Yannis Pappas Hour - These Hoes Ain’t Loyal

Episode Date: July 30, 2023

Yanni is back to original form behind the desk where he belongs. So, Elon Musk goes Hollywood Hogan with X. The Swedish with their H&M & IKEA must have slaves. UFO’s are real? why do we not care, and why the hell would anyone get upset about climate change and green energy. Like who cares, just go with it, baby! If you are angry about climate change this episode will cure you of all your ills. We back!  See Yanni do stand up All tickets: https://www.yannispappascomedy.com Paramount theater, Long Island Aug 17 Salt Lake City aug 4-5 Dallas Aug 24-26 Springfield l, MO sept 7-9 Calgary Sept 22–23 FORt Wayne, Indiana Sept 29-30 Red Bank, NJ Oct 14 San Fran Oct 27-28 New York City Nov 4 Providence Nov 10-11 Phoenix Nov 16-18 Spokane Dec 1-2 Tulsa Dec 8-9 Louisville Dec 15-16 Toronto March 23   Watch Yanni’s stand up special: https://youtu.be/ArlCFemEDvQ Join our highlights page for highlight clips from the episodes: https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykw New episodes every Sunday and new bonus episodes every Wednesday at https://www.patreon.com/yannispappashour?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator

Before we get started, I want to tell you about my live dates, guys. Missing Me Perform won't change your life at all. But it's a good night out. Listen, you're going to go see some other kid who you saw on TikTok who did a crowd work for a minute. He's going to disappoint you. I am a pro. I will do an hour and get you riveted, baby.

So come see me where all my fans are, Jordan Landing, Utah, August 4th and 5th. I'm huge with the Mormon community. In fact, I want to check out some of the amenities. Talk to me. How many wives can I have? Is that still available? Is there a pool? Do you have a sauna?

Tell me about the amenities and I will join. Then only a handful of tickets literally left for Long Island, the Paramount Theater, August 17th. It's so nice to be selling out venues in New York for 12 years. It's been 12 years I've been selling out venues in New York. Thank you to all of you scumbags

in Long Island who are coming to that show. Plano, Texas, which is Dallas, August 24th through the 26th. Come hang out with me for my birthday. Springfield, Texas, which is Dallas, August 24th through the 26th. Come hang out with me for my birthday. Springfield, Missouri, September 7th through 9th. Calgary, Alberta, September 22nd, 23rd. Thank God I'm not going there in the winter. Fort Wayne, Indiana, September 20th and 30th. The Vogel Theater in Red Bank, New Jersey. That will sell out. Get your tickets now, October 14th. Cobbs in San Francisco, October 27th and 28th. Sony Hall, New York City homecoming. We're going to bang that one out November 4th.

Providence, November 10th and 11th. Phoenix, November 16th and 17th. Spokane, Washington, December 1st and 2nd. Tulsa, December 8th and 9th. Louisville, December 15th and 16th and the Royal Theatre in Toronto March 23rd now let's get into this episode hey what's up everybody welcome to a brand new all-new Giannis Pappas hour this week we know that Twitter is no longer called Twitter it's called X so it's officially part of the deep, dark web. X, like executioner, like Malcolm X. It's basically done the WWE switch from good guy to bad guy, and I love it.

It was good Elon, and now there's NWO Elon, and his new company's X. He's no longer Hulk Hogan. He's Hollywood Hogan. Mitch McConnell's dying. He's no longer Hulk Hogan. He's Hollywood Hogan. Mitch McConnell's dying. He's going to be dead. He might be dead right now. It could be weekend at Mitch's,

which is where is he from? South Carolina or whatever. The Catholic Church in Syracuse has to pay $100 million to children because of what they did to children. And it wasn't reading the Bible to them. I haven't seen whatever movie Mel Gibson's a part of or whatever, but I'm sure those are also bad.

It's all bad. But I just don't remember the same outrage about the continual and perpetual abuses of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese all over the world. Ice Cube did an interview with Tucker Carlson. Talk about two people who I thought would never be in the same room together. We got a lot to talk about. Also, UFOs are definitely real.

We have bodies. We have ships. It's pretty wild. Unless this is some crazy psyops. Who knows? Maybe it's a psyops like COVID, like Newtown, like

movies, like Beverly Hills Cop, like the Gulf of Tonkin. It's all one big psyops. We're living in a psyops. The intelligentsia 1% international banking elite want to lower the population so they can ride on their horses and enjoy their ponies and eat spaghetti French style. This is the Yanis Papas hour where news meets deliriousness. Down is poppers. You know, we don't know.

I don't know. I don't know if we're going back to this format. I don't even know what Jesse's throwing behind me. It could be a big dildo going into my mouth. I have no idea because we're recording it now. That's the green screen. You don't know it's a green screen. You think it's a cool Matrix-like news situation.

I was so dumb when I was a kid. I had no idea that that wasn't behind the guy. You know? I just found a tiny piece of glass. Jesse's trying to kill me. I'm going to put this in our old sponsored bespoke post. So whoever puts their hand in there

for a cigar will get a little surprise. Why is there glass up here? I was going to put it in your spaghetti. Put it in my spaghetti made by the French. I don't know what that means. So I don't know what's back there right now. And who cares? You tune in for the Honest Papa Sour.

We're going solo. We're downsizing. I didn't unload, Jared. But we're downsizing. And we're all under the gun here, including myself. I could fire myself at any moment. So, we need you to go to patreon.com

slash Giannis Papasauer and support the show. Because at this point right now, we're strictly a subscriber show. We're strictly a subscriber show. We got no sponsors. Which, you know, this could be a good opportunity to just subscribe to the show. Five bucks a month.

You do get a bonus episode every week, which is amazing. People who are on there know that some of the best episodes are there. But also, you support the show. I know a lot of you don't even watch the fucking bonus episode. You just got five bucks to spare. God, I never knew my career would be selling Amway and that Amway would be me. Tell a friend. have them tell people. I have a perfect opportunity for you.

So join up. We really need you to join up if you love this show. And it's a great opportunity. Maybe we can just make it the only all subscriber show that also happens to be small boutique. And I'll keep it boutique until Walmart wants to buy me out. And I will do that. That's what everybody does.

They want to go boutique until they get that offer. That big, big corporate offer. I just look some straight in the face like a sexy chick and they just go, yeah, I'll take a lick. I'll take a lick because without that money, I'll be in big trub, trub. Nobody likes to be in trub, trub. Except for Elon Musk.

He likes trub, trub. I think when you become a billionaire, you got so much money. You know, I always try to look at things now through like human psychology. Like what makes people tick? You know, what makes Elon Mucks tick? Mucks.

Mucks. I like to call him mucks elon mucks ticks i mean he's got he's banging up different broads he's got a lot of kids with a bunch of different women right that's kind of cult leader-esque he's got like 12 kids with tiffany you know maybe he's adopted a few probably not i think his loins have bred all of them so he's doing that he's probably banging whoever he wants, you know, on top of that, you know, he's got, he can buy whatever he wants. He's the world's richest guy. He made the coolest companies. Tesla's the coolest car. I drive it. I love it. I'll never go back until another car creates an electric car. That's better. Cause these hoes ain't loyal, Elon. You'll learn these hoes ain't loyal elon you'll learn

these hoes ain't loyal dog i know you think you got this whole uh you know batch of support from free speech people they catch you say one liberal thing they're throwing you right on the couch these hoes ain't loyal what happened zach zuckerberg zuckerberg came along and created threads everyone just went over there even even people who love Elon Musk. I saw they created accounts as well. So nobody's like your family, you know? I saw some of the, like, real staunch Elon Musk supporters. I'll just see their account on threads.

