Yannis Pappas Hour - Texas Wants Out - LongDays with Yannis Pappas - Episode 16

Episode Date: April 18, 2021

The Lone Star State is battling Covid with freedom, John Stamos joins the show live via comment roulette (no bull),   For weekly bonus episodes on weds and additional bonus content and to support the show click here: https://www.patreon.com/yannilongdays   The show goes out every Sunday at noon to youtube and audio platforms but while it's being recorded the show goes LIVE on Yannis' Instagram! Come join in on the LONG DAY   Follow Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Good afternoon, this is Yanis Pappas with news. Today, there's been another police shooting as there was yesterday. And tomorrow, I'd like to report there will be another school shooting. There will be another police shooting. There will be another suicide. There will be shootings. COVID has gone up. There is Russian subterfuge in your asshole. And the Chinese have bought up all of New York, which is creating a bubble that is mysteriously and miraculously keeping real estate

afloat and going up in New York City. Nobody can understand it because everyone who's making a million dollars or less to 400,000 is fleeing New York City for what is being called what's left of America in Florida, where Andrew Schultz has made a country song and Jake Logan Paul, Jake Paul is boxing. So whatever you train to do, do not do it. Do something something else you are an influencer now Lex Friedman I enjoyed your podcast but you are an MIT scientist but apparently now you're Rush Limbaugh you are a broadcaster Joe Rogan is a MMA specialist jiu-jitsu guy, former karate champion, comedian, but now he interviews presidential candidates and intellectuals. He is the only news that we listen to.

So Dr. Fauci, apparently now he is a virus czar who is issuing edicts on when we should go outside, which in Florida, I recommend never. Please, I'm rooting for Corona. The safest thing that could happen for Floridians is Corona goes up, people get sick, they stay inside. Yes, there will be more cases of Corona, but there will be less alligator deaths, bath salt deaths, meth deaths, and choking on Cuban cachapas. From the truth to the news and cameras to the fake politics and the propaganda. Yeah, this kid's screwed in, got a lot to say. Oh, shit. It's about to be a long day. It's a long day.

It's a long day coming. Actually, they're Venezuelan cachapas. I'm fucking nervous. I put myself on fucking nervous for not knowing a difference in cuisines. Or in Spanish, they were called el cusinos. Because this is in France. This is el cusinos because this is in France. This is el cusinos. So,

cachapas are Venezuelan. They're made out of cheese, corn and cheese. It's all cheese. It's, I think one of the ingredients is called high cholesterol. So,

if you're Venezuelan, you're just going to be, if you're a Venezuelan pitcher, okay, you're gonna be, what was his name? The famous one. Venezuelan pitcher okay you're gonna be what was his name? The famous one. Venezuelan?

Yeah. And he used to pitch like that. You know? The fat Venezuelan pitcher. God damn it. Having having pre-Alzheimer's

like some people are gonna be studying go to med school but they're doing pre-med I will have Alzheimer's but now I have pre-Alzheimer's so I'm studying to have Alzheimer's.

What is his name? No, the fat one. No, Bartolo Colon. No, he's not Venezuelan. Is he Venezuelan? Because he's fat. He's fat. Yeah, so he's got to be Venezuelan.

But the one we grew up on, cuz, on the Dodgers, the fat one, the famous Venezuelan. God damn it, we're taking too much time on this. Bartolo Colon is fat. No, 80s. Somebody tell me. Who was it? Valenzuela. Fernando Valenzuela

from Venezuela. He was a fat, fat, fat, fat kid because his grandma just gave him cachapas. That's what they ate. Fernando Valenzuela. That's who I'm talking about. That's who I was thinking about.

He pitched and he looked at the sky and then he threw strikes. And I don't know how he did it because he was built like Santa Claus. It's the only sport where you could have the body build of Santa Claus and be considered an athlete. John Kruk looked like he should be a truck driver. He didn't look like he was a professional athlete. It's really the only sport besides golf where you can roll out there with a gut, a belt that's the only thing that's keeping you from getting suspenders is you got a little bit of an ass. Because if your ass goes flat, that belt's not going to work and you're going to need suspenders like fucking Leatherface.

I just spent a week in Texas. You would think Texas is more Texas. There's no two states that get stereotyped more. One ball crook. He's got one nut. Thank you. He's got one nut, by the way. So does Tom Green.

Only one nut. So when he busted nut, it's half a load. Imagine that. Imagine that, having half a load. That's like when you want your coffee. It's like, how much milk do you want? And it's like, look, dude, I can only give you half because I only got half a carton left. So Texas, you know, I always thought when you go to Texas, I just spent a whole week in Texas. So I went from Texas. I went from absolute

freedom, like the founding fathers intended. And then I went to Los Angeles, which is the capital of being put on fucking noodles. So I went from a capitalist to a communist country. I went from take that fucking face diaper off, boy, to excuse me. I guess we don't care about people, which is what happened to me. And I said, I'm vaccinated. And he goes, I'm vaccinated too.

So I go, what the fuck are we talking about, guy? There's no people. I'm walking on an empty sidewalk. You got out of a car. He stepped into my space and he goes, I wasn't wearing a max. Okay. And then he says that to me. And then I go, I'm vaccinated. He goes, so am I. And I go, so what are we talking about, guy? I mean, is this ever going to end? Is it ever going to end? Fauci, Texas is going down. They opened up full throttle. I went to the Rangers opener game.

And let me tell you something. I think we should continue social distance. We should continue to wear masks. Obviously, COVID is a real thing. We want to get everyone vaccinated and then have an official release date. There should be an official release date, like a Beyonce album. Fauci needs to say,

okay, on this date, we are dropping the masks and the mixtapes come later, okay? There should be a countrywide date, no more of this county by county, city by city shit. Are we one country or are we just a united countries? I believe in you, yeah. Frederick Douglass, Team Fred Douglass. Don't let the state succeed. Don't let Texas be right. Let Florida die.

No, Florida is our balls, and they need to be full of COVID-19. COVID-19, the only thing keeping Floridians safe from themselves. COVID-19, the only thing keeping Floridians safe from themselves. If you're a Floridian, you got a much higher chance of dying just from stupidity than COVID. COVID will at least keep you in your house and not behind the wheel. So let's contain COVID to Florida. God, I fucking shit on Florida every episode. It's one of my favorite things to do. But Texas, you know, the left tries to sell you that Texas is like this backwards place.

But now you see all these businesses fleeing to Texas. They're fleeing to Texas for the tax breaks because guess what, children? Human nature, okay? I know you're liberal. You want me to explain to you why you're liberal? Because your parents let you live in their house. And when taxes come, you go on TurboTax because your taxes are very simple.

You don't have to have the burden of paying a lot. Your taxes are, what, like 13%? And your benefits are, like, costing everybody else a lot of money. So, of course, you vote for the left. Everyone votes for their own interests. Once you get successful and get yourself some employees, I guarantee you, you're going to sit down with your probably Jewish accountant. Okay? I'm just saying, the chances that your accountant is not Jewish are what? Multiple choice. 1%, 13%, or 7%. Those are the only three options. Majority yes. You're going to sit down with him and you are going to figure out how to lie about what you're going to do. This dinner, that was MTV. Me and Jesse used to go when we were

filing our taxes, we'd go eat burgers and look at a hooker and go, you know what? MTV, MTV. Me and Jesse used to go, when we were filing our taxes, we'd go eat burgers and look at a hooker and go, you know what? MTV, MTV. We'd write MTV on the back of the receipt because we said the word MTV. So we'd tell our accountant this was an MTV meeting. We brainstormed. We brainstormed ideas

because you got to get corporate write-offs. We were doing research. We were doing research. We were doing research. It is. Comment roulette. My account is Jewish. Askbitler32, make no mistake, you need to be walked up to Poughkeepsie and put down.

