Yannis Pappas Hour - The State of Things with Mark Normand | YP Hour

Episode Date: August 26, 2023

Yanni’s ole pal Mark Normand has a new special out on Netflix called Soup to Nuts, go watch it. This is one of the best YP Hour guest episodes to date. Yanni & Mark discuss the state of humanity, how modernity has had some side effects, and how his background as an atheist & being raised by a transvestite in New Orleans & going to Catholic school made him a comedian. Mark is maybe the hardest working & best stand ups in NYC. Comedy!  Make sure to listen & follow Mark here: https://youtube.com/@marknormand?si=3QAz4u6MS4eRYZc_  and tune into his podcasts Tuesdays With Stories & We Might be Drunk  See Yanni do stand up live in your town: Springfield, MO sept 7-9 Calgary Sept 22–23 FORt Wayne, Indiana Sept 29-30 Red Bank, NJ Oct 14 San Fran Oct 27-28 New York City Nov 4 Providence Nov 10-11 Phoenix Nov 16-18 Spokane Dec 1-2 Tulsa Dec 8-9 Louisville Dec 15-16 Toronto March 23 Join our highlights page for highlight clips from the episodes: https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykw new bonus episodes every Wednesday at https://www.patreon.com/yannispappashour?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator Support our Sponsors:  DraftKings Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app NOW and use code YPH. Factor Meals Go to factormeals.com/YANNIS50 and use code YANNIS50 to get 50% off.  https://www.factor75.com/pages/podcast?c=YANNIS50&mealsize=8-1&c_comms=PERCENT&utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=cpm&utm_campaign=podcast50off&utm_content=act_podcast_podcastads&vs_campaign_id=07a8da85-76a7-4540-8dc1-4e6861f6b4c8

Guys, we got a very special episode coming up with the great Mark Norman. You got to check out his special from Soup to Nuts, which is on Netflix right now. Mark's one of the best comedians in the country. I know Mark going back over a decade. This was one of the greatest podcasts I've ever done with anyone. We had such a flow going. We had such a good time. Before we get into it, here's some of my live dates.

You can see me in Springfield, Missouri, September 9th, September 7th through 9th, Calgary, Alberta in September between 22nd and 23rd, Fort Wayne, Indiana, 29th to the 30th in September, the Vogel Theater, October 14th at Red Bank, New Jersey, the Comedy Mothership in Austin October 19th through the 22nd Cobbs in San Francisco October 27th and 28th Sony Hall November 4th Providence, Rhode Island November 10th and 11th Phoenix November 16th and 17th

Spokane, Washington December 1st and 2nd Tulsa December 8th and 9th Louisville December 15th and 16th the Royal Theatre in Toronto that is March 23rd. Also added Vancouver, a theater, and Portland, a theater.

So please check my website soon for those tickets, yannispapascomedy.com. And for our crazy wild bonus episodes every week, patreon.com slash yannispapashour. Support the show. You know we do it right.

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slash Giannis50 to get 50% off. Now enjoy this episode with the great Mark Norman. What's up, everybody? Politics and the propaganda. Get his kids screwed in. Got a lot to say. Aw, shit. It's about to be a long day. It's a long day. What's up, everybody? Welcome to the Yanis Papas Hour in a neutral studio. We've just been closed in. There's no producer in here. This feels like a karaoke booth.

It's like Switzerland. We're neutral. It's just the two of us in here. I know. It's weird. It feels like a speed date. With the background and everything? It does.

It feels like a West Elm meeting feels very it's like a west elm meeting coffee break at a west elm yeah yeah but it does feel like you're wearing a wire yeah and you're gonna get something on me you know like you've been stealing end tables you yeah this does feel like interrogation yeah this is the first time i think we've ever been in a room alone together no yeah my brain works yeah we've never been in a room alone together. No. See how my brain works? Yeah, we've never been in a room alone. We've done your pod. Not alone, though. Oh, I guess you addressed it there.

We're alone in this room. Yeah, it's nice. I mean, I guess, is someone watching, or the camera's just going? This is just us. Yeah, not recording. No, it's wild. Yeah, it's good. We used to be good-looking comedians.

Yeah, we were talking about that. Yeah, we had a good run, but I think you're funnier when you're grizzled a little. We got the gray in the beard, we're losing hair, we got the punch. That's better. Yeah, it's better for the guys. I think the girls don't care. The girls cheer. Exactly. They want to go to a Beatles concert no matter what form that Beatles

concert is. Yeah, true. I mean, Ringo's hideous. Ringo's hideous. Yeah, what were they really cheering about which one of those guys was hot i think paul was cute but john had edge but they were so damn big i mean it's like uh any girls are weird because if it's like pete davidson funny guy cool guy but not the hottest guy ever you really look at the mug right but i think you fuck one beck and sale and then you're in.

Right. Because girls go, oh, what's he got? Right. Why did she like him? She's a high-status whore. Right. You know? Because they're mindless, vapid vessels. Yeah.

I think it's a biological thing. That's one way to say it. The other way is they're mindless, vapid vessels. No. I'm just kidding. It's evolutionary. It's evolutionary. Don't let you get Kim K.

You're set in stone. Yeah, no. But he's got edge. The girls do like edge. It's evolutionary. It's evolutionary. Don't let you get Kim K. You're set in stone. Yeah, no. But he's got edge. The girls do like edge. He's misunderstood. He's tatted up. He's depressed. He's vulnerable.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is funny to think about how the standard was lower back then to be hot. Yeah. He could just be Paul McCartney. I mean, Paul McCartney takes his shirt off. I mean, he probably just looks like everyone's dad. Yeah. No definition. Gooey. The skinny fat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So we're here, obviously, with the great Mark Norman. Nobody who's watching this doesn't know who you are. You never know. You might get a new fan every day. You never know. Hopefully there's someone tuning in right now going like, I love the upfront right into it banter. We're on the internet right now, so I was going to say, hey, let's start with our dicks

on the table and do like a crocodile fight or something. You do something quick right at the top. It's all algorithm-based. We're all being raised by computers. Yes. We're being conditioned by computers. Retention. Retention.

You know when you go, what was the name of that? The retention. I watched Mr. Beast on some pod. He's like, you're losing retention. I'm like, oh, my God. You've trained your brain to be YouTube. Yeah. You're not even a human anymore.

Yeah. It's odd when I talk to my friends and I feel like I'm talking to the marketing department of the Gap. Yeah. They're like, all right, I got this demographic. We got to keep this amount of money. Exactly. Stay on. We got to get the retention going for this.

ESG score. You got to have that all right. I can't keep up. But is the algorithm, are we trying to win the algorithm or is the algorithm winning us? You know what I mean? Yeah. Because we're going, oh, maybe I'll change this. I'll snip that.

I'll cut this. And this is good for the ending. That's the thumbnail, the graphic. They got us by the balls. I think that we are being conditioned by AI to act like AI. Yes. Yes, exactly. I see a psychiatrist occasionally, and he told me that the business is booming.

Oh, really? He said, business is booming. And I asked him, I said, what do you think it is? Was it COVID? He goes, COVID played a role. He goes, but it's modern society. He goes, people are more isolated. They're in their phones. asked him i said what do you think it is it was a covet he goes covet played a role he goes but uh it's modern society he goes it's people are more isolated they're in their phones um it's just the isolation for a social species we're just isolated yes and so uh people are pills are popping oh yeah

pills about suicides up depressions up anxieties up But I have a theory that it goes back to your thing. We talk about this every time we hang out. Modernity. We have it so easy that you need a struggle, but you don't see roofers doing that. You don't see roofers like, I'm having a mental crisis, you know, I'm having issues, and sometimes

I just don't feel like I connect with people, and I'm triggered. You don't see roofers, septic tank guys. They don't have that, because they people and I'm triggered. You don't see roofers, septic tank guys. They don't have that because they got real shit going on. That's true. You know, you never, it's the same with a spa. Who goes into a spa? It's a white lady with a small dog and a yoga pant and a macchiato.

It's never like a little Mexican guy who does construction. Right. But who needs a spa more than that guy? Right. That's a great point. I have a point. Yeah, but where they do go, the Mexicans, is the back of a Korean market, at least in New York City, and they drink themselves into oblivion. Yeah, that's true, which is fine.

Everybody's got their medicine. Yeah, and then they just fall into a pile of garbage outside and disappear in there and then some asshole goes see look at these fucking lazy ass mexicans right and that's where the stereotypes come from but literally that guy just worked 27 exactly it's covered in sheetrock dust yeah that's a good point now you're a guy who values hard work i don't think there's a more hard-working comic than you since we started wow yeah i mean even one back in the day when I had a room, back in the room days. Yeah. That was back in the room days.

You had a room. You had a room way out in Brooklyn. Way out in Brooklyn. You would come every week. Sometimes you weren't even booked and you were there. I think you went up every week, I think. No, I mean, sometimes Ally Wong would show up or Soda was there or Louis Katz was there, and I was nobody.

