Yannis Pappas Hour - Sometimes Ideas Hold Hammers - Long Days with Yannis Pappas - Episode 5

Episode Date: January 31, 2021

Every Sunday Comedian Yannis Pappas is here to give you a LONG DAY! He's going to attack the headlines and the trending bullshit. He's also going to answer questions from the fans live on air.   Support Long Days here: https://www.patreon.com/yannilongdays   The show goes out every Sunday to youtube and audio platforms but while it's being recorded the show goes LIVE on Yannis' Instagram! Come join in on the LONG DAY.   This ep Yanni talks about the importance of not being too judgmental about the rich & greedy. How to tell your parent you want to grow up and be just like Jake Paul. Tom Brady is the real Triple G. What does NY & LA have in common that you didn’t expect and is the opposite of great. A little check-in from Derek from Fl and trying to decipher what is going on with GameStop and wallstreet bets. It’s a bright summer day and it’s long!   Follow Yanni LONG DAYS   Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up Dallas? What's up Dallas? What's up Dallas? Welcome to Yanni Long Days, the only show that keeps the summertime alive during all seasons. If you want to get your nights shorter and make your days longer, I'm talking about mid-Somner I'm talking about northern Norway I'm talking about Alaska in August I'm talking let's get no darkness fucking I'll be the darkness and Sean Terry will be the light light of 14 we're gonna regroup we're gonna fucking put Nancy Pelosi in a fucking chamber put in a fucking chamber you understand you hurt I might do the whole podcast like that just dropping bars you hurt yeah i mean my mixtape coming out yeah i mean yeah i hurt

yeah i'm saying yo check me out on soundcloud my name is uh my name is body glove son that's my i'll be going by body glove yo because i'll be my rhymes is tight i'll be dropping bars tight you hurt and i'll be coming from that That's the world I come from, you heard? And so like when you dropping bars There's a lot of that You ever notice that rappers be like One, two, one, two

As I'm dropping bars, I'm dropping Like they cutting it up, you know what I mean? Like I'm cutting the verbiage up I'm cutting that lexicon up, you know what I mean? I just made you uncomfortable Because I'm a rapper Who knows what the word lexicon is So that right there, I just

gave myself away. You hurt. Now, you know that me saying you hurt is kind of not real. You know what I mean? Because listen, nobody really talks like this. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean. But when you become a rapper, you got to say, yeah, I mean, a bunch of times, but you got to make it one word. Yeah, I mean, so you can't just say, you know what I mean? It has to be, yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean, sounds a little bit like Yao Ming but yeah me yeah yeah hurt so uh check my shit out you know freestyle whatever look uh being a rapper is being a rapper is a good idea right now okay um also you need to just think about maybe committing a crime. Okay, because here's the deal. I watched The Night Stalker.

Everybody's been talking about The Night Stalker on Netflix. It's about Richard Ramirez. Documentaries about serial killers can also be considered documentaries about how bad cops are at catching serial killers. So I think they may, just to keep that sector of the economy going on Netflix because true crime is so popular via podcast and Netflix documentaries,

that cops may even have some sort of tacit agreement with local law enforcement where they say, look, if we get a real interesting killer, somebody who likes to slice off toes and put them in their asshole, let them go for a little while. Let's not catch them. Let's not go straight to forensics. Let's start talking about footprints for four seasons. Let's stretch it out and make a documentary series about it, and we all cake off. It's an industry. I mean, does Richard Ramirez get any money when they do a documentary about him? I'm sure he's got a lawyer. I'm sure he's saying you're using my likeness.

That's against the constitution unless you can throw a couple dollars or at least look the other way and get me a fucking Subway sandwich. Because when you're in jail, I learned from Charlie Murphy, the economy changes. The economy changes. We out in the real world, we're talking about how can we get money? How can we short stocks? How can we get in on this Reddit scheme to bankrupt these hedge funds and get money by short selling stocks and all this and get rich? In jail, money means nothing. Jail is like how the world would be after an apocalypse. You know what becomes currency? Comfort. Being able to take a shit in private. That's a million dollars in jail. Imagine if somebody handed you a million dollars in jail, you'd be like, good, I got more toilet paper.

But if somebody said, yo man, I got a toilet that faces away from the other prisoners You'd be like, you kidding me, dog? You're gonna make me a rich man like that? Where people can only see the back of my head and my neck when I take a shit? And I don't have to really hob my joint like that? Imagine having to walk around and hide your joint Imagine having to always, like what I used to do When I played basketball in the locker room And I had to take a shower

I would always go and pretend like I had to take a pee-pee first. And I would go into the stall and I would just bang my peenie against my leg a few times just to chub it up. So then I could show the boys and make it seem like I had a little bit more than I did. I don't know why it mattered. You just don't want to have a little shween around guys. I don't know why it matters. Maybe because there was just guys in there that, you know, they just had long ropes. And I used to think, you know, I love

history. You guys know that. Shout out to my history hyenas. Roman kids used to shit together. Can you imagine socializing on a shitteritter that used to be the scrolling on your phone of antiquity you know if you go back to the old public bathrooms guys imagine telling your wife she's like where you going he's like i'm going to take a shit and meet up with larry they used to shit they used to shit all together like eight or nine or ten or fifteen of them would they would they would be a line of them and then they had like a drainage system that would you know pour the water into the equivalent of whatever flint michigan was in on the old italian peninsula where they don't give a shit about they're like get let the

let those icarian people or whatever they call them from another tribe that were poor somewhere else that they used to build all their, all their, uh, buildings. Let them deal with the dirty wastewater. Let them get, uh, the, my, the dangerous microbes from the shit. But yeah, they used to shit together. They used to say, Hey, Hey, uh, my wife, Quintius, uh, yeah, I'm going out. Where you going in Latin? Sheater, pasta, my pater. She's fucking, you know, throwing clay pots at him or whatever they use to cook. You know, he's got like a flask of wine. Kid's a drinker. You know, he had a tough day at work.

What did he, he was, you know, he washes horses for some rich guy, you know. I don't know what kind of jobs there were around Rome, but I assume a lot of them have to do with cleaning horses or like cleaning horse shit or laying brick, laying stones down or, you know, maybe they had some sort of, you know, theater hand. You know, the guy works at the amphitheater and he sweeps the floor, you know, because they didn't have fake blood back then.

So if you were an actor, you got stabbed in a plate, they just really stabbed you. You just really got stabbed and then they'd hire another actor. That's how little actors meant in the old world and in Shakespearean era. It was all about the writer. The writer was famous. The playwright was famous. Sophocles was famous. Shakespeare was famous. Different times. But it's only recently that people wanted to hear what Tom Cruise has to say. Imagine tuning into a TV show to hear what Heidi Klum has to say about geopolitical issues. That's what made Joe Rogan's show so popular is because he has on

people who you actually want to hear what they have to say. You're talking to a scientist who does, who's a robotic scientist. You're talking to an astronaut. You're talking to a biologist. You're talking to a marine biologist. You're talking to a physicist. You're talking to a biologist. You're talking to a marine biologist. You're talking to a physicist. Yeah, I'd like to hear what he has to say. You know, I really don't have to hear Matthew McConaughey say get her, you know, all right, all right. You know what I'm saying? I get it.

