Yannis Pappas Hour - Stimmie Check Summer - Long Days With Yannis Pappas - Episode 14

Episode Date: April 4, 2021

It’s a white boy summer brought to you by the United States Treasury, COVID, David Dobrik and Chet Hanks.   For a weekly bonus episode on weds and additional bonus videos click here: https://www.patreon.com/yannilongdays   The show goes out every Sunday at noon to youtube and audio platforms but while it's being recorded the show goes LIVE on Yannis' Instagram! Come join in on the LONG DAY   Follow Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yo, what's the deal is, everybody? Here's a good one for the peanut gallery. They wanted me to start with a good one. What's the deal is? Yo, Jesse, what's the deal is? What's the deal is? You cannot say what's the deal is and not be in a good mood. I encourage you to do it each and every

day i'm no longer a comedian from now on i am going to be a motivational speaker and medium i want to be a medium i want to learn how to talk to dead people can i acquire that skill do i have the 5g network in my head to be able to have conversations with people on the other side, like John Edward, I want to do it. I want to do it. And I won't have a bad cell phone connection. Do you ever notice all the people who talk to dead people just can't quite hear what they're saying? You can hear them, but it's like they got Metro PCS. They're kind of going like, I'm sorry. What was that? Okay. With a, I'm sorry, what was that? Okay, with a P.

I'm looking for a word that starts with a P. And someone who had a relative who wore a hat on one day. Do you have a relative who died who wore a hat? Someone who you love has passed. Is everyone over 35 in the room? Wow, that's a coincidence. Let me tell you something. These fucking mediums after COVID-19 are gonna be making bank bank cuz because what are we at now one million dead and that's just

in Florida and they don't care and I love it Florida doesn't care about death cuz they don't fear death they do cocaine you tell a guy on cocaine that COVID's coming he's gonna say how can I snort it they don't care and he's gonna say that in Spanish he's gonna say yo cuando snort it I don't know how to say snort it living in Miami when you don't speak Spanish is funny I lived in Miami for a year. It's a Spanish city. Okay. It's a type of city you can go to and experience all the great Latin American cultures without the worry of having to lose your jewelry at dinner. So if you ever wanted to go to Venezuela and enjoy Venezuelan food amongst Venezuelan people who, by the way, do not speak English, go to Doral, get yourself some Venezuelan food amongst Venezuelan people who, by the way, do not speak English, go to Doral,

get yourself some Venezuelan food. For all intents and purposes, you are in Venezuela, except there is toilet paper at the store and you can wear your watch to dinner. So that's Miami. It's like the Epcot Center for Latin American countries. You want to go, it's like going to Miami is like going, you know, when you go stay at the hotel Paris in Vegas and they have the Eiffel tower there, that's Miami for Caracas. So COVID is fucking going up. Big deal. Big deal. It's spiking. Big deal. You know what else is spiking? My blood pressure, big fucking deal, okay? It's going up, but we can't stop the party now. You can't open the gates and then try to close them, okay?

The gates are open. Let people fucking party and just people got to get vaccinated, okay? There is a push to have people vaccinated pretty soon they're going to open it up for everybody in New York at least I love how this is being done state by state we're not a country we are united countries we're all different Georgia and New York got nothing to do with each other okay except for the fact that they both like Lil Nas and his new sneakers. That's it. That's it. Okay?

The rap ain't the same. You know what I'm saying? Big L, Cool G rap, rock him. EPMD, the original fucking hip hop from the East Coast. Got nothing to do with Outkast and all these other dudes who's using auto tunes and rapping. It's got nothing to do with that. If you listen to the Southern rap, it always sounds like someone with cerebral palsy trying to be hip hop. We got nothing to do with each other. We're different countries. We're different countries.

So the vaccine rollout is different in different places. in new york they just made it 30 and over uh starting tomorrow right 30 and over it starts so true drew can't get the vaccine for seven years but it's okay cuz i don't want it and yeah it's okay you know i mean you're you live in jersey you smell the the air of Elizabeth, New Jersey. So I don't think COVID can hurt you. You really think, what's worse for you, COVID or the air quality of Elizabeth, Jersey? Newark.

Newark, yeah. What would you rather do? Would you rather, this will take the scary out of COVID. Jesse, I'm asking you, because you're from a generation where we're scared. Drew didn't grow up scared. Would you rather walk around Newark, around Newark, beyond the bodies, I just called it Newark, Newark. Would you rather walk around Newark, New Jersey from 1 a.m. to 5 a.m. alone, no cell phone, no hat,

so your white hair is flapping in the wind, on a windy night to mix your hair move, okay, with a Blagiago jacket on, okay, with, yeah, a Blagiago bag, a Blagiago jacket, and some fucking St. Laurent sneakers on with a chain wallet, a short-sleeved shirt, and a gleaming Rolex with diamonds in it, or get COVID. COVID.

COVID, easy. I'll take a blast right in the face. Yeah, a blast of COVID right in the fucking... What is more dangerous? COVID is not more dangerous than walking around Newark with a Blagiaggio on. I agree with Jesse, 100%. Yes. Now, how do you pronounce it?

Well, if you're from there, it's Newark. No, no, no. Not Newark, asshole. I'm talking about the fucking... The bag. Balenciaga. Balenciaga. That's a Louis Vuitton bag.

You got a Louis Vuitton. Cuz, you're Jersey. You look like you know a cousin who workson cuz your jersey your jersey you look like you get you look like you know a cousin who works at Bloomingdale's in an outlet store Drew comes dressed like he has an inside scoop at the Bloomingdale's at some Long Island outlet Neiman Marcus Neiman Marcus that's what it is because Neiman Marcus got the premium fucking goods sacks on fifth baby so COVID is spiking everywhere and um I don't even know why you're even telling the people that anymore. At this point, it's like, get the vaccines going.

We're not going another year indoors. Americans are ready to rock. And Florida's leading the charge, brother. When did you think Florida was going to become number one in anything besides cocaine and gator deaths florida is the only fucking state where it has happened more than 300 times where someone disappeared in the stomach of an alligator there's been there's been babies that were eaten by alligators there's a chance when when you grow up in Florida that you could die of SIDS, which is where your baby rolls over and dies with its face in the floor or getting eaten

by a gator. So when the doctor, the pediatrician, the first visit you do to the pediatrician in Florida, they go, first of all, the guy's like, what's up, brother? Welcome. Welcome to a happy smile, happy body, happy baby pediatrician down here in Fort Lauderdale. And then you got a doctor who walks in and flip-flops with a salamander tattoo and a seashell rope around his neck. And he goes, what's up, brother? Welcome to Florida. Congratulations on your baby, Ginger. I don't know what your name is, but I saw you had blonde hair. Is it okay if I call you Ginger, brother?

My memory is not so good. I see a lot of patients and I do recreational drug use every day. Is that all right with you, brother? I drink my beer out of paper cups whenever I can if plastic cups aren't available. But since I'm in Florida, brother, when me and my family settle down for a dinner, we pour our beer into plastic cups, brother, once in a while. I'll bite a little hole at the bottom of it and drink it like that from the bottle just to make it a little fun for the family. And so does my four-year-old when I put beer in his thermos.

You got to get him started, brother. But welcome. You got a new baby. First of all, don't let the baby sleep on its stomach, brother. That's something my grandparents did. They were immigrants. We should have kicked them out back then, build a wall. There should be nobody here who isn't America born in Florida, brother. But our grandparents let the baby sleep under his stomach. That baby better sleep on his back, brother. And one other thing, don't put that baby ever outside because there's gators everywhere, brother. So the pediatrician will actually add that on to his advice.

