Yannis Pappas Hour - Podcast Restaurant - Dan Soder

Episode Date: April 21, 2023

One of the most talented comedians on the planet Dan Soder drops by to talk about his hair surgery. He’s never talked about it before! It looks great! This is just a hilarious episode if we don’t mind saying so. Enjoy and go follow Dan!See Yannis live Dates & Cities below All tickets: https://www.yannispappascomedy.comTampa April 21-22Boston July 8 Long Island Aug 17Dallas Aug 24-26New York Nov 4 Providence Nov 10-11Phoenix Nov 16-18Watch Yanni’s stand up special: https://youtu.be/ArlCFemEDvQJoin our highlights page for highlight clips of every episode: https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykwNew episodes every Friday and new bonus episodes every following Tuesday at Patreon.com/yannispappashourSponsors Rex MDhttps://rexmd.com/?c1=podcast&c2=fumesBox of awesome https://www.bespokepost.com/startCode: fumes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Guys, before we start this very hilarious episode with my very good friend, one of the funniest guys on the planet, Dan Soder. Danny Soder. Here are the live dates coming up. Get tickets right now. I am in Tampa for this weekend at Sidesplitters. There's probably a few tickets left for those late shows, early shows were sold out. Thank you. The Wilbur Theater in Boston, July 8th.

Get your tickets. GiannisPappasComedy.com. Huntington, Long Island. The Paramount Theater, August 8th. Get your tickets. Giannis Pappas, comedy.com. Huntington, Long Island, the Paramount Theater, August 17th. Get your tickets right now. Then Plano, Texas, August 24th through the 26th. Springfield, Missouri, September 7th through the 9th. Calgary, Alberta. Nice.

Canada, September 22nd and 23rd. Then we're doing the Vogel Theater in Red Bank, New Jersey, October 14th. Sony Hall in New York City, November 4th. Providence, Rhode Island, 10th and 11th. Phoenix, Arizona, November 16th, November 18th. And San Francisco, October 27th and 28th. All tickets, yannispapiscomedy.com. Our Patreon, yannispapiscomedy.

Sorry, Patreon, yannispapisPapasComedy.com. Our Patreon, YanisPapasComedy. Sorry, Patreon, YanisPapasHour. There you go. Patreon.com slash YanisPapasHour. Subscribe to it. Absolutely. So he don't forget it. Subscribe to it. So I can get my Aricept pills.

Yes. Now enjoy this amazing episode with one of the greats, Dan Soder. Danis Papas. Yeah. When you all tucked up in the baby mall Dan Soder. You gotta figure it out, bro. Then you got your California phonies. You got your West Coast. West Coast phonies.

Passive aggressive. Yes. And I know that because my family's from the Bay Area. Yes. And they're just like, do you think that's a good idea? And then you got your Colorado weirdos. You got your like Western mid mountain range. That's you.

That's your face, your genetics, your background, your situation. I don't know what you guys are doing over there. I've never been there. That's the one I know the least about. And you can't really include Chicago in there because that's immigrant Midwest, right? Yeah, Chicago is all the people that were like big city but fuck new york yeah and then they ended up in chicago and then you got your colorado aurora you got utah wyoming colorado

idaho all those people yeah there's guys in the middle arizona i would toss in there new mexico yeah even i mean tex Texas is his own country. Yeah. And you guys are like, what, dude? Is it like weird tattoos of salamanders? Seaweed. Let me explain that region in one sentence. It's a real nice day today.

Just want to go out. It's a real nice day. We should go hike. So it's like an outdoorsy. It's outdoorsy. Yeah. It's the last region of humans versus nature. Yeah.

We still want to fight, even though the fight's over. Yeah. We've dominated nature. Yeah. We're like, no, we still want to tussle with them. Yeah, yeah. I want to go sleep outside. Yeah.

Hiking's a date in where you're from, right? Dude, my attitude. You want to go, instead of like, not like you want to go get a burger, it right my ad you want to go you instead of like you're not not like you want to go get a burger it's like you want to go do a trail with me hey actually there's a pretty cool one up in the flat earth we could go do the motherfuckers that moved to colorado yeah because it's like i mean in new york i moved here and i loved living here because i did like it was such a change of pace i liked people that were just dicks up front really had no time for you i just liked it i was like spit on me i showed up like aren't i just a piece of shit and they're like move and you're like i know god i'm in the way

but people that move to colorado like want to live that life they're obnoxious yeah colorado transplants because they're just like oh i bike to work and people say the altitude but i just drink my water and you're like dude i hated that growing up i hated activities do people carry around like jugs of water yeah to work you'll see people biking with a jug of water oh my god that fleece on them dude yeah with a patagonia pullover yeah yeah yeah like the way the way east coasters wear chains yeah is the way colorado people wear fleece yeah you know i got my patagonia looking nice bro merrill's nice nice pair like uh is it like a hybrid hiking running sneaker yeah it's very

expensive is big probably vortex Gore-Tex is. Gore-Tex is a cash crop in Colorado. People, but here's the secret. You got to make it look, it's going to be super expensive, but it's just going to look like a regular hiking boot. Right. And then you're like, how much are those?

And they're like, oh, these are like $750 at REI. Right. REI had a sale. So the outdoorsman is a look. It's a lifestyle. But it's also a look as well. Just walk up to anyone in Colorado, in Denver, just walk up and go, do you have any trail mix?

Is it chance? There's a Hall of Fame batting average chance that someone goes, sure, do you want the ones with M&Ms? I got some yogurt clusters. Something that'll just give you some energy so you can get to the top, so you can get to the summit. And that's because it's a mountainous region, right? Yeah, but Colorado's flat as shit. So what? How does that?

Because I always feel like the environment makes the people. So what is it? Why are they so earthy? Why are you guys so earthy? Why are you so granola-y? Because it is still pretty obvious that we took that land. Still? So it's like us being like, no, no, no, we're using it. We love it.

Yeah. We took it from the natives, and we're like, yeah, we want it to use. We're using it. We're putting it to use. Dude, whenever you bring this up, people get so hyped. And why is it? What are the reminders out there? Is it just like Indians that sleep on the street?

No, no, no. It's just straight up land where you're like, hey, so this Chick-fil-A, what was it 100 years ago? I always talk about this with my East Coast friends. It's like a Chick-fil-A with a beautiful backdrop of mountainous regions yeah if you live in southeast denver or in aurora and you go down parker road in between let's call it buckley and like if you go from buckley to arapaho right on parker road there is

this mini mall chambers actually go, go to chambers and Parker. How about that? Go to chambers and Parker. And that used to just be fields. And now it's a Walmart bed, bath and beyond a Chick-fil-A. And it's got the most stunning view of the Rocky mountains.

And between, and next to this Chick-fil-a an old graveyard that they haven't touched i believe it's a native burial ground and it's like this is where a tribe buried their people and we're like well we won't touch that but pop that chick-fil-a next yeah yeah because now you can look in the drive-thru you as you're going in the chick because i've done it in the chick-fil-a drive-thru you can be're going in the Chick- because I've done it, in the Chick-fil-A drive-thru, you can be like, hey, look, an old graveyard. That's cool. Because someone buried their family members

like 200 years ago being like, in their soul, I always see the sunset in the west. And then now it's like, can I have a number eight and 12 nuggets? It's pretty, it's like, American history is very visible in Colorado. Interesting. Like, New York, it's like, New York's like a-

You have to go find it in New York. You gotta go seek it out. But you're living in it. You're living, like, where we are right now, people lived 400 years ago. Exactly. Like, people came from Europe and settled here in a way, like, you can go to a bar in Manhattan that George Washington drank at. In Colorado. You can't see it.

You've got to go find it. It's hidden by all the modern. That's so cool. The windows at the Village Underground were once. There used to be a river that ran in the West Village. Do you know that? I didn't know that. The Minetta.

Oh. That's why it's called Minetta. There's a river under all that shit. They they filled up a landfill and went right over put it fucking built shit above it but liz from the cellar is like yeah those those windows in the basement of the vu those are street level like 200 years ago wow yeah yeah and we're just like build on top of it build on top of it but color, it's still like the first layers. You're like on the first layer. So it's more visible out there.

Dude, I was trying to tell somebody this. When I was a kid, there was a field behind my house. There was a girls alternative high school, Excelsior. And they used to like, they would run away and then you'd hear sirens and shit. And then like in my neighborhood, you'd find like needles and shit. Because they in my neighborhood, you'd find needles and shit because they were bad kids, heroin addicts. But there was a field next door,

and me and my friends would just go and run and play in it. You'd find arrowheads. Really? You'd find legitimate arrowheads. You'd be like, hey, arrowhead. And it wasn't like, I didn't realize how big of a deal it was until I left Colorado. And they'd be like, hey, you're playing as a kid,

find an arrowhead. And they're like, what? And they're like, hey, find a legit. Yeah, I spoke to a couple of kids who grew up where I live now, and they said when they were kids, they found arrowheads, like upstate New York. Yeah. Yeah, where there hasn't been development.

There was a lot of Indians for a long time. Hundreds of years. They shot a lot of arrows. Almost like when the Bering Strait froze and everyone migrated here. I mean, dude, I think what's crazy is like i always love historical things that i had no idea like i had no idea horses didn't exist in north america till the spanish came over yeah and then you learn about like the comanche and they were just like a tribe that was picked on and beat up and then they got horses and they're like they figured it

out quick yeah they're like the kid that got a car when he was 16 and he's like now i'm getting pussy yeah all i needed was be able to go to point a to point b and i'm fucking thriving yeah there's a lot of stuff like that like um you ever look at a banana before we genetically modified it aren't they like square no dude they're like full of seeds like you can barely eat it just full of seeds and then they they mutated it over time and they created this mutant banana with no seeds. Remember watermelons? Oh my God, when I was a kid, we were like,

we got rid of those. Now you're like, perfect. You can eat it like a cartoon. I mean, the cartoon, they'd eat it and spit machine gun. Kids don't understand that. They're like, what is that? What's that fruit? That's crazy. Yeah, when you look at a banana like before, it's like, there's very little fruit. It's all seeds. Yeah, and we were like, what is that? What's that fruit? That's crazy. Yeah, when you look at a banana like before, it's like there's very little fruit. It's all seeds.

Yeah, and we were like, change that. So that's like Colorado still has that look. Yeah, we still have. Manhattan is like a full modern banana. Oh, they're like, we have smoothies. They come in this little recyclable glass. Yeah, you guys just have everything. We paved over the whole thing.

We're a new banana. You guys are, you go to Colorado,. We paved over the whole thing. We're at New Banana. You guys are, you go to Colorado, you can still see the nature. You can still see the history. That's why I'm excited to live here for the apocalypse. This is a good place to be because it will be the epicenter. It won't start getting...

