Yannis Pappas Hour - Pronoun Face Tattoos - Long Days with Yannis Pappas - Episode 8

Episode Date: February 21, 2021

Every Sunday Comedian Yannis Pappas is here to give you a LONG DAY! He's going to attack the headlines and the trending bull. He's also going to answer questions from the fans live on air.   For bonus episodes and to Support Long Days click here: https://www.patreon.com/yannilongdays   The show goes out every Sunday at noon to youtube and audio platforms but while it's being recorded the show goes LIVE on Yannis' Instagram! Come join in on the LONG DAY.   This ep is a good old sunshiny long summer day! Yanni exposes the 1 percenter’s scheme to stay immortal while they manipulate us into death and why the important work of Jennie McCarthy must continue and how it got derailed. The Miami strain of Corona is revealed and Derrick explains to you what he absolutely misses most about Florida at this very moment. Yanni let’s us know what the top level Long Haulers will have to pay for his knowledge, and in the tradition of cults, it’s got nothing to do with money. Also,why it’s important to find the right job if you are a sociopath to unleash your potential. Is Austin over? Yanni gives us the 411 on what the new hot spot is. All this plus more! Hop into your proverbial bathtub and get cozy in order to take in the Franks & Wise wonder that is Yanni Long Days!   Follow Yanni Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's the dollars? What's the dollars? Welcome to another episode of Long Days with Yanni. Like the singer and like the African Greek, African hyphen Greek basketball player. We all got the same names, three different skills. All the Yannis are trying to get it all covered. We got the MVP basketball player. We got Yanni the Crazy with the best new podcast on the planet. And then we have Yanni the singer who does some type of synthesizer music that only him and John Tesh do. Okay. And the guy from Baywatch, what was his name? David Hasselhoff apparently also plays this type of synthesizer

keyboard nuevo classical music I don't know who likes this music I've never met someone who said I saw Yanni in concert I've never said someone like who said yo have you checked out Yanni's latest mixtape I haven't heard anyone tell me or I don't know a Yanni song I haven't heard anyone tell me, or I don't know a Yanni song. I haven't heard a Yanni jingle in a commercial, but somehow this guy fucked that girl who used to be on the show Dallas. I don't remember her name. He has a mustache and long hair and he looks like he shops at Century 21 for discount pumas because he's a foreign looking Greek. Okay. He looks like he rides a moped and he wears a helmet in Greece like this, with a cigarette hanging out, and he takes off, and he does this with his hair, and I just go, I want to get out

of this country, because it smells like body odor, and we got it covered, Yanni is covering the synthesizer beat music, I'm covering the podcast, but I am the second most googled fucking yannis on this planet behind but i'm mine is spelled differently so i am the first googled y-a-n-n-i-s i'm not as googled as y-a-n-n-i or g-i-n-n-i-s which is how yanni atatakumbo and i'm i don't even know i still don't know how to pronounce that name i don't know anything about bitcoin and i I still don't know how to pronounce that name. I don't know anything about Bitcoin, and I also still don't know how to pronounce Gianni's name. Gianni's, Gianni's on the Milwaukee Bucks. I don't know how to pronounce your name still. That's right.

I'm feeling good today, brother, because I got my glasses on. And let me tell you something, brother. You will go to Florida at some point because the rest of the country right now this is derrick brother your favorite establishment owner from tallahassee texas brother i say texas because florida and texas we're super sister cities right now brother we're sister states we're the only two free countries in this union that should be disbanded just like the ussr brother give us our freedom back if you want your freedom and you miss your freedom like you do your ex-girlfriend

brother who you have two kids with and used to fuck nice and she left you but you want that freedom back brother and you miss it like you do her come on down to florida more specifically my establishment tallahassee brother there is no establishment that sells freedom like my bar does brother not only do you come down and get yourself a nice shooter maybe a cuervo with a that's chased by a butt light live given to you by mariana from miami but we also sell freedom on the side, brother. So you're going to have a drink with a chaser called freedom, brother,

because in my establishment, you'll be able to fire your gun at a midget on the wall. What we do is we pin them up. We don't put real bullets in there, brother. They're paint guns, and the midget is paid well. It's a free market economy. We made the decision as adults, unregulated.

Brother, the government nor the NAACP or any of these cockamamie groups that impede the process of capitalism getting into my bar. Those midgets are tacked to that wall and we pull out the paint guns and we shoot them, brother. So you feel free. You run free, brother, in my bar. You want to take off your clothes and streak to the bathroom? You can do it, brother. Bouncers aren't going to touch you. They support you.

In fact, they're going to stop other people from tackling you, brother. You know when you streak on a tennis court during Wilmington or during the Super Bowl, brother, the security guards will come and tackle you. It's the opposite at the pink crock pit flamingo lagoon, brother. We will tackle the people that try to stop you from streaking. They'll get tackled for trying to impede your freedom, brother. You can pay by cash. You can pay by credit card. You can pay by sexual favors, brother. You can pay in drugs. There's a hot economy down in my bar in Tallahassee, which is oxy and meth, brother. Even marijuana is accepted as currency because I am a free business owner, a free proprietor, brother. And whatever arrangement occurs between two adults should be between those

two consenting adults brother the only thing i want regulation for is pedophilia all right just the age of consent brother everything else is a free-for-all welcome to florida i went back down to florida after woke up, man. I was on a bender. I ended up in Idaho of all places, which I think is the new Austin. And I woke up in Idaho, brother, and I had to take a bus, a Greyhound back to Florida. Why? Not because I missed my bar, Justice Gatturo. Not because I missed my lady or my boots, which I left under my bed. I miss my lady or my boots, which I left under my bed. Not because I miss my flip-flops that I got at a Wawa's down there. Pardon me, that's Philadelphia. At a Publix, brother, I get my flip-flops at Publix and they are, have a lot of sentimental value to me, but it wasn't those that

I missed the most, brother. What I did miss was coronavirus. i had it once brother and it tickled me so good i enjoyed the challenge i wanted it again i wanted it once i heard on the news dr fauci say that little fucking midget who's gonna get tacked up on my wall and have paint gun shot at him brother when he tries to say put on your mask i missed that little fucker uh dr fauci this is a challenge to you come on down to tallahassee i will pay you ten thousand dollars to tack you up on my wall and have my patrons shoot you with paint guns brother anyway i wanted to go to florida to catch corona again i like the challenge brother struggling to breathe ain't gonna stop a red-blooded Floridian, brother. Because my freedom tastes good. But Bud Light lives taste better, Sister Migo.