So be careful of SIDS. Don't shake the baby. And please keep the baby inside until it's old enough to run away from a gator. Comment roulette. As you know, we look down every episode, whatever comment I see, I read what you're doing, brother. My worldwide. If you sleep on your stomach, you're a liberal. That's what it is. I sleep on my stomach and I, people say I lean left. So there you go. I sleep on my stomach. I think if you sleep on your stomach, it's more of a woman thing, right? With one leg up to air your pussy out. I like to put my leg up or put a pillow in between because my nuts, I don't know what

my nuts want with my leg, but my nuts are very attracted to the inside of my leg. So they always stick on them because your dick also gets old. This is what I want people to know. I look very young. That's the thing about me. Drew, I think I'm closer in age to your mom than I am you, right? How old's your mom? 61. 61. So pretty close to both, right? But I'm closer to your mom than I am you. Yeah. So it's like, but I look good. If I walked in your house and I was shaved,

your mom would just think I was one of your friends from fucking New Brunswick College, right? 100%. Yeah. She would just be like, oh, that's one of Drew's friends from New Brunswick School, from film school, right? From finger painting school with Jesse.

You guys are two artists. And I'm a young looking kid, but my piece looks my age. So if you really wanted to see if I was lying, if you want to know if a guy's lying about his age, if he looks young like Brad Pitt, pull down his pants and take a peek at where his balls are. If his balls are plastered up against the inside of his thighs,

and if his dick just kind of looks dead, you know? Yanni sleeps on his stomach, so his morning wood doesn't steal the covers. Yanni Tempitch. Get the Tempur-Pedic sleep pillow, dude. Thank you, Megan Party. So let's get some business out of the way, my peoples,

and by business, I mean some touring. Go to my website, yannispapiscomedy.com. Very important. I am at the Celebrity Theater in New Jersey, May 7th and 8th. Get your fucking tickets. It's going to be wild. Atlantic City Celebrity Theater, May 7th and 8th. Go to yannispappascomedy.com for tickets, I will be in Norwalk, Connecticut, get those tickets if you're in Norwalk, Connecticut, and right now you're watching this, I'm doing my last show in Addison, outside of Dallas, I hope that goes okay, I hope the weekend's been going good. And where else am I going to be? Tampa. I'm going to be in Tampa sometime in September, I believe.

So get your tickets if you live in Florida. GiannisPappasComedy.com. Get those fucking tickets. Jersey, I'm coming to Atlantic City. I'm bringing Drew. I would bring Jesse, too, but the kid just he's got finger painting to do he doesn't want to go he does not want to go

so let's get the business out of the way that's the business patreon.com slash yannilongdays for your bonus episodes every Wednesday if Sunday's not enough long days you go I need another app that app comes out on Wednesday

called Squeaky Clean and it's Yanni doing comedy butt fucking naked if If you want to hear me talking to you and staring at my piece at the same time, and I hope you do the same, that is the point. I want everyone in their goddamn bathtubs. Like I said on the bonus episode, when they bury me, when I die, put me in a fucking bathtub coffin. I want you to put me in a water with a cover over it. Fucking cover me up. Okay? And I'm adding a level to the Patreon. The Patreon level I'm adding is $5,000 a month. If you

donate $5,000 a month, I will fly to your house, no cost to you, and I will do squeaky clean in your bathtub. So I don't even think I want to do comedy anymore. I don't even think I want to do stand-up. First of all, I don't think I'm doing jokes anymore. I think I'm riffing everywhere I go. I'm going like, hey, come out and see me, and if I bomb, I bomb, but we're talking about stuff off the top of the head.

I think I'm done with jokes. I think jokes have been done. What do you want to hear about my day? You want to hear about my marriage? You want to hear about my baby? Brian Regan said it all, okay? I'm going to be riffing about Texas when I'm down in Texas. And I don't even think I'm going to start. I don't even think I'm going to be doing standup anymore. What I'm going to do. Okay. Instead of standing on a stage and telling jokes to you, which is fun, you know,

people have fun. Some girl came and saw me in Atlanta and uncle Vinny's, um, comedy club. came and saw me in Atlanta and Uncle Vinny's Comedy Club. What I'm going to do is I am going to charge tickets to perform with people in their bathtub butt naked. What do you think, Jess? I like it. So we do like VIP tickets to stand in the bathtub and then me and the person who's home who paid the five grand to get me in their bathtub,

we podcast together and we charge $20 tickets to the community. And then we stream it get me in their bathtub. We podcast together. We charge $20 tickets to the community. And then we stream it. We could stream it. Yeah, yeah. We could stream it. We'll stream it on... Pay-per-view. Pay-per-view.

It'll be a pay-per-view live bathtub show. Okay? I'm in the fucking tub. Rubber ducky. Rubber ducky. Okay? While I'm talking to you sometimes, I'm just tugging on my ball sack.

Suds and no suds. I do suds, cuz. I've been using my baby shampoo, because you can wash your hair. I like to sit in the bathtub with my hair full of soap, eyes open, and just take advantage of the fact that they made some sort of baby shampoo that doesn't get in your eyes. I have a question for the capitalist system in America. Why, if baby shampoo doesn't burn

your eyes, why the fuck do we have adult shampoo? Okay. You do know we have phones now. Can someone adapt? Am I the only one thinking of a new business here? People like to text. We're addicted to our phones. All these apps make us addicted. We can't stop. There's no such thing as boredom. It's been rendered out of existence. So why has someone not come up with an adult shampoo that you can continue to look at your phone at?

They're waterproof now while you're showering. can continue to look at your phone at they're waterproof now while you're showering i want to be able to shower and fucking read my live stream texts comments while i shower and wash my hair i don't want to take a break i might miss something adult baby shampoo dude right there no tears yeah no tears so kids can put shampoo on. I still use it. Yeah, of course you still do. You're 23 because you were a baby 20 years ago. 20 years ago, I was doing comedy. He could be your kid.

I mean, yo, he... We were talking about that. Yeah, I mean, I'd have to have him pretty young, but like, yeah, in yesteryears, yeah, he could be your grandson. Absolutely. I mean, if you're a Puerto Rican, you could definitely have me. There you go. That's drew's not woke drew is not woke not even a little not even a little so why has someone not created baby shampoo for adults so we can do that you know because that's what i like to do i like to text while i'm i'm washing my hair. Dog shampoo?

I've used it. I've tried it. Dog food? I've tried it. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Dog treats? Yeah.

I mean, I've been giving my dog lung, and I try, I mean, I've been giving him pig lung. Oh, you tried that? Yeah, but my dog doesn't want to be, my dog told me she was Muslim, so I got to get rid of the pig and start giving her some goo.

Pretty sure they make that no tears adult shit, but it's like 69 a bottle or something. Thank you, Rob's mental playground. I don't think they do. I just looked up. I put adult shampoo that doesn't burn your eyes and only kid shampoos popping up. They don't make it.

You're wrong, Rob. There you go. I have a venture capitalist idea for my people. You guys should be in a race right now to go create that. Here's what you do. Take Johnson's and Johnson's baby shampoo and slap on your own label and sell that shit on your website. We'll call it the long haulers. We'll split the money communist style. We'll redistribute it. I'll sell it on my website. I'll promote it on My podcast so i'll be double dipping. Okay, i'll pay myself to advertise it And then I will also share in the profits with you

So who's going to be the person that takes that shampoo slaps on a label on it? Okay, and that label is just adult shampoo that you can text with that's how we pitch it. We go on shark tank Because we go in there our pitch on Shark Tank because we go in there. Our pitch is like, hey guys, we walk in. Do you ever hate when you're in the shower and you want to be playing with your phone, but you can't because your eyes will burn? Bang. Squeaky clean soap brought to you by the long haulers. If you're not a long hauler, what are you doing with your fucking pathetic COVID infested life? Patreon.com slash Yanni Long Days. Join.

We're in it for the long haul. Come on over. Join up. Join the crew. Join the crowd. People ask, how come there's no community page on Patreon.com? They removed it for some reason. I don't know.

