Yannis Pappas Hour - Swam Here in a Shoe w/ Fahim Anwar

Episode Date: June 18, 2022

The great Lance Cantstopolis aka Fahim Anwar comes in for a long day. These two immigrant kids talk Fahim’s journey from engineer to clown, his old sketch group with current SNL cast member Aristotle Athari and Hasan Minhaj and the state of the business and how funny is 27th on the list now. Should Yanni & Fahim write a sitcom where they swam here in a shoe with their moms and white nationalists try to kill them? His new special Hat Trick is on YouTube too! Watch Fahim’s new special here: https://youtu.be/HaTA-HVCo4wSponsors:Babbel: https://try.babbel.com/podcast-flags-2021/?bsc=podcast-longdays&btp=default&utm_campaign=2022_usa_podcast_offline_veritoneone_lp&utm_medium=podcast&utm_source=offline&utm_term=podcast-longdaysButcherbox https://www.butcherbox.com/fumes/?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=offline&utm_campaign=BFL_10OFF_JUL_2022&utm_term=fumes&utm_content=Box of awesome https://www.bespokepost.com/startSubscribe to our clips page for podcast highlights here: https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykwThe show goes out every Saturday. Come join in on the LONG DAY & Follow Yannis PappasInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

🎵 Music 🎵 Oh, like a whole new breed of tech, bro. Taking cocaine, typing down words for a minute. What's up, bro? You Oracle or Google, bro? Yo, fuck that, bro. On a Vespa with an open shirt. That's the only place culturally that that is cool. Yeah.

Because like no black guy anywhere else is on the moped with the unbuttoned shirt. Except for Miami. Yeah, New York if you miami yeah you're running from the cops yeah miami you could do that in foreign countries you'll see in greece when you go there they'll go no shirt oh shit no shirt cigarette flip-flops on a fucking on flip-flops too on a fucking scooter yeah they'll be like it's you know And then curse you out when you get in their way. And they die a lot. Who? In Greece. Are we rolling?

Yeah, we're rolling. Yeah. In Greece, they die a lot. They go by moped or motorcycle, and they get killed all the time, and they just keep doing it. That's how strong culture can be. And that's why you need to get out of your country. You need to get away from your family and think for yourself like this young gentleman did,

like I did, because otherwise you end up on a moped in flip flops with no shirt on and a cigarette hanging out of your mouth. Yeah. And somebody's going, hey, that's not safe. And they go,

well, it's my culture. This is what Greeks do. This is how we drive. And you're like, there's a better way. The barrier of entry is so low. You just need enough money to get a moped and then you're on the streets yeah right yeah is that like a grand yeah it's probably like yeah i mean yeah i don't know what that is in euros right with

inflation but back in the day when greeks had drachmas you i think you would need 13 million drachmas is it which was like five dollars like the economy's like pretty bad it's always fucked they got a shadow economy they don't the whole reason why there was the crash is Greeks don't want to admit it you know it's like everyone loves to you know Greeks were the original victimhood

I gotta say they don't get enough credit cause Greeks were the original like oh it's the Jewish bankers and the Germans it's like no how about it's you hiding your money and not paying your taxes? That maybe had something to do with it. Everyone wanting the benefits of socialism,

but nobody wanting to pay into that system. Kind of inevitably, inevitably, inevitably. Welcome to me fumbling over words. There you go. Which is going to be tough because I'm sitting next to a smart kid. We just started rolling. If you don't know him,

what the fuck have you been doing with your life okay this gentleman right here lance can't stop elopolis speaking of greek and i'm greek and i can't even pronounce a greek name fahim anwar now do you demand that people say it the right way because like that happens to me all the time i'll respond to eunice eumus yamis upis yeah if you're close enough like it's hard hard doing standup and you have an unorthodox name. Yeah. Especially starting out. People just butcher it all the time.

Right. Like people would butcher yours all the time. I'm sure. Dude, especially when I started in black rooms, I'd get brought up to yam. Give it up for the white guy. Yeah.

Give it, give it up for bird. I think I got, I got brought up as Larry bird once. One time I didn't even get a credit. He goes, this next guy is a terrorist. Like I wasn't even offended. Like I a comic i have thick skin like i'll take any joke yeah i was just offended

as a comedian like at least have a joke to it yeah yeah that was just a statement like specific like now welcome saddam yeah or coming to the stage osama yeah we thought we're gonna see saddam but yeah just like a regular guy and then you could go up and be like, you know what? I actually got to give you credit for actually knowing specifically where I'm from. Because if someone said Osama, I'd be like, you can tell.

Imagine if they could regionally tell. What type of terrorist? That's personal racism. Or at least your, yeah, your phenotype. They look at you and they go like, hmm, Afghani. Because you are from Afghanistan. Yeah, I guess blood wise, yes.

But I was born in Seattle. Parents, Afghanistan. Yeah. So your parents,wise, yes. But I was born in Seattle. Parents, Afghanistan. Yeah. So you're first generation like me. Okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm from Greece. You're from Afghanistan. I did my 23andMe, and I got some of your DNA in there.

Oh, shit, for real? From that particular region. You got Afghan in you? I got Afghan in me, dog. What's the percentage? I'm going to say too much. I'm just kidding. I might, yeah, because, you know, former Ottoman Empire.

So the first thing that I found out, which I suspect because my dad is from a tiny island, which is now Turkish that used to be Greek, it used to be called Imbros. Now it's called Shishkabab or Babaganush or whatever. I don't know. I can't pronounce it but so i got 36 percent anatoni anatolian that's a lot that's a lot so anatolian is turkey and mesopotamia i got like a good a good portion 16 20 something 16 to 20 percent something like that so yeah i mean i'm like iraq iran afghani inbred kind of situation. It'll be cool if you saw the breakdown,

and then it would show you who fucked who from your line. I want to know. You get to see that happen. Also, there's rape in there for sure. Well, everyone has that in there. That used to be, that's the old school way. It's like hip hop back in the 90s. It's like that's the OG way,

especially because humans were less civilized. You look at the way animals do it, and then you look at the way empires used to do it. It was kind of like- You kind of realize the society and all the rules we have, it's on a razor's edge. Even when COVID hit, you started to see things like everyone wanted a gun at that point. All these things that we are progressive and liberal, once things get taken away, we go backwards. It's like we go back to becoming a wolf. Yes, you can't wipe the ass You want to take some heads off? Yeah, pretty much like everyone was just stopping each other skulls for toilet paper and shit

Yes. Yeah, I used to I think I had a joke. There's something like Everyone's liberal till they get mugged Every everyone's three bad muggings away from switching to conservative Yeah, and everyone's live everyone's liberal until they get rich. And then they become socially liberal and fiscally conservative. Everyone wants to keep their money. Yeah, that's always my favorite when I would meet a girl who would say that and be like, yeah, that means your dad's rich.

You heard him say that. He wants to seem cool to you and your friends. But when he gets into his accountant's office, he's like, how do we hide all this money from poor people so the government doesn't give it to them? They buy art. Yeah, they buy art. That's such a scam. I just learned about that. Yeah.

Rich people just buy these million-dollar paintings and stuff. What did you tell? Give us some intel. I mean, I don't know. Because the goal is- I saw the broad strokes. The goal of this podcast, if you don't know, is to overthrow the 1%. How's it working?

I just decided right now that that's the goal of the podcast. We're doing a hard pivot, guys. This is your new direction. So right now, we're figuring out all their tricks, and we're going to fucking... You're from a beanbag chair? Yeah. We're going to dethrone Jeff Bezos. Yeah.

Jared Harmon is the boss. Yeah, we're thinking of this plan, drinking RC Cola. Yeah. I'm drinking water out of a metal can, and we're going to, and we got, both of us got YouTube specials, but somehow we're going to figure out. Yeah, man, that's the new paradigm, though, man. People used to shit on YouTube, but that's where it's at, I think. It is where it's at.

This is your second one, right? It's my second one. That did not pop off. Yeah. Which one? Your special? It's my second YouTube special that has not hit a milli so look there's time third time's a charm mine hasn't hit a milli either but i will say what is nice about it though is that

it's a great entry point like i like the frictionless there's zero friction between the consumer the comedy consumer and your content you know what I mean? Right, right. Straight to it. And whenever you do a podcast or whatever, the algorithm will kick back up again. Like, it's there. Right. Like Schultz and stuff was talking about. It's like having a digital house.

You have equity. You have equity. I love listening to Schultz talk about this stuff because it's so funny. You can see how some personalities, they would fit in any time. Like, he could easily be giving any of those speeches in a boardroom on Madison Avenue talking about Marlboro, and it would be just as effective and just as true. I mean, the kid is a marketing brilliant dude. Yeah, he's changed the game.

He fucking goes in there. He's passionate about it. He knows his shit. Yeah, clips, baby. Yeah. Yeah, he's like, no. He looks at in there. He's passionate about it. He knows his shit. Yeah. Clips, baby. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, no. He looks at the metrics.

He gives just a hard take on what to do based on the metrics. Whereas I look at the metrics and I go, why do that? I want to put out a three-hour special. And then you look at how when people tune out at seven minutes. And you just don't want to believe it. You're going like, it's good. It's good. You're looking at the graph,

like exactly where everybody tunes out because that's right there on YouTube. You know where you're like, okay, it drops off here. It looks like crypto right now. Just boom. My special looks like crypto, bang. So yeah, I get it. But you put out a special on YouTube.

It's out right now. Yeah, yeah. Now I first found that about you when I was being briefed by the NYPD about people who suspect. Okay, I'm just kidding. The terrorist intro. Yeah, where they were looking at you and going, let's find out all the Afghani immigrants. No, I found that about you, Lance Can't Stop Anopolis.

Or Can't Stop-a-lis. Can't Stop-a-lis, which is very funny. So there's a Greek character you're doing. You can dance, dog. Every comic says that. You can fucking dance. I'm all right. I think I'm okay for a comic.