So if you gave me stage time, I was just like, oh, my God, I can't believe it. But even to watch that room, that room was so raw. There was not a raw room in New York City, maybe in the Bronx or something. That was a raw room. To be honest with you, it was all I knew because it was based on a Donnell Rawlings room. That's the only thing I'd seen was like his how unruly his room was yeah so i just kind of did it like that and i used it selfishly for my own uh material i would go you know sometimes i'd go half hour whatever i'd yeah go and beer everyone then i go mark norman yeah people would be like

i remember when mike ristine got upset one time his first time doing it because i did like 40 minutes yeah brought him up and he's like what the and i was like that's this room man someone should have told you it's my kingdom bitch and you're the jester yeah so we do it how i want but yeah you see bargatze in there i mean pat dixon i remember jesse geller had the biggest crush on you because you were so confident pat and sean patton put it well he said you know when you're riffing in your in your room and you're doing great that's what you do on stage. He said I was performing to my teddy bears.

You had the cab, the white cab driver bit. You had so many great bits of the hacky sack. I'm going to throw that somewhere, the white cab driver bit. Yeah, I got to put that on the next special. It's just so good. Dave Matthews. Yeah. And then Gale was always there.

They had like the bar locals. I mean, it was very community-based. It felt very different than now. Yeah, but Sean nailed it. Sean Patton, he goes, did you remember any of that? I go, no. He goes, it's like, what's the point? You're performing to your teddy bear.

And it's true. I lost so much material there, but it was fun. It was in the moment. Yes. Social media wasn't huge yet. Yeah, it was no content. That would be all. You'd have eight tripods set up now, but it was fun. It was in the moment. Yes, social media wasn't huge. Yeah, it was no content That'd be all you have eight tripods set up now, but there was zero It was just in that moment and then fleeting and gone. Do you think that's gonna be the next cool thing?

Because you know how the trends always go. Yeah becomes new then everyone does it. Yeah bad people get in Yeah, they ruin it inflation happens. Yeah, get in. Yep. They ruin it. Inflation happens. Yep. And then the rebellion starts. Yep. So the next generation goes, I just want to be live, man. I want to see Mark Norman in a phone booth. You think the next thing is going to be like the rejection of screens and mass consumption and back to sort of bare bones theater, like the live will be special, which it is now.

Right, sure, sure. Which I think is behind the boom. Yes. I think what's behind the boom is that, is like, ah, man, I'm bombarded with, let me go see something that's hard, that's like not common, which is live.

Yes, yes, yes. It's physical, it's tangible. This guy's right in front of me. I think there is something to that, but I don't know. I feel like the screens have got such a hold because there's going to be that cool, angsty emo kid in high school in five years like i don't even have a phone we're like all the girls are like whoa but he's gonna go home and like ari

shafir used to do the flip phone thing and everybody's like man he's really got some self-control he's on a flip phone in china but he would go can i use your phone and he would sit on it for an hour like a crackhead and i was was like, oh, you're not better than me. You're the same guy. You just found this weird loophole. So I think, I don't know. Jews do that. Jews do find ways to beat God, yeah.

That's true. That's true. Can you turn my TV on on Saturday? I can't do it. And financial loopholes. Yes, yes. Madoff, the king. But yeah, I just think there will be the cool kid who's off social media,

and he's like, I don't even have an Instagram. But I don't think he's going to get in his car, and he's going to hit the GPS just like everyone else. I think it's got too much of a hold. Right. And it is convenient. It's very well designed. Right.

But it does have addictive properties. Of course. I think the social media apps are designed to be addictive addictive and they kind of are aware of the cheap dopamine that yes they're giving kids i wonder what it's i wonder what it's going to do to that gender i don't i don't talk to them do you interact with anyone like who's in there i have one friend who's like 25 and he just seems like a 60 year old man yes and it's because they like have every answer to every question. Right. Every philosophy. Whatever they need is like they're just – everything's downloaded.

Everything. They know how to edit. Yes. They're like pros at everything. Yeah, they're genius. But I think it goes two ways. I think you get the weird girl biting her nails in the corner who's scared of everything and in a safe space. And then you got – I met this 27-year-old kid in Cincinnati last weekend.

He's in the Forbes 30 under 30 millionaire. He's already been editing. He's been working for a branding company since he was like 14, skipped high school, just started making millions of dollars. Now he has a giant warehouse with the ping pong and the skate ramp in there, and he's got 1,200 employees. He's 27. That's insane.

That's like Howard Hughes shit. Yeah. employees he's 27 that's insane that's like howard hughes shit yeah the um it's a it's a tech it's a tech technology economy yeah tech economy which means older people are like oh yeah yeah exactly yeah i just gave up that was the way you did me i didn't i didn't unintentionally did you with you in the room i didn't even mean to right and then um and then on top of that um we're a gossip economy oh yeah i feel like we're i feel like we're all doing versions of the view we're doing different versions of the view so true you know like yeah lizzo and jonah hill and we do we love it and we we act like oh i'm above all this but we're in on it we're it's it's my that's why i why like everyone's going please televise this trump trial and i think they should just for the economy yeah it's like

every news station then every podcaster every commentator so true what we're doing is commentating on the news and i think that's why people don't know what's going on is because they're getting things fourth hand yeah someone who's doing it to entertain and build a following right right you know your your thought leaders now are like college dropouts with podcasts and content pages it's so true interpreting what they saw but they have a little charisma so they deliver it in a way and they're doing it i am doing this for you i care about the issue but, it's like they refresh it and go, how many likes, how many clicks? Of course, of course.

And I have a lot of thoughts on this. One, I think you're right. America's become high school. And Lizzo is the new drama of the prom queen or whatever of the day. And so everybody's all over it. And then you go, actually, this happened. And people go, what?

No. And they're just going off a headline. Two, I forgot my other thought. It'll come. It'll come back. It'll come. It's in there. You just got 50 million jokes there.

I got it. I got it. There it is. Well, I think you got to keep upping it. You got to keep upping the drama. Because we have aliens here. Right. The Congress admitted it.

And no one gives a fuck. Because we're like, what? Aliens? We're on this true crime shit right now. This is way more fun. And you're like, what? Aliens? We're on this true crime shit right now. This is way more fun. And you're like, but there's a Martian in Phoenix. And they're like, ah, this lady killed her husband and her dog and all

that. And you're like, that's way more salacious. And you're like, but this is a Martian from another land. And they're like, ah. When the Martian says something racist, call me. Now we're talking. So we're so, it's like we're beaked up. You know, you start with weed, then you go to pills, then you go to heroin. We're all in the heroin phase of the news.

And we can't go back to the weed. I never thought of that. That's why Martians are boring. They're boring. They're not murdering any women. Yes, that would put them on the map. There's no safe way to consume that fear. Misgender someone, you fucking Martian.

And now you'll get in the news. You're not in the cultural zeitgeist exactly just fucking floating around jerking off to us and then fleeing that's not enough do you think they're jerking off to us because why you know how like you go to a page that you're ashamed of and then you you click off yeah yeah is that what they're doing they're showing up yeah get one out and then maybe maybe i don't know your boss is like let me see where you flew to like their history and they cleared it like i don't know where i saw that's hilarious the search history i saw you over montana motherfucker you're like no that was a spy balloon yeah yeah they're fucking uh a friend a cousin of mine well a cousin in law of mine actually uh this weekend showed me a video uh and he's like a massive doctor he's a rational guy he's also religious in a way you know he's not like he

believes in god and he showed me a video of a ufo he saw when he was in greece whoa and i just saw it and i was like and he's like get out of here yeah and it was fucking rotating and it was just and it's there and it's how about that and it's just like, yeah, I think they're everywhere. I think they come and they check us out. Or, yeah, because you can't, there's evidence of it. And there's no way to explain it because you're looking at it. And we know with our rational brain, you're going like, we couldn't do that with propulsion and the aviation technology we have. So it has to be otherworldly just by...

Yeah. But then it begs the weirder questions, like what the fuck are they doing? I know. Is it resources? Is it studying us? Are we like ants to them? Or are we fascinating?

Which one is it? Are we boring? By the way, just a side note, you said your doctor friend's religious. Did you ever think you'd like religious people? It's come so far and things have gotten so weird that I'm i used to be like a religious guy look at this nut now i'm like oh this guy's got some values and maybe a little level-headed yeah and religion is totally flipped yeah yeah yeah it's really uh it's become edgy now yes it's very edgy totally

yeah this guy's like hey man i'm a non-binary goddamn i'm a non-binary uh hashish user I'm a non-binary, goddamn. I'm a non-binary Hashish user. I'm a poet. You're like, you're fucking lame, dude. Yeah, yeah, you're too much work. This religious guy, he's got a family, he goes to school, he's normal. He's doing, it's counterculture now. It's counterculture.

Yeah. That used to be the other way. It's kind of weird how we're kind of trapped in that. Yeah. At this point i think cyclical is there anything new coming and we need it well we had the internet that was the last new thing and it shook it all up but i feel like bill maher where like i haven't changed you guys have right don't you feel like because you know like you're a liberal guy what do you mean you still

like hookers you're not married and yeah you claim to be liberal but you you cozy up to a lot of conservatives well yeah i think we all do. No, like Bill Barr, yeah. Yeah, like, oh, I see. But I just hate, like, you know, we have friends who are conservative, and people go, whoa, you hang out with that guy? I'm like, well, wait, now who's the bigot? Right. You know, he's still a nice guy.

