Yannis Pappas Hour - Princess Leia’s Bikini, Ozzy Britney Beef & Childless Cougar Hunting

Episode Date: August 1, 2024

Princess Leia's bikini bottom has been purchased, much to the disappointment of Star Wars fans—the opportunity is lost. Yanni breaks down the gender war and Project 2025, while Ozzy Osbourne can't handle Britney Spears' dancing. Come hang with Yanni & Jesse for their weekly, more timeless, bonus episodes here and support the production of this show:  https://www.patreon.com/yannispappashour?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator Support our Sponsors: Cayman Cigars Head to https://www.caymancigars.com/yannis to check out our sampler while supplies last and use code YANNIS for 10% off your order.

Hey everybody, we have a hot show coming up if you're on YouTube. Just don't go anywhere real quick. I'm gonna just do my dates real quick. These are for people who want to see me live. Syracuse this Friday, August 2nd, Albany August 3rd, Saturday, Souljo's and Potsdam PA August 9th. I'll be in St. Louis September 5th through the 7th, Dania Beach Florida September 13th through the 15th, Tacoma Washington September 19th through the 21st, Las Vegas for Skankfest, September 27th through the 29th, West Nyack, New York, October 11th through the 13th, Braya, California, October 25th through the 27th,

Milwaukee, Improv, December 5th through the 7th, Austin, The Mothership, December 20th through the 22nd, and Rochester, January 16th through the 18th at Comedy at the Carlson Tickets, yanaspappascomedy.com. It's a heater stick around! Good afternoon everybody it's your favorite fake newscaster Yanis Papis or Yanis Papis or Yan Pap. If you're African-American or Yanny or Yanny or Giannis or the Robo Cheese Man,

if you know me from high school, what's up, everybody? We are giving you tomorrow's news today so we could make yesterday better. But we're giving you yesterday's news today so we could also make tomorrow better because time is an illusion. There's multiple platitudes. Platitudes, not the right word. There's multiple planes of existence. And there's also universes we can't see. There's something more out there I'm

sure of it. Everyone who's been on a trip or peyote has said that including Tony Soprano in the third to last episode of the final season. There's something else out there I can't explain it but women are buses and they're supposed to drop us off and we keep trying to get back on the bus. That's what he said. And the Dr. Melfi said that's deep because Tony Soprano's got mommy issues. So stop trying to get back on the bus. And by bus I think he was referring to only American women who got big big mobs. They're all big. Even though McDonald's is down 12% in net profits because Americans are choosing to eat another fast food that's still making them fat. Pick your poison. It's not

because you're choosing salad. It's not because you're doing the Mediterranean diet. I think Arby's just is doing a pretty good campaign by going, where's the meats? Whatever it is. Something like that, right? McDonald's is down. So people are, I think there's just more options for five guys, people going to five guys. I think they're going to Shake Shack. I don't think they're necessarily eating healthier. So I don't think this is the time to celebrate that health care costs will go down

because preventative measures have been taken into their own hands by the citizens of North America. I don't think so. I just think some other fucking fat fast food fostering company is eating in on those profits. It's sort of like the podcast boom. But for fast food, there's a lot of options. Project 2025. We're going to get into what it is. We're going to get into what it is. We're going to get into what it is and who's behind it. Because the leader just stepped down because Trump said, I'm not into project 2025.

I'm not into anything that doesn't have my name on it. I think that was his biggest problem. He was like, if you're going to call it something, you want me to support it. You're going to have to pay me a licensing fee to slap my name on it. That's the way he likes to make his money. Slap it, his name on it, you're gonna have to pay me a licensing fee to slap my name on it. That's the way he likes to make his money, slapping his name on it baby. A lot of people don't know a lot of his buildings he didn't own he just licensed his name and slapped it on it because people used to love Donnie T and by people I mean liberals but now the only people that like Donnie T are half the country and a lot of whom are listening to this episode so stick

around I'm not gonna Donny T hate because I want you to stick around that's about it I don't care what you think about me just know that I love you and I care about you and your presidential candidate, whoever that may be, male or female. I don't care. I don't care whether you think people without kids should get taxed more or not, like JD Vance said. JD Vance said people without kids should be taxed more. And that's when Justice Keturro changed his vote to Kamala.

People gave me shit for pronouncing it wrong. It's not Kamala. It's Kamala. Kamala, like Kam Kamala. Kamala like Kamala like Kamala. But you know what I say to that is hijab hajib tomato tabato. So we will talk about Project 2025 and its war on the feminist movement to not have kids, B40 and bang 20 year old guys. That's essentially all I got from 2025 is they just want chicks to be baby machines.

