Yannis Pappas Hour - She’s Pregnant!

Episode Date: April 14, 2023

Little Esther Povitsky drops by and we are pretty sure she’s pregnant. This is a wild one. See Yannis live Dates & Cities below All tickets: https://www.yannispappascomedy.comTampa April 21-22Boston July 8 Long Island Aug 17Dallas Aug 24-26New York Nov 4 Providence Nov 10-11Phoenix Nov 16-18Watch Yanni’s stand up special: https://youtu.be/ArlCFemEDvQJoin our highlights page for highlight clips of every episode: https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykwNew episodes every Friday and new bonus episodes every following Tuesday at Patreon.com/yannispappashour Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up everybody? Screwed in, got a lot to say Aw shit, it's about to be a long day It's a long day, it's a long day What's up everybody? Welcome to another episode of the Yanis Papasour guest episode This is gonna be my favorite, I already feel it I got good chemistry with you, I got good vibes, I pick up good energy I'm gonna ruin it all I get, I just, there's something good going on here You started comedy when you were 21, Esther

So you were like a teen mom in standup. That's like being a teen mom. Oh my God. I'm so, I'm instantly triggered because as on the drive over here, I told you, I'm really scared that I accidentally got pregnant this weekend and I do feel like a teen mom. Yeah. We just met actually for the first time and she just laid that on me in the car. She went, me and my fiancee, of five years, by the way. You're a woman after Jesse's own heart. They've been engaged for 37 years. How long have you and Suzanne been engaged?

Too long. So you're like common law marriage or whatever. It's like hippie shit. Like, why do we need the government to get involved, I think. But yeah, she dropped a whopper on me. She said that he came in her. I really hope he doesn't click on this video.

I'm going to get in trouble. He's got so many. You're in New York. You're probably doing every podcast. You're right. This one. Yeah. Hopefully.

No, because I did sex. Well, yeah. So I'm just going through this weird phase in my life where I've decided I really don't want kids, but I also like, there's something that then when I've decided I really don't want kids but I also like there's something

that then when I've made that decision I'm like very sexually activated by someone go going inside of me and so I'm like which instinct is the right one and I'm just I made a mistake and I'm so scared and I don't know what to do I'm like am I really going to be 35 and take the morning after pill like yeah you're trying to figure out what to do now yeah

do you do more like of a midwestern thing where you're from and have a kid and have a life and a family or do you because famously only people from the midwest

have kids that's the only place that you can have a kid yeah because in the coasts we kill them yeah that's right it's the second option to have it here.

Okay. Like, I don't even trust anyone unless they, I want people to be so left wing. I want to know how many abortions they've had. Okay. I don't trust anyone who hasn't killed more than 16 fetuses. Does a miscarriage count towards my abortion allotment? Well, that just means maybe God is Democrat.

Yeah. Because he aborted it, which just may mean he's a Democrat. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. So you had one of those. Yeah, I had one of those, and I don't know whether I'll go Democratic or Republican with this one.

By the way, if I am pregnant, I'm like two days pregnant. So this is all, I'm probably not. Don't worry, everybody. No, no, no, you definitely are. You told me you're ovulating. You're right in the middle of ovulating, and you told me in the car. I just met, too. you said there wasn't even a drop that didn't get in you said it was full every like yeah no yeah it was definitely like it made it

so how was that a mistake then oh my god i sneeze and it came out whenever you when you whenever you deposit a full load that's like putting an envelope at the post office in the thing it's an intentional you you have to open the you have to open the draw put it in and close it right so well famously like men my whole life have always gatekept their sperm from me so i felt like if i suggested him doing that like there's no chance like men don't want my to have their sperm because like i'll fucking take it um because he has he actually has frozen sperm in a sperm bank from when he was younger like he has like better sperm and younger better yeah and he won't let me have it that's that's like uh you're

like do you love me like why can't you have the good stuff i don't know i know people online are like he doesn't think you deserve it what are you gonna do with it yeah i don't know what he's gonna do with it so he's giving you that michael jordan wearing 45 on the wizard sperm but he has that michael jordan wearing 23 he's got a whole lot of great value sperm right now. Yeah. And he's just, who's he saving that for? I don't know. I mean, I trust him that it's for me,

but I also, I don't know. And so, yeah, I have the bad sperm. It's probably like, I don't, I'm scared. I'm so scared. You're pregnant right now. I don't want to be pregnant. This could be awesome if you end up being pregnant and this is the episode.

You know what I've realized about you? I just met you and I've realized that you're very guarded and you don't tell people a lot about what's going on in your life. You know, you're very superficial and you avoid the big stuff. Yeah. Let's talk about the weather. I think it was maybe two, three minutes into the car ride and you're like, wait a second, your wife's pregnant too. Is that okay? Is she okay?

Can she live okay? Because I want to know if it's okay to be pregnant. Yeah, that's how I just, if you're sitting near me, you're going to hear it. Whatever's going on right now is like where you'll be. And right now it's morning sickness. Did you ever, did you think for a second to go get a Plan B? Did you have a moment?

Yeah, no, for sure. Like, yeah, we, I was even, he was like, if you want to, I don't know. But again, he's 45, I'm 35. It just seems like not right to take a morning after pill. Right. You know? It does seem like smoking weed with your friends in your 60s or something. It's not age appropriate.

It's weird that you say that because that's what I wish I was doing now is smoking weed in my 60s. And I can't. Yeah. It's like the movie The Big Chill, right? They all get together and like bang out. It's before your time. He's 25.

I know what The Big Chill is, asshole. Oh, you do? I mean, these kids know fucking everything. Dude, when I was growing up, if someone mentioned a movie from the 60s, I'd be like, I don't know. It's Star Wars and that's it. And I know anything. But now he grew up in every era.

It's not that hard to have a kid, right? It's pretty chill? Well, I... I'm not sure if you're prepared for a kid if you explain it as being pretty chill. Well, I I'm not sure if you're prepared for a kid if you explain it as being pretty chill. Well, you said you had a miscarriage, so maybe that was God's way of saying, Esther, there's still some things for you to accomplish.

Yeah, no. Maybe there's still like, is there like a dream you still want? Like, I don't know, the premium blend's not around, but is there still, you know, did you get the half hour yet? You got the half hour, hour. I think it's pretty safe to say i've given up on all my dreams right like just look at how's trash tuesdays doing it's going great so that's good yeah so you you're not it's that show didn't get canceled by every uh mma

fighting fan online oh yeah something happened yeah we had all this drama that's okay they have cauliflower they can't listen anyway. Okay. But you didn't create the drama. No, but I was present. And I feel like just being present for drama, it's like you're there. You're in the room.

I didn't say anything. Don't they say that about the Nazis and Hitler? It's like they just followed orders. Yeah, Annie Letterman. Yeah, it's sort of similar. Yeah. Nuremberg trials for sure. Hitler, Annie Letterman, Yeah, it's sort of similar. Yeah. Nuremberg trials for sure. Yeah, Hitler, Annie Letterman, you not. You could have shot her.

You could have stopped it. What exactly happened? I don't pay. I'm not up on my L.A. comedy. It's not worth it. We don't have to get into it. It's not worth getting into it. But I'm sure Annie Letterman was in the middle of it.

Oh. Or was Kalilah in the middle of it? It was, yeah. It was the girl. I don't know a lot about it. You know why? We will stay away from it. They already know.

By the way, whoever's watching this already knows. He's in love. There's someone that kind of sounds like this, so it was kind of like at the middle of it. Oh, okay. I get it. It's a bad impression, but I know who you are. It's a bad impression.

I did a better one. Well, she said MMA, so I kind of got it. Yeah. Yeah, because it's not going to be, you know, it won't be. It's not rogue. Yeah. Well, it's either, yeah. Right.

There's like two. Peace and love. Kisses and smiles. Peace and love. That's not what we're here for. We're here to talk to all the teen mobs out there. Wait, okay, I have a question.

Pregnancy's easy. No. But you gotta push it out of your very small vagina. Yeah. And it's gonna be bigger than your vagina. And you're very petite.

I wanna put you in a suitcase and take you on the road. Don't worry. Yeah. Wait, okay, I actually, I have a question for you.

