Yannis Pappas Hour - Royals, Flush You - Long Days with Yannis Pappas - Episode 11

Episode Date: March 14, 2021

Yanni reminisces about his old TV show for ABC’s Fusion and how great that worked out fir his career, what truth in advertising would really look like. He examines how powerful personality is, I mean how the hell did a squeak asshole like Hitler get away with they evil? Yanni discovers and explains a big part of his podcast called comment roulette which he will now incorporate into the show. Have you ever wondered why the Royal family is a stupid entity, Yanni explains and much much more!    For bonus content and to Support LongDays click here: https://www.patreon.com/yannilongdays   The show goes out every Sunday at noon to youtube and audio platforms but while it's being recorded the show goes LIVE on Yannis' Instagram!   Come join in on the LONG DAY Follow Yanni Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Y'all, Wastadeles, welcome to Long Days with Yanni or Yanni Long Days, whatever you want to call it. I've noticed from watching all the previous episodes that I do touch my nose a lot. No, I'm not on cocaine. I've never done cocaine. One of the Greek people who my parents helped immigrate to this country who owned a diner told my parents I was doing cocaine. So for three years in high school, my dad would follow me to see if I was doing cocaine because the Greeks will do that to impress other Greeks when they can't pay the people for their legal services, they'll harass their son

just because he's hanging out with black people. So because I used to go to the diner, hang out with Jesse and the blacks, he told my parents, he said, listen, Mrs. Pappos, thank you very much for making me come to the United States. You gave me the free immigration

case. But Yanni, we worry about Yanni. He comes to the Grecian corner and he gets a zero. He gets a zero. But he's hanging out with the blacks. He has a friend who's a black. They're bad blacks. These are bad people. The blacks are bad people. He can't hang out with the blocks. He has a friend who's a block. They buy blocks. These bad people.

They block some bad people. He carry them with the black people. And we went to the table and we saw he had a bag of cocaine. This is a true story, actually. You know that fucking story. So this fucking guy

told my parents I was doing coke. So my dad used to follow me and hide in trees and shit with binoculars to see if I was doing blow. I was just smoking weed and ruining everyone's day,

telling them we were going to die one day. Remember how I used to just, we'd go on the park bench and we'd smoke weed, and I would just get overly philosophical, and I'd be like, guys, what's life about? We're going to die. I'd just give you a fucking long day, and you'd walk home with your head blown. I did that once we were tripping on mushrooms.

I think somebody killed themselves because of me. I had to leave because of you. I left. I left. I remember the night. So I had to leave because of you. I left. I remember the night. So I touch my nose a lot because I have horrible allergies and it itches. Although if I remember from my famous TV show on Fusion, on the big TV show. God, I hope I get a TV show.

God, I want a TV show. Can I get a TV show? I want a TV show on channel 136. Give me fucking tv show i want to make a couple grand i want to fucking it's not a waste of time are you kidding me put me on a subway fucking billboard people care i want you to draw a penis into my dick and ass and face like anyone cares right now oh god i want a tv show on. So when I got a TV show on Fusion, what I learned from that is if when you're on camera, right, any little move you make just is exaggerated a hundred times.

So if you touch your nose at all, something that you would do in a normal conversation that nobody would notice, like if I went like that during a normal conversation, nobody would go, why are you touching your nose? But if you do that while you're on television, people go, oh my God, Giannis Pappas is smoking crack. One swipe of the nose looks like you're...

You know, it just looks like you're a crackhead. You're just going like, yeah, just fucking, you know. Yeah, you just scratch it and fucking... It just gets exaggerated. God, we had to do a second take and we forgot the first take. What was it? Red Bull. Fuck, we missed to do a second take And we forgot the first take What was it? Red Bull

Fuck, we missed it Here's the deal, okay I'm not on cocaine I never tried cocaine Even though my dad thought I did cocaine for three years But I do drink Red Bull No, I don't But if you do

That means you used to do cocaine Red Bull, here's the Can't you just be honest, Red Bull, with your advertisements? Stop making advertisements where there's some fucking guy skydiving out of a plane. That guy doesn't care if you drink a Red Bull. Nobody drinks a Red Bull and goes,

you know what, I want to go jump out of a helicopter. You can hand him a water and he's going to do that because he's white and he's evil and he needs to feel again. Because we're sociopaths. That's what we do. We conquer, we kill, and we need to feel by doing things like fucking snowboarding and jumping out of helicopters

because we're fucking evil! And we're on notice and I bang my knee. I just bang my knee. Shit! I noticed if you definitely know a recovering addict, if he's drinking Red Bull with no caffeine. If there's no caffeine in the Red Bull, he used to do cocaine. Yeah.

You never bang your knee. Like when you bang your knee or your toe, it's just like you just, it's like you sucking on a thousand lemmings at one time. Just the pain is like somebody just is dripping lemon juice into your face those those advertisements are just they're they're not accurate can we just make an accurate ad red bull okay if anyone's drinking a red bull it means they're an alcoholic nobody goes into a bar and asks for a red bull if there's a chance that they may end up in the back of a cop car that night that's why they want a red bull okay so just do a commercial where a guy walks in he sees the guy doing a line

of blow and he says give me 15 red bulls please to go because otherwise i'm gonna end up with fucking glass in my forehead and in the back of a cop car stop doing the helicopter nobody's jumping out of a helicopter for a red bull okay same thing lebron i really don't believe you had a sprite lebron before the game okay because you still got your feet so it's like i don't think your nutritionist is going like you know what lebron let's have this quinoa and protein freshly dish and wash it down with cancer sugar water i don't think anyone's doing that drake or lebron and when did it become okay for rappers to be from canada wasn't that a rule isn't a white rapper more street credible than a kid from canada i think it used to go like all right black you

could be black number one for street kid then you could be hispanic number two they let hispanics in right and then fucking uh third base came in there and the next thing you know there was a few other white rappers now it's just raining white rap are there any black rappers there's more little white guys there's a bunch of lules who are white i can't believe it just because you got face tattoos and you're trying you tell me your mother's 10% Ecuadorian doesn't mean you're a fucking not a white kid Lil Xan okay

you're a fucking white kid if your hair moves when the wind blows you're white you understand what I'm saying Sean King grow your hair out

how scared do you think Sean King was during quarantine do you think he called his barber and said yo put a mask on and keep me fresh every three days

it's terrifying Because if that hair Fucking grew out He would have to do One of these If you hit one of those It's over If Sean King gets caught

Doing one of those I bet you when the wind blows He goes chill chill chill Like a guy with a toupee He's like chill wind chill Chill chill It's true He needs a very specific haircut

Yeah I mean My name is Sean King Dog you hurt Like for real Yeah i mean body gloves some check out my mixtape you heard my pops was real light skin and so yeah i mean i've been rapping for a little while but also i'm kind of you know i'm into social issues and whatnot yeah i'm a professor down at baruch college word up yeah i mean they say yo what are your credentials where you went to where you got your phd i said oh why you asking me where i got my phd

is that a construction of the white male patriarchy you hurt so you're not gonna hire me you're not gonna hire me if I didn't go to one of your white schools you hurt I went to Morehouse College big up son fucking Alpha Sig or whatever that black fraternity is son I got my branding right here I got my cow branding right there fucking you know I mean I got Shaq on speed dial you hurt we in the same frat you heard? I be doing stomp shirts and everything. I be doing fucking stomp shows. You heard? You know what I mean?

