Yannis Pappas Hour - Opening for Joel Osteen

Episode Date: December 11, 2021

Joel Osteen gets exposed by “Joe the Plumber”. Math is discriminatory. Billionaires got rich during the pandemic and Yanni explains how and why. US is going to stage a diplomatic boycott of the Olympics and Jared Harvin is in studio and more, It’s a LongDay. Sports and betting fans listen to Yanni’s sports podcast for BETMGM with Olivia Harlan Dekker here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/unleashed/id1557763454Sponsors: Hello fresh https://www.hellofresh.com/pages/podcast?c=longdays14&utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=cpm&utm_campaign=4020201510podcast&utm_content=longdays14&dm=meals&featured=family&mealsize=3-4Box of Awesome https://www.bespokepost.comPromo code: FUMES talk space https://www.talkspace.compromo code: FUMESLongDays is a weekly podcast by comedian Yannis Pappas. Yanni likes to goof on trending topics and news issues from all sides. He likes to poke all the bears. Get your commentary on news & trending topics with Yanni every Sat and a guest chat with interesting, brilliant and hilarious humans every Thursday. Wasdadealis Yanni stand up tour dates & tickets: https://www.yannispappascomedy.comJoin for weekly Bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com/yannilongdaysThe show goes out every Saturday night & Thursdays to youtube and podcast audio platforms but while it's being recorded the show goes LIVE on Yannis' Instagram on Wednesdays. Come join in on the LONG DAY & Follow Yannis PappasInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Good day everybody, welcome to another episode of Long Days. We got the live chat going as usual, it's a jar of pencils, we need a couple chicks in there right now because it is a penis march, a sausage fest, and we need a couple of calamari to diversify the situation. Is math racist? Tune in. We will find out. I sure think so.

I think it's racist against dumb Greeks who have podcasts now, but who struggled in high school. Me, I'd like my god damn grades changed retroactively now that I know I was being discriminated against for being a fucking idiot. God, can we bleep these curses? It demonetizes us too early.

Joel Epstein, my boy. What a goddamn headliner he is. The kid is doing arenas with other people's material. Can someone write some new material, guy? You're reading material from 2,000 years ago. It's an old road act. Put your puppets away. Write your own Bible.

Joel Osteen, one of my favorite stories we will talk about. Lot of money found in the wall. We'll get to it. Money that was reported stolen that was found in the bathroom. Makes you go, hmm. What else is going on? A nice little Zoom call from a CEO that fired 900 people from his company and he was pissed. We'll take a look at that. Guess who's back?

Jason Voorhees herself. Hillary Clinton back teaching master's classes, reading what would have been her acceptance speech while guess what? She cried. Are those real tears or are those crocodile tears? Because she's a shapeshifter. You tell me. We will watch that. There's a $650 million weapons sale to Saudi Arabia that tried to be stopped in the Senate. Guess who's behind the sale? Your good old buddy, Joey B. Why are we selling so many weapons to Saudi Arabia, who's always shady, who probably was behind 9-11?

I'll tell you why. Because it's what we make best, and we need money right now, guy. Are you kidding me? Whoever wants to buy weapons, call me. The US government is about to become a small business shout out on this show and say, call this number if you need to buy weapons because we need money and we know you need guns. We don't care about the morality of your civil war. What else is going on?

Looks like we have a pedophile who was caught by an amateur pedophile catcher on YouTube. Turns out he was actually an executive at Sony. Very funny. I mean, imagine that. You rise all the way up in the world to become an executive, probably making a million dollars at Sony, working on PlayStation, and you get caught by some 18-year-old from Jersey City

who runs around with Drew and a camera saying, what were you thinking, my guy? And it just ruins your life. Guess what? Debt collectors can now find you on social media. Nowhere to hide, baby. Nowhere to hide. The debt collectors are coming. The Omicron is coming. It's all coming. And when I was jerking off last night, I was also coming. This is Long Days and what's the Dulles? All right, guys, before we start the show, I just want to let you know about my upcoming stand-up dates. Come see me live on the road. I'll be at Mohican Sun at Comics, December 16th through the 18th. I'll be at the House of Comedy in Plano, Texas, January 6th through the 8th. I'll be at American

Comedy Company, January 20th to the 22nd in San Diego. I will be in Tampa, Florida on February 10th at SideSplitters. Get your tickets. February 17th through the 19th, I'll be in Edmonton, Canada, 17th through the 19th and 24th through the 26th in February. I'll be at the Comic Strip in New Windsor and the Comic Strip in Edmonton, like I said, 17th, 19th. March 3rd to the 5th,

I'll be at House of Comedy in Bloomington, Minnesota. That's March 3rd through the 5th. And then San Antonio, Texas, March 24th through the 26th at LOL Comedy Club. And then House of Comedy in Phoenix, Arizona, April 14th through the 16th. Jared Harvin will be with me for some of those dates. So get your tickets, yannispapiscomedy.com for Phoenix, San Antonio, Bloomington, TapasComedy.com for Phoenix, San Antonio, Bloomington, New Westminster, Edmonton, Tampa, San Diego, Plano, and Mohegan Sun in Connecticut.

Sign up to the Patreon, patreon.com slash Yanni Longdays for your weekly bonus episode and additional content. And listen, go to iTunes, the Apple Podcast app, rate and review it. Tell your friends about it, and let's start this show. So there you have it. I think we probably demonetized ourselves about three, four times during that opening. We may put a little whistle over it that Jesse does. What's that sound effect you do over there?

It's a bell. We may throw some bells over there to see if we can get that little green dollar sign to come up over that yellow sign. They give you a yellow sign when they give you limited monetization. It's sort of like a slow down. They're telling you slow down, Yanni. Yanni, slow down.

You don't have to mention fuck within the first 30 seconds. You can try to clean it up, okay? Like Bill Cosby says, clean up your act and dirty up your life, all right? That's the way you wanna live. If you wanna have a good run in this country, you wanna just talk clean and live rapey. Jared Harvin's in the studio.

Jesse Scaturo, hopefully his mic will work. I get it. Also, I wanna say this to my fans. I keep getting a lot of repeat accusations that I am unofficially sponsoring Just For Men because my hair is not gray. I don't put any hair dye in my hair. This is a good old natural Greek genes. It's not my fault that my genetic lineage is better than you. Okay. I may be older than you, but if you look at our

blood numbers, I'm 10 years younger because you fat fucking American circles will be dead at 55 and my good old Mediterranean diet Greek genes will keep me here way past my welcome until my mind goes like my mom and I'm sitting in a fucking dementia ward just playing with my teeth. But I'll still be here. I will outlive you because Greek minds give up a lot longer before the bodies go. because Greek minds give up a lot longer before the bodies go. Because if there was a thing of working out your body, who's that guy, the former Marine who runs and shit? David Huggins. David Goggins.

David Goggins puts himself in the hospital and stuff because he works out too much. If there was a version of that for your mind, it would be any Greek on the street running through every single conspiracy theory he could get his freaking brain cells on. So we overuse our brain and that's why we get dementia. There's David Goggins.

He went from fat to cute. And a little excessive. I would say a little excessive. You know, when he does his videos, David Goggins, he's like, here I am. So first of all, he's got someone running with him

because he's always got a camera available. So I don't know if that guy's jogging next to him or if he's like, here I am. So first of all, he's got someone running with him. Because he's always got a camera available. So I don't know if that guy's jogging next to him or if he's just on a bike or whatever, or if he's just pretending to be on mile 867 when he starts his video. Because he's like, here I am. Stay hard. This is day four of my Forrest Gump run. Okay?

My knees don't work. My gallbladder's been removed. I shit myself and I just piss blood. But here's the point. Okay? I was once't work. My gallbladder's been removed. I shit myself, and I just piss blood. But here's the point, okay? I was once fat. Life's hard. You got to stay hard. Work hard.

I'm inspiring to you. And I curse a lot. And I'm out. And it's like, okay, David Goggins, I appreciate the fact that you lost a little weight. Okay? But other people have to work nine to fives. They got to show their kids Cocomelon. And we don't have time to run a fucking marathon on a Tuesdayuesday for an instagram video where's the limit yeah where's the limit

and also you know what i'd like my pee to be clear or yellow i don't want to hear stories about how you got you were so hard that you peed blood you may be going a little too hard stay hard guy yeah he's in shape but his toenails look like oyster shells yes i mean his toenails are in bad shape his feet are wrecked i think he's had two knee but his toenails look like oyster shells. Yes. I mean, his toenails are in bad shape. His feet are wrecked. I think he's had two knee surgeries. Yeah. I remember one video I watched where he actually got sick, like threw up or passed out, and then he finished the race after that. And at that point, you want to go, you've made your point.

I think you've made your point. Okay? You're a hard guy who's running from something. Anyone who runs that hard is running from something yeah nothing keeps you motivated past mile 79 or something then maybe a molestation in Catholic school or the coming home drunk and put hands on your mother somebody put hands on somebody and there's some demons that you're running from or you know you really really really really really really want to do cocaine bad and you're in recovery and the only thing

that can distract you is just a few days running until you bleed yeah people who people who are addicts they furiously want to do drugs so imagine going through your whole life every day, every second of every day, just going, God, I really want to do drugs. You can't just enjoy like a conversation with somebody. You got to go, your conversation is interesting, but you know what's a lot more interesting? When I used to do eight balls

and so I'm trying to pay attention, but unfortunately your conversation's not going to cut it. What I'm going to need is 16 Red Bulls and to go run 14 marathons until I drop dead and pass out to distract myself from how very bad I want to get high. Yeah, when you're a drug addict, you just do things passionately. Passionately to distract you from how passionately you want to get fucked up. Yeah, why do you think Rob's Mental Playground was painting those pictures like that? Exactly. Rob's Mental Playground. If you don't think that's a guy that used to do K2,

you're sadly mistaken. Rob, we know you fell off as a small business shout out because you fell off the wagon. And that money that you were using to be a shout out on the show just went to what you

call the white lady bond. Someone says, CEO of Bang looks like a dude who missed the Coke days, so he made a fucked up energy drink. Yeah, the energy drink commercials couldn't be funnier. It's like anytime you turn on

any energy drink commercial, it's always some guy who's like parasailing. It's funny how these drug commercials are always completely removed from what the drug is. It's like you see a Cialis commercial, it's some guy in a kayak on a river or uh you see some uh antidepressant and then it's just some like woman like frolicking with her kids yeah you're like you know like what does this have to do with any or somebody just like on a horse it's on a horse and then it goes like you know uh yeah are you compulsive try this it's like i who's compulsive about riding a horse yeah it's the same thing with energy drinks it's like every red bull advertisement is just some guy jumping out of a fucking helicopter

or doing some extreme sport on like a BMX bike. And I've never met one person who ordered a Red Bull after they did like a BMX competition. Every single person who orders a Red Bull Is a former addict At a bar with you And the only thing that they can drink That reminds them a little bit of cocaine Is like cocaine light Which is Red Bull So just make an accurate commercial

Where it's just three fucking addicts That walk into a bar With a guy who isn't an alcoholic Who orders a real beer And then goes What are you guys drinking? And all three of them go We can't.