Like, I realized, okay, do you, all of you or whoever, do you hate a woman or a person after they reject you? That's like a thing, right? I hate women regardless. I realize if I feel rejected

by someone, my gut instinct is to hate them and then that made me think oh, I think guys or everyone does that if they get rejected right well how far how far does you take the hate like how long I don't know

because I hate my mom when she tells me I can't have any frosted flakes oh that's oppressive yeah you're 25 you should be able to figure that out on yourself I'm a man at you're 25 you should be able to figure that out on yourself. I'm a man. Yeah. And you're 25 you should be able to

consciously and with good conscience abort a baby without feeling like Yeah you lucky fuck. Yeah you can still do it without feeling like there's something wrong about it.

Yeah you can't at 35 I think it's just It is what it is. And maybe Yahweh's saying it's time. Yeah but also maybe it's not maybe this is all just me creating

unnecessary drama and I'm gonna live a child free life like Seth Rogen and his beautiful wife and like maybe that will be my path it's really possible

where you just make like the worst ashtrays you've ever seen over and over again and for some reason just post them on Instagram I'm sorry they're really not great ashtrays I haven't seen them the guy has a passion you've ever seen over and over again and for some reason just post them on Instagram. I'm sorry.

They're really not great ashtrays. I haven't seen them. The guy has a passion. He has a passion. He has a passion. I love Seth Rogen. He's a great comedic actor, but he's really got into making ashtrays. Maybe I do want to have a kid.

Yeah, that's the thing. It gets weird without it. Okay. I think it does. At a certain point, it gets a little weird. I'm just so, and again, like not to be, you know,

gender wars, but I really am mad at you guys that you don't have to carry the baby. It's tough. Yeah. Like I'm mad.

I'm sorry on behalf of us. Yeah, it's tough. And it rips up your body. Yeah. We age a little better too. Yeah, that's so unfair. Women don't carry their babies anymore, right?

The Kardashians don't carry their babies. Right. They The Kardashians don't carry their babies. Right, that's a good point. They carry the first few, though. The first few. So that at least I'm like, you know what? Thank you for saying that, actually, because you're reminding me if the Kardashians carry babies,

then I should do it, too. I want to do what they do. They are doing it right. They do it right. Also, you could, like, you're very accomplished in comedy, so you could find, like like an opener and say carry the baby carry the baby and i'll do you want to do hilarities this weekend yeah carry the baby wait and i'll and i'll give you an extra 100 bucks on top of what the club pays you actually that if

i was a guy that would be so perfect because you wouldn't even have to do ivf you just come inside your opener and then she has your baby. That's fucking great. It's a great way to think of it. Have you considered what you're going to name the baby? You're definitely pregnant. You're having a kid. I know. I can see it in your demeanor.

It looks like an imaginary baby sitting in your lap right now. I can see it growing. I just picture her being pregnant. It's like an imaginary baby sitting in your lap right now Yeah I can see it growing I just picture her being pregnant It's like an alien Is this okay? It's so unnatural It moved Oh god it moved

Help But you have You're even having a second baby So it's like working out You're into it I'm fucking into it now having a second baby. So it's like working out, like you're into it. I'm fucking into it now. Yeah. It's one of those things.

It's like oysters. Like at first you're like, and then you just get used to it. Oh, really? Because I did just recently try oysters and I did that. Yeah. It's an acquired taste. The texture. Yeah.

It's like eating a, it's like eating a loogie. But you, yeah. But you like them now? I love them now. I think most people it's like eating a loogie. Yeah, but you like them now? I love them now. I think most people, it's an acquired taste. You first have a, and then you don't like it. So kids, it's like it's scary. All that stuff happens.

When you're a comic, it's scary, it's scary. And then you have it, and you love it. It's nature just kind of takes over. It's not even like a choice. You can't reject. I mean, even Joan Rivers raised her kid kind of right in between Cincinnati and weekends and Boise or whatever. Like she met her kid and then like started a show with her, monetized her.

Like there's things you can do. Okay. That see what we're giving Kardashian, Joan Rivers monetizing. Like, okay, that I can get on. I'm talking to your language, right? That's exciting. I mean, imagine bringing her like you're going to run out of stuff to talk about with on Trash Tuesdays at some point. So you just wheel in the fucking kid and you talk, like, do, like, tips for moms.

Like, you can always monetize it. But then, like, the branding of being a mom is sort of an ick. Like, I don't know if I like that. Right. Well, I'll figure this out. I have a lot. I have nine months, exactly, from two days ago. Here's a good thing.

You look young. Okay. You look young. Okay. You look 25. I am scared that I actually look four years old. You do kind of look, you look 35, 25, and four at the same time. You do kind of look like you got shrunk down. Yeah, oh no, that's so bad. In a movie.

You're small. Yeah, I'm five feet tall. Five foot. Yeah, five foot nothing. But you were into dance. I love dancing. That's the other thing is I just started my career as a professional dancer here in New York City. I'm trying to become a chorus girl so that this would get in the way of that.

But that's okay. Well, what things wouldn't it get in the way of? No, no, no. I don't want to. Yeah, no, I want to know in your mind what some of the positives could be. Okay. Because then we can all vote on what the chances are that you don't fucking sling that thing into non-existence. There could be a chance that you punt that thing back into the abyss.

I will say this. Like, I'm definitely committed to not getting rid of it on my own accord. It's very Republican of you. It is very, yes. Your friends are going to be mad at you for that. Don't come back to this city.

Why is that Republican, though? Why do Republicans want babies? What's up with that? I think it's because they take God really seriously. It's just capitalism, right? Like they just want little workers? It's really weird because

you know, it's like if life starts at conception then like, and the mother doesn't want the kid, then I think you gotta sign up to adopt it. If you're like, somebody's gotta take the kid. Because most people who are adopted turn out to be criminals

or unlikable like Joe DeRosa. And he's adopted. And it's a true fact that most adopted kids are criminal. Like have a criminal, they have a higher propensity to be criminals because I think the rejection from the mother is just a thing that you can't really fill.

Is this true? It's true. It is true. I'm not joking. It is true. You know, you really become a criminal that you can't really fill. Is this true? It's true. It is true. I'm not joking. It is true. You know, you really become a criminal when you don't have anybody, you know, to guide you in life. You know, so a lot of those kids get dropped off at a firehouse. They don't know how to make a chicken parm, but they're going to kill you.

Yeah. So it's, I think that that's the irony is like they, they're hard on crime, but then they want to make more like kids who are going to grow up to be criminals. But I think it's because of Jesus that they want to... But nobody really believes in Jesus, right? No. Not where you work. Not your household. In your house,

he was just a guy. You're pretty political on this show. Are you... Where are you at? See, on this show, we're like a dumb, dumb mystery flavor. You never really know until you get to the end. Oh, okay. Yeah, I am what you call a career killer.

As far as I will have a bunch of people like me for one thing I say, and then the next week I'll say something else, and then they'll hate me for what I say. Oh, I love that. So, yeah, I like to really make fun of both, and not because I set out to do that. I just, whatever's there, I'll take. Yeah.

Because I think ultimately we're all the same, and I feel like ultimately our politics are self-interested anyway. People will change their politics real quick based on their personal situation for example i was talking to this and not only just their political but their beliefs you know we're just self-interested pieces of shit like we're people think that we're just like animals who are self-interested and they take themselves too seriously and people think they're great and they're not and the more chaste and pious someone pretends that they are,

or pushes themselves off as, I'm more skeptical. Okay, cool. We're on the same page then. Yeah. Yeah, I do feel like a lot of the things that I do could be viewed as, oh, she's feminist,

but it's like, no, I'm just really selfish, and I think, yeah, there should be more women on lineups in comedy, because I'm a woman. Exactly, yeah. So like, no, I'm just really selfish. And I think, yeah, there should be more women on lineups in comedy because I'm a woman. Exactly, yeah. I'm like, yeah. It wouldn't be your main cause if you weren't a woman. That would be, because if any guy's doing that, you're like, he's just trying to get fucked.