You feel me? You know what I'm saying? Yo, kids from the hood want to make sure you hear them. They're like, you feel me? You heard? You know what I mean? You feel me? You know what I mean?

You heard? Oh, man. Sean King king he's the best he's the best where where was i starting from there i don't remember who remembers what we were talking about red bull yeah let's just have some honesty and fucking advertising when you look at a burger king commercial that's not even a real not even a real uh it's not even a real burger. And what is up with this? Like, everyone's going like, we're not going to be quiet while there's any inequity. I keep seeing this. If you listen to ABC News now, it's just every, every, if you, I was listening to ABC Radio News on the way here, every single news story is about how they're trying to rectify inequity. This is very dangerous rhetoric that makes me scared because the state of nature is inequity. There's no such thing as equality, okay? You cannot diversify the admissions process at prestigious universities without impeding upon the standard, the high standard

of it, because Asians are just going to crush it. It's not even the honks who are crushing, it's the Asians. And so that's a very interesting thing happening right now is that they're saying, oh, there's this discrimination in the hiring process, but it's Asians taking all the spots. You know what I'm saying? It's like, how do you diversify a culture where they're just, they work, their parents hit them with the ruler if they stop studying. You know, the way you relax for about eight to 10 hours a day, you know, the way Americans scroll for about eight to 10 hours a day, most of my day is spent scrolling. Like I thought yesterday, like, yo, what do I got to do tomorrow? And I was like, oh shit. Uh, I got to

wake up. I got to eat. I got to remember to hold my baby and I got to pretend to help my wife. That was my day. That's 12 hours of my day in a Chinese, uh, household. It's the opposite. It's like if you do not continue playing the piano, they shoot one of your pinky toes off. And that's your mom doing that. If you do not, if you miss one note on the violin, you lose a pinky toe, okay? And then they do, they prick you with those fucking, that's basically what acupuncture is.

It's been watered down from ancient family tiger mom torture device whereas the kid is reading and they just stick needles in you that's torture they've you know they've watered it down for us and they make us believe you know they make you believe it cures your back or whatever yeah that's what cures your back you don't have to go to school or anything just stick needles in my pressure points what what pressure points what fucking yeah that works just stick a stick needles in my pressure points. What pressure points? What fucking? Yeah, that works. Just stick a couple of needles in there and I walk out feeling good.

What they do is they come here and they sell that to freaking soccer moms who are going like, yeah, no, I'm getting into Eastern culture. Okay, I joined a cult that was led by an Indian guy. He sits in Pampers all day and he fucks my wife. And I moved to Oregon and he's just fucking all of our wives.

It will never stop being funny to me that cult leaders will fuck your wife and you will somehow like it you will somehow enjoy it and understand and he will get away with it and the cult leaders are never big strong dudes that just lets you know the power of personality when when uh Jackson said in Pulp Fiction, personality goes a long way, he was not kidding. Hitler was a small man who looked like the opposite of what he was saying was superior. And he was able to convince people

who should be putting him on a hanger by his underwear that he was their leader because the kid spoke with passion because he was angry that people didn't like his finger paintings i mean how funny is this world do you guys understand what i just said is what happened hitler was like a five six dude who looked like he should be doing your accountant the kid he looks like he should have his fucking name on the door with cpa there and you walk in and he's got his mustache and he's got his loafers on

and he calls you Bubby. Okay? He looked, who looked more like the people he was railing against than him? His name could have been Hitlerston by his look. Okay, Bubby, this is jokes, Bubby. But I mean, his look, he could have looked. I mean, you throw curls on that kid. I mean, you could see him in Sheep's Head Bay.

Eddie, you put him on Avenue J in a second. You throw fucking curls. You throw curls on me, you throw curls on that kid. I mean, basically anyone who doesn't have blonde hair can look like a Jew. So that's really like, you throw curls on Jew. I mean, yeah, on Drew, Jew. I are you my yeah i drew jew i called you jew but your name is drew my brother has blonde hair and blue eyes he's what hitler wanted it's what

he wanted yeah that's what he wanted and he didn't have that which is hilarious i mean and germans are some big kids there's some big viking looking kids um and uh you know how like i i think i developed humor as a defense mechanism to not get beat up. Cause I don't like a conflict or whatever. That's what we all did or to get posts or whatever, without having to be tough. I think Hitler might have done all that as a defense mechanism. So they didn't hang him up by his underwear on a hook.

That whole shit might've just been, he developed that charisma and like one, those people who were going to give him wedgies over by being like, you know, you're the super people. And they're like, yeah. might have just been he developed that charisma and like won those people who were gonna give him wedgies over by being like you know you're the super people and they're like yeah you know it's just all fucking hilarious bullshit is the way things go um you can tell yanni and chrissy are naturally funny schultz forces it i shouldn't have read that comment but that's what happens when you when you look down you know what it is it's like russian roulette that's why i like going live right now like what i'm gonna do from now on is once in a while i'm just gonna look down and read whatever's there so keep keep going and write whatever and it's just gonna it's we're gonna

this is like this is like cafe vegas right now i'm gonna look down every couple minutes and whenever i see something, whatever it is, I'm just going to read it. Even if it's I want to bang out your wife, whatever it is, I'm going to read it. Comment roulette. Huh? Comment roulette.

Go after bad friends. No, I'm not going after bad friends. All I'm going to do is Yanni Longday's here. Just comedy. No fucking tricks. No gimmicks. Just me and a glass of water. Ah.

This is what Angelo used to drink and it was vodka. Yeah. Dude, it was ridiculous. Yeah. Talk about the interdimensional beings. There are no interdimensional beings. Here's the thing. If there are aliens, this is my thought.

If there are aliens, this is my thought. If there are aliens, it makes sense. It makes sense that they would come, be seen, and then disappear. Because people always go, why would they just show up in Poughkeepsie?

You know? Take a look at one dude in a John Deere hat and then disappear. And here's what I think. Imagine you're so advanced that you look at us as like inferior beings, right? The way we look at ants. You kind of walk past an anthill. You'd go like, oh, that looks shitty. You know, you're just all working for this queen and you do nothing. and then you just bounce

it's uninteresting so that's what maybe that's what maybe aliens do is they kind of just take a peek like we would when we're passing like an anthill or something oh you just look you take a peek you go there's a bunch of ants and those ants are doing nothing that you're interested in nor are they doing anything that you could even get involved in because they're on some next level stuff. I mean, imagine they're on that like Mark Zuckerberg level to a million. And Mark Zuckerberg looks like he was reanimated out of the feudal system. I mean, that kid looks like if you were a peasant girl who had a little prettiness,

he would put you in a basement into some shackles and do some things that were not cool. Not cool. That's what his eyes, Mark Zuckerberg eyes are dead. I mean, look at him do it. Yeah, I mean, he had, yeah. I mean, if that is not a rug, I don't know what is. I mean, they put,

doesn't he look like a British Lord or something? He looks like a British Lord. He looks like a British Lord lord the kid's got something he's got something going on yeah and i'll tell you what one of the things is is uh he's got a hunger for ad money for because for years they were letting anything slide if your shit got hits they were throwing ads on anything even if it was burn it all down america they're like slap a fucking kinko's ad on that hey this is uh yeah hey my name is alex jones you're listening to alex jones news where we do the news right and mark zuckerberg was going like brought to you by kinkos yeah mark zuckerberg with his Asian girlfriend.

