Yannis Pappas Hour - That Ayahuasca Glow w/ Carmen Lynch

Episode Date: January 19, 2024

Carmen Lynch is a hilarious comedian with a new special on  @marknormand  channel called Queef Week. Yanni and Carmen talk about her Ayahuasca experience in Peru, mental health, and reminisce about Yanni bombing at a Gilda’s Club benefit show they did together years ago. They also discuss Yanni’s old internet series, Comedy2go, featuring episodes from Carmen and some of the greats like Nate Bargatze, Bill Burr, and Jim Norton. Watch her special here: https://youtu.be/TxPGfnOg4Bs?si=ujxJX93IqNlYQhbW Bonus episodes every week: https://www.patreon.com/yannispappashour?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator See Yanni do stand up live in your town: Ticket links: https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/shows Join our highlights page for highlight clips from the episodes: https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykw

What's up everybody, welcome to another episode of the Yanis Papas Hour. Got a lot to say It's about to be a long day It's a long day What's up everybody? Welcome to another episode of the Yanis Papasour We're doing a guest episode today We don't do many We only reserve them for very special people Special, pun intended She's got a special out right now

On Mark Norman's YouTube channel called Queef Week Queef Week What a week What a week Better than Shark Week so not only will you laugh but the whole way you'll hear you can hear it queef is something when i hear the word i hear it it's a good word it's a pussy fart it's a it's a what is that onomatopoeia kind of where you can

sound out the word and do you know what i mean i don know. Why were you looking at him like he was a linguist? Because you gave me a look like not me. Well, I don't know what ayahuasca means. Onomatopoeia? You've been doing too much ayahuasca. You have a different glow about you post ayahuasca. Wow. Yeah. No, I just did it a couple months ago.

Now, what made you go, you know what? I'm done with Western therapists. I want to go to Mexico, and i want to do this the old tribe it was peru peru but uh close but no i i uh i was on zoloft um and i just get anxious i get panic attacks me too so i was like let me just get off this shit because i heard eventually you uh become immune to it and you have to keep raising the problem with it and then also they charge you so much like my doctor i don't need a shrink like i need a therapist yeah but my shrink just to renew or whatever get more zoloft he's like that'll be 250 dollars yeah just to check in and then they talk to you for 12 minutes and i'm like i give me 45 at least. Yeah. So no. Yeah. Yeah.

It would be nice just like the accountants that we have for comedy, if we could write off medication, but we can't. I know. Like you can write off a lot of stuff, tickets and stuff like, but it's like, what about a category going mental health care? We need it. Yeah. We're zany.

We're zany people. And sometimes, I don't know if you don't have a gig on a Fridayiday night don't you go mental like your career is over yeah sometimes yeah sometimes you get a little like oh my god i'm not booked and that's not good sometimes you don't get into a christmas party and that pisses you off i mean yeah we're it's a very bipolar up and down uh career that has highs and lows it messes with your chemicals anyway. You're going on stage and you're getting this big rush and then you get off stage and you're like quiet.

Do you ever hear the silence after a show? Oh, it's the worst. I remember I was going through something not great with the brain and I did a show and there was a guy taping it and he came into the room afterwards, and he goes, he made me aware.

He's like, this is weird. He's like, it's so quiet in here. And then I heard the silence, like the ringing, like when you hear the ringing of the silence, and I just got fucking way depressed. And I was like, you leave. You leave. I don't want anyone pointing out how bipolar this is.

We already know. But even when there's a joke that works and they laugh too quickly and then stop, even that pisses me off. Well, if there's a way to beat yourself up, we'll find it. Yeah. Yeah. If there's a way to go, hey, one person's not laughing, I suck, or you laugh too early, I'm imperfect, we'll do that to ourselves.

Why find the problem somewhere else in our family or whatever we can just beat ourselves up for not being perfect joke tellers that's so true yeah we hate ourselves yeah yeah well have you thought of cocaine as maybe sort of a something to keep you going after no i haven't i mean i have thought about it but i'm gonna say no because i have a heart murmur and i actually asked my doctor one day i was like like, can I try Coke? Yeah. And I'm like, I'm not trying to get addicted. I just want to take it off my bucket list.

Right. It's a bucket list thing. And he was like, you have a heart murmur. You're stupid. Like, like cocaine causes heart murmurs. And I'm like, can't it just cancel mine out? Right. Maybe it'll fix it.

It'll fix it. And he was like, that's not a good idea. So then I'm like, I'll try all the other ones. But I want to do like San Pedro and all those weird ones. I want to do those. You want to do it. And what has opened you up to this? Ayahuasca mushrooms?

I didn't know. This is really naive, but I didn't know that all of these drugs were medicinal. Yeah. Like you grow up thinking Ayahuasca, you're just throwing up and whatever. And LSD and all that. Like you can actually have some good trips apparently.

Yeah. And so. under the care of a shaman that's what i mean like i don't want to do it on in an alley here in brooklyn you don't want to do it in an urban setting i want to i heard that if it calls you don't just like look for it right like look for someone on the subway but if if it calls you and you're like i heard about this place it's in the woods it's amazing then you're like all right let me do some research that kind of thing yeah you don't because that's that's what you call that's a telemarketing call you get a telemarketing call for ayahuasca be skeptical of that yes because they're trying to win your

business oh my god you got to go legit by legit you got to know you got to check the credentials of the shaman right because it's all about being shaman. You don't want a shaman wearing like a Brooks Brothers shirt. No. You don't want him to be nothing Western about him, right? Totally. I mean, I... You want no shoes. You want long hair.

You want beads. You want a guy who looks the part. I don't even want to be in this country. Right. Like, I don't want to be anywhere where anyone speaks English. Right. So... You had an advantage when you went down there to Peru

because you speak Espanol. I speak Espanol, but the Spanish... But you're a colonizer. You had an advantage when you went down there to Peru because you speak Espanol. I speak Espanol, but the Spanish... But you're a colonizer. You're not an oppressed. I know. People just give me that look when they hear I'm from a Spain. Yeah.

But the Spanish that they were speaking on this little remote island in the Amazon, it was more like small-town Spanish. So a lot of the stuff that they say under their breath, like, I couldn't even understand. Now, when you got there, did they all go like this and go, like, did they think it was like, like, because I'm tall? Yeah, were they just like, they're tiny, right? Pero Dios mio, que alta eres! They were just like, I mean, it's funny, like go to lima and then you go to this small town and take a bus for two hours and then take a boat for two hours and there's no white people

like there's no westerners right so my i was just happy i was like oh my god i'm not getting attacked like i'm not in this like you know you just saw like idiots like me just running around looking for the right shaman right right so it was just me um can I do that thing for my bucket list I mean where's this shot I'm trying to find the shaman and I have no cell service hola and then of course they I couldn't speak Spanish in in Peru before I got there because then all the rickshaw drivers and the taxi, you know, they,

it's almost like too much. Right. Right. So I was like, Oh, la don't day is star. You Westerned it up. Totally.

You have to like, yeah, protect yourself. You got it. So you were constantly thinking maybe some of your issues are just, uh, being a, like being a woman in the world.

I've realized that women have a tougher time. It's so hard being a woman in the world. I've realized that women have a tougher time. It's so hard being a woman. I'm so grateful for Barbie. But you know, you think about it. Women got to be nervous a lot. When you go out in the world. Oh my God, especially traveling alone. It's traveling alone.

It's like being a comedian. You're on the road. It's like, yeah, Dave Chappelle had that great joke That really nailed it down for me When he goes I thought I was He says

I got paid cash Have you heard this joke? He's like I'm on the train I got paid cash And I had this duffel bag Full of cash And he was like

I was so nervous Because I knew I had something That everyone wanted And he goes Oh And then it hit him He was like

This is what women feel like every day. Every second. Every second of every day. About their vagina. Yes, about their vagina. That's what he was saying. This is something everybody wants. Can you imagine if we actually thought that all the time?

Yeah. Stay away from me. I know what you want. You do have, you're walking around like a treasure that people want. You may not even be conscious of it, but subconsciously you know there's people out there just going like, I want that.

