Yannis Pappas Hour - Snakes on the Epstein Plane

Episode Date: January 5, 2024

The Epstein plane got snakes on it. Beer googles gets put to the scientific test. The Star Wars franchise has been taken over by someone who isn’t a finger sniffer? Trump hired a guy and his research found that the election was not stolen. Is that gonna stop Trump from saying it was? You know this is a no, baby! Aaron Rodgers and Jimmy Kimmel got beef! Claudine Gay has resigned for plagiarism or was she shot with a conservative weapon? Yes, it’s 2024 and everyone is starting it with realness; just ask Katy Williams! The black fear of dresses only rivals their fear of squirrels! Vamanos! Bonus episodes every week: https://www.patreon.com/yannispappashour?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator See Yanni do stand up live in your town: Ticket links on yannispappascomedy.com Join our highlights page for highlight clips from the episodes: https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykw

Welcome to the Honest Pappas Hour with breaking news. Jane or John Doe 107 has yet to be named as the country is gripped in anticipation to find out who the associate of Jeffrey Epstein was. Nothing has brought us together more than trying to find out who was on that plane. It turns out John Doe 10 out who was on that plane. It turns out John Doe 107 is snakes on the plane. Cat Williams is crazy.

We'll get into it. Beer goggles supposedly scientifically don't add up. Okay? They're saying they did a study on beer goggles, and beer goggles are not a scientific thing. They have some hypotheses on maybe what could make you want to bang fat chicks.

But it ain't Budweiser. Speaking of chicks who are unattractive, the Star Wars franchise has been handed off to one who happens to be Pakistani, a feminist, and an activist. She's taken over the Star Wars franchise. This worked great for Bud Light when they had a chick take over because that is the demographic of Star Wars. Feminist chick activists. That is who tunes in to find out what's going on with Jar Jar Binks and whatever other finger sniffer characters are up on your wall uh she don't look like a finger sniffer to me

why not just get finger sniffers this is a finger sniffer franchise she should have been doing the Ellen documentary franchise she should have been doing the Megan documentary franchise. She should have been doing the Megan Rapunapu true biopic that will come to you very soon on HBO Max. Without a doubt, I'm predicting it. We're just starting 2024. So Megan Rapunapu, I can't ever pronounce that name and I never want to learn it. I don't care enough.

Megan Rapunapu. Megan boring haircut look. Megan tedious haircut look. Megan tedious conversation haircut soccer player will have a biopic on HBO Max. You can take that to the bucket and smoke it. Ken Block was hired by the Trump campaign to investigate independently if the election was stolen.

He won't drop it. Like an ex-girl, he's going into it. Turns out he says it wasn't, but then he wrote a book saying why Trump is bad. So I don't know. As if being hired by Trump and saying, I found no evidence of it being stolen is going to stop Trump from saying it's stolen. All right. Apparently you've never had a borderline mother. She'll continue with whatever her version of the truth is as will Trump. Um, Aaron Rogers is in hot water guys in hot water for a change. Usually he's doing a cold plunge on the, on his earbuds talking to Joe rogue via Bluetooth about how long they can stay in the cold plunge and how much vitamin C and zinc they're down into ward off

airborne viruses. But this time he went after Jimmy Kimmel who's been going after him. I think probably a bit in the past for his stance on COVID. So he blasted back that he, that Jimmy Kimmel was going to be in the Jeffrey Epstein flight log, which has become the new pejorative. It's become the new way to slam somebody. I bet you you're on the list.

Um, it's a VIP list. Nobody wants to be on right now. Jimmy tweeted back very, very, very 21st century. We're two mega stars. Have it out.

Um, passive aggressively through third parties, one being Twitter, the other one being that dude who's got that football show where he always just wears sleeveless shirts, and I think he was a punter or something, and he looks like my old co-host who probably is on the Epstein flight list. He's J-Doh 107. I kid, obviously.

I don't know who that football guy is. Who is that guy? McAfee. Pat McAfee. The Pat McAfee show. How did his show get so big? Is it just him and Aaron Rodgers? That is co-host.

Every time I see a clip, it's just him standing up. He obviously took that standing up at the desk thing very seriously when it came out that it was better for you to stand up. Because he stands up in podcasts and seemingly calls Aaron Rodgers every day. It's the only show Aaron Rodgers will do. But Aaron Rodgers supposedly went after Jimmy Kimmel

and Jimmy Kimmel fired back and called him an asshole and said he was thinking about suing him. So we'll catch up on that. The latest feud. It's America's Israel versus Hamas right now. I'm so bored of the news. It's Israel and Hamas.

It is the Epstein flight list. And everywhere I look, I just see Claudine Day. It's like I'm trapped in the 90s and I'm watching a Tracy Chapman perform over and over again. I've had enough of Claudine Gay. We'll get into it, though. This is the Honest Papas Hour. We're going underwater.

We're going underwater. When you all talked up and the day been long And the news online going on and on What's lying wrong and there's something up Now here comes a great kid you know you can trust From the truth to the news and cameras To the fake politics and the propaganda Yeah, this kid's screwed in, got a lot to say Aw, shit, it's about to be a long day It's a long day

I'm telling you, we do this every week and this is the only week we really struggle to find anything interesting going on because everyone is obsessed with Jane Doe 106, and everyone is absolutely obsessed with the Claudine Gay story. She just resigned, finally resigned. She caved under pressure,

and the AP put out an editorial, a news story, saying that they called plagiarism, the conservatives have found a new weapon, plagiarism. It is a conservative. It is a small government, highly religious weapon called plagiarism that goes back to the days of Jim Crow, slavery and white supremacy.

I, I, I have to agree with the AP. All right. I was on the phone with a Republican friend of mine and he started digging through my tweets and I was like, Hey man, stop looking.