Right. You know, but I just think it's weird. Like, you're a liberal guy, but things have shifted so much that you've said things where people are like, is he Republican? Yeah, yeah. You know, but you're like, no, I'm just the same guy i was before you guys shifted yeah no yeah now if you go like if you go like all right so we're putting migrants up in five-star hotels yeah you go okay look i i want their well-being but like is this is this sustainable right and then they go yeah yeah that's a right wing talking yes talking point all right uh yeah so what's your solution you go they just go they don't have one they don't have one but you're a bad guy yeah and most of them

don't even contribute to the taxes yeah yes yes just live in like an ideal world of ideas and you're going like everyone we're all paying for them to stay at five-star hotels right one of my favorite news stories right now because it's hilarious it's so funny they're in four and five-star hotels and you're a working man and you can't go there that's too much money i was like what did they just go at hotel tonight and they're like so did they pick i mean they get to fucking pick i'm staying in a fucking house i put my opener to Holiday Inn in Dallas. And he has papers. He's from Long Island. His dad's a cop. He serves his country.

Yeah, yeah. But now, now, it's almost like the rehab guy. Like, wait, you did heroin for 20 years, and now you're at a place in Malibu? What the hell? I'm going to do heroin. I thought I was the good guy for not doing heroin, and you're off at Sunny Acres or whatever the hell they call it. Shady whatever. Which is what I love about you.

You're a big proponent of the middle class. Love the middle class. They work hard. They support everything. Yes. That's the problem in this country, and that's why we're both voting for Andrew Yang and RFK Jr. Yeah.

I don't know. I don't know. Andrew Yang, I don't even know if he's running. We're comedians. Stop making us thought leaders. I know. I know. I'm sick of that, too.

I hate it. I hate it. I'm sick of people going people go hey i got through half your podcast i didn't know you were center left yanni it's like i'm a comedian yes listen to the next episode i'm gonna say something racist stick around exactly i'll get something you like yeah i hate when they pick and choose like i saw david tell on stage once he goes what do you do sir and the guy goes i work for nickelodeon he goes no wonder i'm hard you know it's a funny joke yeah but it's funny because he's not hard.

Right. And so when you say the racist thing, they go, oh, you're racist. You're like, that was the hard thing. That was the joke. It's funny because I'm not. Right. But then if you say another thing, they go, oh, that's a joke. Like, well, how come that one can't be a joke?

Well, I think that's a perfect example of what we were talking about before of being conditioned by AI and people acting like that. Ah, right. Because AI doesn't understand context nuance irony humor yeah so point and people are taking things literally and saying just hearing the word and they're acting like an algorithm yes going that's the word that's the word that's so true yeah so they they don't contact they just don't and people are acting robotic they really are but here's the problem i'm okay with the acting robotic. They really are. But here's the problem. I'm okay with the acting robotic. But if you go, no, actually, that was a joke.

And they go, nah, nah, nah. And you're like, so now you're telling me how I felt. Right. Or you're telling me what I think, and you're never wrong. Right. They never retract. Right. That's what bugs me.

You've got to retract. Well, they're in the content game, too. So you're like, well, you're not going to ruin my moment. Yes. I'm going to take you down. Yes! I'm a content creator too. Exactly. And my content is finding what Mark Norman did. Well, that's why I think we keep glomming onto these Lex Freedmans, these Hubermans,

we like these autistic-y, fact-based dudes who are just like, I work out, I believe in science, I believe in this, that, one plus one equals two. We keep going to these guys. They're all over the internet. I've never seen these guys before as celebrities. And now they are because I think we're just like, just tell me what's what and I can't deal with this fluidity anymore. Right. Well, I'll sum it up for you.

Get some sunlight. Make sure you breathe heavy. This guy's a millionaire on sunlight. He figured it out sunlight breathe breathe hold it yeah get a little second hold it and then let all the carbon dioxide out and you'll be fucking fine here's your million dollar check thank you if you have postpartum depression or you just got a terminal cancer diagnosis do a cold plunge you'll be fine dude drink some vitamin c yeah and talk about going back to the beginning again it's like you always say we always go back cyclical we've just gone back to sunlight eating meat you know carnivore it just keeps going back caveman diet whatever the fuck you know and

it's interesting you say that because also there's like uh I think people are going very skeptical of Western medicine too yeah science yes so everything's going back it keeps going back to me live I'm gonna beat it with my new system yes exactly holistic and you know the Amish are sitting back going we told you you all made fun of us with the inbreeding and the butter churning. The Native Americans are going, we told you it wasn't bacteria that killed us. It was the demon spirit. And you guys are right. It's the devil. It's the trans-Nazi liberal mafia that got us.

Now let me throw an immigration thought at you. You're big on this. Well, I just don't. I'm not smart enough to know what the right answer is. Is it going to be similar to the text? Like, get them out, catapult them back over? back over yeah fuck the wall go with the catapult a trebuchet but so you know what's weird there's two sides let them in don't let them in i don't know what's right what's wrong i'm just observing but the the don't let them the let them inside always says

well you're a fucking immigrant how about that And my argument is that is a terrible argument because we killed everybody. Right. So you're saying let them in, but then you call me an immigrant, but my ancestors slaughtered Native Americans. Right. So isn't that a horrible argument? You see what I'm saying? For you, but I didn't slaughter anyone. Well, I didn't either.

My ancestors didn't. I guess mine didn't either, but they go, white guy. Hey, white guy, you slaughtered all the Indians. And I'm like, well, now you're making an argument to not let immigrants in. Right. Now I see what you're saying. Yeah, because they're going to slaughter everybody when they get here. Yeah, exactly.

Well, that's according to them. Yeah, because what they're missing is people are shit. Yeah. Yeah, they're missing that. No matter what their immigration status, they're shit. Yeah, and no matter what race or country or nationality, we're human nature selfish cunts yes we are and we kill whatever's closest yeah not necessarily racist i mean protestants and catholics been killing you kill whatever you have access to yeah and you kill whatever's different yeah you kill whatever's a little

different and what's closest to you and if there's a little difference you know then you just kill it yeah because we always talk about race war race war but like look at the hooters and the shootsies or whatever the fuck they're called. The Tutsus. Look at what people do in their own family. They kill their own wives and cousins. What different race was your wife? There's not a lot of mixed race murders.

That's true. You never noticed that? Good point. Yeah, you never see a lot of like, hey, mulatto kids. I don't know if that's the right terminology. I think it's called swirl or fusion. Fusion couple, yeah. I never see a lot of white guy killing black woman.

Great point. Rampage killers or whatever they're called. Maybe they're too scared of being called racist. Maybe it's just that different immune system pussy is just what makes you happy. Yes, yes. It's like the kids are beautiful. Robert, you know, De Niro's happy.

Yeah. De Niro's happy. He's on his sixth black wife or something like that. That's right. Bill Burr, black wife. Happy. Happy. Not really.

Well, who can tell with him? No, you're right. This is a, because my lady's a true crime fanatic. It's all day long with the true crime. And it's a lot of white wife, white husband, black wife black husband a lot of that but rarely interracial does she ever go like kill kill me she loves just she gets so obsessed with it she's like kill me tonight well she loves that bedroom violent throw me around call me crazy shit and i'm a comedian so i'm terrible at it you know it's like insult me i'm like yeah you. You know, no one tells you it has to be sexy too.

Right, right. I'm like, yeah, you're a fat idiot. You know. Yeah, a lot of girls do like that. They like to be dominated like they just are into it. Yeah. Is that caveman shit? Is that just going back to the old day?

What is it? Or are women pampered a little all day so they want to get it out at night with the violence? I'm no psychiatrist. I don't know. I'm no, I don't know who covers that. Neuros i don't know who covers that neuroscience i don't know they got brain scans for it now i don't know if you know that like we're getting to the point now where um well i wanted to make a point i don't want to lose it but don't lose it don't lose it i'll

keep this one oh give me a keyword get back to um being able to read minds okay reading minds the peg floyd song what they just did oh i didn't hear big news yeah it's just like like like you said it does it hasn't misgendered anyone yeah it's not big news exactly it's not racist yet um it's not fat phobic or or yelling at their backup dancers allegedly hilarious gotta have conflict yeah football fans, are you ready? Week one is coming up. DraftKings Sportsbook is hooking us up with a can't-miss offer to start the season strong. This week, customers can bet just $5 on college football and score $200 in bonus bets instantly. Crazy. So go right now to DraftKings and get it started. I like to bet on college football immediately.

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Like when you get into the details of white. Yes. Nobody cares about the white people. I think white people care more about minorities than they do about white people. 100%. There was no march. You know, people don't march for white. Like white people don't get together to march for any whiteys.