We're going to have to look into why they took, they got rid of that community page. I don't know. Mark Cuban versus Elon Musk in what? Sounds about as legal as anything else a Greek kid would do. There you go. We like cash in the madras. So it's definitely a white boy summer. Definitely a white boy summer, according to Chet Hanks, who I don't know about you, he is my favorite Tom Hanks son. It does not get better than Chet Hanks, okay? Because Chet Hanks is the son of Rita Wilson and Tom Hanks, which means he's a little Greek, so respect. And I

fucking like him and I follow him. He's presently doing the 60 day challenge where the kid just works out on Instagram every day. Now here's the deal. If you're people hate on him because he was speaking Patois, nobody's impressed by the fact that this kid fucking learned Jamaican. I mean, nobody's impressed by the fact that Tom Hanks' son

somehow learned Jamaican. He does it great. He does it great. He does it great. He knows how to speak it. Big up, big up the whole island. Massive, it's your boy Chet and I. Coming straight from the Golden Globes, your heart's here.

Big Philly father to him, I expect to see him in a while. Soon for a word come. Big up, tune in. Psych! Remember that video? Psych! You pussy boy Biden

You know So why is that kid He's put out all types of different music I love you Chet Hanks Your music's been horrible in the past But why don't you put out some fucking Reggae Would you not buy

Chet Hanks' reggae album The kid is a grinder. He works hard. So he works out, right? He's buff. He's tatted up. He's buff. I think he has a mixed daughter. So I think he the mother of his child

is black. So the kid's got some flavor. Bill Burnett. He's got some flavor. He rides motorcycles where he can do two wheelies and shit. The kid is constantly wearing Vans. Constantly wearing Vans. White Burnett. Yeah. He's got some flavor. He rides motorcycles where he can do two wheelies and shit. The kid is constantly wearing Vans, constantly wearing Vans, white boy summer. And now he's causing,

at first he caused controversy because he was talking to Adele on his Instagram in patois. Adele, Adele, hit me up. Whatever, bad boy, buddy boy. Where were you when you found out body boy,

boom, bye, bye, and a body boy had meant um shoot a shoot a gay guy in the head and wait till he's dead right now yeah because i remember i was for the oj verdict i remember where i was when bernie sanders lost and when i finally learned that that song that i had been getting high to and grinding on girls too in high school what that chorus actually meant buju bantan existed in a time before cancel culture where his hit song was boom bye bye in a batty boy's head

that's a little rude that's a little rude buju bantan because that that chorus i mean verbatim means shoot a shoot a batty boy in the head so So Chet Hanks, the kid is like, dude, it's like people give Chet Hanks shit. The guy's working hard. Like what do you want him to do if you're Tom Hanks' son? You want him to get a job at FedEx? I mean, the guy is buff. He's in shape. He actually acts in movies.

He started an acting coach's seminar where he coaches you on how to act. You know what I mean? Really? Yeah, like the actor's connection or something it's called. It's in his bio. You know, he's done mad, like since he was a teenager,

he's done mad music videos. They're horrific. But you know, my comedy when I was a teenager was horrific too. I was running around with my nuts tucked behind my, I used to run around at parties with my nuts tucked between my legs and yell la puss.

Jesse remembers. I used to call myself the Robo Cheese Man. I've told it once, I've told it again. I was born to do this and nothing else. Drew asked me before, what would I do if I didn't do comedy? Heroin. And Drew also asked me, which was very funny, and we laughed about it last week.

He said, he goes, um. Do you want me to like rephrase it? Yeah, go ahead. Because I know know is there one thing that true likes to do more than talking i haven't seen it hit us i was like hey uh yanni let's just say you were still engaged and your wedding was in two months would i be invited yes so what he asked me it was very funny he asked if i would if he because we've known each other what now two two months three months three months? Three months. Three months,

two, three months. So he asked if I was to get married now, would he be invited to my wedding? Which was, this is a very funny. Two months from now. Two months from now. If my wedding was in two months. So what are you saying? If it was in two months, I would project we'd become better friends in two months and I invite you to the wedding? Yeah. You would get an invite to the wedding because make no mistake, my father-in-law shelled out a couple of shekels for that one. So I think half the people at the wedding I didn't know. So I would have just added you to a list with Ari Shafir, who I'm also not that good friends with.

Yeah, I wouldn't even need a plus one. Yeah, I mean, Sal Valcano was at my wedding. I think the other Impractical Jokers might have been there too. I don't remember. I mean, people were at my wedding for like 15 minutes i mean andrew schultz wore a fucking don johnson miami suit to a black tie event and it was fun how lit was my fucking wedding though yeah you had the whole new york comedy scene at your wedding yeah everyone came out i think you would have been invited to my wedding drew i like you drew you know now i'm having fomo over not

going exactly well you can you can watch the video like one of the fans did and move your monkey to it apparently so producer smackdown is a gyro just a greek taco asking for a friend i mean it kind of is yes and greeks need to loosen up and if someone calls it a gyro, it's fine. There's a G there. It doesn't have to be gyro every time. If you want to make it a gyro, put a fucking Y there. It's America. Now, Chet Hanks.

Fucking Chet Hanks works hard. It's like when people bust his balls because he speaks Patois and all this stuff. It's like, dude, to be Tom Hanks' son and to work as hard. If I was Tom Hanks' son, do you know what I'd do? I would be a DJ like every other famous person's kid, okay? I'm sure Michael Douglas has like eight kids who are DJs. Here's the thing. If you're a celebrity and you have a kid, there is a 100% chance your kid will be a DJ.

I even think Paris, isn't Paris Hilton even a DJ? DJ is just what you become when you know you can never be more famous than your pops. Here's the thing though. Chad Hanks fucking knows that, dude. I bet you if you had a conversation with Chad Hanks, he would probably say like, yeah, dude, Tom Hanks is my pops. Tom, Rita Wilson's my moms.

They're two of the most powerful people in fucking Hollywood. What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? Okay, I'm gonna become, I'm gonna become like Michael Jordan's son and play Division III, okay? Nah, dude, I'm gonna become the fucking littest,

most controversial kid on Instagram and speak patois and get on there and say it's about to be a white boy summer. That he is the best. I mean, he's Instagram is a job dog. He's selling merch. He's selling merch dog. Do you want to fucking I mean, how how

unrealistic and hateful are people that they want to walk into a smoothie shop and see Chad Hanks working behind it except reality. His dad could give him pocket change and he could buy my apartment building. So Chad Hanks working behind it. Except reality. His dad could give him pocket change and he could buy my apartment building. So Chet Hanks is for, everything's all relative. I'm pretty sane for a kid who does stand-up comedy.

Chet Hanks is a hard worker for a kid whose father was born out of Tom Hanks' dick. He's a harder worker. Who's a harder worker? Chet Hanks or Colin? Colin ain't making no fucking headlines he did one fucking child movie he looks too much he looks too much like tom hanks so he colin hanks is the one who fucking isn't living up to his dad's name

chad hanks is making news every week okay that's his girl by the way that's his girl so i mean you see chad hanks and what i love about chet hanks is you see chet hanks and you have no idea who his father is because the kid looks like he was made in a petri dish he doesn't look like tom hanks and he doesn't look like rita wilson shout out rita wilson she's greek people don't know that and also tom hanks i think converted to greek orthodox so shout out they're a family I hold dear to my heart as every Greek Doug. That's why I'm defending Chet Hanks. I like Colin Hanks too.

But Colin Hanks did like two, three movies, dog. Do you know how easy it is to do movies? Do you know how hard it is to do the 60 day challenge? And have you seen Chet Hanks' workout? The kid looks like he just did a bid, son. He looks like he just came out of jail. He's got a fucking jail body, Tom. Chet Hanks.

