Yannis Pappas Hour - Terrorist Renovation w/ Bobby Kelly

Episode Date: October 15, 2022

Medford’s own Bobby Kelly is back to promote his new special Kill Box on Louisck.com. The boys talk old Boston Stories, tough Irish kids growing up in Boston, why 9/11 happened—in Bobby’s opinion. Gut laughs on this one. Who would win Boston comics or NY comics. And finally, Bobby talks addiction and how important it is to not be scared or ashamed to ask for an assist! This ep is funny, touching and gets deep. It’s a Longday, wasdadealis!Get Bobby’s special here: https://louisck.comSponsors Box of Awesome https://www.bespokepost.com/startPromo code: fumesButcher Box https://www.butcherbox.com/fumes/?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=cpa&utm_campaign=free_turkey_2022&utm_term=fumes&utm_content=Watch Yanni’s stand up special: https://youtu.be/ArlCFemEDvQJoin our Patreon for hilarious bonus episodes each week: https://www.patreon.com/yannilongdaysJoin our highlights page for podcast highlight clips: https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykwLongdays is your news show that’s not news. Come cheat on your beliefs with the delicious maniac. New episodes every Saturday and new bonus every Thursday on Patreon.com/yannilongdays Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up everybody? Before we get into this episode, I want to tell you about my live dates where you can come see me do stand-up. Satisfaction is guaranteed. Austin, Texas, coming up November 11th and 12th. Detroit, Michigan, December 1st through 3rd. Zany's Comedy Club, February 24th through the 26th. Tampa, April 21st through the 22nd, San Diego, going back to January, January 26th through the 28th, they'll all be on my website, yannispappascomedy.com, satisfaction is guaranteed, or I will not give you your money back,

get your tickets right now, patreon.com slash Yanni Longdays for our weekly bonus episodes. Some of our best. Enjoy the episode with the hilarious Bobby Kelly. Get his special right now on LouisCK.com. And the news online going on and on What's lying wrong? And there's something up Now here comes a great kid You know you can trust From the true who's who To the news and cameras

To the fake politics And the propaganda Yeah, this kid's screwed in Got a lot to say Aw, shit Greg, I'm in a good light Yeah, no, you're not in Medford anymore Nobody's gonna judge you

Am I gonna fucking cross my legs now, too? You can if you want Not fucking You can if you want If you, you know Look at at you got lemons on your feet those things are yellow these are my peacock shoes those shoes those shoes are to alert cars yeah they're cars they're fast yeah me and you were walking and we were in a sticky

situation on the highway i'd get hit and you wouldn't that's right yeah i And if there was fucking Gay guys around I'd get hit on And I'd get with you How's that? Yeah You get hit by a car Or hit on by a gay guy Fuck yeah

Look at these fucking These are peacocks Those are They're Big Bird yellow Look at me It looks like you Are supposed to put on The rest of the Big Bird costume

I was afraid to get these Why? Because they're so yellow Yeah It looks like you play for the Lakers Yeah Yeah They're yellow Yeah It's a bold choice it looks like you play for the lakers yeah yeah they yellow yeah it's a bold choice looks like i'm on nickelodeon it does right it looks like you took a highlighter and just painted your sneaker yeah man it looks like i'm a superhero

it looks like you were trying to hi remember your sneaker you're memorizing your sneaker yeah yellow yeah pick them up camera pick them up so he's right yeah yeah look at that can they see him i could just see the salt i could just see the salt yeah yeah look at that yeah i mean listen i could take it off because i'm a little thinner now so yeah look at that yeah and i was impressed you got that leg up no problem oh yeah dude i'm a new man right now you are fucking with that shoe back. Put that shoe back on. You got in my car this morning. I said it felt like the morning got in my car. It felt like a shower got in my car. You smelled fresh.

You got cologne. You said a man should wear cologne. You've made it far from Medford, Mass. Because when a guy can slap on a little cologne, that's a success story for Medford. That's a success. It's not canoe or Stetson. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Yeah. We're talking like $100. Not something you canoe or Stetson. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. We're talking like $100. Not something you get at Rite Aid. No. Or a flea market. When I'm around you, I can't not call you Bobby. I love your accent so much, I just can't stop.

I can't stop. You love it. I fuck, because you got a real one. Yep. You're Boston trash. You're Good Will Hunting. You're one of those guys. Yeah. You're one of those guys. Yeah.

You're one of those guys. I'm garbage. I'm trash. You're Boston trash. Yeah, I'm white trash. That's what people don't realize. That's why all this stuff, you know, white people are privileged, white people are. Boston has white slums.

Right. I grew up in white slums. Dorchester, Medford, Somerville, South Boston. These are white slums. I'm talking below middle class, no money. I got robbed at eight for 80 cents. By your parents. By my mother.

Fucking whore. Yeah, you grew up in an abandoned school bus on the street. I did. I don't know why that's in my head. I just figure all those guys In those movies I feel like the real guy versions of those Just grew up in abandoned cars

I don't know why that's in my head Dude I was thinking about all the stuff we did Having a kid now Like dude I used to go get snakes I used to come after second grade Third grade And just go to the field And pick up boards and rocks looking for

big snakes and just grab them like there was no parents there was no after school you just went and did yeah and that's it like and i remember just grabbing a snake like a huge snake and just bringing it home putting it in a bucket it would you know Making it want to bite you Yeah that was your That was it yeah Yeah dude now Now it's like you gotta go to the store And buy one for $3.50 Yeah

Feed it rats We used to just get snakes Until they fucking died And then throw them in the Fucking goodbye Now when your parents Took you shopping the first Did you say parents?

Yeah when your parents That's plural Yeah parents Yeah parents When your parents took you plural? Yeah, parents Yeah, parents When your parents took you shopping My mom? Your mom, yeah Look, I have 10 dads

You got 10 dads? Around 10 dads Okay, I got the original, the sperm donator Right Steve, good looking guy Right Love him Really don't talk to him

Never around Right Then we had Billy Abusive, douchebag You know, fucking piece of shit Right Then we had billy abusive douchebag you know fucking piece of shit right then we had larry great guy yeah awesome guy passed away around three years ago but a fucking great guy but a little you know that was a little i was a little too fucking off by the time he came in i was you know drinking and drugging by the time he came in what was that

seven six you were six seven when i was 10 Ten So I was drinking Seagram seven at ten Wow That's like How early Tiger Woods Got started with golf You got started In fucking your life up Yeah I learned by 13

How to one sip A half a pint That's a fucking Drop your tongue Yeah Drop your tongue Like that So if it doesn't

Hit your taste buds Yeah You don't taste it Yeah So you don't throw up Yeah All in one Now if you're an Irish kid From Boston who's born without, whose father isn't around, what

are the chances of you not drinking by the age of 10? Is it like 1%? Oh, yeah, 100%. Listen, 100% that it's 1%. Oh, dude, you just, it was such a weird thing that you just drank. Yeah. You drank. When I used to, I had five uncles.

Yeah. You had more dads than uncles. I i do i have a lot of father figures i've got ken laz my jewish dad yeah i had a jewish foster father oh that must have been that was interesting that was wild i mean i was a jew i was a yeah i mean dude i yeah i went to passover dinner i worked at a jewish camp as a lifeguard yeah i mean yeah muzzle Mazel Tov, Shabbat Shalom. We don't lump at Terry Coe. And so these were foster parents? He was my foster parent. So did you move to a different part of town then?

I lived in his apartment. Yeah. Yeah, in like a little space. Me and my Puerto Rican foster brother, Carmelo Sanchez. Bobby, I'm discombobulated. I remember he told me that one day. I go, that's not a word. He goes, discombobulated is a word, Bobby. I feel discombobulated i remember he told me that one day i go that's not a word he goes discombobulated is a word bobby i feel discombobulated and i was like it's not a word he looked it up it's a word he's like see discombobulated where was your mother during this

dude i moved out at 16 i got sober when i was 15 um i went to jail for the first time at 13 uh so what happens when you're a juvie you go to you go to court you go to jail for the first time at 13 So what happens when you're a juvie You go to court You go to jail Then you go to court And when you get convicted You go back to juvie jail Then you find a place for you

And then you'll get transferred So as people come in They'll move you around And they'll slowly move you out To a foster home Short term or long term And then from the foster home you'll go home so i did that a few times like i went in and out of jail a few times and when you're the ward

of the state that means massachusetts owned you there's no more court there's no more going to you just go the fuck to jail so if i do something i get arrested he goes to jail you go up to this place in in the middle of nowhere called intake you go there all day and i remember like my first time in jail um you got fucked no you don't get fucked in jail you're not in juvie jail no you're in for fucking six months you can't right right right like i said this you're sucking dick in juvie jail you're just like sucking dick you just play marbles you're getting out next week yeah yeah dude i'll suck your dick for cigarettes you're getting out in a week can't just wait a week dude here's a cigarette right right right um but i um i remember the

first time you go into this it's a this the danver state mental institution gave uh the massachusetts department of whatever the fuck it is uh their morgue on their property and it's in the it's creepy as fuck dude you're going up into this a sane asylum in the middle of the night in a van from court and you go to like this morgue part. And one section is intake. The other section is this NFI shelter care. It's like a place where kids go. But when you go into the intake, they put you there to find out where you're going for the night. And then they ship you out again.