I'm like, they didn't have to, you know, but everyone hedges their bets. There's no loyalty to your Elon Mucks. I'm just going to, you know, in honor of, and by the way, Jared will be on again. I love Jared. He'll also be with me on the road on a lot of those dates. I'll have him back on. Jared's one of the funniest young comics in the

game. He's 25 years old and he'll be on whenever. Whenever I'm in the mood, I'll be like, yo, Jared, come down. We'll do an app. So you'll be seeing Jared all the time. But we're also going back to the news. We may go over there. Who cares? We're not growing, so it doesn't matter.

Strategy doesn't matter. I'm just going to try to make this as unique and fun for the people who are into it because I just don't care about growing it because it's not my forte. I'm not a marketer. I just need a strong boutique show with everyone paying for it. That's what I need.

That's actually the dream, to be honest with you. If I could get 5,000 of you. Right now we're at 1,000. If I could get 4,000 more of you to just subscribe for $5 a month to get the bonus episode and support the show. We're golden. I will go off the rails. I will do this show from a mental institution. I will do it from inside of a woman's vagina.

The nectar. I want the nectar. So he's gone dark, dude. He's going X. He's changed it to X. It's gone from Twitter to X. So I think what I'm saying, I think his personality, Elon Musk, is is like I think he doesn't care what

people say and I think right now that you get a little bit of a rush isn't everyone just trying to get a little bit of a rush with what they do everyone wants a dopamine hit right that's why the internet's got everybody yelling about conspiracies and all this stuff it's because the dopamine hit right and they get a couple followers. They get a couple likes. You get a dopamine hit. These companies did all the research. They know what they're doing.

It's a drug. It's a drug. Porn is, these things become drugs because they give you dopamine hits, right? That's why you got to hug your dog because you get a dopamine. Do you know both you and your dog get high off of hugging each other?

Hugs get you high. I want to do hugs for, I want to do, get high with hugs. There should be hugs. How come they're not mom hookers? How come they're not mom hookers? Like how come business people aren't out there fulfilling the voids in the marketplace and I got to do all the work, right?

Think about it. You know, there's hookers, right? Which should be legal, by the way. It should be legal, you know, and taxed. That's a different story. But why aren't there's hookers right which should be legal by the way it should be legal you know um and taxed that's a different story but why aren't there mom hookers you know so it's like you have mommy issues and you want someone to stroke your head and say i love you and for you to call them mommy and suck your thumb why not hey i'm a mom hooker come over i'll be your mom for an hour you can clean your i'll clean your underwear yeah clean shoes you can suck your

thumb and sit on my lap whatever your issue may be yeah you know i'm sure that's available you had a narcissistic mom guess what well you come over here i'll pretend to be i'll soothe you as an empathy i'll be an empath for an hour so long as you you know you put the hundred on a kitchen table i'll be your mama we're checking to see if it's there. I know there's probably a sub, there's probably like a sub-genre of hookerism, of prostitution that is that, I guess. But I'm talking about like more mainstream. Why is it more of like a, it should be advertised.

The government, I'm saying like the government provides money to scientists who are doing research and stuff, which by the way, I support for the most part, because otherwise, where are these scientists going to get their money? You know, they're not part of the marketplace. So it's like, you know, and you're not going to ask tax. Taxes, you're going to go, hey, taxpayers,

do you mind if we give you $14 billion to go to the moon? They're going to be, go, no. So I get it. Sometimes you got to go, hey, we're doing this for your own good. Yeah, we're stealing your money. It's not that clean, you got to go, hey, we're doing this for your own good. We're stealing your money. It's not that clean, you know, because I want to know what's going on in the moon. I want to know what's going on in space. I just don't want to know that I'm paying for it.

So I get it. I used to think a transparent tax system is the best, but then you can't put that up for democracy because people don't know what's good for them. You know, they'll be like, hey, do you want to build these, you know, this thing for the research? And they're going, nah, you know what I'll say? And then you're going, oh God, you you want to build these, you know, this thing for the research? And they're going, nah, you know what, I'll say. And then you're going, oh, God, you're going to be a burden on the tax system later if you don't do this. It's complicated.

Yeah, but you don't want to pay $800 for a hammer either. I do. For a hammer? Yeah, you ever see those bills that the government pays? You know, they pay like $400 for like, you know, a toilet seat or something. I want them to use the best hammer and the best toilets. No. Yeah.

There's obviously a lot of corruption as well. Yeah. So, you know, there's no solutions here and it's not about trade-offs. It's just, there's only comedy. There's no solutions. I want to change what Thomas Sowell said and go, there's no solutions, only comedy. Right. I get in trouble when I start caring too much.

I'm at my funniest when I don't care, when I want you all to go to hell in half a basket. I need to put up boundaries. I need to close off my empath nature and just treat you like the rest of the comics treat you, like consumers, like numbers and demographics. I love talking to some of my friends and have them sound like fucking,

have them sound like departments of corporations now. What department would that be? The digital department? What do you mean? Who runs demographics and stuff, marketing. Yeah, I love talking to my friends now and I'm like, am I on the phone with the Gap? Am I on the phone with the Gap Am I on the phone with the gap?

They just start talking about algorithms and numbers and how to engage and who their demographic is and what markets they're doing strong in. I'm like, when did comedy, which is an art form that used to be done in a basement, that was kind of precious? And people would go like, you'd go on a line. But, you know, to be honest, half these guys

that are selling out out good for them but if you saw them live they stink and i'm not just saying i'm just saying they're ordinary they're not great and that's fine i hate when i hear like comics shitting on them though because it's like dude just go fucking do what they do go put your fucking clips up you know stuff oh i don't know if that person would be able to do good with me on a lineup or at this certain club nobody cares about clubs anymore this isn't 2011 so you can't get your confidence or self-esteem of the fact you're passed at a fucking club you fucking loser you know who else is past that club the waiter and waitress that serves food there just fucking get on the internet and make your videos and become a master marketer like the gap hires so now i'm getting on both sides of making fun of everybody which is what i want to do

and what i want to do um what are we talking about you're talking about renting a mom oh renting a mom yeah yeah it should be taxed by the government and it should be paid for just like scientific research is paid for. It should be United States, like USDA approved. It should be USA approved, mom. Then you get rid of the psychos because some people have narcissistic moms. And what happens is those people turn into like cold-blooded people.

Some people have psychopaths for parents and they get all messed up. They get manipulated. They have issues. So instead of just therapy and instead of just psychiatrists and medication, there should also be people who recreate those roles as therapy, right? You go to a therapist, your therapist isn't going to crawl on my lap and suck on your thumb and I'll call you Danny and you can call me mommy. And if you want, I'll put your tit in my mouth and we can go back to that initial trauma where your mom didn't breastfeed you.

We can do that too. Or that, or I'll make you apple juice. Yeah, it's all on the table. I'll give you the warm memories you didn't have. When your mother just handed you 50 cents or a dollar and said, go fend for yourself when you were seven and all your friends had a cool lunchbox with transformers on it and a sandwich,b and j a nice little cheese string and you opened up your fucking day and

all you could do is go get a hot dog or a slice and a coke and all your friends thought you were cool but really cool meant your parents didn't care about you because that was really the definition of cool for a long time i think probably since since, like, what was that Rebel movie with James Dean? Probably since then. The 60s, like, the cool kid was the one who came from a fucked up home. He wore a leather jacket. He smoked a cigarette. He's the one who got a slice and a Coke for lunch.

And you're like, why is he so cool? How come my parents aren't cool like that? No, his parents aren't cool. His parents didn't care about him. They didn't make lunch for him. No, his parents aren't cool. His parents didn't care about him. They didn't make lunch for him.