I'm not a plagiarist. I'm just a plagiarist. I'm just a lib. There's a spot available for her at Hustlers University, I imagine. But I do want to get a cameo from her. But she doesn't have to because apparently she's keeping her six-figure job. So, I don't know. This was a monumental moment in American culture where it finally came to the forefront where we have uh the shakedown from crazy town DEI under fire in a highly visible

story through a highly visible very important person person who did come under the spotlight because she wouldn't admit that calling for the genocide of Jews constituted hate speech. And everyone kind of knew that if we were talking about fat people or trans people or anyone gay or lesbian or any protected group uh any shade darker than white she would have unequivocally said yes she wasn't she wouldn't have hesitated she would have called for the hearing she wouldn't have been asked in she would have called for it so that's what everyone knows in their gut right so it's it gets to a point where the gig is just up. And predictably, all her defenders are calling this a conservative weapon. They're calling it racism, whatever. The point that they do have is that she, I think, was attacked.

And they were looking for something on her because they wanted her out because of the hearing. But calling it racism seems weird considering the other chick was white and she got ousted. So she was a president too and she was white as snow. She did get caught, I think, a total 50 instances of plagiarism.

That's not a good look for the president of Harvard. The president of Harvard, it's not a good look. If you're a student and you get caught plagiarizing, you get in big trouble, let alone the president of Harvard. It's the president of Harvard. One of our two highest institutions historically, Yale and Harvard, right? I guess you can throw a couple of finger sniffer

fucking buildings in there. Brown, Tufts, Yale, whatever. MIT, huh? I guess you can throw a couple of finger sniffer fucking buildings in there. Brown, Tufts, Yale, whatever. MIT. Huh? Cornell. Cornell, Stanford. But Yale and Harvard are the two historical northeast bastions of high standard and egghead finger sniffing.

And they sniffed out that she wasn't exactly a finger sniffer. That's what happened. The finger sniffer started sniffing, and they found out she wasn't sniffing her fingers. I think her thesis was probably race disparities and one of those things. And this is a hard science, hard facts kind of place. And so she finally got toppled.

Harvard tried to hold on as long as they could. I think she got the backing of Obama. They held the line as long as they could. It's like the German invasion of Greece. They held the line for as long as they could, then they had to retreat to Crete. She's got to retreat to her cushy, like $900,000 a year job job so it ain't that bad it's a win-win really and she gets to leave

looking like a hero because she wrote in her exit uh you know you got to write your uh your death certificate right you got to write your thing. She says, you know, it was racist attacks, these racist people. And, you know, it's probably true. There was probably one or two or three accounts that yelled something racist. There's always going to be that. But the point is,

is these people have been highlighting the exception for the rule for a long time as payback for the history of the country. Ultimately, this period is coming to an end. I believe it was a necessary and interesting period where we had a lot of fun. People like this and that guy, Kendi, who obviously predictably put his defense up,

saying this was a racist witch hunt or whatever. Yeah, she says she was frightened by racial animus to be the subject of personal attacks and threats fueled by racial animus and have doubt cast on her commitments to confronting hate and to upholding scholarly rigor two bedrock values that are fundamental to who i am this has been this period you get caught for plagiarism and for 50 times you say that you're committed to scholarly rigor it's what it is you get caught for lying about your backstory you know it's called the racist attack by white supremacy and everyone else is lying but you the reporters are it's a witch hunt. It's just,

it's the time that we live in. You say a color's red, someone says it's pink. You can't prove it, they can't prove it. You know, you just, you stick with it. You just stick with it. You get ousted from Congress because you made up your entire life. You just say the bullies won and I'm going to cameo. And that's it though. You just stick to the story. This has been an era of sociopathy, borderlines, narcissists, just flourishing. Charlatans, grifters,

everyone hiding behind the cloak of morality and other causes to disguise their fraud and their self-aggrandizing ways. It's sad to see it come to an end. It will be ending now because this doesn't work anymore. It's obvious. The AP took a shot here

with the big headline calling. It reads like a Babylon Bee. Obviously, the AP took a shot here with the big headline calling. It reads like a Babylon Bee headline when you say that conservatives have found a new weapon, plagiarism. That's a Babylon Bee headline. So, again, you can't add comedy to comedy. I have really not a lot to say about this because the comedy is already there. And when you're left with only lines like that, saying that the conservatives have found a new weapon, plagiarism,

you're grasping at straws. There's nothing left, right? Because they can't say she wasn't caught plagiarizing because even Harvard admitted. The New York Magazine went a step further. This was my favorite article. The AP is obviously funny saying it's a weapon, plagiarism, it's a conservative weapon. That's obviously funny.

New York Magazine, and we've covered stuff like this in the show in the past, but New York Magazine was a little bit more of a connoisseur, like a connoisseur of bullshits. You'd have to be a fan of real, real high-context bullshit.

It's like the Woody Allen movies of bullshit, New York Magazine, real high context bullshit. Like, you know, it's, it's like the Woody Allen movies of bullshit, New York magazine. Cause they wrote this op-ed, whoever it was, who cares? Um, saying that she should have been fired.

She should be fired. She should be fired. But this was, uh, an absolute wish, witch hunt and all the points that the AP tried to make. So they admitted both, which is a contradiction. They're going, look, by Harvard standards, they had to let her go. But this was wrong.

But it was wrong. So you're going, which is it? Which one is it? But that's what we've been reduced to. When you have to hold the line of your previous beliefs and that belief system was based on identity politics and egalitarianism and social engineering and no matter what, conservatives can't be right. you end up in this sort of self-defeating contradiction. You just, you end up making a mockery of yourself.

The headline, Claudine Gay had to resign, but there's no but. But was right about the big things. What? What is she right about? What are the big things? That calling for the extermination of Jews is questionable? That big thing? By ostracizing and demonizing the Harvard professor who came up with that study? a professor of economics who even admitted when he came up with the, when he did the study,

he was surprised that he came up with the study that blacks were not more likely to get killed by police. She came down on him hard, real hard, ostracized them, demonized them, demonized the study, the whole thing, forced him to maybe retract the conclusion from the study. Was she right about that? She wasn't right about that because that was done with stats, right? He did find that blacks were more likely

to be the victims of harassment, but not murder. He's a black guy who was surprised by the findings of the study. Claudine Gay didn't likey that. She didn't likey very much that, and so she got very mad at him. What big things was she right about? Was she right about that the right came after her?

Well, there's a lot of people on the right who are not for Israel. That's the thing. There's a lot of people on the right who don't want military aid to Israel. That's something that a lot of people on the right and left agree on. So was it a right-wing conspiracy? No. Were there people trying to go after her who were maybe for Israel? Yes.

