Yannis Pappas Hour - Rich Don’t Want Us Rich w/ Zoltan Kaszas

Episode Date: February 11, 2023

Stand up comedian Zoltan Kaszas drops by to tell us some of his immigrant mom’s bullet proof takes on crypto, the vaccine and more. Zoltan is a hilarious standup comedian who has great comedy skills and a cool story. Enjoy!Watch his comedy and follow him here: https://youtube.com/@zoltancomedySponsors Box of awesome https://www.bespokepost.com/startDraftkings Download the ap, promo: fumes Butcherboxhttps://www.butcherbox.com/fumes/?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=cpa&utm_campaign=whole_chicken_chuck_roast_jan_23&utm_term=fumes&utm_content=Join for our weekly bonus episodehttps://www.patreon.com/yannispappashour See Yannis live Dates & Cities below All tickets: https://www.yannispappascomedy.comMadison, Wisc Feb 9-11Seattle (Tacoma) Feb 16-18 Chicago Feb 24-26Atlantic City March 3rdEmmaus Pa, March 4DC March 9-11Dallas March 16-18Springfield MO March 23-25Phoenix March March 30-4/1Stamford CT April 7,8Tampa April 21-22San Fran May 4-6Providence May 12-13Watch Yanni’s stand up special: https://youtu.be/ArlCFemEDvQJoin our highlights page for highlight clips of every episode: https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykwNew episodes every Friday and new bonus episodes every following Tuesday at Patreon.com/yannispappashourGambling Problem? Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (CO/IL/IN/LA/MD/MI/NJ/PA/TN/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (KS/NH), 888-789-7777/visit ccpg.org (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), visit OPGR.org (OR), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/KS/LA(select parishes)/MD/MI/NJ/NY/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. Void in OH/ONT. Eligibility restrictions apply.$200 in Free Bets: Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 bet. Promo code req. $200 issued as free bets that expire 7 days (168 hours) after being awarded. Free bets must be wagered 1x and stake is not included in any returns or winnings.Stepped up Same Game Parlay: 1 Stepped Up Same Game Parlay Token issued per eligible NFL playoff game after opt-in. Min $1 bet. Max bet limits apply. Min. 3-leg. Each leg min. -300 odds, total bet +100 odds or longer. Profit boosted up to 100% (10+ legs for 100% boost).Promotional offer period ends 2/12/23 at 11:59:59 PM ET.See terms at sportsbook.draftkings.com/footballterms Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up, guys? Welcome to the Giannis Pappas Hour. Before we start this episode, this amazing episode, I would like to tell you about patreon.com slash Giannis Pappas Hour for our weekly bonus episodes. Go sign up, support the show. Five bucks a month, you get a bonus episode. Some of our best episodes are back there. Go listen to the full catalog and leave.

Who cares? Pay five bucks and binge it. Then leave and come back. I'm not telling you how you can scam me. I found this on the web. Oh, shut up, bitch. Series always get involved. Anyway, shows coming up in Madison right now. These shows still have a few tickets left. They're selling out. Tonight is sold out. Thank you. Tacoma, Washington next weekend, February 16th through the 18th. Chicago, February 24th through the 26th is sold out. Thank you. Atlantic City on March 3rd. Emmaus, Pennsylvania, March 4th. Arlington Draft House in the D.C. area. Arlington, Virginia, March 9th through the 11th. Dallas, Texas, March 16th through the 18th. Springfield, Missouri,

the 23rd through the 25th. Phoenix, March 30th through April 1st. Stanford, Connecticut has been added. Brand new comedy club. I can't wait to do it. New York Comedy Club in Stanford, Connecticut, April 7th and 8th. And then Tampa side splitters, April 21st through the 22nd. San Francisco punchline, May 4th through the 6th. Tickets are up. Providence, Rhode Island, May 12th through the 13th. Get your tickets at yannispappascomedy.com. I hope this audio sounds decent. Now, enjoy the episode.

Yannis Pappas. Yeah. When you all talked up and the day been long. And the news online going on and on. What's right and wrong and there's something up. Here we go. It's about to be a long day. It's a long day. It's a long day. What's up, everybody? Welcome to the Giannis Pappas Hour. Still with the Long Day sign up here. We're in between rebrands, bands. It wouldn't be the show if I didn't mispronounce things because that's what I do. We got a very special guest in here, Zoltan Kazas.

Did I nail that? I didn't even ask you. You did. Nailed it. Yeah, the Hungarians will be very proud of you. Yeah. Here's the deal. Me and you got foreign names.

I'm Yanis Papas, you're Zoltan Kazas, which right away lets people know that our parents came from someplace else. Yeah. Yeah. There's nobody native with the name Zoltan. No. No, no. I mean, I was actually born in Budapest.

So I got it. We moved when I was four. That's why I don't have the accent or anything. But I was there born in Budapest. So I got it. We moved when I was four. That's why I don't have the accent or anything. But I was there. I got labeled it. And then we moved. So yeah. Now you were brought up by just your mom.

Yeah, yeah. Single mom. So there's a story there. Yeah. Did your dad join the Hungarian Freedom Fighters or something? No. That's a possibility. If you're talking about somebody who came here

whose dad's not in the picture, it's not like, hey, man, my dad had a gambling problem. There's a possibility. It's like, yeah, my dad was a communist. He fought with that group, paramilitary, and then the country got thrown over by these people, and we decided to get out of there. You know, that could be the story

because there's a story your mom gives you, and then you're like, is that true? Or did she come up with the flowery story? The story I have is my dad was a musician. I come from a family of musicians. And they were young. They had me. And he wanted to tour and be a musician.

And so they broke up, and she got full custody. That's supposedly the story. And I mean, I believe it. Yeah. I believe it now because I'm a comic. Yeah, you're living it. Yeah, I'm living it. And I'm like, I wouldn't do that now, but he did that when he was like 22, 23.

I'm 35. I wouldn't do that now. But I'm like, I might have done something like that if I was 22, 23. And I'm like, I'm going to be a comedian. I can't do this. Yeah, that's interesting when you follow in the footsteps of someone who wasn't even there. You can just feel the genetic pull.

You know, you're going like, so like when you do have kids, do you have kids? No. When you do have kids, there might be a genetic pull. You might be like, I got to get out of here. What is this feeling? Where does it come from? They're going to hold me down yeah there was a moment that really scared me because i i just knew he played violin and then

i used to wear cruise ships for like a year or two and i was on a cruise ship and i was talking to my mom and she's like oh your father played cruise ships and i was like what are the odds that we both ended up in the same situation except he Except he was behind me on the violin and I was in front bombing in front of people in shorts. Right. Yeah, and yours was in English and his was in Hungarian. Exactly. You take the language away, though. That's funny, though.

You know, like Kobe Bryant, his pops was a basketball player. Jelly Bean Bryant, he inherited the genetics for sports. And you might inherit the genetics for being an absentee papa. That scares the hell out of me. Yeah, you got to be careful. Yeah, that's genetic. Yeah, what if it is genetic, like scoliosis or something? I don't even know if scoliosis is genetic, but slowly it just comes in.

I'm like, I just have this itchy hand to leave. Yeah, you know, maybe what triggers it is the kid. Maybe it's latent because you don't have a kid, then once the kid comes you're like that just triggers it sort of like sometimes how weed triggers like latent schizophrenia right maybe that triggers like latent uh douchebag dad you know why that would be extra bad because out of my fiance and i i'm the one that's more heavy into the idea of having a kid one day. Right. She's more iffy about it. I was like,

I don't know, maybe perhaps. And then I'm more like, man, you see the boots on that kid. That's adorable. Like I'm more than she's like, ah,

you're so ready to be a dad. That'd be horrible. If we ended up having a kid, I'm like, you know what? Yeah. I gotta get the hell out of here. Do you think part of the reason is,

uh, for the material? Do you have that comedian thing where you go, I'm like, all right, I've kind of done all that stuff. I think so. Yeah. The reason I go do different things is for the joke. Right.

