Yannis Pappas Hour - Safely Slumming It with Jared Harvin

Episode Date: December 9, 2021

The young gawd Comedian Jared Harvin makes his debut on camera with the Greek. They chat about why famous women love dating Pete Davidson, the difference between white churches and black churches, San Fran and it’s experience with viruses, black folks at the beach, and pro life vs choice mascots and more! LongDays is a weekly podcast by comedian Yannis Pappas. Yanni likes to goof on trending topics and news issues from all sides. He likes to poke all the bears. Not for the sensitive. Get your commentary on news & trending topics with Yanni every Sat and a guest chat with interesting, brilliant and hilarious humans every Thursday. Wasdadealis Yanni stand up tour dates & tickets: https://www.yannispappascomedy.comJoin for weekly Bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com/yannilongdaysThe show goes out every Saturday night & Thursdays to youtube and podcast audio platforms but while it's being recorded the show goes LIVE on Yannis' Instagram on Wednesdays. Come join in on the LONG DAY & Follow Yannis PappasInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of Long Days with Yanni Pappas. How are you guys doing? How's your week been? How's your world doing? How's your family? These are all perfunctory questions. I don't care, but I hope you're good.

Remember, when you wake up, three wasta dillas in the morning to get you in a good mood. Now let's talk about my touring schedule. I will be at House of Comedy in Plano, Texas, January 6th through the 8th. I'll be in San Diego January 20th through the 22nd. Tickets, yannispappascomedy.com for all of these.

Side Spluters in Tampa, February 10th, one show. The Comic Strip in Edmonton, Canada, 17th through the 19th in February. Comic Strip, New Westminster, British Columbia, Canada, February 24th to the 26th. House of Comedy in Bloomington, Minnesota, March 3rd through the 5th. LOL Comedy Club in San Antonio, Comedy Club in San Antonio, Texas, March 24th through the 26th, and House of Comedy in Phoenix, Arizona, April 14th through the 16th. Go to Apple Podcasts, rate and review. I will read some of the funniest reviews on there, so go to Apple Podcasts. Make sure you rate and review. Tell friends, patreon.com slash yannilongdays for your weekly bonus episode. Join up.

It's five bucks a month. Don't be a goddamn squeak. This week, we got the young stallion, Jared Harvin, Long Island Lolita back on the podcast. This is Long Days. What's up, fellas? on the podcast. This is Long Days. Wasa da wass! To the news and cameras To the fake politics And the propaganda Yeah, this kid's screwed in Got a lot to say Aw, shit It's about to be a long day

It's a long day It's a long day What's up, everybody? We're here again with Jared Harbin. Yes, sir. What's up? What's up? What's up?

What's going on? How are you? Can you tell me if there's anything different about the set that you've written? You've been here now three weeks in a row. Yeah. Is there anything different about the set that you've been here now three weeks in a row. Yeah. Is there anything different about the set that you see? Let's play this game. All right.

We got the hyena. Boom. You nailed it. There's a hyena skull right here. That's a hyena skull. Yeah. But the last time I was here, that was not there. This wasn't here when the fleshlight was here?

No. The fleshlight was not here. Well, that was probably because it was in my bedroom because I just used it. Okay. That's what I thought. It was in the domicile it just wasn't in that spot because it was on my nightstand evil love you you gotta type this yeah did you use honey for lube honey off the baklava i went dry you went dry i went dry i wanted to know what it felt like to bone her and she wasn't into it and i got my answer so i got ripped up and uh you know carved up you're

watching this episode after you probably watched last week's guest episode and you probably didn't like that one either okay so i'm probably just gonna do only comedians from now on because you people have no interest in my interests i'm interested in dogs i'm interested in speaking to journalists in the media i'm interested in speaking to people with interesting stories Who have blown up on TikTok I thought that episode was going to be bigger Maybe I shouldn't have released it on Thanksgiving It wasn't good for the algorithm

Or maybe people just don't care about what Devon Rodriguez Has to say at all They just want to say grab the pencil and sketch me It was a good episode but you can't date yourself all the time In the episodes but if you like dogs You got to get Michael Vick on the podcast that's the only way that people gonna watch shout out to dan goodman i don't know what he's doing now dan goodman was a comedian who used to do my show all the time yeah he had some very funny jokes one of which and i am a huge dog

lover shout out because i got my i like that shirt and i thought it was your wife's sleep shirt for a second i'm not gonna lie it's a long one yeah it's a little big it's a long one i look like i'm at a black barbecue and i'm wearing Air Force Ones. Black guys love long t-shirts and so do women who go to sleep. What was I just saying? Oh, yeah. So Dan Goodman had a joke. He said, the best Michael Vick joke I've ever heard.

And I'm a dog lover. This is how much I know I'm a comedian first, dog lover second. He said, Michael Vick doesn't hate dogs. He hates loser dogs. And here, shout out, you know, Michael, everyone deserves a second chance. A lot of his Michael Vick dogs were adopted. They're doing great. Michael Vick, he also said in the joke, he was like, you can't blame him.

He grew up, I think he said his neighborhood name was, he grew up in a place where dog fighting was just part of what you did. You know what I mean? Where'd he grow up? In the South somewhere or something? South somewhere. And I think it was a lot of his cousins that were running the ring too. And he just kind of let it happen.

Yeah, he didn't have time to run a dog. He was quarterbacking. When you got 30 cousins, you can't really pay attention to that. You can't. He delegated to his cousins. He probably employed them. He had a little payroll. Because you know, all the family wants your money once you become a multi millionaire so he's like all right you run you know just raise me some winter dogs that's it

he just needed some guys to win i'm against dog fighting 100 this is for comedy purposes only i will point that out only in this because i really do care about dogs and dog fighting is horrible but michael vick has a second, he's having a second glow up. Yeah. Because he was on as a commentator. I saw him. They had him on as a commentator during the Baltimore Ravens game when, what's him called, Jackson, not Jackson Mahomes.

Lamar Jackson? Lamar Jackson. There you go. Yeah. Come on, man. Almost had to switch up. Yeah, when Lamar Jackson was going to break his record, his rushing record. So they

had Michael Vick on air talking about how, like, and they even almost went so far as to say that Lamar Jackson was better than him. That's really cold-hearted. It was cold-hearted. It's like, yo, we don't need you anymore. Get out of here. We got another you and he's better than you. Yeah. But you can't win with a running quarterback. You really can't.

Unfortunately. In this new NFL, you just, you can't win with a running quarterback. Unfortunately. In this new NFL you just can't. There's no need for a rushing game anymore. Welcome to Unleashed. Should I announce I'm pregnant now? Yeah. Are you pregnant too with Sam Decker's child? Yeah. Good chance that kid's going to be an athlete. Olivia Harland Decker. I thought that was a great episode

too. It was a great episode. Yeah. But you know what? The people want comedy. They want comedy. People want comedy. The social media giants do media giants do not want comedy you stood up too much in that episode and you showed your bulge a little bit too much and by bulge you mean my gut yes or is my piece a little bit of both a little bit of both well i'll take it if i had a bulge i'll take it because usually i just got a little turtle head pop yeah it's a little turtle head pop yeah it might have been your zipper kind of just squinching up a little bit but like the bulge was present it might have just meant that my jeans were too big you know that's another way to create a bulge uh is if you just wear jeans that are a

little too big on the waist and they scrunch up there or it might just mean you got caught up in the moment because olivia harland decker is a very pretty woman yeah she is but she's married and she's my co-host so i am staying away from that one yeah yeah also you know what I envy about you I miss the days where I was just skinny you're just an in-shape kid I'm doing calisthenics before I go to bed you know what's annoying about you is you're very healthy okay I'm working out but I'm working out like Denzel Washington in the hurricane so you know I'm doing a lot I'm doing a lot of lifting I'm doing a lot of reading and I put you on the wheatgrass which I hope you're taking I am taking the wheatgrass and I'm taking the beet.

