Yannis Pappas Hour - STEM or Jake Paul - Long Days with Yannis Pappas - Episode 13

Episode Date: March 28, 2021

Greek Independence Day is a Greek holiday that celebrates the long revolution that eventually threw the yoke of the Ottoman Empire off of Greece. Mr. PANOS explains why everyday is Greek Independence Day, ya heard. This one starts all Greek but don’t worry it goes good ole American long! Yanni has a new TV show idea for atheists, explains what real pizza 🍕 is, Deshaun Watson putting up numbers, Jake Paul, Derrick from Tallahassee has something to say about socialists, Sean Terry tells us what kind of mayor NYC needs, and Yanni covers the two different way Italians pray, Yanni puts himself on notice, white supremacy is so hot right now, and of course comment roulette and much more.   For a weekly bonus episode on weds and additional bonus videos click here: https://www.patreon.com/yannilongdays   The show goes out every Sunday at noon to youtube and audio platforms but while it's being recorded the show goes LIVE on Yannis' Instagram! Come join in on the LONG DAY   Follow Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And you can't kill Yanni. Yanni's like a cockroach. I come back. I'm a Greek. We don't die, baby. This is Greek Independence Day today, baby. This is not the day you're watching this. The day you're watching this, Greek Independence Day already happened.

But here's the situation you need to understand. Every day is a Greek Independence Day. Because the Greeks, we don't work for motherfucking nobody. We're working for Greeks. We work for ourselves. So every day is a Greek Independence Day. Even though today when we recorded the episode, what's today's date, Axeno? 25th. Today's the 25th. είναι η ειδική ελευθερία των Έλληνες. Αν και σήμερα όταν εγκαταλείψαμε την επεισόδου, ποιος είναι ο σήμερος του σήμερα, Δεξέανος? 25ης.

25ης, σήμερα είναι το 25ης! Είναι η ειδική ελευθερία των Έλληνες. Λοιπόν, σε εσάς, είπατε ότι αυτό είναι ο σήμερος όταν οι Έλληνες άφησαν τους Τουρκούς και οι Τουρκούς δεν εισλάβουν τώρα τους Έλληνες. Αλλά η πραγματικότητα είναι ότι οι Έλληνες είναι πάντα ελευθερίανες. Έτσι, κάθε μέρα είναι η ελευθερίανες ελευθερίανες the Greeks is always independent. So every day is Greek Independence Day because the

Greek brain is completely independent of anybody. Baby, we're genius. Nobody becomes a genius without having an independent brain. So the brain is always independent. So every day is Greek Independence Day

because we don't work for anybody. I have my own restaurant. All the Greeks, we have our own business. We don't fucking work for nobody, baby. Έτσι κάθε μέρα είναι η ειδική ειδική ημέρα! Γιατί δεν εργάζομαι για κανέναν! Έχω το μόνο μου το εστιατόριο! Όλοι οι Έλληνες έχουμε το μόνο μας το δουλειά! Δεν εργάζομαι για κανέναν, μωρό μου! Δεν πληρώνω ακόμα ταξίδια! Δεν εργάζομαι για το κυβέρνημα! Βάζω το χρυσό στο μάτρας! Βγαίνεις στον μωρό σου, τον Σόκρατη, στο διεθνή στήριο της Κυρίας!

Μόνο χρυσό! Βάζουμε μόνο χρυσό! Βάζεις το φίσμα, δώστε μου το κάσο. Θέλετε το τσίσπαρκο, δώστε μου το κάσο. Θέλετε τα φύλλα, δώστε μου το κάσο. Και το κάσο πηγαίνει στο μάτρος. Κάθε μέρα είναι η ελληνική ελευθερία ημέρα. Και κάθε μέρα είναι η εγώ σκοτώ σε εσάς τους Τουρκούς.

Μόνο ένα μέρα, όλη η μέρα, πείτε σκοτώ σε εσάς τους Ιταλούς. And every day is a fuck you to Turkish people day. Okay? Only one day, or a day we say fuck you Italian people. But every day we say fuck you to the Turkish people. Because Turkish people tried to enslave Greek people for 400 years. This is something black people didn't understand. Greeks, we're brothers with you. We also been slaves to these people here. 400 years the Turkish people is keeping the Greeks. They try, they try. Just like they try to take you. But what you do black people? You create the music.

You be singing behind the back. You go jubilee, jubilee, coming soon, coming soon. And the Greeks is still dancing too baby. Behind the back they can't take Greek culture. When we kick out the Turks, we kick out the Muslim shit out. There's no mosques in Greece. They go, you go to Greece you say no, nothing, nothing. We don't even have hummus. We took the hummus and we kicked out the hummus too. We said to the Ottoman, get the fuck out of here, baby. And also, your food, take the baba ganoush with you, malaka. So happy Independence Day to the Greeks.

We had to start that episode off with a little Miss Panos here. He is the first character that Yanni's had, which had the popularity here. These are people coming to see Yanni to do the... I mean, granted, I had to do some Greek shows in front of grandmothers and children and priests, but I met my wife during one of those, so it equaled out. Is that right? I didn't know that.

Yeah, no, Greek shows are the absolute worst. Don't book me for any. If you want me to do them and it's through your church or there's going to be a bishop there twenty thousand dollars is my personal appearance fee and i don't take drachmas and i don't take your yaya's pasticcio as you can't just say hey can we do half price and then my yaya cooks the best pasticcio that she'll bring for you no i want 20 grand up front and I want a car waiting for me afterwards

so after I bomb, I can just get out and leave the church and I do not want to perform underneath a picture of Jesus Christ ever again. Do you know how many times I've done Greek shows on the fucking altar? I mean, can you guys get a, can I do a show that's not, where there's a picture of Jesus behind me

or that's not in a church gym? Or when I look out into the crowd, I don't see three people with priest collars on and two yayas and children running around? Is that possible? But I did meet my wife at one of those shows. So what can you do? So shout out, Jesus made that happen.

Jesus made that happen. Jesus Christ, who only cares about the Greeks. That's why you have the Easter and the Greek Easter, okay? The Easter that comes before the Greek Easter is just a dress rehearsal for Jesus to do the main show, which is for the Greeks. So he runs through it with the regular people. Okay, you put me up, hang me up, put the nails in, then I raise. Good show.

Now let's start the real show. Good practice. It's like a pre-season. The regular Easter is like a pre-season for the real Easter, which is a Greek Easter. Where we go with the candles and we go outside and we march around the block with fire. And if you're not a Greek, you go, what's happening? How come there's a hundred people outside my house with the fire? Are the Cossacks coming? Who's evading?

Is Game of Thrones shooting part of the movies? Oh no, it's Greeksreeks or easter walking with a fire i mean if you look outside your window on greek easter and you live by a greek orthodox church and you see 300 fucking greeks walking with fire following some guy in a robe and a hat you're going what fucking century am i living in and i'll tell you which century you're living in uh 300 a.d because that's where the Greek church is. Has an additive thing or a subtracted thing. Are you kidding me, dog?

You got to write some new fucking material. You ever go to a black church? You don't even, I would love to do a reality show where you take a Christopher Hitchens or Ricky Gervais level atheist and make them sit through a church of God in Christ ceremony and see if those motherfuckers don't tap their foot at least once. Tap their foot and feel the Holy Ghost for at least 14 seconds.

Because let me tell you something, my old college roommate, his father, obviously he was black, his father was a pastor in the church of god in christ his grandfather was a uh deacon or a bishop i'm sorry bishop in the church so i went there once i think it was for his grandfather's funeral if i remember correctly we went to the church and dude they have a full band with drums when you add the drum i mean let's just be honest the black church is the minor leagues for r&B singers. That's right.

You know what I mean? You're never going to hear about a Catholic deacon putting out an R&B album. I mean, you know, or a Greek Orthodox priest going, because they all sound like they got a stuffy nose and a sinus infection. That dude can't put out an R&B album. That's not sexy. You can't pipe down a girl going, Your girl wants some. When the Lord Jesus Christ said unto thee come down and then it just doesn't sound right when they translate it to english like did you come to my wedding were

you there for the ceremony you missed it the ceremony when they change it to english from that old intonation of the ancient greek hymning it just sounds stupid it go like and then jesus came down from the staircase and said to the people that the people will be here tomorrow, but tomorrow never came because he was gone. It's like, yo, dog, you're way off tune. I don't know who you're trying to make happy, but it's not working. It's a church and God in Christ. Yeah, I would challenge any atheist to sit through a church of God in Christ ceremony and not at least feel the Holy Spirit for five seconds. I don't know if God exists, but in the Church of God in Christ, they fucking create him. I'll tell you that right now. Sounds like a country song. Comment roulette is in effect.

If you don't know, while I record this, I am live to Instagram. So there are people watching live as we record this podcast. And comment roulette is when I look down and read whatever comment is there, good, bad, ugly, funny, whatever it is. These people are commenting all the time and the chance that I will look down

and read their comment like I just did now. We love the green screen. So there it is. You know, we were gonna try to figure out whether we were gonna do green screen or we were gonna do a set. But the people are loving the green screen. So there it is. You know, we were going to try to figure out whether we were going to do green screen or we were going to do a set. But the people are loving the green screen. Sit through an a la assembly.

