Yannis Pappas Hour - The Greek Godfather - Paul Virzi

Episode Date: February 28, 2025

Comedian Paul Virzi stops by to talk about being the godfather to Yanni’s daughter, how he crushes speeches and more! Being a Godfather (Νονός / Nonós) in the Greek Orthodox Church is a big deal and carries significant religious, social, and lifelong responsibilities. It’s not just an honorary title—it’s a sacred role. The godfather plays a central role in the baptism, answering on behalf of the child, reciting the Nicene Creed, and physically lifting the child out of the water (symbolizing their rebirth in Christ). He’s got to protect her from the devil! Being asked to be a godfather is a huge sign of trust and honor in Greek families.   Paul has a new special out here: https://youtu.be/Xz9wjGimAoo?feature=shared   Support our sponsors: http://viiahemp.com     code: Yannis

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Yannis Papas Yannis Papas Yannis Papas Yannis Papas Yannis Papas the Yanis Papas Hour. We haven't had a guest in a long time and I always love having a guest, especially when it's the godfather of my daughter. Oh, I mean, you know what? That's the first time I'm getting introduced like that.

Yeah, who gave a hell of a speech. I mean, Here's the situation. Now here's the situation. He gave two speeches. You want to know what's funny? Did you leave at the wedding before He gave two speeches. You want to know what's funny? Did you leave at the wedding before he gave a speech? I think you did know I was there for the yeah Here's the thing. So, um, my brother was the best man, right? Cuz he got me gonna say my name first enough Did I not I said Paul Verzey? Oh, no, I said Godfather, but they know Everybody comedian Paul Verzey If you don't know.

I think they're probably just some fucking big Greek guys gonna be sitting here. Some big Greek calls my pleasure, Yanni. Well, you know, we go back to Greek. We go back, yeah, we go back. Our families, yeah, so. Probably wouldn't be sitting, just real quick before you're gonna do your thing.

Probably wouldn't be sitting here if I wasn't Greek. We would be friends, but not like that. Not true. Not true. Like he lit up. When I told him at a Christmas party, for sure. For sure. I saw it. For sure. But Jesse's sitting here. I've known, and Jesse's almost sitting here against his will. Like I had to convince him to come back. Yeah. Every day. It's funny. Every time I've asked Jesse if you want to do a job,

even when I was two point lead, I got him directing jobs, I had to like twist his arm to put money in his pocket. Yeah. I had to twist his arm to put money in his pocket. He likes to relax. Yeah. I got him, I remember-

I'm busy. Yeah, he's got to twist his fucking arm. Hey, you want money? He's like, I don't know. What am I gonna do with that? Yeah, what am I gonna do with that? He just doesn't care. How far is it?

There was one time we went to Boston. We were going to Boston to shoot for a two point lead. I got him a few things on two point lead too. You shot the Gronkowski. Yes I did. I fucking manipulated everyone in that office to hire a director. I did one with Verzi.

And Verzi? No, he did the dudes with the NBA playoffs. Yeah, dude. That was a good one. That was fun. They were like, what? What do you mean? We're gonna shoot. I'm Yeah, dude. That was a good one. That was fun. They were like, what? What do you mean? We're gonna shoot.

I'm like, no, you gotta use my guy. Like I totally fucking, you know, and I did all, and then I call him up thinking like, he's gonna be like, yeah, I'll take the fucking money. It was in grands at that time. Yeah, it was good money. Yeah, it was good money. And he just goes, he goes, what day?

What day, what time? I'm like dude. Do you if you only knew what I went through nobody asked me Do you know a director who wants to direct this how about a guy who hasn't directed anything except your why Sean video? Hire that guy big hit Going I just fucking convinced them and we got him in and then for this I don't know what time I gotta fucking twist his arm, but I just brought that them and we got him in and then for this I don't know what time I got I gotta fucking twist his arm, but I just brought that up cuz it's funny. Oh, we go Boston I'm like it was I think was a nice chunk of money when I asked you to go to Boston There was something up with that job though something smelled but there was nothing up with the job

We were doing we were shooting all these athletes in Boston Yeah, three days all paid we ran up the corporate card and he was gonna get paid. And he goes, I gotta go to a wedding. Gotta go to his friend's wedding. Oh, did I, really? Yeah, I think it was. Cause I hate weddings. Yeah.

Oh, I know why. And that marriage didn't even work out. No, it lasted like two weeks. It lasted two weeks. You're like, I gotta go to the wedding. I know why I had to go to that wedding. That was like one of my biggest clients. I had that time.

Yeah, sometimes you gotta. Yeah, sometimes you gotta. So that was a problem. But he's not Greek and I've known him for... No, no, no, I'm not gonna say, I'm just saying me and you had a nice conversation. Holy shit. That's scary to think about.

You're going like, whoa. Yeah, 25, yeah, like 25, 30 years. Listen, I knew that oh more than that it's actually more than that yeah oh god I'm old don't do that again all the pains happen yeah but no what I was gonna say was we got along we were at a holiday party I believe it was oh nine and I remember talking to you going if things fall right, me and this kid are gonna be friends for a long time.

But then I'm like, it's comedy, it's New York, it's a different clique. You were rolling with other dudes at the time. I kind of had a very small, very small circle. You had kids, it was like your circle was like your wife. Yeah, my circle was like my wife. Burr was in LA when he took me under his wing Bartnik was in LA. He was a friend and there were just some people that I opened for that were nice

But I was like a loner. Yeah, you were kind of alone I was a loner so when I came to New York and I saw everybody you were doing a bar show Samorail was doing a bar show. Did you ever come do that show? I did your show one night one night Now that I know fucking god, that's a drive for you. Actually, wait a minute. I showed up to it once. I don't know if I got on stage. I can't remember.

I would have put you on stage if you came down. I definitely came down. I can't remember. If it was, it was once. But I went there one night for sure. I don't remember if I got on. But you had a bar show. I remember Sam Morell had a bar show.

He put me on his show. But I was like this new dude, and people were like, oh man, I heard good things about you through people you open for like Bill and stuff like that. I look back, you wanna talk about crazy. I haven't opened for people like associate me sometimes with Bill because he put me on and he's such a big,

I haven't opened for Bill this January will be nine years. Really? Wow. I haven't opened for Bill in nine years. Like we'll go to like, like if we do like a football game, well, I'll jump on his show. But I haven't opened for him in so long. Like we'll go to like, like if we do like a football game, well, I'll jump on a show, but I haven't opened for him in so long. But I was a loner dude. Yo bill, I'm available dog.

I'll tell you I'm available. I had a, I'm available. I had what's it called? I had kids that were young. I had a wife, I would go right home. And I didn't like, I felt, I didn't feel a part of it. I didn't feel a part of the comedy community. And I never was that guy.