But here's the thing. If there was nothing to find, she'd be fine. But they found 50 instances of plagiarism. Also, previously, Harvard kind of overlooked what they found a little bit. It was a very bad look for Harvard. That's why she was forced to resign. All right? And, I mean, these people, like, they act like if it wasn't on the other foot,

they wouldn't be writing something completely different. If it was some right-wing guy who was found plagiarizing, he'd be going down. And the same thing goes, you know, if it was a right wing person, the right wing people would maybe be defending, but probably less right now.

I think it's probably a little less they'd be defending. But the fact remains, yes. Was she under the microscope because of those hearings yes did they find something that was egregious according to harvard standards yes so claudine gaze out and they act like you know they act like what she said was like true when she said i am resigning to put the institution first. They act like they don't know that she wasn't forced to resign. Nobody resigns. Nobody resigns.

It's this bullshit thing we do to just, like, make it cool. Nobody just goes, I'm going to resign on my own accord. Powerful people come in the room and go, let's handle this the best way we can. Okay, you're fired. Write a resignation letter. So this whole thing where she says, it's a lie.

She's lying. When she says, I'm putting the institution above. Oh, so you held on for weeks and weeks and weeks, but finally decided after more, like, because I think six more instances were just found out the night before she resigned by the free beacon. Now the free beacon, I think they, you know, consider even CNN was reporting that she was plagiarizing. So she got ousted, but this will go down in history. I'm going to claim some retrospective wisdom about the present at the present.

Yanni Domstress is going to say, this is a pivotal moment. This is a pivotal moment. This is just like the smoke detector is going off, the alarm is now ringing, and people are annoyed by the ringing. You know when the smoke detector first goes off, and you feel too lazy to get up to turn it off, so you let it ring for a while? I assume a guy like you's maybe let it ring for like 12 hours,

for you're like, I got to get up off the couch and do something about this. So the smoke alarm's been going off, but people have been too lazy to get off the couch. Now it's like giving them a headache, and they've just gone out, and they're taking the battery out. And that battery is Claudine Gay. She's been taken out and she's being replaced.

Unfortunately, we're going to get a swing back the other way very hard for a little while. Like I've predicted. But this is just too visible a story and too obvious of one. Like how do you even argue this in a bar how do you even argue it you go this was like a witch hunt you go like okay um maybe it was

a witch hunt but she was caught plagiarizing yeah yeah you can't do that she should have resigned okay so we're in agreement yeah but still what they did going after her was wrong. They went after her because she was a black woman. Well, what about the woman at Penn who they went after and forced her to resign? Okay, let's stop talking about this now. That's it. So goodbye, Claudine Day. Good day, Claudine Gay. She's gone.

She's gone. She's chilling, though. She will be chilling. She's gone. She's gone. She's chilling, though. She will be chilling. She's still got her salary. She can still teach racial disparities in local elections in certain areas in California. That's still there. Harvard, I think, is eternally besmirched by this.

I think it's going to be tough. I don't think you're going to see admissions go back up. I think it's just been besmirched. We'll see though. Um, Yale's probably happy about this. They're going to get an uptick. It's an uptick. This is equivalent to finding out the spokesperson touched kids at subway.

You know, this is, this is how the Quiznos guys must have felt. That's how Yale feels. Quiznos didn't make it either. Subway took everyone out with a worse sandwich just because of a great marketing campaign where they were going, this is healthy. Turns out you have a sandwich, you get cancer. Turns out cold cuts give you cancer.

Nothing's healthy about it. But fat pedophile Jared lost 300 pounds eating Subway. And we bought it. And people want to tell me marketing doesn't work. People want to tell me marketing doesn't work. Look at some of the big comedians right now. Marketing works. Is Subway a better sandwich?

Subway is the grossest sandwich. Objectively, it's gross. Blimpy's was better. What's some other Subway places that are still in existence? Now you got Jersey Mike's. Jersey Mike's is better. I mean, it's no du jour, but you got Pogba's. What's that one called?

Potbelly's. Potbelly's is a better sandwich. Um, you got, uh, Pog, Pog, Pog boys. What's that one called? Pop bellies. Pop bellies is a better sandwich. Subway's the worst sandwich. They put those triangles of cheese on. Yeah. Yeah. It's gross. Subway tuna.

Yeah. And it took out everyone. The subway tuna. When has that not given you the runs? It looks like the runs. It just sits there in an open thing and they just pick the fish out and slap it on. They found that it's not tuna. It's not even close to tuna.

It's some, like, sort of. Is that true? Yeah. It's not even tuna. And then they had, like, foam rubber in their bread or something like that. Oh, my God. And they won the sandwich war big time. Marketing is, this era, yeah, it's not even tuna where's the tuna judge rules subway can be

sued over claims that its tuna sandwiches contain other fish species or animal products claims any finding of other ingredients are the results of simple cross-contamination in preparing customer sandwiches oh so they stand to buy standing by it. They're sticking. Of course you're going to stick by it, baby. It's racist. It's racist. Racist against fishes. Plagiarism now is officially racist. Oh, what are you going to do?

Oh, no. It's saying that they can be sued. They can be sued. So they're not being sued. Either way, you stick by it. It's cross-contamination. It's some Indian guy's fault. When's the last time you went into a subway

and it wasn't Indians back there? They took over the franchise's subways. I mean, that should be, I don't know why that's not more of a scandalous thing to say. Where are the Asians and Mexicans and blacks in subways? It's all Indians. It's like, have you,

when's the last time you went to a subway, got a sandwich and it wasn't Indians back there. That and Duncan. Huh? And Duncan. Duncan. They have taken over. That is their jam.

