Yannis Pappas Hour - Rick Glassman is A Lot

Episode Date: September 10, 2022

The hilarious comedian, podcaster and actor Rick Glassman stops by and turns the tables on Yanni and gives him a long day. This one dips into real and play and goes all over the place. Turn off your GPS and go for the ride cause this has no destination other than pure wild! This weeks bonus episode: https://www.patreon.com/posts/71723487?utm_campaign=postshare_creatorSponsors Mud water https://mudwtr.com/?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=rss-feed&utm_campaign=longdaysDraft kings https://www.draftkings.comIf you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/LA/MI/NJ/PA/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/NH), 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), call/text TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA).21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/LA(select parishes)/MI/NH/NJ/ NY/OR/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. New customer offer void in NH/OR/ONT-CA. $200 in Free bets: New customers only. Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 wager. $200 issued as eight (8) $25 free bets. Ends 9/19/22 @ 8pm. Early Win: 1 Early Win Token issued per eligible game. Opt in req. Token expires at start of eligible game. Min moneyline bet $1. Wagering limits apply. Wagers placed on both sides of moneyline will void bet. Ends 1/8/23 @ 8pm ET. See terms at sportsbook dot draftkings dot com slash football terms. Free bets: New customers only. Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 wager. $200 issued as eight (8) $25 free bets. Ends 9/19/22 @ 8pm. Early Win: 1 Early Win Token issued per eligible game. Opt in req. Token expires at start of eligible game. Min moneyline bet $1. Wagering limits apply. Wagers placed on both sides of moneyline will void bet. Ends 1/8/23 @ 8pm ET. See terms at sportsbook dot draftkings dot com slash football terms. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Down as poppers, yeah When you all talked up in the day been long And the news online going on and on What's lying wrong and there's something up Now here comes a great kid you know you can trust From the true who's who To the news and cameras To the fake politics

And the propaganda Get his kids screwed in Got a lot to say Ah shit, it's about to be a long day It's a long day It's a long day. It's a long day. It's a long day coming. It's a long day. Oh, they're going to love you.

Who doesn't like you? Everyone likes you. I don't know. Claim to be a great basketball player. I haven't seen any evidence of it. I don't claim to be anything. I would talk about my skills. Yeah?

Did you play college ball? I played in college, yeah. What college? Kent State. You played at Kent State? I played at Kent State. Really? Mm-hmm.

Did you go there because you were trying to do it because you were thinking about maybe I'll do the sequel to what happened there? Remember what happened there? I don't remember it. I know of it. Yeah. Well, there was a guy who went up to the watchtower and he plucked a couple people off. That's not what happened. Something like that happened.

No, it was the National Guard. Are we going? Is this really the start? Yeah. Also, by the way, I played at Kent, but I played on the rec team, and I won the championships. Well, then you're not... I played with Division I basketball players. So did I.

I played with professional basketball players. Where and when? All the time, always. WNBA and NBA. I have. You have, really? Yeah. But that's not why I'm here.

So what are you doing to get Brittany Grunner back right now? I tell you what you can do. You can text Putin and he'll release her after he takes your breakfast order. I got a question. What do you think in a russian prison they'll give people a straw with their coffee probably yeah i forgot the straw but you know what i didn't know mariah carey was my guest today oh we're just redoing jokes that we did of course i've been killing for 20 minutes i'm not going to repeat it well why would you let them know that i said

that already you ruined it that was a good joke because they don't know i've been up since 11 or yeah i've been up since 11 a.m very early texting with this gentleman who has been making the most specific demands about his breakfast that it drove me crazy and i wanted to ask you has anyone ever told you you have to become a star first before you become a diva or can i tell you to do you now? I'm not going to argue. I have a I have I've been having some serious stomach issues and Jewish stuff. Yes. Yeah. Um, I made a very dark joke when you went to the bathroom. Can I say it?

Yeah, I don't know what it is. But you think I'm anti-Semitic. I'm not. I don't think you're anti-Semitic. I just think you're ignorant. Well, that's true. There's no argument there. You don't turn your phone.

You talk about professionalism about a straw, but you didn't even turn your phone on. I just put it on vibrate. Okay, we're doing a show here. You're arguing for comedy purposes because you're pushing me away. I would love to push you away. I'd like to push you right away.

I got the Uber at 911. I've dialed 911. I'm treating you like a woman walking home at night right now a woman walking home at night i should have had another coffee a woman walking home at night alone i i could already tell this is um i'm not in it with you we're we should do this another time you want well you know you're a hard time you're a hard guy to connect to because of like um because you're such because of your situation that I didn't know about. You completely ambushed me with your podcast without letting me know.

Then you know what? That you're autistic. Why do I have to let you know that? I didn't ambush you. We didn't talk about it at all on the podcast. Yeah, but I would like to know that I'm dealing with someone who doesn't know if I'm joking or not necessarily, which is fun when we're texting because I think you think that I'm mad at you. I know when you're, I don't think you're that I'm mad at you. I know when you're,

I don't think you're mad. I just told you, I just think you're ignorant. Yeah. In what way? Prove it. Hold on. Ask me a question.

It's my mom. Hello? Put it on speaker. I'm on a podcast right now. Is this appropriate? I just need to know, is it BetterHelp or BetterHealth? Oh, understand.

Yeah. If you go to BetterHelp, BetterHealth? Oh, understand. Yeah. If you go to BetterHelp, that's H-E-L-P dot com slash TISO to get 10% off your first month. You know, a lot of times people have a hard time. You're welcome. Keep going. Tell her to her. Yeah. So a lot of, everybody needs somebody to talk to.

If you break a bone, you go to a doctor, right? Well, if you have a part-time mentally, you should see a professional. And what's great about BetterHelp is they match you with a clinical licensed therapist with under 48 hours. No need to chat on the phone if you don't want. You could do video sessions. You could text. It really doesn't matter.

Wow, honey, that was a great ad. Yeah, he just threw it on my podcast. What's that, Ma? He sold her. She's going in. She's doing it right now. BetterHelp.com. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com slash Tiso for 10% off your first month.

I mean, you see how smooth that is? All right. Love you. Bye. Yeah. You planned that with her, didn't you? No. You planned that with her, didn't you?

You planned it. I'm not a liar. And you're going to have more people use your promo code, and now you're using my audience to sell your promo code to make your ad look better and that's how you people run the world i know when you i think i know when you're joking and you also mentioned the weather today you said it was hot outside i went outside it was in the 70s but that's because you hadn't turned down the nile yet turned down the nile turned down the dial on the weather.

I'm just starting with a bunch of anti-Semitic tropes. Weather. Do you always shower right before a podcast? Do you not dry your hair ever? I dry it in a hat. Can we zoom in on this, please? Yeah. Can we see what the temperature says?

Could you read it? Well well why don't we just say it i mean you're being cumbersome it's 85 degrees it's 85 degrees is that hot for you it's it's when i'm wearing pants because i'm like showing up to an event so i'm putting on pants i'm not gonna schlep in 85 degrees to go pick up a coffee why not i'd rather just order it why not it's summer why would you because i don't want to do the podcast sweating. Why does it have to be a schlep? Why can't it be an enjoyable walk? 85 degrees in places.

Makes it a schlep? Yeah. What degree makes it not a schlep? 77 or below. 77 or below. And what minute away walk makes it doable? If it's under 77 degrees, under 77 degrees i'll walk i'll walk 20 minutes has anyone ever told you that you're a little much yeah you told me that everything

you said on this podcast you've already it was a rhetorical question you weren't supposed to answer you're supposed to just stare at me i know how to make myself look better and i and this isn't the podcast for it so here it is all right here it is listen man I like you I like you I really do I think you're funny I think you're combative I think it's why you get I think it's what a mess that you're in all the time yeah I think it's fun to be combative I know you know what else is fun yeah wrestling and pushing people around but sometimes you're on the court and sometimes you're not I schlepped here from manhattan staying in the peninsula and uh i upgraded to a suite and i wanted a coffee and just a protein that was gluten-free yeah you know you know it's not

normal when you request when you request when you request a breakfast okay and let's just move on man because this isn't where we shine we shine shine loving each other. No, we shine. Listen, you know it's normal. You know it's not normal. So sit over there. Why am I doing this? When you request a breakfast, sorry, I have a snoozing. What's not normal is saying, get me a protein. I didn't say get me.

You said get me a protein. No, no. You don't give me the category of nutrition. I said I'll order something. And you kept saying you'll pick something up. So I just said, do they have a protein or something gluten-free? I felt like I was getting

breakfast from my wife. I had to take pictures of the place to show you what they have. You're right. Listen. Yeah. And I did,

didn't I acknowledge it? You did acknowledge it. And I apologize. I did say, I get it. If you don't want me to come, I totally get it. I'm having some stomach issues.

But by that point, you were on the Uber. I couldn't stop you. Yeah. Yeah. But also, then you saw the- But not perfect. You saw the picture of the oatmeal, and you said, I'll take it.

But then you go, wait. Ask him if it's gluten-free. So then I had the guy who worked there pick up the box of oatmeal and read it to find out if it- Oh, wow. You had him pick- Wait a minute. He had to pick up the box?

Because it's a schlep to pick up a box. It's a schlep in 85-degree weather. If it was 77, I would to pick up the box? Because it's a schlep to pick up a box. It's a schlep in 85 degree weather. If it was 77, I would have picked up the box. If it was 77 degrees, I would have picked up the box. Are you texting your mother right now to have her do another ad read? I didn't text my mom. What do they add to it? Or do I add the water at your place?

It's just dry oatmeal with no hot water. You're not making yourself look good by reading your texts. I'm not trying to make myself look good. I'm just trying to put the facts out there. I don't think I'm looking good. You look great. Thank you. You look great.

Here's the deal. You did say to me, I said, we can go get breakfast, which I would have enjoyed having breakfast with you. And why don't you tell them how I fucked up with the yogurt? I fucked up with the yogurt. It's a parfait. It's a dessert. First of all, there's so much sugar in it.

There's granola, which I told you I would have gotten the granola at my hotel, the Peninsula. But it wasn't gluten-free. Now I'm eating it. Right. It's delicious. Right. But who cares?

You're just not sure about what's going to happen. I literally took an, what are they called? Not a diuretic. Although I did take that too. I took something last night. Like something to block you up? To block me up? No, I've been blocked up.

To solidify you? No, to get a poop out. I took a. X-lax? Shout out to Deuce-a-lex. Indian food? Laxative. Oh, okay.

