix this wild state of the news media? Is there any solution?

Okay. Okay. That's a good one. That is a good one. So this is the media's fault. This is the media's fault. This is the media's fault. It's not politicians' fault. At the end of the day,

I had a joke on my half hour about the media. The media did not adapt to the internet, right? Used to have to buy papers and everything was subscription-based. Same thing when you go to a comedy show. You pay for it. You're gonna act respectfully. You're going to see good entertainment, whatever you like. When you walk into a free comedy show, right? You don't have respect for

it. You can get up at any time. Comedians got to take their balls out to hold your interest. You don't pay for something. You don't respect it. You don't really support it. You got to resort to other things to hold people's attention. So when the internet happened, it gave journalists the opportunity to have their own avatars and to feed their own narcissism. You used to not even, nobody knew what Seymour Hersh looked like. Nobody knew, well, the journalists weren't famous. If you saw Walter Cronkite in a fucking restaurant, you didn't run over to get his autograph. Nobody gave a shit.

First of all, kids didn't know who he was and parents just were like, oh, that's that boring guy from the news who gives me the fucking news. That's what news used to be. Just news. A guy saying this is what happened. Then cable TV started with Fox and CNN. That was the first incarnation of it where it became narrative and fiction. And then with the

internet, it just exploded into conspiracy and more extreme and if you if you're hip to it if you look for it i mean everyone puts their paranoia in weird places you know it's like put your paranoia in where it belongs which is like when you see the thing that makes you think about bill gates is evil why don't you question the source and say, let me see this headline. Let me read through it. You can start to see the wheels and how it's engineered to get you outraged

because I call it car crashes for clicks. Rubbernecking happens not when there's a car on the side of the road and somebody's taking a piss in the woods or you see someone on the phone on a car hood on the side of the road and somebody's taking a piss in the woods, or you see someone on the phone on a car hood on the side of the highway. Rubbernecking happens when there's an accident. There's some blind spot in our shitty brains, humanity, where we focus on the negative. It's because we want to be accepted by the group. It's been passed down through evolution. That's why a hundred people could say they love you. One person says they hate you, you focus on the

negative. So the media takes advantage of that. So you see a car crash on the side of the road, everyone stops to see the car crash on the side of the road. And that's what the media knows. So all their articles now are tantamount to car crashes on the side of the road to get everyone to stop and read. And then we're so stupid because our education system is a failure because we've sent billions of dollars to our military industrial complex.

And to be an empire, we forgot Aristotle's warning, which was the future of a civilization depends on the education of the people. Public education should be a priority and it's just not. We have one really funny fan who wrote, this is like a substitute teacher losing it.

I mean, I should have called this the substitute teacher that loses it. No, but be honest. If you walked into your fucking class and this is what you were getting, you'd be like, I hope my teacher dies, because this is fun to watch, baby. And then a lot of people are writing in, what's your preparation for Rogan?

Are you nervous? Is it a – No. Me and Binky were talking about this. Me and Mike were talking about it. By the way, go follow him, Homeless Pimp. He's the reason why Hyena is doing so well. No, no.

Rogan, we've spoken before. We kind of communicated online. He's, you know, I've admired Rogan since the early 2000s. I actually think he's a good comic. I love his, uh, his, I think it was like a 2006 special. Um, in like a Jersey club. I thought it was a great special. He's obviously, uh, a great podcaster.

He's a moral guy. He stood up for comedians when they had material taken. He's a moral guy and he does what the fuck he wants. And he's a comic. So I'm going in to hang out with a comic who I haven't really hung out with yet. So I'm just excited to sit with a comic. He asked me to be on the show. He told me he loves my Twitter feed. And that was it. That's how it happened. He just hit me up and was like, yo, I've been loving your Twitter feed. He's been following me for a while, you know?

And when him and Ricky Gervais followed me, those are like my two, two of my favorite people, favorite comic. Ricky Gervais is like, nobody gives him credit because he like learned standup in a couple of years, but the guy's standup is incredible. And obviously all the other movies and shows he's written are legendary. I love Ricky Gervais. And so, you know, yeah, I just, that made me really happy when he followed me and then asked me to go on Rogan. It's like, oh, that's the next step. That's going to make me real happy to just sit down and talk to Rogan. So, you know, I'm, uh, I got a a lot in my head he's got a lot of questions we're

gonna we're gonna there's a lot going on in the world and i'm just excited to jam with the kid you know and and take a photo of the studio and put it on my instagram and and just let people go oh shit yeah litty litty fuck yeah you know whatever who gives a shit you know what happened when i thought i was gonna die with corona corona I realized just let me get health again and I don't care about anything else. Just have fun. At the end we all die. Who gives a shit?