Taking over. I like Starbucks coffee more. Yeah. But I'd rather deal with the immigrant, not speaking, no vibe, a political immigrant vibe of the Indians back there than like the snarky fucking kids

with purple hair at Starbucks. I'd rather deal with that because you always get a look. If you got your chain out over your shirt, you get a look. Isn't that great? Immigration's worth it just for that. Just for a quiet Uber ride. It's worth it for that. It's worth it for just a basic transaction. You know,

I haven't been here in this country long enough to have the ennui or to have the leisure time to be able to form opinions about anything. All I'm doing is trying to make dollars to send back to my family or to be able to stay here. That energy is great, dude. That delivery guy energy is great. There's no looks. There's a language barrier. It's a fiduciary transaction. It's free from all

animus. You get a nice immigrant smile. Just an immigrant smile and a nod, and that's it. It's quiet. It's peaceful. No judgment. No depression. No upward mobility hopes. No waiter who's sad

because he didn't get a part. It's just a guy who's just happy to be working at that diner and just giving you excellent service. Okay? I'm for immigration for that. I'm for immigration for that alone. Keep the border open until every single restaurant is full of immigrants doing a great job. We're all angry about the border, but let's be honest who gives better service you get one or two generations into this goddamn casino called american you get fucking lazy and fat and you don't want to work so we constantly got a cycle in new blood we just have to send some of the

second generations back out and just keep it flowing like a wheel. America should be a place you rent. It shouldn't be a place you stay. It should be based on your work ethic. If you're willing to work yourself to death and die in your cubicle, you should be allowed to stay here. But once you start clocking less than 10 hours a week, you got to go back to Romania, Bulgaria, Mexico, Costa Rica. It's a great idea. Because America's an idea. They always say that. That's what it should be. That's what it should be.

So if you want to stay here, if you want this country to be your culture, log 20 hours. 20 hours a week? That's it. 20 hours. A day. A day. A day. Yeah, there you go.

Now, look, I'd be gone. But I'm ready to go. I'm ready to go sit on a beach in Greece. Who are we kidding? I never wanted to work. I never had any work ethic. My grandfather said I worked so hard so you didn't have to. I'm just fulfilling his dream for me.

Hey, doing it for the big guy. Doesn't that make sense? In order to keep a country great, you got to move out. We got to have a standardized test at all times. You know? Like, let's do like an America's Got Talent, but for work. Those seem to be huge right now. Kill Tony is basically America's Got Talent for stand-up.

Let's do America's Got Talent for work, physical labor, comedy. And you got to go. You got to quit. You vote. America gets to vote. And you quit. And then the quitting is you're out. You're out. You got to go to Venezuela. So the people you vote america gets to vote and you quit and then the quitting is you're out you're out you gotta go to venezuela so the people who want to get here yeah swimming contest between you and a cuban if you really start proving you're lazy then you got to do a

swimming contest with a cuban so you can swim farther if you if you're if you're deemed real lazy by some sort of CCP technology that we borrow from them that constantly monitors us and they start to gauge how lazy we are, then you have to do a hammer swing in context with a four foot seven Mexican. When you show up, you think you're going to win. That's the fun part about that.

You think you're going to win. And then you realize you're going against Paul Henry, whatever his name is. By the way, Elon Musk loves freedom, but he threw another camera in the Tesla, which you can't freaking take your hands off the wheel for four seconds. What kind of surveillance is that? I was just trying to change the channel on my phone

to listen to a different episode of my podcast. And the fucking bells go off. Because of all the litigation or uh attempted litigation that people tried to do because um they're stupid and they try to fall asleep at the wheel now he's made it so the camera in the car watches you while you drive you're talking about the self-driving self-driving feature so and don't you get five strikes and then it's yeah five strikes and you lose it i think i'm already at two but it's not fair because I didn't know about it. You lose it forever.

Yeah, I was trying to jerk off while I was driving and I didn't know about it. I mean, what's going on in this world? You can't jerk off while you're driving? By the way, I guess you got footage of it. But yeah, I'm trying to. I put the phone on my. You put the phone on the steering wheel and then you put a little pressure on the wheel to let them know you're there.

And then with the left hand, I was watching the porn and jerking off on the highway with the left. Yeah. Well, I'm a lefty. If I want to make it feel, if I'm getting real lonely, I've been doing it too much. I switched to the right.

So it feels like someone else's. Yeah. It takes a little longer. It takes a little longer, but at least it feels like someone else's feels. There's like a little distance between me and the hand. You're less dominant hand. There's a little,

it feels a little more like a stranger stranger. Yeah. And so they watch you now. You take your hands off the wheel for 5 seconds the AI in the camera knows that you're not driving it's surveillance man can you appeal it? I don't know if you can appeal it

I got 2 strikes already but I didn't even know about the rules so there should be something about that if I would have known about the rule I wouldn't have been trying it it's not fair it's really not fair i just wanted to say that now this beer goggles thing is very interesting because scientists are uh spending uh hard-earned um endowment dollars on doing a study on beer goggles shouldn't you guys be investigating the

heart or how rna is going to cure cancer, which they've gotten closer to, by the way. I think they did a study, 40% success rate people with skin cancer, mRNA cured, getting closer to a cancer vaccine. So they're doing very important work here at who knows fucking Apex Tech University.

It's in the New York Post. So it could just be six dudes with MAGA hats on who did this study. Beer goggles no longer an honest excuse for your drunken hookup. I'm calling bullshit. I'm calling bull crap, dude. It's always a good excuse when you bang a fatty. What are you going to do? Blame it on you?

You got to save face in your social group. Of course. Yeah. Now, here's the deal. Through experience, I agree. I agree with this study. I don't think it's the beer that made me do it. I think the beer is an excuse.

I would have done it anyway. Let's be honest. Some of the hottest times I've had is when I was with people who were objectively less better looking than me because you feel like a king. It makes you feel like a king. It's good to be with someone who's just happy to be there. You know what I mean? They're a little more anxious to please.

When you're with some hot chick, it's like you're nervous and you can't believe you're there you know you don't want to act like that you want to act like you've been there before and when you're with a fatty to borrow tim's expression this is tim dylan's but i can't get enough of it when you're with a fatty boom baddie or a facially challenged young lady. And it's messed up that nature's designed that way. It's messed up that we are designed to think because you have better symmetry, it means your immune system's better

and your genes are better. I don't know why that is. Them the rules. Yeah, it's clearly not true. It's clearly not true. Margot Robbie's probably stupid. She's probably so fucking stupid. I mean, how smart can Leonardo DiCaprio be? Margot Robbie's probably stupid. She's probably so fucking stupid.