And he speaks patois? I mean, come on, dog. People got to stop giving Chet Hanks shit. Dude, you jacked. He's jacked, man. I ain't coming at Chet Hanks. I ain't going to see him in a different way. Tom Hanks' brother is like almost a twin.

Imagine being the guy trying to be an actor. Exactly. So it's like, yeah, I mean, look, Colin Hanks looks like Tom Hanks. So it's like, Colin's a nice kid, but Colin took the path that was easiest for him. Chet does the

acting, but Chet is also like a millennial. So he's grinding on the gram now i mean i chet hanks is one of the who's more talented me or chet hanks i can't fucking i can't have a body like that i can't ride a motorcycle like that i'm not a good actor i can't put out bad music you're more talented i can't speak patois i can't even speak Greek. So by 2021 standards, Chet Hanks is a talented kid. If he keeps grinding on the gram, he can fucking monetize. Monetize.

He's a personality. Chet Hanks is a personality. So he just made news with the white boy summer. Hey, guys. Look, I just wanted to tap in really quick. I just got this feeling, man, that this summer is about to be a white boy summer. You know, take it how you want. And he was like, I'm not talking about like Trump, NASCAR white boy.

I'm talking about like me, John B. You know, me, John B., Jack Harlow type white boy summer. You know what I mean? John B. and then some other rapper with the hair. What's the guy's name? You know him. You probably saw him in concert. Some other white, I mean, it's just white rappers now.

There's just so many white rappers. I mean, can we at least get back to where like, don't you think there should be like some stigma with white rappers? Like you should only be allowed to be a white rapper if Dr. Dre says it's okay. It used to be a day where if Dr. Dre said it was okay, you could be a white rapper. Other than that, it's like, what are you being a white rapper for? Chef Chet, the oatmeal bastard, block shit, boom got. You see Michael Rappaport.

Chet Hanks needs to be the third producer on Long Days. Make it happen, Yanni. Do you remember? Chet hanks needs to be the third producer on long days make it happen yanni do you remember chet hanks probably couldn't do the be it chet hanks is a fucking jack of all trades do you remember when uh chet put that video out saying like like when his parents just got covid like oh my parents are fine he should have done that in a jamaican accent he should have done that but he did do uh the red carpet in a jamaican accent and um yeah that was great that was pretty great to watch him tom hanks's son go we are big up we are big up your cell buddy boy i think he even did gunshots in the air boom bye bye what you doing redron

this is chet hanks coming at your boy you understand you mean that your tanks bye yeah at the golden globes yeah i mean the kid speaks jamaican i mean how dope how did he learn it nobody's impressed what's easier remembering your lines or learning a full language that white people really don't speak and the kids smoke smoothies. Smoke smoothies. I mean, I am. So it's going to be a white boy summer. He's making merch now. I'm plugging Chet Hanks' merch. He's got Black Girl, Black Queen Summer.

I think he's got, if you go to Chet Hanks' merch, I think he's, I'm getting one. I'm getting a fucking white boy summer sweatshirt, son. Think not? You know I'm rocking that. I'm rocking a white boy summer. Chet Hanks released merch, white boy summer. summer so of course because he called it white boy summer it was a little controversial but you know that's what he's doing that that that's talent now in 2021

stirring up a little controversy here we go let's let's check it hey payback that's some nice merch you got there. Oh, this? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the White Boy Summer merch, dude. That shit hard. Yeah, it's tight, right? Yeah. Hey, y'all check this out.

Look. Let me see. Oh, you got this shirt, too? Yeah. White Boy Summer. Yeah. So there you go. So that's Tom Hanks' son, and he, if you look me straight in the eye and tell me that that's not Tom Hanks'

most interesting son, you got another thing coming, dude. I'm more interested in Chet Hanks than I am Tom Hanks. What's Tom Hanks doing? Drinking soup right now? Sitting in a diner with Rita Wilson? Asking for another coffee? I mean, they've been done, dog. I've seen Castaway. I've seen Forrest Gump. I even saw Tom Hanks at church once when he came up and asked for Andidro, and he actually came for communion once when I was working as an altar boy. And when the priest or the bishop or whoever was there asked him for his name, he said Tom Hanks, which to this day, I don't know if that was arrogant or ignorant. I've been thinking, and I want to know the answer to that. So Tom Hanks, if you see this answer to that so Tom Hanks if you see this or Chet Hanks

if you watch this can you ask your father was he being arrogant and wanted people to know that he's Tom Hanks as if we didn't know and is that why when they ask his name

because when the priest in Greek Orthodox asks your name you're just supposed to say your first name okay that would be like someone asking Jesse what's his name

and he goes Jesse Scatoro and people are going like why did you give me the last name dog did you write a book? Are you someone famous? Are you a senator?

You know? Are you a basketball player? Just the name's Jesse. Okay? So when you go get the communion in the Greek Orthodox Church someone asks your name

you just say Yanni. You say your first name. So he should have just said Tom but he said He didn't know though. That's the thing. I want to know was it arrogant or ignorant?

It's either one of the two Like when you say Andrew instead of Andrew Well yeah Not really It's not the same thing at all But But

Why not If you went up and said Your name is Drew I mean You know At least the priest knows You're fun And that's what it is

Look at this He's already He's already been called racist Because of the font he used Of course Of course He used the font And he said White boy summer, so.

No, it's used by white nationalists. Oh, it's used, he probably did that on purpose too for the press. I mean, he's not stupid. Give him credit. So yeah, the font apparently. Screwed in kid.

Yeah, the font apparently that he's using is white nationalist. Is there white nationalist? What did he type it in? In swastikas? What did he make the letters out of swastikas?

What's the print what does the print look like i mean this is crazy what would mr panos tell tom hanks for being a bad father what happened to the child here how come he's on the motorcycle here hanging out with black boy bull how come he doesn't have a job and How come you acting and the wife? There's no female actresses. Rita, how come the names will send you Greek? What's happening here? This family is not Greek. How is that font racist?

Yeah, so there's the font. The last thing I would have thought about that is that it's racist. How is that racist font? Is that how Hitler pissed his name in the snow? I mean, what is racist about that font? I mean, now font is that how hitler pissed his name in the snow i mean what is that what is racist about that font i mean now font is racist i mean jesus christ uh you want me to read why yes it says um use of a gothic style style font that is close to the one used by white nationalists it is also similar to frank their fonts which were used by nazi germany most promptly on the cover of hitler's mink conf book

maybe he researched that maybe he did that to get more press you gotta you gotta the kid knows how to get press i mean the kids kind of become sort of an internet celebrity in a way he makes headlines people he trends so chet hanks is trending dude yeah you know while colin while colin hanks is just like raising his boring kids and they're wearing sweaters and drinking starbucks coffee i'm rolling with chet hanks son if i'm gonna i'm gonna share a blunt it's gonna be with chet and if colin asks me if i want to smoke some grass i'm gonna be freaked out i don't want to smoke grass because hey man if I want to smoke some grass I'm going to be freaked out. I don't want to smoke grass because he'd be hey man do you want to smoke some grass?

I want to hear a guy go yo man you want to hop on the back of my fucking chopper and smoke some blunts with Mexican gangsters? And I'm going to go are you Tom Hanks' son? He's going to go

you fuck right I am dog and if you keep fucking talking shit about me in your podcast I'm going to come see you in a different way. One Twitter user wrote hmm unfortunately that merch looks aggressively racist yeah so people are trying to cancel him for the uh for the for the um font what do you think tom does though

i think tom sits in diners dog i mean you know there gets a point where you know diners are like nightclubs for old people it's like there gets a point when you're in your 60s where all you want to you got your favorite diner and you go there with your wife and you guys drink coffee and make conversation with the waiter

and you have a different dish from the middle of the menu. Okay? Because young people go into diners and order eggs and burgers. By the way, this is what I want to say.