I mean, I'm telling you, dude, it works out because they're both very, very smart. And I told you, they vibrate. They vibrate. They vibrate. That's why Asian dudes are so brilliant. Asian dudes dominate the admissions process. And if you look at their porn,

generally their shweens look a little smaller. I'm not saying they are, but we all know they are, you know? Just like Greek statues. I mean, like like it's what it is you know um we're just like we don't we're not endowed like that but you don't need to be in that when you can shiver and then it shoots out it shoots out you know how soccer players aren't tall but they're quick that's like the sperm from little jew dicks they're quick the sperm shoots out shoots out yanni has a crush on zach's girlfriend um yeah look at that it's he's married to mrs swan i want to get mrs swan canceled yeah that's a new thing i just want to get her canceled

mrs swan because she's Mrs. Swan she's ducking but they're going to find you they are pecan ducking you big news of the day everybody we cannot this week there's no way we cannot talk about Meghan Markle

Meghan Markle otherwise known from her famous role on some cop show on tbs or learning channel or or true tv or what was it abc what would she was like on she was like third fourth did she was she was she an actor who made six figures on suits suits what show is oh suits was on hbo was some shit right showtime like usa today usa so she was on usa today network one of those i don't know if it was that but it's one of those yeah she was on usa today network uh yeah by the way John Stamos hit me up and said, you know,

he thinks I'm funny, of course, and I love John Stamos and he said, maybe we'll do something together in the future and I think he was just telling me I'm funny

just to set me up because he just wants to do something in the future because I think the kid is just looking for work. I think actors right now are just looking for work.

Stamos, you don't think his pockets are deep? Oh, his pockets are deep. Oh, yeah? Oh, his pockets are deep. Oh, yeah. Oh, his pockets. He got that full house.

Yeah. Yeah, Stamos has got some deep money. Yeah, and Greeks, too, don't pay taxes. He's been hiding money in his mattresses. Stamos knows how to. Greeks, we just know how to hide money. So I'm just kidding. But, yo, actors, like, yeah, they don't really.

If you're not on, like, one of three or four or five hit shows. Yeah. Like, how do these actors make money nobody's getting paid nobody's watching these these advertisers aren't giving away big dollars anymore i think he just did a commercial actually that's where you get your money sell that fucking yogurt sell that hummus sell that sabra this is long days brought to you by are you feeling like you know hot you feeling you know, you want to get in touch with your ancestors or have a right to return? Try Sabra Hummus.

I like mine with red pepper. Now, fucking let's talk about Meghan Merkle. It's funny. Podcast ads are always funny. It's like blue chew. You want to get a hard dick. You want to shave your balls. You need therapy yeah it's really funny but you know what the real people are watching this but it's just those

companies don't have the balls to advertise on something like this. So they're still advertising on like, you know, this week on, you know, robot comedy sitcom. Hey, how you going? Laugh track, laugh track, laugh track. Buy Dove soap. Nobody fucking cares. No? Meghan Markle.

So she was on Suits, a show named Suits that nobody watched, nobody cared about. And, um... 90210. She was on 90210 in some backup role fringe

she was on friends fringe oh French and then she married Prince Harry the one with hair Princess Di's children Princess Di's orphans

because Princess Di decided to to by go the rules and marry an Arab. She was with an Arab. Now, that is new, new. Listen, I'm all about diversity and love and peace and all that. But let's be honest, okay? Let's be honest.

This is real dad. This is his real dad. That's his real dad? Her horse trainer. Maybe. Yeah, because he doesn't look like Charles. I mean, where are the fucking big ears? Where are those Dumbo inbred ears? Look at those things.

I mean, those ears are calling to be dragged to the principal's office. His father's got some big ass ears. That's what they say. That's the rumor. But here's the deal. Of course, these wasps are going to be upset if you're ethnically not a wasp. They're not even used to marrying people outside of their own immediate family. So they'd probably be mad if you were a third cousin. They'd be like, keep these outsiders out of here. We only keep it first and second cousin level.

We really keep it within the family. And by family, I mean sister and first cousins. These are inbred fucking idiots. And so of course they're going to be upset. Princess dies, marrying an Arab. Are you kidding me? They'd be mad if she was, if she was marrying someone who was a fourth cousin, let alone Meghan Markle, an American, let alone, what is she, half black?

She's half black, half African American. Of course it's going to piss the queen off because they live in a castle. Nobody in a castle is going to have progressive views. You're never going to meet someone and she's going to say, I'm the Duchess of Sussex. By the way, she got married to Prince Henry, and then now all of a sudden she's the Duchess of Sussex. Some fucking C-level actress from the OC in LA.

I got to call the Duchess of fucking Sussex. Yeah, and I'm the Prince of Brooklyn. How's that sound? I guess from now on, call me the Bishop of Park Slope. I mean, what kind of fucking fantasy land are we living in here? You know what's funny? It's funny that these

European countries talk about how backwards we are in America and all that. They are the most backwards just because they accept these futile symbolic figures that they pay millions of dollars in tax dollars to keep.

I don't know what they do. And if you ask them, they go, you know, they represent the country. You're going, what? They represent the country by, you know, eating oysters and sitting in a castle and like, what do they do? Why do you keep them?

It's a tradition. It's like, here's the deal. Here's the deal about it. Here's the deal. Kings and queens were basically dictators. It was basically, the feudal system was a system of oppression. You want to talk about oppression? There was no room for upward mobility in the feudal system. You were either born into the royal family, you were either born into the aristocratic class, or you were born a peasant and you worked for the king and he could just walk around, or prince,

or whatever royal could walk around his lands and take whatever farm girl he wanted and do whatever he wanted. Or boy, okay? I'm not going to say what his sexuality was. I'm pitying myself. I'm fucking an ass. Or assuming that the Prince was even straight, okay? Even though he's raping people, I want to make sure he's raping everybody.

I don't want to just say he's just raping girls. He's raping everybody, boys, man, equal opportunity, raper. So that's what they did. And they inherited the throne through birthright. They are essentially dictated. There is no difference between Saddam Hussein's children and Saddam Hussein than any king or queen. It's the same shit.

And they were often, almost always, just as brutal. So if you're going to keep your kings and queens, Norway and Sweden and also England, then maybe Germany should also keep its Fuhrer as a symbol. He's a symbol. How about Italy still has Mussolini? He doesn't do the things he used to do. He's just sort of a symbol.

It's a symbolic dictator. Okay, we took out Gaddafi and you put him on a shish kebab and put things in his butt and stuff like that. It was horrible. But let's have a symbolic Gaddafi. Put a guy up there in fucking Ray-Bans and a turban and let him roll around in khakis and hold a walkie-talkie and ride in a Jeep. And he's just representing your country. It's just taxpayers pay for it. And when he walks by, he can wave to everybody and everybody waves at him. And it's just symbolic.

When he walks by, he can wave to everybody, and everybody waves at him. And it's just symbolic. Why don't we just do that? You know, what's the difference between kings and dictators? What's the difference? What's the fucking difference? If you're going to keep them to be symbolic, let's keep them all. Let's fucking Pol Pot started a tradition.

And what country was Pol Pot? Whatever Asian country he was in. You should keep those. Genghis Khan. How come there's not a vicious conquering ruler that just goes around? There should be in Greece or Macedonia, depending on which side of the spectrum you fall on. Alexander was Greek, by the way, ancient Greek, okay?