Is this? It was a joke. You ever bowl? Do Indian food? Laxative. Oh, okay. Is this? It was a joke. You ever bowl? Do I bowl? Yeah. Yeah. Not for a long time, though, because I'm a normal guy. Okay.

Bowling's like what you do in the suburbs or whatever. You guys go bowling. Yeah, I used to bowl a lot. Yeah, we smoked weed on park benches. Nice. Yeah. Well, I'm a good bowler. I used to be, at least.

Can we get a picture of your fucking acoustics? Take a snap for it. Yeah. He has on his ceiling, which covers, there's five panels, which covers, I mean, realistically, this covers probably 4% of the ceiling, right? Was that about fair? Yeah, 2% to 4%. And 20% of the panels are falling off.

And it's not even where we are. No. It's over there. Well, I record the episodes I care about over there. Right. Right. So when I bowl, I used to be real good. Do you have special needs kids when you go out?

Do you do some side work with them? I think everybody has special needs. And to categorize... My brother has special needs. I'm saying as a bowler. Right. Some people need bumpers. Some people need resin bags.

Right. What kind of bowler are you? You know, adults usually golf. And they say, well, you know, what do you golf? Oh, I mean, I haven't bowled in a while. But mean i was i was in the 200s consistently you bring your own shoes i have my own dexter shoes and ball yeah you're the type you're one of those who shows up with his own shoes yeah and and i i'm not embarrassed but i do feel it's a little ridiculous because it's a wheelie bag yeah but the thing that you pull up doesn't go high enough so you have to

kind of go down to it but i don't like wearing other people's shoes anyway. That's why I'm not empathetic. That's why I knew, yeah, I knew you had your own shoes. Did the not empathetic joke work, or did you just want to step on it? Did you understand what I meant? Yeah, I did step on it. Can you say it again, because I missed it.

Right, that probably happens a lot. Well, you have a problem. Sometimes you've got to inflect on the punchline. You don't inflect, and therefore... I literally winked and pointed at the lens. Yeah, but you know, I don't go for that physical comedy.

I'm more of a cerebral guy. Right. With a nice little inflection. You missed a little inflection there. That was a little flat. Can you say the joke again? Let me see. I'll rate it.

I don't like to wear other people's shoes. Yeah? That's why people think I'm not empathetic. Now I get it. Now that it's... What does it mean to you?

I don't know. Right, so why don't you just say that? It means walking in another person's footsteps. Oh, God. So it was actually a smart joke that I missed. Yeah, well, no one claimed you were cerebral. Arch, let's say nobody claimed you were cerebral. Rewind the tape.

Could you guys hear okay with the acoustics yeah yeah I see off camera you have your ex-girlfriend on the wall yeah that's right history hyenas

I guess he let you keep the shout out to Ted Ted Munn's mosaic he took one sign I took the other yeah he took the one that said Chrissy Chaos

he took the one of the two of you that's like getting a divorce and she took the kids, and you took your football helmet from high school. It was like a divorce. Yeah, it was like a divorce.

He got the kids. He got the producers. He took the cuties with smoothies signed. Do you think that's because he has an energy that is less combative and more physical? Speak on that. I'm going to have my dessert. I can't speak for him. I can only speak. He can't speak for him.

I can only speak... He can't speak for him. I did this podcast yesterday. Duly noted. And the entire time, I'm like, he looks everywhere but... Right, that's because he was uninterested. No, it's because he has ADD. Yeah.

He's not uninterested. You're uninterested. And uninteresting. No, I'm very interested. I'm very interested and I'm very uninteresting. No, it's because he has ADD. He's not uninterested. You're uninterested. And uninteresting. No, I'm very interested. I'm very interested and I'm very uninteresting. So you were... I'll give you a 50% on that test. 50% on that test. We have a good time, you and I. You didn't finish the bowling thing.

The fans really got excited. So when I would bowl and if I don't get... So you don't bowl anymore. I'm not against it. I just haven't. So then why'd you bring it up? It's better be a good story if it's coming from the past. It's just a little anecdote that you keep interrupting. All right, let's hear it.

It's not that big of a thing. Well, the pressure's on. Why? Because I said I was going to review it. Okay, well, it's just a little analogy. Okay, well, bring it. When I bowl, and if I don't get a strike on the first roll, then it's like, I'm going to just do nine more frames.

This isn't perfect. Right. I feel that way about this podcast. I feel like we're in the third frame. We have no marks. And it's like, I guess we'll just finish it and then play another game. But can't we just start over? It's the first and only time there will be a bowling analogy on this podcast.

And I'm very appreciative of it. Because maybe that's what was missing. You know what I think the world needs? Some more of your racist hack bullshit. Why don't you put that on while I go hopefully take a dump when this coffee hits. This is what you call a million dollars. A lot of people ate off that wig. Yeah?

Yeah. Kind of looks like you're wearing the wig now. And you dyed it. I mean, his hair is almost like the Marisa wig. It looks good. Yeah, but I know it's kind of curly like that. So I'll let you take the lead. How does this work?

Tell me what you want to talk about. Are you mic'd up when you laugh? Yeah. Okay, that's going to make me more likable. Yeah. No, you're very likable. You're very, very likable. You're definitely very likable you're very very likable you're definitely very likable you're a likable guy i would say that's one of the strong suits i i wouldn't go the code out with your speech today it's it's a common thing

on the podcast people know about it i just it wasn't like that when you visited me are you i was calmer yeah i was calmer because you're on somebody else's podcast well i didn't have to schlep and get breakfast when i did that i had the coffee brought to me and I'm not but I but I took you out to for a meal I took me on afterwards. Yeah. Yeah, not before so I was calm before afterwards It was like, you know, that was nice and you paid that was very nice of course And it was a good place. Yeah, and I really appreciated it and we had a good time. We did people love that episode Yeah, that's why I was like a little cautious of the sequel because i'm like sometimes when there's a hit we should just leave it so we should have

never talked again so what you're talking about is you're talking about is controlling other people's perception of you right that's fair right people they are, I took a, I bowled. Yeah. I got a strike. Yeah. Everyone thinks I'm great. Why bowl again? Right. The reality is what was so great about it wasn't that you're so special. Right. Or that I'm so special, which I am. Right. It's that we captured a moment of two people meeting for the first time. Right connect you should not continue their friendship it's a joke that was just a joke i know yeah did you we should have told each other what we were wearing we were both wearing white um it's one of my one of one of the most positively received episodes of my podcast is the one with i know megan trainer why do we look like we're doing this podcast with Megan Trainor.

Why do we look like we're doing this podcast at Wimbledon right now? I don't get this setup. You have three cameras. We could be... When people are... This is where I want to look. Yeah, but this is not your podcast.

No, no, no. You're a guest. No, no, it isn't. Yeah. But why... I mean, does your neck constantly hurt? From what? Having to sleep on your neck constantly hurt? From what?

Having to sleep on your fucking stomach while you're talking to people. I'm not sleeping on my stomach. I'm looking at you. You know what the problem is? What? How's the focus? Is this okay? Yeah.

Do you see how, as an actor, I know to make sure that I'm... Yeah. You've definitely done more acting work than I have. Yeah. What do you prefer? I've done more acting work since I walked in. See, my camera should be right here. Yeah. Can we move it? No, we can't move it, Amy Schumer. Why?

Because we can't. Can we move you? No, we're in the middle. You look great. You're fine. I'm just saying I'm looking at you. We're just getting this. Yeah, but this is actually something people will see, so it doesn't matter anymore. What do you mean they will see?

When you watch TV, they put all that money into the production. Money? You just move the camera eight feet. Yeah. Under the acoustics. Yeah, there's a union saying that guy has to work a certain hour. I'm just being playful. I mean, I mean it, but I'm being playful.

You go ahead. You take charge. What do you got some? Do you have some like segments on here? We're here to talk about races or something. No, no, no. We're here to talk about bowling. Okay.

Yeah. We're here to talk about bowling, man. I used to bowl all the time. Yeah. And what happened? What got you off of bowling? When I moved to California, I just didn't bowl as much. I kept the ball in my trunk for years, and it was just weighing it down.

And I still have my ball. I don't keep it in my trunk anymore. Because I'd always think, what if I want to go bowling? I don't want to have to go home. Okay, this is not working for me, the bowling thing. I told you we should talk about it. Yeah, we should not talk about bowling. Let's talk more about the hack stuff. Sure.

Season two of Hacks just dropped on hbo yeah um good show good good good group of writers what's hacks it's a show yeah is there a show called hacks yeah are you on it no i know a lot of people on it to stop bragging great yeah great art and great work and i'm just so proud of them all and And for your Emmy consideration, check it out. What's your situation now? Has no idea how to interview people. Yeah. I mean, what do you...

Believe it or not, this usually goes very well. I believe it. Yeah, it usually goes very well. All right, let's do it. Let's start over. You don't have to restart. Let's start again. Let's start it again.

Guys, by the way, this is Rick Glassman. Because we kind of started this as... Start over as yeah well we started it kind of like the way you start yours but the problem is a lot of people don't know who you are started the way i start mine if we started the way i start mine we would have saw so much funny stuff in the first no if we started it the way you started yours i would have had to take a shower before i got there and put on a hazmat suit and also been raped with production. I had no idea you were filming. That is actually borderline illegal.

I'm here to serve you with papers. You can't start filming and not let people know you're filming. I told him outside when I picked, I met him outside. I said, hey, I just want you to know I'm in producer mode right now. You're talking to producer Rick. Right. I don't want to talk to you much now because we're meeting. I want to meet for the first time on camera.

We're recording when we walk in. I'm going to ask you to take your shoes off, wash your hands. Once we start a couple minutes in, it'll be fun. Did you have a good time? I had a great time. Are you happy you did it? Happy? I can take it down.

No, happy is a strong word. I saw your subscribers. The week it came out, your subscribers went up 700. On average, you go up 80 a week. That week, 700. You pay attention like that, huh? If you're paying attention to my numbers, how come your numbers, they're good, but they're not amazing? I have 8,000 subscribers that I got within the past seven days.

You're moving. What podcast did you do that brought you those? I started posting some reels that are doing really well. Nice. the past seven days you're moving what pockets did you do that brought you those my I posted I started posting some reels that are doing really well nice I have this video that that came out five years ago and I posted it again of my family it's like a minute clip that just fucking goes mental whenever I post it yeah millions and millions on every platform it's so funny how fast it goes I never posted it on YouTube reels and I did and it's like in like 10 days it's got almost 4 million views,

and it really, like, more subscribers than any of my podcast shit. See, that's what you gotta do. You have to dedicate yourself to the internet. Here's the thing. Because you're a talented guy. You're a talented guy. Thank you so much.