I mix them together. Thank you for that. Jared Harvin is a very healthy dude. We went on the road. He convinced me that – and it was a little pseudoscience in there. You were like, look, just take beetroot and you'll never die. So I decided to take beetroot because I know i think belief is part placebo is a thing it is a thing how wild is it that a lot of these studies they will have a control group that they

will give a uh blank pill to because they need to do that because a lot of times those people will in fact get better yeah they will get better with the fake medication because they can believe in it so you know believe you gotta have a light at the end of believe in it. So, you know, believe in Jesus. You've got to have a light at the end of the tunnel to look towards to. You do. You've got to have a retirement plan. So what do you do if you're me and most of your career is behind you? Where do you look?

How do you look forward? You look back at your past. You do Mauritius and you make her a social worker. That's what you do. We were talking about that. I've got to give her a new job. You've got to give her a new job. Sanitation, social worker, secretary to the president.

Secretary to Cuomo would be really funny. Yeah. She's getting touched up, but she can fight back. She can fight back. That'll be hilarious. That will be hilarious. Yeah. That's a good point.

I could make her Cuomo's PR damage control. Yeah. Yeah. So you're saying she's not dead. I don't think she's dead. Is your mom a fan? No. She's So you're saying she's not dead. I don't think she's dead. Is your mom a fan? No. She's not?

No, she's not. Does she not know about it? No. She doesn't know anything that you do. But she's the Puerto Rican one. She's the Puerto Rican one, yes. She may be the only Puerto Rican who doesn't know who Maurice is in the New York area. Probably.

Yeah. Probably. How old's your mom? My mom is 65. I think she's just out of the demo just out of just out of the demo for more reason i'll tell you who love who can't get enough maurice let's go 38 to 54 yeah puerto rican new york i think that would when we would do those shows you would see girls show up you could see they had their You could see that they had a few kids.

And their best bodies were behind them. Yeah. They came in with open-toed shoes. And they smelled like Cafe Bustelo. Yeah. But here's the thing about Puerto Rican women. Here's the thing about Puerto Rican culture. Here's the thing about Latin culture that's so great.

Yeah. Is that they feel sexy no matter what I mean it's like they came it didn't matter if a girl was five kids in

52 doesn't matter overweight she still had on half a shirt I mean a mini skirt on and was walking

confident c-section scars all out the whole thing and just like where's Marisa? Take me to Marisa. Take me there.

And they would just, they would get up and crazy. You see titties flopping around when she came out. They were like, that's it, that's it, Marisa. You tell him, girl, you tell him. And they just feel and exude sexiness no matter what the situation. Yeah, that's what they do. Confidence.

It's the confidence. Now, did you ever have someone that met you after the show as Giannis Pappas, and they were very upset that you weren't Mauricio? Yes, but it only happened bad a few times. I gotta be honest, and this is the thing. I remember I opened for Burr years ago, and he doesn't go out after the shows.

He used to go out after the shows he used to go out after the shows and like meet the fans and then it was like one fan got weird about some joke he did and ruined it for everybody and that's like

I always thought about that because I always went out and I would go out it was me I would never come out that's just weird to keep it going it's not

this isn't a little what was that this isn't the donkey show remember that off Broadway show the donkey or little What was that This isn't the donkey show Remember that off-Broadway show The donkey Or the What was that Paul and Tina's wedding

There was this Broadway show That like happened all over It was a hit for a little while It was called Paul and Tina's wedding or something Yeah something like that Yeah So what it was

And it became a hit Right so it was this You walk in And it was a little too much for me To be honest with you But it was a hit So you walk into the show And the characters are in character So like you walk in And there it was a little too much for me, to be honest with you, but it was a hit. So you walk into the show, and the characters are in character. So you walk in, and there's a guy.

He's like, hey, welcome to Tony and Tina's show. And he was an Italian couple. And they were like, hey, sit down. You go in the bathroom. One of them's in there combing their hair. So the show kind of, there's no fourth wall. They created an environment, like a universe. Environment like you're in the show.

So I didn't want to do that with Marisa, where I came out afterwards and was like, thank you for coming. Did you enjoy the show? That was so crazy. Listen, I don't know what Giannis Papas did. He's still back there. If you want to go see Giannis, go there. I don't know what he's doing. And then they were like, I want to meet Giannis.

And I'd have to run back and take the clothes off and be like, hey, how's it going, guys? Give me a cigarette. So I would go out there as myself. Most people were very cool. They took pictures with me and they were happy. I remember the one, I think it was one girl at Caroline's years ago, or like one of our first runs. Jessie was there, but you probably don't remember though.

She was like real rude about it. But I still went out afterwards and stuff because I needed the pictures on Instagram to promote. Of course. And I always said, tag me in the photos. Yeah. Because I i wanted other people to see it i'm not quite at that bill burr level you know where he can just say i'm not going out there i'm not meeting fans so i would still go out there but that one girl ruined it and put me in a bad mood like it put me in bed she was like go put the wig out she was like insisting she was like come out i came here for more reason i want to see Maurice. I want a picture with Maurice. And I was going, I think I even was like, I was like, I'm her.

So I take the picture. Like, it's like, she's not a real person. But then on the one side, you're flattered because they love her so much, you know. But on the other side, you're being like, the show's over, girl. I mean, it's over. You just watched her for an hour. That's so stupid, though. That's like getting mad that Jake from St. Paul's real name is not Jake. Like, that's so stupid.

I know. Yeah, but it's also, you want me to stand out? Like, am I supposed to stand out there in chancletas? To a certain extent, you gave your performance. They paid the money. You got it. Now, you know, you're backing your Giannis form. See, that's why, like, Jared Harvin's got a good marketing brain.

Because he's like, yeah, dude, go out there, stand a thing. And me going like, no, man, it's not art. It's not the arty thing to do, man. But I should have been out there like, yeah, that's it. No, man, you would have been milking it, bro. And especially not opening up for Burr. You know, Burr don't got to do that. He don't got to go out after the show because he's already tapped into it.

I thought you were about to say Burr doesn't have to put on a dress and a wig to sell tickets. No. Because that's true, too. Yeah, he doesn't. But he's already tapped into the culture because he's got a black wife. He's you were about to say Burr doesn't have to put on a dress and a wig to sell tickets. No. Because that's true too. Yeah, he doesn't. But he's already tapped into the culture because he's got a black wife. He's got a black wife and I give him credit.

He never does any jokes like any race jokes. Yeah. You notice that about Burr? Yeah, trying to get the credit. Like, yo, I got a black wife. You know, I'm cool. He never does that.

Or even like just cheap race jokes. Yeah. Burr is such an animal. Such a great comic that like even like you hear him talk about burr is such a animal such a great comic that like even like you'll hear him talk about crowd work he's like yeah he like he tries not to do crowd work he will he has the tool i've seen him do it yep many times but he even goes he goes it's easy he goes you look at someone and you say what's up and they laugh no matter what so he doesn't burr is such a maniac that he like challenges himself always to do the harder

thing so it's like if it's easier or cheap he won't do it because like yeah if you have a black wife you go hey guess what i got a black wife so i come home and i'm going what's going on with all this mac and cheese yeah that's what makes him a man of my boys everywhere and then her family came over and they were rooting for dionte and i was rooting for you know and it's going there's a lot of cheap stupid jokes yeah but he just goes beyond that and he goes for like he doesn't even engage in it because he's a he's a psychopath but that makes him a great comic comic makes him a great he's in good with the black people the only brothers that don't like him is in philly because you know he ripped them apart in that one video he did rip them apart but

i will i do give this is the thing i give burt credit for and that is that's the point is that um when i went to like when he first started popping right like and shout out nate bargazzi was like one of the first ones going like before anyone because burt was like in burt was in new york oh five around this about oh that was the beginning beginning that's when he did he so he at that point he had that ona viral video from philly he had the half hour on hbo which if you watch it today still holds up yeah you're like damn that was good um and uh the chapelle show so it was like those three things at the same time kind of happened from any you know he started his pockets a couple years later that was big he was early on that but it was But it was really those three things that kind of blew him up. So it was the Chappelle Show.

