Yannis Pappas Hour - The Cane Corso Service Animal Con (ft. Sergio Chicon)

Episode Date: January 6, 2023

Yannis puts forth his golden rule for domestic violence with his good old friend Sergio Chicon. Sergio regals listeners with his service animal con story. He did the seemingly impossible, he registered a Cane Corso as a therapy pet for a 6 hour flight to Vegas. As you can imagine, it did not go smoothly.Catch Sergio w/ Yannis in West Nyack NY Jan 20-22 at Levity Live Comedy Theater tickets: https://www.yannispappascomedy.comSergio Chicon podcasts, road dates and info: https://www.sergiochicon.comJoin for our weekly bonus episodehttps://www.patreon.com/yannilongdaysSee Yannis liveAll tickets: https://www.yannispappascomedy.comMiami Jan 13-15West Nyack NY Jan 20-22San Diego Jan 26-28Chicago Feb 24-26Atlantic City March 3rdEmmaus Pa, March 4DC March 9-11Dallas March 16-18Springfield MO March 23-25Phoenix March March 30-4/1Mohegan Sun April 13-15Tampa April 21-22San Fran May 4-6Providence May 12-13SponsorBox of Awesomehttps://www.bespokepost.com/store/c/box-of-awesome?/?b&a=m_gsearch_dynamic_purchase&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=brand&utm_content=bespoke-post-test1&utm_term=&gclid=EAIaIQobChMImeio4Mez_AIVmfvjBx3aMA_JEAAYASAAEgIzVPD_BwEPromo code: fumesWatch Yanni’s stand up special: https://youtu.be/ArlCFemEDvQJoin our highlights page for highlight clips of every episode: https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykwNew episodes every Friday night and new bonus every Tuesday at Patreon.com/yannilongdays Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up, everybody? Welcome to another Giannis Pappas Hour with the long day sign behind us. It's a cross-marketing between old and new, is what it is. My dates, where you can see me live this month in January. Miami, Florida, January 13th through the 15th. Get your tickets right now. They're going fast. It'll be me. I'll also be bringing Marisa. If you want to see the hottest women at a comedy show, get these tickets. I do a headlining set, and then Marisa comes out.

Same thing in West Nyack, New York. Tickets are also almost sold out. January 20th through the 22nd. Then San Diego, California. January 26th through the 28th. In February. February 24th through the 26th. Chicago at Zany's. Atlantic

City, March 3rd. Emmaus, Pennsylvania. Emmaus Theater, March 4th. D.C., March 9th through the 11th, guys. Then Dallas, Texas, March 16th through the 18th. Springfield, Missouri, March 23rd through the 25th. Phoenix, Arizona, March 30th through April 1st. Tampa, Florida, April 21st, 22nd. Sam Fran at the Punchline. Can't wait. May 4th through the 6th. And Providence, Rhode Island, May 12th through the 13th. And comics, April 13th through the 15th at Mohegan Sun.

Get your tickets at yannispappascomedy.com. Now enjoy this absolutely wonderful episode. Losing cameras to the fake politics and the propaganda Yeah, this kid's screwed in, got a lot to say Aw, shit, it's about to be a long day It's a long day, it's a long day What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of the Honest Papas Hour with the long day sign here Which means one thing That I have a guest

Which some of you are never happy about Some of you are I know all of you are going to be happy because it's a good old friend. You guys all know him. Give it up for Sergio Chicone. Brand new. Still got the same Jehovah's Witness personal trainer energy. Came in here high

level healthy and he's got Invisalign. Yeah. Sergio Invisalign Chicone. A.K.A. Sergio Lululemon Chicone. Sergio No Blizzy Chicone, a.k.a. Sergio Lululemon Chicone. Sergio No Blizzy Chicone. Yes, Sergio, healthy. Dude, you post it on Instagram.

You know when your friend's getting too healthy when he posts, he's just eating sweet potatoes. Just eating mashed up sweet potatoes. Making a comedy video. Yeah, dogs. That's when you know you are not being accompanied by your family members. That's something like bachelor living shit. I had a sweet potato in my cabinet that was growing roots and I cut the root out, threw the sweet potato after stabbing it a number of times with a dull knife,

threw it in the microwave with a wet towel for four minutes, ate that shit. But that's like famished living and that's because my wife and my daughter are upstate and I'm going through a transition now where I'm going to be moving up there but that's the way I'm eating I'm eating like a furrow dog you're doing an old school transition from apartment to house

not man to woman it's a very 1950s transition he's going bro that's when you officially start to turn republican He's going, bro, yeah, that's when you, that's when you officially start to turn Republican. It's going to happen.

There's going to be a difference. When Sergio comes here next year, when he's fully in here, he's going to be like, yo, man, you know,

there's just, these kids, they're just coming around my area, my house. It's like, he's going to go, I fired a couple

warning shots into the air. I'm going to go, whoa, what are you talking about? You got a gun? He's like, yo,

you have to when you're out there because of bears and shit. But really, you got to get it because if anyone comes, if everyone shows up on their ring camera, you shoot first, ask questions later. Yo, that happens, bro. It happens. And no one's exempt. I mean, even like culturally, I don't care who you are. Once you move up to a place that you're isolated, you become very protective of your domain.

Yeah, because your circle gets smaller and the things you interact with get smaller. So you care less about the other issues that you're more in contact with. You know, when you're like, oh, yeah, there should be stuff for everybody. Now you're like, how does this affect me? Who the hell is on my property? Yeah, you got a little kingdom now. You're not interconnected with everybody. You just got a little kingdom.

You're a homeowner. So the Republican Party speaks to you. That's their base. Their base is that. Oh, man. That's what my future holds for me, bitching about taxes and oil. Yeah, you're going to be talking about interest rates and shit like that. That, you know, the Republican Party likes to give people like you a break.

Homeowners. Jesus Christ. Just CNN, like, playing contractor on me. Come on, dog. Yeah. Once you learn the issues, you and your sister are going to argue on Thanksgiving. I'm looking forward to a lot more chicone families. And by the way, that doesn't go to say that I am Republican.

I'm not. All right? I'm neither. I probably lean more left, obviously. I get called it all the time. The people in the comments know. You can't fool them. They're like, ah, it's Kukiani again.

But it is something funny when you move into a house. You do start to feel some of those things. Yeah, no, absolutely. I definitely am kind of done with the city. But, you know, the city is super dirtbag now. And I think it's a COVID thing. Yeah, since COVID, it has released all the ghouls and goblins.

They come out. They come out. Yeah. Like, that's something that just is surface. It's to the surface now. All the ghouls and goblins are out. They're not being addressed. And they all have transportation, which is weird.

Because we used to have mentally ill people who were just on foot. Now they're all on city bikes. See, he's almost there. He's getting there. You see the progression? Yeah. One year in, it's not going to be like,

the ghouls and goblins are going to be out. Look, the city council that we have is a bunch of fucking left-wing maniacs and they got to get these crazy people off the street so my daughter can walk to school i'm sorry did that just come out of my mouth yeah yeah you're almost there you're getting there you get there yeah i'm brushing close to it you get closer closer to talking about local politics does anyone love local politics more than fucking a Republican? They're like, yeah, this fucking mayor.

I didn't even know about mayors and city councils. I still don't, man. I don't even know who the school chancellor is. Give it a couple seconds. Give it one year of suburban Sergio with his slippers on and somebody delivers a newspaper by accident to your house. You get the New York Post and then you flip through it and you go, hey, let me get a subscription. You know what?

I hope there's a time or a day where I'm settled in enough upstate where I give a fuck about that. Because right now, I'm in the middle of the bullshit where I'm still in the dealings with the actual contractor, which all across the board,

contractors are dirtbags yo when he first started working for me so set it up to just set it up your your wife and your daughter in the house yes you're not fully in the house and the house is partially renovated and you're in with the court is done with a renovation kind of renovating around them right right so we got a fixer-upper you know a few months back when 90% done with the renovation. My wife insisted on moving upstate so my daughter could be in a better school district. And she was just happier moving to the sticks.

And that was frowned upon. I was like, why? Why so abruptly? So we bumped heads on that. But I support it. But now we got a renovation that's going on while they're in the house. So everything is like fast forward renovation. And we're dealing with all sorts of dirt bags.

You know it's a dirt bag when the motherfucker looks at the job and they go. When they whistle, there's nothing said. And they use their boots to like step on things. Because you know what they're doing with that noise Is they're figuring out how high they can give you the price And they want you to think it's a big problem So you're going like Ah

They're getting you ready They're lubing you up right They absolutely are They're fucking They're con artists They are They wrinkle their foreheads and look up And they use that knuckle.

Where's the thermostat at? What? You know? Yeah. You got a ladder to check the roof out. You know, all this shit. Let me get under the house. Yeah.

You know, like a bunch of shit. Why would you get under the house? We live in the house. I don't need to fix what's under the house. Yeah, yeah. So a bunch of that. And then when we finally get a contractor, you know, oh, Mr. Sergio, for anything, Mr. Sergio.

You know when they throw a Mr. in front of your name? You get fucked. They throw the Mr.? Right. They want it to be professional business meeting, yeah. Yeah, Mr. Sergio. Yeah, for you, you know, we're like family. We're not like family anymore. So it's been a ride.

I didn't think I was going to get any money back. They left. They were done with the job, right? And then they have four things to complete. And he walked away without completing the job. And dogs, I have a lot of time and energy. And I was like, this is a battle I'm not going to lose. So I was shooting this motherfucker text on unorthodox hours.

9.59 on a Sunday? Yo, where's my money? Do the right thing. Have some respect and honor. Oh, you were weighing him down, working the body. Yeah. And he was like, oh, Mr. Sergio, I come back on Tuesday. He wouldn't come back

A week later I would send him another text Give him a Wait so how did you End up in this situation Why did you You're supposed to Wait to give him

The final payment Till you're satisfied Yeah I fucked up You know why I fucked up I fucked up because It was a little less Expensive by giving him Cash money

Now he was done With what he had to do But there was some things He had to go back And fix Right Right And there was some Future what he had to do, but there was some things he had to go back and fix. Right. Right? And there was some future work that I had to just put a hold on because I was running out of money.