We talk about it all the time. Yeah. I'm not going to live in the third ring of the nuclear blast. Like, I'm going to smoke... second i know putin hit the button yeah and the missiles are coming over getting a pack of camel blues i'm getting a bottle of jameson yeah and me and my lady are gonna hold hands and watch the earth burn as we get a good buzz on before i go see my dad.

Before I go say hi to Gary. I'm going to be like, I'm drunk. I'm fucking drunk. I love you. Listen, you know, I think that moment before the apocalypse comes, if you could know for a couple of minutes, I think everyone's going to indulge in their worst vices. Nobody's thinking about getting into heaven. Everyone's going straight up to like, all right,

what's the thing I want to do the most? And my first thing is cigarette too. I want a cigarette. I do not want to die knowing the apocalypse is coming

and I'm still not smoking a stoke. I'm going to turn into a full Frenchman as soon as I see your head going, if you dance, Jenny dance.

Et bien, suis. It's just fucking, jeesh. I'm not Sarah Connor fucking shaking the fence. I'm just sitting there like, Fuck, I don't care. I don't care anymore. Yeah. When I was young, I would be like,

how am i going to survive the apocalypse and now i'm like let the wave yeah wash right over me there is a certain uh buddhist feeling to that though you know just getting to a point where you're going like you know when there's a lot of runway behind you and some in front you're about equal parts you you don't fear it as much as you did because there's less to lose now yeah you know it's so nice yeah when you have like 40 years or 50 or 60 years ahead you want to live longer well you're in the middle you're like all right you're like i want to do so good and in the middle you're like well i don't piss as strong as i used to i did a lot of stuff you that's why looking at

pictures was so nice before they were phones, because you'd be like, oh, look at that. And you'd remember, like, I cared back then. Now I don't. I was speaking to Nate recently. By the way, congrats to our old friend Nate Bargetts. You sold out the Bridgestone Arena in Nashville. Set a record.

19,000 people. Taylor Swift couldn't even do that at Bridgestone. No, he couldn't do that. And do you see the last part where he told him to play the country song? He was like, I was dreaming about that. And do you see the last part? We told him to play the country song. He was like, I was dreaming about this. And they played the country song. I love it.

I was like, you're a fucking cracker. I love it, dude. Yeah, he might as well have gone, if y'all don't mind, I'd love just to make a sandwich right now. I always wanted to make a bologna sandwich. He was like, y'all, when I was handing out flowers back in New York, y'all i was just dreaming about doing this moment and um there

was a song playing song and i'm my mind i'm going what biggie smalls yeah something because by the way that's a very new york thing you go well it's got to be in new york man what are they gonna be i'm gonna let zap what are we talking about he He goes, yeah, Kenneth Chestnut. Oh, my God. Dreaming of Homer, making it back, and then they just played it, and I was like, you're a fucking redneck, Nate. I want y'all to kiss.

Everybody, kiss who you came with. Nate has always been a kid from Tennessee, the Tennessee kid. What I love about it is, he is still the same. He's the same guy. You call him, he's the same. Doesn't like tomatoes.

Doesn't like tomatoes. But loves ketchup. Yeah. You know, like, you talk to him and you're like, I couldn't be happier for someone to be that big. Yeah. Because we all, I mean, we've all, we're all in the same pack. And then, like, I remember Nate moving to Nashville,

and they wouldn't spit on him. Zanies wouldn't give him guest spots. And now they'll, of course, amend history. Right. Like, now if you ask the club owners, they go, no, no, no, no, no. We always saw it in Nate. But I remember specifically Nate moving there to have Harper with Laura, and he was like, I don't know. I'm trying to get guest sets.

It's like hard or whatever. And now he's got a mural on the wall. Yeah, he's got it. Was that before he went to L.A.? Yeah. He went to Nashville first and then L.A. They had the baby in Nashville. And then they had it for a couple months.

And then they moved to L.A. And then he got discovered in New York. And then Jimmy Fallon saw him in New York. So he had to come back here all the time. Yeah, so congrats to that. That's just a big thing. I love knowing I have a friend that I could borrow an extraordinary amount of money off of.

Do you think he still goes to Applebee's, though, with him and Laura, because they met at Applebee's? Yeah, they work together at Applebee's. Do you think he still goes in there, because he loves Applebee's? I bet he's going to buy one. He's going to franchise one. But here's the thing.

If he goes into an Applebee's with his wife, it would be funny if they refused to serve him. They're like, we're not doing this anymore, Nate. He's like, what do you mean? I love it here. He's like, we're not doing this anymore. I want him to big time it and go in with a wad of cash and go, give me that toboggan off the wall.

And I want that picture of that high school soccer team. So it's buying the tchotchkes that are on the wall. He goes, you know, when I was in here, I was wondering where y'all got these bowling pins. Pop them off. He's gonna fuck you money down, please. And play to your tater skins.

I see here you got the two for $23 for $30 meals. You know what? How much for the whole giant? He goes, I'm going to buy it. I'll take one for one. I'll give you one meal for one restaurant. This is my friend right here. He's a Jew from New York City.

He's got a suitcase full of money. I own this Applebee's now. I still don't respect their people. I mean, they're whizzes's now. I still don't respect their people. Yeah, dude. I mean, they're whizzes with numbers. Yeah, they're good whizzes. But I can't. Yeah, dude, he should buy an Applebee's. He should buy an Applebee's, yeah.

Oh, Nate. Yeah. Please franchise an Applebee's. Franchise an Applebee's, and then you could do a comedy club in the back of Applebee's like Joe Franklin's used to do. Oh, my God. Remember Joe Franklin's? Yeah, I took some beatings.

That was on like 42nd and 8th or something. That's what happens. I think you just turn 80, and you don't want to go on the road anymore, and you just slap your name on some fucking dump in the back of an Applebee's. Joe Franklin's. You better pray to God I don't have Nate's level of success

or Danny's on 34th and 10th. This is me smoking cigars going, you guys want to hear me do a macho man? Hey, you guys ready for me to do a little macho man? You better hope I don't get it because then you're going to go up to Spanish Harlem and say, welcome to Marisa's. Dude, I can't wait to go up to what?

Just that? It'll just be that? I can't wait to go to, I can't wait to go up to... Just that? It'll just be that? I can't wait to go to... I can't wait to go to Weipa's. Weipa's! Welcome to Weipa's! Don't say it! He's in the office counting money.

You're in the wig, but nothing else. Full beard. I'll be so bucket gray. Yeah, hey, what's up, Dan? Not character ego. That's for the customers. I don't do the character. That's just for the customers.

No, I picture you 60 definitely khakis. You're wearing khakis, a belt tucked in, tucked in, buttoned down with khakis. Oh, yeah. And maybe you own a club named Danny's. Oh, dude. Danny's. You see the outfit?

You know what I'm talking about, right? Long torso. A little bit of a dad bod, but a little gut, but still skinny frame. I've recently lost Katie, so her picture's on the wall. And I just have a violent temper

about anyone that brings her up. I fucking lost my angel. I'll kill you. They're like, dude, I don't know what happened to him. Guy used to be funny. He used to be a really nice guy.

Guy used to be a fun head. He lost his old lady and things changed. He got dark, dude. Yeah, he started drinking again. Yeah, he got weird. He was having a drink and I got,

play a song she liked. I'm just interrupting dinner. My beautiful wife's birthday. Play a song. It's just like, it's like something emo. Yeah, dude, success can fuck people up,

but it's nice to see some of our friends. Well, that's why I brought up, I forgot what we were talking, but I brought up because I asked them, I said,

I said, you you know because I've I've experienced this on a smaller level right a much smaller level but like when you achieve something and then you get it you sort of have like this empty feeling a little bit

you're like alright that's like I mean where do you go from the Bridgestone Arena yeah there was this weird feeling when I did my HBO special yeah and then

it finally it finally worked tickets were selling and there was this weird like i don't like this yeah i don't know but there was a what it was was i was like i don't i don't trust this and then covid hit yeah and i went okay yeah. Yeah, I was right. I was right. I was like, back to the back of the line. Yeah, all right, okay. And now HBO goes, we only do poems. We don't do specials anymore. Here at Max, we only do poems.

Poems and spoken word. There's something to like, you know, like the Bridgestone, it doesn't get bigger than 19,000. I mean, where do you, so there is a little bit of your mind that must go like where do you what now you know if you're if you're always thinking about upward i saw uh louis ck on a podcast it was on bert's podcast and he was talking about you do an arena tour but you do it once and then you go back to theaters and he had such a good point where he was like,

that's for you, it's not for your fans. Was he saying that like he... Chose to go back to theaters? He chose to do that? He's like, you know, you just do one. No, but he had done it. And then what you want to do is you want to have a major, major, major scandal. He goes, and then what you want is a story to come up

from 20 years earlier. And then you choose to go back to 1500 years. But that's good. Yeah, it's good. It's all part of the process. No, he did a couple arena tours. Like, he had done an arena tour before

and then stopped and gone. So he had gone up and gone down. But, I mean, I think that's... When the people stay in arenas, that's where you lose the fans because they're like,

you're not the fucking Mavericks. Right. I'm not going to see Luca drop 40. I'm watching you tell me about how your car broke down. It's so wild to think that an arena would care about stand-up premises. Like all these people being like, why is dating hard? It's more of a spectacle. I don't think anyone's there enjoying this show i i wasn't there

at fenway when bird did fenway i think you do fenway it's like a coming home it's like a great thing like burr let's go celebrate burr i think a lot of people go in there going he's a hometown boss let you know he made it but i don't think anyone's at fenway park like enjoying a comedy show the way a comedy show is supposed to be enjoyed? Probably not. You're going like, oh, God, there's the green monster. I'm, uh, yeah, they're like, can you believe we're sitting on the fucking second baseline?

Fucking Bill Burr's talking about TikTok? I'm right here. I'm right fucking here. They're just, like, fucking losing their mind. Like, this is fucking insane. This is fucking... This is where Pedro took the mound. And then Bill's up there like... this is fucking insane. This is fucking, this is where Pedro took the mound. And then Phil's up there like,

you ever notice? Yeah, I mean, I'm on, Katie and her family are from Massachusetts and we play like video games online

with her brother on like a chat at night and his friends are on and they're all from, it's the dorkiest shit. Fuck you, dude. Rocket League, Rocket League rules.

I'm right there with you. I'm right there with you. I'm right there with you. Yeah, you said one of those moments. Where you realize your friend's mildly retarded? Yeah, no. Just we're in that era where a guy with graying hair

told me he was playing video games with his fiance and her little brother. Big brother. It just hit me. Big brother. He's close to my age. Oh, sorry.

And he's way better at Rocket League than I am. Trying to impress. Trying to win him over, Okay, I can't fly it Then I got my juicy box I love it. I love it. We do it every night. That's our hedonism. It's this era.

There's other guys that he's friends with that are on the chat and they were talking about Burr at Fenway. I didn't realize Burr was charging like fucking 500 a ticket. And you're like, where do you... It's pretty just throw the tag.

