Yannis Pappas Hour - White Immigrant Ryan Long

Episode Date: March 5, 2022

Comedian Ryan Long Stops by for a Longday with Yanni. He has a new stand up special that is dropping called White Immigrant. Find it on his channel  @Ryan Long  . The boys get deep on this one. Another Canadian comedian coming to this country to steal American comedy jobs! People love fiction because the truth sucks, the secret to stable healthy business relationships and marriages and more. Ryan is a very funny dude who does a sketch a week on his channel and many of them go viral. Go check his page here  @Ryan Long  and also watch his podcast BoysCast Sponsors: Manscaped https://www.manscaped.com/?utm_source=LongDays%20with%20Yannis%20Pappas&utm_medium=podcast&discount=l3VXt422eIga&amount=20percent&name=LongDays%20with%20Yannis%20Pappas&utm_content=LongDays%20with%20Yannis%20PappasCoinbase https://www.coinbase.com/partner/fumesYanni stand up tour dates & tickets: https://www.yannispappascomedy.comJoin for weekly Bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com/yannilongdaysSubscribe to our clips page for podcast highlights https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykwThe show goes out every Saturday but while it's being recorded the show goes LIVE on Yannis' Instagram on Wednesdays.Come join in on the LONG DAY & Follow Yannis PappasInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up everybody? So this is a very fun episode where we have guest Ryan Long on. You may know Ryan Long from all his sketches. He does weekly online, his YouTube page. Go to his website, Ryan Long Comedy. He's got a special coming out. It drops this Monday, right? This Monday, White Immigrant. Go check that out. It's called White Immigrant. March 7th, April 7th. Yeah, April 7th. March 7th. April 7th. Yeah, April. March 7th. March 7th.

Yeah, March 7th. Yeah. Yeah, March 7th. So, I'm Franks and Beans. It's March 7th. It drops. Also, guys, we are right now in Bloomington, Minnesota. So, there's shows tonight.

If there's still tickets, go get them if you're hearing this. Then, coming up, Springfield, Massachusetts. Me and Jared will be out there on March 18th and 19th. Roar Comedy Club. Absolutely. At the MGM, I think, the casino out there. Yeah. Roar Comedy Club.

Tickets, yannispapascomedy.com. And then San Antonio, Texas, March 24th through the 26th, that LOL Comedy Club. It's a beautiful place, janispapiscomedy.com. Then we're going to Phoenix, April 14th through the 16th. And then Hilarities at Cleveland is going to be on the books. So if you're in Cleveland, be on the lookout for that. I'm posting the ticket link soon. And then we got Rhode Island.

Rhode Island in May. So that's one show at a theater in then we got Rhode Island. Rhode Island in May. So that's one show at a theater in Newport, Rhode Island. So go get your tickets now for all that stuff. Also, our Patreon episode is about Ukraine. We really dig in to the Ukraine. So go join patreon.com slash yannilongdays. $5 a month that's it and watch that episode right

after this tell your friends go leave your reviews on Apple podcasts still got shirts people are still getting them when I run out I run out but there's still more so I got like 60 more shirts and I will give them to you if you write a review and you take a screenshot

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you think might love this show. Word of mouth. Word of mouth baby. That's it. So enjoy this show. Word of mouth. Word of mouth, baby. That's it. So enjoy this episode with comedian Ryan Long. And there's something up. Now here comes a great kid you know you can trust. From the truth to the news and cameras. To the fake politics and the propaganda. Get his kids screwed in. Got a lot to say. Aw, shit.

It's about to be a long day. It's a long day. It's a long day. We're already rolling, right? We're rolling. What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode. Let's start over again. It's all right.

It's a podcast. I'm dying. Yeah, it's all right. He's got COVID. Everyone fart a podcast. I'm dying. Yeah, it's all right. He's got COVID. Everyone farted in unison. Yeah. Welcome, everybody. We got the great Ryan Long here.