Okay, so that's where you go with the comment roulette. And it's just what happens. I'm a cuck. Okay, we got a lot of people watching right now. And it's what it is. Let's get down to business. I will be in Dallas, Texas at the Addison Improv, April 1 through 3.

Get your tickets on my website, yannispappascomedy.com or Google it. I mean, again, I mean, if you need tickets, you'll find them. Addison Improv, I guess that's outside of Dallas, April 1 through 3. Then I am doing a show at the Celebrity Theater in New Jersey. So that's in May. Get your tickets on my website, yannispapascomedy.com. Celebrity Theater, Atlantic City, New Jersey. Get Joe tickets right now, yannispapascomedy.com, Jersey area. We're going to have fun at the Celebrity Theater.

Two shows. Come on out. Stand-up gonna have fun at the Celebrity Theory Theater. Two shows. Come on out. Stand-up comedy's back. I'm on the road. I'm doing a swing, doing some West Coast podcasts. Very excited to get the word out about Long Days. Glad to have you. And guess what, guys?

We got some small business sponsors already going. Always support small business, especially right now after covid you got to support okay go down to your local sex shop store buy some fucking ky jelly even if you don't use it with your wife jerk off with it you know what i mean just to support the store go buy a slice not from dominoes you animal if you live in the new york city area and you ever order Papa John's or Domino's the police should come to your house it should be tapped directly to the fucking Suffolk County or the fucking NYPD or the West Chester County police who are sitting there doing nothing waiting for someone to hit a deer all

right if you're in northern West Chester or one of those rich areas like Bedford or some shit I know they're doing nothing except watching fucking you know know, oh, you hit a deer and that's it. You know what they should be doing? Arresting anyone who orders Papa John's pizza in the New York area. That is a crime and you should go to prison. You do not deserve to live in society. If in New York, if you fucking get an Einstein bagel, you should be thrown up against the wall and sexually harassed by the NYPD. I don't want to bring up sexual harassment because it's triggering to Deshaun Jackson right now.

I'm sorry to, I'm mixing up my, Watson. Deshaun Watson, right? Watson. Deshaun Watson, right? I'm just agreeing with you. Yeah, it's Watson. Drew is scared to talk Because the fans Ripped him up in the comments

But that's just how it goes Drew You were fucking You came in on On a cappuccino And you were ready to go Well I gave that Bill Burr Thing

To end the show with And that was good Drew's been crushing For the long days party Those clips Drew does all the clips Follow Drew Drew underscore

Films Drew is the man But it's Deshaun Watson right the long day's party those clips drew does all the clips follow drew drew underscore films drew is the man um but it's deshaun watson right he's got 16 he's got 16 yanni is new york really a shit show as a result of corona no it's great everything's open people are partying in the streets what are you talking about of course it's a fucking shit show. There's people walking around naked with machetes. Okay? I had to fend off three zombies just to get here. Okay? Bill de Blasio is raining fucking red sickles onto the people.

Instead of rain, it's just communist sickles that are raining down. All right, brother? New York is under siege by a bunch of red commies led by the big commie himself, stretched out Fidel Castro. His name is Bill de Blasio, brother. He lives in City Hall and his whole family is like the Saddam Hussein family raining down communism on New York, brother. You cannot have a liberal mayor in New York. I don't care if you're the most liberal person in the goddamn world, brother. Even liberals know that. That's why they voted in Giuliani twice before he went crazy, brother. That is the best mayor you can have.

I'll switch to fucking Sean Terry since I'm fucking talking about New York. I mean, what the fuck does that guy, what the fuck does that fucking rattlesnake chaser fucking know about New York, all right? Here's the fucking deal about my fucking city. This is Sean Terry Ladd of 14. All right? I'm a fucking firefighter. The thing that I know about this fucking city

that even liberals know is in New York, you have to have a fucking conservative mayor. This is a fucking business town. This town didn't get fucking big on hippies like San Francisco. All right? We don't got fucking tech geeks

walking around in campus shoes with fucking bags drinking fucking boutique coffee. We drink fucking Sanka here. We fucking drink Sanka. Your grandmother gets a fucking pot of Sanka and pours it out. Everyone's father here

is a fucking firefighter. Every single fucking person born in New York has a firefighter who's a father literally yeah we're fucking we're fucking yeah i got fucking pete davidson's life story working for me now we're fucking firefighters here everybody fucking who works in new york has a fucking we gotta and we gotta a fucking Johnny Pump is our fucking son. He's a fire hydrant. We grew up swimming in a fucking fire hydrant.

We don't go to fucking pools. We fucking swim in fire hydrants. So here's the deal. The perfect fucking man in New York is a guy right before he goes crazy. You want to get the guy who's fucking put a heat. All right, look, he fucking put the mafia behind That's not my business I'm not talking The mafia did a lot of good things for the fucking neighborhood

Nobody was fucking running around stealing things There weren't fucking Chinese carrying bags And fucking empty bottles I'll tell you that right now Fucking God he was around Fucking Benzahurst you didn't see fucking old Chinese With a fucking bag With a fucking stick and holding two fucking bags Like it's a fucking recycled like it's a fucking recycled dumbbell.

She got a fucking recycled dumbbell. She got a stick. I could fucking do deadlifts with the fucking thing. I saw her walking the other day and said, hey, baby, how much do you fucking squat? She said, 500 empty bottles. She said, 500 fucking Poland Spring,

250 in each bag. So I tell you The mafia You didn't see any of that around So they did some fucking good things also But you know Giuliani You gotta get a guy who's a money guy Republican guy

Free market guy Right before he goes crazy That fucking little slither Is good from New York Because New York's a tough fucking crazy town So he caught Giuliani right before Fucking he went really crazy Now he's just

fun I mean the guy's fucking he's sweating his hair out you saw that his fucking hair was falling down his fucking hair's liquid I mean the guy's fucking hair is liquid I don't know if he's made out of wax and they reanimated him but the fucking guy's melting now so yeah to answer your question uh New York is a little bit of a shit show, but New York will come back. Yeah, there you go. There's Giuliani melting. He's just melting. I mean, yeah.

I mean, he's more fun now. Let's put it that way. I mean, the guy put the entire mafia behind bars. I mean, talk about how many times do you think the word stool pigeon and Giuliani was said with two hands like this? How many times? I like it times because they pray outwards. They move the pray outwards they move the

pray hands they move them towards you even the pray hands is aggressive towards you it's like this fucking and they're it's funny because they're talking to jesus but they're going i swear to god that whenever you see an italian go like this he is praying but he's praying about something violent he's gonna it's a sin because funny he goes i and it always starts when i swear to fucking god and if i see if i see that fucking kid i'm gonna kill it always starts when i swear to fucking god and if i if i see that fucking kid i'm gonna kill him you never hear i swear to god thank you this you only see this i'm praying to you know this is to the i'm talking to saint saint paul today i just want to say for my mother thank you for her lasagna on sunday i just so when you see italian go hands up that means he's

very thankful for something and the only thing he's thankful for is that his mom's basement is renovated and that the sauce is good and available on Sunday And that Ma's still alive and her hands still smell like garlic Because part of the secret of the sauce Is that the hands are never washed And they smell like garlic, right Jesse? You're fucking half Italian, half Jew, right? Grandma's hands, you cannot let her wash your hands

If you see your grandmother Go for the fucking sink To put soap on him You go ma leave those fucking hands alone I'm an Italian kid You know there was a lot of Italian kids during Corona When they were watching the CDC talk Or Fauci that little pipsqueak fucking doomsday munchkin

They saw him talk and say everybody social distance and wash your hands There was a bunch of Italian kids going fuck you You stay away from my grandmother She's not washing her fucking hands They saw him talk and say, everybody social distance and wash your hands. There was a bunch of Italian kids going, fuck you. You stay away from my grandmother. She's not washing her fucking hands. I don't care how much Corona's out there. That hands is a special ingredient to the fucking Sunday sauce. The gravy that my fucking mother,

my fucking mother makes the best fucking sauce. Are you kidding me? Fucking giants, mother sauce. The hands are important. They smell like garlic. Don't let no fucking antibacterial get on my fucking grandmother's hands or I'll fucking go around

and start killing people. That was half Sean Terry, half Italian. Because the Irish is more fucking, the Irish kind of come a little more mumbly. And the Italians come a little harder. But if you ever see a guy praying like this, Italian, he's praying to kill someone. You're never gonna see someone going like this and go,

I swear to God, those are the best lasagnas you could ever have. No, he's going, I swear to God, if I catch that guy with my sister again, and you know what I'm talking about, you know who's, I'm fucking blowing up the whole neighborhood get them out of my neighborhood italians want everyone out of their neighborhood at all times i bet you if the aliens showed up in an italian neighborhoods they would go get the fuck and start shooting at the ufo they take baseball bats they come out wife beaters

and baseball get the fuck out of my neighborhood. Go fucking fly over there. You're not going to fucking hover around my fucking neighborhood. You trying to talk to my sister? I mean, Italians, I mean, does anyone want to get people out of their neighborhood more? I guarantee you, even the delivery guys who have to deliver in like Bensonhurst, where there's still Italian hubs, I bet you even the delivery guys who go have to deliver in like Bensonhurst

where there's still Italian hubs I bet you even the Amazon guys are like Jesus I gotta get out of my neighborhood 50's

I'm delivering this package to your house leave it over there leave it at the fucking edge you leave it right there fucking sheep's head bay and I'll fucking

drive to get it get the fuck out of my neighborhood fucking Amazon did you see when the black lives matter kids went into uh daika heights the video that oh yeah they came out with bats and shit like that yeah yeah you can't there's certain neighborhoods like howard beach you can't really even try to protest against i mean the the counter protest will just it will be ugly it's

just a bunch of guys i mean italian kids love bats don't they love bats come see you in a different way they come see in a different way with a bat how come fuck is seeing a different way get the fuck out of my neighborhood so deshaun watson right did you pull that up he had he has 16 16 sweet 16 I think it's up to 16. Deshaun Watson, he's been accused of sexual assault. Two days ago? God damn it. Wait, two days ago?