The good mom is the one fucking putting the goddamn alfalfa sprouts on your organic turkey on wheat bread. Not the one going here, have a fountain soda. Those kids usually smelled. So your parents didn't bathe them either. And they usually developed a tick like. It's funny how we're so sensitive and how we block things out and like we're emotional and then we develop ticks you know people like some people

just get ticks because they're keeping it in some people get ocd they start counting stuff to soothe themselves two four six eight two four six two chairs two lamps two lip and you go what are you counting just i just it's a guy just it makes me not think about some other stuff that i can't understand i was too small to deal with at the time. So there's two cameras over here, two seats. That's perfect. Two people. Okay, this place is safe.

There's two people, two cameras. If you think about it, OCD is real funny, right? Because it's all irrational because it's about something else that you couldn't handle at the time. So a person walks in here and they go, in order to not deal with the fact that their father was actively loving them conditionally and using them to get back at the mom or whatever happened or whatever crime.

If you have to sit in the back of a car while your mom bought crack in 1987, in order for you to not deal with how unsafe that made you feel, you have to now as a semi-adult walk into a room or probably teenager and go two cameras two dudes two chairs this place is safe and it doesn't make any sense but it's some sort of self-soothing humans are funny in that way and that's why i think it would be nice for the government to sponsor some of that stuff some new wage out of the box therapeutics that i'm talking about here. Metaverse, go into Metaverse and do an AI of your mom, make her nice. Recreate, you know? You got maimed in a war? Recreate the war, except you don't get maimed and you can walk and you're banging

all the Korean prostitutes you want. Let's start thinking about healing and operating on higher chakras. I don't operate on lower chakras anymore. I'm a high chakra. You're elevated. Dog, I'm Indian. I'm starting to cult.

I want to, yo, a lot of these white people fall for the wise Indian guy who booty booty booze it. You know, you roll around in a fucking bath sheet and you booty boo it and you sit, you sit Indian style. I'm sorry, native way i'm sorry native way you sit native way you can get a lot of these like city whites who are lost to just like and all you have to say is like you know and then of course you bang them and their husbands are okay with it i would have been a good cult leader i think so yeah a lot of comics would be they've got charisma i don't have to have the combination of like psychopathy, charisma, and you like to get laid a lot.

That's about it. Yeah, but you've got to do some nasty shit too. Like what? You've got to hurt people. You're taking all their money. Yeah, that's where the psychopathy comes in. I'm just saying I don't think. I don't have that in me.

You don't have that in you. I'm encumbered by guilt. Yeah. That's great. Who says you're supposed to be good? Why? For what? You know,

I understand why people believe in heaven because the people who are like built a certain way are going like, there better be something for this because this is a drag, dude. You know what it is? It's such a drag to like care, see a woman on the street with her hurt ankle

and go like, I want to help. What kind of drag is that? I got to be somewhere. What if I got Yankee tickets? The psychopath is like, I want to help. What kind of drag is that? I got to be somewhere. What if I got Yankee tickets? The psychopath is going, I got Yankee tickets. And he's going, oh, thank God there's a woman who's hurting because that makes me laugh. So thank you for the entertainment on the way. I hope you fall further and hurt your face and die because I feel nothing. That would probably be awesome to feel nothing.

You would get ahead. Dude, you'd never be heartbroken. Now, the downside is you don't get to evolve. You don't get to write poetry from your pain. All the stuff that people don't care about anymore. That's how I know we're in such a bad place as a society, because it is a very cold, psychopathic, everything is a version of reality.

It's a marketer's playground we're looking at a shellac burger on a McDonald's commercial and that's why you gotta go see people live because that's the only truth there is anymore because everyone has figured out how to be an ad agency so you have to go see something live

now, I think that's the, go to a play go see a comedian, go to a live art show, go to a live art show go to a live sex show i mean can you really how much porn are we going to watch at this point i want to see it live really put some art into it yeah that would be cool that that's a genre live is going to become i'm predicting what live is going to become what tv used to be so there's going to be like um and you know who's ahead of their time on that is the South Park guys. How that just became such a hit, that play, that musical. That'll start happening with all genres.

Porn, because it's, you know, whatever increases in quantity decreases in quality. We're at the point, we've jumped the shark on content. Like, it's just not exciting. Everyone's doing the same thing over and over again, interviewing the same people. It's not special. You see me on a screen, I go, I was on Fox News. Used to be if I was on Fox News, interviewing the same people. It's not special. You see me on a screen. I was on Fox News. Used to be if I was on Fox News, people would go crazy. And I'm just bringing up Fox News

because that was the last thing I did on television. Of course, for my in-laws, that was a big deal. You were a hero. Like I said, it was like being from Boston and playing on the Red Sox. Your in-laws are from Long Island. But it's not a big deal. If you're under 60 years old, it's like, oh, I saw him on my phone. It's the same. It's not a big deal if you're under 60 years old it's like i saw him on my phone it's the same

it's not precious so the thing that will become precious again is live stuff and it won't just be plays and and um and comedy i think you'll see like live sex shows become like because they'll add some art into it it'll be cool they'll do something new like a theater show with sphereatric sex and something new. Like Cirque du Soleil? Yeah, and maybe a little virtual reality in there or multimedia. Something new we can't really... We can't get motivated to create because we're too old.

That's what happens when you get too old. You just go, it's a whole thing. It's a whole thing. It's a whole... Let's try to imagine explaining that to your wife. You can't. Here's my big idea. Live section.

I got to roll. I auditioned and I made it. I'm going to be fucking this donkey. I'm going to be injected with Cialis every show to bang a donkey while I do a techno dance. Ding, a yoga home home home yeah it's new wave it's post digital we're in the post digital age it'll be called the post digital age everybody live it's like we don't trust live the way they used to say don't trust parents like don't trust the internet that generation's coming right don't trust the internet. That generation's coming. Right. Don't trust the internet. Andrew Tate's the false.

Tucker's the false. Elon Musk is the devil. Don't trust anyone on the internet. Only trust people in person. And then they'll hold each other. We're like, you're real. There'll be a real movement. Real.

He's real. Like the hippie movement. He's real. Touch yourself. Cut yourself. Drink my blood. Drink my blood. They'll start getting weird.

Tattoo each other's faces. It'll be like the 60s, but how? Yeah, exactly. But that's what humans do. They rebel against the last thing always, and they always create new things, which are combinations of old things. Because there's only a couple of chords here,

but there's an infinite amount of possible combinations, which is always fascinating to me. There's only a finite amount of chords, notes, but there's an infinite possibility of combinations. So anything new is really a version of something else combined or whatever, just with a new twist. So that's what we're going to see just like Twitter has now turned into something new it's X it's X Twitter was acquired by X Corp

what does that mean? oh that's his company so that's his LLC he's not that cool I got an LLC too, YP Productions make the checkout to YP Productions. It's so funny, the whole corporate fucking tax thing. I'm one person, YP Productions.

I got, yeah, I got. Then you get all these different tax breaks or whatever because you're like making business. All right, I get it. I mean, yeah, I could protect. Like I could like, I could sexually like assault a dog, right? And then I get arrested and be like, I get sued. I'm sorry.

I'm like, you got to sue White Paper Productions. I'm not, it's not me. It's the corporation raped the dog, not me. You know, cause that's what the whole point of a corporation is. Like you could steal and be like, you're suing them. Who's them? That's not, it's this.

You're suing that sign. I just happen to work there. I paid myself a salary. I just work here. You're suing a logo. I just work at the company that I am. It's really funny. It's all these loopholes.

And that's the other funny part is like, dude, people with money and accounts, everyone's just always trying to get out of paying taxes. It would be nice if a lot of the taxes people enthusiastically paid because they wanted it. That's why it's funny. Like the more local it is, the more enthusiastic you pay your taxes. Like if you live in like a good school district and you know it,

you can see exactly what you're getting. That's why taxes don't really bother you, right? If you know what you're getting. I mean, everyone complains about everything, especially if you live on Long Island, you're the victim of all. But, or in certain places, you know, you're just a perpetual victim. But if you live in a place and you're like,

oh, I'm paying this property tax, I'm getting this school district, this pays for the school, pays for my garbage. You can see what it pays for, the police, all that shit. And then you're like, I'm with that. You kind of, you know, I guess it gets complicated when it gets big, you know? Yeah. Maybe there'll be a way to simplify that someday.