I'm like, well, there's going to be a funny joke. We went rock climbing, and I knew I was going to get hurt going rock climbing, but I'm like, well, maybe I'll get a couple minutes out of it. And that's what gets me to go see, yeah, maybe part of the fatherhood idea is like, well, there's going to be,

look at all these comics that have all these dad jokes. I want in on that. Yeah. Yeah. We're, we're, we're a species within a species comedians. Like we're never present.

There's always an ulterior motive. Like every conversation, every event, every relationship. We're like, yeah, but is it funny though? Is it funny for me? Can I get something out of this? Yeah. And they're like, yeah, but is it funny, though? Is it funny for me?

Can I get something out of this? Yeah. And they're like, what do you mean, Art? Don't you care about me? You're like, well, I care about if it's funny. I think our brains just naturally go there. And, man, I've heard you're not present so much in my life. And I'm like, I'm here.

I'm just thinking of this situation in a snow globe and i'm trying to go that's funny in there and that's funny over there but yeah maybe you're right i'm not here here yeah we all are we're kind of like here but also in a helicopter above uh-huh we it's like when people describe uh when people describe near-death experiences and they're like or like yeah they're like oh i saw myself from above yeah kind of like oh yeah maybe you should hit an open mic it's exactly how we feel all the time yeah that wasn't god that was the pool for the spotlight you're supposed to be paying a few bucks to go up at an open mic definitely so let me hear this

story here you're you're four years old you know what what do you do how do you get out of hungary buda was it your idea you're like mom i got we got to get to the states because this place fucking blows i was happy as a four-year-old that we were living with my grandmother in like a one-bedroom apartment in budapest uh that's what you don't know any that's that's that know anything. That's when you just don't know anything different. Things were great. I didn't know what dementia was. I just thought she really wanted my teddy bears.

She wouldn't give me my teddy bear back. I didn't know that was an early level of dementia. And I was like, alright, she's competitive. I like that. But what ended up happening is my mom married a Hungarian-American who kind of split time between both Hungary and the States.

And they got married, and we ended up moving to Pittsburgh. That's where we first lived. And you were like, ugh, kind of a lateral move. It was pretty lateral. Mom, you ever hear of New York, LA? Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh. mom you ever hear of about new york la pittsburgh and uh my mom is uh she's a tough lady and she doesn't put up with much so that marriage lasted like seven months and she's like we're getting the hell out of post green card yeah she didn't with no green card we were gonna move back home she was like i'm not putting up with this to live in the united states we're going home

and but while we were there she met there's a big hungarian community in pittsburgh and she She was like, I'm not putting up with this to live in the United States. We're going home. But while we were there, she met, there's a big Hungarian community in Pittsburgh, and she met this lady that was pretty well-to-do. She went lesbian after that. That would be a better story. Yeah, I thought that's where we're at. She met this lady and things changed. You know what? When you're a kid, you don't know what's going on.

Maybe that was what was happening. know what when you're a kid you don't know what's going on maybe that was what was happening but the uh the story we were told uh is uh she hired her as like a live-in housekeeper and she would sponsor us so we did move back home for like it was like a trip it was like three weeks and then she realized there's like no opportunity here so she took the lady's offer and we were it was weird we're poor immigrants but now we're living in the rich neighborhood in pittsburgh like we lived in the same neighborhood as bill cower yeah but we were still poor like so it was such a weird i don't know like i when we ended up moving to san diego we lived in the trailer park so we were always trailer park in the heart you know or or like

one bedroom apartment in budapest but for three or four years we were living in this like giant house in pittsburgh wait so you went from that neighborhood to a trailer park yeah because my mom eventually like uh she's like we should move on from this and she made some friends that also lived part-time in san diego so we moved to san diego and that's where we could afford to live, was the trailer park. So the rollercoaster comedy's not new to you. No. Yeah, when you go to one room and it's great,

tickets sell great, then you go to another one and you're like, all right, this isn't great. Yeah, comedy is... You're like, God, I've been doing this. Comedy, to me, has been as humbling and as rewarding as just regular life. You're like, oh, we're in a mansion. Oh, we're in a single wide trailer with one toilet.

This is where it's at. Nothing sums up comedy better than that scene in Louis where he's with Joan Rivers. You ever see that scene? And they're in the casino, and he's complaining about being in the little room, and she was in the big room, and they decide to go to dinner that night,

and she gives him this talk about, you know, one year you're in the big room, then you're in the little room, then you're in the back of the little room and she was in the big room and they decided to go to dinner that night. And she gives him this talk about, you know, one year you're in the big room, then you're in the little room, then you're in the back of the big room. You just got to go and be appreciative of it and go with the flow. And then he like, there's like a pause and he tries to make out with her,

which is hilarious. And he's like, I'm sorry. He's like, I thought this is what we were having to think. But, you know, the speech was really, like, accurate. I think that's our experience. It kind of, it goes up, it goes down. It's a fun ride. It is.

I think that's why, I mean, you'll definitely run into arrogant comedians. But for the most part, I think most comedians are pretty humble because their last bomb wasn't that long ago. Yeah. And it always kind of keeps everything leveled out. Also, it's not, even if you're the most selfish comic in the world i think that uh being a the perennial underdog is like our advantage yep like once you start climbing up that's the that's the funny thing about it is like once you start climbing up you kind of lose that edge you kind of you know you can't there's no rich people going up there being like my private, my private plane wouldn't start today. What a horrible day.

You know, my butler was late. Yeah, I think Ron White's maybe the only one that even mentions his private plane on stage. Like, most comics probably wouldn't. I actually, I don't know if you feel this way, but you ever look at, like, the comics on top with the private jets and the mansions, and you're like, yeah, but how do you write jokes in there? Right. How do you come up with something funny and like i feel that way anytime a gig puts me up in a nice nice hotel room i'm like i can't be funny yeah this is too nice yeah it needs to be kind of shitty you have to

struggle you have to have bad things happen to yeah to make funny if your life's too good you know i think uh i said i think i said this recently i think it think it's true. I think you got to be the jester or the king. I don't think you can be both. Right. You know? I think that's Elon Musk's problem right now. He's trying to rip jokes, and you're like, dude, you know, whatever comes out of your mouth affects your stock price.

Yeah. You know, I don't know if on New Year's if I was watching the ball drop or Tesla stock. They could have just put Tesla stock up there. It's just going 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 2, 1. Elon learned, I think, a lesson with that Twitter buy, which is something my mom taught me, which is don't become the manager. Because before he bought Twitter, he was the cool employee that would just put out a tweet and argue with Bernie Sanders and send internet to the Ukraine. And everyone's like, this guy's awesome.

But he got promoted to manager, and now he's in charge of the schedule. And everyone's like, nah, this guy's kind of a dick. Was she thinking like owner or employee, but middle management? Yeah, either own the company or be a regular employee because the raise, she would always tell me the raise bump that they give you to manage isn't worth the now headache that you're going to have. So either own the McDonald's or work the fries. I like that. But don't be in charge of the schedule because the money's not worth the headache and everyone's going to hate you.

And I was like, that is so true. It is a good one. You can't get those nuggets of truth from people who haven't struggled to make it. Those nuggets of truth come from people who have experience and who immigrated. You just know that that rang true. You're like, you know what? She's right. She's right, dude.