And he's probably an interesting guy, I guess. But he's not interesting compared to a guy who's been to fucking space. I want to hear from a guy who's been to space. Not a guy who, you know, has a movie coming out. So back then they didn't care about the actors, dude. If you had to get stabbed in a scene, they hired you and you knew you were going to get stabbed and you were drunk and you signed up for that. The same reason Jack Ruby signed up to kill Oswald. Money for his family. Money for the family.

Okay? Jack Ruby was selected by the mafia. They said, hey, guy, you got cancer already. You're going to die or we'll kill you. So here you have no option. We kill you and we kill your whole family or you take this job and we'll take care of your family. The mob always takes care of women and children. They always take care of women and children.

A little, you know, bag shows up in the doorstep of the Rubys, and everything's done. But that's how Jack Ruby did it. He was dying, and the mafia said, all right, you've got to do this job, and you've got to kill this guy before he runs his mouth, and lets him know that we had an alliance with the Pentagon, and also Johnson, who had him killed. People always say it was the mafia, or the Cubans, or the Russians, or Johnson. How about all of them?

Because the guy was fucking everyone's wife, JFK. Fucked everyone's wife, and he was a Catholic kid in a Protestant world. Back then, that meant something. So I think they all killed him, you know? So yeah, actors would get hired on the basis of, hey, man, you're gonna get stabbed tomorrow. And he's like, look, I'm a drunk. As long as you take care of my family,

I'll play Claudius V in scene two. And you stabbed me. There was no fake blood. They would fucking go all out. They would go all out. Actors didn't mean nothing, okay? And then it would be in the tablet the next day. There was no paper.

So it would be in the Roman tablet and guys would sit on the fucking toilets together and then they would talk about it. They would gossip and say, holy mackerel, did you hear the performance that this new actor? He's like, yeah, you know, he got killed. I mean, he got stabbed in the scene.

I mean, but, you know, he gave a great performance. And you'd give him the equivalent of a Roman Oscar in memoriam. You know, like at the end of the Oscars, they always show who died that year. The Roman Oscars, they show you who died last night and who's playing him tonight. How great would that be? Would you go to a play? Would you go to Broadway?

How it, look, we're going to need to figure out a way to bring Broadway back after this because tourism, people are not jumping right away back into getting on planes and coming to New York City. This is a dense, dingy city and people are going to be very, very, very paranoid of germs. So we're going to have to go a little extra mile to entice people and tourists to come back to New York. to entice people and tourists to come back to New York. Idea number one. Boom. We borrow from the ancient world.

Tonight, tonight, Death of a Salesman will be played by unknown, unknown phenomena, an unknown phenom actor named whomever who will die tonight. Who will die. Willie Loman will get killed tonight so the play actually has a real death in it i would go see that and every day there is a new

person who occupies that role so and then you know if they have covet too i mean just if they have covet then you get rid of people with covet as well. So I'm full of ideas and that's what we can do. But the Night Stalker, I watch this documentary. I also watch the documentary about the Ripper who was not the real Jack the Ripper, but the guy who was prancing around England killing women in the 70s for like 20 years. They couldn't catch him. And it's like you're watching this and the cops are going you know uh we we almost got him this time and then another episode we almost got him like

what do you got for fucking four episodes they had the guy's footprint they're like all right we know what kind of sneaker he wears a via he has an avia sneaker and there was one sent to to los angeles which by the way jesus christ that was a part of the documentary where they said the avia sneaker which i remember in the 80s do you remember avias yeah they were like avias there would just be like one jewish dad who wore like bruce jenner shorts and did cocaine who had a pair of avias on with sports socks and you're like where'd you get those and you're like i have no idea where he got those and nobody had avias on with sports socks and you're like where'd you get those and you're like i have no idea where he got those and nobody had avias except for like maybe one tennis player so avias were the sneakers that richard ramirez would kill people in and he had one pair

of black avia sneakers and apparently there was only like it was a very rare sneaker and there was only like a couple hundred sent to arizona then one was sent to Los Angeles, which I felt very odd. Like Los Angeles is a city of millions and millions of people. Only one pair of Avias made it to Los Angeles. And that pair happened to be the pair that Richard Ramirez bought and killed many women in. And you still couldn't catch the fucking guy? I mean, how could you not catch a guy who looked like the Night Stalker? All you got to say is go on the TV and say, hey, if you see a fucking guy that looks like

the scariest guy you've ever seen in your entire life, fucking call someone. And then there would have been a million calls that day because have you looked at that guy? He was the devil incarnate. If I saw that guy in the bus, I would call the cops and say, I don't know who this guy is, but I'm telling you he bites tits off. And that's what they do. They bite tits off. That's what happens. And you know what's funny?

After he got caught and they went to the trial, all these women would show up at the trial and just like wanted to bang him. They wanted to get to him, you know. and just like wanted to bang them. They wanted to get to them, you know? And it's crazy to me that women were just lining up to get their titbit, you know? Because at some point you're gonna get your titbit off. That's what you're signing up for, you know? You date a nice guy, you're gonna get bored, right?

There's gonna be no challenge, ladies. You date a real player, the excitement. Sex isn't great, but ooh, the self-esteem pull. Oh, it's like a drug addiction. You date a serial killer. It's exciting because it has that danger element, but the reality is you're going to lose a tit. You're going to get part of your tit bitten off. That what they do so that's just what happens you know that's just what happens when you date Ted Bundy he's by they love to bite tits off they just that they just have a thing they just see a tit and they just take one off with their mouth so it's a very it's a very strange thing that he was not caught earlier, considering the way he looked,

man. I mean, there's not a scarier, creepier dude that I've ever seen than Richard Ramirez. I mean, you see Ted Bundy, you're like, that guy did not look like he bites tits off. You see Richard Ramirez, you're like, all he did was bite tits off? I mean, that's pretty good for the way he looks. I was thinking a lot worse. I thought he was like, what can you do worse than biting off tits? That's about as hard as it gets. But you know, there's some people, I guess you can, Ed Gein, you can wear people's skin. We love serial killers and they're over. Let's have a moment, a requiem for serial killers. They've kind of become like the mafia. It's a time that's passed and it's become, Hollywood has turned it into entertainment. the mafia. It's a time that's passed, and it's become,

Hollywood has turned it into entertainment. The mafia used to be a real thing, right? Like, we were up in Brooklyn. You'd go to Monty's restaurant. You'd see a guy who had just his gun. He was a little seven-year-old kid. You know, I'd go with my parents, my lawyer parents from Park Float,

and everyone just went to mafia restaurants back then because there was no kids from Minnesota who decided they wanted to dabble in Italian cuisine and went and learned in Naples for 10 years and then came back and gave you like the best Italian dish you ever had in your entire life, which was Tuscan with a little mix of French Alp cuisine from a local Sami population in Northern Norway mixed together. And they studied it for 20 years. And they put their food through like a beaker, like a science beaker. And they measure everything out. Those hipster restaurants, you taste the food, you're like, this is the greatest food I've ever tasted in my life. No, when I was growing up, there was just mafia Italian restaurants and mafia pizza places.

Okay, if the business would have cash, the mafia had a piece of it. And all you got was chicken parmesan and mafia pizza places. Okay. If the business would in cash, the mafia had a piece of it. And all you got was chicken Parmesan and spaghetti with meatballs. All right. You had clams casino and you had your chicken parm and that's about it. You want a chicken parm? You want a veal parm? What do you got? We got a chicken franchise, chicken parm. We got veal parm. Uh, and we got a burger for the kid. There was always a burger for the kid. You want me to bring a burger for the kid? Yeah. I got a burger for the kid and a was always a burger for the kid. You want me to bring a burger for the kid? Yeah. I got a burger for the kid and a Coke. And that's what you'd get.