I'm no longer the man of the people i did that for too long you can't yeah 500 ticket 500 no one retires anymore that's why that's retirement money yeah burke could have been like yeah that's it yeah i'm out of here would you walk away absolutely i i have a number i want to walk away now. I want to be staying home. Tell him, please. Let's try about Cliff, dude. Oh, my God. This podcast will get so many replays. Here's the thing.

Monetize it. Give your guys his money. We'll do a Dan and Giannis retirement tour. We'll go across the country. I would. The bottom of the tour will be like, we're not as successful as our friends. It's called the, we would like to retire.

Yeah, we'd like that. But we can't. But then listen, we'll do the tour, and the tour will be such a fucking hit that we won't be able to retire. I have a number. I have a number. What's your number?

If I made, if I had in the bank, and this is crazy, but if I had $20 million, you don't need to see me again. Yeah. What do I need to talk to you about? Give me five. Honestly, need to see me again. Yeah. What do I need to talk to you about? Give me five. Honestly, dude. Give me five.

20 was always like the thing in my head. Yeah. But as we get older, give me 700,000. Every year that number comes down. Okay. Okay. So what are taxes in the county? Where were we again in this conversation?

There is a feeling of no one goes away, so everything is shitty. Everything's losing its tread. They're making so much money that they're like, I'm back out on the road. I'm doing theaters again. And you're like, I know for a fact you made $40 million. Yeah. What are you talking about?

Yeah. What are you talking about that's going to connect with a guy that got fired from Best Buy? It's not, you're not going to be able to. Like this guy's like, I mean, it's like the wealth disparity is so much now that comics, and comics love to talk about how much money they make. There's going to start being like, it's going to start being like Hunger Games. Yeah. Where people are like, I can kidnap them.

Like the way they do in Columbia with soccer players. They're going to start kidnapping comics. Yeah, you guys should probably be a little quieter about how much you make. Shut the fuck up.

Shut the fuck up. Jonathan and I can be very loud because we're squeaking back. Yeah. Don't go to a great one and be like, yeah, you know, just get yourself a nanny.

But you just see them and they go, get yourself a nanny, what's the problem? Go back on the road. You just see them, and they go like, did it again. Yeah. $90,000 a month on Patreon. Yeah., you know, just get yourself a nanny. But you just see them and they go. Get yourself a nanny. What's the problem? Go back on the road. You just see them. They go like, did it again.

Yeah. $90,000 a month on Patreon. Yeah. You're going to get this Sonola cartel up here. Yeah, yeah. Be quiet, dude. There's people who will kidnap you. I'm telling you right now, a couple bad breaks. Yeah.

I'm kidnapping Andrew Schultz. I'm taking Tim Dillon. Give me that money. Yeah. Which one would I pick? I Schultz. I'm taking Tim Dillon. Give me that money. Yeah. Which one would I take? I got four boys. How about both? How about we take both?

I got four boys in Aurora that aren't doing so hot and are crack shots. I'm fucking, I will rent a car in Wyoming. And then the next thing you know, they're like, sorry, couldn't do a new episode of Tim Dillon podcast because he's been reported missing. Dude, I've said it before on podcasts, but I already have the voice for it.

Yeah, for the kidnap, yes. Oh my God, when Mark Norman's like, what do you want? And I'm like, put the money in the fucking bag. If you ever want to see Joe List again, put your fucking money in the bag. Ah, you kidnapped me. Get the fuck

down on the ground. Soda! And you're like, I know. I know. I should have started a YouTube channel years ago. I got to the clip game way too late. Get the fuck down on the ground. Clip game too late. Get the fuck down on it ground. Clip came too late. Get the fuck down on it.

I thought just being good at stand-up would fucking set the path. I love how you're doing clips that I could clearly tell it's somebody doing them for you because they come out like clockwork. They come out like... Dude. Yeah.

And I know you're just not a clip guy. An agent had to be like, hey. Dan. And I went like this, well, all right. The game ain't what it used to be. I'm fucking, god damn, dude. It's just like. You just took your cards and put them on the table.

I said this legitimately to Katie this morning. I go, god, I wish I was a comic in the 90s. You just had to be really really really funny yeah and then get on like conan yeah and then you know yeah and we came up that way and then now they're like are you do you interview people as they get discharged from the hospital with a tiny microphone where i'm like what did they cut off and they're like i had a tumor and i'm like, what did they cut off? And they're like, I had a tumor. And I'm like, well, it sounds spicy. And then it's like two million on TikTok. I don't want to have to have abs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What happened to being funny? I learned how to do silly voices. Isn't that enough? It should be enough. Well, guess what? You're going to see me like fucking Sicario. I'm going to come in with a skull mask on

and fucking kidnap people we know. When Schultz and his boy are banging on chairs, I'm coming in with a fucking laser sight. Where he's like, Oh, you didn't say that! I'm like, get the fuck out of the ground! I want unsequished bills. You're going to put them in a fucking...

Not sequestered bills. Put them in the fucking trash. And they go damn and then you know how all the clips have the picture of them being like it's just me with a face covering and a fucking bag of money

I'm telling you I'm coming for all you rich motherfuckers I'm from Colorado that's militia country you think I've been jumping over logs the only person I won't rob

is Shane because I love him too much and he's going to have a militia waiting for him this is fucking gay he'd be like

dude you're gay you're fucking gay and I'd be like yeah you're fucking gay he'd be like dude fucking stop

fucking gay you're gay anything you do you're fucking, fucking gay. And I just put the gun down. I go, yeah. Yeah, this is gay. Yeah.

Oh, my God. God, it made me laugh good. Yeah. Yeah, it sucks. Yeah, but you know. But it's also like, I am happy for all those guys. Yeah. It is.

But there becomes a point where you watch everyone get rich and you go like, God, you need an opener? Well, you're doing we're joking. You're doing great. I mean you're making a lot of money. I'm great. I'm doing alright. I'm not making like a lot of money but I'm okay. You know you're doing good. I still

You still can be funny. I still go to restaurants and wonder if I can work a lunch shift there. Yeah. Yeah. Like I did really have to cut my grandmother's money in half. Yeah. But that's mostly because she needs a little push out the door. She's staying a little long.

You got nanos, so we're going to cut the checks. Go see, uh, has grandpa came to you in any dreams or anything? Guys, we are brought to you this episode by REXMD. REXMD. REXMD. It is amazing. Okay? It makes getting generic and branded Viagra or Cialis very easy.

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Absolutely you can. You know what's funny? It's like I could, there's a, you know, when you're a comedian, you're very jaded by comedy. There's not a lot of guys

you can watch and just go and enjoy, you know? Like usually you're there going like looking at the technique or you're, you're one of those guys

that I would like to go see on the road. Oh man, that means a lot. No, it's true though. Like I'm crying laughing because it's just like

you're that funny. Oh yeah. Yeah. I mean dude, it, that means a lot. Yeah, it's true though like i'm crying laughing because it's just like you're that funny oh yeah yeah i mean dude it um that means a lot yeah because i would like go see i'd like sneak it i wouldn't tell you that's the way i would just go and sneak it and just like enjoy it on my own because in like a hat so nobody would recognize me just like in my own mind in my own fantasy like. Like, all right, just nobody. I'm just here to watch. I'm just a citizen tonight. I'm a citizen. I just enjoy music.

I'm just here to listen. People just walking by me, bumping shoulders. It is. I feel like you're one of the guys, and I think Nate's one of the guys, where it's, and we can all see it. The writing's on the wall. It's coming to an end. You think the bubble bursts soon?

I think it just shifts. I think it shifts to, stand-up's hard. Mm-hmm. Stand-up's a hard thing to do. To be good at, yeah. People will find, the ones that suck, they make all the money, and then they're like, what else can I do? So I think it's like, we inherited all of the DJs from 2012.

We inherited the VJs from the 90s. Everyone that was supposed to be on TV being like, kill our party. Now they're on stage and putting out clips. It's very true. And you're just like, that's not a joke. I've seen people put up clips where I'm like, is the joke that there was no joke?

Well, you know what it is? It's the same thing with communism. It's the same thing with all great ideas. Humans ruin them. Yeah. It just goes too far. It's the same thing with great social causes, social movements, music genres.

Of course everyone should have health care. It's like a party. It's like, I'm going to invite everyone. You're like, I'm going to invite. Yeah, you get at your party, and then too many people show up, and they keep coming. And at some point, you're glad to close the door.

And it was like, the guys like Burr, the door and it was like the guys like burr the guys like a tell the guys like louis they fought through the 90s where there was nothing where they were just like yeah we just do stand-up and it's a hard life and you fucking hope you can make some and now they are all like the oil barons they're like the vanderbilts and shit of comedy where they're like, yeah, we've got generational wealth on a level we never thought we'd have. And then that's just going to dry up and stand-up's going to go back to being like a nightclub thing,

which will be better. It'll be better. You'll see better comedy. You'll see better comedy when the comics are making teacher salaries. Yeah, and I think a lot of the guys, it's a rock star time. It's fun.

You go out, you see a guy that you saw online or whatever, and then it's not going to be as good as the clip because the clip was one minute or whatever. Then you go maybe again and it won't be good. And then it just, that's how things, that's how bubbles always burst. Yeah, it's not a pop and everyone stops.

It's like a slow decline. It's just like a cancer that eats away. And then finally you're like, well, this is what it is. Because it's the biggest boom ever. This is the biggest boom. This makes the 80s look like a cancer that eats away. And then finally you're like, well, this is what it is. Because it's the biggest boom ever. This is the biggest boom. This makes the 80s look like a fart. This is crazy. This is the biggest comedy boom in history.

Easily. In human history, there's never been as many comics, as many people call themselves comedians doing shows. We're going to be having this conversation at a diner in 20 years. And you'll be in khakis. Yeah, and I'll be in khakis, and I'll be managing a restaurant. And remember Joe can go, remember in the podcast when I said I was going to own the restaurant? And I'll say one thing that'll remind you, Katie, you'll cry.

I'll be like, I'm like a eater, I'm like a eater. And then the diner waitress will go by our table because she'll see me crying. She'll know we're regulars, and she'll know that's Dan. She goes, ah, he lost his fucking wife. Yeah, yeah. Just wait a second. Then she'll come back. She'll know you're a fan.

Yeah, man. I mean, I'm just saving my money. I'm saving my money in a very paranoid way. The apocalypse is coming. Yeah, I'm James Brown in it. I'm burying it in the forest. Bags of cash. But here's the thing.

If the apocalypse comes, what are you going to do with buried money? Well, here's the thing. Yeah. Got to spend some of it. Yeah. So I'm like trying to find the perfect balance of like, all right, if the world ended, did I enjoy my life? But also, world doesn't end and comedy goes flat.