So you'll go to this one, you know. And I remember I walked in. It was a small room. And it's this old fucking insane asylum place and you know and i looked up on the ceiling and it was crazy because they came in with lunch they have these little deli sandwiches italian subs they were old you know the bread was wet right and i think the deli used to donate them to this place oh yeah you get a bag of chips the three pack of cookies remember the cookie and you get a soda and this thing and

everybody took the sandwiches out all these kids scraped the onions off and threw them on the ceiling and i looked up at the ceiling it was covered and just years of these onions it was fucking gross nuts no the whole none of the kids liked onions they were wet it's like a wet because the sandwiches look a day or a few days a wet Because the sandwiches were like a day Or a few days old Yeah so the onions were It was fucking gross But you were hungry

You had to taste the wet onions on the sandwich Nuts It was nuts And then the kid leans into me That was the first time I was around like You know really around tough kids Because now I'm around These are motherfuckers

These are the motherfuckers And the kid was like Yo when they call your name Ask them where you're going Well how did he He said it with that accent Or you said Boston what? around these are these are the and the kid was like yo when they call your name ask them where you're going well how did he said it with that accent or you said he was lost in one no he was he was black oh yeah i should do his voice yo yo yo yo yo yo yo what's up yo yo do black guys have boston accents out there yeah yeah jody come here kid it's the funniest in the world it makes me laugh and i'm from

boston you're like dude what the do you hear p diddy's new thing dude i'm telling you i got those yeezys they're wicked dude yeah it's crazy yeah but uh he was like ask them where you're going and if they don't tell you you're going somewhere bad really so i remember i went out there and they So what they do is You already went through process So you got naked You bent over You did jumping jacks

And then you're gonna go back out And they shackle you Do they ever fuck with you? The guy When they naked you When they make you do jumping jacks They do jump jacks To make sure there's nothing

In your ass or something? Yeah make sure They legally have to Just like any prisoner Yeah You gotta check, you gotta bend over. So your dick flops

when you do the jump jack? I was 13. I didn't have a fucking, I think I barely dropped a few pubes. I'm around 18 year olds. Dude, we had a shower, like in a big shower.

Yeah. I'm around these 18 year old hogs. Right. And I'm trying to fluff my shit up. You know what I mean? It's funny that you're in prison

and you go to, you're in juvie, a lot of things go wrong, but you're still concerned about where you fit in prison and you go to you're you're in juvie a lot of things go wrong but you're still concerned about where you fit in with the boys 100 yeah that still becomes a concern it's how big does my dick look compared to his 100 dude so i remember when i walked out i was like uh i go where we you know as he's putting his shackles on i'm like where we going he looked up and he just put the other shackle on he walked away i'm like fuck and he brought me to Charlestown.

Why? Now, Charlestown. Charlestown's famous. That's from the town, the movie The Town. Yeah, it was at that time the bank robbing capital of the country. Yeah. I mean, they would just rob banks. Yeah.

These fucking guys. That's the first time I got robbed. I got mugged. Guy whacked me going to the mall, had 80 cents. He took 80 cents. 80 cents. And I go, can I have a dime to call my mom? And he threw me a dime.

He gave me a dime. I mean, Boston people are scumbags, but we're good people. You made change on a robbery. Yeah. We're good people. He took the money,

and he handed you back 10 cents. He gave me a dime to call my mom. I called my mom. I go, I just got mugged. She goes, where the fuck are you? I'm like,

I'm at the mall in Somerville. What? And that's like, way too far for a fucking eight-year-old to be you know what i mean yeah i mean i was like she was like fine she goes she was like walk i had to walk home she goes walk the fuck home right now i don't want i mean it's funny she was mad at you that you got robbed you're like i got robbed you're like what do you do she's like what the fuck are you doing in salvaville bobby yeah yeah i thought you were in the kitchen and you fucking? She's like, what the fuck are you doing in Salva Ville, Bobby? Exactly, yeah. You just ate to get robbed. I thought you were in the kitchen and you've been missing. How come she didn't know where you were at eight?

Who was watching you at eight? Listen, we didn't do this shit. Like, I'm with my kid. You just told your mom at eight I'm going to the mall? I just went out. Oh, you just left. When you were my age, in my generation, Generation X I think we are, we just went out.

You went the fuck out. You're the mom going out And you went out Yeah You don't go She didn't go where you're going You went the fuck out Well you kept going You just went out and kept going

But the thing Of course I'm a fucking kid dude I mean the shit that I was doing Was nuts I mean We used to And I was hanging out with older kids

Yeah I was hanging out with kids Who were teaching me how to drink I was hanging out with kids who were teaching me how to drink. I was hanging out with kids who were teaching me, dude, like how to take a beating. Yeah. Because I was a sensitive kid, dude. I loved people. I always wanted to be around people.

I loved making people laugh. I had a big heart. And I was, you know, my stepfather really broke me. Like broke me. That first guy taught me violence was the way to protect yourself. Rage and violence is the way to protect yourself. So then I met these kids who were in a very similar boat, but tougher than me.

Frankie, Paul Castro, Jeg Gags, Mikey O, Mikey Dots. A couple of Mikeys in there always. These guys were no joke yeah and they were older than me i was i was you know 12 11 12 yeah uh and i remember you know i remember i was so proud of myself the first beating i took uh in the summer projects we went to get weed in the middle of the night dumb fucking idea and they followed us and these four men i was like 13. four men beat the out of us i remember just getting my ass kicked by men and i was like i'm a kid like you don't feel bad but you felt really proud i was so bloody dude they broke everything in my face

and my friend was bleeding internally and i felt bad for him because they were like kick him he's not This guy's had enough. He's all bloody. Kick him. So they're kicking him, but he's bleeding internally. He's dying, basically. I remember we were walking away, and I was like,

I was like, dude, we have to hop a fence to get back to Medford. And I remember I'm blood head to toe. I'm like, Frankie, I didn't cry. He's like, yeah, good for you, kid. Good for you, and I'll be over this fucking fence. But when you said it, you were like'm like Frankie I didn't cry He's like yeah good for you kid Good for you now I'll be over this fucking fence But when you said it You were like Frankie I didn't cry

Because your balls hadn't dropped yet Oh it hadn't dropped yet You were 13 Oh yeah You're like Frankie I didn't fucking cry yet Pony boys I didn't cry It was that moment

Yeah I remember how proud I was Are you wearing a Carhartt at this point? At what point in Boston Did you get your first Carhartt jacket? That shit wasn't around back then. That's movie shit. That's movie shit.

How accurate are those movies when you see them? When you see Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, those two fucking Cambridge... Do they do it good? Ben, his family's very political. They're very rich. They're not those guys. Yeah, I think he speaks Arabic.

Yeah, dude. I saw that Bill Maher fucking thing. They're very rich Yeah You know They're not those guys Yeah I think he speaks Arabic Yeah dude Yeah You saw that Bill Maher fucking thing They're good people Yeah They're fucking good people Calm down Ben

We get it Yeah Some of them You know what I mean Some of the fucking Guineas are a little nuts too Okay Yeah

Yeah no I mean yeah Those guys exist Do they Do they accurately portray them with the accent and everything? Yeah, Dorchester, Charlestown, South Boston, you know, those were pretty tough kids. I was never that guy.

I actually hated it. Right. I feared it. I feared death every day. Yeah, because you were born with like a heart. You're a good person. I was born with a heart. You have empathy, yeah.

Dude, I mean, the guys I hung out with Were so fucking tough I hung out See Here's the thing people don't know Like New York had gangs Boston didn't have gangs

We had parks You know when I was coming up In the 80s You hung out at your park And your park was your gang And we were segregated Boston was segregated Yeah

Boston like Medford We were segregated in the towns. So Medford had the Italian park, Tufts Park, Irish Park, North Park. You had Playstead Park with, you know, the white fucking middle class kids. You had Duggar Park where the black kids hung out. And we all had our own little parks. So you hung out at your park. And if you fucking went to other parks, you were going to catch a beating.

Right. That was it. And other towns would come over, like Burlington or Everett. to your park and if you fucking went to other parks you were gonna catch a beating right that was it and other towns would come over like burlington or everett and i remember i mean dude i remember everett came over one time it was burlington they came over for dating one of our chicks oh and it was like that dude i remember frankie walked up we were walking up and the kid was there and i mean dude the king i mean just sucker punching sucker everything yeah yeah that this stuff where you square off no go yeah dude be like what's up man you wanna yeah well you come over here you me your friends with raquel come here you fucking

yeah she's a friend it was raquel i don't think anyone's ever been named raquel whose parents made more than fifteen thousand dollars a year no yeah let me tell you something. The Povecchios were the hottest chicks in the world. Povecchios? Raquel, Rachel, and Ronel. Can you even make it into middle class if your last name is Povecchio? They had money. They did. And they were the hottest dude.

I mean, movie hot. It sounds like they all have necklaces with their names on it. Yeah, they do. I think they did. Oh, they did. Raquel right did. Yeah. Oh, they did. Raquel right here. Yeah. Dude, I dated Rachel and Ronel. Frankie had Raquel. Yeah. Oh my God, dude. Still smoking hot to this day.