Don't ever manage a comedy club. No. Own it or work in it. Yes. Own it or do a weekend yeah and then leave yeah yeah definitely don't manage it yeah she always like looks at things i feel like people that grow up working since they're a kid like just have a really straightforward just kind of way of thinking like we had a a family friend that was a big conspiracy theorist and they were he was

talking about chemtrails and my mom didn't understand i was like what is this chemtrails and i was like trying to explain there's thinking there's chemicals in the air that will go in the nose and keep us dumb and docile and uh the rich people are putting it up there my mom goes the rich people aren't breathing this air yeah that is so true but shut up right now because it's thanksgiving and just let them rant right now you know she just went like this with just a gun of reality, just one bullet. You're like, oh yeah. She was probably thinking, oh yeah, because he

did your relative grow up here or something? This was like a relative of another family member, so it wasn't like someone we were directly related to, someone they brought to Thanksgiving. Right. And they just kind of took over the table. But American though. Very. Yeah very yeah very american she was probably yeah i could understand her thought process going like oh like the anatomy of her thought was probably like oh here's he's

american inventing a problem so he has something to talk about something to do yes right because where i come from you know there's real problems yeah yeah my mom is always like this place is so much better that even with all the issues, it's like, still beats Budapest. Yeah, I mean, maybe that's the way you end conspiracy theories is you talk to, like, immigrants, you know, and they just give you the cold, hard fact real quick of how it works.

Because your mom just killed it in a second. You're going, oh yeah. The vaccines are intentionally killing people. Your mom would be like, why would they want to do that? Who's going to work? You go, oh yeah. They need a workforce. They don't want to be alone.

They got to sell their shit to people to get rich. She felt that way about crypto too. I was telling her when crypto was getting hot, I'm thinking of buying this Bitcoin, but I'm scared. And she's like, what is it? And I kind of talked to her about it. She goes, that's a scam. And I go, I don't think so.

And she's like, no, it's a scam. We're like, no, they're telling us to do it. She's like, yeah, but why would rich people want other rich people to get rich? That doesn't make any sense. And I'm like, man. Is that what she said? That's what she said. Because that fucking is true.

That's all you need. That one sentence, you said it, and it made sense so quickly in my mind. They went, yeah. Yeah. I mean, like, quicker than a millisecond. I was like, yeah. Dude, you know how many fucking people's houses could be saved if they just had one conversation with your mom? I know.

They were able to just get on the fucking one Zoom call with your mom. They would be like, oh, yeah. That makes no sense. Why would they just open up free money for everybody so easily? Yeah. Yeah. You're like, oh, no, there's somebody at the top of this who's scamming people. Exactly.

Someone's going to win. Yeah. It ain't going to be you. It's not going to be you. Yeah. And that's kind of like how I was raised. So, like, we're kind of raised, like, my mom's mom's a commie like in the sense that she liked communism in hungary we left after communism fell communism fell in 89 and she's like things are getting dicey here and uh it's because like because i argue with her about this all the time

like you know the free market and she's like no she's like a job, and I had food, and the streets were safe. So that's what communism was to her. And I was like, yeah, but what about dreams? She's like, yeah, I didn't really have any. So it kind of lined up with me, and I was like, all right, that works for you. But if I wanted to be a comedian in communist times in Hungary, I don't know if that would have worked out. Yeah, I had a girlfriend from East Germany when I was in college.

She was an au pair, and I met her here. And she told me about that. She grew up in Comedians, and that was the same exact positive she gave it. Same? She was like, everyone had, like, the same car. It was, like, safe. And I was going, this sounds exactly like what someone would say from Bensonhurst, New York, when the mafia ran it.

Those were the pros. You're like, as long as you don't know how the sausage is made, then there's a lot of pros. You're like, yeah, in John Gotti's areas, the streets were safe, no crime. He's like, yeah, because they were doing it. They had a monopoly on the crime.

There is a positive to that, but there's a big asterisk. You should put a big asterisk next to those positives because the government had the monopoly on the violence and the suppression and everything. So you're like, yeah, it does keep the streets safe from other people. But if you say certain things about, I don't know, whatever, it wasn't Tito.

Who was the guy in Hungary? I know Tito was Yugoslavia. I don't even know who the guy in Hungary was. I know it was the Russians. I know it was the Russians that ran us because I was there when I was two and they moved the vehicles out because they left. Right. Whatever viceroy they threw in there.

Yeah, whatever friend of the USSR they're like, you run Hungary or you're the administrator or whatever. But, yeah, she was all hung up on it. I even made her watch. Have you ever watched Chuck Norris versus communism? communism no but it sounds like a fucking lit movie though i'm checking out tonight so it it's not as it's not exactly what it sounds like it's a it's a documentary right about romania which is right next to hungary and they had a very strict government like more so than hungary's where they policed all the entertainment that

came in they allowed no western movies at all hungary allowed them they did not and but there was like an illegal uh tape trading like drug dealers but they're trading movies and each of these big apartment complexes like one guy might own like a vcr and he would have viewing parties like where the entire building comes and then they watch like these like Chuck Norris movies and Van Damme and whatever was hot in the 80s Stallone and like they said they interviewed all the people that would watch them and they were just watching the grocery stores and like the car like the background like oh look it's everything's full everything looks amazing and it helped like lead the revolution against communism. And we watched this movie, and we listened to all these beautiful, heart-wrenching stories.

And at the end of the documentary, I go, what did you think, Mom? She goes, it was very nice. But you know that illegal tape trading? That was the only crime going on. I was like, that's all you got out of this? It was a beautiful story. And she's like, well, it was fun. Yeah. Stockholm syndrome

Is a real thing I think You know Like We were talking about that When I lived in New York In this apartment I was considering Raising a family here

And then It's all Because all I knew I grew up in New York And then you see like a house And you're like Oh there's a better way Yeah

So But you know There's something to be said The way communism Gets you in the form Of years My mom was the same way My mom was a human rights lawyer

And my mom like Would always talk about communism And the beautiful idea Of communism the way communism gets you in the formative years. My mom was the same way. My mom was a human rights lawyer. My mom would always talk about communism and the beautiful idea of communism. I've said it before, but she did it in Fendi shoes. I would always look down and go, yeah? Okay, mom. She had this massive shoe collection, like a Fendi pin on her suit. I don't even know what that is, but it sounds expensive.

Yeah, it's an expensive designer. Yeah, okay. So it's all relative. Yeah, I mean, you know, but it can work if, you know, it can work if you brainwash everybody. You can't, I understand why they didn't let Chuck Norris versus communism in. Which, by the way, whatever movie that that was which i'm going to check out

that is the most honest title it's great i've ever heard for those movies in the 80s yeah because those those were propaganda movies oh for sure make no mistake about it like uh rambo rambo was just like there's no way the u.s wasn't like, here's a couple dollars. How many does he kill? Make it 300. Here's a couple dollars. There's a reason that happened. Rambo came out not that many years after Vietnam ended. We need some boost for military.

That makes so much sense. Those Cold War movies are hilarious. When you look at them retrospectively, I mean, fucking Rocky III, is that the one where he fights Drago? Four. Four. I mean, at the end, in Russia, they just start chanting Rocky. Rocky, yes. them retrospectively i mean fucking rocky three is that the one where he fights drago four four yeah i mean at the end in russia they just start chanting rock rock yes and dude you feel it as a kid watching it you feel the goosebumps yeah even you're fucking america if i can change you can change we can change and you're like like, that's a PBS ad.

Rocky said that? Dude, no way in the form of USSR that crowd would have started chanting Rocky. No. No. Even if they wanted to, they wouldn't have done it. No. But, yeah. They would have been taken away in hoods. They would have just dragged them out.