Well, think of how much you're paying. You're paying almost half your earnings to taxes. Yeah. It's a lot of money. Yeah, it's a lot of money. How much do police get paid? Police don't get paid a lot. Yeah, where's the money going?

And I don't know if we can pay police. It's a weird thing because can you imagine there was like a cop making 300 grand he's not going to chase anybody he's like whoa whoa whoa I got a boat dog you want your cops to be a little miserable I got a reservation I'm going to Nobu later and my life is too good for this shit

so I get that part too you know the people who should get paid more are like the people who should get paid more um are like the people who make society run right which is like therapists trauma specialists rns doctors nurses social workers i the world just would not i have had so much interaction with these people because of my personal family history and personal history um in so many different areas so many different uh genre what do you call it so many different facets of service um from social workers to nurses you know old folks homes dementia special needs, trauma, psychiatrists, therapists, teachers. Those people

just society would not. Those are the people who act with some empathy. They do things and they make you feel like they try to get you better. Regardless of what they're getting paid, they're trying to get you better. Without those people, dog walkers,

you got to get dinner plans once in a while. You got to go to work. Jamaican nannies. What would we do without Jamaican nannies in the coastal cities? Huh, my liberal fan base? What would you do without your kid learning Wagwan? We got a Jamaican beef party. Okay, Cheryl.

Hey, this is my daughter, Cynthia. What are you doing, brethren? What do you say, brethren? Booyaka, booyaka, booyaka. I'm from the downtown San Francisco area. I go to private school. My name is Cynthia.

Cynthia. Cynthia Thompson. My family is from Wisconsin and South Carolina. Booyaka, booyaka, booyaka, booyaka. What would we do without those Jamaican nannies? Allowing it so both their parents could work. What would we do without Chet Hanks, who speaks fluent patois? How did that happen?

You're Tom Hanks' son. You're Rita Wilson's son. Not only do people, Tom Hanks not only is a famous actor, but him and Rita Wilson have a production company. You know, everything's on pause now. But they are so rich and powerful, Rita Hanks and Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson. And their son came out going, shabaranks, booyaka, booyaka. But I bet you that's because he's the most normal one of the family. I bet you he's the one breaking intergenerational trauma, and he's just misunderstood, and Tom Hanks and Rita

just don't understand. And the fact that he likes drugs. Drugs are fun for a couple of days. It's a deal with the devil. It's really a Faustian bargain, isn't it? Like, hey, you want to have a great time tonight? Well, then your week belongs to me. It it's really a faustian bargain isn't it like hey you want to have a great time tonight well then your week belongs to me it's kind of a faustian bargain um play tone that's their production company yeah so rita wilson and tom hanks

um their production company is called play tone play tone and um they produced big time movies. I think they produced My Big Fat Greek Wedding. This connection is not private, Jess. Mitch McConnell, while you look that up, did you see him freeze like the clown from the It movie? I did not, no. Yeah, I think he's dead. I think like he's... Now, Mitch McConnell's in deep trouble.

Apparently, he fell at the airport and then they let him get up there and he gave the speech and he just paused he stopped speaking because his brain just died I think he flatlined for a couple seconds he's fucking 82 years old why do we keep fucking

rolling these 80 to 90 year old fucking politicians out people are people retire at like 65 am i right like the the medium age for retirement is what 65 okay get it people are living longer now so what 72 all right but what the fuck is an 84 year old guy doing doing a a very important job like being a house what is is he? Is he some House minority leader, a majority leader? Majority. No, Senate majority.

Senate majority leader. That is what? The third most important job in the fucking three branches of government? Am I wrong? They're more important than the vice president, no? In a lot of ways, it's the second most. They do a lot of negotiating for bills and laws of the land, of course. Yeah, I guess one of three.

With the Supreme Court, they're all very important, the president. But the Senate majority leader is almost as powerful as the president. A lot of people don't understand that. In a lot of ways, he is as powerful as the president. That's because of the checks and balance system. They fucking legislate. Like, any laws or any money, they fucking block it. They make it happen.

And this guy's 84. Did you see this chick? Dianne Feinstein. How old is this broad? She's 90. How old was the chick whose husband was gay and had a home invasion? Misinformation flagged for misinformation.

Flagged for misinformation. The one with the natties. Yeah, what was her name? It's funny how she retired and like she's just out of sight out of mind Nancy Pelosi she was like 92 right she's like 88 87 she was yeah in her 80s in her 80s who's still working in their 80s Feinstein Feinstein is 90 Ruth Bader Ginsburg was what she was she was my mother's age so she died, 91. It's like, who's still working at 90? Who can still work?

The funny thing about this chick is she's running again. Who runs again at 90? Running at 90, like, just why is this allowed in politics? There's a minimum age to vote. Shouldn't there be like a maximum age to, and listen, these people don't care. They're dying soon. So it's like, I want a guy in his from 45 to 75 there's got to

here it is here it is a lot of people if you haven't seen it go watch mitch mcconnell just i mean this is the senate majority leader good by virus and cooperation watch and a string of oh boy yeah his fellow senators including john barrasso a medical doctor from wyoming eventually helping the 81 year old mcconnell away from the podium yeah he doesn't look he's a healthy one either my dad would use anyone look a lot better than that so yeah and then supposedly felt the airport before that so it's my dad. He was 81. Looked a lot better than that. So yeah. And then supposedly felt the airport before that. So it's like, can we, uh,

can we, uh, can we have a sweet little retirement party for this guy up on Capitol Hill, please? I'd like to go into one of those buildings and, and get a piece of cake, a slice of cake and say, thank you for your service.

Uh, go enjoy applesauce. My guy, it's applesauce. The applesauce years have guy. It's applesauce. The applesauce years have been upon you. This is nuts. Our president is, is he 80? He's 80.

He had brain surgery at some point. Right. And the guy's developing dementia. It's not even his fault. He's developing dementia because he doesn't want to remember what his son is doing. It's a great way to deal with that, is to just go like, did you hear what Biden did?

I don't know where I am. I don't remember. I didn't hear about it. Did you see those videos they showed of your son fucking whores? Nope. Did you hear about the stripper who impregnated your granddaughter? I didn't know I had a granddaughter. Please make the memories stop.

Please make the memories stop. I knew something was going on with Hunter Biden because I was at my in-law's house, and Fox News is playing on the background like Muzak in an elevator when you go to my in-laws house you feel like you're in a sushi restaurant in Hollywood there's just background techno music going in a Long Island house

there's just background Fox News banter it soothes everybody nobody's even watching it they're just talking in the background every TV's on and it's just Fox News. And once in a while, you hear one of your parents, people who are from Long Island can probably relate to this.

At one point, you'll hear one of your parents go, I'd like to tie the both of them up to a tree and shoot them with a BB gun. I mean, he's senile. And this one, this one here. And what they do, what they do over here, it's all, you know, Hillary Clinton. And you just, I'd like to tie him all to a tree and shoot him in the head with a BB gun. Okay, what are we ordering for dinner, Chinese or Italian?

That's what happens in Suffolk and NASA. So I knew something was going on with Hunter Biden because I spent the week at my in-laws' house. And Fox News has has you know how Shark Week takes over that channel. Hunter Biden has taken over Fox News. They should just give him the Twitter and let him tweet from Fox's Fox's account. So he did some right at this point. It's like, you know, what can you do? And it's supposedly dependent on what side of the Internet you reside on, either, oh my God,

the right is obsessed with Hunter Biden. That's the one side of the internet. Like, oh my God, they love looking at people's private nudie photos. It leads to nothing, nothing. This is much to do about nothing. Not to quote Shakespeare, but this is much to do about nothing.