It was that viral video in Philly. And it was his half hour on HBO back then, pre-big internet, pre-social media. So a lot of people saw it. But we went to see him. It must have been around 2010, 11 2010 11 12 early on when he started popping and Nate was Nate Bargatze was telling everybody

Bill Burr's the best comic in the country and people were like because people remembered Bill because Bill was just a guy who got better better better

better but was around New York and then just got better better better and then when that first Comedy Central hour came out and someone clipped it up

and put it online everyone was like what the fuck this guy got really good and Nate was the first person i heard saying it being like i'm telling you i saw burr he's the best comic in the country so we went to one of those first caroline shows when he was like selling out were you there where it was like we were standing on the wall yeah because it was so packed there was no seat so we had to stand and like the crowd was diverse like you don't see that a lot nowadays like i'm talking about all races ages and it was his fans you saw a lot of black people you saw white people you saw

old you saw young yeah and um in this era you don't see that a lot like you go to a show you'll see like i'm not gonna point out particular comics but like it'll be all one race or the other or one age group, et cetera. It's just like people almost come out to see reflection of themselves more or if not just as important to them as the comedy. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, this person looks like me. You go to Indian comics, you'll see all Indians.

You go to a woman. You know what I'm talking about. But Burr was like, ran the gamut because he's just good. He's just good. Even like if you go to a Louis show, and Louis is one of the best, you would see like a certain group. It would be like, ah, those are like kind of gentrifying all white kids. White, very white. Burr was just like everybody in there.

And he's killing it with every movie. You know you're funny when you see like black women moving. Yeah. That's what like. And I was always proud of that. Black women don't laugh. When you say something funny, you not laugh. You say something funny, be like, oh, no.

Get him off the stage. Yeah, yeah. Something like that. They won't give you a laugh. They won't give you. But if you see when they move, like their whole, like black people laugh with like their body. They laugh so enthusiastically.

You run away, son. They just like, They kind of move. So you'd see that at his shows. Puerto Rico's too. Enthusiastic. They move. They crack up. They come out for a good time.

If there's a table there, it's getting smacked. Yeah, exactly. So you got to give credit where credit's due. Burke can kind of get everybody. And apparently, he can bag a black chick too. He can. Yes. He's got beautiful kids now.

Him and Nia. Shout out, Billy Burr, who used to go by Billy. They used to know him as Billy. Billy from Beantown. Yeah. Just like one day,

we're going to say you were known as Jared when you changed your name to Lord J or Lord J. J Harvin 15. That sounds like a Fortnite handle, dog.

Who do you think of me? What do you think of me, son? Like, come on. No. I like Jared Harvin. I like coming out on the stage. People see Jared Harvin, all this playing dude, and then you come and you see me,

a guy with charisma and energy. It's like, oh, okay. I'm going to be involved with this. It makes me more interesting. Yeah, because you don't know what you're getting when you hear Jared. Yeah, yeah. If your name was Delroy Lindo

and you got brought up on stage and you start doing comedy, I'd be like, I'm definitely watching this guy. Yeah. If you heard, yo, give it up. Coming to the stage, give it up for Raheem Jenkins. And then I came out. Yeah.

That was a little misdirect. Exactly. And then it's like, what is this guy about? Oh, he's actually funny. Oh, my God. Sticks in the brain. And then you get followed on Instagram. Yo, dude, you are a Gen Z fucking marketing, thinking, build your brand. What's

your brand, dog? My brand, it's just, yo, it's funny. It's just funny, man. It's funny, young, you know, off the cuff, being stupid, being silly. But, you know, I'm driving from Long Island on the Belt Parkway to get here. I sit in three hours of traffic. I'm going to get something out of it. Okay. I'm going to get paid. If you think I i'm gonna get called the n-word in traffic by a pakistani dude on the way over here and not get paid you have another thing coming son okay yeah i'm sorry i'm looking at the verrazano i'm looking at should i just move to staten island or bite the bullet move to staten island pay for the verrazano get a discounted price i don't know yet but i'm coming out to the city i'm getting paid for it okay yeah but i think you're long island to the bone i'm long island to the bone i enjoy the quaintness i don't need to be out here

you know citizen apple somebody just got shit on and stabbed in the same time i don't need to be seeing all that man i like the quaint let me let me write my bits let me do my thing let me let me chill out you know and and watch uh atlanta on fx and in my small quaint town good show by very very good show good show very good show they didn't bring it back, Atlanta? No, they're doing back-to-back. So they're dropping two seasons now because it got messed up by COVID. So now they're doing two seasons.

That was a good, unique show. He's a talented dude. He's a talented dude. Talented dude. Talented dude. Does a lot of different things. Yeah, great, great innovator. Not too good at shaving his facial hair.

I don't know what he did after after he did uh uh landau calrissian yeah and after that i don't know what happened to his facial hair but he's a good dude and i hate to say this but and we're back wow and we're back sometimes you got to make little cuts here and there for whatever reason is possible j Jared Harvin, are you worried about the Decepticon variant? Decepticon? What is it? Ochronocron? Okra?

Okra. Fried okra is good. No, I think it's the isosceles variant. Yeah, oxymoron. What's it called? Ococron? Onomatopoeia variant. Why did they go straight from alpha, beta,

and then is that another letter in the Greek alphabet that I should know because I am a Greek person? I don't know. All I know is it's not looking good for the Greeks because they're just going to blame the variant on you. First it was China. Now it's the Greeks. It's going to the Greek letters. COVID is pledging now. It's becoming a part of fraternity, which makes sense because neither COVID or fraternity member asked for consent to enter your body.

So that's exactly what COVID has in common with some of these frat kids. Yeah. Yeah. The who skips forward two Greek letters avoiding Z. I mean, here we go. Here we go. Don't disrespect King Z no matter what. I mean, we are bending over backwards to not offend

that guy first of all um you're not allowed to do winnie the pooh you're not because they say they say he looks like winnie the pooh so winnie the pooh is banned from china because king z looks like winnie the pooh and the who skips forward uh two greek letters avoiding a z variant so they actually did it consciously to avoid uh calling it z because of course they don't want bigots to say it's the king z virus but it's like i call bullshit on this this china abiding thing man because we disrespected their food how do we disrespect their food because their food in america is chicken wings and french fries you ask any brother on the street yo we're gonna get some chinese food what do you want chicken wings and french fries that is not chinese food we changed their whole culture they changed their whole food

for us and now we're going up to a bye-bye general z and stuff like that i'm getting sick of it like you're gonna stick up for your food if one thing you know yeah if black people when they saw all the thanksgivings and they saw black people white saw white people adding raisins and breadcrumbs to their mac and cheese, they got upset. Black Twitter went on fire. You're going to protect your food because that's like a representation of who you are. And China has not said anything about it. They made money off of us doing it. Well, it's called knowing your demographic.

Knowing your demographic. If you open up a Chinese restaurant in a black neighborhood, I don't think you can get away with not having that on the menu. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's like if you open up in a Greek neighborhood, you better find a way to get tzatziki in there. You just got to do it. I mean, you got to tailor it somewhat.

Or you just better take some ranch and put a little sugar in it and pass it as tzatziki. You got to do one or the other. You could do that. Yeah. So we avoided the Z variant so people wouldn't make jokes about King Z variant now I can't help but notice that there is a South African variant there's a Brazilian variant but there just is no Chinese variant you can't even call it a Wuhan variant yeah you got to call it covid 19 the alpha strand the beta but now we skip two ahead so it is a greek letter from the greek alphabet um oxacron okacron what is it omicron omicron yeah omicron

so first time like a debt collection agency it does sound like a dick yeah i'm not sure if i'm scared of it because it's covid or i'm scared because i don't have some easy passes that i didn't pay yet or it sounds like the name of like a fake shell company. Yeah, I'm not sure if I'm scared of it because it's COVID or I'm scared because I have some easy passes that I didn't pay yet. Or it sounds like the name of like a fake shell company. You always notice that those companies have names like that.