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Boxofawesome.com promo code FUSE for 20% off your first box right now. It fucking propaganda does work. I think it's because of that old adage, like whoever said it first. But it's true. The truth has trouble putting its pants on. It's a lie that circles the world a few times. What is it again? I always mess it up.

I've never heard that. I feel like George Bush Jr. every time I say one of these. I'm like, yeah, yeah. Fool me, but you can't fool me again. The Lord taketh awayeth. Something like that, right? What is it?

Do you know it? Yeah, I think it's- The truth has trouble putting, while the truth's putting its pants on. Yeah, a lie travels around the world. I think it's Mark Twain. Mark Twain. Yeah, Mark Twain.

The world travels around. Which he was, you know, it's funny that his name, it wasn't his real name, Mark Twain. No, yeah, it was a pseudonym. He was a pseudonym, and the main reason was because he was putting the truth in his books, and he didn't want people to know who he was because it pissed people off.

Oh, it was a safety measure. he was because it pissed people off. Oh, it was a safety measure. It was a safety measure, yeah. It was like he had Uncle Tom's cat. Not Uncle Tom's cat. That's Harry Beecher Stowe. But Tom Sawyer and stuff. He had the slave speaking and being wise. These things at that time were just a little too avant-garde.

Wow. Yeah, a lot of authors would do that just to escape the ire of them. You always got to stay away from the masses. They're stupid. Yeah, it's almost like the modern version of having like a burner account on Twitter. Yeah.

It's like you're suiting them and you're like, this is what I really think, but I don't want to lose my job. So did you start in San Diego? Yeah, that's where I started doing stand-up. 19, went to an open mic. And I went to an open mic because I was going to have shoulder surgery because my original dream was I wanted to be a professional wrestler because I grew up in the trailer park, man.

Those are our heroes, man. I wanted to be The Rock. But I had a bad shoulder and i was gonna have shoulder surgery i'm like i need something to do while i'm in a sling and i was like i've always loved stand up so i went to an open mic and bombed in front of mostly my friends i brought a lot of my friends and it went so poorly and uh but it got me i was like because i went in thinking it was gonna go great right like i went in with such a blind confidence. Yeah, it's the best.

And then it just tore me down. Because most comics are like, I brought all my friends to the first show, and I crushed, and then I bombed the second one. I bombed the first 20 in a row, and that was the part that kept me coming back where I'm like, no, I'm supposed to be, this should go well. And it just kept humbling me,

and that kept me interested and to keep doing it and then i ended up canceling my surgery because i booked a show and uh never went back to pro wrestling and stuck with comedy so you just got one shoulder you have one good shoulder i have this this shoulder hangs lower yeah this one like when i get fitted for a suit they always go huh this i gotta pad their shoulder i'm like i know like i only got need one shoulder to hold the mic now that's it yeah and there's a mic stand in case both of them go i can i can just fold ron white it and stand up there you know yeah oh that's interesting yeah or like when you get rich and famous you can fucking finally

do you carry around like a receipt like jim carrey for your shoulder surgery like as soon as i get enough money i'm gonna fix this fucking shoulder as soon as I can uh feel like I can take three months off from chasing my dreams I'm gonna get this uh get this fixed so you're a vet you've been doing it you're 35 now 35 started at 19 yeah long time uh 16 years but that's about yeah I mean I don't know about you for me I would I had so many peaks and valleys, ups and downs, and I don't think I was competent for a long time in stand-up specifically. Like, so, yeah, I watched your clips. Like, it was just, you know, I got a,

it's funny when you get a hit from a publicist, you know, because I didn't know you. He was my manager there. Oh, your manager, yeah. And because, like, you totally, you. Because you could just totally reach out. You could fire him and just totally DM me. I don't like reaching. I'm so like, man, I'm one of those.

I know a lot of comics are that way, but I'm uncomfortable reaching out for everything. That probably means you're a good guy. I feel like I'm bothering somebody. Yeah, it means you're a good person. I don't want to bother somebody. Yeah, it means it's going to take you a long long time to become big People make it big here They just have no conscience

They just go Almost like a strong salesman They just have You can cuss a salesman out to their face And they'll be like well I'll talk to you tomorrow And I'm like I don't have that I'm like oh my god I'll avoid you forever I'm so sorry I don't have that. I'm like, oh, my God, I'll avoid you forever. I'm so sorry.

But I always have that. Last night we had dinner with a friend of mine. And before he showed up, I turned to Emma, my fiancee, and I'm like, you think he really wants to have dinner with us? Or do you think he's, like, people pleasing? And she's like, why the hell would you think he's people? You've been friends with him for 10 years. I'm like, I don't know.

And I'm like, that's just how, like, the negative, you know, wheel in my brain works but but yeah um it's also humble it's he shows humility i think you're like thinking of him you're like does he really want to be here right yeah and but i remember i learned people move quick don't have those thoughts they're unencumbered they just go right they go where's what can i get what can i get yeah i get this guy let me call him i get the format i got this guy's got that i want that if i'm with him I can get this guy. Let me call him. I'll get it for Matt. I go, this guy's got that. I want that. If I'm with him, I can get that. And they move quick.

They do, and I think I really learned that the first time I did a road gig outside of San Diego, I was already doing comedy for four or five years, and there was a Chuck Johnson room in Topeka, Kansas. Jeremiah Bullfrog. It's a two-man show. I do 35 minutes

opening. Headliner does 55. And I agreed to do the show because I felt like I had more than 35 minutes. And the show went well. And the headliner, Jen, she goes, wow, you're actually funny for the whole time. And I was like, thank you. And I was like, what do you mean by that? He goes, most comics have like seven minutes and then bomb for the next 28. And I was like, I would never sign up for a gig

where the time slot is 35 and I didn't have at least 10 extra minutes in case some of this stuff didn't work. And she's like, yeah, I think you're doing it weird. I was like, oh, okay. I know exactly what you're saying and now I have a good sense of who you are. Yeah.

The good thing about comedy, I think, is that it's not age-dependent, right? I don't think it's age-dependent at all. No. I think it's sort of ageless. You don't even think about comedians in an age way. They're almost like these. You think of them as just like, you don't think about Joey Diaz as whatever, close to 60 or whatever.

He's got to be. You just think Joey Diaz. Yeah. They're almost ageless. It's more like a comedic spirit. So I think that's the one good thing. And the second good thing is just like at the end of the day, funny just wins.

Like even if it's after 20 years or 30. Because at the end of the day, it is very, it's the closest to sports, I think, in that, you know, bullshit will get you. My dad had an expression. My dad had a great expression. He said, bullshit will get you far, sometimes farther than the truth, right before it kills you. Oh, that's good.

And I was like that. I was like, yeah, I mean, you know, it eventually will catch. The check will come. You know? If you've ordered food and you're having a big buffet, then the check will come. Oh, yeah, that's right. I got to pay for this shit. I'm not really that great.

You know, it just catches up to you. Right. So, yeah, because I could tell. pay for this shit i'm not really that great you know it just catches up to you right so uh yeah because i could tell i you know because i i ordinarily wouldn't have responded right you know usually because it's like you know you have people on who are gonna bump your numbers who are kind of in the tribe of podcasts that we all pass around like fucking the girl in high school and you're seeing a couple people banged out. That's one way to describe it.