14, right? Yeah, the loss of 14, dude. Ready or not, two days ago? That's like a whole cheerleader squad. No, it gets better. Two days ago, 14. One day ago, 16. Yeah, it's like every day it's going up.

Dude, Deshaun Watson's cases are like the corona spike in Miami. It's just going up, dude. I mean, Deshaun Watson's is like fucking Tesla stock right now. If you were to get in on how much Deshaun Watson, how much money he's going to lose in this lawsuit, you want to get in now. And whoever was in early, God bless you you because you're going to make a lot of money because to show i mean here's the deal at what how many how many allegations

would you guys say is where you like 100 believe that it happened i know the press goes about two or three harvey winston harvey winston's probably got thousands i mean you know jesus christ but i would say because you know i know like the press nowadays and cancel culture they'll go two or three it's like two or three if you get one they wait and then if they get any even if it's like the most tangential like even the brian callan he had one he had that one girl who said like she was like auditioning for a role

in his thing and they definitely had sex or something but she said he like forced her and then so that was one and then

they were probably sitting on that until they found like that one girl who was like he came in to try on clothes and then like he tried to say something

to me in the dressing room or something or he pushed up on me in the dressing room and some other girl was like he was rude to me or whatever so they just wait for anything else like this was he rude to you okay that's three well that's what makes the woody thing interesting

because it's just one just one yeah well two if you if you include his wife what about uh what about his current wife what about aziz he just had one bad date and oh dude aziz was laughable the only aziz the crazy thing about aziz was like that was like he should sue for that going like i don't want people knowing that i like to fish hook girls i mean don't get me wrong i'm happy that i have that information because is there anything funnier than thinking about a squeak that looks like aziz trying to fish hook from while he's going from behind i mean mean, but I should know that, and his parents should know that.

His parents were already disappointed enough that he became a comedian and not a doctor. Because when you're South Asian, you tell your parents, hey, mom, hey, dad, I'm going to be a comedian. They pretty much are going like, I'm not going to do the accent. I'm not going to do the fucking accent.

I'm pretty self-admitted. Indian immigrants don't sound like that. If you go into a motel, Indians have not dominated the motel industry. They have not dominated some of the 7-Eleven industry across the country. They have not dominated some of the bodegas in America. I will not fucking say that. I will not, okay? If you immigrate from India and you come to America, you sound just like this. No accent. So I won't do the accent. But if you tell your parents who fucking came here,

who escaped, who escaped Pakistani Mujahideen and escaped a caste system, okay, I'm sorry. I'm putting myself on notice. I'm doing stereotypes. Whip myself, whip myself, whip myself. I apologize. There's no longer a caste system there,

although there is. Nobody talks about it. It's a de facto caste system. It's fucking one of the most backward shits I've ever heard. But you can't say that. You can't say that because the people have,

their skin tone is a little darker than mine, so I can't tell the truth about their caste system and how it's still there even though they say it's not. I can't say that. I can't say that. I can't say that there's sort of like and how it's still there, even though they say it's not. I can't say that, can't say that. Can't say that there's sort of like an unaccountable rape culture going on there.

Can't say that, can't say that, even though there's a lot of South Asian people who report on that themselves, and I read it and I'm just hearing it from them. I can't say it, I'm a bad person. I am suffering from white supremacy, which we will get to. We will get to that.

But yeah, if you tell your Indian parents that you're going to become a comedian after they worked so hard to get here, started a business, that's not what they want to hear. South Asians are hardworking doctors, engineers. They crush it. They come here to crush. They don't come here to go, I'm going to fucking, I'm going to go stand on a wood plank

and tell people about my day. So, you know, that was, when Aziz's parents saw that article, that was the second most disappointing thing they found out about their son. The first being that he became a standup comedian. That is a fucking disgrace. Well, you know, all his brothers and sisters.

I don't know if he has them. They're all doctors. I guarantee you I've been to a dermatologist who was related to him. These are compliments. Okay, that's a compliment. Can we talk anymore? Can we just fucking talk?

Or can I not talk because I am a white supremacist? Yanni whipping himself like the dude in Da Vinci code. I've never seen Da Vinci code, but I assume Tom Hanks whips himself. Some other guy whips himself. Okay. Tom Hanks was patient zero for Corona. Do you remember?

He was like one of the original, you know, people with Corona that anyone cared about. Anyway, I'm sure there was about 5,000 people who you know in mississippi in the bronx but like that doesn't make the news until tom hanks has until tom hanks has a 99.7 fever and then the news has to show up which of your characters do you like portraying the most or lets you go off the rails as much as you want maurica but it's kind of like in today's world,

is it illegal? I don't know. Am I going to go to jail for doing that now? But I do do it on patreon.com slash yannilongdays. Maurisa, Mr. Panos, those are weekly check-ins from those characters and I will only do them now from now on. No more of this bullshit.

You want to support me? You want to support comedy? Plus you get a bonus weekly episode every week, squeaky clean. Ask the people how great it is where I'm fucking butt naked in a bathtub and I do my bonus episode because that's what I want to do.

That's where my studio is. Squeaky clean. Every Wednesday is a bonus episode. So if you love Yanni Long Days and you're hungry for another episode, tune in to patreon.com slash yanni long days and get yourself your second episode on wednesday and all the character piece check-ins right now justin trager is killing it over there the first justin trager

video and people are loving it it's only exclusively available right now at patreon.com slash yanni long days he is the 45 year old tiktok star ask him for nuts or this week do they want a sean terry or luke saint simon yeah do you want luke saint simon sean terry whatever you want uh you know just who knows what's gonna happen you know who knows i i do enjoy i do enjoy derrick he's fun because yeah i mean the guys he's just a it's fun to just try to think like a guy who's just could drop at any minute from a crystal meth overdose, which is basically our country right now. Our country is basically could drop any minute of an overdose.

So yeah, white supremacy is what I want to talk about today because it's everywhere. White supremacy is, everything is getting blamed on white supremacy. Even if you're on Twitter, by the way, Twitter is just like the best place. Because you know what's funny? This is what I wanted to talk about.

Is this guy, there was two mass shootings back to back. I don't even pay attention to mass shootings anymore. How wild is that? That's like when Michael Jordan was playing or Kevin Durant or LeBron, but more so like LeBron or Kevin Durant or even Steph Curry and the amount of threes he's hit. There comes a point

where you just stop paying attention to his stats because you know his stats are gonna be at least four threes made or with Michael Jordan at least 28 points. You don't check in anymore. You just assume that Michael Jordan's going to give you 28 or Kevin Durant's going to give you 26 to 28 or Steph's going to give you three to five trays.

You just assume so you don't check. That's how I feel about mass shootings. When I heard there was a mass shooting, I just rolled over and went back to bed. I mean, it's just another day in the fucking land we call red, white, and blue. I mean, if you go to America, okay, there's just a chance you're going to get bucked. I mean, when you go to the supermarket, dog, you just don't know, you know, which aisles are safe or not.

Okay. Can we, can we at least designate certain aisles, if we're not going to like take any precautionary measures whatsoever, and if you say anything like that, the right, I mean, do they go crazy, I mean, don't even touch it, don't even touch it, brother, okay, when it comes, okay, if I need to get that medication, I want it behind it, I want it behind a counter, with a guy with a lab coat, and a prescription from a doctor, but if I as so need to show an ID to buy a tank, if I as so much need to show my ID and have a mental health check to buy a fighter jet, you're infringing on my freedom and my second amendment, brother. It is my right to own my own militia at any time that I want.

to own my own militia at any time that I want. I mean, if we could just find a way to have some uniform kind of like, to just make it like, okay, you know, we know who has the AR-15s. Like, you know, you can track my Tesla, but you can't track the sales of these things. I mean, what did he have? He had like one of those semi-automatic joints.