There's not a lot of options. So that was before the days that the hipsters came. And I forgot what took me there. But, you know, Richard Ramirez should have been caught quicker, is what I was trying to say. I can't believe Brady, at 74 years old, is going to another Super Bowl. I mean, boy, did he leave his pregnant girlfriend for the three Gs.

Giselle, the GOP, and greatness. I mean, talk about the GOAT, because Triple G is not a boxer. Triple G is Tom Brady. He left his pregnant girlfriend for Gisele, the GOP, kids are Republican, and for goat status.

So he gives hopes to a lot of middle-aged guys, you know? He's 43 years old. Going on 44, going to the Superbowl. Tom Brady is going to his 10th Superbowl. He's going to 10. He's won six, um, been to the AFC championship. How many times, uh, whether it's Belichick or Tom Brady, I think you got to go with Tom Brady. I mean, you know, he took a crippled Gronk down to Tampa. And you know, Gronk, you know, if Gronk is in Florida, he's not really

going to have his full attention on football. It's easy to pay attention if you're Gronk and you're in New England for the winter. You know, there's not much to do. But if you're in Tampa, your football team is located in Tampa and you're Gronk, I mean, I don't think the kid went to a practice that wasn't hungover, but you know, Gronk is just, Gronk gets like one carry now. He doesn't really do anything. So, you know, I hope you have

your socially distanced football parties, your Super Bowl parties, hopefully you're socially distanced, okay? You don't want to get COVID watching the Super Bowl. That would suck, dude. That would really suck. Everyone's going to be sticking their hands and fucking dip and you know you know because that's a that's just that's that's a real day that kind of encapsulates what america is oh derrick's uh i'm gonna i already meeting up with Gronk, brother. But I was about to, just before I get into Derek, I want to say the Super Bowl is really, that's America in a moment.

In a couple of hours, it's just multi, multi-million dollar athletes in the greatest shape you can imagine. You know, less than what, point, whatever percent of the population makes it to that level and then there's just the entire country um the most out of shape like horrible diet fucking fat mediocre people living off the spoils of a fucking empire just sitting on it, staring at a screen, watching them compete at the highest level. It's the best of the best and the worst of the worst tied up into one moment. And that's America. Derek, brother, you know, listen, I think I missed the last six Super Bowls. I was the last one.

Somehow I came to and I ended up in Ibiza. I don't know how that happened, brother. But the last I remember is I was on a little bit of a bender. At the time, it was just cocaine I was into. And I did about a six, seven, nine, what I call full week of work, brother. I was going six, seven nights without any sleep doing straight coke. And the next thing you know, I don't know where we took it from there, but I woke up two years later in Ibiza and I was working on a ship and I was married.

So I'd missed the whole month of January and February. So I missed the Super Bowl, brother. That was the year I remember clearly that was the year that the New England Patriots lost to the Giants. Would have really liked to see that one. Had a little juice on the game. I'll tell you what, brother. I will be aware for this Super Bowl. And I do have a little juice on the game.

There's nothing like putting a little scratch on the game, brother. Makes it more interesting for me. I am picking Brady and the Tampa Bay plus 16. Why not? I'm putting my whole bar, everything I have. I've even put my ex-wife's paycheck on there. Hell, we're going to win big, brother. And if we don't, well, what a rush.

It's the only way to live, brother of America. You got to be in it to win it. This one's ultra excited because my child support payments to my ex-wife's to own it. And so I'm looking to double my money, double down. It's not fair. She gets most of my money every week. So hey, I'm counting on

you Tom Brady. Let's see if I can stay out of debt for one more year. And I'm voting. And I'm voting for them. I don't do the, I think it's like a scam when someone's like, hey, man, you go to a bar, and they're like, we got boxes up here. You want to get in on this? I'm like, dude, I don't know you.

No, I don't want to get in on this. It makes it kind of fun, though. It does make it kind of fun, you know? And, you know, it's a really good time to be gambling your money, you know? It's a great time. I say go further. I say it's a great time. You know what I would invest in? It's a good time. Let's say it's, why don't you, what would be a great thing to invest in right now? Um, uh, I don't know. Just put your money in the stock

market. This is a great time to just dump your money in the stock market. I think we're going to be fine. You know, I think, uh think it's a great time to just be risky. Whatever your life savings are, whatever, just dump it somewhere. Dump it in an investment. You know, it's a good time. It's a good time. Take all your money. Fucking buy a car.

Buy yourself a Tesla right now. Buy yourself a Tesla. You'll save the money on the gas. You'll get that money back. You know, this is a good time. This is a good time to gamble. This is a really good time. You know, thank God people are still gambling

or else the whole economy would collapse. So please, please, please, please, please, please. Politicians, you know, keep going out there. Politicians, Fauci, keep talking about how horrible the situation is. Keep doing it because if you keep doing that, in about two weeks, people are just going to get really frightened

and they're not going to buy anything. They're just going to go to the supermarket and buy toilet paper and all the food. And then they're going to take all their money out of the banks and then we're going to have a complete collapse. So please keep your fucking mouth closed and just start saying everything's great.

We need some bread and circus right now. Bring Black America. Where's American gladiators when you need it? When I'm up at 11 and I haven't opened the bills, I have bills that are just sitting on my dining room table that I don't want to open. You ever, you're like, Hey, you know what? If I survive one more day without knowing what's in there, it's a good day. I'm in that phase right now. Where the fuck is American gladiators for me to just tune into at 11 p.m. to distract me from the fact that I got a pile of bills on there and very little income right now? That's what America needs right now. We need American Gladiators. Bring it back.

Bring the fucking Beastmaster back on Netflix, which was a mixture of Dungeons and Dragons and American Gladiators. I want to see a Chinese UPS worker who does Taibo and works out all the time because he does CrossFit. I want to see CrossFit athletes climb walls right now. What's their backstory? Are their wives there rooting them on? What's his story? Did his parents swim here from the Philippines? Distract me. Stop putting quality

entertainment on. I don't want to watch Queens Gabbit. I don't want to see quality stuff. I want to be distracted by competitions. Let's go. Let's do fuck, let's think of more competition shows. But let's, you know, how about this? We do Survivor. We do TikTok Survivor. So we take all these TikTok kids, put them on an island, okay?

We put them on an island, okay? We put them on an island and they have to survive by dancing. The first one who falls asleep, they die. But if one person falls asleep and they die, the other ones get to sleep till the next day. So all you gotta do if you're a TikTok kid, you know? All you gotta do is if you're one of these kids, you know, ooh, ooh, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do, ooh, ooh, do-do-do.