I don't care if this ever gets as popular as Hey Babe. It probably won't. Sal's a fucking rock star. The kid does arenas. That's like me doing a fucking podcast with Taylor Swift. Steve Mustache from the Hyenas Patreons writing in. How can we hire him to make promos? Let's figure it out. Yeah.

But he wrote, do you think stand-up specials are going to become like Schultz's last one? Like the monologue-y thing? I don't know, man. You know? I don't have a... I don't know. I just watched Tenet the other night. Christopher Nolan. You see that movie? No. Well, it's Denzel Washington's

son is a star. I hate to say it, but the kid's a horrific actor. He's like doing an impression of his dad. It's really wild to watch. But, um. Well, how many people can outshine their famous father? I don't know. Yeah, I mean, you should have just become a chef or something.

Like, you're going to become. That's like LeBron James' son becoming a basketball player. It's not going to happen. You know, if your dad was average. Like, think about it. Like, Steph Curry's father was a great shooter, Del Curry. was a great shooter he was kind of like a role player then you got Steph Curry same thing with Ken Griffey his son Kevin you're the son can be better but when your father's legendary cuz you gotta open a restaurant find your own path don't fucking go

down the same path and be an actor I mean you, you're a terrible actor, Denzel Washington jr. And I wonder how you got that role was, did you come up through Shakespearean actor school? Um, somebody wrote in, you look like an abortion survivor. I am an abortion survivor. My parents had me when they were in their eighties.

You think they wanted it? Um, so to answer the question, what was the original question? Cause I want to think people are going to copy Schultz's monologue style. Right. So the movie tenant, um, I was, yeah, the movie are going to copy Schultz's monologue style? Right, so the movie Tenet, I was like, yeah, the movie Tenet's about time travel.

So it's like, I can't, if I could tell you that, I'd know everything. I mean, I seem to be pretty fucking, if you look at Why Sean, it's like I predicted Sean King. That sketch was 12 years ago. You look at Maurice,

that was 10 years ago. Nobody knew what a trans person was. You look at Cardi B now, she's fucking posting photos of BBQs. You you're not understanding obviously she saw that as a strip in the bronx and then she was like yo that's it i'm going to be rigorous too um so i don't have time travel but um here's the thing people things change constantly like bell bottoms are back now doc martins are back those were hot in the early 90s you know know, when I was going to high school. So it's like, you look at Mark Norman's special.

I remember Schultz wanted me to put it up in clips. We put it up in a clip. And then I always wondered why we didn't have the full special on YouTube to give him a link. So people saw the clip. And Schultz was like, no, you got to do it one clip at a time, blah, blah, blah. But I mean, then you look at Norman's special. It's like 4.5 million. You know, so people are in, you look at Rogan's, Rogan's, Rogan's does three, four hours. Rogan sat down with my friend, Michael Costa for four

hours the other day. Michael Costa is my friend. I don't think I could talk to him for more than 35 minutes. So, and people, that's the biggest podcast in the world. So long form is not dead. Nothing's dead and things are cyclical. So things get hot for a second. The thing, the thing, classics always are classics. Stan Smith's, Rod Laver's, Air Force Ones, Air Max 95. They don't go out of style. Classical music, people still listen to it. Chess, still around, great game. Rolling Stones, they'll never go out but it's like tiktok and the stars yeah they're gonna be fucking selling dick and pussy on the street in 20 years because that shit is that's what you call flash pad and then the last question on this episode have we hit a

point of toxic compassion in our society too much awareness too much virtue signaling yeah yeah well that's the thing like sean king the reason why sean king bothers me so much is because he he needs the outrage like i tweeted something we should read one tweet can you go to my sean king tweet it's not about sean king but it's about it's about um like charlatans it starts with charlatans. Yeah, that became a form of celebrity, a way to get attention. When I was a kid, I was neglected by my parents. So I would like mumble to them

like something was wrong. I pretended like I was hurt and that's how I got attention. Now everyone's doing that because they feel neglected because everyone has sold this American dream. Everyone's sold that you can't be happy unless you're a star or whatever.