No, no, that's so true. And people are like white supremacy. I'm like, I don't even think about Greg. Yeah. You know know he's the last guy i'm thinking i'm thinking about me we're actually very selfish yeah you know and the only reason we care about minorities is to look good right you know because it's not that i don't care about them but i don't care about honkies either right i don't care about anybody and i

think that might be the best way to live yeah just fix your own shit yeah you just look at europe and you go i'm not sure that they're all in on the same thing yeah murdering each other for a couple of thousand years like totally literally murdering each other and they're all white they're all whiteys some of the sicilians are on the ukrainians and russians right now you're going like is that a different language how are you different so true just one imaginary line that's it and they're just slaughtering each other so yeah i don't i don't know if it's really just that so that's just the funny point i want to make about that but yeah now they're um they are uh they're being able to ray read brainwaves and could detect the song pink floyd so the logical conclusion is they will be able to read your mind based on a brain scan they will be able

to they'll be able to that's not good have words for they'll they'll be able to have words. They'll be able to figure out language based on brainwaves. What is the Pink Floyd thing? I don't get what does that mean. So they were able to detect the song. Oh, wow. Pink Floyd's The Wall or something by brainwaves. I'd nail it. Good way to catch pedophiles.

They're going to catch everybody. Now, like like you say we can't put pandora back in the box yeah that's no good ai is we've we have an invention now that's the new thing is yes you know the ai is like this is a this is uh something for the first time that we've taught to think yes like we created something to think big mistake so you think it is you think we should put pandora back in the box and we should go with it and get an AI, get an AI white,

like a lot of good could come out of it, right? A lot of good. They say it'll cure cancer. If you fucking AI, they're going to be able to make an AI woman. Yes. Have you ever fucked a flashlight? Yes, yes, I have, yes.

It feels great. It's great. If you get a lube in there, not that I know. Well, yes, I tried. We did it together. Yeah. We had a long one we fucked each end and we jizzed on each other's dicks but here's why ai is not good right you keep saying the sex robot thing right what do i want least in a sex robot than human emotion i don't want a sex robot going i have a headache or whatever he defiled me.

No, that's why I got you, the fucking robot. And it's the same with women. You don't want a vibrator being like, you're not so fresh. You know, that's gonna fuck you up. Right. So I think once the sex robots get emotion,

we're gonna shut the whole thing down. Right. Because some nerd scientist is gonna be plowing his lady, or his sex robot, and she's gonna be like, I didn't ask for this, or whatever, and he's gonna go,

all right, this is not good. Right, because they start thinking. Yes. And then we'll do, hell, let's's going to be like, I didn't ask for this, or whatever, and he's going to go, all right, this is not good. Right, because they start thinking, yeah. Yes. And then we'll do, hell, let's go back to the beginning,

and I want to fuck a real thing again. Yes, yes. A real thing. But the sex robots will be a window into like, oh, this is a bad idea, I think,

you know, because if they get human emotion, then the combat robots get human emotion, then we're fucked. Oh, yeah. So it's better if they just act like psychopathic people yeah without emotions yes so it's the emotions that make us dangerous

it kind of is 100 yeah yeah kind of is you see a woman flipping out a restaurant that's emotion yeah are emotions real oh yeah yeah very real too real yeah and and i think that's a lady thing where i think women get hurt and they have have this weird thing in their head where they believe they have carte blanche to, like, scorch earth. Right. And you're like, well, you're just hurt. I guess guys do it, too. But, you know, you, like, you zing a woman, and she'll hold that to the grave. But an emotion can be, like, it can be an illusion, right?

Like, if you watch a movie and you get scared, you're scared, but it's not real. You're not in a— Well, the visual isn're scared, but it's not real. You're not in a... Well, the visual isn't real, but the emotion is real. Right. So I think emotions are... That's the other scary part is that you can manifest them without even the actual thing. Like you're having that fight or flight. You're at paranormal activity in the Midtown Times Square Theater, and you're having that,

ah, it's the same with sex. Like your body doesn't know, your dick doesn't know you have a condom on. Right. It's trying to reproduce. Right, right. I get what you're saying. Yeah. How do you, uh, how do you deal with it? Do you have fight or flight? Do you ever get into that pattern? Oh, all the time. All the time. Yeah, I'm a mess.

I just, I don't know, I grew up in a southern waspy family, and you bottle. You bottle it. Yeah, and then you come out with the booze, or you punch a pillow, or you kill a hooker whatever it is yeah how come why is that overlooked as a solution that's a great it's been it's worked from it's worked for a long time killing hookers yeah yeah jack the ripper yeah it's like bottling it up you know just kind of throwing some booze on it pouring some liquid alcohol on it. Yeah.

Holding it down, pushing it down. It works. Pushing it down works. It worked. It worked for, well, I mean, we've been in a million wars, but it worked, you know, my dad did it and he never hit anybody. Right. What do you mean? So he just held it down, you felt?

Held it down. He was an angry guy. You know, he was just always bubbling, like anything would set him off. But I think he just, I think men could do that a little more. Yeah. Yeah. Not saying it's good, but you think men could do that a little more. Yeah, yeah. Not saying it's good, but you could at least work that muscle. Yeah. Of learning how to hold, because now everyone has one discomfort,

and they go to Twitter and just start going off. Right, or they just hit their lady. Yeah. Hit your lady because what are you going to do, go hit another guy and get hit? Right. And we've taught everybody that you're special, you're important, you're aware of the highway. So they're like, I hit that guy, but I was hurting.

And you're like, I know, but you still hit a guy. Yeah. You know, that's what drives me fucking nuts about society today. Like Chappelle makes a trans joke, which everybody gets mad about. And then some guy tackles him with a knife. And people are like, well, he made a joke. And you're like, wait, our priorities are all off.

Yeah, but you have to ask the guy who charged him with a knife, people are like well he made a joke and you're like wait our priorities are all off yeah but you have to ask the guy who charged him with a knife how has society failed you yeah exactly exactly it's never his fault no no yeah you're right it's it's it's getting it's um it's flipped where we're so worried about the words and the misgendering and all that and i'm not saying that's good but attacking someone with a knife is worse right the problem with empathy is it's endless yeah it doesn't end and that's why these people get caught up great sentence and then people flip on them yeah because you're playing the empathy game and you're going i'm out here for this population i'm out here for that's what happened to lizzo i'm out here representing yes and then people the shysters go all right you're vulnerable Because you're supposed to be. And so any little thing you do, because you said you're out here for the big girls, but what you forgot to mention was you're a diva cunt.

Like the rest of them, because that is sort of the prototypical personality. Of course. Of someone who's fawned upon and has sickle fans everywhere. Ellen. Yeah, you forgot that little detail. Yes. Because you're playing up this other part. Exactly.

Yeah, you care about fat people because you're fat. Right. And you hire fat girls because it makes you look good. everywhere ellen yeah you forgot that little detail playing up this other part exactly care about fat people because you're fat right and you hire fat girls because it makes you look good but people forgot that you made us want to touch strip whatever they yeah yeah it's all for you it's like when you you book a show and someone goes hey you need more diversity on the lineup and that means that black guy's going hey book me yeah but then i go oh you're right and i book an asian he's like what the fuck i'm like oh i think it's a diversity so you're full you just want to get booked it's all we're all selfish pieces of garbage yeah we are and that's what used to make altruistic actions special right because they were real because we knew we were selfish pieces of shit and um and

that's what used to make people less extreme right politics because it's like look i'm a liberal because guess what i'm poor and i'm whatever yes and then when i got rich and like all right i changed a little bit yeah okay that's what people do that's exactly right kind of more understood it but now everyone pretends that there's some sort of pure yes yes theorist and like they toe the line no matter what it's like you're full of shit right you're full of shit yeah because you can say all the right things online you know you go hey the earth is crumbling. Climate change is a problem. Then you get on your private jet. Yeah.

You know, or you get in your smart car, which has cobalt mines in Africa, and kids are dying. But you got the tweet out. Yeah. So you're good. You get the tweet out, and you get on your private jet, and you dump your next girl that turns 25. Yeah. Isn't that a climate? That's got to be a climate hazard, just the sheer volume of women that he's wasting.

Oh, my God. Just use one and reuse it. That's not very green. That's got to be a climate hazard just to shear a volume of women that he's wasting. Oh, my God. Just use one and reuse it. That's not very green. That's brilliant. Write that down. That's gold. We're at bar four. It's recorded.

This one's recorded. Hallelujah. This one is recorded. So, yeah. Great point. Yeah, it's a good point. And your dad and you and your mom all grew up in New Orleans. New Orleans.

I said it right, and that was a last second decision. Because I was about to say New Orleans. Yeah, yeah. I was out on Houston Street the other day. For you guys, that's the equivalent. Exactly. New Orleans. New Orleans.

Yeah, New Orleans. And that was always interesting to me as a guy from Brooklyn, because I knew nothing about New Orleans. I went there to do the Joker's Cruise. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And then that was the only time I've been in New Orleans, I went there to do the Joker's Cruise. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And then that was the only time I've been in New Orleans. And I saw a homeless guy chase another homeless guy with a knife bleeding. Yeah.

And I saw, this is, I swear to God. And then I was walking in the tourist area, whatever that is. And I saw a guy hit another guy with a brick. Really? Yeah, yeah. That's a big day. Yeah. And then we were, it was me, Nate, and Ari went to some casino there, gambled some money.

Errors. We were on some main street, which is very dangerous at night. Canal. And Ari went and took out cash from an ATM at like 2 in the morning. And I was going like, don't do that. Yeah. And he did it because he needs to feel. Sure, sure.