Yeah, I don't think it's just comics that say that. I think fucking a lot of women, too, were going, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. When I watch it, you had a little, because what he did, he had this hilarious mullet going. Yeah, it was a weave. I would clip it in.

This is pre-Theo. This mullet predates Theo. It was pre-Theo, yeah. You probably watch those videos. He goes, I gotta. Yeah, I don't even think theo's from new orleans i think he's just maybe a french immigrant yeah he what if he's from connecticut he doesn't even talk that way when the cameras are off it's like hey guys that was a great show mama hi um yeah it went great they bought it um i did the gang gang and they went for it I'm a rat king.

Seems like my tour is coming through home. Just have my pony ready, mother, in the foyer. Mama. Mama. I've been watching Downton Abbey, and that just always makes me laugh whenever they go, Mama. Mama. Do you watch it at all?

I don't, but I am familiar. Wasps always either go, Mama, or they also always refer to their parents as mother and father. And they do it in the first, like when they're talking about them, like you have to meet mother. They don't say my mom. There's no possessive pronoun. It's always like you have to meet mother. Or father says.

That's so weird. Yeah, father says. And they always have a foyer. And the foyer is as big as this apartment studio. Foyer is a big thing in WASP culture. And so is portraits. What's like WASP headquarters? Connecticut.

Connecticut. And that's like old money? Oh, yeah. It's like they own iron. Like they do the raw material. Yeah. Whereas like our parents did shit. They go to Connecticut or Newport, Rhode Island.

We work in copper. Yeah. shit they go connecticut or newport yeah we do we work in copper yeah and the funny thing about wasps is like because i live you know in an area now where i can go see them in their natural habitat and dude we are all puerto rican to them like i mean they the funny thing about wasps is they're like they are the white people yeah they're truly the white like the irish are kind of fucking they were poor came over and like fucking drinking and farting and shitting on the street and then the italians came in like and then the wasps were always like just kind of looking around going get rid of them get rid of them get rid of them get rid of them so when you walk in

their areas they look at you like what are you doing here what are you doing here and like they all they look at you no matter what you are if you're not them as like filth yeah they treat the world like a subway sandwich they can customize that shit yeah they kind of do look at it like this they go well i have none of that none of that none of that just give me the way yeah they so they're that's their and they love horses oh yeah i wasn't even such an expensive that's how you know the richest shit like that's their, and they love horses. Oh, yeah. I wasn't even. That's such an expensive, that's how you know they're rich as shit. That's not cheap. No.

I wasn't even really aware of wasps until I went to school in D.C. Like, when you grow up in New York, New York is like a, it's like a universe crammed into a city. Like, you, I have met every culture race by the time you're six you can speak like broken english you can speak like you can make you can make out what an arabic guy's saying you can make out what like a dominican guy's saying like there's nothing you're not exposed to and i'm talking specific i mean i'm talking like when somebody's like i'm from uh madagascar you're like yeah that's the matter that's in madagascar neighborhood it's like all here And then when you go to D.C. And you go to these other cities

There's less ethnic groups And you know I think people are lumped in more to one or the other And then in D.C. It's like a wasp Old It's a southern town with like a northern veneer But the wasps have been running this country

Until they let JFK in Who was a Catholic They killed him And then recently A lot of people forget Obama's a wasp He's half wasp Oh yeah have been running this country until they let JFK in, who is a Catholic. They killed him. And then recently, a lot of people forget, Obama's a wasp. He's half wasp.

Oh, yeah. They let him in. Yeah, no one really trumps that up. No, you know, that's not on the shirt. They don't put that on the shirt. Half wasp? Yeah.

Like in a picture, instead of hope, it just says half wasp while riding a horse. Yeah. We're taking credit for the half. Yeah. That's the thing i noticed about new york because like i grew up in seattle and then i went to la you know after college so i just don't west coast like i don't have east coast culture whatsoever but whenever i'm here that's

what i noticed man like here in new york and midtown it's just like so many different types of people on every block yeah like i had this idea it just what's great about new york is you get to see every guy's version of what they think a cool guy is you know what i mean like you'll on one block you'll see a guy with cornrows and a flat brimmed hat and like sunglasses and then you'll see an italian guy with a leather jacket and slick back hair and then you'll see some like white guy in like a european suit yeah all those guys think they're killing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're all right.

They're all right. Yeah, yeah. They should all, there should be like a United Nations of cool guys from every country where they sit and go like, all right, man, we're doing the track suit. You can do the fedora. All of them thought they were going to get all the pussy when they left the house. Right, right. This is the look.

Right. You're West Coast The thing about West Coast is You guys got a different vibe And it's just as good That's the thing It's like New Yorkers are very arrogant And we think that everything has to be like an assault Like

New York comedians are like an AR-15 Well you guys are sharp Just razor sharp jokes You know what I mean It's like jokes first I've noticed Yeah Yeah

A lot of LA comedians They'll try to pull you Into their world Of like the sketch Or like their idea They won't really hit you With like punchlines And they're like less aggressive

Tom Segura had a great He called it He said it's like an assault He's like Okay like I feel like it was an assault Like New York comedians Are like an assault

And it's true Part of it is It's the conditioning of New York Where there's so much to do That like people come into The comedy club And they got this They have this like

Energy about them Like dude I could be anywhere I could be doing anything I chose to be here You better be funny And now And so

We're like these were like Abused children like trying to make them laugh everything where la is like I know you're here I'm gonna be a star it's gonna be fine Well everyone thinks that's the trouble with LA is that everyone thinks they're gonna be a star Yeah, like I said was a joke where I'm like everyone else trying to make it You could walk up to any random person on the street and be like hey, I'm a huge fan would walk up to any random person on the street and be like hey i'm a huge fan they'd be like thank you at a gas station i'd be like thank you so much you're familiar with my work yeah like if i followed you with a camera people would stop and look right yeah everyone's especially

nowadays everyone's an influencer or youtube so like yeah yeah that's the thing with la just so audience wise just from what i've noticed from performing in la versus new york what i like about new york is there's so many different worlds and cultures and you know you have finance people you have fashion people so it's a real eclectic mix in the crowd yeah whereas the stereotype of la is like everyone is just waiting to be like everyone's kind of like oh i could do that or i'm an actor or everyone is trying to make it in kind of the same entertainment industry. Right, right, right. So it's almost like playing for comics a little bit. It's a little back to the room.

When am I going to do that, or when am I going to get up there? Right. Whereas here, people can appreciate it, like, ah, I work at Morgan Stanley or whatever. This is funny. Right. And there's people who have succeeded in other fields. It makes you a little more humbler here. It's a little more representative of reality here.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like a more realistic cross-section of America, I would say. People go to LA and they create a version of who they are and people are forced to believe it because nobody's from LA. Nobody has any roots.

So you could just go to LA and just say that you were in the buildings of 9-11 and people just have to go along with that. I'm sorry. He has to be able to deal that you were in the buildings of 9-11 and people just have to go along with that. I'm sorry. He has to be able to deal with the jokes for the rest of his career. I don't mind. I'm actually one of the people who minds the least. And I did 9-11 disastrously.

But the jokes have to be there. It's like the Germans. What you did was bad. I don't blame the sons and the people that live. But like when they go, oh, who would the joke? It's like, yeah, another joke. Another joke. You can't deal with the joke.'s like, yeah, another joke. Another joke. You can't deal with the joke.

You put people in ovens. Go fuck yourself. Maybe not you, but your fucking grandparents. And if they didn't, they were fucking complicit. So I'm going to tell a fucking joke about it and you're going to fucking deal with it.

I hope Jewish casting directors are watching. Did you used to go out for a lot of stuff? Did you do the LA thing? No, I'm bad. I'm just, I'm like, I'm not. You're great though, man, because you would do characters and stuff too. Like I heard about. Yeah, but he would go out for a lot of stuff? Did you do the LA thing? No, I'm bad. I'm just, I'm like, I'm not. You're great though, man, because you would do characters and stuff too, like I heard about.

Yeah, but he would go out on auditions and he wouldn't comb his hair so they wouldn't hire him. Yeah, I just roll out of it. No, I'm, one of my biggest flaws, and it's a bad flaw for this business, is I am, I'm not cooperative. I'm very good working with other comics. I love comics, like, because like comics because it's like a dance.

It's purely fun and it's not scripted. It's unconfined. I don't do good with authority. I don't do good with people who I know are full of shit and are just getting a paycheck that they don't deserve. You're the white Patrice O'Neill. Now I hope they're not watching this. Minus the diabetes.

Do you think part of it is you don't want to feel like somebody else is in control of your destiny? Or does it feel like tap dancing to you? Whereas with comics, it's more cooperative and more collaborative. You don't feel like you're auditioning when you work with comics. Absolutely. I think that's what it is. And I also just think that I'm not that bright. And I'm not that good at stuff

and I've never really succeeded in a structure. So I just, I think I selfishly go like, that's not for me, man, where it's really like, yeah, it's because like every time

I tried to do that, I got beat. So I think there's a little bit of that going like, let me just stay away from the thing that I always get beat at. So would those opportunities

come in New York or did you do the LA thing for a little bit? I never did the LA thing. I never did the LA. So you never did a pilot season out there? Never did a pilot season. Never did the meeting circuit. You did or didn't? Did the meeting circuit.

Oh yeah. I've done the meeting circuit. I would love to hear your take on this. Okay. So when you did the meeting circuit, like in Burbank and shit. I did all that. Yeah. All that.