Who, who goes, who gets a burger when there's an option for a cheeseburger that's always that always like why do places

even have hamburgers on the menu if there's the option to throw cheese on it who says nah I'm gonna get a burger lactose intolerant or Asians

Asians thank you hate crime jinx hate crime just happened in here I'm putting in fucking net astro

okay hashtag this fucking episode is going to be called hate crime just happened in here I'm putting in fucking netastro okay hashtag this fucking episode is going to be called stop Asian hate and we fucking start right there okay Asian people are not lactose fucking intolerant Asian people are tolerant of foods

that aren't cheese that's the way you should see it do you understand Do you understand? Do you understand? Asian people are capable. So what? They just got fucking liquor and they get a little drunker.

That's not their fault. It is white supremacy inside cheese that doesn't allow Asians to digest it. Do you understand? I'm putting you on fucking notice. You're on fucking notice, Drew. Stop Asian fucking hate. Cheese is racist.

Eliminate cheese. Why is fucking cheese still here? It fucking discriminating against Native Americans, it's discriminating against Native Americans, discriminating against fucking Asians who don't have the enzymes to digest that. And also some Jews are lactose intolerant. And why is

annoying still a thing? Ban annoying because some Jews aren't annoying and have to deal with ones that are. Ban it. It's discriminatory. Okay? ban it every group needs to be banned you understand okay no more white american cheese only yellow just no yellow's fucking banned drew yellow is fucking even worse that's an insult to fucking injury. Okay, Dr. Seuss, that's your new fucking nickname. I'm putting you on fucking notice.

Cheese should only be black. No more fucking cheddar. No more white cheddar. No more fucking Swiss. And definitely no more fucking American, which isn't even cheese. It was invented to insult Asian people, Dr. Seuss. Dr. fucking Seuss which isn't even cheese. It was invented to insult Asian people, Dr. Seuss. Dr. fucking Seuss! Stop Asian fucking hate.

Okay? Also, you know who else is on fucking notice? Godzilla. The fucking original Asian hate crime fucking monster. I mean, are you fucking kidding me? Do you understand? You're gonna get angry at fucking Shane Gillis for saying something on podcasts?

What about fucking Godzilla, who's been stomping on poor Asian people for fucking centuries? Might as well have a fucking white supremacy t-shirt on in the letters that Chet Hanks sells his merch in while he stomps on fucking innocent Japanese civilians. Do you understand? Chet Hanks sells his merch in while he stomps on fucking innocent Japanese civilians. Gee, and you see him. I'm pinning you and fucking you.

You're on fucking notice. You're on notice. You know who else is on fucking notice? Luke St. Simon here. Fucking great white sharks. What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck?

Fucking great and white shark? It's just a fucking shark. It doesn't have a fucking race. What kind of fucking person named that it was not an empowered PSA G-E-N-G-S-T-A-N there's no fucking

white supremacist sharks fucking put them in jail put those fucking predators in jail fucking white sharks great white sharks have to go to fucking prison

okay okay enough of Luke's needs Simon that was fun though that was fun to put some people on notice I didn't mean to say that some Jews are annoying I only was joking about that because I know Jews very intimately

I grew up in New York City. All my girlfriends have been Jewish and they can be very annoying sometimes. But nobody better at cutting a fucking line on Broadway. Nobody better. Nobody better. You ever go to a Broadway play? I mean, they use all the doors. Whether there's an usher there taking tickets or not.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. It's not true at all. Yeah, I mean, it's like, you know, somebody today would call me like a Jew hater for making a joke about annoying.

It's crazy. Even though, you know, all my friends are Jews. That's how I know it for a fact. I apologize about the cheese confusion. No, it's okay, Drew. You're a woke kid from Bergen, Jersey. People expect a lot of you.

Here's the deal from being from Jersey, North Bergen, is you're coming in with a low bar. So it's like, yeah, you're on fucking notice. I think you said only yellow cheese which is no no Dr. Seuss you don't have to apologize but I am apologizing I'm apologizing

I'm apologizing I'm sorry I'm seeing the error of my ways and I'm changing I will be retiring from this podcast and Vanitya will be going through a race change and taking over so So she'll be a female, trans, racial, African-American woman who will be doing this show. Let it happen. How much funner

a world would that be if you could spend half your life as one thing and then the second half as something else? Can't people just see into the future and stop trying to hold on, okay? just see into the future and stop trying to hold on, okay? My little girl can do half of her life as a girl and then the second half decides she wants to be a male weightlifter. Big deal. Let it happen. Also change races, dog. People really want to change. Rachel Dolezal is a civil rights hero. What can end racism more if people change places? Okay? Rachel Dolezal is choosing to live as a black woman

and people say that that's a horrible thing. It's a beautiful thing. She's basically saying, I want to be black. Meaning black is beautiful. I'm with you Rachel I think you did a beautiful thing

for the raceless future the hopeful utopia that we all want which is raceless let's spend a little time as each you spend the first quarter of your life as Chinese okay a little surgery very simple surgery

a little nip and tuck. No pun intended. Just you got to do a little facial reconstruction is what I'm saying. So the nip and tuck is in there. I didn't even intend that, to be honest with you. Do we have to take that out? Because I didn't even intend that. No, I don't tell you.

I don't even know. Yeah, I didn't even know. But I meant like you have to do some facial reconstruction. God, you got it. I mean, it's like landmines everywhere. It really is. It's hard to do comedy. And if I did intend to do the nip and tuck in there, that's hilarious.

But I can't admit that. Even though I didn't. It was just a happy accident. That happens when preparation and hard work meet. I work hard on my borderline edge, you know. So you spend the first quarter Asian, then you do the second as, of course, Indian. Don't you want to know what it's like to be Indian?

And then you do, I want to do female. I want to do female. I want to get fucked by a guy as a woman. Getting fucked by a guy as a woman getting fucked getting fucked by a guy as a guy not the same that's gay but if you're a woman that's straight so as if i'm getting fucked by a guy i want it to be straight i just finger myself all day true derrick there was a whole derrick at the beginning brother i don't know what you're talking about i'm from florida and i did a whole derrick at the beginning come down to my

establishment brother and i did a long look st simon and the question is what did maurica get with her stimmy check that's it you know what yana's papa took a little a lot of heat over there for for calling that shit a stimmy. But let me tell you something. They don't know. Those chinos. You got those chinos now down in Canal Street. They calling it a stimmy too. They say, $5, $5.

You have your stimmy? They were asking everybody. Even fucking tourists. And yes, there's some tourists here that are coming on Spirit Airlines. That's it. Because Spirit Airlines needs that fucking work. That's it. They don't care if you got COVID fucking and the birth flu.

You could get a fucking $30 ticket on Spirit, that's it. I spent my stimmy on chancletas, that's it. I put a mask I want into the mall, into that bucket, you know, next to the cell phone case store in the middle. That's where you get those fucking chancletas. People ask me, Marisa, where can I get chancletas? There ain't no fucking chancleta store. That's how I know you never own chancletas people ask me marisa where can i get chancletas there ain't no fucking chancleta store that's how i know you never own chancletas if you ask me where you can't get them just at neiman marcus you can't just rub two bloomies and sit with them fucking chancletas they don't have them only people that got them chancletas is fucking chinas that's it them

shit's chinese slippers that we appropriated that's it I'm sorry Jeremy Lang I love you too Jeremy Ling I was a big fan of Ling Sanity and all that but I'm telling you there was a little cultural appropriation remember that Ken Yamonis said he had the cornrows and then he got a man because somebody called him coronavirus on the court and shit but it's like look shit we took those slippers too them shit's those Chinese slippers okay they either rigorous on me or you see an old chinese woman sucking her sucking her fingers sucking the using her fingernails as toothpicks while she's in them shits you know just you hear that if you look down you see chan clevers and you hear this it's definitely not going to be a rigorous girl like me. That's going to be an Asian grandma

if you hear that. And I know this shit because I grew up in New York City. We exposed to everybody. So, don't even tell me that if there was a multiple question on the family feud and somebody said,

okay, you're on the train and you see somebody picking a booger deep, the chances of them being Asian are what? 60%? 80%? Or 125%? I'm going to say 100%.