And New Orleans is sketchy. Everybody said, oh, you're moving to New York. Are you nervous? And I said, New Orleans is way more dangerous than New York. New York's got its problems, but at least there's people around. Right. You know, New Orleans, you can just hit a guy with a brick and walk away. It's kind of what I witnessed.

Yeah. Everyone else was like, are you all right? And they just scuffled him over there, and he was bleeding already. I think he was bleeding already. Yeah. He had him with a beer. He was bleeding more. Yeah.

And they're like street people, so they have a strength that we don't. They can take bricks. Yes. And there's some crank going through the veins, I'm sure. It's adrenaline, he's bleeding more. Yeah. And they're like street people, so they have a strength that we don't. They can take bricks. Yes. And there's some crank going through the veins, I'm sure. It's adrenaline, yeah. I was at New Orleans with a bunch of comics, and Andy Haynes was there. And he was going, you guys need to shut up. It's not that bad here.

Because Joe List was like, man, I'm telling you, this area is crazy. And he's like, shut up. You're always bitching about the kooks and the bums. Right where we're saying that, we're outdoors at a restaurant, and a guy got stabbed in the street in front of us. And Joe List is like, all right, what are we doing here? Most point proven I've ever seen in my life. Yeah, what did Andy Haynes say after that?

He said, I'll have the swordfish or whatever. He just tried to avoid it, which is what everybody does. Because even then he wanted to stay right. Exactly. Right. Exactly. People want to be right no matter what. They want to be right.

They want to have their moment, like he said. It's so true it's it's really i've noticed a lot in this era there's not a lot of yeah i think you were i might have been wrong about that never you never see that anymore everyone's like a borderline personality like yeah disorder that's like my mother she never admitted like she never said oh i'm wrong about that it's like it's a dictatorial everyone's yes everyone's like their own little dictator and telling you like it is. They hate Trump, but they kind of act Trumpy. Yeah, they act very Trumpy.

So it's a weird time. They have their little castle and they issue their edicts from their Twitter profiles and their whatever, if they're over 50 from their Facebook or under 20 from their Snapchat, over a dick pic. I guess it's going to get to that point.

A dick pic, but also, you know, feed the homeless. Feed the homeless. That's true. Stop cockfighting. You're like, wait, what? I'm getting mixed messages here with the dick and the cock. Yeah. Yeah, no, you're right.

That's a great billboard. Yeah, and you were progressive before progressive started. You were raised by a transgendered woman. Transvestite. Transvestite transvestite different yeah that you know the nuance shows cross-dressing right yes eddie izzard raised yes basically but he looked like ving rames big black guy um and isn't it wild when you gotta call one who can't pull it off ma'am i never did because your brain's going sup, brah. Yeah, of course. But your mouth's going, hey, ma'am.

Yeah. So true. So true. But yeah, big, big black guy. And it gets normal. Everybody's like, these drag queens are raising kids at the schools. And I'm like, it does get normal. After like a week, you're like, eh, that's Enos.

But that was his name. It's too perfect. The drag queen thing is so weird because everybody's like they're not grooming kids and i'm like i agree i don't think they're grooming kids but there's still a drag queen in a story hour in a three-year-old's classroom or five-year-old whatever it is and i'm like it's very odd yeah it's just a way like how do we get here yeah this is a big shift well i think i made the joke it was true on your podcast, which I had a blast on, was, yeah, I wouldn't even want you at my daughter's school. And your great comic was not that dirty. Right, right.

But I wouldn't want you saying, you know, fuck or anything. Yeah. Let alone Aaron Berg. I mean, Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. You go in there, what are you? Look at this Asian. Yeah.

Okay, look at you. All the black cock. I'm like, she's four. Yeah. Imagine Louis J. Gomez showing up. Oh. Okay. Good point.

Good point. They're just comedians. And you like those guys. They're hilarious. You have nothing against them. No. Nor drag queens. They're my colleagues.

Yeah. I wouldn't want me showing up. Yes. God forbid. Exactly. I show up in a wig. I'm like, what's up, ladies? It's true.

You know, there needs to be, and it's funny cause these are like, yeah, these would be like conservative. You know, they're just now, like we're like being like, we're being straight. We're being straight edge. Like hey, leave the kids alone. We're being squares. Yeah, that's what I meant, squares.

But not really, we're just being like, hey, didn't that used to be a line? Cause like if there was one drag queen, we would cheer it. Cause like, yeah, come on, she broke the rules. But now it's like, hey, didn't that used to be a line? Because if there was one drag queen, we would cheer it, because like, yeah, come on, she broke the rules. But now it's like, alright, guys. Can we bring back the line of bring back the line of like, go to the night, get back in the

fucking nightclub. Yes, say the dirty jokes, and then high kick, and have the boa, and that's all great, but it's just weird. The weird part is, I don't even care about the drag queen. I just care that if you go, that's a little weird. I came out of nowhere. I'd be like, oh, my God, you have one of these guys who says they groove.

I'm like, I'm just saying it's a little weird. And the fact that you can't acknowledge that is also weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even though, you know, it's like you're trying to deny reign. You're trying to deny it's weird. Yes, I just need the acknowledgement or I'll just start going, am I i crazy i guess i'm crazy i guess i'm a psycho you know and even them it's like no you just if i was a guy looking trance yeah you know what i mean yeah i would have a little more of a sense of humor like you just have to you know it's like yeah why is it all or

nothing yeah why is it better in this yeah why is it got to be like can't you understand a little bit yeah it's why i might i might slip once yes and be like come on bro like it just might you know and we understand the the nuance you got a beard you have a beard beard and a bulge but like we can understand the nuance of gender maybe i'm a little fluid i'm on the gay spectrum but we can't have any kind of opinion spectrum that's a great point like you can't have any, there's no spectrum for how you might've interpreted. Yeah. Yeah.

Just immediately. You're a bigot. Like, well, wait, how, how do I like I'm on the interpretation spec. I'm on the interpretation spectrum.

I'm non-binary with my interpretation. I'm fluid. You're saying, call me she, but I see a lot of things. There you go. I see a male. I see a female.

I see a dick. I'm getting, I'm getting different data. things. There you go. I see a male, I see a female, I see a dick. I'm getting different data. Yes, exactly. But to me, that's where it becomes a little authoritarian, where it's like you have to think this, and you're like, but what if I don't? I can't tell my brain what to do. It just sees things.

It's like being gay. It's like this pussy is hot. Like, I'm gay. I don't like it. Like, how come I can be gay, but I can't? You allow that opinion or that feeling, but you can't allow the other confused feeling. To me, it's a little sad because I feel like the gays made so much headway, and they were there. It's like they won.

This is an old Marcus Aurelius quote that I always love. I love Aurelius. Yeah, he goes, you know, you got to know when to pick up the plow and put down the sword. I mean, like the war's over. Yeah. The war's over. Put down the sword and pick up the plow. Interesting.

Right? The war happened. And so what happens with a lot of these activists, because it's their identity, it's their job, there's some financial, they just keep going. Right. And they do more harm. So it's like you won the war gay marriage there was a point where like 70 something percent of republicans were for gay marriage which is like unheard of yeah we grew up in an era with sure right wing

was the base was christian conservative yes and gays were considered like devil friends weirdos now you got the right going like we don't care about gay marriage anymore it's like all right this is your time to just like recede back into club, suck each other's dicks, and enjoy, enjoy. Enjoy the progress. Yeah, stop trying to push it into fucking the middle of Alabama. It's like, they're not into it. Right. It's like going to Europe and going, like, fuck this soccer stuff.

Play basketball. Yeah. Like, fuck, we love, you can't. We love soccer. It's our culture. Yes. We're Christian. We do, we're just, we're okay with can't. We love soccer. It's our culture. Yes. We're Christian. We do,

we're just, we're okay with what you do. Let them live. Let them live, which is the most you can achieve in America is like, let people live, let them have their cultures

because they're Christian shit. That's their culture. Right. And it's just as good. Who's to say what's better? Exactly. You know, they're having a great time playing board games

or sucking each other off through a sheet. I don't know what they do. I don't know what these fucking religious people, how they fuck, but they're having a great time it makes it hotter way hotter i mean dude it makes it hotter yeah like i remember like getting jerked off it's a pg getting jerked i have a kid now so it always goes through my mind oh yeah should i just go full gaffigan i remember getting fanky pinky behind a Behind a rock With a Catholic girl

And it was hotter Just for the cycle So hot It's almost worth The religion's almost worth it For what they produce Yes The naughty girls

That they produce It's almost worth it I want them to go through That repression Just to make it hotter Of course What's hot What's hot

Exactly It's not hot And you gotta keep upping it Like when I was a kid Make America hot again. We need a big Christian right-wing movement to get everything down, and then it's hot again because we're breaking rules. Right on the Isla Tola.

Yeah. Well, when I was a kid, people would get married to get laid. Like they were so pent up, and you were a Catholic, so you couldn't fuck pre-marriage, premarital sex. So they'd get married. They'd make a lifelong decision just for some pussy one night. That's how hot it was. That's hot, yeah.