All right. How old were you at the time? You know, in over the last 10 years i've done like that circuit like two or three times getting bottles of water yeah bottles of water is a big one well that's you drive so far for nothing to happen and you get a sparklet or you get a fucking crystal geyser and you're like where do i throw this can i validate you drove all the way from new or the flu from new york to get a bottle of water i know what you mean and then you know i love how they get out of the meeting

They're like oh somebody comes in and goes like Remember you have that thing And they go oh yeah I got that thing It's like you don't have anything dude You're a fucking agent Or you're a development person All you do is sit around all day You don't have to go anywhere

You got nothing to do you just want this meeting to be over You don't want to buy the show I get get it. Part of it is they take these meetings just so they can show their boss. Like I'm so in case anybody pops off, they can be like, I had, I had the meeting with me on it. I did my due diligence, but nothing really kind of comes from it. But I learned a lesson from my first couple of meetings doing those. Like, how were you and what did you guys talk about did how did you approach it when you did those generals it's funny because uh some of the generals and some of them were to pitch shows and it's all based on heat this business so it's like heat like i remember me

and nate were pitching a show nate bargatze and we at that point he was beginning to have a little heat did you do late night a few times and by that time he had done it yeah like maybe he was on his 10th by that time he had done an hour on comedy central half hour he'd done a lunch a bunch jimmy fallon at that point i think had you know uh kind of was pitching a show with him so we were pitching this other show and walking in there with him it was just like you could tell there was a little more attention because it was him and like i i was like invisible so it's like that's just how it goes you know so but when that round we got like we got interest a little bit more and then when i got a little something when my characters went viral and then i was introduced to the business that first round of meetings and

stuff it was all the agents and all they yeah you sit there and they act very interested it's all upside everything's upside you haven't fucked up yet you know so they got nothing to to judge you negatively on and you feel like you're king of the world so that first round is kind of like you sit back and you know they get lots of water you're completely hydrated all the other agents come in or if you're doing Or if you're pitching a show, they all come in. There's like eight of them in there. You're trying to figure out who's who. This is so-and-so from Lit.

This is so-and-so from our digital department. This is the TV and film. Hey, I'm Greg. It's just like the whole fucking agency comes in. Everyone's like, hey, I'm Daniel from. And then as things don't work out and yours goes on, you're just having a meeting at like a coffee shop with one guy. It's a tumbleweed.

You're like, can I get some water? No, we can't give you water. Yeah, it's really, it's just all about heat. It's all about buzz or whatever that thing is. You must have had it at some point. You had an article written about you in the LA Times. Yeah. Back when that really meant something.

I forgot who had this quote. Someone said like, you kind of get on the roller coaster two or three times throughout your career. That's, I think that was Patrice. Patrice. Patrice.

Okay, yeah. It's a great quote and it's very, it's true, you know? So my first go was kind of when I left Boeing. I was working at Boeing as an aerospace engineer.

You were young too. Yeah, I guess I was maybe like 20, when did I quit? I was working at Boeing as an aerospace engineer. You were young too. Yeah. I guess I was maybe like 20. When did I quit? It's probably like 25 or around 25 when I quit. And then I, and I got Montreal around the same time. So maybe like 2010.

So I did JFL new phases. Do you ever do new faces? Yeah. Yeah. It was kind of very whatever for me. Like some people it's fucking after they do that for me, it was kind of whatever yeah um and but what's weird is i had some acting shit before stand-up stuff popped off for me

so when i was working at boeing i got this like huge guest guest starring role on chuck on nbc i actually took a long lunch uh because nobody knew i did any of this shit. So I'm like, I got to do a long lunch and audition for the show. And then I got it. Wait, so you auditioned while you were working at Boeing? Yeah. On a long lunch.

Yeah. Because I had to go all the way to Burbank to audition for this shit. Right, in LA. And I was working in Long Beach. Yeah. Kind of. I had to be choosy with my,

I couldn't go out for everything because I'm living this double life. Right, right, right, right. So I do this long lunch, I audition, and, right, right. So I do this long launch, I audition, and then they like me, but then the network's like, he has no acting.

Like, I had nothing. You know what I mean? And it's like a huge guest star. Yeah, but you know what? That's what pisses me off about it. It's going like, some guy who's sitting there or a girl who's sitting there

is going like, he has no acting experience. It's like, yeah, but you know what he does know how to do? Build fucking airplanes. He knows how to build an airplane. What do you know how to do build fucking airplane. He knows how to build an airplane What do you know how to do get a BA from Sarah Lawrence? And then working and then get a job from a friend at a network. Is that what you know how to do?

That's okay. I mean it doesn't annoy you a little bit It's a little frustrating that the people with the biggest positions of power have like a BA Yeah, some rando university. And it's all breaks. Yeah. It's just, it's not even really what they want to do. Like we dedicate our lives to this shit.

We love comedy. We love standup. We love jokes. We love creating. It's every fiber of our being. And then someone who's the biggest gatekeeper for us to do what we want to do just kind of fell into it. Like, I like to laugh.

Yeah, yeah. I don't think that's funny. Yeah, yeah. They get to say what is. I'm not going to do finance, but, you know. But it turns out I'm not that good at that either. So it's a lot easier to just sit around and tell people if they're funny or not. Kind of.

Yeah. Have you had it? I've had it before where I've had a manager and then you know sometimes you go through different managers or agents and stuff and then three years later they're like hey i'm i have a cake business yes oh that's why you weren't good at what you like you were aiming for the cake business the whole time yes i thought you were as invested in this as i was right but you had your eye on the batter well they were just going like this. Hopefully this works out.

And by this, they mean like hopefully one of the people I'm leeching off of becomes huge. And then I somehow get a name off of them and some of their money as well. Kind of like everybody wants a piece. I just like that we live in an era now where I could say that and not be scared for my life a little bit.

Which is that- You know who's the king of that? Tim Dillon. Yeah, he just says it. I, like, yeah. yeah i mean everyone loves tim dillon because he's so unplugged yeah and even hollywood the people who we used to be afraid of by saying these things yeah he is so unplugged yeah the shit he says yeah it's almost like negging a supermodel yeah they want to suck his dick even more like he'll bash lily sing show or whatever. I'll let him he'll let him He's just so unplugged yet, it's romantic and awesome. Yeah. Yeah, he really he calls it like it is and

there's humor in that and but he also I think is honest about how That's not necessarily a bad thing. I mean, just like pulling the wool back and saying it's all bullshit isn't necessarily a bad thing because that's basically a lot of the world is that. And if it was not this person in power, it would be another person in power who is equally as bullshit. So you can't escape the bullshit. The way I look at the world is like i think we talked about this podcast before there's like four levels of intelligence i think the top level of the people who create all the stuff then there's people in the second rung who

can kind of uh who can understand those people who created stuff and build off it then there's third people who can kind of understand those people. Who can understand the real people. And then there's fourth people the fourth wrong is just people who invest in crypto. People investing in crypto is the fourth one. We are brought to you by Babbel. Babbel. Guys, Jared is on

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I had a little, I had a little crypto. Just to be in the game, right? It's kind of fun. Like, oh, let me have a horse in it. Let me get some Ethereum. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you have any deep cut cryptos or were you all Bitcoin? Dude, I was railing against crypto and people were hating me on it because crypto bros are, they're intense. Oh, yeah. Because they need it to be true. Yeah, they need it to be true. They're kind of like, they remind me a little bit of like, whatever you want to say. You know, the right or the left, the far left.

It's like they're religious almost. Because like I was railing. I mean, I've done some rants about how fucking it's stupid and all this and it's bullshit. It's not going to come to anything. And I would get lit up. People would tell me they were unfollowing me. And now it's all crashing. So who was right? Because it's like, dude, if you can't explain to me like i know i'm stupid but if like i if you if i give you 15 opportunities to explain to me exactly what crypto is and i'm still going

like okay i kind of still don't understand are they restarting like halfway into the explanation i had this whole joke where i would just go, I'd ask a question and their response, it would just go, oh, man, why you got to be such a boomer? That's what it always ends up being. Yeah, just like, oh, why you got to be such a boomer? And it's like, I'm just trying to understand how your magical money that lives in the internet is something that I should buy with real money. That never made sense to me. I should buy it with real money. And they go, dude, well, the real money is not real either.

And I'm going like, I get that, dude. I don't want to get into a fucking deep metaphysical conversation with you, but let's start from the supposition that that money is real because I can go to fucking Circuit City if it still existed and buy a fucking car radio. Yo, do you remember buying CDs from Circuit City? Yeah. I just think about how kids have it so easy these days with the phone and like every Drake album.

Everything they could ever want in the world is just beamed in their pocket. How old are you? 38. Wow. You almost gave, well, because you're very LA. You almost gave, you're like, well. No, I gave him my real age. You were like, what's the role?

I'm not trying to lie. Yeah. You're like, what's. Especially in comedy. I don't understand comics who lie about their age. Yeah. If you were a dramatic actor or your currency was your fuckability or something, I understand how you might fib.

Yeah. But like... And comedy's a lot about experience. So it's good to have an age in that. Well, comedy's almost ageless, though. Think about when you're at the comedy clubs and stuff, just people you're friends with. They're almost just comedic spirits. Yes.

I don't even really see the vessel. It's just, oh, I like this guy's brain. I like this girl's brain. Right. I like the ideas she comes up with. Comedy is very ageist. That's why you didn't talk about what he did.

Yeah. I agree with you. I agree with you 100% on that. Except if you're a woman, I can kind of understand why they would lie. Because it is, especially if they buy into that old system, because Hollywood is really brutal about that stuff.

Like your age, you know? It's like you get aged out quick if you're a woman. I mean, you look at that leading man stuff, it was always pretty funny. Like feminists do have a point about that. You'd go watch a movie and it would be like some guy in a walker being the leading man. He's like 80.

It would be like. It would be like Catherine Zeta-Jones. Yeah. She was on property at the time. It's like some fucking. The main lead of the female is like 30 years his inferior. You know what I've always seen with like sitcoms too and thought about is it's always like fat guy with smoking hot wife. You never see the reverse. Yeah. Just like. like yeah like ripped abs guy and the wife's like

yeah yeah how come that's not a thing it's always just adam sandler with the world's most prettiest woman yeah or kevin james i mean that's scientology scientologist girl was hot too oh leah remney leah remney yeah When it was Saved by the Bell Hawaiian style, that was like peak Remney. Yeah. I mean, she's like really hot, even in King of Queens. And even now, she's hot. She's even hotter now that she's out of Scientology.