He was in the Macedonian region, but they were all Greek because Greek was the dominant culture. They say Rome conquered Greece, but Greece conquered Rome because of genius, baby, with the genius. The Greek brain is everything you say to that genius. So they should just have symbolic conquerors that go out once in a while,

like Alexander the Great, like, you know what I mean? Just some conqueror goes out and just waves. He's got his horses and their soldiers, and they do a little raping, but it's for symbolic, to represent the country and the empire. The Ottomans should have the same thing.

You know, a couple of sultans go out, steal a couple of boys, have a harem, big deal. A eunuch guarding the harem, fucking smack the eunuch once in a while. Could you imagine if you walked into your harem to bang your bitches, and there was some dude who was like jacked up had no balls who was watching him did you know that that's what eunuchs were used for sometimes so they would use eunuchs

to watch the girls because the eunuchs couldn't fuck because they chopped their their penises off so they couldn't fuck the girls but they could watch them. So that would be funny if you just walked in. You walked in. Yo, yo, what's up? Sissy or boss? How's my bitches? He's like, they're doing okay, boss. They're doing okay, boss.

I mean, you know, Tina got a little out of line, so I had to smack her up a little bit. But, you know, your bitches are doing pretty good. I keep them in order. You know, Samantha's out of line once in a while, but you know what I mean? There was a couple guys came in here and tried to sex

some of your bitches, but I fought them off. I fought them off, good boss. Oh, Meghan Markle. So it's like, why are we caring

about the royal family? Why do you guys still have a royal family? And I love when they call our country racist When we've had a black president We've had a black chief justice A few black chief justices Black secretary of state

The list goes on and on and on Cabinet members, congressmen At least 12% Mayors, governors There could probably be more of those A little more representation In local city councils and whatnot but i think it's about 12 percent of congress now is has the black congress

about 12 percent it's about that's pretty on that's pretty representative of actually the black population about 12 percent and in congress there's 12 percent black congressmen i mean we got black millionaires and this is only like you know 150 160 years ago so blacks 12%. And in Congress, there's 12% black congressmen. I mean, we got black millionaires. And this is only like, you know, 150, 160 years ago. So blacks are doing great considering the systematic fucking racism and brutality.

But America is by far not as racist as fucking Europe. You go to the soccer games, you see hell Hitler salutes in the stance and they're just going oh yeah that's just our that's our far right party france is the word yeah they say oh yeah they have like a few seats in parliament you're going what yeah because you know in those countries there's like 12 there's like 12 political parties they even have like a

communist party and then they'll have like a naz party. Like in Greece, it was Golden Dawn. And in these other countries, they had something, you know, that was tantamount. That was, yeah, that was the same as Golden Dawn. They were like basically just like white nationalist parties or whatever. And they have parliament seats. Didn't you travel with one of your college roommates to Europe? Yeah, he was black. Me and my college roommate was black.

We traveled to Europe together. We went to visit my friend in Montenegro, which is former Yugoslavia. Second tallest people in the world, by the way, behind some African tribe. The average height is like 6'4". So I was walking around. I just felt like I was Alice in Wonderland or something.

I just looked like a little person like they look like they stretch me out like matt damon you know oh like joe rogan yeah i didn't say that um and so uh and so yeah they would point to him and they'd go jordan this was like 2000 or something so they were going like were you born yet? 2000? 97. Yo, he did that. He said, come on, bro. You know me. I got hair. I got hair.

I got a mustache. So they would just point to him and go Jordan, Michael Jordan. They had never seen a black person before in their entire life. And this was before the internet, the internet like just started. So it was like,

there was like dial up AOL where like you would go into AOL chat rooms and then make the call to the girl. And then you guys would, you guys would jerk off together. That's what I heard. You remember those AOL chat rooms where you're just like, hey, what's going on? Hey, what's going on?

You want to go in a private room? What's up? Hey, how's it going? So they would just point at him and go, Jordan. But I do remember we traveled Europe together, and we were traveling through Germany in the Eurorail. And you have these cars. I don't know if they still do it. It's like, you get your own car, like there's little cars and there's three seats. There's three, six people can sit there, but at night the seats come together so you can lay down. So if it's three people in there and nobody else in there, three people can lay down. So you don't want people coming in your

car cause you have your own private car. So what we did was we took our big nobody else in there three people can lay down so you don't want people coming in your car because you have your own private car so what we did is we took our big bags because we had those backpacks by the way canadians put their fucking canadian flag on there so then europeans know that they're canadian so they don't hate them as much as americans fuck you and then when you need your oil and shit who do you come to we should just fucking let we should send a message and say hey take canada take canada we'll see how quick you take your canadian flags off your backpacks you fucking communists you know that they put their they put canadian flags on their back flags just to let people know they're not it's like we know

dude we heard you say about we see the way you're walking like a fucking naive, like, oh, crime exists, eh? I'm not sure. I'm from the T-Dot. So what we did was we were going through Germany, and it was me and Todd in our car. We took our bags, and we put them together in the middle and put the seats together, put a sheet over it with his hat at the top and his sneakers at the bottom so it looked like it was a sleeping person in between us because we didn't want anyone to come in they wanted to people to look in and be like

oh this car is completely full so then the the police come the military comes and checks your passports right so like somewhere we were we were sleeping and the bag was between us and they woke us up so we woke up to these like monster aryan like one of them was a girl and she was like 6'3". She looked like Martina Navratilova, like Mario ate a mushroom and like grew. And she was jacked. I mean, she was a big woman. She was a big, as my dad would say,

she was built like a brick shithouse. And so it was like, and they had like fucking ar-15s and so they checked their passports and they they said how about him and they were like they were like how about him how about his press but we're like oh no and we pulled we pulled we showed them the bag and they were like oh it's very clever and the germans laugh like this they go ha ha ha ha ha very clever that's so funny that's not a real person. We thought it was a real person. So we tricked them.

They thought it was a human standing there. It was a well-done dummy that we created. So there's illegal entries at the border up. That's going up. You know, and Democrats are saying it's because they're not answering, which I love. They're pushing the buck, which is hilarious. So Republicans are saying that

all these illegal crossings are happening because Biden's in office and people in Central America have gotten the message that the border's open and just make a run for it because Trump's out of there. And so just go for it. And then when reporters ask the Biden administration, the Biden administration just goes,

talk to Homeland Security. That's there. That's our department. It's got nothing to do with us. They just keep pushing it back to Homeland Security. And Republicans are saying like, yeah, that's why they're doing it. They're doing it because Biden's in office and they feel like it's free rent. It is up. It is up. So people are just like coming into the country crazy. They're trying to get in like crazy. And the Biden administration did release a nice, it was just a nice statement. They said, we just want to send a message.

First of all, they don't speak English. So, and let me just go out on a hunch. If you're trying to sneak in to the country inside of the asshole of a bigger guy, then I'm gonna go out on a limb and maybe say you're not watching CNN. You may not be tuning into Cuomo's show to hear the Biden administration's message

to the migrants trying to illegally immigrate into America? They may not get the message because the message was from the White House spokesperson, the little redhead, you know, that little fucking hot redhead. Yeah. Yeah. Roller girl from roller girl. She said, we want to send a message that this is not a good time to come to the country. This is not a good time. Yeah, it's not a good time. There's a fucking pandemic.