There's just guys. And I'm sure you get those looks. Yeah. And you probably like it from, you probably want it from the people who don't give it to you. Right. And then the people you don't want it to

give it to you all the time. Because that's the cosmic joke of this fucking ball of shit. But it's true. Like, you know, especially the ones that are too aggressive. You're like, why can't the guy on the train looking at me?

Why can't it be that my crush looking at me like that? But then they go, oh, I'm just intimidated. And it's like, really? Are you? I'm not like, hi! Yeah, the intimidation thing

is sort of a... It's so like, oh, because you're so tall or whatever. Or you do stand up. And I'm like, really? Yeah, I'm not threatening you. Yeah, I don't have a knife.

Yeah. What are you intimidating me? Talk to my vagina. do stand up and i'm like really yeah i'm not threatening you yeah i don't have a knife yeah what changed about you when you did ayahuasca what did you feel it's one of those different glow it's one of those clarity things like like it cleanses out uh bullshit but it doesn't end here like it it there's i still feel it it's only been like two months right so it's i did it uh and i i mean i did it like five nights in a row five ceremonies whoa so uh all inclusive yeah five nights the all-inclusive uh package and uh yeah it's it's pretty nuts because you're literally with the trees the whole time in the jungle and uh what do you mean by with the tree like you're not like in a studio in la or whatever right but you're also not in a house with like an air conditioner you're in a lot you're in a i think they call it a maloca it's's like a teepee with just a cot.

And you're just eating. Some of us went on a special diet. Came back looking great, though. Thank you. No, my mom was like, you need to gain weight. I lost like 15 pounds. You know, sometimes I'm not like, oh, my God, I lose weight so quickly. But, yeah, if I don't eat like a certain things all the time and it's when you're six

feet tall, you, you do have the advantage to eat of eating, but it's like metabolism and your metabolism. So it's like, I look like I had AIDS, but kind of in a hot way, like,

like heroin chic. Yeah. And then there'd be people who were like, damn girl. And then other people, I swear to God, we're like, are you okay, are you okay? Like it depends on the person. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, you have the type of metabolism. If you miss a meal, people could see it. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. You're skinny. You're a skinny mini. I'm a skinny mini. Like I'm the kind of person who needs to go to the gym

to lift weights, not to do cardio cardio is no good for you yeah no so yeah so what what was what was the meals there that you what did they give you um it was like just plain chicken plain rice and plain eggs and plain fish so no sauces or anything so there were maybe like 12 of us and only four of us chose the diet. So I never did any drugs except for weed in my life. And they were like, you'll feel it more intensely if you do the diet. And I was like, bring it on. And then I was like, eww.

Were you nervous? Were you scared going in? Like, did you have any trepidation? I was super excited until the very day of. And one of my friends from high school it's her her husband went a couple times and i trust him i mean i've known these people since high school and uh and he was like it's gonna change your life and suddenly i was like i don't want to die like i took it the opposite way right and you know how they say like anxiety and excitement are the same energy it just depends where you channel it right so i was on excitement the whole time and then it just

went over to anxiety like that and the fear kicked in and i was like what the fuck am i doing that's so stupid i'm in the middle of the amazon by myself right all the fears kicked in all the fears kicked in but you were too kicked in. But you were too, you had to do it at this point because then there's a social pressure. Did you ever go like, I'm going to leave? No, but during ayahuasca, I was like, you know what? I'll stay for the diet. Yeah. I'll stay for the diet in the jungle. It's really good for my skin. And then I'll skip the drinking the ayahuasca. And then once you do it, you like i'm out here like might as well just go nuts and what was it like what happened what did you feel i mean you you see stuff you feel stuff it's

um it's you go through hell and and you go through your own demons like your own shit yeah uh which it was really nice of them to recommend not to talk about the specifics with other people because you're constantly like making connections and working out what you see. Yeah. They were very serious about the ayahuasca. They were not like, hey, go have fun. Right. They were like, what do you want? We're going to be in the room the whole time. Blah, blah, blah. Like that kind of shit. You just sort of sit there quietly and deal with it and deal with it and throw up and shit yeah but uh but again i had no clue so i thought you're i'm shitting next to you like in a bucket and i'm like oh my god i am never gonna see this man again so i'm gonna be okay but you you have the conscious you have the awareness to

be like there's a toilet over there. I'm going to walk. I mean, you still walk like you're 85 because you're fucked up. But at least you can make it there. And then you have a light, which I fucked up the whole time because they were like, you can only use the red light. And my white light is so bright on the flashlight. And they were like, the red light light people are like in their zone you know and i'm like what did you form a bond with the people like breakfast club like when you guys

left you were like yeah certain ones i still talk to you do right well because it's interesting because you'll talk to them and they're from all over so so there were australians you know there were people from the midwest it's like camp for depressed adults. Yes. And, but more than depressed, but more than depressed, it's like curious people, you know? And, and I was definitely the one that knew the least. Like there would be people that would be like, your chakra is really good today. And I'm like, what the fuck? You know, your, your earth points and your moon is like shining, you know? And I'm like, what the fuck? You know, your earth points and your moon is like shining, you know? And I'm like, I know nothing about that shit. You were like

an open mic ayahuasca user. Exactly. I was so open mic, for sure. You're working your way up though now. Working my way up. And you want to do it again. I would totally do it again. Yeah, but not yet. Have you ever heard of EDMR therapy? Yes. Yeah, I say you should look into it. It's incredible.

Now, what is that? Is that like a sound thing? It's a, they, it's an eight phase process where they, um, it's for trauma.

You may not have trauma. I don't know what your thing is, but yeah, they, uh, you re you, they kind of hack the subconscious by rapid eye movement. Yeah.

Take you into those traumatic memories and then you reprocess those memories as an adult after some cognitive behavioral therapy and other augmented, if you need medication through it or whatever. But it resolves. It has a beginning, middle, and end. It doesn't just go on and on and on. Oh, that's good. Because what I have is blocked, repressed memories. So one of the reasons I went, I want to unlock these. Like traumatic memories. Traumatic blocked memories. EDMR is perfect for you. But my therapist recommended it.

I don't have this therapist anymore because she's old and she's like done. That's always tough too because you go like. It's so hard. I was with her for 16 years. Yeah, that's tough. You're going like, you're not allowed to die no until i feel better until i know until i die until i die yeah yeah no i have you started cheating like i was cheating on her with youtube with youtube with youtube therapists and uh podcasts right and then now i have a new therapist right but but there's here's the thing about therapy. Like she knew me so well. You got to like start all over

that, that, that I would say like this happened this weekend. I don't understand. And she knew me so well. She's like, is it because of this, this and this? And I'm like, Oh my God, that's exactly what it is. So it's almost like she knew. But then the, the negative side to that is that she got very chummy. She got like a friend right and i'm like you need to stay neutral because then at one point i started saying anything and i would say deep shit yeah and she'd go oh and i'm like i don't need you to awe me i need you to tell me what's up intellectually break down what's happening yeah we're not i'm paying you here i'm paying you i can awe from my friends we're not hanging out we're not hanging out so i I had to fire her because she reached a 70s age that I'm sure many therapists are good.

But she just got too comfortable. And the other thing is she only did Zoom. So she was very comfortable. And she was like, oh, like it was too much. Too comfortable. Yeah. You know? I'm like, I want you sitting up, talking to me like a normal person.

I think Zoom's actually really good for therapy because a lot of, I think, what always prevented me from going to therapy was the whole, I got to go, I got to get on the train, or I got to get in the car. I love the fact that I could just do it in my pajamas or without pants on or just run downstairs and do it. It gives me the same effect. I don't need to be in the room with someone like i'm looking at you i get it it's more see i i need the room like same with

podcasts like like i'll come down here and to find you for two hours away yeah yeah if you were like do you want to do zoom i keep saying we don't have a lot of guests that's because a lot of people won't do it they're like where are you i'm not going yeah it it's a trek but i find that it just i don't know it just feels more connected it's totally more connected for sure i guess i'm more like selfish i'm like i don't want to do all that and so i'll make this work yeah maybe that's why i won't get better wait did the emdr work it's working it's the craziest thing that i've ever yeah it's um it's the only thing that I've ever done that feels like it has a purpose. Like we're trying to get at something to fix it, not just endlessly, you know, talk, which has its place too. Yeah.