He did nothing except smoke a little crack and fuck some girls on his internet. And Republicans are obsessed with the photos. And then you go to the other side of the internet and they're like a crime family, Biden crime family. Uh, you know, Joe Biden is John Gotti. Hunter Biden is John Gotti Jr. They're in bed with Zelensky. It's a crime family. They're developing bioweapons in Ukraine. The list just goes on of the possibilities of what they're doing. I don't know what's true or not.

What I do know is that this kid is a bona fide crackhead. He's a crackhead. I do know that he got a job in Ukraine because a gas company wanted to curry favor with his pops. I do know there was a phone call where he said there's 10% getting kicked back to the big guy. Could have been his pops. But the thing is, Republicans got to understand,

that is probably easy to trace, no? Unless they did it through some back channels or funnels or just one line from a fucking moron like this who dropped his computer off at a staunch Republicans boutique computer repair shop when he's the fucking son of the vice president that's how careless and stupid he is he's so careless and stupid he got a stripper pregnant in some fucking city and he's got a granddaughter and he's got to go to he's trying to protect his dad goes please just don't let her have my last

name he's going to he's going to court to fight so his daughter doesn't have his last name because he's a dirtbag, crackhead, moralist fuck who banged his brother's goddamn widow because he's a crackhead. He's a self-absorbed, narcissistic, crackhead piece of shit. So I just don't know if he is so sly that he would only mention it once throughout his whole computer and say, we got to kick back this to the big guy. An idiot like this would have said 100 times, my father Joe needs his $40,000 kickback,

$400,000 kickback. There wouldn't be one sentence that referred to the big guy if it was true. Now, of course, I'm right probably, but keep believing what you're going to believe because it gives you purpose. I don't want to stop it. And I also am not pro-Joe Biden. I also don't want to be called a libtard. I'm just using what you call common sense that I learned on the streets

of fucking Brooklyn, New York and New York City, which is like what's the motivations? What's the person's psychology? What's the personality involved? What's the evidence here? I mean, we're talking about one sentence that says some money to the big guy. Now, you think this fucking careless moron, if there was a kickback to Joe Biden, wouldn't have said it a hundred million times he probably would have not saying it wasn't I'm just saying I'm probably right and it's probably not Joe Biden I don't think Joe Biden's that stupid to take a kick at first of all he doesn't need it he's fucking loaded he does whatever he's a politician that's that's the question how how it's not going to be through his crackhead son unless he had a weakness for his son.

No. How is Joe Biden loaded? Yeah, because he's corrupt in some way. They all are. He's been in public office for 50 years. You can say the same thing about Nancy Pelosi. You can say about all of them. They're all rich. And the reason why they're rich is because the insider trade. I mean, they all insider trade. Can you imagine that people in the legislative branch and executive branch who regulate these companies and who hold their feet under the fire and send them to the FCC and break up monopolies and corporations and get lobbied by these corporations

for certain laws to make it so they could do business, that these people can actually buy and sell stock in fucking public companies? How wild is that they're all insider trading what's the deal with that it's not as big as uh it's not as big of a problem as the soap dish being on the side but why but why are members of congress allowed to fucking trade stock what's the hell was that? Jerry Seinfeld could do children's parties.

I don't ever want to be a comedian who could potentially do a children's party. I don't think you have to worry about that. Yeah, I don't have to worry about that. No worries. I don't think so. But look, if you're somebody who can do children's parties in old folks' homes, God bless you. But I can't see how you're having a good time i just can't it's not for me but you know somebody's got to do it somebody's got to

fucking wear an iceman shirt that i got at h&m i got great shirts for 14 i don't know what kind of slave labor they're doing but nobody's asking questions questions. Those fucking Swedes with H&M and Ikea, I don't know what kind of slave labor is going on somewhere else. You know, that's that perfect thing. Oh, we're Swedish, we're social democrats. We care about healthcare. And all these people on the streets are homeless.

We give them programs. And they can pay, and we give some message on clinics and a woman can take a 40-year matriarchal egalitarian maternal leave and sometimes the father also has to watch the baby because we from Sweden. Yeah, we have such a nice people. And then you go, Sweden is the ideal place.

And then you go, wait a second. Do they have slaves? How do they sell me a whole fucking living room for $14.99? That doesn't add up if you talk about basic economics. They got international shipping costs. They got tariffs. They got labor costs.

They have material costs. How the fuck is my shirt at H&M that's made of cotton $4.99? How the fuck is that possible? Is it because they're pulling the old fucking bait and switch? I'm such a good person. And then behind, they're fucking, are they pulling the old Bill Cosby on us? Possibly.

What slaves are making this? There's got to be some country that we don't know about where the H&M factories and the Ikea factories are paying people very little. All right? Because otherwise, it just doesn't make sense i'm no mathematician but right like especially during supply chain problems right you tell me right now you can't you can't get caulk for your bathroom for less than like 300 but you can still watch it walk into an h&m and get a 12 packpack of socks for $3.99? Like it's a fucking Chinese dollar store in Brooklyn?

Guess where? As seen in the present graph, H&M uses... Oh, China! Hurrah! Oh! Bangladesh? Hurrah! Bangladesh. Buh-dee-buh-dee-buh-dee-buh.

And Turkey. Mah-dee-ah-dee. Are the top three locations for H&M Sources products. It's also true in Sweden where the retailer is headquartered, there are a total of 21 suppliers and factories manufacturing H&M clothing. Oh, so they got some factories over there. This is the PR. This can't be true.

I believe it's probably in Bangladesh. They probably are working for clean water in order for me to get a fucking Iceman shirt for $12.99, or I think I paid seven bucks for it. H&M is the best. And you get quality stuff too. You know? I had a TV show with a very famous Brazilian model H&M is the best. And you get quality stuff too. You know?

I had a TV show with a very famous Brazilian model who told me he got his jeans from H&M and he's a fashion model. He's like, again, from H&M, they're cheap, they're good. Smart. Yeah, he's like, and they look great. It's stupid to pay $400 for jeans. Of course it is. Of course it is.

I mean, obviously. I mean, you're not wearing appropriate clothes for this. I don't even know what to make of what's going on, but you're wearing some type of comfort sandal, some waterproof, like, jelly comfort sandal. You look like a grown-up French child on the beach. I was waiting for you to notice. I mean, notice. I mean, I can't't eat i can't eat with those things on dude and then you got a

fucking wife beater and you got molester glasses on it's 100 degrees out it is what are those sandals besides gross they are unbearably ugly they are so hideous i'm gonna take a picture and throw them up on the ground. They're so ugly. But let me tell you something, dude. If I had, if they were a public company, I'd buy stock. They're called UFOs

and they're recovery sandals. They're recovery sandals. They're recovery because, you know, I have my knee hurts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus Christ. They should be marketed as,

hey, ladies, have you ever been interested in lesbian experiences? Buy your boyfriend a pair of these and let him walk around the house, and you'll be questioning your sexuality. They are unforgivably ugly. I mean, dogs. They're recovery sandals. On the side, they say, do not wear outside the hospital. Do not wear off campus.

Outside of the facilities, these are not for wear. They're called poofs. Poofos. I would buy stock in the company if I could. Yeah. I don't think you'd make a lot of money buying that. The only people who are wearing that, to be honest with you, who are 90-year-old people, people who just had podiatry surgery, and you.

No, dude, no. I think you're the only non-post-podiatry surgery person wearing an UFA. Everyone I bring these up to, they're like, oh, I love UFAs. All right. The slides aren't that bad. These happen. Yeah, I throw out a slide. Do they say, I love Ufos. All right. The slides aren't that bad. These happen. Yeah, I throw the slides. Do they say I love Ufos?