Because she's on the run. Yeah. Just like Angelina Jolie in Salt. Yeah. Yeah, she's on the run. Like, yeah yeah she's on the run like yeah she's on the run dude

when you come out of Scientology they got some stuff on you is that how it is just they have a manila folder on every

like all their deepest darkest secrets the thing about the thing about Jeffrey Epstein was he was just employing

the same tactics that all power structures employ, which is blackmail. That's how they keep you in. Like when you go to the Catholic church and they ask you for a confession, they're not super altruistic about making you a better person.

They're like, hey, we're fucking a lot of kids here. And so we want to know everyone in the town. We want to know all their dirty secrets. In case you try to act up and say what we're doing, guess what? We know all your sins. Is that it? Like, I've never...

Is that the Genesis? That's my take on it. But every time I say it, people go, that makes a lot of sense. You know, in Scientology, they have this thing called auditing, where they do the same thing, where they come in under the guise of, we're trying to, we want to get to figure out where the aliens have infected your brain. Now look,

I support this Scientology Church because if you can convince people that aliens are in their brains and you're the only ones who know how to get them out by you confessing all your dirty shit, I say hats off. I say,

I think we should put the people in jail who are trying to take down the Scientology Church because they're occupying a lot of gullible people. And so I think that that serves a function in society.

Just have them go somewhere. Yeah, you gotta put them somewhere. You can't just have stupid gullible people roaming around. That's a good point. They're all concentrated

in one place. Yes. It's sort of like the sausage links in the junkyard. Yeah. I don't want those people randomly on the subway to push me into the tracks. I want them thinking that of like the sausage links in the junkyard. Yeah. I don't want those people randomly on the subway

to push me into the tracks. I want them thinking that they're getting the aliens out of their brain. Yeah, I always did have that thought that like if you are of a certain age, like if you're 35 and older

and you're in a cult, like it's pretty good. Yeah. Because it's not, you shouldn't be in a rush to get them out. Yeah. They have something.

They have structure in their life. Right. Yeah. If they're 18 and they're in a cult, like okay, if you're mom and dad, let's get them out. Yeah. They have something. They have structure in their life. Right. Yeah. If they're 18 and they're in a cult, like, okay, if you're mom and dad,

let's get them out. But if you're 35 and you're in the cult, it's like, okay, cool. Either that or Baccarat. You don't got much choices. Yeah. They found something.

Yeah. I mean, if you're 35 at that point, it would almost be too dangerous to let them out. I know. Because their brains are like, you can't go into the world at 35 and be like, okay,

now you know the truth. Now go get a job. They're like, wait a second. Everything I thought was a lie. I can't go live the world at 35 and be like, okay, now you know the truth. Now go get a job. They're like, wait a second. Everything I thought was a lie. I can't go live in the real world now. It is kind of nice, though, just thinking about not having to worry about making decisions and just having it. Right? Very nice.

Dude, when I was a kid, I would see commercials for shit, and I would just be like, I'm not going to get it. Trying to get inside my brain. I make my own decisions. I don't let commercials affect me. Yeah. But you get older, and you have I make my own decisions. I don't let commercials affect me. But you get older and you have to make all these decisions every day. Now I'll see a burger and I go,

I should get that. Just because it takes one decision away from me. And that's liberating. You hear that, ladies? Get back in the kitchen. Let the guys call the shots. You don't really want to be out there in the workforce. It's too much.

Wasn't it a good life when a guy just ordered for you? I said that. Is it hard for you, is it hard for you, not only in comedy, but especially in comedy, but in the world,

to be an engineer means you have a big brain. I guess. I mean, it just means you have a high threshold for academic pain. It's a humble way. I guess. I mean, it just means you have a high threshold for academic pain. It's a humble way to say it.

Yeah. I'm not this brainiac or whatever. I could do math. I could take the classes. I could do whatever was required. I could jump through the hoops to get an engineering degree. I'm able to do that. But then Boeing did hire you.

They did hire me. At a young age. Well, like the age that anybody is when they come out of college. And I wasn't like Doogie Howser of airplanes. That just let you know how stupid I was and how I've never met anyone who worked at Boeing. And I'm like, dude, they hired you when you were a young adult.

You were 22 when you got hired? How is that? That's like the age of everybody when they graduate. I just imagine you have to go to 40 years of school to make airplanes. But that also kind of makes me a little scared that there's a 22-year-old guy I just imagine like you have to go to 40 years of school to work for make airplanes. Yeah. That's also kind of makes me a little scared that there's a 22 year old guy testing the stress of a fucking plane while he's like. How it is?

Yeah. I'm like, yeah, there's some dude who smoked weed on Saturday who's let me know if this plane is safe. I don't know if the engineers are, you know, I don't know if it's a lot of engineers who are toking up and shit. They're not cool. Straight laced and nerdy. Yeah.

Yeah, dude. The plane's not going to fail because you were swiping on Tinder, that's for sure. Well, yeah. Did you clean up more puss as a comic? Or an engineer? Or an engineer.

Is this a real question? It was a rhetorical one. Do you have a hypothesis? It was a rhetorical one to set you up to let you know how much push comedians get when the alternative is engineering.

When the alternative is rock star, it's not so good. But when the alternative is engineering when the alternative is rock star it's not so good but when the alternative is uh engineering yeah yeah we don't compare to i mean comedians don't compare to musicians right isn't it weird how there is this type of girl the chuckle fucker if you will who is into stand-up comedians yeah who's just all about it Yes And it's nice I guess When you're a comedian But then part of you Is like You know musicians exist Right

Yeah Why It's interesting Yeah That they gravitate Towards comedy That means You think it's a girl

With just a little less Self confidence It's just so niche Right That it's odd When like a really beautiful girl Is into stand up comedy She got some hidden trauma

that's what that means maybe maybe what what it's like oh i have three kids i used to cut myself yeah what's your take like what do you think what do you see that girl's background as maybe they take pride in being different than the other girls because probably all her friends are into whatever the cool Harry Styles or whatever the fuck or maybe some indie band or something. But it's like, oh, you think that's cool? I'm going to go way over here. I'm going to go fuck Sean Patton.

Kind of like, yeah, that's a little removed. I'm going to go fuck a guy who orders a bottle of wine back to the room. I watched him do that once. It was hilarious. It was in Montreal, actually. We were drinking all night and we got at the end of the night and he goes like hey can i can i get that i got a wine he was like oh man we're closed he's like can i get a bottle and he just brought it back to his room one of my favorites of course butcher box i it. This is a no-brainer.

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We have a nocturnal lifestyle. We have a big hole in our soul, and we fill it with other people strangers fake affection which is really selfish because they want to feel good we go like oh they love me it's like no they don't love you man they love that you made them feel pretty good

and that you made them forget about the bills that they have for like 45 minutes if you're good that is something though everyone's getting something out of the transaction narcissistic love like like johnny and amber i guess i don't like what's your favorite part about stand-up i think people do stand up for different reasons some guys do it for the decibels and the laughs i i like the puzzle of it i like when an idea turns into a tangible joke that's exciting to me so you it's a little

kind of like sudoku to me it's a little mathematical your brain a little bit not like i the engineering part is very kind of add everything up and very analytical but when it comes to stand-up i'm not that methodical and surgical with it's uh maybe that's why i like it more just because it is ethereal a little bit right sometimes a joke will just come to you and you just figure it out and you do it on stage it's kind of organic yeah because i was going to say your material doesn't seem too um constricted it doesn't like you know dimitri martin it's a very written right yours is performative. Yeah.

And you do sketches. You do characters. And so I would say, like, that sounded a little ironic considering, like, when I watch your stuff, it's conversational. Yeah. Yeah. But so what about the, do you like the pause? Do you figure it out on stage kind of? I'll have an idea.

I don't know. Does it happen to you? Every comic is different. So I don't know what it's like when you get a joke. Sometimes it's just you. You're living your life. Do you sit down and write, or do you? No, I do it all on stage. Oh, you do it all on stage? All on stage.

So I'll go up. Sometimes I'll go up with an idea and just try to hammer away with it, like a sculpture. And sometimes the idea will come to me while I'm on stage doing something else. And then my brain will, that's the way my brain works. My brain, while I'm in that joke, I'll hear another one and go like, oh, let me go there.

Yeah. So, okay, do you jot down at least an idea to take to stage? Yes. And then you'll play with it? I jot down the idea, yeah. Ah, okay. Which is really funny

when you look at a comedian like mine's notes, it's just like, you know, it's one of those, it's like, asshole, foot's notes. It's just like, you know, it's one of those. It's like asshole foot. Yeah. It's like keywords that get you in. It's all our own language. You wouldn't be able to decipher my thing.

I wouldn't be able to decipher yours, but it makes perfect sense to you. It makes perfect sense if you look at it. But if you don't know what it is and you look at it, you're going like, this is a depraved individual who should be being investigated by the FBI. Who has a sheet that he carries around in his phone. Well, now it's digital. That goes like, asshole, you know, women shouldn't work. You know, crypto is bullshit. They shut down like 10 square blocks whenever they find this notebook.

They go, we've got a maniac on the loose. Yeah, I would assume that my, my idea page looks a lot like the Unibombers. The US government

is full of shit, shit like that. Yeah, it's just like, you know, because we're trying to work on some of the same premises.

We're just trying to make them funnier. Yeah, they go blow up buildings. We're going like, hey man, we're just trying to, just trying to make people laugh. We're just trying to make them funnier. Yeah, they go blow up buildings. We're going like, hey man, we're just trying to make people laugh. We're just being

contrarian. Yeah, mine, I won't do it like that. That sounds pretty free, the way you do it. I'll have an idea of just different areas around a topic and I might have one or two kind of tighter jokes that I'll try and I'll tag on stage.