If you're one of those kids in Air Force Ones, you know, at the Hype House, which I wanna storm, by the way. Remember, I'm gonna storm that fucking thing. I hope chinese storm it i hope the chinese storm malibu and set up captain's quarters and reese witherspoon's house i've said it before and then storm the hype house and then we're fucking taking down the hollywood sign one letter at a time um but if you're one of these kids i mean how great would that be survivor tiktok edition so we rent out an island right you know we get Logan Paul to

pay for it. He's got enough money. So everyone's leaving Los Angeles. So Logan Paul buys, he's the main producer of it. Logan Paul and his brother, Jake, who, you know, Jake Paul, he is the perfect example of what you tell your kids to be when they grow up. Okay. Because one day your kid's going to come to you and be like, daddy, I want to be like Jake Paul. I want to have the same job as Jake Paul. I want to be a boxer slash influencer slash YouTube skit comedy guy slash MMA guy slash Chinese spy slash a session slice peanut butter maker slash a merch dropper slash, um, fashion designer slash, um, herpes haver. So it's like he, you know, that's the new job. It's like, everyone's everything. You know, I want to be my own director, Chinese spy. He's a Chinese spy is what I'm saying. I want to be a Chinese spy,

influencer, YouTuber. And I also want to start my own militia. I mean, did you, do you hear that story when Jake Paul had like a hundred he had fucking artillery in his house started ready to start a revolution so his brother logan paul one of the richest guys on the fucking internet buys an island he produces the show with mark burnett because mark burnett does not care do you know what kind of psycho you got to be to go into an office mark burnett and go i got a great story here. Because he's from Britain or something. He's like, listen, Yankees, what we do, we get an island and we get regular people and we put them there and we make them naked

and give them a little bit of food and the people will love it. If they all die and one person survives, we call it survivor. So we see which one dies. It was like the Hunger Games before the Hunger Games. And some executives were going, genius, boobie, genius, let's see if they die, people are gonna love that, let's, the person who survives and doesn't, you know, die from a lack of potassium

because they don't have any food and they're eating bugs, you know, beautiful, so you take Survivor, you mix it with TikTok, you put these kids on an island, you give them as much food as they want, you can even have them drink Gatorade while they're doing it, you mix it with TikTok, you put these kids on an island, you give them as much food as they want. You can even have them drink Gatorade while they're doing it. Treat it like a marathon. Have somebody handing Gatorade and cheering them on. They're cheering them out. But the whole time they can't stop dancing.

What? What? And word comes, they put their, you know, Addison Rae, she's dancing. If you stop dancing, you get shot. You get fucking shot. That's how we employ middle America. They're all strapped anyway. Low budget. Bring your own gun to the TV shoot.

So you come strapped with your own weapon. As soon as one of those TikTok kids stops dancing, bang, you shoot them. You shoot them. Because of that guy though, the rest of them get to sleep. One night, then we do it again. Until at the end, we crown a TikTok survivor. If I was going to put my money on it, if I was going to put my money on it, I'm going with Addison Rae. I think she's got the endurance. You can't tell when you watch TikTok because they only dance and lip sync

for about eight or nine seconds. By the way, I've never seen people work harder. I've never seen less evidence that we are at the end of American civilization than TikTok. Who deserves $100 million more than a 16-year-old who dances for eight seconds and lip-syncs the song and dances kind of mediocre? Who more deserves to be a multimillionaire? You tell me. A scientist who discovers a vaccine for a deadly pandemic or Addison Rae,

who dances about eight, nine seconds at a time in a foyer, you know, in a living room, lip-singing songs, doing the shh over the N-word. I love that. They always incorporate that into their moves. It's what? And by the way, it's all the same dance that they do, you know? What? What? They's all the same dance that they do you know what what they all do

the same dance to whatever song it is and then whenever the n-word is there it's really funny because the songs are like these like hardcore underground hip-hop the n-word is every other word and then you just see these beautiful white kids just you know from like just dancing to it and then the n-word y'all don't want to be back there's always the sh on the n-word so yeah the chinese named it tiktok because they know we're at our end tiktok tiktok there's a lot of money being lent out a lot of money's being lent. A lot of money's being lent out. A lot of money's being lent out. A lot of people unemployed getting laid off. Government's got to pay unemployment, stimulus checks, company bailouts, tax breaks for people who are losing their money, landlords. Where's that money going to come from? You can only print so much before it becomes devalued.

This has happened before. You know, we have this great cognitive dissonance with history. We think that we live outside history and all the lessons from history don't apply to us, but they do. They do. I'll tell you where that money's coming from. Here's a throwback. China. We're going to borrow it from China. So they own us. And it's not such a bad thing. It's not such a bad thing. But where's that money going to come from? You know? Where's it going to come from?

China. China. China. By the way, how fast did we move past that guy? I mean, that seems like 20 years ago. Wow. What a fucking ride that was. Holy shit.

That's like, it feels like your stalker died. That's what it feels like. That's what the end of Donald Trump's presidency feels like. It's like you got a phone call and you found out, this is what David Letterman must have felt like when his stalker finally died. And he had a funny stalker. I don't know if you know about David Letterman stalker, but David Letterman stalker was found one sleeping on his tennis court. And then one time stole one of his cars with her son, drove the car away, got pulled over like the, in one of the

tunnels in New York, like the Hudson tunnel in New York city. And she wrote out a police statement saying her name was Mrs. Letterman. So she thought he was, she thought she was his wife. So, you know, America's built on dreams, babe. And that's why we create the most insane people. I mean, our people are just insane because we're all, look, if you're not going to be famous, stalk someone who is. Why is that not something that people advocate more for? It should be like, you know, people always give those words of encouragement, like keep following your dreams. Why would you tell people that?

Why would you tell someone no talent to keep following your dream? Don't do that. You're going to make depressed people. Follow your dream. If you find out you don't have any talent, stalk someone who does. Make yourself famous.

Make yourself famous by stalking someone who does. You don't need talent. You don't need talent. You don't need talent to fall asleep on someone's tennis court. You will get written about. Your name will be in the paper. And, you know, reality is a suggestion now. So if you identify as David Letterman's wife,

why can't you be David Letterman's wife? He says, that's not my wife. You go, excuse me? Excuse me? I'm going to put you on nudists. You are oppressing my identity. I identify as your wife, but you're a nudist. Yeah.

You want to identify As Lil Wayne's girlfriend You know Sleep outside his house For weeks, days We need We need to just We need to support stalkers more If you

Have a whole plan And have went to Dick's Sporting Goods And have really tried to figure out How to climb into Taylor Swift's backyard, at least get an interview on TV. Let's get to know that person. If you actually make it into her backyard before the former Mossad security guards

shoot you with fucking dark guns, let's at least get a fucking interview on the ONN network. I mean, what's the new network now that the Trump supporters have migrated to? Do you know what it's called? QAnon network? ONN?

I love the fact that there's like a network now. It's like, no, no, no. It's not right wing enough. So now, of course, soon we're going to get another, we're going to get an Antifa network too for those kids. By the way, Reuters finally, an irreputable news organization. One of the first times I've ever heard a news outlet admit that Antifa was often violent far left group, but they called

them an amorphous group in the, uh, in the article and amorphous. Cause I was having fun just watching all those videos of guys with black umbrellas and purple hair and black outfits, just smash windows and attack federal courthouses and stuff like that because it was fun to watch an idea be so violent, you know? It's like sometimes ideas hit windows with hammers. Ideas can be dangerous if they're holding hammers. For a while, there was that narrative like, there's no such thing as Antifa.

It's an idea. Well, you're like, that idea's holding a hammer and is dressing all black like the Night Stalker. Like the Night Stalker. So now they found this Proud Boy, the head Proud Boy, who's a Hispanic gentleman or Latinx. He's a Latinx guy.