Joey Diaz was like, he was talking about that. He was like, he liked that. I was like, my family was my clique, right? But I met Giannis and we're talking at this party and he was like one of the. Hopefully we did not say this on a previous episode. No, no, no, I'm just gonna say. Are you sure?

Yeah, this sounds new. No, no, but either way, it's gonna be one second. But I'm just saying, when we talked at that thing, and I said to you, we're having a good conversation because it was about the Yankees and the Knicks and the Giants, and we liked all the same teams, and I go, oh, this guy and I are gonna gel. And then I said, my mother's 100% Greek,

and your eyes, something happened. It is kind of true. Something happened with him, where he was like, wait, what? You know, because I look at time, I'll ask the name's Verzi, I was like, wait, what? You know, cause I look at time, my last name's Verzi, I was like, oh, my mother, and then it changed. So what I'm saying is, and you could go to your wedding story, but I don't know if I,

oh, actually I couldn't be the Godfather if I wasn't Greek. No, well that's the truth, you couldn't be. Yeah, yeah. So the thing is, in the Greek, when you get married Greek, the Kubaro has to be a member of the Greek Orthodox, he has to be Greek, and he's gotta be a member of the Greek Orthodox Church. He has to have been baptized as a Greek.

So that cuts down, even if we weren't close friends, I'd have to be like, my brother, you, I mean, I'd have to, it would be slim pickings anyway. It would be slim pickings anyway. It would be slim pickings. I don't have a big Greek family here. I don't, I would have to either be my cousin, Vasily, and that's it.

You remember when I told the priest? For my brother. Remember when I told the priest? With the laugh we had? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I go up to him my cousin Vasili and that's it. You remember when I told the my brother No, I told the priest with the laugh we had. Yeah. Yeah, I go up to it because my wife is you know My wife's like Scandinavians. He's going is it okay? She's okay. She's and he goes what he goes. What do you mean? I go you touch the baby. I go we're in it. You know, we're in a big guy's house You know, like what do you go? We're in a house. Is it okay if she's you know, she can't touch the baby God forbid with her devil hands. Yeah, he was he was having fun with the fact He was having fun with the fact, he was having fun with the fact that he knew

that he was really the star of the show. Yeah. Because the Godfather really is, she's the godmother, like they're both equally important in life, but in the church ceremony, you know. And by the way, she'll be- And she's not Greek, so it's like another thing. So the godmother cannot be Greek?

No, she can be. She can be, she cannot be Greek, but she can't. So sometimes you have like, let's say if we did a godmother instead of a godfather, you can do that, right? The godfather has to be Greek. The godfather or whoever baptized, whoever puts his hands on my child and rubs olive oil,

first of all, first of all, first of all, you know the stereotype with olive oil in Greeks, I mean, when you baptize a kid, you rub olive oil all over the kid, which is hilarious. It's like taking fucking Sunday gravy and just dunking an Italian kid in it. And I love your mother.

I love your mother. You might as well squeeze a lemon over the kid's head. I love. Yeah. I mean, dude, his job, so what he does is he dunks the kid. They do the prayer, he's gotta recite, he's got his job to keep the devil away and all this shit. I'm spittin' in there.

Yeah, I mean, he takes this, and he took it seriously because it's an order from the big man upstairs. I didn't flub. You didn't flub, and it's like in the church, and in the Greek culture, I would think, I don't know how other cultures are, but the koubaro in the Greek culture is like, now it's like family, it's like part,

the person's part of the life of the kid. Like my other daughter's godfather is my brother-in-law. Yeah. Right, so it's like, in Greeks it's big, koubaro's like big. It's like, that's my, my baby's koubaro. Like it's just, then you're part of the family and stuff. And you have to be Greek and, you know, usually it's a family member Usually it's like a cousin or a brother or whatever. So it's a big deal

Yeah, and so he was having fun with that knowing that you know He was the Greek one and he was the so what I'm saying is the godmother could be the godmother the Kubara if she is Greek And then she baptizes the kid and then the godmother, the kubara, if she is Greek, and then she baptizes the kid, and then the godfather, but the person has to be Greek. The person who's baptizing has to be Greek. It's gotta be Greek hands. And listen, I will be honest, Stacy's, as far as like, Stacy will be like,

you know, we gotta get the gift, we got, she's the responsible, but that day, that was my time. Yeah. But here's the thing about Yannis, and I love Yannis, but Yannis, when Yannis asks you to do something big, he doesn't, he leaves out some details. Yeah, and but here but here's the thing about Yonis and I love Yonis But Yonis when Yonis asks you to do something big he doesn't he leaves out some detail I don't really so he goes he'll go like hey But if you don't buy a be an honor and like when you say words like I'm like, yeah I've been said to me. She was like, did you explain to Paul? Like he's got to do stuff

No, I was like, no, I just I don't know what he's got mother-in-law by the way the mother-in-law and I love Gloria But she's going Paul. She said for weeks leading up She goes you got to lather her up with the olive oil. You can't leave, she goes, you can't leave a spot. She goes, you gotta go underneath the feet. Well, because she's religious, so it's like you protect, the olive oil is to protect. She scared me every time, she goes, and you gotta go fast.

You gotta get the head underneath the feet, everything. So like, I was so prepared, because I took it seriously, this little girl. And she didn't want a spot for the devil to be able to get her. You can't get, yeah. So you can't leave, you can't leave. And then I got that on my mind, I go, I can't leave a a spot for the devil to be able to get her you can't get So you can't leave you can and then I got that on my mind I go I can't leave I can't leave a dry spot for the devil to touch

So I lathered her up like I was like I was grilling zucchini in olive oil in aluminum foil I just went I went hard. I really like It looked like she was we were cooking it looked like you were cooking her yeah And I went real fast I was looking at Gloria of seems if I was doing good But what Yanis doesn't tell you what he didn't tell me was that I look like you were auditioning for flash dance Remember that movie where she's gonna audition. He was serious I thought like at one point it got the nerve to combine like he was running a 440 dude The nerves were like America's Got Talent and I would have to go follow a dog that jumped through fire hoops

and they just got the fucking golden buzzer and I'm just waiting there and the guy goes, so did you recite that, do you know the paragraph you gotta read? And I didn't know. And that's at, Jess, that's at the church. That's like, that's five minutes before show. Oh, they sprung it on you.

No, no, no. I didn't know. No, no, no. My mother-in-law should have told you. It was five minutes before show. Yeah, yeah. It was five minutes before the lights came on. Yeah, so he actually started a relationship. I actually, I said to Stacey, I said, don't talk to me for five minutes,

and I got it on my phone, and I just said Greek prayer, and I actually went through it, and there were four big words, like big religious words in there that I wouldn't have been able to, so I walked up to everybody, I said, how do you say this, do you say it like this, do you say it like this?