He's doing it from Canada. Boop, boop, boop. Doesn't, you know, the thing is, Canadians come over and take a lot of comedy jobs, and you're another one doing that. I came over here to steal these podcasting jobs. Yeah, I wait in the Home Depot parking lot with my H6. That would be funny if there was, because there's so many comedians. Like Canada and comedy, that's like what you guys do.

I mean, think of all the, Martin Short, Dan Aykroyd, Jim Carrey. Jenny Jones. Jenny Jones. Mostly Jenny Jones. Justin Bieber, Biebs, Dan Drake, Danny and your buddy did. I can never pronounce his name because he's a Jew and I refuse to. I've also refused. Yeah, he's very funny.

That would be funny if there was like a like instead of like a Home Depot line, there was just like a comedy writer line of Canadians. Well, my buddy works on that show and he basically said it's the comedy salt mines. a Home Depot line that was just like a comedy writer line of Canadians. Just like, hey, like, yeah. Well, my buddy works on that show, and he basically said it's the comedy salt mines. So they ship you off to Newfoundland to write these shows, and like for three months a year, they go off to the middle of nowhere, basically live in a shack, and they come in, and they go, more maple syrup jokes.

Like it's total, the worst job you can imagine. You barely get, you know how CFL get you know cfl players like canadian football players basically have a second job like this is you know you go and you're writing on the main tv show and you make two grand a month i don't know whatever it is right that's a lot of canada though yeah yeah two grand canadian clams canadian clams yeah no that'd be funny you just pick up a canadian just for a sketch. Like, I just want to do a sketch for the day. You just drive down and there's a bunch of guys who are Canadian

just write jokes for you. You do the Homer Simpson. You go, are you working hard? You go, you mind working harder? They go, yeah, sure thing, boss. We don't ask for the papers. Hey, man, don't ask for the cash. I'm paying cash.

You got a green card? We're just fucking around. Keep writing. Ryan Long, the very funny Ryan Long, is back. Well, not back. Wow. Back in the studio. Back in the studio, yeah.

I mean, when you were here last time, that sign was over here. But you were kind of, yeah, you were at the end. I was at the end, yeah. You were like, that would be like coming into a team on Jordan's last year. I sort of wrecked it, yeah. Yeah, it was because of you, actually. Yeah, it was because of you that we, you know what I forgot? Cause this is what part of Brooklyn were people saying that to you too?

People were going like, Hey man, what did you do? A couple of people, but I think the kind of kidding. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I forgot like this part of Brooklyn when I was driving on the highway, all the signs and it was all like, you have enough tough time. Guess who can help? His name is Jesus Christ. You might've heard of him. Those are new. That's become like a new thing is that a new thing they're popping up dude i've

seen that too and that's not a good sign like because usually you see that stuff in like the heartland and now you're seeing it like in the city you see those signs when people aren't doing good yeah that's a that's a opioid epidemic sort of situation yeah when you start seeing that you go what's going on here? They've given up on all the other stuff. Instead of being like, here's helplines, here's the employment line. They're just like, Jesus, though? That's the last stop shot for sure.

You know, we're part of that same genre. It's like comedians, booze, drugs, and religion. We come in when things are bad. Yeah, I think so. That's where we come in, you know? And it's like, when I start seeing those signs, I'm like, they're coming in on our territory. Like, this is like, why don't you guys? You will take it.

Yeah, it's like, I feel almost like the mob. Like, hey guys, this is, we make people feel better. Yeah, we're starting to get our turf here. And like, it's tough because they offer paradise. We just offer like a temporary- Reprise. A little reprieve, a couple of giggles. But ours is at least based in like, you know, something you can see. So it's like back off, guys.

No, it really is. When you start seeing the billboards that are straight up like, listen, it's not going to get better. Right. But what you can do is focus on the next life right well what we can offer you is after this whole thing's over which again won't get better right but the next time after you're dead we we got you then that's the deal they offer yeah they're like hey it's almost like uh it's almost like bitcoin they're saying hey buy it now and then down the line for, you'll be a million.