I am a Greek Y. What you've heard of me is greek y and cauc i'm not caucasian i'm greek y and um he's latinx and he supposedly was like an informant for the government in like miami and things like that he's denying it and there's all these records of him being an informant like whitey bul Bulger for the FBI and stuff like that, and putting people in prison for stuff. And he said, he said one of my favorites, he goes,

I don't recall. Whenever you hear someone say they don't recall, it's like if your, if your wife or girlfriend goes, did you fuck this girl? And you go, I don't quite remember that. That's a dead giveaway. We know that. It's fun to watch though. It's fun to watch when someone

says they don't remember. When the evidence is right there and they go, don't, you know, not ringing a bell. So here we have this, we have this security camera footage of you right outside stealing this Amazon package from your neighbor. And you go, I don't recall. I just don't remember. Is that me? It's me? I don't remember it.

So, you know, and it's funny because you kind of go like, hey, the guy doesn't remember it. So maybe it didn't and it's funny because you kind of go like, hey, the guy doesn't remember it. So maybe it didn't happen. You kind of believe him for a second. So here we are, 2021. And people always say, why do you touch your nose so much? It's because I was born with some of the worst allergies you've ever known in your life.

No, I'm not on cocaine. No, I'm not mentally ill. By society standards, I am pretty sane. That I do comedy for a living, I stand up on a wood plank and try to shuck and jive for people to giggle is disturbed. So I am a little disturbed. But by society standards, I'm pretty sane. And there is no cocaine. So 2021,

what happened? What the fuck happened? Let's go back and try to figure out how we got here. Let's put the pandemic aside for a second and say, how did America become such a mess? I am going to go ahead and blame Hollywood and the media. What happened was they just started pushing the equivalent of fast food into your living rooms. And when you push fast food, who do you blame? Do you blame the consumer? Do you blame the provider? The provider is saying, hey hey man, here it is. We're not saying it's good for you.

It's a free country. This comes down to that just age-old debate. Who's responsible? It's freedom versus government saying, hey man, this is good for you, protecting its people. And so they started slowly by pushing reality TV shows into our room, sort of the reality TVization of our culture slowly started with real world. Then the housewives came, you know, you got girls pulling each other's hair, throwing candlesticks at each other, you know, fucking fighting or whatever. Girls just sitting there like watching it. You ever watch a girl watch Real Housewives?

They just, there's just like this glaze that comes over. There's just not a thought. There's just not a thought in their brain. It must be like what it feels like to be a fish. You just, and it reached all the way to the White House. It reached all the way to the White House. You have entertainment and art. The best definition I've ever heard for art

is from Chaucer's Canterbury Tales. He said, art is instruction and delight. It's the best definition of art I've ever heard, meaning, you know, you learn something, and you're entertained. It's a combination of the two, because you do have both. You learn something, you go to a lecture. It's not entertaining, but you learn something. It's a combination of the two. Because you do have both. You learn something, you go to a lecture.

It's not entertaining. But you learn something. It's a TED Talk. You weren't entertained by it. You go to a class. It's not entertainment. It's instruction. Okay?

Then, you turn on Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, you know, trying to get a job on a farm. It's entertainment. You know? Watching kids hit themselves in balls on the internet, it's entertaining. Watching a bulldog skateboard, entertaining. You know, watching Oprah give away free Volvos underneath the seat, entertaining. So those are the two opposites. And when you combine those two, you become art. We have been lacking in art for a little while because it's

just not as profitable, man. You know, it's like just not. And that's why when you listen to music from like the seventies, you're like, damn, nothing is this good anymore. Things seem to have peaked because it was, it's the fast foodization of entertainment, fast, quick, stupid, cheap, It's the fast foodization of entertainment. Fast, quick, stupid, cheap, lowbrow. And it reached all the way to the White House where our president was a tweeter. Our president, him being president, was like me being president.

I mean, Donald Trump, Donald Trump, he was like a gossip column celebrity. He was like a, like a phony billionaire. He played, you know, he was just kind of like a guy, he pretended to be his own PR rep and he'd call up, he'd call up news outlets and he'd be like, he still had that dumb voice, but there's, you can go on youtube and watch the videos of him pretending to be his own rep saying he was going to be at a spot and they fed into it they loved him because he knew how full of shit they were and when he became president he knew how full of shit and how salacious the media was and he played off of it and he used it to get bigger and bigger and bigger and for four, all people talked about was Donald Trump, Donald

Trump, and he grew bigger and stronger and stronger until, you know, he convinced a bunch of QAnon kids to storm the Capitol. You know, everyone always goes a little too far. That was his marching to Russia in the winter. Just one step too far, guy. You know know somebody should have said hey man you know let's regroup here let's regroup go back start a movement he was like no march on they're like the winter's cold can't nobody's ever napoleon made the same mistake you don't want to do it he's like no let's tell the guy with his face painted in a fur hat to go put n Pelosi in zip ties. That was his, that was his Adolf Hitler deciding to invade Russia. It was a big mistake, big mistake, huge, huge. So that was it. He went down. But, um, I think art's going to make a comeback. I really do because there's nowhere else for it

to go. It reached all the way to the white house. So now you see shows like Queen's Gabbit. Uh, I heard, um, Spike Lee's got a great new movie on Netflix. I mean, movie theaters are done, all the way to the White House. So now you see shows like Queen's Gabbit. I heard Spike Lee's got a great new movie on Netflix. I mean, movie theaters are done, but like good shit is about to come back because people are tired. They can see through it now. They can kind of just see through it and it's been done.

I don't want to give people credit and say they can really see through it because that's giving people too much credit, but it's been done. People are hungry for something else. They want to see something genuine because it's been disingenuousness forever. Disingenuousness. So I think we're about to enter and people are going

to be broke too. And art always flourishes when people are broke. Vincent Goh wasn't painting his paintings in a penthouse. He didn't have a castle where he was painting his paintings. I mean, the kid was hanging out with hookers, chopping his ear off and offering it for sex. It's not the true story, but I mean, he did cut his ear off. That was probably because he was smelling the paints, right? They say he was eating the paints. Yeah, he was eating the paints? He would put his brushes in his mouth.

Yeah. His brother, Theo, really took care of him. I don't know. Is it worth it? Is it worth it to be a genius after you die and go mad while you're here would you rather be van gogh or thomas kid kane or whatever the fuck his name is would you rather have a store in the mall where your art is reproduced a million times you're an artist i'm asking you or would you rather die miserably from eating paints chop your ear off

have psychosis and be considered one of the genius you can't go to an art museum and see van gogh first that's the closer that's like trying to follow martin luther king if you're giving a speech that's like trying to go on stage after kat williams you don't want to do it it's like you go look at everything else then you close on van gogh because it's so vibrant the strokes are so fucking bold so which one would rather? Would you rather die in obscurity and be known as a genius or would you rather be Thomas Kinkanen

and you have a store in the mall? I'll take the store in the mall. Me too. Fuck yeah. Invest in Carnival Cruise. Give it to me. I want to buy a piece of JetBlue. GameStop.