He's like, we need more ladies. You're like, who do you do it? That's kind of. So I was going to give an example. I was just thinking about this, right? We were talking to this nurse. My wife was getting an ultrasound, and the nurse was talking, and she's like,

we live in this one place, and we love it because it's really diverse. We love that we're diverse. She's South Asian. She was like, I grew up in Long Island, and I was the brown one. Nothing was wrong. Everyone was fine, but I just don't think that that was good and in my mind I was just thinking like I knew all the things she was saying was great right but I just knew her or anyone else

like if her husband became like a multi-millionaire and I met her like in 10 years I'd be like where do you live she'd be like oh we moved to Bedford and I'd be like oh yeah that's not that's that's a really white place she's like yeah that's one of the issues but you know we just yeah yeah i'm not so into diversity anymore right you know like i feel like people are kind of you're liberal till you get mugged you told me that you're not so you're like on the fence with the whole marriage the whole idea of marriage the institution yeah i think it's because i i grew up without religion so i'm the devil so you grew up secular What's that? Secular Like secular Judaism No So my dad was Jewish

My mom was just like Normal Christian Which one of them is Finnish? My mom is Finnish From Finland? Yeah Well her mom is

But she was born in Minnesota But I Like I forgot what I was saying Because I You were talking about how You wanted to murder

your baby in your stomach. Yeah. No, you're talking about Judaism. Why? Like I asked if you were a secular Jew and you said, what's that? Okay.

So grow up with no religion. And so, yeah, that's really the end of the story. I have no religion and I want to kill my baby. So you believe in survival of the fittest. I really just believe in sleeping till 11 and smoking weed at night.

That's a great line. You're not hurting anyone. And at the end of the day, people who don't believe in God do a lot less harm than people who do. You notice the irony of that. I really do. There's no atheist rebellions like they're

trying to hang gay people or anything like that that's always religious people yeah yeah religion is bad religion's bad how about spiritual how about buddhism what's what's it what about kabbalah but did madonna make kabbalah hot or it fall off she like launched it. She launched it. Yeah, she made it cool. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I can't really speak to like Buddhism or anything at this time, but I just think like be yourself. So you don't have like a cult leader's personality.

No, in fact, I'm really susceptible to any cold. You are like fully like I could just, anyone I meet, like I just met you and told you like about my future right away. And so like, yes, anyone, I basically,

my, all my problems stem back to none of my parents, neither of my parents met my emotional needs my whole childhood. So like everyone I meet, I'm like, let's talk, like, let's hang out, let's have a sleepover. Like I could just go in and I would just do whatever people said to do. If you were like looking at me, just you giving me eye contact makes me feel like my needs are met way more than they ever were. But I was like kept safe. I always say I was was watched not raised right so they made sure i was there in the room but no one like interacted yeah i i think that's why you became a comedian yeah i think that's i think that's a

prerequisite that's kind of a common theme with do you have that yeah oh yeah oh yeah nobody cared about you no that was making i was crying to be on the room. Yeah, so I cried to him in the room. Can you imagine just like he comes in the room and I'm like, I'm going through it, man. That's going to be hard to see the guy that you're supposed to look up to, you're learning from, and he's just in tears. I walked in there. I was like, yo, you're supposed to be the best of us. What's going on right now? I was like, hey, are we going to get paid for the show? He was like, my mom didn in there, and I was like, yo, you're supposed to be the best of us. What's going on right now? I was like, hey, are we going to get paid for the show?

He was like, my mom didn't love me. I was like, wait a second. And he told me he was the chaplain of his fraternity, and that he was used to talking to guys about their problems, and he did a great job. Yes, he did. He really cheered me up. And then we went, and we walked in Madison.

We were in Madison, Wisconsin, and we walked around, and we had a great day. Got some cheese curds., Wisconsin. And we walked around and we had a great day. Got some cheese curds. Saw the Capitol. Saw the Capitol. We had a great day. Are these like problems that you discuss openly on the podcast

or are these like for... We've joked about it but I think what happened was it's really weird when my kid turned two, like I started having all these memories like looking at my...

It brought back all these memories of my childhood when I was two and all these things that I had buried started coming up. You definitely not having that baby now. Yeah. And it was, it,

I had to deal, I had to go through it and I had to deal, my body was gone. Like, and also my therapist says like my, my life is the best it's ever been. I have a family. I have built a new family.

I got all this love in my life. My career is good. Everything's good been i have a family i have built a new family i got all this love in my life my career is good everything's good i'm stronger whatever and so now my mind's almost going like okay now here it is you have to deal with this because you have a baby girl and you need to get this right so you don't pass it down you don't continue the trauma right we want to break the trauma cycle trauma cycle which is what which i totally believe in that's it's the truth it is like parents just like if you don't deal with the stuff that your parents you just repeat it it's tricky too because for so long i didn't really know what the stuff was that i was supposed to be dealing with until recently i'm like oh it's emotion for me it was

like emotional needs just completely not met but it was so confusing because i'm like, oh, it's emotional. For me, it was like emotional needs just completely not met. But it was so confusing because I'm like, well, my parents like provided a nice life for me. Like they took me to dance class. And like, I don't know, that's really all I can think of. They took you to dance class and they called it a day. You got a ride to dance class. But like and also we do, I do have a good relationship with them now, but it really did take a lot of like me fucking up my own life to realize

what my issue was. And it's like, oh, but I'm not having my emotional needs met. But I do think, and I'm curious if you're finding this too. I feel like everyone for the most part had that problem. No, no, no. I think your parents, curious if you're finding this too i feel like everyone for the most part had that problem no no no i think your parents and it could have been during the formative years oh right yeah because that's what they could have really ignored you had not met your needs from like two to five or like six seven eight and then as you get older yeah but the damage is done because that's when

your brain is forming that's when you have needs like being touched, being told I love you, being guided, feeling secure. And they probably just didn't do a good job. Yeah. Are they boomers? Well, no, your dad was a little older. Yeah, this is so random. My dad is from the silent generation, which I hadn't even heard of. It's kind of like a shady one that no one really knows about.

Who are they? The silent generation. Is that between the greatest and the yeah yeah they're just like a smaller like are you on reading glasses now yeah it's embarrassing oh my god those are actually weirdly very on trend these are my girlfriends oh so it finally hit you it finally hit me i'm a sassy librarian now that i'm exposed to so many young women on the streets of New York since I've been here, I'm learning that like the the way that people are hot now is to be as ugly as you

can be. And then if you're still hot, like that's how you know someone is hot. It's like you're supposed to just like make yourself look as hideous as possible. Are you insulting me? No, no. You look amazing. You look so good. No, but you're right about that.

That's the trend right now. Yeah. Yeah. Horrible haircut, ugly glasses, just like, dressed like shit. Baggy pants. Yeah, I'm doing my part. I'm trying. Yeah.

Okay, the silent generation, also known as traditionalist. Yeah, there's, it's, they're just, it's just sad that the name is silent generation. So they were born between 1928 and 1945 yeah and what i recently learned about my dad that blew my mind is like the first like five years of his adult life was when the vietnam war was going on and so his like entry into adulthood was just trying to not get drafted and like, oh, that explains so much about his personality. Like, oh, he's kind of like hiding from the police. No. Like, just like.

Was he hiding from the police? No, but just like questioning everything about the government and rules and stuff. Whereas my mom was a baby boomer and she was very much like a rule follower and believed in the system. But like my dad, for example, when we did like. Did you guys do standardized testing when you were in elementary school? Yeah. like a rule follower and believed in the system. But like my dad, for example, when we did like, did you guys do standardized testing when you were in elementary school? Yeah.

Okay. My dad was literally like the government is using you for research. You don't have to go to school. Oh, he's, he's just paranoid. Schizophrenic. Yeah. But I also think that's just cause he wanted to like someone to play computer

games with him. I don't know, but. So you have a distrust of systems and marriage and institutions yeah maybe from him yeah i think a little bit but also they my parents didn't have a wedding and like marriage wasn't a part of like they got married because they were dirty hippies not hippies but basically what happened was my very i feel like a lot of the men in my life will relate to this like my mom really wanted to marry him and my dad was like fuck that i'm not getting

married i want to be a bachelor forever so they broke up and then they ran into each other and my dad like on a whim was like so excited to see her that he was like i want to marry you and she's like you'll never marry me and he's like i I want to marry you. And she's like, you'll never marry me. And he's like, I'll prove it to you. And then coincidentally, he did what I had happened to me two days ago. And now then I was born and that's how he showed his commitment.