And the internet opened that door for everyone to be a star. So when you don't have talent unless you're a star or whatever. And the internet opened that door for everyone to be a star. So when you don't have talent, you go the other way and you seek attention by being a victim. And the irony is that you live in a country that allows you to do that, lets you know how great the country is. That's the irony.

Your tweet was self-interested charlatans want you trapped in trauma so they can keep drug dealing you victimhood. Right. So that's my problem with Sean King is he's a self-interested charlatans want you trapped in trauma so they can keep drug dealing you victimhood. Right. So that's my problem with Sean King is he's a self-interested charlatan who wants to keep you addicted to trauma. That's why he keeps talking about trauma and not about the future or anything positive. He keeps bringing up black trauma because he wants to keep you in a state of victimhood so he can serve himself. So he can have a raison d serve himself, so he can have

a raison d'etre and he can have a career, you know? So it's so transparent that it's self-interested, you know? He only does, he's a one note. It's like, boom, whenever, and black people are just constantly like, we're oppressed, we're oppressed, we're oppressed, instead of looking at all the positives and the whole picture. Yes, that's true. And yes, this is true. You need to focus on that. Every community, first of all, white people is a boogeyman, okay? It's created in America to hold black people down, but it's a boogeyman.

White people could give a shit about each other. We're all little clans. Like I grew up with Greeks. They didn't give a shit about anyone. They hate Italians. They hate Irish. You speak to Hispanics, people that hate each other. Like there's no such thing as white people.

You look at the history of Europe, it's the most murder you've ever seen in your entire life. World War I and II, to hate each other. Like there's no such thing as white people. You look at the history of Europe, it's the most murder you've ever seen in your entire life. World War I and II, millions of white people killed millions of white people. Humanity is shit. There's no such thing. You think if you went to Europe during World War II and you said, hey, white people,

why are you oppressing other? They're killing each other. They put other white people in the ovens a lot and they murdered them. So it's like it's a boogeyman, and every group has conservatives and liberals. I lean left. That's just how I think, but I also have a lot of conservative points of view. I kind of consider myself kind of an independent thinker, and I take each issue as it comes.

But if you want to know the truth, the Greek community has flourished in America not because of bleeding heart liberals. This country's about money, business, and power. It's a capitalistic country. So the conservative Greeks are really the ones that built the community. Family values, yes. Was the father sneaking off and banging hookers?

Probably. Okay, was he a hypocrite? Yeah. But at least he was preaching family values and all that shit that kept the community together. He was going to church, whatever, and then he was banging Taiwanese hookers. Who cares?

Nobody knew it's nobody's business. You can't make almonds without breaking eggs. So to wrap up. But black people are like, I kind of see, even Hispanics have a huge conservative contingent now, 30%, 40%. Blacks are the only group that's like one or 2%. So although I disagree with a lot of things,

people like Candace Owens are important, even though she's a fucking fanatic for Trump. It's important to have a conservative side to balance out everything and be pro-business because that's what's gonna help every community. And blacks should be proud. They're told all the time how oppressed, it's like the most fastest growing middle class. There's billionaires now. I mean, you know, every athlete you watch on TV who's black, then there's a lot

of them in a few sports. Let's be honest. We all got eyes. They're all millionaires. You invest, I mean, your community's coming up and it's great to see because black history is American history. Black people are really the most American people and their culture is the most imitated in history. So to wrap up this episode,

people kind of want to get a few tips in their life how to stop cancel culture in their own. I thought they were going to say how to marry a girl who's 14 years younger than you and a fucking piece.

Well, at the time, I had a lot of money. I was hitting the road. I was selling out and I had a piece well at the time i had a lot of money i was hitting the road i was selling out and i had a job in miami that was paying me a lot of money on a network that had what it was all potential and it all failed and i took a step back and nobody likes to go backwards in lifestyle but by that point i had her hooked in no i love my wife we got married because we you know love each other so what was the question? A few tips for people in their own lives, how to stop the cancel culture in their own circles. In their own circles.