I mean, how smart can Leonardo DiCaprio be? You know what I'm saying? He's an actor. The fucking smartest dudes always look like they're Lord of the Rings characters. And those are the people who have made sure that we survive. Dude, if it wasn't for the ugliest people, why is there not an ugliest people day? I mean, have you looked

at the mugs of Louis Pasteur and the people who've saved us from diseases? Have you looked at the guy in Canada who invented the fucking stent or whatever for heart disease? Have you looked at the mugs of these guys? It ain't Johnny Depp.

You're looking at nobody. Good looking becomes a hero because there's no motivation to develop anything besides, you know, your looks. It's a known thing. They're so lazy. All they do is work out on their body.

That's all their effort goes into their body and their looks. You tell me the fucking guy who plays Thor can give you a great take on Israel and Palestine. You tell me he can talk about string theory for more than 13 seconds. But the guy who can talk about string theory, if the lights are on, he walks in, you go, ah, you think it's like you get spooked.

These guys are ugly. You saw the guy who invented AI? Remember that guy? Oh, yeah. The guy on 60 Minutes with his teeth hanging out of his face? That was a mess. Looked like he had knives in his mouth? Yeah.

He's a mess, dude. There's not one ounce of good-looking DNA in his chain. He's a fucking English shit shoveler peasant going all the way back, serving some inbred fucking beautiful kings and queens. Some purebreds. Once these finger sniffers got an opportunity, they hit the books.

And they hit the books hard because nobody's giving them a second look. Because they're gross. They're vile to look at. And I don't know why. And it's messed up. And it lets you know nature does not have our good intentions in mind. If they did, they'd want us all to bang these people.

They'd want us all to bang these people. But nobody does. Nobody wants to beg the egghead Israeli girl from the Big Bang Theory, the one who is hosting Jeopardy now, right? Nobody wants her with her freaking eagle beak. But they should because she's an egghead. Wasn't she like also a smart chick and she chose acting? Nobody wants to bang her. You know how rare it is to get a Pepe Lamar? What was her name, that chick? Who?

Lamar, that actress who also was... Oh, yeah, Heidi... Heidi Lamar or something like that. Yeah, she has patents. Yeah, she was some brilliant chick, but she was also like Hottie, the Hottie Boombaddy. I mean, they're out there, but they're rare. It's so rare.

It's like me and a black conservative. They're out there, but they're rare. Hedy Lamarr. Hedy Lamarr, yeah. Yeah, look at her. And she was bright too. But she was Jewish, so it's sorcery. She may not have literally invented wi-fi but she frequency hopping played a significant role in world war ii and was eventually used to

develop wi-fi so she had something to do with that i mean even if she's having something to do with that being a hot movie star it's impressive she's starring in movies with clark gables and then in her spare time she's contemplating wavelengths. I don't even know what a wavelength is. Somehow this thing,

I can talk to my wife. I can't believe there's another string. I don't know. I don't know. There's no cord. I have no clue, Jack. I'm fucking right-brained.

I'm a right-brained. I'm completely right-brained, all creative. Just wanted to make you bleep twice. I'm all creative. I couldn't tell you. But it's not our fault. Definitely not our fault.

So, look, what the beard does for me is it just makes me act like I don't care. I'm like, oh, God. But I would be that way anyway. But you just got to deal with the jokes and the comments otherwise. But it's funny when you do it with beer, right? So when you're growing up with the social pressure of a gaggle of guys, shout out to the last episode, you got a gaggle of friends over, a coterie of friends.

It's funnier when you say I was hammered and they're like, he was hammered. But I enjoyed it just the same. Because if I was truly drunk, I wouldn't have been able to perform. And sometimes I couldn't perform only because I was nervous to it. I had nothing to do with the beer, but I blamed it on the beer. The beer is a good scapegoat. There was a few times I was just insecure because I was with a hot chick or I was in my own head and I couldn't get a woody

and I'm like, I'm hammered. But really, I'm just, you know, I'm just not fully 100% fucking masculine. That's the problem. So the beer is a scapegoat. So it doesn't surprise me that they found out in the study that beer goggles is a scapegoat. So it doesn't surprise me that they found out in the study that beer goggles is a myth. So what they actually came up with

is that they found no male participants in the study did not waver from how attractive they found other people based on how drunk they were. So they didn't find any evidence for beer goggles. Conventional wisdom would suggest that alcohol leads people to perceive others as more physically attractive but it's not true my god they actually did this study and her doctoral advisor whatever whatever egghead egghead at the university of pittsburgh where they're doing the important stuff found uh suggesting the significant effects of beer

goggles but we're surprised to see how negligent so they were impaired but we're surprised to see how negligent alcohol affected so it had nothing to do with who you found attractive no that's true dude stop lying you know because it would work the other way too right it would work the other way if it was true it would work the other way no the beer? It would work the other way. If it was true, it would work the other way. No, the beer just makes you say, fuck it. The beer just makes you go, fuck it. I don't care what people think. Right. But you would have banged it anyway.

You would have banged it anyway because guys are good people. Nobody ever talks about the beer goggles of women. If beer goggles were true, women would have beer goggles. They'd be like, I just made out with them because I had beer goggles. They never do that unless the guy's rich.

And that's not beer goggles. That's green goggles. There you go. Yeah, so that's different. So this is true. We've always known it true. I didn't need a scientific study to tell me this. Like I said, if it was truly true, you would look at, uh, you'd look at Adriana from the Sopranos who, by the way, is one of the hottest women of all time. Right. Um, although she's got a few looks, the looks looked a little few me, and I don't know why sometimes i just look at a face and i just go fumy and it doesn't mean i'm not going to swim through them but it's just it has a fumy look because she's so beautiful there's got to be a price how funny

was that there's got to be a price of admission remember that episode where she shit her pants she had irritable bowel syndrome no i haven't gotten to that yet i'm watching the sopranos again it's best show ever oh yeah but if beer goggles was truly a thing you would watch the sopranos when you were hammering c.a john and be like she's ugly i want to fuck big pussy you know you'd be all like big pussy's hot but you know no matter how drunk you are you know big pussy's a fat guy. And you know Adriana's a hot chick. It never affects, you never find attractive women more attractive. They're attractive, just as attractive as they were with that big guy.