Just give us Red Bulls so I can feel. Give me my methadone of alcohol. Yes, for addicts, man. If you drink a Red Bull, you're not drinking it to stay up to fold your laundry. No, you're not. You're doing it to just try to get a little hint of a reminder of what the good old days used to be like. Who is more likely to be president next, Candace Owen or Dwayne the Rock Johnson?

That's a question coming from Hub Cop. That one could go either way. I'm going to say Dwayne. I think he's just got a bigger following. At this point, I think it just depends on who has a bigger following, you know? Omar Oswald's in the chat. He says, more like because he was losing money sponsoring in long days. Oh, he's still talking about Rob's mental playground.

You know, Omar, I don't know if that was a compliment to my show or a diss to my show, but I don't think you even know the difference because there's a reason your name is Omar is wild. Okay. Omar is wild is such a fan of the show. He turns people off by saying, come join the discard where we can be openly homophobic and racist without censorship. Remember that from last episode? And I said, I don't know if that's the best way to sell it, Omar.

That's not the best promotion for long days, but it is a good promotion for the KKK. It is a great promotion for the KKK who just took up our last spot on the small business shout out. What do you think they're doing now, the KKK? Do you think they should, like, the KKK, what if they had like a sheets company? Like, what if their sheets were incredible? Like, what if the KKK, what if like the KKK was like, all right, look, racism's out, okay?

We gotta make a living. What are we affiliated with sheets and then they just went on a mission to manufacture the most comfortable fucking sheets on the planet do you think hipsters would buy it ironically and and and people would secretly buy it just for the comfort level can you separate the art from the artist is my question. I'm not sure if you can. Would you buy the KKK sheets? I'm talking about if they were comfy wonky.

Maybe if it was Egyptian cotton because then I'll be supporting people from Africa. Right. So you'd have to have some Yeah. But you know the KKK could just create a mask that's also a hoodie. So it's just an all-in-one, you know, it's like a ShamWow. They could do that too, because I'm

trying to think what if the KKK transitioned to business because racism just wasn't paying the bills anymore. Yeah. I think it's tough for the KKK. They used to have like guys with jobs in it now. Now you look at a KKK rally, it's like I don't even know if a lot of those guys can fit into those sheets. They gotta get like

king-size sheets don't even fit on those. Yeah, those guys don't have a job union, so the KKK is the only union they have. even know if a lot of those guys can fit into those sheets. They got to get like king size sheets don't even fit on those. Yeah. Those guys don't have a job union. So the KKK is the only union they have. Yeah. And a lot of those fucking racist kids are just fat. They're big fat people. Part of the reason is because they just come from the American population.

The other part of the reason is because in order to have this much time to dedicate to a hate group, you got a lot of time to sit around and eat. And also, if you join a hate group, it just shows you don't make good life decisions. Yeah. So I assume the groups you join are also bad decisions. The KKK is a whites-only discord. Yeah. You're not going to meet a guy who joins the KKK and then the rest of his life, he's just on point.

Yeah. You're not going to meet a guy who joins the KKK, especially 2021, and then you look through his phone and he has all his meetings scheduled out. Yep. You're not going to see a guy who joins the KKK who has all of his bills consolidated on an app where they're paid off on time. So, you know, I would say probably obesity and being in the KKK go hand in hand. Yeah.

But yeah, you're right. It would be like a mask company. This could be a time where they shine. Yeah. Like during the pandemic, they could have made like masks. You know, they could have made masks. KKK masks. You know, the best way to get rid of things is you got to change them.

You got to like, you know, you got to like, you got to just take, you got to like emasculate the KKK by taking it. There should be someone who created a company and made it like scented candles and called it KKK. And so it was only bought by like waspy college girls who wanted to put it in their dorm room. And so you just steal their identity. So they keep trying to call themselves the KKK.

And every time they do, everyone's going like, are you referring to the scented candles? And they're like, no, God damn it. We're the KKK. We're rough and tumble and we fucking chase black people. And like, I'm pretty sure you're a candle company. Yeah, the only hope that the KKK has is if an R&B group names themselves the KKK. KKK.

SWV. SWV. SWV KKK. Yeah. If we were to take the KKK and makeKK. SWV. SWV. KKK. Yeah. If we were to take the KKK and make it a black R&B group, what would be three good black names and start with K?

First of all, right away you're getting press. If you start an R&B group and you called it KKK, it's funny right away and I think that would kill what the KKK means because then the KKK would be known

as an R&B group. Yes. Yeah. You got to go Kiana. Kiana? Let's go Carissa. Carissa? Kiana, Carissa, and Keisha.

We go Keisha or we could just go like out of nowhere. Kamala. And we could just go Katie. Katie. Let's throw them for a loop and have a white name. You got one white girl in there. So we get the KKK to listen to them and they see Katie like, oh, maybe she's white and she turns out to be black. Ah, then you got another hot story in there for some more press. Yeah. You got to make a scene these days. You catfish the

KKK. You catfish the KKK and also you're creating a spectacle. Katie, racially ambiguous. Is she white? Is she black? Yeah. You know? And then that's another story. And then the KKK is absolutely obliterated. What do we got here, Jesse? These are... Black names. Let's have a little fun with some black names. Kenyatta, that's a good one. Kenyatta?

That's a goodie. Kincaid? Kincaid. That's a name of a... That's a white dog name, but I'll give you that. It's also the most commercially famous, horrible painter in the country. He has like stores in the mall. Thomas Kinkade, right?

He just paints like these Bob Ross kind of like very cozy outdoor scenes of like a cottage with smoke coming out of. People love him. I mean, dude, he's like, how much money is Thomas Kinkade worth? A guy's worth, he has like, you'll go to like a mall and you'll see like a cottage with smoke coming out of... People love him. I mean, dude, he's like a... How much money is Thomas Kinkade worth? Millions. A guy's worth... He has like... You'll go to like a mall and you'll see like a candy,

a Yankee Doodle candy candle store. And then next to it will be a Thomas Kinkade store where you could just buy all his paintings for like 200 bucks. And they're just repercussions, reprints of his paintings, right? So Thomas Kinkade. These are black names.

Kemper? I grew up with a kid... Theseade. These are black names. Kemper? I grew up with a kid. These were my two favorite black names. I grew up with two kids named Science and Wise. And that was not, that was not, those were not like pseudonyms. That was not like,

those were not given names. Those were government given. Those are on the birth certificate. He was like, my name is Science. This is my brother Wise. And I was like, your parents got creative right there. This is my cousin Ge Wise. And I was like, your parents got creative right there.

This is my cousin, Geometry. And then that's my other cousin, Anthropology. Their parents named them after what they wanted them to be excelling. Right. Yeah. Right. Well, I'll be honest. These two kids did not excel in science.

Maybe Wise. That's the power of black faith, you know? You're going to speak it into existence. Exactly. Well, you know, I also have a friend, a black friend, who named his daughter Jordanordan after michael jordan and the best of my knowledge that didn't materialize either i think you're doing okay yeah but maybe she's gonna have a betting problem she may have maybe she's gonna have a betting problem or maybe her eye whites are gonna look like an a-gill so either way it might come true right yeah i mean it's a lot of pressure when you name someone after someone

famous you know you know it's a lot of pressure because you name someone after someone famous, you know? Yeah. It's a lot of pressure because the kid grows up and he's like, that's who I'm named after. Cal Ripken Jr. Cal Ripken Jr. Yeah, I mean. But some of them do make it work. Ken Griffey Jr. made it work. Yeah.

He excelled past his pops. So did we find all the black names starting with K? There's not that many, funny enough. K names for boys. Kevin, Kaden, Kingston, Kaden. Cash, I know a girl named Cash. Yeah, Knox is not a black name. That's a wasp name.

Kason, that's a good black name. Kason. Kason, yeah. Jason, very white. You change the J to a K. Kason. Kingston? Yeah.

Kyrie, Kyrie, of course. Carson with a K as opposed to a C. Carson, again, that's a wasp name, but I guess if you put a K there, I don't know. Killian, that's an Irish name. Kyler, like Kyler Murray. I did not know that was a black name, but all right. All you have to do is put a lot in front of it. Yeah.

So it would be like La Carson. Yeah, or if you take any word and put a Y. Yeah. If you take any letter, any name and put a Y, Kyrie. If you take Larry, Lyrie. Yeah. Yeah. Lyrie or Tyme. You just got to put the letter. Black people love French people. Yes, I know. That's a shout out to the French. Somebody just said the KKK should get into the NFT market. Two acronyms. Very good. I like it.

Vagas sheets only available in white. I'm going to name my kid NFT. That way nobody will know what the hell he does. That's a good joke. That's a good joke. You're like, yeah, what's your kid's name? NFT. It's like, what does he do?