And then when it came showtime, and I had to turn my back, I nailed it, holding the it was it was but you didn't tell me no I didn't know I didn't know about that to be honest with you and the funny part was it part of it You got you have to spit on the floor three times So whenever a Greek goes to to to so Greeks will go to like if I'll go like I'll say to my mother-in-law I like look at these two beautiful babies. She'll go to to to She'll just do that because it's like keeps it keeps the devil away. Yeah. So if I was actually right now, you know how funny Greeks are? If I right now, right? If I right now, right? As a Greek, if I just spit over his shoulder, I'm telling you the truth. If I just went right by his head,

spit right over his shoulder, he'd be like, what the fuck did you just and I'd be like, that was actually the greatest thing I could have done. Yeah. Because what I'm doing is keeping the devil away from me. So the whole thing was you spit over someone's shoulder. So in the old days, they would actually spit. He told me not to, but I didn't know. So he didn't know.

So he says, look, I'm going to say, do you renounce the devil? And you have to renounce the devil three times. And then after you renounce the devil three times you have to spit three times so Paul goes you spit on the floor and he goes no not for real he was taking it so seriously he was like you I'll spit thank God he asked that question because he might he just went pooh pooh and spit the church like should I build it up? yeah no you have to say I renounce the devil three times I renounce the devil I renounce the devil I renounce the devil and you gotta go pooh pooh pooh like that

yeah yeah and um dude But all these things and then like the relief, the relief of when it's done. And another thing too, like, you know, you honestly asked me to say the speech at his wedding and like I if somebody is like some people don't care. I don't want to mention names in my family, but let's just say I saw a best man speech. It was when I tell you, did we speak about this? I hope we didn't speak about it before. The best man speech. Hope we did I tell you we speak about this stuff I hope we didn't speak about it before the best man speech. Hope we know right not a not with the one of my family He was on here before we didn't speak of you don't remember this now ringing the bell Yeah, oh, yeah that story, but I'm just saying so this dude this dude

And I don't want to mention names, but I mean when I tell you the best man speech was so bad He squatted down like a rapper. He didn't know how to stand. So he squatted and he goes, you know, he got me my first job. I mean, it was, it was, it was fucking, dude, it was, it should have been done at a construction site. It was fucking the craziest thing. He goes, yeah, you know, he's been a good guy.

He's got my first union job. I mean, it was fucking, it had no flow, had no, like, listen, you do a speech like, and look, the dude was probably not meant for it. Some people aren't meant for, you know, public speaking. Look, we're comedians and stuff. But like I took it like when somebody's like, Hey man, like my older brother too, you say like, Hey, you're going to be the best man at the one day.

Hopefully the only day you get married, you got to come correct. Yeah. But like it ruined the cocktail hour. Well, here's the thing. Because I'm thinking, you know what I mean? Like that was a tough room. And for him and yes, for him, he wasn't supposed to be in. Yeah. But like it ruined the cocktail hour. Well, here's the thing. I'm thinking, you know what I mean? Like that was a tough room. And for him and for him, he wasn't supposed to be in the dock and I just put him on and close it. I put him closing. He was, he was not the, he wasn't the best man of the, of the wedding. And you know,

Chris, I'm going to tell you, he wasn't, my brother was the best man. So I, but I just put him on the, I just put him on. Well, Chrissy, Chrissy, why don't you give a speech to close? Chrissy D kind of threw me for a loop because he goes, look, he goes, his brother's going to, you know, older brother's going to talk. He's like, he's probably going to kill and he's doing it. And I'm just going like, you know, I'm not even. Why is he doing? He's almost setting you up for failure.

Yeah. And I'm going like, and I'm like, all right, you know, and he's like, he's, you know, he'll get laughs and stuff like that. And I'm just going like, all right, I'm not the best man. Should I be doing this? And then they come up to me and they go, Yannis would like you to go last. And by the way, and by the way, I'm just going like, all right, I'm not the best man, should I be doing this? And then they come up to me and they go, Giannis would like you to go last. And by the way, and by the way, I had no problem, Stacy's like, you can't, cause he gave me an out,

because you did it, cause he did it nice, where he's like, listen dude, if you don't want to, you don't want the pressure. And for one second I was just like, Stacy, should I, and she's like, you have to, and I'm like, no, I know, of course I'm gonna do it. But then all of a sudden I'm going, oh, he also has 20 of the funniest people.

This wedding had, this wedding was. Let's not say 20 of the funniest, but. Oh, you had the biggest. Right now you probably had the biggest. How crazy is that? That the biggest comedian in the country was there. And he gave me 300 bucks. That's a lot.

What are we talking about? No, but dude, there was, I could say right now. I mean, seriously, Nate, I want another fucking check. right now seriously Nate I want another fucking check. That's another fucking check. That's funny. I want three zeros at least. I mean $300 Yeah, I mean back then he wasn't but now there were some like I don't want to mention everybody put anybody out there There was some monster comics in there. Yeah him being one of them They were there him being one of them But there were some monster comics in there and then I was just like no just stick with your plan And then I ended up like Schultz stood up, everybody like it was fucking,

and it was just like, but then the relief, you're crying and then, you know, then I plugged my dates. But like I've, if you don't come, listen, if somebody asks you that you care about to be the best man, you could tell if somebody phones it in and half-ass it or if they mean it. And I think you got to mean it. Well, that's what's so funny is you take it and then you just take it seriously. You nail it. Like you take it seriously.

I take things like that. So then you had to give a speech. I mean, dude, I've put, I mean, I put you in the ringer, dude. I put you in positions where you had to be. Not once did I have to be one of your family functions. Like, you gotta say it if you were. Dude, I got P.S. like, I get fucking trauma from when you get, I get phone calls from you. You start thinking of what holidays come out. I'm like, dude, I'm retired. Yeah. like, I get fucking trauma from when I get phone calls from you. You start thinking of what holidays come up. I'm like, dude, I'm retired. PTSD?

I'm like looking at the phone, I'm like, Christmas, you got a Christmas party coming up? I can't do this anymore. You know what I probably asked him to be the godfather? He's like, oh fuck, I gotta give another speech. You just gotta give a little, and like you kind of throw, you always throw it low. Like, no, you may have to, to just at the end like a quick toast Everybody No, they came up to me they were like out of respect and we just want to meet you out of respect

And you go might be a toes I've never done it was a full-fledged speech. I have to give a full speech It was a full-fledged speech I had to give. You have to give a full-fledged speech. But, uh... Another great one. Oh, and then he nailed it again! He nailed it again! Because here's the deal about me.