Can I pay rent? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, okay. You're hedging your bets. You're not scared at all? So you got money in the mattress and just a pack of camels so it's like all right if things go if i can need to pay rent i got the money but if it if i know it's going up in flames i got the cigarette i got the burners you're not are you nervous at all

um i have kids now so it's it's different now the cognitive dissonance kicks in now you have you can't be nervous cognitive dissonance kicks in cognitive dissonance people go oh it's different. Now the cognitive dissonance kicks in. Now you have, you can't be nervous. Cognitive dissonance kicks in. Yeah. Cognitive dissonance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People go, oh, it's going to shake. No, it's fine.

Everything is fine. Everything is all right. Everything has to be fine. Yeah, you see that article that says we're running out of water and you're like, oh, what's Taylor Swift? Who did she break up with?

You just go, oh, yeah, uh-huh. Yeah, when you have kids, it's totally like you tune out. I know. You have to tune out. I'm slowly tuning out. And anyone says things are bad, I just go,

no, things are great. I'm one of those now. What am I saying? I got an evangelical glow. I love it. Yeah, talk to me. It's like, no, this is all part of Jesus' plan. This is all part of what the devil wanted.

God, everything's going to go smooth. Nothing's going to change. Yeah, and at the end, when you're talking about, when that happens, Jesus will come, and me and my children will be raptured. Oh, everyone. Oh, my God.

We'll all have dinner in the sky. Applebee's in the sky. I have watched my friends become parents, and it's great. I love watching them become parents, but it is fun watching them become dickheads in the sake of their children. Like, they do dickhead shit, and they go like,

I'm protecting my kids. And you go like, eh. Give me an example. One of my friends was like, ah, in Colorado. They're like, ah. And this wasn't like a close friend of mine. Someone I knew that has kids, and they're like, eh, it's just like the way things are changing and shit.

I'm like, oh, you're being a dick, but instead of just being a dick like you would have been when you were single or whatever, now you're like, but it's because of my kids. I want to make sure everything's all right for the kids. It's like all these drag brunches and shit. You've got the parents on the left being like, this is great for them. And then the parents on the right are like, burn them all!

And everyone in the middle is like, why are you guys even doing this? People without kids are like... I feel like if you take your kids to a drag show, that's on you. Yeah. If you plan to take your kids to a drag show... I don't think they're popping out of cakes. Yeah, why are other people upset? It's their kids, right?

I don't think you're going to an eight-year-old's birthday party and they go, we want to let you know. Yeah. Bob the Drag Queen's coming. You're like, all right. You probably would have known that before. It all seems like people are... On the flip side, though, it is kind of weird. It's like family drag art.

It's just some guy like... I mean, listen. I know this could probably get me in some trouble. This might send me back down. But have they just replaced birthday clowns with drag queens? It's funny how the funny... Do drag queens do balloon animals? It's also funny that we live in an era where

him thinking of the funniest thing gets you nervous. That says something about our era, too. At least the industry. Yeah, because that is hilarious. I just thought of something extremely funny. We couldn't get Bonkers the Clown. Instead, we have Diorama.

He's like, what's your name, you little slut? Hey, kids. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, F. Is this the little slutty birthday boy? And he goes, yeah, I don't know. He's doing it. Drop it down. Oh, watch my pussy hit the ground.

I thought it was a freedom clown. It'd be funny if they actually come out to all the children's songs my daughter's listening to now. That's so great. Frozen and fucking Skinnamarink. Baby Beluga. What's up, you little horse? Ours little kids are shaking. Then they go, hey, who wants a balloon animal?

What do we say? Yes, queen. Yes. You see like clowns coming in. Yeah. I'm not calling drag queens clowns. As Jesse Scaturo would say, the culture wars are irresistible.

Dude. The culture wars are irresistible. And they're, I mean, it's, they make so, because they make so much money for certain people. Them, like, getting people, like HuffPo loves a good riled up argument. It's clicks and then it's advertising dollars.

It's all connected. Yeah. It's all and then it's advertising dollars. It's all connected. Yeah. It's all connected in a marketing way where you're like, oh man, this is. Well, it's, we're,

we're past quality, right? Like quality doesn't get attention anymore. Quality used to get attention. So since there's so much noise now, there's so much access, so many content creators. The thing now is just car crash, attention.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That car crash gets your attention. No matter what, everyone will slow down for a car crash. Yeah. So, you know. Mass shootings are the new albums dropping. It's like, yeah. We're like, did you put out a new album?

That was 20 years ago. But only if you got five. I mean, if you got three or four, nobody, it doesn't even. Yeah, they go, four? That's not. It's like what? That's minor leagues. Yeah.

You're single age. I was saying there was a snowstorm yesterday. It doesn't... Yeah, you got to take out a full dozen people. To make the news now for it to be... I mean, it's just kind of what we do in America. Yeah. It's like they just have...

It's funny how they barely crack the headlines now. You're just like, yeah. I remember there was one where a couple of administrators, like three or four administrators got shot, and it didn't even because they didn't die but it's still people getting shot in a school someone's which if that was like the you know the night like 1989 or 90 that would have been like fuck 99 dude fuck yeah columbine shook us for months yeah yeah everyone was like what the in a school and now

we're like well were they doing their homework yeah it's like well, were they doing their homework? Yeah. It's like, well, what were they wearing? Dude, I love the thought of- Did they ask for it? I love the thoughts of every teacher now has to be Rambo. Every teacher has to be like, all right, so I'm going to check the three. I'm checking my three. But they come in, I'm going to take a tactical position.

And then they're like, and also, what did the natives call corn? Maze. It's like teacher lessons also, what did the natives call corn? Maize. It's like teacher lessons while also being in the army. It's just really funny also that now being a teacher is like a risky position. When your wife's like, I want to be a teacher, you're just like. You got a good life. You got a long life ahead of you.

It's like the way women used to cry when their husbands went to war. Oh, yeah. You know, like, My wife's at work. She's learning elementary education. I don't fucking know. All the inner city teachers are like, that's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're good.

Yeah, there's no school shootings there, which is ironic. Yeah. They're like, yeah, remember what happened? And now it's all suburban war zones. Yeah, now that's where you want to stay away from. Yeah. There's no schools. They're like, we, remember what happened? And now it's all suburban war zones. Yeah, now that's where you want to stay away from. Yeah. It's no schools. They're like, we're actually going to place you in the suburbs.

And you're like, what, do you think I got a death wish? Do you think I want to fucking die? Yeah. Yeah, dude. I don't know, man. It's not ever going to solve because there's so much money in it. No, it won't solve. That the conversation drums up money for the anti-gun people and for the pro-gun people.

It's so predictable. You even say gun and someone's going to be like, I bet someone on this YouTube video will be like, both sides will be mad. Because they're like, how fucking dare you? It's incredible. Go outside. Go outside and touch some grass. It'll never change. It'll never, ever change.

There's too much money in it. And as soon as the incident happens, you just hear the talking points happen to me just right away. You just go, man, I gotta do something about this. They gotta throw more money in this mental health situation. And then they go, it's guns. It's mental health.

Yeah, it's just guns or mental health. There's just, it can't be. I say. It can't be a combination of both or it can't be anything in the middle. Why not give everyone who's mentally ill a lot of guns? Why not give everyone no guns except

me? I'm for that. That'd be cool. I want to have guns that everyone else can't. Gun control for everyone else. Or swords, dude. Let's just go back to swords. Because if a guy came in wielding a fucking katana and then one of your teachers was like, like a three musketeers

fight. Yes. They do that blade move? Someone comes in and they go, engar. Yeah, dude, that would be so awesome. Fence it out? Or they have him behind it, and they go, don't do it.

Don't do it. And he goes. Or if the students just get it, and they go, no, let him shoot the fair one. Yeah. Don't jump in. I love that. And they just let the fence shooter, it and they go, no, let them shoot the fair one. Yeah. Don't jump in. I love that. And they just let the fence shooter, the fence stabber

and the teacher just fence it out. I would love that. That would, man, bring back swords. For the soul of America, bring back swords.

Let's have big sword, big sword business. Right. Well, because at the end of the day, that's what it really is. It's like, just like everything else

that goes too far, the power of the guns has gone too far. You can't just go in and you see that thing that Kid Rock used to shoot up those bud cans too far, the power of the guns has gone too far. You can't just go in and... You see that thing that Kid Rock used to shoot up those Budcans? Oh, the Dragonfire? Yeah, well, he just... I only know that because I saw John Wick 4.

No, when he was protesting the Bud Light kids. Yeah, I saw it. And he goes... And he just pulls out... Well, he also had a... He had a other shooter. There was a second shooter. Wait, on the grassy knoll?

There was a second shooter on Kid Rock's field. Is there a second shooter? Watch the video. There's 100% a second shooter. Wait, on the grassy knoll? There's a second shooter on Kid Rock's field. Is there a second shooter? Watch the video. There's 100% a second shooter. There's a crossfire where there's like big blasts coming that don't time out with his guns. I love this Kid Rock shooting Bud Cairns conspiracy. I'm in deep, dude.

I'm in deep. Is my phone turned off? I can't talk about it. You think the Russians? What do you think is going on? Was it the mafia involved? I think't talk about it. You think the Russians? What do you think is going on? Yeah, we're like, oh my God. Was it the mafia involved? I think it goes all the way to the top. I think Biden and Bill and Mulvaney or whatever they are and Kid Rock are all in on this. I could see how that could be possible.

I just love it, dude. Like, I love ginger ale, right? I love ginger ale. Yeah. If they were like, yeah, there's just dudes butt fucking on ginger ale, I don't think I'd be like, I'm gonna blow these cans up. Because he had to set it up.

You make internet videos. Yeah. Set up. You had to set that up. You had to get all those. Someone had to carry those boxes of Bud Light down the hill. And that wasn't a first take. Unfold that table.

That wasn't a first take. No, that wasn't. That wasn't a first take. No, no, no. He didn't go like, grandpa's feeling kind of, fuck, did I say that wrong? All right, let's do that again.

And then he goes, grandpa's got, grandpa's feeling, nah. Do I call myself grandpa? Should I say like, the kid's back. And you know it was one of those picnic tables where you have to unfold the legs, but the guy forgot to kick the thing closed. So at one point, one of them went in,

you know you're gonna click that thing. And then it spills and Kid Rock still drinks it. He goes, point, one of them went in and you're going to click that thing. And then it spills and Kid Rock still drinks it. He goes, well, I'm not going to. I'm going to waste it. Still beer. He's like. The guy had to come back over and kick him back out. Let's do it again.

Yeah, because internet videos, you never think about that. You're always like, that's not first takes. No, no. That was, yeah. He set that up, got the angle. He goes, maybe should I walk with the gun up? No. Should I have it in frame when we start?

And then someone recording goes, Bob, your shirt? He goes, oh, sorry. We're ready? We're ready? And then it could have been someone else shot some cans, and then he had his legal team be like, look, that's kind of Kid Rock's thing right now. Yeah.

Hey, we really love the passion. Yeah. But Bob has kind of Kid Rock's thing right now. Yeah. Hey, we really love the passion, but Bob has kind of isolated the shooting the beer can market. If you want to do bottles, feel free. Yeah. I don't know. Well, that's the thing the internet has done is kind of turned everyone into a Madison Avenue marketer. Everyone's shooting commercials for themselves.