If you're plucking off 10, 20 people at a time, you shouldn't be able to do that. You should be able to get like one or two before somebody can tackle you. We need a pregnant substitute teacher

to be able to at least have a chance while you're plucking somebody else to jump on your back. Okay? And I know when you say this, the fucking righteous

starts calling you a cock and Antifa's gonna fuck you in your ass and you're gonna wake up and there's gonna be 15 people and I know when you say this, the fucking righteous starts calling you a cock, and Antifa's gonna fuck you in your ass, and you're gonna wake up, and there's gonna be 15 people crawling on your back, and USSR's gonna get back together and invade your living room. It's like, that's the thing, dude. There comes a certain, here should be the law.

The law should be, if you have enough artillery that would be able to put up a substantial defense against Russia if they invaded your living room, that may be a little too much. If you were able to maybe hold off Russia for 10 minutes, that may be a little too much for a private civilian to have unaccounted for. I am pro-gun. I'm pro-Second Amendment, but I'm also pro-gun control. In the same way, I'm pro-speech, but you can't walk up to me and say,

you know, there's a murder over there. Go jump in the water, you know? And then I jump in the water and there was no murder in there. See, it's called Oliver Wendell Holmes in the Supreme Court said, that's the limit of free speech. You can't yell fire in a crowded movie theater. It has to be regulated. You know what I'm saying?

Like you can't just say whatever. You can't go up to an old lady and tell her she's fat and ugly if she's fat and ugly. That's rude. That's rude. You should be in prison for that. But you know, you can't,

I understand though. Here's the, you can't, I understand though, here's the thing is you kind of understand where the right comes from on this issue because of how the left acts when it comes to anything. Because once you give the left like an inch, they keep going. They're like, okay, we want that. You know, you see the lift. They're like ban guns, ban all guns, ban toy guns, ban real guns, ban all guns ban toy guns ban real guns ban hands ban feet ban mma ban boxing ban violence ban men ban dicks testosterone end it inject hormones that are estrogen into men. Ban men. Ban people. De-platform. De-bonk. De-value. De-bowl.

De-person. Okay? Money. Give it. Equal. We want equal this. Equal that. Give it to me.

Equal. Give me fucking equal. Take it away. He's got too much. Okay? Do you understand? So they just always, they keep going. They keep going.

Okay? You can't say this. Then the next thing you know, you can't say that. You can't say that. You can't say this. So I kind of understand why they would be trepidatious when it comes to coming to the negotiation table about some sort of uniform gun control without loopholes these gun show loopholes and all this shit because they're

afraid the left's just going to keep taking your guns and that's a legitimate fear hey you don't want the government having all the power it's nice to have a little balance and it's also nice to be able to defend your home okay like i've said many times i own a gun so don't fucking come after me right okay because you know that's not your style anyway that's become more of a left thing recently and we'll talk about that as well you fuck um you know but yeah i'm not sure i'm not sure you need that to defend your home i don't but you know If you're sane enough and you're like Skilled enough you should have it Why shouldn't you have an AR-15 or whatever

If you're Ted Kennedy fuck yeah I don't mind what you have But I shouldn't be able to have it I want these two Drew should definitely not be able to have it If you walk into my house and I can see your full ass And underwear and you got unlaced Yeezys on

you should not be allowed to have an ar-15 okay you wouldn't even be able to run to the crime scene because your pants would fall down i did uh skip a hole in the belt today you'd skip the hole in the belt and you're you are not prepared for if anything goes down bro you're the me and jesse are out of here people that wear stuff like this have guns exactly yeah people who dress like that usually shoot this way um so it's a thing it's a thing nobody wants to talk about because everyone's scared about the extremes are carrying the day as always if you look back at the way it used to be, go do your research. Ronald Reagan, all these people believed in gun control.

Even the original founding member of the NRA believed in gun control. Yes, the NRA is also a lobby group that's powerful and propagates and buys politicians, of course. But it's an indication of how the fringe elements of both sides have taken over the party, have taken over the conversation via digital media. Because it used to be that you would have these conversations

and there would be these sort of nuanced negotiations and gray zone compromises. But those don't exist anymore because somehow the pop mentality and the spokesmouth for the left and right's positions has been taken over by the craziest person on the subway car. And everyone's just sitting there quietly.

It's like when you're in a subway car and someone starts screaming, nobody wants to say anything to that person. Everyone just sits there passively because they just want to get to their destination. They're normal people. But what you have to do now, normal people, is all stand up at the same time and beat that fucking crazy person to a pulp and kick him off the train or else we lose our country. Okay. And I'm talking to both sides. Used to be a day where you can be a Democrat and Republican. It wasn't't a big deal how many people grew up in households where one parent was a democrat one was a republican it happened all the time you'd be at parties and you know there was sometimes

republicans would hire democrats in their administration you know you know now it's like a totally different thing I mean now the Biden administration wants their uh they have to just they're just trying to do one thing and that is to make sure that their cabinet looks like a community college pamphlet it's like everyone's got to be represented and it's going to continue that the next four years is going to get even more specific they're like we need someone 10 filipino 15 tie 27 south asian 37 lesbian 15 buy i don't 27% South Asian, 37% lesbian, 15% bi. I don't even know how that's possible, but we need to achieve it. We need 3% trans and 0% white.

Franks and beans, of course. And his name is Andrew Yannaps and I'm sure his profile pic is him with a gun in his mouth, you know? It's like, you can't talk about guns without people getting being like yanni's a cock guy yanni doesn't yanni doesn't want a 14 year old walking around with 14 grenades and an ar-15 he's a cock now on the flip side as soon as the second shooting happened

right first of all the first shooting i mean people on Twitter couldn't say white supremacy quick enough. I mean, as soon as we found out that like, what was it? Six out of the eight Asians, six out of the eight people he killed were Asian. It was like, it's gotta be, gotta be Asian hate. And they just tied it to all the other unfortunate incidents of Asian bullying and hate that's going on, which is real because of the coronavirus. A lot of which by the way, is not white people doing it. Some of it is white. Some of it is like, there's been some African-American suspects

who, one of my favorite people on Twitter, I think his name is Tazeese. Can you pull it up, Tazeese? Or just go to my retweet. I retweeted it. He's one of my favorites because he's hardcore. And he's called one of the guys who was caught doing some, you know,

Asian hate crime on the street. They called him a crisis actor. So apparently now crisis actors are available for the left and right. And I'm wondering if these crisis actors sometimes work left-wing causes and right-wing cause. For example, could one day a crisis actor be working at a school shooting, pretending to be the parent of a dead child. And then the next day he's pretending to push over a Chinese man on the street. I mean, which pays better? How do you audition? And is it off the books? I mean, have we lost our mind? I mean, so this kid, he's got like a couple hundred thousand followers. So his name is Tariq Nasheed. He's great.

If you look, enjoy the end of an empire. It's to be enjoyed. You can't stop it. The forces are in motion. We're at the beginning of the end. This is when Rome was crumbling. When Rome was crumbling, Nero was fucking horses and marrying himself we're almost there but we're right before that and that will be fun too it's just things are

going to burn so it'll be a little more uncomfortable but right now is the real comedy so tarik says the crisis actor accused of attacking an asian man on a new york train in front of the blue lives matter advocate who witnessed it is the same crisis actor used in a propaganda story last month involving Andrew Yang, where Yang had to intervene after the man, quote unquote, pushed a photographer. How does he know this? Because the two men are wearing the same hat. I mean, he shows one picture of the guy talking to Yang from the back and he's got a hat on it. And he shows another picture of the guy apparently after he pushed the photographer and he's wearing a hat. Now, is this racist? Because he's basically saying these guys look alike because of their hat.

I don't think that's the same hat. But he's black, so he can't. But I mean, maybe they are crisis actors dude i don't know i don't know where these crisis actors do they look where do they look in back pages for their work who who's hiring these guys and how much do they get to be actors and how come nobody's calling them on their bullshit because here's the thing here's the thing guys listen to me if you a crisis actor, you're obviously not a great actor, right? Because that's probably, if there is crisis actors, that's probably like the open mic scene of actors because the real actors are like doing real jobs, right?

They're working on real shows or whatever. Nobody's watching those shows, but at least they're on them. Now, the crisis actors are doing this real world shit so my question is how come nobody's been able to sniff them out on the scene because their acting skills probably suck like he probably went up to andrew yang and said hey man he's trying to remember his lines. He's going, hey, man. Come on. Come on, man. What the fuck was my line again?

Yo, Andrew Yang, I just wanted to apologize to you. What the fuck was my line? Or when the dude, when he pushed the Asian guy in the train, he's like, maybe he pushes the wrong guy. I mean, they're probably not the brightest actors. If they're, you know know like during a school shooting if they're like hey when they start crying they probably do it bad like i miss my son he's like smiling the whole time i miss my son you know he was killed we gotta ban all guns and then he starts giggling Can't wait to get paid for this. I miss my son so much.

It's so horrible that they did this. Is there, am I, is this in cash? I'm sure it's off the books. So that was a good one. So when that happened, the first one, the first shooting, and the guy was, the guy was like getting constant handies, right? So we don't know if it was a hate crime. It could be.