It's like, none of us really get it. We're just going along with it. Whatever he says he's doing, I just support him. I just support him. So speaking of science, let's get to this math is racist story. Maybe we could pull this up. This is just an area where the Chinese are just dominating. They're just dominating. I posted on my Twitter, I think it was a picture, maybe you could find it, Jesse, of all the math teams that were competing globally. And so it was like Australia, the United States,

Canada, China, maybe another couple of countries. The funny thing is, every single member of that five to seven member team I can't remember they were all Asian they just dominate I'm not sure I'd like to believe that math is discriminatory because I was horrible

I'm so bad at math I have to sneak sometimes I'm so embarrassed to take my phone out to do the math when I'm leaving a tip that I'll pretend to tie my shoe and I'll do the math by tying my shoe just real quick. I got to tie my shoe and then I'll have my phone out and I'll be like, okay, what's the percentage of the tip that I owe? I mean, I am so fucking stupid with math that I'd like to believe that math is racist against Greek people. But I have a suspicion. I have a suspicion that math isn't racist.

Math isn't sexist. I have a suspicion that math only oppresses fucking stupid people. That's my assumption. Stupid or fucking lazy people, I think math has it out for. Here we go. Welcome to our International Math Olympic Teams, Team Canada. We have David Lee, Zetsu, ZZang, Jeremy Lin, Ali Wong. ZZang Jeremy Lin

Ali Wong and and Bobby Lee and then over there we got the redhead one redheaded white kid one redheaded white kid

out of four teams the rest are that's Nathan McIntosh I believe yeah that's I thought he was going to say

it's Chito Santino and Bobby Lee. I think it was Chito Santino going over to Bobby Lee's Chinese New Year dinner. And you know, I'm being horrible because Bobby Lee's Korean. Who cares? So there you have it. The Asians just dominate, dude.

It's a cultural thing. I mean, they just... And that's what's going on with this admissions scandal at the Ivy League. You know, you know, minorities are getting preferential treatment over the Asians, but also white people are getting knocked out by the Asians. So everyone's upset that Asians are really good at school. They just crush it, dude. There's no other way to interpret it. All right? Math is for Asians.

Math is Thanos and Asians are the Avengers. That's just, they're the Avengers of it. And just let them be, dude. You know? I mean, like, big deal. You don't even need to do math anymore. We got a calculator. So it's like, try that one.

America wins again. So I don't know is math racist imagine it is imagine like math imagine math is just like a code of oppression math is racist i would say you think so yeah because every every math equation I've ever done the answer I've always gotten was three-fifths three-fifths yeah and I also think

it's fat phobic yep because when you step on a scale the number is always high which is definitely fat phobia you know and it's also it's judgmental

it might be racist but it's not transphobic because it allows letters to be in math it does allows letters to be in math. It does allow letters to be in math. So whatever you are, we'll accept you. Come on in. Yes.

It is very judgmental too. Like you go to the doctor and you get a blood pressure reading and that it'll give you a number. And it's like, hey, guy, slow down. Why are you fucking judging me? Okay. That number is going to be flashing in red. Yeah. By the way, a lot of people experience long-haul symptoms when they have covid um i had a heart

rate of 110 to 130 for close to three weeks my liver enzymes were elevated of course i had the fever i had covid pneumonia not bad thank god um but the worst symptom that I had when I had COVID was in the report from the hospital. They called me an obese Caucasian male. So that still hurts me. I'm still dealing with that. I'm a COVID long hauler from those feelings that you hurt me. I mean, you know what?

It just, when reality gets put in front of you like that, when like the medical community just calls you obese, you're like, hey, slow it down, dude. I'm a little chubby. But I'm not obese. But they like to use accurate terms in science, and that's why we hate them. I think that's why we hate math and science,

because we don't like the truth. The truth sucks, you know? It's like, hey, Yanni, why is your show not bigger? I'd be like, ah, you know, it just started. You know, we're just getting our footing. You know, we're figuring things out. And that's just a better answer

than people don't want to hear the news. Yep. Texas size is a medical term according to devolved biped oh man oh god

with you gone from the chat I'm about to close it to be honest with you I think we got the best from it you guys don't start bringing the fucking heat at this point I gotta say I wouldn't have it would have been better if COVID just took you out completely. I mean, come on.

Yeah, it might have been good. Guys, I could not be more proud to announce this to you. My other show, Unleashed, brought to you by BetMGM with me and the great OHD, Olivia Harland-Decker. She is a real sports journalist. and I am a real idiot. And we have a great time. It's an amazing show. You can get it on any podcast app that you like. I mean, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, whatever.

Wherever you listen to podcasts, you can get it. We're not your typical sports tandem, okay? Olivia has a degree in digital and broadcast journalism, and I earned my degree at open mic nights, as you know. Okay? We've both traveled the country. Olivia's working for sports on the sidelines from Happy Valley to Tuscaloosa,

and I'm working comedy clubs from Poughkeepsie Youngstown to still Poughkeepsie Youngstown to still Poughkeepsie Youngstown. We both held microphones for a living, one to ask hard-hitting questions to athletes and the other to make fun of them and get demonetized. But we do have in common that we're both huge sports fans, and we can't wait to talk about the biggest games and the lines, et cetera. We come at it from different perspectives and each week we unleash on top stories

where we go off. I give a long day, obviously, on what I'm passionate about, what's getting under my skin. So we always talk about the top stories in sports. We have a great, fun time. We discuss the betting lines. We have a betting expert come on.

We have great guests every week from the world of sports. Huge names, athletes, executives, TV analysts, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So please listen to Unleashed, my show. If you're a fan of me, go check it out. If you're a sports fan, it's a must listen. Olivia Harlan is amazing. I love working with her. So you can catch new episodes every Thursday.

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He's done it the most. He's probably the best announcer in sports. He's incredible. And all types of other people we've had on. It's just absolutely great, and it's a good time. So just check it out. Unleashed, brought to you by BetM MGM with me and Olivia Harland Decker. Everyone who watches this podcast, go and listen to it.

Um, so Joel Osteen is in the news and he's not in the news for not allowing people to stay in his mega church when there was the hurricane. Do you remember that one? There was something about that yeah what was it again it was basically a hurricane in houston i believe uh and he was preaching that his doors would be open and once people who were displaced like the homeless needed a place to stay he closed those doors mighty quick quickly very quick quickly yeah i mean moses didn't part the ocean that fast, the way those doors closed. He rescinded that invitation. Yes. Yes, he did. He said, wait, whoa. That was just what I said. I didn't mean it. It's sort of like when you read in the Bible, God loves you, and then everyone you know dies of cancer. And then you go, did he mean it when he said he loved me? Yeah. He's got

a strange way of showing his love. Yeah. The things that made you didn't dies of cancer. And then you go, did he mean it when he said he loved me? He's got a strange way of showing his love. Yeah, the things that made you didn't really trust him. And honestly, you can't trust a pastor that looks like a Hollywood agent in 2002. He does. So that's just a clear sign for me right there. Joel Osteen does kind of look, actually, for my reference, for my generation, Jesse, doesn't he look like an Italian kid from Bensonhurst in 82

with like a little bit of a mullet like you'd expect to be wearing like high top Reebok sneakers and pegged cabarichis? He's got that look. He almost has like a little bit of a mullet. He's got good hair, dude. He's got good hair.

Christian Bale, American Psycho hair. Yeah, and it's funny to watch him preach because he preaches pretty much the whole time with his eyes closed because he knows what he's doing. He, and it's funny to watch him preach because he preaches pretty much the whole time with his eyes closed because he knows what he's doing. He knows what he's doing and it's very hard

for him to look anyone in the eye. You ever watch him preach? He's always like, and then Jesus said, come to the way. And then they came. And then when you ask for money,

you know, just ask for it and Jesus will provide. And his eyes are just closed the whole time because in his mind, his mind is probably someplace else. Like, Jesus, when's this fucking gonna end?

I want to go drive my Corvette. When can I get out of here and enjoy my new Porsche? Look at that kid. I mean, he really does look like a, he looks like he just was reanimated from 1982. Yeah. With that hair. He looks like he got you your deal on Fusion TV.

Yeah. So the story is good. It's a good one. So that hair. He looks like he got you your deal on Fusion TV. Yeah. So the story is good. It's a good one. So that was the old story when the first red flag went up on Joel Osteen, when he said he was going to welcome all these refugees into his church so they could escape the elements of the hurricane. That didn't happen. He forgot.

Maybe he just didn't give him the code on his ring lock. Maybe he just forgot. Maybe he was like, oh yeah, by the way, I forgot to give you the code, but he didn't let him in. And this story, I think this might be one of my favorite pieces of news I've read in a long time. So here's the deal. The Lord has lifted Joel Upstein up so much that you can see it in his face. You lift me up. What is that? Joel Upstein is a billionaire.

Ned Flanders and the heat is catching up to him. I think he's meaning he got Botox or something. Oh, right, right, right. Upstein drives a Lamborghini because he's for Rome. I bet Joel fucks pieces with cash like that. Joel misses banging rails off strippers' asses in his Rari. Absolutely. Oh, that's definitely happened.

Yeah. He looks like a guy from the 80s who just has a Rari. So what happened here is, I don't know exactly how long ago, I think it was 2014, there was a massive theft that was reported at one of his, I just like that they call them mega churches. It's like these kids are crushing it so good that they sell out stadiums.

They are the Kevin Hart of preachers. If you think about it, there's probably an open mic scene, like local churches, like a little tiny shack with some dudes preaching like man have you heard this kid yeah i don't know what happened i don't know why he didn't make it man like he's got good stuff but you know a lot of it's timing a lot of it's politics and then you got these guys that just break through and they just sell out arenas and a a lot of them tour too like comics, which is hilarious. But it's funny because they're really just doing somebody else's material.

It's like, come on, man, write your own shit. So Joel Osteen reported this theft in 2014. And it was what, 600K, I believe, or close to a million was reported stolen from the church. Now, as you know, if you want to make some real money in this country, okay, hats off to Joel Oates. If you want to make some real money, you know, a lot of people like to cut down on the government's cut of their money by moving to florida or moving to texas to avoid state taxes but is there anything more business friendly than the inside of a church it's tax-free fucking dollars it's like texas on steroids amazon why don't you open up your factories inside joel

olstein's house yeah just call your company a religion and you will be not taxed. This shit has to fucking end. Creflo Dollar is driving around in the fucking Baltimore Orioles plane. I mean, these guys are hilarious. Do you remember when that guy got caught? There's another one. We got to pull up

the, we'll pull it up after we talk about it. But one guy got caught and then he got interviewed by the woman and she's like and he it was like a crazy i can't remember his name but i mean these guys are in like thousand dollar network tv suits they fly around in private planes i think creflo dollar said the lord moved him to get his private plane because he needed to better serve God by getting around quicker. And he wanted to avoid the lines at the airport or something. Right, yeah. He had to spread the word.