But this is, and I think it's more, it's what I needed. It's what was wrong with me. Now, do you need to know what your trauma is or do you go there to unlock it? You can both. So I can do it even if it's like repressed. Yeah, you start going in and then it starts, because your subconscious knows. Your brain threw it away so you could deal. And so when you get into that state, things start coming out. It's notnosis darn i would love that you would love to be i mean i've been hypnotized

before yeah and very well done and very shitty yeah so i know what it's like to have a good one but that would be fun it's a it's an intense process and when you're doing edmr you start bugging you it's a little and then while you're like in between sessions, you feel a little shitty. Like your brain is starting to figure these things out and it's kind of shitty and it feels shitty, but like you're feeling like sadness, which is good.

Yeah. And it like starts to settle and. Oh my God. I'm so doing it. Starts to kind of set in and your brain starts to, it's a change, a transition. It's tough. Yeah.

It's tough. Part of you is going like, then you start mourning all the lost time you had because you were fucking struggling with this shit, always trying to contain your anxiety. Yeah. So like you couldn't enjoy the moment and all that. So then there's like, oh, I wish I did this earlier. And then you mourn that. And you know, but it's.

Better late than never. Better late than never, though. Better late than never, and there's a resolution. Has it changed your comedy? I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if that's experience. I don't know.

I think experience changes it more. It's changing my, like, I'm not, like, I would be in a hotel room. When I had kids, it kicked into another level that's when it like all started coming you know back like things that happened to me as a kid what I didn't get or whatever and then that's when I started bugging out and I started like trying to look into stuff

and it was actually Tracy Carnazzo do you know her? Yeah. So she knew someone she was like I feel like she knows everyone. She's a problem solver. She knows like, I feel like she knows everyone. She's a problem solver. She knows everyone. During COVID, I needed a vaccine ASAP. And she's like, I got you.

And I swear to God, she got me an appointment the next day. Let me tell you something about Italian people. Like she's a Ginzo from fucking, you know, I think Howard Beach. Okay. She hung out a lot at Howard Beach, but I think she's from Queens or whatever. There's just certain people like that. I got a guy, people, and it's an Italian thing. She's the guy.

She's got a guy. Yeah. So it was funny once. She texted me out of nowhere. I was in LA sitting in a hotel room just sitting on the bed having a panic, right? Yeah. And these things were happening,

and I didn't know what was causing him i don't know what they were and she just goes how are you and i just told her i just hit her with a paragraph because she just happened to text me and it was one of those serendipitous moments she goes sounds like you didn't feel safe a lot as a kid she was like i i know someone who does a certain type of therapy that and i was like what is it it? And she was like, it's called EDMR. And I was like, and then I started researching it. And then she got me in touch with this person. And my therapist is just really,

then I learned that a lot of therapists aren't good. Yeah. Oh, there's a lot of shitty ones in New York. There's a lot of people who aren't good at their job. Yeah. Like any other job, there's a lot of, and if you get trapped with like a bad one, you're like you,

then you have a skewed view of what it is and what it can do. Right. So not only did she get me in touch with someone who could do it but the person is actually like really good yeah so it's like lucky there's some luck involved and um so do you take your emdr therapy information and take it to your regular therapist to analyze or it's just all in one place no i do a little bit of both yeah i don't take it to analyze i take it um yeah because my other therapist knows me so well for so many years so yeah he's really good but this is more specific she's trained as a trauma therapist in edmr and like this is what she does she deals with people who are traumatized have trauma so you know i have

like childhood trauma and then i got re-traumatized in adulthood by violent shit that's happened to me. I remember we took a car ride once and I was just talking your ear off about it, about being shot because like I just needed to talk about it. I remember- Talking to me? Yeah, you probably don't even remember.

We were taking- How many years ago? I think we were doing Gilda's. You remember Gilda's thing? I remember doing Gilda's. And I was a really bad comic and you were really good. You were never a bad comic. No, I was bad back then. No, I was bad. I didn't do well and you were really good yeah i was bad back then no i was bad i didn't do on i wasn't good i wasn't good i remember i developed very slowly no but

i remember your show in brooklyn yeah and i was like holy shit he goes deep that's when i was like damn it's really good demons fly well was it good well you might have been there on a good night there was also other nights where i was punching people and like but you were you just hit topics and you would not shut down you would just kept you just kept going you just would go through it without like well being afraid of talking about it was very self-indulgent yeah yeah but it was my room and that's what it's good for yeah but i guess that's what i needed was like a place to just vomit out and learn how to do it because there was no way I was going to go into a place as a polished. I'm too much of a like a head control freak kind of.

Yeah. Like, fuck you kind of person because of my demons. So like there was no way I was going to go into a place polished. I had to go polish myself, you know, like in a place where I could like fail. And there was a lot of ugly nights there but that's so yeah that's so good to have like an exercise room like that yeah mine was more like a yeah it was like a it's more like a i'd call it it was more like uh the yard in jail yeah it was more like it was like jail rules there yeah it was a wild room no but you were always

good and polished from the beginning thank you but that acting background and you just knew you were like these are my lines and i'm fucking you but i think i was like that i'm i'm less polished now yeah like now i'll go back and like mess it up more it doesn't come across polished though it comes across very conversational oh thank you yes i wasn't saying you're not like a bum bum bum bum yeah you're not like uh no but in my head i was i think I needed to be polished. I had to feel polished because I was, at the beginning, I was very scared of doing standup. Like it was, I liked the idea of sharing jokes,

but the thought of an audience still kind of freaked me out. Right. So I had to like keep it together, keep it together. Do you think that was because of the acting background and you were like, my background is like, I ignore that? No, I think it was more before that. it was just i i was a super shy person like when i go back to like when i see friends from high school or college they're like you do stand up right like i was just super you know shy right right right so it kind of broke me open yeah

yeah so why did you get in why did you I heard myself saying it and I was like Jesus but it's really what I wanted to know it's like you're doing morning radio and they're like looking through your Wikipedia and they're like alright send it over to flashback with the news and they're like flipping through papers

alright Carmen so how'd you start what'd you get into it for I just always thought I was funny. It was a dare. No, it was an accident. It was just basically just in a nutshell, it was an accident. Even you answering this is making me cringe. No, but that's all I need to say about it.

It was an accident. It was an accident. I just fell into it. I mean, when you're in New York, you see things and you're like, I want to try that. Yeah, but you have it. The funny thing is, is like, yeah, you were doing acting and you didn't think you were going to do it, but it's, I don't know if people fall i'm impressed that you remember that i acted i know everything about you i know you got scoliosis i don't oh my god did you do research for this no

i just remember yeah i don't forget things yeah yeah yeah i'm one of those people when i look at you i'm fucking looking at he knows a little too much stop looking at my vagina everyone i'm a people investing i just i mean people you're smart it's be honest isn't isn't memory retention isn't memory retention like the probably the best thing like i have a shitty memory but if i could change something and just have a really good memory yeah like but i do you have but a memory for what like if you ask me to remember a book i read or something like that i'm not but if i remember people i'm interested in people for some reason yeah people are more fascinating than the universe they really are the universe is kind of like all right there's a star i was like trying to get fascinated the other night yeah like you know

how these fucking finger sniffer i call them finger sniffers because they're nerd they're eggheads smart people they look up at the sky and they're like, this is so amazing. And I was looking up going like, what else you got for me? Like, you're just like not moving, you're not doing it. And then you talk to people and they're like, yeah, I was molested. It was three. You're like, more, I love it. More, more, more, more.

We're just complicated and interesting and all that. Yeah, especially open people. Yeah. Yeah. Close people are interesting too because Cause I, I go like, what's in there? What are you hiding? I want to go,

it even draws me in more. I'm going, what's in there? I want to know what's going on in there. What are you hiding? Yeah. You hiding. Yeah.

Cause close people are always hiding something. That's why I find the mind stuff, like the drugs and the therapy and all that stuff. So fascinating because you know, at the beginning, remember when we started, how's your sister? Oh, is so fascinating. Because, you know, at the beginning, remember when we started? How about this one? How's your sister?

Oh, wow. I know everything, yeah. Oh. Anyway, I'm sorry to cut you off. No, but you know how at the beginning people were afraid to do therapy if they were comics? Because they were afraid it would fix them? Right. Do you remember that? Yes, yes.