Short, sweet, and full of meat. It was short, sweet, full of fucking meat, no fat, boom. If you see me, here's the thing, and this has been with my career, anybody will tell this, if you see me nervous before a performance, knock on wood, pretty much the kid's gonna do... If I care, then I'm focused. Because you have to have the whole... So did that ruin like the first half of the cocktail party after the... I would say the christening, not really. The christening, once the church was done at the

christening, I was pretty good. Because there was so much responsibility with that. It was... I'm fighting the devil. I'm going against the devil. I mean, that's a big... I'm going against the devil. You know, you're like that's I mean, that's a big I'm in God's house But you know protected from the devil. Yeah, so I got I got juices that kid the devil can't penetrate I got your mother-in-law staring scope and make no mistake. She's scoping Yeah, you know, so I got to fight the devil with that one But let's be honest the mother-in-law was probably thinking in the back of the head like what the fuck Why what I mean? Well in the back of her mind, you know how she's probably going like,

how come it wasn't like one of Britney's cousins? It's like, what, cause you got the last one. Right, right, right. Now it's my turn. Britney said, you know, Britney was Britney's first choice, it was Bogg's ball, yeah. Okay, yeah, no.

And also she probably wants us fucking in Long Island, so now she's like, oh, there's another reason why they're gonna stay. Yeah, cocktail hour at the wedding was definitely ruined. People were coming up to me, Emilio's like, oh, there's another reason why they're gonna stay. Yeah, cocktail hour at the wedding was definitely ruined. People were coming up to me, Amelia's like, dude, you'll be fine, Stacy, people were going to miss you. Amelia, was that my wedding? Yeah.

Amelia, was that my wedding? Yeah, Amelia was at your wedding. Geez, our wedding was so big, I was inviting people who I have very acquaintance type relationships with. People, people. I had to find people to invite. Yeah, your wedding was like a networking event. Yeah, it was like, cause my wife made it so big

and then I was like, she was like, here, here's your tables. And I'm like, I don't, I don't have that many friends, dude. I mean, I have a lot of acquaintances. So the next thing you know, I'm just fucking rattling off. But people were going up to Stacey going, what's wrong, Paul, is he all right? Yeah. And she was like, yeah, cause she goes,

she goes, he'll be all right after the, he just got out once he says the speech. And then it was, then it was an absolute, it was an absolute blast. But I gotta say this, man, your wedding, I honestly, I don't know if we talked about this, if we did, I think we probably did this while I'm nervous, I'm just hoping we're not repeating it.

Well, if we're, It's so funny. Yeah. Dude, either way, that fucking dessert room was something I wish my father saw. You didn't stay for that. No, I had to go. I've never seen, it was like a castle.

It was like a Disney, animated Disney, where it's exaggerated. It was not like an animated Disney, like going into a room that had. It was a massive room. Massive room. A massive room, and all the way around, like this, was desserts.

So like all. But giant tables of desserts. Yeah, giant tables of desserts all the way around. Yeah. Like picture a room 10 times the size. Yeah. And then around the perimeter of the room is just desserts. I got a question. Not you. You, you, you could invite like a whole town. No, no, I never said it to my, my father would have still been, it's something I'll never, it's something I'll never forget. But I got a question for you for both of you tell me the honest

truth okay your friends with somebody for years okay years you love them they were in your life young maybe high school whatever they come to you you lose a little touch they come to your wedding they eat they drink they dance they get dessert and they don't give a gift. My college friends. Okay, listen, listen. Is that who you're talking about? Does it end? Their feet from college are very close with,

they fucking didn't give a gift. Does it end the friendship? No, not for me. No? No, because they came, I know for him it's a wrap, but because it is, I know it's supposed to, but they came, they had to travel to come. I wouldn't wish ill will.

I just don't know people's financial. I don't know people's financial situations. Is it a destination wedding? No. Cause then you gotta pay for travel. No destination. That adds up. The people I'm thinking about had to travel.

They had to travel, so you gotta get on a flight. You had to get on flights. They had to get a hotel room. Oh, so you had people like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So in my mind, I'm going like, I don't know what your financial situation is. Gotta mean, at least throw a hundo and then write like a joke about, cause the flight, I mean something, something you got. I mean, dude, nothing showing

up, eating and drink and nothing is, it might be a game. It might be game over. Let me ask you a question. Everybody at the wedding, that was all the comedians I could think of do very well. Sal Vulcano, bless the guy's heart, fucking slapped me with a big, I mean, it's like, you know, me and Sal are not that close. But he might've been the richest guy in the room.

At the time, I think he was. So my question, he slapped me good though. Now me and Nate are close. We've been close for years. We came up together, okay? I've been in his out home in Nashville. Could I retroactively go collect a little bit? No.

Can you go back and I go, look, I know you were good. But even then he was like, he was doing very well, but now it's like, Nate, can I go back and say, hey, Nate, little baby, you were at my wedding three years ago. You can't. You can't. How long ago did you get married? Is there a statute of limitations on that?

When was the wedding? I think it's coming up on six years. Here's why. Cause people can- I mean, I'm joking, but I wanna hear your answer. No, no. Cause that would be funny, right, if you go back and go, hey, listen.

The statute of limitations is funny if you're like, listen, it's under five. It's under five. It's under five. And I understand, look, even you were kind of, you're like listen, it's under five I understand look even you were kind of you were rich then so I was a little I was a little like what's that? See here's now it's like, you know I'm gonna tell you why this is nothing against Nate, but some people and I don't know if I don't know his level of Uh frugal to non-frugal. He's not frugal. Okay, I'll say that he's like frugal While you're sitting with the most non-frugal person you'll ever meet.

That I know, yeah. In your life and your life, it'll never be. There'll never be somebody sitting here, the other day we went to sushi after the Nick game and I said. No, no, no, I think it's good you have a wife to just check on the spending. Just check on the spending.

Because he doesn't. I go, what's the most expensive bottle of sake? Just bring it. And my buddy started laughing, he goes, you're not gonna look at it. I go, bring it. And you know, sometimes it's hefty. We were gonna get something to eat the other night.

We were gonna get something to eat in the night. And I was thinking we just run to this Chinese place or whatever, and he goes, why don't we go somewhere nice? No, I go, why don't we go to a top restaurant in New York City? Yeah. And it was like nine, 10 o'clock. And we went to, we found a Greek place

and it was a fuck. And we found the top of the fucking line spot. What, you guys dropped like a GZ on dinner? We dropped like three, $400 on that thing. We had, cause we had drinks. Oh no, easy. We had drinks and yeah, it was a Greek. Yeah, it was like, I think it was $300.

And you know it was there, do you remember the singer from American Idol, Constantine? The Greek guy? I never watched American Idol. Oh, okay, so the Greek guy was there and he goes, yeah, yeah, but anyway. I didn't know who he was. I didn't know who he was. And I was like, hey, how you doing? Oh, okay, so the Greek guy was there and he goes, yeah, yeah, but anyway. I didn't know who he was. I didn't know who he was.

I was like, hey, how you doing? Oh, he came up to you guys? Yeah, he came up to me. We were walking out and he came up and I was like, you know, somebody in this group. It's good to be following your career. And I just thought it was just some guy. And then Paul goes, do you know who that was?