And chicks are going, uh-uh, this is a war on chicks. You're coming for our reproductive rights and you're coming for our single cougar lifestyle. This is cougar hunting and I am not for it, unless it's at a private reserve and you can gun down these cougars one by one and force them into you to have IV treatments. I think that's what they want to do. I think what JD Vance wants to do is set up sort of a matrix type scenario where these chicks are hooked up to inviterose and they're just pumping sperm in there and forcing them to have American babies. We want more. They want more babies the Republicans just want more babies and You know that used to be just a position for the Catholic Church

Nobody loves an unwanted baby more than the Catholic Church. That is That's us. That's what you call a supply chain for the Catholic Church. Anyway, you know, you can't... Paying attention to kids are hard to groom. Let's be honest. A lot to talk about. G20 countries are trying to tax the rich across the globe, and we're going to discuss whether it's a good thing

or a bad thing. I'm going to say it's a good thing because I'm not in the super rich. That's a simple one. Here is the most shocking news to come to you this week. Ozzy Osbourne is alive. where we turn news into potatoes. So I would like to start this episode with the news that I enjoyed the most that we covered in our prep meeting, in our pre-production meeting. We discovered a story that's close to every Japanese billionaire and millionaire's heart, every Star Wars geek's heart. Anyone who loves Star Wars who's got a little scratch

in their pocket is paying attention to this developing story. Princess Leia's bikini, her bikini from the set of Star Wars, the one that she wore. Of course they wouldn't want to get like one. She didn't wear. It's not like, Hey, let's just get the costume. It's like, Hey, um, I want the one she wore from all those years ago.

Um, sells at auction, um, for $175,000. Somebody bought her bikini, is basically skin-on cloth For a hundred seventy five K It includes hip rings and bracelets, but nobody was into that Nobody's really into that the real hamburger on that plate. I'm not talking about the broccoli and the french fries I'm talking about the main course for that auction sale is Princess Leia's bikini. Wow, was she a looker back in that day? I don't think the name of the man who bought it, and let's be honest, we know it was a man who bought it. Has been released.

But my guess, it's a name that when said, sounds like you threw out your back and you're trying to lift the box. No question this didn't go to a Japanese business guy who has already cleaned out every vending machine in Tokyo. This is like a hall of fame piece of underwear right here. And here's the deal. It sold for $175k and I bet you it was up to $400k until the guy who kept going at the auction was told that it was washed. Once he found that it was washed, he only put up $175,000. He was willing to go to $400,000 for an unwashed bikini bottom. But once it hits the water and soap, it really drops in value. I mean, old bikinis, if you want to call them that they're basically tantamount to panties.

It's like a car off the lot, right? So when you buy a car, it has a certain value. As soon as you slide that car and drive it off the lot, the value of the car drops. drive it off the lot, the value of the car drops. The same theory, the same anatomy applies to female underwear. Once, once it is washed, where you essentially drive it off the lot, when you wash it, it drops in value.

The real value of her underwear is that it has not been washed. That is really what would have, it might have went for a mil if it had never touched tide. But I think that was a good compromise price. And I think he can maybe take it and rub it in some garbage to get to get the sort of intended effect that he that he wants. So anyway, I didn't know if you knew that I know there's a lot of Star Wars geeks out there. But Princess Leia's bikini is no longer available.

I would have thought it would have went for much higher. That's why I know it was washed. Because that is I mean, that's a collector's item. There's only one of those. There's only one that Princess Leah actually wore. Um, and so there's some lucky guy who's masturbated to that many times who now owns her bikini bottom. I love how they threw in the hip rings and the bracelets as if that's really what the guys wanted. It's one of the most memorable costumes in film history. I wonder why. It was sold in Dallas, Texas.

So I could tell you what happened on that weekend at that auction. You want to know what happened? First class tickets from Tokyo were through the roof. First class tickets from Tokyo were through the roof. There was a huge influx, right? Some airline was like, what's going on? Is there a Japanese, is there a Toyota convention happening in Fort Worth? Why are so many Japanese businessmen coming to Dallas? I'll tell you why. Because they're coming to bid on one of the most

prized possessions. It's a national prized possession in Japan right now. I think they're gonna put it on display like this. They'll put it in like behind glass. They'll put Princess Leia's panties behind glass at a Tokyo museum, fully, but with just a little, a little air pad. So it panties behind glass at a Tokyo museum, fully, but just a little, a little air pad.

So it'd be behind glass, but then you could just fit your nose right in upside down and take a sniff. So I wanted to start with that news because it really made me smile. news because it really made me smile. Also Ozzy Osbourne criticizing Britney Spears for dancing over and over again made me smile and like I said I'm very surprised that Ozzy Osbourne is still alive dude. Wasn't he like, wasn't that like 30 years ago now? Wasn't he old when the Osborne reality show started? And wasn't he like,

didn't he have like crazy Parkinson's then? I mean, what's he doing now? Do they have to move him? Can he move? He has enough vitality in him to get very angry at Britney Spears' videos. So he got really mad and he said, will she stop fucking doing the same fucking dance every day? Here's the funny thing. A lot of people always say that they want to go back in history to kill Hitler, right?

That's like the main, although some people want to go back in history now to tell Hitler how to avoid it. There's a couple of accounts on Twitter, they're like, I'd love to go back in history just to tell Hitler, like, just wait for Russia. But people always say that they want to go back in history so they can kill Hitler. But nobody ever says an equally important thing to do is to go back in history and kill Ron Perlman,

Rob Perlman, the guy who created Backstreet Boys, like, isn't it important to go back and stop boy bands? Why is that not equally important? The guy, Perlman, what's his name? And there's a documentary about him on Netflix right now. And it's fascinating to watch just because he created these boy bands as just one part of this massive, massive scam that he was running.