Yes, I do. Now, Texas is not what you think. You think you get there, you're going to see Leatherface just going... And he's going to be chasing you with a chainsaw. You think that Matthew McConaughey is going to meet you at going to be chasing you with a train saw. You think that Matthew McConaughey is going to meet you at the airport and pick you up in a Lincoln and go, all right, all right. I vote Republican and I've been keeping it to myself for 30 years.

I prefer to live in Austin, but he doesn't pick you up. You expect to get picked up at the airport in a pickup truck, which is all you see down there in Texas, Dodge Chargers and pickup trucks. Some guy's going to pick you up and be like, get in, live, targ. And he's just going to drag you to his hotel, which is going to be his farm in some small Troy, Texas area. And your ride will be on the end of a noose where they tie your foot and drag you with a truck going liberal free but that doesn't happen either you figure you're gonna get to the you're gonna get to the uh airport and they're gonna play the texas national anthem which by the way at a texas rangers game okay they play the texas national anthem i don't even think they played the national anthem. Okay. Texas is to America what Quebec is to Canada.

They want no part of it. Texas wants out. When you tell Texas they are affiliated with New York, they go. They want to build a wall between California and Texas because it is an invasion of liberals. It's raining lips. Hallelujah. It's raining lips. Hi, I'm from California. Before you hand me this barbecue sandwich, I would like to know, is this me eco-leave grown? Is this me eco-friendly? Did you do this? Was the farm animals treated ethically? Do you to um the matriarchy of the patriarchy elon musk doesn't treat his factory workers right we're here from california

listen to my tesla not roar and then the texas guy goes get them out get them out get them out get out of my don't be bringing your liberal values down here. I'm going to church tomorrow. You understand? You goddamn genderless witch. We got genders down here, goddammit. You understand? This is Tejas. We go to Bucky's. Now, if you don't know anything about Bucky's, Bucky's is Texas in a store. I can smell the fumes from here, says Windy City. Uh-oh, we got to talk about Chicago. Thank you for reminding me, Windy City.

Another shooting in Chicago. Another shooting in Chicago. That's like saying there was another candle lit at the Greek Orthodox Church. It's going to happen. But this time it was El Policia who shot a 13-year-old. Now, when you shoot a kid that that's young who's unarmed, is there some sort of analogy to a pedophile we can use? It's got to be even extra illegal to shoot a kid. Are you like a pedophile, like a gun violence pedophile when you shoot a young kid we'll we will get into that because it's comedy i mean i can't we'll close with that because it's

the funniest story america is opening up because shootings are going up and corona is going down you can see it's like a seesaw we were were inside. It's the only time. The only time we could stop Americans from bucking each other with their fucking gats is if there was a global pandemic, which coincidentally is the only thing that made Soul Joel's Comedy Club the number one comedy club in the country, which I prefer.

I would rather prefer, I would want to perform outside of a train station outside in zero degree weather in the middle of Royersford, PA. I want Royersford, PDA to be the new Hollywood. Joel, make it happen. I want to be, I want to pause my set. I want to have to do an intermission because the train's coming by.

So the only thing that's going to keep gun homicides down is COVID. So now that we're losing COVID, gun violence on the rise. 100 live viewers. What's up, fellas? Yeah, I don't know if you said that. Yeah, it always gets down. Who's going to sit here and watch me against the green screen when I'm not even looking at you?

Hopefully we don't release Shinsuke. I don't know what that means. Soul Joel on a roll, yo. He is. My brother Soul Joel. And this is, you know, he hustled to get to that point. Shinsuke I don't know what that means soul Joel on a roll yo he is my brother soul Joe and this this is you know he hustled to get to that point soul Joel keep going don't stop this is how places become hot like it's that's and that's what I love about people who do their own thing it's like you know you know people used to joke you're doing soul joels or whatever and then they were begging to do soul joels when they're a pandemic because you're a full of shit human being who's got no loyalty or values joel i did every

fucking addict show you did i did a show your grandmother's funeral i did a show at your aunt's wedding i did a show with you outside of pittsburgh that only had your grandfather at it now granted you paid me you paid me my hundred bucks i demanded it you lost money all the time and i made money and then i lost it on the drive home because i paid for your gas but we had a good time mad dog's too sensitive soul joel is the greatest and uh but that's how things happen then the next thing you know royersford pa becomes the comedy capital of the world and people go how did that happen you go well you know um know, a dude ate a bat. Next thing you know, people are dead.

Next thing you know, Sol Joel's king of the world. Because that's a real story. How did a guy named Sol Joel, who went from doing a show at the Robin's Nest, where they would pull a curtain in a diner and go, and Joel would get up there and bobble his words because his heart was racing too fast because he saw a cougar in the audience he liked. The only guy you didn't want to introduce to your grandmother because he, my fucker. It's comedy, guys.

It's comedy. So Joel sucks tomos. What are you saying? Move to Texas and buy a gun to celebrate. So I did the Drinking Bros podcast in Texas. Great, great great dudes i enjoyed it it was the only time i did it uh i did a podcast where there was a loaded gun on the table when i did it okay that's how texas is what kind of gun dude i don't know i'm from new york okay

yeah i was just like oh is that a gun it looked like a banana or a gun i'm like i'm from new york what is that is what is that hands up what do i do don't shoot i don't know what you're doing is that a gun what does the gun look like we don't know what guns look like we banana or a gun? I'm like, I'm from New York. What is that? What is that? Hands up. What do I do? Don't shoot. I don't know what you're doing. Is that a gun? What does a gun look like? We don't know what guns look like. We just know that they're evil. Guns are bad, okay? Hitler and guns, same fucking thing. Get rid of guns, Chelsea Handler. Do it. You start. Let's start, Chasey Handler. Let's get rid of your guard's arms first. Chelsea, the people who protect your home, can we take their guns first? So Texas was fun. And yeah, there was just a loaded gun on the table.

You get used to it. You know, in Texas, you get used to it. But I tell you what, we got another hot American summer coming. We're kicking it off with good weather, a couple of shootings, and AOC and Margaret Taylor Greene may be having a fucking mud wrestling match about the Green New Deal. She has challenged AOC, Margaret Taylor Greene, my favorite cross-fitting congresswoman. Did you see her cross-fitting?

Yeah. Yeah. When she was pulling herself up, Google that. She was pulling herself up. It looks like she was being electrocuted by a car cigarette lighter. Remember the car cigarette lighters from the 80s? She's like, get her in. I think when she was doing it, yeah, she had the Dixie Chicks in her headphones, but she

just calls them the Chicks. And pull up the video of Margaret Taylor Jones or whatever her name is, who, by the way, is the only, besides me, I think she might be the only America whose eyes are closer together than me. By the way, me and John Stamos are becoming friends, and that is hilarious. Really? Because we walk down the streets, I look like him, but if he got hit in the face with a hammer,

and he's got his face reconstructed. Guns don't kill people, cops kill people. That's funny. That's funny. There she is. Yeah, so she has challenged AOC to a debate over the Green New Deal. Now, I would love,

I normally would love to hear debates between, you know, great thinkers of the day, maybe scientists, but I would, wouldn't you love to hear these two towering intellectuals, one, a Boston University undergrad educated bartender versus a swamp creature who crawled out of some fucking Arkansas swamp. Some woman who escaped from Jason Voorhees' death grip and went to church to be reborn and graduated from fucking high school where I dated a college football player named Blaine.

And Blaine always left his boots under my mama's bed because he was fucking her too. We auditioned for Jerry Springer, but Jerry, Jerry never got back to us. That would be a hell of a debate. I can't wait until that happens. The rich Greek in the house, my laka. This is amazing with Stamos here. Is Stamos in here?