Oh, so he trapped her with a baby. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and they never got married. No, they did.

They, but they got married by a blind judge in a courthouse. Wow. Blind judge happens to be Mattel. Lane's grandfather recently found that out. Not sure if you know him. Is that a true story? married no they did they but they got married by a blind judge in a courthouse wow blind judge happens to be mateo lane's grandfather recently found that out not sure if you know him is that a true story i know him well that's a true story yes that is a coincidence yes someone listening to podcasts was like oh i heard you say your parents were married by a blind judge and then that's how we found out my god yeah because he's from that area right yeah yeah although

chicago right yeah yeah or if you ask him he would say he's from that area, right? Yeah. Yeah. Although- Chicago, right? Yeah. Or if you ask him, he would say he's from Napoli or Sardinia. I think his real name is like Matthew, Matthew, Chicago. He's like, my name is Matteo Leda. I do carbonara. I'm from Sardinia. I'm a cultured Italian.

There's no way I'm from Chicagoardinia. I'm a cultured Italian. There's no way I'm from Chicago. Mateo. That's a coinkydinky. Yeah, I forgot where I was going with all that. I want to look at that rock. No, it's just a family diamond. Oh, that's not the engagement ring? No, it is, but it was... Oh, it was his...

Yeah. Best price of all free. Oh, yeah. A couple of African babies Definitely lost limbs for that There's a couple nubs That had to happen For that thing to get mined It's weird knowing this was his grandma's ring And I'm just like

A dead lady's ring So you're not a money person. You're not, you're like a very good person. You're like, money doesn't, he got you a hand-me-down. You were fine with that. I just, I can really rough it. Yeah. Like I, my, my end plan, like if anything goes wrong,

like my mantra's like you always, I say my parents' address and I'd say their basement. Like I could fully live out the rest of my days in my parents basement get a job at Walgreens like that would be so comfortable to me and like I would be so happy and I don't know what I'm doing

here right now I should not be here everyone has that feeling when they get here they're like what is this at least we renovated the bathroom I don't need any of this Everyone has that feeling when they get here. They're like, what is this? At least we renovated the bathroom. I don't need any of this. I don't.

I just. Yeah, I grew up with very little and I'm always of the mindset like I can return to that. No problem. That's a foundation. Yeah, that's like my basement. Yes. Well, there's probably mold on the foundation. There's a lot of flooding.

But yeah, no, it's solid. It's there. So what do you want? What are you doing? What are you doing this for? If it's not for the money, for the fame. You don't strike me as that. You're like a fun, like you're actually someone that would like, you're funny and fun. I want someone to talk to me.

Yeah, you want love from the audience. I want to be spoken to. Yeah. You'll do a free show yeah at a second in a laundromat yeah yes but then i also like i think no one is always one thing right so it's like sometimes i do not want any of that and i just want to like not talk to anyone you know what i mean like it's not like this is all i I don't know. What do you want? I'm having fun talking to you. We're connecting.

I want human connection. Yeah. This is the second half of my life, right? Human connection's the best. It is kind of the only thing that matters. And a little bit of money's nice. Yeah. I'll take a little bit of money.

Well, okay, so this is actually very much a thing that Gen Z is talking about online and stuff, like on TikTok is. Are you sitting like that because your feet can't touch the floor yeah yeah okay and thank you for noticing because i always sit weird and i didn't realize till literally last week the reason i do that is because i'm short and chairs are not made for me yeah ergonomically they're not no so basically everyone online is like if someone is toxic cut them out of your life like do not you know it's all about cutting out toxic people culture but then now the pendulum is swinging way too far in that direction and everyone is like isolating and cutting people out if they just like piss them off the slightest bit

and and so now we kind of all have to like come together and be like wait we're all toxic and we all need to stay toxic in each other's lives or whatever because being alone is the it sucks you think it's great you think it's great you're like oh i'm saying cancel my plans like i just saturday night alone but then you're like it sucks it's you're like sad three hours in. With my adult coloring books, I'm like, what? Yeah, it sucks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no, we're social species.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm glad you're like, oh, human connection is the most important thing because I'm really amped on that too right now. You're amped on that right now that you're into that? I'm activated by it. Yeah. No, it's a big motivating factor. It feels really good to connect and have a convo.

Yeah, well, small talk. Like, small talk with a barista, like, that'll keep me going. That'll get me out of bed. And also because, like, living in L.A., for the last 14 years, I've been so isolated. Like, I sit in my car in traffic, and here, just, I see a hot girl on the street where's your shoes from

where the like i start talking yeah i'm like let's get dinner i had dinner with four strangers this weekend i'm not kidding so you're really activated and charged by just sort of the way the city's laid out where people are walking yeah la is about like mind your business you can't really walk around in la right well at least about LA's about fake convo, right? People don't see each other. They're isolated in their car. They get out. They get a Frappuccino.

But I actually sort of get why because people in LA, I don't want to talk to them either. They're boring and there's like... I'm myself included. When I'm there, there's nothing in my brain and I have nothing to offer.

And it's just... I think it's like we were saying in the car. Because the weather is the same every day, you just start to like, you become an automated cartoon character and you're not a real human. I don't know. I probably am making no sense. And I don't make sense. And most people want the same thing out there too.

Like it's the same goal and everyone's like kind of formulated for this same like system to try to reach out you know fame money you know which is fine like i also i'm like that's okay i get it like i've been on that journey too but and i don't judge it but we i'm glad i got stepped outside of it for a few moments it's nice it's also nice to just get out of a town where you don't have to run into a colleague who's accused of sexual assault and not know how to say hello or not i'm sure that's uncomfortable because you do recognize them and know them so what do you give them you give them yeah do you say hello is it a head nod i've always thought of that yeah like you're out you're getting coffee you're in starbucks

you see one of the many comedians in la who are accused of something, do you say hello? Is it an eye contact, a nod? Yeah. Is it a fist bump? Is it a total ignore? You might have to go with the black finger point. Is it I pretend I have diarrhea and I just leave? It's an uncomfortable situation. Well, to counter that,

you don't ever know who you're saying hi to. Just because they haven't been found out what they've done, you might be saying hi to criminals. Right. I'm saying when it's known. When it's known. That uncomfortable moment where you just happen to be at a stoplight, you look over, or you're in a Starbucks,

and they happen to be getting an Americano. And you look over and you're just going, oh. And there's other people around. You do know the person. Do you not? Or what do you do? I say hi. You say hi.

Yeah. I think I would say hi to just, it's too awkward. Yeah. I think I would probably say hi to Charles Manson because I recognize him. Like, hi, I know you are. But I also am such a, like, little bitch that, like, there could be someone who sexually assaulted me and I'm like hi how are you it's so good to see you like really great

great like I just I cower in the moment so you don't have boundaries do you have a lot of anxiety when you have boundaries you know I'm learning boundaries I'm definitely learning them to me just a like hello how are you

and a move on is that's, that's safe and comfortable for me, whether you raped me or not, that's fine. I can give you that. But, um, boundaries are a newer thing in my life.

And yes, like I, the best one that I've recently implemented is like, I treat my text messages now like it's AIM and like it's on a computer and I don't check it all day and like so you might not hear from me for a few days and I have to just find peace and like they will not hate me they will not forget me like this is just and that you seems like your emotional needs aren't met maybe that does that sound like it's scary to you too yeah it's a little scary but it could but it could be beneficial to me to do something like that.

You have some guy texting for you, Carlos Herrera? Oh, yeah, for podcasting stuff sometimes. But no, usually I do it myself. What's his name again? Carlos. Carlos. I nailed it. It's crazy.

I remembered it. Carlos. He works for you? He works on our podcast Trash Tuesday. He did just play on the Puerto Rican national team? No, it is probably the most common name in the country. Carlos Herrera, there's so many. Is he Puerto Rican?