Yeah. Seriously, I really appreciate that. You're a talented guy. Do they know that I'm also, I'm like actually a dramatic actor? I mean, I'm a comedian, but I'm a dramatic actor. Not too many people cross over before they make it I mean what what have you been in that was uh you know that people saw well I mean you could uh most recently um

critically and I mean I say critically acclaimed people think that it doesn't do well if you put look up as we see it go to uh Rotten Tomatoes, would you? Yeah. On Amazon Prime. I think it's probably 88%. It's not bad, right? As we see it. Maybe it's a little higher. Maybe it's 91%. It can't be 94%.

What did the people say about it, though? The people probably said 30%. They probably didn't like it. As we see it. Now, tell us about as we see it. What is it? It's really fucking up my timing here. Because it's a lot higher. As we see it. Now, tell us about as we see it. What is it? It's really fucking up my timing here.

Because it's a lot higher. As we see it. Maybe it's just movies. Just Google as we see it, Rotten Tomatoes. I've just seen Sharknado. Yeah. You can see me on Sharknado. Sharknado. Yeah.

Sharknado. Not a lot of people know what Sharknado is. A lot of people think it's a tornado made out of sharks. Look at Rick Glassman in Sharknado. Right there.nado. Not a lot of people know what Sharknado is. A lot of people think it's a tornado made out of sharks. Look at Rick Glassman in Sharknado. Right there, you're the second on the cast. Technically first on the call sheet. What was it? Wait, wait, wait.

Where the fuck is the Rotten Tomatoes? Look. As we see it, you got to type in Rotten Tomatoes. How is it working with Chris Pang? Oh my gosh, a pleasure beyond belief. There we go. Rotten Tomatoes. Read that out loud, would you?

Oh, wow. That is high. Yeah. Read it out loud for the people that don't know. Yeah. Well, where's my glasses? I should have put them on. So the tomato meter is 90% and the audience score is 98.

Look at this. Wait a second. And look at how many people rated it. 30 and 57. Of Rotten Tomatoes. It's huge. You have to be... That's a good amount.

Yeah, it's huge. Because you have to be a licensed... Yeah, that's a lot of people right there. Are you being facetious? No. Do you not know that it only takes accredited things? I'm letting the people decide whether it's facetious or not. I'm that it only takes accredited things? I'm letting the people decide whether it's facetious or not. I'm not going to, I'm not, I'm more subtle. 30, 30, uh, from 30,

30 ratings, 30 critics voting is a good amount. Wow. Yeah. That's like a restaurant that just opens up on Grubhub. Finally, finally got a chocolate. Yeah, finally. 23 minutes. Yeah. See, the thing about you is our interactions are pretty real I think it's real everything that we do is real. The problem is you're an LA guy. I'm a New York I'm is a speech suburban kids Who otherwise never give two squirts of piss until I created so much motherfucking turbulence Now what you wrote that is it not offensive what you're doing? Is it not hacky what you're doing?

Culturally appropriating another group's art form to make a joke? Can I tell you something that I have been doing for a while, but I've become more aware of it that has really calmed me down in life? Uh-huh. I don't tell other people how they feel about me. Right. I'll tell you what. If you ask, I'll tell you how I feel about me.

How do you feel about you? I love myself. You do? I love myself. Yeah. I'm a good guy. Yeah. And if I've offended somebody,

chances are they just didn't get it. Yeah. But if there's something that I could learn, I'll listen. Yeah. At least, I'll listen. Yeah least. I'll listen. Yeah.

All right. Yeah. But at the end of the day, I got a family to feed. Yeah. And if I have to rap, if I have to cap, if I have to put on no snaps,

if I have to dab the dabs and lick the taps and baby, I'm going to come around and get in a nap. Will you put a beat for me real quick? We'll put it in post. We'll put it in a nap. Will you put a beat for me real quick? We'll put it in post.

We'll put it in post. How many BPMs? You want to do? I do it like this. When I was 17 That was good We had a good time Thanks for having me man You're good How'd you get that scar

Between your eyes How'd you get that scar Softball Softball Our teammate and I Ran into each other It's kind of a metaphor It's a metaphor for

For right aways What was her name That's funny Because you're implying That women play softball and men play baseball. I'm not implying it. I'm stating what is. Well, you didn't state it.

You implied it. Yeah. Well, show me a male softball game. Google male softball. Yeah. You didn't play softball. You want to play baseball? I have those balls flying at my fucking face.

I feel like Cher. You know what I'm talking about? I'm talking about tennis. Would you like a water? Will you come over here? Will you guys switch for a second? Let's just see what that's like. He won't get on.

He does not like camera. He does not like camera. Alien. He does not like camera. It's a very rare thing. I know in the city you're from, if you had a producer, which you don't, he would fly onto this and this would be his shot.

But this guy's actually a real person who doesn't care about being on camera. Obviously, he does care about being on camera or he would. Will you just admit that L.A.'s a shitty town that has pedophilia happening in every single basement? Will you just admit it? I went to your house. I heard some murmured cries from the basement.

Let me hear what those sound like. Let me hear what those sound like. That's my puppy. Oh, all right. That's my mistake. See, you can't walk into a situation with preconceived notions. You can. You can, but...

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See show notes for details. I think you're brilliant. I really think that you're comedically gifted. I really enjoy you. Do you think that most people that you have on here are comedically gifted? No. Then why do you have them on? You just need guests? It depends on how big they are.

You're more of what I personally like. Who don't you? I'm not going to name names. That's rude. But here's what's here's what's weird i haven't had anyone on who i i i have not had anyone on who i don't think is funny but when you said you won't let a name name that's because there are there are people that are maybe yeah so i have a question why do you have them on not not i haven't had anyone on who i don't like or think is funny because i was was just saying. But there are people out there who I would probably have on

who I don't think are that funny if they're pretty big. Yeah, there's a superficial side to the podcasting that does exist, which is you have to... I would say to the business. Maybe. It depends if you're beholden to advertisers. I think that's a completely different sport. Because if you're not, like if people are doing their own stuff,

like if you're posting sketches and this bullshit on social media or whatever. Hey, you know what it is about this bullshit? You know who the fan base is? Yeah. Who?

Tell me. Bar right. Do you know who loves this the most? I don't. Latins, gays, women What's the difference? They're all the same They're human beings And that's what I want to talk to you guys about

We're all the same See, I think what you're doing I think what you're doing subconsciously I know it's a joke, but I think what you're doing Is sort of What kind of the infection is Now in our Culture, in our culture in our you don't even know what you're saying what I'm saying look at your mouth I

close it for a second you're doing is you're on the outside and you look at this and you say what he's doing is offensive I I don't I'm not offended is hacky but the people who love this are working class, real people from that ethnicity. They find it funny. So if you think this is bad, you got to take it up with them. Why are you trying to steal their joy?

I didn't say it was bad. You're trying to steal their joy. I just listened to him. You're trying to steal their joy. I don't think it's bad from hollywood i just don't i just i just find it i find it to be talented it's someone with talent to do that that's what here's what it is here's what it is it's why can't you just say it's talent it's surface it's talent it's surface because if you take character work you take away the shock value

of it yeah there is no substance. It's a silly voice with a silly weight. That is not true. Then let me hear, put this on, and without any shocking stuff, let me hear something that's funny. You're asked for it. Yeah, and I'm open to it.

Have you seen the videos? Yeah, I put it on our episode and I had to trim around it. Oh boy, that wig is in trouble. I put it on our episode and I had to trim around it. Oh, boy. That wig is in trouble. That's it. Welcome to this podcast. Now there's at least one person with charisma on here.

How you doing, Mr. Hollywood? So what's going on? Talk to me. You in New York City. How you judging it? How you feel? What's going on? How many podcasts did you do to try what's going on? Talk to me. You in New York City. How you judging it? How you feel? What's going on? How many podcasts did you do to try to get more famous?

Talk to me. Did you plan what you're going to do? I don't want to be part of it. I want to be the audience. No, no, no. I'm interviewing. No, you here now. Now you talking to me.

You wouldn't know. So you're from the Midwest? I don't want to play this game. I don't want to play. Are you Jewish? What happened? You didn't become a dentist or a doctor? Why? Are you the stupid one in the family?

See, he's doing shock stuff. He's doing shock stuff. Just be... No, I'm talking to you. Listen, this is how real people talk. My name is Maurice. I'm from the Lower East Side of New York City. That's it. You know, to be honest with you, I didn't even know there was Jewish people outside of New York City. Right? Because when you grow up in New York City,

that's what you know. That's it. Because everything you have, every place else, we have it. So why travel? Why travel? Why leave? You know what I'm saying? People are like, go to Ohio. It's like, why? Why would I go to Ohio? We have everything here. Do you got Pakistani food in Ohio? Where you from?

Talk to me. I know you're uncomfortable because there's something ethnic happening here. But talk to me. Why are you quiet uncomfortable because there's something ethnic happening here but talk to me why are you quiet talk say something i don't want i don't want to be involved in this i know you scared for your career right now but it's okay you asked for it so we doing it i just i it's it feels like it's all a lie it's not because i can't have okay it's character that's it i'm all the world's a stage you read shakespeare you gotta be a stop it for a second you're not letting me talk at all that's aggressive i'm waiting for you to say something

when i was growing up i had a mennonite woman who was my babysitter. Do you know what Mennonites are? That's the former. That's like Amish light. That's like a Diet Coke of Amish. Maybe. Yeah, something like that. I get what you're saying. Or more like a Cherry Coke.

It's like a version of Coke. Yeah, but she was from El Salvador. She probably is still from El Salvador. Right. And she would babysit me all the time. My father managed multiple restaurants, was always gone. And my mom, you know, she worked and there was this woman and she would, and I remember she taught me when I take a shower, when I shampoo, I'm supposed to use my fingernails

because then it gets the dirt out from under your fingernails. And ever since then, I realized if you could get dirt in your fingernails, where else is the dirt and how do I have to clean it special? Because if I never shampooed with my fingernails, I wouldn't be able to clean my fingernails. I developed a sense of obsessive compulsive disorder that ravished my upbringing. I was scared to touch. I was scared to taste. I would be tapping everything. I was uncomfortable. And then I discovered comedy. What comedy did for me was it taught me a language, not only to communicate with other people, but how to articulate things to myself where I didn't have to be so scared.