Wow. I mean, kept it. Yeah. You see it on, you check it on Facebook? I try not to because it's fucking, I'm like, I fucked up. I should have grabbed one of the Povecchios. I got a fucking Polack from Everett. Now, aren't there Portuguese in the mix, too, in Boston? There's some Portuguese in there or no?

Or is that more Rhode Island? No, that's not Rhode Island. That's Rhode Island. Yeah, Boston. Where I grew up, it was Italian, Irish, black, and that was pretty much it. Everybody out there was mixed. Right. You know what I mean?

But they didn't really hang out with each other. We fucked with each other, man remember Like I was telling you Like Frankie Anybody came from another town Frankie I remember his move Was a full can of beer Right to your fucking face So he'd run up

He'd be like Dude what's up You want a beer And then fucking smash you Try to get you in this region He was trying to And then blood would just go And the beer would just

Scare the rest of them off Cause And yeah Dude a lot of crazy shit Like that What's Frankie doing now You checking with I don't know yeah i i would imagine frankie is somewhere in new hampshire working a job something like that i would think so he's new hampshire where a lot of work oh no

no no what'd you say social worker not a social worker no no yeah i don't think any of them got sober i was you know i think i was you know when i could be sober. I think I was the only one. I could be wrong. Right. I think I'm the only one who got sober. Now, you're Irish-Italian. Irish-Italian. Genetically Irish-Italian. Yes, sir. Yeah. So from that neighborhood.

That's like in New York, you'd get a lot of Jew-Italians or Irish-Italians because working class ethnic neighborhood kind of Boston kid. Right. From Medford. From Medford, yeah. What was tough for Charleston or Medford? I would say I mean look

They both had their tough people Full of yuppies now right? When you go there You're like I don't even recognize it Dude it's so bad now I mean some of them Bad meaning good No bad meaning it stinks

But yes good Yeah like Some of them is all fucking rich You know rich white people now Yeah South Boston Same to Charleston you can't get a house yeah charlestown what used to be i wouldn't even go there yeah you can't even get there now

because they're walking distance from boston right you know even like the only place that kept its i think i mean southeast still has you know irish course. Charlestown still has fucking dirt, white trash, Irish, and mixed. But North End kept the Italian, but they got in there. That's the funny part about all these fucking people. They want equality, but they don't want it where they live. They want to suck whatever the culture is. They want it out. They want that culture gone, and they want that real estate to be up

so when they die, their kids have $10 million in an apartment somewhere. It is a beautiful culture of getting smashed in the face by beer and beating up people who come into your park. At least it's original. That's true. I mean, it's original. You want to do a quick heart rate check right now?

You want to talk, what? You want to do a quick heart rate check? Yeah, sure. Let's see who's winning. Bobby's got an astoundingly low heart rate like a healthy heart rate oh that's good and we're going to do a competition right now i just want to check my heart rate first yeah what do you got let's see who's got a lower heart rate i'm gonna tell you in a second it's measuring wow 77. not bad i'm a 62. 60 fucking two. That's like a marathon.

I know. It's crazy, dude. I was a 52 last week. He's resting heart rates between 50 and 60. Now it's 64. How is that fair? It's not fair. What are you talking?

It's not fair. What does that mean? It's just not fair. Why is it not fair? I don't want to say it, but it's not fair. Because I'm chubby. Because you've lived a lot of your life for certain lifestyles. It's not fair.

He's got some inner power. All I've eaten today is an apple and a cup of coffee and water with lemon. It's not fair. And I walked my dog yesterday five miles. It's not fair.

Five miles? Five miles. What, did you get into a fight with your wife? No, but yeah, you do stay out there an extra long when you're married. Yeah, dude. 100%. Married guys who don't have dogs, it's like wait how do you take a break yeah you need a fucking break

yeah yeah i want to get a bird i'm gonna have to go fucking watch it fly i gotta go yeah i walked my i walked my dog to new jersey once oh my god dude i went i went we were up at the tiny house yes me and max fucker we took a two mile walk And a three mile hike In the woods Yeah It's freedom Yeah We just sat on a rock

Overlooking the foliage Dude I gotta come out Of the closet too You're gay? No Well Maybe I mean those stuff happens

Those Boston kids Would call you gay Mikey and Frankie Would go Oh you gotta call gay If you had an earring Yeah Remember that

You had to have it in the right. Remember that? Yeah, yeah. I think it was the left ear was okay. The right ear was gay. The right one was gay, yeah. Yeah, I remember that. Dude, what are you a fag?

I mean, dude, anything you did, you fucking. Yeah. It's like, no. Yeah. I'm not. What are you talking about? Yeah. Everything.

I remember everything you did, you were gay. Yeah. That wasn't macho. I like when I go to your house and I hear you and your were gay. Yeah. That wasn't macho. I like when I go to your house and I hear you and your wife speak, I like it because you guys brought Boston into New York and into your home. It's like you don't have to go to Boston

if you don't want to make the trip. You can just go to Bobby Kelly's house and you're in Boston essentially. Well, Max has the accent. Yeah, it's funny that your son picked it up from you and your wife. Because you and her have been together a long time. Yeah.

15 year anniversary yesterday 20 something years together You know each other from Boston I met her as a waitress I was a waiter She was a waitress at La Familia Georgios In Boston In Boston

Where you started doing comedy Right when I started doing comedy So you walked in with hair like that You were Bobby I was fucking Dude I was You were coming from Nick's Comedy Store I was New Kids on the Block Bobby

Yeah Yeah I did I mean I had shoes With high heels Dude, I was You coming from Nick's Comedy Store? I was New Kids in the Block, Bobby Yeah Yeah, I did I mean, I had shoes with high heels High heels? Dude, I was sexy, Bobby What do you mean with high heels? Dude, I used to have these fucking boots They were calf skin

Yeah Like a cow Boston guys just Fashion goes over Boston guys' heads You're out of your mind It's not big Buddy, Z Cavaricci's? Are you nuts?

Dude, we used to have the shirt with the zipper going down this way. Yeah, Boston guys with fashion are weird, dude. It's like they'll have a pair of like Jordache jeans on with like construction boots, a Boston hat, and like a goose jacket. And they're like, I fucking look good with like gelled hair and an earring. We make it work, though. We make it work. Then you see the girls with bell bottoms

and high heels and a Boston hat. You're like, is that a pack of lesbians? Oh, no, those girls were just born in Boston. Overalls. Yeah, overalls. Fucking weird. Fashion is not a priority in Boston. Dude, no.

Yeah, I remember, we might have talked about this in the other place but it's true i did one show i did a lot of boston this guy after the show came he goes dude you were funny but you you were dressed too good he was serious earnestly i laughed he didn't laugh because you shouldn't be dressing like you know he was like that's the thing with new york who do you think you are you and versi you gotta have the chain the sneakers match the shirt that they you know we're like we're going out to drink and fight yeah i'm not getting the fuck i don't give a fuck about the sneakers matching the shirt yeah that chain's gonna be

ripped off your neck yeah the fuck are we doing yeah yeah yeah yeah you don't go out you know you have a knife or something to cut a hose can you slap somebody with it you know what i mean yeah fashion just didn't get into quincy and Dorchester and fucking Mads. Yeah, they had the same fashion. You needed to steal toe boots in case you got into a fight. Right. You kick somebody. I got kicked in the face big time.

Dude, I got punched, one punch, knocked out, woke up four hours later in the hospital. Nice little nap. Dude, it was a fucking nap. Yeah, it's like a colonoscopy nap. Dude, this guy rearranged my face with his fucking construction boots. Yeah. Yeah. What's up, everybody?

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Now, Fall River. You ever go down to Fall River? Is that too far? It's out there. I didn't fuck with Fall River. Why do you bring up Fall River? Is that too far? It's out there I didn't fuck with Fall River Why are you bringing up Fall River? That's weird Because there's this basketball player That was from there

Who was incredible And then he ended up getting on drugs And it's a whole long story Chris Herron He was like a big hero there And so the documentary is incredible It's called What is it called?

Something about Chris Herron And his story He played for the Celtics But he was also doing drugs And he fucked his whole career up and his life he was from fall river so his whole point was like every time he got back to fall river he just he was like there's something about this time you know and the next thing you know he's doing meth there's something about every time i went back to boston i kept me up i just would hit the streets go back to tufts park everybody be there drinking the girls dudes, we party.

It's just something that sucks you back in. Yeah. I had to get the fuck out of there. I used to have a joke. I was like, this is how you know Boston's your shitty city. No, exactly. I said, every movie about Boston is about some guy trying to get out of Boston.

Like the last scene is like Ben Affleck or Matt Damon in a car. You know the town, the last scene, he's like serene by a river with a hipster beard and then you got matt damon just a car driving away it's true i get the fuck no i love boston i love boston a lot and i would move back there in a fucking heartbeat you would i think it has better food than new york yep i'll fucking i don't even know how to respond to that you don't it's got better food than new york chip you don't say steak tips

shit you're all about the steak tips the fact you guys don't even know what steak tips are is fucking mind-boggling i don't want to swear on this podcast too because i don't want all beeps yeah you're trying to say that you're you're well we said the F word once, so we got to beep that. I know. We got to beep. I got to beep. Nobody told me. That would be funny.