No, I think he's Spanish and Mexican. Oh, Jared's Puerto Rican and half black. Oh. Real New York mixture here. That is so New York. Yes, there's not a lot of Puerto Rican people in LA. I feel like it's a more East Coast. There's probably some people speaking from Mexico. Chicago, New York. Yes. There's not a lot of Puerto Rican people in LA. I feel like it's a more East Coast. There is.

They're probably from the East Coast. They're from Mexico. Chicago, New York. Yeah. Yeah. They kind of, Orlando. They're only in a few places. And then it goes, it's Mexican.

The type of Hispanic changes. Yeah. The culture here on the East Coast is more similar to what I grew up with in Chicago. Just the fact there's, I don't think I know any Greek people in LA, but like here, there's you, there's Stavros, they're all here. There's two of us. All two of you.

Dimitri Martin's on the West Coast. He's Greek? He's very Greek. Dimitri feels so Russian to me. He's also Greek, Dimitri. Oh, okay. He's very Greek. He's gringer than I am.

Is that possible? Very possible. I'm a bad Greek. I don't eat his sweaters. They're made out of his eyebrows. Yeah. He speaks it. His parents owned a diner.

I mean, he's as Greek as it gets. Do you feel that there is a similarity amongst Greek, Italian, and Jewish people? Because I feel that. Yes, for sure. And when I first met the guy who came inside me two days ago, I thought he was Greek, but he's actually Jewish, which is the ultimate compliment you can give to a Jewish man. Right.

He's Greek. But, yeah, do you feel like the cultures are the same? Yeah, well. And also because you said you have, like, mom issues, I'm like, that's very jewish yeah yeah um domineering mom yeah the jewish families the mother really calls the shots yeah we've talked about the pockets my mom's best friend um uh her whole life was jewish and her husband was like a massive uh defense attorney like massive, he was big. And she would talk to him,

I mean, at parties in public where we would all be like, and she would just like, That's so hot. He would just, yeah. That is hot. He took it right on the chin. Like, it was no biggie. They need it.

Yeah, they need it, yeah. Well, I think maybe he, that's how people balance themselves out, right? That's why, like, some CEOs like to get kicked in the nuts and stuff. Because ultimately, everyone's seeking home themselves out, right? That's why some CEOs like to get kicked in the nuts and stuff. Because ultimately, everyone's seeking homeostasis, right? Homeostasis, what's the word? Homeostasis.

Homeostasis. Homeostasis. I'm a fucking moron. Homeostasis. Homeostatis. Homeostasis. But you get points for knowing what the word was. You just couldn't say it.

I was in the neighborhood. I just couldn't say it. It happens a lot on this block. You didn't have the address, but he was on the block. I was on the block. I was in the neighborhood. I just couldn't say it. Yeah. It happens a lot on this block. You didn't have the address, but he was on the block. I was on the block. I was in the area. Knowing the word is huge. Yeah.

No, I grew up with a lot of Jews. He's half Jew. Are you an Esther Jew? That's when only your dad is Jewish, or is it your mom? Yeah, it's my mom. I'm Jewish from the neck down. Wait, what? What does that mean? You put marinara sauce on a matzah.

I don't have the Jewish brain. Oh. You don't have the Jewish, that's right, yeah. I don't have the smarts. You got the Italian fucking shit shoveling brain. Yeah, because he sculpts and finger paints and shit. Meanwhile, those cousins are out there making fucking money. And you're out there fucking finger painting.

Yeah, that's right. You got your dad's fucking shit shoveler Italian fucking island goomba jeans. Yeah, a bunch of Italian stable monkeys. Oh, Jesus, fucking sauce monkey jeans. Bad, yeah. Yeah, so I grew up, a lot of my girlfriends were Jewish. I'm into it.

Yeah. I like it. The Jewish culture is intellectual, neurotic, but the neurosis is based on intellectualism. It's aware. I love it The Jewish culture is intellectual Neurotic But the neurosis is based on intellectualism It's aware I love it Jewish girls are great in bed They're really cool

You can have a full dump in them They're pretty cool about that They just sort of handle the consequences later They talk it out publicly on a fucking podcast to thousands and thousands and thousands of people and to a person they just met in a car. I mean, we literally shook hands and two minutes later,

he, wait a second, should I keep this baby? I'm like, I don't know, Esther. I can't be your rabbi right now. We got a pod. Well, I didn't ask if I should. I was more just like, I'm stressed about something.

I was like, what is that? Is it an audition? What's going on? Drama with Carlos the producer? No, my husband fucking full, my fiance fully unloaded in me. And I'm totally hardcore ovulating. And I was like, oh, you're definitely pregs.

Yeah, like that's, I mean, if you're ovulating, you can't really miss. Wait, really? Yeah, it's a good chance. It's a good chance. Oh, I just assumed because I had that one miscarriage. Like, maybe. No, but the miscarriage, he connected.

I mean, the sperm made it. Right. Connecting is important. Yeah. Yeah. I should also say that, like, he and I have very different ideas of, like, what is for public and what is for private. That's a common problem comedians have with podcasting. Yeah.

Yeah. I've run into a few people who've made mistakes with that. Is her husband a comic? No, no, no, no. He's just very private, so it's very important that no one sends him this link because then we'll be fine,

right? Like, my podcast, my Trash Tuesday host, Kalilah, she talks... Like, what the fuck? What the fuck are you doing? Why are you telling everyone this? She's like, because it's funny. We will have a sit down meeting.

I'll make sure to clip this. I am Esther. Kill it. Keep it. Kill it. Keep it. No, no. I will let God decide what happens to it but can i be the godfather

yes do you guys well i feel like i'm the first person to know about it you are although actually this one woman stopped me on the street yesterday because she was a fan of trash tuesday and while she was uh while she stopped me i was on the phone with someone i was talking about the morning after pal was like did you just hear what i said she's like yeah i was like don't tell anyone because i i met this like beautiful korean girl she's an influencer and i just so i did tell her and you and now who whenever this is choose people closest to you yeah if you could make this not come out until nine months from now so that we're just like no for sure we're in the clear. If we like put it out and then like a boxing

trilogy or whatever she comes back in and like is she holding a baby? Is she not? That's fun. Because I really don't think I want like I literally decided like I think like kid free is good. Like I'm feeling it. So I don't know if this one doesn't take. Kid free sounds

like cancer free. Am I the only one that picked up on that? Kid Free? Child Free? Yeah, Child Free. It's like people say, I'm cancer free. Yeah. Oh, like if this one doesn't take, next time you see me like, Kid Free. Kid Free. I'm healthy again.

Yeah. It's interesting. But what I was going gonna say is like kalilah on trash tuesday she talks a lot about bobby lee on it and we're always like is this okay and she's like he doesn't listen like and you know bobby lee is so not savvy with computers that like which is funny right yeah he he really won't listen and so i'm really counting on that working for this. I think that you're safe. But I think it could become a funny thing that a lot of people just keep saying on your posts. Yeah. Because this is pretty funny.

Yeah. But hopefully by the time this comes out, like. Is he like, does he check your Instagram and stuff or? No. What does he do? He's a writer. He's a novelist? No, he's a TV writer. Oh, that's right. You told me that. Yeah. You a novelist? No, he's a TV writer.

Oh, that's right. You told me that. Yeah. You told me that. Yeah, he's a TV writer. It is easy to forget that, though. It's boring. Okay.

You're writing for CSI? Is he a comedy writer? Yeah, I feel like the less we talk about him, the better. Yeah, I think it's better that way, right? Yeah. Only 47 minutes. The less we talk about him, the better. Yeah, I think it's better that way, right? Yeah. Only 47 minutes. Yeah. The less we talk about him.

I think of the 47, we've talked about him maybe 39 and a half. Yeah. So, Trash Tuesdays is a great podcast. Yeah. With you, Annie Letterman, and Kalilah. Wait, that was interesting was interesting though what you said about like everyone wants to reach homeostasis that like because obviously we've all heard that right like ceos want to be dominated in bed i didn't realize though that that is kind of

it is just to reach an equilibrium yeah yeah i think so i think. I think that's what the goal is. So then what if you're not extremely high status or extremely low status in life? Is that a person that wants to be dominant and submissive? That's a good question. That's when you throw on the VR goggles and pretend like you're a billionaire. Yeah, I think some of it has to do with nurture and nature. Because yeah, I think some of it has to do with nurture and nature. Because, yeah, I think some people naturally are just more dom or femme, right?