And I worked hard at it. I worked hard at crafting this voice so I could go and I could live, I could survive. And then something amazing happened. I did a standup show and I got paid five dollars. I could get paid. Paid for this. So I made a decision. I was going to go to law school, like the joke that you made about the Jews. And I realized, why should I go argue other people's points when I do such a good job arguing my own? I worked hard, real hard. I washed my hands all the time people would say you fucking Jew cuck

you're not good enough do something funny you fucking miserable piece of shit fucking loser bitch I cried oh I cried your dad had a restaurant in Texas

and I built my way up to becoming a dramatic actor who gets Rotten Tomato ratings 30 of them to come on here And I built my way up to becoming a dramatic actor who gets Rotten Tomato ratings. 30 of them. To come on here. I want us to do something that is valuable.

This is very valuable. You're sitting down with someone who's more famous than you right now. That's it. You know who knows who I am? J-Lo, Mark Anthony. They know who I am. You know who else knows who I am? Pit-Lo, Mark Anthony. They know who I am. You know who else knows who I am? Pitbull.

Those people got very much money. How much money do you have to be sitting here? You don't have that much money. You available to do this. That's it. You know who else knows who I am? Beyonce. All her dancers.

That's it. You know who wanted to meet me? J-Lo. Does J-Lo want to meet you? Do you know Jennifer Lopez? Because I do know Jennifer Lopez. No, but she knows me. that's it you know who wanted to meet me J-Lo does J-Lo want to meet you do you know Jennifer Lopez cause I do know Jennifer Lopez no but she knows me that's it that's what the matter

does she know you she knows you there's no way she's my answer I doubt it go ask her ask her shit what's also that actress she just hasn't been in something

in a long time I forgot her name remember she posted that shit the actress Rosario Dawson Rosario Dawson does she know who you are? Remember when she posted that meme of me?

See, the problem with him is he thinks that his condition is real. But he came from a place where he was too safe. Where did you grow up? Where did you grow up that you thought having nervous thoughts is a problem? Or you got saved by comedy? Motherfucker, you just want the stupid one in your family. I've never called her. We've texted her before. Who are you calling? Jennifer Lopez. and that you are or you got saved by comedy you just want the stupid one in your family i've never called her we've texted it before who are you calling uh jennifer lopez ask her if she knows

more reason i really really want you but i'm really scared to call but i think it would be so funny and i don't think she would answer so i don't know if she would answer do you really have her on your phone yeah holy don't let her see me like this episode of our show holy call rosario darcy who else there's so many people i'm not gonna i don't i think you know what he coming late to the game he don't know how big that i was all right were you doing comedy in 2012 motherfucker because i was i'll say you know what i mean the problem is that's what's that these people aren't exposed have you ever met anybody who was puerto rican before you were 37? I assume you're 37.

I mean, shit. Based on your accomplishments, I would say 37. If that's how we do age. All right. End scene. I'm calling. There's no way she's in. I love doing a podcast with you because, I mean, if Jennifer Lopez picks up, that'll be great.

I don't even know what's real and what's fun. Rick Glassman, this has been great. Imagine I just closed it. You know, sometimes when I have certain friends like that where you heard one of our conversations. Yes, I did, yeah. And you were like, it's like you guys are podcasting at each other. It was like dueling podcast.

Yeah, yeah. It was me. How are you doing? Yeah, it was me and Tim on the phone, and he goes, and then I go. Yeah, you go, I go. Yeah. We're not great listeners. We're narcissists.

I'm a great listener. Are you? I'm the best. Okay, well, I'm going to say some things, and then it'll be a quiz. Okay. Okay. My mother was born in 1932 on the island of Crete. She lived under Nazi occupation for four years.

My dad was born on the island of Imbros, which is now Turkish. I won't remember that name. My dad, you said you're a great listener hmm my grandfather then listening and retention of fact technically you're right yeah you could just say I'm right technically yeah I'm listening I'm and more specifically I'm present with you right I understand and when you say Korea I also listen in textile you talk about the Battle of Cree. Right. And I understand that that's an important thing to you.

So I looked it up. I know it was in World War II. Okay. I know it was during Nazi Germany. And I know that the Greeks helped stop the fascism. And I think that your mom, born in 1932. Wow. Good.

She's a heavy woman, right? No. Your mom isn't heavy? No, she's still with us No, but what you said is heavy because she's dead. Is she still with us? No. Yeah, I'm sorry. No, it's fine She's she died. She made it to know you know what actually I do remember There's some stuff about your mom and I was more making a joke about how moms are heavy But I do apologize if there's no need let me finish. Okay, I do apologize for Calling JLo after you took the wig off.

Yeah, I mean, yeah. I mean, it's amazing that you have her on speed dial, though. We did kind of cut off where you were talking about I was a genius, and I think that was so ridiculous, and we don't have to talk about it anymore, but did you want to close that up, or is there anything more you wanted to say?

What are you working on now? What's going on now? What makes you interesting? I can't speak for other people. I can tell you what I'm interested in. Any new relationships? I mean, the internet is not abuzz with Rick Glassman showing up on red carpets holding someone's hand right now.

So what's going on? Are you dating? Are you on Raya? Are you famous enough to be on Raya dating are you on raya are you famous enough to be on raya i was on raya years ago okay that's good i'm glad i'm not dating now no now do you think raya is a little exclusionary do you think that's a little like raya it has this i the people think of raya the way they used to think of facebook or back then the facebook thanks justin timberlake he got rid of the...

He did do that, yeah. When I got on Facebook, I was one of the first. It was just for colleges just on the East Coast. They opened it up to colleges nationwide. They opened it up to moms and grandmas. Yeah, that's where it went down.

Raya is now past the East Coast colleges. Raya is open to almost everybody. Anybody can get on it. You just need an invitation. Getting into Raya is no harder than getting into the Soho house. Raya is open to almost everybody. Anybody can get on it. You just need an invitation. Getting into Raya is no harder than getting into the Soho House. Right, which used to be very hard. Now they...

See, that's what usually starts, right? That's the club business too. It usually starts very exclusive. Boring, I was talking. And then people want to make money. Well, people always want to make money. But you know, and there's nothing wrong

with wanting to make money. We're cutting out that part. We're cutting out the better help part, by the way. We're cutting that out. Sure. I know what you did. You planned that. I really didn't.

You did not plan that. I really did not plan that. No. I have a question. Do you think I'm a liar? I'm playful, but do you think I'm a liar? Good question. Hold on.

I'm not a liar. Hold on. Ask me how many fingers I'm holding up. Two. Good listener. Yeah. We have a Good listener. Yeah. We have a good time. Yeah, we do have a good time.

My mom and I. You're very close to your family. Yes, thank you. So where's the damage that led you to become a comedian? If it's not, your family's very close. Usually that's,

there's you. Do you know why I got into comedy and the language of comedy? Yeah, it's because you had obsessive compulsive... The Guatemalan housekeeper. Yeah, who was definitely undocumented because I know you cut a few corners.

No, it wasn't because... She did teach a thing about the nails, but that had nothing to do with my OCD. I got into comedy... Your OCD doesn't seem that real, though. Okay. You're not that bad. Thank you.

Yeah. I agree. No, you're very bad. I'm so, so, so much better now. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. That just means you got a powerful mind.

Now, do they know anything about OCD, where it comes from, what the cause of it is? They. They. They are always figuring things out. It's the same people that created the fake vaccine. Your word's not mine. What are my words? Fake vaccine.

No. You already pulled up the text? Yes. It's like having bedside manner because it's efficient. Sometimes I'm this way interpersonally with a lot of people and I do a bit about how I've learned in the past five or so years that you're just supposed to say good things, how are you? I don't want to do the bit, don't want to get into too much, but the inspiration behind

that is there are these platitudes and things You're supposed to do because it's I feel it's manipulating how somebody feels about you, right? Like I Talk about this on stage, but I'm just gonna briefly if I were on a doing a bit not doing a bit Okay, is this not relevant to you? Do you know one here? Very well being serious. I like it The the idea that you're supposed to open the cart car door for your date i find to be confusing and manipulative because i don't want to especially if i'm coming from the from the driver's side and i'm driving to walk around the car to get the door for her it just feels like i'm look at i'm a good guy look what i'm doing feels perfunctory it feels contrived I don't know what the first word means.

Is it a real word? It's a real word. Could you pull that up? Pull it up. Perfunctory. And so like that socially too, like you could let the person go on and on, but sometimes like,

let's change the subject. This is not interesting to me. Do you know what I'm getting at? Perfunctory. An action or gesture carried out with a minimum of effort or reflection. No. Contrived?

It just feels obligatory. You're here to learn English. Oh, obligatory. Yeah. All right. It's a less sophisticated way to say it. What I was going to say, well, I'm not as cerebral as you. But when I was sophisticated way to say what I was gonna say, well, I'm not cerebral as you what I was gonna say

with Adam is Because I think you were making a joke about the jealousy thing, but it still was relevant relevant observation of just human nature but I was being sincere when I said what I said, which is When you have people who like to at least in the I mean, I think in anything but talking specifically for comedy right when you have people that like to, at least in the, I mean, I think in anything, but talking specifically for comedy, right? When you have people that like to play and are successful and are working or have connections with things, you get to then call them and play with them and do stuff. And they're down to, and by success, it doesn't necessarily always mean working, but just the willingness to collaborate and to play. Right.

All of my friends that I'm closest to, even since I was a kid and wasn't doing this professionally, have been people that like to collaborate. And be bullied by you a little bit. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe a little bit. Maybe. But I'm bullied. And it's okay.

No, you're an alpha. It's an okay thing. You are an alpha. You bullied me. You bullied me about that. You're a bully. Yeah. I did bully you about that. I did bully you about that. You are an alpha. You bullied me. You bullied me about that. You're a bully. Yeah, I did bully you about that. I did bully you about that.

You're a bully. I came in and you were hot with me. But it's okay. I couldn't find the door and you're like, you need to fucking open your eyes. I didn't say that. You can't find the bathroom? That was your energy.

Was that not your energy? That was my energy, but you said that I said that. You asked me before if I thought you were a liar. You just lied. I caught you to lie. Did I say the door? I said nothing about the door. I said the bathroom.

Because you said, where's the bathroom? I said, if you can't find it here. I texted you and I said I couldn't find it. I'm not going to say the letter because I understand. You're walking through the hallway. I mean, the sign says go right there to the right. I missed it. Now, this is good comedy.