Anyway. Everyone's catching corona for a second time, which you can catch corona twice. Okay? Corona, it ain't AIDS. It mutates. This is an ever-changing virus Okay, Corona, it ain't AIDS, it mutates. This is an ever-changing virus that comes and sees you again in a different way.

It'll come at you once and then it'll come and see you because Florida's got its own strain, which is mixed with Gloria Estefan's pussy juices and Ricky Martin's ass fumes. I mean, there's just Latin sex in the air in Miami. I lived there for a year. You know, it's just when Venezuelan cachapas and Peruvian ceviche mixes with Ricky Martin's

fucking taint smell and Gloria Estefan's pussy juice and you mix it all up in one with a little bit of herpes, it's a different strand that is created. The Florida strand of Corona is a cocktail of Latin fucking sex spice that you can't get anywhere else. Topped off with a little fucking HPV, brother, that is brought to you specifically from Peru with a little cocaine residue, because in Miami, bro, let me tell you something, bro, Miami is the only city in America where you got a different accent for the boys and girls, bro, like, if you're a boy in Miami, you talk like this, bro, I'm Cuban, bro, that bro that's right bro you know um I voted for Donald

Trump bro you know he he says a lot of wild stuff bro but my parents they swam here bro my mother swam on my tita's back bro and we came we swam across bro the the the sea to get to Florida bro I I swam on my shoulders bro so we got, and I don't play around with that communism, bro. Jorge Masvidal for life, bro. Jorge Masvidal, my favorite athlete, bro. I love him, bro. And then the girls are like, Miami, irregardless.

My name is Lee. I'm Vanessa Lee from Miami. Irregardless. Irregardless of what they're telling me. I went to Wynwood last night. Regardless of what you said, nobody was wearing masks. And that's my type of party. And Miami's just, it's the only place,

you move to Miami and that's where you really start to think about Brazil. Nobody thinks about Brazil until the World Cup. Do you think about Brazil in your entire life? Is Brazil ever in the news? It used to be my fantasy to go to Brazil. Yeah, because of the Bang Brothers. The Bang Brothers were the number one cultural ambassador to Brazil.

That's telling you something. Because you know it's a country with 200 million people. It's like, I think it's the second biggest economy in the Americas. Brazil, all we know about Brazil is Ronaldo, girls with big butts, and favelas. That's all we know. And we only think about them when the World Cup comes around. And like the whole team is named Ronaldo, with one guy named Ricardo. You know? Ronaldo's like the Muhammad of Brazil. If you get into a cab in Brazil, there's a good chance that it's also driven by a guy, Muhammad.

They have cornered that market until Uber came and really challenged that. No, but there's a good chance that you'll get into a, you'll meet a guy named Ronaldo. You know? It's like, people think there's only one Ronaldo. There's actually been two great soccer players named Ronaldo, one of which got caught with some trans girls.

Es la casa. Here's the thing people don't understand, okay? When you are Ronaldo, or you are Isaiah Thomas and Magic Johnson, and you get infinity puss-uss. Okay. I'm talking about infinity puss puss. What's your favorite thing? What's your favorite thing? What's your, what's your favorite thing? Like food, I guess food. Which one? I don't know, Italian food. Okay. So let's say pasta marininiti. So if you could get pasta marinin for you know three times a day for months and months at a time

you're gonna say give me some chinese puppy to eat right now you're gonna want the opposite because you're so sick of the most delicious thing so you gotta understand when you're a guy like ronaldo or you're a guy like magic or a guy like isaiah thomas those guys just started to bang each other you know what i'm saying because they got so sick of puss puss which sounds like a thing that's not possible but it also shouldn't be that a person like gangas khan supposedly just a little historical fact they say like like one out of every 10 people is related to gangas khan because he bangs so many chicks if you don't think there were a few boys in there and also a guy named Larry on horseback. I mean, even Alexander the Great was banging chicks. He's banging dudes because those guys got too much power. You can't give someone too much power

because and then they got too much access to something and it becomes trite. It becomes trite. You got to ration out pleasure for yourself that's why you gotta give yourself a little pain you know do push-ups or something punch yourself in the face scratch your own head call yourself an asshole do something to balance it all out or else you go crazy the key to life is balancing opposites, okay? Just always balance opposites, and then you will figure out slowly why the 1% of this country is controlling us via the illusion of death, which they have created because they live immortal, and death is something they have imposed upon us, okay? That's what happens, And so we compete for resources

that they allocate to us while they live forever. The 1% of this country are vampires. How do we know? Bram Stoker, he was the only one who was able to glimpse behind the curtain. He was able to sneak into their wasp world deep in Connecticut, and he saw these vampires drinking the blood

of workers and their children. Okay, so Dracula was a story trying to tip us off. Bram Stoker was trying to tip us off about what the 1% were doing, living forever. How did they give us the death? How did cancer, heart disease, how did they do that? They slip it in the water supply. Okay, so we all die, and they need us to die in order for us to keep competing for life and be thankful that we're alive while they live forever drinking our blood.