Dom or sub. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. I'm verse. I'm verse. I'm verse.

I can be dom or sub. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. Verse is really where it's at. Yeah, verse is switch hitter kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. I'm verse. Verse is really where it's at. Yeah. Verse is switch hitter kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. I'm verse. I can be dom or sub.

I think that's very progressive to say. I feel like I'm very progressive in that way. Because I feel like a lot of men feel like they have to only be like dominant and also like, okay, so do you think that all masculinity is a performance because I was thinking recently that like what's actually in today's culture like what is how are you actually able to be masculine and I think it's like basically just providing like making money is kind of the only way to be masculine, right? Because like I could be wrong. I'm like totally talking out of my ass here, but.

No, this is where the good stuff happens. Okay. So like to be masculine is like hunting and gathering, right? Like that's what the man is supposed to do in like olden times. Oh, in olden times for sure. Yeah. Okay. So if you fast forward to today.

Also pillage rape murder okay those things too sure sure but like so then if you put that into today today's terms it's just like providing right like making money making money so does that mean that any man who like lives off of like his family or something is not providing and so any kind of any masculinity that he's portraying is just a performance and it's like acting tough or do you does that resonate is in any way or am i just making this up i think no i truly think we're very disconnected because of technology and civilization totally from the fact that we're social animals no different than wolves and dogs. Hell yeah.

In that respect, that we're social animals. Obviously, we're different, but we survive socially. And I think whenever you have a social pack, there is an order. So I think people have different levels of energy and different levels of dominance and submission. And what they can strive for. Yeah, certain people, it's more important for them to be more up there.

Yeah, okay. Other people want to be here. Some people are in the middle. And we're just kind of disconnected from that. So I think masculinity is that thing that makes you want to strive to be at the top of the thing. And so what you're saying then is that you can still be a man that doesn't want to be at the top.

Does that make you less masculine? Some little way, yeah. But that's okay because that's a part of the natural order. Not every man should want to be that way. That's crazy. That comes with a bunch of stress. And yeah, some people aren't wired for it. Some people don't want to deal with it.

It's a headache. It's heavy as the crown, you know what I mean? Yeah. Okay, that's... So then, but then in today's culture, it's all about like, do you think that those people who just want to be in the middle

and don't want to be at the top, do they feel this pressure to present Do you think that those people who just want to be in the middle and don't want to be at the top, do they feel this pressure to present as being masculine? Or how do they prove their masculinity or they don't have to? I think people at the bottom and the middle are very empowered now by how technology has kind of leveled the playing field. And it's revenge of the nerds right now. No, I think... you move the goalpost. I think I think, you know, it's funny because people go like a Bill Gates is a nerd. He's to my opinion, he's a super alpha like masculine man who wanted to dominate.

And people think he's like this great guy. He's like, I want a vaccinator. He's like he was a monster who like stole ideas, who wanted to be a billionaire, who like makes more money, buy stocks, short stocks. He shorted Tesla stock. He was betting on them losing so he could make money. He's a super competitive, ultra masculine guy in this climate.

But he wears rockers. In technology. Steve Jobs, he wasn't a wallflower. He was a fucking cunt. All right? I mean, talk about a person who's traumatized by iPhone. If you want to know one person who has a Samsung, it's his daughter. She's not going to fucking be triggered every time she gets a text.

I mean, he was a dick. He ignored his daughter. He was a complete bully. He was tough to work with. He's super masculine, alpha male right it's just now it's not like uh muscles it's like business right so it's like yeah and those guys probably get kicked in their nuts by prostitutes to find the equilibrium but i think that's a natural thing that's in certain people but so like i guess okay this that also lines up with like

women seek providers and that used to mean tall muscly who can like kill other like you know kill people for you but now it's just like who's the nerd making money is a better provider correct correct and so then maybe then the guys that like we want to point to and be like, ha ha, nerd, Jeff Bezos, it's like, well, he's actually the alpha male. He is the alpha male. He's daddy. He makes people pee in their diapers to work 15-hour shifts. I mean, it's actually funny that it's great that we're talking about it. I don't think anyone's really nailed it like we're talking about it right now.

Yeah, those guys are like the Hulk and He-Man used to be. They're like Alexander the Great. They're like super masculine. Like Jeff Bezos is now, first of all, he's taking steroids. So he looks the part, but he's a super masculine boss. Like these guys run the world. So maybe in today's culture, the best way to be masculine is just to be like a smart little fucking nerd. Absolutely.

I mean, do you know how powerful these people literally? In today's culture, the best way to be masculine is just to be like a smart little fucking nerd. Absolutely. I mean, do you know how powerful? These people literally run the world. Like Amazon, Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, Zuckerberg. These little fucking squeak eggheads. They run the world. They have so much power. People bend to their knees. Political parties, companies,

everyone is like begging them for their reach, for their apparatus, to favor them. They are multi-billionaires. They have networks that are as much as some small countries. I mean, they're the richest people in the world, and they run the world. They're like the new railroad barons. Like back in the day, they're the new J.P morgans and charles schwab's and all those guys

uh from the industrial era these are the tech barons and isn't it funny that like all of that drive and success that they have it just comes from like mommy didn't look at you it's usually what it is it's it comes from such a sad little place i really i'm not making fun of them i love you daddy bezos like i you're right it does it comes from like all that motivation comes from such a sad little place. I really, I'm not making fun of them. I love you, Daddy Bezos. You're right. It does. It comes from like, all that motivation comes from like a girl rejecting them or mommy not hugging them. Yeah.

Or a compensation of masculinity really comes from like a devoidness of like that feminine love. I do think the world would be a better place if everyone does a little trauma therapy. A little bit. Everyone does a little trauma therapy. Now you, you're not into the alpha. I can tell that right now. You're more of a creative, artistic soul. You have a good laugh.

Thank you. Your laugh is good. You're authentic? Yeah, I think mostly just because that's all I have. I'm more like, oh, this is, I want to just make the most of what i was given like i don't okay another thing so obviously like we've talked about i live in la like every girl there is

like injected botox like all plastics i have gone into so many of my over a decade there like i've been to like several plastic surgeon consultants with appointments with friends I've gone for myself please tell who people you don't know not not comedy girls but like I I'll be like tell me what you would do like I've really gone down that road of wanting to do it and then I always get too scared and I think I've ultimately come to the decision that like I'm just going to to the decision that like i'm just going to juice the youth and beauty that i have for what it's worth and just be happy with like what i got and not try to like squeeze more out of it to the original recipe yeah exactly yes like kfc original recipe um that's what comes to mind i don't know what would you even do though well a lot of a lot of doctors. You have a young, tight face. Doctors, believe it or not, doctors, they have some ideas.

And it is really sad and scary when they tell you what they want to do. But I don't remember why I started talking about this. But I just, like, I'm going to. What did you ask? You have a very artistic energy. Oh, yeah. But so all that to say, I'm just like playing with the The

Hand that you were dealt Exactly Thank you You're not gonna enhance it You're not gonna get new boobs Yeah You're not gonna get Although after the

If I do have the baby We'll figure that out You have to figure that out They do That'll happen They do ruin your body Yeah Those little parasites

Yeah Will chew away your innards and also don't hold me to anything i'm saying because usually i'll say something like i hate taco bell and then for some reason then because i implanted the word taco bell in my head the next day i'm like that's all i want to eat like so i'll i'll change my mind on a dime but um that's just where i'm at now. But thank you for saying I'm authentic. So you really are easily persuadable. Like if I had a cult, I could get you in there.

So easily. Like, yes. Like that girl that was in Supergirl, the show, who's getting all the girls for the guy. You could be her. I would be the best recruiter. Women love me because they know their boyfriends are never going to want to fuck me. Like I'm not intimidating. I could get you every hot girl in this city. I could give me the address.

I'll have her there. Yes. I would be such a good recruiter for like a cult leader. And I like just laying or whatever, just laying Maxwell. Like I, you would be her kind of, I would kill it at being her.