He was just running a scam. He was just getting investors and he had a fake airline company and he had these blimps and he was crashing these blimps for the insurance money. And it's just fascinating for that reason because this guy was a massive scam artist. A lot of people don't know that he ended up in like prison

and then died in prison. Like he got convicted for dirty pop, dirty pop business. Lou Perlman. What did I say? Ron Perlman. I apologize to the actor Ron Perlman. But Lou Perlman, it's a very interesting documentary. So everyone says that about Hitler, but they never say about the importance of stopping boy bands.

You could go back in history and just like, I don't know, toss Chris Kirkpatrick into a Gator Lagoon and it's over because he's the one that put NSYNC together. NSYNC was great, I'm joking. Of the boy bands, I think they were the best. I assume. But Ozzy Osbourne, that made me think of that because Ozzy Osbourne I think was just mad because like it's Britney

Spears and you know he's like a rock and roller and Sharon I'm a rock and roller and then he apologized to Britney because I think Jack and Kelly probably gave him a talking to and he said sorry, sorry, Brittany, we still think you rock. He had to, they had to sit there with the PR reps to figure out the statement. I'm not saying that I'm all the same. I'll say rock. It has to say rock here. I won't say anything. So it's broke. It must say rock in there. We still think you rock. Um, she doesn't rock. She never rocked. She rocks more than she did before, but that's from medication. She's doing sort of like a alone in her room rock.

Yeah, it was bad because Britney Spears is Britney Spears is in a just a constant, um, psychotic episode, like she's in constant psychosis and it's just being documented on Instagram. It's not good for children to see that. So I understand he's upset about it. I want it down. I want it down because it's like, it's like a national tragedy. She is beloved by so many people and you're just you don't want to document the the downfall of a woman's mental health. He said uh with the legendary rock star who's

able to keep things positive uh he said uh Ozzy said however it would be better if you didn't do the same fucking dance every day, change a few movements. What you don't understand, Ozzy, is she's got a leak in her roof. She's not doing the same dance every day to annoy you. She's got a leaky roof. The girl has a hole in her roof. That's a great expression for her.

I created that, by the way. It means somebody's a little crazy is when I created that by the way. It means somebody's a little crazy is when they got a leak in their roof. All right, all right. And then he goes, all right, I was gonna say, Brittany, never stop dancing. I love you dancing. If it makes you happy. I'm so sorry if I offended you. Who said that?

Oh, Sharon. Let me get back to that. I'm sorry. All right. I was going to say, Brittany, never stop dancing. If I love your dancing, it makes you happy. And I'm so sorry if any of us offended you. My name is Sharon Osborne.

And my face looks like I'm going 100 miles an hour in the winter, no? Listen, I like Brittany. 100 miles an hour in the winter, no? Listen, I like Britney. Everyone likes Britney, man. Look at Sharon still looking good at 71. And look at Jack Osborne on keto. Remember when he was just a fat? Look at him now, he's doing good. He's an entrepreneur.

I'm sure his Instagram says entrepreneur. But before she can continue, Ozzy interjected, I love Britney Spears, but it's the same fucking dance every day. Ozzy, why are you watching Britney Spears dance the same dance every day with two knives? Do you Yeah, it's just I want Instagram to do something about this account. I mean, I don't know what's worse. I don't know what's worse. Watching like Street Fight videos or like shootings or CCV or watching Britney Spears mental decline every day doing the same dance. And then just seeing the comments section,

we're worried about you, we're worried about you, we're worried about you. And here she is just dancing with two knives in the same spot, it's the same dance every day. She's got a leak in her roof, man. She's got a leak in her roof. So Ozzy, that was very insensitive. It's like yelling at somebody who's got a problem. Here she

is pointing the knife at the camera. Sharon labeled Spears a poor little thing saying her situation is heartbreaking and very sad indeed. And he just said, every fucking day same dance. But then he said he was fed up seeing poor Britney Spears on YouTube every fucking day. What are you doing watching Britney Spears every day on YouTube? It's very, very sad. It is sad. But it is, her body still looks good.

She's still hitting the gym. She's gotta hit that mental gym a little bit. They gotta find the right balance of whatever it is that's gonna make her change the dance at least. She does just twirl and twirl and twirl every day. She's like, it's like, I don't know what she has, but she's like trapped in time. It's like, I think maybe she has some sort of dementia

where she forgets that she did that dance yesterday? Because every day, and it's in the same spot in her big mansion. I mean, this is Gray Gardens. This is Gray Gardens. She's just a rich, famous girl who's aging, who, you know, was thrust into the spotlight with a less than mediocre voice and, you know, really should have tapped out and being a former Disney star. She should be you know a grandma at Disney World in Orlando.