I wear them around the house? Did they finish? Yeah, yeah. They didn't say I love Ufos. I wear them to work. These are my dog walking shoes. Yeah. Yeah, I get it.

I wear slides too. I have 10 pairs of slides all over my house because I do not like my feet touching the floor. Yeah. I do not like my feet touching the floor. I need padding on my foot, but I can't do this because I don't want my wife to leave me. So Elon Musk is now Hollywood Hogan. We'll see what happens with X on the dark web. We wish Mitch McConnell well. We think they should change the law for sure that you got to leave office by the time you're 72 max.

Nobody should be able to. Would you trust a doctor going in to an 87-year-old doctor or 85 or an 82-year-old doctor? Would you trust him to do surgery on you? I mean, his hand is like, no. I wouldn't trust him to even make my pizza. You know? You know? Nothing.

So, it's really hot. People are saying it hasn't been this hot for 120,000 years. Global warming is upon us. You can't even bring it up without people really getting upset. I don't know anything about global warming. I'm not a specialist, but the rent is too damn hot. The what? The rent?

You know, remember the rent is too damn high? I'm just saying the rent is too damn hot. It is? The rent? Remember the rent is too damn high? I'm just saying the rent is too damn hot. It is fucking hot. There's heat waves all over. I think it was like 123 degrees in Greece one day. 123. Sums up. I don't know.

Dangerous heat wave will scorch New York City with hottest July in three years. Okay, it's only three years. Three years. Who cares? I mean, I don't understand. I mean, okay, scientists always have an explanation about how this creates crazy weather patterns. It's one of those things I don't understand. I really don't understand why you'd lie about it.

And I don't understand why you'd be outraged about it. It's one of those things. It's like the flat earth to me. I don't understand. I don't understand why anyone elon musk's once said it once elon mucks he said it once he goes hey listen you know this is when he was uh this is when he was hulk hogan this is before hollywood this is before he this is before he used eyeshadow to paint on his beard when he was when he was hollywood hogan right i mean when he was hulk hogan he was telling kids to take their vitamins he's gonna take your vitamins brother be good to the environment you know be good to the environment you know be good to the environment you know be good to the environment do you have to you ever see him answer a question when he takes that pause and he thinks for like 10 seconds i don't care it's the things i didn't care

um that's what he was saying he was going look we're going to run out of oil anyway so like why would you not be into alternative sources the oil's running out when oil gets slow why would you keep supporting saudi arabia and opec and all this shit even if we had oil for oil is running out it's also probably not a good thing to remove that from the ground so it's got to be shuffling shit. It's like, it's disturbing something. Fracking's probably not good for the environment. You know, there's like, you don't want to completely rape things

and get it out of balance, right? That's how species go extinct. They overhunt, whatever. You know, you want to live in some sort of balance, but most importantly, it's going to run out. It's a finite resource. So it's like, why wouldn't you be trying to fund and use alternative sources?

Yeah, because of money, because people are still making money on it. And you'd be, oh, people are into new sources because of money. Yeah, they're into old sources because of money too. So what's the difference? Are you, I mean, what are you, a commie? I love that people are money

motivated. Do you think anyone would come up with magic pills that, you know, I have a relative who's like a doctor. Now he's like a top doctor. He's like, he's got a fucking mansion. He's done well, but he's motivated for that shit. And as a byproduct of that, he creates good shit. They come up with good shit because competition and selfishness makes you come up with shit that helps others. So it's like you're going, ah, this whole global warming thing is just for money. You're going like, well, I think the other shit's for money too. What is oil not for money? It's all for fucking money. And the only difference is oil or alternative. That's basically global warming. They're saying we got to stop carbon emissions. That's it. And by that, it means alternative.

So why do people care? Like, why are people so, why are they, why is global warming? It's like the flat earth thing. It's like, what, of all the conspiracies, give me Marilyn Monroe had a dick. Give me, give me Joan of Arc was give me something good dog don't give me flat earth don't get if you're gonna be outraged I want to be outraged because John Stamos is drinking baby blood in Tom Hanks's basement with Jeffrey Epstein and Hillary Clinton's husband. I want that.

I don't want, hey, man, the earth is flat. I don't want, hey, man, global warming's a hoax. Who gives a fuck? Let's say it is a hoax. Who gives a fuck? Elon Musk's point still holds, right? Even if it is a fucking hoax, we're going to run out of fucking oil. So might as well develop new shit.

Conspiracy. Climate change lockdowns are coming. Unknown act. What is this from? I always got to check the source. CBS News. CBS News. So what are they saying?

These are the different climate conspiracies that are floating around. Oh, so they're saying they're going to be a lockdown. Right. Oh man, does anyone saying they're going to be a lockdown. Right. Oh, man. Does anyone have a full-time job anymore? Cryptocurrency is carbon neutral and regulating it as an authoritarian takeover attempt. Yeah, sure.

No, it wasn't a Ponzi scheme that made Gary Vee very rich. It wasn't a Ponzi scheme that made Logan Paul very rich by using his marketing platform to inflate the value of it when it was nothing. Yeah, it's a scam. It's a scam that Logan Paul happened to become very rich off of and so did Kim Kardashian.

And she's being punished because the global elitists with all their money, because Kim has no money. It's just the global elitists want to shut her up because she was bringing us into the future

where the government can't track. What the fuck are we talking about? Everything has become a very fun high school cafeteria. I will give it that. But you give a little thought to any of this, you're going, why? That's what I always, it's that one line from Elon Musk that I always remember where he goes like,

he even said, he goes like, even if you don't believe in climate change, like we will run out of oil. So like, why don't we invest in these alternative sources? And you know, even if you don't believe it, like maybe the scientists are wrong, but like they say that, right? Like it'd be good for the planet,

but also we're gonna, like, you can't argue the point. We're gonna run out of oil, right? Like that's a fact. There's no eternal, it's not like cum. You can't just fucking pump it at the station and then waits and it regenerates itself by the way if you could fuel a car with cum if someone could come up with that we can hook up a bunch of teenage dudes to matrix like suctions oh yeah and pay them and perpetually i mean dude we could have a whole fucking Mexican cum farm.

I would have made it to the moon when I was 17. Me too. I could have fueled my trip to the moon. I come up with a lot of good ideas. That is a good one. You know, people listen to this, you know, and I know it's like, you know, it's just like, I know there's some people like, you know, when I went off on RFK, I know there's some people like, you know, when I went off on RFK,

I know there's some people who get really angry because they're so married to RFK. You know, they love RFK. I even said, I think he's the best candidate. I still do that, but they don't like that part because I'm critic. I'm making fun of him. Even if you're making fun of him, because people, you know, it's the fastest tendency humans have to, to personality worship. It's, it's, it's, it's in us. It's like a loophole in our circuitry like we're like oh who's my god uh you are it's just something we do right so even though i said i think he's the best candidate which should not make people upset people get upset so i'm making fun of them but then there's also a lot of people going like thanks for letting me

know that part it was funny and also like you kind of it's kind of made some good points yanni about you know how people are wired you know he's obviously likes a rush the kid likes a little rush that's why he cheated on his wife so much until she hanged herself you know well she blamed it on him she said you know his philandering in his diary he's like he called it his demon uh like his like lust demon he's a catholic you know his philandering in his diary he's like he called it his demon uh like his like lust demon he's a catholic you know i love those catholics they just whip themselves i can't i mean he was fucking everybody behind her back you know he's got a family well he wasn't the most honest guy am i gonna judge that no i'm not gonna judge it but i he also you know he did get arrested for drugs and he also did do heroin you know so i'm just saying like heroin's not trying

weed in college that's going all the way dog that means you have some sort of sadness or weakness or predisposition in you that makes you very very easily corruptible it makes you very you know i just don't feel comfortable you sitting there with putin and putin going gold to the bathroom and it is a surprise for you. You know, even if you don't want it, he just injects you and you get that taste back and you go like, dude,

I'll give you, I'll give you Ukraine. Fuck Ukraine, dog. Take San Diego. Just give me some more of that fucking smack. You know, there's just something in there.