I'm saying it could be a hate crime. I guess they got to investigate it. But he did kill two whiteys, right? Two white kids got killed as well with those six Asians. Let me tell you, let me ask you a question. Who does the media care less about? Those two white people who were killed with those six Asians or the guy who was in the car with Paul Walker when he died.

I bet you a lot of people didn't even know there was a guy in the car with Paul Walker. That's how the media does it. They run with the narrative before there's a chance for the data to be out because the story is better that way. Whatever makes the story more popular and readable, they go with. They don't go like, hey, Paul Walker and his friend, let me tell you about his friend as well. Don't know when you think it's Paul Walker. It's like Paul Walker. Oh, and there was another guy in there. It's always like an afterthought. Paul Walker plus one. I bet you even when they go to heaven, Paul Walker's going to show up and be like, dude, this is my plus one. According to

the Daily News, this is my plus one. I know this is rough for some people. This is Yanni's comedy. And this is why it's on the internet. Was that bad? Are we going to have to edit it out? No, it's the truth. Now, I'm not saying that he wasn't a white supremacist. I'm not saying it. But the definition of what white supremacy is has become so wide. I question myself sometimes if I, if I start watching a show that has a majority white cast, am I like, am I a white supremacist? Sometimes if I look in the mirror and I say, damn, Yanni, you're having a pretty good hair day. I go, is that white supremacy? I just don't know anymore. When I look down at my dick and it's, and dick and it's a pretty good angle and it looks mediocre, I go, damn, I'm pretty impressed by my piece today.

Is that white supremacy? Is me appreciating when I do a good episode of Long Days? Is that being a white supremacist? I don't know. I have to check with Robin DeAngelis, a white woman who's an expert on white supremacy and how to beat it and white fragility because it is fucking fragile being a honka-donk. She is right. She should have started her book, White Fragility, with it is tough being white if you don't have sunscreen. That is pretty white. I mean, it is pretty fragile. It is fragile being white if you don't have sunscreen. That is pretty white. I mean, it is pretty fragile.

It is fragile being white if you're at the beach. It is fragile being white if you're from Northern Europe on a hot day. It is fragile. So they jumped to it. Right away, the media was just like, it's a hate crime. And I even saw people tweeting like, we don't need to know his reason.

You know, we know it was we know it was asian hate asian hate is always around blah blah blah and then all these articles basically now journalists are just basically there's no difference between an article and a facebook post you read some of these articles you're like dude this could have just been some guy's fake book post it's all opinion it's not based on any facts it is what it is and again i'm not saying this guy didn't target asian people because they were asian i don't know maybe he did maybe he targeted him because they were worked at the salons he did kill maybe he killed the two other whiteys to cover the fact that he was doing a hate crime i don't know but he did kill two honkies as well that nobody cares about in the narrative then you had the what was it another

mass shooting like a day later or whatever whatever it was i'm not paying attention anymore like i said it's like how many threes did fucking stefan murray you know stefan curry hit so then the next guy kills and right away if you were on twitter i'm just guys i just report what i see i'm just reporting back to what you see don Don't get mad at me. I didn't do the shooting. And I'm also not a white supremacist. Although sometimes they question it. Okay? Sometimes they question it when I put pants on.

I'm like, is pants, is this a European invention? How you said Stefan Curry? Stefan. Yeah, I'm an idiot. I mixed up Stefan Marbury and Stefan Curry. I'm putting myself on notice. I just said all black guys look alike. They're both like skin.

I'm putting myself on notice. I'm putting myself on notice. I'm sorry. One Stefan, one Stefan. I'm sorry. And I am on fucking notice. So then the, it's a long day today.

Oh yeah. So then the next shooting happened and it was right away on Twitter. It was like, they were going white guy, white guy, white guy. It was like, there's a white supremacy, white supremacy again. And then it turned out the kid was, he was Muslim, right?

He was a Muslim and he killed all white people. Yeah, can you look that up? Make sure or else we'll edit this out. No, it was a Muslim kid. The shooting at the supermarket in Colorado, it was a Muslim kid. They're shooting at the supermarket in Colorado. It was a Muslim kid. Yeah, and his Facebook post talking about Islamophobia and people hating Muslims and all that stuff,

I think I remember, right? Yeah, what was his name? If his name sounds like you could have read it on the back of a taxi, there's a good chance he's a Muslim kid. Then there was a debate if he's white or not. You see any of that? Yeah.

Is he white? I mean, according to me, he's white. If your hair moves when the wind blows, you're white. I don't care how dark your skin is. And I'm talking to you too, Indians. And I don't mean Indians like Native Americans. So what's his name though? I'm looking for it here.

I just want to hear you guys try to pronounce it. Yeah, especially me. Tariq Chabalhamo. So he turned out being a Muslim guy. And then a few people I saw retracted and said, I assumed it was because they do so much. I was wrong. He wasn't.

But there is no calls for the media on this one going, oh, my God. And then there was the, you know, where the Muslim guy shot up that gay club. What is his name? All right. Oh, yeah. That could definitely be on the back of a taxi cab. Hold on a sec. Let me just say this real quick.

Can you, excuse me, sir, can you mind slowing it down? I am late for the flight, but I'd like to live to get there. Is that recessed or accurate? I mean, if you live in New York, obviously there's a lot of South Asian cab drivers. Okay. That's the thing when, you know, I, I, I've had a lot of black friends and I, they've even laughed at this when they, I say, they say it's hard to catch a cab. And I say, I know it is hard to catch a cab if you're black. That is true. I've witnessed it. It does seem racist.

But I don't know if that's something you can blame on white people. When's the last time you saw a white taxi driver? I never have. Yeah, I never have. I'll tell you what. It was 1973. It was a movie directed by Martin Scorsese. They don't exist.

Have you ever gotten to a cab and a guy was like, what's up, dude? Yeah, you like Dave Matthews? Fuck yeah, you like Dave Matthews, bro. Where you fucking going, dude? Yeah, man. Fuck, dude. Have you heard the new Megadeth fucking touring again? Fuck yeah, dude.

You want a bowl? You want to smoke a fucking bowl, dude? So it is true because black dudes do get discriminated against for sure when they try to get a cab, but that's something they have to take up with the South Asian community. Cause that's mostly who's driving. At least in New York. So his name is Ahmad Al-Aliwi Alisa.

Just Alessa. Alessa. I mean, his last name sounds like a white girl. Yeah. Alessa starts out really Middle his last name sounds like a white girl yeah Alessa starts out really Middle Eastern

and ends like Yas Ahmad Al Aloui Alissa five what fifty

wow so Ahmad turned out to be Muslim and he killed ten people they were all

white and and then um so that this one is being attributed to mental illness I believe this killing is mental illness we wouldn't nobody's going after he targeted we don't need to know just because everyone was a certain race and his Facebook posts were saying bad things now this is the point I wanted to get yeah this one's just they're they're looking into mental illness. I listened to ABC News this morning.

Mental illness is the cause of this one. And the other one, the cause is white supremacy. Because the media now creates the narrative to feed in to people's fears. And to sell their fucking shit journalism. And it makes me very fucking angry. It's very infuriating. It's not based on data. It's not based on thorough investigation. It's not patient. It's not waiting for the facts to come out. It's like, let's fucking run with the story. Fuck the backtracking. We're not accountable. It's the wild west. We're selling ads. There's no subscription based media anymore. So let's fucking run with it. What sells better? What gets more eyeballs? Okay. PBS style objective reporting. 60 minute style objective reporting.

Reporting what the New York Times used to be when you paid for it, right? What the economist used to be when you paid for it, what the New Yorker used to be when you paid for it, or some fucking wild emotion that tugs at your heartstrings. People who are in the advertising business know you try to tug at your heartstrings. That's when you're watching a fucking Budweiser commercial. There's a fucking dog prancing next to a fucking horse and there's jingle bells happening. There's snow all around and someone's drinking a hot cup of cocoa

snuggled up next to their lover with a blanket in a fireplace and a baby comes and goes, Daddy, I love you. And then it goes, drink Budweiser. Because they're trying to tug at your heartstrings. It's the same thing when you watch a fucking article and they go, this is a hate crime,

white supremacy, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You're going, let me fucking click on that and see who I'm hating today. They're tugging on your emotional heartstrings, creating fiction because it's just fiction sells better than nonfiction. What book do you want to read? The notebook or an autobiography of Abraham Lincoln? Which one are you going to pay for? Turkey, why wouldn't they just call it pork? It tastes better.

I don't know what you're talking about. Whitney Cummings, I work Target, but like you more, I assume that means Whitney Cummings was in here for three seconds and then realized there was, you know, nobody big in the industry was here and she left quick. I'm just kidding. LA is back.

Comedy's back. Come do some shows for the city. LA is not back. LA is not back. But it will be. It'll be back when I get there and I'm coming there real soon. The Greek vaccine has lemon.