She should be working at like a taco, a fast food taco spot in Orlando is what Britney should have been doing. And so her mental health just it's just this is above her pay grade to be this famous this poor girl. So I feel bad for her. But she has kids. So that's the most important part. Now is project 2025 okay if you have kids with Kevin Federline? So like what kind of kids are we talking about? Do they want to do like a Nazi population increase program or are we just going whoever the father is that's fine? Shouldn't you be able to get an abortion based on who the father is?

Maybe the Republicans would like that. Be like let's do a little rund down on the father's history. So is Brittany okay in 2025 because she has kids or does it, does it, the mother being Brittany Spears and the father being Kether Feteline all like counteract that? I don't know. I don't know how her kids are doing. But they're probably doing a lot better if they have a block on Instagram. So you don't have to see mommy twirling every day. Project 2025 is an interesting thing. It's it's been in the news everywhere and nobody really quite knows what it is. But it

is a conservative, like, plan, what do you say? Mantra, a call to action, a document where they got four pillars. Four pillars is what they want. They wanna restructure the federal government and everything. And it's a playbook, I guess is a good way to put it. It's sort of like a playbook, a call to action for what they want to happen in the first 180 days in office. The first pillar is they want all women The first pillar is they want all women to be impregnated.

So every woman on the fifth day will be visited by a gentleman caller and they will be impregnated. So every woman's gotta have a kid. It's like a buddy system. If you're a woman without a kid, I think you get thrown in a camp or something. I think that's the main pillar. They're really coming after women and trying to tell them what to do. It's very interesting,

because this is coming from the party that's all about freedom and stuff. And they really want to restrict what a woman can do with her life. They want her having kids. They want these people having kids. So it's an advisory board of a hundred conservative groups and it's spearheaded by the Heritage Foundation and the head guy just stepped down because Trump called it a quackery and he said he's not affiliated with her or whatever even though they were previously like supporting

him right and trying to pin their hopes on him or whatever. I think Ben Shapiro defends it or doesn't defend it. I don't know. Ben Shapiro, he's lost half his audience because of his Israeli position, so he's lost half of the conservatives who think that all we do is protect Israel and they wanna stop that.

So it's a mandate for leadership. The recommendations are outlined in a sprawling plan that reaches every corner of the executive branch, from the executive office to the president to the Department of Homeland Security and the little known Export-Import Bank. So what they want to do is force every woman to have a kid. They want to build a dome over the country with a wall so nobody can come in.

They want to, I think, get prayers in schools, get rid of drag queens. They want to get rid of DEI. They want to make the military all men on roids. They want to spend zero on climate change. I'm just making all this up. What do they want to do? What do they want? They want to get rid of federal agencies.

They want to do a bunch of stuff. They want to do a bunch of stuff. They want to cabinet level border and immigration agency staff by more than 100,000 employees. What do they want to do with that? They want to turn it in. They want to just, I think ultimately they want murder drones at the border. Just murder drones, just a bunch of hovering murder drones

that are just firing lasers at Hispanics. I think that's project 2025 It calls for the next presidential administration to eliminate or reform the dietary guidelines That have been published by the Department of Agriculture for more than 40 years Which the authors claim have been infiltrated by issues like climate change and sustainability I want to get rid of that. They want more beef What more meat? They're getting into everything. They want engage in ideological agitation on behalf of the DEI agenda.

Should be terminated, I got that one right. Immigration, they wanna roll out catapults. They wanna do a out catapults. They want to do a brown paper test a brown paper bag test If you got a tan they want you in the air in a catapult They just want to launch they want to launch over a big beautiful wall They want Said they want nothing that taking place at schools, playgrounds, churches, what they want. They want everyone back in Catholic school.

That's what they want. They want women in burkas. They want them in nun outfits. What does Trump say about it? He goes, I know nothing about it. I have no idea who's behind it. I disagree with some of the things they're saying and some of the things they're saying are absolutely ridiculous and abysmal. Wow. Anything they do.

I wish them luck, but I have nothing to do with them. Trusters Trump's pushback. Um came after it. So the president kevin roberts said in a podcast interview that the nation is in the process of the second American Revolution, which will remain bloodless if the left allows it to be. So don't fucking try. So they treat, you know, this is a revival. They're trying to have a revival. America's had a few great revivals. They're still going for that revival. You're going for that revival. They want every family to have 20 kids. They want to tax you if you don't have kids. Right? That was one of the things they proposed.

Right? Who proposed? That was... JD Vance. JD Vance wanted... He really does not like a chick without a kid. He doesn't... He's not into it. He really wants people to reproduce. Do you think that's because he's from the Appalachia? He's from the Appalachian mountains.

So when he left that area and went, didn't he go to Harvard? And he saw like normal looking people. He was just so amazed that you could make that, that he said, let's do more of that. This person has two eyes that are separated pretty well. They got two ears, a nose and a mouth. Let's do more of this. Because he probably was in Appalachia going like,

we gotta do less of this. And then he got out and he's like, we gotta do with more normal people more of that. Maybe that's could it be. He likes calling chicks without kids cat ladies. I like to call them coogs. I like to call them chicks who let you go raw daddy because they ain't so concerned about the old womb.