Just beep this whole part so they think he's cursing. I'm not cursing right now. So don't even think I'm cursing. They're going to beep this. Just beep it. No, it's not beeping. All right? I'm not swearing.

Beep the whole thing. Bobby, Jesus, why are you cursing so much? I'm not swearing, you son of a gun. You swear by these steak tips, and because of these steak tips, you think Boston has better food? It's not even that. We got better Chinese food. Yeah.

It's Polynesian. You have Chinese people Chinese food. We have white people Chinese food. What does that mean? Tell you what it means. What does that mean? Tell you what it means. What does it mean? Some Irish guy back there cooking in a wok? No. I'm telling you. Mickey, is that fucking, is the general

so's ready? We have soy sauce made out of Jameson. We have. There you go. You can't even sing it. Yeah, he's good. I'm telling you right now dude We have better Chinese food It's Polynesian Chinese food

With the tiki thing And the fucking You know all that stuff It's just a better Chinese food Than you guys got Your Chinese food is disgusting Wait If it's Polynesian

Then it's not Chinese food It's Polynesian No it's Polynesian Chinese food The Chinese went to Polynesia Is that a thing? And they went there And they made better Chinese food. It's Polynesian. It's Polynesian Chinese food. The Chinese went to Polynesia. Is that a thing? And they went there and they made better Chinese food for white people. Bobby's got a theory that 9-11 happened because they just wanted

to redo downtown. It's a very simple theory. We were in the car and he goes, you want to know why 9-11 happened? They wanted to redo downtown. He goes, can you think of a better way? Think about it. I said, I don't want to throw a wrench in your theory, but I can think of a better way.

You couldn't come up with one? Yeah, I could. I came up with about 15 right there on the spot. You didn't say anything to me. One is applying and saying, hey, we're going to take the buildings down, telling everybody they got to move or whatever. Can't do it. I debunked that theory. How did you debunk it?

Because that'd be like saying, hey, we're going to take down the Empire State Building. Debunk that theory. How did you debunk it? Because that'd be like saying, hey, we're going to take down the Empire State Building. The Twin Towers were historical sites. That's part of New York. They were built in the 70s. It's like saying I'm a historical site.

I was built in the 70s. Not historical. Landmarks. There were people came to New York to see the Twin Towers. You can't. That's like taking down the Empire State Building. They'd be like, no, you need that. Well, it's an old building. It's crap. We can't. That's like taking down the Empire State Building. They'd be like, no, you need that. Well, it's an old building.

It's crap. We can build a better building, better economically. It would take up less space. We'd have more stuff. No, you can't. The only way to take it down is to blow it up. Is to kill 3,000 people with planes. Well, it's 3,000 people, the billionaires.

Huh? Think about back in the day. The Romans killed way more than that. Well, everyone kills more than that, yeah. But couldn't they have just said, hey, there's something

wrong structurally with it. We got to take them down and they take them down to controlled demolition which is kind of the way they looked anyway. Yeah, exactly. They did that.

But they needed and they needed a boost in us as Americans to be together. Yeah, but your theory is just that some interior designer came to downtown Manhattan and was like,

we need to change this. I'm saying- This needs a makeover. I'm saying some guy was like- You're the only guy whose conspiracy theory is based on aesthetics. Listen, this is my- You're going like,

this just doesn't fit the bunch way. I'm saying that the guys who are on the- Look, we want to redo downtown, but we can't. Right. How are we going to do this? They're never going to let us take down these buildings. I own these, we own these buildings, but we don't like them. We want to build new ones, more, you know, better buildings.

So then how come all these other places that get renovated, they don't fly planes into the buildings to take them down? If Bobby was the mayor of a city, you'd just see any time there's just a plane just crashing. Any time they're going to take down like an old stadium, there's just a packed stadium and you just see a plane fucking. Bobby's like, I want to remodel my house. He just flies a sex. Before I get hate mail. He wants to get divorced to get a new wife he just flies a

plane into his wife he's like don't stand there the plane it's the only way hey Hey, you're redoing my bathroom right now, so you got to fucking fly. So you can stand clear of some fucking planes. It's going to come. That's a kid from Boston's theory. Hey, fucking fly planes. Hey, you want to redo it, you got to fucking fly. You got to have a terrorist attack.

It's the only way to convince people to fucking redo the building. Before we get carried away, I get all hate mail. Of course I'm joking. I don't think, of course I believe what our government told us. I am a patriot, but I'm just saying this could be a theory. No, that could be a theory. I'm trying to put an add-on on my house. I guess when the architect comes to the design, she's going to go,

okay, first we're going to have a plane fly in. Oh, God. Oh, God. So you're in the restaurant. You're in the restaurant. All right. Oh, God. So you're in the restaurant.

You're in the restaurant. By the way, Bobby Kelly has a new special out right now. Bobby Kelly. Killbox. Now, here's the deal. I've said it before, but you got to go see Bobby live. You got to see the special. He's literally just one of the funniest human beings on the planet and also one of the best human beings on the planet and also one of the best human beings on the planet i think both those things are fucking worth something in this god

forsaken world you goddamn right go watch kill box right now on louisck.com louisck who was also in this apartment god that's a switch madison square garden to try to flush my toilet 10 times. But louisck.com right now. Go watch Kill Box. I love the name. It's satisfaction guaranteed. Go buy it. How much does it cost? It's 10 bucks.

10 fucking bucks, dude. One coffee at Starbucks. Look, if you give 10 bucks, Bobby will give you a dime back so you can call your mother. I do that. Yeah, you do that. $9.90, a dime for you to call your mother back in 1982. So you got to go back in the time machine when there was pay phones and it only cost a dime. Pay phones.

I remember I used to carry the dime in my kangaroo pouch. Oh, you had those sneakers? Yeah, I had the kangaroos. Yeah, you're such a New Yorker. You were gay if you had those sneakers to run from. I think you were gay of anything in Boston. Yeah, sneakers run from. I think you were gay of anything in Boston. Yeah, you were gay. I think you were gay of anything.

Yeah, the special, I'm very proud of it. Yeah. I'm very excited that Louis C.K. Louis literally came off. I opened for him. Comes off. He goes, where's your special? You have a special?

I was like, I can't get one. No one wants to give me one. It's been five years. I don't have anybody around. I don't want to film it. I don't want to do, I just don't want to do The Cellar again. I already did it. He's like, I'm doing it.

Can I produce your special? Now that you did your special someplace other than The Cellar, is Estee still going to book you there or is she pissed? Of course she is. What about you do it for me Tuesday? A little inside me tuesday little inside joke yeah but he stepped up me he's such a he's i can't i can't tell you the one of the greatest comics working now and he didn't just we were talked about i think he's the funniest funniest absolutely yeah i think he's the funniest comic he he we talked about doing the you know the little000 blah, blah, blah.

Because we would have made money. Immediately. We would have had money right now. But I was like, let's make it special. If you're doing it, I can do that. You're going to direct it. He got his crew, everybody. He's like, let's do it then.

Down and we did it in St. Pete, Tampa. We had my number one best friend, Mike Calta. His band opened up. We had all the Florida fans who have supported me all through the pandemic came down. Two shows sold out in five minutes. Both shows, 400 people, five minutes. We shot it. It was epic.

And now it's on louisck.com. So, you know, it's an independent thing. This is what he's creating he's creating we don't have to go to people anymore and ask them hey can we do a podcast can we get can we can we get fans no it's like we're just gonna and and like i love what we're doing in new york too we're finally putting each other over like we're all like i've always done it and now you do it everybody's kind of like all right let's help each other It's the best Get the fans to get together

And lift us up So we don't have to deal with these people Absolutely We don't need a yes I love it Or a no And here's Louie's the originator of it

100% Louie's the originator of it We talked about it when we had him On this podcast He's the original He did it way back It's like him and Radiohead Were like the first He was the original. He did it way back. It's like him and Radiohead. He was the first one to do it in comedy

and all of entertainment. And then I think he did it before Radiohead. Initially, he did it. So when he put his special up on his website. So Louis is the originator of all this. He's the first comic to buy his own ticketing system. Yeah, he did it. They're charging too much money at Madison's,

or wherever the fuck it was. They're charging too much money. So he went on and he made his ticket price, I think $40 for every seat. So first come first, if you get the first row, it's 40 bucks. Yeah. If you get the last row, it's 40 bucks. I love that.

It doesn't matter. And I mean, that's crazy. Yeah. That's crazy. You go get it right now. You can even stop the episode and come That's crazy. You go get it right now. You can even stop the episode and come back to it later. Go get it right now. Killbox.

LouisCK.com. Watch a real comedy special. Put it on a big screen. Do the mirror from your phone. It's just me. It's a club special. It's a club special. This isn't a theater.