And it was like, I'm not doing that. And now every comic's in therapy. Yeah. And it's just interesting, like like the more you dive in the more you find and you're like i got that from my dad yeah what the fuck happened to him right and then you know intergenerational trauma is a real thing oh yeah well now with uh we were i mean we were talking about this right before you came but now with uh neuroscience they look at the brain and so they did this study with holocaust survivors kids yeah like their grandkids and they

were seeing that the trauma was actually passed down amazing like it's crazy well there's so many good neuroscientists online now are there like i always feel like if someone's online i'm always like you're making you're a content creator like andrew hubberman do you know who that is yeah i see the guy yeah he's made a lot of money by telling you to take deep breaths that's when get some sunlight take a couple deep breaths yeah and the sunlight on the eyes you're right and now i'm like oh which is true yeah but it's like did did we need you to tell us to get outside? But I would never go outside without sunglasses. And they're like, go out and let your lids feel the sun.

It sounds insane. Yeah, but I'm not sure if that's, I don't think the sunglasses, yeah, I mean, you want to protect your eyes from the UV light. Yeah, but you need 20 minutes of direct light, apparently, in the morning. Are you staring right at the sun? Not staring.

I was wondering why you're not looking at it. Can you see still? Hello? No, but the whole ice bucket like all that stuff is really interesting but then if you think about it i was telling my boyfriend this i'm like remember growing up they had that rule in elementary school four four three two and it was like four four fruit group four vegetable group three bread group and two me and you're like three bread groups? We would never eat bread three times a day. So all this shit that they're doing now, it could all be bullshit too. You're right. It could be like the sun is the worst thing for you. Get out of the ice bucket. I don't know if it's bullshit, but it's kind of like,

it's kind of simple. It's kind of snake oily a little bit. Yeah. Doesn't have a snake oily kind of feel to it a little bit. I think he's just good at translating complex information. But when they say just like hop in a cold plunge or turn on a cold shower. Right. You're like, I don't know if that's going to solve me being molested.

But it's going to make you feel like you weren't molested for about two minutes. For about two minutes for about two minutes like i don't know it's the same thing as bitcoin gambling i just watched this fucking bitcoin documentary and so like i was just thinking i was like this is just part of the human condition people want the easy they just love the eat they looking for the they want to fix quick without the pain without this without the process without you know we know as comics takes years and years and people want like how do i want instant gratification yeah they just always will and we're not a truth-seeking animal we're kind of like a faith-based animal that's why we're so vulnerable to fucking people with charisma and

hucksters because we just want we want to believe that there's going to be a way. Well, there's also so much stimuli right now that like you want to be able to do everything. I mean, don't you wake, I wake up with the most anxiety right when I wake up because then I'm like, Oh my God,

I have, I've shows tonight. I want to write that screenplay. I should go work out. Did I call my mom? Like it all just hits you. Yeah, the mornings where the anxiety really kicks in. Yeah, and then all I want to do is,

sometimes I get up and I have to do those breathing exercises just to fucking calm down for a second. Well, mindfulness is great. I started mindfulness. Mindfulness is really great. I started 10% happier. Yeah. Yeah.

Is that really, you like it? Yeah, for real. Okay. But that, again, is like, it's not an easy thing. It's something you got to do a lot, get better at. Yeah. Yeah. Is that really, you like it? Yeah, for real. Okay. But that again is like, it's not an easy thing. It's something you got to do a lot, get better at. Yeah. But it's really good. Ayahuasca.

Ayahuasca. Ayahuasca. I was talking to a dude who did ayahuasca and that was, he was telling, he was like, honestly, he was like, I felt good for a couple of weeks. And then he's like a kind of, I kind of fell back into things. So I was like. Well, you fall back into things. I mean, for everyone it's different, but I noticed I fall back into things. Well, you fall back into things. I mean, for everyone it's different,

but I notice I fall back into things, but I'm aware more. That's really good. But it's almost like worse because your ignorance is bliss, but then you have more to fix. So I'm like, oh, I'm doing that thing, but now I know how to fix it

because I'm so hyper aware that I still do it. And it can put me in a very shitty place because you, you know, so much more about yourself now. Now it's like, you're more aware of more being fucked up. Exactly. So you gotta like, Oh, I gotta really address this now. Whereas before I was just repressing it and it would come out as a panic. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. And I would ignore it and I would be okay. I actually said to my therapist, like, I'm, I kind of wish I didn't know all this. Cause like, you know, it's like now I have to deal with it. Yeah.

Face it. God. Because there is a morning of lost time. You're going, fuck, what if I didn't, what if it was different? What if I didn't have to deal with this? I could have done this. I could have been. And it's not like accomplishments.

For me, it was like joy that was robbed because I know that I live my life in this heightened sense of arousal that's unnecessary so i'm constantly trying to keep myself i'm spending so much energy trying to not panic and be in a good place that i'm not just like in the moment enjoying but did you find that because of your traumatic situations in life. Welcome to Dr. Drew. I'm Oprah. That your joy is even heightened because you're coming from a lower place. Yeah, a little bit. Right? Yeah. From great weakness

comes great strength because the people who are just always strong take it for granted and the people who are weak really appreciate it. So yes. So now that is really Dr. Drew. That is really Dr. Drew. There's something to that. Yeah. Because yeah, like for people go like, what's your dream? And I'm like, peace.

Which is harder when you get older though. I mean, maybe you, do you find joy with your children? Yes. Because I feel like I don't have kids, but I'm like, if I took away all the, you know, the, the annoying parts of having kids, there must be something in those blissful moments of joy. It's incredible. It's incredible.

Yeah. It's, it's the thing that really set what I'm going through in motion was having the kids. Yeah. Because like, I never fell in love on that. And then I started to think about what I didn't have or, and then I, it's the things that I was like, ah, that's not a big deal. You know, at least I wasn't like,

you know, molested or whatever. Yeah, you keep going to molest. Funny, I keep asking my therapist, I keep going, are we sure? Because I want to know. Yes. And they're like, you don't come across as someone.

I'm like, but I heard you were oppressed. And then what I'll do, because I'm a sick fuck looking for misery, I'll be walking around my backyard going like, all right, okay, there. We were wrestling one time, didn't we? All right, come on. And then I'm trying to find it. I'm searching my brain.

I still can't find it. It's such an easy answer to be like, oh, I was molested. That's what it was. I'm doing what we all do. I'm looking for that quick fix. Because I do that too and i'll be like well what if the repressed memories have to be something horrible right right and then it always makes me think about the michael jackson documentary

when those uh two i think it was two people who were like severely molested you watch it and the guy was like my ass cheeks were literally like pressed open by michael jackson i don't think and he had repressed all of it and then when he had kids that were the age that he got molested it all came coming back yes and i was like what the fuck is that why i didn't have kids there that is what happened to me so and that supposedly that's how it works like something just like triggers it. I don't. Yeah. It's just dealing with it, going through the process, dealing with it helps.

It gets better. Yeah. It gets better out there, guys. Come on. Keep going. It gets better. It gets better. E-D-M-R or whatever that is.

Now, do you think it gets harder as you get older? I think it gets harder in that I start to add annoying things like I'm running out of time. What have I done with my career? Like I'm adding new things. Jesse's got a great philosophy on how to be happy. Okay. Lower expectations.

Oh, yeah. Find an inexpensive hobby. Cheap hobbies and lowered expectations. Lowered expectations and cheap hobby. But lowered expectations works when you remember to say that. Like my big one's on my phone now that says, don't have any hope. Oh, that's a good one.

And then you won't have, you won't be, like, waiting for something. Like, no hope equals freedom or something like that. And I'm like, but isn't that a homeless man on an alley? That's what happens to me. I'm like, oh, these Buddhists got it figured out. I'm like, but they're just fucking sitting there. Like, that can't be great. They're just a bunch of cynics.