I said, let me be smart about this and reserve this money for some other shit. So I cut the job a little short, and he was paying it full to that point, but there was four things he had to do. And he bounced with my ladder. Motherfucker left with my ladder. I used a pilot marker where I wrote my name. I used a pilot marker. You put your name on it. Yeah.

And he took that shit. Yeah. And I was like, I need my ladder. You put your name on that. Yeah. And he returned the ladder like in the middle of the night. Yeah. Left it by the garage.

That type of shit. Like he didn't want to be seen. He didn't want to see me in person. And it was a bunch of that shit. And I wore his ass down. Dogs, I even snapshot his address

of the construction company. I said, this is where you work? I did that. And without hello, I just snapshot the address and then send it to him. I said,

is this where your company's located? Wow. That's like handing someone a bullet. That's a threat. Yeah, it was very, yeah, I was doing shit like that.

Wow. How long before you did that? How long until you resorted to those old school tactics? Two days before you gave me my money. See, I don't know how to fight well. So if I had done that, it would have done nothing. They'd just be like, yeah, that's a picture of my workplace. I am very proud of myself throughout the whole thing.

I never cursed. That's one thing. It sounds aggressive, but I always thought about what I was going to say, and I really took it down. I think it's almost scarier if you don't curse.

Yeah, I was mad calm. When I had him on the phone, I said, I said, Mr. Danny, I said, it's interesting how you're not calling me Mr. Sergio anymore. You're acting as if I'm bothering you.

Oh, you said that to him? Yeah, I said, you're acting as if I'm bothering you. I, you said that to him? Yeah. You act as if I'm bothering you. I paid you money. Now, what you should do is complete the job. Have some honor and respect and some integrity. I trusted you. Or, you can Venmo me my

$1,200, $1,400 back. And it's easy. I don't have no dealings with me. I don't have any dealings with you. Let's move forward. And still wait another week. And I kept on. I was not stopping. Because I think people just give up. Yeah, they don't want any dealings with you. Let's move forward. And he still waited another week, and I kept on. I was not stopping. Because I think people just give up. Yeah, they don't want to deal with it. I was, you know.

And he just gave in because he's like, all right, I don't want to keep dealing with this week. Yeah, I was probably annoying the shit out of him. Yeah, so what did he need to do to finish? So one thing that me and my boy Derek Drescher, you guys know Derek, right? Derek was nice enough to give me an idea

about how to heat the house. And what you do is you got a wood insert inside your chimney, right? You told me about that. I'm getting that done, yeah. And that wood insert blows hot air from the fuel

and the fuel is wood, right? So we put the flue in, we put the face on, cast on, shit's like 300 pounds. You know, I had it delivered. And Derek, my man, who used to work with this shit,

helped me install it. We had it nicely flushed against the chimney face. Our security for it, like what it was set on, was dirt bag. We had like washers, like washers. So I asked the construction worker, support this nicely. Pay me for that.

Just give me a nice support. He's like, Mr. Sergio, I put marble in there to be nice. Yo, dogs, he never got around to that job. When he finally did it, you know what he used? A slab of chopping wood that was outside on the side of the house. So he said marble. He got garbage. He supported it with garbage.

And he pulled the face out so it was like this. Wow. It was like someone who was on angel dust just leaning like this. Wow. That's real dirt bag. Go outside and grab a piece of wood to support it. With like Elmer's glue seeping

out the side. Yeah. After he said he was going to use marble. Absolutely. Do you think he would? I think that was the most infuriating part of it was. So after he said he was going to use marble. Absolutely. Do you think he would? I think that was the most infuriating, infuriating part of it was the fact that he said he was going to make it look nice and he fucked up the job I did. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So he came back and did he put the marble on? No, he never came back. That's what I'm saying. So I needed to, I need my money back for that. Oh, so you didn't get him back. I thought you said the guy came back. He never came back. No, he had to finish that job.

No, there was four things that he had to do. I got my money back for each. That's how I broke him down. He never came back. Oh, he just sent the money. He just sent the money. Oh, that's weird.

Why wouldn't he just finish the job and keep the money? Because maybe in his life. Maybe that. No, I think. Or maybe he just didn't know how to do it.

Right. And like he said, he was hoping he could figure it out or you wouldn't care. He was probably hoping he could get away with it. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's what happened towards the end. He was giving me the best version of himself in the beginning. They always do.

Yes. You know, Mr. Sergio, all that. And then towards the end, it wasn't too abrupt. It was like a couple of days short of Blade. Yeah. All my guys are sick. It was like a couple of days short of Blade. You know, all my guys are sick. You know, it was all a bunch of bullshit. It's like a guy in a relationship from a girl's perspective.

At the beginning, you show them the best, and then that's how contractors are. Contracting relationship is just how dudes slowly evolve into dirtbags in relationships. Towards the end, they just don't care, and they're like, come on, just deal with it. And you're like, nah, that's not what I signed up for.

Yeah, and then you gotta hit them and that's what women do, they hit them. Exactly. And then if you're Dana, you hit back. Yo,

that shit was wild. Yeah, that was fucking, Dana White, you hit back. Yo, but part of it was like, good for him.

She hit him first. Her first day with the scandalous. I was like, I was like, that a boy? Yeah, I mean, it's his own'm saying. First day with the scandalous. I was like, that a boy? Yeah. I mean, it's his own wife. They've been together 30 years. And he looked like he smacked her twice.

Like, I would smack my pup. Like, hey, slow down. Yeah, he hit her twice. She hit him first. I mean, she smacked him. I mean, everyone's going crazy. It's like, dude, he smacked her back. When someone hits you in the face, I mean, it's on.

All rules are off. The rules of chivalry are off. Yeah. If a woman hits you here, that's my rule, is below the neck rule, I believe. Right? No? You believe in the below the neck rule? Yeah, you're not getting me involved in the domestic.

I'm just saying if anyone hits you above the neck, you're putting yourself in an unpredictable situation. Because sometimes when you don't react, I've hit people back. I didn't even think. You just react. I picture that like you give like two knuckles across the face. Yeah, I just, you know, yeah. I mean like. I've never seen you that angry when you struck somebody.

Well, there was one time. There was one time at bar four back in the day. Yeah, someone pushed you while you were in the urinal. Oh, that one, yeah. No, that was different. The head of your penis touched the porcelain. Yeah, kind of, yeah. Yeah, I got upset.

But no, it was a different time where a girl rushed the stage and she hit me. And I didn't even think. I just reacted and I just mushed her back. You know, I didn't think. It was a reaction because I got hit in the head. It was just, your mind turns off when you get hit. So you gave her like that football trophy. Yeah, it was like.

What's that called? The Heisman stiff arm. You gave her the Heisman stiff arm. To the side, but I was holding the mic too because it was just like. Yeah. And so like it reverberated. It was like. And then her boyfriend rushed the stage and I, and I punched him preemptively.

I gave him a super punch from off the stage and jumped off. He was bigger than me. Thank God he rushed, too, because otherwise his story would have just been the girl. He walked right into that shot. He walked right into it. He walked right in. And he had every moment not to

because I took my glasses off and put them on the piano. Bar four was wild. Dana White has an annoying look He looks like a swollen baby He does look like a swollen baby He looks like a baby with an alcohol problem What's that called when a baby is Fetal alcohol syndrome?

Yeah, it looks like he got some of that So he has an annoying face Yeah, he does have an annoying face. But look, so we're talking about Dana White. He smacked his wife on New Year's Eve after she smacked him. So it's bad, but it's one of those things like she smacked him, he smacked her back,

they made up. You know, I mean, I don't know what to tell you. They've been together since they were 12 years old. They've known each other since they were 12. Yeah, they've been together 30 years. They were both hammered. He doesn't even remember it. It's a whack party, too. Like, we're in Cabo, Mexico. It's like a they were 12. Yeah, they've been together 30 years. They were both hammered. He doesn't even remember it. It looked like such a whack party, too.

Like, we're in Cabo, Mexico. It was like a shitty nightclub. Yeah. It's just weird. Like, you would think this guy owns the UFC. You would think that he would be somewhere private. He's like at some shithole. He probably had a wristband.

Yeah, he probably had a fluorescent wristband on. Yeah, he had a, you know, where you could drink all night, wristband. He's like, send your frogs. Yeah. And he's so rich. Like, I don't but you can drink all night, wristband. He's like, send your frogs. Yeah, and he's so rich, like I don't get it and also he's 50. Dog,

if anyone asked me to go to a club, I'm not even 50. I'm not even, and I would be like, nah, I'm not going to a club. Yeah,

it's very odd behavior. So what happens is, what happens to these people where it's, you just become suspended in time after you reach success where you want to act like a child still because that's like childlike behavior. I think it's alcohol. I think it was just alcohol. You want to act like a child still?

Because that's like childlike behavior. I think it's alcohol. I think it was just alcohol. You know, alcohol, bad things. You know what I mean? Like, I remember back in the day, you know, you too, you know, back in those days when you were drinking and you were doing a little bit of the white lady. Yeah.

I think, you know, you were quicker to throw hands too, right? Yeah, but I never hit a woman. I've been spitting my face by a girl. Yeah, spit's not the same. I think that were quicker to throw hands too. Yeah, but I never hit a woman. I've been spitting my face by a girl. Yeah, spit's not the same. I think that's more disrespectful. Yeah, it's tough. Did you get close though? No.

No? I took it. She's crazy. Yeah, yeah. But I don't know, man. It depends on the temperament where you're at. I could deal with spit because I think just hitting it's something. You're like, I like that shit.

Yeah, I like it. I like that shit yeah I like it now you know everyone I have you know Sergio's you I got Sergio I got Jesse right everyone has a friend like Sergio that gets married and then you find out later that they're married because I wasn't I didn't even worry about that I wasn't invited Because I was like, yo, nobody was invited That shit happened at the City Hall And it was probably family and friends Close, close friends And then you just show up And Sergio goes, I'm married

Yeah, my mother and my daughter were at the wedding And I got married for tax reasons And at the time, my wife was a flight attendant So for flight benefits Right Those were good benefits I'm so romantic. Yeah.