Hot. Did you grow up Catholic? I didn't, but I went to Catholic school. New Orleans is a very Catholic city. South, you know. And so my parents were atheists. So I got to just kind of look back. And I went to Catholic school as an atheist.

So I was a weirdo. I didn't know how to do the cross thing or the communion so why did they send you to catholic schools and atheists i went to public school my whole life and it was getting a little dicey you know and i was getting beat up fights and you hang out with the wrong crowd and then they're like you're going to cat you're going to catholic high school so you just but you none of that stuff swayed you when you were in there no No. I thought it was. It's weirder when you're amongst everyone and you're the outsider because you're like, oh, man, all that shit, the holy water, the cross, and this and that, and the priests are weird. You're like a spy. You're like a spy.

Totally. Totally. I fell total fish out of water, and it made it way weirder. I'd go to church. I'd sleep at my friend's house. You wake up Sunday morning, and they're like, we're going to church. And I was like, weird i'd go to church i'd sleep my friend's house you know you wake up saturday sunday morning and they're like we're going to church and i was like i've never been to church in my life and you're sitting there like jesus is up there shirtless the weird photos with blood and stabbing and i was like this sucks who's this for it's

really a little bit of a downer yeah oh yeah the psalms and all that oh god hated it white churches that way you can go black and white. You can make a distinction because all white churches are downers. Yeah, 100%. And you go to a black church and you're like, damn, this is. It's a party. I don't know why I'm crying. Yeah.

This is where I'm going. Yes. And someone who gets up and sings and you're like, Jesus Christ. Yeah. I mean, the black church has broken so many cities like Brandy and Mariah Carey and Whitney. They're all from black church. Yeah, you're never going to hear about a Catholic priest putting out an album. Forever and ever.

Now, growing up atheist, are you securing that? Like, what do you feel? You're an atheist now? Yeah, well, to me, it's not like a movement or I just don't buy it. Right. I want to buy it. I wish I was religious. They have a better life. They live longer. They tend to be happier statistically. But I just don't believe

it. So I just don't know what to do. So what do you do for... You just... You work a lot. Yeah. I'm not who works. I love work. I love comedy. I got some free time. Let's squeeze this in yeah right here yes exactly you want to work i want to work and i have a big death fear and you got to get as much

uh hay plowed before the sunshine or whatever the hell it is and uh yeah big death fear and this is all we got we can put this out and in 500 years people can see it do you have any existentialist angst about like oh it's all worth nothing. Yeah, there's that. But I think the satisfaction is the accomplishment. You know, like, hey, I got this new joke working. That felt so good to get it working after all that frustrating struggling of not being able to crack it. I finally cracked it. That reward is really the good part. And then you go, let me do it again and again.

And I think that's the key to life. It's not about everybody's going, how do I get happy? You got to make it. You got to make it happy. And you got to, it's a choice. It's the opposite of cheap dopamine. Yes. I've had this realization similar to that,

that it doesn't matter what you're doing. I think America shows you these examples and makes you envious going like, like the whole reason why poor people here think they're poor is because they're watching drake all day yell about bottles of champagne and right yeah it's like take them all put them on a fucking two-day trip yeah somalia yeah say hey you guys this is poverty and then they come back here and they'll feel different great right it's a it's a trip to vacate it's a vacay to somalia therapy yeah everyone who thinks For everyone who thinks they're poor, where you can get a dollar burger, you can get an iPhone, you're wearing Nikes. Right.

Nobody's poor in America. No. Relative. Flat screen, two cars, iPhone. Yeah, good sneakers. They all have a necklace. They all have tattoos. Tattoos aren't cheap.

They're not cheap. Exactly. tattoos aren't cheap they're not cheap exactly and i think that would give perspective and let us know like all right if there's a town that doesn't have clean water we need to fix that because like this isn't somalia yes right so agreed if a place doesn't have clean water you're like all right we need to that's something i think republicans and democrats can agree on something yes yes everyone gains some perspective right from that it's like well again it's got to be juicy like the george floyd blm It's like – Well, again, it's got to be juicy. Like the George Floyd BLM, everybody's like, I'm donating immediately.

This is insane. Holy shit. And it was just such a movement. But then you go, Flynn has no water. And they go, eh, they'll figure it out. But it wasn't sexy. You've got to make it. You've got to brand.

And I think it's because people have – we've gotten so good at marketing. Yes. And there's such a – the profit motive is really what America's about. Right. No, we're here for the principle of interest, not in nothing in the interest of principle. And we've gone full blown interest now where everyone's become their own Madison Avenue, uh, you know, quaff kind of marketer. A hundred percent. I mean, Trump is all marketing. That's just marketing. And what you do is you're manipulating the chemicals in people's brains. Yeah.

You're getting them hyped up. You're releasing endorphins, angry, stuff like that. We've become drug dealers. We're all dealing each other drugs. Yeah. Some of us get high on our own supply and that's bad. It's like you got to choose now. Right.

Whether you're going to be a depressed drug consumer or a drug user. If I'm putting out the fucking salacious content, then I can't consume it. Because then I'm going to – it's like we're all – That's great. We're all kind of moralist drug dealers for profit. Yeah. We're shameless whore. Shameless whore.

This is the United States of Apple and Amazon and Google. Yeah. USA, I'm good. And it's all chemical. It's really like manipulating each other's brains because what you said is the truth. And I think people would mistake that and go, I got to become a comedian like Mark Norman. You can't. Trust me.

I'm a professional comedian. It's a lot of work. There's only one Mark Norman. He has a natural ability. It's not like you work hard, but your brain goes, joke. Maybe. You follow you on Twitter. You go, this guy's got a brilliant joke mind.

Oh, thanks. It's like an athlete. No, you don't get to where you're getting without any natural talent. That's the lie people are being told. Oh, I thought it was mostly work, like 90-10. What do you think? You think LeBron just has a God's gift? LeBron 90-10?

Yeah, he's 69. Now you're at the top level, right? So you're at the top level of comedy. And I'm a professional's gift. I mean, is LeBron 90-10? Yeah, he's 6'9". Now you're at the top level, right? So you're at the top level of comedy. So that was like, you know, and I'm a professional too. I'm close there. I'm not where you are, but I'm up. But we're pros, right?

Yeah, yeah. If you go see us live, you'll tell the difference between us and somebody you saw on TikTok. Great point. There's no question about that. Yes, yes. We're at the top.

The guys who get to the top, it's hard work, but there's also, because I had a couple of sports, and I could see the athletes. They're freaks. It's like there's a difference. And I'm not talking about what you can create with 14 seconds on TikTok and make people think that the show is going to be that. Sure.

It's not. You go see Mark, the show is going to be that. Yeah. I don't want to sound crazy, but if you see me, wire to wire, you're going to get a show. It's going to be great. Because I trained in that. Yes. I was always fine. I have a talent for it. Yeah, you have a knack. And you're gonna get a show it's gonna be great because I trained in that and I was always fun

I have a talent for it yeah you have a knack and you have a knack for it it's like when you get to that top level there is you get separated by inches

by like there's something innate like when you see an athlete I mean I have a picture of Gronkowski his fucking hands look like a catcher's mitt wow

it's like 6'6", 6'7", and all that but his hands and then Terrell Owens I remember meeting him they look like aliens they look like a catcher's mitt wow six six six seven and all that but his hands and then terrell owens i remember meeting him they look like aliens it looks like wow yeah look at troy acheman on television when he's commentating just look at the hand look at these guys hands barkley's like six four but there's just something his head yes yes because you know you go i played i tried to try out for a division one team, two guards, 6'4". The heights are similar.

There's just a little difference. Yeah. A little extra oomph. Yes. A little extra speed. You watch the Kobe. I watched Kobe's doc, and he's got the height, but the mind, he's just like, I'm going to outwork you.

I'm going to stay in the gym longer. I'm going to stay on the court longer. But he's also 6'7". Exactly. Very agile. But I'm saying you get those two together, and it'm going to stay on the court longer. But he was also 6'7". Exactly. Very agile. But I'm saying you get those two together and it's over. You get those two together, that's what makes the time. Yes, yes, exactly.

So I would say, I don't know if it's 90-10, it's mostly hard work. Mostly hard work. We all know funny guys who are like, this is the funniest guy at the bar. He's killing everybody. He's funnier than me. And he goes on stage, you're like, this guy's a natural, but he just drinks too much, smokes a bunch of weed all day doesn't work at it and then he becomes a line cook right and then you got those guys who have no talent who are working yes yes sometimes i'll go to their pages just like it's impressive i get curious and i'm like they're still doing i know and they're like got three bar shows four bar shows yeah i mean there's some delusion in

that or sure makes them feel good but they work hard yeah it's just uh in this era anything's possible so you can get one clip up and make it happen but um technically i think live like we're like athletes and if you see us live that's where it you can separate where people are 100 like i remember listening to some story with louis ck he said chris rocked at snl. Then he went on the road for two years. And you're like, ah, Chris is a funny guy. Whatever. He came back and they all said, oh, he's doing a show at Carolina. Let's go see him. He'd been gone for two years. And they were all like,

it was bringing the pain. And they were like, what the fuck is this? Who's this guy? This is the best thing I've ever seen. I could never do that. Cut to, I don't know, ten years later, you got chewed up which is a masterpiece so you could do it yeah but it's just about the work right they had to work as hard as chris rock did right yeah it's um yeah and seeing them live is where it all you can see the full you can see

the it's the the best way to consume comedy and it doubt about it. And it's where you can see, you really can consume and feel the level of the skill. Yes. And the comedian that you're watching. It's like porn. If you fuck somebody versus watching fucking them. That's a great analogy. You know, it's you feel the ass, the dick going in your ass and all that, you know, and then you cum. So, yeah, it's totally different.