It's not real, but it's half real. But it's good. But you did say it. You did bully me about not finding it because i got off the elevator i held the door open for an older man and woman and as i did that there was a wall here that didn't look like what i was supposed to go through because there was all of these doors here so i walked down that way and i didn't see your number so i texted you where is it as i turn around and see oh maybe's that way, you open the door and you're like, fucking idiot. I did not do that.

Was it your energy? Did you text me too early? Did you put enough effort into finding the apartment before you texted me? Where did I meet you when you came over to my place? You met me. At your car. Yes. But that's because you wanted to control the situation and walk me in and make sure I did everything.

No, it's just because it was a part. I would have loved for you to come to the door, but you wouldn't have been able to find it easily. I would have found it. Yeah, I would have found it. You're assuming. You're thinking I'm stupid. I was helping the guest by meeting them outside.

You didn't have to meet me outside, but you could have at least had the door open by your front. So what is this, a tip for tap friendship? Don't say the first word. Tap friendship? Is tip for tap friendship? Don't say the first word. Tap friendship? Is it a tap friendship? I was setting the space for the aggression, and now I have become it because I'm imperfect. And for that, I want to apologize to my fans who tuned in to watch this.

30% of the people watching this came from me. Are you tapped into your alpha comedic energy? You can be very sarcastic. You can be very cutting and very sardonic. Sardonic. You can be very sarcastic. You can be very cutting and very sardonic. Sardonic. You want me to look it up? A lot of people

have commented, and I don't know this because I don't see anything of yours, but people say that they never see you laugh the way you do when you're with me. Is that true?

Because you have to laugh all the time. Our episode was really great, the one we did right and i feel like this one's gonna be great because it brought a different energy yeah if we continue what happens when i'm not in control yeah oh by the way the whole camera is gonna be on our ears no i think it's uh no yeah yeah i think it's pretty interesting i think it's... No, yeah. Yeah, I think it's pretty interesting. I think it's really interesting. It's interesting. Yeah.

There's a... You know, because... Yeah, I mean... Just to fill the space. Yeah, yeah. Fill the space. Yeah. So, yeah, did you look up...

I think you need to look up sardonic for him so he can learn more about himself. You should know more about yourself. You do have a sardonic. You can be sardonic. You can be a little. Just like Michelangelo from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on his pizzas. Right.

Those are sardines. Sardonic. Read it. I know what sardonic means. Did you? Or are you just saying now that he put it up there? Because he put it up there. Right.

That's what I figured. I know what sardonic means. Yeah. Because he put it up there. Because he put it up there. I know what it means. If Right. That's what a phygonic means. Yeah. Because he put it up there. Because he put it up there. I know what it means. If you don't know it, it's grimly mocking or cynical.

I'm very... I'm not... I'm cynical. Yeah. You know, I don't take things at face value because I don't believe people know their truth. And I'm being sincere when I say that. I think people respond instinctually.

And I don't think people really know how they're feeling or what they think and I think they will say something to kind of start the conversation but it's not conscious that they're trying to find their feelings and then it'll be molded into whatever they decide it is in that moment and it's not fair and people will say things like this is what i i find that most people lie i think most people lie me do you think i'm a liar i don't know you we know each other very little yeah we this is the second time we've met we've the most we've spoken is on a podcast. Yeah. Yeah. Which is weird. It takes years before you really get to know somebody. But no, we walked and we had a great conversation. I got to know you.

I got a feel for who you were. I know I like you. I know I enjoy your company. I know I'd like to spend more time with you. Yeah. Until we did this podcast. Let's take it slow. Let's take it slow.

Yeah. Yeah. Until we did this podcast, that changed. It didn't. It was. It's not as strong anymore. It's. I don't think you're special.

I think I was special. And I didn't think that before special i think i was special and i didn't think that before before i thought it was us yeah now i realized oh right this is what i do this is my gift right this is my gift and and and you contributed you're like you took charges and we need people to take charges i'm a role player is what you said i'm a role player player. Yeah. Well, no. No, you took some charges. Less than a role player. Yeah, you just got in there and you took some charges. I'm putting the game to foul. Yeah.

I'm putting the game to foul. Yeah, and your dad's the coach. Yeah. I don't know if you'd be on the team otherwise, but you were on a successful podcast. Right, right. You did Joe Rogan three times, right? Wow. Three, yeah.

Going for a fourth. So now people are like, oh, I've heard of him. People don't say, I love Giannis. They go, I've heard of Giannis. Right, times, right? Wow. Three, yeah. Going for a fourth. So now people are like, oh, I've heard of him. People don't say, I love Giannis. They go, I've heard of Giannis. Right, right, right, right, right. They've kind of heard. And it depends where. Is that the guy who does that funny character with a wig?

Right. It's funnier than he really is. The hacky character, right, yeah. But also, I'm now leaning into the bully thing. I'm catching myself doing it now. And I don't mean that way. I'm doing this comedically, and I don't mean it. Come to the dark side.

Listen. I think you're so much of a role player mean it i come to the dark side listen much of a role player see come to the dark side yeah it's not it's funny it's okay it's okay it's where you'd some williams and goodwill hunting yeah it's okay it's not your fault it's not your fault i would hug you but i know that you it would freak you the fuck out i wouldn't freak out i'm really so much better you are since i started doing stand-up again this year yeah and having to touch microphones and being around I'm really so much better. You are. Since I started doing stand-up again this year and having to touch microphones and being around, I really am so much better. Yeah, you are.

I really wonder where OCD comes from. Well, a lot of it is the brain chemistry, but it's different for everybody, but a simple version of it is it's control. That's what I think. And I felt that when you walked in,

you're not in your element, you're a little out of control, so you're not fully 100% comfortable. Oh, I'm much less outside of my place. I'm much less obsessive compulsive and needing of control here. Interesting. I'm still quite controlling.

Right. And I know that could be a turn off. And people who have never met me before, let me tell you what I've heard my whole life. You didn't get it at first. You didn't get it at first. You didn't like it at first. It was too much. And then you started to get to know it.

You have to watch, I think, probably 20, 25 of my episodes before you start to be like, wow, this guy is tolerable. No, because, yeah, I mean, you are very controlling. But that's what makes your podcast work. To other sentences. Right, yeah. Because you're dictating what's going on completely. I don't say tit and dick so much.

Yeah, you dictate what's going on. From the moment the person walks in, you're in control. You got the bit going. You think of it. You're kind of directing. It shows some high-level comedy ability. The difference among many, but for this context, between podcasting real

life is editing and I look at editing it because you could take out and contextualize right right I look at editing in a podcast the same way as contextualizing within real life and you can't edit in real life so the best way around that is just to get to know somebody, but it takes a lot longer to get to know somebody than it does to just do 40 hours of post-production. And that's why I think life, if it were edited, it would be a lot, a lot cleaner. And I think it's important that you watch some of your episodes. Do you watch your own episodes? Absolutely. Do you really? Yeah. Do you edit? This one, I won't won't when you edit yourself you'll realize how

much of yourself you you want to change interesting i've gotten to a point of real control yeah you don't not like the imperfections oh i i i don't have an i no that's not true you just said before you love yourself but then when you edit you realize how much you want to change about yourself yeah which doesn't mean you love yourself. Absolutely not correct. Explain why. Tell me something that you don't love about yourself. Everything.

Tell me something specifically that if you could you would change about yourself. My eyes are too close together. My forehead's too big. I wish my hair was a little thicker. These are physical.

I wish that I was a little skinnier. I wish I ate less. I wish I could be a little less negative. I wish I could be in the moment more. Great.

I wish I was a little bit smarter. Right. I wish could be a little less negative i wish it could be in the moment more great i wish i was a little bit smarter right i wish my uh i wish i was a little richer i would i wish that my uh my legs weren't so stumped me and my torso wasn't so long did you have a long torso yeah i have a long torso i have a short stumpy legs i wish i was a tad bit more athletic i was very athletic but not enough to go to the next level i wish i was better at math and science. Why those two? I wish this podcast went better.

I'm kidding. That was a joke. You don't think it's good? No, I think it's very good. But we can't decide. That's the thing. We can't decide. It's not for us to decide.

Not for us to decide. So you want to be more present. I want to be more present. I want to be calmer, less anxious. Turn this mic off for one sec. I want to sleep better. I want to snore less. You anxious. Turn this mic off for one sec. So I want to sleep better. I want to snore less. You asked.

You asked. I'm done. You wanting to be more present, something you'd like to change about yourself, doesn't mean you don't love yourself. My argument is because you love yourself, you want to be a better version. If you didn't love yourself, you wouldn't care if you were more present. Why would you want to be more present to the eyes of a vessel that you don't appreciate? I don't want to love myself. I think that's where arrogance starts when you start loving yourself.

What was the word he said? He what? Arrogance. You what before where arrogance starts? Loving. I think that's where arrogance starts. You think it is. I think.

I want you to think about that a little bit more. I want to zoom in on that. Yeah. I want you to zoom in on that a little bit. Do you know what arrogance means? Pull it up. Pull it up. There's a difference between arrogance and confidence.

Right. Right. And when you're arrogant, I look at the difference, arrogance and confidence, I look at the difference between entitled and deserved. Right?

You could deserve something without feeling entitled to it. You could deserve something that you don't have and you don't have to be resentful of that uh you deserve to have more people wanting to watch your podcast they're not i do deserve it and you're not entitled to it either i'm not right now arrogant having or relieving an exaggerated revealing not relieving i'm really bad i know great with numbers though are you named give me two numbers how much how how much how many give me any two numbers my subscriptions how much

have they gone up this week 70. give me any two numbers uh 14 and 16 million 13.7 heard of them having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one's own importance or abilities there's a difference between believing in yourself and exaggerating it, right? That's just delusion. And to love yourself isn't exaggerating. To love yourself is really the only way to be present and to offer people some sense of positivity. Because when you don't love yourself,

nobody loves himself through your eyes. Because we all, I'm not done. No, I'm done. Okay, I'm not done. Okay, I'm just kidding. Okay. Before time. Okay.

So what I'm saying is, I'm finished. When I don't say this, three, two, one, go. I think loving yourself is inaccurate objectively. Because we're all fungus growing on a rock. You know? Snooze. We're all fungus on a rock? Yeah, floating in nothingness.

What is this? It's an iced coffee. It's an iced coffee. It tastes like a chai latte, iced with espresso. Yeah, it is an iced coffee. Wow. I'm tasting it.

I'm feeling it. I'm feeling it. This is not nothing. It's not special. You're not special. But it's not nothing. It exists. It's here. Yeah.