Yeah. And so we went to City Hall and got married. And we're going through a metal detector, and an officer told my mom, I told you to go around, like nasty to my mom. Yeah. Like, this is at my wedding. I'm like, you know, my best button down. Yeah, it's your special day.

You wore your church outfit to get married? Yeah. Best button down? Yeah, I had the button, the Banana Republic button down. Yeah. You know, a little yellow under the arms because I wore it like three times over. Yeah. Just a little taint. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. I even threw the pants in the dryer to release the wrinkles. Yeah, yeah. You know? Roll them out. What kind of shoes? Did you do sneakers or did you have shoes on?

Some slip-on. No laces. You know? Beard was tight. I remember when I got a shaper for that beard, I said, keep it like midway. And he said, why you don't want to go higher? I said, my beard doesn't grow that high.

And the barber told me, you need to eat more pussy. Who says that? That's some dirtbag shit, right? Yeah, no, but I mean, you know, maybe there's truth to that. But he's like, yo, I'm married, and we don't do it. Nobody eats pussy when you're married. So I almost got arrested at my wedding,

but it was a good time. Yeah, yeah. I went to a metal detect at my wedding. That's odd. That's so romantic. That's like your podcast. That's dirtbag shit. Yeah. DBS. Yeah.

So what are you doing now? You got the DBS podcast. The DBS podcast was recently picked up again because it was let go by the previous company because they had to move on. The owner got sick and it was fine. So we took a couple of months off, and then it was picked up. Why did that sound like you were giving an excuse why you didn't have your homework?

You started with, like, what happened was the owner... Yeah, because it's not that interesting. The guy that was just sick, he thought he had nut cancer, and he did it. He just had, like, you know, some other shit going on. Right. And he was scared to death, but he didn't, you know, explain that to the entire company.

So he just kind of like left us hanging. He was like, I'm not doing any more podcast anymore. I think I'm dying. Was the sentiment in his voice. But he never said that. Right. He said,

I'm not doing a podcast anymore. It's not making any money. And as he was yelling at us in Zoom, like the hair that falls to his shoulders was like shaking. It was like a wrestling character. Do you think maybe he made up the story about the nut cancer just to make it easier? No, he was really sick.

And he explained that it wasn't that serious. He had a stent that fell apart or something and needed to be readjusted. Some medical shit. I was half listening to it. Because I was just worried about my podcast. You're like, where am I taking it to next? Yo, so my man Joey Gane, I got to give him a shout. He starts working with these guys on Nine Bowery, which is the Supreme Store in Soho.

And he's selling it to me. Man, I got a new podcast studio. And we're going to record. It's going to be off the hook. And I was like, where? So I record two episodes. And I was like, who are your partners in this? Who's financing this shit?

And he's like, oh, some crypto guys. Oh, yeah. Those guys are about to get ball cancer real quick. Six hours later, they get evicted. Ball cancer all around. That's it. That kicked out. Yeah, that's it.

So that's it. And then you also got the boxing one. Yeah, so now I got POP, which is Picking All Punches. It's me and my co-host, Derek Drescher, who's super fucking knowledgeable about boxing. And basically, imagine like Drink Champs, where they highlight like old hip-hop pioneers and guys who had an influence on hip-hop. But for us, it's boxing. So we had Ann Wolf.

We've had Mickey Ward. We have Boom Boom Mancini, who killed the man in the ring. But that shouldn't be highlighted. It's just fucking crazy. Because this story in itself is super interesting, because he became an actor. He's super positive. And he was a fighter's fighter. That guy would come forward, and he's an actor. He's super positive. And he was a fighter's fighter.

You know, that guy would come forward and, you know, he's super charismatic. Yeah, so that's just a collection of, you know, we have an interesting collection. Oh, I want to check out that Mickey Ward episode. What's the name again? It's called P.O.P. Picking Off Punches. Now, very little is on it.

Maybe we'll get like a flyer, but it drops on January 10th. Oh, it's not out yet. It's not out yet. Oh, okay. That's great that you're finally doing a boxing podcast because, I mean, that's your passion. Yeah.

And Derek too, right? Derek knows how to throw hands. Yeah, well, Derek is like, he can't remember what the fuck we spoke about three minutes ago, but with boxing, that motherfucker, he's like an elephant.

Like his memory for like, he could dip into the archives of boxing and give you dates and stats that are unbelievable. Yeah. But he can't remember some shit that went down six hours ago. Yeah, yeah. I love Derek. I love Derek.

But I'm glad you're here because... I like Derek when he has his teeth in. When he doesn't have his teeth in, he's one of those guys that just leaves the side teeth out. He's missing... What's that, the molar right there? One of them, yeah. Yeah, it's two of them. Don't be nice.

And when he has those missing, I become irate. You just can't deal with it. I just can't. I squint my eyes and look up to the sky. Like the late Angelo Lozada when he was being aloof and dismissive. Just like that. When he was studying a Knicks game. So how's the Invisalign goingign going the invisalign is good uh so i uh i see you got my wife has it right now i'm sorry britney

yeah yeah yeah call it you know the honest is referred to his wife as his wife which i know this is white but i also know her as britney i know her personally right right you're talking to a ups worker that. That's true. Yeah, my wife said the package came yesterday. That is true. I didn't think about that. Yeah, you're talking to me like. I wouldn't go like Brittany.

I go like, yeah, my wife. That's a good point. It's like maybe subconscious. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to distance the commitment. Guys always see me. We're on a Never ending quest

To distance the commitment Whether we're subconscious Or conscious about it Wait what are you talking about Who is it Who Oh Brittany Yeah

Yeah It's my wife When you call your wife It's also like You could be referring to your sink It's like my sink My wife My door

Oh that's my car. I'm glad you realized that. Huh? I'm glad you realized. You pulled his leg back. Yeah, you got a good point. You got a good point. That is true.

You said I defended it earlier. You're like, yeah, my wife. Yeah, my wife. I'm making it more personal. I thought I was making it more personal. You're like, not at all. She's got a name. She's a human.

And I've spoken to her. And you're like, that's a good point. Right. On multiple occasions. On multiple occasions. So Liz is your wife. How is Liz in the new place? Listen, me and my Liz are fighting.

If I got to be honest, we are in the midst of fighting. We are in the midst of fighting. But it's good because everything that is worth it requires a little bit of struggle. So we're trying to figure some shit out. It's a transition. You're probably fighting mostly because of the situation. That you transitioned into this house. It's not done.

You got all the stress of the fucking renovation. Yeah. But everything in my life That has been worth it Has always had That little bit of struggle That's why I try to remind myself Always

Everything Always Everything That's a good lesson For people to learn Anything that is worth anything Is hard The things that are easy

Are always bad Even the relationships That I've You know those relationships That start off like Crazy The crazy chemistry Because they got only One place to go Down Always bad. Even the relationships that I've, you know those relationships that start off like crazy, the crazy chemistry, because they got only one place to go, down.

And they always do, because that's just how it goes. They start off mad high. Mad high, and then they just got only one place to go. Yeah, yeah, and it's funny because those, it's a collage in the memory bank, right, of those people that we- That we jerk off to. That we jerk off to, that you were

like fucking dating for like two months or whatever. I remember this Mexican girl. She had half her head shaved off. You know that type with the bangs coming down just on one side, thick black eyeliner, net stockings, bipolar, smoked a lot of cigarettes, did Blizzy on the weekends, bartender. Oh, yeah. Knew a lot of cigarettes Did Blizzy on the weekends Bartender Oh, yeah Knew a lot of comics and musicians Yeah

She used to sit on mailboxes And be like Who the fuck do you think you are? You think you are who you are Fuck you While the fucking The heel dangles off the shoe Yeah

I was like, oh, that's sexy Yeah, that's sort of That confidence That arrogance That assholeness Yeah, that's sort of that confidence, that arrogance, that assholeness. Yeah, those are the girls you love to fuck. It's something a guy who wasn't married would say. And I apologize if I mentioned that story on the last episode. I don't think you did.

Oh, good, because this shows I have no closure with her. And you're going to do a double promo. So he just doesn't have any closure with that. There's no wonder why his relationship is turbulent right now. Yeah, yeah. This episode is brought to you by the great bespoke post, Box of Awesome.

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Boxofawesome.com, slash FUMES. I got an interesting thing. My ex-girlfriend, right, you know, we're still friends. We were together for a long time. And her husband, she got a new husband, and he has kids and she has kids. So it's like the Brady Bunch. You know, they're living together and the kids are together. So, like, his kid was, like, going through sort of a gender thing

but more of a sexuality thing, going like, was bi, and going all that stuff. Greedy. Yeah, a little greedy. He wants everything. But this is what she told me, and she's very left. She's very left. But she told me, she goes, he put her in a new school.

He changed the school to where she goes, and that's all done now. And I was like, what kind of area is this? She was like yeah it's a little bit more of a Republican area. And I was like I think some of the stuff that's going on is a little bit of like a fad almost like a Nautica jacket. You know? It's almost like a Nautica

jacket in the 90s. It's almost like Timbo boots a little bit. Because when you're a kid you know you want to fit in with your friends and if your friends are doing that and that becomes like the cool thing it's got to be a little bit of. And if your friends are doing that and that becomes like the cool thing, it's got to be a little bit of that. Absolutely, it's a little bit of that. You know, I had a situation with my daughter.

And I'm so happy that I have a relationship with my daughter where she trusts me because she was – it was a family friend's daughter was asking my daughter what does she identify as, right? And my daughter was like, I'm a girl, you know, a girl. And she was like, yeah, but like, like, you know, like, hardcore question. The girl was only 13.