Everyone's brilliant. That was a commercial for Kid rock for kid rock for because what it did is it spoke gun rights for it spoke specifically to who he's going after back in the 90s he was going after the young dudes that loved the party and he put on the best live show had all these parties and then now he's an older cantankerous conservative man and he's like, well how do I get these guys? But I still like to party. He's like, I'll shoot beer cans. Yeah, I think what's

going to happen, I think what will happen is because the internet gives such access to people. People are filming themselves all the time. I think people are going to start to catch on to the fact that people are utterly full of shit. It's the youth, dude. I think people are going to start to catch on to the fact that people are utterly full of shit. It's the youth, dude.

I think they're going to catch on and be like, wait a second. It's the way that we... You're full of shit. It's the way we saw it when we were young and we changed it. We were like, fuck this. This is crazy.

You know what I mean? Because you sense the disingenuousness and then you kind of get upset at it. There was a point where... Because you're like, hey, I used to believe you were really like that. And then you're like, oh, you're just doing that to fucking, to hit your numbers,

to market to a group. Yeah, and I think that'll... I've had a theory, but I'm wrong about everything. But I've had a theory for a while that we're like five to ten years away from being genuine will be the new currency. Where they're like, oh, that guy, and you'll have to have like to prove it.

And then they'll be like, maybe I'll fuck with him because he seems to be genuine. That seems to be real. But then people will be good at faking that. Well, then that eventually will happen. Well, then AI is just going to wipe out everything. No, but then the faking of genuineness will come after the genuineness like it always does.

But that will happen only because we haven't seen it in a while. And I think everything comes back around. So yeah, I think that's going to be next. Because everyone's full of shit right now. Everyone's out there just fucking... 100%. Just letting it fly. And I'm joking around here like I'm going to kidnap other comics.

I'm fine, dude. This is the best my life has ever been. Yeah, yeah. Easily. Yeah, you'd kill it. I bought fucking hair, dude. Yeah, yeah. I was losing my hair and I bought it.

Yeah, and you're killing it. I was like, I'm doing a bit about it. I was like, I'm not going to go bald. Wait, wait what's going on here you're the first person that called me out on it i do a bit about it on stage but i got hair tits that's what i call it on stage wait wait wait what i was losing my hair and i was like oh i have enough money i can go buy hair wait a second i didn't call i didn't know that dude you came in to do the bonfire yeah maybe like three months after i had the surgery and you go what's up with your hair and i go huh and i wasn't talking about it so i was insecure i hadn't been doing a bit yannis and his brooklyn fucking spider sense yeah that's right he goes hey what is that why you your hair

is different and i was like oh and then i talked about on the bonfire yeah and i brought it up on the radio because i was like yannis and i think i even said when i brought it up i go yannis is the only person yeah that's fucking called it out. Me, you, and Sean And I've actually been thinking it since you're here. I'm like, his hair looks interesting. Yeah, I know. I got fucking... You got plugs? No, I didn't get plugs. Plugs is for fucking 90s dorks, dude. I got the back

of my head cut off and put on the top of my head. Wait, what? Yeah, they do the surgery where they take your head, and then they take the hair from the back of your head, and then they put it on top, and it grows naturally. It's not like, you know, like my hair grows. So it grows. Yeah.

How do they do that? It grows it. Fucking science, dude. You think my dumb ass knows how it actually works? They used to do the follicles. Well, the follicles were bad. So they still do that. They can do that, but then they can do a surgery where they straight up just like take your hair and put it into your head in the front and then it grows.

So that whole hairline is... Dude, I was so far back. I was like up here. And then I went to a doctor and he was like, one surgery. Yeah, that's it. And I was like, do it. Machine Gun Kelly did that. So many people.

Yeah, Machine Gun Kelly had the... McConaughey, Daniel Tosh, Steve Carell. Painful? What beautiful procedure is it? No, beauty's always painful, Jesse. No, but it was... What happened is I did it quick, and then I regretted it,

because I was like, I should have just gone bald. But I was like, dude, my head is way too big. Wait, but you weren't like going bald bald. You were just kind of receding a little bit. I was going to have a cul-de-sac, dude. I was like, I should have just gone bald. But I was like, dude, my head is way too big. Wait, but you weren't like going bald bald. You were just kind of receding a little bit. I was going to have a cul-de-sac, dude. I was going to look like, you know what? I was going to look like white Sam Cassell. That's what I say on stage, but it's true.

I was going to look like Sam Cassell. So you were getting the yami? I mean, I'm still getting that. I'm going to have that. So you're just going to circle up here? This is going to go thin, too. But it's just going to be like, instead of me going bald at 40, I'm going to go bald at 50. But you could do some maintenance, right?

Yeah, you can do maintenance. Now, does any of the like- Hair business is big business, baby. It's big business. And by the way, a lot of guys are going to Turkey and shit. Yeah. No, no, no. You got to go Madison Avenue.

Did you? Yeah. Did you? Are you doing like the sprays? Yeah. Sprays. Propitio, all that shit? Yeah, let's get it, dude.

Yeah, yeah. It looks good. Yeah, it looks good, man. I mean, so many comics have it done and they don't talk about it. Yeah. Sprays. Propitio, all that shit. Yeah, let's get it, dude. Yeah, yeah. It looks good. Yeah, it looks good, man. I mean, so many comics have it done and they don't talk about it. Yeah. And I'm not going to rat out who does it, but like Mateo got it done. He does it on stage. I knew he got it done, too.

But Mateo and I, because Mateo and I both do bits about it. Yeah. So we were like talking about like, what do you say in your bit? We don't want to do the same bit. Right. Because it's both interesting. It's just like an interesting thing. But I also, the whole point of my joke on stage is that we're lying to each other too much, that it makes you feel crazy.

Yeah. Like stop lying to each other. And I'm like, I have fucking fake hair. But you were the first person. I caught it. You caught it before I even told anybody. Yeah, yeah. I was like, goddamn, Giannis, you and that fucking sharp eye.

What did I say? Your hair looks weird told anybody. Yeah, yeah. I was like, goddamn, Giannis, you and that fucking sharp eye. What did I say? I said something. Your hair looks weird as shit. Yeah. It looks weird. You have a different, because when it came in, it came in in a different texture. Like, now it's back to my regular hair.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it came in in, like, a cranky texture. And you're like. It was right when it started to grow in. And Giannis was like, what's up? He walks in the studio. He goes, what's up with your hair? And I was like, yeah, it's crazy.

Fuck. And that's what, honestly, like, what's up? He walks in the studio and goes, what's up with your hair? And I was like, yeah, that's crazy. Fuck. And that's what, honestly, that's what I miss about our successful friends is you can't really bust their balls like that anymore. And it's so good for you to have someone make you, to tease you, to make you feel uncomfortable. I recently tried to bust one of our friends' balls

about crowd work clips, and he kind of got a little defensive about it. He wasn't mad or anything, but he got defensive about it. And I was like, that's the part we're missing in comedy, where you've got to be like, don't do that. What are you doing? Or just bust the balls. You don't have to be mean about it.

Well, that's why comedy is so important. It keeps everyone humble. But that's the whole point. Comedy is constant humility. That's what it's about. That's why I was mad I got the hair surgery. Comedy is constant humility. That's what it's about. That's what I think it's... That's why I was mad I got the hair surgery. I was like, I should have been humbled.

But my whole joke is about making God angry. Oh, I'm letting people know. Yeah. I was insecure as fuck about it. Yeah, yeah. But I had the money. Yeah, it looks great. Look, dude, it looks great.

If I have the money... What did it set you back? Like about 10K. Not bad at all. For a new fucking head of hair, 10K? And a bit. It's his hair. It's not even his.

And a bit. A bit that'll pay for the hair. Yeah, you'll pay for the hair with the bit. That's it. And that's 1K for every kind of slightly disappointing look you got from a girl. I'll take that. Oh, I already had Katie Locke. When I told her I was going to do it, she goes, I don't give a fuck if you're bald.

And I was like, I do. Yeah. Because I have a massive head. Yeah. And it would look frightening. But it's different when you're a tall, good-looking guy with hair, even though you've got a girl and all that. Tall, good-looking guy with hair walking down the street,

and then a tall, good-looking guy with a Sam Cassell head. It's a different, you've got to walk through, you'd have to change the way you walk through life. Did you buzz your head as a kid? Yeah, I did. Did it look good? It did look good for a little while. You could do it change the way you walk through life. Did you buzz your head as a kid? Yeah, I did. Did it look good? It did look good for a little while. You could do it in the summer.

Not now. No, but I'm saying in the summer when you were little, you could buzz your head and everyone would be like, and you would be like, you know, would you, like, dude, I buzzed my head once. Yeah, you don't have a face. Your face needs hair. I buzz my head, I swear to God,

I buzzed my head once in high school. Yeah. To be like, hey, what? And I did it, and I went home, and my mom went, some people just can't have bald heads. She didn't even say, like, you look bad. She just goes, man, some people should not shave their heads. And I was like, I know you're talking about me.

But it looked so bad. This kid in my physics class was like, dude, don't ever do that again. Yeah, because your face, you don't have a face that can go bald. I have a face that's right here. But then if I have all this head, you're going to be like, ugh. Yeah.

What the fuck is that? Yeah, some people can't. I was blown away when I got it because I felt it's secure and I felt stupid. I was like, I shouldn't have fucking done that. I should have just taken it. And then I found out that all these motherfuckers are doing it. Yeah. And no one's saying anything.

And I was like, well, then now I'm angry. Because I felt stupid. But now I'm angry because i felt stupid but now i'm angry that all you motherfuckers are out here lying yeah and not being like yeah i got a penis enlargement dude they're coming you know they're coming you know that they're coming you know that there's gonna be clean you know there's gonna be dudes that we know that are paying like 45k going to like tunisia and getting a fucking nine-and-a-half-inch cock. And they're like, yeah, dude, whatever.

And you're like, you look so much more confident. Because I'm not going to lie, the hair surgery did make me a little more confident. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. There is a difference walking down the street being a tall drink of water with full hair. But you know what it is? I also feel like you and I both share this,

where we feel, we were just talking about it, you feel guilt from success. So now I feel guilty with it where I'm like, eh. You feel like you cheated? Yeah, I cheated. I feel like I cheated. I was like, ah, fuck.

But then I got LASIK and I'm like, well, the reason I did it is because I got LASIK years ago and I was like, well, what's the difference? Yeah. You just change, you know what I mean? Yeah. It's like, no. It's a slight difference. One of them is for function, the other one is for pure. But really, I mean? Yeah. It's like, no. It's just like, one of them is for function.

The other one is for pure. But really, I was functioning fine with glasses. The other one's for pure. It's pure wow factor. It's pure vanity. It's pure wow factor. Pure vanity, baby. Yeah, it's wow factor.