You zoom out far enough in anything, it becomes unimportant. You zoom in too close, it becomes arrogant. But if you find where to stand, which by the way is eight feet that way you could recontextualize or edit things to be appropriate in order to do that you have to come from a place of love and acceptance because otherwise you'll never be present you'll be jealous you'll be assuming other people are jealous you'll be controlling not what's best for you but how to avoid pain humans by nature are seeking pleasure and avoiding pain and that's great for survival but what happens when you're already feeling good and you don't need just to work on your survival

mentalities you get to enjoy the finer things in life right right do you want to enjoy the finer things in life yes then why aren't you why are you such a miserable, crabby, little lesbian? What's your problem? Why do you hate? Why is your comedy? Because you're a funny guy. You're above average funny. You really are.

I mean that. You're above average funny. I watched a minute of your special, and people liked it. I couldn't get through it. But it's hard to get through specials. Not all of them. I think it's not for me. But you're funny enough.

But you know what? You ooze unimportance. And that's because that's how you see yourself. I will see you the way you see you. Because the way you see you is what you enlighten out. Now he's cooking. You see, when you bully, you're funny. I mean, you got to admit.

You're right. I mean, that was mean and it was hilarious. I mean, that was really funny. I mean, I laughed hard because you were shitting on me. Because you connected to it. Because you were shitting on me and I liked it. You didn't think. You oozed unimportance. You would be you connected to it. Because you were shitting on me, and I liked it. And you didn't think. Yeah.

You oozed unimportance. You would be like, what the fuck is he talking about? If I was going on a rant about how you're not wearing a hat, you'd be like, what the fuck is he talking about? You know you're not important because you think you're not important. Because it's true. True zoomed out. I'm zooming out. But come right here.

Okay. To your family, to your loved ones, to your audience, to your career, to your craft, to your peers. If you don't matter to you, you don't matter to us. And scene. That is fucking good. Let's make that movie. Let's make that movie. I can't work with you.

I think that you would give up when things got hard. Who would you get to play me? I guess I would just have to find some cup of fungus that's growing on a rock. Petri dish. Yeah. Would I get to play me? I guess I would just have to find some cup of fungus that's growing on a rock. Petri dish. Yeah. Would I get to play you? Yeah. I just don't even think you would be a character in it.

I think it would be a great movie, right? Like, I'm that guy. What's the movie? I'm the Sally Fields character, right? You're the Tom Hanks character, right? We're in a relationship. Lesbians, right? You're trying to teach me that I got it.

You're Tom Hanks. You know the movie. How are we lesbians? Punchline. How are we lesbians? Why not? Because I'm a guy. It's 2022.

I want to get this movie made. Okay. Okay? So I'm thinking business and also creative. We're lesbians. Okay? Now you're trying to tell, you're the grisly vet who didn't quite make it, you know? Kind of, you're, you know.

What war was I in? Huh? What war was I in? No wars. Oh, like a veterinarian. No, you can just take from your life. You just said I'm a vet. No, a veteran.

A veteran of comedy. Of comedy. I got you. You know, like been in a couple things. The war of the stage. Yeah. I'm like, you've been in a couple things. Nobody really cared about you.

No celebrities. They know you. They'll come do your podcast as a favor or whatever, but nobody really cares because they're not that great. Who's not that great? I'm just saying. People love coming on my podcast. You even said it.

No, I'm saying. People love coming on Take Your Shoes Off. See, you're insecure. I didn't say your podcast wasn't great. Take Your Shoes Off podcast. No, I'm just saying sometimes the celebrities aren't great on podcasts. I only have people that are great. Ask Whitney Cummings.

She tries to do it all the time, and it doesn't work. Not me. Pull up my roster. Everyone I've had on is great, or I don't post it. It's because of you. I know. That's what I was saying. You learned that today.

You learned that today. It's because of you. I know that. You learned that today. I just didn't know that I was with you, because sometimes you have special people on. Meghan Trainor. So good. Meghan Trainor?

Yeah. Let's see how many numbers. Let's see the numbers on that podcast. Pull up Meghan Trainor, who's very, very famous. Pull up the numbers. Well, there's podcasts famous. What? No, no, no. Sure. No, no. Pull it up. No, pull it up. pull up megan trainer who's very very famous pull up well there's podcast famous sure pull it up no pull it up megan trainer rick glassman are people going to be able to see this yeah yeah actually play play from the very play the episode from the don't play the beginning

it's my podcast hey okay play it you bullied me into it uh let's just see the numbers that's not it that's a That's a clip. It's that one. There it is. Yeah, pause it. Just pause it right when it starts. No, no, no. Play the first minute. I love this commercial.

Wait, what's the numbers? What's the numbers? 93K. You're at 93 as well. Okay, she's a lot more famous than me. As a musician, not as a comedian. As a person. Exactly, that's my point.

Watch the beginning of this. That's my point. The volume up. It's brilliant. It's you're brilliant. Watch. Don't say it's brilliant. You're brilliant. Meghan Trainor's a brilliant singer. Shh, shh, shh, shh. The volume up. It's brilliant. It's you're brilliant. Don't say it's brilliant. You're brilliant.

Meghan Trainor's a brilliant singer. Okay, sorry. The contents of this podcast are protected under copyright and other intellectual property. We wrote this song on the podcast. This is a song we wrote together. Rick Glassman's good, guys. All right. We're not going to watch this whole fucking thing.

People will like this. Let's keep this up. I've watched it already. I've watched every single one of your episodes. I just wanted to make sure mine was the best. Now, when I was 17 years old, I thought to myself, I'm going to go to Hollywood, baby. Yeah. I'm going to make it.

But then something funny happened. What? Well, I was 23 the day my father told me I'm gonna make it but then something funny happened what? well I was 23 the day my father told me everything I do I do for lust and love off the dome dude but Lord Jesus Christ above he told me all about it

but he confided in me you can turn it off if you wanna check that out that's the Meghan Trainor episode it's so good you're good man thank you no for real

now I'm having an earnest moment I'm having an earnest moment you're good man yeah your podcast I think I'll go so far as to say as I think it's the most original podcast well obviously it was original is it the best and it doesn't matter the answer doesn't matter yes it doesn't matter though but yes it doesn't matter yes it is it is okay what you're gonna learn from me do i care no is it objectively yeah i guess sure i don't care but yeah it's really no i'm being serious too i'm not even like it is it is probably the most original the best i don't know i'd have to watch them all watch them all but i've seen clips of like everything it's obviously it's it's could

be the best it could be the best. It could be the best. You could be the best. It doesn't matter though. No, but that's what you wanted. That's what you wanted because you want to bully yourself into the top position. And that's what you want. You want to dominate. You want to dominate.

You're an alligator. You're an alpha. You take alpha brain before every podcast. You do push-ups. You do jujitsu. You want people to submit to you. That's why you try to control the situation. You want to squish me into the ground right now.

You hate me. You see me smiling and laughing. I don't know if I'm turning this way. I'm smiling and laughing. You know why? Because you're engaging with me. Yes. I don't want to submit you.

I want to be able to play with you. And when you are just sitting back there and just being like ricky the best right here the best i have little eyes and my torso is too too big i eat too much i want to be funnier rick you're the best you're the best i went on joe rogan three times my numbers are how many subscribers did i get you're the best i'm depressed i know know John Stamos. It's fucking pathetic. But when you're able to play a character, you're an alligator. You're an alpha.

You take alpha brain. I'm like, we're playing. We're going back and forth. Am I winning? Yes. Does it matter? Not at all. We're both getting exercise.

We're both being stimulated. Play the music for a second. What I want to say is, play the music. Talk into the music for a second. What I want to say is... Play the music? Talk into the mic. Thank you. Those headphones are helpful because we know. But I guess you can't afford headphones since History Hyena is going on.

Man, his production is great. Have you seen how they work? What do they do? I mean, they. You mean the team? Yeah. They do a lot. mean the team yeah they do a lot yeah yeah they do a lot you know they got me an uber black back oh they did yeah they what but but to their to your credit you won't do that but your credit they're a lot further away

there's no way i'm not getting you an uber black maybe i will though maybe i'll throw you an uber black as a real fuck you fuck you to who yeah Oh, that'd be great if I know fuck you is to But I thought we were playing here. I thought we were gonna go I thought we're gonna yes, and I thought we're entertaining here We're not this a real talk. Are we performing for people? What's the difference? I'm asking you I don't think there's much of a difference and that's that's what I wanted to talk to you guys about about the language of comedy Yeah, that's why we that's what really you're here for. Yeah.

When you speak to somebody with jokes, it's easy to be confused that it's disingenuous. But when you speak truth through joke, I really feel that's where you get to see somebody. Right. Because they are contextualizing their point of view and making it palatable through their craft. I'm Rick Glassman from the Take Your Shoes Off podcast.

Do I want him to get me an Uber Black back? I'll take it. We cut right there. Like he's talking editing. That would be perfect. I'm Rick Glassman from the, whatever his podcast is called. Cut there.

Was it believable that I watch it and I love it and all that? Was that believable? Is this called the ruin the pacing podcast? I'm like, was that, does this whole thing believable? Like I like them and yeah, it was believable.

I think. How much more do you want to do? No, I mean, you know, we could just leave it at there. I mean, it was great to have you on.

Um, you know, it's, uh, you know, I don't, I don't really hungry still. We'll probably,

well, I mean, it's all, we're going to edit all this out. This is just after the pod talk. Do you want to eat something or what do you want to do? Yeah, I got to get going within the next 25 minutes. Yeah, what do you got going on?

Where are you going now? I don't want to talk about it. No? Not because the camera's still going. No, no, no. We're not... No, this is just going to get edited out. Oh.

Yeah. I'm having my eggs for a bit. Did I look engaged and all that? Was it like... Did it look like I cared and stuff like that? Does he hear you when you talk to him? Yeah, he can hear me.

I'm saying, is he paying attention when you talk to him? Oh yeah, absolutely. I don't say much. You'd be a good guest for him. Yeah, I mean, if you would have brought

a little bit of that during this episode, I think it would have been good, but this one was really combative and I really blame you on that. I really do blame you on that. I'll take, I definitely have

a lot of responsibility in that that I agree with. Yeah, I think you I really do blame you on that. I'll take, I'll take, I definitely have a lot of responsibility in that, that I agree with. Yeah, I think you're really like just a fucking asshole. You know that? Like that's the, the deal is like, I just feel like.

You don't act, right? Huh? You don't act, you just do comedy and stuff? I just do comedy, yeah. You're a bad actor.