Doxacron. Our corporate office is, our corporate office is Hicksville Boulevard, apartment 4C. We're open from 9 a.m. to 9.15 a.m. Yeah, don't call the office

before 10 because the CEO is sleeping. It's one of those. It's always one of those front companies or something. Oxacron or Doxacron. Yeah, you call the number. It's just the Wendy's in Nebraska. Yeah. Yeah.

So the first case of this variant has just been found in California. San Francisco, I believe. San Francisco. That's a city that's familiar with viruses. Shout out to Harvey Milk. Yeah, shout out. Horrible name for a mayor, but great name for a gay porn star, I must say.

His name would have been a great gay porn star. Harvey Milk? Yeah. Milk me, Harvey. They don't know what to make of that. I must say. It is. His name is really, would have been a great gay porn star. Yeah. Harvey Milk? Yeah. Milk me, Harvey. They don't know what to make of that. Like, we don't know anything about this yet. We don't know how bad it's going to be.

Supposedly the first reports out of Zimbabwe and stuff by the health ministers over there or whatnot say that a lot of the spread is asymptomatic and a lot of the sickness is mild, but they have to wait a few weeks to to say to be able to say fully if the if it's going to be vaccine evading which seems to be the big concern chinese people are pissed right now son they're like how is this discovered in a city that has a predominantly chinese population there's a lot of chinese people around the country right now it's like why couldn't this be found in Galveston, Texas? Right. Because, yeah, there you go. San Francisco, the West Coast.

Yeah. That's the Pacific Ocean. There's a lot of Asians over there. A lot of Asians. Vancouver, California, especially San Francisco. A lot of Asians. When you go to Cali, you see a lot of Chinese people holding umbrellas in the sunshine. That's what they do. They do. It seems dumb, but then you go, oh, OK, I know what you're doing. Yeah. Yeah what they do it seems dumb but then you go oh okay i know what you're doing yeah yeah they do and you know what black people won't do that you'll just wear a kango yes yeah that is true because black people don't want to look stupid with the umbrella but they also don't want the sun at the beach too much so they'll do a kango yes and they will sit if you put the umbrella up they will sit yeah they're right yeah but i what is that black people just

feel corny carrying the umbrella down there yeah they just put the can go over let it drape down that's what you gotta do and we don't like that i'll i'll dig my hole at jones beach i'm not sitting in that hot ass sand now do you think it's ironic that if white people are racist they're racist against people who are darker skinned but then white people go to the beach to become darker skinned is that weird no it is racist it is racist. It is racist. No, but isn't that weird?

They're like, hey, we don't like these darker skinned people, but first chance I get, I want to go to the beach to look like. Why do I keep calling the beach the bitch? I don't know. We want to go to the beach to look like them. You've been hanging around your wife too much, dog. That's that Long Island accent. You came from Long Island.

Yeah, I want to go to the beach. Come here. This is Long Island, Larry. I'm here to stay. Please stay off the northern. Be careful. There's the Long Island Laundry. I'm here to stay. Please stay off the Northern. Be careful. There's MS-13 in the windows. Don't go there.

The Northern is like Talladega nights. They're so fast. I'm telling you, it's crazy out there. I don't want to go anywhere. Take me to the mall, but I don't want to go to that mall because there's MS-13 is over there. They're just so scared of MS-13. Yeah. It's bad in Brentwood.

So, you know, some people will be racist against darker skinned people, but then they go to the beach and want to look darker. That's why I'm on front. That's why I'm on front. I got the secret. I know you hate me, but you want everything I possess. That's why I know I'm going to be good. Now, cuz, you got a good amount of melanin.

Yeah. Yeah. Yes, I do. Melanin protects you from skin cancer. It does. So, darker skin in some ways is a little bit of an advantage. That's what you call a little bit of an advantage. That's what you call a little bit of an advantage.

Yes, it protects you from the sun. It protects you from skin cancer, but it does make people prepared to smell cocoa butter whenever they see you. Cocoa butter is something you're going to smell. Yeah, you said that joke

about the Luberderm and cocoa butter and Timonium and Baltimore. It was funny. What did I say? You were like, you know a white person that's been around a black person when they can tell the difference between cocoa butter and Luberderm., it was funny. What did I say? You were like, you know a white person that's been around a black person

when they can tell the difference between cocoa butter and Luberderm. That was very funny. I liked it. It's the truth. Yeah. It is the truth. For some reason, white people seem to prefer Luberderm, which has no smell. It kind of smells like chalk.

Yeah. And cocoa butter's got a sweet, enticing smell. And if you go into a crib, here's the thing. If you're going to commit a crime and you're black and there's a detective who is a decent detective, you're not going to want to lotion up that day. No. Because if there's no cameras and you get away with it, if a detective comes in and he smells a little cocoa butter, he's going to go, I think we have an African-American suspect here. Yeah. If you're black, you want to commit a crime, you better lube up in Aquaphor.

That's what you got to do. It's going to clear up on the tracks. It's like putting coffee beans over cocaine so the dogs can't smell it. There's little things like that that you can always be aware of. Yeah, that was funny. I think that came off the dome in Timonium, Maryland. It came off the dome. This guy was cooking in Timonium, son.

We were cooking. We were cooking. You did a great job, too. Yeah. Opener came off a little sexual, though. I don't even remember the opener. I'm not going to say his name. But he came up with a lot of sexual sexual content it was like a taller aaron burr yeah aaron burr meaning the guy who killed hamilton i'm sorry aaron burr sorry basically what you're saying is the material was a little dirty at the top

yeah a little dirty at the top for the host but it's okay we're learning he's young like me yes you know you never want to, you want to ease into the dirty stuff. You don't want to, here's, this is one of the unwritten rules of comedy, is, as it draws sniffer. Yeah.

One of the unwritten rules of comedy is, and you know, we all start dirty. When I started, I was dirty, because you want to, I'm so scared not to get a reaction. I'd be like, fuck my ass, whatever. I'd say anything dirty just because I was scared. But yeah, you want to, if you're because I was scared but yeah you want to eat

if you're going to have dirty stuff you want to put it towards the end because you can't really follow like a crazy sexual story

and then follow it up and let's talk about orange juice yeah you can't start off with anal no you can't you got to start off with a subtle leg touch

touch my ankle moisturize my ankle first come on now yeah it's almost like you're assaulting the audience yeah bro you're coming on too strong. You got to talk dirty a little bit.

You got to foreplay a little bit. You got to ask for consent. And what I mean consent is you got to have an opening introductory joke. I have a joke about my name. Then we can move to that stuff. Then you can move to banging a nun in her taint. Yeah. Whatever you want to do.

It's your business. Get as dirty as you want. Some of the funniest comics are dirty. But you want to ease into it a little bit. Ease into it. And if you're hosting and there's other comics on, you just want to be cleaner at the top of the show. Yeah. Because in the other, first comic or second comic's coming up, they're going to have normal jokes, you know? God forbid Ryan Hamilton's on the show or something. You talk about fist fucking somebody and then Ryan Hamilton comes up and he's like, I'm a Mormon cat.

Yeah. And you're like, okay. What's your religion? My religion? I am a non-denominational Christian. Non-denominational Christian, which Church of God and Christ? Church of God and Christ. I'm forgetting. No, the Life of Christ. Excuse me.

Life of Christ. Yes. Here's the thing. And there you go. I just gave away myself. You know, I've been to a couple black churches. Here's the thing about black churches. The name Christ will be in the name, whether it's like Church of God and Christ christ or the life of christ life of christ or

christ on the cross or jesus christ great marketer great marketer dude if you're gonna come into my house you're gonna know whose house this is yeah yeah so did you go to church when you were growing up yes i did go to church when i was growing up it was out black church a lot more emotional it wasn't we had a mixed church though we had go to church when I was growing up. It was out east. Black church, a lot more emotional. It wasn't, we had a mixed church though. We had a mixed church. Oh, white people really slowed down the vibe.

It was predominantly a white church because we had a live band. It was a live band. Black church didn't have, no, but the lead was a saxophonist. So that's how you know,

it was a little white. There was a flute in the background. You had a recorder, somebody was playing recorder. Yeah, yeah. Someone was playing recorder. Yeah. Yeah. Someone was playing recorder. The drum only had one snare drum.