My daughter was nine at the time. Wow. Yeah. And she made my daughter feel super uncomfortable. This is like in the middle of a game of Fortnite they never even met in person. So it's like, I think that's a product of something like this girl has learned

and been exposed to. And it's like, how does that's a product of something like this girl has learned and been exposed to and it's like, how does she even know that at the age of 13? And she was like, I identify as asexual but I might switch and she was asking my daughter

this very personal question. At nine years old? That's too early. The girl was 12. No, but your daughter was nine. Way too early. Yeah, my daughter was mad because we held on to that shit

for two days and then spoke to me about it. And I thought that was such a win as a father. Like, I did, for eight, nine years, I did something right where she came to me for counsel. Absolutely. And she trusted me. I was like, thank God. And I said, first and foremost, do not feel guilty because I think when you're faced with that sort of discomfort,

you know, and I'm not considering this abuse, but it's weird because it could go there if unchecked. It's like anyone who's abused or whatever, they blame themselves. Like, oh, what energy did I let out to deserve the creation of this dialogue or something, right? So I told, I said said I'm glad you did this because if you would have

held on to that and been alone with it you know you can kind of make it up in your head like a scenario in your head like oh this is my fault

you know I'm bringing out this energy and it's very complicated and I don't know how to and now you're alone dealing with this and you always have me to talk to

to help sort this out and you did nothing wrong I'm glad that you told me exactly how you feel made you feel uncomfortable. What we do next, I think we delete her from, you know, she's not a gamer that you're playing with. Wait, this happened online?

It happened online. So how do you even know it was a 13-year-old on the other? Well, because it was a family friend's kid. Oh, okay, all right. Got it. Yeah. So then, you know, I told the mother of the kid, and I was like, it's not, you know, we're just no longer, they're not going to play anymore online. Made my daughter feel very uncomfortable.

And she was insistent on doing, like, a FaceTime chat. And I was like, if you absolutely want to do that, that's fine. And we did it, and it was mad uncomfortable. Right. Now a fucking fat kid comes in the background and says, I want my donuts on pines. It's like some fat kid like, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. And she wanted my donuts.

I said, no, my donut's done with this whole shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're bugging. Like, oh, okay. And I felt bad for the kid. Right. Because now she's putting her kid in a mad, awkward situation. She's like this.

Swollen from some leftover Thai food she had the night before or some shit. She looked, you know. And I felt bad for the kid. And I'm like, I wonder what this kid is subjected to. And I did a little more research. Turns out the kid lives in like, there's multiple families that live in this kind of, it sounds like a cult. You know, like down south.

I don't know exactly what it is. But I think they can maybe expose some shit. How did you do the research? How did you find out about where they are? Because it's a family friend. Right. So I just, you know. Ask some questions.

Yeah, ask some questions. And it's like, oh, okay. It's very like a hippie, you know, sort of like multiple families living. So they can maybe expose some shit. Yeah, yeah. I always wonder about that as a father. Now I'm gonna have two girls and I'm like, I'm gonna have to

answer questions and do all this stuff and it's such a complicated world too now because you can raise your kid the way you want to raise your kid but then they have access to so many other people trying to influence your kid and so many other things trying to influence your kid and like many other things trying to influence your

kid and like you just gotta how do you navigate well this is the thing i think that's a there's a quick answer to that is that a lot of the stuff on how people live their lives is none of our business and beyond our control what's my business is how i interact with my daughter what values are being set what confidence is being instilled the connection between her and i right that's what matters that's the foundation now she kind of like you know explore some things she's going to come back to me because i've always been very honest for her and communicate it and listen if something goes or a direction where i don't approve of i'll address that when that time comes but we don't want to fucking harbor these thoughts that don't know, proof of, I'll address that when that time comes, but we don't want to

fucking harbor these thoughts that don't exist yet. Right. Because that's when you drive yourself crazy. Right. And then you become

overly protective. Right. So now you're like, with your kid, like, heal, heal. Right,

right, right. You can't watch this. You can't be exposed to this. Like, I think that's a dangerous way to go when you worry about it

too much is what I'm saying. Right, right, right, right. You know? I like that. So the most important part

is the connection. The connection. And being like, she feels like she could I'm saying. Right, right, right, right. You know? I like that. So the most important part is the connection. The connection. And being like. She feels like she could come to you. Yeah. So what she's seeing from her father, oh, we're playful. We're keeping it light. We talk about anything.

And we're having fun. I'm going to try to instill some confidence in you. There's boundaries. But, you know, there's a whole other world with other different people with their own values and decisions they're going to make, but this is the foundation here. Rob Markman Yeah, I like that. Lil Jon Anything you want to entertain or like, let's talk about it, but I can't... Yo, you do that shit with anything in life, you worry

about like, oh, it's going to be this, that, and the third, you become fearful. It's like, it's not a way to live. Rob Markman No, there's no way to live because you're handling stuff that doesn't- Lil Jon You see how I took your cadence? There's no way to live. Rob's not a way to live. No, that's no way to live because you're handling stuff that doesn't... You see how I took your cadence? It's no way to live. No way to live.

That's how you know you're cool with somebody when you take that cadence. No way to live. That's what Yanni Longi is. Yeah, no way to live. Yeah, no, it's true. It's true.

You still dipping, Pa? You snoozing, Pa? Snoozing, pa? Yeah I knew you were gonna Criticize me for something Unhelpful Listen I dropped 10 pounds

By changing my diet Okay I'm working out And you gave Jesse a compliment And you know what? I've noticed That I haven't got a compliment I'm a little concerned

That I haven't got a compliment I've been looking for a compliment I gotta admit It affected me I heard it from the bathroom when you came in and yo, as I was in the bathroom,

I actually said to myself, I was like, is he going to say it when he sees me? Because he's so in shape and he knows. I'm like, yo,

is he going to notice that I dropped a few or no? Yeah, you know. But obviously, I don't look good enough to make a difference. No,

the best part of your look right now. I'm telling the absolute truth. I'm not even doing it for funny. I'm being honest. I was in the other room going, yo, I hope when I go in there, he's going to say something. No, the most... What's promoting from your look today, and I love this about you,

honest, is what I'm seeing, is that your beard matches your shirt. Like the gray beard matches the shirt perfectly. That's what I see. You still haven beard matches your shirt. Like the gray beard matches the shirt perfectly. That's what I see. So you still haven't noticed that I look a little more in shape? Your sneakers look white.

Yo, I still don't look in shape to you? No, you look good. Yo, this is my leg. I don't know what to do. Look, I look like this. I don't know what to do with myself. Yo, I can't believe

I'm not up to your standard He's just saying he's got a higher standard Yo he's basically saying I won't mention it until it gets to a certain level Yo 10 pounds Really? Yeah So you know what

It's been so long Yo you said really like you don't see anything You know what it's been that long since I've seen you then Because you might have been this weight Ble blew up, and then you went back down. That's probably true. It's been a long time since I've seen you. You're in good shape, Sergio. I was at a DBS weight.

I was at a DBS weight. I was at 219. Yeah, you're not showing that shot line. Yeah, no. You're not showing that weight gain on social media platforms. Right? No one's doing that. Or the weight loss, yeah.

I haven't announced it at all. Although I wish, and this is going to, yo, I wish I would have fucking screen recorded you on your honeymoon. You were a dirt bag

on your honeymoon. He's like a pregnant hamster. Yo, he got comfortable real quick. I was like, he had his hair wet. And it was splendid, but he was dancing like this. Yo, he's drunk in the sun.

He hydrated. And I was bloated. You were bloated? Yeah. You were bloated off that free buffet. Yeah. Boy, you can eat buffets. Well, you know what's happened is I've been diagnosed with moderate sleep apnea,

which you heard in Providence. I remember you were like, yo, Giannis. You know what's terrible when you snore? It's like you can't help it, so your feelings get hurt. Your feelings get hurt. It's sensitive, right? Yeah, yo, when someone tells you, like, wakes you up and says stop snoring, you get hurt. Wait, wait, wait.

I didn't wake you up and stop snoring. I threw a fucking sock at him. He had, like, a fucking ball of socks. Like, I don't know how he takes off his socks, but they're never like in balls when I take them out. They're like laid out. No, I scrunch them up and just blow them. It was like a bunch of socks, like this all over it,

and I just threw that shit. I said, stop snoring. And he's like, what? What? With his mad small eyes. What? Yeah, because it hurts your feelings because you can't control it

You don't know about it You can't do anything about it So you just get hurt Separate rooms So yeah when you get I know The sleep apnea diagnosis Yeah why

That wakes you up a little bit That's what it took We were sharing a room Yeah it was me, you and Chris And we were in Providence And you left early Because you got sick Did I get sick? Which is funny Because the next time I in Providence. And you left early because you got sick.

Did I get sick? Which is funny because the next time I did Providence, I got pulled out on a stretcher. Oh, that place is bad luck. Yeah. What team was playing at the, there was a Super Bowl. There's something in that room that's got bad juju. Wait, we were playing Providence when there was a big football game going on and we bumped into a bunch of players in the elevator.

I think it was the Titans were in town to play the Patriots or something. So you got to understand, right? When these athletes are peaking, and a peak performance, you know, it's like a boxer's training for a fight and like two days before the fight, they're like, you know, like their eyesight is sharp,

their hearing is more, you know, they can hear everything and they're like in their eyesight is sharp, their hearing is more, they can hear everything, and they're in fight mode. So we're in the elevator with four big-ass football players who are like, they're playing in six hours, and Chris thought it would be a great idea to be like, oh, what's up, fellas? You want to come to my show

tonight? Here's some tickets. And he tried to make a joke, and he was bombing! They just looked at him like, and he like yo good guys see you guys later good game and yo we started laughing and chris walked out was like head between his legs and he was so embarrassed he it just didn't go good he got so mad at me like he reacted on the motion he was like yo that's why i have the career i have and you don't. And he walked away. He, yeah,

the charm just didn't work on them. They were like, well, he was second guessing himself. It was almost like, I think it was just one of those things where they were just like, they were in their athlete world.

But he also like, if they were girls, they would have been like, yeah, what's up? Yeah, but they weren't girls. And they probably thought he was just like maybe an annoying New England fan.

That's the thing. He actually, it came across wrong. It didn't come across with the gusto of a fan who was like, oh, if you guys want to like chill the fuck out and watch some comedy, you know, I got a dope show tonight. Come through. Tickets on me. Love you guys. Good luck tonight. It was more like, I'm stepping up.