But it conveniently makes uglier chicks hotter. Come on. It just means you're willing to deal with the scrutiny from friends by blaming it on the alcohol. When you're doing something you really wanted to do. Okay? Because when you're the more attractive one in the room, you're just more confident in the bed sack.

You throw them around a little more. You know, just happy to be there. You feel like a boss. You don't feel like an employee. Don't you ever feel, you ever with a hot chicken, you just feel like you're an employee? Yeah. You're just nervous.

You're like, yes, sir. No, sir. No, ma'am. Yes, ma'am yes ma'am i'm sorry you apologize yeah you're a fat chick you just get out of here and those hot chicks love when you're like that oh i'm being sarcastic they hate it oh they hate it they hate it they want to be treated horribly they want to be treated like they're ugly um when you're a good guy you just can't it's not even a good guy. I'm not even going to. It's just being a weak man.

I'm a weak man. Anyhow. Anyhowzers. This Aaron Rodgers thing is pretty interesting. Because he just went after Jimmy Kimmel, right? He said he'll pop a bottle if Jimmy Kimmel's name is listed on the Epstein list. Oh, so he's just saying he's going to celebrate. Yeah.

But didn't he say, did he say, I bet you he's on it? I think this is what he said. He'll pop a bottle. Yeah. Oh, you can't sue for that. I doubt it. I think he might have said, I bet you he's on it. I think I saw the clip.

He might have. He might have. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What did he say exactly? He said it might appear on the list of Epstein associates. Yeah. Kimmel joked Roger's obsession with the Epstein list,

so Roger's turned the tables. Oh, so Kimmel was joking about Roger's probably. And he can't sue for that. They were going back and forth. But then Jimmy Kimmel shot back. Say it to his face, though. Say it to his face. You don't want that.

You don't want that smoke. Say it to his face. though. Say it to his face. You don't want that. You don't want that smoke. Say it to his face. You want to watch the clip? Yeah, let's watch the clip. Dude, he's always vegged out. And then bring it 57 and 56. Does that have something to do with the Epstein list that came out? Feels like it.

That's supposed to be coming out soon. That's supposed to be coming out soon. This guy's been waiting in his wine cellar. I've been waiting in my wine cellar for this guy. a lot of people including jimmy kimmel are really hoping that doesn't all right all right obviously a clip from this particular program was run on jimmy kimmel show whenever aaron brought up the list and then Jimmy mocked him for it. Aaron's not forgotten about that, but here we are sitting right in front of that nice bottle of scotch. What do you say? I'm waiting to celebrate something.

Oh, yeah. He's been waiting for that. I'll tell you what. If that list comes out, I definitely will be popping some sort of bottle. You've been calling for it for a few years now. Anyone else notice this? Oh, my God.

Wow. I have none. It's so funny. It's so funny when athletes just start, like, just being themselves because they're all wild, but they got to hold it in how do you live like that you know because they all got all these endorsements and stuff i've worked with so many athletes in shows i've had and their pr reps are always right there and they're always like you

can't say this you can't say that and aaron rogers is just sitting there i mean the guy's just flinging them now and it's fun should let these guys get unchained a little bit. Get a little loose. Yeah, he doesn't give a fuck. He doesn't care. Fling it. Let it happen. I just don't know how you live like that.

It must be tough for these guys. You know? It's like I always think about those guys who are just constantly, you know, they just always can't say a curse or they can't say what their opinion is. And then you meet them when they're out of that public sphere and they're just the most insane people.

I know this from personal experience. They're just insane. They're talking about QAnon. They're fucking pulling out guns. They're talking about everyone. They're fucking pulling out guns. They're talking about everyone. They're fucking full with all this. And then you drink a couple beers with them and they're

just completely unhitched. They turn into like four-legged creatures. I mean, Cosby's the perfect example. You just can't walk around pretending to be something you're not. If we've learned anything from the Catholic Church, it's you can't walk around pretending to be something you're not. If we've learned anything from the Catholic church, it's you can't repress anything. It turns you into a monster. You're here to be yourself. Like imagine repressing who you are, what that must feel like.

And all these animals in the world want to make people do that. It's like, look, a few of the jokes Dave Chappelle has told have been funny. I haven't seen the new special, and I'm sure the trans jokes in there are even funny. But at this point, at this point, at this point,

you're starting to go, dog, let me look at your internet history. I'm curious to see what you've been taking a gander at. Because at this point, this special should be called Dear Trans People Volume 3. I mean, the guy's just doing trans joke sequels at this point. I mean, I'm sure they're good. I'm sure I'm going to watch them and think they're funny because he's funny. But it's like, much i mean i did those

jokes i did a character and i love trans people i support them he's very interested in the subject i mean dog what is the big deal and then these people like who are like just yelling about it all the time it's like dude i thought you were for freedom let people fucking do what they want to do but let me ask you this what do you think of kimmel's response he's supposed to be the comedian in the room and he got serious well jimmy kimmel is so far into hollywood you know that uh i was surprised by the i like the response you like that yeah it's like, dear asshole, let's go. It's a real Twitter fight. Let's go, I'm going to sue you.

These are two guys. This is how you know this era is coming to an end, right? Nobody watches Jimmy Kimmel now. If I went on Jimmy Kimmel tomorrow, it would do nothing for my career. It would do absolutely nothing for my career. Going on Kill Tony, you know how many times I've been recognized

in an airport just from Kill Tony? I could go on Jimmy Kimmel, i'm not saying this to i don't know jimmy kimmel i don't have anything against him you know i have except for the fact that all late night shows are just really corny right like dave letterman was good johnny carson was good um early conan own early conan and then it got corny but then they didn't have to compete with the internet the internet's completely uncensored and there's comedians throwing things up all the time. The industry can't pick favorites and say, this one's funny.

Look, they tried to do away with Shane Gillis, right? They tried to not give him. And now he's got like the hottest special on Netflix. He's selling out arenas. Like they can't control anything anymore. Right?