But it's like, even talking about it now, like I want, I'm trying to make it a good bit because I want it to be like one of those bits where you're like, oh, that's what, like he covered every base. Because now everyone's doing it. Gian Marco, do you know that comic? We were at the cellar and I did that joke on New Jokes because I'm trying to get it and he goes,

oh man, so many comics are getting hair surgery. That's going to be the new prostate joke. And you're like, it really is. So I got to get it while the getting is good. What it made me realize is that they've really gotten advanced with it. Just like LASIK. Because Rogan used to be just like they'd like slap a rug on your head well so funny dude is i did i did uh i got surgery and it takes when i got the fut surgery so it takes like six months for it to

grow in it takes like it doesn't it's not just like oh it's there it's like over it just that's why it started growing in and you said that it was right when it started growing in but I got the surgery and then I went and did Rogan and I was following him into the studio and he had like the big scar

yeah when he tried to do it yeah and I was like oh he did it in the 90s yeah when the technology wasn't there yeah yeah but they were like

I don't know so you have a big scar there no I barely have anything dude so they I have a scar but if you like see it the

one of the lady that cuts my hair on billions i was telling her i was doing it she's like don't that scar is gonna be fucking crazy and then i did it and she was like it looks like a paper cut on the back of your head now she's like if you lift your hair do they have to keep farming the hair from back here once done that's it that's it and then it grows continues to grow on its own yep so you get a normal haircut like everything? Yep. How's that possible? Science.

Science, dude. So what you said is eventually it's going to thin. How's that? Because the hair that wasn't implanted in there that they didn't take in there, that'll fall out. But then you'll fucking farm some more back in? Probably not. You'll just let it go at that point? Yeah, why? You're going to have to.

It's going to look funny, dude. I don't know. It'll look crazy. Thick hair here and just thin hair. Yeah. I'm down. Let's get look crazy. Thick hair here and just thin here. Yeah. I'm down. You look like the Toxic Avenger. Let's go nuts, dude.

I'm going to look like Two-Face, dude. Let's do it. I don't give a fuck. I was already vain enough to get it done once. I don't know about going back to the wall. You beat yourself up too much. I beat myself up all the time. That's why we're comics.

I hate myself. It's not that big of a. That's why we're comics. I hate myself. It's not that big of a deal. You did a good thing. If I was balding and it was available, I'd do it. Plus, you're on TV. You're on TV. Here's the thing. I just think funnier would have been to go down with the show.

You know what? The Bob Costas, when he gets off camera, he just goes like this. You know what? But Joe Buck is public about it. Did you hear that story, how he almost lost his voice? That was one of the craziest stories from getting hair transplants. He told it on Howard. They put him under, and the thing that they used to put him under

rested on his vocal cords. So he almost lost his voice and ruined his career for getting hair transplants. Well, what's crazy is they didn't put me under. They gave me local anesthesia, And then I was just like. You're like, it's jolting. It was wild. But it was a thing where I did it. And I was like, all right, I did it.

And the regret came after I did it. Did you tell anyone while you were doing it? Or you waited? Who was the first person you told? I mean, Katie. Katie, obviously, knew. But one of my best friends, Danny Garapay, back home. Nobody cared what you told them, right? No, I go, I got the Tom Brady.

Yeah. That's what I said to Danny. Does he get it too? Oh, Brady? Yeah, he's got it too, right? Go look at around the 08 season. Yeah. And Katie knew it.

Katie goes, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, he, at the end of his season, was going bald, and then he came back at training camp and had, like, flowing hair. Yeah. A lot of guys it's crazy when you see that like corral in the season one yeah season one to season two you can season one season two you're like oh that guy's got a full head of hair and that was fucking 15 years ago so the technology was probably a lot of rehab no dude what my doctor My doctor told me. He lift his hair like that? One and two.

I'm like a black lady with a wig. With her hair done. I'm like, you fuck, I can't itch it. But what they cared about was they wanted to make sure. My doctor who was in New York was like, take care of the scar. So I had to soak my head. I had to soak the back of my head and then put on stuff to make the scar go down. Because he was like, if you don't, the scar will be fat.

So that was the main maintenance. Do they do that? Can black dudes get that done too? Yeah, dude. Fucking Dion did it. Yeah? Yeah, Dion. There's really some famous black dudes that have done it.

Didn't LeBron do it? I think. LeBron, whatever he's trying. Whatever he's doing is not working. Sometimes it doesn't work. Well, it doesn't... It depends on what kind of hair you have on the sides and the back. Like, my doctor was like,

let me look at your hair, because if it's not thick enough... We have friends, a friend of ours, and I'm not going to give his name up, but he was the one that introduced me to this hair doctor, and he uses the sprays and stuff. And I was like, oh, there's a surgery? And he goes, I would do the surgery, but my donor donor hair that's what they call this shit is too thin so it doesn't so if

when it grows it just falls right back out but mine's thick enough that it comes through and it stays so what do they implant it into the follicle they like where you lose it they put living hair where your dead hair was like you know guys get the ueui? That never falls out, the stuff on the side. That's where they take it from. They just take it and they put that on the top. That's exactly it. That's exactly what they do. No, the hair.

They just take the hair and they put it. I know it's called plugs. No, they put it in where the hair was and then it grows. For the first three months you touch it, it feels like a buzz cut. I remember touching it and it felt like a buzz. That's the thing with me, dude. And then it came in. When it comes to the things like the vaccine and stuff,

it's like, dude, they could turn dudes into women. They could turn women into dudes. They could fucking save Danny's hair. You don't think they could make a goddamn fucking vax? You don't trust the vaccine? You don't trust the vax? Trust it all, dude. I mean, dog, I trusted that that was his real hair.

I had a hunch. And you're even new. But all I had was a hunch. Your primal instinct. My primal instinct, yeah. But I didn't know for sure. You called it. Honestly, I think without you,

I would have delayed talking about it and doing a bit about it. Wow. So you had to finish that episode of the bonfire in your head going, does he know? Does he know? You had a little voice going, does he know? Does he know? You had a little voice going, does he know? Does everyone know? Do they all know? I was like a boxer that was

wobbled that whole episode. Because I was like, ah, fuck, he knows it. I'm a fucking idiot. Why did I do that? We're going to take a break. Every time you looked at me, you had that insecure look like, hey. 100%. I was like this. Good joke, Sean.

Be honest. I was like trying to joke Sean Giannis I was like trying to hide the back of my head from you I go Giannis that was a good one he's just totally self-conscious about the way I look

dude totally what's going on man trying to keep it real high just real taller than me standing up on the chair in the studio hey Giannis what's going on

I do radio like this it's better for broadcasting sums up with dad yeah I don studio. Hey, honest, what's going on? I do radio like this. It's better for broadcasting. Sums up with dad. Yeah. I don't know what it is. Because it's, I mean, that's what I say in the joke, is I'm like, when your friends get something changed and they don't tell you, you feel crazy.

Now, why don't you go with the beanie or a hat for like six months? Because it looked regular. And then it just started growing in. And then like Katie would be like, your hair looks great. And I'd be like. It's funny to listen

to Jesse ask questions as if he's curious for the people. He goes, so would you, would you want to write down your doctor's name? Sure,

let me, like, what was your thought process? How much was it exactly and how far is it from Park Slope? Do they have one in Brooklyn? After the surgery,

could you take the train home? Do they have the, is it 10 grand up front or more like a payment plan? Do they do like a payment plan? What's the window like? How does your hair look when the wind hits it on the ferry? It is funny. Yours is good, but you have to keep your head low to make it look like it's still falling.

But they can't do anything about the front. I got the Gandolfini. Oh, yeah. Because I'm always going to have the... You don't have anything there. But I'm telling you right there got the Gandolfini. Oh, yeah. So I got, because I'm always going to have, I'm always going to have. You don't have anything there. But I'm telling you right there. It's not bad. No, that's all that I have.

But that's all spray. Because you got to do the spray for the sunroof. But the sunroof, sunroof's always going to be there. And I'm fine with that. So if you forget to spray something, it rained and you forgot to close your sunroof. Yeah, dude. Just fucking, it's up there and you're like, all right. But it's, I think it's like.

So you wake up and you do it. No, you do it at night. You go like, and you like rub it in a little bit. And then you just wash it out in the morning. What's that for? It, dude, it grows hair. Because that was what I was doing first. And then I went and saw the doctor after the pandemic.

I hadn't seen him in like fucking two years. Yeah. Because I started doing this in like 2018, 2019. Like doing the spray and like rubbing it. And it worked. 2018? It fucking worked. You didn't, I feel like I don't even know you.

You know what? It was 2019 because I got out. I feel like I don't even know who you are. I was on the Impractical Jokers cruise and I got out of, we were swimming on the beach or whatever. Well, I mean, you don't, if there's one place you're not going to feel insecure, it's there. Why?

I felt like I got it. Yeah. That's why Ramon Rivas hobbled me when I get out. He goes, bro, you're losing your hair. And I was like, I didn't know that. And then our friend, who will remain nameless, gave me this hair doctor. I know exactly who it is. And he was like, he's like the best guy in New York.

And I was like, is he the best guy in New York? Well, not the guy who told you, but the guy he was talking about. He's one of the worst. And then I went in. But I went in, and there was like is he the best guy in New York the guy who told you but the guy he was talking about the guy the doctor one of the worst and then I went in but I went in and there were like two famous people very famous people and I was like you're fucking you got fake hair did they go tan soda I loved your HBO special no it hadn't come out yet they go as fucking shameless but I started doing the spray and it worked and then pandemic I started noticing it was like thinning out and then i went and saw him and he was like you know there's a surgery and i was like oh and he showed

me pictures and i was like well i have those results he's like yeah you know it's an interesting thing when you get a little older and you realize you need help you need assistance yeah like uh with my breathing and my sleep apnea like i dude i'm in sleep apnea i'm going through it it right now. I got to sleep with a mouthpiece now. And I sleep with the thing here, mouthpiece. But did you try the mask? I didn't try the mask. I can't sleep with the mask. You got to go with the mouthpiece. You have apnea too? Yeah. Jesus. Does everyone have apnea? I think it's, Katie thinks it's a hustle. Katie thinks it's a hustle. Katie goes. Do you snore? No. I did the sleep study though. And I have have 21 times an hour I have interrupted sleep. Oh, that's a hustle.

Without snoring? No, I do snore. Are you tired during the day? I was just here. I haven't smoked weed today. I've been stopping smoking weed until last thing at night. Yeah. And I was so tired.

I was like, I feel high. I feel like... You also smoke a lot of weed. Well, I did. But I'm like stopping that. But if you're tired, very tired, did you sleep one night with the mask? Dude, I did three months

of trying to sleep with the mask. Did you feel like you had a lot of energy, more energy during the day? I couldn't go longer than an hour. With it on. Because I'd be like... And then it felt like I was almost being suffocated because it pushes the air, but there's something fucked up with my nose.