You know, or you have someone on who's like, you know, fucking some intellectual that Joe Rogan made famous. You're like, yeah, it'll bump the numbers even though I don't really want to speak to fucking,

you know, whatever. You know? Jocko Willick, I don't know. Yeah, I watched your clip and immediately I was like, oh, this guy's good i could tell immediately i was like wow he's really funny and uh i watched a bunch of the clips um so i responded quick i was like yeah just have him down fuck it i got a good vibe let's see what

happens yeah thank you i'll try to get better at reaching out personally so it's not as as weird well yeah i mean me too i have the same problem so i can't you know i can't say that i'm not the same way one of the clips was really like they were all really good um but the one that uh sticks out of my mind because it's like such an original take and so funny and so simple kind of like your mom's adages um was the one about covet and it was was so good. And it was just like, it makes it like, you just make this point for like just the ordinary person. You know, you're going like, yeah, I got this buddy. And he's like, I got the vaccine.

And he's like, yeah, you should get the vaccine. He's like, where do you hear that? He's like, you know, I'm butchering it. But the idea is go check it out. It's funny. Not like I'm doing it. But the idea is very funny. And you disarm the whole thing you're like the nerds told me to do this you're like i don't know

yeah i don't fucking because none of us know i definitely don't fucking know and he's like you don't know and you go i fucking i'm just listening to their nerds right you're listening to the jujitsu some jujitsu podcast like, so we're both just listening to dudes. Yeah. Because at the end of the day, that's what we're all doing, is kind of just taking someone's fucking word for it. And it's not just for the vaccine. It's everything.

Yeah. And it's like, well, because I think the only thing I'm doing is I'm aware that I don't know anything, and my opinions come from whatever I listen to or whatever I read. So I'm probably full of it too, dude. I don't know anything. But I don't get why we're arguing about it.

We're both listening to other people, so we're almost like they're pawns in the chess game. Like, why are we down here? What's the whole thing? And I always try to write my jokes anytime it's something divisive because everything's political now. I always try to write it

with the people that disagree with me in mind. I'm like do i get them to laugh at this that's great and because i know the people that agree with me are gonna laugh but that's that's easy like how do i get those people and i still try to ride that line and i bring them and i know it works when i'm in a room in in myrtle beach south carolina or florida and they're like when i start talking about it they're like you hear the murmurs but then at the end they're like, when I start talking about it, they're like, you hear the murmurs. But then at the end, they're laughing. I was like, we got there. The only place it doesn't get them is sometimes is online.

Like online, the comments are positive. But every once in a while, like I saw what he did there. He tricked me into kind of agreeing with them. And then they get mad anyway. But with those people, you just can't. You just can't please. Those people are yeah they're committed they're committed people who comment online yeah uh the ones who comment

good things those are great those are like fans and they're committed and that's great they show like enthusiasm and they're like following you like a band and they're into you and they understand you got to put out a lot of material and it's not all perfect because that's what it is now that's the zeitgeist you got to constantly put a lot of material and it's not all perfect because that's what it is now. That's the zeitgeist. You got to constantly put out material. And then the ones who comment negative, you're like, these people are troubled people. Can you imagine spending your time like,

I don't comment good. I don't comment good when I watch something. If I'm watching something, I don't comment good. Man, nice documentary. I don't watch like a true crime fucking hour and go man just write a paragraph there let alone something bad right you know like those are the types of people like go out of their way and you're like what is what is really going on here i got you don't know how many bad comments i read on new year's eve and i'm like that's how

they're spending their New Year's Eve. Everyone's out there drinking, having fun, kissing people, living life, and they're just like, and I'm like, that sucks. You're not even watching a fun movie by yourself. Yeah, that should be the respond comment. The rejoinder should be like, hey, man, I want to put a negative comment about what you're doing on New Year's Eve. You're here? That's kind of... It's dude. Yeah.

They do it because the squeaky wheel gets the grease. The internet, the thing that the internet... The internet's great, obviously, in so many ways. But obviously, there's always a yin to the yang. And I think the negative part is it democratized attention. So what do we give our attention to? It's the same thing that the media has been playing on. The news, yeah.

And movies have been playing on. It's like car crash, that car crash phenomenon that makes people bottleneck. Even when it's not that big of a car crash, like you ever in traffic and it's slowed down and then you get to the thing and you're like this is what everyone was slowing down to but then you realize you're also slowing down to look there's some blind spot uh it's like probably evolutionary bag ass it's

probably something about like wanting to fit in wanting to conform wanting to be part of the tribe want to be part of the group and not go against the grain for safety or something. That's sort of left over in evolution that makes us fucking just give the squeaky wheel the grease. I always remember the one negative comment. There'll be like 10,000 good ones, and then the one you're going like, what the fuck? And that's why they do it.

That was my point. I do that with restaurants. Sometimes we'll go on Yelp, and it's like a thousand good comments. But one person was like, the chicken was kind of dry. And I'm like, the chicken could be dry. Yeah. What if we get the dry chicken? And so, yeah, they get my attention.

And I'm trying really hard not to read the comments. But it's hard. Guys, guess what? It's the Super Bowl. It's the Super Bowl this weekend. And if you're watching it, the Super Bowl happened. I guarantee you that the Philadelphia Eagles won. They're too good.

It's just one of those years they're just too good. And Mahomes runs like he's trying to catch a bus. So you ever notice that? He's always running like he's late for a bus and he's got bags with him. But it's time to bet on the Super Bowl, guys. All right? And an official sports betting partner of the Super Bowl, 57, is here to talk to you through me. Let's get busy with DraftKings Sportsbook.

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$200 in bonus bets instantly only at DraftKings Sportsbook with the promo code FUMES. Minimum age and eligibility restrictions apply. See show notes for details, my friends. Now back to the show. It's hard, but yeah, the only hope is to get so big that there's so many comments that you don't read them. But when there's like 100 comments, you read every single fucking one of them. It's a problem. And I'll scroll past the positive ones.

I'm like, give me to that. Give me to the one that will ruin my day. It's so self-destructive. It is. It just comes with the territory of the internet. Like I was thinking the other day, I was reading about the polio vaccine. Like I was thinking the other day, I was reading about the polio vaccine. And it was sort of this, you know, there was this thing called the Cutter Laboratories.

So Jonas Salk put out like the first version of the polio vaccine. And Cutter Laboratories manufactured. What the fuck, Siri? Shut your fucking mouth. You bot bitch. Sorry. I don't know if you work clean but you know i don't want to hurt me corporate gigs if they see this yeah um which is an advantage you work clean right

yeah yeah i do some corporate yeah it's such a good thing um yeah so cutter cutter laboratories was manufacturing the early vacs and they they messed it up They messed up the vaccine. A lot of kids got messed up, a lot got messed up. So they ended up halting Jonas Salk's vaccine and it got maligned. Similar to now, I was only thinking, what if the internet was around then? Every single, because every vaccine has side effects. Every vaccine harms some people.

You just hope it's very little for the greater good. It's a very horrible reality that a lot of people now don't want to accept, especially because we live in an age of like instant gratification and like door dash and like, you know, things just coming right to your door. So you're like, what do you mean something goes wrong? I'm used to perfect service or else I write a review. And so every vaccine has problems. So that's John Assault's.. And so every vaccine has problems.

So that's Jonas Salk's, that version of the vaccine was pulled. And then another guy, his competitor or whatever, that vaccine was used. And that vaccine was shit. So then Jonas Salk, they ended up doing another vaccine that was like modified. And that was the vaccine that kind of pretty much eradicated polio. Although it's not eradicated. Eradicated means there's no more an epidemic of pretty much eradicated polio. Although it's not eradicated. Eradicated means there's no more an epidemic, but people still get polio. Every once in a while.

Once in a while, it's still creeping around. In Rockland County, New York, some kid got it. Yeah, like recently. Recently, yeah. So it's one of those things. You don't get rid of viruses. Those things are resilient. They're like Hillary Clinton.