Okay, if you see a Chinese person on the street and they're eating their lunch in a position that looks very uncomfortable, bent down like they're squatting and taking a shit, but they're eating a full plate. A styro. They eating a full styrofoam plate. Full of food.

For 25 minutes sitting like that. What's the chances that they. That they. That they Chinese. I'm going to say 100%. I'm going to say fucking 100%. Because I don't know what it is. But fucking.

White people. Latin people. And black people. Just not flexible like that. I never seen nobody named Jenkins. Who be eating his fucking. Eating just not flexible like that i never seen nobody named jenkins who be eating his fucking eating his lunch like that i never seen no one nobody named martin eating his styrofoam lunch like that for 25 minutes sitting like that like a catcher if you're sitting eating your lunch if you're sitting eating your lunch like my

mike piazza for 25 minutes there's 100 chance chance You Chinese That's it You as fucking Chinese As the chanclet That I got on my feet I'm sorry But we need That has nothing to do With Asian hate And all to do With Asian recognition

That's it That's Asian love That's it I'm telling you dog That's what it is You know what I'm saying It's not my fault Every time I've been on a train

I saw somebody Picking my nose 85% of the time That you know what their name wasn't derrick that's it i'm just telling you what i've seen but there's also that's just jokes i'm we're just having a good time that's it but we need to stop all this asian hate and white supremacy that's it what did i do with my stimI check? Chancletas Like I was saying There's no chancletas store You need to go to the middle of the mall

In a big ass fucking bucket Right next to the cell phone cases And tell that Chena Fucking where's the fun bucket And then you put in there There's all those different colors I get everything except yellow Cause I got my feet

That's not my area My feet are big I don't wanna look like Big Bird That's it I never get that yellow So I don't want to look like Big Bird That's it I'm sorry we just having fun here that's what i'm trying to tell you and i don't do the black neither i don't do those referee chancletas that's it i'm not wearing those

black shits them black shits look like fucking i'm about to ref a high school game that's it i do pink i do blue i do lavender i do purple Sometimes I mix them up like Punky Brewster. I don't fucking care. That's it. I wear one red and one blue. That's it. Where do you want to go on a date? I'm married, girl.

DM me. Don't ask me in public. I'm not trying to look like Big Bird. That's it. Holy shit. That's it. So, we're having a good time oh man what do i say i sometimes i can't even read my own handwriting which is hilarious michael strahan got his teeth fixed you see that is you think that's in apr Fool's? Yeah, what's next? Madonna is going to get her teeth fixed?

Do you think if Madonna and Michael Strahan made out, they could tongue kiss each other with their teeth clenched? They could put their tongues through the hole and just touch each other like that? They're too famous. Why would he fix that? That's iconic, dog. Why would you do that looks like he's wearing a mouth guard what's wrong with him come on dog it's iconic michael strahan you got those

colombian fake teeth yeah most charismatic guy i ever met was michael strahan come on do we we like that little gap in the middle by the way uh what's Madonna doing? Speaking of gaps, can we go to Madonna's Instagram? Yeah, I mean, what are you doing? Have I talked about this on the podcast yet? Have you ever smoked a cigarette through a mask like Ben Affleck? The teeth would be tangled like making out with braces. Yeah, let's go to that one, the second one. No, no, no, yeah, the second one right there.

I mean, what? Have I talked about Madonna on the podcast? Yeah, you did a riff. I did a riff about like, why is she doing this? Well, here we go again. I just like, can we just pull this up for the people to see? I mean, Madonna, why are you even on Instagram? Do you think more people need to know who you are? You are the most famous person. You're one of like a handful of the most, no, not that one. Keep scrolling.

It's in that one though, the second one, but there's like, you can swipe them. You can swipe, right? There's more than one photo there. Yeah, keep swiping. What the fuck are you doing, Madonna? Leave that. That looks like a coroner's photo of a dead body. Yeah, she's like 80.

I mean, she's well into her 60s. What are you doing, Madonna? It's just, the great Tim Dillon said, credit to Tim Dillon, we were on the phone, and he said, there's no way out of the fun house. I mean, Madonna,

hang up your hooker boots and nasty panties. Throw on some fucking jeggings and read to your grandkids. What are you fucking doing? Why are you on Instagram? Troop's trying to get in there. She looks decent on this one.

But the third photo, this is what happens when you have too many yes people. Not yes men. We got to put that on notice. Yes people of all genders. This is what happens when nobody can say no to you or anything. And you need someone here to be like, Madonna, this looks like a coroner's photo.

I don't know if we want to put this one out. You're Madonna. And why are you putting these photos out on Instagram? You're one of the biggest icons of all time. Like people who are on Instagram are trying to get Instagram famous or trying to get more followers. Madonna, you don't need new followers. The entire gay community of the world fills up your stadiums. You have 15.8 million followers. Have someone gram for you. Why is Madonna handling her own Instagram?

That's like, you know what I'm saying? That's like letting Chris DiStefano handle his own fucking black and white cookies. He's going to abuse them. He's going to have more than he should. How many of those 15.8 do you think are straight?

Yeah, that's a good question. I would say probably 15 million gays and 800,000 women. I agree. Yeah, but look, John Bones follows it. Followed by John Bones and Ariana Grande. So now I know that you follow

John Bones and Ariana Grande. Of course I know that you follow John Bones and Ariana Grande. Of course I do. Yeah, of course you do. How many times have you moved your monkey to Ariana Grande? Her deep fakes? A lot. Yeah. Yo, the deep fakes are disrespectful.

They make some good ones. Yeah, I mean, the deep fakes are different. We should only be seeing Madonna in a hologram at this point. Good point, Snack Nicholson. My fans, our fans from History of Hyenas are the best. Did you see the Zack Snyder Justice League? I don't know what that is. It's a movie. Yeah, it's a movie. So, Daniel Dobrik. Daniel Dobrik is a... God.

Daniel Dobrik. Here's the thing. I'm in my 40s. So the good news for me is Daniel Dobrik has always been canceled because I have no idea who he is. And his name's David. David Dobrik. So David Dobrik, once a heralded member of the Jewish community, I assume. Is Daniel Dobrik a Jewish name?

He's actually Slovakian. Daniel Dobrik. look at this kid i mean 2021 does come with some surprises because that kid does not look like a celebrity that kid looks like he should be hanging from his underwear in in in ps 51 down on fifth avenue in 1997 i have no idea who this is you don't know what he did because dude, you're going to be 50 soon. He is the guy in LA right now. So he was the guy. So Daniel Dobrik was a YouTube celebrity. He's kind of the new celebrity. Like dude,

you could go in LA now and see Emma Watson and all these actresses. People don't even like bat an eye. The people who like the kids go crazy for and like paparazzis around are these kids. TikTok kids and YouTubers paparazzi's around are these kids, TikTok kids and YouTubers.

They're the new celebrities. Like nobody gives a shit. Matt Damon could be walking down the street naked while he's moving his monkey. And I don't think anyone would even ask for a picture. Daniel Dobrik, that's how famous he was. I mean, the guy, you know, he was in bed with major corporate. They were about to name a chipotle burrito after him, which they did. They did, and they took it back.

Well, the thing is, they took back everything. The thing is that. I love having Drew here to tell me about shit that I need to know about that I don't care about. See, I was actually a fan of his. He made great vlogs. He was a funny guy. You were a fan of Daniel Dobrik? Get the fuck out of here.