You think you might want to close the border. And she said, we don't want to close the border, but we want to send a message that this is not a good time to try to come to our country. But you know what? They're basically saying nobody's home now, but come back tomorrow, we will be open. So we close on Sundays for the Jewish holidays. We'll close on Mondays.

They're basically treating America like B&H. It's like B&H. You know what I mean? You get all excited and you go down there on a Thursday and you realize it's Rosh Hashanah. But you're likenh you know what i mean you get all excited and you go down there on a thursday and you realize it's russ yashana but you're like you know what they will be open during christmas wide open so if you're late with your christmas gifts and your nephew's a tech geek you will be able to go last minute on christmas and get him a fucking video set light microphone hold your iPhone tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock

work it girl turn to the left work it girl turn to the right do your thing on the runway you better work it Meghan Markle nobody knew who the fuck you were until you married Prince Henry fucking work that pussy girl work that fucking

royal money, girl. Wouldn't they get 16 million from that interview? I love that we live in an era where royal multi-multi-millionaires can get interviewed by a billionaire and the interview could still be about oppression. That is great. That just lets you know that the amenities of modernity

have made us all feel so comfortable that any slight inconvenience feels like oppression. a half black unknown actress marrying the prince first of all my 90 year old fucking queen inbred wasp grandmother is probably gonna have a problem with it just because she's a fucking actress something you don't understand is like when you come from like those old wasp families they still look down on actresses like if you came in with tom cruise they would go he's a scientologist like he had to give up his asshole to some old studio head in order to get into this business it's it's beneath them you don't think that you oh so you think you think Tom Cruise is more talented? He's more, so Tom, so you're making that face, Jesse, because you really believe Tom Cruise is talented. That's what got him into the big dance.

You don't think he gave up that version asshole to a few fucking kinky studio heads? If you don't think so, you're gonna know this ain't coming. I mean, what's the difference between Carmen Electra and a girl named Suzy from tennessee one's willing to give hand jumps the other one's not one takes her christianity a little more seriously and the other one is looking to cut corners with jesus the other one wants it just

a little bit more i mean it's a talent i mean what do you think that's fucking town runs on i love how everyone's so surprised at harvey wines why do you think that fucking town runs on? I love how everyone's so surprised at Harvey Weinstein. Why do you think he wanted to become a powerful studio head? Do you think guys love money that much? No. Guys' life, they like puss puss. And everyone knew it. They all knew it.

And they were paid, Megan and harry upwards the seven million dollars seven million dollars for their uh interview two hours two hour interview seven million dollars during a pandemic you know it's a real good time too to get on and be like you know i just felt a little oppressed i felt suicidal because of the way i was treated you're going like you know what this is a good time where people people are having to be they they're asking for six hundred dollars for the government so they can eat they're looking through? This is a good time where people are having to be, they're asking for $600 for the government so they can eat. Yeah, right. They're looking through garbage. This is a good time to see a scorned Josh of Sussex

with her prince, with that fucking carrot top. Yeah, with fucking roller boy. Enough with the redheads. Dye your hair. It's infuriating. You stand out too much in the crowd, Waldo. No soul. Yeah, what a great time to do an interview, Oprah,

with your billion dollars and these people with their multi-million dollars to talk about their oppression. What I'm trying to say is it could be racial. They could be concerned about the skin color. They may want it to look like a geisha girl when it comes out. That's probable.

I mean, they're inbred fucking royals. I assume the whiter, the better for those fucking animals, right? I mean, those people are fucking inbreds. Have you seen Prince? You see the fucking Princess Di ex-husband's ears? Okay. Charles.

Charles's ears are too big for his face because his parents were first cousins. Princess Di was barely a piece. I bet you she had cankles. I mean, look at that kid's fucking ears. I mean, look at that kid. And look at his father, the one that looks like the Grim Reaper.

He's like 90-something. Yeah, 90-something. And you're like, how do these people stay alive so long? They have like a pacemaker in there that keeps them going. Evil guys live longer. Let's just be honest. Summer Redstone, is he still alive?

No, he's gone. Oh, he died like 98 with his 21-year-old wife. True love exists. True love exists. Prince of Wales. I mean, what are we doing? Are we playing dungeons and dragons i mean what is going on this is not game of thrones you're not the prince of wales there he is look

at this fucking guy yeah of course yeah look at this guy that's when he hits someone in a car he looks like the he looks like a colorized photo of a world war ii corpse found in the snow in russia he looks like a corpse after it's been sitting out in the snow in Russia. He looks like a corpse after it's been sitting out in the conditions. He got defrosted. Yeah, he looks like he's been out in the, he looks like he has a body recovered from Mount Everest. So you, so, oh my God,

big shock, Meghan Markle, that this kid's gonna be a little concerned with the skin color. Yeah, he wants the skin color to be fucking translucent. But also they were probably just a little concerned that he was marrying an actress and an unknown actress at that. Yeah, right.

Can you imagine? Queen Elizabeth was a piece. She was kind of a piece. Yeah, she was when she was younger. She was a little bit of a piece. But I mean, look, it's brother and sister. They look like the same. You know what's funny is Meghan Merkle partied with Matt Ruby,

who's a very famous comedian from New York City. So if you party with Matt Ruby and then end up being queen, something's wrong. You know what? I'm concerned. I would be concerned. I'd be like, how did this woman who was partying at the same time, was popping bottles with Matt Ruby, how did she end up with Prince Harry? I mean, this bitch

should be waitressing in the OC and doing, she should have a fans only page right now. She's marrying the Prince and wearing all types of designer clothes. Where did that money come from? Was it her suits residuals? Where did that money come from, Meghan Markle, to buy those Chanel earrings? Where did it come from? Did it come from the taxpayers? Are you so oppressed that your Chanel outfit is being paid for by hardworking brand people from Liverpool who fist a cuff when they drink too much and vomit on each other's shoes?

You know we still pay a percent of our taxes to the queen, right? Let me tell you something right now, brother. We're paying $1 in taxes. This is too much, brother. I think it's time Paul Revere ran through this country again in his Tesla and sounded the alarm, brother, because our country's been taken over by socialist British communists from China.

Yeah. We still pay taxes? To what? I looked it up yesterday. We still pay, it says, to the queen a percentage because the IRS isn't an American thing. It's like an international thing. You heard it there from Drew first.

Drew from New Jersey. Tell them to Google it. I mean, it's got to be completely... No, let's just leave it. Leave it. Let it hang. Last week, I did a whole 10 minutes on something that happened three years ago. So let's just let it hang.

Nobody comes here for the absolute accuracy of the opinions. We get taxed by the royal crown derrick is like theo vaughn channeling macho man randy savage let me tell you something brother i'm from tallahassee florida florida florida yeah that's it i'm telling you right now i'm just looking down to see the comments you could be this ends up making the episodes we don't do any fucking cuts unless i talk about the impractical j the episodes we don't do any fucking cuts unless i talk about the impractical jokers we don't do any fucking cards that's the joke lord drew a jersey

that's right if you're going to be calling then my name is marisa i'm the queen from the lower east side that's it fuck that shit make me the duchess of west chesna i don't even need no fucking money just put me in somebody's fucking house with a chimney i just need a fucking fireplace to cozy up to put me to yorktown heights i don't even need to go to fucking katona i'm not trying to travel all that high just put me to fucking yonkers no don't put me to fucking yonkers i'm tired yonkers is part of the bronx they better stop calling that shit west chelsea that shit is part of the bronx that's the north bronx that's it i ain't going to you can't be part of west chelsea and there's a fucking casino there. I don't want to see no fucking Asians with cigarettes hanging out there

pulling on a machine. That's it. I'm trying to get out of that shit. I treat Yonkers like a flyover state. I just close my eyes when the train goes through there. I want to go to a place that has the word creek or river or some Indian name in that shit. Take me to Poncahoncas. Take me to Lake Poncachunki.