I have nothing against those. Those are awesome. But I'm a club comic. I did mine that way. It was in a club this isn't a theater you know uh i i have nothing against those those are awesome but this is i'm a club car i did mine that way it was in a club it's a it's a club it has a feel yeah you know i there's more like he left in crowd work like there's certain times i fucking with the crowd he left he goes if it's funny i'm leaving it in anything there's a barometer anything under here we're gonna cut out anything right here is staying in so he edited it too so that was hard for me yeah to let him but he i know it's like he's the funniest guy going so why did you like the cut when it was done great it was great i hate myself yeah so it's hard for me to watch my stand up yeah but i gave it to the people i trust i gave it to my wife i gave it to

mike i was you know i was like what do you think and like dude it's fucking great so all right good and louis when louis says it's great um i you know i trust him guys gut laughs i'm talking if you want to watch a gut laugh comedian you know like we just got laughed bobby kelly's your guy he's a gut laugh comedian there's some guys who are gut laugh comedians like jesse jesse loves you we went and watched jesse went watched you on his own once big fan yeah i remember i got i he you wanted to go see him and i just told gotham yeah yeah yeah he just went and see you i remember the first time i saw bobby was in montreal and he was doing this bit about wearing a sundress i was on the floor oh yeah yeah yeah bobby is a gut laugh comedian meaning you're gonna you're it's gonna hurt

you're gonna laugh it's gonna hurt you're gonna it in your gut Your face is going to hurt when you leave So go watch Kill Box You Know What Dude is his podcast Also there's another special after you watch Kill Box Where's that first one? That's on Netflix? It's on Amazon It's on Amazon

Amazon Prime Robert Kelly live from the Village Underground So go watch that I think these specials to me I always wanted them to have, you know, the place where you did it has to be special. You know what I mean? I feel the same way.

I think it's like you're doing it together. Like me and the Village Underground, it's like live from the Village Underground. Me and that bitch did it together. We did it at this Coastal Creatives. We created that. And it's all based off of Elvis' comeback special. Oh, wow.

That stage, we developed this little kill box Oh So that image is I was like I want this That's dope That's dope And it's like I want to create this little I just want to go in

10 by 10 12 inches off the ground I want everybody on me So when you see people laughing They're fucking laughing Yeah I love that You know what I mean I love that

Yeah look at those motherfuckers Yeah you could see them crying Like they're fucking Just like I said That's an incredible story i feel the same way i'm thinking about shooting my next one at soul joel's out in the dome that's great because i came up with soul joe i mean you can't did soul joel was being soul joe i mean i started doing his first shows no shit like uh i i kind of helped him He kind of helped me Like I developed As a comedian Doing Soul Joel gigs

That's wild And The dome is wild And it's a different thing And I think the next one I'm gonna just do In the Soul Joel dome I think that's what

I was on there last time And I was like I'm killing so bad there Yeah I'm like This is where comedy should be Yeah it's supposed to be Middle of the woods

In Pennsylvania Where you can say Fucking anything He told me what you said He said On stage I think he told me You said This shouldn't It's supposed to be. Middle of the woods in Pennsylvania where you can say fucking anything. He told me what you said. He said on stage, I think he told me, you said, this shouldn't work. But fuck, for some reason it does. It shouldn't work, but it does. On paper, you're going, what the fuck?

And then you go there. And it's just incredible. It's incredible. Me and Jared did it. You know why? Because everybody wants to be there. Everyone wants to be there. It's not in a hoity-toity place.

No. Comedy doesn't flourish in hoity-toity places. No, comedy's jazz. Yeah. Comedy's punk rock. Yeah. We took it to the hoity-toity to make money. Yeah.

That's about bank. Yeah. All the alternative comics are corporate comics now. Yeah. All the ones that were like, oh, you're a fucking sellout, all have animations. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean?

They have animation money. That's funny now. Yeah. What do you think about it? They have animation money. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I'm saying yeah uh you know i'll just say it patton oswald jesus christ i mean ratty tootie tooey money i mean dude yeah big money yeah and hey i don't yeah i wouldn't turn that down either eugene merman uh bob's burgers yeah i mean dude they got money they got money now money yeah so it's like but it's not wrong

with that. Yeah. No, no, fuck it. I would, I would do this. Anytime someone, someone says like somebody is a shitty comic and they got a special. What do you mean? What do you want me to say? No.

Yeah. Of course. What do you want me to say? No. I never blame the special. I'll turn down this. I mean, look, we're going to trash. I blame the industry.

I'm like, what the fuck are you guys doing? We're going to do. I mean, how lazy are you? Go out and see. Go to a couple spots ask some comics who's good i mean you guys just go to the first show that's in your neighborhood and you're like all right is that really what they're doing yeah they're told on some pie chart of what people yeah or they look at we need one of these yeah we need one of those we need a black chick with freckles

red hair yeah married to a white guy yeah yeah yeah yeah now louis ck is a perfect example of i think uh the guys from boston don't dress well i mean it's just the blue shirt every time this is why i love louisville and it's just blue shirt it's an old navy generic blue shirt dude louis is this is why louis is the funniest guy. Yeah. Because he doesn't, it doesn't matter. Yeah. He did one of his specials. He had a stain on his shirt. I saw the stain, yeah.

And you don't notice it until the end. And you're like, this guy is that funny. Yeah. When he shot his show. Yeah. Someone got in a fight. Someone was like, the guy in the back, continuity. Yeah.

His cigarette. He goes, I don't give a fuck about continuity. If they're worried About the cigarette guy In the background My show stinks And he's right Yeah You don't care

About continuity Unless the movie Stinks Yeah You don't care About stains Or the way you look Unless the comedy

Stinks Is fucking subpar Yeah I think it's a little Boston thing too though With the dressing There's something to it I mean I remember What Billy Bill You know You know him better fucking subpar. Yeah. I think it's a little Boston thing too though with the dressing. There's something to it.

I mean, I remember what Billy, Bill, you know, you know better than me if I say this, will he hold a grudge for me for 40 years?

Yes. So I won't say it. Yeah. Billy brings up stuff I did to him 30 years ago. What is it? That one with the

Western shirt or whatever. Like, you remember the Western shirt? Yeah. Yeah. Now he's not going to talk to me for 50 years. No.

But he did look like he was hunting down Jesse James. Yeah. He's like a little sniper. Yeah, he comes in. Bang, bang. Comes in from a window. He's there. He's there.

Dude, he's on the pod with me. I love it. And he's funny as fuck. Yeah. No, but it's a little Boston thing. It's a little thing where you- Yeah, we're not- You know what?

Now that I'm thinking about it- It's like a disability almost. It's like you guys have a fashion disability. You fucking New York fucking rope chain. Give my girl an anklet fucking for her birthday at 13. Fuck suckers. There was one special. He was wearing like a blue button down.

It was like a dress shirt yeah oh yeah yeah it was like it wasn't it wasn't a button down that like you know a button down that you're supposed to wear casually with the butt it was like a dress shirt it was like a banana republic blue suit shirt untucked i mean it's just a bought it gives a charm you know yeah we're bad dressers you're absolutely i think it's something i'll tell you when I found out I was a bad dresser. There it is. There's the blue shirt on the left. I was in San Francisco on stage, and a guy was fucking with me.

Him and his good-looking dude, young buck. And I was fucking with him. I was trying to smash him, and he looked up. He goes, your shirt's wrinkled. And I was like, oh, boy. And I was like, I didn't iron and i was like oh boy and i was like i didn't rank i didn't i don't iron i was like oh me i looked down it was just all fun look at this one's wrinkled i was all bummed out of with me all five shows all five i never not iron my shirt on a gig now

it got to you yeah well because i'm like we don't i my mother never taught me to iron yeah you throw a shirt on you get get the fuck out. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's not top priority. Top priority is funny for Boston guys. Now, we mentioned Louie. One of the funniest. Billy and Louie.

I keep calling him Billy like I came up with him like you guys. Bill. It's because of all your Mikey and fucking Frankie shit. So, Bill, Louie, Patrice, you. Gary Goldman. Gary Goldman. Dane Cook. DePaulo. Dane Cook. frankie ship so bill louis patrice you gary gallman gary gallman paulo dane cook i mean you know and and uh you know some of the all you guys are the fun huh bob marley bob marley the list continues on and on and on yeah you know but you're talking about louis and bill you know they're both massive they're both yeah like me you know a lot of people consider them The two best

I think so They're amongst the best I think so What is it about Boston And I believe so too I think Bill and Louie For me Yeah

They're like my They're like two of my favorite They're incredible Yeah they just They get to the joke They get to the joke Faster and cleaner It's a monster

There's no fat on their jokes No Bill Burr is an absolute monster Yeah he's a monster He's a fucking monster Yeah And It absolute monster. Yeah, he's a monster. He's a fucking monster. It's because we're- And you guys are all real guys. Because you're adding, so you got Boston, right?

You got guys who sound like they're fucking dumb. Well, city guys, Boston guys. But Billy's a highly intelligent guy. Very intelligent. Billy, listen to me, flies helicopters. Yeah. Okay? He's an amazing- He's like yeah okay he played he's a amazing

savant he's an amazing drummer yeah like billy could have probably done anything louis the same thing yeah i mean louis is fucking a genius yeah so i think you mix those two with a very sarcastic fuck you you're an idiot what are you doing a sense of humor like which is the boston sense of humor which is well the Boston sense of humor, which is, well, this fucking guy's an asshole. You see this guy? What a fucking, you had that with intelligence? It's just, it's killer.