So these guys can't win anymore. It's the same thing. Like I said about SNL, no hard feelings on SNL. SNL is a legendary show. It's the most iconic show. They still do a lot of great stuff, but they can't compete anymore, you know, with the speed of the internet, the volume of the internet, and the way the culture's changed. So these two guys are two guys that are not supposed to be talking this way, especially one being in the NFL. The NFLs are the guys that can't speak the most.

I mean, dude, we were supposed to do a Wex Walker interview or whatever, and they were like, no questions, no questions. This is what it had to be, because the guy's got CTE and all that stuff. It's like you can't even go. They don't let you do anything. When me and Chris had that show on msg they hired us to riff on that local msg the bracket years ago over 10 years ago

and then they decided they they wrote the whole show every single word and we weren't allowed to riff we didn't riff one word who wrote wrote it? So they hired whoever wrote it. I don't even remember. It was a great, it was, the show was fun written, whatever. Yeah. I'm lying. I just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I don't remember.

I just, whatever. We were just saying words. So we were there just saying, delivering words. Because you can't, we had one joke about like off the cusp about Derek Jeter being a playboy. Couldn't get the, even though everyone knows it couldn't say it so seeing Aaron Rodgers who's still in the NFL you know talking about COVID the vaccine the way he does talking about hoping Jimmy Kimmel is on the is a pedophile I mean this is lets you know that the era you can't you can't keep the the Wizard of Oz curtain it's like every you can't keep the Wizard of Oz curtain.

It's like you can't keep yelling about climate change while you dump every girlfriend after 25 and fly with jets. Like the internet's forever. People are just going to call bullshit. You can't be Adam McKay living in a fucking $19 million mansion that's heated by oil talking about climate change without people going, shut the fuck up. You know, they're going to find ways to attack you can't be a president of harvard you know saying it's

contextual if you're calling for intifada on the car harvard campus and not expect they're going to dig through and find that you plagiarized like you can't get away with shit anymore they used to like suppress this shit right and some of the social media companies got complicit in it but that was the importance of x right i gotta say x is a cesspool of hatred right now like i i mean there is there are true nazis on x but maybe that's good they're out in the open you can know who they are let them talk i don't know maybe it gives them more power they gather and it becomes, you know,

the paradox of tolerance is real thing. So it could lead to bad stuff. You know, that just shows you there's nothing perfect on this planet. Yeah. It could be bad. There could be a Nazi group that forms on air. Who knows?

Right. But they're out there and shut up. Whoever's fucking watching this. Shut up. I've seen them and I've read it and they're fucking Nazis. They're not hiding the fact that they're nazi if you ask them they go yeah i'm a nazi um but on x is where that reporter posted it wasn't a mainstream story about her plagiarism right so it was like on x that really the

mainstream outlets just can't deny it when the story's just going because it's plagiarism, you can't deny it. So X, you know, maybe in the previous Twitter, when Twitter was Twitter, before Hollywood Hogan, maybe they suppressed that story. That's probable, right? Get a call from someone powerful, stop it, but you can't. But Elon Musk is a maverick. He doesn't allow that.

That's the good that comes with a lot of his fucking antics, right? So there is mostly virtue to free speech, almost entirely. But these people who are like free speech absolutists, like I'm as free speech and absolutist as you can get. But with everything, like the ancient Greek said, there's no rule without an exception. The paradox of tolerance. It's a real thing. rule without an exception. The paradox of tolerance. It's a real thing. You can't tolerate hate ad infinitum because eventually it inspires bad things. It's the paradox of hate. It's what it is. It's a real thing. Anyway, I'm not claiming to solve anything. I'm not claiming to know anything. I'm just saying it's fun to watch two guys talking. It's fun to watch Jimmy Clemmel,

who is completely handcuffed to network sponsorship, talk like this. He's going to get chastised for this, saying asshole and all this shit. Like he can't come out of, if I was Aaron Rodgers, I'd go to Monmore until he says the word bleep me again. That would be fun.

And then his career is over. And then you could really pop a bottle of champagne but pretty soon they're not if everyone's just going to start because people have been pretending for so long people have been pretending right now this israel hamas thing like lifted a lid off of stuff right where people are going like wow yeah even though i think israel's policies are fucked up i'm just saying some people thinking wow they didn't even wait for the bodies to get cold till they started condemning so they're starting to see it a little bit and they're starting to see the wow these protesters aren't just saying hey we don't like benjamin netanyahu and they're going wow all jews and

it's going and then you stick on and this is what i see on twitter all over the place jews let's i want to talk to the Jews. Let's find out about this Jew. This guy was a Jew. It's just openly saying it. You know what else he was? A Jew. Anything.

I mean, it's everywhere now. So people who were progressive, who were Jewish on the left, and I think other progressive people are going like, wow, this is, it's not as pure as world as we thought it was. Of course it's not. It's not meant to be. It never will be. It's unrealistic. Excellence isn't just. Excellence is not just. It's just not. It's unfair. Some people are born with certain advantages over other people that have nothing to do with their skin color or their place in society some people are born poor or adopted and they're

just better than you they're smarter than you they're faster than you i mean chris kanek was fucking born in jersey shitty to a cuban mother and a turkish father how much money could he have look at him now he's got some fucking company. Disproved the Harvard professors theory when he was like 12, you know, I don't even know how he makes money, but he lives in a nice house. He's selling some fucking,

he, he patented some, uh, it's called, um, I should know this. He's a friend of mine, but I'm just blanking on it.

It's called, uh, smart cups. He just won that, uh, but I'm just blanking on it. It's called Smart Cups. He just won that Gordon Ramsay show, top invention, right? It's not fair. He's a genius. It's not fair. You know?

I'm naturally funnier than a lot of people. It's not fair. I just wanted to say something arrogant. It's fun once in a while. There's other people who are just naturally funnier. You know, I was watching the Chris Rock, um, and we'll get to this Kevin Hart documentary and Chris Rock goes, Norm MacDonald, Jerry Seinfeld. He names a bunch of people are famous. He goes, these people were just funnier than the other people. He goes, they were funnier. They were funnier. Then they're funnier. Now they were funnier. Some people are just funnier.

