Yannis Pappas Hour - Unchecked Press Privilege - Long Days with Yannis Pappas - Episode 4

Episode Date: January 24, 2021

Every Sunday Comedian Yannis Pappas is here to give you a LONG DAY! He's going to attack the headlines and the trending bullshit. He's also going to answer questions from the fans live on air.   The show goes out every Sunday to youtube and audio platforms but while it's being recorded the show goes LIVE it Yannis' Instagram! Come join in on the LONG DAY.   This ep Yanni talks about how Micky Mouse is antisemitic but still attracted investors. How big tech needs to be regulated or it will continue to regulate. How the press is roaming around like a hot chick running its mouth because there are no consequences. It’s very Important to have some things you do not know. What you know is as important as what you don’t. Yanni Long Days goes bezerk in this one. Goody goody gum drops, our nights are shorter thanks to the fumy Greek.    Follow LONG DAYS Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/  Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas  Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/  Also check out Yannis' other podcast with Chris Distefano! HISTORY HYENAS https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZP_D4LToVo7Tqmbw-Zr-QA Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Imagine Mickey Mouse just started with a That's how you would bring Mickey Mouse back in 2020 if he just said, put a video of Mickey Mouse on TikTok and White Air Force Ones with the little Caesar haircut that the kids are rocking now. And he just said, Yeah, the guy who made Mickey Mouse was a huge huge anti-semite back in the day you could be an anti-semite and people just wouldn't go look in your closet to find out what your opinions were of people who didn't celebrate christmas and you could create mickey mouse and as long as you got

a mickey mouse smoke screen going up nobody says hey what's your opinion of the jews that must have been a weird dinner that must have been a weird dinner for a guy named Harvey or a guy named Ida or Iris or a guy named Josh when they came and said, I'm here to invest. I've seen your cartoons. I love what you're doing. I love what you're building down there in Florida. It's a new frontier.

First of all, I like to get out of New York City for a couple of months, okay? So this is the beginning of the snowbirds where we leave the Northeast Corridor or even the North because we're spread all over the place. And we go down to Florida for a couple of years. We got a couple of shekels saved up.

I have shekels saved up. I'm in my, I own my own business. I have a couple of buildings. So what I do is I go down to Florida. I go to Florida down in Boca for the couple of months. And you are starting your Disney World in Florida. So I would like to invest, Mr. Walt Disney. I only have one question. What's your

opinion of my people? Because we're starting our own country. And you know, back in history, we don't have a good track record with people who don't like to not celebrate Christmas. Because I know you saw my Christmas. So how do you like my people? Because remember, this country was founded on both Judeo and Christian values. And he goes um love cartoons and mouses hate Jews is that gonna be a problem I don't mind your money but I do not like Jews and you're going oh okay voila Hava Nagila Hava Nagila that's not Jewish but Hava Nagila sounds like it would be Hebrew Hava it is I got it mixed up with Hare Krishna I got my crazy group mantra stuff mixed up Hava Nagila is Jewish and that means we're getting married put a hat on and lift a chair I never

understood why I lifted chairs you know I'm saying put the guy in a fucking throne don't put him on a fold-out metal chair you know that's lifted in the air up and up and up by four cousins who are clearly overweight or at least dehydrated and too hot because if you know anything about orthodox jews okay i haven't been to an orthodox jewish wedding but i am from new york so i am familiar with them those guys don't dress seasonally appropriate so if that wedding is in July those guys got on wool pants major fumes in their ball sack area and they're sweating like pigs that's why they got you know that's why a lot of them have rashes under the curls just from the heat of the outfits so any of those guys could drop at any moment while they're lifting the chair up in the air

they could just fucking drop to the floor from dehydration the key to life is hydrate you got to be hydrated. I got a little app called Water Balance where I check my water and you would not believe how little water we drink, you know, daily without thinking about it. If you're someone out there not thinking about it, you need to drink more water.

And this is definitely a first world problem where a doctor goes, you need to drink more water. And you're going like okay i guess i gotta add that to my budget in america which is ironic because when you're in a first world the more expensive water has become you would figure in a first world water's just free because you're living in the first world um in sweden and north and the northeast corridor and a lot of places water is free in america it tastes like a sedative which has uh the government has put in there fluoride for our teeth which i don't mind because i don't

brush my teeth every night so i'm in favor of teeth hygiene socialism you know i didn't ask for it but the government is distributing redistributing fluoride into our mouths because let's be honest the double sundae at carvel and the baconator you got a little burger in between i don't know how they made bread out of bacon no matter how many times you brush your teeth your fucking mouth's going to shit you're going to be 30 years old your gums are going to recede all the way into your dick line it's just going to go all the way down i went to dentist recently and he was like you brush your teeth and i was like yeah and he was like so how come your gums are down to your chin and i said cuz because this is america

and the food that we eat the sugar in the food we eat once in a while i'm yanni biden i will mispronounce it the sugar that we eat overpowers fucking colgate okay and plus the toothpaste we use now isn't really meant to clean our teeth the way the dentists do when you go get a cleaning because we live in America and it's all about vanity. This is fucking Kardashian. Yas. This is when you start your business based on your personality fame and your personality fame is made just because of the fact that you like to hit your sister and you like to fuck black guys. And so you make a cologne with your name on it or a perfume with your name on it

or a perfume with your name on it and you're famous. Right now we are in the bullshit celebrity era economy. That's all we have. We're all trying to get famous so we can sell bullshit to you. I'm gonna pretty soon want you to buy this merch or my merch. And that's what we do. That's the economy.

The bullshit, now that Trump's gone, the economy is gonna go down 75% because 75% of the American economy was hating Trump. Those people aren't going to go get jobs at hate factories. There's nobody to hate now. The Democrats control the entire government, the Congress and the executive branch. The only thing they don't control is the judicial branch. Sorry, we live in new york city so at any point you can hear a random noise

or you can hear someone say yeah fuck you anything can happen outside um so yeah the trump economy's gone and so yeah now they don't make toothpaste to clean your teeth they make toothpaste to whiten your teeth. You could have cavities underneath those teeth, but as long as they're as fucking pearly white, that's all people care about because it's all vanity. It's all vanity. It's all vanity, which has been good,

which has been good for the girl's ass economy. Do you remember when there was just girls with flat asses? Remember your mom would just take off her sports coat, you know, because every woman in her 40, up from 40s up just starts wearing sports coats, and they go short hair. Why do women go short haircut? This is something me and Jesse used to always talk about, actually. Women go short haircut after around 40 for one reason, one reason only.