And he's like, I was like. I was like, dude, that's like a singer. Like there was a big thing on American Idol. He left his band to do it. His band had like a falling out, but he ended up doing well. But no, I'm, here's the deal. I understand why Sal Vaucano did that. And the thing is like, I probably, as a matter of fact, I almost know for a fact that I gave you more than

Nate. Like, no, I know, I know you did. Yeah. Yeah. No, you, you, you went heavy. Yeah. Yeah. You, you went heavy and Sal went heavy. Yeah. Sal went heavy and Sal went heavy. Sal went heavy. What about Chris? Not as heavy as those two. No, not as, I don't remember, but I don't think he went that heavy. But you know, he wasn't making that money back then. So it was like, I mean, Paul's going heavy if he's broke.

Paul will put it on the EBT card. I go, I go, I go heavy. Paul will go steal the money from someone's purse if he doesn't have it. To hit you with 600, 600 to 1200. It's, it's, it's heavier. Nothing. It's, you know, it's heavier. Nothing. It's heavier. Not for me. Very heavy. For me. It's like, what are we doing here? Dude? We're all going to die. Look, it's not going to kill me. You know, I do. Okay. I make money. Yeah. You do. You know, we do good. And, and my wife works.

She does good. I do good, but it's like, there's certain things that I just can't, you know, like he knows, and we've talked I do good, but it's like there's certain things that I just can't, you know, like he knows and we've talked about it before. But when someone's cheap, it's a sickness a little bit. It's a sickness. When somebody's frug, somebody takes things from, you know, the people that wanna take things from hotels. So, I mean, it's sickening. It's a sickness.

It's a sickness. Yeah, you know, do you ever see like a millionaire be like other free refills? It's like, it's nuts, it's a sickness yet. It's no, but I think that there are some people that want to hold onto it so tight and they feel like they're getting beat if they lose it. You know, as much as I hate to say it, my father's a little, um, my father was a little, and maybe that's why I'm so opposite of it,

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And Greeks too, fight over the check have wars me and you have got Remember that time me and him were young my wife just took over. Yeah, we're fighting She was fuck both of you through the car down my uncle and dad used to get physical. It was very funny They get physical it would get awkward where the waitresses and one time the manager had to break up a fight and They're going like whoa and they go and no and the waiter was like I think they're related I think they're fighting fighting over who's gonna pay for the bill and like the waiter didn't understand like what the fuck is this get out following each other so he puts the card then he's sweating then the next you know someone's taking the card and throw it

like escalates into this thing about who's paid it's very funny and Greeks do it all the time anyone ever do that move they prep and Greeks do it all the time. Anyone ever do that move where they prepay? So that'll go. Oh, all the time. Yeah, all the time. All the time. My fucking cousin, I mean, dude, my cousin-in-law on Brittany's side, we were at this crazy expensive dinner. And we were like mad at, everyone got mad at him. And I was like legitimately fucking mad.

Yeah, yeah. It was funny, cause I got fucking mad. You get a little, like you got mad at me one time, not long ago, where I go, dude, let me Venmo you for that. He goes, dude, enough. Yeah. I mean, it gets a little crazy with him too. And he's going like, we get pizza and I'll pay. And then he's like, I'll vent. I'm going, what the fuck? I'm like, Venmo me $20. No, we got a bunch of Chinese food for our families. And I was like, dude, I got to throw. And he was like, dude, don't make it a thing. Don't make it a thing. I'm like, all right. But I wasn't the only one that got met. I mean, it was a big table. All Brittany's cousins were there. We went to this place, Prime in Long Island.

It's like very expensive spot. I mean, it was like 12 people there. And this guy, he sneaks and he pays the entire bill. The bill's like 1200. It's like, that's why. Like I would have been, we would have did the thing like, oh, why did you let it? and then he did it like three times. Like every time we went to dinner.

Yeah. And he's like, dude, you can't do that when it's 1200, you gotta split it. But you know what, you gotta do the right thing. I'm gonna, actually I could do it now, I'll tell it now. I'm gonna tell you guys one of the- Tell people the etiquette. I'm gonna tell, there's two things.

One, if somebody does something, so I was was gonna meet Stevens I'm about to tell you guys a Joey DS story that's the greatest shit you've ever it's the most gangster shit you've ever heard in your life okay but I went to go Steve Mazzilli the owner of Gotham had tickets for me to give him comedy Gotham comedy club in New York City great guy you know I was on my way up to Westchester. He said, me and my wife are having a little sushi. Come and I'll give you the tickets, come have a drink. So I get there and he's like, sit down and have sushi. And I'm like, dude, you're on a date night.

He goes, what are you talking about? We live around the corner, we don't care, sit there. So he gives me the tickets. Now I'm not saying this to pat myself on the back. I'm saying this is what's right. He's given me some fucking heavy tickets. He's given me tickets that like me and a friend or somebody go in and you're in the owners thing and you fucking go down and you're sitting you

know all that shit so what I did is I go to the bathroom and I just pay for his him and his wife sushi and my and then the sushi I ate and it was hefty and he was like whoa but it's like no nothing for free. You got me tickets that would have probably been five to $6,000 a piece. These are Nick's tickets? I think they were Ranger's. Rangers, right. And I think I was taking Stacy's uncle

and it was like, and he's a big Ranger. If I'm Nick's, you know, and I've done that before, but the guy that does that knows me, but the Ranger thing is not my thing. So I wanted to take Stacy's uncle and it's like, but you gave me that. So I'm gonna fuck fuck so buying this dinner Whether it's hundreds or not, but but there's an etiquette with that but here's that's a gentleman thing

You got there's nothing more gentlemen know what I'm about to tell you this happened last night. This was the most gangster shit Great. This is the most gangster shit I've ever seen. I'm not joking around It was the craziest and slash funniest thing I've ever seen so Joey Diaz and I are close and he hits me up and we're talking about doing his podcast to promote my special and stuff. And he goes, what are you doing tomorrow night at six o'clock? Why don't you come down? So I go, okay.

The way specials on YouTube. Yeah. My special reasonable man on YouTube right now. So Joey goes, so Joey goes, come down, come down at six o'clock. So he goes parking on the street after five 15. Right? So I park on the street, I'm waiting, all of a sudden I see him pull up, I get out of the car, we go in, we're hanging out,

we have a funny podcast, we do two hours, it's a great time, and he goes, you stay, right? You're gonna stay to eat, we're gonna go eat, we're gonna go eat, he calls, I swear to God, he called up the pay goes, hey, and I didn't know what he was doing, he just goes, hey, yeah, he goes, what's the soup? Lentil, oh, lentil, lentil.

Fucking, fucking tough, tremendous, right? He gets off the phone and he goes, oh, they got lentil soup. It's fucking gotta get a bowl of lentil, right? So we're all sitting there. They're smoking weed. We're waiting to go telling stories. He goes to the bathroom.