They keep coming back. They want. They got like Hillary Clinton. They keep coming back. They want. They got an ambition to them. But I was thinking about what if the internet was around today for that. It would have been the same thing, I think. Everyone would have had an opinion. One thing went wrong, which is legitimate.

It would have just been amplified because that person would have had a platform to put it out. And then you're putting it out to a bunch of people who already have some sort of preconceived beliefs or whatever. And then they amplify it even further. And then it confirms what they believe. And they start mistaking the exception for the rule. And then you get to a point where you don't know what reality is, which is where we are. Exactly. So I was thinking, like, would we have even gotten to this point? Would we have even gotten to this point of technological advancement, medical technological advancement?

Like, they're about to cure cancer. Would we have even been able to get here if the internet was around, like, before and people could argue? Can you ever think about that? Like, I don't think we would have been able to get here. yeah like the first caveman that did the wheel yeah but then like you know someone died of an accident you're like that wheel kills people what are you doing with that wheel like how much would we have been set back if twitter was around in the stone age yeah that would have been rough yeah robert moses wouldn't have been able to fucking get anything done robert

moses was the guy that did all the highways and stuff. Right. He would have been like, and he had to displace a lot of people. He had to like, there was a lot of, he had like a very cynical expression, which is kind of funny. He's like, you can't make omelets without breaking eggs. Which is like, that's what you're going to say about moving people's homes. Yikes.

He would have said that today. Yeah. I mean, he wouldn't have been able to build the Verrazano Bridge right here. Because like, there were protests back then against stuff he wanted to do but if there was internet you were just able to mobilize more people so there's good and bad with everything it's just it's an interesting question like would we have been able to get anything done if the internet was just like there was a bunch of people going no one person it hurt and you're like know, but it also helps millions. It's also kind of comforting to know that we haven't gotten worse as a species. We just have new tools to destroy ourselves.

Interesting. You know? What do you mean by that? Well, like, because like we were saying this, we would have been the same society if we had Twitter 50, 60, 70 years ago. Right. But now we have it. And so now it's up to like the people that are making the new stuff to go, now I'm sure they're looking at us,

go, well, what are they going to do with it? Because we gave them social media, and then they're using it to destroy each other. So what's the next thing? And I wonder whoever's developing the next thing is like, let's have a think tank on what these dummies are going to do with it. We know what this is going to do with it we know what's what this is going to be used for we know we have a massive case study of 15 years of what humans will do

right with this technology so let's put in a couple of fail safes let's put some seat belts in this thing like like uh i don't know drones were fun for like two years. And now they put a bomb on them. And now it's like, oh, no. Now you can't fly it near an airport. Yeah, I remember here in the metaverse, there was like a sexual assault in the metaverse. And some girl sued meta or something. And I'm going like, how can you even do that?

How is it possible? And I'm like, humans found out a way. They probably did. They were probably just like, their avatars were just fucking like guys in ski masks they just jumped their avatar and it can happen i've been in the metaverse i did comedy in the metaverse yeah i did a set in the metaverse and to get me comfortable with it they did this for all the comics we did like a walkthrough so they sent me the goggles and i went in it's very cool but it's just like everything else twitter can be cool depending on who you read and who you get to

interact with but if you interact with the wrong person now you're putting a voice to that tweet and now they're this close to your face with a cartoon face going come join us come join us and you're like i get this off of me you know it's upsetting but i i i thought like i would be a different person in the metaverse and i wasn't like i put these goggles on i went up into a room the second time with like 20 people that i knew what was that like so it's just cartoon avatars yeah it's cartoon avatars you don't have the legs i'm sure you can hear their laughs and everything it's almost like this so like if we were in a big room and there's like 10 people over there you can hear the murmurs of their laughs and everything. It's almost like this. So if we were in a big room and there's like 10 people over there,

you can hear the murmurs of their conversation. And the closer you get to it, you can now hear the conversation, just like real life. And I just thought I would be a different person up there. But just like a regular house party, I showed up, and I took my avatar to the corner of the room, and I just stared at the wall. Billion dollars worth of technology to still be in

the corner petting the dog you know i don't want to talk to anybody and uh but it it it is all with who you interact with like i did the set and all the people at the show were cool so it was fun it's a little weird but i think in like five or ten, whenever they get the graphics really dialed in so it's not so avatar-y and more lifelike, it could be a game changer. Yeah. So did you feel like it was the same or it felt a little different because just the graphics? What was the feeling behind it? Was there anything missing? You don't have the smells.

You're not really in the room with them. But is it almost like you're in the room? Did you feel any different? It felt, any different it felt man it felt close but there's also a delay in the kind of the well the laughter is instantaneous but you're just looking at these cartoon faces and i think that's what really got me right just looking at cartoon faces and then the comedy club that they set up the soapstone was awesome but it was also it also had high ceilings i'm like we can't even get a good comedy club that they set up, the Soapstone, was awesome. But it also had high ceilings.

I'm like, we can't even get a good comedy club in Metaverse. It was a skylight. It was out to the sky. You're like, guys, there's so many things that need to go right. Lower ceilings. It's so few. Just get it right. Go to the comedy cellar.

Recreate that. I don't know. But it was bizarre. It was bizarre. The first time I went in there, it scared me. The second time, I felt't know. But it was bizarre. It was bizarre. The first time I went in there, it scared me. The second time, I felt more comfortable. And then the third time, I actually did the set.

And overall, I thought it was a great experience. And I think it could definitely be a game changer moving forward. But it's all about getting people to try it. Yeah. I don't know how it's doing. How is the metaverse doing? I don't know. I read articles that it's not doing is the metaverse doing i don't know i read articles that it's like not doing like they're losing a lot of money but i think it's kind of

like when the internet came out in 94 i didn't get on the internet till like 98 right like i was four years later so i don't know check on it in four or five years maybe everyone's on it right right or maybe mark zuckerberg goes hey we we need another virus to get everybody back inside because that's when it would really flourish, if at all. Put it on. It would definitely, you know, it would hypercharge it. It'd be like a supercharger for, you know, getting people on there. Yeah.

Because people are home. I think maybe part of it is people want to be back outside together. After being stuck at home, people really have this burst to go outside. But the crazy thing is, like, people might be working in the metaverse. Like, the guy who runs that comedy club, Soapstone, he has, I think he said, 20 or 30 employees, like, paid employees. That's so trippy. That manage the club, manage everything, just like it's a real comedy club.

They sell tickets for real money like it's it's bizarre and then he was telling me he's like oh yeah the metaverse is like it's like there's going to be real estate agents selling real estate just like you're selling real estate in real life but it's in the metaverse it's that's that's crazy trippy yeah and you think do you do you see it you see it happening yeah i could see it happening and mainly i think i want to see it happening just because i don't want to be the old guy that goes uh oh that's a that's not gonna work and then it does work and you're like well i was wrong yeah because i've done that a few times where i'm like that that's that's not gonna work at all and they

like oh that's the biggest thing on the planet that's trippy so like eventually will he like employ security at the club he might have oh yeah they bounce people they bounce people i go what happens if we have like some lunatic who just runs on stage and does circles or whatever and he's like oh yeah we just there's a manager he just presses a button and that guy disappears so it's like it might be the best security of any comedy club because every other comedy club anyone can just run up it might be the best security of any comedy club. Because every other comedy club, anyone can just run up there and beat the crap out of us. But over there, I guess they can hit a button and you just go to jail or something. I don't know what you do.