So what you do with all your stuff i'll have the joke and if i'm getting a laugh then i'll i'll swim in it and i'll find the more organic tags right because whenever they're laughing it feels like you have the star in mario kart right right you can do no wrong they're already laughing yeah so if you say some shit that's bullshit it doesn't get a laugh they're already laughing and they don't remember that right and you it's your time it's like a safe space for you to explore yeah matrix it's bullet time yeah like it slows down and then sometimes if the tag works then you get another pop out of the crowd yeah you go okay i'll add that to the thing but yeah i love that puzzle of it where you know i'm walking

around new york say today and if i do a show later tonight and it works, that's exciting to me. Just, oh, fuck, from thought to tangible product kind of almost. It's like having a new Tesla. Because, you know, that's what jokes are. Jokes are kind of products. Yeah, it's almost like that minus the car, the money. You went big with that analogy. I mean, you went big. I did, yeah.

It's kind of like having one of the most expensive cars that you need a lot of money to afford that it's very cutting edge and actually very hard to get right now because of the supply chain

and demand and gas prices being high. That's true. I was, I was talking on the phone with Neil Brennan in Brooklyn just catching up and this has never happened before.

I've never been loitering by a Tesla. Right. So we're just talking and then the lights go like yeah and then it says recording yeah and then i got nervous i walked away from the tesla i didn't know that it knows if you're like hovering around and it records and records because it thinks that i might be stealing yeah it records yeah yeah so what was that combo with i love neil brendnan. Neil Brennan's very funny. And Neil Brennan has a reputation of being like a little aloof. Like a cat.

Like a cat. And I don't mind that. I don't mind guys like that. I don't mind. Because I am more suspicious of the guy who's always trying to be. Yeah. What are you going to do? I don't mind the guy who some people think is a dick.

Because then at least I know that he's a real person. Because who can be aff going to do? Yeah, I don't mind a guy who some people think is a dick because then at least I know that he's a real person because who can be affable to everyone? Yeah. You know? Because you can believe if you're a little less giving, you believe everything. Yeah. Rather than the guy that's just like,

you're like, what's your angle? Yeah. If you're a puppy dog for everybody. You know, like Ted Bundy was like, everyone loved the guy. They didn't know that he was biting tits off in his spare time. It's a perfect smoke screen

for that. But like a guy who's like a little bit of a dick, you know he's not gonna bite tits off because he'd be the first guy you suspect.

So that wouldn't be much of a smoke screen because you'd be like, you know, that guy's a dick. You might as well want to check on him and see if he's got any tits

in his closet. You know, because then, you know, it's not a good cover. But being the nice guy is a very good cover for doing something that's the opposite. He's great, man. He's a cool guy.

I know he may not be as accessible as like other comics who are just, you know, like you talked about biting tits off and stuff. But it took a while for us to become close because I'm very much a put your head down, do stand up. I'm not the guy. I'm not, you know, some comics are a little too, I'm old school where there's kind of a way to do things

and I'm not going to chat up everybody who's like a couple levels. There's like, you know, like at the cellar or whatever. Isn't the table like a big thing? Yeah, it's all bullshit.

Not anymore or what? Well, I guess whoever still believes in that garbage. That was never me. A million the table like a big thing? Yeah, it's all bullshit. Not anymore or what? Well, I guess whoever still believes in that garbage. That was never me. Whoever has a million followers on TikTok can sit down. Yeah, I don't know what. Yeah, to me, that stuff, yeah, it wasn't part of my personality. I don't work at The Cellar and I was never into that kind of...

Gatekeeping? Gatekeeping, but... Exclusivity? Exclusivity, kind of like comedy comedy's hard enough, you know? It's like, and the comics know who's funny. The comics know what's going on. So it's like, I understand the need to have, like, a hiring. I even understand the need to be gatekeepers.

I just don't think everyone needs to constantly live in fear about where they're sitting. Right. You know, I think the good thing about boxing gyms Is that you go in there And I think comedy clubs in a lot of ways Are like boxing gyms And now I think that's more evident Because comedians are blowing up on their own So now it's becoming more evident

That the clubs need the comedians As much as the comedians need the clubs So it's a little bit more parody in that way So it used to be like Oh you gotta get past in the club To be able to work on your five minutes To get on there It was a structure So I think the clubs were kind of Feeling themselves a little bit in that way. So it used to be like, oh, you got to get past in the club to be able to work on your five minutes to get on there. It was a structure.

So I think the clubs were kind of feeling themselves a little bit in that way. And that's fine. That was that era. I probably would have done the same thing. You know, paid the comics like less than a waitress and make all this money

and be like, you're just lucky to be here because this is your opportunity to be big. Now it's more evident that it's a gym. And like when you go to a boxing gym, there's a lot of guys there who are training to just train. There's a lot of guys who are in amateurs. And then you got Manny Pacquiao stopping by.

And that's how kind of comedy clubs are. You'll be working there. Chris Rock will come by. Some of the big guys. And then there's guys who are not. And nobody's sectioned off. You'll see fucking Mayweather hitting a pad. And then there's somebody over there who's not, who's an amateur who's hitting a pad.

And nobody's like, don't look him in the eye and shit like that. You know what I mean? Yeah. But for me, I feel like there's a natural flow of things at these places. Sometimes there are comics who are a few months in and they'll go up to Chris Rock or something and be like, can I go on the road with you? Or, you know, who just kind of. But why would you want to stop that?

Because how hilarious and awkward is that interaction? Yeah. That's my favorite thing. So you love that. Oh my God. Well, I'm just saying I don't want to stop that? Because how hilarious and awkward is that interaction? That's my favorite thing. So you love that. Oh, my God. Well, I'm just saying I don't want to be that person. So I'm always. Yeah, because you're a real human. Yeah.

I can tell you're like a genuine guy, not a sociopath. But how great is it to see a sociopath 22-year-old who grew up thinking they could do anything because they got a computer just walking up to Louie and being like. This is my chance. Chris, do you have an opener? I've been at it for a couple months and I've got three solid minutes.

I mean, that's the best and if I was Chris Rock, I would want to be in that environment where things can be uncomfortable because comfort corrupts. I mean,

what are you going to do? Sit at a fucking gold table and lose touch with the world? That's what these fucking maniacs at the top do. They sequester themselves away from the rest of the world and then you start talking to them

and they start telling you that Austin's good when it's not. Okay, so we did, I want to get your thoughts. For a second when I, It's like talk to some normal people. Nobody enjoys it.

I was out there for, I'm joking, but I'm not. I was out there for a month or two when LA was super shut down. Yeah, I was there. So I was like, I had this Zoom writing job at the time.

I'm like, I'll let me, I miss standup. I want to do standup. Yeah. So I want to do that at night while I do this thing by day. And then I saw you out there and I heard like, oh yeah,

Giannis is moving out there too. Were you just spending some time and then you were still here in New York? Yeah. Did you move for a little bit? No, at first. Yeah. So when the pandemic hit,

like everyone was like,'re going like where's open like i want to yeah so it's like austin and then rogan was moving there rogan's a planet obviously and um so uh he's moving down there and i'm like maybe i'm gonna move to austin you know because he's moving down there he's opening a club and doing all that stuff was it really shut down here too it was very shut everything was shut down you couldn't? Couldn't do nothing. People in parks and rooftops. Yeah, you couldn't do anything. Yeah. Yeah.

And you weren't even supposed to do that. You had to like do it illegally. Yeah. So it was like really shut down. And Austin's great. Like I enjoy going to Austin. Now here's the truth. If I wasn't married with a kid at this point and my wife's family wasn't so close, maybe

I would, right? But the thing is, it's like, does it matter where you live anymore? Because Austin's like a three-hour, I can go any time. And my wife totally, I could go for like two weeks. I could go for a month at a time, if need be. So at the end of the day, it's just like, whenever Rogan opens that club, I mean, for all intents and purposes, I'll be there. It's just like, rogan opens that club i mean for all intents and purposes what's i'll be there like it's just like i'll be i'll be there yeah and if my if i start making a lot of money and i want to i want to hide some taxes i'll move there for real i'll convince the wife and say

we're moving there and i'll you know i'll claim that it's for the culture but really it's because i'm saving millions of dollars when i was out there um because the real estate was coming up and i was trying to maybe buy something to take advantage of that when everyone was out there because the real estate was coming up and I was trying to maybe buy something to take advantage of that when everyone was like flooding in and then Rogan had she was actually at the dinner you know the dinner that Rogan had like it was Tim Dylan you Tony

Tim and Joe's it was Joe's real estate agent so how great was she just sort of that Austin Texas vibe yeah totally and the thing is Rogan recommended me to her and so like she calls me on the phone she's so nice this is before she realized what tax bracket i'm in right because if rogan's because we're all common right right right so we're like oh you need a place my lady's great right right right fucking the richest comedian in the world like ah yeah use my lady. We have two very different realities, right?

So she's like so nice on the phone and like, yeah, this is a great neighborhood. This is a great neighborhood and be happy to show you around and blah, blah, blah. Oh, you're a comedian too? That's fantastic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, and then as it became apparent that, you know, my price range of what I'm looking at, it just kind of faded away. I think you better shoot suited for Craigslist. Kind of. And it was kind of weird when I see her

at the dinner like, hey, how are you? Oh, yeah, you look nice. But both of us knew this wasn't going to happen. Yeah, yeah. Because I think the first person she worked with was Tim after Rogan. And Tim had money. Yeah, so that's funny. She was great, though. Her vibe was great, dude.

If you guys would have seen her, she's like a Texas, like, that's what you want. She's like a pig in shit because she's like a Texas woman, and then all these people were moving to Austin, and she's just, like, caking off. And top dollar. This isn't Texas people who are looking. This is just people who have L.A. prices. Yes.