He comes out. We go outside and my car's gone. My car gets towed and he goes to the bathroom, he comes out, we go outside and my car is gone. My car gets towed. And he goes by the door of his car and I see he looks defeated. He looks and during the thing, alarms were going off and another guy got towed, our producer, his producer went out and saw a guy going, I'm delivering Chinese food, please don't. And they told that guy, not me, but I guess mine was next.

But we don't know because we're doing the pod. So we get there. Now I'm calm. I'm calm. I'm like, look, there's, it's gone already. but I guess mine was next. But we don't know, cause we're doing the pot. So we get there. Now I'm calm. I'm calm. I'm like, look, there's, it's gone already. Like I walked to the spot. There's another car. Then I looked at the sign.

I fucked up. It said reserved. There was like a handicap. I fucked up. So I'm not, I'm not freaking out. I'm not freaking out. Cause I, it happened. And Joey just kind of looks and next thing you know,

he just calls a guy over. One of the guys that was in the room, this guy, George. And I was like, look, man, I'm ready to go. I'll go eat. I'm fine. I'm not panicking. Some people would be like, I got to get my car. I wasn't like that. I was like, we'll figure it out after let's go eat. Just tell me where it is, what I got to pay. All of a sudden, Joe is like, get in my car.

I get in his car and his buddy comes out from the studio and hands me a phone. And it's I don't know if it's a police officer guy. Hey, hey, Don. It goes like, hey, where was you parked? And I said I was parked at, was parked at 137 Rothwell Avenue, whatever, he goes, all right, no problem. I give the phone back, right? Next thing you know, Joey's just whispering to somebody. Right?

So I'm just sitting there, I was like, yeah, no problem, we'll just go figure it out. He goes, he'll go figure it out for you, don't worry. So we walk into this restaurant, we're eating. Joey gets up and walks away with the phone. It was like fucking mob shit, it was the craziest shit. And he's just talking privately, not telling me anything. He comes, he sits down, he orders calamari and shrimp,

and he goes, fuck it, you gotta do all this shit with the food, yeah, it's just tremendous. He goes, you gotta get in there. He goes, I'll get the lentil soup. And then I, no, I didn't get the, so he got his bowl of lentil, I didn't get the lentil. I was like, I can't do it, I'm not doing lentil. So he goes, yeah, they're working on the pay pork

for your car right now, right? So I don't even know. I'm just like, all right, just let me know where it is. He goes out, he's taking care of it. Dude, the guy comes in, whispers something to Joey. I go, guys, it was my bad. Just so you know, I'm paying for this. I'm paying for this.

It was my bad. I should have read the sign. I thought when you said after five, I didn't read the sign, it's my bad. So they're just acting quiet. So a guy comes in the restaurant and goes, Hey, Paul, I need your keys. So he goes, yeah, finishing the paperwork. I'm just gonna pull your car out here. Right? So I'm like, what

's why they brought the car? So they fuck through he said his guy went to the spot, did the paperwork on my car. Okay, took my keys for me while I'm eating, took care of it. And all of a sudden, whisper something to Joey, and Joey just takes a stack of money out and just starts counting and I see a hundred and then I see multiple twenties and he just hands it, right? And I just go, I go, dude, I go, I can't, I go, I gotta get your family, put it away, put it away. So then I, I'm feeling really uncomfortable now cause he's buying dinner. Now I'm starting to feel like now I'm out of my,

and I'm just like, I mean dude, this was like some gangster shit. He handed the money, they're whispering. Then I go, George, the guy that did it, I go through a few troubles in doing all this while I'm eating, you're running around, get in my car, and so I try to throw him a hundo, and he throws his hands up.

He goes, no, no, no, no, you go enjoy, go enjoy, sit down, you guys had a good time tonight. And I go, no, no, no, he goes, no, no, no. So I went to Joey, and I go, Joey, I tried to go, no no he goes no no no so I went to Joey and I go Joey I tried to go no no no your family's so do we get in the car driving right get in the car and I can say this I think yeah, yeah, of course and we're sitting in the car, and he's driving me to my car Which is right down the block. It was almost easier that I got told It was a fucking work that even better Restaurant car was sitting there,

waiting, you know? It was like a ballet. It was almost like ballet. Yeah, so he drives me to a, as he's driving me to my car, I go, thank you so much. And he goes, no, no, you're family. And then he just goes, anyway, you see that? He goes, you see that chubby chick?

He goes, oh, she'll suck your dick till the pig comes off. And I go, what? And then he goes, oh, you put your tongue in her ass or she'll never go home. And I go, oh, I go, oh, shit, nobody puts a tongue in her ass, you can tell. You put the tongue in her ass, she'll never leave you. And I was like, all right, man, well, thank you so much.

And he fucking just goes, you're family. And I go, Joey, you come to New York. You come to New York. Make sure you get your card towed and I go Joey you come to New York you come to New York Make sure you get your car towed and I'm paying for I go I got you dude. Whatever you guys all good I go no, dude, you don't understand like you come to New York, you know, but he He's just he's been such a cool thing and he loves my work and he's said so many nice things publicly about my stand-up And he's really when you meet that guy. He is really truly like, he was, I could see he was upset, not that my car got towed, he was upset that he felt like my time was ruined and he loved being there and stuff.

He's like, it's great seeing you and I think he felt that so he wanted to take care of it, but it's not necessary cause I parked there, so I should have paid for it and he just wouldn't allow it. He's like, this is my fucking, you know, and I mean dude, he just like, and the way it was done where they didn't want to make me feel a certain way but I wanted to it was just really it was really the most gangster shit and then I texted him today and I said dude I can't believe

like what you did and he just goes that's what we do so it's really that's the etiquette and the and the gentleman but that's that's beyond etiquette. I'll tell you right now, if your car gets towed, I ain't paying for it. Yeah, well, I might be in a bad spot. Yeah. At least driving it a joint. New York, they bang you out a little more than Jersey. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's good. New York's a good 250 plus, I think.

At least, no, more than that. By the way, the feeling of going to your car when it's towed, Oh, yeah. It's a violation of like, cause you know some dudes got your car, now your car is in some lot with a bunch of other cars. They pulled it up and they maneuvered it. And they don't care if they're not gentle with it.

No, no. That feeling when it's gone, even if you forget where you park it, you think it's gone. It's that moment of, did my car get, cause then you're just thinking like, it's the most helpless feeling. You're thinking of the moves that you have to make, the time, is something gonna shut down,

do I gotta wait for tomorrow? Yeah, do I have, can I even afford to? It's a really lonely feeling. Like give me the ticket. I was in Austin and I didn't know, I think it was the first time I did the mothership, I didn't know that there were spots you could use. So I parked in this lot, right?

It was just a lot. I didn't read the sign that between certain hours. You can't. There's a rental? This was a rental. Yeah. So they got a fucking racket going there. So I come back, I was with Jared at the Jared Harvin.