He had to spread the word. And nothing can facilitate you into spreading the word more efficiently than just, you know. Sleeping a carbon footprint. Just skipping the lines. Yeah. That'd be funny if he was like, I understand. Like, you know. Sleeping a carbon footprint. Just skipping the lines. Yeah. That'd be funny if he was like, I understand. Like, I understand. I understand why a lot of the parishers might be a little concerned

that I spend a lot of their donations. You know, church is 100% donation based on the goodwill of their patrons or parishers, they call them, because they're not patrons. It's not a business. It's not a business. It's not a hope store. It's not a hope store. It's not a hope store where you're putting money into the basket to buy a little hope. It's not what it is.

It is the house of God. Did he go to jail, Creflo Bell? I assume he did at some point. I think he did, yeah. Yeah, and if that's not a kid you're going to find in the Bellagio fucking casino sniffing coke off a tit, I don't know who it is. You could see it in his eyes. Yeah.

Yeah. And then there was the other guy, Creflo Dollar, and then the other guy. Yeah. So Creflo Dollar. Yeah. I remember he got caught with the plane. Look, it's so personal plane. It's hilarious when you read the Bible and it's like, be humble.

A rich man can't get into heaven. And then you go to any church, like the Pope or the Archbishop is in like a gold robe on an absolute Italian marble altar. And you're drinking your communion out of like a 24-carat gold gauntlet. And then you see Creflo Dollar

and he's like flying around in a Michael Jordan Nike plane. And you're going, something doesn't make sense here. That's Tammy Faye Baker. That was when they got caught way back in the day. These were the OGs, my friend. This was like the Richard Pryors for the Creflo Dollars. These guys paved the way. He doesn't remember because he wasn't alive yet, but it was Tammy Faye Baker. And what was his name?

What was his name? And he cried. What did he get caught? He got caught with a hooker or stealing money or? Jim Baker. Jim Baker and Tammy Faye. And they were making millions. And what did he get caught with again?

Yanni's eyebrows is about to fist bump. Rogan needs to register his religion for tax-free status. Should have bought that one world theater to open his comedy club in. Tammy fumes Baker. Yeah, Tammy fumes Baker. Joe bangs chicks with money spread on the church pews like the Wolf of Wall Street. That is a good one.

Shout out, Jama Whitson. Joel Osteen is the son of Kenneth Copeland and Tammy Faye. Is that true? Yeah, Kenneth Copeland's a good one. Who's the guy who got caught? What about politicians that claim to make only 100K a year and have $40 million mansions? Yeah, that is also interesting.

That is what you call interesante as well. That's a little interesting as well. But was it, who was the guy who just got, do a lookup preacher interviewed outside his car by a reporter. I can't remember. Does anyone know his name? Is that the meme video? Where they try to interview him and he goes, listen, get back.

And he goes, pass the news to him. Yes, that guy. Yeah. Let's find that one. I saw a video of Joel Osteen and the guy goes, you know you're a piece of shit, right? The Lord doesn't pay taxes, that's true. The Lord just don't pay taxes. So we'll get to the Joel Osteen story.

We're just building, we're building the environment. This is their genre. I mean, this is their field. You know, preaching, mega church preaching is an American phenomenon. You know, we go big. We go big. And megachurches, they're like the gulp drinks of religion. It's like, we used to have small, medium, and large. And then 7-Eleven was just like, dude, let's create a gulp size. And that's what they did

with religion. They created a mega church size. These places house about like 15K. You could host a UFC fight in Joel Olsteen's mega church. Have we found that guy yet? No.

So, while we sift through commercials, what happened with Joel Osteen is the theft was reported, like I said, 2014, about 600K missing. It was investigated. I believe the FBI got involved or whatever. They couldn't figure out what happened.

They don't know who stole it. There was no evidence of a break-in. There was no paper trail. There was the cameras didn't pick anything up. I don't know what they got going on over there. But here it is. So pause it right now. This is 11 minutes.

I don't know where it is. Oh, as soon as you start it, we'll see some good. All right. Yeah, so just pause it for a second because we're into this already. And I banged my pen against this so much, I just broke the pen. So that's good. So no evidence of it.

Six years goes by. There's a plumber working on the toilet in Joel Osteen's Houston megachurch. He's trying to fix a loose toilet and he pulls the toilet out and he hears just something drop in the wall. And he goes, wow, there's some mice back there. We got some rats in here. Oh, let me take a peek. Maybe I'll call one of my buddies who's a, you know, he handles pests. You know, maybe I'll hook him up a little work. Let me see what just fell. Wow. Oh, what's this? see what just fell wow oh what's this oh my god these are envelopes and envelopes of stone cold hard cash the type of cash you can use to buy bitcoin what's this he doesn't take any he doesn't say anything except he calls a radio show

and announces it happened. And I think that maybe he told authorities or something, right? I don't know. But he announces it on a radio show. It's confirmed. The church confirms it as well. So it's a confirmed story that the money was found and it was in the wall inside the church it was stolen from. Which begs the question, is the robber still living in the church? That's the only conclusion I can come to, is that it was a criminal who broke into the megachurch,

decided to hide the money in the wall. Obviously, when he broke in, he brought some sheetrock and some cement with him because he did a little drywall work. Yeah. This guy's getting framed by Jesus because he was a carpenter. It could have been Jesus that did it. Yeah. It could have been the Holy Ghost.

And that is not beyond the realm of possibility that Joel Osteen comes out and says that this was the work of the Holy Ghost. Once the evidence gets in that this was an inside job and probably leads back to him because he wanted to hide a little. He wanted to take a little haircut off the top for what you call insurance money maybe. for what you call insurance money maybe? Because I know they don't pay taxes, but I bet you they have insurance for theft. Somebody took a little off the top for themselves and hid it in a wall for a rainy day. A lot off the top.

500 envelopes fell out the wall, he said. Yes. Little kids like to put quarters away in a piggy bank criminal pastors like to put six hundred thousand dollars behind some drywall work i mean i mean somebody came with a fucking with a little demo tool a little hammer made a hole put it in and then patched it right back up and said, you know what? When the apocalypse comes, we'll have 600K to buy some Bitcoins with. So the plumber is upset now because he says he watched Joel Osteen's

latest show. Let's just call it a show. That's what it is. His set. Yeah, his set. He probably does like a seven and nine. Wouldn't it be funny if the preachers had like a clean show and an early show? Yeah.

Like, did you see Joel at the seven? He's like, yeah, man, it was pretty tame, but you gotta really catch him on the midnight show. I mean, that's when like he calls people up and to get the Holy Ghost out,

he just fucks them in the ass. The people who catch the Holy Ghost are called hecklers. Yeah, it's just a little bit more of a dirty show. You know? To get the demons out of people, he just punches them. Just like it's the midnight show. Demon be gone!

So the plumber was upset because he watched Joel Osteen's last sermon on television. Because the guy does numbers. Joel Osteen pulls numbers. And he was upset that Joel Osteen did not mention the good deed that he did by finding the 600K in the wall. Like he's looking at, this is one of these good guys.

He's a good plumber. He probably goes to the church. He probably loves Joel Osteen. He'd say, hey, I did a nice thing for you. Guess, look, I found what the criminals He probably loves Joel Osteen. He'd say, hey, I did a nice thing for you. Guess, look, I found what the criminals did. And Joel Osteen's going, shut the fuck up, guy.

Shut the fuck up, guy. How fucking dumb are the people who buy tickets to my show? It's like when you hate your own fan base. You're like, God, I like them stupid, but fuck, not this stupid.

You know Joel Osteen was flirting with calling the guy and being like, hey, guy, listen, I heard you found a little something. Here's the deal. The Lord told me I should give 50K to you as a reward. But the Lord also said we should keep this between me, you, and the Lord. Yeah. He said keep your mouth shut or we're going to have some of the disciples come see you. Yeah, so, and the Lord. Yeah. He said, keep your mouth shut, or we're going to have some of the disciples come see you.

Yeah, so have some disciples come see you, because as you know, it says, and I think they just make that shit up. You ever hear a preacher when they go, according to Leviticus 14.16, you should shop as much as you can at Neiman Marcus this summer. According to Leviathan 14,

they just throw numbers out, and they throw titles. I constantly think that that shit's not in the Bible because nobody's going to check. The Bible's like one of those copyright agreements on the internet where you just scroll to the bottom and you click like, I agree. Nobody reads the fucking legalese. Yeah, the Bible is Biden's Build Back Better plan. Yeah, it's definitely Biden's. It's a government.

It's like the fucking. It's when the Patriot Act. It's like the Patriot Act. It's 3,000 pages long. It's like Sophie's Choice. People just saw the movie. Once they saw the density of the book, they were like, I'll just watch the movie and watch Meryl Streep. So I just think they just call out numbers.

They go according to, and they just call out their latest bingo numbers. According to 4693 in Leviathan, thou shalt not, and then they just say a bunch of words that sound ancient. Thou shalt not pusheth, thou is inest,

thou would butt this. People are like, yeah, I get it. So Joel Osteen did not mention the plumber in his good deed in his sermon, and the plumber was very upset because he was hoping for the very least to get some acknowledgement from this vessel of God himself, Mr. Rari. And he didn't say anything. And Mr. Joe Plumber, do you mind if we call you Joe Plumber? There's always a plumber who comes into the national spotlight who's got something to say.

I said his name was Justin. Justin Plummer. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something right now, Justin Plummer. Joel Osteen stole that money. I hate to break your naive bubble, my guy, but let me put it to you like this. And this is all the people who love Joel Osteen. Let me put it to you like this.