But it will be. It'll be back when I get there and I'm coming there real soon. The Greek vaccine has lemon. So I know even talking about these things is a hot button issue. I know I'm giving fodder to those people who want to take things out of context. But what I'm trying to say here is

at the end of the day, the irony of this whole thing is both of these mass shooters were probably radicalized through the type of conversation that jumped into the forefront on digital media right after they committed those mass murders. In other words, they were products of that rancorous dialogue. They are products of that. So when you guys start screaming at each other, you're Islamophobic, you're racist, you're white supremacist, you're oppressing me, I'm oppressing you. You are creating an environment that radicalizes and that attracts crazy people. There is an element of sociopathy or psychopathy or severe antisocial behavior or extreme trauma in an individual's life. And usually a combination of at least two of those things

that creates someone who would do something like that. And your completely cankerous, emotional, angry conversation that happens on Twitter yelling at each other is what nurtures these fucking animals. So don't be surprised when the next one happens because you are part of what creates those monsters. So if you want to know, like, why is this becoming an epidemic in this country? Is it access to guns? Maybe a little little is it a lack of background checks for mentally maybe a little there's a lot of factors there's never really a one-pronged cause when

something is so complicated but probably one of the biggest causes is how cantankerous is that even a word cantankerous let's just see if i if Cantankerous. Let's just see if I, if I just, if I batted above my level right there, how horrific the dialogue has gotten and how angry it has gotten and how extreme it's got. Yeah. Cantankerous. I nailed it. Yeah. I'm a smart kid. I'm a smart kid. My, uh, my parents My parents' education didn't go to waste. By the way, speaking of education, I think it's Oregon is being, Oregon or Oregon State is being sued by families of students because they want some of their money back from the tuition because the kids were not on campus so they believe a lot of that money for tuition that goes to campus activities or whatever you know in-person expenses should be refunded because the kids were mostly online and oregon i believe it is if you can double check um yeah oregon state university oregon state university is defending themselves vigorously saying that not only do we have those

same expenses but we our expenses increased because of the digital capability we needed to incorporate into our learning we needed additional technology to be able to do these things virtually here's the deal you should be suing the university for convincing you that your kids should be going there here is the deal make no mistake about it if you are not majoring in pre-med stem coding computer science or any of the sciences, I said that would stem, didn't I? Then don't go to college. Okay? Tell your parents to give you that five to 50 or 100 whatever it is and start your own fucking business. Start an app. Figure it out. A podcast.

Pay for views. Pay for views on YouTube. Start a brand. Figure it out. A podcast. Pay for views. Pay for views on YouTube. Start a brand. Figure out what you're selling. Is it a shirt that's really malleable? When you move, I'll buy it. If you get in my fucking Instagram feed and you convince me that that t-shirt will hide my dad bod, I will buy it. Put some money into marketing. You're wasting your time. If you're not studying computers, medicine, engineering, one of those things, what are you doing at school? You're reading.

Are you reading The Prince and the Pauper? Are you reading Catcher in the Rye? Your parents are paying $50,000 a year for you to read Sophie's Choice. Watch the movie. Meryl Streep's in it. It's better anyway. Who's going to sit around and read 4,000 pages of brilliance when you can watch fucking Meryl Streep talk about how much she hates Donald Trump and a buck? She doesn't. It's one of the greatest performances of all time, one of the greatest books of all time, but you can read it on your own time is what I'm saying. You got a hard-on for Chaucer? Pick it up yourself.

Okay, I like Chaucer, but the rest of the world is a little more into Jake Paul right now. And you know what? Jake Paul makes a lot more money than anyone who's teaching you Chaucer. So what are you going to school for? It's a waste. It's an absolute fucking waste. Learn how to work a camera.

Become a podcast producer. All right? Or have an opinion. And have a take. Have a take. Buy some sneaks with that money. Buy some fucking sneaks with your stimmy when it comes in.

You know what? Catching the ride. I almost feel like, I almost feel like Holden Caulfield has kind of, has kind of taken over. Everyone's just kind of calling everyone fake and phony, and everyone really is fake and phony.

It's a very immature society we live in right now. Jay Leno, he's on his apology tour. I don't know if we spoke about that before the podcast or now, but he's apologizing for all his Asian jokes over the years. apologizing to for all his Asian jokes over the years. I mean, it's so funny how you have you can have you apologize for shit a long time ago that you wouldn't have apologized for. Is he really sorry? That's my point. When Tiger Woods apologized, was he really sorry? Would he have apologized if he wouldn't got caught? So then what's the point of the apology if everyone knows the only reason you're apologizing because there's pressure to apologize is it really an apology when your girlfriend goes

say sorry say so you cut me off you were fucking you were looking at my girlfriend for too long you were making me feel uncomfortable say sorry do you mean it when you say sorry okay or you were you just checking out her friend because her friend has a fucking fat ass if you were sorry why weren't you sorry before you did it but you apologize she knows you don't mean it her friend knows you don't mean it and when you jerk off to her friend later your dick knows you don't mean it you say sorry to get it over with yeah it's bullshit all apologies are bullshit unless the person cries and offers to get whipped then i believe you jay leno or offers to give up their money jay leno like i said mark ruffalo jay leno give up you have a lot of cars give those cars to go to indonesia and give those all those cars to the poor people of Indonesia.

And then I will fucking believe you, Jay Leno, for your apologies. First of all, why is he apologizing? He's retired. What's he gonna lose? He doesn't even have a fucking job. He's got hundreds of millions of dollars. Why are you apologizing?

Plus, he's like 10 years away from being dead. What do you care? You won. Take the money and fucking die. The only reason I think he's apologizing is probably he's got like, he's not married. He's probably, I'm assuming with a chin like that and a weird voice like that and that he's a stand-up comedian. I heard he's a weird dude. Doesn't like people touching him.

Germaphobe. He buys cars with his money. I'm pretty sure since he's not married and stuff like that no kids he probably has a weird sexual fetish and he likes to bang out thai lady boys you heard it here first so he's apologizing because he doesn't want the thai government to prevent him from sneaking into the country under an alias and banging out lady boys you heard it here first that's why he's apologizing that is the only possible reason i could think of for jay leno apologizing considering he's not employed anywhere and he's apologizing that is the only possible reason i could think of for jay leno apologizing considering he's not employed anywhere and he's filthy rich apologizing for jokes about asian

has a show on it's like a youtube show i mean he has a show i mean it's on some weird channel i mean how sad is that is he still concerned about keeping his show how sad when you sell your soul for a corporate job does it does it is it that's does does the sadness continue to this point where you're 70 years old your dick doesn't work anymore you got 300 million dollars 300 cars you got to deal with the thai government that lets you come in under an alias and has all the Thai boys you want and you still need to apologize because you think anyone cares about your show Jay Leno nobody's watching your old show with Jimmy Fallon you think they're going to tune in to watch you drive around cars with your fucking cartoon American dad chin your face looks like it was drawn drawn by a by a animator. You're not a real human being.

You look like a bobblehead. It looks like I can pull a Pez out of your neck. Doesn't it look like you can fucking pull a Pez candy out of his neck? So why are you apologizing? You're retired. You got $400 million. They can't take the money away and you're going to be dead in 10 years. Nobody cares. It's a grandstand. No, there's no, I told you what the reason was. That has to be the only reason. You never apologized to Colonel O'Brien though.

He fucked him. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes. How do you think we did on that race conversation? That's tough, touchy stuff. Do you think we're going to have to edit it or we just let it roll? I mean, I made this face. Yeah, but you're 23.

I mean, if I said the word finook, you'd go like this. Yeah, finook's a goodie. Yeah. But it doesn't mean, it just means word finook you'd go like this yeah finook's a goody but it doesn't mean it just means you're you know it's like if you order a salad at a restaurant you're finook you get it has nothing to do with like hate okay it's the emotion behind it

yeah I didn't read it already no guys we are brought to you this is exciting we have some small business sponsors like like I said. And I'm always Jay Leno looking mid croak. We're doing a little comment roulette now. Cultural Marxism, bro. Get with it.

Here we go. Here we go. Corona crispy creams are real. Yeah, actually, call me Yanis Stradamus. When I said on this podcast, if you offered the vaccine at McDonald's, we'd be at herd immunity by tomorrow. Now they're offering free Krispy Kreme donuts to anyone who gets vaccinated. So I called it again, just like I called the stimmy and the sneakers. And black Twitter got upset.

And now every sneaker site is saying, are you spending your stimmy here? And now every sneaker site is saying, are you spending your stimmy here? And also, sneaker sales went up like 45% when the stimulus check hit. By the way, stimmy is offensive to the trans stimulus community. They do not like being called the stimmy. Okay. Yanni would love to get my Bay Ridge restaurant a partnership. The boys go to patreon.com slash Yanni Long Days, Joe DeMonte, wow, Joe DeMonte, Yanni, I got a restaurant in Bay Ridge, can we talk cash, does anything, do Italian,

what do Italian kids love more, a basement that's renovated, kids love more a basement that's renovated a gold chain white sneakers or cash you pull out a wad of cash in front of italian his dick just gets hard it doesn't even he just gets hard he goes wow lettuce kids got fucking lattice let's talk i mean there's nothing that gets an Italian kid more off than peeling off a fucking slice of lettuce and handing it to a busboy. So, yo, Joe DeMonte, go to patreon.com slash Yanni Longdays and sign up for the $100 level. There's only three spots left. Two are taken. I'm doing only five. And then there's the $500 level where you get to promote on all my social media accounts, as well as get your ad read here to thousands and thousands of fucking

people. Get screwed in. You're a hustler. People care more about this than they do TV. So even though you're going out to lesser people, it's more of an emotional connection. Ask Manscaped. Ask fucking Better Health. That's how they become multi-millionaires They're advertising only on podcasts Because they're screwed in Because people care more about Tom Segura Than they do about Ellen What do you got there?