Okay? Who continued this important work of Bram Stoker? Jenny McCarthy. Okay. You're goddamn right. How are we getting cancer, heart disease, liver failure, Corona viruses. These are all creations to keep us mortal while they are immortal drinking the blood of children underground tunnels jenny mccarthy was doing very important work on exposing how vaccines are complete creations by the one percent to tell us they're fixing something, but really they're injecting us with the cancer we will eventually die with. And what happened to her important work? What happened to the important work of Jenny McCarthy? They fucking ruined it. They caught wind of it and they undermined her and took her down. How did they take her down? Well, how do you take a good woman down?

Wahlberg dick. Okay. The Fredo Wahlberg brother has a fucking massive glue gun and he started fucking pumping his glue into that puss bus. And once she got a hold of that hog, her brain went to Corona fog. And I'm rhyming now. Ladies, who's the only thing that can ruin your life? That good dick girl. He had that good dick girl. I couldn't help it, girl.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. He had that good dick girl. I'm sorry, girl. I gave it up. He fucked my best friend, girl. He cleaned out my bank account, girl. But he had that good dick, girl. I'm sorry, girl. I gave it up. He fucked my best friend, girl. He cleaned out my bank account, girl. But he had that good dick, girl.

Donnie Wahlberg, you fucking jerk bitch. You ruined it. But Yanni P is here to pick up. Klani Yanni, Yanni the crazy, Yanni the Greek, Freda Fetiches is here to continue the work, the important work of Yanni, of Jenny McCarthy, exposing these one percenters and how they have inflicted death upon us, created death. Everything's Plato's Allegory of the Cave. I've said it once. I've said it a million times on this podcast. We believe death exists only because we're staring at shadows in a cave. Jenny McCarthy, Bram Stoker,

Giannis Pappas, we are trying to unchain you. Okay? If you want to learn more about this, go to patreon.com slash Gianni Longdays. Enjoy the bonus episodes and support the show. And also, I will continue, and you will get more levels of expertise. And as you go up, the programs I will teach cost a little bit more. And then the final level that makes you a black belt warrior justice princess is not even financial.

That's how much you get rewarded to go up this pyramid of truth that unravels the 1% lies taught to you by Clowny Yanni. Okay? You keep paying a little more, but you learn a little more. You support the cause of revolution a little more at patreon.com slash Yanni Long Days. And what you will learn will unchain your mind. And the top level, like I said, you don't even have to pay. You just have to give me your wife to fuck. What good is a cult if I can't fuck your wife? I'm not going to just be a cult leader and not fuck your wife, your friends, your sisters,

you're all getting fucked. There's never been a cult leader, by the way, in the history of the world who hasn't created the cult to fuck people's wives. Including Gandhi, they all fuck wives. Here's the thing. They're not particularly bad boyish, right? Women love that. They're not particularly athletic or good looking.

Can't get pussy that way. They're not like athletic or good looking. Can't get pussy that way. They're not like extremely rich. Don't have that potential. What they do have is sociopathic charm. And what a fucking shame it would be to put that to waste as an executive at an oil company or a marketing firm or a lobby group. or a marketing firm or a lobby group. What a fucking waste of sociopathic glib charm to end up being a businessman when you can be a fucking cult leader

and fuck people's wives and threaten the government and have tanks surround you in Waco and have a standoff on television while you're fucking wives and calling yourself Jesus. Fucking grand finale, home run, top level achieved. You have saved the princess, you fucking sociopath. Congrats. I don't want these boring sociopaths getting into comedy, the comedy business,

owning chains of McDonald's. Fucking boring. If you're going to be a goddamn evildoer, okay, I want you to fucking form a cult. Maximize your potential. You were born with that talent to manipulate people. Don't start a fucking podcast. Start a cult. Start a fucking cult. What about hairy chested Persians? I am one. I did my 23andMe and Yanni's got some Turkish in there. Yanni's got some Persian in there. Yanni's got some Northern African in there. But that could be just Greeks moving around

or it could be, you know, my dad was born in what is now Turkey. So there was a little Greek minority that lived on the island of Imbros.

They used to be a majority and then they became an oppressed minority. And I was born there. So I should have really started identifying as A-Rab. I'm getting A-Rab money.

By the way, black kids just know how to make, just say it the way it's going to sound good in the hook. You know what I mean? You can't just say, I'm getting Arab money. It doesn't have the, I'm getting Arab money. So they just look at the rhythm of it and go, nah, nah, nah, dog. You should pronounce it this way

like they actually change the way we speak it's wild you ever think about that like yo shit is fly and then that becomes sort of like the way everyone says it black culture is the most imitated culture the world over i mean nobody loves black culture more than japanese teenagers and that's as far east as you can get without falling into the Pacific Ocean, which is full of sharks and Russian submarines. What happened to all the fucking Russian submarines? When are they going to pull back up on Brighton Beach? You know, and peek out like they used to.

That must have been an exciting time to be alive. The Russian scare, communism. Now people are upset because they lost power for two hours in Texas. What are we supposed to do? Big bad Texas has no power. Is Austin over? Absolutely. It was a great one.

It was a great run of a couple of weeks. Now the new hot spot, the new lit spot, my dude. I'm talking about Liddy, dead ass, Idaho. Yo, Idaho. I'm telling you dogs, PayPal's going to Idaho. Clubhouse is going to Idaho. I just want to be a dead inside egghead tech guy. Hey, how you doing? What's up? Yeah, this is my friend Sundar and this is akash and this is my friend ulan yeah we're tech guys and i live in the valley i'm totally moving to austin austin is number one man i love austin yeah i heard joe rogan's there that's not why i'm there because he's a nazi i

don't do nazi stuff you know like he's nazi all right he's a candid silence nazis but anyway where can i get a coffee is there a coffee is there a store that sells camper shoes i need camper shoes and i need a messenger bag and i need like a fucking coffee is there coffee around here i just need a what kind of coffee is it cold brew i need a cold brew absolutely yeah where's the laptop yeah hey this is my girlfriend she's chinese we all got chinese girlfriends this is chinese this is my friend. I got three Indian friends. These are Indian friends. Here you go. This is Poonar, Junar, and Kunar.