I don't know if I should. Yeah, yeah. It was like, it was hilarious, though. Well, I think he was trying to be funny and do it in a funny way. But it didn't work. But they weren't, yeah. I think if he would have done it normal, just came genuine, like, hey, guys, what's up? Good luck.

I'm glad you know I'm doing this comedy show. I wish I would have known exactly what was said, but it was fucking hilarious. They would have taken it and been like, all right, all right. But then would have taken it and been like Either way they would have looked at each other When we got off the elevator Either way we were getting one of these They weren't going to leave and go We should go to the comedy show Did you tell them about when you texted Aaron Rodgers

Inviting him to the show So embarrassing So Aaron Rodgers follows me And he started following me. Yeah, the moment you overthink, were you overthinking it before you said the fact? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what happens. Yeah, well, it was actually because of fucking Jared Harvin. It was Jared's idea. We were in Minnesota. No, we were in Wisconsin. We were in Madison. And, you know,

he's very proactive, which is good. You know, he's always proactive and positive. We're proactive that he goes to protests, when he goes to the shows. Yeah.

No, he's just proactive, thinking like, you should do this, you should do that. That's great. Yeah, that's that good enthusiasm. Yeah, so, but, you know. Good energy to have. Yeah, so he goes, so Aaron Rodgers had been following me.

So we were in Wisconsin. He goes, message Aaron Rodgers. We were in Wisconsin. He plays in Green Bay. He's like, tell him to come to the show. I'm like, I don't know, man. He's Aaron Rodgers, dog. He's not going to come to a comedy club.

Yeah, he's not thinking about it so much. You should have said no, yo. Yeah. So I was like, yeah, you know what? I remembered he was a comedy fan. He's a big comedy fan, right? He went to see Burr. And Burr, as he told me after the show, he came back.

And they were talking. He's a big comedy fan. And I'm like, yeah, maybe he's following me because he just likes comedy. And maybe he'll be like, yeah, I want to me after the show he came back and they were talking he's a big comedy fan and I'm like yeah maybe he's following me because he just likes comedy maybe he'll be like yeah I want to go see the show so I message him what was it I hit him twice

with the brother you started what's up brother yeah what's up brother how should I spell it B-R-T-H-E-R or B-R-O-T-H-A right

you were doing that shit. But I hit him with like two brothers, right? At the beginning and the end, I bookend it. It was like awkward, you know? And of course, it went on red and like fucking, he probably gets messages all the time. And then afterwards, we just had a good time on the podcast. We were joking about how we read the message,

how awkward it was, you know? And maybe you're right. Maybe it's about the hesitation. Yeah, you got to pull the trigger on it. You just got to go in there and just be the message, how awkward it was, you know, and maybe you're right, maybe it's about the hesitation. Yeah, you gotta pull the trigger on it. You just gotta go in there, like, and just be more,

like, yo, hey man, I'm a big fan, but yeah, I said I'm a big fan, like three times. That's what it was.

I was like, hey man, hey brother, big fan, I'm gonna be over at Comedy on State in Madison, and then I ended it, again man, big fan,

love you man, you're one of the greats. Yeah. You might as well have said, hey, listen to my mixtape. Yeah, yeah. It's like a guy in the street trying to push a mixtape. It just didn't. Yeah, it just wasn't.

No reply. No reply. I got a reply. You know I'm a big Wu-Tang Clan fan. Of course. Yeah. And years ago, I tweeted. You definitely look like that's who you're a fan of.

It would be weird if you were like, you know, Barbra Streisand was staying at the hotel. But you know how fucked some Mazzy Starrs, Sarah McLachlan, Fiona Apple, Yeah, you're Renaissance. Alanis Morissette. You fuck with everything. Yeah, Duncan J.

I mean, Duncan J, that's a comic. Duncan Sheik. Yeah, Duncan J. Talk about a guy who blows up and lost weight. That's funny. I tweeted a piece of a quarter of a Capadonna verse. And he's not the most popular member of Wu-Tang. But the verse is hilarious.

It's on a song called Ice Cream, which is Ray Kwan's first album. And it goes like this. I jism like a giant blow wombs out of their socket. And I was like, that's a dirtbag verse. I jism like a giant blow wombs out of their socket. Yeah. And I said, dirtbag shit verse. And I tagged Capadonna.

And he was like, Dirt McGirt, that's Old Dirty Bastard, he replies, Dirt McGirt told me dirt dirt hurt, but you wouldn't know that because you're probably from the Lily White House. So you wouldn't know. He took it the right way. Yo, he took it the wrong way. And I was like, but I'm a fan. I love you.

And he never replied again. Yo, he took it the wrong way. Yeah, he just was like, oh, that's so funny. You didn't mean it at all that way. No, I was promoting like dirt back shit for me is some funny shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. way yeah yeah he just was like oh this that's so funny you didn't mean it at all that way no i was promoting like dirtbag shit for me yeah it's some funny yeah yeah yeah yeah and he took it like i'm calling him a dirtbag right and it's hilarious because he really is on some dirtbag shit in a funny way and it's it went right over his head and it's crazy because if i would have said anything

positive to promote that like i would have a response. Interesting how we respond to negative shit. It's true. We were talking about that before. And I'm sure you're guilty of that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. People are like, I love you, Yanni, or whatever. And then the moment someone says something.

I'm like, what the fuck? What do you mean? 100% of the people have to like me. Yo, Yanni used to engage in some epic Twitter battles, yo. Oh, dude. And I knew it. I pictured him laying on his belly with his feet crossed tweeting these things. He used to go in. So you know he petty because

he responds to bots. Bots be like, oh, pay off $5,000 of your debt. You'll see him comment, yo, fuck you. Yes, I've seen that recently. Who would you get starstruck by? I mean, you know, listen rizzo was recently at uh he's a wu-tang clan producer you know yeah he was recently at the comedy salon i was annoyed i missed him cypher sounds told me oh he was there he watched the show i would have loved to be in a position

where he's an audience member and i'm on stage doing the set because that's the beautiful beautiful thing about comedy you could catch yourself in that position where you're on stage doing a set because that's the beautiful thing about comedy you could catch yourself in that position where you're on stage entertaining motherfuckers who entertain you most of your life that shit is dope I would say any

Wu-Tang clan member like that would be dope for me yeah it's interesting because like they're not famous to a lot of people right

but like if you I felt that way about athletes when I would interview athletes on shows like you know if they were athletes that were about athletes when I would interview athletes on shows. Like, you know, if they were athletes that were recent, like when I was an adult, I wasn't as thrilled about it or starstruck about it.

But if it was an athlete from when I was a kid, like Jerry Rice or Alonzo Mourning, I had like a different reaction about it. Because when you're a kid, you just idolize these people. Same thing with Juju from The Beat. Are you all right? Yeah. I just want to make sure that a good portion of the episode,

my shirt is right. And while you're talking about 90s hip-hop now, my shirt, my Lulu, was flipped up like this. And it just made me very angry. I was like, fuck. But you don't have to worry. You're one of those guys, you're so fit that you don't have to worry about the position.

I have to always think about, part of my brain is always thinking about where my shirt is on my gut and how i'm positioned if i'm you know what you gotta do pull up your pants above your belly bar that yeah that just that's when you give in when you do that you know the older the older people get the higher their pants go up but yeah it's true juju follows follows me, and I'm like, that's Juju from Beatnuts. And when he compliments you on your videos and shit, I think that's fly. It is. Because it does. There's a time in our life where we hold on to that shit. We're like, oh, that was a formative time of our life, right?

We're listening to this music, and these motherfuckers showed us some good times. Absolutely. And, you know, it's like, right now, there's nothing that moves me like that. I'm past the age where I'm starstruck by anything. Right. It's got to be a throwback. Absolutely. And, you know, it's like, right now there's nothing that moves me like that. I'm past the age where I'm starstruck by anything. Right. It's got to be

a throwback. Right, right. Like, from the age of 18 to 25 where I was most impressionable creatively, artistically. Anything past that? Yeah.

I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck about these new fly-ass talented boxers who are immensely talented, probably better than anybody we ever liked because they're fucking kids.

I'm not into that shit. They're like 19, 20 years old. I have nothing in common with them. I don't care. I watch the fight, bro. They can walk right by me with their chinchilla fur or whatever. You don't care.

Yeah, it's so funny how you care about that stuff when you're young and then you get older, you don't care about that. Yeah, I don't give a fuck about any of that shit. I just want to be home. It's hard for me to be a fan of a kid yeah it's true yeah i don't want to be a fan of a kid and that's also like i i i can't get starstruck by like steph he's younger than me steph curry or something you're like he's so young it's like how can you get

starstruck by someone younger than you yeah someone who was born in 1998 yeah you should go to prison if you get there There should be rules about that. Also, I think there should be fucking rules or if you get arrested, the officer has to be older than you. That's some shit I think about. It's just annoying. I think about that shit. I'm like, oh, imagine some 21-year-old

that I had behind your back. You fucker. Get off me. Get off me. I'm just fucking... I got salt and pepper in my beard. He's got chiseled face features, a fucking four hairline, a dumbass fucking tattoo.

That's like somebody who's watching Bubble Guppies. Yeah, exactly. You can't. Yeah, that's a good point. Someone born in 2003. Yeah, you can't. Was born two years after 9-11. Yeah, you can't. Yeah, he wasn't present at 9-11.

He tries to enforce the law, and you're like, you're younger than me, dude. Yeah, dog. Yeah, he got the newest fucking law And you're like You're younger than me dude Yeah dog Yeah He got the newest Fucking hairstyle Or some shit You're arresting me You don't even have Life lessons yet

You can't arrest me Yeah that I think about that shit a lot That's really funny Yeah Dogs Maybe they should Police based on age demographic

And I'm just I'm trying not to be Yeah right right And I'm also trying not to be Fucking like Old with this shit I'm trying to be open But yeah, right, right. And I'm also trying not to be fucking, like, old with this shit. I'm trying to be open. But even, like, I just recently started therapy,

and the therapist is considerably younger than me. Yeah. Like, and she was a, yeah. Yeah. I kind of want my therapist with, like, skin-colored tights, vertical veins, a pen and pad, glasses, a fucked up bob haircut, like, you know, like, and I said, sure, sure.