When you go to black drums, it's like 16 snare drums. It's like, wait, is this an Anderson.Paak concert? You don't know. You don't know. But yeah, they had flute as the backup. They had the little T triangle. So it was kind of white, but we went to the Queens, and it got black. We lost the band, but we did have it in

the basement. So yeah, I've always felt like the church, black church is kind of like the minor leagues for R&B singers. Yeah. He said that before. Yeah. It's like, you know, that's where the singer, like when you go there, you hear them sing. It's like, you get moved.

Yeah. Have you ever been to a black church? Yeah. It's like, it makes you want to believe in God. You feel stuff. You end up like to believe in God. You feel stuff. You end up like, you get moved. You feel emotional. You start holding in tears and stuff like that.

Like, dude, they could blow. God exists with a voice like that. Yeah, it exists. And they hit the drum. And everyone's, it's like, it feels very current. It feels current. Whereas when you go to like a Catholic church or any old religion, it's like they're doing old material.

It's like watching a headliner on the road who's been doing the same act for 40 years. It's like, write something new. Yeah, bro. It's old material. You can't sing along. Can't hear the words. It's like they're singing through a pipe. Yes.

It's like, I can't understand this. Are we at a construction site right now? What's going on, son? And sometimes even the sermons are in another language. You're going like, I can't understand this. Are we at a construction site right now? What's going on, son? And sometimes even the sermons are in another language. You're going like, I don't even understand Latin. Paterimone, whatever they start doing in the Catholic church. Yeah, there's too much distractions. Too many distractions.

When that kid walks up with the little smoking pot, in your head you go, is he getting touched? Yeah. Yeah. You know, I remember I went, you know, because we grew up, me and Jesse grew up, like Park Slope, maybe one of the most diverse neighborhoods in the country. We've mentioned it before on some podcasts. Yeah, that's the thing I noticed. If this is like a location and place, and it has like a location in the title, like a place in the title, like Miami Gardens or like Brooklyn Navy Yard, that place is going to either be dangerous or it's going to be diverse. Yes.

Yeah. Park Slope is very diverse. And so I had Irish friends, Jewish friends, Italian friends, black friends, Puerto Rican friends, everything. But so I went to a few Catholics because I'm Greek Orthodox. I grew up Greek Orthodox. We do it different, right? Our priests can marry.

And you're no longer religious now, right? No, no. Yeah. So you got in and Tom Hanks is trying to get in. He's trying to get in. I got out. Yeah, you got out. But I'm not out. I'm just kind of like whatever, so you got in and Tom Hanks is trying to get in. He's trying to get in. Yeah, yeah, you got out. But I'm not out. I'm just kind of like whatever.

I go on Easter. Tom Hanks is trying to get in bad. He's an honorary Greek. I think he even converted. He did convert. He converted to Greek Orthodox. Shout out Tom Hanks. Shout out Tom Hanks.

He's an honorary Greek. You know, maybe you guys could do something for my career. What are we doing here? I mean, how many times I got to speak to John Stambos on the phone before I get a call from someone who's a little bit of a bigger heavy hitter than Uncle Jesse not saying Uncle Jesse doesn't have any pull

but I'm saying there's people pulling strings for him and I need those people to pull some fucking strings for me I promise I'll erase my Twitter

I will erase my entire Twitter and I will be a good boy I'm pointing myself up for the CCP or the Greek Mafia in Hollywood one of you two

Rita Wilson fucking just take a break from talking to Jennifer Aniston on the phone and give Yanni an old call and at least get me like a fucking Sunkist commercial. Something. I mean, what the fuck is going on? Help me out. I'm Greek. I'm Greek.

Anyway, he's trying to get in. Yeah. But he's an honorary Greek. Marina Menounos is an absolute stone cold piece. Another Greek. Fire, son. Every an absolute stone cold piece. Another Greek. Fire, son. Every time I'm at the gas station and she comes up, oh, 15 quick tips for Marina Menounos. I'll be like, I am getting extra gas today, son.

Does that show only air at gas stations? Probably, but it scares me because it echoes off the other pumps and I get frightened every time it comes off. Dude, you know, Jesse, you're living in a city, you don't have a car, but anytime you go to get gas, that shows on. And Maria Menounos is on in the gas station all the time yeah which is uh that's a weird choice she she has no qualifications i don't know if she has any qualifications her qualifications are her looks if you look fire yeah like okay if you look good enough i'm gonna i'm gonna invest my money where you're telling me to invest yeah i don't even know if that woman comes up to you today and asks you to buy 22.5 billion worth of cryptocurrency, you're going to do it.

I'm going to do it. You're not going to ask for any qualifications, anything like that. She is actually so beautiful. Yeah. It's tough. Can we get just a face shot? I mean, she is gorgeous. She kind of looks like a fox.

You know what? She's like, look at that. I mean, she's perfect looking, dog. If you squint, it looks like Holly Berry a little bit, too. Yeah, I mean, Holly Berry's another gorgeous, I mean, they're just gorgeous people, and she's just gorgeous head to toe. The thing about her, too, is she's really been

with this guy for so long. Yeah, who's that? He's a guy. I think his name is a guy. A guy? Because he's no, I think his name is a guy. A guy? Because, like, he's no—I don't mean to disrespect, but I mean, like, what's his name? Look, they don't even put his name in the headline. Maria Bonu knows his husband. She looked darker than him.

Yeah. But I look like a sun-dried tomato. I mean, they've been together forever, man. They've been together forever. And, like, I'd be hard pressed to find anyone who knows this guy's name kevin kevin kevin menounos kevin he took her name no but that was funny um what does he do what does kevin do is he like a producer or something or maybe yes they've been together for 20 years you don't usually see that in hollywood yeah so uh kevin under undergaro what's up everybody uh we just took a little break i know we were right in the middle of

talking about maria menounos you don't know it because we're right here right now movie magic but we just say pizza i just farted but it's all good because we got classy Pellegrinos. Yes, we do. Pellegrinos. You got to cheers with a Pellegrino. Yeah, you do. It's the only water when you drink it, you have to have the physical disposition of drinking champagne. Yeah.

It's the only water that makes you feel like you're drinking champagne, but you're really just drinking seltzer. Yeah, it's just a whole big ploy. It's like filling up champagne bottles with ginger ale in the club. Yeah. Talk about marketing. Like, is there anything about Pellegrino that makes it not a seltzer? I mean, because they say it's from Italy. It's got the name Pellegrino.

It doesn't hurt so much. Because when you get like Hal's seltzer, that shit burns, son. It's like you're drinking aspartame when you drink that shit. So this has more of a mild. Yeah, it's more of a mild, smooth. I feel like I'm on the rocks in Calabria. Just chilling. It's nice.

Hal's shit is like you whitewater rafting. You about to drown. It's two different things. There's something about you slapping Italian name on anything. I would love to do that test. Just take an RC Cola and slap Pellegrino on the thing and just see if like even the most like masculine dude just ends up crossing them up and being like,

Italian's just, they figured out cuisine. They figured out drink. They figured out lifestyle. Lifestyle. Lifestyle. Every time I see them, I'm going to kiss you on your cheek, even though I may not know you. Yeah.

What is sexual assault, son? Yes. Yes. That's their culture. That's their culture. Yeah. You can't debate the culture. That's what they do.

Yeah. Italians, when we were growing up, it was funny because did we talk about this the first episode? I got to make sure that we didn't do that. Did I talk about how we were growing up, Italian kids would wear like starter jackets? I mean, you said that a lot, but with Jared? Yeah, with Jared. So we were growing up, I don't know what Italian kids are like. Pretty similar, right?

The Italian kids just try to copy black culture. Exactly. So they would always be like, yeah, you know, Italian kids were always like, were racist a lot growing up. They hated black people, didn't want them in the neighborhood. But then you would see them with like- They wanted their music and their jewelry. And the designs in their hair and the starter jackets.