John Stamos. Did John Stamos teach you how to walk like a cool guy from San Francisco? John Stamos may be in the chat right now. He follows me on the gram. Yo, Stamos, we grabbing coffee, son. We grabbing coffee, okay? I'm gonna walk around. You're gonna just pretend,

you're gonna protect me like I'm your special needs brother. Like I walk around with my real brother. You walk around and be like, I'm sorry, he picks his nose in public. That's just his thing. Don't worry, he doesn't mean anything. He's staring at you,

but he don't mean anything by it. Giannis, you angle the phone above your head, you might get the hyenas back together. Yeah, because I'm a cutie. Fucking let's go, Rangers. Look at this hat right here. So I went to the Texas Rangers opener, full throttle. Full throttle.

100% capacity. Sold out. They played the Texas National Anthem. Nobody was wearing a mask, even though they told people to. And here's some of the stupid real rules of COVID. It's starting to get a little stupid. We were on the escalator and one of the ushers goes, we start walking up the escalator. Nobody's on the escalator. She goes, no walking on the escalator. I go, what? She goes, yo, COVID rules. You got to stand in your place and six feet apart i go we are a hundred feet apart we're a million feet apart from we're still here because we're

drinking in the basement lounge because it was free fucking trulies okay i drove i drove my my fucking buddy i drove his porsche back from arlington i drove 120 fuck you mpd i was about to call them NYPD because I don't know what they're called in Texas. Dude, I mean, they don't like anything regulated in Texas. I almost felt self-conscious about having glasses on. They were like, man, take those fucking Democrat, liberal glasses off, man. Let your eyes be unregulated, dog. This is Texas. Let your eyes be free, man. Get in the car and drive, brother. You wanted to get that regulation off your face, my friend.

This is Texas. We're unregulated. Un-fucking-regulated. Get them glasses off. Yeah, I felt guilty about having glasses on. I was like, is this liberal? They're like, yeah, I could tell you were liberal because you were wearing octagons. So I drove his Porsche back.

Shout out. Shout out Mr. Pappas who's this? he's just a guy I'm becoming good friends with down in Texas he took me to the Rangers game he's like the fucking mayor

of Austin everybody knows him he took me to all the great spots thank you thank you I appreciate it and it was just great

we went to a bunch of spots. We went to, we got some great pizza at Doughboy, which is good. And we went to, what was it, Nixta for tacos. I drove, you ever drive behind a Porsche? Oh, man, I think it could turn a gay man straight. I think a Porsche, if you get behind the wheel of a Porsche, you could, you go to my followers on Instagram. You can, I think you, it makes, I think it could turn you straight. If you're behind the wheel of a Porsche, you just, I think you could put Richard Simmons behind a Porsche

and he would get out going, yo man, that made my dick fucking hot. Yo, that portion was hot. It was good. So it was a good time. We went to the Rangers game, sat down low, and the Rangers got smoked. They got killed, but it was fun. And then got a little barbecue with Joe Rogan.

He's opening the club, and I'm excited about that. And you know what? If anyone asks, I live in Austin. Okay, I live in Austin. Who knows? I'm a comedian. I can live anywhere, okay? I could live anywhere.

I could say I live in Austin and I'm sleeping at a fan's house in the basement. It's an Airbnb. I got an apartment. I got an apartment in Austin. I live in Austin. I'm an Austin guy, okay? And if I make any more money,

I'm definitely moving to austin because this 14 tax hike uh is even going to keep john stamos out in new york john stamos about to leave los angeles because he's got a show coming out right now on disney i think and uh yeah dude you might want to wait to get coffee with me until after your show goes off the air because you don't want it showing up on reddit that you're hanging out with me because i'm not squeaky clean i got what you call an aoc record i have broken i have i have committed crimes i've said things mr stamos i've said things in jest i've been put on fucking notice for saying some of the things you don't want to be fucking seen by me.

I know you just did a fucking, I know you just did Howard Stern. Johnny, Yanni, we have the same name, Yanni. Por si, sir. We're geeks. We're both geeks. How hot is Maria Menounos? I want to, you know how Walt Disney preserved his head? I don't know why.

We don't need him. We don't need him. We got better adamators now. I'm sorry, okay? We got better Jew haters. We don't need you anymore. He wants to come back. He wants to come back. Just, he misses hating Jews. That's why he's like, just bring me back because the only thing I'm going to miss about being dead is hating Jews. We don't even know if it's proven he was a Jew hater, but he got the rep. Who cares? It's 2021. I'm a white supremacist.

Why not? Okay. I'm also, I identify as African American. Okay? And I'm also a Chinese, communist, Taiwanese, Indian Thai boxer. Why the hell not? But yeah,

Howard Stern, Howard Stern is like super squeaky clean now. He's like judging. He's going, you are talented. Before he used to go, hey, guy with the squeezed little tiny head. Hey,

the guy who's officially legally retarded. Let's make fun of you for four hours. Do you have, hi, do you have some sort of physical disability? Well, come on the Howard Stern show where we will laugh at you for four hours every morning. And now he's like, guys, this is wrong. Society is wrong. Be nice to people. I mean, people are, you know, that's why you got to love guys like Johnny Stamos. He doesn't say shit. He's not out there telling people to do anything. He's just walking around with a hot face. He's just walking around with a hot face.

He's not saying do as I do. He's saying fucking get plastic surgery and try to look like this. You can't even, you know what I'm saying? It's like, look at that. He has a face like Jesus Christ. He's a Jesus. I mean, look at Howard Stern. They look like they're from different planets.

One looks like a perfect human being. The other one looks like he should be in the movie with the blue people. What was that called? Avatar? Doesn't he look like one of those? Like you paint that fucking thing blue. He does. And look at John Stamos, dude stamos any husband would be honored to let him bang their wife if johnny stamos came in and crossed up his legs wearing jeans and some fucking nice boot shoes drinking a latte with a little rope Chained around his wrist

Because there's no way John Stamos doesn't walk around With a little leather joint Right here With a little button here You know what I'm talking about One of those leather joints He got one of the leather joints

In his wrist He doesn't come down He's got pearly white Fucking teeth Even though he drinks coffee Every day because he's Greek So we drink coffee Like people

You know Like Floridians do bath salts every day. But you know what I mean? Look at that kid. Look at that kid. It's unfair. It's unfair, dude. Look at him next to David Bowie. David Bowie looks like brother school. I mean, he makes David Bowie. Look, I mean, look at what he did. The thing with you, you can never hang out with a guy like John Stamos. Okay. You know the trick. You got hang out with a guy like John Stamos, okay? You know the trick, you gotta, if you're like a middle of the road, good looking person,

you gotta hang out with uglier people. That's the old bridesmaids dress. That's what girls do at the wedding. Their dress makes them look like a fucking doily, right? Just a big white shining princess. Oh my God, it's Queen Victoria in long island for four hours and then all of her bridesmaids are just dressed in some sort of peach shit color schmear it's like a shit color schmear dress they get the dress because they want all the bridesmaids to blend

into the wall when the photos are taken it's like yeah just give me four of those shit color dresses i really want those bitches to blend into the bricks behind us. Something that makes me pop and those bitches disappear. So that's why you could never really walk. Look at Johnny. Now, this photo's a lie. By the way, I just saw somebody said Stamos was in the chat. So he's going to be part of this episode.

John, don't worry. My fan base doesn't watch Disney shows. You'll be fine. The great John Stamos, legendary John Stamos. I even said on one of the, I think on the Drinking Bros podcast, if I, they asked me if I had to save one Greek, I was originally going to go Manolo Zantanos, but then I figured, you know what, what better sacrifice to the Greek gods than to give Manolo Zantanos. You know? The one we'd have to save is Stamos. We cannot.