I wouldn't let any of my drug, my, no matter, I have some smart former drug addict friends. I would not leave my kids with any of them, right? Because they're drug addicts. So at some point they just might have a craving and sell my kid. They might go, let's just sell the kid.

I'm watching them babysit. I'm just going to sell the kid. Because that's the type of shit drug dealers do. They don't think about consequences. They steal their mom's shit. It's like they're weak in some way, you you know and i have all the respect for addicts i think they're the most courageous people but you know we got to have some standards for fucking leader of the free world we're not talking about coming back in mlb and winning uh uh most valuable

player remember that guy he was a fucking drug addict and he came back and he won mvp he was on the angels or something like that you know know, you generally know who I'm talking about. He was a lefty, beast. He came back. He had drug problems. You know. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about President of the United States. Anyway, my point is, you know,

I think there's a lot of people who listen to us who enjoy the comedy and also like that I go after some sacred cows when they become sacred cows. Sometimes I do it because they're sacred cows and I don't even know if I believe it because that's my job. It's my job. I'm not going to sit there and just call myself a commie or a libertarian. I'm basically just calling myself a corporation. I'm just tricking you. Those people are using you. Because listen, if you're a libertarian or a commie or a social democrat or whatever, and you start the podcast by going, I'm this, you're already going, I just want this.

You're going like, I'm carving this out. And then the people who hear that who are that are going like, I like this guy already. I'm not into that fucking low chakra shit. I'm not into low chakras. You want to hear sacred cows? You want to hear someone with reckless abandon go after shit? It's me, baby. I got friends, and I know they got limits.

I have no limits. I will go after me. I'll go after you. I'll go after everyone. I'm Batman. You know, I have some friends and they're like very edgy and people talk about them.

And like, you know, sometimes you just, you'll see how premeditated and just like thoughtful they are about what they say. You know, like, but that's, I know how to build my brand. I know my brand. Some of them act like they're really, you know really speaking the truth they're really giving it to someone really being real but it's uh premeditated they're like oh i'm on this certain thing this is going to be a big this will be a big hoopla this will be a big gossipy thing and they that's

like they premeditated they go let me be real now and And people lap it up. Like fucking milk. Like a puppuccino at Starbucks. They just lap it up because it's entertainment. I don't do only entertainment. I'm not only an entertainer. I can't change that. I'm an arrogant artist. Because that's essentially what I'm saying, right?

I'm not an entertainer. I'm an arrogant artist. Because that's essentially what I'm saying, right? I'm not an entertainer. I'm Picasso. No, I think I give them credit because they actually run it by an editor first and go, hey, we're trying to entertain people. I go, hey, let me just vomit this out and see what happens. My point being,

just take a second to think about some of these dumb things that divide us and ask yourself, why the fuck do you care? And how does it make a difference one way or the other? My point being like, I could, again, in my mind,

go climate change is a complete hoax. Fine. Let's say it is. I'd be mad that they're doing that and lying to us like they are, have been with UFOs. But also I'm going like, Elon Musk is right. We're going to run out of oil. So who gives a fuck? Let them invest in alternative. It'll create a lot of jobs. Green, all greens, a sham. Who gives a fuck? We're running out of oil. This is about oil. That's all it is. The end of carbon

emissions. Carbon emissions are from oil, burning fucking oil, right? Did I miss something? burning fucking oil right did i miss something you don't have to agree but did i miss something that's all it is right like carbon emissions are from burning oil yeah yeah gas yeah all that stuff all that shit natural gas oil fucking oil yeah um so uh yeah it's a big deal you know to do about global warming i mean leonardo caprio is probably going to make a, you know. How impersonal and robotic are his social media accounts? It's so funny. Oh, I don't follow you.

It's just like a fucking environment video comes up. Once a month he posts. With a voiceover. Yeah, you could tell he's like doing it while some model's blowing him on a fucking private jet. He's going like, yeah, well, carbon emissions are at 69. Whoop, whoop. Yeah, yeah. And that's why people hate it.

I think some of it is spite for the elites that kind of push it while they're in jets and living in $20 million homes fucking heated by oil. Well, let's just put it this way. Trust in institutions isn't at an all-time high. So when an institution tells you that you have to start doing stuff trust on institutions is at all-time low and and sort of uh trust in um or admiration for uh stars like patience and admiration for stars whereas before like there was such a there was a mystique to like a matt damon or because all you saw was this you didn't hear about how he bangs all these young people or how matt damons is stretched out dwarf or how ban afflix a fucking alcoholic who blamed his drinking on his ex-wife

these things were there was such a distance they all had publicists all the journalists were cocks and they wouldn't say anything and this era like with social media accounts you get to see madonna going like you know before britney spears uh bipolarity was was hid kanye west you'd never see you never there were no cameras on when he was going hitler was good i'm napoleon you just heard it in some music you go this guy's wild but you didn't hear him in the restaurant go serve me i mean that he's a bipolar kid yeah he's having a manic episode he has a mental illness he didn't see any of that so it was a mystique. Now normal people are going like,

you're full of shit because you're bipolar. You're fucking, you dump a girl once she turns 24 and fly in private jets. Adam McKay, you made a fucking movie about global warming. What is heating your house? And how big is it? And are there security walls? You're full of shit, guy.

Because people know now. You can Google Maps people's houses and see what kind of full of shit humans they are. So that's also how to, hero worship of stars is at an all-time low, I think. You know? Like people didn't know how much of an asshole Michael,

remember, imagine Michael Jordan during social media, people would have known there would have been a leak about what kind of a tyrant he was. It's a crazy thing to think like, is that good or bad? I don't know. Would that have affected him?

Would that affected the team? Would that affected trades? Like a lot of the reason why his, his, his teammates fell in the line is because like they were helpless. It was like Jordan rules, like the whole organization built bent to his will but in this day can you imagine horace grant going like

he hurt my feelings steve kerr going he punched me and then the media is going michael jordan's a bully michael jordan hates trans people he said this and then you're like everyone's gonna know my it's kind of better that we didn't know he was a dick until this wonderful documentary came out. You go, wow, what a fucking psychopath. There's some things you shouldn't know. I don't know. I don't know what's better, total transparency or shrouded in secrecy.

But they both have their pros, is my point. They both do have their pros. They really do. And it seems like UFOs, I know you're a big skeptic, it's getting wild out there now. I mean, it's just we got a

we have like three full-blown whistleblowers testifying in front of Congress saying that these are secret programs that the Pentagon's been hiding from the people. They've been using front slush funding and high levels of clearance to hide and been threatening people who release stuff. And we've been trying to reverse engineer the technology in the arms race. And also one of the most unsettling parts about it

was that some people were hurt by the UFOs. So they're not really as peaceful as we thought, according to this guy. So this is what's going on. This is what's happening. This guy, and then there was the, then there's the, uh, the pilot, the Navy pilot who just goes, Hey man, listen, he goes, this was seen by six people. Our machines picked it up. Uh, you know, I just want you like,

if you're someone who questions it, just go like, this is, I'm telling you the truth. Like, we don't know what it is. This is how it moved. I'm a Navy pilot. Six other people saw the same thing I saw and all our machines registered it. And it did this. It was aware of us. It went into the water so it can maneuver in the water. It can drop 80,000 feet in a second.