And you'd be like, you are a little unaware. Yeah. Copyright infringement. Yeah. So we got big issues going on right now. One of the big issues is we're going to see what happens with the Supreme Court situation with abortion, which is being argued on the Supreme Court right now. Are you going to be able to get an abortion?

Guys want to know this right now. I know women, here's the thing. Women are like the vocal people protesting outside the Supreme Court. You see signs both way. I feel like they should get mascots. I feel like the protesters at abortion rallies should have mascots. There should be like a little fetus costume and a guy dancing around. And that's like the pro-life mascot.

He's just dancing around like, I'm alive, I'm alive. And then the pro-choice should have just a coat hanger. Just like a guy dressed as a coat hanger. and then they could do like fun things you know the mascots fight at like baseball games where like the pro-life mascot comes with the hanger and just tries to pull the fetus and he's going yeah the pro-life mascot is just a smoothie with a little bit of plan b in it just a little plan b just a little twinkle yeah then you have the plan b show up and be like guys guys guys guys i guys, guys. You don't have to fight. There's a solution for all this. Plan B comes in. Yeah, I mean, look.

You can always Plan B it. If abortion gets gone, you can always Plan B it. Yeah, you could always Plan B it. But like, there ain't nothing wrong with wearing protection. Plan B is, it's almost like to catch a predator for getting pregnant. You pre-empt what's about to happen.

Yeah. You know, the way Chris Hansen would go in there, you bite the cookie, and he'd be like, I know what you were about to do because we have the screenshots. With Plan B, he goes, I know what could happen here. Let's just, let me preempt this.

Get yourself a Plan B because if COVID showed us anything, it shows us that people like to prepare. So if you want to stack up on your toilet paper, you can stack up on Plan B too. Take that extra step. You should have a plan. Look, yeah, I mean mean i've used a few plan b's in my day i remember when it first hit the market yeah you know it was like seeing those young pictures of you yeah yeah you

look like mark wolverick when he beat up that chinese man yeah yeah that was my era yeah plan well plan b hit i was like in my plan b was not that long ago. Plan B was like what, early 2000s, Plan B. So it just hit the market and it was like a wild craze. It was like a sneaker drop. Everyone was going out to get them. There would be a resale, you know, flight club had them. They were in a secret room. Yeah, you found it on StockX.

You could get it on StockX. Plan B was a thing. And people were like, it's funny how whenever they come out with a new technology on how to fuck without the possibility of getting pregnant, there's like an uptick in fucking and irresponsible behavior. I'm sure that happened when the birth control pill came out. People were like, what? And they just started acting a little more responsibly. It's like an anime character. What is this power?

It's like an anime character What is this power It's strong I think we may be In the plan B phase Of the internet Where it's new And people are abusing it And don't know how to You know Because everyone's Yelling at each other

It's ripping the country apart Because it's a new technology So we're abusing it Same thing when the plan B came out I mean shit I mean I would jerk off And pop one Yeah

You know I was just like You'd get a blowjob from a girl And be like You just take that. Just in case. Just in case a little. Just in case. Just in case something happened.

Then that is a new plan B. And if people are abusing it, if you're on TikTok, it's sexual abuse. That's sexual abuse on TikTok. Yeah, for sure. Those girls are half naked and they're 16. They're too young. Yeah. Yeah.

But, you know, I don't know. We got a new Twitter CEO. We don't know what's going to happen there. We don't know if comedians are going to have to deal with another line of fire. Obviously, Facebook and Instagram started coming down hard. Comedians get hit because comedians are the ones who say things, and robots can't tell the context. Robots can't go, go oh he was joking so we

always get flagged for bullshit people obviously get offended by jokes or whatever and now we got a new twitter ceo i don't know if he's gonna be like jack jack let a lot let a lot slide unless you were trump or unless you were hunter biden and he protected you or he got rid of you yeah jack jack protected he protected the aura of the freedom of speech unless you were Hunter Biden. And he protected you. Or he got rid of you. Yeah, Jack protected the aura of the freedom of speech unless you went against him. But it's very important for an older comic like you not to become bitter. I know what Facebook and Instagram is doing right now.

You search up your name, you're at the bottom of the list. It's maybe reminiscent of the kickball games that you used to have in school because maybe you got picked last I don't know maybe you were an athletic kid I'm not sure I'm not sure if Greeks were known to be that popular in kickball but you gotta know you just gotta keep on

kicking no matter what keep on going I can use it for content too though I'm really leaning into it for content use it bro throw up that patreon come to my patreon page look if you don't support me you don't support free speech you don't support comedy patreon.com slash yanni long yeah yeah just pull a joe biden if you don't vote for me you're not black yeah also it's like

you gotta you know victimhood is currency now yeah you have to have a story yeah where something is hurting you for people to go you know what he needs attention because he's being hurt yeah so that's i'm being oppressed right now by instagram yeah mark zuckerberg yeah if you're if you're not a dog whisperer that's allergic to dogs no one wants to hear anything there needs to be some type of conflict yes it needs to be some type of deplorable thing that people need to feel sorry for you and to click into your TikTok so you can get 9.6 million followers. Yeah, nobody likes somebody who has it easy or is just good at things.

Yeah. You need to be able to say that there was some insurmountable challenge that you had to overcome to get where you... You can't just go up there and be like, hey man, I just worked and I worked hard and I was good at it and I put the time. You can't gotta be like no you gotta go i have zero talent and i married someone that's more famous than me and we released a sex tape there you go sex tapes do they still work i

feel like they get drowned out when's the last good sex tape to hit i don't know it's been a while dog i don't know your sex tape now has to have a good production value. I mean, Kim Kardashian started her career getting fucked on film. And she said she was shy. Like, lady, I can see you're coochie. You're not shy. You're not shy. I'm sorry. And how wild is that?

It was with Ray J. And that guy's dick looks like it curls 50 dumbbells in Crunch Fitness. That kid's thing. I mean, if I saw that, if I turned on the lights in there, I would freeze like I was looking at a cobra. Yeah. I'd be like, there's a snake in the room. Yeah. He's got a big piece.

But the funny thing is, her career blew up. And Ray J... Ray J has Raycon on podcast. Yeah, he just promotes Raycon earbuds. So those two careers went two different directions. Which also shows you that we do live in a oppressive patriarchy where a woman can't make it because i mean she blew up yeah she blew up off that and back then ray jay was more famous than she was that is true but also kim kardashian was set up for that because her father was

defending oj so you know and then again ray j J's sister, Brandi, very good singer. That's good talent. No one just likes good talent. I need a reason for why you should not be here. I want to watch you so you can prove to me why you shouldn't be there. And the more you do that, the more it makes me want to watch. Interesting. Yeah.

Interesting. Yeah. Prove me wrong. Prove me wrong. And even if you prove me wrong, you prove me right. And I keep on watching. And the Kardashians were kind of like the beginning of it. A little bit of like, where people got, these were a group of girls who got famous with

really no, from nothing. Yeah. They weren't, you know, they didn't have a talent. They weren't entertainers. They weren't comedians. They weren't musicians. They weren't anything. Yeah.

So that was the beginning of that. What is that? I know it's like tied up to reality TV. But like there is something to something you just said where it's like it became a thing where people almost root for people who don't have a talent. Don't have a talent because. It became the era of like people who don't do anything great became famous. And if you do something great, it's like people like, no, who don't do anything great became famous and if you do something great it's like people like no we don't want that it's a relatable thing it puts people is it because

people want to look at and go like i could do that people want they don't want to they don't want to idolize people because i think it takes work to idolize people it takes tracking somebody's history or really being invested in somebody to be like oh i really like that guy but if you look at somebody that doesn't deserve it you can be like i can do that shit right but the more the more you see them change yeah the more it's like okay this is getting interesting that's why everyone tracks the kardashians work on their body and their lips and everything like that because like wow this bitch is really committed on me having on her having me watch her like she's really committed to this reality tv show where she does nothing how far is she gonna take this right you know well her father or stepfather took it very far yeah he

took it very far yeah that's interesting like they almost you know it's like it's very far in the 405 yeah you you notice as an artist you change your material you kind of change with the times you kind of reinvent yourself i guess when you don't you're famous for not doing anything you change yourself yes that's like because that's her art is just her being her. Her being her. And so she just, like that, like the way Madonna reinvented herself by like doing hip hop or ska music or whatever, or like as she got older, like kind of changed with the times. Kim Kardashian just basically went to her plastic surgeon's office.