GameStop, baby. Buy that GameStop sock. I heard it's hot. I got a hot tip from a kid in his underwear in the basement on Reddit. He said fucking GameStop baby buy that GameStop sock I heard it's hot I got a hot tip from a kid in his underwear in the basement on Reddit he said fucking GameStop is a hot ticket right now buy that stock baby buy that fucking stock can you explain to me what the scheme was what did they do well I understand they um there was a bunch of short sellers like hedge fund guys that were

betting that the stock was going to go down right so then all these reddit kids got together and attacked the stock to force the stock to rise so as a what does that mean attack the stock invested in it bought it they started buying the stock wow as the stock as a scheme to work together communism's coming baby the group is bigger than the individual and i like it. And so they kicked it up. And so then what did that force the hedge fund guys to? Yeah, I don't really know how it works, but they have to buy. If we knew how it works, let's be honest, we wouldn't be in this apartment filming this shit.

We'd be on a boat in Monaco with all the money we made off of some fucking cheap internet company that we'd shorted or something. Exactly, yeah. They teamed up. So these hedge fund guys had a bunch of short positions and as the stock is going up, they're losing money. So then everyone just piled in and started raising the stock price, buying more, buying more, raising the price, which then cost them the short sellers to lose more. Right. Okay. I heard what you said and I didn't understand one. I don't have the brain for it. All I know is it's big news on the internet that some hedge fund guys are getting fucked and I'm good. I mean, why not? It's a short squeeze, whatever the fuck a short squeeze is. Yeah, I think it just, you know, it just means that they got fucked a little bit. They, you know, they fuck a lot of people. They got fucked. You know, it's a, it's a nice thing right now that the people are coming together.

That's the first thing. Reddit, they're going to come together on Reddit. The next thing you know, um, yeah, they're going to come together on the street. They're riding in the Netherlands right now.

If the Netherlands is riding, it's a socialist democracy that used to be considered to have the highest standard of living. Everyone had healthcare, beautiful people. The weather was great. They're of living. Everyone had health care, beautiful people. The weather was great. They're not up north, but they're Nordic people, you know, but they're not up. They don't have to deal with that winter the way the Swedes and Norwegians and Finnish do.

Finns, by the way, are not Scandinavian, but they're up there. They're like a weird mix of Germanic Asian people. People. If they're riding over there and there's like headlines, like there could be a civil war in the Netherlands. Holy shit. What's going to happen in fucking downtown Atlanta and New York City and Chicago and Florida

and Georgia and Tennessee ain't going to be pretty. This is a good time to find yourself a house inside of a mountain. If you can find yourself a house in a mountain, because you always want to have the high ground, okay? Because me, I'm a survivor. I'm going to shoot whatever comes up the hill, okay? When the apocalypse happens, I'm going to at least kill two or three, four zombies coming up the hill. And by zombies, I mean starving Antifa children who have BAs and can't find jobs. Because that's really what we're dealing with. Those kids who are dressed in black and have black helmets,

if you took their helmets off, they'd be kids who went to like, you know, Barnard and just like got a degree in English. And they're just passed. They're fucking passed. They are fucking pissed that they cannot get fucking healthcare. They cannot get healthcare. They cannot be seen by a doctor for a reasonable price while they sit in a coffee shop and try to write a fucking book. I'm trying to write a fucking book here.

book. I'm trying to write a fucking book here. Do I have to move to Canada, a civilized country that will support my dream of writing a book, which is taking me four years? I graduated from Barnard four years ago. I have a degree in English lit. Do I want to teach? No. I will, but I don't want to. I want to write a book. What's my book about? Fucking obviously the advantages of straight white men. Okay. Cause that's fucking hot right now. Let me tell you something right now that is fucking hot right now. God damn it. Those are like Chuck Taylor's in the fifties. If you got a fucking book right now called White, let's say White Fragility's Taken, fucking bestseller, written by a white woman, by the way. Robin DeAngelis is fucking white.

And it's a book telling white people that you can't help but be racist. There's nothing you can do. Do you understand? Do you understand that by me telling you that your race, by the way, yeah, it's great. We're a monolith. Like, yeah, like we care about each other, you know? Like, I don't know if you've paid attention to the couple of world wars that happened, but white people don't seem to have any sympathy for other white people. They like to kill them by the millions, but yeah, let's make them a monolith and say white people, they can't help but be racist it's in you and is that racist

in and of itself to say all white people can't help but be evil yeah but why bring that up if i'm trying to make a point here that's not reasonable or doesn't hold up to scrutiny. Why? Why fucking rain on my parade when I'm getting 25 grand to go talk at some liberal arts college that is being patronized? Because let's be honest, it's a fucking store. OK, it's a dream store, just like a church. You go to get a liberal arts degree.

It's a dream store. Just like a church. You go to get a liberal arts degree. It's a dream. You're going there and you're saying, Hey, your parents are paying $40 for you to dream about being something that you're not going to be. You're going to end up working at a bank or holding a buzzer at Panera Bread. There's no fucking job out there. There's no dream job for you. Okay. Learn how to work equipment and find a podcast to produce. It's over. There's no, we're jobs. What are we doing?

What are we doing? Go fucking take your money, invest in the stock market like Jesse Scatoro, be smart, cash out, move to a Republican state. I don't care if you've been liberal your whole life. You're gonna get eaten by Antifa zombies you keep walking around these city streets okay it's either gonna be antifa zombies or fucking people on actual drugs walking around with machetes just chopping people people are losing their minds so what you're gonna want to do is go behind the lines of republic and by the way you see that happening in my business like

people are moving to florida austin tennessee people are getting the fuck out of here to save on taxes because they're gonna have to rebuild this somehow federal taxes are going up state taxes are going up it's gonna these things have to be repaid all the damage that was done to protest the overtime the unemployment etc this has been a fucking bad time for our country so get yourself down to a fucking republican state like sean fucking tyler do i take the fucking girls and i will move them down there Time for our country. So get yourself down to a fucking Republican state like Sean fucking Tyree. Do I take the fucking girls?

And I will move them down there. I don't give a fuck. All right? If I want fucking pizza, I'll fucking order. I'll fucking come home, visit my fucking cousins over here. Stand down and get fucking pizza. Get yourself down there because here's the deal. This is how you can see the writing is definitely on the wall

for the coasts. New York, L.A. L.A., California said, fuck you to Elon Musk, the most innovative entrepreneur in our country, who's now the richest man in the world. And he said, Canada, might as well be. California said, get out of here. We don't need your jobs.

We don't need your oppression. We don't need your lack of labor laws, okay? I heard about what you're doing. I heard what you're doing, your employees. I heard that they had to stay on their laptops and sit at a desk with free beverages in a fucking snack room with free beverages

for fucking seven hours and sit at laptops where they could scroll on the internet. And I heard that you were actually making things here for people to give them jobs. I don't like that. I didn't pay you on notice, Elon,

because you fucking like Kanye and Kanye fucking likes Trump. So I'm putting you on fucking notice. You have to be removed. You have to be remembered, deplatformed, defunded, depersoned, and deboweled. You have to get out of here.

There's no fucking room for your white supremacy in California. So they kicked him out and we all act like, you know, jobs fall from the sky. We all act like cities arise from the genius of the artists in lowincome housing. That's why Rome happened. That's why Athens happened. That's why Munich happened. That's why London happened because of the art scene. People love the protests. That's what makes a city hot. Not business. Not the industry of its day. No. No. New York didn't become a hot city because of the import exports and it was a port city. No, no, it had nothing to do with business. Business people are evil.