Yeah. It's really killer. That's what I respect so much about you guys is that you're obviously the funniest crop. You go Boston, New York. The funniest comics, by the number they come out of boston new york but you guys are all real guys like uh you know i know bill i know you i've hung out with both you guys are real guys i now hung out with louis i feel a genuineness like it's uh it's there's a genuineness it's not a show it's not show business no no no because we have

families we still have you know but is it something about Boston that makes you real? Yeah, but you'll get punched in the face. Right. That's what it is. I mean, dude, if you get cocky, smarmy, egotistical, fucking weird, you'll get, dude, you get punched. Yeah. I mean, I'm not even saying that to be a tough guy. I got hit a lot.

Yeah, yeah. You know, being out of line. I like that. Like, I don't mind. So you kind of have to be, what's up, man? How are you? How you doing? I prefer, even if I don't get along with someone or if I have an argument with someone, I prefer

that it's, I prefer real than nice. What do you mean? When someone's too nice, I'm like, it's fake. It freaks me out, yeah. Yeah, it freaks me out. I'm like, nobody, we're all messed up. We all got different things. I know a couple people that I could put out like ryan hamilton yeah i he that's real he's nice i can take

he's too nice but he it's a good way yeah he's he's there's a hooker in his basement you think yeah she's been there she's a mormon no one dresses that nice nobody i don't think anyone's that i'm not saying that i mean obviously there's no hooker in his basement, but maybe- He lives in a Ry-Ry's. Yeah. It'd have to be in his closet or his storage unit. No, the Midwesterners, that's part of their culture, I guess. I guess there's some-

I think there's something real about New York and Boston because we're on top of each other and it's a hustle city and it's like- You have to verbally be- Yeah. Creates a real person. You have to be uh creates a real person you have you have to be because you know even in a parking spot to get your sandwich people the line you get in the line if someone cuts you in line you have to know how to deal with people yeah and you you don't want to start off like you know these whiny ass what are you doing you're cutting it's

like dude what are you doing i'm sorry all right cool no problem yeah keep it moving you know what i mean i think new york York and Boston are very similar. It's funny. It's funny how similar we are. Very similar. We're like rivals. The Jews and the fucking Arabs. They have the same salad.

Yeah. You know what I mean? They're very similar. Yeah. We love the same shit. Same shit. New York and Boston is like the Jews and Arabs. Yeah.

We're the Jews. Yeah. You're the Jews. We're the Arabs. There's less of you and there's a lot of us. Yeah, all right, there you go. I'll take that. And it's just the culture,

because there's a lot of funny comics from other places. Like, I remember I was on Segura's pod, and we talked about this, and we laughed hard, because we were talking about how New York comics were always like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, yeah, it's like an assault. And he's extreme. He's one of the funniest.

I love his comedy, but his comedy is completely different. It's kind of, cause he comes from a different place. So it's like, it's real in that way. It's different. It's not like,

we're like, fuck you. I like his, I really, I really like his comedy and his, uh, cadence. Yeah.

He's very, uh, very calm and draws you in. It's confidence uh very calm and draws you in it's confidence of this uh yeah it's this confidence and calmness yeah and i really love that i love that about his stand-up he's fucking hilarious it's very nice yeah i really do like that that louis has a little bit of that too louis will because what i love about louis is that he'll be quiet and then he'll fucking inject it he knows when to add the energy yeah you know yeah yeah yeah um which i really like i like that stuff but tom is yeah tom kind of is calm and kind of just bang and bang and he

does that thing where he kind of draws you in his world nate does that too where nate yeah and nate is a genuine guy. I like the genuine guys. Rogan is from Boston. Rogan too. Let's not forget fucking Rogan. Rogan's another one. One of my favorite comics.

Me too. You know what I mean? I told him I wanted him. From the get-go. He's been one of my favorite from when I saw him on MTV Comedy Half Hour. Yeah, Rogan did a special in 2006, I think. It's underrated.

It's really one of the best specials I've seen. It was one where he had the hat on. He had the hat on. He had like a, he had like one of those like fucking paperboy hats on. Again, Boston guys. Again, you ever watch his outfits?

He also does the dress shirt that's too big. What the fuck? I mean, you know, you know, hiking sneakers with jeans. I mean, you guys are disabled. You're fashion disabled. You're too straight. You guys are, there it is.

Look at that fucking shirt. He looks like Mozart. I mean, the shirt's too big. He's comfortable. He's comfortable. It's a dress shirt. He's comfortable. That's not a casual button down.

That is a comfortable man and look at it it's fucking piss yellow it looks like a distinguished yellow that's dehydrated that's english fucking yellow i mean dude look at that yellow ass fucking shirt i'm sick i think he looks great and that newsies hat oh i want that hat i have it i have that hat but dude that is an excellent special dude i think it's the first again it's intelligence meets aggression yes it's intelligence meets this fucking blue collar aggression surviving traffic shitty boston traffic but people are assholes you know but you got he's a high level guy he's very high-level guy.

He's very intelligent. So you mix those two together, and you get some of the funniest guys on the planet. I would love somebody for fun, obviously, if they did a Boston versus New York show. That would be awesome. Well, who would you pick? That would just be fun if you went Boston, New York,

Boston, New York, Boston, New York. Who's your guys? We just talked about my team. I'm bringing me. You're bringing about my team. I'm bringing me. You're bringing killers, man. I'm bringing me. I'm bringing Burr. I'm bringing Louie.

Chris Rock. Yeah, we got Chris Rock. Yeah, we're going to smoke him. We don't have Chappelle. Chappelle's DC. Nope. Also, we got Louie. We got Bill.

We got Goldman. Yeah. Goldman's a beast. Goldman's another smart you guys are all smart i'm not yeah i'm fucking club comic bob yeah i'm talking about my dumb wife my kids shits yeah you're fucking you're people smart i'm people you're people smart people one of the best i've met. Street smart. I call it. You know people. You know who's ba-ba-ba. You know Shady. You know why people are what they are. You know what they're doing.

You know what's important to them. You know what they're trying to get. Billy Burr will tell. I'll size a motherfucker. Yeah, you are good at that. If I tell you a guy's a weirdo, he's a fucking psycho, get away. Yeah, you're incredible at that. I'm bringing Seinfeld.

I'm bringing Rock. Attell. Schultzy. Schultzy. You're losing. I'm looking at this.. I'm bringing Rock. Attell. Schultzy. You're losing. I'm looking at this. Colin Quinn. Colin Quinn. All right, Quinn.

Okay. Carlin. I'm bringing him back from the dead. All right. Now you know dead. You can't take dead. I'm bringing Sarah Talamach in there. I'm bringing Damian Lemon.

I'm bringing Richard Lewis. I'm bringing Tracy Morgan. I'm bringing Jordan Peele. He's from New York. Dude. I'll take Jordan Peele. What are you making? A horror movie or a comedy show? Right. Good point. Jon Stewart. I'm bringing Tracy Morgan. I'm bringing Jordan Peele. He's from New York. Dude. I'll take Jordan Peele. What are you making, a horror movie or a comedy show?

Right. Good point. Jon Stewart. I'm bringing Wyatt Snack. You're done. You're done. David Cross isn't from New York. He's from Atlanta.

Dude, our lineup is Louis C.K., Bill Burr. I'm bringing Sid Caesar back from the biggest comic. I'm bringing Larry David. I'm bringing Woody Allen. I'm bringing Dice. I'm bringing Eddie Murphy. You got Marin. Sandler's from Boston. I'm bringing Jenny Eddie Murphy You got Marin Sandler's from Boston

I'm bringing Jenny Slee Dude Sandler's from Boston We got Sandler You got that fucking Billy Crystal Lucille Ball Jimmy Fallon Jimmy's from Boston

Jimmy's from Long Island Oh sorry alright Is he? I don't know No he isn't He's from Boston Is he from Boston? No he's not

I have no idea I'm lying Andy Kaufman We got some good ones. Dude, we'd murder you. You guys might win in the stand-up show. A hundred percent. Yeah, you might win.

Not even might. Yeah, you will. Not even might. You might, yeah. Look at that. Yeah. Chris Rock's not going to follow Burr. Yeah.

Yeah. Seinfeld's not going to follow me. Yeah. No. You ever notice? No, we didn't. I had to go up after you once. Yeah Yeah Seinfeld's not gonna follow me Yeah No we No You ever notice No we didn't I had to go up After you once

Yeah You left Thank God That was the only thing I liked about that night Is that Bobby left It was We did some pod

I think it was Dan St. Germain's podcast at the stand okay do you remember that it was like a live oh yeah yeah and you did your set and then you left and i mean you yeah you did that thing where you just beat him up it was like the crowd owed your buddy and you were fucking just beat him up you just fucking really like mexican boxer just bang bang bang and then you like you did you did you, nice guy thing where you just walk off. And then I went up and fucking ate my dick. It's that thing when you go up after someone.

It's not even you, really. It's the crowd is so upset that the person that they was on before is done. Right. And then you go up there and they're still disappointed. And they're still like, I wanted to see more of that and then you just get discouraged by that and then you just because the energy up front's not there and then you just eat it for the rest of the set well you understand i was telling some of this the other day you know we came up open our open mics were hosted by the best comics in Boston. Like Kevin Knox, who's funnier than anybody,

would host, he would have his show, his Wednesday night show, and that was the open mic, but he would host it. So he'd go up and murder for a half hour in front of 500 people at this comedy stuff, and then bring you up to do five minutes. Right, right, right right and you're following burr yeah gallman patrice then you yeah yeah and if you bomb you don't come back yeah like you're not coming back so you so you will in the back like i gotta fucking i gotta fucking

murder yeah fucking robert kelly what's up motherfucking? Yeah. Fuck your face. Your mother's a cunt. You fucking woo. You're a side queer. You know what I mean? Good night. You know, then you just learn how to do that.