Yeah. And I'm not proud of that I don't want to do that I want to use my powers for good but I'm just saying it could go dark really quick

yeah I would excel yeah well I mean listen if there's any potential cult leaders out there you got your

your chief what would that be it would be commander would it be the vice CFO CFO yeah it would be the CFO of be the vice? CFO. CFO. Yeah.

It would be the CFO of your cult. You'd be a great CFO and chief recruiter. Yeah. Yes, thank you. So you're very gullible is what you're saying. What else do you got going on besides the very popular Trash Tuesdays, which is the podcast that is- That causes problems. That causes problems for the mma community apparently

um which you should come on if you're ever in i'd love to come on toxic town of los angeles yeah um but yeah i have a solo podcast called my pleasure and i do that one and then i'm also just on the road and stuff like all the other like all the other what's my pleasure about that is just sort of more of this nonsense that I'm doing. Sometimes I have guests, which you should come on it. And then sometimes it's just me talking for an hour. People use it to fall asleep. It's really good for that.

The advertisers love it. There it is. Look at that. Yeah. Look at that. Bob Eager. Bob Iger. Bob Iger.

I'm really not a smart man. Bob Iger. Well, you didn't Bob Iger. Bob Iger. I'm really not a smart man. Bob Iger. Well, you didn't capitalize Iger. That's true. Yeah. Yeah, the last one was titled Bob Iger is Daddy because he's the CEO of Disney, and I felt like at the Oscars,

because they were on ABC, it was really his night. He got to have a free commercial for the new Little Mermaid movie. I really like CEOs, and I like reading their books and stuff. What's up with this photo here? I mean, that is very LA. That is very...

Yes, it's very... That is very... You went hot for that. Yeah. I go hot. Is that like a see-through dress and am I seeing a little bikini under there? I don't know what that is. Whatever my style is.

Oh, I know what it is. That was a rhetorical question. I wasn't asking. I go both hot and ugly. It's a skill I have. Yeah. And then eligible for president because I just turned 35 and that is when you're eligible for president.

Oh, yeah. So not to flex. You know what is funny? You are tiny on that couch. Yeah. I mean, that couch. Yeah. I mean, that couch, it looks like you're in one of those, like, you know, where you can take a picture and then you go in those big seats. You're five foot.

Yeah. You didn't do a gym. You didn't want to be a jockey on a horse or you didn't think about gymnastics? No, what's so sad is I wanted to be a rockette and you have to be like 5'10". Yeah. And so I was priced out of it. And I also like, yeah, there's a lot you can't do when you're small. Yeah.

Like sit in chairs. Can Brad Williams see over your head? No, but we get along really well. You do, right? We have a lot to talk about. In the same atmosphere. Yeah. Yeah, you fly at the same height.

You guys are both squeaks. Five foot. You guys follow each other at the comedy store so the mics don't be at the same level? Yeah, actually. One other comic I know is five foot is Brittany Brave in Miami. Do you know her?

Oh, I don't know her. She's five foot. She looks like a ventriloquist puppet. Yeah, I mean, she's a tiny girl. I forget that boys have looks. Have you ever been with a black guy? What? We've talked enough about my sexual past, I think,

just in the last few days. Well, no, we only know about one thing. That's all we know. I mean, we talked a lot about it in depth, but I just know that unprotective sex happened twice with the guy you're engaged to. Yes, I guess that is... Who is a comedy writer.

Yeah. We'll hear about this podcast through the grapevine. No, no, no, I guess that is... Who's a comedy writer. Yeah. We'll hear about this podcast through the grapevine. No, no, no, no, no. I'm in so much trouble. What show does he write on? He says that, then we'll know. The less we speak about him, the better. Let's think of what else can we talk about. You've been with a black guy.

To be honest with you, if you don't say it's kind of racist if you don't. Where did you go to school? College. I went to the University of Illinois in Urbana-Champaign, which is a Big Ten school. And I did not drink. And so I really. Same here. Really?

Yeah, I don't drink. Have you like never have? No, never have. Wait, same. Okay, why? Because I just didn't get into it. He was a theater nerd. Theater nerd, yeah.

Yeah, he was doing Shakespeare plays and stuff. He knows who Bertalk Brecht is, which he won't admit to his friends. We can get deep. There's a real reason. So my brother passed away of cancer about 10 years ago. Jesus Christ. Welcome. Hey, guys.

What's going on? Abortion. Then we got murder. No, we'll get deep real quick. Everybody's watching comedy podcast. Jesus Christ. Welcome, welcome. Hey guys, what's going on? Abortion, then we got murder. No, we'll get deep real quick. Everybody's working comedy podcasts. I tend to make things sad. Everyone on YouTube knows that. We've talked about it.

That was in high school, so I didn't want to give my parents more things to worry about, so I didn't go out until senior year and I just didn't drink then and then when I went to college,

I didn't have to. My fraternity didn't make me drink, so I didn't need it. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah yeah i've never had alcohol i like my grandma is an alcoholic she's 84 and she doesn't eat food she just smokes cigarettes and drinks alcohol and at your size i think if you had to drop an alcohol you would literally disintegrate yeah it could really take only a little to get you hammered yeah i mean i don't think you can even put alcohol on the cut wait your grandma's 84 and she's still going

as an alcoholic? Yeah. That's a win, man. I know. Yeah, that's a win. I know. It's really cool and I'm pretty sure

she probably smoked and drank when she was pregnant with my mom, so I'm like, I can kind of do whatever these next nine months, right? Yes. Like, nobody cares.

Are you a weed person? You're a weed person. Yeah, so it's actually related. I had never tried any drugs or alcohol my whole life and then after I had my miscarriage, I had to have this like- You passed the P's? I mean, how casual is that?

After I had my miscarriage. I had to have actually technically an abortion where they like suck it out of you, but it was not know not not elective don't worry right um it was a legal abortion in texas yes it would have been legal i think but i was in so much pain that i finally like was like oh my god what did the doctor prescribe me and it was like a hydrocodone and i had never tried any drugs or anything before and i was like a hydrocodone. And I had never tried any drugs or anything before. And I was like, I was high for the first time. And I obviously loved it.

It was so fun. And then I was like, I want to do that more. And my friends were like, whoa, like maybe don't do that. Maybe you should just try weed. And then that's how I got into weed. And then I've like basically smoked weed every night since then. And when was that? That was like a year and a half ago.

So this is a new thing for you. Yeah, very new. It's so obnoxious discovering weed at 34. It's really wild. Everyone's like, you need to act like you've been there. No one needs to hear that you're high. Keep it to yourself. I just act really annoying about it.

That is really funny that you discovered weed at 34 years old. It's like watching Game of Thrones now. It's party time. It rules. That is crazy. Do you smoke weed? No. I smoked a lot of weed when I was younger and then I kind of gave it up. Why?

Because. Why? It's so fun. I don't think I got the mind for it. I like to think too much as it is. Weed makes you think. The Lexapro balances that out for me. The Lexapro is good for that. I like to think too much as it is. Oh. And weed makes you think. Yeah. Well, the Lexapro balances that out for me. Lexapro's good for that. Yeah.

I'm on five MGs. How about you? Same. Yeah, just a small dose. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's actually 0.5. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, 0.5. Yeah, it just gives you a little, it's a little, yeah. Yeah. So you're on five of Lexapro and then whatever open-ended on marijuana. Yeah. Yes. I like edibles i sometimes vape you know that is basically the only reason i don't want to get pregnant i don't want to stop doing that babies are such a fucking buzzkill it's so annoying i gotta stop fucking vaping for nine months. Would you want to stop that for nine months?

No, no. Do you drink? I do drink, but not a lot. I don't really, yeah. I've had my days. And I just, yeah, it's not even like I'm doing it on purpose. I'm just not, I kind of grew out of it.

Really, that happens? Yeah. I think so. Oh. I think so. I think we're meeting you at a really- Bad time. No, I think you're at think so. I think we're meeting you at a really... Bad time. No, I think you're at that road.