I think they're great. I like to call them Bon Jovi fans. I like to call them girls with a little bit of a front package, a little front pouch. Hygienes. Fun at bars. I like to call them girls with a little bit of a front package, a little front pouch. High genes. Fun at bars. Available. I like to call them high school teachers. Um...

He said that the country's leadership class was more sociopathic than those with children and made the country less mentally stable. So he's saying, oh, so he's saying like leaders like AOC who doesn't have kids, right? Does Nancy Pelosi have kids? Yeah. With Paul? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Kamala Harris has step,

doesn't have any kids from her womb. I think that's what the comment was originally about. Oh, but she has step kids or something, right? Cause she's got, she's dating some person of the tribe. She's got a white, she got a white tribe, a Jewish person. Are they white? Depends on who's listening, right? It's like, who depends on who's listening?

So he's going after her for that, but she's got a couple step kids, right? So I guess they got to come from your womb. He later tried to clean up his comments on Megyn Kelly's podcast. He was like, obviously it was a sarcastic comment. I've got nothing against cats. Said, adding that his remarks were not about criticizing people without children but rather focused on policy and claimed the Democratic Party has become anti-family and anti-child.

I don't know. I haven't heard anyone talk about policy in a long time. All I hear is cat ladies. All I hear is they're coming for women. All I hear is threat to democracy. All I hear is fascism. All I hear is criminal. All I hear is lock her up. All I hear is roasts. I haven't heard a policy. I don't know who's doing what. I don't know what their policies are. I have no clue. All I know is I'm under the impression that the Democrats just want to kill every baby and the Republicans are trying to save every baby. And that's about it. The Democrats want the border completely open and the Republicans want it closed. That's it. I don't know the specifics of how they do anything,

one way or the other, because I think politicians are at the point now where they're just appealing to our brain stem. They're just appealing to our brain stem. Wherever the reptilian brain is, and they're just going like, hey, this other side, this other side wants to put you in a camp. This other side wants to put you in a camp. This other side wants to put you in a camp.

And then the other side's going, this other side just wants you to be replaced by Mexicans at all costs so they can get votes. And that's all I know. That's what's like the predominant thing in my brain. Right? What are the issues? What are the plans?

You look into the details, there's like different stories, you go, oh, border crossings are down. Biden passed the sting. He started going heavier on it, but he does have the most border crossings. Then you look at Obama's border crossings. He deported the most much more than anyone else, you know, the deporter in chief, what are they doing? What is the exact policies? Are we putting a wall up? Where? How much is it? What is it? What's it going to cost? They don't do that anymore because they realize people just don't have the bandwidth to understand

that anyway. They used to at least pay lip service to that stuff and speak to the specifics and the details of what their plan was. Now they just go, listen dude, I know you don't got a lot of time. I know you're scrolling right now. I know most of you are online. I know you're on a bus or you're at a stoplight. Let's get this quick across. The Democrats are trying to replace you with Jews and Mexicans. I got four seconds. Let's get it across. And the Republicans go, the Republicans are trying to enact a religious Christian Ayatollah dictatorship that they'll never let go of. And they're all racist.

And then you go, did it turn green? And you go, that's what it is. There is no question that the change in media and how we consume media has conditioned politicians and strategists to tweak their message into sensationalize soundbites because that's how we consume news. But you know, it used to be these long drawn out arguments on cable news. Do you remember that? That's where most people and they used to drag them out a half hour of a crossfire type debate with that Vance guy from CNN and You know

Sean Hannity going at it bill O'Reilly up there for a half hour going shut up and this and that but nobody's watching that anymore. You know John Stewart isn't even effective even though he's back because like everyone's forgot that he's on Monday nights. It's like you can show me an eight minute clip and eight minutes is pushing it. Eight minutes is pushing it. You got to really get your point across to the body politic in seconds. And the way you do that is with just a quick extreme call to arms against the other side. And so that's what everyone's doing now. That's all this is.

Cat lady. Cat lady. Childless kids, threat to democracy, criminal. What did he call Joe? What was he calling Joe? Crooked Joe, Crooked Hillary. What was his nickname for Joe?

Sleepy. Sleepy Joe, it's quick. So you get get in two words you get the whole point across he Donald Trump was the first internet president and since Donald Trump. That's what That's what people have done to compete with him. He changed the game like will chamberlain They got to change the rules or something where there's like no more political commentary on TikTok or it's all got to take place on a four hour podcast hosted by Joe Rogan. It's got to go back. You got to do something because he changed the rules. We've talked about that in previous episodes where they've had to like shore up all this stuff because he's just come in like a filibuster

and just fucking, you know, tried to change electors and states. They're like well. There's a loophole you can do that Like how we got to shore that up? We covered it in previous episodes But nobody's really talking about that because people are making too much money Yelling all this stuff back and forth on their podcasts and their Twitter's and everything else what has happened is that? What has happened is when social media started, news gave away their news for free, right? They just threw it up there.