If I report that I've been robbed for 600K, people investigate, they find nothing, no evidence. It's like, do you remember that guy Chris Watts or something who killed his whole family? So there was this guy Chris Watts, it's a horrible thing. Chris Watts, just do you remember that guy Chris Watts or something who killed his whole family? So there was this guy Chris Watts. It's a horrible thing. Chris Watts. Just a couple years ago.

Chris Watts. It was in, I think, North Carolina or something. No, he was from North Carolina. They were living in Colorado. So Chris Watts was having an affair with a real sweet, evil piece of puss puss. He had a family, two kids, and another kid on the way. His wife was a little bit of a pain in the ass that made him do facebook live videos with the family and he hated it or whatever

but he was having an affair and he wanted to live with the new wife and he didn't want to pay child support so he killed his entire family he killed his entire family while they were in the house and he drove them out and buried them so when the cops were looking they were going he was going like whoever has my family like you know he did that whole thing like he did and he drove them out and buried them. So when the cops were looking, they were going, he was going like, whoever has my family, like, you know, he did that whole thing, like he did TV interviews going like, I just hope that they're safe out there, you know.

Whoever has them, please, I just need them to come home. And the cops are going, okay, we looked at all your neighbor's footage. We looked at every piece of evidence. We did a dog sweep of the house. We did DNA forensics. The only DNA and prints we have in this house is your family and you. And there's no signs of break-in.

Your wife's stuff is still all here. The cars are still here. No cameras have any car coming or going from the vicinity. There was four people in this house. Okay, there was four in, one left. There was four in the house and then there was somehow three disappeared. You're going like, I suspect you killed your family because it's impossible that anyone else killed your family.

If you haven't figured it out, Joel Wallstein is the killer in this analogy. The money is still in his church. So the money was taken from the safe and walked downstairs. And it wasn't stolen just to borrow a little move from the Catholic Church. It was reparished to another floor. That money was caught touching a kid, and they moved him to another floor. It was a relocation job. I mean, seriously, if you come over to my house and I report a crime,

I say some people broke into my house and they stole my money. And then the cops go and they go, we see no signs of break-in. Nobody broke into your house. We see no evidence. And you go, I don't know what to tell you. I'm missing 600K. And they go, well, that's a mystery. We don't know what to tell you.

And you go, I'm a person of God. I'll just deal with it. I'll pray on it. Can you guys leave now? And they're like, fine. Everyone goes in. And he just goes like this. He does like a nice Napoleon dynamite.

Yes, when they leave. If there's no sign of anyone coming in or out and the only person is inside is where the money ends up turning up. Your prime suspect is Joel Osteen. And Jason the plumber, the reason why you were not mentioned in the megachurch sermon

is because Joel Osteen's defense lawyer said, plead the fucking fifth, baby. Like Dave Chappelle in Chappelle's show. I plead the fifth. I plead the fifth. How did the money get into the bathroom of your meg's show. I plead the fifth. I plead the fifth. How did the money get into the bathroom of your megachurch? I plead the fifth. He doesn't get any credit for this story.

He's a holy ghost writer. It's a holy ghost writer here. I do give Joel Osteen credit for having discipline though. That's a nice, he put the money away and he didn't touch it. That's what your parents always tell you. If you're going to save, put it away and don't touch it. But the balls on this guy to offer him 20,000 out of 600,000 K. That's a lot. He didn't do that. I'm saying he should have done that. But the guy's getting offered 20,000 from, I believe the... Oh, so that's a true thing.

Yeah. Who offered that? I believe it's the houston for the houston police department for more information but like just to let that happen yeah joel olsen just to let it happen rather the guy that found all the money hey i'll pay you a little off this is or you get to have like free service you can come in i'll do a master class on how to give a sermon or something like that like for you to just let the 20 000 slide on by that just lets you know how much of a dick you are with your money bro yeah but Yeah, but you know what? I would be pissed if I was a taxpayer and I was like, the cops were offering $20,000. They were like, let's give this kid $20,000 for finding the money. I'd be like, no.

Your salary, I'm paying your salary. No. No, we're not giving out money for some more money's lost on this crime. Would you be more pissed off if you were taxpayers or if you were the church goers? First of all, the church goers aren't going to be pissed off because Joel Osteen is going to come up with a lit-ass explanation for what happened.

Yeah. And they're going to buy it. And as long as they're getting a fire show, they're not going to mind. They're not going to mind. Like at my church, we have a sermon, and afterwards we run out of grape juice, and not everyone can eat grape juice. like that i would be pissed if i find the money in my pastor's wall and i'm running out of grape juice every side you know right so

as long as the grape juice is there things are good yeah i feel like look dude i mean look louie used to jerk off in front of girls but that you know if i go to see a show i'll be like that was a pretty good solid hour you know as long as the hour's solid i'll be like you know what what can you do i wasn't there as long as you give me that connection I'd be like, you know what? What can you do? I wasn't there. As long as you give me that connection to the Lord, you're good. Yeah, well, the Lord gives you the highest cover. Yeah. That's like the highest cover. Especially in Texas.

Yeah, that's the highest cover. Especially in Texas. So he's been silent on it, and that's a smart move. He's letting people draw their own. He's trying to think of what to come up with. I guess the investigation just gets, as you call it, it gets redirected.

Now the investigation, the investigators are probably going, okay, we were looking for someone outside. Now we know the money's inside and now they're just starting to go like, okay, how could this have happened? How come nobody heard dry walk?

No, nobody heard dry wall work happening in the bathroom? And you know, the funny thing about criminals is that they always get caught because they're just, criminals are not, they're smart enough to do the crime. And a lot of them are smart enough to do the crime and get away with it for a little while. But they're still stupid enough to be criminals. So they're always, like, if you're going to hide money in the wall, why would you do it in a place that may have to have some plumbing done at

some point? You'd want to do it in like a closet room or something. You wouldn't want to do it in a place where a plumber would have to maybe rip out some lines, you know? Yeah. You're a pastor. You got access to a cemetery.

Cause I know you probably do a couple of eulogies. Bury it in a cemetery. Yeah, look, hey, I get it, dude. Okay, financial CEOs and Shakira hide their money in shell corporations off seeds and Joel Osteen hides his money behind a little drywall work in the bathroom. Tomato, tomato. I get it.

It's like you want to shave a little off the top for yourself for a rainy day. Sergio Chicone in the chat says, I once hit a Heineken in my drawers while drinking and driving. That's brutal, son. Those caps cut your skin easily, son. So he hasn't said anything.

He hasn't said anything. This was at the Lakewood Church. And he did get his reward. So the plumber who found the cash at Joel Osteen's Lakewood Church finally gets his 20K. The kid could have walked away with 600K if he wasn't such a dumb fucking churchgoer. What would you have done?

I don't care. Look, look, if you're a Christian, right? I was brought up Christian. If you're a Christian and you see 600K on the floor, okay? After you've done, after you ripped up some, what I'm doing is I'm fucking, I'm going to get a duffel bag. I'm coming back, okay?

I'm saying I need to take a shower at your facilities. I would have some clothes in the duffel bag, stuff the 600K in the duffel bag. I put the fucking toilet back in and I would ask God to forgive me later after I went to Monaco and fucked every single high class Ukrainian hooker that was fleeing the Ukraine because of the potential war happening with Russia that I could find. And then I would say, Lord, forgive me. I'm only human. Remember, there's no point.

There is no point to God's forgiveness if you don't fuck up first. That's true. I mean, come on, dog. If Jesus died for our sins, don't waste them. You're disrespecting what he did if you don't fucking sin a little bit. Are you not pulling the 600K out of that wall and taking it for a spin? I'm a little bit more conscious than that. I'm going to do a little extortion, though.

I'm taking the pictures and be like, yo, if you don't come through my mom's house, give a little prayer, give a little ceremony, you know? You know, make sure that all her friends, all the church ladies, all the black church ladies, they feeling good, they feeling inspired. If you don't do that, this is getting leaked to the police system. See, that's like- And that's not in the Ten Commandments. That's not extort.

Do y'all see that? No, I don't see that. No, so I'm in the clear. You're in the clear. I'm making my mom happy. I'm good, son. You, listen, Jared Harvin is a thinker, and also there's a little bit of a mastermind criminal in there, son. Listen, Jared Harvin is a thinker, and also there's a little bit of a mastermind criminal in there, too.

Yes, yes, there is. Yeah, because he thought big picture. Yeah, I got cops in my family, I think, critically. You think, because I was thinking, when he said that, I was like, fuck. I was just thinking I would take the money, but then I would do it for different reasons. I'd take a, first of all,

I'd clean off 200 off the top. So I'd walk out with 200, but then I'd take a picture and extort for the rest. And I'd say, hey, look what I found, Joel. I know what you did. Here's the deal. I want you to go to Jared Harvin's mom's house first. Make her feel like her son just pulled off a miracle, pulling one of Jesus' heavy hitters

into her house for a fucking private holiday party sermon. But then I would say, we're not done there, my friend. We're not done there. From now on, put me on that side piece stipend. I'm talking about that mistress allowance. I'm talking about I need a weekly stipend. Yeah, you need a little bit of change. I want to see, hit me, and I'm not talking about the Zelle. I'm not talking about I need a weekly stipend yeah I want to see hit me

and I'm not talking about the Zelle I'm not talking about the Venmo I'm talking about a straight wire into my account of 100k for consulting services every month yep

100k and I'll add on top of that let me do 10 minutes to open for you because you gotta let me open for you yeah your crowds are lit yeah

let me feel that fame a little bit. Mm-hmm. That would be hilarious. The parish is like, why is a comic opening all Joel Osteen shows? And Joel Osteen makes up some excuse for it. The Lord wants comedy in your life. Joel Osteen is just Tom Cruise in high heels and a wig.

Take Jared Harvin's mom out for a nice fish dinner. Sucks that I can't rewind when I miss the first half, but S-Low KS, I'm a dude. You can watch it later and see the whole thing. That's a fact. Oh, man. It is important no matter who you are, especially during these tough times with COVID, et cetera,

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and you'll enjoy them. So, Biden has pledged that the government's gonna go carbon neutral by 2050. So not only are all of Americans going to be gender neutral by 2050, we'll also be carbon neutral. Let's get rid of carbon emissions and get rid of gender all in one swing. You know how they always throw things into those bills too.