50 maybe. 50, you start seeing all women cut their hair short. If you're in the Midwest, you're going to see a little neck fat in the back. That's not a big deal. Those are just the women who are sitting at home eating Applebee's takeout, two for 20 meal take home by Uber Eats. And they got a little neck fat because they're sitting on the couch all day. No big deal. Those are Midwestern housewives. But they all got short haircuts because it comes a certain age where a woman just doesn't want to have a guy see her at the bar from behind and go who the hell is that and then she turns around and it looks like you know she's about to fly away in a broomstick you don't want that to happen you

don't want because from the back long hair looks like it could be any young girl but you know the thing is now you're gonna see asses everywhere women just squat their asses into existence it used to be in the 80s 90s if you banged out Farrah Fawcett or one of the Charlie's Angles Charlie's Angels from the back if you were hitting fucking Farrah Fawcett doggy style there's no difference between that and banging your dad just a flat ass you're just banging in a bone just that there's no cushion there now it's like everyone just goes and women just squat it out. It's ass day again. It's leg day again.

Guys skip leg day. It's hilarious. Guys just do buys, chest, and then they start ripping muscles and shit because that's what they do. Guys just go for that appearance for the upper body. Women want sort of a dainty upper body and they want that fucking Serena Williams

below the waist build and that's been nice it's been nice that asses have become a huge part of what you're attracted to because it used to mostly be legs and titties Americans were big titty guys French they were like they didn't care about titties they're like if you gotta you know if your titties are flat it's fine you got uh air pit hair, it's fine. As long as you pronounce Duval the right way, you're getting banged out in France. As long as you're married to somebody else

and it can be an affair, you're getting banged out in France. Those people love to cheat. They got it right. Maybe that's what keeps the marriage going. I don't know. I'm not Dr. Ruth. I'm not Dr. Drew.

Dr. Drew finally ended up getting COVID Dr. Drew it's fucking 150 degrees in here because this is a New York City apartment and they just pump the heat um you have to open the window more in winter here than you do in summer because of how unbalanced it is um just like Dr. Drew's opinions Dr. Drew is a guy who's telling you it's just the flu, coronavirus isn't real and then he got COVID and now he's selling that he's selling you can get it twice, three times four times, sixteen times, eighteen times

don't leave your house I don't want you to leave your house because I want you to watch my podcast so anyone who's selling you anything is because they have something to sell so you know you don't want me to take my shirt off because uh covid now is a month ago so guess who's been eating a little bit this girl i'm back up to uh post yanni klani weight right now i mean

i i'm ready to audition for santa claus in my cul-de-sac i'm ready to do i'm ready to have children sit on you know you got to have a fat santa claus and i think the reason why somebody was very smart and they made santa claus because santa claus is made up we invented him or whatever right he's based on saint nick which was another guy. Yeah, he's like German, you know, something. So Saint-Samsing was turning to Santa Claus and he became fat. And they say it's because he's jolly, but being jolly, fat guys are jolly. But also when your kid sits on a guy's lap, you'd rather him be fat. You want as much cushion between that kid and that Santa's piece as possible. You don't want that kid sitting on a skinny guy where he could just pinch a tent right into your kid's butt cheek. You don't want

that. So if a guy's fat, he's sitting up here on the belly and the piece can't reach. The piece isn't big enough to get up to your kid. So it's sort of like pedophile protection. It's pedophile protection. In fact, instead of cutting off pedophiles' dicks or putting them on an app where they have to register as sex offenders with the government and we know where they are, in addition, it would be nice if we fed these fuckers and made them extremely, extremely obese. That way, if a kid runs, they can't catch them. That's a good thing, right? You want to give these kids a chance in hell to get away. You don't want speedy pedophiles on the street. You don't want a pedophile who can run a race. So after you identify a pedophile,

put them on the list. You ever go on one of those lists? I remember I was staying at my ex-girlfriend's house in Syracuse, and I was just curious because there's an app that you ever go on one of those lists I remember I was staying at my ex-girlfriend's house in Syracuse and I was just curious because there's an app that you can go to and you just check where all the pedophiles are in your area it you know and I was in Syracuse with my ex-girlfriend uh Jesse at the time and uh I was like I was just curious I was laying up late at night and I was like I want to know where all the pedophiles are I fucking turned it on her neighborhood lit up like a Christmas tree. Wait, you have this app? I have this app.

It's like, anyone can have it. It's called like, you know, pedophilematch.com, you know? It's like pedophile Tinder. It's like, you know, you just find them. Where they live lights up and then you can look at the picture of their crime. So they're registered. Wherever you go to a new town, you check this app?

I love to do that. I wanna know where the local pedophiles are you know i mean because when i shave i look very young um but no it's just a fun thing to know and i like to look through them and what their what their crimes are but yeah when i was dude syracuse lights up like fucking a christmas tree the most disturbing part was like where i was lit up so my address lit up her address was like is there you have an uncle in the basement you haven't told me about? But isn't that a good idea?

You feed the pedophiles till they get incredibly obese. Then they can't chase the kids. And also they can't, you ever think about how do fat guys even fuck? They can't. You know, the only fat guys that can fuck, you gotta have, your dick has to be as big past where your stomach is.

When I start to get fat, I just see my dick slowly start to disappear over the horizon of the hill you either fuck on your back or from behind it's the only way because then you can rush yeah you can pull it up maybe there's like a crane you can like a you just like take a shovel and hold it up and then yeah i mean there comes a point where it's very difficult so that's my recommendation to the legal system is we have these pedophiles be force fed so they can't chase kids

and catch them and there's too much padding for them to even touch them with their piece you know so it really or you can just cut their dicks off and you know

whatever feed them estrogen how come you're not just finished the process I mean being trans is fucking in right now. And why not? If you want to just cut their pieces up and say, look, you got to be a woman now.

Women don't, women don't really, there's very few women pedophiles. And the ones that are pedophiles, the morality is always questionable. The only people who are really upset about that, let's, how should we call them? Are people without penises. Like when you read one of those stories when it's like 24-year-old math teacher has a scandalous affair with 15-year-old student, you're going like, was there a crime that happened here?