And this is my girlfriend, Pingtao. I call her by her real name. I don't go by the name she had in high school, which was Vanessa Chow. Nobody has thrown in the towel on how hard it is to pronounce their language than Chinese people. Greeks stick to it. So Greeks will stick. They'll go like, my name is Yanis Piperidis. My name is Dimitriakos Kolonstakinis. We stick to it. Chinese just go like, you know what? If you're not born learning how to read Braille and solve puzzles, because our language basically looks like a puzzle you need to solve. Okay.

Just call me Steve. Call me Steve Chow. What's my last name? Fucking call me the thing that you, the noodles. Chow Fun. Okay. My name is Steve Chow Fun. Whatever.

When the real name is like, because they don't even do words. is Steve Chow Fun, whatever. When the real name is like, C-T-O-C-H-A-M-O-T-C-H-A-T-N-O. Because they don't even do words. They do like a combination of sounds and letters and houses and sticks and fucking arrows. You know? I don't got the,

Mandarin is a complicated language. Like, I don't got time to solve a puzzle just to be able to say the word the. I just stole a joke from my special. Because who cares? I stole a joke from my special. Because who cares? I stole a joke from me. By the way, I just posted a joke on our page, our YouTube page,

that someone said Louis C.K. has a similar joke too. That joke's from my album from years ago, before Louis wrote it. Even though they're not the same jokes at all, they're very different. I went and watched Louis. I wrote my joke before Louis wrote his joke. I wrote my joke when Louie was still in a full fledged relationship and paying hookers to watch him jerk off in his, in the privacy of his own

celebrity. Those were the fucking good old days. For Louie probably just sits there and goes, fuck dude. There was a time, a good stretch where he was living like a life where he was famous and the funniest comic on the planet, which I think there was a time he was the funniest guy. He is one of the funniest stand-ups of all time. And he just had a whole compartmentalized part of his life where he was just taking his dick out and jerking off in front of people because that was what he liked to do. Is that so fucking bad? I guess it's bad if you don't ask. I guess it's bad if you put someone in a weird situation. I guess that's kind of bad,

but it's still kind of bad. You know, I've been shot. You know, I know people have had serious crimes happening. A lot of my good friends who've been molested or raped. That's bad. That leaves a little bit of a mark. But if some fucking redheaded bald nerd whips his dick out, you know, I'm from Brooklyn, New York. We grow, you know, I dated girls named Camille, you know, and Larith. I can't, you got to blurb those names. Because I used real fucking names like an idiot. You got to blurb them. No, you fucking, those are made up. You got to blurb them. But you know what I'm talking about. I should have made up a name. Like, you know, when you date a girl named Denise Camachi,

she's not gonna go to the press later and go, you know what he did? He took out his dick. He took out his fucking dick. I felt such, I felt so victimized. No, she's gonna say, I bit his, he took it out and I bit it off. He spent the fucking weekend in Kings County Hospital trying to fucking glue it back on. Good for him. I told my brother.

I told my brother. My brother's still fucking looking for his family. I mean, Louis C.K. would be fucking six feet in the ground if he did that to a girl who went to Edward R. Murrow in 1990. Try doing that to some girl who grew up in Kamasi or from Howard Beach. You end up in a fucking swamp next to some fucking Italian guy who owns a concrete company who's got his fucking house underwater. By the way, I love that that's classy

to Russians and Italian kids. Yeah, you gotta come to my parents' house in Howard Beach right underwater. Right underwater outside of the fucking, you know, the Triborough Bridge. Yeah, it's right next to the Belt Parkway. You know the Belt?

You can fucking see the city from the Belt fucking Parkway. You know, next to Nellie Boy. Did you go to fucking Nellie Boy as a kid? I mean, you ever drive on the Belt and see those houses that are on like the water?

But it's not really water. It's just like a canal. It's like there's a lot of fucking bodies dropped in there. Pull a David Dobrik and make them sign NDAs. Don't hate on Daniel Dobrik for making them sign NDAs. Leonardo DiCaprio.

Yeah, everyone should have to sign an NDA. Look, dude, pretty soon we're going to be a society where everyone's wearing a wire. I'm going to start wearing a wire. You kidding me? Because if they get me saying something, and God knows I've said some wild shit, that's my job. That's the funny thing about going after comedians. Our job is to literally say the wrong thing to make you laugh. Yeah, that's why the class clown was funny because he was saying the right thing at the right time.

That's what cracked you up. That's what irony is. Literal. What does irony mean now? Be literal. Racism's bad. It's so funny. That's not funny. You got to say racism's good and here's why. And everyone knows you're being ironic because we all used to be grown up fucking adults who had some shame and some fucking pride. Now we're all a bunch of shameless crack whores for clicks. It's disgusting.

We're all charlatans and fucking sophists and we follow these fucking dorm room, dime store, Twitter thinkers who are like, yeah, I taught at this school, and I am a evolutionary psychiatrist, but here is my thoughts on Bitcoin. I don't even remember where I started with that. I don't remember where I was going.

But my point is, it all started when I was a child. Okay, I was a child and I was ignored. I was ignored. I was born into a family where my parents were 86 and 47 when they had me the only good thing about Armageddon if it comes is like living for a while without rules that'll be fun for just a little while you know what I mean like no just laws of the jungle for a little while like there'll be no for just a little while. You know what I mean? Like no, just laws of the jungle for a little while. Like there'll be no judgment.

Nobody will go around like, hey, before we let you in our tribe, can we sort of just feel you out on how you feel about the modalities of modernity and how a race and the paradigm in the city infrastructure and demographics have been gerrymandered and have taken votes away from Kamala Harris. That'll be nice to just be done with that for a little bit. And then people go like, hey, can you kill people with your dick or your hands? And they're like, yeah. And you're like, we need you in our group. That'll be fun just to get back to the rules of the jungle because that'll make people appreciate a middle ground. I think we may need that extreme.