I bet you those bills are like the Bible or like those copyright agreements. Like nobody reads them all, like we said. So I bet you they threw that in there with we're gonna be completely carbon neutral by 2050. Also, we'll be gender neutral as well. And I just farted on the podcast. If I had a dollar every time Yanni puts his glasses on, I would have more than Joel's Shawshank Bank.

That was a real prison move to hide the money. But I don't think he touched it. I think 600K were in there, but I don't know if anyone's counted. So that's what Joey Biden's trying to do. He's also selling $650 million worth of weapons to Saudi Arabia that a bipartisan group in the Senate tried to stop,

but they did it unsuccessfully. The Senate rejects the bipartisan bill, but then it went through anyway, correct? I think it went through anyway. And the reason why they're rejecting this bill is because Saudi Arabia is what you call a little sketch. I'd say it's a little sketch. If it was a bunch of girls talking about one of their friends

that they all agreed on was like a little bit of a liar, they'd say she's sketch. I think Saudi Arabia is a low sketch. When you look back at 9-11, I think what, nine out of the 11 hijackers were from Saudi Arabia. But then we go and we attack Iraq. It's like, what's the deal with that? You know?

And Saudi Arabia supposedly has its pause in Yemen's civil war. And we're opposed to that for some human rights reasons. I mean, is that the reason why we're not going to give Saudi Arabia $650 million worth of weapons? Look, hard times call for drastic measures. We need some money. Government needs some money. We've handed out a lot of interest-free money right now. Bailouts.

We need some dough. Government's broke. I think we should have like a one year moratorium on legal drug selling that they just tax. Prostitution, drugs, and sell guns. For one year. Arm up the world. Have sex with prostitutes legally. Gamble your ass off and do as much drugs as you want and just tax it. We'd be a balanced budget in a year. You know, if we just had a good purge, a sin purge, we would do it. So I think the sale went through and I think we just regularly arm them up, right? I think they're on like that perpetual subscription.

Like when you get an app and you don't, you think you're just signing up for one month, but then you realize you signed up for a perpetual subscription. I think Saudi Arabia is on a perpetual subscription to receive weapons from us. Because this ain't the first time. Yeah, it went through. It went through.

The Senate tried to block it, but then Biden overrode it, right? Yeah, 280 advanced medium-range air-to-air missiles with 596 missile rail launches along with other equipment and support. Yeah, that's it. Other equipment and support. I love that. That's when the reporter just goes, they won't give us the details on what else was sent.

So that's the only thing that was released. You know, just a couple of guns, just in case someone breaks into your house, that's all we're giving them. You know, just a few weapons of war. And then we don't ask any questions. The way we arm the world is like, it's like, cause that's what we sell. I mean, the Mexican drug cartels, it's hilarious. They get their guns from us. They buy their guns from us illegally, of course. But I mean, the Mexican drug cartels, it's hilarious. They get their guns from us. They buy their guns from us. Illegally, of course, but I mean, what does that mean? The guns are made somewhere.

And then they fall off a truck. The guns fall off a truck and end up in the hands of the Mexican cartels that end up becoming a problem for us and the Mexican police. It all falls off a truck. We end up arming up the world. It's like that Clint Eastwood movie, remember? Where he goes, he throws a gun on the floor and he goes, pick up the gun.

Oh, Dirty Harry? Yeah, pick up the gun. He's like, the gun you just threw at me? And then as soon as he picks it up, he shoots him and he goes, self-defense. So I guess when you're that, you're as strong as the united states you want a semi fair fight like if we didn't decide to invade saudi arabia you want to give them a few fucking things in their hands so it doesn't look like a massacre you know because they don't got shit

without us they do got oil we look the other way for the oil right is that what's going on jess give me the cynical view on that looks that way it says it's uh to defend against aerial cross-border attacks from the iran-backed houthi rebels yeah sounds like a good story sounds like a good story iran is always like uh the boogeyman in that area those guys have been beefing for thousands of years yeah those two factions. Yeah, dude, you don't want to give these people who've been beefing for thousands of years,

like more weapons, like, you know, let them solve it in a game of jeopardy. Be cool. Let them solve it with like rocks and sticks and hand to hand combat. But we just arm up, we arm them up to make it fun.

We give them equipment, and now they're ready to roll. There is no question you guys should be using HelloFresh. I mean, it makes getting the food to your house easy. No stress, no hassle, no going to the market, no picking up food, going to the cash register, blah, blah, blah. This stuff comes right to your house, exactly what you want, exactly, you know, food, going to the cash register, blah, blah, blah. This stuff comes right to your house, exactly what you want, exactly what you need, and it is absolutely delicious meals

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Sign up and find out why it's America's number one meal kit right now. So it looks like one of Drew's lot. I don't know what they were called. The Pedo Hunters? I don't think it was. It was some YouTube kids. And you know what's funny is this story's buried. It's like Giseline Maxwell's on trial for like raping kids.

Catholic Church rapes 350,000 kids in France. We can't even get a fucking hashtag going. All right? We just had two trials with three imaginary white supremacists, but we can't get a fucking trial for people fucking kids. No media attention.

This kid was a high up fucking executive. He was a vice president, a VP at Sony. And he got caught in a Drew video. Let's take a peek at the video. It's fun because I guess you don't

dress up to meet a 15-year-old boy outside when you're about to molest him. This kid just showed... Wait, pause it. What you're about to watch is this kid shows up like he's about to pick up an Uber Eats order. Check it out.

The kid didn't even put shoes on. Where's it going? Doing good. Who you got here to meet tonight, Jeff? Look at him. He looks like he's picking up Chinese food. We can have a conversation or I can call the cops, Jeff.

Jeff. I can call the cops or we can have a conversation. No. Jeff. You want to have a conversation? Jeff. I love when he rings the bell again. Do you think he just left a bad review? He went on Grubhub after that and was like, this, the 15-year-old boy I ordered was not what I expected. This order was wrong.

One star. One star for... So the group, give them a shout out, because they're doing vigilante work, but guess it's good work right it's the people versus predators account on youtube it's very scary that there's this many child predators out there that enables like eons of uh predator content makers i mean these pages abound. They're like prank videos on YouTube. There's like millions of them.

And there's just no shortage of this shit. So this guy's like, what is he, 64? He's a 65-year-old fucking executive who went on Grindr and got catfished by this predator catching site to have sex with a 15- old boy and i mean he's waiting outside like it's a fucking seamless order he's got neighbors and shit i mean how brazen is how desperate and brazen do you become i mean you don't think any neighbors are just gonna see some

strange boy walk up with his backpack and his game boy and they're not gonna ask you questions later you're just gonna say oh it's my. He's in from out of town. He works for PlayStation. Well, that's a good cover. Maybe he's not a pedophile. Maybe he was just having a focus group for his product. That's you. Jared Harvin has a criminal mind, and I like it.

I mean. Just saying, sir. I didn't come over here to have sex with him. I just wanted him to test out the new Uncharted. Come on. We need a focus group. We got a new Uncharted video game. We got some boys over.

We want to just come into my basement. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Don't worry about the cotton candy in there. That's for them. We got a new Uncharted video game. We got some boys over. We want to just come into my basement. Yeah. You know? Yeah, don't worry about the cotton candy in there. That's for them. Don't worry about my dick being out either. I want them to be comfortable. Yeah. Why am I naked?

Don't worry about that. Don't worry about that either. It's my house. I want to be comfortable. It's part of the focus group. Exactly. Yeah. He could be his defense attorney.

He really could. I mean, that came out of your mouth quick. I know. That was smart. I know. Focus group. I'm just, I am a criminal mastermind, but I do want a PS5. So, Sony, if you're hearing this, send me one.

Don't you love the look in his eyes? Like, you know he's like, oh, fuck, it's over. He knows right there it's over. Yeah, man. What do you think he did with the rest of his night there? What did he do, go make a sandwich after that, or did he just go worry in your room? He probably went on Seabless to act like he actually ordered food. Right, to make it seem like, oh, I must have dialed the wrong number.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, God, you guys got, oh, I must have dialed the wrong number. Yeah, yeah. Oh, God, you guys got little boys? I was just trying to get some sushi. I ordered a kids meal. I didn't want actual kids. Yeah. Yeah, I think, I don't know. I think your night's ruined there.

I don't think you really go in and Netflix and chill after that. Yeah, man. I think you call your lawyer immediately and say, Larry, are you awake? That was leisurely. Well, I'm going to need you, buddy, I'm going to need you, buddy. I'm going to need you, buddy. He was outside his house like he just ran into his car because he forgot his charger. That's a guy that's done that before, son.

He was too comfortable. Yeah. I mean, the kid didn't even have footsies on. I mean, he didn't come out with any house Crocs or slippers. No. He was full feet. His feet were raw. Yeah.

Which is probably the same way he was going to be when he was in that child. I'm sorry. Absolutely brutal. So as it turns out, billionaires, their wealth has surged during the pandemic. As most people have obviously been losing money. I say, stop being a hater. Stop being a hater, dude. Okay?

People are making money, dog. What was that? Oh, it's my computer. Yeah. You can't have this continue. What are the actual numbers here? The share of global wealth held by billionaires surged to a record during the COVID-19 crisis.

So they estimate 2,750 billionaires globally control 3.5% of the world's wealth. The top 0.01% of individuals now hold about 11% of the world's wealth compared to just about over 10% in 2020. So they gained a little bit more. They gained a percent, which I guess if you put that into numbers

would be a lot, right? 1% is probably like billions of dollars. Yeah. Says here they have a record-breaking 2,755 billionaires with a combined worth of $13.1 trillion, up from $8 trillion last year. That's a lot of money. Yeah.