And mothers are going, absolutely, she manipulated him, no age of consent. And guys are going like, she's bad. And then underneath, they're just hitting the teacher, the female teacher with a little fucking, you know, Wayne's World, little Bill and Ted's like, yes. Because look, if I was 15 banging out my 24-year-old teacher, that is not a crime to me. That's a lesson.

That's lesson number one. Welcome to class. She is a teacher and she's teaching me how to fic. I don't know why you'd want to be a 24-year-old teacher and bang out a 15-year-old. That is a little bit of a power thing. You're not going to enjoy it.

I mean, do you remember back in those days when you were 15 and you just went, eh? It was really just like plugging your iPhone charger in, which is what I thought sex was until I was about 23. I thought you just plugged it in and just sat there and waited for it to charge. That's what I thought sex was. I didn't know you had to pump or anything like that. I grew up in a Greek Orthodox household,

so I had to learn from my friends that you had to move your body in the puss. Plus, porn wasn't everywhere. Porn wasn't everywhere. You had to be an oceans 11 type heist master to get porn and i'll explain that in a second but yeah i used to think it was just like you plug your charger in and just went like this and waited and then the baby would uh then the baby juice would just fly out when it was ready you know because you were charging up when we were kids jesus christ i mean now you hand any kid your phone now first of all that's one of the scariest

things i have a daughter who's like, I'm not gonna watch porn anymore. I gotta get a burner phone just for porn because I don't wanna hand my fucking phone to my kid when it's making too much noise in an Applebee's when me and my wife are doing a two for 20 because the industry shut down and we gotta share a fucking broccoli rob

and two fucking shit frozen steaks and my kid's making a lot of noise and I wanna shove that fucking thing in its face like the pacifier it's become i don't know if you've ever gotten a dinner or lunch with any of your friends that have kids out there but once that kid starts fucking acting up or getting restless you just take out that fucking thing put on some weird fucking german cartoon and stuff it in its face and it just sits there like the manchurian candidate it's hilarious we've turned our children into fucking tech zombies and it's great because it lets you enjoy adult time you know you could even probably cheat on your wife your kid wouldn't

notice as long as you put fucking you put frozen let it go let it go you fucking throw that animated cunt right on the screen and throw it to your kid then you bang out somebody behind your wife's back kids in the other room watching frozen on a laptop or a phone or an ipad you're good she says who's that you just go oh that's daddy's friend who's not your mommy but they we went in the other room to bake pancakes but daddy there's no refrigerator and then you just on her third question you stuff that phone right back in her face and throw on another youtube cartoon that has 14 billion hits have you seen the money these kid cartoons are raking in and that's because what we do now is just put it on and you should see them my kids it's like the man she's yeah she's advanced my kid every parent says that though wow my kid's a genius my kid

can open its eyes and move its arms my kid can giggle now my kid is gonna be like margaret mead she's a scientist the women out there better be impressed that i know a scientist uh female's name okay i could have sent jayden goodall she was smart too but margaret mead was actually like fucking genius so i went genius for you because it's 2020 and it's fucking work it, girl. Kamala Harris' gulag time, baby. I can't wait to get put into a re-education camp by fucking AOC's human rights committee. And I'm going in because they're going to start sifting through all your work as a comedian and say, you said this word. You're going to be unnoticed.

Are you deleting tweets? Huh? Are you deleting tweets? huh? are you deleting tweets? yeah you better delete thoughts at this point because I don't know if you got clear when you go to the when you go to the airport

that you put your eyes right in there it reads your eyes to see if it's you pretty soon they're gonna be able to read thoughts and they're just gonna see

you know they're gonna see what you're thinking and as a comedian we think a lot of stuff because the funny stuff is not always the appropriate thing to say someone had a question about politics they said what do you think about

yang being yeah i think it's great i mean you know we got to just continue this chinese takeover stop fighting it i mean you know i'm just here to wake you people up i've said it on previous episodes this is probably a ccp virus that was put to slow down the whole world so they kept moving and you know they took hong kong they look at they're running the world and it's not a horrible thing because they they still make our iphone you could still an i afford an iphone for 75 bucks or 100 bucks depending on what promo you use at at&T I just got my wife a phone for five bucks a month do you know what kind of slave labor has to happen in another country you naive idiot fucking left-wing dingbats do you know what kind of slave labor has to take place you can call it whatever

you want you can call it labor overseas Dubai was built, you know, by rich Arab tycoons who employed Indian and Pakistani, South Asian, low-income workers. You can call five cents a day, whatever you want to call it, but make zero mistake. You need to put this, because that's what you call slavery so your iphone's in your hand and you bought it for five dollars a day for 30 months at at&t with an upgrade or a switch from verizon guess what a little asian slave made your phone no matter what you tweet on it you could tweet you care about all people's lives. The thing is, your phone is more of an immoral thing than whatever you tweeted. Even Steven, baby, you don't want to look what's in the sausage. Okay, we live in a big hot dog.

And what you're eating is cow's asshole. So just put the fucking mustard on it. A little processed onions with some weird sugary red sauce and some fucking sauerkraut which is the only fucking cultural achievement in the food realm that the germans gave us and fucking enjoy your fucking ballpark dog my name is short harry lot 40 let me tell you something right now i was fucking there I was fucking there on what we call liberation day down at the fucking Capitol we were gonna fucking storm it but it was all fucking Antifa that was in there that was fucking trying to get into the Capitol how do I fucking know

I seen the fucking purple hair underneath their helmets they were fucking undercover spies just like in the fucking Joker movie you remember the fucking Joker put all the fucking guards in the other fucking uniforms that's what fucking happened who's the Joker fucking Nancy Pelosi you ever look at a fucking face all you gotta do is put a fucking little color on there you see the fucking box and a fucking Joker I'm telling you Trump 2024 is coming back fucking I only watch oh and network. Now, Fox got bought by George Soros, ladder 14. Fucking George Soros, this fucking guy

is a shapeshifter. All right? The problem was, we were fucking upstairs. The problem was, we didn't fucking handle the reptiles under there. Because under there,

they got fucking, what happened is, I don't know if you know this, but fucking Hillary and fucking AOC and fucking Nancy, they was in the fucking Capitol. And then somebody

tipped them off. We had a fucking rat. And they said, ah, fucking, the Trump Nancy. They was in the fucking Capitol. And then somebody tipped them off. We had a fucking riot. And they said, ah, fucking the Trump soldiers are coming to fucking take the Capitol and stop the fucking certification of the vote. So what happens is, they had enough time to get out of there. How?