And then when people were getting it for free, they're like, I'm not paying for the paper anymore. Not only do I not wanna pay for it, I also don't wanna hold a dirty pile of paper anymore. It's easier to hold it on the phone. They were just behind the technology and then they tried to do subscriptions. What do you do every time you click on an article that says, subscribe for 299? You just find another article. You go to a lesser known Gazette, The Economist, you're like, fuck The Economist. I'm just going to go find

ktz.org in Tallahassee that covered the story third or fourth or tenth hand and I'm going to read it there for free. And then social media increasingly got faster. So you got to grab people's attention. And so that is how we have arrived where we are. It is the technology got out way ahead. And this technology was about the speed of information, and the access to information, and the scope of that, and the scope is endless. I mean, it's fucking seemingly endless like the universe. You can just keep googling and keep going next page next page next page next page And so there's too many options so they got to get you real quick

So when Trump came in he understood that crooked Hillary he was coming in because his whole movement was online He wasn't a mainstream candidate They kind of rebelled against him. He was an outsider. He really was. So they didn't want him, but he took to the internet. He was like a podcast before everyone realized that television was dead. You know what I mean? He was like the Joe Rogan of presidential candidates. Everyone's still going, we're doing this old system. DC, it's the DC system. Just like this old system DC it's the DC system just like Hollywood was like it's the Hollywood system. We're putting out another sitcom We're spending another 14 trillion on a pilot meanwhile fucking

podcasters are in these little speedboats zipping around collecting ad revenue and Patreon subscriber money while these big cruise ships are trying to just turn There's a change in the marketplace on subscriber money while these big cruise ships are trying to just turn. There's a change in the marketplace. There's a change in how people consume content. Let's take this old ship and try to adapt it. Meanwhile, fucking Andrew Schultz is in there cutting his hair, zit, zit, zit, zit,

with a two-person team. Here's my Indian, here's my black. We're getting all demographics. I'm a one-man fucking Madison Avenue fucking firm, baby. No overhead, no cost. I'm recording for my living room. And Trump was down there with a lower budget, funding some of it, just going,

Crooked Hillary, lock her up. So that's essentially what Trump was. Trump was that in politics, in presidential elections. He was that. He was the podcasts of presidential elections. Just like podcasts were to the entertainment business, Trump's candidacy was to DC and the establishment. Nobody ever talks about that, but that's what it was.

He got elected online. He got elected online It was online little clips little sound bites. He was quick with that shit. He didn't understand fucking issues He was just going up there just making fun of Jeb Bush. Nobody ever seen anything like that and And where did you see those clips? They were clipped out It wasn't in you know where they can have maximum effect. You cut out the rest of the long debate and you cut out that little clip and you go, Jeb, what do you call him?

He was like, you're the fucking Fredo of the family or something. He just ripped his family, talked about his wife. You know, he called the fat guy fat, Governor Christie. It was just perfect. Little sound bites in clip form. Donald Trump was the Andrew Schultz of presidential candidates. He did it. He mastered it. Low energy. Low energy Jeb. He called Pete Buttigieg, Alfred E. Newman. He called Elaine Chao, Coco Chao. He was just doing it for the clips.

He was, he's the first one who broke it up and put it into clips. And so nobody knows what's going on. Nobody knows what's going on. He had a name for everybody. Let's go through them. Mini Mike Bloomberg, George P. Bush. He called my Bush, Jeb Bush, low energy Bush, Pete Buddha chicks, Alfred E. Newman or boot edge edge. Elaine Chao was Cocoa. Chris Christie was sloppy. Chris Christie, Bill Clinton was wild Bill.

And then for Hillary, he had a bunch like a rapper in Wu Tang He had crazy Hillary crooked Hillary lion Hillary beautiful Hillary leek and James Comey Lion James Comey shady James Comey Slimeball James Comey and my favorite slippery James Comey and Then of course for Ted Cruz II. I remember he called him a lion Ted Then for raw, of course Ron. thank the sanctimonious that just stuck meatball, Ron, Rob and he called him tiny D.

Betsy DeVos, he called her ditzy DeVos. Jeff Flake, he called Jeff Flakey. Nicky Hurley, he called Birdbrain. Kamala, I'm sorry, Kamala Harris, he called Laughin Kamala, Lion Kamala. Asa Hutchinson, he called her Ada Hutchinson. This is a good one. Leticia James, he called peekaboo. If you don't know who Leticia James is, New York. He called James Maddison. Go back. James York. Um, he called James Mattis. Go back.

James Mattis. He called it mad dog. I think that was his name though. Okay. Kevin McCarthy called him my Kevin. Mitch McConnell. He called broken old crow. Evan McMullen. He called Evan McMuffin. Amarosa. He called wacky Amarosa. Gavin Newsome, this is a good one. Governor Newscum. And of course, crazy Nancy or nervous Nancy. Wacky Jackie for Jackie Rosen, Senator from Nevada. Here's a good one. Rod Rosenstein, United States Deputy Attorney General.