I mean, $1 billion is a lot. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, $100K is a lot of money. Talk about billions. This is the excesses of capitalism. You know, this is what King Xi claims he's trying to curtail by all this government intervention in China now

in the private sector. Now, here's the thing. If we don't curtail it somehow in more of a just, transparent way, you're leaving it to despots, communist dictators to do it and to have the moral high ground over you. Because all he has to do is point to this and say, see, that's why I'm doing what I'm doing. That's why you see in China, my roads are clean, the water you can drink, the cops are happy, whatever kind of social program

works because we took Jack Ma and we took him on a little trip for a couple of weeks. And when he came out, he had different opinions. He wasn't running his mouth anymore about deregulation. Okay. And we can't say anything. That's like when you're trying to be the authority for your kid. You find your kid smoking meth, and then you go, you shouldn't smoke meth. And he goes, dad, you smoke meth. And he goes, that's a good point,

but you're supposed to do as I say, not as I do. King Z's calling bullshit on us. And that's why he's doing, he's saying, see, this is the inherent major flaw of capitalism. And look at where it gets you. Look at this insane wealth inequality. Go to Flint, Michigan. Go to Rochester. Go to Troy, New York, go to Austin downtown, go to Venice Beach, go fucking anywhere outside of Mark Ruffalo's house or downtown Brooklyn. And you will see that there is major, major wealth inequality in our country. And it's due to this shit. It's due to these fucking billionaires with their shell companies and their tax breaks and their hidden earnings in offshore accounts and their reinvestments into other accounts, et cetera, et cetera, other businesses, covering businesses, covering

businesses, corporations, inside of corporations, inside of corporations. And then when tragedy strikes, as my good friend Jesse Scaturo behind the camera would say, it is a fucking going out of business sale for these people. They buy up all the fucking stocks because everyone's selling because they're panicking. Because when you make a hundred grand a month, a hundred grand a year, which is considered very privileged in even the first world, you make 200 grand a year. Guess what? When there's a fucking pandemic and you can't work, you need to sell your stocks because your income's gone and you need to leave. So when you sell your stocks because you can't afford to be in the market

anymore and you can't afford to hold your position, guess who fucking swoops in? Mr. fucking Walmart, who can afford to lose money for fucking eons until the prices come back up. And then he can sell and fuck you right in your plebeian middle class ass. Am I wrong or was that fucking accurate? I agree. Right on the money. So it's just basically a nice sale for them right now. They just went and bought everything up.

Because that's the way Walmart also puts small businesses out of business. They come into your town. You may have a successful mom and pop store that everyone loves. They come in, hey, Harry. Hey, Sally. How are you? How's the kids? Blah, blah, blah.

How much for that loaf of bread? They're like, ah, loaf of bread is $8. We got to pay all these things. Ah, yeah, we love you. Walmart goes, guess what? We'll go into that town, sell everything that all those stores sell. We'll sell everything in every store on Main Street.

We will completely destroy. We will usurp Main Street America, put it all in one warehouse, airplane wing type of fucking building, and we will sell it for a quarter of the price because we're owned by corporations that make their money elsewhere and can use this as a tax write-off. We can afford to lose money long enough to put you out of business by undercutting your prices until you're gone. And then we recoup that money because we're the only dance in town.

It's called mafia tactics. I sound like a goddamn commie now, but you know, there's points there. know but you know there's points there i'm a fan of capitalism but you have to it seems from an outside perspective because i don't know shit about economics but it seems like it's obvious you have to you have to curtail these excesses you know you just there needs to be a little bit of redistribution, a little kickback to society or else shit gets out of whack. It's like when you play Monopoly. At the end of the Monopoly game, there's one dude who's just got everything

and the game's over. And you're like, all right, what do we do now? And he's like, all right, well, what I do now is I go win more Monopoly games that are gonna be easier for me now because now I'm in another country that has no labor laws where I can pad my bottom line even more by using Sri Lankan 12-year-olds to make my products.

And I can just keep going because there's no end to up and that is the Achilles heel of capitalism. So now you're giving King Z the moral high ground because this shit is obvious. and that is the Achilles heel of capitalism. So now you're giving King Z the moral high ground because this shit is obvious. What can you do? Because you can't say King Z's wrong when he says that. When he goes, hey look, look at your country, look at that, your roads.

Dude, I mean, I go to Long Island, I fucking lose three tires every day because there's a fucking, there's holes in the streets and everyone's paying $30,000, $40,000 in property taxes. Where does that money go? I don't know. Where does that money go? Everyone's paying $30,000, $40,000. And who's watching those people?

Everyone's getting paid off. They're stealing the money and they're buying their own Christmas gifts. They're buying the money and they're buying their own Christmas gifts. They're buying Apple phones. Apple has been extorted by King Z. Let's pull this fucking story up. It wasn't even on the goddamn paper plate, but I'm pissed off now. Giannis is pissing off the Uncle Pauly Loyals. I know it.

I mean, what can you do? Criticizing the current American economy should be a display of freedom without fear of any J. Edgar Hoover quotes. Absolutely. Yeah, so it's Tim Cook. So Tim Cook was forced into, King Z was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is what basically happened. You can pull it up while I'm talking. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is what basically happened. You can pull it up while I'm talking. Whoa, whoa, whoa. King Z was like, whoa, you can't continue to use our labor.

You can't continue to use factories over here without giving something to us. If you want to stay here, you're going to have to use Chinese companies for your parts and you're also going to have to use Chinese companies for your parts, and you're also going to have to pay a lot of fees

that go to the people. Tim Cook just turned 18. Right. Tim Cook had to, and this I think happened a couple years ago, and it's being uncovered now. Yeah, there it is. Signed secret 20, Apple chief signed a secret $275 billion deal to placate China.

Apple's CEO, Tim Cook, forged a secret deal with China worth that amount of money I just mentioned to appease Chinese officials and improve business in the country. It was in 2016. It shows he traveled to China while there were declining Apple product sales in the country. China's like their biggest market, right? Because of the amount of people there and the growing middle class.

So China also felt like Apple had not contributed enough to the economy of the nation. Listen, you guys are making a lot of money making your shit here. But again, mafia tactics. During private negotiations that year, Cook signed a five-year agreement placating the government and preserving the business relationship. And what that entailed was building new retail stores there, renewable energy products and research and development centers. The tech company also promised to work more closely with Chinese companies,

meaning the government and universities, buying components and parts from Chinese suppliers and collaborating with the nation's colleges and researchers. So we're forced to buy more Chinese components so they can put them in your iPhone and see what you jerk off to. Apple, the number one cell phone maker in China, the company makes billions of dollars

in revenue in China and even set a record for a quarterly revenue last June. Apple opened a new store obviously in September as per their agreement and the company has been building research and development centers in China. So China just said, hey man, I know you think you're an American company. Fuck you. You're now a Chinese company. You're now a fucking Chinese company. You're not going to come over here and use our fucking cheap labor and our components without being part of this country, being owned

by this country, giving your kickback to the government. Pay up, bitch! Yeah, he saw it coming too because in 2016 he tried to announce that he would be investing in a $1 billion into a Chinese ride-hailing startup, DG Chuxing, I believe.

And they said that wasn't enough. So pay up. Pay up now. It's not enough. Or you could always move your factories to Uzbekistan, where the workers are just a little more fickle. China is the mom.

Tim Cook is the son. He just turned 18. The mom said, listen, if you're gonna be in this house, you're gonna work, or you're gonna go to school, but you're gonna pay some bills. He's paying the cable bill right now 18. The mom said, listen, if you're going to be in this house, you're going to work or you're going to go to school, but you're going to pay some bills. He's paying the cable bill right now. It makes you almost want to buy Samsung.

So at least you're buying from the Koreans. But or you could look at it. Probably Tim Cook would say, hey, this is, you know, this is fair. I mean, you know, because then you have those countries that just like in South America who just get totally bitch slapped by American companies come in there, use the cheap labor, export all the bananas or whatever, you know, like dull. And they don't give the country shit. All they give is the dictator there a payoff to control his people and keep them fucking quiet while we rape their resources. So it's complicated.

So part of the party, you has to kind of bow down to King Z. King Z, are you listening? keep them fucking quiet while we rape their resources. So it's complicated. So part of you has to kind of bow down to King Z. King Z, are you listening? I love you. I agree with you. Yeah. I don't know. What do you think?

Do you think it's cynical? Do you think King Z's doing the right thing? Would you do that? Would you make him pay a little bit more? I thought we were going to do some lighter news today. We went heavy today. We went, I mean, this is a long days to full effect.

We better pull out a fucking story about Lady Gaga after this to cleanse the palate. We got a couple stories that we can end on. But do you think that Tim Cook

has the same cards that General Z does? Because General Z says you're not contributing to the local economy, but can the Chinese use the iPhones and iPads the way that Apple wants them to? They don't really have internet access. Can they even use Siri over there?

Well, they can't use a lot of social media sites. The only thing you could do is probably just log into your phone and log out in China. Right. So does Tim Cook have something to say about that too? You got money, Tim China. Right. So does Tim Cook have something to say about that too? You got money, Tim Cook. Yeah, well I'll tell you. And you got the LGBTQI behind you so you can do anything with that.

Yeah. Devolved Biped says, King Z should produce the KKK sheets in their new company. So there you have it. Somebody says, Nicky Perk says,

I love how Jared Harvin refers to him as General Z. He said, do you mean General So's? That made me hungry, dog. Interesting stuff. Yeah, that was more of a long day. Um, let's get into this. Uh, let's get into the, uh, tree story.

Yeah, let's do it. Fox tree story. Tell me what's going on. So the tree outside of Fox News, right here in New York, right here in Manhattan, was set ablaze, was set on fire. It was hours after the lighting ceremony, the tree lighting ceremony, and it got lit on fire. People remarked that there was a man climbing the tree, witness climbing the tree, scaling it at 1215 AM. And it just set ablaze and he is a homeless man.

Homeless man? Yeah. Homeless man with a lighter? Homeless man with a lighter, yeah. Was it Antifa? It was Antifa. But it makes sense because he had a lighter because he has a history of smoking K2. That is funny that the tree got set on fire. Yeah. They always say it's a war on Christmas. Yeah, it's a war on Christmas. Yeah, and you know this guy does not like Fox because you know how they feel about burning trees. Yeah. You know

what the funny thing is? It's probably just a homeless dude who set the tree on fire for no reason, but people are going to read into it all types of ways. Yeah. It's like the Big Lebowski movie. It's like, hey man, it's just just the big lebowski he doesn't know what's going on but he just set the tree on fire and now it'll probably start a civil war kai probably just was hallucinating he saw some trees and he tried to smoke it you know so the u.s has actually announced that they're going to do a diplomatic boycott of China during the Winter Olympics. So they're going to let the athletes play and go. But the diplomats, they're not going to go over there in any other capacity.