No, no. I'm joking. He had good content. The thing is, when you're so squeaky clean. vlogs he was a funny guy you were a fan of daniel dobrik get the fuck out of here no he had he had good content the thing is when you're so squeaky god your generation says content when you're so squeaky clean and there's not one thing like bad about you to find then when one thing comes out that's when everything comes out when you get canceled When you play the game with corporations, when you get in bed with corporate money, when you try to be old school famous in this world where fame has exploded into a million pieces, that's where people make their mistake.

Daniel Dobrik thinks that he's Jack Nicholson. He's not. Nobody is ever again. That era's over. Fame has exploded into a million pieces and to know Daniel Dobrik, you have to be a certain age group Nobody is ever again. That era is over. Fame has exploded into a million pieces. And to know Daniel Dobrik, you have to be a certain age group.

Whatever his fucking name was, okay? You got to know David Dobrik. You have to be a certain age group. Whereas there used to be celebrities that everyone knew. Like nobody's parents knows who David Dobrik is. But he wanted to be like the internet's Jimmy Fallon. He wanted to do a talk show. Like, you know,

he was in bed. He had a burrito. Which, by the way, he's not Mexican. So what the fuck is Coca-Cola that owns Chipotle fucking doing hiring a Sloveniac to fucking

to be a fucking spokesperson to have a fucking taco named after him. Also, fucking Serena just said in her interview with Common, who's a journalist now, okay, Common interviewed Serena, because Common is a vetted, Columbia-educated, former 60 Minutes journalist. Columbia-educated, former 60 Minutes journalist. So Common interviewed Serena and asked, if you were a man, do you think you'd be recognized as one of the greatest athletes of all time?

She said, of course, of course. And then he said, what if you were a white man? And she didn't take the bait, and she just said any man, because what Common forgot is that bitch sleeps with white dick every night, and she just said any man because what Common forgot is that bitch sleeps with white dick every night and she don't want to disrespect her husband who started Reddit, which is an evil place. Don't go on that if you're a content creator.

I'm no longer a comedian. I'm no longer a stand-up. I'm a content creator, and I'm fucking fully monetized. I'm monetized. I'm going to have Drew following me with a camera, and I'm going to monetized. I'm monetized. I'm going to have Drew following me with a camera and I'm going to monetize my life. I'm going to monetize my wife and I'm going to monetize my baby.

I will exploit my entire family in order to get followers. I will do anything. You will see stories with my baby. You will see Instagram posts. She won't agree to any of them because she's too small. But they'll be cute

and I will exploit the shit out of her and whatever fucking relative I can find for fucking followers. You're like the Ace family. I will fucking monetize my entire life.

My mother-in-law. I'll monetize Jesse's fucking life. I will fucking monetize. I'll monetize anybody. Watch my story, son. I'm going to be fucking, I'm going to be monetizing people

I just walk up to and fight on the street. Monetize. You guys film it. Fuck in. That's what people do now. Like a lot of the people on TikTok just go up and do rude things to people in stores. It's basically Impractical Jokers

if Impractical Jokers had any balls and they didn't set it up beforehand. We have to edit that out. He's just going to say we have to cut that out. I'm just kidding. I'm just joking because Impractical Jokers is actually a very funny show where the pranks are very good-hearted and stuff, you know? By the way, prank comedy.

Do you think prank comedy gets big at the rise of an empire or the end? When do you think violent prank comedy gets big at the rise of an empire or the end when do you think violent prank comedy becomes popular during the height of an empire or maybe the end yeah when we walk up to a street and punch each other in the face and yell milk boys i actually have some milk boys i know you do i love you dude they're just They're just like George Carlin. They're the best. Yeah, they're fucking good. So we're at the end,

but it's a fun end. Enjoy it. You may get punched in the face in the street or there may be a small Latin kid crawling through your legs in a Target going, mi bola, mi bola. What's the ticac? He goes, what's his name? He goes, chupacamo mama. What's he he goes what's his name he goes chupaka mu mama

what's he got what's his name he just yells things in people's ears on tiktok chupapi mu neno chupapi mu neno like he just

like moans in people's ears yeah he just moans in people's ears his name is Salim Salim the dream yeah chupapi mu neno chupapi chupapi muñeño. You're like, ah.

Chupapi. Chupapi muñeño. And then he'll drop a ball in between people's legs. And he'll go, mi bola. Mi bola. It's really funny. But you know what I mean? It's not what I would call art. Chupapi muñeño.

That's not him. That's not him. So. It's not him so it's not Salim no I'm joking I'm joking prank comedy is just another

genre of comedy and they're they're all equal depends on what you like whatever you're into some people some people

wanna you know they wanna go see a fun comedian some people wanna go see someone a little more thoughtful. It doesn't, it's completely subjective.

Everything's exploded into a million pieces. Chupapa muñeña. Chupaca muñeña. You can find him if you just go TikTok chupapa muñeño. Cuz, it's 2021.

The standards for things have dropped a little bit, Cous. Hence why I have my own show now because we just decided I have my own show. There's no gatekeepers anymore. We're just going, we're going to give me my own show and we gave me my own show. And more people are probably watching this than Ellen. It's over.

Ellen's a bitch. Yeah. Chupapimunyeno. I actually, yeah, I can't stop watching it either. Like, when I scroll on TikTok,

yeah, yeah, yeah. No, let me get the pipe. Let me get my pipe. No, no,

let me get the pipe. But when does he do Chupapi Muneño? Muneño. Yeah. Muneño. Muneño. Muneño? Muño. Yeah. Muño. Muño. Muño. Muño.

Muño. Muño. Muño. Muño. Muño. Yeah. Muño. Muño.

Because this is the comedy at the end of an empire. Like when Nero was at the end, when Nero was at the end, Nero was just walking around. I don't know if you know, Nero was, you know, crazy emperor of Rome. He would roll around with his friends and beat people up on the street in disguise. It's a true story. For fun. Yeah. Nero.

Nero. Nero. Huh? He was. Bob? Bob? You said De Nero. No.

I didn't know what you were saying. No, not Bob De Nero. Nero, the Roman emperor. Oh. But, you know, you were saying no not Bob De Niro Nero the Roman Emperor but you know you're a smart kid but once in a while that 23 shines through like a fucking Jordan jersey

well I just misheard yeah I mean sometimes I look at you and I see fucking Air Jordan flying through the air okay need to drop that quick 5 G's for Yanni's piece

in my tub 5 grand I'll come to your tub we will do a squeaky clean episode together. Patreon.com slash Yanni Long Days for the bonus series that airs weekly every Wednesday. Squeaky clean. It's a hit. People love it. Ask the long haulers themselves. Don't take it from me. And then of course we got the character pieces that come at you every week as well. Additional character check- check-ins sketches bonuses once in a while early

access just there's going to be so much content flying at you you don't know what's going to happen maybe one day i'll start a fucking daily morning show again you know who knows maybe i'll do wet by no water what the fuck i'm just patreon is our place to hang out for you to support the show and for you to get bonus content, and interact with the other long haulers back there, and make this a community that we're building. So I appreciate each and every one of you that signed up. You guys are producers of the show.

Subscription comedy is the comedy where we just say, we go for the funny. Everything I said in this episode is just for the funny. I don't mean anything. I don't even care about anything. I don't have any opinions. I don't care. I love everyone I was talking about.

Just making jokes. That's how it goes. You know it. I have to say this because I'm trying to, you know, you gotta hold everyone's hand now. That was about me. People listen to the whole thing

and they wait for the thing that they're threatened by and they go, that was about me. I'm offended. They don't care about the other 100 offensive things I said for other groups.