They're fucking evil. Okay, eat the rich, eat the rich. Put them on notice, put them on notice. I'm fucking, if you have a suit on, you're on fucking notice. Come on, notice. I'm fucking putting, if you have a suit on, you're on fucking notice. So, yeah, no, that's not what made New York, New York. No, Wall Street doesn't make New York, New York.

No, Midtown doesn't make New York, New York. No, no. That doesn't feed all that money from all those rich people that go to all the restaurants and et cetera, et cetera, takes cabs. No, no. There is no legitimacy to the rights argument about capitalism no no you know yeah when college people talk about communism you see a picture it's just like you know everyone's sharing everyone's sharing the same potato pancake and then you go see the actual pictures from history it's just fucking hundred people building a ditch in a starving line waiting for a loaf of bread it's like you guys live in a fucking fantasy land so once california said no to elon musk they're basically saying no to the future they're

basically saying no to tech and you can't resist tech tech and the tech tycoons are the new industrial capitalists. That boom, you know, the Carnegie's, the JP Mellon's, the JP Morgan's, all those guys, the railroad barons. When the industrial revolution happened, those guys cashed in and created lots of jobs and made the world a better place. Did they do some insider trading? Yeah. Did they make too much money? Yeah. But who are you to judge a guy making too much money when you go to the buffet and stack your plate for the fourth time? You don't like to eat too much food. If you were JP Morgan, you would stop at 50 billion or you'd go for a hundred billion. So stop being a fucking hypocrite. Okay. You're judging this man for being greedy. Look at you at the Chinese buffet.

You've eaten two fucking plates of fucking sesame chicken, and now you're piling three plates of desserts on. You've paid $8.99 to eat the food that would feed a fucking Uzbekistani village. But J.P. Morgan's a problem. But Charles Schwab's insider trading was shocking. You got to take the bad with the good, okay? Yeah, no. No AOC, no progress, okay? This is for all my New Yorkers out there.

Let's not build the biggest suspension bridge in the world linking Staten Island to Brooklyn because there's a 92-year-old Irish grandmother in Bay Ridge who doesn't want to pay for her house. She wants to stay there until she's 103 and give it to her kids. No, you can't take this. This is my home here.

I've been here for 50 years. You don't understand. My son, he goes to the bar every night and he's going to inherit this house. Does he steal money out of my pocketbook? Yeah. Does he go to the bar and drink for money out of my pocketbook? Yeah. Does he go to the bar and drink for money out of my pocketbook?

Yeah. But you can't build this bridge. Listen, Robert Moses knew you can't make omelets without breaking a few 90-year-old Irish grandmother's hearts. You got to do some progress. This whole utopian thing where everything's going to be okay, AOC, doesn't happen. You're going to lead people to starvation by lying to them this is not heaven you have to be practical here you have to measure cost versus damage

everything has a cost you're never going to get away with it you're never going to be able to have your cake and eat it too on this planet choose the cake and eat it too on this planet. Choose the cake or eat it too. Don't try to own the cake and eat it because you can't. You will get burned. Everything has a cost. Either you pay up front or you pay on the back end. A lot of people don't see that back end. They say, oh, I got away with it. No, you didn't. No, you didn't. Aliens are watching you.

You are their entertainment. The rules are set. Everything has a cost. Okay? You have to sacrifice something to get something. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. You cannot reject Amazon coming to Long Island City. By the way, we would not want Long Island City to be gentrified. That working class neighborhood right now of indigenous New Yorkers, don't touch that

neighborhood. It's untouched. That's where it was going, right? Amazon, Long Island City. It's like, we don't want to ruin the neighborhood. I don't know if you've been to Long Island City yet, but it looks like downtown Miami. When you used to go there, you'd see a crackhead and a fucking, and a coyote running down there. And maybe a Polish grandmother eating pierogies.

That was it. Now Long Island City is some of the most expensive waterfront property in the fucking, in all of New York, and she didn't want to damage the neighborhood? Bitch, have you taken a fucking drive around? It's already been done. Long Island City's already been gentrified.

And what are you? Are you not a gentrifier, Mrs. I grew up in Westchester. Just because you was born in the Bronx doesn't mean you're a Bronx girl. What are you even trying to achieve anything for? You should be sitting on the couch raising those kids, enjoying that fucking pension and that salary from your doctor husband. What the fuck are you out there giving speeches and shit for? You already made it at seven years old.

Making it to Westchester, making it to the top level of Candyland that's it you out there talking about Amazon why do you care you already made your money your parents took you to say you to be you and you grew up in Westchester that's it so AOC and there was actually a Greek Councilman from that area too. You know, that progressive wing rejected Amazon, you know, and they didn't even understand it. They were like, wait, those tax, the tax credits that they're getting could go someplace else. It's like, they're not getting any money. They're just getting breaks.

That's how the adult world works. That's how you attract corporations to come and you give them those breaks in exchange for what they do for your economy. They bring jobs, which attracts people, which makes your city a hub of industry, which is what makes all alive cities, cities. AOC, I don't know if you've ever been. I'm not sure if you've ever been to Rochester. Have you been to Rochester? What happened in Rochester? A once thriving metropolis. Okay?

Kodak and Xerox left. When was it hot? When Kodak and Xerox were there. Have you been to Newark or Trenton? What happened? There was businesses there and then they left. And then the cities went to shit. What makes a city hot and alive?

Huh? What is it? Is it the fucking open mic comedy scene? Is it the fucking hip protesters? Is it the nail salons? That's what we want. We don't need Amazon. We don't need Amazon in New York.

You know what we need? More pizza places and nail salons. Let's get more. There's not enough of that. That's not enough. Let's open some more threading stores. By the way, yeah, like they need the help. Like the Chinese and Indians need more fucking jobs. They're crushing it already, but let's fucking open some more fucking nail salons. If you go in New York anyway, there's a nail salon. Every three stores is a nail salon. There's like no restaurants, no nothing. All it is is nail salons. And they never go out of business

because they're probably getting a stipend from the Chinese government somehow. I said it. I said it. I said it. I have a theory, okay? I'm just kidding. But you get the point.

Yeah, we don't need Amazon. We need more pizza places. So as soon as you saw California and New York Reject Two of the most Two of the most The

The Two most Successful Men And their Business Models The tech world

The digital world Alright The cars aren't digital But they kind of are Right Fucking Your car drives itself From the fucking internet They all want to put Satellites in space And shit They're competing over that world the digital world all right the cars aren't digital but they kind of are right fucking your car drives itself from the fucking internet they all want to put satellites in space and shit

they're competing over that that's the future okay everything else is dead there's everyone's gonna have a tesla roof a tesla car that's what's going on everyone's gonna order their food on amazon you already are you know what would be funny i want to camp out outside AOC's apartment, which I'm sure is in the barrio. And I want to just, I want to talk to her doorman. I want to get to know AOC's doorman and say, every time a package comes from Amazon, fucking take out your camera phone, take a screenshot, send. Take a screenshot. Send it to the kid. How many packages do you think she gets from Amazon?