Bob Costas, I'm throwing him to the wolves. Neovar Dallas, Canadians, gotta go. Who's the most famous Greek? John Stamos. He's the most famous Greek? To me, he's the most famous. Who's the most beautiful Greek guy? Stamos.

George Clooney's not Greek. And George Clooney can't, if they had a staring contest dog, who's gonna get hard first? who's gonna get hard first? Who's gonna get hard first? If you do Clooney and Stamos back to back I guarantee you if we put one of those pulsators on Clooney's cock

that kid's getting a creeper first. I bet you Stamos will go undefeated in that contest. You throw him up against Pritt, Leonardo DiCaprio, fucking Idris Elba, anyone. Jordan, Michael J. Jordan, Michael B. Jordan. I mean, look at that kid. Natural pan. That's because there's a little Turkish rape in his family. Just like me.

Just like me. Johnny, don't go do a 23andMe contest, Yanni, because you're going to find out some things that happened to your ancestors that are going to – You know, what it does do, though, it makes you a more understanding person, and you tend to understand gray zone issues a little bit more when you're here because a rape happened. Yeah.

So anyway, Stamos is the greatest. And this is the first time in the history of podcasting. We just made history where a podcast was happening and John Stamos was watching live in a live stream to it. And it's what it is. So we made history. Tom Hanks got Greek citizenship to try to beat out Stamos. Tom Hanks can't hold a candle.

Every time John Stamos goes over to Rita Wilson's house for Greek Easter, Tom Hanks is an insecure movie star. Okay? Let's just put it that way. Now, Chet Hanks is fucking lighting up the charts. He is lighting up the charts. Chet Hanks. Now, up the charts. He is lighting up the charts. Chet Hanks. Now, here's my question, Drew.

I'm addressing you so you can talk because, wow, Drew. I mean, Drew's on talk. He's on talk parole right now. He's on talk parole, and I'm his parole officer because our fans have put Drew on fucking notice. They want very little out of Drew, which is fine. What's up? Yeah, so Drew. Talk it to them. Yeah, what were we just talking about? Drew on fucking notice. They want very little out of Drew, which is fine. Yeah, so Drew.

Yeah, what were we just talking about? What was I about to say? Chet Hanks. Now, do you think, do you think he had that song ready before he did the White Boy Summer video? Or did he just write those bars like in seven hours and then put out a full video

with all these obvious back pages prostitutes that he hired to dance around which is the funniest part because he just acts like he's got all these friends that are black girls because his video's just all black women

and he's just fucking putting their booties. Tom Hanks, do you think at some point when you meet Chad Hanks he goes, yo son, you wanna come over to my pop's house to smoke a blunt and watch Big? You want to watch Big with my pops and smoke an L, son?

He's the only dude who can offer that and mean it. He can be like, yo, son, you want to go watch Castaway and smoke an L? I would love that. Yeah. Uncle Jesse and the White Boys. So Chet Hanks, he just punched into the stew and hit the club after it in a black tea yeah so it's a white it's a white boy summer is now a song that's out and the video's out and he's also making guap videos so i don't know if you know what guap videos are

i think we talked about them that's where people did we talk about them where people eat money and put money in their face so chet h, can we just pull it up for fun? And we'll throw it in the episode too. So Chet Hanks made a guap video with about 90K. Which by the way, why didn't it just round it up to 100? He goes, I got 90K right here. You're fucking Tom Hanks' son. We know you don't got a job, stupid.

Just round it up to 100. We know you didn't get that from fucking any swipe ups on your gram. So yeah, here we go wait can you pause it can you pause it can you pause it pause it yeah no chet it's not a historic moment okay the vaccine that was created by the husband-wife couple at Pfizer is a historic moment, okay? A reality game show host becoming president of the United States is a historic moment. Kamala Harris, the first African-American, don't even ask that she's Jamaican and Indian. She is fucking as African-American as Beyonce. Becoming the first vice president, historic.

Obama becoming the 100% first black president of the United States, even though he's 50% weed, is historic. Long days episodes rising out of the ashes of the corpse of the history hyenas, historic. Chet Hanks, my friend, one-third greek brother malaka your song white boy summer is not a historic moment in the united states historical annals now let's watch rest thanks and i'll just comment. He agrees with you. Why not just make it 100, though?

There you go. There you go, Tanky. Right now. This is the beginning. So I had to make it 100. This is big. Now pause it. Pause it.

Pause it. Pause it. Pause it. Pause it. Okay. What I love about this video is it shows how far the ghettos come because the hood is now the Hollywood Hills or Studio City. The girls are not from the neighborhood.

They were busting from your local strip club, and they're just sitting there going, like, can I get my $50? Like, when can I get it? Okay, so you you told me i'm gonna be able to meet your father when can i meet your father oh my god that's tom hayes son oh my god i love you in philadelphia with zanzai you was in zanzai with philadelphia you was in the background oh my god i'll let you touch my for that you said me give me 50 for the but i take 50 i take 50 for the video but you know what i you know i'll let you i'll let you touch my pussy for 150 oh my god maybe 75 just if you could sign this and say you're tom hanks son so tom hanks um he beat corona but when he sees this video i'm not

he's gonna be ambivalent about winning that battle No I'm telling you son I'm joking I like Chet Hanks I think Chet Hanks Is a star for this era That's the thing He probably was He grew up in the era Going like

Man I'm not like my My brother Colin I'm not making movies My parents don't understand My rap career They don't understand I wanna do Jamaican

Jamaican Jamaican patois songs You know When we were kids They used to call it rockers Right Rockers Yeah Like Jamaican rockois songs. You know, when we were kids, they used to call it rockers, right? Rockers? Yeah, like Jamaican rockers. They called reggae music was rockers.

It was like dance hall. My father and mother Rita don't understand my dance hall aspirations. But now, his personality is perfect for this era where Jake Paul is like, we don't know what he does, okay? He's a boxer slash merch dropper slash YouTube star slash Chinese spy. He's all, he's everything. So it's like, Chet Hanks is that. He's a rapper slash fitness guru slash celebrity, I guess.

I guess this is a new celebrity. So he's doing good, and it's a lit-ass summer. It's going to be a hot-ass American summer in the news. But if you live anywhere near Chad Hanks, he got to make sure that shit is a white boy summer plus a black queen summer. He's bringing people together. If there's anyone who's going to end racism,

it's going to be Chad Hanks. Can you imagine? Can you imagine if Chad Hanks ends up upstaging his father in life productivity? If out of nowhere, it just drops on the shoulder of Chet Hanks where he has a dream one night, like Paul is Sarsas. What's his name? Sarsas of Paul. Paul. Paul had a revelation. So at first, Paul was a tax collector. So maybe at first, Chet is just an Instagram star. But then he has a dream and he has a vision.

And God says to him, yo, son, you got to bring the races together with a Jamaican rocker song. Do it. That's put a lot of pressure on Tom Hanks' kid. The black sheep of the family. Son, he already knew he was going to grow up to be black because he was the black sheep of the family, yo, dad, yo, dad, word, straight up, church, preach, you know what I mean, yo, this is body club, aka Chet Hanks, yo, you telling me I can't be doing this, you telling me I can't be doing all this, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, but you always calling me the black sheep of the family, y'all hurt, Chet Hanks got his hand in the island's panties. So there it is. Bitcoin is controlled by the Chinese. So when you look down, you get people giving you the real scoop,

the real scoop, the real scoop on Bitcoin. So that's what it is. So thank you, Chad Hanks. It's going to be a white boy summer. But we have some, we do have, we do have some police shootings going on. Let's get to the real fun story. I mean, Chet Hanks is sort of the heavy stuff. And now we're graduating to some of the lighter stuff. I think as we were recording, it was finally revealed. They finally revealed the body cam, the body cam footage of the police officer who shot an 11-year-old or was it 13-year-old who ran from them. And now he was unarmed.