It's just true. We all know it. Um, hard work accounts for a just funnier it's just true we all know it um hard work accounts for a lot but it's just it's not you know what i mean nate bargatze is not as big as he is because he works hard he was always funnier naturally funnier when you sit with him he was just funnier what can you do some people Some people are faster. They're taller. They're better looking. It's not just. And what this movement tried to do is it went beyond like an equal playing field and it went to the point, which there should be. And it went to the point of like, we got to make everything just. And that's Maoist. We're back to, I mean, it's, they're covering for Marxism. I mean, that's what it is.

That's the same thing that happened in the universities in those countries. These guys just rebelling against everything. Everything's corrupt. Every hierarchy's bad. Every billionaire's corrupt. Every millionaire's a thief. Capitalism is all bad.

It just, that's all it is. That's what happened here. And so this turn back is a necessary thing. Now it's going to be too harsh because humans can't find the sweet spot. And then pretty soon all the comedians who are like anti-woke are going to go like, you're going to end up going,

it's going to be cool again to be like anti-establishment. It just goes back and forth because we're fucking just bipedal chimps who can't find a sweet spot. We cannot find the sweet spot. Buddhists claim to find a sweet spot, but they're sitting in fucking sheets all day, night eating, with shave heads, telling me I got no anxiety. I'm like, then what the fuck is the point?

You came here to sit on a hill? Anxiety's good. Gets you moving. I want for nothing. What the fuck's the point? I don't have my heart broken because my heart is completely open. What the fuck is the point? You know how fun hate is?

You know how fun it is to talk shit about someone? Do those people even laugh? I'm sure they do. I don't know. They probably find the small things. I'm probably just don't know anything about it. Maybe we should all be Buddhists. I doubt it though. I doubt sitting on a hill cures everything. I really do. I think it's a combination of Eastern and Western coming together, but with the Western. Cut the shit. Cut the shit. I'm not taking turmeric

when I have a heart attack, okay? I want the stents. I want the vaccines. I want the psychiatrists. I want the combination. Nurture nature. Oh, I want the combo. I don't want, I got a bad back. I don't want you to just put the fucking needles in there. I want the needles and I want the back surgery and the chiropractor and the placebo pill. Give it to me all. And a back rubbing and a happy ending. Come see me live coming up. Portland, Oregon.

Revolution Hall, January 11th. Vogue Theater in Vancouver, January 12th. Miami, Miami, January 19th through the 21st. Cobbs, February 9th and 10th. Atlanta, February 15th through 17th. Miami, Miami, January 19th through the 21st. Cobbs, February 9th and 10th. Atlanta, February 15th through 17th. San Diego, February 23rd, 24th. Stanford, Connecticut, just announced March 1st and 2nd. Chicago, March 8th. Denver, March 14th through the 16th. Just added tickets coming soon. Ticket link. Toronto, March 23rd. Cleveland, March 29th and 30th. And then there's April dates and more dates up there after that. So go check them out.

GiannisPappasComedy.com. Want to give a shout out to Jared Z. ExclusiveAutoshipping.com. If you're buying your car out of state or if you're moving, hit him up. ExclusiveAutoshipping.com. Student military discounts apply. So if you're moving your car, hit up Exc, exclusiveautoshipping.com. Student military discounts apply. So if you're moving your car, hit up exclusiveautoshipping.com. Chris Minetti, 215-750-3730.

We're not sure if he's still with us. He could have got swatted, but his account still is. His stolen credit card's still on the running. So if you're in Philly or South Jersey area and you need to cash any type of check, don't worry, the IRS will not find out about it. Call them up at 215-750-3730 in the Philly South Jersey area. Meet them outside of a Wawa. You know the deal.

Late night too, probably in the bathroom of a Wawa for the transaction. That's his office. For the free.art. It's music in Hawaii. I love these guys. I went to their website. It hasn't changed in 10 years. So for the free.R,

check out the Music in Hawaii. Just big fans of the show, apparently. DisplayPros.net. These guys are legit. Custom trade booth shows, retail fixtures, promotional items. They'll build it for you. DisplayPros.net.

Get 10% off if you mention my name. Excellent customer service. They're with you every step of the way. They'll work with you to if you mention my name. Excellent customer service. They're with you every step of the way. They'll work with you to make sure you're completely satisfied with your purchase. And they won't rest until you're satisfied. MA Insurance Services, St. Petersburg, Florida. But I guess you can order it nationally, I'm sure. Matthew Albani, big fan of the show.

Bigger fan of Tim Dillon than me. But he doesn't have small business, so I'm glad you're here. Hit him up at mainsuranceservices.com or call him up 813-260-0338 if you're looking for insurance he's got all types of coverage everything, anything you need help him out he needs to pay rent to his ma

capertech.com it's your handy Kiper site they use AI to help you predict scores. So they use all the data available, and AI predicts what the spread will be, what the score will be. So take a peek. Can't hurt.

Capritech has an app. You can download at Google or Apple. Capritech is the best. Use my promo code, YPH on DraftKings kings and use capratec to help predict the bennetts did you watch uh sebastian maniscalco's new show bookie no it's pretty good yeah he plays a bookie yeah and he you know he's got a book out there it's nice because he doesn't overdo it with the mob shit yeah that's nice i'll take a peek yeah shout out to sebastian maniscalco the the great Sebastian. Rebels Raider, throw me the valise.

Thank you, sir. These are incredible. Finally. Finally, we got some bags, dog. Look at this. Look at this, dog. It opens like this. Boom.

You throw the stuff in there. Boom. All your weed going across state lines. Roll it back up like a joint. Look at this this high quality backpack i got another backpack over there rebels raider rebels dash raiders.com real deal tactical gear the i that is my new backpack that i will be using every time i go on is cuz thank you cuzzy cuzzy go get your backpacks high quality they're so dope to travel with to hike with uh everyday carry just go to the website check them

out so cool thank you for the purchases rebels-raiders.com. Purchases free stuff. It's good to have a potty. Check them out. Thinkingman.substack.com. It's a New York-based newsletter. They publish articles, essays, and thoughts on things like books, movies, pop cultures, and politics. Check them out. Thinkingman.substack.com. It's free, or you can subscribe for five bucks a month if you're feeling generous.