I agree with you, yeah. Yeah, I agree with you, sure. I want to say that, even though I know you were saying that, but I want to say, I agree with you, but stop right there. I don't want to say triggered. Like, my therapist says all the young shit. She says triggered, and every time I, you know, because I was wasting my time. The first few therapy sessions,

I was trying to showcase the best version of myself. Like, I'm super aware. Like, I'm doing this because I'm a better person. And they were like,

it's giving hurt. Right, right. Like, I was giving the best, and I was like, I'm wasting my time. Because at that time,

the three sessions, I still wanted to fuck her. That's the problem. I wanted to fuck her. I was like, I want to impress her. And especially when you open up to them, the problem. I want to fuck her. I was like, I want to impress her. Yeah, and especially when you open up to them,

you start having feelings. Yeah, and then I was like, you know, a couple of times, I made her laugh. And she's like, interesting,

you have a good introspective, like, you know, and I was like, yeah, I do. Yeah. And then I got over that.

I was like, I'm wasting my money. Yeah. Like, you know, so then I started revealing and then everything I said, her response was like,

that's traumatic. And she lays down during the sessions. She lays down? She lays down. Her feet are up like this. Like, her feet are so high, there's a vein across her forehead. That's odd behavior. But I was like, okay, maybe I should lay. She says, you can lay down too.

So we're both like, I'm not that comfortable. She's like this. She's laying down so much that her face is red. Right, right. Right? And she goes, that's traumatic. And like, I don't know, like she's saying that's traumatic in the fucking hammock. Just, you know.

Right. And it's annoying because the younger generation, their trauma is not, they think more things are traumatic than older generation will work you through it. Be like, yeah, that happens. That's because of this. They don't just go, that's traumatic. And you're like, no, is it though? Yeah.

See, the words that are associated, and they do make sense. Language changes. That's just the way life is, right? And the way people articulate themselves. But when I think of trigger, think of like guns right violence right like that's like you've been shot like when you're triggered it's not like oh this guy you know you know it's triggering you know yeah because i smelled this food and it's triggering to like me

and my diet yeah you know like i don't want to like you think of like yeah when i was at a fucking nightclub my man owed some money, and he pulled the trigger. Absolutely, yeah. You know, I think about, when I think of Trigger, my man who was shot five times and lived, and I saw his stomach spread out, and there was, like, styrofoam in there. That's what I think of Trigger.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not your shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, and Toxic, I think of Toxic Avengers. Immediately. Yeah. Like the Marvel. Yeah, Toxic.

Yeah, it's funny. I don't think of anything bad. If I hear's funny. I don't think of anything bad. If I hear toxic, I don't think of anything bad. I think of maybe a relationship where people are arguing. That's as far as I'll go. I think of like toxic, like I think of like green ooze. Like I think of a hazard, a biohazard. That's what I think of.

I think of like a literal toxic, like, oh, don't touch that green swampy thing. Yeah. You don't think about people's opinions making you feel uncomfortable. No, I just think it's so, they're doing it very loosely. That's toxic. It's very loose. We talked about what they did, and I don't judge them that much. I don't either.

I get it. Yeah, I think it was kind of like mafia tactics. You know, they were a big generation, and they wanted to carve out a place for themselves. They came into a workforce where everything was tech and they were all liberal arts majors and so there was not a lot of jobs. It was like the mafia.

They just strong-armed their way in by going like, if you don't do this, it's toxic. And everyone was like, don't sue. Don't make me do it. They just took over. So it's kind of gangster the way they did it. Yeah. And you can't blame them.

Because coming out of college and stuff like that, the world had changed. And tech is not big in America. And it's like the only real job you can get is to make good money is tech. It's so funny. Because that age group, I have a good friend of mine who I actually train, and she's a Muslim, and she says,

yo, she says this shit jokingly, but if someone doesn't agree with her, she goes, you're Islamophobic. I'm like, you're joking, but you ain't playing. You know what I'm saying? You know how we say some dirt back shit? We're joking, but we're not playing. Yeah, and that just puts everybody on the,

she can walk freely and say whatever. Right. It's like, yeah, it pisses the crowd. Yeah. Move on my way. I'm showing up to work at 3.15 p.m. today. Yeah, nobody wants to be considered a bad person, so that's a great tactic.

Yeah. It's always a great tactic to just accuse, because it's hard to defend, too, because when someone goes, you made me feel a certain way, you go, explain it to me. They go, you're going to tell me how I felt and how I didn't. And you're like, I guess you're right.

You know what I mean? Like, there was this girl at a comedy show. She messaged me afterwards. She was like, I love you. You're funny. She was an Asian girl. I love you. You're funny.

I'm a fan, whatever. But she said this one line, when you called me Ling, it made me uncomfortable And it was offensive And it was a long message And she was really nice about it or whatever And I don't disagree with her I was like, hey, sometimes jokes miss

And she was very cool She was like, I don't envy you guys Your position, you guys try to make things funny I was like, yeah, everything's an attempt to be funny Some things miss or whatever But I I asked her I wanted to know why I was like how is it different for me saying to a black guy hey Rahim or a Greek guy Dimitri or Puerto Rican guy you know Javier or whatever and she explained it her history of having to deal with you know people going Ling or Ching Chong or whatever. And I'm going like, okay.

I mean, I get why that happened to you and that might have been a bad thing. But relative to what a bad thing is, that's not a bad thing. But you can't say that because that's the world they know. They don't know any... That's exactly what it is, the world they know.

You can't go like, hey, when kids are cruel to everybody. It's like kids are cruel to everybody. You know what I mean? It's like everybody gets something when you're a kid because kids are fucking mean. So you can't really go like. You know, Jim Norton said something interesting when talking about that shit. He said something where it was like, there could be a movie, right? And there could be actors talking right and there could be actors

talking about the name Ling and Ching Chung and she would never voice her opinion to that actor like send him a message like oh in that movie

you know but as a comic they take everything so literally like no it's a fucking amplified version of who we are

it's like you know it's the comic it doesn't define us. That's a great point. He's right about that. I love that. Jim Norton said that shit and I was like,

holy shit. He was like, it was something along those lines. I was like, you know, they could watch a movie where the rapist wins an award.

He's like, oh my God, he was phenomenal. Right. Like, I say something about, you know, fucking my transgender girlfriend

or, you know, whatever. And it's like, oh my God, that's appalling. Right, rightalling like right right you know clenching their pearls it's so true yeah like i didn't know i you don't want to sit down and go like hey look i didn't mean it like that i was meaning it like you're asian right i was just giving it a name you know like i didn't mean it like i but she comes in with all this ching chong shit and she whatever it is and i'm like yeah that happens in life.

You know what I mean? You can't bring your shit to a situation necessarily at a comedy club. And maybe comedy's not for you then. Or like, yeah, I mean, if you didn't like that particular thing, that's fine too. But you just got to know what's going on

at a comedy club that a comedian is there to say the wrong things. That's what makes things funny nobody was a class clown because they like oh did the right thing or said the right thing it's like we're trying and if you didn't like it that's fine but you and then she even said she goes that other thing you said was you know good because of this oh god and i was like you don't get to pick and choose and if, fuck off. And if you do, that's fine. You cannot like something.

But just move on. Yeah. Just move on. There's going to be shit in your life you don't like. I will give her props that she didn't come back as a reactionary. So that's good. That's actually healthy. It was very healthy. I think that's very mature.

And that feeling may change, like how she feels about that. Oh, definitely. Well, she gets older. Yeah. Well, she gets older. She's not going to give up. That's very mature And that might That feeling may change Like how she Oh definitely When she gets older Yeah when she gets older She's not going to deal With that so trivial When she deals with real shit

Yeah But she was What was this This was a couple days ago This was just at the last show So she was very cool And it was very cordial And we went about it the wrong way

And it ended in a happy new year And I was like Hey I didn't mean it like that I apologize I made you feel bad You know I didn't mean it like that. I apologize. I made you feel bad. You know, I just felt like doing it that way. But, you know, if we were having more of an honest exchange about it, I would have said some of those things.

I would have been like, look, even if you didn't like it, even if it was racist or sexist or made you feel uncomfortable, so you feel uncomfortable. So? You feel uncomfortable for a second. You know what I mean? It's actually good preparation for what's coming later. You know what I mean? It's okay to feel uncomfortable or be offended.

There's nothing wrong with that. Life's got a lot more coming your way. So don't blow your load. Don't blow your wad now. You know what I mean? Just build some scar tissue because it's going to become more. That's absolutely right. And also understand the intention.

Just understand a little bit more of the intention. You're not at school. I know you may have been trying. Whatever someone else said to you, I'm not responsible for what somebody else said to you. Just understand we're in a comedy club. I'm trying to make a joke. I'm trying to make people laugh. I'm trying to make people laugh.

I'm making decisions on the fly. Have a little... It's not all about you in this world. It's not all about you. If you start to pick apart every bit, we're all going to be talking about whole wheat bread. Yeah. That's it.

There's not going to be nothing to talk about. Yeah. Seriously, if everyone dissected each fucking bit and routine, there'll be nothing. See, but that's part of the mafia tactic, is that they created jobs for themselves so they could write about this stuff. And how they write about it is they intellectualize and analyze it,

so then they have a job. So that's part of what the generation did, right? Music and comedy is not meant to be intellectualized. It's meant to be felt. Did you feel good? Did you laugh? Did you enjoy yourself? You know, even if it made you feel bad,

whoop, that's a hazard of the job. But the next joke will get you back on. And everyone kind of understood that social contract, right? You don't go into a Bob Dylan song and go like, hmm. You know? The Rolling Stones,

they made them change that fucking lyric. Brown Sugar, they made them change that fucking lyric. Brown Sugar, they made them change a lyric. Oh, God. And you're going like, that's not what you do with music. You don't go to a Wu-Tang song and go, oh, that's misogyny.

You fucking enjoy, the bitches, you can see bitches on the dance floor going, bitches, my pussy, my pussy, hey, shit. And they're having a good time because it's music. It's not real life. Dogs.