That's all you need to know, right? He was unarmed, even though I think the cops lied and said he had a gun. So it's like, what is going on here? What are we doing? That's the kid. and said he had a gun. So it's like, what is going on here? What are we doing? That's the kid. Not an African-American team by the honest touch, which is the hair, okay?

If your hair blows in the wind, when the wind blows, if your hair moves, I don't care what you say, Rachel Dolezal. You may, I think, so this kid was, I think, Puerto Rican, was he? Hispanic or Hispanic. So he was killed. What is he going to take the cops?

Here's the problem. The problem is, is the only test you have to take to be a police officer in this country is prove you're not retarded. All you have to do is prove you're not legally retarded. So what they do is they hand you a string. And if you don't get emotionally attached to that string, they let you become a police officer. If you don't start going, this is my string,

then you can become a cop. And that's the problem. We need to have a little bit of a higher standard for police. And we need to, they need to be better trained and they need to make more money. Okay, we can't just be letting hedge and they need to make more money, okay? We can't just be letting hedge fund guys who do nothing for society make all this money

and cops don't make money. Cops and teachers should be making the most money, okay? Give them bigger salaries. We as the taxpayers should have a higher standard. That higher standard should be represented in the money that they make. They should not be doing that dangerous job for fucking $25,000 a year. They should be doing that job for six figures, dog, and free coffee.

You go anywhere, Starbucks, fucking Pete's Coffee in San Francisco. You go down and get dirty fucking chocolate-looking water at the bodega on the house office. So handling free fucking coffee everywhere you go. You should be able to get a coffee for free. Cops need to be paid more, man. This is, this is, nobody's talking about this, dude. You know, and everyone talks about the racism. Well, here you go.

Obviously it's not all racism. There is racism. Historically there's been racism. But can we talk about all the factors? You mentioned any other factor. People just, I don't want to hear your Nazi talking points. Well, we see in the video of the one in Minneapolis,

of course, had to be Minneapolis, right? Another shooting. Fucking. So we see in that video, she goes, taser, taser, taser. And she shoots him.

She goes, oh shit, I shot him. So she fucked up. It was a mistake. She's being charged with second degree manslaughter. It was, she fucked up. Okay. When I saw that, I said, you know what? We need more women cop on the job.

Can't we just send the women cops on a little bit of the easier stops? But this was an easy stop. What did they stop him for? Because he had a fucking, he had a seatbelt. I mean, what are you doing, guys? Why do you have guns drawn? But then he tried to drive away or something, right? I don't know.

But like stop harassing black people in cars, okay? And if they drive away, call a helicopter, follow them home, and wait till everyone cools down. Just please. So she was a woman and you can tell from the body cam footage

she wasn't trying to kill him but that the situation, that they were trying to tase him in the car because let him drive away. You know, why are you gonna tase him

or shoot him just because he's, you know, resisting? Don't kill him. Don't, you know. I you gonna tase him or shoot him just because he's you know resisting don't kill him don't you know i don't know but then i guess he's causing harm to if he if he's driving wildly i don't know it's not an easy job that's why we need better training we need better police training get fucking some navy seals to train these guys man and they should be paid more money how can you

it's such a dangerous job dude garbage men get a lot of money because it's a dangerous job. You got to smell shit all day. I mean, why do garbage men make more? No hate on garbage men, but why do they make more than police officers? Why are hedge fund managers not being in the guillotine? tests so we really need to start attracting better people better trained people and you do that by providing a higher check okay people you know you need your bravest you need them well trained man so that one was a mistake now Now this one, what the fuck? I don't know the details because I don't want to know the details. It's gotten to the point

where it's like, oh my God, I don't even want to watch this. It's so horrible. I heard the rumor, I haven't watched it yet, that he had his hand, they told him to put his hands up,

he put his hands up and someone fired. I mean, and then there's also, there's also the reality that look, there's a lot of guns on the streets. So these cops are nervous, dude. They're nervous because they know everyone's fucking there's also the reality that look there's a lot of guns in the streets so these cops are nervous dude

they're nervous because they know everyone's fucking strapped to the nines that also makes cops nervous so they draw their gun they don't want to go home in a body bag

so it's all these factors and I'm not saying one a one prong solution is the solution but I mean dude if I'm a cop

and I'm a cop in America okay let's watch it I don't want to watch it oh fuck just only because it's a okay, let's watch it. I want to watch it. Oh, fuck. Just only because it's a comedy show, let's watch it. And then, by the way, Bernie... How do you tell? Well, we don't want to watch a Dunkin' Donuts commercial.

I mean, they want to be on that? How funny is it that the internet wants to... Pause it. How funny is it that Google wants to preach to us about things you can say or not say, even if you're a comedian, but then they put a Dunkin' Donuts commercial on a police homicide video. What the fuck was that?

It's what they call capitalizing off a tragedy. If eyeballs are going to be there, we're going to make a dollar. Google, fuck you. Fuck you, you tech overlord fucks. You need to be regulated and regulated now why the fuck are there commercials why is this video

monetized cops love donuts okay let's let's watch it fuck okay we need the sound I don't think it has it

alright they're chasing the kid by the body cam footage we can tell that the cop is fat I don't think it has it. All right. They're chasing the kid. By the body cam footage, we can tell that the cop is fat. Oh, hands go up in this shit. What the fuck? He's 13.

Why were they chasing him, you know? I don't know. He probably had a taillight out on his big wheel. Probably smoking an L. That's a good joke. A dark one, but yeah. We pulled you over because one of your big wheel taillights is out. You're 13. I mean, do the cops have nothing better to do in Chicago

than chase a fucking 13-year-old? That's my first question. My second question is, why is a 13-year-old outside by himself? I guess kids grow up quick nowadays. Now, is there any way we could convince the, is this the mayor of Chicago? Can we convince her? Black women love wigs. Can we convince her to maybe tone down that forehead a little bit by putting on a wig with some bangs?

Can I give her the Marisa wig? Because she needs it dog i'm just saying i'm just trying to help her out i'm not saying she doesn't look good the way she is even though i'm saying she doesn't look good the way she is i'm just saying what black what friends of hers are not going girl just she needs to be treated like, you know, what's that scene in the John Hughes movie, you know, where they all do detention? Breakfast Club. Yeah, that scene in the Breakfast Club

where Molly Ringwald makes over Ally Sheedy. That needs to happen with the mayor of Chicago where one of her girlfriends just goes, and she just comes out and goes, she squeals. And then some wrestler who smokes weed falls in love with her because now she's got makeup on. I smell a new prez in 2024.

Jesus left home at 13. Good point. How old is 13 really? Well, there was an 11-year-old missing and they found her at her 22-year-old boyfriend's house. So that happened, I think, in Chicago as well. So the United States is kind of spinning out of control just the way Rome spun out of control at its end.

And I say that every episode, but what can you do? What can you do? But since we're living in such chaotic times, you know it's a chaotic time when you get a little relieved that a white teen was also killed by police. So they are now at least killing people like it's a Benetton ad for gun violence. At least their police homicides

are looking like a community college poster or at least a network sitcom. Because we now have a black kid that was murdered, a Puerto Rican kid that was murdered, and thank God, a white kid who was also murdered. You know it's fucked up when I did get a little relieved. We can pull this story up. There was a Maryland teen, and he was a teen. The kid had braces on. They're killing kids with braces. And by the way, they kill tons of white people too.