Take me somewhere like that, Lake Tonki Huki, that's it, I want to see greenery, chance to see a deer, there needs to be whole foods 15 minutes away, that's it, my husband needs to have boat shoes, he needs to like to rent a boat in the summer, he don't need to own that shit, but let's fucking go on a lake, I'm not swimming in that shit, there's too many fungus in there, but I want to be on a boat. Make me feel like fucking Mark Cuban. That's it. Fucking Mark Cuban and shit. You go down to Miami.

Traffic has to be stopped for 40 minutes. And the fucking thing comes up through the Miami River. So he can push his fucking yacht to some steakhouse. That's it. I'm not asking for that. Just take me to Westchester. A cute little Thomas Kinkane cabbage out there in Yorktown Heights. I'll even go to above ground swimming pool.

Think I give a shit? As long as my refrigerator got a fucking water thing on it and an ice machine, I'm chilling. That's it. My kids don't need to go to private school as long as the property taxes pay for a decent public school. I don't give a shit. I want to see at least one deal a year.

That's it. I fucking kill those deals too. I will kill a at least one deer a year. That's it. I fucking kill those deers too. I will kill a deer. You're not supposed to swerve. Don't swerve. You're going to hurt yourself. Especially if you got your grandmother in the car. That could give a heart attack.

Just hit that fucking deer. I'm sorry. There's a lot of them shits out there. There's enough. There's enough of them to kill and hunt. That's it. I just want to be that. I want to be with a man who legally has a gun.

Is that too much to ask to somebody who is a responsible gun owner who knows how to shoot who goes to the gun range and has his papers to show when the police show up? Somebody with a.22 rifle, not these fucking handcuffs and shit like that. I want somebody to shoot like this and say, warning, you're on my property. I don't want somebody to be shooting like this

and shit, saying get off my block and shit, this is my corner. I don't want somebody to be shooting like this and shit, saying, get off my block and shit, this is my corner. I don't ever want to hear the word corner again. Is that too fucking much to ask? I'm giving you people too much more reason. And some people out there don't know more reason. Well, let me tell you something. I fucking affected culture, bitch.

That's how popular a character I fucking was. Some of the most famous people in the world fucking act like me, and you know what I'm talking about. I mean, it's definitely art imitating life, and life imitating art, or art imitating life, but it's still some shit. Shit. You telling me I ain't successful?

I fucking, I affected the whole culture. That's how big I was. I'm fucking that big, bitch. Anyway. Yeah, every Puerto Rican girlfriend I had's mom'm fucking that big, bitch. Anyway. Every Puerto Rican girlfriend I had's mom knew who you were, Marisa. That's the difference in generations between me and Drew. He's like, yo, the girls I was banging,

their moms was real big into you. It'd be funny if we did like Marisa's show in 10 years and just, I grew up with you. It's a bunch of 70 year old women just like coming up. They still come out and pump. Latin's come out like it's a, they come out like it's a, like it like it's a like it's a graduation they're dressed like they're going to their

son's graduation high heels fucking leather pants a little gut over the belt a little sexy gut over the belt titties fucking one flopped over here you know because they've been you know they breastfed about four kids you know and they come say we love maurika. Mauricia! Yo, I'm here to say, how come you're not wearing the wig? I came to get a picture with Mauricia, not you. Chris is going to regret this. I can't do this Russian roulette until this thing blows over a little bit more. Every time I look down, there's a Chris and Sal comment. You always look at the worst ones.

Yeah. You're talking about the WAP. So finally, that $1,400 Stimmy Check's coming too. You know, there's some kids, they're on the GOAT app right now being like, give me those exclusive Jordans. Those dunks. Cha-ching. How many dudes you think are running a Foot Locker with their Stimmy Check?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Sales going up. Yeah. You told me somebody called it a... What is it called? Pent-up demand? Pent-up demand. Pent-up demand.

Pent-up demand just means kids want some new sneakers. They don't got the exclusive seats at Foot Locker, though. No, no. Yeah, you can't... Every now and then, they got one or two. They got like the Jordan brand. It's like the Jordan brands nobody wears. I'm a sneakerhead, but it comes to a point,

once you cross the 40 line, you have to make really strong decisions about what kicks are age appropriate. I used to say this to my great late friend, Angelo Lozada. He may be watching this right now. But the Pumas he used to wear, I said were age appropriate

because they were throwbacks. So you could always wear a throwback. If you're in your 40s or your 50s you just can't wear the jordan 11s you just can't you can't wear dunks you just can't it looks silly when spike spike lee just looks like an old man who lost his clothes spike me spike lee just looks like a man who like fell into the lake and then he had to put on some other guy's teenage son's clothes in order to get back to the city. Looks like he got drunk and fell in a lake in Westchester.

And they're like, come over upstairs. They say, what, you're about a size middle school, right? Come over and just put my... And he's like, I got to go straight to the Nick game, so I have to wear this. He looks like a kid who was found naked and they just put clothes on him. It just doesn't look weird.

You know what I mean? When you see Russell Simmons in a hat and shit like that, you're like, put on a fucking suit, dude. Okay? You look like a corpse, dude. You look like you're 80. I mean, Russell Simmons is 80. You can't be walking around in the newest, you know,

and you can get away with Air Max 1s, I believe. You can get away with Air Max 95s because those are kind of like older looking. But there's just certain, you can't put on the LeBron's. You can't be a 60-year-old man with a champion hoodie and the LeBron's. It just looks weird.

Champion, by the way, the only sweatshirt which Drake will wear and also some guys standing outside of a 7-Eleven smoking a Newport. It's a very like socioeconomic diverse sweatshirt. You're like, yo, is that Drake? Or is that dude at the pay phone outside of a 7-Eleven bumming a Salem cigarette drinking a 40?

Drake. You ever notice that? Champion could go either way. It's like Timberlands. Like you never know. You pick some guy up Champion can go either way. It's like Timberlands. Like, you never know. You pick some guy like the work on your roof and then you have

rappers rocking them. You could call them guys or just say Mexicans. Yeah, I didn't want to go there. Look, if your work's taking somebody was complaining about the work, I was like, you're just not

is that wrong to say that they're better workers? They are just I mean, they just get they show up there to work. They're not there to take breaks. They're there to fucking work, okay? Because they got to fucking make money and hide from the law.

But, so yeah, I mean, here's my solution for the border. This is what you do, okay? This is what you do. People are going to want to come into the country because it's America. What can you do? We're Rome. I'm sure there was Germanic tribes constantly trying to get in that weren't even trying to sack Rome.

They were just trying to sneak into Rome and be citizens. I'm sure that happened all the time. Because it's where all the spoils are. We're an empire. DC, New York, whatever. We're the fourth Rome or the new Rome. So this is what you do. Because it's inevitable.