Crossroads. Yeah, you're at a crossroad. I mean, you could be pregnant. Right. Yeah. You're the exact guy that I thought I would talk to about this. That I would be on a podcast looking over and you just say, you could be pregnant.

You could be pregnant. I mean, you could be pregnant right now. So you're going to have to rethink your new marijuana addiction. Yeah, but you know what else? I could not be pregnant. And then it's like party city. Then you just keep going. But then inevitably he's going to drop a deposit, another load.

After he sees this podcast, he may not. He may not. He may be like, you know what? I think maybe I got to get away from the girl who talks about her fucking miscarriage on air. Yeah. I do. In my stand-up, I talk about my miscarriage. And I really wanted to do a late night set on The Tonight Show.

And they're like, we will not allow you to do miscarriage material. And I felt I made it. It was a perfect time where I was being selfish, but I did it through the lens of feminism. I was like, that's so fucked up, this night show. Well, let me speak my truth. But I obviously just wanted to tell my joke. Right.

I think it's kind of stupid that you're not allowed to talk about that stuff. It's like a thing it's a thing it would be a good thing to hear someone make light of it so many women go through it yeah that's what i think but no i i'm gonna uh we'll get it out in the world so you're a big feminist big feminist okay um we're good we're right we're getting towards the end of the pod. That's a good thing. Tell me what your ideas are to implement feminism and make this world a better, less masculine place. Okay, so. And why do women rock?

Okay, so you know how. Convince me why women shouldn't be second class citizens. You know how King Charles, now formerly the prince, you know how he wanted Camilla, he wanted to be her tampon? Do you remember that? You don't remember this? Is Camilla the girl he cheated on Diana with?

I think, did they cheat? I don't know. But, okay, so, wait. Okay, so Prince Charles had to marry Diana, right? We all know that. I don't think he had to. No, he did. He had to?

He was in love with Camilla. Yeah. And then they're like, no, she's a divorcee. She's not a virgin. Oh, in that sense, right. She's an ugly ass hoe. You need to be with this young, blonde virgin from a good family. And so basically then he was still in love this okay i'm getting

a little sidetracked but that's okay i get what you're saying basically what i love is like when a guy wants to be a woman's tampon right and so like we see that with prince charles we've seen that with jeff bezos and lauren sanchez there's like those leaked text messages where he's like i just want to be like inside your vagina or something weird. What was your question? I'll get there if you just remind me the question. That's all I need.

How do we create a world that's focused around feminism? Okay, so I basically convinced me why women shouldn't be second class citizens. Okay. Yeah. So those are two very different. I know because it's kind of a good point. It's a tough one to argue against. I know.

But I give you the floor to make your case for all these people, why women should be in charge. I think because we're, it's so annoying. But what does wanting to be a woman's tampon mean? What does that mean? It means that like you. I want to soak up all your blood? It means that you know in your soul that you're so below a woman and you're such a fuck nothing.

That you're like all I deserve in life is to be your tampon. And I think more men in power should realize that that's like the way to go. Aspired at being a tampon. But then like, if you do that, like, you know, I'm in a marriage, right? So like if I'm really nice to my wife,

sometimes she'll just be mean, right? And then she'll say, like I should just like take it for granted and then be mean. And then I'm going, oh, I see what you're doing. I'm being so nice. Now you're taking it for granted. then be mean. And then I'm going, oh, I see what you're doing. I'm being so nice. Now you're taking it for granted.

Because that's just what people do, right? Like if you're like overly nice, like would you really respect your comedy writer sperm donor if he was just fawning over your every move, every night, whatever you want to do, and you were just like, hey, you know what, I'm going on the road. I'm going on the road with Jeff Dye. And I'm just going to let him get a whole bunch of other girls

and I'm going to join in on whatever orgy he's doing. And he was just like, that's great, Esther, because I'm just your tampon. You can do whatever you want. Yeah, boss, whatever you need, boss. And he was just walking around on his feet and kissing your feet and being very subs being very subservient and you were like i'm gonna make all the money and he was like absolutely i'll stay here and clean the dishes and i'll do so i'll do so in a wife beater look you're just proving to me that i can't solve this problem you can't solve the problem i

can't i'm not equipped yeah no you know i don't know enough to figure it out but i'm just at a starting point i think like if you've ever if you're a guy and you've ever felt like i want to be that woman's tampon like i think you're cool i think you're cool too yeah i get it i think you're confident in your masculinity yeah and that's hot i think um i i agree i feel like you're... I don't need tampons for nine months anyway. What's up, everybody? Want to give a shout out to our top tier Patreon members over at patreon.com slash Giannis Papasour. We support small business.

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And go get a free quote They'll give you a free quote They've been banging it out Alright our favorite is back What did she say here? She tried again? No no no She's going again

Okay here we go This is our favorite now People love the last read They couldn't get enough Are you guys Do you need a farrier? Okay Are you an equestrian? Do you have an equestrian girl?

Are you constantly, or is she constantly having problems with her horse? That leaves you drowning in a sea of obscene vet bills. I just want to let you guys know, this whole thing is not a sexual innuendo. No, this is a real business. Okay? Because I want you to know 80% of equine lameness, which everyone knows what that means, is hoof-related. Typically caused by their inadequate farrier costing them more money in the long run. Do you have an inadequate farrier?

Well, I got a way to get you an adequate farrier. If you're in the Nashville area and ready to have more money in your wallet and your horse girlfriend without the horse problems, just give Sam's Farrier Service a buzz at 864-200-9007. What we're going to do is prank her right now and see if she knows. Or visit sporthorsefarrier.com. Okay, now that we got the ad read, let's call Sam. Be quiet. How you doing, Sam? First thing you want to do if you have a business is answer the phone.

You reached Sam's farrier service. Please leave me a message and I'll give you a call back as soon as I can. At the tone, please record your message. When you have finished recording, you may hang up or press one for more options.

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private to the public, if you know what I mean. And my cute girl, my baby, the love of my life, her hooves are hurting her. So I need a more improved farrier service to take care of my wife. So I just called you at 864-200-9007

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Can we contact these guys And get them to make us a new sign So I can get rid of this fucking thing Of course I'm on it Alright Displaypros Can we Jess one of you guys email them? DisplayPros.net.

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and they won't rest until you're happy. Displaypros.net Go take a peruse at that website. Would you like... Yes. Love to hook you up with It was signed Yes

Yes Email him Also I guess I screwed up the catchphrase Coupon code What is it? What the dollars Oh yeah

The coupon code Again The coupon code for 10% off Is what's the dealers What's the dealers So for 10% off Your first purchase Okie dokie Is this the book? Yep the deal is. So for 10% off your first purchase.

Okie dokie. Is this the book? Yep. All right. Check out this kid's graphic novel, man. Let me know. I want somebody to go read it and then tell me about it. We'll talk about it on the pod.

Okay, go. You can read it free online at serazard.com. That is S-E-R-A-Z-A-R-D.com Right? Or follow him at the City Graphic Novel On Instagram And just go take a peek

You can donate to him, right? Where can you donate to him? I don't know But he's an Eastern Hemi So go support David Cho And he's got an exciting novel. It's a guerrilla warfare ignites and terror blazes through the city. Jericho begins to realize.

Jericho is the ex-militia general. So it's a wild family story about an aging crime lord and his fall from grace. Are you going to read this thing? You like this shit like this. I'll read it, yeah. Will you take a peek at a chapter or two? Yeah, yeah, I'll read it. And let us know.

All right. Yeah, because I know you fucking, Jesse likes to read, dog. I don't read at all anymore. No, you don't read anything, right? I don't read anything anymore. You read your phone.

I read my phone. I read articles. I read articles all day long, but I just read a book. Bored the shit out of you, right? Yeah, I mean, I read the 48 Laws of Power or whatever Oh, yeah

Fucking stupid-ass book, dude It's like basically teaching you how to be a psychopath People love that book I know, it's like, oh, I get it Yeah, I mean, don't respond to people right away You know? Yeah, be a fucking Be like Alexander the Great

Shut the fuck up I'm a fucking accountant Who the fuck is trying to learn things from Machiavelli about how to rule Italy? You shut up. Alright, what else we got? That's it. Alright, so that's it. We'll see you next time. It's been a long

day.