Blue Chew? Yeah he's got Blue Chew See even fucking Drew's 23 And he's doing Blue Chew What is wrong with your generation? You do not need Blue Chew You're 23

Your dick is ready It's when you know You wanna It's always for the first time we got to get you got you got to get a good impression for the first i got to get you as far away from jersey as possible jersey jersey's like a condition you could go to the doctor and be like what's wrong with this kid it's like i'm taking him here doc because he's he lives in jersey so is there anything we could do to how do we cure this it's like yo you got to take the kid to paris for 14 days You gotta take him

You gotta culture this kid a little bit I'm like yeah he came in here His belt doesn't work I mean his pants are below his ass He's got blue shoes in his pocket Yeah I mean the kid walks in with a Nike hat I mean the kid is fucking Jersey Jersey to the fucking barn

I mean the kid fucking puts onions On his gold rush sandwich at Roy Rogers Off of exit 67 where he fucking smoked meth. Gold chains. Yeah, he's got gold chains with a cross on it. I mean, here's what it is. This is Drew, Drew fucking, Drew's father, firefighter. Fucking hero.

Salute. Mother, love his mother. You come from a good family. Brother. Brother. I'm happy to have Drew. Good guy. salute mother love his mother you come from a good family brother we fuck i'm brother i'm happy to have drew good guy fucking around we love drew drew underscores films of course my partner in crime jesse scotturo all one word he doesn't want you to follow him but you know it's up to you if you want to go look at good art you can't he doesn't carry the way the kid

is fine he's good the world could be exploding the kid would just be fucking lighting up a stoke petting his dog and sculpting and finger painting real quick there's been a there was an italian place like a pizzeria up the block for me for 30 years still does just cash no credit card of course it does you're kidding me no tax remember those old school pizzeria places jesse where you go in and there was a 100% chance that the Italian guy was going to hit on your mother right in front of you? I mean, it's a funny thing, but it's true. Like, I don't know when Me Too hits Italy, I think the whole country is going to collapse. That might hurt the economy. They may protest that. They may start blowing up government buildings if you're

saying I can't sexually harass women on the street. Are you kidding me? If a German blonde tourist walks down the street and I can't cram her arm and go, Mama, cha-bella, ay, mama, cha-bella, cha-cha-bella, cha-bella, mama, cha-bella. Every fucking Italian guy acts like Lenny and Squiggy when a woman walks by. You ever try to walk down the street in Rome? Like, mama, mama. It's almost like they hurt someone. Yeah, mama.

And they just pull. I remember I was walking my ex-girlfriend in high school and her mother. They were just pulling my girlfriend's arm in front of me. Like, they just don't care. It's part of the Italian. Sexual harassment is part of the Italian culture in Italy. India, it's crazy, too.

Yeah, and you know that because you've been in India? Well, no, there's a video of this just white blonde girl walking around and everyone's like taking selfies with her like she's famous i'm trying to grab her she's german german tourists by the way they love going holiday hi my name's i'm from germany and i'm here i'm going to greece i love greek boys yes hi i love it and black guys too it goes au pair i was an au pair in America, in Maryland. I fucked 16 black guys. That's the year we go

and we do a semester in America. But the real reason is, wow, we don't really have black guys except for Milli Vanilli in Germany. And Milli Vanilli, there's only one left. It's the other one killing himself. I mean, imagine killing yourself

just because you got found out that you were not singing those songs. Yeah, and Milli Vanilli is funny because one guy killed himself because he was depressed. You know were not singing those songs? Yeah, and the Milli Vanilli is funny because one guy killed himself because he was depressed. You know what Milli Vanilli is? Yeah. Yeah.

They had some good songs too, but they weren't their songs. They weren't their songs, yeah. It was just like some fat studio singers who had great voices who were singing, girl, I'm gonna miss you. I knew it from the start,

you would break, are you kidding me, dog? My first three heartbreaks at camp, I was listening to Milli Vanilli and also Lady in Red on fucking repeat. I was a fucking bitch from the beginning. I kiss a woman, I want to marry her. I am just too emotional. Wait, they did that song.

Lady in red. No, that was, he's dope, by the way, that guy. Lady in red. But it was the same era. You know, that was when I was in camp. by the way that guy um lady and but it was the same era you know that was when i was in camp i was a young kid and you were kissing girls and slow dancing like this slow dancing like robots remember your first slow dance arms completely extended and then i remember the first girl i asked out i was dancing like this and i just looked up i was like do you want to go out with me which is funny to ask a girl if you want to go out with me when

you're at camp you're already we're already outside we're living outside where am i supposed to take her i should have said do you want to go in with me and you're at camp you're already we're already outside we're living outside where am i supposed to take her i should have said do you want to go in with me and i took her to the canteen and got her some bug juice if you didn't go to camp you don't know what bug juice is for some reason they call it bug juice but it's just fucking sugar water fruit punch why did they call it bug juice is that because mosquitoes were flying that shit i finger popped my first girl in fucking camp and i didn't know what i was doing i was just going like this with it how old like what was it because it was before the internet dog we had to learn things in magazines i didn't know what i was doing i know when you were four years old you were watching fucking some french guy jackhammer girl and so you're an expert on it but we didn't

learn i didn't even know how to i didn't even know you were supposed to pump till i was 15 i thought you were just supposed to plug your dick in like a Tesla charger. And nature does the rest of the work. How Mark Zuckerberg fucks. That's how you talk. Yeah, he shakes and shivers. No, seriously, the first time my finger popped, I just put my hand in it and just went like this. I didn't even put my hands inside.

I was just squeezing around it and twirling her hair on top. And back then, there was hair. We didn't have any manscapers. There was no Brazilian waxing. When we grew up have any manscapers there was no there was no brazilian waxing when we grew up nobody had sushi and no there was nobody was waxed what an easy fucking life you millennials fucking have and you still complain we're a nation of bitchers and whiners you guys get to eat pussy with no hair are you kidding me no fumare when i was growing up i had to eat pussy underwater in the bathtub like a hippo it's a true story because we all had so much i'm sure

you know giving me oral sex wasn't good because i, you know, we all had muffs, cuz. We had muffs. Nobody, there was no manscaped products back then. How easy these kids have it now, dude. Yeah, and the porn, you know what we had to go through to get porn? Man, you had to have one friend who like had a fake ID or who had a father who didn't love him. Father didn't love him who just like, you you know was cheating on his mom and had magazines he'd steal the magazines and he passed them to you i mean it was a whole thing or you had to walk in on your friend's shoulders with a raincoat on now you just turn on you learn how to do things yeah

i was squeezing like this first time i was doing it like i was wringing out a towel i didn't know what i was doing i was squeezing the whole thing like uh like I was squeezing it like a blue ball. Like a stress ball. I was squeezing it like a stress ball. You know? You had to learn the hard way. Did you know what you were doing the first? Nah,

I learned the hard way. And I didn't even know you were supposed to finger and move. I was like pressing an elevator button. I was just going, like I was slicing butter. And just, and you wonder why girls are going, yeah,

daddy, yeah. Yes, daddy, from the Patreon episode. I did it, but I'll just say, when I listened back to it, it made me laugh hard. Patreon episode, squeaky clean,

patreon.com slash yannylongdays. The yas, daddy episode, yas, daddy, yas. That's like the prostitutes, when a prostitute acts like she's into it, or like a porn star, you can hear that kind of deadness in her voice where she goes like, Yas, daddy, Yas. Oh, Yas, daddy, Yas.

Yas, daddy. Oh, daddy, Yas, daddy. Daddy, Yas. Yo, Sergio hijacking Yanni live. Oh, so Sergio's in here. Sergio Chicone. Here you go, Sergio. Free promo because I love you. Sergio Chicone, DBS podcast. Sergio Blizzy, Sergio Chicone here you go Sergio free promo cause I love you Sergio Chicone

DBS podcast Sergio Blizzy Sergio Chicone you know what I mean go hit him up on the DM whatever the kid fucking trains

he's a boxing trainer he's a fucking in shape guy if you wanna go look at his stories he'll brag to you about how he ran around Manhattan

nobody cares he'll train you in the park he'll train you in your asshole he'll train you on your house he'll train you on the park. He'll train you in your asshole. He'll train you on your house. He'll train you on the roof. Sergio, he's rejecting people because he's so good at his job, he can't do it.