Live is the way to go. Every special you lose 28% of that magic. It is true, because just live is the best, but when you watch it, it's the jokes. You get enthralled by the material, I think, more than the energy. The energy is a part of it when you're live with other people, but

when you watch the jokes, it's... When something's really good, I've had this realization too, when something's really good, you can enjoy it alone. Like, basic stuff you enjoy with people. Yeah. But when you watch the jokes, it's, when something's really good, I've had this realization too, when something's really good, you can enjoy it alone. Like basic stuff you enjoy with people, like noises, like beats, you know,

like just like normal beats. You're like, you get like hypnotized as a group. When something's really good, you can kind of enjoy it alone and the person next to you can be enjoying it for totally different reasons.

Yes. Because it kind of mixes with your thing. Well, you know, this is why I like, this is why I'd go to bar four, because you were kind of heady. Like, you had funny jokes, obviously, and funny takes, but you went to a smarter place. And I think that's the best comedy. Look, we all love Stephen Wright, but when you can really get to the nitty-gritty of an idea and tear it apart and show you a new piece of it like i have all these jokes on tiktok that i can't get to people to laugh at but i'll post them on tiktok and they'll kill right they'll kill on it because it that hits somebody's brain it's not the joke's

bombing so i take it out of my act but i go fuck it i worked on it put it on tiktok or instagram and they go viral right right isn't is fascinating. It's not getting a laugh, but I think the idea is decent. So they work online. Well, I think maybe, yeah, it's just like the expectation's different when you watch something. You're more paying attention to the movie. Maybe, maybe. And then when you're in a crowd, you're consumed by that. Because something does happen to humans when they're in a group.

Yes. You could kill people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The right leader. You're just like, like okay i don't know what that is we've seen hitler do it yeah yeah something happens like they call it group thinker oh yeah it's like a phenomenon they've they've researched it it had you know followers you just become a follower yeah that awful study i can't remember where it was where people just became bad i saw that i saw that we'll just do it we'll just, he's doing it. I'm doing it.

Right. We can shift real quick. And then ideologies get made and leaders get, they start telling you what's what. You kind of believe it. Look at cults. How many cults keep happening? Gee, it's crazy.

People need a thing. Yeah. And it's all to fuck everyone's wife. Every time. The cult leader is just fucking everyone's wife. Yeah. And they just go, they fall for it. Yeah.

But the problem is, this is a society in a nutshell. You see these cults. And if you were in that cult or you were the neighbor and you went up to like 16 people and you were like, you know, this guy's a piece of shit. You're all being tricked. They'd kill you. Right. And that's how I feel as a civilian in America.

I feel like everybody's in this weird bubble, ideological, this and that. And you go, you know, this is weird. And they go, kill him. Yeah. And you're like, I'm not wrong. You're wrong. But that's how I feel. bubble ideological this and that and you go you know this is weird they go kill him yeah and you're like i'm not wrong you're wrong but that's how i feel well that's what i think makes a comedian so important to society and you can tell the health of a society is because you're just said that if you're starting to feel that there's some truth to it i didn't feel it 10 years ago right and i didn't either and i when you said it people are gonna listen to this and

go he has a point yeah it's a point like it didn't because it didn't used to And when you said it, people are going to listen to this and go, he has a point. Yeah. It is a point. Like, it didn't, because it didn't used to be that way 10 years ago. No, it was fun. It was like, oh, I got this joke working about dogs, you know. You had your societal commentary, but it wasn't like this. Like, I think that's why, like, a Tim Dillon is so big, because you just watch him on a mic, and you're like, that's kind of what I was thinking. Right, right.

Or it's just so ridiculous that you're like all right he's so being so ironic right like he had a whole thing about how uh these school shootings kept happening he's like give pedophiles guns yeah because they'll protect kids who wants kids to die less than pedophile right and that's such a ridiculous funny take but it's like it's refreshing you sit back and you're like jerking off like all right this guy's not a retard right you know he's just making jokes that was i think that was episode with me that was i was on that episode oh really it was episode 300 it was we talked it was right when the uh texas uh shoot oh we did this whole thing about uh how there should be you know uh tommy we should need uh fashion armor yeah we

need like like let's get rid of the guns why let's let's like make it mainstream like yes it's got like tommy hillfiger body armor there's a mode around the school yeah the pedophile we the pedophiles uh will guard the school because who cares about kids more than the pedophiles right so you give them guns that's great yeah i think i actually said it but it's okay sorry i heard it on the show no but it's funny because uh one of us said it but i think i might have but it was funny because we were riffing so much yeah i don't remember what he said and i don't remember right right i just um yeah it's just it was such it was and that's what i love about two-man comedy a lot of times is because something happens that's different it's a different dynamic than stand-up yes i i particularly love two-man comedy like even i love it it's something about it that's a different dynamic than stand-up. Yes. I particularly love two-man comedy. I love it.

There's something about it that's a different, and it's also a classic format. Sure. That's kind of got lost a little bit. Back in the day, it was big. Yeah. It was big. And you kind of act like the anatomy of a joke with each other.

Yes. Set up, boom. Then boom, boom. But I think a podcast allows you to breathe a little more, whereas that has to be joke, joke, joke, laugh, laugh, laugh. This, I think you can get further with a podcast and a to breathe a little more whereas that has to be joke joke joke laugh laugh laugh this can you can get i think you can get further with a podcast absolutely man but we're we're essentially doing that yeah yeah 100 i mean people think we're just having a convo but our comedian brains yeah are going okay we got a hit we got a hit yeah and that's why they watch yeah that's why they watch because we're fucking entertaining and you know don't try it at home

or try it and try to blow up i don't know what to tell you i just feel bad like i don't know yeah i don't know what to tell people now because they're everyone's like trying trying to be a comedian but let's try it let's fail yeah i mean do it i don't know 10 years of struggling and hell and open mics and bombing and and poor so do that part too by the way i don't think that's i don't think you have to anymore i mean mean try to get your online thing going and i think what we should be encouraging people to do because i don't know what else their jobs are all being taken by artificial intelligence yeah there's not many things left maybe this one will too i don't think they can i hope you're right safe ones i hope you're right it's like banging a real chick drinking a real brew and getting a real laugh

that's why they're the most recession-proof things you ever think about when recessions hit everyone's drinking yep everyone's fucking yep and everyone's going to see the comics yeah good times are horrible for comedy that's why miami's such a tough market you go there and people like this is the worst thing that happened to me all day yeah right inside listening to jokes i want to be outside doing blow fucking a Cuban girl. Yeah. I got to hear about it. Anxiety is weird. What the fuck? Turn on the merengue. This is your what special? Let's see. Then an album, then a Comedy Central hour,

then a Comedy Central half hour, then a YouTube hour, then a Netflix half hour, now a Netflix hour. So this is the- The fifth hour. The fifth hour of comedy from the great Mark Norman. Yes, yes. Soup to

nuts. It's on Netflix now. Soup to nuts. Here, here. Yeah, it's... You're one of the best comics in the country. It's crazy. Ah, jeez. I don't know about that. You are one of the best comics in the country. I think you got... You still got your Louie's, your Rock, your Bird, your Chappelle's. We're older now.

And that's... Yeah, yeah, you're not, yeah. How'd that happen? It just... Yeah, it happened. I mean, you gotta... You chapelle. We're older now. Yeah, you're not. How'd that happen? Yeah, it happened. I mean, you're going to get hair tits soon. And I give credit to Dan Soder. He calls it hair tits. Hair tits is great. Hair tits is the greatest expression.

I feel like Soder's back. He's on a rampage. Soder is just, talk about that. You just get wowed by his talent. Oh, the voices, the characters he makes up. He'll go in a whole scenario, and you're like, you just get wowed by his talent oh the voices the characters he makes up he'll go in a whole scenario and you're like how did you have the confidence to do that yeah i uh whenever i do a pod with him like i'll see comments and stuff and like i'll just go hey yeah i just when you do it you just gotta turn your thing off that's what it

is take it you just take it people like yeah the other guy who's the other guy all right i just gotta take it because i was enjoying it too. Yes, yes. He also calls laughing face nut. Oh, that's great. That's great. But hair tits is the greatest. Hair tits is gold.

Yeah. I love it. I want to get some hair tits. Yeah, yeah. So Soup to Nux is out on Netflix. You are one of the best comics in the country. Ah, well, that's not. You got Jimmy Carr is very good.

There's a lot of good ones. And Mulaney. It's a whole league. It's a whole league. There's a whole league. There's a lot of good ones. And you're as good as the best out there. All right.

Take it easy. It's crazy. No, it's crazy because I'd known you since a long time. Yeah, you saw the ugly early days. It's never early. It was always machine. It was always like, I'm coming with me. You always had material.