Things change. Obviously, things are changing already. At least let's get like talented Central Americans. So have a little tryout. You know, like the combine? Let's do a little combine. Am I pronouncing it combine? Yeah, the NFL combine. Yeah, the NFL combine. We'll do an NFL combine at the border is am i pronouncing a combine yeah the nfl combine yeah the nfl combine we'll do an nfl combine but we do we do like a manual labor combine

we want to know who we're getting put up drywall yes run with a plank yeah so at the border you have these little obstacle courses set up of like guys putting up walls, guys drywalling, guys paving driveways, guys cutting grass, just fucking hard manual labor. And you get the best and the brightest. And you draft. You get to draft. You get to draft them.

And then on the flip side, the American government starts to watch the really lazy people, right? Like the people we don't need. Like the people we don't need, like the people who don't really work, like Venetia. I'm just kidding. People say who got Venetia in the divorce. And I just say, she's under the custody of Black Lives Matter. Venetia. Yeah, Venetia. Chris got homeless pimp and Black Lives Matter got Venetia. Chris got Homeless Pimp and Black Lives Matter got Vanity so it's a good inside joke

for the hyena fans on the flip side you start recruiting the people who are kind of slacking in America so you're not doing much right the bloggers some guy claiming to be a journalist whatever I'm a journalist it's like really who do you write for

well I write on my website here's this muckraking piece I did. I never once got into the field, but I wrote it for my computer. You get rid of those. You just round those people up, and you just send them to Mexico. It's a trade. It's called a filtration system. Okay?

It's a trade. Even Steven. How great is that? We get the best and the brightest. They get our worst. Mix it up a little bit. how great is that we get the best and the brightest they get our worst mix it up a little bit because we got some

dead weight you got to trim those dead weight or either that or you could just send them out to sea like those fucking balloons

you know like 16 candles remember that movie at the end or whatever they put up I'm surprised Andrew McCarthy didn't have a bigger career

you know I'm surprised Andrew McCarthy didn't have a bigger career. You know? I'm surprised Andrew McCarthy didn't have a bigger career. Fell off, dude. I mean, I understand that the girls, Ally Sheedy and Molly Ringwald and Demi Moore, I understand that their careers kind of fell off around 40 because, you know, Hollywood's all about sex, and let's be honest, you turn 40,

you might as well be 80 if you're a woman. But yeah, what happened to andrew mccarthy he's not good enough to be in a be in suits with megan merkle i bet you she was in like a c-level movie that he starred in at 50 i guess you just don't want to see and i guess there's some guys you just don't want to see get old because they become such icons it's like there comes a point like cory haim you know what i mean you just don't want to see him 50 going like hey what's going on like you were in goonies dude just like do heroin or whatever there's some comedians you know you just don't want to see older you know i don't know you know their material just doesn't age that well. You know?

Some comedians are very immature, and then you're like, oh, you know. I guess that's what it is. Because look, I mean, it's just disappointing to see him. Look at him. He's somebody's dad now. I love Andrew McCarthy, though. The underdog of the, they were the Brat Pack.

They went, we went from the, that's when you knew, that was the real beginning of the downslide of America right there. When we went from the Rat Pack. The Rat Pack. Who's the Rat Pack? It was Blue Eyes. It was Sammy Davis Jr. It was Dean Martin.

It was Jerry Lutis. It was... And then one other guy I think they all fucked Marilyn Monroe I think they ran a train on Marilyn Monroe when she was high on pills and just nobody

said anything back then I mean Robert Kennedy fucked Monroe I think we said that on here that's a good brother both of them did yeah I mean that's a good brother being like

you know he puts his fucking clothes on he says alright now go blow my brother and she does it and she's Marilyn. That's how fucking powerful you are as president of the United States.

You get the biggest movie star of your day to jerk off your brother, at least after you're done with her. I mean, Jesus Christ. Those days were just like, talk about the patriarchy. That's not cool. That's not cool. That's not cool.

What happened? Not to get on my Alex Jones, but supposedly there was a tape of them banging her and then that she like someone was gonna leak it

so they offed her what do you mean a tape of them they didn't have like fucking yeah iPhones no you could still set up

back then if you wanted to film sex you'd have to bring like a whole crew and film you'd have to wind it up and have to be an AD and a guy holding a mic and a

line producer there's this guy named Gianni Russo. That'd be funny. They're like, Hey man, we want to do a sex tape with Marilyn Monroe. I'd be like,

it's cost too much. We're going to say what's to go of budget. Yeah. It's just like, it's just too much film. We'd waste too much film. But, um,

yeah, that would, that would really even out the immigration problem. I think it would, we'd bring in the best and we would release, we would release some of the people who were kind of slack and, you know, who didn't have the skills or whatever.

The combine is a great idea. It's a great idea, right? Good policy. And, um, you know, I love these people online who are like,

I'm a journalist and whatever. It's like, uh, it's like, try, try that with firefight. I would love that. You didn't go to school or anything.

It's like, yeah, try, try telling people you're a firefighter. Can you carry your fucking you can carry your body weight plus 20 I don't fucking think so

you can fucking tell all people you're a fucking journalist you can tell them you're a fucking actor you can say you're a fucking comedian try fucking carrying

your body weight plus fucking 20 up the stairs of somebody who's voting policies you don't agree with Patreon names? Yeah before we get

to the Patreon names though i just want to make sure that i just want to say officially pepe lepew you're finally on fucking notice we got you dr seuss we fucking got you isaac newton we fucking got you you're all on fucking nudist m&m they're trying to fucking get Eminem. We're going to fucking get everybody. It's a fucking cancel party, and you're not invited. So, I mean, they're trying to take down Newton. They want to change the laws of physics to be called something else.

To not support the PGA. You're a fucking nudist. You know why? Because it's just so much easier to go to your science teacher and say

hey I didn't do the reading on Isaac Newton because it's oppressive than it is to understand what the fuck

Isaac Newton was talking about because that's the important part he was white not that he fucking led to all this the important part

is he was a white man with a cockle so rest in peace to all this. The important part is he was a white man with a cockle. So, a rest in peace to all this canceling. I don't know. Who do you think is going to make it

in the cancel Olympics? Do you think Eminem is going to be canceled or no? I don't think Eminem could get canceled. Do you think Isaac Newton will be canceled?

I thought he already was. He might be canceled, yeah. You know who Jackie Gleason is, but you don't know who Isaac Newton is. Isaac Newton. You do? You're a pretty smart kid for but you don't know who Isaac Newton is. Isaac Newton.

You do? You're a pretty smart kid for a kid from Jersey. I have a 3.7. I graduated with it. You did? Yeah. Ah, fuck. I'm proud of you.

Thank you. Dean's list every semester. You made Dean's list too? Yeah. I mean, 3.5. You know what doesn't go with a Dean's list? Let's see. No.

What? Walking in and saying I got $1,400. Dot, play Ajazon. What were they called? 900. The sweater was $ sweater was yeah what was it what was the sweater again uh it was a gucci sweater yeah those are those were the jeans i was i mean he worked he walked in here like euro trash he walked in i said look these are my 1200 and valenciagas yeah you always notice how europeans have weird sneakers on there's always like a motorcycle bmw adidas or like some weird european manufacturer of puma they wear gloves like bmw yeah it's like you're weird you're weirdos so rest in peace to those

guys taylor lorenz i just want to say um I can't believe this is happening to you. I can't believe Taylor Lorenz. Let me, do you understand? This is Luke St. Simon, and I just wanted to say I'm sticking up for Taylor Lorenz. Okay? She's a tech writer from the New York Times who has been very critical of other people, and now people are saying things about her, including fucking Tucker Carlson. And you, it's targeted harassment, okay?