So, and they act like it's about some social cause when it's really just about them. When is Yanni and the boys coming to South Africa? That's a Greek. I already did it. I did a Greek show there

and of course there was a bishop there. That's just what you gotta do. When you fucking do a Greek show, there's just gonna be the clergy's gonna be there. Cuz is already over 3 Gs a month on Patreon fucking rolling

cuz he was. He absolutely robs. But where are the rest of you, dog? We're trying to get to 10 Gs a month on Patreon fucking rolling cuz he was he absolutely robs but where are the rest of you dog we're trying to get to 10 G's a month we're trying to make this show big let's go together we do it together you been getting any good dick recently Yanni thank you

bucket of bread bucket of bread no been getting none I'm going through a dry spell bucket of bread so bucket of bread no been getting none i'm going through a dry spell bucket of bread so um that's it for the show man i think we pretty well we pretty much got to everything yeah we got ads can we cut these in yeah we can cut them in the small business sponsor tier on patreon is almost sold out i believe we're at four. There's only one slot left. So I want to give a shout out to our newest sponsor. Give it up to my boy, Joseph DeMonte, who joined

last week while we were filming live on air. He was getting in there because he is a Bay Ridge kid where we shoot the show, where my house is, Bay Ridge. And he actually is the owner of one of my favorite spots that me and my wife go to all the time. And we used to go to all the time. They got a cool outdoor space during the summer. You go there, they got great drinks and amazing food. If you like that Mexican food, which I do, you got to go to Blue Agave and you can follow them at Blue Agave Bay Ridge on Instagram. Check it out. It's on 3rd Avenue and 72nd Street in Bay Ridge. One of my favorite spots.

Not even lying to you. I go there, I get a mojito, and I get some Mexican food. Dase. All right, and we're also brought to you again by Max, Mr. Good Guy Long. And it's Good Guy's refrigeration all right he's got two locations one in palm springs the first one's in seattle this guy works out of his truck he'll fix your refrigerator i mean if your refrigerator's got fumes he will crack it open and clean it out you can go to good guy refrigeration.com and check it out all five star reviews

a couple of ones with fumes a couple of people you know there's a couple of karens who love some bad reviews but mostly good reviews if you check them out so he's mobile he'll come to you i don't know how far he'll drive cuz we go to fort lauderdale all right you're in palm springs la will you drive across country so if you live in the palm springs area or you're in in Seattle and you got a fridge problem, you need something repaired, hit them up on their website, goodguyrefrigeration.com. Okay, and we're also brought to you by Jared Z from the Stinkbox, Tallahassee, looking for that hairy Yanni P to make me.

So our sponsors, these are blue chip companies here. Only blue chip. So Jared Z from the Stinkbox Tallahassee looking for that Yanni P to make me a Kazi. That's the full name. And he got a little hurt that I didn't put that ending in it. But make me is funny too, Jared.

So they're both funny. So Jared, he has over eight years of experience in the moving industry. And he'd like to make sure his customers are informed on how the industry works. Some brokers will mislead customers into believing they are carriers, overprice them and promise them schedules before a schedule is even confirmed with the carrier. Luckily, Jared is honest and cares about the customer's experience. A customer can either reach Jared or his employee, Kristen,

to get a breakdown on how it works or simply go to the website and read the how it works page. We're reachable prior to the pickup, during the transport, and after the shipment is made. These guys are on it because the only problem is, Jared,

you didn't give me a website. So I don't know where to send the people. But make zero mistake. Next episode, you will tell me because you forgot to tell me. It is exclusive autoshipping.com. My fault. The company is exclusive autoshipping.com. And they are based in the ship box that is Tallahassee Florida brother

me and these guys go way back so go down to exclusive autoshipping.com and see what they're doing brother they will ship any car or anything with wheels really brother if you got a fat aunt or somebody who's in a wheelchair and you want her out of your life, exclusive auto shipping.com will ship your fat fucking relative out of town, brother, because that's what they do. There's a ton of brokers out there that'll lie to you. But if you go to exclusive auto shipping.com, they'll give you a free online quote and let you know they've been doing it for five years, brother brother and been brokering for almost 10 so you got to see your boy jared over at exclusive auto shipping.com he's good friends with derek in italia haciera from one establishment owner to the other brother

ship my fat people out of town brother i'll I'll put them in a wheelchair. You get rid of them. Okay, so as you know, we're going to read some Patreon names now. Make your names funny. We enjoy them. Patreon.com slash Yanni Longday. Sign up for bonus episodes. So here we go.

First up, we got Alex Rezinger. Alec Rezinger. Okay, that's just a good old, just Alec Rezinger. Alec Rezinger. Okay, that's just a good old, just, Alex Rezinger, that's a German. His family's probably boxing today. They did some things. They didn't just go to have a beer and do the flat. At some point, he had a grandfather smoking like this.

Dr. Jones, we've been expecting you. Says here you're going to Switzerland. Hands up. I don't think so, Dr. Greenberg. Okay, then we got George Greek with a hooded beast piece, Georgeopolis. So the kid's not circumcised. Then we got Jacob Ballinger, Yanni Guitar. Nice.

Then we got Gabe. What's up, Gabe? Fun guy. Jacob Surslag. Surslag? I mean, is my podcast big in? Fun guy. Jacob Serslag. Serslag? I mean, is my podcast big in Germany right now? Jacob Serslag. Serslag.

He also had some ancestors did some things. Then we got Taylor Forsman. Lewis. She tastes like Texas. I like it a lot. then we got nate qo nate qo then we got oh this is a goodie elliot pages prosthetic pseudo penis then we got john d perez Apparently he's a poet or an author. I mean, you don't got to put your middle initial in there, John D. Perez. You're not writing anything except on the back of fucking cereal boxes. Yanni, I have sponny copita tattooed on my ass pappas.

That's Greek racism. You're on fucking nudas. I think a lot about Bronson Pinochet. That's a highbrow good one. Smart kid and funny. Then we got Juan Garcia. Let me see your papers. Then we got Brendan Matta.

We got fuckboy Fritz. Then we got Twite22 or twite22. Then we got Michael Johnston. What's up, Michael? Then we got Jack. Hey, Jack. You're running Twitter into the ground. Twitter sucks, Jack.

Kevin Coit. Kevin Coits. I mean, how many Germans are on this list? Then we just had Inverted Testicles this year. Then Long Day Short Dick Dosset. Then we got Captain Long John. Thomas Lizzie. PK.

Brew Crew 82. Sean, Daniel, Ben Gordon, The Villain Kiss, Tristan. Hey, Tristan. Louis Zappian. How many Germans are here? Or is that Hispanic, Louis Zappian? I think that's Hispanic. B.L. is here.

Then we got Michelle Sullivan is a long hauler. Hi, Michelle. Michelle's somebody I get to fucking bear with. Then we have Omar the Halal Falafel Farmer. If it cracks Jesse up, it's a goodie. Then we got Connor Mick with the potato-shaped dick Kearney. These are good ones. Then we got Chrissy's Rotten Foot, Feta, Father Bill gave me a three letter. Then we got Jeffrey Toobin's Keyboard. So that is what you call another smart good one. Google it if you're stupid or you don't read the news. Anne Franks and Beans. That's a great one.

Then we got Mike Quinn. Then we got the Squeakinator. That was there for the taking for a long, about six months since I invented Squeak. Deirdre Kaye. Jack. Martini's 007. Martini007,

witch hazel, clean, no fumes, vagina ready to badge bang ladder 14. Good one. Alex Domanian, Armenian kid. Alex Domanian, Domanian. Then we got Trish Bordelon. And finally, Margaret Ring. So thank you very much, everybody. As you know, tell friends as usual, that's how this podcast spreads. Like the virus that it is, the Greek virus. So tell all your friends, post it in your stories, word of mouth, like my big fat greek wedding let's make it

the highest grossing independent podcast of all time greeks why are you not supporting these love you guys i'll see you next week