Because I had fucking zip ties. I had a fucking, you remember those in the Iraqi war? We would fucking zip tie you up? I had fucking zip ties. Because I got a friend, he was fucking Iraqi, brought them home. He was in Abu Ghraib. He fucking took a friend, he was fucking Iraqi, brought them home. He was an Abel Grabe. He fucking took a car.

He was the guy taking the pictures. He was a fucking guy in Abel Grabe taking the pictures and the fucking, you know, with the hat on and all that fucking shit. He took the pictures. So I had a couple fucking zip ties. We were going upstairs, but what we didn't fucking realize

is that they could change forms. Fucking AOC, they fucking, when you turn into a fucking, when you turn into an ant or a fly, or you fucking turn into a little, what do they call those? The fucking honey badgers. They turn into fucking honey badgers, shapeshifters, they fucking scurried out of there and went to the tunnels.

Fucking underneath the pizza place, they got a whole fucking tunnel where they touch your kids. Fucking, you know who's down there? Gizli Maxwell's down there. She fucking touch your kids, fucking lie to 40, hand me a beer. I don't know, cuz.

This, the inauguration happened. Trump, it's amazing. There's no, there's no, like,

celebration he's gone. It's just people moved on quick. Were you surprised he left? I know everyone was saying that he wasn't gonna leave.

He was gonna fucking leave. Are you kidding me? Yeah, they let him play around and then once the storming of the capital happened yeah those are what you call wasps who finally got woken up in the connecticut and gold coast area the richest areas there's a few of them in uh in california texas and that's when you bring bipartisan uh bring bipartisan people together is when they go, all right, now you're fucking our whole shit up. Okay. Because here we are during this pandemic

getting filthy rich. Okay. That's when Bezos sits down with some guy named Winthorpe who has eight generation wealth and he flies in on a copter into Westchester airport which is a small airport on his private plane and there's a guy named Winthorpe there there's a guy named Baker there's a guy named something the third because he's like the third or fourth with the same name and you walk into a house that has portraits of family members in the foyer and the foyer is not just a little room where you take your fucking shoes off it's the first house that you pass through to go to the bigger house. That's what the foyer is. And it's in fucking Connecticut, in Milton, Connecticut, or in Greenwich, Connecticut.

And you sit down and you got the wasps, you got the Jews, you got a couple of Irish people who slipped through the ranks. Here's the thing about Irish people. They think that the wasps like them, but let me explain to you why the wasps hate you even more. Okay? Because you guys fucking trick them. You blend in. You walk in with your pale

little faces and a polo shirt with khakis because you want to blend in with white society. And you try to paint over the fact that you're a potato monkey from a dirty island to these people you're a potato monkey from a dirty island because that's what a British look at you like oh is he from Ireland have him clean have him clean what's he doing here what are you doing here you potato monkey so that you trick them and then they start talking and

they have you at their table because you know you own a great big plumbing company or you got a great pension from the police and you try to talk nice and then once they see you slurp your first your first oyster like and order your first bud light they go, get this stinky Irishman out of here. So they hate you even more. Me, they look at me and they could see I'm just a swarthy fucking Mediterranean nobody. And they could just, I can't hide the sweaty Mediterranean slave boy that I am to them. So at least when I walk in, they get nauseous just from looking at me. You tricked them at first. And that's why they hate you even more. Because they like you for a second until they realize you're not a wasp.

Because wasps love being around other wasps and they want you away. They don't want you to know about their area. So when Trump did his little thing where they stormed the fucking, where he was winking at them, go over there. We're going to have to take this with might and force. I mean, do it peacefully. Do it peacefully. But what we're going to have to take this with might and force. I mean, do it peacefully. Do it peacefully. But what we're going to have to do is zip tie them up.

We're going to have to put AOC in the back of the van and lock her up. But do it peacefully, people. People, we want to do it peacefully. When he was doing that whole wink, the whole, you know. No, I've said it before that's exactly the coup d'etat you would expect from a bunch of people who believe that hillary clinton turns into a lizard at night and eats baby blood that's what a coup d'etat of those people would look like so once those wasps saw that they had enough because then you're you're you're you are basically threatening their status quo right now

because they want people eating enough so you know they watch go to the game fucking fight in the parking lot tailgate the eagles are their life eagles go stillers and you just shut the fuck up put the yellow black and yellow black and yellow even if you're a white girl you're sitting there black and yellow black and yellow fucking you go to pittsburgh and and you know they have so much city pride they wear the colors you know you go to a fucking funeral in Pittsburgh. The priest goes, okay, first of all, okay, now we're here to gather the stank.

Ben Roethlisberger never did it, denied it. There's no priest who believes Ben Roethlisberger. That's how much they enjoy their small-mindedness. So the wasps want them to get back to that. They're going, let's get this fucking vaccine out there so we can stuff these little morons back into the fucking football stadium give them cheap beer fuck their livers up and they can be distracted so i can go back to enjoying my lobster and not talking to my wife i enjoy that i got a 3 000 year old scotch in my basement that i sip once a night because it's a secret that

wasps have been passing down for generations and their fucking dumb skull and bones sacrifice the lamb fucking parties that they do with their masks on that they take one sip of scotch one every night and they live to be 300 you ever look at you ever look at summer redstone who by the way I think is still alive he might be he guy's still alive the guy's 104 okay how did I mean his wife was 24 and that's that's true love really you know that's that true love that you need to celebrate on Valentine's Day you know him and uh the Iceman and his wife the Iceman uh Iceman was a serial killer and every Valentine's Day I post a picture of the Iceman uh on Father's Day I'm sorry on Valentine's every Valentine's Day I post a picture of the Iceman on Father's Day I'm sorry on Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day I like to post Anna Nicole Smith with that billionaire she married who was 93 because that's just remember that love

has nothing to do with interest it's altruistic and it's beautiful and then on Father's Day I like to post the Iceman who was a serial killer

for the mafia and his wife and his kids because he was a family man I mean when he was home I mean he killer for the mafia, and his wife and his kids, because he was a family man. I mean, when he was home, I mean, he would beat the shit out of his wife on occasion, but only on occasion when his sauce wasn't right. And, you know, he loved his kid.