That's why I think what could really unite us about this need for police reform issue, which I believe is also needing for better training and more salary for them, would help is if you can unite everybody by going, hey, let's stop talking about race and start talking about police brutality, regardless of the race, okay? Like, we should all be united that any single person who is unjustly killed by a police officer after, upon review, we should be outraged by all of them. That's what Martin Luther King would have done because that's what he believed. It's not, we can't just get upset about the people who die that look like us. That's not what's going to heal America. You need to get upset about all of them. There needs to be no agenda you're pushing across. You need to get

upset about the individual. Let's get past all that talk and say, hey, look at all these numbers. Cops are killing everyone too much. Let's all unite and fix this. So look at this kid. So a Maryland trooper shoots and kills teenager who had an airsoft gun. So what happened?

What happened? Did you show up in his backyard and yell freeze and he pulled out his fucking squeezy easy or whatever they call those things and you fired? He was an honor student. He was an honor student. What was he? He was playing with a toy gun?

You can tell how old you are by how much you take off and put on your glasses. So, if you count these, you'll be able to guess my age. It says he had a knife and an airsoft gun but he pointed the replica gun at the trooper okie dokie okie dokie but you can't do that but why did he do that is he mentally ill or something i mean he's an honor student so yeah well more needs to come out more needs to come out but you know they they kill kids all the time okay if we if this kid wasn't justified,

if he was unjustified, if this one wasn't unjustified, can we kill one that was unjustified to even it out? Can we just find one? Can one of you just roll into the OC and just pluck one off for the greater good? We need to sacrifice one to the woke mob, please. we need to sacrifice one to the woke mob please we need one we need it i'm asking i'm praying to god can one white person please be killed in a high profile unjustified gun homicide by a police officer i'm joking and it's dark humor but that's what it's come to because we all want to unify this country. We don't want any more like, we're all in agreement, man. And let's stop talking so much

about the race of the people who killed because this white teenager shouldn't have died either. None of them should die, okay? Even if he points a toy gun, like duck down, like, you know, don't, I don't know. I guess, okay, that one's justified. Your father was a firefighter. I'll give it to you

you're going to listen okay I was with you up when we talked about the other things but this fucking kid had to get blown away we don't know

the details though we just know what the story says what are we saying what's highlighted a witness saw him in the driveway of a home

in a shooting stance and pointing the gun at the trooper who fired at the teenager and wounded him. John said he's a German news conference. Yeah, somebody just said, John Stamos wouldn't touch this topic with a 10-foot gyro.

Very funny, now long. Yes, it's true. John Stamos has left the chat. He's long gone. Yeah, he's long gone, but that's good. Or he's just quietly watching enjoying going like you know what

that's why I didn't do that so I could have a bigger career but no this is obviously we have an issue with gun violence in this country

obviously we have an issue with police violence in this country obviously blacks are disproportionately stopped drug crimes where I really think the systematic

racism is evident in drug crimes and traffic stops and things like that and harassment even more so than in than in shootings of unarmed people because the unarmed statistics are pretty across the board I mean if you look at the data they shoot everybody it's just that these seem to get a lot more press I mean, is it higher per capita? Probably a little bit, but they are harassing and stopping black teens more to fill their dumb quotas. That's what happened in Ferguson. That's the real story in Ferguson is they go to these underprivileged communities and they try to fill their quotas with stipends, jaywalking tickets, all this bullshit because they know they can't do that in more affluent white neighborhoods.

They can't go, they can't stop some millionaire's kid and say you were jaywalking tickets all this bullshit because they know they can't do that in more affluent white neighborhoods they can't go they can't stop some millionaire's kid and say you were jaywalking because the guy will call the judge and get you fired so that's the real story

and that needs to be addressed and all these issues need to be taken into account you know it's never really a single pronged causal issue

that causes something like this it's multi-causal multi-pronged and issue that causes something like this. It's multi-causal, multi-pronged, and there's many factors, confounding factors that need to be taken into account. And adults got to sit around and compromise and be realistic and really try to reform this issue. And like I said, it's also a factor. Look, man, we're strapped as fucking, we're strapped. So for $25,000 a year, people don't want to die, man. People are nervous. They're scared. They're under trained. They're underpaid. And also America is fucking

strapped, which I'm not saying is a bad thing or a good thing. I'm just saying that's an issue. Put yourself in a cop's position. You'd be nervous all the time. You don't know who's strapped. You don't know, you know, criminals, there's guns everywhere, you know, and I'm not even talking about legal. I'm talking about illegal guns, which you can often get in these loophole legal ways. Do we need to address that? We probably should. Do I understand that the right is a little skeptical of the left when it comes to it? Yeah, because they start with the closing of the loopholes of the gun shows. The next thing you know, they're like, ban people. They never stop. They start with there's three genders. Now there's 167. stop. You know, they start with, there's three genders. Now there's 167. So they never fucking stop. So I understand why it's hard to come to the negotiating table. Just go watch my bit on

gun controlled and fix it. Cause I take both sides. Yanni looks like he has a set table at Nino's pizzeria. Thank you very much. That came from the great rom rom two 12 few. I just joined. Thank you very much. That came from the great RomRom212. Phew, I just joined. What did I miss? What did I miss? Seems like an insulting question.

The chat is the real MVP. Yanni, don't want to say it. Yeah, no, the chat is the real MVP and I appreciate you. Good thing Prezzo Biden was the dude who helped put these drug laws in place and Vice Prezzo locked up so many motherfuckers being an enforcer of these laws. That is true.

Queen Kamala Harris put more African-Americans in prison than some other things. So that's what it is. So it's going to be a white boy summer and a hot American summer. It's going to be blazing. It's going to be litty. It's going to be off the chain. It's going to be buckshot litty this summer. So, oh, by the way, Bernie Sanders has broke with the squad on defunding police this is crazy

okay there is about to be a coup in the squad this is nuts he's for it or against he's against it he says i'm not for defunding the police okay That's what it says. Okay, which is a very reasonable position. Okay, as you can tell by the crime statistics in all the cities where they have been defunded. It's a childish position. And it's one that you say, hey, let's not throw the baby out with the bathwater here. Okay, we're not gonna defund all the police

because there's millions and millions of police interactions. And you have like a few that go awry, you don't throw the whole department out. So Bernie being reasonable, but that is a crime against humanity. If you were texting, if you were a text friend of one of the members,

one of Beyonce's backup dancers or Beyonce herself, AOC, as you know, AOC is the Beyonce of the squad. If you are a text friend, if you're in a group chat with AOC right now, it is fucking lit with Bernie hate. There is some questioning of Bernie. They're going, you know what?

Bernie got us here, but I think he's losing his edge. I think it's time we now if bur if bernie dies in a vegan all-natural store from a poison smoothie we know who did it okay we know who poisoned that fucking smoothie if bernie dies in a verm Vermont ice cream shop, okay? If he dies in the Ben and Jerry's original store while he's signing autographs for people who haven't showered in two weeks, we know who did it. AOC? You have to do what you have to do, okay? Stalin did not become Stalin before he took out Trotsky. You can't make omelets without breaking eggs.

And by breaking eggs, I mean killing one particular Jew. AOC, you're up. The feature, Bernie Sanders has done his set and the people want to see their headliner

turn us in to the communist dictatorship we deserve I beg you it's the only thing that can keep order now I want it I want it I want to be wearing clothes I want to say hello on the street

to other people in brandless attire. I'd love to say hi to Jesse and all our shirts have no brand names. Government issued brandless casual uniforms. Okay. I want them all. I want all our sneakers to look like we got them at H&M. I want them all. I want all our sneakers to look like we got them at H&M. Just brandless, white, plain, Swedish-looking sneakers. They're not this sneaker or that sneaker.