That may be our only hope to come back to a middle ground. Because we have swung all the way into absurdity where Twitter has come to life. These chat boards and these extremists online are now fucking stepping out into the real world and storming stuff. By the way, storming is going to be a part of our current present. That's a new reality we got to just deal with. People are going to be storming. Like I want to get together with my friends and I want to storm shit. I'm going to storm people. I'm going to start storming fucking people. In fact, no more fucking soft pecks on the lips. No more caressing at night. I am fucking football tackling you

like you're a pocket quarterback and I'm Warren Sapp. I'm going to fucking storm you, bitch. Let's start storming. Imagine Jerry Springer instead of saying, take it yourself, he's like, storm yourself and storm others. We're going to storm buildings.

We're going to storm the hype house. We're going to storm TikTok kids. We're going to storm Malibu. We're going to storm buildings. We're going to storm the Hype House. We're going to storm TikTok kids. We're going to storm Malibu. We're going to storm Austin. We're definitely fucking storming Elon Musk and his fucking Teslas are getting stormed. If you see a Tesla on the street, storm it. See, this is how you get in trouble.

Then there's some media going like, I was talking to my, I was listening to my leader, Giannis Papas, Giannis Longdays, what he says goes, he's an intellectual, so I broke the Tesla windows and hopped inside and pulled out the screen and took it home. Don't do it. Do not storm anything, okay? Unless Kamala Harris asks you to, then you obey and you put your fucking pronouns in

your fucking bio. Okay? Because we should all be tattooing our pronouns above our eyebrows. Okay? Two pronouns. He, her. Right here. Okay? So this is the future. Do you

understand? This is Luke St. Simon. I'm here telling you what we have discussed in our Human Rights Committee meetings. In the future, before we can invent certain technology, which will put screens here, which the screen will function because if you wanted to change your pronoun at some point in your life, you wouldn't have to get the tattoo removed and put a new one, okay? Do you understand? You would be able to remove it on the screen and type a new one. Sometimes you want to be, okay, because some people identify as one, and then they get a little older and they change their identity, okay? So that makes you not only a he to her, but your new gender is her who used to be a he.

A lot of people don't get that. They say, oh, just call me she. No, I'm not just a she. I am a she that used to be a he who now is a she. That's my full gender. And that needs to be reflected in a little ticker screen, like at the bottom of CNN. You see the ticker? It says he that used to be a she.

Okay? You understand? I'm putting you on fucking notice. That's what it's gonna be. There's gonna be like a task force of people that have tattooed over their eyebrows on notice. And those are going to be the on notice police.

And if anyone gets fucking misgendered, why should you tattoo your pronouns on your forehead? Because you don't want to give someone the chance to assault you with a misgendering. Okay? They see you walk in. You don't want to give them a fucking chance to call you a he if you identify as a she. It's tattooed right fucking here. And if they get it wrong, to prison they go. To prison they go.

It said right here, her, she, or she, her. However you want to do it. Okay? Now, I'm not suggesting you continue to change them that that causes you know if you do that too quickly it's like trying to get your sodium levels back up after they drop you want to do it incrementally slowly or you can shock yourself and shock your gender identity you want to do it slow okay you want to learn how to morph it takes time to morph into a guy to a. It takes time to morph into a guy, to a girl. It takes time. So, you know, I will be teaching a course at patreon.com slash Yanni Longdays on how to train yourself to change

genders according to your mood. That's the advanced level. Okay. Right now you can change once. Easy. Anyone can do that. But if you wanted to change back and change back again, okay, you want to identify for a girl for two years and then you want to switch every year back and forth, I can teach you to do that. Yanni at patreon.com slash Yanni Longdays. Now, if you want to, like me, learn how to switch based on your mood, that's advanced. That's going to require me to fuck your wife. Okay, that's the top level of the program. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Because me, okay, my name is Luke St. Simon, okay? And I want you to know, the way I identify depends on my mood. If I'm fucking feeling hungry, I'm a fucking male lion. I'm a fucking king of the jungle, okay? I'm a hungry hunter. Yeah, hungry hippo. You understand? I'm a savage. I'm a savage. I'm a hungry hunter. Yeah, hungry hippo. You understand? I'm a savage. I'm a savage. I'm a male testosterone. But woke testosterone. Okay? Enlightened testosterone. Okay?

is she bitch. You don't want to come in my way. I'm fucking nasty. You don't want to fuck with me. Mean girls, fuck that when I'm jealous, okay? When I'm feeling sad, okay? I'm a male listening to Radiohead, okay? Suicidal, suburban, maybe taking some antidepressants, but I'm a male when I'm sad, okay? When I'm happy, I'm a fucking female. See? I'm a fucking female when I'm happy. So my gender switches according to my mood. It switches according to my mood. If I'm curious, I'm a curious little monkey. I'm a curious little monkey. Tell me more. Tell me more. Non-binary. I'm non-binary. When I'm curious, I'm nothing. I'm non-binary when I'm curious I'm nothing

I'm a sound my gender is okay that's what it takes guys it takes a mayor like Bill de Blasio to cure this country of its present schism, of the anger that is festering on the streets.