But then he would go out at night and murder you with a shotgun to the face or lethal injection to the arm, because that's when he wasn't being a dad. So who's a better father really? When he was home, he was attentive. Here's the funny thing. My dad kind of neglected me from work. The Iceman came home

and all he did was play with his daughter. So in a world where there are no absolutes, who's the better father really? Because him killing people who were in the mafia or somebody who didn't smile at him right at a red light and he blew them their head off with a shotgun has nothing to do with his father's skills per se when he got home he was a good dad so happy father's day to the ice man you know rest in peace i mean he recently died we lost another great american one of the goats i mean the kid got like 40 50 kills 60 kills one of which he fed to rats in a cave and he filmed

it he said i didn't like that that one disturbed me talk about brutes my goods would you rather die of covid or get eaten by rats i'll take covid any day all day long yeah and covid was not pleasant i can't think of a worse way to die hmm now you that's i take that as a challenge um alive you're fully fine there's nothing wrong with you? Yeah. Yeah, how about Rosie O'Donnell sucking your dick to death? Shout out to Donald Trump, we miss you. Now, yeah, how about being trapped in a room with Ellen for four days?

How about you have to quarantine with Ellen? Imagine quarantining with that monster for six months in a in a motel with two beds and a tv from the 80s that you have to stand up and turn the channel like that with Ellen DeGeneres now let me ask you the question again would you like to get eaten alive by rats in the cave anonymously by yourself in peace or would you like to have to sit through the fucking torture of her opinions and personality and her imperious fucking uh imperious uh what would you call that her imperiousness right would you want to sit through that for six months in a motel room eating fucking domino's pizza you can only finish you

can only order out and this is in the middle of this is the middle of the country in pennsylvania so you are in the suburbs of pennsylvania not an inexpensive one in a former steel town where the only thing you can eat is papa john's and fucking chinese buffet and it's ordering okay and she likes pineapple on her pizza would you rather get eaten alive by rats or quarantine with Ellen DeGeneres the tv's on fucking CNN even worse yeah and she likes to watch Chris Cuomo 24 hours going what's going on folks I might take the rats you might take the rats exactly so would I so would I so the hashtag Biden and impeachment is gone now I mean I I like going back to when conservatives are the

counterculture that was fun that started towards the end of the Obama era because I'm in comedy so I remember when like comedians weren't really that funny they were just going up there going because nobody really wanted to deal with reality or anything serious so they would all get in a room and say hey you know multiculturalism you know i support gay rights black rights none of them had any black friends that you go to those crowds those alt rooms in brooklyn during the obama administration the second term it was the whitest fucking crowd you've ever seen in your life it was like white people and reggie watts and on occasion hannibal burr's and that was it that was it maybe a baron vaughn sighting here and there and then the lucas brothers came in a little too late okay and that was like

you took hannibal burr's and just split them into two it's a joke they're comedians if they watch it they'll get i mean if you split how if you took a sword split hannibal burr's they just turn into the lucas brothers but otherwise it was just like fucking the whitest crowd you could ever see, which was always hilarious and ironic to me. It's like, you know, we're fucking so good. And you're like, we love black. We love the struggle. We love black people.

And it's like, do you know any? Do you know one at least? And they always go, here, it's Hannibal. And you're like, okay, you're fucking, you get black culture. But at that time, it was just silly stuff. that's why the Altstein kind of flourished because like nobody everyone it was an orgy of money tech bubble San Francisco was bubbling it was frothy before the fall it was frothy it was just like the 20s the booming 20s just without the flappers and more like, look at my camper shoes and this is my pumpkin coffee. Fuck you, I'm better.

Fuck you, I'm better. That's what this party was. This is how we partied in the 2000s. Yeah, the band's famous. I'm not a fan anymore. Okay? I want my band to be playing in coffee houses and nobody needs to know about them. And I need my shoes to be campers at all times

and tightly laced New Balance. So that era is back now, baby. The mainstream is going to these, you know, uselessly educated white kids who moved to cities, who now fled to the suburbs, by the way. First ounce of trouble. Those kids fucking emptied out of those bed bug infested apartments quicker than you can say Ruppelstiltskin.

Fucking Williamsburg is empty right now. There's a guy walking around right now naked with a machete chopping up whoever he sees. And where do you think Seth is? Seth is back. He is back in the suburbs of Chicago, sitting with his mom, eating ordered Cheesecake Factory cheesecake online.

And he's considering working at the Panera Bread part-time. You know, they're still doing takeout. So those kids who flocked here and were so moral, took the first train out of Dodge as soon as the coronavirus hit. But they're back now. This four years is about to be so fucking woke i mean we are gonna

put the entire straight white male agenda on fucking notice say it with me on clap fucking notice i mean it is kamala time because biden has about you know talk about a trojan horse i mean that kid's about to drop and his stomach's about to open and she's about to walk out what's the over under on him oh dude i mean you got to go to stanhope's death pool but i would say six months a year i would say the kid's got a year and a half before he drops you know i say about a year and a half and then uh come on you? I'd say about a year and a half, and then Kamala's going to kill him. I mean, you don't think she got to where she got because she's a beautiful human being.

I mean, she figured out a way to get into the White House without having to get elected, which would probably never happen. So she's shrewd. I mean, she put more black people away. I mean, she put more black people down than, I mean, I'm trying to find a good analogy, than Kamala Harris. She is the Kamala Harris of Kamala Harris. I mean, during her stint as DA,

she put more black people in jail for like marijuana offenses than you could shake a stick at. So she's a controversial figure and the black community knows that. But you know what? Sometimes the heroes aren't the ones that we choose. They're the ones that we need. She is the Batman of the vice presidency. You know?

Fuck that. You don't want to see other sausages made. It's good to see, was she half Jamaican, half Indian? It's good to see, especially those Indians, that oppressed group. We have to stop oppressing the Indians. They're not doing good enough. You know? We got a lot of these first- multi-millionaire comedians and actors

their parents got here when they were 15 and they had four Hindu dollars in their pocket and they opened a motel, worked their ass off and now you're accepting giving a speech at the Oscars, not quick enough this country's just oppressive, didn't happen quick enough they This country's just, this country's oppressive.