We come back, there's just a boot on the car. Oh, fucking cars booted. Worst feeling. Look around, there's nobody. I'm in Austin. I don't know how this works. I don't know how they do it down there. I don't know what happens in my prison now. Yeah. Right? Because if you get caught speeding in Texas, you know it's like a felony. No. Oh, they go heavy on you in Texas with speeding. So yeah, you don't want to get caught speeding in

Texas. Really? Yeah. Guys down there told me about it. You can look it up. It's crazy. Yeah, look it up actually. I'm curious. But, um, so I'm just looking around. There's nobody. So we're just standing there for like 10 minutes going, what do we do? Where do we go? There's no sign to anything. This fucking guy just comes limping over. Oh, it's like this scam. Old fucking guy comes limping over and he's like, ah, yeah, you take the boot off. Yeah, it's 250. Oh, he wasn't even law enforcement. I don't know. No, no, no. It wasn't law enforcement. No, that's a scam. Yeah. Sam Roberts told me they did that at a CVS in Westchester.

The guy had a credit card machine, though. No, that's yeah. This guy, Sam Roberts. But he did go, you don't have cash. And I was like, no, I don't have cash. I didn't think I was going to get booted. Unfortunately, he's like, I got them. He had that machine that the waiters bring. Yeah, unfortunately, I think I just got scammed. Yeah, because Sam Roberts was telling me when I did the when I was gonna get booted. Unfortunately, he's like I got them fucking he had that machine that the waiters bring Yeah, unfortunately, I think I just got scammed

Yeah Cuz Sam Roberts was telling me when I did that when I did the Sam Roberts and Norton show back at day He said that they there was a guy hanging out in a CVS parking lot and he would put the boot on he knew how to Manipulate it just enough where he could loosen and take it off and he would go Hey buddy, if you don't want to deal with the hassle I could take it, you know Or I'll take it off. Give me and he found out it was just a scam. But it wasn't, but that's a good scam actually. That's really good.

It's a kind of a piece of shit thing that you're stealing. It's horrible, but I'm just saying as far as scams go, that's pretty good. Oh no. Yeah, that's a good one. Because here's the deal, you take someone's car, you take everything. It's helpless. Yeah, yeah. That's a good scam because you're going like, you're thinking like, I got to go through

this whole hassle and the person's going, you really know how to take the boot off? And he's going, yeah, I do. I got a question for you. And he probably does it for like 150. He's like, give me 100, I'll take it off. I got a question. And you're thinking, oh, it's gonna be 400. I know.

And you're kind of at their mercy of their amount. Yeah. Because you just wanna get out. Yeah. You know, and if you do, here's the thing, if you do have 300 cash, you'll probably give it. Yeah, yeah. If you have 300, just get the car and get out.

And in your mind, you're like, I lost three bills. Yeah. But here's the question. Ready? You lose your car or your phone for a day. Like it's gone. Somebody took it. It's in the hands of a, you'll let the car, you didn't change any other circumstances. Insurance, you know, you lose your car. I mean, I love the reason why you don't lock your doors. You're like, take it. I get a new one. No, here's the deal. Here's what I do after 50,000 after 60,000 miles. Yeah. I go, I, it's, it's the deal. You never lock his car. No, here's what I do. After 50,000, after 60,000 miles, I go, it's almost like, all right.

Yeah. Even in India, like in this state. How Italian is that thing? He's going, I got 60,000 miles, and if someone steals it, I get a brand new car. Yeah, like if it gets to a certain miles and it's in good shape, I know what it's worth. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, there have been times since, it's like you didn't lock the door. I go, like, things got 180,000 miles. I take it off my head. Take it off my head.

You got to cut the miles down. Yeah. There is something you said this along to Janice was the first person to say this and it's true. There is a thing inside of me. Brett Ernst has it. There is a thing where the crime there is a criminal thing. I think so. It's a brett Ernst bit. You ever hear brett Ernst has it. There is a thing where the crime, there is a criminal thing. I think so. It's a Brett Ernst bit. You ever hear Brett Ernst bit?

Yeah, I mean, he's Italian and he did some scams when we were young. You were doing some things. Yeah. Yeah. I used to steal. Was that Yankee Stadium or no? There was some other scam you were doing. I did a few things. The Christmas tree scram. I had this Christmas tree scam. I tried to print money. Yeah, I did some bad stuff.

Oh, the money. Yeah, so he fucking printed fake money. Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I said to Brett, I go, dude, that joke you had is so true. He goes, I'm just in a 7-Eleven load. He goes, it's just me and that guy. And I'm just thinking, it's just the two of us. And he goes, you're just thinking about, and Brett goes, oh yeah, he goes, you know, I always have criminal fantasies. I feel like one of my big fantasies was robbing a bank, cause I always told you, like the dream of robbing,

coming out, like when you know the big, like in heat, when they have the hockey bags, it's the feeling I got. Like run it out to her, it is an Italian thing. I told her, I used to be at a red light and I'd look around and no one was there if the red light went on, I would just run it and I felt good, I liked it.

It's gotta be an Italian, it's gotta be. Well, because, I mean, what are you doing? Like I never thought about doing counterfeit money. He went out of his way. He created counterfeit money and they were good. They were really good. Did we get away with a few of those or none of them? Well, I asked some of my father's friends

who, I don't know, loosely affiliated. And they said, no, we don't fuck with, cause I wanted to sell them a whole bundle. But these were low bills, right? 20s. You gotta do low, okay. 20s. Yeah, they were 20s. But didn't we crumple a few up and try them at the bar and work? Well, yeah, cause the paper is really hard to oh okay. It was 20s. Yeah, they were 20s. But didn't we crumple a few up

and try them at the bar and work? Well yeah, because the paper is really hard to get right. So I went to all these different paper stores, I was feeling. What were you doing? I was just, how old were you? This was 20s. It was in his early 20s.

It was fucking two weeks ago. Yeah, this was a couple weeks ago. Oh shit, yeah. I remember you had sheets of them. I had a bunch, so, but I was too scared to use them. I never tried it. See, I did it in high school. I did it for these kids. These older kids had 10 had tents and they would give us a $10 bill and they say go into

The store buy a candy bar. You can keep the change and then give us the rest Yeah, so I was familiar with it from when I was in high school And then when I got all the you know computers and printers got better I just started printing out sheets of $20 bills Yeah, I feel bad what I did man man. Me and my friend, my Italian friend in high school, we went into like Van Hussen. And you know, you remember Van Hussen, and we would just take shirts and stuff them down our pants.