Like, oh, for this price? And that's fucking huge for her, you know? Yeah. la prices yes like oh for this price and that's fucking huge for her you know i just read that the as of right now i think the biggest rent increase in the country is austin and it's close to 50 increase in rent i mean all and then number two is nashville which is crazy the shift. To think about the shift that's happening right now from San Francisco, LA, New York, to last year, Nashville was the number one real estate market in the country. Nashville, that fucking dump

where Nate Bargatze calls home. That place. Is Theo there too? Who? Theo's there. Theo's there. I think he's there, but I think he's also in LA. He's kind of everywhere. But yeah, I think he's there but he's I think he's also in LA

he's kind of everywhere but yeah I think he lives there too but yeah I mean you know and it's I think the pandemic kind of just shook things up

yeah it just taught you okay things are a little remote now you can be anywhere America's a big place why am I getting raped in these cities

like it's not worth it yeah people don't even want to go into work anymore unless you're doing some flex time, or all right, I'll go in two days a week. But that whole, I'm gonna be at my desk for 10 hours

Monday through Friday, it's gone. And then you sit at four hours of traffic, no one wants to do that. Yeah, well the traffic's still there. I mean, the traffic is just everywhere. Well, in Austin, it'd be funny to be like, oh, traffic's pretty bad, it'll be 15 minutes. Yeah, compared to LA. Are you kidding me?

Oh, just you wait. Yeah, well, well it'll keep getting the more people move there the more it'll get bad do you think it snaps back like we were just talking before i don't know if it was on camera about miami miami it's crazy what miami you're going like everywhere is crowded uh it's a metropolis it used to be i remember when miami was south beach and that was it now it is like a massive city the massive population massive infrastructure uh high-rise condos going up everywhere industries flooding there um it's nuts the shift that's happening do you think it snaps back a little bit? Or do you think people spend a summer in Miami's humidity and they go, fuck this? They spend a summer in Austin going like, all right, keep Austin weird.

Fuck that shit. I want to go back to normal. Or do you think this is a shift? I think it's a shift. I think you just get too much for your money. Right. Why would you ever go back? Right.

It's a very right position though. Yeah. Politically. Because it's like no state taxes, less taxes. But I heard, because of the homeowner taxes, that's where they get you. Or the property tax is really high up there. That's where they get you. Yeah.

That is where they get you. That's true. It's kind of like a trade-off. But it's still, I don't think anywhere near as much as, if you have money, I don't think it's anywhere near as much as how you get taxed in New York and Los Angeles. Oh, yeah. For sure. Yeah.

But I'm not in the tax bracket yet. No. That's why when people always talk about that, I'm going like, I don't have to worry about that. They go, how do you deal with those New York taxes? Like, I don't really. They don't really come hunting for me. They go look at mine.

They go, aw, keep it. You need it more than we do. So you shot the special At the comedy store And you did it In all the rooms Did it in all the rooms Yeah

The original room Then the main room And then upstairs To the belly Nice Just like a regular I just wanted to tag along Just do my regular spots

At the club Right I didn't want to You know like Load in an audience I didn't want to make it precious I just kind of I wanted to show the store on a regular night of operation,

what that's like. Cause I don't think a special had done that. They had used the bones of the store to like use the stage, but it was always kind of a, a production, a production. Yeah. But this was just sort of,

I want people to get a feel for what it was like or what it's like to do your spots at the store. Now you're in that you're in this era, right? with kind of the rest of us where it's sort of like hey build your own thing get your audience release things digitally for free uh and hope for the hope there's a return right because that's what we're all doing right we're like hey i'm putting this up for free i spent a little money on it uh hopefully this is a return when I tour and I win fans over, et cetera. Before that, though, you had some good things pop off. What did that feel like?

Like when Goatface, you guys got a show. Well, it was a one-hour sketch special for Comedy Central. So, yeah, we got to put it on, but it was a one-off. Right. We were hoping that it would go into a series. Right. But Comedy Central didn't want to do it. Right.

But it's kind of indicating, looking back, just what everyone is doing. Like, Aristotle is on SNL now. I love that kid. Hassan is, you know, who he is. He's going to tape his Netflix special, his second one, this Saturday, actually. Yeah, he's doing Radio City. Hassan is like blown up. Yeah, Asif is in WandaVision.

He's in that new Harry Styles movie. He's in this movie with Joe Coy. And hey, you're here. I'm on long days. So we're all doing pretty great, our respective things. This smoothie was free. I didn't have to pay for that. A lot of times I have to bring my own smoothie to podcast, like this is all post goat face yeah yeah so we're all doing really well

yeah but go for it specials at 200k in two weeks a lot of positive comments i'm not so good but but the majority positive some people want me to die but like some people appreciate the humor yeah yeah so when that When you guys did that Was there like the hope That like oh my This is gonna Maybe

And was there a realization Afterwards that like hey If Cause it was good And you guys were funny Thanks man Thanks I was head writer on it

I was What was cool is We did that shit On YouTube for a while For like two years When we were coming up Nobody was anybody And we thought

That would be our thing Like okay We're four Funny stand ups Who can do sketch exceptionally well we believe and maybe if we package it this way eventually the power the comedy central whoever will recognize it and we'll get to have our own sketch show and then it didn't really we didn't really we had some stuff pop off like on reddit some would go viral but it never really happened. And everyone got busy. Like Hasan got daily show and everyone got busy with their own lives. And then we were able to do the sketch special,

the one off comics that we want to do, but it didn't turn into a series. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So there was the hope that it was going to, was there a realization afterwards? Like,

Hey, maybe if this is good and it didn't turn into something, maybe it's not because of us. maybe it's because people aren't really because like hasan got on the daily show here's my point hasan got on the daily show but if hasan would have got on the daily show now it wouldn't do anything for his career yeah timing like michael costa no he's doing the the track phone i'm just kidding. He's a friend of mine. I love Costa. I know Costa from the store.

He's the best. I remember when he got Daily Show, it's like, oh, we're losing a buddy because he's got to come out here. Yeah, no, he'll be back soon. Don't worry about it. Meaning that there's just not a lot of eyeballs watching anymore.

So it went from, he's a very good friend of mine, so he'll be okay with it. But when John, or even Trevor at the beginning, it was like TV was still i mean when you because when you just look at the hard numbers they're low yeah they're really really low all of tv is kind of unless it's yellowstone that's my point yeah that's my point is so it's not it doesn't speak to the quality of the content it speaks to just the shift that happened so So, you know, Hasan got on The Daily Show at the right time.

Also, he's great, but he got on at the right time. But like you guys were maybe doing Goat Face towards the end because that was recently, it was a couple years ago. Like you might have been just a little too late as far as like the amount of eyeballs that could have come there. Was there that realization or were you just, did you think like? So much of it is timing and also in the business we're in, all you can do is your best, do your best.

And, and you've done your part. The universe kind of takes over with the rest. Are you too nice to make it in this business? Maybe. Yeah. Sometimes you hear stories about people who are like, oh fuck, they did that? Yeah.

I've experienced it too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The thing is, I don't want to live my life that way. You shouldn't. I don't want to be in entertainment and stomp on skulls and shit. You shouldn't, yeah. I would rather be less famous than stomp on skulls to get to where I need to be or whatever.

Right, right. Yeah, because I want to have a good time on this journey as well. Right. And feel like I haven't lost myself. Right. But yeah, so there is this shift shift you're right about timing and everything and what's interesting i mean you and i when we came into the comedy game there was a way to do things there was a blueprint and it had been that way for a pretty long time part of it was okay you do a late night set uh you become fifth on the call

sheet on a sitcom then people watch this TGIF show or whatever the fuck. And then they come and they see you. That was the way to do it. And then Instagram comes along, YouTube comes along and there's this seismic shift and no one, even if you get a sitcom, no one's watching. You might make some money and it may help you as an actor, but as a standup, it's not helping you anymore. So this shift on my journey and standup and entertainment and all that, this is happening in the middle of it. And then, you know, Goatface is part of it where, okay, that's traditional Hollywood and the things are shifting even more towards TikTok, Instagram, YouTube.

You see Schultz do his thing. You see Joe List, you see Norman. And like that's, thatz do his thing. You see Joe List. You see Norman. And like that becomes the new thing because before it was Netflix. And you go, oh, this is actually a viable route. And then I know we're giving our shit away for free and all that. It's almost borrowing a page from hip hop or SoundCloud.

Like music is always at the forefront. Yeah, they were before us. They always have the blueprint for everything, like mixtapes and shit. Like comedy is following suit. Chance the rapper. Yeah, so yeah,apes and shit. Comedy is following suit. Chance the rapper. Yeah, so yeah, we're giving it away for free and everything, but what's the alternative? At least you have a shot with putting the shit out for free.

And also, what's great about you and the other guys I've mentioned too is this shit is funny. Because there are so many check boxes with um traditional hollywood they don't look at like funny is number 27 on the list what do you think's going on i want to i want to get into it what do you why is that what's going on what do you mean 27th why it's not the number one thing uh because they're marketing people they it's almost like they're uh they work for goldman sacks or something they're just like there's bean counters and number crunchers and they go okay this is a marginalized person this will speak to we know how to package this it's like you're making an r&b group or something

right right not uh you're simon cowell right right right it's not about like funny funny right funny at its core right um so they'll look at like okay what's the racial composition do they have enough fan base right you know to make sense to not lose the job are you too good of a person to push your ethnicity to the front no well okay so like i don't know why i think you should have went into the meeting and been like me and my mother swam here in a shoe I joke about this honestly. Yeah, like so there are I did a we might be drunk with Sam and Mark and Mark Pointed that out. He's like he's like it was very nice because I love Mark too He's like I think you're like really underrated. He goes do you think you don't take offense to this?

Is it because you don't? Do the ethnic thing do you think you'd be further along or maybe you look like a honky and that's like has that hurt you because you look like a honky right and i'm like i think so it's like this racial no man's land because you should name your next special racial no man's land i like that it's just me on an island yeah with zero fans. But yeah, it's one thing I've noticed just being in the belly of the beast of Hollywood that whenever they do give opportunities to say someone like me, someone from Afghanistan or, you know, someone like that, you have to hit that.

You have to play that note. That kind of has to be a large part of your comedy pie or whatever the story you're telling because it's like they want the pat on the back. Like I gave the disadvantaged person, I blindsided him. You know, I am. Yeah. Don't sue us.