He called him Mr. Peepers. Marco Rubio got another little Marco. Bernie's crazy Bernie. Adam Schiff, pencil neck and shifty shift. Chuck Kachumar crying Chuck. Chuck, Jeff Sessions, attorney general. I called him Mr. Magoo, Jack Smith, Deranged Jack Smith, Luther Strange, former Senator from Alabama, King Luther, and of course Elizabeth Warren with the famous Pocahontas. So he understands the media landscape. Quick, hard hits, low brow, appeal to the brain stem,

get a laugh, hook him in right away. That's how you hook him right away. It's not so much about the details of the issues anymore. It's more entertainment. Even my wife who doesn't know anything about politics, she goes, it's just entertainment now. It's more entertainment. Even my wife who doesn't know anything about politics, she goes, it's just entertainment now. It's like watching entertainment. It's not it used to be boring, and they would be respectful to one another. And they'd drag on about these issues and differences and issues and they'd split hairs over the way they would execute these differences on the same issues.

Now it's just rapid fire internet generation soundbite clip worthy roasts. So, um, that's where we are. Um, I don't know what to tell you. Venezuela is having riots because Maduro won 51% of the vote because America said, hey, we'll loosen some sanctions if you have a fair election, right? So he won by 51%. And people are rioting because they don't believe it. They don't believe it. They don't believe that that was the results.

So Biden and Lula urge Venezuelan authorities to release detailed presidential election voting data. I mean, they're just going to release the data that says it was 51%. I mean, they're just gonna release the data that says it was 51%. So Brazilian President Luiz Lula de Silva is also getting on this and called for the government to release the voting data to, I guess, to calm the riots. But electoral authorities have said that, of course,

they have, that Maduro won. But the opposition says their candidate, that Mando Gonzalez, secured more than twice as many votes in Sunday's election. In a joint statement, Biden and Maduro ally Lulo said they agreed on the need of an immediate release of full transparent detailed voting data at the polling station level by the Venezuela electoral officials. Both presidents said the outcome represents a critical moment for democracy in the hemisphere. Criticism has mounted since electoral authorities declared him the winner this week.

So they're pissed in Venezuela. Because they don't believe the results. I don't know. Was this a free and fair election? Let's look at some of the facts. First of all, Venezuela is a beautiful country with a nice coastline, lots of oil. They should be flourishing, right? He's been in power since 2013. How do you stay in power since 2013 when you have over 7.7 million

Venezuelans fleeing the country due to economic hardship and political repression, severe shortages of food, medicine, and basic services, and then there's this chance to take the guy out of office who's been in power since 2013, and he wins by 51%. He goes, let's make it believable. Let's make it believable. 51%. Human rights concerns, judiciary independence concerns, there's widespread impunity for abuses by security forces, the government's restricted freedoms of expression, targeting journalists, human rights defenders, labor activists, harassment. To say the least, I'd say Venezuela has been navigating a very complex and challenging time. To put it mildly. They want a revolution. They want this guy out.

So obviously the people know that he didn't win because they want him out. But thousands of opposition supporters gathered outside the United Nations in Caracas and they're protesting all over the country. Meanwhile Maduro's allies appeared on television. By allies is like 10 rich guys and then a bunch of people that are trickled down with money. So, the only thing we're willing to negotiate is a peaceful transition. So this thing's gonna go good.

This thing's gonna go good. This is one of the things where, you know, he had his chance. You see, this is what greed does. This is what greed does. This is where I would have exited quietly. I mean, he's probably got coffers full of money while he's in. He's just been in his corrupt way. Just all his people are starving and he's just filling his coffers,

him and his friends. They're just taking off with whatever they're doing with all that oil money. This is when you make the peaceful exit, right? It's like Pablo Escobar. He had his chance to just walk away, move to Europe, you know, but he kept just burying money in the ground because you just can't when you it's too intoxicating. And then you you got to say that the personality of somebody like this, he's not a guy who wants to walk away. He wants more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more. So this, if I was him, I would have been like, alright, let's just make an exit right here.

Let this guy win. I walk away, peaceful. Now, he's going to end up upside down with his lover. And everyone's, every citizen is going to go by and spit on him. And he's just going to get the Mussolini treatment. Mark my words. And that's how gonna get the Mussolini treatment. Mark my words. And that's how it works. You either get out when it's the time to get out, or you get the Mussolini treatment.

That is the lesson that Yanni is trying to tell you. When your time's up, if you've been stealing, walk away. Or else you're gonna get the Mussolini treatment. So I assume most of these Venezuelans are in Florida I mean, that's where every Latin American who wants to make something of his life gets to I mean they're in Doral, Florida, which they call little Venezuela and they're all doing great over there and every Latin who escapes some like and every Latin who escapes some like overly left country or dictator comes to Florida. It's just full of right-wing Latins.

That's what Florida is. And Florida also provides entertaining news to close this episode on. So let's be honest, my coverage of Venezuela was a dud. But in all fairness, I don't know what's funny about it. I mean, people are suffering, they're upset about the election. I mean, what can you do? It's obviously probably not the result of the election, but it's also in Venezuela.