Yeah, they're just sitting there all day. And I'm like, I don't know if that just seems like that's what depressed people do. They just sit there fucking bad. So it's like the solution sounds like the problem. It's all, you come back full circle. You come back full fucking circle. Yeah. Like Sam, do you listen to Sam Harrisris i have he's i mean he's pretty brilliant sometimes he goes over my head but he'll have guests who will be like i did a silent retreat for two years and then i lived

with the habuba kamakas under a roof and under a rock and and i'm like i would fucking lose my mind yeah i'd be like that's the idea, you're supposed to To lose your mind Oh, to lose your mind Yeah, yeah, you just let go of all this bullshit But that's why I did IWAS She did it Right, but

And you get it all in one night You get 10 years of therapy Yeah, you got the compressed blood But then you dance with the devil You know what I mean? So she did it, right? It didn't work 100% Are you saying if she continued to do it?

Right. But then she's living in fucking Peru. But then it's depressing. She should just become a shaman. That's the answer. Just move to Peru. But if I do that for 10 years and live under a rock and meditate, then I'm going to wake up and be like, what about my comedy career?

Wait, am I even past at the clubs anymore? I'll recommend a book, and anyone who's watching this should. It's called The Body Keeps the Score. I'm reading it now, and I just recommend it. It's by a psychiatrist. It's an incredible book. It was a famous book. It's really incredible.

But he has one line in there. He goes, the whole goal, I'm summarizing, I'm paraphrasing, but it's to feel what you feel and know what you know. That's the goal. But then it just sounds so easy. Oh, just feel what you feel. No, but know. That's the goal. But then it just sounds so easy. Oh, just feel what you feel. No, but if you think about it, it's like to be able to feel what you feel

and like handle it and to be able to know what you know and handle it. Okay. So that's basically what that sentence is about. So it's live in the present. Live in the present, yes, but it's be able to handle, like the stuff that you repress,

it's be able to know that and feel it and just accept it, like just be okay with it, yes, but it's being able to handle the stuff that you repress. It's being able to know that and feel it and just accept it, just be okay with it. Get to a place where you're more okay with it. It's a simple thing, obviously, but when you think about it, that really is the goal. And the people who struggle are struggling with knowing what they know and feeling what they feel. And that's what it is. That's true. That's really what you're struggling with. And I feel so much better now.

Yeah, there it is. That's what we're all struggling with. We're like, I can't feel that. I don't want to feel that. And then you're going, I don so much better now Yeah there is That's what we're all struggling with We're like I can't feel that I don't want to feel that And then you're going I don't want to know that I don't want to know that So we're struggling with those two things

So ultimately that is in essence If you were to boil it down To a fucking elevator pitch That's really what therapy is about Is being okay with that Do you ever have moments Where you like think you're okay And then you're triggered

By the weirdest thing Yes And I just had one the other day I was watching Mrs. Maisel, but I don't watch it for the standup. I just like that time of, you know, the sixties and the Lenny Bruce character,

I think is awesome. So, you know, and then she fucks him and I'm like, I need to know what happens, you know? And I hope I didn't ruin it for anyone. But,

um, but then she went to do, uh, her first late night special on this fake late night show. And she calls her parents and she's like, I'm going to be on TV tonight for my debut. And it triggered this weird thing. Cause when I did Letterman, it was my first. And my parents were like, what are you doing with your life? Like you need be you know something real what's this stand-up bullshit and it was i was so jealous of her for calling her parents right i cried for like an hour but cried yeah you know and you're like where is this coming from letterman was a million years ago yeah yeah has that ever happened to you no but yeah i can see it's even hitting you right now. Yeah. Yeah. That's real stuff.

Yeah. Real stuff. This is not a smoker's cough. I'm getting over illness. No, it's not smoker's tears either. Those are the tears of a clown. Those are the tears of a clown. Mom and dad, why didn't you watch?

And you were right. You're right about that. Yeah. Yeah, that's what it comes down to. It's like, yeah, kids need certain things. They didn't get them. And then you start realizing you didn't get them. And then you realize that that had an effect on you.

Yeah, it's like this little nook and cranny that you kind of just kind of covered over. Wait, they weren't impressed that you were on Letterman? They were, but I'd gone through so many years of what are you doing with your life? We sent you to college. We paid all this money. You went in as pre-med and now you're fucking in a basement telling dick jokes, like so much of that. And they're so traditional. I mean, my mom's European, she's Spanish. You know, my dad was in the Navy. So they had this like easy, not easy, but just track career. And I was like,

not easy, but just track career. And I was like, I'm going to go to Schmokey's chuckle hut tonight, you know? And then it, by the time I got Letterman, I was like, you know, they were like, well, what, what, what exactly are you doing on that? You know? And they, they do what they can, but, but my point was I was over, I'm fine with them. I have a great relationship with my parents. They just do what they could. They were limited in that thing. And I watched that and I was like, oh my God! It was insane. Yeah.

Well, you're not wrong about it. Yeah. You're right about it. Yeah, but doesn't that make you go like, what else am I going to watch? What is Giannis going to do that's going to make me go, I did get molested. I guess if I molest you. You're like oh wait a second this happened before oh my god this feels familiar it was in this room yeah

but you're right like i drop a fork and then yeah can you imagine yeah i'm watching we're watching the sopranos now and i'm like oh it's so good to watch as an adult because yeah he's going through that i mean he's a killer and all that, but he'll get triggered. He was getting triggered by that gobble goal because that was the first time when he saw his dad chop somebody's pinky off and that's when he fainted for the first time. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you ever pass out? No, but I've become very scared of blood. Very scared. Right. And I used to, like, I was pre-med, so in high school I would go, my mom worked as a nurse, so I would go to her hospital and watch surgeries, like, behind the glass wall and stuff.

And very, extremely fascinated. I wanted to be. And now I can't even watch people, like, pull blood out of me. Like, it literally, I have to literally turn away and be like, just do it. Like, I cannot. The side of blood, I get woozy and I'm like, i'm like i'm gonna pass out you know what's weird is that those things are usually about something else which is really just how the brain fucking works it's weird like it's just like it's like some memory something it's your brain is attached

that to some other pain and it's just yeah it's you gotta uncover it's in it's fun whoever set this place up was like guys let's it's a mystery. Set up what? Is it like set up this world or whatever? Like, you know, it's like every person is like you have a little mystery. Your personality and everything is like a little mystery for you to solve. Because we're so past like eating, surviving and all that. Then now we're just like, who am I and why? Why am I?

And it's cool. But then you go to the like 50 years from now and what's going to be the trend then? Doing the therapy I'm doing is making me optimistic about the world because what I've concluded, I think, is, you know, Sinead O'Connor said something and my therapist pointed this out to me.

She said, thank God she died from natural causes. That came out today. Oh, wait, Sinead? Yeah, she died from natural causes. She didn't commit suicide. Thank God. Whenever someone commits suicide, I'm like, I can't take what they said seriously because they fucking killed themselves.

Yeah. But she said she thinks all the problems in the world are due to child abuse. I mean, that makes perfect sense. And I think it's true. I think it's true, too. I think it's really true. Well, also, divorce can fuck you up. Yeah, like, what were you really doing? You know, it's like i think it's true too i think it's really true well also divorce can fuck you up yeah like what were you really doing you know it's like people like that you're going like

putin what's this really about yeah like what's going on like you think he was molested what is there's something yeah you know it's just like what is really going on yeah because who can care about all that who can really care like who's going like i need to conquer and like like what is that so donald trump molested it's something daddy's there's something in there that his book that book that mary wrote mary trump that was really good his dad was a dick yeah his dad was a massive dick massive dick bigger dick than donald trump yeah and his brother was like an alcoholic who died and he's like, my brother was weak. It's like,

I don't know. Yeah. Maybe your brother got it. Well, his, his, and couldn't handle it. I think it was,

it was a while ago, but I think his dad just loved his brother so much that he ignored Donald. Could be. I thought Donald was like the star guy. I can't remember. Maybe I made that up. I don't know.

I'd have to reread it, but it's always something is my point because like, it's ridiculous to care about all these things that aren't like your family your kids or like goodwill or like connecting to someone because like those things are never wear out they never they're all good yeah it's like all good but like the chase for you know when you have a hole in you and you chase an alcohol those things are all, the receipt for those, the bill for those things is always bad. Well, someone told me this and I love it.