There's only two types of vibes in America right now that I've picked up on. There's a group of people who just have their head buried in the sand and are just hoping it all goes away and then there's another group who are fully charged ready to storm and there's nothing in between there's all of us who are going god i can't we just get back to 2012 right now please it's gonna happen any day and then like you know the congress gets stormed we're like okay that'll go away in a second as soon as happen any day and then like you know the congress gets stormed and we're like okay that'll go away in a second as soon as trump's gone and then trump's gone and then there's a protest on your block that says burn it down you're going okay that'll

okay once biden dies and kamala gets in that'll die down and then somebody stabs your mother on the street uh and uh slashes your tires and you guys that'll just be gone as soon as the banks come back. But no, uh, the unraveling has begun. The unraveling has begun. The banana is out of the bag ass. And if you don't know what bag ass is, it's a great word. Bag ass is the, is the part of the fruit you can't eat. It's the part of the fruit that you can't eat. And right now, there's a lot of bag ass, not a lot of fruit. Clinton era, a lot of fruit. All the previous presidents, I would say, in the last 20 years, a lot of fruit, very little bag ass. Now we got tons of bag ass and rotten fruit. Rotten fruit. So what do we do?

You peel away the bag ass to the fruit and there's nothing there. What is in there? A mirage. A mirage. We are Hotel America in Atlantic City. Okay? We're all playing the fame game.

Rolling the dice. Trying to get famous. It's the only job left. Our biggest export now is just digital bullshit. And it's fun and glorious for a little while. Digital bullshit. Rolling the dice. Eating at the buffet.

Wheeling ourselves around. Okay? But it's a mirage. The house always wins. It's a mirage. You may win money this week, but everyone knows when you win money you go back to the casino because everyone wants to think it's because of them they won nobody wants to

see reality for what it is amoral amoral reality is the ultimate psychopath has no emotions amoral works on a set of laws and rules and math that was invented by Athena the Greek God I still worship the Greek gods because I'm not going to take no fucking conquerors God from Rome I'm a true Greek gods because I'm not going to take no fucking conqueror's god from Rome. I'm a true Greek. And my fucking god is going to be a hot piece who I want to bang. I'm not going to go to church and stare at a fucking dude who's naked wearing fucking swim shorts and bleeding. No. That's not what I'm going to do. I want to go to church and see a hot fucking chick.

Athena. And her daddy Zeus. And I want to think that there's a chance that I can take his daughter out, take her bowling. Why, why, why? Okay, why am I forced to stare at Jesus? Okay, that works for dudes. That works in DuPont Circle in DC. Okay, that works in the West Village works in DuPont Circle in D.C. Okay? That works in the West Village.

I'm going to church Sunday. Yeah, let's fucking stare at Jesus. He's beautiful. Five o'clock shadow hair. Fuck yeah. He look, oh my God. He fucking, you know who he looks like? Oh my God.

You remember True Blood? Not the blonde one, but the other guy. He looks like Jason. who's Jason Jamora? Jason Kimura, who, by the way, is the only thing girls agree on. He's the only guy I've heard every girl say they'll bang out. The guy who played the, you know, I don't remember it because it was fiction, and I dedicated five months of my life to watch this dumb fictional show because we're so comfortable in this country

fucking nurtured by the amenities of modernity that we're sitting around complaining while we fucking watch what's the equivalent to movie budgets for four months an hour at a time the fucking it's called game of thrones and he played the calise's husband and he died what was that guy's name j Joseph Mimosa. I'm not a gay guy or a woman, so I don't know his fucking name because I don't remember hot guy's names. The only hot guy's name I know is Yanni P, baby.

Jason Mimosa is the only girl, the only guy. I don't know how he identifies. And he's the fucking hottest guy. And he goes with Lisa Bonet. Somebody's got a mommy issue. Lisa Bonet, you're fucking her daughter's age. And he's fucking Lisa Bonet. Somebody's got some mommy issues, guy.

Okay, you're Jason Mimosa. You're Jason fucking Bloody Mary. You're Jason Brunch. Drink. You're fucking hot. Every girl agrees they will bang out Jason Cavosa. Other guys, nobody, girls never agree on. It's hilarious.

Girls are so crazy. Women are so crazy. They will actually get specific to the movie the person was in. I'll be like, do you like Leonardo DiCaprio? And they'll go, um, Leonardo DiCaprio in The Departed? Or Leonardo DiCaprio in The Departed or Leonardo DiCaprio in Tatianak? Because Leonardo DiCaprio apparently was only hot to 80% of the women I've asked in The Departed. They're into The Departed, Leo.

Am I wrong, Rafa? And here's a girl, ew, not me. Really? If Leonardo DiCaprio didn't want to soak up your mud puddle, you would say no because you're a girl who lives in Wisconsin and he's just not doing it for me. I love how women say, ew, no. You're saying ew, no about Leonardo DiCaprio. You can say ew, no about me because I have a monocle in my forehead. I got fucking one eye.

You can do that. I look like John Stamos's fucking stand-in stunt double I look like John Stamos with half a chromosome missing I get that but you're gonna say ew who the fuck are you you're a cast register worker at Wawa's outside of Philadelphia you work at Sheetz outside of Pittsburgh who the fuck are you to say Leonardo DiCaprio is ill? But these bitches will, because they're never happy. They're not even happy with the fantasy of Leonardo. You know who is happy with the fantasy of Leonardo DiCaprio?

The 44 models he's seen yesterday who he made sign NDM so they couldn't sue him while he lapped up their mud puddle and fucked their holes. Sorry, there's children in the building. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I have a Christian audience. I apologize. I apologize. I'm sorry. It's a family show. I'm sorry. But let's get back to the point. Nancy Pelosi. Nancy Pelosi is a crocodile. Hey Hey it's Alex Jones here Here's the problem Joe Rogan Oh fuck it

You want a piece of me I'm sorry I'm sorry I apologize I apologize I'm sorry Patreon.com Slash Yanni Long Days

Also I will be performing At the world's finest comedy club My good friend Soul Joel's Comedy Club Saturday March 13th Get your tickets on my website yannispapascomedy.com or google it uh royersford pennsylvania uh outdoor heated shows heated lamps

byob it's a blast all the comedians are doing and i'm so happy for my friend joel who's got his own club there go support it how great is that he Royersford, PA, the fucking capital of comedy through his hard work, his passion, his dedication, and his love for Cougars. So check me out. It's probably my 1,000th show. I came up with Soul Joel, and Soul Joel is just one of the best guys in the business,

always took care of comedians, and it's so good to see all the big comics doing his fucking room now. And those ones who, you know, ran their mouth or whatever fucking, you know, because they're looking for the highest branch to hang on. Hats off to Soul Joe who grinded, built the grassroots. One meetup group at a time.