Pretty bad, yeah, that's what I'm saying. Is it because you don't believe yourself? I just, I don't think I have a lot of skill for it. Yeah, because you don't allow yourself to, even in a don't think I have a lot of skill for it. because you don't allow yourself to even in a moment

believe your thoughts and I think that's bigger than you being a bad actor. I think it's because you haven't really figured out who you are. It's just make believe. It's not even like,

if Ice-T can do it, I mean, let's be honest, okay, is it really like a craft? I mean, let's be honest. I know you consider yourself

like this. Well, same with stand-up. There's a lot of people that do stand-up that aren't great but there are people who are artists. Yeah,

well, not really. I mean, come on. Bill Hicks, I mean, you know, the first one was funny but after a while it's like, what are we doing here?-up that aren't great, but there are people who are artists. Yeah, well, not really. I mean, come on. Bill Hicks, I mean, the first one was funny, but after a while, it's like, what are we doing here? Okay? I don't know, man.

Brian Regan. I mean, Brian Regan's great, but he writes his own stuff. That's what I'm talking about. There's like a craft to it, man. There's like a craft to stand-up. There's like a whole craft. Acting, you're reading someone else's lines. It's all bullshit, man.

See, you think you're reading somebody else's lines. I watch the six lead. That's what you do as a cold read. I watched the sixth lead. Yeah? And let me tell you something. That shit should be a fucking television show. Thank you.

It deserves it. Are you watching an episode? What is it? If you just type in the sixth lead in the search bar. Yeah, sixth lead was really good, man. Maybe type in Rick after that. Rick, I'm lying to you right now, dude. I didn't watch it.

There we go. I felt bad. Yeah, good show. I you right now, dude. I didn't watch it. There we go. I felt bad. Yeah, good show. I watched it. Good show. No, but all jokes aside is what you should call your podcast. And cut.

Perfect. I'm just joking. All this is, I don't know. The thing about you is I don't, I love to explore. No, when I get with you, no, seriously. Did you get up okay there?

Yeah, I did. I'm working out now. I don't know what's going on with you right i just went with that vibe i don't know like what's interesting even when i text you i don't know truly if you're joking if you're serious i don't know what's going on and i enjoy that it's like very interesting i don't know what's going on your mother mother was born in 1932 in Crete. That's great. It's a good memory. Yeah.

That's a really good memory. That was an easy one, though. Tell me what the name of my... I told you I don't know names. No, the name of the island my dad was born on. It didn't even go in my ear to go out. To your credit, you did say, I'm not going to remember that. Yeah.

You did say, what's the island my mother was born on? I don't know names. That one you should know. Creed is what you said. Creed, exactly. I already said that. Because you Googled it in Uber over here. No, because as you were telling me, I remember 1932.

Numbers are easy to remember. Creed sounds like the movie Creed, easy to retain. What movie Creed? The television show. Creed, the boxing movie. Oh, Creed. Well, it's actually Creed. Yes.

Yeah. But it's without the D. If you added a little more knowledge to your humor, do you think it would take it to the next level? Like if you read a little more and you knew some facts, you knew fucking anything at all? Yes. What's going to take it to the next level for you? I assume we're still going.

I think it's just to continue to continue to continue to gain perspective and to keep building and working what I'm working on

professionally but also save for a home start a family save for a home I thought it was going better than that for you to buy a house

I mean you need millions of dollars to get a house that I love. I bought two. Yeah, in your studio. It's really, maybe after interviewing your sponsors, you can afford to get some more styrofoam for your ceiling. I got a real question I'm curious about right now. Okay. What motivates you for this?

What motivates you? What do you like doing? I watch your podcast, and I feel like you like pushing it. I feel like you watch your podcast and I feel like you like pushing it. I feel like you like pushing it. I feel like you like pushing it. You're going to push. You're going to see how far we can go, how far we can take the joke,

what I can do. You like the spontaneity. You love spontaneity. You love improv. You like making things happen. You like conducting. You're a big time conductor. Will you look up Sid Feller?

Type in Sid Feller Ray Charles conducting. My grandfather. Is it? It's in the genes that you say. Yeah, you know, he produced and arranged all of Ray Charles' music after 1959. Are you being serious now? Yeah, pull him up. You don't have to do YouTube.

I mean, you could, I guess, but I meant Google. But yeah, there he goes here. Is that your grandfather for real? Yeah. I don't know if this is video. No, just Google it. You're in YouTube still. Sid Feller, Ray Charles.

That was actually really good, though. Here's my grandpa. You know what would be great right now? Isn't that cool? That's my grandpa and Ray. Are you serious? Yeah, he's a conductor and a producer. He arranged all the strings in Georgia.

And the way he would do them, it's incredible. He would write entire orchestrasras not even sitting at a piano Just on a boat or a plane he'd be writing on sheet music all the orchestra all the all the instruments for the orchestra Just without hearing anything just it was all math for him. That's insane Yeah, but I get what you're saying. He had like a gift for it. Yeah, you have to have a gift for that That's actually insane. Yeah, but I get what you're saying. He had like a gift for it. Yeah. You have to have a gift for that. That's insane. I love it when people are just born with something. Like you're able to like, he's a sculptor.

Like he sculpted that. Really? Yeah. Don't fucking touch it. Don't fucking touch it. It's great. Is this the scale? Is this him?

Yeah. That's him when he was a baby. Oh, when he was a baby. Yeah. No, this was, he made this, I think he made this before the sketch, right? Yeah. So we've been working together for a long time, and he was the one who directed all those character videos that you love so much.

I thought the direction was really, really good. You're talking into the mic. Yeah, he doesn't care. He doesn't care about this at all. Yeah. He only cares about it if Meghan Trainor's here. He's one of those L.A. douchebags. I'm playing. I'm not offended. Yeah, okay. I don's here. He's one of those L.A. douchebags. I'm playing.

I'm not offended. Yeah, okay. I don't take other people's projections as my identity. So this was in another little sketch that got, what, probably millions and millions of views. Mr. Panos. Nice. LCD?

Was that the title of it? Least Common Denominator? You know, it's weird that that that oh somebody more important blocked him go ahead yeah no this is uh and this was in the video this was it's a baby socrates you know uh from the from bill and ted's's Excellent Adventure. Yes. Yes. Thank you. It's exactly what I was saying right there. Now, how's a warm parquet? Parquois. What's it called? Jesus Christ.

Parquois? Parquette? You literally talked for a minute. Well, I don't eat women's breakfasts. Why? Because I eat men's breakfasts with carbs. Yeah. And don't you want to change that, you fat fuck?

Your words, not mine. Is that a mock neck or a t-shirt? It's a tweener. That's a tweener right there. That's a tweener. How is your hair still wet? Is it? It looks wet.

How does it still look wet? It's not wet. His hair still looks wet to me. When you dry it with a hat on, everyone wins. Now, if you were born in another era. When I'm born in another era. When you're born in another era. Let's be optimistic.

Do you think you would have been just like a massive fucking comedy director? Writer? Director? You mean like Harold Ramis, who I played in A Futile and Stupid Gesture on Netflix? He did. Now you recognize him? No. He looks like Hal Ramis.

Yeah, he played him. He's talented. He's a good actor. He's a talented guy. He's also very funny. You can tell the stand-up needs a little work. But other than that, we're on our way. I'm joking.

It's a joke. I've never seen it. I have no reference. I've never watched it. I don't watch other people's stand-up, especially people I'm not interested in. Right. I tried to watch yours, though. For a minute.

I don't know if I got a minute in. Did you direct that? No. Oh, you should have. Yeah. So do you think you're born in the wrong era? No. No.

Not my choice. You realized halfway. I'll tell you what you did. I'm going to tell the story of Rick Glassman right now. I'm writing the story. You can direct it. You can become big. Steal it from me like everybody else does anyway.

Wait, I'm stealing from you my story? Yes, because you weren't inspired to direct it. You can become big. Steal it from me like everybody else does anyway. Wait, I'm stealing from you my story? Yes, because you weren't inspired to tell it. You didn't think it was good enough because you don't love yourself enough. You claiming you love yourself is a projection. The six leads, nobody gives a fuck about the six leads. But that's a story that was inspired by my truth. Is it really?

Did you know I'm a really good singer? Sing. Baby, lock them doors and turn the lights down low. Get the music on the soft and slow. Baby, we ain't got nowhere to go. I hope you understand. I could also do. Every long, long stream led me to where you are.

Others who broke your heart, they were like North Earth stars. Leading me on my way into your loving arms. This much I know is true. That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you that like yeah that's like comedically good it was like comedically good

every long lost dream led me to where you are that's high cause I can also every long lost dream I don't know I like it higher So good man, I should take lessons every You guys like that's like you have like boy band level voice BBLV. Yeah BBLV

It's like you could be like Lance Bass. You could be like the third. Yeah, you could be like the backup guy In a boy band. Yeah, you could be like the backup guy in a boy band. IABB? Yeah. Why? How come nobody did like a normal looking boy band? Like how come like... Every long lost dream led me to where you...

Do that. I'll harmonize. Every long lost dream led me to where you are. I have no talent. Like the lack of talent that I have. What's this special up to? 80?

How much is it? How many millions does your YouTube social have? Why you got to phrase it that way? You know exactly why you phrase it that way. You know exactly why you phrase it that way.

You know exactly why you phrase it that way, Mr. Glassman. It's great that you took the control and you decided, you know what? Fuck it. Nobody wants me. I'm going to put it on YouTube where Mr. Glassman. It's great that you took the control and you decided, you know what? Fuck it. Nobody wants me.

I'm going to put it on YouTube where nobody still wants me. Let's see the numbers. Almost 800,000. Wow. Yeah. Cool. Yeah, my video of my family that I posted multiple times. Let's see.

Can we pull up? Will you YouTube replenish? You don't even have to type my name. Just go with replenish. Yeah, let's put replenish. Let's see how far down the list replenish. How many of those views did you fucking pay for be honest zero and you could tell by looking at the thumbs up in the comments oh it's number one how many from 10 days ago

more than a special three point what million holy shit holy shit 269,000 thumbs ups. How many subscribers did you get from this? Doesn't matter. Now, pause it, pause it, pause it, pause it. Okay, now. This is where I was telling your story. Let me tell your story. Let me try one more time real quick. Okay.