It's like your parents have a credit card bill and if they don't go to therapy, they never paid it off. So now it's your bill. I love that. And it's like, you're going to keep paying the bill until, you know, you're going to deal with it until you pay the bill. Someone's got to break it. Someone's got to pay the bill and break the debt. The debt.

The debt. Because even like my family came from a bunch of alcoholics, but my dad didn't drink. And not drinking is not solving the problem. It's a dry drunk. It's a dry drunk. So you're still caring. I still had to go to Al-Anon to deal with the shit that he dealt with.

It just never goes away. Sometimes dry drunks are worse, right? Yes. So you're still caring. I still had to go to Al-Anon to deal with the shit that he dealt with. That's right. It just never goes away. Sometimes dry drugs are worse, right? Yes. Oh, and my therapist would say that because she's like, at least when you're an alcoholic, you can see what they're doing wrong. And she's like, a lot of times you can't see what's wrong when your parent is sober.

Yeah. And that threw me off. I was like, what the hell? How am I going to figure it out? Yeah. Yeah. You got some developmental trauma. You probably had some things as a kid that you got to get in

there and just relive and figure it out and get there. And it'll make you a better comic. That whole thing where you look at people who have it worse, you know, who's I don't know, they were raped and then their parents were

beheaded or whatever and you're like i'm okay now i found out about that which is something that always prevented me in therapy from like opening up so i found out that everyone does that even people who've been raped oh like their rape wasn't rapey at all yeah they always go like so like she's like and she sees something like this, she's experienced. So she's like, that's common. It's just sort of like, it's a, it's a defense mechanism. It's a disassociation. It's going like, or you feel like you're making it up. Yeah. You go like, I feel like I'm making this up or it's not true. Or, you know, it wasn't that

bad. Like you're always kind of going like somebody had it worse. It wasn't that bad. And that's just a way for you to not deal with it. You're like, at least I was raped in a bed. Yeah, yeah. You know? So everyone does that. Yeah. Everyone does that.

Like everyone's personal thing is their thing. So it's like you can't compare it. You can't compare. You have to keep dealing with your shit. It's like being a stand-up. You don't want to look at other people's journeys. It's so hard when it's all on Instagram, though. It is tough. It is tough.

It is tough. How have you felt about the change in art? Because we're that generation. Oh, my God. So many things to say about it. We're the in-between generation. It's harder as an in-betweener. Yeah.

Yes, because we started, I mean, without offending the current class. Right. We do it because we love the joke. Right. You know? And we learned how to perform live with time and make it good the whole way through. And we had to hustle. Yeah.

And we had to go to the show. And there was no way to advertise it. God, we sound old. Right? Yeah, so there's back then. You know. We had this head of flyers and it was very, you know. In 1825.

These kids. At Hamburger Harry's. I was performing in Vietnam. All right. But there's like a switch, like a light switch that you have to do to be like, oh, I got to push myself. Because the thing is with me, like like I would get late nights and I'm so grateful for those but it kind of feel you kind of coast like oh more things will come because I got Letterman I got Conan I got this and I got this whereas I think people who didn't get that

were probably like what the fuck I have fire under my ass I I'm going to go make a special. Well, it also used to do that. It also used to make you. So it was like you could coast. You would do the letterman, you'd get the exposure, and then you could coast. You were like, you had the credit, people saw you on there, and there was 14 million people watch you on there. Now, Jimmy, The Tonight Show gets one million sometimes.

Insane. That's like a Burt Kreischer story on Instagram. So it's like it's changed. Yeah. So it's not just that you were like, I'm coasting. I didn't have to hustle. It's just like it wasn't effective anymore. It wasn't effective.

It's not effective anymore. But then like when I look at my, I just did my first special. Now I have two albums, but, um, I wanted to do a special before COVID and then COVID just really fucked me up with, I mean,

it was so nice and comfortable to just not do anything. And I just did a bunch of other things I never get to do. So by the time I did my special, you know, now I'm just like, well, I could have fucking done this years ago. Right.

But also I'm not one of those people who's like, I see Andrew Schultz doing things and I'm like, oh my God, good for you. You're so brave. And I'm not like, oh, I don't have the confidence to be like, I'm going to do what he's doing. Right. Right. Like I wasn't like that with Twitter when it came out. I wasn't even really like that with Instagram or anything. I was just like waiting and waiting, you know? So it's nice just like waiting and waiting you know so it's nice to like uh you know people are like oh well it's nice that you waited to do your special because now it's solid and if i had to do one in the eight months easily i could do another one just because i have so much material but i still wish that i'd done it earlier yeah you know there's

no point to do that though the the good news good news is that whatever you're putting out now is going to be the result of all that hard work and chops and natural funny that you have. So it'll be good. So you throw it out there and something good will happen. Yeah. That's the good part about it is you put it up, you get it up there, and people will see it because that's where they're looking now. So it's more about where the eyeballs are now.

Right. That's the bigger, that's the theme, right? So it's like it has nothing to do with like what's better. It's just like more people are online. Yeah. So just, and it just so happens you don't have to get a green light. You can just produce it yourself and put it up or whatever. So that's just, you're just going where the eyeballs are.

So if you just start doing that, which you're doing now and with the special. And so tell me about the story between now. It just became, so what happened with Norman? Like you and Norman did Norman say, put it on my side. Well, tell me.

He just came right up to me and said, would you like to put it on my channel? And I was like, yes. So the end, that's it. Right. No,

they're literally like, I was like, what? Like it was at Gotham. Yeah. And we were just both doing spots. And he's like, why don't you put it on my channel? And this was before.

So fucking great. I know. And this was before I even recorded it. So I was like, do you want to see it first? You know? But he's seeing you. He knows you. But he was like, yeah, just put it on my channel.

And Jason Katz, who directed it, took care of all of it. He's like, like you know I'm gonna put it up for him on his channel we'll do this we'll do that do all the podcasts blah blah at the cellar at the underground nice yeah and then I flew to Spain to do it in Spanish so I did it and I got really sick yeah and uh and then I went to Spain I went to Barcelona and I shot it in Spanish and then I got really sick again. And I'm never sick except for today. So did you put up the Spanish version too?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. The Spanish one is actually on a streamer in Spain. Yeah. But in a couple months, I can put it on YouTube. Very cool. So I'll probably put it on my YouTube. Very cool.

Because I want to hit those Latinos. Yeah, get the Latinos. I want the Latinos. I want to do shows in latino world that covers mexico colombia all the places the whole latin yeah latinx world latinx yeah that is very cool of mark that's very cool because he's got a nice social media presence yeah and he loves queefs he loves but he mark loves comedy he does mark loves comedy. He does. Mark loves comedy. Yeah.

He really does. He's a guy, I think, who is like when he goes, comedy, I think he loves it. Oh, he means it. He means it. He loves the joke writing. He loves watching someone else's joke and going like, that's a good joke. Like he's a comedy nerd who happens to be one of the best comics in the country. And everything he says is like you can feel him, you know, killing it.

Yeah. You know, queef. I mean, yeah, he means... Like, he means... He's autistic, but I mean... In a good way. For comedy. He found something where he's like,

I can put all this autism in his. But even offstage, he's like that. That's what I mean, yeah. Like, he's solid as a comic. Like, he's funny offstage, too. Even if he's insulting, I find him so funny. Like, he'll walk past me and just go, like, on a day where I do think I smell because it's, like, sweaty outside. And he'll just be like, ooh.

And I'll just start laughing. Yeah, he's funny on podcasts as himself. He's that guy that the personality you see on stage is really, like. That's him. That's him offstage, too. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's almost like he was born you see on stage is really like. That's him. That's him off stage too. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's almost like he was born in the 40s or something sometimes.

Seems like he was born, he was delivered in a television set. Yeah, exactly. It's almost like he lives in the television set. Sometimes I go, wait, is he, are we in a TV? When he's around, I'm like, are we in a TV? He's delivering lines in Gone with the wind like in real life. But then in intimate situations, is he like the same?

Or maybe when he gets angry, maybe there's something that maybe he, or it would be funny if he goes home and he gets into it by himself and he's like, ah,

and it's just normal rhythmic talk. Yeah, and then he's like really boring. I can't keep fucking doing this. Like this is just, I just watch it. I just watch a video of Jim Carrey on YouTube talking about how he couldn't carry on the persona anymore. I can't do this anymore. And then one day he just shows up at the cell and he's like,

what's up guys, how you guys doing? And everyone's like, ah! What happened to Mark? Go back to computer boy. And he's like, I'm sorry. Let's go back. And his legs start moving like a Barbie doll. Yeah.