So here's the problem. I had a hard time caring about it. I'm going to be honest with you, I had a hard time caring about it. I'm gonna be honest with you, had a hard time caring about it. Right now I'm concerned with Britney Spears mental health and I am concerned with Americans winning the most medals in the Olympics. That's all I'm concerned with and I'm concerned with some restitution against the French. Are we gonna have to call them freedom fries again for what they did for our last supper? We should go back to Freedom Fries for a little bit because their opening ceremony was full of drag queens and D.I. hires. I watched that I didn't even think about the last supper. I was just like these are French people doing French stuff

and then you get on X and people like this is the last horseman of the poxila. This is the fourth horseman of the apocalypse carrying the Olympic flame. horseman of the apocalypse. This is the fourth horseman of the apocalypse carrying the Olympic flame. This is them making fun of the Last Supper. This is them shitting on Christians. And I just, when I watched it, I was just going French people being weird. They had like dancers, it was, you know, they were at opera singers. They had, it was just the imagine. It was like watching Cirque du Soleil. I was just going these are French people being gay because that's what French people are They're gay So was this the Last Supper what did they say it was a

Scene from ninth planet with Bruce Willis. What was that movie called? Oh The fifth element was this obscene from the fifth element recreated. What did the French say it was? They just said it was some French shit, right? They said it's the Feast of the Gods on Mount Olympus. Yeah, it's some fucking Pierre guy some Greek shit dancing around in his gay flamboyant Imagination and the French going boss wobble swab blah blah blah. They just be in French dude. They're just French That's what I did you see when you watch that opening ceremony. Did you think like this is the last up or anything like that? I didn't even watch it. Yeah, I mean, first of all, why are so many Christians

tuning into the opening ceremonies? I think this is just to take away attention that there's two dudes who are taking hormones, who are beating the shit out of chicks in boxing. But anyway, Florida provides, and we're gonna follow up that dud in Venezuela with a fun story in Florida, fun depending on how you look at it. A man in Florida, who was in a coma for 244 days. And

coincidentally, I just made a Derek video where he came out of a coma from 2021 not because of COVID, but because he broke the record record for fireball shots at 317. And he was in a coma since 2021. And he's back up and ready for the pink lagoon croc with flamingo. And then we get here and it's actually, the news is true. Here's a Florida guy who just comes out of a coma. He was in a 244 day coma.

So he was in a coma for almost a year. And he comes out of the coma and he lives his life for six years, probably smelling the roses every single day, living life, enjoying every moment. But he decides like Florida people do to do the thing that could probably put him right back in a coma the most. Ride a motorcycle to work every single day. And unfortunately he survived a coma only to get struck by a truck six years later. But he probably had a sweet six years, right? And don't they age in Florida in dog years?

So isn't six Florida years like 47 Northeast years. They live fast and hard down there. So I think he died a happy 90 year old man. Of course he's in Jacksonville, which is actually where I made the fucking you can go to my Instagram. It's where I made the Derek video. I moved him to Jacksonville. I think it's more southern in Jacksonville than Tallahassee They're both fucking hillbilly fucking towns. Anyway, not saying it's a bad thing But unfortunately, we lost this guy After he decided to ride a motorcycle if I came out of a coma dude, I would definitely live my life

But I would go you know what? Being a coma sucked. I'm probably gonna get the Cybertruck. I'm probably gonna get something that makes sure my head is safe at all times. I'd probably walk around with a helmet, to be honest with you. If I spent 244 days in a coma,

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because he sells you military surplus. He's from California, by the way. Oh yeah, all right. Yeah, he's from Cali. Really? Yeah, I thought he was probably from like Alabama. I feel like he was somewhere in the woods using Starlink to get reception. Way off the grid.

Yeah. Or just on a VPN and this is a Ukrainian kid somewhere. I don't know. But get yourself ready for the coming apocalypse. And that's his copy. Military packs, load bearing equipment, magazine holsters, But get yourself ready for the coming apocalypse. And that's his copy. Military packs, load bearing equipment, magazine holsters, stuff like that.

And in peace time, like I said, you can use the load bearing equipment to lift yourself out of your scooter at the Chinese buffet in rural America. Magazine holsters. And during peace time, I guess you could put a magazine in the holster like you could put us weekly in there and then when the apocalypse comes

loaded up with bullets it's amazing value for your tax dollars so go there backpacks which is really what everyone wants they're still in development so there you go we're just waiting on those backpacks, because I want to tell you something, guy. I don't know how many of the fans that listen to this are into magazine holsters and load-bearing equipment. You should probably be trying to get a contract with Homeland Security or the Pentagon.

You should be probably sponsoring a Pentagon podcast. I don't know, that former CIA guy's got a fucking self-help school. I mean. Jacko. Yeah, or Jacko, dude. I don't know how many people who are listening to this

are prepared for the apocalypse. They're on their way to work, as we know, in their Subarus. So what they want is the fucking backpacks. They want what I want. But you know what? I'm gonna hit them up and get a magazine holster and just wear it around my house. And every time my wife talks, I'm just gonna go,

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