And I was like trying to- Did you go to an ENT and have them look and see? I got to go, I'm going back to them in two weeks to check in with them. Yeah. Because I have the machine and everything and I was like,

all my friends that have the machine are like, dude, wait till you get that first night of sleep. I couldn't, the most I got was two hours. Once I took a nap with it, though, and I woke up and I was like, oh, shit. Okay. It just wasn't.

I don't know if I got to get a different mask. Why don't you try the. I'm going to try something. The mouthpiece. Because, dude, I fucking. That's what I use. That's what a lot of people use. I think Rogan uses it, too.

I need it. I need some. What is it called? The mandicular mouthpiece. Put your jaw forward. Yeah think Rogan uses it too. I need it. I need some. What is it called? The mandicular mouthpiece? Put your jaw forward. Yeah, he tried it on me and he said it. He's like, we're going to go with the mask. What do you mean he tried it on you?

You got to get molded for it. But he put it in to see. He like, my doctor checked to see. He was like, move your jaw forward. And he was like, with a camera up my nose to see. And he was like, no, that won't make much of a difference. He was like, we got to go with the mask. So at first they gave me the nose tube,

but my nose is all fucked up. I can't smell. That's another joke that I have. I don't have a sense of smell. Is it a collapsed nostril or something? He looked in and he said that it looked okay. I don't know what's going on. And you don't snore?

No. I snore very rarely. Very rarely. But it'll be like, I'll turn over on my back at night and be like, and then I'll go over on my back at night and be like and then i'll go back to my side and be fine yeah i don't know i want to figure it out dude because i won't sleep so bad it feels like i'm being tortured because if they say you need the mask that means you had like uh extreme sleep apnea dude they were like moderate or mild he was

moderate and he was like we're gonna give you the mask i had moderate yeah they told me the mask but i went with the fucking band because there's something about the mask that the relief came when I took it off Yeah, then I would go to sleep and I'd fall asleep, but I'd just be sitting there with the mask like Like roll over in the fucking plastic tubes all over yeah, it's brutal Yeah, it's uh, and I saw I I'm seeing him in a week and I'm hoping he's like, let's try, look, we got to try something else.

Yeah. Hopefully. Damn. You don't have any bag. You look like you well rested. That's wild. Yeah. A nap.

Yeah. So that's the thing. You get older and you realize I need, I need stuff. I need, I need help with medicine and stuff. Yeah. You got to take pills.

I've watched you try to make a sign twice. Jesse's been trying to signal to you. You know that we're at, yeah, we're over 50. Where are we at exactly? Hour 10. Oh, all right.

You know how these go. They go, they go. Yeah, I show up and I'm always like, every time I've recorded with you, we're like, hey, we need the seven hours. So we got a Ken Burns documentary about hair transplants, about rich comics and hair transplants. This is going to be the podcast they show everybody where they go.

And then comedy fails. And then comedy collapses. This is going great. And then the shit hits the fan. We really got caught in this hair shit for a while. But it's interesting. I haven't really publicly talked about it. Because again, there's stuff...

I'm starting to realize on podcasts now, now that I'm done doing the bonfire and stuff, I'm starting to realize that there's, now that I'm done doing the bonfire and stuff. I'm starting to realize that there's stuff like I want to be funny about, but you got to save for the stage. Right. The joke was there. I took it. I know.

No blame on you. I was like talking about it. I was like, yeah, and I shouldn't have said anything. Fucking idiot. Is that a beep? Beep. Beep. Beep! Leave it in.

Leave it in. Leave it in. This is a fun episode. Yeah, this is a fun episode. It's got everything. Yeah, that's crazy. I just think it's like, I want to get the sleep apnea fixed.

That's the next thing. I want science to improve. It's like I was sleeping outs out. My wife, I couldn't even sleep with her. I snore so bad. And then now you don't. Now I don't. But now it's like, and I lost a lot of weight, then I put a few back on, I couldn't even sleep with her. I'd snore so bad. And then now you don't. Now I don't. But now it's like, and I lost a lot of weight, then I put a few back on, I started snoring again,

then you gotta adjust the thing. Did you notice what actual sleep quality? The way I feel now, even like the nights that I snore a little bit, I guess, the way that I, I can't believe I lived my life, and my snoring was, I mean, we used to live together.

It was crazy. It's dude. It's dude. It's like, it's brutal. I should be dead, maybe. Like, it's bad. I was like, like, loud.

I remember one night, I was in Providence. It's crazy that you got me. Sergio just threw a ball of socks at me. He went, yo, man. Shut the fuck up. What the fuck? It's horrible, dude.

And you know, it hurts your feelings. The thing is, it hurts your feelings. Like, when my wife would do that, I'd be yo, man. Shut the fuck up. What the fuck? It's horrible, dude. Like, I had to, and you know, it hurts your feelings. The thing is, it hurts your feelings. Like, when my wife would do that, I'm like, stop. And I'm like, I'm not doing it on purpose. I'm trying to breathe.

Yeah, they're yelling at you and it's like, I'm not doing this on purpose. But it truly shows you how much she loves you, that she married you while you were ripping snores. Yeah, but I almost feel like,

you know, because she was okay with it before the ring came on. And then the ring goes on, and they're just like, go sleep on the couch. Yeah, but then now that you got the mouthpiece, are you like, do you put it in? It's like, don't you ring that bell? Do you put it in like a fighter?

You put it in with you, like, okay, what happened? You don't fucking wake me up. Ding, ding. Pretty much, yeah. It's game time when I put it in. And then at the end of the night, you're like, that was a crazy dream. You really pull it out,

and you're like, you got water with the straw on it. I gotta go change your diaper? All right. Yeah, I love it now. Well, baby number two's almost here. Baby's almost, it's almost here. Is that gonna change your diaper? All right. Yeah, it's, I love it now. Well, baby number two's almost here. Baby's almost, it's almost here. Is that gonna affect your sleep? Well, you're not gonna get sleep again for three months.

Yeah, I do have to do a couple shifts. Is Giannis like, does she know it's coming? No, she has no clue. She has no clue. And we know that when the baby comes, she's gonna, there's gonna be rivalry. Giannis is gonna? Giannis, they're gonna be fighting. Giannis is gonna be like, who the fuck is this? Yeah, yeah, it's going to be rivalry. Gianna's going to be like,

who the fuck is this? Yeah, yeah. You can tell. You're not slow rolling it? What do you mean? Like, mommy's got your sister. Oh, we're trying that. And she just looks at us like, what are you guys doing?

I'm too young to understand. You can see it in her expression. She's like, what the fuck are you guys talking about? I just learned that a corner hurts. Shut the fuck up and give me a high five, Dada. Dada, high five. I don't know.

I'm going like, you know there's a baby in the belly. She's going, what the fuck are you talking about, dude? I just learned A, B, C, D, E, F, G. I learned not to pull the dog's ear. I'm learning a crazy shit. There's a fucking human in the mommy's belly? It's an embryo? Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about, dude?

Shut the fuck up. Slow it down. Yeah. You could actually see It's an embryo? Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about, dude? Shut the fuck up. You could actually see her going like, what? Yeah. She looks like little you, too. She looks like a clone. Dude, if I show you baby pictures of me, it's like the same person. I mean, when your wife posts pictures of her, I'm like, oh my god. I just hope her eyes fucking separate, dude.

Yeah, they will. Hopefully there'll be an eye separation surgery. You don't know the magic they're gonna have in fucking 15 years. Because then I'll be pissed. She'll be like, Dad, for high school graduation, I want a fucking eye widening surgery. And you're going to pay for it because it's your fault. Dad! And then you get it done, and you walk in, and I'm working at a podcast restaurant.

A podcast restaurant! Where every server does a 15-minute podcast. We sit down here. So how are those chicken quesadillas? This table was brought to you by Popcorn Chicken. A podcast with the right... Oh, shit. What are you going to have?

I don't know what's going on. Last time I was here, my last guest was Jared Harvin. We talked about the steak that we ate. It was pretty crazy. All right, let's bring that clip up. That's the steak being prepared. A podcast restaurant. Dude, it's coming.

It's coming. It's going to come. It's coming, dude. It's coming. Oh, my God. Yeah. It'll be called Patreon or something. That's coming. It's coming. It's gonna come. It's coming, dude. It's coming. Oh, my God. Yeah. It'll be called Patreon or something. Dude, are you going to subscribe?

Yeah. It's the new sushi podcast. It means somebody's using the table. They're not doing a podcast. Like, you can't. Sir, if you're done eating, you need to leave. Yeah, yeah. We have another one.

Someone's promoting their, you know, people promoting their regular desk jobs. Yeah. You can We have another one. Someone's promoting their, you know, people promoting their regular desk jobs. Yeah. You can see me working files. I do comps at Aetna. Yeah. Then business gets slow, and you rent the place out to legious gangs,

and then it just, your place closes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They broke every food violation. There was a comedy shooting. Yeah. Oh, man, I can't wait until we go into little tribes and everyone wars. And I'm in a war and then I just play a conch shell

and all the legion of skanks come over. They go, we've got you now in your silly voices. I go... And then Louis on a horse on the edge of a cliff. Doggy, don't worry, I've been here. Skanks, assemble! And then Big Jay in is fingerless glove he just goes like that they just fucking storm over yeah oh god that was the podcast restaurant got me hard it's gonna happen dude daddy is on the freaking road baby i don't have

a job anymore yeah what's what was that like you were eight you know that's made me feel old when i thought about when i heard you were leaving bonfire and then someone said yeah they did it for eight was it eight or seven years eight years 2015 and 2023 eight years doesn't that's when you know you're getting older is when eight years doesn't feel like a long time ago yeah when you go like damn because that was like it feels like yesterday that show started yeah i remember i was like listening to like the first couple episodes in my car and that seems like yesterday yeah but that was eight years ago eight years that's a long good run oh dude it was a fucking blast and honestly the way it ended was perfect i was just on the phone with jay i was just on the phone with bobby you know for bobby

to step in as we all know from the You Know What Dude days, I was telling Keith Robinson and Colin Quinn at the Cellar, I was like, because Bobby's one of our best friends and Bobby's like an older brother and he'll do that with us a lot, where he's like, I put you fucking guys on the map. And then for him

to step into the bonfire, I hugged him. I was like, we're even. My soul can be released but it it was this feeling of like i had so much fun doing it the contract a year before the contract was up i told jay i was like i think i'm done after the contract and he was like fucking so cool about it we told the crew knew serious knew everyone knew kind of like i think we waited to tell serious like three months before i left but for the most part everyone knew that it was happening except the fans because some of the fans were like that doesn't add up

why didn't they tell us when dan decided because we wanted to have fun we wanted to have do the show as is and if we would have announced that i was leaving the show would have been dissected every episode like oh did you hear him yeah he kind of got out of jet that's probably why he's leaving it's like no it was none of that i was just done and even jay i wanted to announce it in january and jay was like no no we'll do two weeks he's like that way we can just have fun i like it then you can announce them we can do your final week i like that and it went perfectly i like that that's the best way to do it yeah how does it feel now that it's over like you know this time eight years i miss it yeah i like i called jay about fin doming financial domination yeah and i was like dude why why didn't this come

out when i was on the bonfire yeah i want to spend a good two hours talking about this yeah and he was like i know we're gonna talk about it on mond a good two hours talking about this. And he was like, I know we're going to talk about it on Monday. And I was like, I miss you, man. I was like, oh, that's so cool.