Yeah. I came up similarly in Donnell's room. That's where I started, really, and Donnell would do that. Right. Donnell would kill for a half hour and then go, and then after he has the room fucking shaking,

and then you go up and you're like, ah. I came to New York, it was the same thing too. So I had to follow. I mean, I remember my first set at the Boston. It was Jay Moore came in, then Jim Brewer, then Dave Chappelle. We got Brewer. I put Brewer up there.

Brewer kills. Brewer kills. Long Island, he kills. Brewer kills. He kills brooklyn long island he kills kills he kills he kills like you kill hard he kills hard yeah yeah and he kills uniquely yes like his jokes uh he he's acting this out uh and it's it's yeah it's canary joke i don't know wear a mask wear a mask dude I never fucking I mean and he keeps going

he grabs you by the neck and he keeps going and he just holds you there he's got one of the best jokes I've ever heard was that the drinking joke it's like pop

it got popular but it deservedly so it was when he keeps the different types of alcohol he drinks and it's like a club in his stomach

when you drink too much and the bouncers they start fighting because the the liquors don't mix. Right. Hey, Heineken. And they start fighting. They start fighting in his stomach and the bouncers are like, everybody out.

Here comes tequila. Yeah, here comes tequila. He's so funny. Does nobody like him? No, he's like a comedic vessel. Yeah. Now, take me back to Boston. You walk in, you got your heels on

right i got i got my cow skin heels with laces with laces probably some bell bottoms no you gotta mind your dress shirt untucked jordash wife beater wife beater wow yeah dude wife beater with a mechanic shirt no sleeves oh jesus oh it says fred i don't think i'm gonna be able to eat for a week there's a picture of that. Boston Comedy Calendar, Comics Calendar. Wait till you see this. Fuck it, how good looking I was back then. So you walk in, Dawn's, she's at, she's at, what's it called?

La Familia, Georgia. She's at La Familia, Georgia. She's Italian? No, she's fucking a mutt. She's Polish. Polish, all that shit. She's got a little American Indian in her, which I like. What'd you say? Robert Kelly. I like Robert Kelly So how do you pick What happens

You order the food And you guys start yapping I worked there I was a waiter I get a shirt made with all my different Look at that Bobby This Puerto Rican Bob Right there

This fucking after sitcom didn't get picked up bob this fucking yeah look at that scroll down shape up goatee bob yeah scroll down yeah there's been a lot of different bob i know there's a lot of facial hair bobs and a lot of different sizes bob this sexy bob sexy bob right there that one yeah there's christ Steak. I know. Take that off. All right. Get rid of that one. There you go. Yeah.

You got so many variations of me. Yeah, dude. Look at that. Look at that. Look at that. Look at that. Look at that. Look at that.

Up there. Right there. Look at that, Bob. What? That's jawline, Bob. Yeah. Dude, look at. That's fat fucking 350.

Yeah. That's Paul H. at Comic-Con. That's Big Bob. That's what H At Comic Con That's Big Bob That's That's what you call Big Bob That's we just got picked up For second season You don't have to eat yourself

To death That's what we call Third helpings Bob Oh my god Bob Scroll down Scroll down That's what we call Fridge burglar Bob

Fridge burglar There's so many Bob's So many fucking Bob's Oh my god So many There's leather jacket Bob Did you many fucking Bobs Oh my god So many There's a leather jacket Bob Did you wear that You probably wore that

At your wedding A leather jacket Cart Sneakers When you and Dawn got married Were you wearing Steel tip boots I look at

There's Indian Bob You got fucking Indian My high school Look at over there To the left That's Indian Bob When you and Dawn got married Did all these guys show up In untucked dress shirts My high school? Well, I got over there to the left. That's Indian Bob. When you and Dawn got married,

did all these guys show up in untucked dress shirts? Was it just Rogan, Bill, and they all had fucking extra, extra large gap? Blue dress shirts? They had champion shirts. Champion sweatshirts. Champion shirts. Cavaricis.is oh look at the oh this is that's american indian bob wow i got my bolo tie on look that's 80s that's the 80s boston high school graduation yeah that's what they use curly mullet yeah curly mullet yeah curly mullet

i had the bolo tie final fat right there that kid's seen some shit you can see it in his eyes those lips yeah that kid's just trying to survive yeah that kid can fucking just was just hurt yeah look at that kid yeah my people were hurt oh god all kinds of variations yeah i remember this one with the hat on Yeah that one Yeah I mean Did you That's Dominican Bob Did you pencil that goatee on That's Dominican Bob

Is that a pencil Is it different than Puerto Rican Bob Puerto Rican Bob Is the other guy Puerto Rican Bob is up there That's Dominican Bob You look like Fat Joe Stunt Double

Yeah No I'm Fat Joe Bob Right there In the middle That's Fat Joe Bob Oh god That's funny dude Holy

A macaroni Wow Now you're Joe Bob Oh god That's funny dude Holy A macaroni Wow Now you're dad Bob Oh dude Let me tell you something I'm dad Bob now Got my shit together Lost weight

You look great Bob Yeah dude You look really good Yeah dude I feel fucking great Yeah You know I feel fantastic

You got a glow in your eyes Dude, I was on my way down, I swear I feel like, I mean, I was on my way out I was gonna be, you know, one of those guys You know, either stroke or fucking grab my chest Or diabetes or You know, I was going down that path I'm 52, okay

So, you know, between now and 60 You know, my kid was probably going to grow up with a sick dad which sucked couldn't i couldn't go on rides with him i couldn't go to the amusement park with him i couldn't run with him i couldn't play with him um and you know the day i became a man was the day i i got a son the day i got a child is when i really became a man When I became the dad You know Like my therapist said

You don't get a dad You are the dad He's my therapist too Yeah Our therapist Yeah So You know

It was time to You know Nobody was gonna help me You know what I mean Nobody's gonna help you People love you People care about you But they're not going to do it.

They're not going to do it. Not even my wife. She loves me. She's my heart and soul. Nobody's going to do it. They were just going to, not knowing. Not that they don't care. Not that you don't care.

But you're going to go, Bob's fucking big, man. And you're going to keep it moving because you got your own shit going on. You got things to worry about. You know what I mean? You got your shit to worry about. So I had to fucking do big, man. And you're going to keep it moving because you got your own shit going on. You got things to worry about. You know what I mean? You got your shit to worry about. So I had to fucking do it, man. I just did it. And I did it the right way.

It took around two years, a year and a half. I went to a doctor. I fucking nutritionist. You know, I'm doing things the right way. So far, so good. And I'm down over 70 pounds. And I don't intend to go back. Because food was my first addiction.

And hopefully my last. Because it was going to take me out, dude. And it sucks. Because I don't want to. Because I wouldn't even get like eight-year benefit from Billy Burr. I'd get like a one-year benefit at the stand from you and Ari. You know what i mean you may you're gonna give my wife 800 bucks

you know what i mean we'd promote it on a podcast oh my god oh by the way we're doing a show for bob And you'd still pay All the comics Yeah We'd do new material We'd make it about us By roasting each other Yeah We'd even be my friends Wait are we supposed To be talking about Bobby

It would be catered By Joe DeRosa Yeah Nobody would It would be Mike Feeney Mike Cannon And fucking Brendan Sagalow

Yeah And sandwiches By Joey Roses Yeah Right Joe would be doing New material bombing Yeah Hey you know dude Food took him out But you know I got a sandwich shop Shut up Moses. Yeah. Right. Joe would be doing new material bombing. Yeah.

Hey, you know, dude, food took him out, but, you know, I got a sandwich shop. Shut up. Yeah. Fucking Montadella killed me. Yeah. You know, being big is one of those things because it's funny. Your friends could make a lot of jokes about it. Yeah.

You know, the fat jovial person, that whole stereotype. But there's another side to it where it's like, yeah, I mean, it's a real addiction. It's a real addiction just like anything else. It's the worst. And it can be a real problem. And sometimes I think that the funny thing gets in the way of that. Well, being a comic and being fat is really just nuts.

They go together well. They go together well. And you can write jokes about it and people, you know, people laugh now it's, you know, it was, uh, it was, you know, and you feel like you're going to lose some of your mojo. You know what I mean? When you, you know, but I can't do it. I can't, I couldn't do it anymore. I had to pull that button because, and don't, don't get me wrong. I didn't just say I gotta lose weight I've been working on my

Spirituality and my mental health For three years Like when this pandemic hit I was exposed I was exposed Of how Unconnected I was To my world

And how unconnected I was To the people in my life And how unconnected I was to my world and how unconnected I was to the people in my life and how unconnected I was to myself because you were caught up in your I was caught up in making it I was caught up in fucking uh fame and money and all this other shit that if I could just do this then I'll get happiness if I could get this then I can I can buy this house if I'll get happiness If I could get this Then I can buy this house If I could get this Then me and my wife could be awesome And then the universe God, whoever it is

On your book, I don't give a shit Took all of it away in one day And said now who are you Who the fuck are you now And you know Who are you Bobby And I found out I had a lot of work to do i had a lot of because i had fear i had anxiety i i had resentment i had hatred i had

anger you know what i mean i didn't have uh i wasn't distract yourself i wasn't humble i wasn't grateful right i wasn't i wasn't looking at what i had right i didn't have love in my heart right i didn't have uh you know friendships connections i had all these other negative things fear took over fear justified resentment justified anger all this took over right and because of the pandemic you were forced to see all that i as clear as day just took over because all the And because of the pandemic, you were forced to see all that. As clear as day, just took over. Because all the distractions were gone.