There's no Kyrie. There's no LeBron 11s. There is the AOC 2s, and that's it. Every year, a new AOC comes out. AOC 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. And I think her reign will go to about 40 before it all goes up in smoke. So everyone's wearing the AOCs and I just would love to live in a communist dictatorship

where you say hello to a person and you know that he is just a repressed, in hiding homosexual who introduces himself to you and this is my wife and we live in that world where everything's back in the closet nobody's being themselves everyone's hiding and everyone's pretending because they're scared of the state you just meet a guy and his wife and he just goes hi i'm a really big fan of your state-approved comedy um i saw you you were uh you were opening for kamala harris uh you know the the fuhrers the fewer as is stay the union address and this is my wife oh my god isn't she fucking hot you go are you gay and

you go not in this administration you care i don't want to die, okay? I suck it up. I close my eyes, and I fucking think of John Stamos, which is probably what a lot of gay guys, if you're in the closet, right wing, like Christian, conservative, because those guys who are for family values, those guys always, they need dick. They need dick like a diabetic needs an insulin pen, they need dick. They need dick like a diabetic

needs an insulin pen. They need dick. They need it bad. But those guys have wives and they have children. Do you think on their go-to mental Rolodex to be able to actually ejaculate into their wife, John Stamos is in the top three or four. I'm going one for sure. He's swarthy, he's olive skinned, and he's got a nice mouth. Yeah, he's up there. Right. They might like something completely different.

And if you don't think we're calling this episode John Stamos' mouth, you got another thing coming. What's a good name for this episode? Because I think we can't beat John Stamos' mouth. AOC's going to skip the 1777 addiction and go straight to 1777. I don't get it.

Brendan, one to 10. How funny is he? Zero. Negative direction. Okay, I'm saying 10. 10, he's a friend of mine. George Michael and John Stamos, 1992. Hell fucking yeah.

George Michael was on that list until people found out he wore his earring in the wrong ear. This has been Long Days. Here are some sponsors. And what's up to my long haulers out there? Join us at patreon.com slash yannylongdays. The small business sponsor level is sold out, but there is a level $500 a month tier where not only will you get your ad read on the episode, you'll get your own video ad on my social media account. So go join that up.

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They got an outdoor patio. If you're trying to have that white boy summer or that black queen summer or that Latin summer or that Polish summer or that trans summer or that Chinese summer, whatever you are and whatever summer you're having, you got to hit Bay Ridge and go to my favorite spots. Take your girl. Take your boy. Take your family. Enjoy brunch, dinner. I love that spot. It's one of my favorite spots in Bay Ridge. So go to Blue Agave. Guys, like I said, patreon.com

slash Yanni Longdays for additional bonus content. If you join at the $5 level, that's an additional episode every week. So you get the free one and then you get the bonus patreon.com slash yanni long days and there's a whole bunch of tiers with additional content as well come on over become a long hauler we are in it for the long haul it's never gonna end so i'd like to welcome our newest long haulers to the game of life maggie hayden welcome venetini venetimian Square Hall of Fame right there Hall of Fame Venetimian Square then we got James Polk welcome I look forward to reading your book Melissa Solkowski that is aack. Then we got Joseph Corm...

Joseph Cormiolo. Joseph Cormilio. Cormilio. But there's no E in there. Cormiolo. Joseph Cormiolo. So welcome, Joseph. Then we got Steve Gentron.

Said Al-Mohannandi. Said Al-Mohannandi. Said Al-Mohannandi. Welcome to the crowd. I mean, that's what you call a look at me. I'm Sandra Dee. I love it, dude. I love the diversity in the fans. Yanni's $3 stockings.

Hall of Famer. John Flowers. Kendall Smith. Yeah, Famer. John Flowers. Kendall Smith. Yeah, me. Yeah, her. Marisa got canceled by TruTV. Welcome. George Two Time 1945 Best Japanese Fried Rice Winner Patent.

Okay. Fabian Munoz. Sounds like one of your boys. then we got frank how you doing then we got aoc's dildo has joined hall of fame uh first chicken finger is a chicken finger uh tina no fumes fay then we got andrew welcome andrew then we got michael phoner then we got colden polkrony colden polkron maybe i don't know cuz cold just call yourself colden wasp james bradley wasp or yeah i mean uh lani don yes that's a goodie dan dregsga uh brian fry c or frike um river coolers here river coolers here tried to become a sponsor but you won't take my money

so here's five dollars a month we're good there's a sponsor open right now so i know there's like a hundred of you trying to get it so just hop in there somebody canceled julia harrensenko i mean you people got some franks and beans last names h-r-y-s-e-n-k-o chrysenko so julia chrysenko your piece they're getting mad at me because i can't pronounce them yeah well here we go danny soldano allison o'grady how you fucking doing k fits how you fucking doing uh spencer sauce monkey that drank the olive oil and is headed to Yanis Town. Hall of Fame.

Jake Robert. Demir Milos. I mean, I can smell the olive oil from here. Demir Milos. That sounds like a Greekie to me. Bruce Schreier. Bruce Schreier. This show was produced by Bruce Schreier.

Then we got Noel. Pervitin Puss Meanie. Pervitin, that's the drug that the Nazi used. Guptar the Strong. Chrissy Crack Me Open and Clean Me Out. All I got was the lousy clap. So there you go. Chrissy Crack Me Open and Clean Me Out,

and all I got was this lousy clap. Purple Mimicorn, welcome. Christy Aurora. Skin Flute, Skin Flute, Skin Flute. Very funny, that's a throwback to the hyenas. I don't know where the Skin Flute thing came from, but it got very popular. Nimesh Patel, what's that smell?

Got hit with a fumed up spell and make no mistake, in the taint, it is the smallest state Rhode Island Zach roses are red And so is my hat Make no mistake I'm tucking it back Paul Fink

Yeah Dana Tenenbaum A welcome That kid screwed in Jake Markey Joe Doherty Sounds like a referee In like St. Saviors This game is re Markey. Joe Doherty. Sounds like a referee in like St. Saviors.

This game is reffed by Joe Doherty. Then Ricky Boner. Okay. Wait, that was six, right? Yeah, go to five. Yeah. You went all the way to the top? Yeah, I went all the way to the top.

So I start from the bottom? Yeah, start from the bottom. Okay. Then we got Brian Summers, Sarah Eklis, Tyler Marinaccio, Drew Debs, Armando Rodriguez, Bill Clinton. Welcome. Then we got Cosmo Guzaldo. I secretly like my fumes. It's what it is.

Then we got Jose Y. Mini Horse Z. Kevin Class. Amanda Tumbarello. I mean, that should go get the sauce really nice and garlicky. Then we got Mike McGuire. How the fuck are you doing? Then we got Ben.

Then we got Fana, Fana, Fana. Then we got Leah Lennon, Will Perry, Nicholas Mayer, Maureen. I changed my name 10 times because I'm Franks and Beans. It's what it is. Welcome. I went Greeky. Now my fumes smell like tzatziki. That could be the all-time winner right there.

Alexander Parker. Welcome. Straight to the back. Chris Sanford. Garrett. Corona Escalante. She sounds like she's from your neighborhood. Thomas Lacoveli.

Thomas Lacoveli? Welcome, Thomas Lacoveli. I mean, Trevor English. Welcome, Trevor. Mental illness, a little less lonely with Yanni. There you go. So mental illness, a little less lonely with Yanni. Hall of Fame.

The PC police coming to take away Way Sean King's N-word pass fueled by the $3 Bill of Rights. Hall of Fame. Joshua Bardwell, welcome. Matthew Ortiz. Matthew Ortiz just sounds like every kid I played baseball with growing up.