It's like, we need to reinvent ourselves. Yeah. Yeah. We need to reinvent. Dude, when you look at those girls back then and you look at them now, you're like, I'm telling you, hats off to plastic surgeons. They create magic, dude. Those girls look good. They do.

When you look at it before and after, I think I'm looking at a fucking Peloton ad, son. That shit looks different. It looks different. And it used to be that plastic surgery made you look really bad like you were a burn victim now like plastic surgery can be subtle you stand out yeah where it actually you can't it just you actually look good yeah i mean you look good yeah but yeah it's that it's that thing you know it's the the foundation it's a relatability thing that's why i think a lot of a lot of famous uh women date Pete Davidson because they see

Pete Davidson and they go okay here's a guy that has a history of you know mental problems and things like that he's a regular dude his trauma is publicized I want to be with him so I can feel regular around him like I'm always famous I'm always popular if I'm with Pete Davidson I'm I know I'm with somebody on the same level as me but also people have a a trauma view of him so they so I kind of get to feel what it's like to be around a regular person without taking that deep leap in that taking that deep dive into the slums yeah that is it dude that's great insight actually that's exactly what it is because he's sorry Pete I don't mean to shit on you I'm just saying No I mean Cause he's famous

Kinda You know he got famous From who he dated But he's on SNL Yeah He's like a famous dude Having a big Big bat doesn't hurt

Right That rumor got out That the kid's packing But you're right It's like Cause All the women Are doing the same thing too

They're going to Staten Island Yeah He's taking them to They're getting a feel Of like what it would be like To not Kinda be like to be with a regular person yeah but in a safe way it's sort of like when you watch a horror movie and you get scared it's like a safe fear it's like oh my god there's a killer but he's on tv exactly but i want to feel those things it's it's a certain wow you got that certain feeling but it's different it's like lasagna but made

with egg noodles right yeah it's it's a different it's a different feel so It's like lasagna, but made with egg noodles. Right. It's a different feel, son. It's like jumping. Shout out to Jesse, because I know you're Jewish and Italian. You like that. You marinara, matzo eating. Fuck. It's like when you bungee cord jump. It's like you're getting the thrill.

Pete Davidson's a bungee cord. Yeah, he's a bungee cord. These girls are jumping into the middle class. They're going, just take me back to where I could just hang out. I want to feel like someone saying, I go with her in high school. Take me back to a pre-fame day where I can feel what it's like

to just be a regular Joe. But then there's a bungee cord. So they get the feeling, Pete Davidson's the bungee cord. Pete Davidson is heroin stepped on with melatonin. That's who he is. That's right it is.

Yeah. It's like a stepped on Coke. It's Coke, but it's not Coke. So you feel like you're doing Coke, but it's really baking soda. Yeah. It's like, it's like a stepped on Coke. It's Coke, but it's not Coke. So you feel like you're doing Coke, but it's really baking soda. Yeah. Cause that's funny.

Cause they do the same thing. Ariana Grande. Kate Beckinsale. Kate Beckinsale. They all ended up going to like Staten Island to a pizza place and like doing regular shit. Cause Pete David's famous,

but he's like also kind of regular famous. Yes. You know what I mean? You can't date Brad Pitt. No, you can't. And Brad Pitt's not going to take you to his favorite pizza spot on Staten Island. Yeah. You know what I mean? You can't date Brad Pitt. No, you can't. And Brad Pitt's not gonna take you to his favorite pizza spot on Staten Island.

Yeah. Brad Pitt's gonna be like, Brad Pitt's gonna be like, all right, I have a private room set up. We rented out the whole restaurant. There is a secret service gonna usher us in,

usher us out. We're gonna kill a few paparazzi on the way so they don't take pictures of us. And it's like, there's no normalcy. So these girls are feeling, they're,

so that's, for them, that's like, is that their like blue collar fantasy? Yeah, that's blue collar fantasy. It's the same blue collar fantasy. You can't go too high with Brad Pitt, but you can't go too low. You can't be dating a Joe DeRosa. So you got to find the middle. You got to find the, you can't go Joe DeRosa.

Yeah. You can't go all the way. He's just going to take you to a sandwich shop. Because if you date Joe DeRosa, it just means you're a female comic starting out in comedy. It cleans up in that genre. Yeah. That's what it is. That's exactly what it is.

I'm telling you, son. They don't want to. Jesse, you getting that? Absolutely. That's what it is, right? That and they want their photo in the paper. You know you're going to get in the paper now if you're with Pete. Yeah, right.

But no, you can't say that. I mean, because Kim Kardashian is like, she doesn't need to work hard to get to get in the paper now if you're with Pete. Yeah. Right. But no, you can't say that. I mean, because Kim Kardashian is like, she doesn't need to work hard to get a photo in the paper. She didn't need it. But, I mean, the mere pairing of them is so astronomical that people are going to talk about it anymore. So anyway, she's going to get posted more. Right. I mean, Jesse always goes with the hard stone called truth. These people are psychopathic narcissists who will do anything, including fuck somebody, just in order to get more attention.

Some people want attention. Yeah. They're built for attention. Yeah. And we're saying that right now in front of three cameras and two box lights. We are them. Yeah. We're a strange breed.

When you look at us, Jesse, is it like kind of a little pathetic? Because I've never met any one of us who isn't a little bit pathetic. Yeah, I don't know who I am right now. There's something pathetic of being like, look at me. I don't even drink and I'm holding this like it's a Malbec. What's going on with me? It's right because you don't need that, right? You don't need the attention.

Not in the slightest. What do you think that is? Do you think it's like a lack of attention from kids or a mental illness? What is that? I'm actually, I like it because then you get a lot of entertainment out of it. Right. So we're just here for normal people's entertainment while we just end up with a pill problem and. But you got to have a balance.

16 ex-wives and fucking dead. You got to have that yin and yang because, you know, if you guys weren't hanging out, the way you came up, if you didn't come up like that, maybe you'll be two flips of the coin. Maybe you wouldn't be a comedian. Maybe you'll just be a dude out there painting the sunset on on bay ridge and maybe you'll be out in time square in your underwear painting the guitar so we don't know like you guys balance yourself out son yeah and also like yeah if jesse wanted to be on camera then that wouldn't work yeah he wouldn't be able to be doing that like just happy to listen to his talk if the camera wouldn't know to focus on his

eyes or his beard it'll be confused yeah it comes. He comes into the fart. There we go. So the pizza was good. We got a little Vesuvios. The delivery guy recognized me, which is a little uncomfortable because now I assume he may show up at the window. Let's just say if you order some Amazon packages, they will be gone by the morning. They'll be gone by the morning. That's a weird thing.

I've actually never had that happen with delivery guy goes, I'm a big fan of your comments. Just hand me the pizzas and go away. That's why, you know, that is a benefit thing i've actually never had that happen with delivery guy goes i'm a big fan of your comment i said just hand me the pizzas and go away that's why you know that is a benefit this is the thing i just want to make this argument here to the right yeah about immigration okay about and especially illegal immigration here we go i want to just make this argument what they don't recognize is the value of a quiet uber drive okay when you got a guy who's from another country who's english is a little shoddy, you can rest assured you're going to have a quiet Uber drive where you can

scroll on your phone. Yeah. When you have someone like from Mexico, Honduras, whatever, who just got here and they're delivering food, you can make sure they're not going to recognize you and make it awkward when they deliver the food.