Don't take us down. We're kind of like, look at the good thing I did. Yeah. Instead of if I pitch a workplace comedy that's just regular, they go, we get that from a white guy. Right. We didn't give you this meeting to do normal shit. Do you think morality is hurting the quality of entertainment?

Like if Michael Jackson was trying to make his music today, maybe there'd be a bunch of bloggers or journalists trying to find out why kids are in his house. And you're going like, don't do that yet let him perform some he hasn't made thriller yeah just he's too talented let's keep that quiet for a little while it's the same thing with jfk like jfk was having hooker pool parties at the white house ended up being one of the most consequential presidents we had probably with his back channel negotiation saved us from nuclear war with russia there's a lot of stuff he did.

And he was relaxed from the pool party. He was getting his balls drained constantly. Now, if somebody would have fucking, same thing with Martin Luther King, if there's some fucking person investigating where he's going at night, we don't have fucking civil rights. If we have someone fucking investigating

what children are doing, climbing trees with Michael Jackson, we don't get Billie Jean. Can these these people still cancel but wait a little bit based on talent go okay look we know what he's doing but let's keep it a secret because let's see what he does how many years do you think they get it's like a time capsule like 10 years later your life is over i used to say like there used to be like when there was like a lot of emigration to new york from by kids from the suburbs trying to make it you know and it got too much i was like a lot of emigration to new york from by kids from the suburbs trying to make it you know and it got too much i was like we need a system in place where you get seven

years to try to make your dream and if you don't make it we we take a bunch of kids who are from the projects and they beat the shit out of you rob you so you're forced to go back and work at a panera bread in schaumburg, Illinois because your dream didn't work out. We solve a big solution. We employ those kids to do that so we're underprivileged kids are getting some money and we keep this dream train moving. Everyone gets seven years.

You can't make it get this saturated where it's just this overpopulation of potential comedians and performers and all that shit because it's too much shit to sift through to find the good shit. So something like that where we, it's called quality protection

where we allow someone to be a abuser for a certain amount of time to just make, because you're like, this dude has talent, just hold it. If you don't get talent,

throw him in the river. But I mean, Kevin Spacey, give the guy a couple years he paid his dues yeah you want some more House of Cards

could we have waited for them to finish House of Cards to let that come on I think yes did anyone benefit from stopping it now no

we got hurt the people that's true we lost a great character on a great show because people want to snoop around and see what fucking

PAs are getting their dicks touched I don't care okay if you're not strong enough to deal with fucking kevin spacey touching your dick on a set maybe you can't make it in hollywood it's pretty reckless like how bad do you want to make it yeah i mean come on dude let's give it a little let's give it a little time dude like if something if someone comes to me and says hey you just had uh fahim on your show and Fahim is doing horror. I know a few things. I'm going to go, hold it, dude.

Have you seen Lance Can't Stop Opalist? Have you seen the fucking latest special? The kid is fucking hilarious. Okay, give him a fucking shot. He's about to come up with his. He's about to fucking have a Netflix meeting about him and his mother swimming in a fucking shoe. Yo, that'll get greenlit in a heartbeat. Dude, why don't you do it?

You're gonna see a billboard and it's gonna be me like crying over my mom. And I'm wearing a turban for some reason. It was like it got a 10 minute standing ovation at con. Yeah, I think this is an era where you just can't be too honest about how maybe normal you had it.

I think there's a shift, though. And I think that's happening with YouTube and straight to the people. Like, maybe I'm naive. I don't know. I want to give America a little more credit than the suits and Hollywood and gatekeepers because they just have blueprints of what has worked in the past. But I mean, sure, I'm Afghan. I grew up in Seattle. My friends were like Asian, white, just everything black.

Like we're just friends with spirits and stuff. We don't really. What was it like, though? Like how having white having white classmates was that hard? It was very hard. Yeah. Like so what did they. I'm not supposed to be this way.

Yeah. Did you think I like talking like this? It's a living hell. The Asians were cool. Yeah. Very cool. Now the white, I learned how to break down.

Yeah. The Asians love fucking break dancing. There was a lot. Okay. So I was super into break dancing coming up. Like, uh, I would go to Mr. Rags and I buy this vhs called battle the year and it was just this break

dancing competition right and there was a rocksteady crew from new york was really big they were fun to watch and this shift happened maybe in the late 90s where south korea started fucking crushing everybody. I remember. Yeah, they loved it because they love it. They took it to outer space. They love it. It's a passion they have for it. I love that they take, because they're studious people,

they took that to breakdancing and just killed all of us. Yes. Yeah. I think that, you know, it's only frustrating. Is it tough for blacks? Breakdancing? No, just the cultural. How do you feel about South Korea?

Because we like karate. We love Bruce Lee. That's true. So they took that shit. So we just did a swap real quick. It's a swap. That's Jared Harvin. Unfortunately, the studio's not built for the third.

And, you know, everyone knows. Jared's like. Yeah, I'm just in the corner sweating. It's okay. He's on the beanbag. Turn on the ceiling fan in here, please. We don't have another camera. So he's here. Jared Harvin. Jared's a very funny stand-up comic. He's 24 the beam bag. Turn on the ceiling fan in here, please. We don't have another camera, so he's here.

Jared Harvin. Jared's a very funny stand-up comic. He's 24 years old, and I discovered him in a dumpster. Who books that? Yeah, I'm helping you get a show in the future. Yes. Jared swam here. He swam here from Long Island in a shoe with his mother.

He's going to sell that to Hulu. Yeah, no. Black culture, it's amazing. Black culture has like circled the globe. Oh, yeah. It's the number one. I know Kanye said this where it's like the number one exporter of culture. It really is. It really is.

It really is like the coolest fucking thing. Now, growing up, did you feel like you're Afghan? Because in New York, when I was growing up, and believe it or not, I grew up kind of like before all the sensitivity shit. And it wasn't a big deal. Like, it wasn't a big deal. Maybe that's because New York is an avant city in that way. But, like, nobody was, like, bullied hard for being, like, you know, there was jokes about it occasionally in here and there. But there was no, like, fucking roaming gangs of ethic who were, like, picking. It was just, like, everyone was kind of, like, you you know it was so diverse that it wasn't like a it wasn't like an issue like i don't think i don't know anyone who

was traumatized from their from their childhood or being teased because of their certain ethnicity or something did you get t where people like you're an afghani no not at all yeah yeah but i mean i'm in the pacific you gotta learn how to lie huh you gotta just learn how to lie i was going to muslim yeah come on i'm trying to help you here muslim let me tell you it's really hard when the I'm in the Pacific. You gotta learn how to lie. Huh? You gotta just learn how to lie. How's growing up Muslim? Yeah, come on, I'm trying to help you here. Muslim, let me tell you.

It was really hard, man. When the white supremacists kidnapped you. They set my house on fire three times. Yeah. We had to buy a lot of lumber and I had to put the flames out. Did they sneak pork into your sandwiches at school? What did they do?

They would sneak pork into there and I go, this isn't roast beef and they go, you fucking rabbit, it's not. Yeah. I thought you would have melted by now.

Yeah. How do Muslim names Sound aggressive too Like Fahim's not how you say It's Fahim right Well people add an extra Ha It's Fahim or Hassan Yeah

That's it Fahim Like every Afghan Or Muslim name Just sounds like you're In trouble by your parents Fahim Fahim

Hassan Well the ha is fun to say So people like to insert it There for no reason Fah Cause how often do you get to do the ha's? Yeah. Not often.

Yeah, unless you're Jewish, you don't get to do them. Yeah, well, yeah. Hebrew, there's a lot of ha. So it's Fahim. Fahim. Yeah, like my name, the real way you pronounce it is Yanis. Yanis. There's like an I in there, like Yanis.

I guess the real way to say Fahim, like my mom and stuff will be like Fahim. Failure. Yeah, yeah. If your mom's saying it she's going failure no she loves me too much my dad maybe but not my mom yeah uh yeah when you went from engineer to uh clown it must have been a weird awkward dinner for at least a week you know what's interesting like my dad has never been on board with like what i'm doing even when i had successes and shit like i was in this tina fey movie and like i had done some late nights and i had been making a living doing stand-up and like i bought a house and shit like my dad still didn't really give it up or anything but then i got this writing job for cbs during the pandemic and that was like an

eight hour a day job and he understands that right so then he i saw him turn a little bit he was like an eight hour a day job. And he understands that. Right. So then he, I saw him turn a little bit. He was like, Oh, like how, how do you write a sitcom? Like, like he's asking questions about comedy that he's never asked.

He's never, cause you were going into a building doing a job. He just likes jobs. He just, he just likes traditional jobs. We got a clock in. Right. Yes.

We got a time card. I'm with you. Like the break room. He understands like I get free coffee. He understands that. He doesn't want you to be a lady of. Right? Yes. You got a time card? I'm with you. Like the break room, he understands. I get free coffee. He understands that. He doesn't want you to be a lady of the night. Totally.

Totally. Yeah. He doesn't understand. So you get paid off of Venmo? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's not cool to him, but having a parking spot, going into a building, grabbing your jacket, and leaving the office saying, bye guys.

He gets that. Do you have siblings or you have a brother and what does your brother do dentist he fucking nailed it yeah but he knocked it out of the park yeah dentist and engineer i mean it's like your parents did a good job and you're a you're a successful funny comic so listen uh sir i know you're a big fan of this podcast he's a top tier patreon member he loves getting the extra apps yeah you're a big fan Of this podcast Yeah my dad's a huge He's a top tier Patreon member He loves getting The extra eps

Yeah You're You did a great job Maybe too good of a job Because this kid's too honest For this shitty business Yeah I gotta crush some skulls No

You're You're doing great man The special's out You're hilarious You're funny Ditto man Comics love you Thank you

I love you too And you're also a great dude. Oh, that's nice. Isn't that a nice combo? You'll find that. It is a nice combo. It really is. So people really got to check out this special if you're watching this podcast.

It's called Hat Trick. It's on my YouTube. Check out this guy's special. Big fan. Yeah. They're the only ones who have, so they have already. No, it's still going. It's still going.