It's really counterintuitive when you think about how little incidents happen at comedy clubs. Because if you put it on paper, you're going like, there's a guy going up there telling jokes, which some people don't take well. And sometimes someone can be the target of the joke, which is sometimes what happens. You would think there'd be more like comedians attacked. But it doesn't happen that often.

And you would think that we'd have better security besides some open mic-er who's working at the club or some guy who's working at the club who's clearly not in shape. You would think on paper that comedy clubs would be a place that you would need heavy security because on paper you're going like, this could really go wrong. But it almost

never does it's like the safety the safety level of safety at a comedy club with like compared to incidents is so good yeah but have you ever been to a comedy club where they have like security to a point where you're like oh this feels uncomfortable like what what's going on i did this club in kansas city it's a great club but they had a security guard like escort me from the green room to the merch table stood there next to me made sure no one killed me yeah and then took me back and he was a nice guy but i was like i'm not zielinski yeah i felt i'm like am i in danger like i didn't know what was going on so i guess that's good to have but that's how uncommon it is to have security that when you have security you're like did you get a threat yeah it stuck out your mind yeah

it made me uncomfortable i was at the philly punchline on new year's eve and uh they have they have a a um metal detector at the door and i was like oh shit philly shit go down here like that and the girl who was doing it was like, yeah. First of all, it was hilarious because the first night I went in the front, I just was like went in the front. And that's always the best when you go in and they're like, they stop you and they're like, tickets? And I'm like, I'm actually.

I'm actually working here. I always enjoy it. I don't get offended. I always enjoy it. I don't get offended. I think it's real funny. It's a good way to start. It gets me in the right place. Yeah, it humbles you. Yeah, you definitely don't come in big-headed.

The best is when you tell them, actually, I'm on the show, and then they look more disgusted with you. Because I've had that where, like, tickets, and you're like, I'm actually on the show. And then now they won't make eye contact, and you're like I'm actually on the show and then now they won't make eye contact and you're like

I guess we're here and then you just go in and you're like well we're starting from zero yeah I've had that a lot yeah and Philly

I mean you guys obviously know East Coast better than me but of all the cities I've performed in everyone's like oh be careful Boston's pretty edgy

like it's kind of scary and I was like every time I've been to boston people are nice you know new york watch out i'm like thankfully i've never had an experience people are pretty nice philly terrifies philly was the one city where like i went into like a hipster like uh coffee shop and the barista was a little edgy and uh but he was still dressed hipstery but he was just like yeah what do you want and i was like whoa yeah calm down a little want? And I was like, whoa. Yeah. Calm down a little. And Philly can be block to block. Oh, okay.

It's very funny. Philly's like block to block just as far as like street safety. I see. You're like, it's one of the most block to block places. Jacksonville's like that too, where like you're on one block and it's like the nicest block. Then you turn the corner and you're like, what the fuck? Same thing with Philly. You'll be like at the Ben Franklin gravesite and then you turn the corner and you're like, what the fuck? Same thing with Philly. You'll be like at the Ben Franklin gravesite.

And then you turn a corner and you're like, oh, my God. Made a mistake. Yeah. Zombies over here. Yeah. They got it bad. Yeah. It's block to block.

It's design. I don't know why that is. But those two cities stick out of my mind. It's like there's really the neighborhoods don't really matter. It's more the block. Other cities, you're like, all all right you're in a good neighborhood you got a little square footage to move around and feel okay philly you're like square footage it's unpredictable oh wow it's almost person to person philly always gets person to person you're like whoever passes you on the street you're like all right it's person to person

it can get scandalous yeah Yeah, it's a, but they, I kind of admire that they keep like the East Coast edge to them. They definitely have it. Boston and New York have it. I mean, and they've both been gentrified,

right? Because they became, the cities became expensive, especially pre-pandemic. Like, you know, it was interesting how it worked, right?

It was like all the parents moved out to the suburbs and the kids were like, I don't want to work at Panera Bread. This sucks. And they all moved back in. Yeah. And it was like an era of like a real boom in arts. And,

you know, so all these kids, we have like a surplus of liberal arts majors because we're lazy. Let's just be honest. An American B is an Asian A, right? Yeah. You come up with a B, your parents are like, good job. What'd you get honest. An American B is an Asian A. Right? Yeah. You come with a B, your parents are like, good job.

What did you get a B in? You're like, English. The language you learned it for. Good job. You come with a fucking B in an Asian or South Asian household, they're like, go sleep outside. So, you know, we're comfortable. So all those kids wanted to be comics and writers and actors,

and they all moved back to all these cities. And then COVID, it's funny. They kind of left again a little bit. Like it's kind of, I don't know. Where are they now? Are they back?

I think they're still coming back just because I've been apartment hunting in New York. And it seems like there's a good amount of competition or maybe it's always been that way. New York. It's always been that way, but New York. Yeah. It seems like the rental market is as strong as it's always been that way no new york it's always been that way but new york yeah it seems like the rental market is yeah it's as strong as it's ever been

or hard depending on which side of it you're on i didn't know they had like an auction system like we were looking at apartments in the summer and uh it was very competitive in this one unit they're like you made it to the final four and i was like okay that's that's pretty good you're like what happens does america vote yeah i know what happens now highest credit score wins like what are we doing here and he goes i think the rent started like it was listed at like 32 and he's like uh the rents he's like it's up to 36 50 what's your bid and i was like what like a bid yeah he's i'm like it's auction he goes yeah and he was like annoyed that I didn't know. He was like, yes, what's your bid? And I'm like, 37?

And he's like, okay. And then I get an email like an hour later. You didn't get it. It ended at 38.50. I'm like, why didn't you call me back? I had another 50 bucks in me. It was weird. And I'd never experienced that.

So maybe that's normal. And I was a first timer for that. New York is like that. Yeah. It's like, you know, everyone's trying to get in. It's a demand thing. I love the personality, though. We looked at a place yesterday and the realtor was like some, he's probably a guy in his 50s, grew up here his whole life.

And he spoke so fast that he made me feel dumb. Yeah. Yeah. Like I asked, no, my fiance asked, she's like, is there air conditioning and before she finished conditioning he goes no you buy that yourself you put it there there's a plug and i was like whoa like it was he was like almost mad but he wasn't he was like he's like smile i was like all right and uh and then at the end he goes it was nice to hang out with two people that are polite and he goes you guys might be too polite for the city hey you may not make it here yeah it was a little bit of like don't smile so much uh new yorkers you know yeah new yorkers can be arrogant they are honest it's a culture of honesty but

i have had that experience the two people who really illuminated it for me, like the New Yorkers are a little like, oh, yeah, was Tom Segura and Nate Bargatze. So I came up with Nate and I just talking to Nate. Sometimes I'd be like I'd find myself like shifting in my seat. Jesus Christ, man. Like finish the sentence, man. Like, you know, it's not that riveting what you're saying. So you should say it quick And then Tom Segura

We were talking about like New York comics And people from New York who are comics And I was Having a moment of self awareness Being like yeah I know we're kind of like And he goes like The way he said it made it click Yeah it's kind of like an assault

Oh man Take a breath You know made it click and he's like yeah it's kind of like an assault he's like oh man fucking take a breath you know I prefer get some beats yeah have a breath

I prefer it to I'm not talking comics just people I prefer it to people from LA because they just come off very phony and not genuine

and I'd rather have someone be gruff but honest as opposed to flowery and bullshit right but as far as talking to flowery and bullshit. But as far as talking to New York comics, very intimidating.

I worked Hilarity's the same weekend as Robert Kelly, and then the manager took us all out, and he's running the table. He's running, and I'm just like, I'll shut up. And there was one part of the conversation where I'm like, I think I could add something. And so I start talking, and I'm not even halfway done with my story, and he's like sucking on a chicken wing. He goes, hey, your story fell apart there, didn't it?