And like, everyone has a little bit of dirtbag shit in them. You know? You got to's music. It's not real life. Dogs. And like everyone has a little bit of dirtbag shit in them. You know, you got to embrace that. It doesn't define you. There's a little bit of that shit and everybody, embrace it, have fun with it.

Like, you know, I like some of the saddest music and the most dirtbag music. Some of the shit that D6 Mafia says is concerning. But I fucking love it and there's a time and a place for it. Right?

And if, you know, it's just like, but to over, yeah, there's a time and a place for it right and if you know it's just like but to over yeah that's a great point intellectualize it David Cross had a great joke about it back in the day when they were coming

after video games hard you know that was a time remember the video game thing oh it's video games they were trying to blame it on video games

the shootings and stuff and the violence and David Cross goes I'm sorry what were those video games that Hitler was playing? You're like, yeah, man. I mean, you can't, you know. It's people. People are bad.

And they always will be. People are always on a little bit of DBS. You just want, it's the amount of DBS. It's like putting a little milk in your cup. You don't want to overflow it. You want a person who you like has to have a little DBS in them, right? Do you trust anyone who has no visible dirtbag shit? No, absolutely not.

Because they're hiding a lot of dirtbag shit. Absolutely. They're fucking boring, too. Fucking deal with some You know I want to hear some gritty You know And know that

Some of this shit Is inspired by A very primitive need For something that's a little twisted And we're all in need of that We're all in need of that Yeah It's more human

Because we're all kind of like flawed And make mistakes. And that's where your character comes from. That's what defines you. People pretending to be perfect. Those are the people I trust the least. And the people who are all over the place with their explanations, that's when I know you're lying. We were talking about that in another episode.

I figured that one out. That's a good one. That's a good tip for anyone yeah wait wait when someone is talking to you and they go all over the place right like if they they're lying they're lying they always lie you knew that right yeah yeah like when someone's like all over the place with the explanation i lied recently and it felt good can i oh yeah no go i lied recently it was very naughty and i acted as if I needed a servant's dog. Right?

So I got a four-month-old carne corso. If there was the opposite of what looks like a servant's dog, your dog would be it. Right? Right? So it felt good to be a con. I was a con. Which, by the way, weeks before I was stressing a little bit,

I was going through a drawer, by the way, weeks before I was stressing a little bit, I was going through a drawer, and I come across a cookie, and I'm on the phone with my wife, so I'm not really looking at the package, and I'm like, hey, babe, do you know where the measuring tape is? Because I want to measure the dog's chest to get a service vest harness from Chewy in preparation for my five-hour flight to Vegas with my service dog. And then I ate the Oreo cookie, and I didn't read it closely. It was a stoner cookie. Yeah, it was a fucking edible.

Wow. That Liz had, and it was given to her by my sister. Right. Right? Dirtbag shit. And I remember scolding both of them, like, you shouldn't have cookies like this. We have a 10-year-old daughter in the house. And my wife was like, she scolded me.

She was like, our daughter knows how to read, and she doesn't have any snacks with our permission. I was like, you're right about that. My bad. And I go ahead, and I don't read the directions, and I eat the fucking cookie because I have the eating habits of a badger. You know how you eat? Yeah. 250 milligrams. Yeah.

Holy shit. I had to brace myself i washed my face i walked the door that shit starts hitting me i'm looking at what's coming you do yeah but i had i started organizing the apartment i go outside and and and now i'm outside in broad daylight with the puppy and she starts looking at me. And this is like a dog that I absolutely love, but it's new to me, and I was looking at her, and she was just looking at me, because she looks at me like,

she's an assertive dog in a way. She looked at me. I was like, oh shit, this dog thinks I'm irresponsible. You started getting paranoid. Started getting paranoid. I was like, yo, this dog is trying to alpha me. So in the middle of the shit,

I just fucking humped her to fucking let her know I'm the alpha. You went full Cesar Blas. So we go back in the crib and I'm bugging. Now I'm on the phone with my sister. I'm like, I'm calling my sister, babe. I'm bugging her. I'm like, babe.

I don't know about this flight that I have orchestrated stating that the dog is a service dog. Like, I'm lying. And she's laughing. She's like, yeah, hi. Think about it tomorrow.

Make a decision tomorrow. I think it's a lot. Right. You're overthinking everything. I'm overthinking. I'm combing through it. I'm picturing myself in plastic zip tie handcuffs by a 21-year-old officer. Yeah.

You know, in the airport getting arrested by some kid that fucking likes bubble guppies 10 years ago. And so, yeah, and I'm bugging and then like, I fucking settle in, right?

But I went ahead and I filled out all the paperwork and I get on this flight with a fucking dog who doesn't serve a shit. It's a puppy too. And he always got

his ears clipped and it's a, it's a cane corso. It's a cane cor. And he's got his ears clipped. It's a Cane Corso. It's a Cane Corso. Maybe he looks like security. I got it from a full-blown breeder. Cane actually makes it sound less dangerous. It's a Cane Corso.

And I do the vocal fry voice. It's a Cane Corso. So when people say, oh, it's a Cane Corso, right? And it depends. The black of the person, the more it's like, it's a Cane Corso so when people say it's oh it's a cane carso right and it depends like the black of the person the more like it's a cane carso puerto rican cane carso and then the white people that's a cane carso it's like you're like a swiss like an evolution all my black friends cane carso puerto rican's cane carso the white people don't know what they're talking about

cane carso and i go under that, I go, Cane Corso. I correct him. Yeah. While my dog is fucking doing flips and fucking chewing on sneaker soles. Yeah. If you don't know Cane Corso, it's maybe- It's an Italian Mastiff. Yeah. It's maybe the most dangerous dog.

Don't believe everything you see on the internet. Yeah. It's a strong dog. So, yeah, I'm definitely overcompensating. Why would I have a snake in my apartment that grows up to 20 feet and a Cane Corso? Well, you don't gotta worry about shit

happening in your house with a Cane Corso. Yeah, yeah. You don't gotta worry about nothing. I just want to meet the dog soon. Yeah.

So it remembers me from when it was a puppy. Yeah. So, you know, I know the dog is smart. I figure, hey, this is gonna be fine. It's gonna be a lot of work.

It's like traveling with a toddler. So I got the carry-on crate. Immediately, we walk into the, I'm checking my bags. As soon as we get on the car, basically, it takes a pee. Well, it is back. You know, when they point back, you don't give a shit.

Body language, Pop. Yeah. So I'm like, I'm sorry. Body language, Pop. Yeah, I'm giving that, you know, that goofy-ass smile to, like, strange people. I'm sorry. She's just a puppy Yeah, I'm giving that goofy-ass smile to like, strange, I'm sorry. She's just a puppy. She's a service dog in training.

What? And my, yeah, like that's what I was, I was coached too. A trainer told me, if anyone should ask you, first of all, they're not allowed to ask you what your dog's services, what your dog, what your dog's skills and, you know. They're not allowed to ask.

What kind of service dog is it? Excuse me. And she said, but if they should ask, say it's a therapy mobility pressure dog. Exactly. What the fuck is a therapy mobility pressure dog? So you couldn't tell the truth and be like, hey, it's for. And I have to say that shit in my head.

I kept on fucking it up. I was like, pressure mobility therapy. Pressure mobility. And I have to say that shit in my head. I kept on fucking it up. I was like, pressure mobility therapy. And that's for anyone with anxiety. The dog sits on your torso and presses forward, so it relieves you of anxiety. All right? I have no anxiety. It's for autistic kids.

I know. Yeah. Yeah. It works for autistic kids. And I started acting different. With the dog, people would say, oh, my God, that's a cute dog. I made sound. And that was so unnecessary.

But I was trying to play the role. I was like, eh. I kept on doing this in my mouth. I was like playing a role. It was so dirtbag. It was like when you limp, when you park in a handicapped spot. Yes. I kept on doing this stupid shit with my jaw.

I was going to do it. You had a conscience because you knew you were lying. Yes. I was lying. You couldn't say, look, I'm getting it ready for a drug dealer so I can defend the dope house. Yeah, I stuck out my head a little forward past my torso like this. I was doing different physical maneuvers. Right, right.

She did well. Take her to the pet relief area. She does a pee and shit there. I'm like, good girl. And, you know, she's chewing on bones. I'm rotating stuff. We get on the actual flight. It's an hour delay on the tarmac.

So now all I hear is this. I just sit down. I'm hot. I got a vest, a coat, all her toys. And I feel like I'm a con artist. Sweat beads coming down. I upgrade it. Thank God the middle seat was available.

There's like a Russian lady by me. And she's like, what kind of doggie? I was like, that's a con. That's a con that cost. Yeah. And she's like, what happened to the ears? I was like, oh, that's not nice. Oh, boy. She was very nice, though.

But she didn't like the ears. Right. And yo, my dog was acting up. Never in the two months of ownership did I hear her go, errrr. Y'all started barking at me. Ruff, ruff, ruff. And her ears, she looked like a fucking bat under a seat

because she's all black. And she revealed every fucking tooth that she owns. She's like, errrr. And she wasn't listening. Like, anything I was doing, errr, errr. She's like, hey. And she's like, ah, ah, ah. And she wasn't listening. Right. Like, anything I was doing, ah, ah. You're like, shut your autistic ass up. Yeah.

And, like, now we're going to Vegas. There's people drunk in the front. Whoa, Doria. Like, it's getting raunchy. Ah, ah. She starts chewing on metal. Oh. Yeah, what the fuck?

She starts chewing on the person, the feet in front. And it's like, whoa, whoa. It's like a kid. There's kids in front of me. Right. And like, oh, my God, it's a dog front. I was like, whoa, whoa. It's like a kid. There's kids in front of me. Right. And like, oh, my God, it's a dog. And I'm like, oh, God. And I'm feeding her Nylabones and rotating things.

That was a long six hours. No, no, no. It's just what I did. You slow the asses down. You know, I came correct. I came prepared. Got some Benadryl zippers. I used to do that shit with my daughter.