One divorcee Facebook group at a time. He built that audience. Joel could be a cult leader. Joel does a social service. He's out there doing a social service. Nobody looks at older women who've had a few kids, sometimes grandkids, the way that Joel does. He makes a woman feel 21 again when her age is four times that. Because that kid loves kooks. I'm just kidding. These are all jokes. These are all jokes.

But jokes have truth to them. I'm just kidding. It's jokes. I love Joel. We know that. Look, anyone who's fucking seen me at a Soul Joel I'm gonna tell these jokes on March 13th I love you Joel so get your tickets Soul Joel's comedy club will also be in Tampa in September at some time fucking google that I'll be at uh side splitters in Tampa and more dates

on the way I'm getting back on tour I got a show in Jersey too I don't remember where it is um in April so I will I will uh say that on the next episode or whatever. Uh, rest in peace, history, hyenas, the, um,

by the time this is out, um, the finale episode is up on patrion.com. Um, so just rest in peace. It was a good run. I love Chris. I wish him the best in what he does.

Um, you may see us again doing stuff. Who knows, but go, uh, celebrate those three years. Um, we made a lot of you guys laugh. him the best in what he does. You may see us again doing stuff. Who knows? But go celebrate those three years. We made a lot of you guys laugh. You guys fell in love with us. And I hope you continue to follow us in our individual

ventures. And nothing but the best for all that Chrissy Chaos does. And so I appreciate all you guys who stuck through us and helped us grow. Stuck through who stuck through us uh and and helped us grow stuck through us stuck with us and helped us grow and we were small and we got bigger and bigger i know it is strange that we uh dissolved a podcast right when it was starting to get big we weren't we were

like at the beginning of getting big but that's the fun of this whole thing okay life is a sandcastle and sand what is that jimmy hendrix song something in the wind what's that jimmy hendrix song come on give me the what's the hit and castles in the sand eventually right they you don't know dude dude. What's the song? What's the song? I'm live on air. What's the song? And castles in the sand fall into the sea eventually. Exactly.

Jimi Hendrix. Would you want to see Jimi Hendrix 69 on a White Castle commercial? Or are you glad that he died a god? The only way to die a god is to die young. It's the only way to die a god. The only way to die a god is to die young. It's the only way to die a god. They turn you into a god because they use their imagination to create who you are. But, you know,

if you live long enough, you're just some old dude going like, my father God spoke. Can you imagine Jesus at 86 going, now people turn you out of cheek. You know,

and they're like, shut up, old man. You're holding up traffic. There's no magic to him then. When he's like, watch me turn water into wine. And the whole world has changed by then. Like, hey, dad, we got grandpa. We got fucking cable now. We have the internet. He's like, no, but watch me do this trick. Water into wine. And like, why you do that? We got got tons of wine now we figured out how to mass produce it we don't need you to create extra wine the world's moved on well watch this one Lazarus back from the dead you're like oh dude you got to see the heart surgery these heart

surgeons are doing much better than what you did you brought back one out of 20 people and that guy ended up going to the hospital and found out he he didn't even have Corona. It was a false positive. It was a false positive. I have dyslexia. It was a false positive. Jesus, he wasn't even going to die in the first place. Look at these robots who are doing heart surgery. Well, I can do a card trick. I'm Jesus. I'm 87. You got to die young in order to be deified. We're at the 50 mark. What a fun time. What a fun episode. I want to see if I got everything. Larry King's dead. Guy had eight wives, five children. You would think with eight wives, he'd get those numbers up a little bit. You know what I mean? Eight wives, you'd think at least 15 kids, five kids. His wife, Sean King, not related to the black guy, Sean King, who we know

from the internet. Sean King, his wife's name was Sean. I never met a woman named Sean, but Larry King's ex-wife was named Sean. They were married 22 years, had two kids. And Larry King supposedly rewrote his will and took her out of it and left it to her five kids, and she's complaining. It's like the kids are getting the money. She's like, what about me? I remember I married Larry King not for his fucking shoulders and his weird head. Larry King looks like if gumbo came to life and got old, I married him for his money, and now he can't get me out of it.

So, sorry, rest in peace, Larry King. Rush Limbaugh died today. Rush Limbaugh died today? Well, all the great radio guys,

the thing is, is like Rush Limbaugh changed, he changed, he changed American politics. Like he, I mean, say what you will about his politics, man. That guy would speak for hours, right? Speaking for hours and being entertaining is not an easy job.

And that's what you should always remember is that these guys are entertainers. He was the first Patreon guy. He used to sell everything. Sold the fucking, his like mugs and... He was, right? He was the first brand. He the tick he was a youtube star before youtube he was making his own brand mugs all that stuff he was an independent entity but he was also syndicated all throughout if you were in a republican area when you drove from a democrat to republican stronghold all of a sudden you were

listening to like uh some pop song and it would just there would be some static and then be like and obama's birth certificate where is it and rush limbaugh would come in it was just a change so rest in peace to rush limbaugh i never listened to his show um but he had brain cancer right oh that's a rough way to go Jesus Christ and rest in peace to Gina Carano on the on the Mandalorian my kid's not old enough yet

so we're not watching the Mandalorian but you know here's the thing maybe we should just like storm Twitter what did she do she tweeted some stuff

with some something like that yeah something right wing and then the other guy tweeted the same thing about the holiday storm Twitter. What did she do? She tweeted some stuff with some... Something like that. Yeah. Something right wing. And then the other guy tweeted the same thing about the Holocaust. She made like a Holocaust reference

or something like that, right? And then she lost her role in Star Wars. Yeah. You know, because the thing is, you know the kids that watch Star Wars,

they're very concerned with the politics of the people who act and what they say on Twitter. There's no fucking seven-year-old on Twitter checking out what Gina Carano says, or maybe they do. Maybe that was her big mistake. Here's the thing. You know what? I'm going to play devil's advocate because that's what comedians do. We cause chaos. I wouldn't know what to do if I caught one.