You don't understand how it works. Reporters can harass without consequence. But you can't talk about the reporters who are writing, even if what they're writing is opinion. Because we're a protected class. We have diplomatic immunity. We got woke badges, bitch. Hello, fucking sheriffs in town. I'm telling the rest.

Don't fucking talk about me. Do you understand? Do you understand what happened to me the other day? I went into my vintage small coffee shop in the middle of Soho, and somebody actually knew who I was. They knew who I was. That is fucking unacceptable. Stop it.

Stop this targeted bullying online from all these fucking alt-right Nazi accounts. Tell her this, tell her that. Do you understand? I did a thorough reporting on Clubhouse, okay, for the New York Times, which is still upholding the highest level of journalism. Do you understand we're still a top? We're not sucking dick for clicks anymore. We're not a car crash on the side of the road trying to turn you into a rubberneck so you'll click on it and we can get ad revenue that's not us we're still a highly reputable objective subscription-based cassette who only is right on the toilet on the upper way

side it's only it's brought it's still brought into the bathroom of the smartest people in the world the new y York Times. See, do you understand? Taylor, the Reds, I feel you. And I hope, I hope, you know, you just, you called Clubhouse. There was a lot of unfettered conversations happening. Dangerous, unfettered convos happening. So you did your reporting. You let the world know that Clubhouse, a new popular app, is fucking being watched. You're being watched for unfettered conversations. You can imply

whatever you want, but as soon as someone disagrees or implies something about you and your reporting, fucking put him on. Yes! So I stand with Taylor Lawrence. I stand with Hillary Clinton. I stand with COVID, okay? COVID is just trying to cross-culturally communicate Wuhan culture to us. So fucking get COVID.

You should get COVID as a cultural experiment. If you don't get COVID, you're discriminating against people from Wuhan. It's not right. Okay? Do you understand? Do you understand? Okay?

You're on fucking notice. You're all on fucking notice. Everyone's on fucking notice. Oh, and I wanted to mention, when I called the nukes that we did dr mahattan it was called the mahattan project that's that was so i wasn't all we know we were all that we're so old we were we were hiding under our desks during that period yeah i remember crawling under a desk during the 60s i knew mahattan was from something

yeah that was close enough he's getting smarter he's doing research he's doing research he wants to correct himself yeah he's coming i was like he's coming in a little less caffeinated but he did want me he asked about a joe button podcast you know what's funny though joe button did come to a maurice's show do you remember that at caroline's he loved it more than one patreon huh he owns a part of patreon does he that was his deal with going to patreon that's what i was saying because i like having you around because you know shit that i could care less about and i need to know that shit because that's the shit that the problem is when you get older you start caring about like things only that matter and our economy does not run on things that matter that's what i'm here for so we need drew around to be like yo what's

the hot bullshit going on right now i mean yo have you been perusing tiktok drew let me fucking know be on the lookout i got a new character piece coming out uh called uh justin trager he's a 40 year old tiktoker that'll be out on our youtube soon uh patreon.com slash yanni long days you need to join okay i've also finally incorporated uh small business sponsors and actual business sponsors who want to get advertised on my social media and all that. But the tiers are up there. If you've got a small business you want to promote, you want to sponsor the show, just like my previous podcast we did, I'm doing that same idea here. So we already have one sponsor who joined up today. There's only five slots. It's for the $100 tier.

So go check it out. Go check the benefits out. There's a $5 level, a $10 level, a $20 level. And there are five slots for that $100 and $500 as many as you want. I'll fucking do ads all day if you're paying $500. So join the Patreon, dude. Video's going up. Squeaky clean the series

The bonus series Just go ask other long haulers How they enjoy your hauliness Giannis Pappas It's a fucking blast Patreon.com slash Gianni Long Days Let's make a fucking statement, guys Let's fuck the system

Go subscription Support the show We're growing we're taking off and you know this now let us read the names Drew

of some of the Patreon members who have joined we'll get through as many as we can your name will be read when you join also on this is coming out on Sunday

next on March 20th very important March 20th go to important, March 20th, go to rushtixwithanex.com or janispapascomedy.com to get tickets for the virtual comedy event I'm doing at Gotham Comedy Club. There's limited seating at the club.

If you want to go live and you live in New York City, get those tickets. It's socially distanced. Otherwise, you can watch from anywhere in the world. Watch me do stand-up live on stage. Interact with me and everything. It's going to be wild. GiannisPappasComedy.com, March 20th.

Get those tickets from anywhere in the world. Okay, Drew. Okay, first name. Sabrina the Hyena. Sabrina the Hyena is a very well-known institution in the podcast facility that is this one. She's a part of the system. Okay, then you have Nate Bergman Sings.

Nate Bergman is a great singer-songwriter, for real. So check out his stuff, Nate Bergman. All right, read them fast. Brady Michargu. All right. My dad went to pound town, and all I got was this lousy prolapsed anus. That's a good one. Jesse likes to get messy.

No cleanup burn. All right. Kevin Key. Lauren. Hi, Lauren. Jamie Dang. Jamie Dang? D-E-N-G. Dang african megan o'brien

megan welcome to the fucking patreon alex indeliciato aka dj del del delicato there you go craig minor hi craig white name craig philip castantino changing channels with chrissy d sweatpants there it is yo myra paul owens ball soup ball soup welcome back dog brandon williams Paul Soup welcome back dog Brandon Williams John Smith John Snow Monkey with the gift of gab Namesh is the MOAB but no Brendan Schwab

COVID was made in a lab Sean King 2024 it's a goodie Robert Aranda Jr Tim Dillons Aunt Kathleen. That's a goodie. Yeah, that's an epic episode.

Yeah, me too. That's a good one. Steph Mitchell. John O. Mona. Mike, the Finnish kid living in Germany. I'm so white that my face looks like a Klan hood. Alex Baldiaga. Okay. Connor Fennell. Connor Fennell. alex baldga baldiaga okay connor fennel connor fennel rob rundle rob rundle

witch hazel got me a 15 fumar because i clean my ass with witch hazel right right these guys yeah witch hazel will get you down to 15 you know arturo I can't get hard unless you suck my dick, babe. Loeza. Joke from history, hyenas. Jasheel Brown. James, I got COVID toes, but I'm still a cute kid with a good piece, Rudik. Ian Rogers. Fred White.

Andrew Pupo. Eric Wheelers. Marcus. Kellen Batiansila, Ethan Karnas, Big Arxidia Greek Arizona Man. Okie doke. Welcome to the podcast. Jordan Rasmussen. Jordan, welcome.

NF the FF. Hector LeBron Jr. Que pasa, mi gente? Lawrence X. Morgan. Shane Skinny Fat with the Mets hat, Thompson. What's up, cuz? Gumala Harris, America's side. Gumala Harris is a good one.

Yeah. What was it? Let's cut it there. That's the wonderful page yeah it's wonderful page okay so we'll keep reading

the Patreon names join patreon.com slash Yanni Longday just go follow Jesse Scaturo on all one word Instagram

Drew underscore films on Instagram and we'll see you next time wassup