Andrew Pianta, also every kid I played baseball with. Amy Johnson, a film fan. He's just a film fan. Here we go, another Sandra Dee. Mamet Kanka. Mamet. Is that a Sandra Dee or is that more of an Asian name? I don't know.

Jasper King, welcome. Sarah with an H, welcome. Went with Giannis in the divorce. It's what it is. Well, welcome. I appreciate it. You're welcome here, welcome. Sarah with an H, welcome. Went with Giannis in the divorce. It's what it is. Well, welcome. I appreciate it. You're welcome here, dog. Cuzzy Wuzzy, who was fond of muzzies

until the towers went down. Ladder 14. Okay, what can you do? It's the Patreon names. Mario, not an FF, but a white walker with a valid US passport. Now, if you don't know Jesse White Walkers, they live beyond the wall. They're Mexican.

You ever watch Game of Thrones or no? Yeah. Was that a hyenas thing? Yeah. These are all, yeah, a lot of hyenas. Then we got Andrew R. Hay. He has a middle initial, so you're a poet. Tim Schillen, hashtag Trump 2020. Okay. Then we got Frankie

Five Angels. See, now that's the type of names I love. The ones that are unique that come out of nowhere. His name got Frankie Five Angels. See, now that's the type of names I love. The ones that are unique, that come out of nowhere. His name is Frankie Five Angels, and I just like it. Then we got TJ. Welcome, TJ. Jesse Lagman. Here we go. We got an olive oil monkey here.

Dino Panopoulos. Dino Panopoulos. Welcome, Dino. Then we got Reese, Blake West, Rory, Bibbidi-Bobbidi, Colin Browning. Welcome, guys. Let's do a little more. Since we missed an episode last week, we didn't read the names on the Norman episode, which was great, by the way. Welcome, Corey, Locus Magoo, Douglas Francisco, Mike the Sauce Monkey, Mary the Muzzy, now my Italian cousins think I joined ISIS, Yanni Biden 2020. You jesse big time on that one then we

got john stanny then we got i look in venetia's windows at night but i'm harmless i mean too good then we got adam taking that clonny pill now i'm a three dollar bill hall of fame the spicer 74 anna mar Marie's Ruts, Tyson Marshall, welcome, Richard Alarcon, Rich Silva, Nikki, I might crack your father open behind the scugilli stand at the Giglio for the Flex Manila, then we got William Kane, Brad, Benjamin Durkee, Max, Mr. Good Guy Long. What's up? Go check him out.

He's one of our sponsors. Goodguysrefrigeration.com. You can email him at max at goodguysrefrigeration.com. Then we got Ari Abreu. Then we got Sean Terry's my uncle. How you doing? Listen.

Listen, Patrick. It's your uncle, Sean. Then we got Aaron or's my uncle. How you doing? Listen. Listen, Patrick. It's your uncle, Sean. Then we got Aaron or A-A-Ron. Shout out. Then we got Mike Ortiz. Then we got Fumarky Mark and the Stanky Bunch. Hall of Fame. Then we got Reverse Banana Hammock.

Then we got Matt. Welcome, Matt. Then we got Manny. Make no mistake, I'm a wetback, so give me that weppa monkey. Extra sauce, no wetnap. You guys are cracking Jesse up. Then we got Edward Hept. Then we got Carlos, Chrissy D's underbite, Gomez.

Yeah. Then we got Chris G. Then we got Big Rack with a thick sack, and these FFs can't take my pronouns back. Hall of Fame. Pedram, Joshua, Ferraria, beating me to Mrs. Pat's titty feet. Who's Mrs. Pat's? She's a comedian that's a little hefty.

She's a black comedian. Yeah, you know who Mrs. Pat is? So let me just repeat that one because I think that might be the winner because it caught me off. She's a chubby girl, Jessie. So beating meat to Mrs. Pat's titty feet. Yeah, okay, that might be the winner. Then we got Tanner.

My dad evaded my taxes last year so now he calls me by my prison name, Sweet Meat Mitzel. Good one. Hall of Fame. Jared Z from the Stinkbox, Tallahassee, looking for that Harry Yanni P to make me a cuzzy. He is a sponsor. Absolutely, like I said, go follow his shit. Then we got Lance Slaughter, Rob's Mental Playground. Shout out. He's a sponsor. We're waiting for your read, Rob Mental's Playground. Send it to me. Then we got Make No Mistake.

Chrissy was better at reading the names, but Yanni got me in divorce, yes. Then we got Jamie Wallerman. Then we got Diana Martinez. Then we got John Jazzjitmangat. No, Jazzmitmangat. Welcome, Jazzmitmangat. That's a wild name.

Squeakout, this one's a goodie. Squeako L. Brown Eye Bandito. Then we got Daniel Dab, Dab, Daniel Dab, Bobo, Daniel Dab, Dub, Daniel Dab, Dub, Daniel Dab, Dub. Then we got Lo Sanchez reporting for duty. Chicken finger. Then we got, when something's a good, tight, quick one, chicken, I call it, it's good like a chicken finger. Simple and good. Then we got Tommy Boy.

Then we got Kyle the Sauce Monkey pushing down the German side. It's an Italian kid who's got a German side. He's pushing down. Then we got Bill Hipcher. And then Ashley B. Chrissy Kent. It's an Italian kid who's got a German side. He's pushing down. Then we got Bill Hipcher. And then Ashley B. Chrissy can't. Ashley B. Chrissy D. can destroy me. She wants to get cracked open and cleaned out by Chrissy.

Welcome, Ashley. We love that you're here. And then we will continue. Let's just do another one because we're way behind. So Elizabeth Sweeney, welcome. WJM 1994, welcome. Pappas in the streets, Pippus in the sheets. That's a guy who knows what my real name is. My grandfather changed it to Pappas. Andrew Swenson, Charlie Volpe, Anthony M. Colucci. How you doing, guys? Then we got Straight Tang, Brandon Chang. Welcome. We got an Eastern Hemi right there. Then Jordan Cantor, Squeaky Nandos.

Then Evan Thebolt, Wormball, Jada Schaefer, Sean Fumario King. Good one. Terrence Arnold, Jordan, Rondell, Pseudo Clitty, Two Titty, who likes to tussle, wants yanni to flip me over and tug on my love muscle jenkins it's a funny one that's a hall of famer george bush was right chicken finger erica elliott jj cajun crawfish monkey with perpetual fumes pelegrin so good one hall of famer. Chris Gorman. Chris Jenkins. JJ82. Steve B.

Owen. Michael. Tara Moe. Saul Otto. Riley. Reality is a suggestion, so I suggested Yanni Longday's crack open that Chrissy D. for Dick and take a good long Canadian. Okie dokie. Queef Latifa.

That's a chicken finger for the win. Ari here for the Yanni Long Haul Fumigator. Aaron Leaf, Lance Armstrong's Cancerous Texticle. Hall of Fame. Yanni crushing Clannies in his Chobani to start the day. Dick Smackleton. That's what you call a chicken finger. Janelle.

Mirko. Chris Grillo. Last uh justin ganchi uh big nasty cisco welcome big nasty cisco danielle atchison and her photo looks like she's a real estate agent kevin nelson drusky the libtard agate rusky hall of fame irv rolando corona the third that's the chicken finger rolando corona the third juan joseph demonte my boy go to blue agave restaurant third avenue bay ridge brian hannon kyle brian uh or byron k Kyle Byron and Brian Santalon. Brian Santalon. So there you have it.

Those are the Patreon names. Go to patreon.com slash yannilongdays. Boom. And finally, live, come see me, New Jersey, in Atlantic City, Celebrity Theater, May 7th and 8th. It's gonna be lit. So get your tickets, yannispappascomedy.com

or fucking Google it.