So who knows? But I think that's really it start moving like a Barbie doll. Yeah. So who knows? But I think that's really it. But that is so cool. Yeah. That it was just such a quick ding and boom, it's up. It was almost like, is this the Twilight Zone? Why is this happening? And what's the punchline?

Like, what's the joke? Jesse watched it last night. He said it's incredible. You did? Actually, on my way over here today, yeah. Oh, my God. I had a good laugh at the Marfan joke. Oh, my gosh.

That got me good. I get that all the time. That was really hilarious. We've always been huge fans of Carmen when we thought we were going to be the Cone Brothers. We were putting in everything we had. Oh, I love that. I loved Carmen from the beginning.

And I think it started, I think the first time I met you, was that Gilda thing. And I remember how good you did. Wait, Gilda was before Slanket yeah it was yes oh what state was that we did we drove to some yeah it was gilda's club we drove and um i think i had a i was driving or you were driving see my memory's probably you because i didn't have a car in new york so i probably drove you and we were like hey we're going to do this thing yeah i don't know if we really knew each other at all before that and they were in there i just remember talking your fucking head off

yeah about getting shot and i could just see that you were kind of half interested in the whole thing i'm sure i was no you were not and because afterwards i remember going like that was just i remember going like i was just talking too much yeah Yeah. But when I look back, I go like, I probably just really needed to talk about it. Because this was close to when I got shot. This was like. You got shot? Yeah. Why don't I remember this?

I don't know. I talked to you about it for an hour and a half in a car. Maybe that's what I'm repressing. It's in my repressed memories. No, it's not repressed. It's just, I think you were just going like, this guy, I don't want to hear any of it. I think you're going, this is boring.

And I don't want to. No, there's no way. Shut off. And you're like, I just don't want to hear any of it i think you're going this is boring and i don't know there's no way shut off and you're like i just don't want to hear this fucking i honestly absorbed shithead talk about getting shot the whole fucking way to gilda's club because she's a cancer benefit no i i remember the gilda's club i just can't put things together my my memory is the worst that's i always worry i'm gonna i'm the one who's gonna get dementia because i can't remember shit my boyfriend's always like you have the memory of a goldfish. Like you cannot remember anything.

It's not horrible. It's a nice, easy way to fade out of life. It's a slow fade. Yeah. It's not a hard cut. It's sort of like a slow fade. Slow fade. But I'm watching my dad go through it.

It's not fun. And it's not horrible. It's starting. How old is he? 83. So it won't be long. Mine started in the 60s. Oh.

Yeah, my mom. Yeah. It's not fun. No. That is not fun. But there are so many good jokes. The things he says that come out of his mouth are so brilliant. I literally walk around with a notebook and I'm like, I'm stealing that.

Yes. He still knows who you are. He still knows who I am. But on New Year's, my sister flew in from Spain, so I spent New Year's with them. And he was like, what are we celebrating tonight again? And I was like, here we go. World War II is over.

And they were like, alright, we beat him? Yeah, we beat him. You can have a real lot of fun. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you can be like, the aliens landed. He's like, what? My favorite, though, is when he gets up and he sees me in the kitchen and he'll be like, I love some eggs and muffins, you could be like, the aliens landed. He'd be like, what? My favorite, though, is when he gets up and he sees me in the kitchen. And he'll be like, I love some eggs and muffins. And I'm like, oh, is this a resort? I'm sorry.

One second. Like, he just calls out the menu, what he wants. And I'm like, get in here, you know? Maybe he thinks he's at a resort. Maybe he's at a resort. Oh, my God. He could be like, I'm at a resort. Oh, that's incredible. Yeah, well, I'm glad you get it. It's better for your. Oh, my God. He could be like, I'm at a resort. Oh, that's incredible.

Yeah, well, I'm glad you get it. It's better for your parent to get it later. Your parent loses their mind. You want it to be later, so they're on the runway. Right, right, right. Tickets have been bought. Yeah, but it makes you just think of yourself. You're like, all right.

Well, when did it start for him? 80s? I mean, slowly 80s. That's fine. Yeah, yeah. If you start losing a little bit in the 80s, isn't that him? I mean, slowly 80s. That's fine. Yeah, yeah. If you start losing a little bit in the 80s, isn't that fine? I guess. I don't have kids to take care of me, though.

And he's not even fully, it's just a little bit. Yeah, but it's every time. You know when you go home every, I try to go home like every five weeks. Yeah. And I notice little things like every time. Yeah. You know? Here's another thing.

Yeah, it gets a little worse and worse. And. You know? Here's another thing. Yeah. It gets a little worse and worse. And you're like, this is escalating. You know how like you'll see a kid and you're like, damn, you've grown. Yeah. Like now you're getting old fast. Also, you're a really good person. And I think I've noticed in comedy, those people tend to beat themselves up a little bit too much.

Yes, for sure. It's like every field. Comedy, and I've made this joke on a lot of podcasts, but our skill set is very similar to that of dictators. Okay. We talk in front of people. Self-sufficient. We win them over.

We're kind of dictator, right? We make them believe shit. We market to them and stuff. So we have a lot of that in our field. We got a lot of real psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissistic personality disorders, borderlines. And a lot of those people are unencumbered by a lot of the stuff that good people are

encumbered by. So sometimes it just takes a little bit longer for the people who are good people to just sort of, you know, realize to stop beating themselves up and kind of just, um, the cream always rises to the top. Yeah. Sometimes it takes, like, look at Jessica Kirsten. Like she's. Oh my God.

I love what's happening with her. It happened like, I remember. It's insane. I love it. yeah sometimes it takes like look at jessica kearson like she's oh my god i love and it happened like it happened like i remember it's insane i love it i remember and it was like and let me tell you something like this is interesting because it was something it wasn't just like her youtube channel it was something about her yeah and i've never told her this because she i mean she isolates that girl i'll call her and she won't call me for but she's also so busy she's busy which is great yeah but we did montreal together um two years ago right and we were there we did that ethnic show thing so we were there like early and we were there for a long time and i remember i was like uh i was like things i just feel like things you have like things are starting to percolate and she said it she was like yeah things are she said it with this confidence that she's like yeah things are gonna how long ago was that this was two years

ago and then that year yeah two summers ago a year and a half so it's not yeah because she used to have that podcast yeah did you ever do that character yeah and i would do that but yeah and i was i did it a couple times because we love to do characters and i'd bring in my wigs and we just act really stupid. And then one day I realized my boyfriend would watch it too, and he's like, it's not on anymore. So then I went to the seller, and I was like, what happened to Disgusting Hawk?

And she's like, it wasn't getting any views. Can you believe that? And then I swear to God, I looked on her channel, and she had like 5,000 YouTube followers. And then like immediately. It was like 500,000. It was like, yes, hundreds and hundreds of thousands of followers. And then like immediately 500, it was like, yes, hundreds and hundreds of thousands of followers because crowd work became the thing. Yeah. She's a master at it. She started bringing her can, like, it was just, but it was, it was a confidence she had to,

and just sort of like, she's so funny and so experienced that it just all kind of came together. So it's just, you know, I think there's something to that too, where you just stop beating yourself up and you just own how good you are at it. And you just like, and then the confidence, that energy kind of just carries into more openness. I'm going to do this and I'm going to go in there confidently and I'm going to do it. And I'm just going to, and then things just happen. And then I look at her and I'm like, I remember that confidently and I'm going to do it. And I'm just going to, and then things just happen. And then I look at her and I'm like, I remember that summer.

And I remember thinking it. Yeah. I remember actually thinking like, wow, Jessica's got some swag. Like it was like a, it was like a, you know, it was like a confidence and kind of like, you almost feel like it's going to happen. Right. You know, not saying that I knew. Right.