Do you think she's boycotts? Do you think AOC doesn't order on Amazon? She goes, no. No, Amazon treats its workers bad. No. Her boyfriend's like, honey, we got to get this thing for the house she doesn't go okay there's a store that we can walk to it's the middle of a pandemic we go in there is it more of a chance we get corona or we can have it delivered right to our door in 13 minutes. Let's go to the store. It's in Jersey. Let's rent a car, go to Jersey. It's one store that has this special syringe that we need to use to make this turkey dinner just right for

the family coming over and for my staffers. I'm having a party for my staffers. Millennial party, come over. This is my staff. Here we go, girls. Let's put it on. I'm from the 70s and you're in 90s, but take your slacks and shoes off. It smells like corn chips in here. Who brought the irregular salad? Millennial party, progressive staffers. I'm on AOC's staff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to Skidmore College. Yeah, yeah. I'm for the people. Yeah, yeah.

My dad paid 100 grand for my education. Yeah, yeah. Put on girls. Oh, fuck. I love this. I love fat girl. What's her name? I forgot.

She's so irrelevant. Things move so quick now. I forgot. Lena Dunham fucking hero Hero of the people Hero of the people Lena Dunham bravery So brave

She took her fucking clothes off And let big bitches know It's fine to be a Don't be ashamed of your body Even though your body's bad Yeah That body image shit went right out the door when we found that hey corona kills fat people those fat bitches brought that fucking you see action bronson that kid he looks like the rock now you know lizzo's on a fucking tricycle

right now i tell you what the first thing lizzo did when that news came out was buy a peloton bike and a trainer and said, you know what? Anytime you see fucking any donuts in my, how can I say that? How can I, how have I not put myself on notice for assuming that she got big from eating donuts? People don't know. Some people are just born big, dead, bone dead. Okay. Did you see Adele? It's horrible that she got healthy.

It's horrible. Girl, have some pride. Get big again. Get fucking big so I also can feel good about being big. That was the best. That's the best. That girl power is my favorite. Girl, yeah, fuck it.

Yeah, I got high blood pressure too. It's my choice. My cholesterol is through the roof. My fucking choice. Don't let the patriarchy tell me what my fucking number should be. I don high blood pressure too. It's my choice. My cholesterol is through the roof. My fucking choice. Don't let the patriarchy tell me what my fucking number should be. I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit if I'm 34 years old, but my numbers say I'm 76 years old. I'm a free woman.

I'm 300 pounds and I'm me, bitch. Bitch. So that's where we're at. That's where we're at. That's where we're at. We got to impeach Joe Biden to balance it out. If we want to unify the country, you got to make everything even. It's like if you have two kids. You can't punish one without punishing the other,

even if the other one didn't do anything. You don't want to create a Cain and Abel situation. And right now, we have a Cain and Abel situation between the left and the right. So impeach Trump. He deserves it. But then you got to impeach Biden. You got to impeach Biden. Okay? His son did some shit.

Whatever. When did our politics just turn into a john grisham novel you know it's like is this president working with the russians it's like why did our presidency turn into a tom clancy novel have our journalists and people gotten so lowbrow and our attention spans so little that in order for us to even pay attention to a political story, it has to be, is he conspiring with the Russians? Is there a pee tape somewhere? Did he pee on a hooker somewhere? Is he Putin's puppet? You know? And now it's like Hunter Biden's laptop is in a, it's in a pawn shop in Delaware.

Do you have it? No, we don't have it, but we know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who looked through it. He opened the code, and boy, the guy was looking at trannies. Can you believe it? It's like, I don't care. Nobody cares. Let's go back to the day where you could be a gentleman,

and as long as you did your job right, JFK saved the world through back-channel negotiations with one of Khrushchev's ambassador in secret hotel rooms. He sent his brother, RFK, his little fucking runt brother. And he also fucking gave RFK his hand-me-downs. That's a good brother. Fellas, you think JFK was a bad person? He fucked Marilyn Monroe and then let his brother fuck her after he was done. Is that not a great brother? Who said, hey man, you know, I have to be finished with the pussy.

Say, hey, wait, you know what? Also blow my brother. Wait, you know what I mean? That's how much of a stud that kid was. Back in that day, you could have a hook or pull party at the White House and the press would not report it because they knew you were under some stress. If you're president of the United States, you're under some stress. And the journalists would know, let the guy get his fucking dick sucked, man.

Bill Clinton's not under fucking stress. You're leader of the free world. You can't let some intern give you a fucking blowy. So he stuck a cigar in her pussy. Did anyone ever assume that there might not have been a cigar roller around? You can't just assume there's some fucking old Cuban guy in the room who can just take it and roll it himself. Maybe he had a roll your own cigar. Maybe he had the back on the leaves.

He rolled it up. It was too big for him to lick the whole thing. So he stuck it in her pussy and took it out. Blew on it. It's pretty hilarious that our president stuck a pussy in a woman's vagina. We shouldn't know that though. That's the thing is we shouldn't know that because that's just fun that he's having. They were having some fun. Why can't we have fun like the French? Is it because it makes us soft? Maybe,

maybe. Because once you start going around putting cigars and pussies, the next thing you know, you're not masculine anymore and you're not able to defend your borders. So maybe it's a good thing that we come down hard in these presidents for having too much fun. I don't know. But let's stop. Let's stop crucifying people for having a little fun. What's his name? Gilliam in Florida. He lost the governor's race, came close, Gilliam. Right after the election, guy got a little depressed.

Big deal. Big deal. He got a little depressed. He got beat in the election. He ended up getting caught in a hotel room with a male prostitute and methamphetamines. I mean, big fucking deal. Have you guys not been depressed before? Yes, he's married with kids, but he wasn't doing anything with that male prostitute. Okay. The male prostitute happened to be just a fan of his politics and they were over there fucking watching Schitt's Creek together.

Just fans on Netflix having a little day, ordered a little pizza. He passed out on pills and they found him there. Big, have you not been depressed before? Okay? And he's straight.

He said it to the camera. He's a straight man. He's got a wife and kids. So you can believe him. People want people to be perfect now. You know what I mean? It's like you want people to be perfect. You can't be perfect.

You think Michael Jackson is going to be able to do what Michael Jackson does and there's going to be no consequences for that? You think the simulators, the aliens, are going to give him that much talent from the time he was a boy, and there's not going to be a couple of little children in the cupboard? Those are the tokens you've got to feed him. You don't dance like that without, you know,

eating asparagus. You don't get the power from eating asparagus. I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying, Paulie told me a long time ago, the universe is balanced. Okay? It's balanced.

A couple of old Irish women lost their houses when they built the bridge, but we do have, we do have the great Verrazano Bridge. Okay? It's a great bridge to look at, but I do agree with you. It's a little insulting

That they charge you $25 To go into Staten Island Are you kidding me? Staten Island Are you joking? Okay I'm charged $25 To enter Staten Island

You should be giving me $50 To come into Staten Island You should be handing money To people to come to Staten Island The fucking boss on you Anyway We started a Patreon Patreon.com You should be handing money to people to come to Staten Island The fucking balls on you Anyway We started a Patreon Patreon.com

Slash Yanni Longdays Am I right? Yeah so I'll be posting Patreon.com slash Yanni Longdays There will be bonus episodes On there one a week Bonus episode so go join Support the show. Really appreciate

everybody tuning in. This show is going to be great. I'm also going to be doing interviews with people. We're going to do, you know, episodes with comics, interview episodes, sketches. I mean, it's going to start getting wild. This is just the beginning. This is episode five, I believe. So tell your friends, please. Repost in your stories. Retweet. All that stuff matters. And thank you for watching.

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