And like so quick. And I just went, and I looked at the dude that was featuring for me, my buddy, and I just went, I'm never talking again. And I just looked down and kept eating. And I know he didn't even, like I could tell he wasn't even trying to be mean. He wasn't even trying to be a dick to me. He was just being very honest. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think he likes you. Yeah, I think he likes you. He kind of does. And I was like, wow. And he wasn't wrong. My story did kind of fall apart. But, you know, there was still an end coming. But he's like, we don't have time for that.

We got to eat this Chinese food. And we got to listen to this guy from San Diego. Yeah, you know. Yeah, we don't have time for that. We gotta eat this Chinese food and we gotta listen to this guy from San Diego. Yeah. Yeah, that's Boston, New York, Philly. Those three places, I think,

in particular, have that in common. Kind of quick, kind of aggressive, kind of honest. And yeah, there's something to be said, though,

about the Midwestern cadence, culture, politeness. It's nice. It's nice. It nice it's nice and you know yeah not everything needs to be a goddamn machine gun assault no but i but i i'm a fan of it like all my favorite comics growing up i didn't know it at the time but they were all east coast

guys like that was the style i like like man that's so quick and sharp and fast and i'm like i dig that so yeah that's why that's why i want to live out here i want to be amongst it so you're thinking about moving here? Yeah, I'd like to. New York's the comedy city, and I've lived in L.A., and it wasn't my favorite. It's very different from San Diego, even though it's super close. What's most recently?

Were you in L.A. most recently? No, no. I went to L.A. too soon. After doing stand-up for a year, I moved up there, and I lived there for two or three years, and just open mics and didn't get better. And then thankfully I lost my job and had to move back home, um, to San Diego, to San Diego and then a bunch of clubs open. So I got a lot of stage time and I started to like, Oh shit, I'm getting good. And, uh, um, so that helped, but yeah, I don't want to move back to LA. Like I didn't have a great experience there.

Most of, a lot of my friends live there now, so that would be nice. But just the. So you're in San Diego now. Yeah, San Diego now. And I kind of like. And you do the road and. I do the road. A lot of Midwest stuff.

Yeah. Yeah. Like I have a, I have management, the guy who reached out to you, but all the bookings and stuff I do myself, like my fiance really helped. We, we do independent venues. So if a comedy club will give me a good door deal, I'll do that. Like I said, we both did side splitters in Tampa. That's been going well. But if a club doesn't book me, I'll just book the independent theater that seats like 150 or 200 and I'll pack that out. Very good. And then we keep the entire door and I'm like, I don't even think a comedy club could match this door deal of a hundred percent no you're right yeah so like there's

this one in denver the bug theater i love it seats 160 we did two shows sold them both out kept the door i think the rent was like 500 bucks and i was like i would love to work comedy works but i don't think they could pay me this much. And you're right. Yeah. So that's what we spent all of last year doing, is setting up these independent shows and doing all this stuff, and I love it. It's kind of like this,

I really admire guys like Doug Stanhope and Kyle Kinane, who just do their great comics, but they go their own path. They have their fan base. They have their fan base, they find the offbeat venues. And they don't care if they're at a bar or at a coffee shop or a small independent theater or whatever. They'll work them all. And I'm like, I admire that.

Yeah, and those guys are two of the best comics, Kyle Kinane and Stan Hope. Stan Hope, to me, Kyle Kinane, also great. I mean, one of the best. But Stan Hope's Stan Hope, to me, you know, Kyle Kinane, also great. I mean, one of the best. But Stan Hope's one of the legends. And it's like, if you get a chance, go see him before he goes kaputsky. I mean, and hopefully you catch a good night.

Because I swear to God, I mean, still, I saw him a lot. Especially, I think we went a couple times. And we caught him on a bad night once. Yeah, he didn't get his mix right. Yeah, he get his it again whatever he was on right and it's just not that great but when it's when he's got whatever drinks he's whatever he's doing if the mix is right it's just the he's the best comic he's the best comic i've ever seen when it when it's going good like him and a few other guys you know obviously when you get to that level it's all

the same. It's just different. But Stan Hope is just, and yeah, he does that. He gets his venues and he does offbeat stuff. So you've built your kind of following online. I mean, you got your YouTube videos doing great.

Your Instagram is doing great. And that's just so conducive for this era, you know? And it's going to continue to go up, man. You're so funny. And you got to check.'s going to continue to go up, man. You're so funny. And you got to check. You got to check Zoltan out, man. Go to his website, zoltancomedy.com.

That's it. That's it. You got to definitely follow him on the gram. That's the best way. Yeah, give me a follow. It's all Zoltan Comedy, whatever the social media is. Check that out. Tour schedule's on the website.

Welcome. I hope you move to New York, man it'll be great you'll you'll do great here i texted chris already and you know at the stand and uh you're just you're a you're a beast of a comic i mean i watched a lot of the clips they're all good i mean the stand-up is good and it's just so nice now with so much shit going around you see a guy who's just like you know when you go see him live, when you buy a ticket, you're going to really enjoy the show. And you do wear clean. Yeah. I love that, dude. I can't do it.

I'll admit it. I mean, it's like if you see a guy who can wear clean, there is a chance he may be doing something dark on the other side, as we found out. And that's why he's clean. But also not. It could be a chance, no. But I think it takes more skill. I think it's something that, like, you watch somebody and they wear clean.

And it's great because everyone can come and enjoy it. Not everyone is going to enjoy it, come and see me, and that's just how it goes. But everyone will enjoy going to your show. Jesus, man, thank you. So bring your fucking grandma. Bring your dog. Yeah, bring your dog. Yeah, you see Nate Bargatze's tickets. And he knew, man. Thank you. So bring your fucking grandma. Bring your dog. Yeah, bring your dog.

Yeah. You see Nate Bargat's these tickets. And he knew, dude. I came up with Nate. And he just knew. He knew. He's like,

y'all get to New York. I get everybody. I get Nateland. I came up with the, his podcast name is Nateland. You did. I came up with that. Oh, that's cool.

Yeah, Nateland. And because I said, I said a joke once. I was like, dude, everywhere I go, it's just Nateland. They all look like you. And he's like, yeah, man. It was like, we're everywhere. He gets the majority of the country.

And he's also one of those guys where people watch him, and they don't realize until the end. They're like, oh, yeah, that was all clean. Yeah, because it was just all funny. So funny. Yeah. He's just a guy, you you know he's a special guy who can just sit back in the pocket and make you come to his world and uh he's also a guy you know he gets everybody i've seen him make everybody laugh

you know my crowd whatever who's ever crowd it is yeah he's gonna get him because he's just naturally like just funny oh he's just naturally funny. Just a killer. He's just a killer. And you just get into a slow cadence and rhythm, and you're just pulled in, and you're laughing your ass off, and you have a great time. And yeah, so it just shows a high level of skill when somebody can work clean and be funny. So you're one of those guys, man.

Thanks, man. And yeah, you got to just follow him on the gram. That's the best best place to start and then go check out the shows and uh thanks for doing this dude thanks so much for having me and tell your mom thanks for the words of wisdom little little nuggets she'll love that she loves anytime i talk about her yeah thanks brother thank you man thank you guys shout out to brooklyncannery.com 15 off your next order of these prebiotic healthy sodas, 20 calories, 30 calories, 40 calories, no artificial sweeteners, and they're also good for your gut. They also taste delicious. This is one of those things that I use. I buy, did I use my own promo code? I did, but I like to support them, so I bought cases to my house a few times my my fridge is

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