How things going, Bobby? I felt like that video of Tyrese where I was like, I'm so happy for you. I'm so happy. Sorry, man. I got to go. Bobby's calling me.

Tell him I said hello. Oh, he does a killer Winnie the Pooh. But it was, it just felt like, honestly, and I've said this, I said this on Bobby's podcast, but I really meant it.

I didn't feel like my standup had developed the way I wanted it to. I felt like, you just got very inside the actor's studio with your, yeah. Did you notice that switch? I just feel like my stand up didn't develop No but it was the thing where I hated my stand up I was like I want to go I liked the HBO special

I hated everything after that I just want to go do stand up I just want to go come on your podcast I wouldn't have been able to do this Right because you'd have to get out of here You'd be tired also with your sleep apnea And that job was probably on your podcast. Like, I wouldn't have been able to do this. Right, because you'd have to get out of here. I would have, you know. You'd be tired also with your sleep apnea, and that job was probably,

maybe it was just, has it gotten better since the bonfire's over? Maybe you're less tired. Maybe it was the bonfire, weed, stand-up, girlfriend, dog walking. Maybe it was the combo that got you. There was a thing of like, man, when I'm on the road now,

five shows ain't shit. Now I'm on the road, I'm like, woo! Like I'm going to be in Indianapolis this weekend. I'm like, you know, it might not be sold out, but I'm excited to try shit. Like energy of me trying stuff on the bonfire or like bringing up premises or anything, now I do it on stage.

And it's just like, oh, this is so much fun because I just fuck around with the audience. And it's like, I love it. I mean, I miss the bonfire. I miss the chick. But I miss, I just love having energy for it. Right. Well, you're on the road.

There's no one funnier to see. One of my favorite guys. Dude. Go see him where? DanSoda.com, but I am, I mean, I'm on the road fucking heavy coming up. I'm in Indianapolis. Helium Wednesday's coming out next week. Yes, it'll come out, well.

Couple weeks? Saturday. Saturday. Oh, shit. Yeah, Friday. Friday. Friday. Friday.

All right, so I'm in Indianapolis this weekend. Go see me. I'm at Helium. I'll be in Columbus at the Funny Bone next weekend. And then I'm in Springfield, Missouri, Portland, Oregon. I mean, shit, dude, I could... Just go to the website, but go... I got a one-nighter coming up in Poughkeepsie,

June 9th at Laugh It Up. I got, yeah, Springfield, Kansas City, I'm doing that Sunday night. Dude, I got a lot. Oh, City I'm doing that Sunday night dude I got a lot oh I'll be on that Burt Kreischer tour oh yeah I'm doing

fully loaded and then in July I'm I'm at Stanford at the New York Comedy Club I'm gonna do that

that's a nice spot I'm excited for that I'm just going everywhere dude yeah and at your homecoming Boulder Colorado October 7th doing the Boulder Theater. Yeah. Also, Seattle, I'll be doing the Neptune Theater. We're both doing kind of the same thing where we're doing like tiny theaters because I'm going

to do the Paramount. I haven't announced that yet, but I'm going to be doing the Paramount in December. Atlanta, I had to cancel my week at the Punchline, but I'm doing the Buckhead Theater in December. We haven't announced that yet, but I'm doing the Buckhead Theater in December. We haven't announced that yet. But I'm doing these tiny little theaters so I can hit a lot of cities. But there you go. Long Island, Atlanta, keep looking for it. Go to the website.

Seattle and Boulder, those theater tickets are on sale now. Please go buy them. Yeah. In case they need extra hair. Yeah, we got to keep it. The hair treatment is perpetual. It doesn't stop, right? I got to go in and fucking get like Darth Vader.

They're going to put it back on me. Thanks, Soats. I love you, dude. I mean, I can't tell you and Jesse have been instrumental in my career. Jesse took my first head shots. That's right. And it's like I've always looked up. Bar four was always like a badge of approval.

It was the shit, dude. I love you guys. Love you, man. Dead Soda Room! Stop drinking regular big brand sodas. Start drinking the Giannis Papasour approved Brooklyn Cannery sodas. Get on the new wave, dude. Brooklyncannery.com.

Do you drink them in your crib? Yes, I do. Do you order them? Yeah, I order them one time. Yeah. Yeah. Now, Do you drink them in your crib? Yes, I do. Do you order them? I order them one time. Yeah. Yeah. Now, do you pour them in a glass or you drink them right out of the can? No, I drink them right out the can.

Right out of the can. Yeah, and I put it right into the recycling bin, so I feel like I'm doing a good thing. Here's the thing. I enjoy a nice ginger ale once in a while. Mm-hmm. Even better when it's 22 calories and it's a real ginger beer. Oh, yeah. Brooklyn Cannery uses all natural sweeteners, okay?

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15? With the promo code Giannis Pappas. Go do it. Chris Minetti, who's buying the history hyena sign, Jesse's going to meet him in a parking lot. Yeah. That's exactly what he... We said meet him in a parking lot. Yeah. That's exactly what he... We said meet him in a parking lot, and Chris Moran go,

oh, you mean the office? That's where I'm used to doing business. Yeah. And he's bringing cash. He's bringing fucking cash. He's bringing cash, and it's going to be a red dot site in Jesse's head. Yeah. Hopefully Jesse's makes it.

Yeah. So we're getting rid of the history hyena sign. Good riddance. Bye-bye. 2-1-5-7-5-0-3-7-3-0 for Chris Minetti Financial Services. If you want to get your check cash in the Philly South Jersey area, or if you want to buy a sign for him, I'm sure he's going to resell it for a higher price.

It's going right on eBay. Because he's getting a good deal, and all the money's going to the show. We're just going to use it for another camera, whatever. So thank you, Chris Bonetti, and rest in peace to a great comedy show. Next up, Aaron Lee, ForTheFree.art. I don't think I have to say anything more because I just think that this is running on this kid's credit card at this point. Yeah, pretty much. But if you like new artists in Hawaii and you want to support them, but six months ago,

go ahead and subscribe. That's right. For the free Todd Art. Go check it out. Exclusiveautoshipping.com if you want to move your car, if you bought your car out of state. Exclusiveautoshipping.com

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Yes But you don't have to drive your car So you're moving your wheels without moving your wheels I love it This guy Jared always wants to catch me up on that one I know what I'm talking about Did you catch it automatically?

No No, I didn't catch it either But then when he explains it, it does make sense But I knew it made sense It made sense in some way. Okay, Manly Girly Studios, Jared's favorite podcast network. Yeah, I listen to them every day. Where are the Gen Zers out there for a side of fries?

Check out a side of fries. It's a perfect variety podcast to keep you in the loop. In the loop. Get to know them better at at Manly Girly Show, at the Manly Girly Show, Gringo and the Rough, and their new show, which I'm not going to say.

It's called Jewanon. Yeah. You're not going to be able to make that into a successful show. Not at all. Dives into conspiracy theories and unexplained phenomena, and just a pinch of Jew hate.

If you listen to it, just expect an email from the NSA. Constantly thinking. Manly Girlie Studios. Check out them on YouTube or get their merch. With the promo code WEPA, you get 20% off their merch. How funny would it be if you're walking down the street with a Jew in on shirt or a manly girl or a gringo in the rough shirt? Even if you don't listen, which you don't, go merch it's funny send me the merch send me the merch message us on

patreon we will wear your merch they made it i think where so send it to us they put it on their store yeah so we got to give them yeah send you the address to send it to. Our fave. People loved. People were talking. People were like, thank God I listened to the end to hear Sam Gubera's ad read last week. Sporthorsefarrier.com. Okay, guys?

Now, we will do all types of businesses. We will give shout-outs to all types of small businesses Including ones that appeal to everyone like this Yes From the most niche to the most wide spreading We are here to promote Sam's farrier service She'll clean up those hooves Even if you got a

Not just horses right If you got a pet fox, raccoon, she'll clean out those shoes. She'll get up in there like a Korean. What if I just want you to play with my feet? Did you go to Nate's show? Let's ask her that. I think she's from Nashville. So did you go see Nate Bargatze at the

Bridgestone Arena? It's so wild to think about that. It's so wild. When I saw those pictures, I was like, I know Nate. You know? When we were just sitting around like this. And he's like, Bridgestone Arena, 19,000 people. It's like Taylor Swift shit.

Anyway, not to upstage the need for farrier services in the Nashville area. If your horse needs a farrier, okay, and you're sick of paying deadbeat farrier costs, I still don't know what a farrier does, and I still don't know what this ad is about. She basically makes the hooves. For the hooves. For the hooves, yeah. Nail filing for horses. If you need to get your

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Yeah, we try her again. Let's try her again. 864-200-9007. I love how she's got a business that she doesn't pick up the phone for. She knows it too. Nobody calls. She knows it's me.

Yeah. You know it's about to happen when you see that face. You may hang up or press one for more options. Hi, Sam. It's Mr. Panoz. I don't have this need. My wife, her feet is turning black.

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You get 10% off your first purchase. Just tell them Giannis sent you. Promo code WHATSTHEDEALIS. Yeah, they need to change that spelling to What's the Dulles. Okay. Did anyone read this? Do you think he really wrote this story or he had chat GBT write it? Hey, Jussie, another updated copy.

Here we go. It's a review by ChatGBT channeling Kanye. Just peeped the city. Shit straight up crazy like a movie on paper. Gang wars, political battles, and one OG ex-military dude holding it down.

If you're about that life, check it out. Urban mayhem, revenge plot, skyscraper life. Tell Yanni I went to Greektown today and had some gyros. Thank you, our favorite Eastern Hemi with Nofumare. Look at this. His name is cute, Nofumare, Eastern Hemi, but will suck cock for a penny. Go check out his novel.

Where can they find it? Wherever they find it. You got to scroll up. Oh, Cezard. Cezard. S-E-R-A-Z-A-R-D.com Cezard.com. Check out his novel. Also follow the City Graphic Novel on Instagram. I did see the art. The art's dope. Yeah? Yeah. I looked at

some of the pages. Yeah? Yeah. Can you read a chapter? You like to read. You're an artsy-fartsy. Yeah, yeah. Maybe I'll do like a full review. Yeah, yeah.

Can you do that? It'll be fun. Definitely do that. Put those new glasses to work. Yeah, put those reading glasses to work, Grandma. Yeah. I'll huff and I'll bluff and I'll blow your house down. Okie dokie.

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