And we'd have nice button downs, brand new. You know, you would just, and now I'm looking back, I'm going, if my son or daughter ever did this. I know. You know, but like, I don't know, like, I don't want to say, oh, it was different times, because stealing is stealing, but it wasn't like a militia. It was just like a Kids would steal candy from the kids during the candy shop. We'll be you might this

Yeah, when you're young you don't have long-term thinking you don't know your play You're not trying to be a criminal. You're just trying you're not like that's not your yeah You know you're trying to get away with something now Yeah, it was funny, but I see people on the internet now, like grown men or people in their 20s, like they act fucking real stupid, like saying stuff or whatever. You're like, you're just like, you're living out your teenage fantasy. Like you're like a teenager. I think how old are you?

Yeah. What are you doing on the internet? Fucking fucking wife's downstairs. You're like, it really is like an immature like shit I did in high school. I see people that are blowing up on TikTok doing like dumb shit. It is like, it's an immaturity thing. It's an immaturity thing. It's not just, it's like the,

sometimes you read some comments, you're going like, I know you got a full family in your house. Like, what are you doing? Like, does your wife know you're just sneaking off into the comments? Yeah. Did you see? Fucking Jennifer Aniston's tits are real.

You're like, grow up, dude. You're a fucking 47-year-old man. Yeah, you're talking about Taylor Swift. Yeah, I'm talking about Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift's a fucking bitch. Fucking, you should be at the fucking football game. Your daughter's inside. Yeah, your daughter likes Taylor Swift.

You're fucking, what are you doing, dude? Don't build a deck, you fucking. What are you doing? Yeah, go build a deck. What are you worried about? Like, what are you, it's a little girl, it's a girl. Taylor Swift's you fucker, what are you doing, dude? Go build a deck, you fucker. What are you doing? Yeah, go build a deck. What are you worried about? It's a little girl, it's a girl. Taylor Swift's a young girl, what are you doing? Yeah.

No, did you see it? Did you ever get any, I'm just curious, did any of those ever work? I don't remember. No, so I chickened out, because I spoke to somebody who was- And they were like, you get caught, it's bad. You get caught, it's immediate,

it's a threat to national security. Federal crime. Yeah, they were like, don't even fuck around. Even with like a couple twenties? Well, I was thinking big. Oh, you were like, you were thinking, I wasn't thinking big, big, but I was thinking bigger. Yeah.

And it's amazing that you weren't thinking about the law or anything. That's gotta be inherent in Italian. I had a whole plan. I was like, I was going to go to different neighborhoods. I'm just going to start. Yeah. No, it's we think about like the consequence. No, a time, a time No, Italians think about the idea.

Yeah. You guys dream big. Yeah. It's like a shark tank idea that they didn't think before. They're just like... He had like a whole stack. He was trying to sell them to the mafia. Dude, how?

What were you doing, dude? No, seriously, what were you doing? He actually took them and tried to sell them to the mafia. I had some of my dad's friends that wanted to buy them. You tried to sell your 23 year old fucking advertising executive who asked your dad if so you could talk to some of his friends from Bensonhurst who are loosely affiliated with the mafia see if they wanted to buy your fucking... you were gonna commit a federal crime.

I had no takers. Luckily, yeah. I did it too. What was the Christmas tree scam again? He had a kid I remember in high school. I don't want to say this is bad. Dude, it did it too. If I had to take her out. What was the Christmas tree scam again? He had a, I remember in high school, he had the Christmas tree. Oh, I don't wanna say, this is bad. Dude, it's years ago. I know, but it's. Nobody knows what you look like. I feel bad about this.

Wait, but tell us. It's good. It was a chat, no I can't. See, I didn't have this in me. No, come on. No, it's good, come on. No, I get it, I get it. I know, I know.

Why? Tell us after. I don't wanna put it out there. Yeah, yeah, you know. It's 30 fucking years ago. No, but it's an aura. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't put it out there. Yeah, you know it's 30 fucking years now, but it's an aura Yeah, you can't put it out there. Okay. Tell me about the the Christmas tree doing that the other guy Was like a sketch or like a Italian sketch or a time to shark tank for criminal ideas

Like all right, just hear me out. Just hear me out just hear me out We're gonna put boots on cars, we're only gonna do it what we're gonna do is look I got my Apple computer We're gonna put boots on cars, but we're only gonna do it. What we're gonna do is, look, I got my Apple computer, we're gonna print 20s. What we're gonna do is we're gonna crumple them up, crumple them up, give them to bartenders while we distract them. Good business idea, no? That's hilarious, dude. You can't pass up on this one, guys. This is bulletproof, stand tight. We open a pizza shop, but listen, it's not about the pizzas.

We're laundering hard cash out the back, okay? So I'm talking drugs, I'm talking crypto. But the pizza shop, you know, goes into black every year, so no questions asked. What do you think, Mark Cuban? No, but instead of Mark Cuban, it'll be like a guy from Queens. Yeah, yeah. Like, dude, you direct it, and we do that. That'd be hilarious a guy from Queen. Yeah. Yeah Dude that be hilarious Shark tank shark right the criminal idea would be hilarious

Crip a crime shark tank and they go and then you know be funny with the music and I'm sorry I can't help you. Yeah, come on. Those my dream and off camera. He's Good my wife thought it was good. I He's like, we thought it was good, my wife thought it was good. I worked really hard for this. We worked so we put the blueprint. We really thought we had a shot. It's fucking hilarious. Oh, shit.

Yeah. That is so funny. Oh, dude. Go listen to Paul Verzi's special right now. Watch it on YouTube. Yes. It's called Reasonable Man. Check it out right now.

And then go see him on the road immediately big big tour date coming up guys March 13th, I'm gonna be at the den in Chicago 27th Tempe, Arizona improv 28 29 I'm gonna be at mic drop comedy club in San Diego and on my way back from California I had to stop at one of the best comedy clubs in the country, which is the downtown Denver comedy works, which is Sunday March 30th I'm doing that and then we have some dates in April. Go to paulverzi.com reasonable man on YouTube right now and uh yeah. That's right. Get those tickies. Yeah check me out this weekend right here in Philadelphia and then check me out after that um in where am I uh... uh... rochester and then uh... cleveland and springfield missouri

whatever those dates are that i'd mixed them up uh... san diego yannis pappas comedy dot com for tickets i'm sorry i forgot something they just added pittsburgh march twentieth and uh... hilarities in cleveland march twenty first so i'm going to all those places in March Paul verzi calm for the ticket Sorry about that. No, no problem and patreon.com Yanis pappas our we're still up and running your weekly Laid back more timeless episodes that a lot of you still enjoy it's still going

So go over to patreon.com slash Yanis pappas our and we'll see you next week What's up everybody, as always, I hope you enjoyed that episode. Wanna give a shout out to our good friends over at ForTheFree.art. If you're going to Hawaii, or if you're interested in music, this is the site for you, ForTheFree.art. Check out all the free shows they host, local artists,

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Oh wait, when you're watching this. So they're out. The gear is out, the gear is out. Recording this on the 25th, so by the time this comes out, the backpacks are here. He's got those amazing backpacks. They're out. They're gonna sell out immediately.

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