Hopefully it'll go. I love your firefighter, like the show and tell, or just like the parents coming in. I love that bit. Where he's like, I put water on fire. Well, that was actually- It's such a good impression. You're good at voices and shit and characters.

Yeah. Yeah, there's my career hanging on that. And behind you. My weave is at my place. Yeah. So I got my wigs too. My career is right here and right here. These are the relics from my career.

It's a little Mr. Pato's and a little more Reese. Thanks, guys. I appreciate it. It's the fucking. I used to. Yeah, I was. You know, I used to do shows where I have to show up with a duffel bag. I'm one of those comics who had a duffel bag.

So I'd show up and I'd have an outfit. I'd do changes. I did sk duffel bag. I'm one of those comics who had a duffel bag. So I'd show up and I'd have an outfit. I'd do changes. I did skits. Yo, you were like. You had the same career path as RuPaul. Yeah. You know how.

There's the mobile windshield fixers. Yeah. You were like that for Groundless. Yeah. Like I bring the sketch show to you. Yeah. Yeah. It was fun.

I'm telling you, those shows were so fun. And when I go to Miami, I miami i still do it and you know next time i go i'm going to bring jared so he can he's half puerto rican it's you'll get some puffs yeah i mean it's just they come out puerto ricans the cubans like because this character got so big with latins and um what was the genesis of the character the genesis of the character? The genesis was me and Nate. Like, well, you know, me growing up in New York, I had so many Puerto Rican girlfriends. When you grow up in New York, in Brooklyn,

it's like Puerto Ricans, Italians, Jews, Dominicans. It's kind of like, it's like your culture. It's like what you grow up in. It's like part of, it's inescapable. You know, black, like part of it's inescapable you know black of course it's inescapable especially black i mean fucking that was what i wanted to be was black i wanted to i want to be a black person i get jealous you still do i still yeah i mean sean king is like living my dream dude as like a fully realized black man that's what i want when i was a kid if you asked me i'd be like that kid is fucking an advocate for black people and he's why that would be what i want you know he's fucking

fully living it so but in new york it's like that's your thing that was more my thing than greek like i went to i went to greek orthodox church and but i didn't grow up in like a greek neighborhood so the most of the greek aspects of the culture i got from the home but most of my So most of the Greek aspects of the culture I got from the home, but most of my rearing was in New York. So dating Puerto Rican girls, having so many Puerto Rican girlfriends and stuff like that, I would imitate them and stuff.

And then me and Nate Bargatze actually, ironically, Nate, the most non-New York person, we were doing this dumb live radio show where we had to think of characters. So we were sitting in a diner, and we were think of characters. So we were sitting in a diner, and we were thinking of characters, and I just said this line. I was thinking, this was 2009 or 10. So this was before trans people were even known.

But I was aware of them, right? Because I was masturbating to them online. I'm kidding. But it's a fascinating thing to me. You know, someone born in the wrong body and stuff like that and I enjoy that.

I love diversity. I love diversity in nature. So, it was kind of a cheat code in that I was like, ah, you know, people have done like

characters that are women but nobody's done a trans character. So, I was like, and so then I thought about like what, you know train and so the one line i said to nate that started the whole thing was i thought of the name maurice and

i was like i just changed it to an a and i was like my name's maurice i'm from the lower east side of new york city there's a lot of puerto ricans there and you know i need somebody to uh i'm the half-ass doing it the accent because I don't want to get in the full character Put on the wig Hold on a second Alright let's do it Yeah But it was like

My name is Maurice I'm a transsexual from the Lower East Side I need somebody to pay for my tits And to not be judgmental about my feet And because you know Feet are Feet are You know

A little bigger Feet are a little bigger I wonder When trans women go to the Foot Locker Feet are a little bigger. I wonder when trans women go to the Foot Locker, is it still the male section? I don't know if you're allowed to ask that question. They might jump, women. So I said that and Nate laughed.

Now, Nate doesn't laugh at anything because he's a little psychopathic. So he laughed hard. And I wasn't really in touch with like and then i just started doing that character on stage much like you know you do characters on stage and i sort of built the story and then me and jesse shot it after i had worked it on stage for like a couple months and it was just like i knew the character i built the whole story of who she was what her goals were you know she was a former basketball player which was really funny to me that she was like this badass fucking bitch who used to like school dudes and basketball,

still now does, but just goes down there and fucking chancletas. It was just this whole thing, and we shot it in our living room at one of the lowest points in my life. It was really like, I think at that point, my girlfriend was leaving me who was paying my rent remember amy she was living we were living in a rent control department that my buddy grew up in from the cayman islands he wasn't there anymore the landlord was on to us and trying to kick us out and um i was like i was in a full-blown here's a funny thing about those

videos i was in and i've never told anyone. This is something I've never, I was in a full-blown panic attack during the filming of that. I was lightheaded in a full-blown panic attack. But I had known, that's because I was just, so many bad things were going on in my life and also health stuff with my family.

But my girl left me. The stuff that I'm wearing is her stuff. She hadn't picked up her shit yet so it was like in she had just like moved out and i'm in a full-blown panic attack and i just had known the character so well from doing it on stage i was just kind of going through the motions and like and we just and we uh and then we shot it i think a lot of it is the it was edited well and whatever but and then you you can't choose what takes that's the luck part like you just don't you know that was like the 60th thing we shot and uh mr panos i did before that took off but with the greeks and that was kind of exclusively greeks until i did one video that took off with like the finance world and that's where i kind of cashed in on him but because the greeks were

fucking yeah they they the worst yeah i fucking dude the worst. Yeah. I fucking, dude, I wish, I wish I was fucking Italian. There's just more of them. Oh, yeah. The section dude? Yeah. Crushes it. Crushes it.

And he's, of course, very funny, but it's like, there's just a, the Greeks, there's like one million Greeks in the country that say. Well, talk about, I mean, the Afghans.

Afghani, you can't go out there. They don't even really, like, I don't really have a shtick for it. You may be the only one. Yeah. Yeah. So, that's how it happened. Yeah. You don't know what there And I don't even really Like I don't really have A shtick for it either You may be the only one Yeah Yeah So That's how it happened Yeah

You don't know what's gonna take off But part of our jobs Is just Putting it into the universe And that's part of it You don't know what the thing Is gonna be But we're compelled to create

You do it And then that's all you can do Did you get anything from Lance Like Cause you were in the video Bro You were in Das Racist video Yeah

That was my favorite song of theirs, by the way. I thought that song, and that girl's in it became an actress. I seen her in other shit. We just know her from the LA comedy scene and stuff

because she would do some UCB stuff. And we were like, hey, do you want to be the love interest in this music video for this Das Racist thing? She's like, oh yeah. So it was so easy to get her.

She's great. She's worked with us before, like Goatface. But this was while Goatface was still trying to make it. None of us had anything really. And then I was a fan of Das Racist. And then Heems and I were Twitter friends. And he was just a fan of my dancing

because sometimes I would just post clips of me dancing. And he just like really liked it. And I go, yo, dude, I would love to just dance for a split second in a Das Racist video. It's always been my dream just to be in a music video for no reason. As a comedian, like why? Why is this happening? And he goes, you know what?

Why don't you guys just do the entire music video for Girl? And I was like, whoa, holy shit. So I went back to the guys and I go, go hey heem said we can make the entire music video for girl so we all were like all right let's let's really do this let's make this good yeah it's a good it's a good song it's actually a really good song oh it's great yeah it's called girl yeah you could you could watch it on youtube it's uh you're awesome that the whole video is him as lance like dancing annoying this girl yeah it's like the whole R and B trope of just following the girl through the city.

Yeah. Yeah. I always want to do a bit like, how is that acceptable? You're just stalking a woman. Like it's great when you put R and B music, but like Michael Jackson and the way you make me feel, it's okay to just stalk a woman.

Yeah. Jump on a car, go back to somebody's windshield. The shit you get away with in R&B is insane. Yeah. So we're just playing on that trope.

So follow Fahim and go and watch his special. Go check out Girl. Follow him online. This was a real pleasure. Thanks for doing it. Same, dude. Thank you so much for having me.

It's your podcast now. Take it over. Yeah, no. I want that B-line. Long days with Fahim. This it over. Yeah, no. I want that B-band. Long days with Fahim. This was great. Thanks, dude. What's up, guys?

We want to give a special shout-out to our most precious Fediverse long haulers, our members, our small business shout-outs. Of course, guys, freaking cold spring water. It is freaking cold when it comes out of the fridge it is cold baby we remember to turn the fridge on yeah sometimes the fridge is off so get rid of all your plastics don't drink your water out of plastics this is recyclable aluminum good for your health and good for the environment. Freaking cold spring water. It doesn't want to just be any water company. It wants to be the water company when it comes to premium water.

Okay? Sure, Fiji's got good water, but again, it comes in plastic bottles. That's why I do the copying, not you. This is a no-brainer, guys. This is the official water sponsor of Long Days. We have it here in the studio. We drink it every day. Freaking cold spring water, we drink it in my home.

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they offer free local delivery in Rhode Island. So go get your bag of coffee or bags of coffee from Longshore Coffee at longshorecoffee.com. Nate Linda, natelinder.com. Are you a Greek comedian from Brooklyn that just dropped a fire special and tours across the U.S.? Are you looking to drive more ticket sales and expand your reach? I am.

Nate, we're going to call you. We're actually going to call him right now. This has just been a long con, hasn't it? Yeah, just to get me in there. Just to get you. Yeah, looking to call you. We're actually going to call him right now. This has just been a long con, hasn't it? Yeah, just to get me in there. Just to get you. Yeah, looking to sell merch. Guys, if you want to up your social media game, go hit up natelinder.com or apparently I'm talking to myself.

He'll help you with your social media management. Everyone needs a guy like this now, no matter what your business is. So go check out natelinder.com for you. This guy is dedicated to the game. He's dedicated, dog. This is an audience of one. And now we're also brought to you by Chris Minetti,

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