It's shaped like a, I don't know what to fucking tell you guy, but it's up there and our radar picked it up and it is what it is. So this is all happening. Now, now that we know that what to fucking tell you guy, but it's up there and our radar picked it up and it is what it is. So this is all happening now. Now that we know that this is almost definitely true, um,

or it feels that way. And you know, the former Canadian prime minister doesn't seem like a quack. Now. I remember I sent you those videos a long time ago. I'm like, yo dog, this was the fucking defense.

Oh, he's the defense minister, Canada. He's not a quack. Like he's got clearance could. I'm like, yo, dog, this was the fucking defense, oh, he's the defense minister of Canada. He's not a quack. He's got clearance. Could be, but I don't think you get to that position to be a quack.

Some people were calling him a quack, I guess, but now you're going like the dude was just telling the truth. We got a lot of quacks in high places here. I guess. I mean, listen,

it's still possible that this is a quack, but it seems like the evidence is out there for all to see, unless they're just high levels of lying. But it seems like this is true, right? It just seems like this is true. And from a helicopter picture, it makes sense, right?

Because if the universe is this amount of old, the amount of galaxies, maybe it blows your mind to think that a civilization could easily be 50,000, not just 500 years ahead in technology, but a civilization far away could be 50,000 to 100,000 to 300,000 to a million years ahead in technology. It's very conceivable that they're fucking taking a joyride in the Milky Way to come and jerk off to us and bounce or figuring out how to colonize us like ants. Who the fuck knows? It's very conceivable that there's more than one. It's very conceivable that Jar Jar Binks is real.

And we shouldn't have been annoyed by his character. It's very conceivable that George Lucas has top level clearance, saw the aliens, went into the Men in Black room with Will Smith and decided to base those characters off of what he saw. It's very possible that Will Sildons wants his peanuts in his mouth right now.

Where's my peanuts? It's very conceivable that Will Smith has seen aliens with whoever the other guy was, Tom Jones. What was his name? Tom Jones. What was his name? Tom Jones. Was it Tom Jones?

Yeah, except there's a Lee in the middle. Tommy Lee Jones. Tommy Jones. He's the guy with the big schlong who used to bang Pamela Anderson. Oh, that's Tommy Lee. Tommy Lee, Tommy Jones, Tommy Lee Jones. Same person, created by the government. They got no parents.

Project Mickey Mouse. Conspiracies are fun man they're addictive they're fun there's nothing better to talk about at a party than conspiracy theories they unify people just as much as sports and politics if you hate your family and your family hates you you can always fucking talk about hunter biden get along you can always talk about the jets and get along and you can always talk about um um intergalactic space mirages that they're using and saying are real because they're about to give us another virus or whatever. Or that the world is flat or a triangle or that dicks are really vagina. Whatever you want.

And of course, some of these conspiracies turn out to be true. But some of them are just like, I don't know about that one. But have fun with them. At the end of the day, just have fun. And I don't know what's going to go on with these UFOs. But apparently he's saying that they have bodies. They have recovered bodies with the craft. It was because these things crashed and the bodies died and they have dead bodies.

I think they also may be having alive, they've had alive ones. One guy said there was one in Guantanamo Bay who was an Arab alien. No. He was in the Taliban. Turns out he's from another galaxy and his name is Jar Jar Binks and he's Arab.

Jar Jar Binks is kind of like an Arab name. Jar Jar Binks. No, in Guantanamo Bay. You know? Who knows? Have you paid attention to any of this news? This story doesn't move the needle at all for me. Have you heard about it?

I mean, I see the headlines. I just skip right over it. Yeah. Because you're a guy, you need to see it. I mean, you need to wake up and see an alien blowing you. Yeah. And then even then, you're going to be like, I'm hallucinating. Yeah.

You just don't want to believe. I don't even really care. I don't know why. Well, I think the funny thing is most people don't. I don't care. Because in 2020, they kind of basically told us, and people were like, oh, yeah, okay, when can I not wear my mask? People are like, so when is taylor swift going i'm fucking and it's funny because everyone

thought like i think the people the powers probably thought people would really freak out and like no and i think also people thought that this would change stuff but it doesn't it's so funny to know that we're trying to just reverse engineer the technology to kill. We're going like, yo, we need to figure this out before the Russians do. Because if they get this, we're not going, whoa, whoa, wait a second here. The Russians. Huh? The Russians.

The Chinese. Or the Chinese. Yeah, same shit. We're not going, whoa, whoa, maybe there's a bigger picture. Maybe we should ask these guys how they made it 50,000 years because right now we're on the brink of nuclear war again so like how do they get along dog my first question would be like yeah yeah look all right maybe you're here on a violent mission or whatever maybe you want to fucking colonize this whatever dog that's fine we'll deal with that when it happens you know obviously you're you're you don't have the

capabilities to send the whole army to get whatever it is if you can go invisible and deal with that when it happens. You know, obviously, you don't have the capabilities to send the whole army to get, whatever it is. If you can go invisible and you're still here and that's fine, all that shit. I got one question for you, dog. How the fuck did y'all get along?

Like, what's the secret? Like, do we got to go pick me chimp? Like, should we all go buy? Should we turn trans? Like, do we all become Jehovah's Witnesses? Like, what's the deal? Do we unite through a common enemy? trans like do we all become jehovah's witnesses like what's the deal do we unite through a common enemy like some we like is do we got to do a purge once a year and kill someone and we all fucking like do we got to sacrifice people off the temple because that's

been what's eluded humanity since the beginning and you can see every civilization try to do something to to rectify it. Right. Like the Greeks used to, you know, blow kids. Uh, they came up with philosophy. They would,

you know, they, they would unite against the Persians. They had a common enemy. The, uh, the Incas used to throw fucking people off of the temples and eat their hearts and shit.

And it would unify people. Other societies, hang people, things that unify, then you got the gladiator games, let's watch some fucking slaves die, it unifies everybody, it's like a purge,

it's like okay, this will unify us, we have a common enemy, like maybe the alien won't tell us, because it'll be like, the alien will just say, hey dog, just wear your enemy,

and then maybe that'll unify us, or maybe the alien could be the most, a peacenik. Maybe he's a peacenik. Maybe he's an annoying, boring peacenik. He's like, hey man.

He comes, he's like, hey man. Love is the answer, man. Love is the answer no matter what, man. Don't operate on lower chakras,

man. And we're just going like, dude, you're fucking, I'd rather shoot you. I'd rather still keep killing. I'd rather keep doing that because that's lame. So what I'm going to do is going to lie to the people

and tell them that you were aggressive and then that will unify us because we're shit. Our planet, we're just an aggressive species that likes to kill, fuck, and eat. And it is what it is. We like to connive and we like to push the rock up the hill like Sisyphus even though we're going to die because we're ego-driven garbage. So I'm just going to tell the people that you're here to kill us, and maybe that'll unify us, and we'll start treating you like Chinese. Maybe we'll start

treating you like Viet Cong. Maybe we'll start treating you like illegals in Alabama. Maybe we'll start treating you like the colonizers, like the colonizers in Africa, or like the Protestants in Catholic town, or the Catholics in Protestant town, or the British in Ireland, or the Irish in England, or the Turks in Greece, and the Greeks and Turks. We're enemies. Nothing unites Greeks like the hates of Turks. nothing unites Catholics more than the hate of Protestants and vice versa nothing unites the Japanese more than the hate of the Chinese nothing unites the Chinese more than the hate of Uyghur Muslims

you need an enemy but like Michael Jackson tried to tell us the secrets are in your little boy's anus no, like he tried to tell us, the secrets are in your little boy's anus. No. Like he tried to tell us, I'm talking to the man in the mirror. I'm the enemy. Yo.

Hey. It's you. And you happen to be Chinese. We'll see you next time. Guys, we want to give a shout out to our small business sponsors. We're always sold out of this because we like to support small business.

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