I'm going to be serious. Do it. Every long lost dream. It's just not that good. The problem is. But let me do it. Yeah, okay. Because you've got to find the pocket. I'm not gonna start in it just like this podcast it took a while

every long lost dream let me do where you are others who broke your heart they were like northern stars leading me on my way into your loving arms. This much I know. It's very like, it's like got that twang to it. That's no good. Yeah. Let God bless the broken road

and lead me straight to you. That last part was pretty good. Don't project. I think you're more of a whisper singer. I don't know. Yeah, I think you brought it down. All right, let me try. It's too much. I'm getting lightheaded I don't know. Yeah, I think you brought it down. Every. All right, let me try.

Every. It's too much. I'm getting lightheaded. Just plug my stuff and then I'll get out of here. How much time do you got? You got to get out of here. I usually like to do 30 minutes. Okay. Well, where are you pretending that you need to be?

I'm meeting somebody. Right. Who? Whom? Whom? Whom? A friend of mine. Who?

Whom? Whom? Whom Smith? Yeah. Whom Smith. No, I don't want to Who? Whom? Whom? Whom Smith? Yeah. Whom Smith. No, I don't want to say their name. I'm not curious. I don't care.

Because it's none of my business to share. It's none of my business either and nobody cares. It's not good entertainment. I do want to know, but it's not good entertainment. If you knew who it was, you would be entertained. J-Lo? J-Lo. No.

Yeah, that would be really funny. Turn that into a special that nobody cares to watch. I just don't get, he's around so many people, and he has such an appreciation for the art. Why he's so fine. Is Giannis funny? Here's our answer. If Giannis is funny, let me answer in one word. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Should I go see him? Yeah. Yeah. Got to watch the video. Do you want to come? If you Yeah. Yeah. Got to watch the video. If you're listening, you got to watch the video for that one because that was great.

Thank you. That was fucking great. You know why? Because I was able to make myself believe what I was saying. Is part of you torn? Because you're such a creative guy. Let me finish. I see it in your face.

I see it in your face. Is part of you torn? Because let's be honest. This is not produced, right? What's be honest this is not produced right what's not produced just let me finish wait a minute you asked me a question that video is just a home video i edited it okay and i'm not going to reveal on here but you know what i'm getting it properly okay it's a video it's a home video of your family. Contextualized. No actors in it. Correct.

No script. Correct. No production for the most part. For the most part. Right. Is part of you torn? Now,

I really think you've embraced the new era well, but is part of you torn because I feel like your heart wants to make full-on produced comedy with script actors?

I love, here's the answer to the question you asked me that I didn't answer before. What keeps me going? Why do I want to do this? I love pussy. Whores.

I love being in the audience. But I also want to be creating it. I don't have to always be creating it. I'm a big consumer. Could there be a bigger LA answer than that? I love being in the audience. But I also like, you're not on fucking Sally Field's show. Did she have a show at some point?

You're not on the fucking view, man. You're not on the fucking view. I want a real answer, dog. That's the answer. What drives you? That's the answer. That's the same with stand-up. It's also gotten in my way with stand-up

because it's hard for me to keep doing the same stuff over and over again because it's hard for me. The part of the craft where you're supposed to just build this thing and do it over and over again, I know other people feel this way too, but it's one of my obstacles. I'm not in the audience anymore if I can't keep things a certain way, so I always have to put myself in the audience. It's fun because it lets me be present, but it also gets in the way to mastering a particular act. But what keeps me going is being in the audience.

This isn't produced. I mean, you don't even have sound covering 88% of the walls. I am mad that I messed up that number, 94. But I will say, 96, but I will say, 98, but I will say whether it's something that's heavily produced that I'm just an actor in,

that I'm able to direct, whether it's improvising, whether it's on stage's heavily produced that I'm just an actor in, that I'm able to direct, whether it's improvising, whether it's on stage, whatever it is, if I'm having, my mom often asks me after a podcast, how did it go? After this, I'll be able to say,

I don't think very well. But usually what I'll say is, I don't know. And what I've learned is I'll never know. And it's not for me to decide. But what I can say objectively or not is, did I have a good time? Right.

If I have a good time, then it's usually a good product. And to have a good time I need to be in the audience and having a good time I I know what you're saying and I feel that about you what that means basically is you want to be in the audience means like you wanna you want to be in control of the project and make it from that perspective it's hard for you to be in it because you also have that part of your brain that's kind of producing the whole thing it's not hard to be in it absolutely not correct you're a little torn i can feel it i can feel it i pull you in sometimes i'm pulling you in especially when i went on your

podcast you were like it's your it's your show baby well i just i just care about what i'm making right you came in here you talked about where the camera was. You talked about a lot of things. I could feel you were like, you have a need in you to create the whole project. You have a producer-director mentality. If you came on my podcast and you had a logical reason for wanting to move the camera for something, I would say, let's do it. Because I love collaborating. All right.

I'm going to try that next time. I'm going to come in there and I'm going to try that next time. I'm going to come in there, and I'm going to really start. Cool. Mark this, clip it, so I can tell people why we're doing this. So when you do it, I'll do it. We'll swipe to this clip. We'll swipe back.

Now they get it. See what he's doing? Yeah. You see, he's not accepting, because what I'm saying is true. You know it's true. Yeah, Jesse knows it's true. Hold on.

You don't have an awareness about yourself. Well, you didn't think through why that camera's there because if we move it there, then we just have a shot of the window. No. Humor me. Just for a second, for the end. Let's show people real quick.

Can you move it just for this? No. See? May I? No, don't touch it. Oh, because you don't want to show all the other stuff. Right. So when you're here and I'm talking to you here,

now you're seeing me, right? Right. As opposed to just seeing this. It doesn't matter. You're not Brad Pitt. Nobody cares about the angles. Brad Pitt doesn't care about the angles because I'm not Brad Pitt. Oh, he does.

He knows what his good side is. Call him up. Call him up. Brad Pitt care about the angles. No, I was going to say call him up. Get him on the line. No, I'm just... Come on, push it one more time.

Push it one more time. No, now it's no good. You can't do it now that I'm pushing you to do it. If you would have just... Come on, push it one more time. Push it one more time. No, now it's no good. You can't do it now that I'm pushing you to do it. If you would have done it organically, it would have been great. But you were too busy trying to control the production. You're like the type of... Like when people make fun of a wife

or being like, I don't want you to do the dishes. I want you to want to do the dishes. Yeah, exactly. Hey, Brad Pitt. That would be great Rick Glassman I'm a massive fan

I really There's very few people I Enjoy more podcasting with I really enjoy it It's a real rollercoaster of things going on I mean in this one we had Some maybe real moments I don't know we had some humor you were hilarious you're extremely talented multi-talented you are an absolute great producer you're very

funny the stand-ups gotta be great I've never watched it but you're so talented it's got to be great you like switching throughout so you've been missing a lot of my fun stuff I mean of all of it, yeah. I mean, now it's coming. Send this to me. Now it's coming. See? Are you going to have notes?

I'll take care of it for you. Now it's going from subconscious to conscious. Now he's realizing. He's like, that is me, man. I'm like, you come in. That's probably a lot of what you're thinking about because it's a big part of your talent. A big part of your talent. Because when you watch your podcast,

you're like, holy fuck, you took something that's so stripped down, so user-generated, and you make it look very professional and produced. Keep talking, keep talking, talk to me. You make it look very produced and professional, but you're also doing things on the fly which are not produced.

So the combination, the juxtaposition of the not produced and the produced is pretty amazing that you're able to do two of those things at the same time. And the person who walks in doesn't know whether it's scripted or not. I had no idea that you animate things in.

I didn't know that you had all these preconceived notions that were going on. I mean, what you create is absolutely original. It's also unexpected. and it really fuses. That's Rick Glassman, at Rick Glassman from the Take Your Shoes Off podcast. Giannis, I had such a great time. Thank you so much for having me. I think you're so, I think you're funny. So are you going to get me an Uber Black or am I going to get it? I'm going to get you. We just got to find a place to cut it. What you mean you end it right what i mean before the uber black would have been good but you just gotta control you gotta control you don't understand you don't understand how bts works

it ends it ends it ends on a laugh i didn't i you know what uber black is the laugh was it was is that a laugh for the fourth callback i mean it's the fourth or sixth time you did it kind of breaks the fourth wall i mean you know it's like how a laugh for the fourth callback? I mean, it's the fourth or sixth time you did it. It kind of breaks the fourth wall. I mean, you know, it's like. How does that break the fourth wall? Because the Uber Black is like it's been done. We get it. You want an Uber Black.

You're not going to get it. It's what it is. I can't afford it. Also, you're not good enough for me to put you in there. We know it. Okay? If you were Jennifer Lopez, I'm getting you an Uber Black. I'll call it.

Huh? I'll call it. You call it. I'll pay for it. How are you going to pay for it? I'll Venmo it to you. I'm not going to take money from you. You'll have to trust me. You'll have to trust me. No, I'm not going to take money from you. You take Bitcoin. I'll pay for it. How are you going to pay for it? I'll Venmo it to you. I'm not going to take money from you. You'll have to trust me. You'll have to trust me.

No, I'm not going to take money from you. You take Bitcoin. I'll get my... I'd like to give a shout out, by the way, to Chrissy Chaos and the podcast for getting me an Uber back. And we... By the way, I think... When does this come out?

If it will come out. Maybe it's already out, maybe it's not, but check that out. Actually, could you make this the beginning of the cold open? If you want to watch this, that's fine, but first go watch me on Chrissy Chaos or just go watch Chrissy Chaos.

You know, he sent me a really nice text. How many podcasts did you guys do together, by the way? So many. For a while, we had a daily show

where we were doing it on Patreon daily. Making a lot of money, huh? We did pretty good. People liked it. You didn't want to do it anymore? People like it. People like it. Would you say you did more than 50 with him 50 is i mean we're talking so many 50s not even close to the amount of podcasts we did together uh 100 more much more much more

much much more maybe like 700 episodes if you count all the daily ones and bonus episodes and the lives, it's so many. So many. I mean, that's why people talk about like... You had some good ones? Oh, my God. It was a classic podcast. I mean, you know, it was classic. Well, Chris texted me, dude, I'm so happy to have finally got together.

You may have given us the best pod we've ever done wow wow that was really nice i'm sure he meant every word i did only one of those well you guys decide head on over there and leave a comment if you think that it's a better episode and he's or he's just better comment on chris's podcast um we loved rick on yannis but this is way better not because of rick but because of chris listens yeah yeah and is um is i thought you said he had a funny doesn't mean he's not he's not he's not there right that's who he really is you're overcompensating he can't help it so he's authentic and you're just trash that's rick glassman at the rick glassman instagram cut now guys want to give a small business shout out to freaking cold spring water.

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