Which, if I was an athlete going over, that would make me a little uncomfortable. Ain't nobody going over there to watch the Winter Olympics anyway. Let's be honest. I don't think anyone cares anymore. I'm not going to watch Lindsey Vonn go down a hill. Come on now. Yeah, I'd only watch Lindsey Vonn in a sex tape. Look at her big ass glutes coming down the hill. No one want to see that. I just want to see her in a sex tape with her

hockey husband. Oh yeah. P.K. Subban. Yeah, P.K. Subban. Yeah, this is probably just an excuse. This is probably like when you tell when you get invited to a wedding and you say, hey, I think I was exposed to COVID. You just don't want to go. Yeah, you don't want to go. I bet you they just don't want to go because nobody gives a shit about the Winter Olympics.

Yeah, son. You think I want to fly across the world just to watch somebody curl? Yeah. No, get out of here. Yeah. Well, they say they're doing it because of human rights issues, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But maybe they just didn't want to go to the Winter Olympics. I mean, they're like, who cares?

I don't want to be over there. I don't want to fucking go watch people ski. So that's how we respond to China. But you know, things are heating up. Things are heating up. They are heating up in the world. And China's become very vocal about like, hey, fuck you, America. It's become very vocal about like hey fuck you america it's become very

vocal fuck you america they're in uh you know they're in africa they're all over africa trying to buy airport like i think one country owes them money and they're like hey don't worry about the debt just give us your airport i mean they are fucking wiling out they invited uh taiwan to that democratic uh summit to work on like Democratic backsliding and stuff like that. And he did invite China and Russia. So, you know, that pissed China off that you would know it was Taiwan.

Yes, they hate that. That's a constant thing that they hate. Even though we say, hey, yeah, we're committed to the one China policy, but also we, you know, Taiwan's our boy. Taiwan's our boy. Don't fuck with Taiwan. So last story of the fucking long day is another fun one.

We got another group of tiki torch motherfuckers who we like to call them the bugle boys or it looked like a Gap commercial. Yeah, this would be like a Gap commercial in Mississippi. Just a bunch of kids in khakis just walking very briskly. Everyone's talking about it. A lot of people have conspiracies that they're feds. I don't buy that.

I don't know. But who knows? I mean, look at these fucking kids. Who has the time? And what are they doing? And their sign is like reclaim America, right? I mean, who's taking America, guy? You know? There's only one threat to take America, and we just talked, who's taking America, guy? You know?

There's only one threat to take America, and we just talked about them in the last story. Why don't you hop on a fucking boat, grab your balls, and protest against the people who are really going to take over. Here we go. At the Lincoln Memorial. I mean, look at these fucking losers. They got

shields. I mean, they always carry around shields. Antifa's got shields. These T fucking losers. They got shields. I mean, they always carry around shields. Antifa's got shields. These Tiki Torch kids got shields. I mean, these guys, before they hit a march, they have to fucking hit Home Depot first. Now, we can bet those masks were made by the KKK. Look how they wrap around their face. Yeah. Can you imagine when those Tiki Torch kids showed up at Costco?

They were probably going like, God, what kind of backyard party are you having? All right, let's see these guys walk. They all got masks on, boots. They even brought a drummer out there. Who's got the time? You just modern day LARPers at this point, son. Yeah, this shit is fake, dude.

You think it's fake? Yeah. And there's like fucking a hundred, there's not even that many of them. There's like fucking a hundred of them or 50 or a hundred. I can tell because we're comics. I know exactly how many people

are in the audience. I know when it's a light night. I'm like, damn, that's 25 people. No, it was exactly a hundred people. It was a hundred people. I mean, who gives a fuck about these hundred losers? I could get 100 people. Uncle Vinny's. These are just all guys that auditioned for Captain America and didn't get it. Right. So there's either two things happening here. These are loser white supremacist kids,

and there's only 100 of them, and they're fucking losers, and who cares? And then the other side is that they're fucking feds, and it's fake for some reason. Jesse goes that they're feds. Why? Because they're all wearing khakis? No, they might not be feds, but it's something just to create hoopla. Well, it's not like you don't have any grounds on that because in Virginia, those very strange thing happened. They were caught.

There were like three or four kids who went outside of, what's his name? The guy who won the gubernatorial race in Virginia. They went outside his bus and they stood there with tiki torches trying to frame him. Like to make it look like, oh, he's affiliated with these white supremacists. And it turned out it was like these kids from the Lincoln Institute or something. And it was fake. And they were just doing it to try to make him look bad right before the election. So that did happen.

What this is, I don't know, what's the point of this? What does this mean now? Is this just gonna give fodder? You know, am I gonna get another fucking, you know,

are you gonna just go on Twitter now and say our country's under attack by the khakis gang? By a Gap commercial? Yeah, bro. I mean, are we supposed to worry about this? Like, why are we even covering this? 100 people.

The Nazis used to shell out the garden. That's 18 grand. If you can get fucking more, here's the deal. If you can get more than 300 people out, I'll even go low, because 300 is not even a lot when you think about what's the population of the country. If you can get 300 people out to your hate group meeting maybe i'll pay attention but if you're

only pulling 100 because you don't sell tickets if your rally looks like the crowd of the wmba game i am not going to take you seriously you can't be taken seriously dog you can't be taken seriously and y'all doing this on a saturday night you ain't had nothing better to do on a saturday night that's the last we know you a loser This looks like me headlining in fucking Nebraska. Yeah. I got 100 out. Yeah. Was this you at Soul Joel's?

Yeah, this is me at Soul Joel's. There's more American flags there than there are people. It is funny that they all wore the same pants. And what are they doing? They just said, hey, we're just going to go to Washington and march really fast and beat a drum. Who are these people no matter in 2021 they're not doing nothing bro no one's gonna pay attention to this the only people that are winning from this are the flag makers i don't know who makes the flags we're giving all the money son dog this is like you know, if I was, be honest with you,

if I was in D.C. at the mall, which is where I like to go to go to the museums, and I saw these kids, I probably wouldn't even look up from my phone. You know what I mean? It's like when I walk

past Israelites. I might glance up if they say something funny, but if not, I'm just continuing to walk. Yeah, if I saw a hundred men marching like that, I would have thought to myself,

are they making a new Michael Bay film? And then I would have kept on walking. That's what I would have thought. They look like extras making a new Michael Bay film? And then I would have kept on walking. That's what I would have thought. Exactly. They look like extras in a movie. Wait, this one might have audio.

Okay, let's see. No, maybe not. No, you just got to put the mute off. Oh. The mute's on. That too. Yeah. Yeah. Let me tell you something.

It just sounds like a white fraternity. If you're going to have a white supremacist march, you've got to have at least one black person there to make sure that you're all in line and that you're on beat because you can't even yell the same you can't even you can't even sync up the same you gotta have one black person in there as your spiritual leader just like every church choir has it has a gay uh church leader choir leader you gotta have that one black person that can lead you bro absolutely i mean i don't i don't know what to make of this i don't know what to make of it at all um yeah i just it you know and it's nothing because we see we we actually saw what went down on january 6th yeah so this is nothing for us yes and january 6th it was it was bad because they broke in and shit but how many were those 400 people yeah not that many i mean just i

mean you got to beef up security a little bit for 400 you know yeah as soon as they you know the the the the suspect thing to me is like why don't you just start spraying dudes when they started attacking the capital your job is to spray those fucking dudes also a little fishy you're going like how come you didn't just start fucking shooting yeah we're not batting our eye at this man it's not big enough we already seen what the best could be you know that this is like when steven baldwin sat next to alec baldwin in public you're only gonna greet one of them all right so that they didn't spray those dudes either may one makes me think maybe like there was some people on the inside that were like sympathetic for it or it was a setup oh that

was part of it or it was just like that's right because like imagine 400 black dudes showed up and tried to fucking break into the Capitol. I feel like they'd

set off a nuke. They would just they would fucking just start shooting. So it's no matter what it is it's a bad

it's not a good sign and no matter which way you slice it. Yanni, the refraction from the glasses helps make your eyes look farther apart. That's a great way to end. Let's go to some small business shout outs. All right. Want to give a shout out to our small business sponsors. As always, we got a newbie in here. David Hines. Welcome my friend. David Hines has a comedy audio film that I'm going to check out. It sounds wild.

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You're going to Hawaii or if you're interested in music, check them out. I think we lost're going to hawaii or if you're interested in music check them out i think we lost someone else so yeah goodbye to uh yeah oh the shipping guy the car guy right oh no he's still here but i think uh i just want to say goodbye to z jammer realty oh z jam is gone andrew cuomo secretary and? Andrew Cuomo's secretary. Take care. Happy Hanukkah, guys. So we got, of course, exclusiveautoshipping.com. You're moving your car anywhere in the world, in the country. Get your free quote from Jared Z at exclusiveautoshipping.com. And, yeah, peace out. It was a good run.

We love you, Z-Jamma. Good luck. And now there's one open spot. There's an open spot. Hop on it. All right, want to welcome our new long haulers, Cyclops Cult. Welcome to the Fediverse. Let's start off with M.

I think you look so nice. We're going to read it twice. Then we got Ted Marquise, then DaBob, Eric Goff, Wired Music, Christopher, Heather Lee. Welcome. Daniel the Spawn of a Coquito-Fueled Night. William Fowler, Harrison Brantley, Benjamin Barron, Case St. Peter, Andrew Alvarez, Tom Inman, Zachary Bompensa, Coley, Ol' Stink Dick, Terry Lance, Ol' Stink Dick.

That's a goodie. That's a goodie. That's a goodie. And then we got Hunter Bell. Welcome, guys. Patreon.com slash Yanni Longdays for your weekly bonus episode. It's been a long day.