But if you want a great person who's also a great instructor, then you got to hit up Sergio Chacon to get you in shape if you're in the New York City area. That's for sure. Here he is. Brown, it's the DBS way,

picking up scraps like a pigeon i don't even know what you're talking about serge you want to spar with sergio anyway guys we are brought to you by uh this is from uh patreon member max mr good guy long we're brought to you by good guys refrigeration i love a guy who's got a refrigeration company. That's a guy whose family has a name outside of a van. You know what I'm saying? Like there's just a van with this guy's fucking last name on it. And he goes, his dad, it was probably Lombardo's Refrigeration. And he was like, dad, come on.

You got to change with the times. You can't keep walking around with that sauce monkey name out there. So he's like, let's call ourselves Good Guys. So it's Good Guys Refriger So it's good guys refrigeration. This kid fixes refrigerators. I mean, fucking yes. At least there's somebody who still knows how to work with his hands in this country.

You have to send a fucking refrigerator to China to get it fixed. Fucking good guys refrigeration. He's got two locations, so he's killing it. This kid is fixing fridges like they're going out of style. I mean, this kid is fixing fridges. He's totally mobile. He does all his repairs or his work in his truck. The kid just rolls around. He works like a fucking private investigator. That's his office, his car. He's out there in Palm Springs. This is his second location. His first location

is in Seattle, Washington That's far I don't know how you did that cuz I don't know how you got one business up in Seattle And another one in West Palm I'm sorry in Palm Springs Oh Palm Springs isn't in fucking Florida Palm Springs is in California

Palm Springs is dope cuz So you got to deal with a lot of old rich Jews out there Going yeah This fucking fridge isn't working. I tell you, Betty Davis was the hottest piece of ass in this town. So check out Good Guy's Refrigeration. That's goodguyrefrigeration.com.

Check it out, cuz. He's got over 155 star reviews, a couple of shitty ones too, because there's some haters out there. But all good reviews for this kid. You know he's grinding because he's advertising on the podcast. Good Guys Refrigeration

out there in Seattle and West Palm. Hit them up. If you got a problem, if you need a repair on your fridge, if you need anything, goodguys, goodguysrefrigeration.com. Mr. Good Guy.

So check him the fuck out. And the other guy, we're waiting on his Guy. So check him the fuck out. And the other guy, we're waiting on his info. Jared Z from the Stinkbox, Tallahassee, looking for that Yanni P to make me. So he's got a little business.

Oh, his ad is in? No, no, no. Patreon names. Oh, now it's time for the Patreon names, my people. We're going back to me reading it because there was a fucking revolt on drill it's not your fault though drill it's not your fault people want to hear me read the name so i just start with the

first one at the bottom yeah and then work your way up okay so we're reading the patreon names again uh you know patreon.com slash yanni longongdays. Join. You get a weekly bonus episode. You get all the character pieces at the $10 level. The $5 level gets you squeaky clean and all audio. $10 level gets you everything. And then there's a $20 level where I'm supposed to give you a personal video. I'll do that eventually. And then, of course, the small business sponsors at $100, $500.

And the $1,000 is just fuck you money. If you got $1,000, I'll come jerk you off. So, Eric Schindler. where are you going to piss? Eric Schindler. Wow, that last name should have been changed after Steven Spielberg made that movie. Juan Vargas. Let me guess what your ethnicity is. Wasp? Get by Sammy Hinton.

Austin Fratz. Austin Fratz. He's a German. This guy is an FF coming at you in a different way Jean Jean that's a good one we're going to have

a lot of spillover from and I like it a lot then we got we got Alex the Greek calamari fumari

calamari I guess maybe you're Italian ciao Bella I don't know how to say Calamari. Que pasa mi gente? Por si se? Hello. Calamari, I guess maybe you're Italian. Ciao, Bella. I don't know how to say it. He would have said calamari. Yeah, then we have HBH. I mean, the guy's just an acronym, I guess.

I guess the guy is an acronym or I don't know. Yanni's eyebrows make my peace frown. That's a goodie. Yanni's eyebrows make my peace frown. I got thick eyebrows. They're caterpillars. They look like like caterpillars i'm gonna turn into butterflies and fly off my face then we got uh we got peter deeters peter deeter hey peter deeters i mean i don't know how you got out of kindergarten with that name cuz i mean how many times did you get hung by your underwear peter deeters my name is peter deeters then we got cory yeah i mean yo whenever you come with a one name you hurt yeah i mean that's my boy cory dogs you know you know that

kid is is yeah me then we got andre agatsi now my friend, are what we call funny. And for the History Hyena fans, did you hear that one? Andre Agatsey. Agatsey. Yeah. So there's a letter missing in that. Did you get it, Jesse? Andre Agatsey?

Is it an inside joke? No. Think about what letter would be missing from Andre Agatsey. Yeah. That's what you call saying it without saying it. Yeah. Okay. Then we got Melanie Sloan.

Hi, Melanie. Hey, Mel. Hi. Melanie Sloan just sounds like a girl who you try to break up with her, and it would just take too long. She'd keep trying. Stop it, Melanie. It's over.

Then we got Tennessee Long Days. Then we got tennessee long days then we got uh this guy's name is great ah just a bunch of a's then we got pixel bit and then we got dana is not a girl's name horan then we got tony shot my nut butter in Heybert's mouth and his throat. And what? And his throat swelled shot Ferrucci. Can you do that whole one in one go? Yeah. It is Tony shot my nut butter in Heybert's mouth and his throat swelled shot Ferrucci.

That's a goodie. Yeah. His name is not Heybert. It is James Madden. And he is allergic to peanuts, yes. But don't call him Heybert anymore. He doesn't like it. Chris told me I'm a bad person.

It's all my fault. Lauren Baker. Dr. D. Charlie. God, that name was funny. Bee Cheeks. Marisa's Post-Op Winky. Mason Doherty.

What an Irish. Fernando the Mexican Salsa Monkey. Jesse, I knew you'd love these. K-Rona. K-Rona. Where were you there when i cracked open and cleaned out and i lean on the neutrals aka way jean gian costogian these are all history hyena jokes yeah call every time i peel my foreskin back i got enough cheese to fuel chrissy d's keto diet with ease autos udos rick salas uh ice cold beer here it's a little sean terry shout out ice cold beer here

ice cold fucking beer then we got a 2006 ford taurus for us uh then we got uh jacob hardy then we got gabrielle uh what is it gabrielle gabrielle velasquez um then we got uh jay gonzalez bryce loman uh tuck it back tape chrissy sack so father bill won't want to crack it's a real good one but i think if he taped it back father bill would want to crack it even more maybe oh because if you've taped it back it might be blocking his asshole yeah this kid's smart he must be an engineer uh perry michael takis oh god i mean what a greek if your name is michael takis it's like a failed presidential nomination run. Reminded me of Michael Dukakis.

Michael Takis. Sounds like he's just like a family friend who's a lawyer. Like my mom would be like, call Michael Takis. Did you call Michael Takis? He can help you. He has many friends in the entertainment business. I remember my mom told me I should model. That was the funniest one.

Greek image. Yanis, you should model. Call Jimmy Giannopoulos. You're a so beautiful person. You should model, Yanis. Why are you doing the comedy? Model. Don't they have models for people with one eye?

I would be hot in the Cyclops community. Then we got Matthew Fitzpatrick. Get him a beer. estroski i mean max estroski is an old school fan appreciate you been around i recognize you forever fumare uh then we got cory hilliard then we got a walking dead love that that's a good one then we got just a fumeless arab i like that a fumeless arab call me jess covet 19 join the patreon robert miranda andrew walsh andrew walsh sounds like a bad guy in an 80s movie andrew anyone named andrew if you if you're a fun guy you go with drew anyone Anyone named Andrew just sounds like he's going to be a dick. That's why I changed my Instagram to Drew.

Andrew's a dick's name. Drew. Drew's a fun kid. Andrew sounds privileged dick. Yeah, yeah. Drew's more of a guy that, you know, has fucking. Will throw down. Yeah, has Yeezys on.

And of course, the great Leanne the Garlic Slicer. Why change your Patreon name when it's a homeroom Hall of Famer leanne the garlic slicer is back and she is appreciated thank you for coming then we have sero and ku um and then how do i go to another page just do that we'll do the next page okay we'll do the next page next week and i actually enjoyed you read them better than myself i think the fans probably enjoyed it a little bit more too oh it's a lot better but yeah i don't know yeah but drew's the best um thank you guys that was a goodie it was a goodie remember patreon.com slash yanni long days for weekly bonus episodes every wednesday of squeaky clean that's me and my bathtub going wild i even work it in there i squish it around i recommend you listen

to it while you're in your bathtub as well. Light a candle, put on something scented, put on some music, get your groove back, okay? And also all the videos and character pieces, all bonus content. My Patreon is cooking. Ask the fans, don't take it from me. Talk to each other. It's a community of long haulers back there.

Become a long hauler. We're in it for the long haul. This is Yanni Longdays. Tell your friends about the podcast and make sure to always keep your ass squeaky clean. Witch hazel that fucking smash bean.