I had material. I'm so scared of bombing. The feeling still haunts me. I'm in the shower going, ah, what was that? I tried that line. That was horrible. But that's what, you know. Yeah, I feel like sometimes throwing up before I go on.

But I think that's the awareness is what gets people to laugh. Because the people who are just out there bombing with no clue. Yeah. I wish I could feel that way. But then I don't think those people get you to really laugh because they're not aware of it's not worth the response you'd rather the the misery and kill than the the delusion and bomb yeah i think so like my wife will text me she's because i'll be gone for a week on the road and she's like i'm kind of nervous to see you tomorrow like it's weird i'm like that's a good sign that means we like each other when i'm when'm not nervous, I know a bomb's coming.

Oh, yeah. I had one recently, and I ate, so I knew I made the mistake. Anytime I eat- You get sluggish. And then I felt calm, and then because I'm anxious so much, I enjoyed feeling calm, and I was like, maybe this is a new leaf in my life where I'll go up calm, and there's no shortcuts. I bombed.

I bombed. You couldn't, but you've got so much experience. I feel like you could ninja out of it. It bom's no shortcuts. I bombed. I bombed. You couldn't, but you got so much experience. I feel like you could ninja out of it. It bombed for me. I see. It was a bomb for me. So it was like,

they got a show. They probably thought it was all right, but I knew I could have done so much better. And I knew I was, you know when you're out, you're not in it. Yep. It's just,

you're not in it. So my mind's going like, and then I'm like, where can, my rhythm was was off my choices were a little off i get it couldn't get into rhythm it happens was misreading the crowd a little bit yeah just uh everything was a little off so i was hitting on the punch lines so i guess a bomb's different now right so the punch lines were hitting but i wasn't in that zone where the flow i wasn't in the flow yeah i totally get it and i'm i need a little bit of that. I'm not just a punchline guy.

Totally, totally. Yeah. I love that flow. But you can feel it. I'll have my feet stepping onto the stage, and I'll grab the mic, and I go, I'm going to bomb. You just know. And I bet athletes have that too, where they're just on the court, like, stretching. Sometimes I'll watch UFC, and I'm like, I can see in that guy's eyes he's going to lose.

He knows he's going to lose. Yeah. Which is way worse, because he has to get beat up and knocked out to lose. I know what you're saying. You see them walking, you can see, like, their eyes are a little distracted, a little feverish. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, exactly. What's a bomb feel like for you now? Is it the way it used to be, or is it just like I described? Like, well, you're getting laughs, but you're just, you know it could be a lot better. The magic's not there, the rhythm's not there, but also, if I'm trying new and it's not working, that doesn't hurt as bad. Like, yeah, I tried a new joke. It's not there yet.

I'm working it out. But if it's like, if it's me, when I fucked up, my rhythm was off, I was talking too fast, or I delivered horribly, I didn't look confident, whatever it is, that's when it hurts, when you fuck it up yourself. And it's funny when someone comes up to you and they're like, it was great, and then they see you

go, ah, and they're going, what? Yeah, that is so weird. So weird. This guy's, what? Yeah. Chris Rock said that it's like, comics see ghosts that other people don't see. Whoa, so true. You're talking to another ghost,

you're talking to a comic, you see that ghost, the comic's like, yeah! And you talk to normal people, and they're like, what are you? Wow, that's so true. Because you're in this thing going, ah, it wasn't, and the guy's just looking at you going, you ever get that look back, like, I don't understand, what do you mean it wasn't good? Yes, yes. I loved it. It's nice to hear.

It's a little flattering for a second, but you're also like, nah. You're like, ah, you always, you're like, come to another, I'll do it. Yes. You almost want to give them a free take i could do better and that's what's so hard about specials because you're like that went well but it didn't have the mag i wish i could take the magic one you did in cleveland two years ago and put that on the special but you know yeah hard to bottle it yeah that it's that's why it's i almost want to put out a special where i didn't plan that it was the special i just don't record every, and then I take the one.

So true. I'm very big. I'm filming, and then I just don't do great. Right, right. I'm not in the room. I'm going like, special, special. Exactly, exactly. You're almost like doing an impression of yourself.

How did this one feel when you shot it? Well, we shot four, thank God, because the first two were like, eh, I was off. I was stiff, you know, the special. And then it was St. Paddy's Day in Chicago. So everyone was hammered. People showing up late. I'm in the middle of a bit. They're walking in.

I'm fighting with their girlfriend. I got heckled a bunch. But the second night was the day after St. Paddy's. So that was a hot crowd, and we got it on the last one. Did you know when you got off, you're like, okay, fine. That was it. Yeah, a couple of applause breaks. Like, all right, that was a hot crowd and we got it on the last one did you know when you got off you're like okay fine that was it yeah a couple applause breaks like all right that was the one they every joke got a laugh and we got it yeah people don't know even with that four shows what goes into just getting that one totally yeah and you can feel like the producers and the director and everybody like yeah we got we got another one after that you know we got one more don't you worry like so

they even knew like oh that wasn't it. Yeah. Comedy, it's so interesting in that way. Yeah. It's up to so many things. I know. I know. It's like a mystical force. It's the energy of the people in the crowd.

Yep. It's so different. Mental. So many factors. Did you sleep? Did you not sleep? Were you feeling good that day? Were you not feeling good?

Did you get brain fog? One guy chirps in the front row, that kills all your momentum. There's a million things. It could throw the whole thing off. It changes the whole show. One person who decides that they want to be part of it changes the whole what it is. That's why we hate hecklers so

much. Everybody's like, oh, I'm helping. It's part of the show. You should be able to handle it you're a comedian like no you're ruining every bit of momentum i had a rhythm going and you you fucked me right in the ass you're also for other people like people didn't come to hear you exactly that's the it's it's so transparent that this person is trying to assert their ego yeah the thing it's like everybody else didn't pay this ticket to see you but right you in some way want to be a part of it. Yeah, my friend has a theory, Matt Ruby has a theory, that every video is heckle, crowd work now.

That's how little interacting we're doing. Because even stand-up, if you do it right, it's just you talking, they laugh, you leave. But with interacting with the crowd work and the heckling stuff, it's like, whoa, there's a conflict between two human beings. And it's so rare that I stuff it's like whoa there's a conflict between two human beings and it's so rare that i think it's popular that's what that's his theory he's probably right yeah that's scary he's a smart dude he is yeah hair tits he had a hairline for a while then he lost it he got it back and he lost it no i think it's gone he's gone okay yeah yeah

he went all natural he has that great point where the shorter you keep your hair the more hair it looks like you have he's right about about that. Isn't that weird? Yeah, it is weird. Yeah. I guess it's like if you're not great at something and then you do something good, it stands out more. No expectations. Yeah. No expectations.

Yeah. If a kid with Down syndrome does a simple math equation, you're like, oh, my God, good for you, Timmy, to get a crayon. Yeah, so a little hair becomes a lot. Yeah, less is more. Yeah, Soup to Nuts. Check it out. Obviously, your two podcasts with two other great comics. Killers.

One with Sam Morell, We Might Be Drunk. Yep, yep. And then Tuesdays with Stories with Joe List. So check those out, but go right over to Netflix right now and watch Soup to Nuts. Thank you, sir. Great Mark Norman, one of the greats. Comedy!

Can't do it. You got specials, too. Check his out as well. Yeah, check out mine, too. YouTube, you're all over it. Yeah, well, yeah. All right. All right, thanks.

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Happy ending. Just go to StaffingBeaver.com and schedule a discovery call with Rob. All of our CEOs go by one name. Chris, Rob, and Matthew. Mention I sent you, you get 10% off your first placement fee. These guys will get you remote working, right? If you need someone to do that stuff remote,

that's basically Global Talent's the hack to growing your business faster. They're on Twitter at Staffing Beaver. Easy to find. Staffing Beaver. Go to StaffingBeaver.com and do a discovery call with Rob. Can someone please do it and write me about it? I want to know. Staffing Beaver.

All right. What else we got? Capritech. These are new guys. So these guys will give you the tips On who to bet on Sports handicapping They're sports handicapping

So if you like to bet Go with these guys They figure all the research out, right? Capritech So go to capritech.com Make smarter sports betting Picks and predictions Using Capritech At CapraTech.com.

You can download the Capra Tech app. That's C-A-P-P-E-R-T-E-K, Capra Tech app in the App Store or Google Play Store. This is a no-brainer, right? They help you win money. They take zero commission. So that's good. Especially with the NFL starting up. NFL starting up.

Go download Capra tech. I should probably charge these guys more. No, we're going to come up with a $500 level where you're, where yours goes independent in the beginning or something like that. Maybe in the middle, in the middle or something like that. Yeah. These guys look like they can afford it. Yeah.

They look like they can afford it. So here you go, baby. I'm giving, listen, I'm giving you, go to Capritech, hook it up. They, they, all the betting picks are documented and released 20 minutes after the

game starts for free. So you know there's no funny business going on when any sport handicappers pass performances and results. It's a legit fucking handicapper site. That's what it's called, right? I'm going to use them. Capritech. What else we got? That's it. That's it!