Didn't happen quick enough. They should have handed you an award when you were four. They shouldn't have even had to put you in the movie. They should have made you a star just because your parents immigrated here

and they're Indian. I mean, if I hear one South Indian complain about America, I'm going to say, you know what? Shh.

You're on notice. Because you guys are doing great. Nobody's crushing America like Southians and asians they are crushing education they're crushing they're making more money than everybody else and shout out to you enjoy it that's what makes america great i'm actually saying that's great but when you complain it's a little fucking annoying it's's like hearing Paris Hilton say her purse strap hurts her shoulder. His purse is a little hurts. This Fendi purse is hurting my shoulder

because it's got a phone in it and I'm anorexic. I throw up my food so there's no muscle fiber to cover my shoulder. So. People keep asking about, I don't know if I'm gonna change that into something. Yeah, I'm always are

people enjoying it what's up go to go to long days on youtube subscribe turn your notifications on what's the tim dillon story covid story yeah so me and another person were there talking about our covid symptoms and how horrid we were and the great tim Tim Dillon was there doing his mental recorder to blast us later. Listen, that kid's got to do his job. When you're in his presence, there's a chance you are going to end up on his episode and on the butt end of his joke. So it's not just me.

I'm sure he's come in contact with a lot of people who had COVID. And it was very funny. Look, as Tim says, I got to do my job. He's got to do his job. So if you're a fan of Tim Dillon, there's a good chance you will get cursed out if you DM him, which is great.

He has to do his job. He's not your friend, and he'll tell you he's not your friend. He doesn't even like you as a fan. He calls you people animals, and he's right. That's the thing. He's honest. That's the great thing about Tim Dillon, what makes him so funny. He's not pretending to like you.

He's not pretending to be everybody's friend. He's not pretending to want to do everything. Tim knows exactly who he is, and he thinks he's better than you. And when it comes to food, he is. The kid knows food. So watch out. He's coming out with a nice product that I'm excited about that I'm going to buy. Anyway, so yeah, his side of the story is I was there,

and I was complaining about my COVID. I said I had a bellyache, and and i had diarrhea and my sodium levels dropped and i almost died if i didn't go to the hospital i could have went into a coma and he's going boo fucking hell try being a fat gay guy from long island who's smart and funny that's real hard ben let's go i need need to record. Fucking Nancy Pelosi. I need a fucking beer. I can't. I'm fucking sober.

Give me another cigarette. Fucking corona people aren't catching, you know, smokers aren't catching COVID. And then he sat Indian style like the Buddha and fucking harangued me in the kitchen in his underwear. He took me to the airport in his underwear and no socks and shoes. He goes, I'm not getting out of the car. The kid is ripping Marlboro Lights right now. I had a great time. By the way, thank you, Joe Rogan.

It's an incredible episode. Our History Hyenas Patreon is doing good. Thank you so much for all the new fans going over to History Hyenas, you know, patreon.com slash historyhyenas from Joe Rogan and everything like that. And I hope to be back, you know? I want to be back. I love Joe.

It was such a fun conversation, nearly four hours. Austin is wide open, by the way. Unbelievable. I mean, they are just like, I went to get barbecue there.

It was wide open. Austin's, everyone's moving there. Elon Musk is there with his wife, Tiny Tim, whatever her name is. She got a weird name. Yeah, Grimey, or whatever her name is. He's down there. Elon Musk is there with his wife, Tiny Tim, whatever her name is. She got a weird name.

Yeah, she's okay. Yeah, Grimey or whatever her name is. He's down there. I mean, there's a lot of companies moving down. A lot of tech companies moving down there. That in Florida, right? Yeah, we may have to do that. Because look, I lean left, as you know.

I'm more of a centrist that leans left, but it doesn't matter. I mean, I've never voted in my entire life. I like to make fun of everybody. I like to make fun of everybody. I like to make fun of everybody. But you like a balance of power. That's what the checks and balances system works so well. And right now, before the Republicans had too much, they had the fucking presidency and the Senate.

And now the Democrats have the presidency and the Senate. So we may, all normal people just may end up moving to Texas and Florida and Tennessee, to Nashville. You know what I mean? They don't have state taxes there. So, you know, like I said, everyone's liberal till they open their own business. And then you sit down with your accountant and you're like,

how do we avoid this tax? That's basically all doing your, basically doing your taxes with your accountant. An accountant's job is not your taxes with your accountant. An accountant's job is not really to count your money. It's to help you figure out how to hide your money. That's why socialism will never work, you fucking idiots. It's because of human nature. Socialism is a great temper. It tempers capitalism very well. But capitalism is more aligned with human nature. We're all self-interested. Don't fucking, don't fucking, it's not, we don't live in a fairy tale.

Okay, we're all self-interested. So socialism works as a nice temperance on capitalism. But if you try to do all socialism, that's what happened to ancient, that's what happened to Greece. That's why Greece folded. Because everyone in Greece wanted the benefits of socialism, but nobody wanted to pay for it. So everyone was hiding their money. Rich people were hiding their money. Everyone had a whole second economy in cash.

And everyone was still getting the benefits. So you can't, you're going to see so over on yourself. You're going to go bust. And that, if people who don't understand the Greek financial crisis, that is it. And you can email me all that you want and say, the Germans, I was listening. This is a character. I know he's a character. But the real truth is, there was listening. Mr. Parnas is a character. I know he's a character. But the real truth is there was a German Jew.

And he has money in his mouth. And he takes the money from the Greeks and he puts it here because the Germans doesn't want the Greeks to have a good time. They have a tariff. They're making the EU so they don't pay taxes. This is how the Germans think. The Germans fought. The Germans fought. The Jews fought. George Bush fought.

It's Trump's fault. It's Bill Clinton's fault. It's Jewish people's fault. It's Chinese's fault. It's Russian's fault. It's never, ever a Greek man's fault. Never. The Greeks is perfect people.

We smoke a cigarette. We sit down. We talk in the cafe and we figure everything out. How am I a genius? I'm a genius because I own a restaurant. This one made me a genius. And I have a great genes. So I understand.