They're just going to give you the immigrant smile. They're going to pass you the thing. You get your food. It's, I hate that small town bullshit where everyone's in your business now this fucking guy knows where hopefully you know i i could hopefully i i should have said hey i'm just hanging out my friend's house yeah but now he knows we're here we shoot here he's gonna show up at the same time and try to be a guest in the podcast but that's the benefit of immigration and knowing me i'll probably have him on the guest because I'll be like, you know what? This is what the people want.

They want to hear from a delivery guy. That is a good point about the Ubers, though. You want an immigration, a quiet car ride. You don't want an immigrant offering you candy because their candy always sounds like a board game. They always offer you, like, would you like some candy? It's Yahtzee, and it's some weird candy. It has a lot of colors on it, but you're right.

It's always like it's beef flavored with like a cinnamon twist yeah it's gross but yeah i hate when like i hop an uber on the road in those cities that don't have as many immigrants as new york and the uber drivers uh like have american names and i see it and i'm like ah here we go yeah your name is not peter oh yeah kate shows up to pick you up she's like so how do you like tampa and i'm like i'm just trying to get to the hotel. I'm going to give you a five-star review. I just click five stars. I don't even, I mean, you could turn around and burp in my face, and I'll just go five stars.

I don't give a shit. I'm not giving you a review based on our conversation. So don't try too hard. I just want a water in the side, and I need a phone charger, and I need you quiet. Yeah, because those local Ubers give you too much information son you know this this 7-eleven closes past 12 now since someone got shot there two years ago it's like all right i'm not going there anyway lady i will tell you one of my favorite uber drives though was an interesting one it was a long one too me and my wife were uh we did a week in um i think it was uh charleston

or savannahs i think it was charleston and we went out to see some like I think it was Charleston or Savannah. I think it was Charleston. And we went out to see some cemetery. And it was like an hour away. And we got an Uber driver back. And the guy was Gulugishi. I don't know if we ever did an episode on that. We should have on hyenas. But the Gulugishi people are a group of descendants of slaves from that area who were from the – maybe the eastern side of Africa.

Some spot in Africa where they were good at like – where they were good with like clay or rice or some shit. And they have like – their culture is like still kind of intact and their language is kind of intact a little bit. have like their culture's like still kind of intact and their language is kind of intact a little bit and like, because they're so isolated because they're in the swamps down there on those South Carolina islands. So the dude spoke like broken English

with like the gulagishi kind of accent and so he was talking to us for like an hour on the drive and I couldn't understand anything but I enjoyed his vibe and his energy, so I just kept asking him questions, pretending to understand what he just said, and it was almost like listening to an opera in German. Like, it just felt good,

but I had no idea what he was talking about. At the end, I just said something like, man, that was just great stories or whatever, and he was like, yeah, man, and I was like, yeah, dude, and it was just like, it was nice. Obviously, you can't eat just a rhinoceros's bone. Yeah, I can't believe we never did anything.

Gula Gishi is interesting. It even made it into some like children's songs. There's some Gula Gishi shit. And I'm not hip to it. But maybe I'll do a bonus episode on Gula Gishi. Yeah. The Gula Gishi people. Gula Gishi. Are you looking it up right now?

Let's look it up real quick. Gula Gishi. The Gula Gishis. And we can end on the Gula Gishis when I find my fucking place. Yeah, yeah. That is a hard name to spell there, Jesse. Oh, that's Goulash. That's Goulash, son.

Especially if Jesse types with one finger. Oh, dude, yeah. Yeah. Jesse has early onset carpal tunnel. He's got carpal tunnel from sculpting too much. It's called GED. That's what it's called. Yeah.

How do you spell it? Gulu. You can sound it out. Google will help you. Gulu. Go with, just do two words. Gulu Gishi. Two words.

Gulu Gishi. Raza Gulu? Wait a minute. Slang for crap-filled vagina. What's that? Look at that. And what did you put in there? Ghoul-a-geeshee.

Is slang for crap-filled vagina? What the fuck? How do you get shit inside of a vagina? Oh, you've never seen it? Private parts, meat taco, Afro-gina, ghoul-a-geeshee. I mean, I almost feel like you have a different Google. I feel like you have an uncooperative Google. Yeah, bro. Could be, okay. Gula Gishi. I mean, I almost feel like you have a different Google. I feel like you have an uncooperative Google. Yeah, bro.

Let me see. Let's see. Gula Gishi. You got that China Google sign. Yeah, I mean, I'm struggling with it too on Google. I've never even heard of Gula Gishi. Yeah, that's why I want to bring it up. Gula Gishi people. Let why I want to bring it up. Gula Geishi people.

Let's see, that'll come up. What the fuck? South Carolina, this is great radio here. South Carolina, Gula. Are you sure

you went to Charleston with your wife or this wasn't like a fever dream? It could have been. Gula, okay, so it's the Gula people. G-U-L-L-A.

The Gula people. So they live in the low country region of Georgia, Florida, South Carolina, North Carolina, coastal plain and sea islands. They developed a Creole language also called Gula. So they speak Gula. So he was speaking Gula. And the language has african uh influence they make these baskets so when you go to like have you ever been to charleston no and

you see those like weave baskets those the gula people make those baskets these thing and they're they're all over the streets selling them and shit still those are them we like weaving those cool ass fucking baskets. Oh. And so, yeah. And they're also called Gishi, which is G-E-E-S-H-E-E. So the Gula Gishi, that's why they call it the Gula Gishi, which may be derived from the name of the OG Chi River near Savannah, Georgia.

Gula is a term that was originally used to designate the Creole dialect of English spoken by the Gula. And because of their relative isolation from whites while working on large plantations in rural areas, the Africans enslaved from a variety of Central and West African ethnic groups developed a Creole culture that has preserved much of their African linguistic and cultural relatives. So it's fucking cool. It's like bugged out, dude.

They speak their own language. And that Creole shit is already hard enough to understand so imagine merging their language their native language with that yeah and so here it is so they came from a they came from angola senegamia what is now angola sent senegamia windward coast the gold coast sierra leone and madagascar uh the term Windward Coast often referred to Sierra Leone. So yeah, there was the western coast of Africa where they had cultivated African rice. They were good. So they knew how to cultivate rice.

So once Carolinian and Georgian planters discovered that African rice would grow in that region, that's what it is. So they figured out that the rice would grow there. So the Gulu people knew how to grow it. They often sought enslaved Africans from rice-growing regions because they had the skills and knowledge to develop and build irrigation dams and earthworks. This is what we need to do. Interesting shit. We need to take off uncle ben

off the box and put the gulu geishi people gulu geishi people interesting shit though right yeah that's interesting yeah and they still kind of um a lot of their um terror a lot of their where they were living has been like all those south carolina islands have now been turned into like golf courses and rich and that's like a big thing because they're taking like a lot of their like the native Gulu people's like homes and shit. And they're buying them for cheap or they're kicking them out or whatever. Netflix is probably kicking them out to film the show Outer Banks.

Exactly. Yeah. So it's cool. So our cab driver was Gula and he was talking in that like Creole language. I couldn't understand a fucking word he was saying. But his Southern, that Southern slow energy. It's like, dude, it couldn't understand a fucking word he was saying but his southern that southern slow energy it's like dude it's like taking a xanax it's like those people

do not have the anxiety we have up here they they chill and when he was talking i almost you knowing like you feel like that like like goosebumps everywhere you feel like real calm yeah he was making me feel calm even though i couldn't understand a word he was saying and he was driving like 10 miles an hour and i think he was 400 years old he was an old fucking dude and it was one of the most fascinating rides i've ever had and um i didn't know much about the ghoula people until um i went down there and started reading about it and let me see it's in a children's song like there's one popular children's song gula children's sometimes like into bohemian corolle barbadian corolle guyanese corolle

belize jamaican patois my god might as well speak klingon you're gonna speak all that i mean these ads are really Let's go to Gullah Gullah Island Yeah that's a gentrified song You can't go anymore Because now they're just golf courses But the Gula people,

very interesting people. This has been long days. I think that's it. I think we did it. Yeah. Jared Harvin. Follow Jared Harvin. You know the deal.

Jay Harvin 15. And we'll see you next week. Tell your friends. This has been your long day. It's been a long day.