And the rat race that was distracting you from all those things was gone. Is that what you're saying? Absolutely. So now we had to go and work up here, work in here. I had to go get this straightened out. What's important? Wait a minute, dude. I got it.

I made it. I already did it. I have a roof over my kid's head. I a minute, dude. I got it. I made it. I already did it. I have a roof over my kid's head. I get paid for food. And I tell jokes. I did it. I did it. Grateful.

Wake up in the morning. I got a great son. My wife. I love my wife. Great. The people around me. Dude, I got the fucking, I got the funniest people and some of the greatest minds who are my friends. Some of the greatest people who hurt just like me. Of my friends.

Grateful. All this stuff started coming into play. Great, now I'm here. I'm doing the right thing. I'm making a mess. If I do something wrong, I'm sorry. As fast as I could. Trying to work on all this shit. But i am 350 pounds so all this is good but this is fucking i'm gonna die

i'm gonna be gone so i had now that i was ready up here i could take care of this so i went into that process and i started talking to my my our pan, who is a doctor and a friend at my cigar bar, who's just happens to do, you know, the gastric sleeve surgeries. That's his thing. He does all the, you know, inside does them all. And we talked and we talked and we talked for a long time, over a year we talked. And then finally I was like, listen, man, I have this window to do it in, in the summer. I'm going, I'm not going to work in june and july and i said i am going away to europe for this can he goes okay we got to work a lot really hard because you know you think you get like a gastric sleeve or these surgeries and it's a cop-out i had to lose 30 i

had to lose pounds i had to go from 350 to 335 i had to lose this weight to get my bMI down to be able to be eligible for this. They don't just give you the surgery. So then I had to do all that. Then after, I had to work out from day two, start walking, start moving, then the weights. And now I have to take vitamins. I have to take supplements. Now, it's not for everybody.

It really isn't. But for me, it saved my life. Well, it's an addiction. And then it's no different than an addiction your body needs the food so it becomes a thing where that assist as you call it is a wise move and there's no shame in rehab it was my rehab that was your rehab yeah it was my rehab so i went to rehab 37 years ago for drugs and alcohol right and i and i stopped i go 14 months i was away from it all i I got to go away. So I,

I couldn't do that in the real world. Now I have to work. I have to make a living. I have to provide, right. But I could do it in here. So I went to rehab for two years. I'm in rehab. You know what I mean? And I'm taking full advantage of it. Full advantage of it. What would be your advice to someone out there? Go talk to a doctor. In the situation that you were in. Hey, man, it's not for everybody. I got emails that-

There's so many people that have gotten it that you know that I can't out them. It's like being gay. Right, right. Like I can't out them. You know what I mean? Right. Because I came out. Right.

Because I felt I had to let people know. Right. I had to because there's too many- I have too many fans that love me because they love my jokes about being fat or they love my comedy and they're struggling too. So people that are in the closet with it

where they're like, look man, I got it too. I don't tell anybody because as a man, you feel like you're not a man because you didn't, I didn't do it. I didn't lift weights and not eat for three months. I had to go to rehab. I had I didn't do it. I didn't, you know, lift weights

and not eat for three months. I had to go to rehab. I had to take care of it. You know what I mean? I did what I got an assist. It's not, it's not, you're more of a man making that choice to better yourself and get the help you need than to, to not, and just try to man it out and then have a stroke and die. And then your kid has no dad. and then he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing in life. He doesn't know, do I like ringdings or do I like Twinkies? I don't know because I didn't have somebody helping me making the right choices, making decisions, like me. I was searching for a dad my whole life until I became one.

And now I'm the dad and it's like i had that responsibility to to be able to run with my kid to be able to do things with my kid you know what that is i've been in places like that for different reasons but same anatomy tell me if you think this holds some merit it comes to a point where you realize you're trying to do it yourself. You're trying to do it yourself for whatever reason that is, shame or ego or mostly shame, I guess. I don't know. But there comes a point where you're so low you realize I need help. I need a help.

To bottom. And there's nothing wrong with that. That's the realization you have to have. Don't be ashamed to get help to go i need help with this yes i mean and that that that's what it is so i i think maybe it's not like whatever that help is yeah it's different for each person it may not be what i did because i had somebody send me an email today and it fucked them up what i did fucked them up and i don't look i don't know what they did you know. You know, I'm doing it by the book.

I'm listening to my doctor, my nutritionist, my dietician. I take meetings. I take my vitamins, my supplements, my protein, and I walk. I move. I'm telling you right now, movement. I'll say it right to your camera. Movement. Move.

Walk. You don't have to lift weight. You don't have to do Kung Fu. You don't have to do shit. You just have to walk, walk, walk, walk, walk around the block. Once do it twice, keep going as much as you can. That's it. And then if you, you know, you want to build muscle, lift some weights. And I do 20 pounds. I do 20 pound weights and I do chest arms, everything three times a week. And I feel strong and I'm, I'm,

I feel great, but that's the, that's the key to life. The, the fountain of youth is exercise. That's it. Yeah. Exercise every day,

something fountain of youth. You'll live. We don't move. We don't move in this. We go and we sit at the desk. The modern world. And then we get a ride home. Everybody has a nice car now.

There's no more shit boxes. Then you get home and you sit down and you stuff your fat face with all kinds of processed shit. We don't even know what's in it. We don't even look. We don't care. We're just hungry and tired. We're sad and lonely.

And then we wake up and slowly but surely, five pounds, 10 pounds, 15 pounds, all of a sudden, 150 fucking pounds. That's walking around with, I mean, Jesus Christ, that's 10 babies, right? That's, how many turkeys is that? It's a crazy amount of weight and your body adapts to it. You figure out what pants fit, what socks works, what underwear,

and you just live until you die. Right. And then you're what the fuck happened. Yeah. I think the thing is face that shame. Ask for help. Once you do it, it's the most relieving. It's not as bad as you think. It's always like i remember i would be more scared of my dad coming home than when he actually came home right it's like just do

it just do it i i held out for a long time you know i'm fragile mentally in a lot of ways i held out for a long time struggled tried to do it myself it doesn't work it doesn't work some people can grab the wheel and steer i can't if you're not one of those people get the help if i'm driving we're fucked if i'm driving the car yeah we're crashing into some shit apologies are gonna be doled out if i'm like i got it yeah i gotta let go yeah let go man. Let go and let life happen. You know what I mean? Like the shit you worry about, you have no control over. It's like that story I told you.

I love that story. Yeah. That story. I don't know if it's good or bad. My son said to me the other night, he was like, dad, is this bad that we can't? I was like, I don't know yet, son. I'll let you know. Right now, I don't know. It could be the best thing ever, brother.

But right now, we got to leave. We got to go. And what you're saying is because sometimes those things that you think are bad in that moment end up becoming things that are good later. 100%. So you're not in control. You can't call it. Right.

And that's why that's beautiful. I think so. Yeah. I think so. Now, look, man, that's a day-to-day thing. Sometimes you wake up and I'm sad. But at least I'm aware of why I'm sad now. Because go shit i'm sad i didn't move yet i didn't exercise let me go move a little bit and see where i'm at after that all of a sudden i'll go do a half hour on the treadmill watch a fucking documentary on jeffrey dahmer or some serial

killer and i feel good my leg i feel something i allow to help itself. That's feel good viewing right there. Oh my God. Yeah, I mean, if you want to feel better, you definitely want to check out. What's in the bucket? Show the bucket. This blue bucket's getting wheeled out. Nobody took a picture

what's in the fucking bucket. Really? Yeah. Not one of those dirty cops. You got to get a picture of yourself. Foot sticking out. There's a fucking dude's head in an eyeball. I want to see inside the bucket.

Bobby Kelly, you know what, dude? Podcast, Killbox right now, louisck.com. Go buy it. Go buy it. Go watch it. Put it on the big screen. Sit down with your spouse, your family. Watch it. Watch it again. Then go watch his first

special on Amazon and follow Bobby Kelly on all social media i love you to death congratulations i love you buddy keep up the good work and uh you know fucking let's get you in one of those fucking dress shirts from the gap so you can be fancy my next special i'm wearing the same thing rogan piss shallow fucking there's paper boy hat and baggy fucking acid jeans i'm wearing it Let's do it Let's do it Crash a plane into my fucking tiny house too

Yeah look if you want a renovation Call Al Qaeda renovations I don't want to get any fucking September 11th If you want a new bathroom Call Al Qaeda renovations I know We'll crash a plane into your fucking sink And redo it

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