I know this conspiracy. I know what's happening. And this is German and the Jew. And this is what bankrupt Greece. So, I mean, England's on fire. They got a lot of COVID. I mean, when your country

has that bad of a COVID problem, I mean, your COVID's got chlamydia. I mean, your country's got chlamydia. I wish I said your country's got chlamydia. You gotta, it's burning through right now. England has chlamydia, bad's burning through right now. England has chlamydia.

Bad. They're on their third lockdown. Fauci's relieved. He's back on TV. Johnson & Johnson is trying to ramp up and get their vaccine going. I love that there's going to be a Coke and Pepsi of vaccines. That's real funny. It always ends up that way.

Capitalism, the free market motivates people to come up with these vaccines, which is what makes the free market so great. You got to remember. And yeah, the free market all the time gets endorsed by government money. And it should be, especially if they're doing good work, like trying to come up with a fucking vaccine. It's like, yeah, give me some government money to do that. And Pfizer did it first.

You can't fix the vaccines, right? You can't Pfizer did it first um you can't fix them no you can't fix them yeah and then Moderna and then these companies Johnson and Johnson's coming up with one they think uh after their trials they're gonna have like 100 million doses ready for Americans but it's always funny how capitalism always starts with many companies and then inevitably it's just like the board game monopoly. You always end up with a Coke, a Pepsi, and an RC Cola. You end up with a McDonald's, a Burger King, and a Wendy's. Okay? And if you're a real fucking dirtbag in Arby's, who the fuck goes into Arby's?

If you have all your teeth and you don't smell like beer, what are you doing in an Arby's? Have you ever stood in line in an Arby's and smelled anything except piss and beer on the pants of the person in front of you what are you going to Arby's for so it always ends up with three ones and the two are kind of successful one is like a legend the other one is like you know they get like the second level stars you know it's like coke is number one then Pepsi was like really number two but a strong

number two that they could afford like britney spears in a commercial and michael jackson and shit um and then you know you got mcdonald's number one burger king the better tasting one let's be honest i mean fucking who doesn't love a whopper frame boy rapper and then you got the wendy's where your beef patty square and you don't ask any questions you don't ask any questions about how did this meat get square and uh why is the face of this a redhead child okay is that some sort of message to pedophiles all right let's talk about it for a second my name is Derek here and let me tell you something right now I was raised on Wendy's brother that was a special Saturday night in Florida down there with me and my mother Pam she had me call her Pam once in a while that's how I raised her up her name was Pam she used to

smoke uh long menthols brother I love my mother she sent me to the store to get her a pack of Newports and some Mad Dog 2020 and if I was passing a Rite Aid brother she wanted me to get some new flip-flops because she wanted me to get some new flip flops because she always would not out and the flip flops would rip off her feet brother my mother's toes always looked like they were dipped in chalk and scraped up because she would always walk home with one flop because when you're nodding off on meth brother you end up losing your balance and those flip flops end up fucking ripping you know what I'm talking about there producer man so I miss you Pam she ended up dying of an overdose in front of a 7-11 out there in Tallahassee but I miss you I go and put flowers down next to the payphone every day that's right

next to the part where you died Pam I miss you Pam and to my father Henry the fourth I don't know who you are brother but I know you're somewhere down in the Jacksonville area living your dream, brother. And I know I inherited your genes and that's why I ended up becoming an establishment owner of my own. That's why I got the Pink Lagoon Crock Pit Flamingo. Come on down. This weekend, we got Jeb Bush behind the wood wall.

The bushes have really fallen off. And we got Screech from Saved by the Bell. Come on down. Get your gullet shooters. Do we have some questions from people? A lot of people want to see your feet. I don't know what's going on. Yeah, no, you don't want to see my feet.

You're not going to see my feet. My feet cost a price. And if you want to see my feet, go over to my fans only page, which is another huge part of the American economy now, where everyone who used to have a job is now an amateur porn star. Are you understanding what I'm saying? This is my job right here. Okay?

There are no jobs. If you don't create your own jobs by selling your pussy or showing your feet or starting a podcast or hating Trump, which is now over, you don't have a job. OK, I mean, are you really going to send your kid to a liberal arts college for fifty thousand dollars a year in 2021? I mean, who's going to send their kid to college to go study history? I'm going to kick his kick my kid right in the butt and say go start a fucking podcast i want you to dm tim dylan and ask if he needs a food taster those are the only jobs out there does anyone have a legitimate question are all the fucking morons on today

i don't understand what bitcoin is here Here's the thing. Bitcoin's one of those things, like a comptroller, that I just might spend my whole life never trying to find out what it is. Yeah. Does anyone know what a comptroller really does? A locally elected comptroller? First of all, they're elected. So who the fuck goes and knows to vote for a comptroller? Did you know that?

A comptroller's elected. I had no idea. Yeah. So it's like, which person have you ever met who even knew the name of a city's or state's comptroller let alone had an opinion on which one to vote for yeah we got a fucking comptroller i don't know i don't know it's like bitcoin can you tell me what bitcoin is no so bitcoin is one of those things like a comptroller that i'll probably spend my whole life not knowing about it's one of those things you don't want to know about like the fact that my mother had fumes i wish that i didn't know about that but before my dad died when he was

having congestive heart failure he just wanted to tell me that my mom's vagina smelled bad so that's what happens when an old man loses his mind and he also told me that korean whores have tight pussies those are two things i wish I didn't know, Pop. Rest in peace. I know you're in heaven. But it would be nice if I lived my entire life not knowing that my dad had sex with Korean prostitutes when he was in the Korean War and that my mom had Major Fumare on occasion. There's a question for Luke St. Simon. Luke St. Simon, y''all they want to know what

does luke think about parlor being shut down parlor needed to be shut down they did the right thing excuse me you asking the question insinuates that you have you have you may think the parlor should be accessed are you let me see are you talking talking through your Nazi uniform right now? Okay? I can see the room that you're in, but I know that there's a Nazi flag hanging over your bed. Are you kidding me? What do you think about Parler? A basic forum for hate speech and Nazis to collaborate on how to hurt Kamala Harris? Putting it on notice didn't work.