We're all the Joker. That's why the Joker is the best villain. I wouldn't know what to do. Let's play devil's advocate. Here's the thing, Gina. You fucking hot piece of ass. My wife signed off by now. Gina's a fucking pa-pa-pa-pa piece. You got to take out the double barrel piece guns and fucking shoot her former MMA. She was MMA who some Hollywood agent was like,

no more fights for you. You're not that good. Let's fight twice to market you up and then get you out of there because we don't want to damage that face. Okay. She's too pretty. So then she started having this like great career in the Mandalorian. But here's the thing, guys. You can't have it both ways. You can't post memes of Jews holding up the planet or whatever she did, right? It's one of these memes where it's just a bunch of guys, like little guys with hooked noses holding up the globe and go like, look behind the curtain.

You know, the meme says like, look behind, you can't post that and then go and star in a show that has a demographic of eight years old. They're going to say, hey, you know what? Maybe this isn't the best role model for my kid. If you're going to post that stuff, you're going to want to do that on Ben Shapiro's network. The Daily – what is it? The Daily Beast?

The Daily – so you're going to want to do that when there's not a lot of people investing in it. You can't have... Once you go work for somebody... What is wrong with people? They can't accept the simple fact... If you want to have your own opinions, start a fucking Patreon. Patreon.com slash Yanni Longdays.

But if you're going to start spouting off your political opinions at the mouth, the company who hires you may fire you because their demographic may not be into your fucking personal opinions, okay? It's like when you get hired on a TV network to do a show, you can't just keep fucking saying you're gonna push Chinese if it's too hot out.

It's an inside joke. It's a history hyenas joke. The fans who listen to history hyenas will get it. You now represent, you represent the producer. You represent more than yourself when you're hired. It's like you can't like,

you know, if you're at an office building, you're by the water cooler, you can't say a certain joke that you may say with your friends. Yeah, but the pushback I heard is that you can tweet

whatever you want about liberal shit. Yes. And then you're fine. Well, that's because liberals are right and conservatives are wrong. We're righteous. We're on the side of utopia.

We're going to melt away the state and communism is going to turn to utopia. I mean, how fucking childish are people who still believe in communism? So what happens? We give all the power to the state. All the power. Everything gets, the state acts as one big bank

and it takes everything and all your resources and then redistributes that. Redistributes it like candy on Halloween. And then eventually they just wither away. They give up their power. I mean, Jesus fucking Christ.

How stupid and immature. Jesus. I mean, there's some good things in there, right? Socialism works as a good check on capitalism, but I mean, the withering away of the stake, good luck with that. Nobody likes to go backwards in lifestyle. I remember I did 9-11 disaster relief.

I represented one woman whose husband used to commute. He used to commute from... Is that work or someone knocking? Who cares? He used to commute. He worked for Cantor Fitzgerald. He used to commute from Florida to New York, to the towers, and he died in the towers. And her mortgage was like $12,500 a month, I remember. And the MRA program, which is the

mortgage rental assistance under FEMA that I used to get clients money for when I did 9-11 disaster relief, they would pay your rent for like 18 months. Okay. They paid her rent. They paid her mortgage. I'm sorry sorry mortgage rental system she was my client i i took her to fema fema was down there in downtown manhattan 2002 i did 9-11 disaster relief for almost three years and they paid a rent for 18 months and then when the 18 months was done she was like what now she was going like they need to continue to pay you know and she got a victim's compensation fund. She got compensated. Wait, how much was it?

It was $12,500 a month. And she also got her settlement, her victim's compensation, right? If your husband died or whatever, the government paid you a certain thing. So you got that. She probably spent that on shoes because what I learned from that is nobody likes to go backwards in lifestyle. And that's why it's so easy to make someone sell their soul or like everyone has a price. You can pay off morality. People will always do things in the principle of interest.

Very rarely will they do things in the interest of principle because people do not like to go backwards in lifestyle. They get used to a certain thing they don't go back because she was going what now they can't stop now and i was going like they paid you like in this 18 months you didn't think about once like we may want to downsize because he's gone but it didn't register because like her she was used to a certain thing you can't just eat the fucking filet mignon and then go back to the dollar menu or you can't just not be having a job and have your life

planned this way and then they're like, no, now you have to get a job to feed your kids. Like nobody can do that. Nobody's willing to do that. So nobody goes backwards in lifestyle.

So this has been Yanni Long Days. Go to patreon.com slash Yanni Long Days. Check me out, Soul Joes. And tell your friends. That's most important. If you were following the history of Hainas, you know I always said that all the time.

That's the way this got bigger. That's the way that got bigger. That's the way this will get bigger is you guys posting in your stories, my clips I post on Instagram, making your own, spreading the word, telling your friends. That is the most important part of this. We will soon be up on iTunes and I don't know what's going on. I yelled about that. I think, what did I yell? I yelled it on one episode

where I said we're waiting for them to talk to Steve Jobs and ask his fucking approval, but they can't find him because he's in hell for ignoring his daughter. I repeat it again. Don't ignore your kids.

You brought them into the world. You didn't bring a fucking iPhone into the world, you piece of shit dad. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be talking like that. He's dead. Yeah, I'm sorry, Steve Jobs. I love your products.

But you know who does it? Who cries every time she sees one? Your daughter. Can you imagine being reminded of the horror of a father your dad was every time you look at your phone? I get you. I know there's one person who's got a Samsung.

It's Steve Jobs' daughter.