Flight with my daughter, here's some Benadryl. You drug your dog. Slow the ass down real quick. You should have saw, she was all fucked up in the aisle like that. Who got a cigarette? Dog went to sleep? Yeah. She went to sleep, man.

And then she woke up. But this is the crazy part. Dog in training, you got to, yeah, this is how you train it. Benadryl yeah yeah slow the ass down real quick man it's like throwing a little fucking needle in the did you bring the benadryl in preparation for if that was yeah absolutely man and so um then i you know in closing the dog goes so i said yeah she gotta use the bathroom and like i said this is a good experience overall considering how young she is her first

time doing this and I took her to the back and later with a you know a flight attendant with a mask I asked her can my dog uh use the bathroom back here she wants you know and she's like absolutely not she needs to use the restroom I'm like oh it's not okay if she defecates where you guys eat that's not fine that's unreasonable Yeah that's unreasonable I was like Who's your Who's the manager So I open up that Now everything seems much smaller

When you're in a situation like this Like a stupid Closet door And like you know And I put the wee wee past She takes a long ass piss I'm like good girl I'm clean

It's heavy with pee And I'm like that But it's not holding Cause I got the Petco brand It's good It's holding and she goes between my legs wraps my foot with the leash

you know because they're fucking dogs and dumb you know she just hops out the fucking bathroom and she starts taking a shit what a woman's eating

like a cup of noodles and she's like she's pooping she's pooping I'm like oh my god so I pick her up, 35 pounds of muscle, back in the fucking half-wet wee-wee pad that's half-folded already,

and she takes a Benadryl shit. Benadryl mixed with stress. You ever take a shit like that when you're on medication? And you're stressed? Yo, dogs, Everyone was like, what's going on back there? Like, I heard like faint voices.

Like, oh my God. Like, it smelled. Dogs. Luckily, hot ass flight attendant was like, oh my God, your dog is so cute. Can I help you? I was like, absolutely.

She takes my dog. Yeah. She takes my dog. So you could clean up. Oh my God. And I'm like sweating, bro. And the lady's like, I could feel feel a lady looking at me, piercing. I didn't want to give her any eye contact.

And I clean up the fucking shit. I get a Delta plastic bag, wrap it up. Now the bag is full of shit. Why didn't you put it in the toilet? No, you can't put a wee wee pad. The wee wee pad is like three by five. Right. It was a big dog.

It's like three by two. Right. It would blow up thex5. It's a big door. 3x2. Blow up the whole plane. Exactly. So I was like, do you mind if I throw this back? She was like, no, you gotta put it in the garbage in the bathroom. That fucking box is like 4 inches. It's like a bar of soap. Is you asking me to put like

4 pounds of shit wearing a 4 inch by two inch hole. And I'm like fucking stuffing it. My pinky went through the plastic bag. I got shit on the mirror. It looked like

an emergency. It looked like blood. So now I'm using a toilet paper that's breaking with warm water that's barely coming out of the bucket and then i leave i get the dog and i got away with it i got away it's a victory but i feel like i smell like shit right i'm like looking i'm like now i'm just doing with a fucking dog and i'm smelling like my pick i'm gonna so i thought i think it was just stuck in my nose if somebody asked you

a question they were like are you sure that's a service dog training? Yeah, I'm training it to shit in an airplane bathroom. Yeah, and someone was like, someone asked, oh my God, if you don't mind my asking, I have a service dog. What does your service dog? I was like, pressure. I was like, it's a massage therapist. So they just don't even check when you register it.

You just say, I got anxiety, and they just go, yeah. Fine, here, take it. Yeah, dogs. It was easy peasy. I'm kind of blowing up my spot, riding myself out. But you know why? Because I got away with it. It's like I'm one and done.

But everyone does it. You know how many people do that? Yeah. Yeah, everyone just go. All you do is read. It's a perfect example how people how people always work the system if you're lenient and stuff like that they just work it everyone because you can't disprove anxiety you go i have anxiety it's my therapy talking

they go all right well they make they make it a little hard a lot harder because they have emotionally support door emotional support door and people were bringing ostriches on the plane like some guy brought a baby, like a dwarf horse. Like, Liz told me when she was a fly, a peacock that's like a fan. Fucking peacock feathers falling on people's heads. And, yeah, so they really, they're tight on it. So they make you fill out two forms.

And they could, you know, I got the therapy letter. Not from my therapist. She's legit. But I got everything in order. Yeah, yeah. You know, and I even played the role. That's stressful when you got six hours ahead of you and the dog starts acting up.

Yeah, there's something about my personality that wants, like, more of my life. Like, I don't know why. I had someone who could take care of my dog. Why would I do that? I think I just want to continue training with the dog. You got an addictive personality, Pop. Yeah, yeah.

That's it. I'm like a guppy away from being an animal whore. Yeah, I mean, so what are we up to now? What are we up to now? We got the Cane Corso. How many snakes? I got eight snakes, Cane Corso, three cats. Three cats, a Cane Corso, eight snakes.

So you got eight snakes now. Yeah, and if you can't... You can charge admission to your house. It's officially an aquarium. It's officially a zoo. A reptarium. A reptarium, yeah. You could open a private reptarium in your crib.

Yeah. You got to feed all the mice and everything. Yeah. Yeah. It's good, though. Are they going to move with you upstate? No, all the reptiles are in the New York City tenement. Oh, but they're going to go with you upstate? Yeah, yeah. I got all making a move with you upstate? No, all the reptiles are in the New York City tenement. Oh, but they're going to go with you upstate?

Yeah, yeah. I got a snake room. He's got his own snake room. Yeah. Can't wait till it's fucking done. You have to make a note to bleep out. Oh, yeah. He just gave his fucking block away.

Man, you come see me. I'm not concerned with any of that shit. Ain't nobody walking up to that house. You motherfuckers. Right before that. You're going you come see me. I'm not concerned with that shit. Motherfuckers right before you got to bleep the whole thing. Are you crazy

people in the world, dog? Yeah. Can you just remember to bleep it? Yeah. Sergio's invited. Come on.

Yeah, come on. I got eight snakes in the cake, and I know how to bunk. I still got that contract that owes me money energy.

All day. Sometimes you carry that on over that. Yeah, yeah. So, yo, check out P.O.P. Pickin' Up Punches, new podcast, drops January 10th. Appreciate you. And DBS, right? That's still weekly?

Yeah, we got some good ones from back in the day. In the archives. Yeah, real good ones. I got a great one with you. And the P.O.P. is great, man, if you're a boxing fan. That's incredible. You got Boom Boom Mancini and Mickey Ward. The thing is, I want people to know that it's not just specifically for boxing fans.

It's like the shit that we're talking, but that's the pin, boxing. So we go off on some dirtbag shit. Yeah, but if you do like boxing, I mean, Mickey Ward, that's probably, I'm going to go watch that. I'm interested. Boom Boom Mancini, I'm going to watch that. I remember those guys. That's that thing. I remember to go watch that. Yeah. I'm interested. Boom Boom Mancini, I'm going to watch that. I remember those guys. That's that thing. I remember those fighters when I was young.

I'm interested. Yeah, those are the ones you're fans of. Yes, I'm fans of both those guys. Yeah. So that's incredible. Always the best. Always a good hang with the great Sergio Chicone. Catch him on the road, too.

I assume you're doing a lot of shows with Chrissy D. We got a few coming up and a lot of local shit. And yo, me and you are going to be out in West Nyack. West Nyack. Marisa, that rigorous bitch is going to be in the mix. We're doing, yeah, Sergio will be with me at Levity Live January 20th to the 22nd. I have a whack dick print.

It's whack. It's like I shouldn't be wearing Lulu if I don't have the correct dick print for it. So you may forget about it. Leave the address. Block this shit. Give me one of those blurry, pixely things

because my dick print is whack. Mine's too. I got a whack dick print. Those guys, you know what I'm saying? They're confident. They can wear anything they want. I think I'd have a totally different personality if I had a big dick. My dick print looks like a camel toe.

Yeah. It's dirt bag. But you can't have it all, B. Yeah, no. You can't have it all. And it's good certain people don't have big dicks because they'd be tyrants. I think I'd be a tyrant. You're talking some wild shit.

You're talking a big dick? Yeah, I think that would put me over the edge. If I had a big dick Yeah I think I think that would put me Over the edge If I had a big dick I would be intolerable Yo it's like So when you got a big dick You just walk around Naked in the crib

Flaccid right You're just always confident You move around That's why they say Big dick energy You just have a different I remember this basketball player On the AU team

Dog he would just walk around Naked with a towel And just Yeah AU team, dog. He would just walk around naked with a towel. His dick would just swing like that. Even if you're involved in an affair, and say you just finished having sex with the woman who has a boyfriend, and the boyfriend's on his way up. A motherfucker with a big-ass dick has his hands, one hand on the hip, the other on the remor.

He's like, you better go handle that. yeah he said something like that he's not concerned no i remember one of the funniest things one of my ex-girlfriends did we were arguing and she came into the bathroom i was in the shower i pulled the curtain back we were fighting and she went like this and she went she went I wouldn't talk like that if I was you yo and it was the funniest fucking thing

she either said that or like I wouldn't yeah maybe I wouldn't raise my voice so much if I was you and it was it was

I started cracking up laughing it was so funny dude it was so funny it was our old bathroom at this you know at 6th street

where you can find Sergio. All right, y'all. Check you next time. Want to give a shout-out to our boys over at brooklyncannery.com. Small business shout-out. Healthy sodas, guys. No added sugar. Natural sweeteners.

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Nate underscore Linder, our good friend on Instagram. Chris Minetti, did you come to the show? I'm sorry I didn't go out afterwards. I wasn't, you know, because of the pandemic or whatever. Whatever, you know, I'm being told is going on. I didn't go out to meet anybody. I didn't go take no pictures or nothing. So, but supposedly Chris Minetti may have came to one of the Philly shows.

I hope you did. Chris Minetti, get your check cashed with Chris Minetti. How it works is you call him and you meet him. You meet him somewhere. 215-750-3730 for South Jersey. The Wawa people. If you got checks and you need them cashed, hit up Chris Minetti at that number in Philly and South Jersey. No website, no nothing.

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