Okay? We have been putting Perler on notice for a long time. We were writing letters. We wrote letters to Amazon, to Apple, to de-platform, de-fund, de-platform, de-speech, de-fund. Everything needs to be de-deified, okay? Kamala Harris, she's a deity. She's deified. She's dignified. Everyone else needs to be de- deified, okay? Kamala Harris she's a deity, she's deified, she's dignified everyone else needs to be defunct defunded debowed, we need to graduate from deplatformed to defunded

to debowed do you know what happened to me, singing? it's gonna happen to you because I'm gonna pay you pay you pay you of course parlor should be down it's fucking nazi hate speech and speech is hate defund and de-voice we need to de-voice the patriarchy including me every night before i before I go to bed, I punch myself in the face and say, you're unnoticed in the mirror.

I'm unnoticed three times. Three times. I do it three times like I'm the Wizard of Oz. Okay? Like I'm her going tapping her feet. Instead, I go, put you unnoticed. All right, so what else do we got? I mean, what do people,

why is everyone asking to see my feet? Why do you want to see my feet? I told you, go to my fans only page. Now that I know that you want to see my feet, I'm starting a fans only page. I'm also probably going to start a more recent fans only page because there's still a market for that. And after a character really has peaked and comes down,

there's one place for her to go. And that's prostitution. And make no mistake, I and that's prostitution. And make no mistake, I will do full prostitution as the Maurisa character. So if you have a transgender fetish, if you're a tranny chaser, or you have a fetish of banging comedians while they do characters, boy or girl, I'll bang you out. Obviously, I'm going to charge a little more for the guys, but, you know, making a living is making a living, Mr. Scatoro. By the way, Jesse Scatoro,

my old partner in Ditch, he filmed the Morrisa video. All the Panos videos, Morrisa videos. So, he's behind the camera. Go check out his art, Jesse Scatoro,

on Instagram. All one word. Yeah, I have to plug it because, I mean, you never will. So, you just, yeah, you're a kid who likes

to fucking whittle wood in a basement yeah yeah keep me out of that yeah I mean you've never seen a kid fucking play with clay longer than him and somebody

if you have a kid at home but the only difference is the kid will end up carving end up looking like shit Jesse will carve a full foot and then you can and then I'll show you that

it's been me asking to see your feet the whole time it's who? it's been me oh okay you've just been asking to see my feet

yeah because you want to sketch it anyway we're over. It's who? It's been me. Oh, okay. You've just been asking this enough. Yeah, because you want to sketch it. Anyway, we're close to an hour. Yes, that's it. We're at 53 minutes. Okay. In conclusion, I just want to say COVID's not real. Fauci is a Chinese spy.

And we got to do away with all of the people who are questioning those two facts. Let's get rid of them. Let's start asking the real questions. Like, where are these underground tunnels? Okay, who's Hillary working for? How did Joe Biden become a hundred millionaire? See, I slipped the real question in with a bunch of QAnon questions

because I want you to see how you continue to go down the rabbit hole of fucking paranoia because there may be one thing right in a hundred point Alex Jones rant and that keeps you hooked. That keeps you hooked on the conspiracy because they all squeeze in these self-interested charlatans

will squeeze in one obvious true one because that's a good question. So you got to learn in this world, this modern world, to be critical thinkers. That means you can't trust any information, but you should trust information based on your common sense and reason. And the source, sources need to be held accountable again. You can't just be able to report whatever you want and fictionalize accounts so you can sell papers and have clickbait. You need to be put on notice, the press, the media. Hopefully that happens somehow. Hopefully the FCC or Congress comes

up with some accountability where the press is sort of penalized for false information. But that is a good question. How the fuck did, come on, man. man fucking joe biden from delaware the most one of the most corrupt states in the union google it that's where people go to hide their money corporations because they got weird state laws um become a hundred millionaire when his whole career has been spent on a government salary. Interesting. Interesante. Because the funny, ironic thing is, is right-wing people, people on the right,

free market people, libertarians, they're so against socialism. They're so against regulation. But they are very much for the socialist salary of their politicians. And I agree. If you decide to service your country by going to office, you should not be allowed to make money off of that. The same way insider trading is a crime and Wall Street is regulated, it's time

to fucking regulate the press. It's time to fucking regulate the tech industry. Because as you see, if the government doesn't regulate the tech industry and social media, the tech industry and social media is going to regulate the government and the people. And that's already happened. So the government needs to address it. I don't care what you dumb libertarian college students say. Whenever I have a conversation with a libertarian, I'm saying, can we at least do this in a dorm room so the context matches? Can we fucking go also have some freshman college students here

so I can feel like this is an appropriate conversation to have when I'm in my 40s, you fucking idealist utopian child. So we need to regulate. And then politics needs to be regulated by a body, not just the Justice Department. And these positions are appointed by the president. We need to amend. The legislative branch needs to amend this living, breathable document into laws. They got to adapt. They got to, like the basketball did with a shot clock. We need a fucking shot clock, okay? You can't have these interest groups

and these lobby groups buying politicians. You cannot have that. You cannot have these corporate interests funding election campaigns. That's got to be over. Hopefully we learn that. Hopefully in the future that will keep a populist, maniac, narcissist, celebrity out of office.

Hopefully it'll keep a corrupt fucking person who's a hundred millionaire somehow out of office. Hopefully you'll start seeing people who were born to do the duty, which was the dream of the character Socrates, quote unquote character. He was a real person, but he was probably fictionalized a little bit because we don't have anything written by Socrates. It's all Plato giving his account of Socrates. You know, you're what they call a philosopher king. Now, the idea of that is good. Obviously,

the ancient system and what he was talking about, a lot of problems. Aristotle was a genius, but I guess we got to take down his statue because he believed slavery was good. Slavery's been around forever. I mean, everyone's been enslaved and everybody. But yeah, and he also thought women had third-class brains.

But you can't throw the baby out with the bathwater. So let's start throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Let's put what needs to be on notice on notice. And let's not forget that whatever job you do, especially if it's in service of others, should be a calling, something you love, something you're born to do in a lot of ways. Free will is overrated, man.

I can't go be a professional basketball player if I wanted. I led me, this led me. My talents went where my talents were, making people laugh and being a goofball and not working that hard. I am very good at not working that hard. So let's put people on notice and let's fix this country

one long day episode at a time. Thank you. Go to Long Days on YouTube. Subscribe Yanni Long Days. Turn your notifications on. We're on Spotify now. Pretty soon we'll be on Apple Podcasts. Also listen to History Hyenas.

Peace out.