But I just unequivocally fucking had a feeling that she was kind of percolating like something and then we actually had her on not long after that and we talked about it and I said it I was like

it's bubbling and this was before it really and then I did the same thing I looked at her YouTube channel I was like what the fuck it exploded sick yeah and she's getting

what she deserves so deserves and she started to believe she deserved it and she does and she started to just kind of own how good and funny she was yeah and it just i think that comes across in the clips that's what i'm saying i think it comes across and like her willingness to just do it dive into it yeah keep trying things until they work right so it's like you said that disgusting hawk thing it's like when we got something to pop yeah when me and jesse got something to pop we had done a fucking million things that didn't work yeah but we were just kind of like trying trying yeah so that's what you have to do yeah so it's

like i think you're one of those people who are so funny come on i Yeah. No, you're so good at stand-up comedy. Oh, thank you. You're really one of the funniest comedians. You perform and you just... I remember Angelo would go, I saw Carmen Lynch the other night at Gotham. Oh, he was always so complimentary. And so it's just... People need to go watch the special

because it's really good comedy. There it is on Mark Norman's channel. It's called Queef Week. Carmen Lynch. Go check it out. Follow Carmen Lynch on her YouTube channel. Carmen Lynch, all one word. All Carmen Lynch.

Yeah. Follow her on the gram. And the gram is at Carmen Comedian. Carmen Comedian. Carmen, Carmen, Carmen, Carmen, Carmen Comedian. That's how I thought of it, though. I totally was like, I need to do at karma comedian. And then if you're Spanish, follow me at Carmen Español.

Carmen Español. But yes, Carmen Comedian and all the dates are on there. And whatever. I just want to say this. Do you remember we were doing those comedy to goes years ago? And we did Carmen's. Oh, my God. We were in this like, i think it was more me

i was like we were trying we were like experiment we were trying to be all artsy and shit and we made yours yes but the reason we initially did that is because i think we look we thought it looked bad yeah because we thought people cared something happened to it i think it was something in the lighting it was blown out yeah nobody cares no like we did the same thing with so here's a we that slanket uh script yeah right so we put it up this is this just shows you how wrong-minded we were about and it's funny to think about now so we put it up yeah and jesse so this is the funniest thing so we put that thing up. Jesse told like advertising people, right? So somehow advertising people started sending it to each other.

And it started to like really fucking move. Yeah. And they were emailing us going, this is the funniest fucking thing. And it started to like catch on the advertising world. But us like idiots, we were watching it and going like, it just doesn doesn't look good we don't like the way it looks nobody cares so we took it down yes you ever notice that it's in black and white oh my god we put it like a couple of fucking idiots oh my god we thought we were like fucking picasso or something like that i'm not famous because you guys took it down.

Dude, the funny thing is it started with some important people. Yeah. And the numbers were like, it was like fucking, it's catching up. It was going viral. We didn't like the color correction. We didn't like the color correction. Back in like 20 years ago. It's just crazy.

We didn't even know what color correction was. We didn't know what it was. We were like, no, no, it just doesn't look right. We were watching it, overthinking it, it just doesn't look right. And I can't tell you how many of our videos

we did that with, but that one was, we didn't know the consequence. We had no idea about the algorithm or people sharing it. We didn't know about that. We just wanted it to look good.

So we fucking took it down. Oh my God, did you ever put it back up? We put it back up, but it was lost. It went nowhere after that. See, I thought the story was that when we did the slanket,

which I don't know if everyone knows what it is, it's a blanket with sleeves. We did a comedy sketch about the advertising world that I wrote based on everything I learned from what he would tell me. And we used the slanket, which was my friend Gary Clegg's invention that the Snuggie stole. So Slanket was the first one.

And we just used that as the product in a pitch meeting where we played a copywriter and a ad guy and then Brian Hopson, the very funny Brian Hopson, played the creative director. So it was just a spoof on average. It was an inside spoof. It was almost like the only way it would catch on. This is how fucked up it is. It was such an inside industry thing because it was all based on. Super inside baseball.

Yeah. Super inside baseball. The only way it would catch on and the only people who it was really for were those people. We got it to those people. It was extremely successful with those people. And then we fucking unplugged it. people right we got it to those people it was extremely successful with those people and then we fucking unplugged it don't unplug your videos dude it's to think back on how funny that i mean how stupid that was and that's one of a few stupid things we did but that one in particular

where people it was like making the rounds at like all advertising agencies. Oh, my God. Yeah. I thought it was honestly the Snuggie. I thought it was just that the Snuggie took over, and you guys were like, well, fuck the Slanket. No, he was a friend of ours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like, well, it would be a great promotion for the product. And I was like, yeah. And I was like, I need something to spoof.

So I was like, we'll just do the Slanket. But then the video that you're talking about, I remember you guys came back with it. And we animated animated it or and you're like instead of just saying like the lightning the light sucked you were like we have a fresh idea for your video well we don't we didn't only do yours we did it we did a few we did pat dixon's we made all fucking weird yeah we cut it like a scorsese like a scorsese movie, yeah. I mean, we were experimenting. We were doing things. But that's good.

We were trying to bring art to comedy. Yeah, we were trying to bring art. But you know, it's funny, like if we probably went back and watched her comedy to go. It would have been fine. First of all, you didn't need the fucking mic. What were we doing making them hold the mic?

It was our thing. Yeah, remember, you remember Pat Dixon was trying to play pool and hold the mic? Yes! We could have just did it without the fucking mic yeah and I was walking around a grocery store like a little deli with cookies

but we were like this whole thing of like taking stand up and putting it in the thing well it was supposed to be a runner it was for a sketch show so it was supposed to be between sketches so it would be like a little interlude yeah we still didn't need the mic.

We still didn't need the mic. Anyway, if you want to watch those, just Google Carmen Lynch comedy to go somewhere. It's still really funny. The jokes are great.

It looks horrible. Yeah. But it's, I mean, the jokes are incredible. We did a guerrilla style shoot in a supermarket. Like,

we didn't have permits. We just set up a camera in a shopping cart and said, go. And I think I look crazy. I think you guys were like, do your weird animated faces, because there's a picture of me holding cookies.

And I'm like, oh. That was a still that he does. Oh, a still, which was great. It's artsy, but I look insane. It was a little over. We were overthinking it. We were too hard. We were overthinking it.

But I liked it. It was fun. Yeah, we were overthinking it. That was a series That went nowhere But we did Bill Burr did one Oh really Jim Norton did one

Yeah His was in a peep booth His was in a peep booth Bill Burr was on the playground Yeah yeah yeah We did Magnus Bettner I watched that Oh in the church

Yeah I'm like what the fuck Were we doing It's like a movie Yeah But it's kind of cool That one kind of came together A little bit

We did Carmen Lynch. We did Pat Dixon. We did Tommy Volomiz. We did Nate Bargatze has one. Oh, yeah. Wow. Which you can watch now that he's a megastar. Yeah.

We did one with him at my aunt's house on the porch, like a southern porch with tea. Yeah. I want to watch all of them now. Yeah. It's really cool. I want to go back. Those were the beginning days of YouTube

when we were just experimenting. I mean, this was 08, 07, 06. And Rouse. Rouse had a bad time. Jason Rouse had a bad time. We did a bunch of people. I can't remember who else. But we did Carmen Lynch in a supermarket.

And we also did the balls commercial. But we did a testicular cancer thing. Was that a Valentine's Day testicular? It was a Valentine's Day testicular cancer. For a foundation. Did we have her in anything else too? I'm trying to think. Who was my date at the restaurant that night?

I was your date. Oh, you were my date. Your memory is bad. When I think of you as the director or something, I think it's someone else who's in the... You were the actor too. I was the actor. Was that at the stands? It was at the stand The early one

And Jessie shot it And it was Jessie May Peluso Yes And it was her connect Yeah she hooked it up She was the waitress She was the waitress Yeah

And me and her were dating at the time Thank God I remembered something Yeah Sergio was in it too wasn't he? Sergio was in it Sergio was in it He was at the table next to us Oh that's right

Something like that That's right I haven't watched these things in fucking 20 I'm gonna go watch Carmen Lynch comedy Go after this Sergio was in it. Sergio was in it. He was at the table next to us. Yeah. Oh, that's right. Something like that. That's right. I haven't watched these things in fucking 20. I'm going to go watch Carmen Lynch comedy go after this. Go check out the special. Follow Carmen Lynch. One of my favorite comedians always has been.

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