Just laugh at people. Just like, you really care? Like, do you really care? Point out the hypocrisies. You know, here's the thing. One of the wisest things I've ever heard is from my buddy's, you know, stepfather in a way, who I love. I love talking to the guy. He's real religious. I'm not, you know, but he's not real,

real religious, but he said, this is one of the wisest things I've ever heard. Remember this. Love is an action. It's not a concept. It's not a word. it's an action. So whoever you're in a relationship with, whoever's your friend, remember that. If they love you, they'll act on that. They'll do things that show you they love you. It's an action that proves to you they've done things for you. People that tell you they love you, I mean, you know, God bless a lot of my friends. We say love you when we get off the phone. We don't love each other. You know what I mean? you know, God bless a lot of my friends. We say love you when we get off the phone. We don't love each other. You know what I mean?

People who love each other don't need to say it all the time. It's an action. So similarly, when someone tells you that they're such a great person, it's usually a compensation for that they haven't done shit. Because if they were doing shit like Keanu Reeves doesn't run his fucking mouth and he takes the subway. You ever see pictures of Keanu Reeves? Nobody's gotten more videos sneaked of him on the train picking his nose than Keanu Reeves. He doesn't run his mouth. The kid takes the train.

He's a humble kid. He probably donates to fucking charity and nobody fucking knows about it. Just like your humble host right here. I'm not humble. I'm a narcissist. That's why I fucking do this for a living. But I did social work for I'm a narcissist. That's why I fucking do this for a living. But I did social work for five and a half years.

Fucking, you know, I only tell you that my grandfather was a slave because, to make a point, it's not in my act. You won't see it in my comedy. You won't see Bill Burr talking about his wife being black.

That's why he's the greatest comedian on the planet because he doesn't go to those crutches. He doesn't go, my wife's black, you know? And I fucking, you know, and I fucking, you know, I,

she, we go fucking, you know, when we go home, I eat this. I go, well, let me have a beer because that's what I eat.

And she goes, yeah, well, let me, you know, it's like, you don't know. He doesn't,

he doesn't compensate in that way. He doesn't, it doesn't use it as a crutch. So it's like, I did social work for five and a half years. My mother was a human rights lawyer. I grew up with

United Nations Christmas cards, Unitar. You could go Google her name, Anna Malakis Pappas. She wrote a seminal book on the human rights of children. I would walk around. I had to fucking take

the little cardboard UNICEF coin thing and go door to door and collect to give, like that made a difference, mom. You ruined my childhood on fucking Halloween. I was going door to door to collect quarters for kids in Africa

while everybody else was dressing like Batman or Ghost because it was an easy costume to make. You put a fucking sheet and you put Babe Ruth on the back. I'm the fucking ghost of Babe Ruth. And I was like, hey, I'm the child of someone who thinks that this is gonna make a difference in Africa. So I would collect $2.25.

And so that was my whole life. I grew up with my mom, was about justice. And then I did social work five and a half years. I did 9-11 disaster relief for two and a half. And then I worked at an SRO with formerly homeless and mentally ill people. I don't talk about it, except if you ask. It's not in my act. I don't make a big stink about it.

So the bigger the stink, it's just like when you're about to fight, the more someone's running their mouth, the less they know how to fight. You know what I mean? Unless you're Michael Jordan, your mouth should not be open. Okay? Unless you're that girl from fucking Queen's Gabbit, whatever that,

it was a great show. Then you shouldn't be running your mouth because you're not that good at chess. And I'm talking to you, the guy who beat me and was running his mouth. And then I called him a bitch. And then he reported me

and I got my chat blocked on chess.com. All right. So you want to let the people know when chat blocked on chess.com. All right, so you want to let the people know when the pod comes out. Yes, this was a fun first episode with guest Tim Dillon. This is,

the pod comes out every Sunday. It's me, Mike Lavin, just like we did today. I will have guests. You can ask me to do anything. There'll be a live chat going from Instagram

every time we do this episode and it will erase in case I say something crazy that Mike will fucking have to do anything. There'll be a live chat going from Instagram every time we do this episode, and it will erase in case I say something crazy that Mike will fucking have to edit out. You can pimp me out. Ask me to do anything, your opinion on anything. And they'll be able to call in. You can call in eventually. We're going to be able to call in.

Mikey's going to set that up. You know, you want to hear my characters or perspectives on things, you can ask me to do that. It's wide open. This is just basically an exploration of what's going on here, which is always a fucking long day.

So, what's the dollars? Go to Giannis Pappas, the YouTube page, Giannis Pappas Comedy. Giannis Pappas Comedy, all one word. Subscribe. That's where the long days videos

will be going up. And of course, it'll be available on every other platform. know i mean and i'll see you next week