You'll be cooking. I've not been cooking in Bitcoin, but for me, I consider it charity. I like to donate to the whale hedge funds. I like to do my part. Sort of how, yeah, people give a certain percentage of their money to the church. I like to give a certain percentage of my money to the crypto hedge funds. So what's your view on Bitcoin? Do you buy it? Is it a ponzi scheme is it real the idea behind it is obviously easy to understand well i have some i'm

not insane right i'm not you know i'm not gonna miss out on right the future i think that uh decentralization is the future i hope it is right i mean look at comedy would you not say the more decentralized it got the better it got? Absolutely. Absolutely. But there also, you know. There's also been a lot of shit out there, too. Yeah, but you know.

Pros and cons, like everything. Pros and cons. But that's one of those things where always it's kind of like, this is the future. And then the first time anything goes down, they're like, yeah, we're just seizing everyone's crypto. And everyone's like, oh, I didn't know you could do that. And then that was kind of my whole thing. Yeah, we'll get you that. And then they're like, well, you're on an exchange and you go well so basically they go

if you have your crypto keys and you kind of have it offline under your bed and you go all right well i could do that with gold or money so we're kind of back to square one to some degree right it's kind of like it's kind of but the difference is i can't transport uh necessarily a suitcase full of money but i can uh transport my crypto keys yeah and you that are in my brain in your brain or your computer or whatever it is yeah um it is kind of becomes sort of the same thing i guess logically if you follow it all the way but you know it's funny the decentralization has happened in everything because of the internet and I mostly like it obviously but then when you think about like national security or like unifying the country or unifying anything it's it's like how do we unify

like we used to share a culture yeah and now I feel like just hypothetically if like Russia attacked North America, right? Like people would be like, wait a second. Is he attacking people who like this band? Or because I'm a Nate Bargatze guy. I mean, are they attacking Giannis Pappas? Like we're so decentralized. Nobody has anything in common.

Well, that's the plus minus, right? What's our common thread? Do we even like, can we even hate someone in unity together? Well, it's exactly, it's like a good times, bad times thing. So the benefit of somewhere like China where you could tell everyone what to do is if the person in charge is killing it, that could potentially be better. Like a company, right? If you have a CEO that's killing it, but when you have one that changes every year and potentially

they're up to some wild stuff, it's worse. But when you have one that changes every year and potentially they're up to some wild stuff, it's worse. So if the person, if you have someone at the top that's amazing, but in America, I don't think that that's who you get at the top. People in politics that are amazing. I think you get people that stink. Yeah. So I think I'd rather the less power. I think you're making a, you're in a roundabout way making a great argument for dictators. You're saying those guys show a lot because you got to think. Well, you could say that in a roundabout way making a great argument for dictators. You're saying those guys show a lot.

Because you got to think. Well, you could say that in a company or anything. Imagine just even on like a thing that we do. Let's say you're writing a sketch, right? One person, unified vision, everyone's following it, will probably make the best thing. Absolutely. If that person's amazing. You can't say.

If that person's not amazing. Yeah. Then you're better off with these people being involved. You can't say China's not effective. They are very fact they control covid their economy's doing good and they don't they don't got people pushing people into the subways over there i'll tell you that right now but that guy's gone and someone comes in like his you know whoever that stinks but they'll never if he stinks and it you know then the people rise up and it it ruins the whole thing you're just saying it needs to be a good dictator. You got to be a good dictator.

I'm not saying that I prefer that. I'm saying objectively to get the job done. Yeah, it's a good comedic premise. If you're going, hey, what did you have to do? What did you have to do to be elective? Be charismatic? Oh, what did you do? You owned a car dealership in Pennsylvania,

so they made you a congressman over there? Guess what I had to do? I had to rise up through the ranks of the KGB. I had to murder political dissidents. I had to murder journalists. I had to figure out which ones were potential threats. I had to deal with all these geopolitical issues, and I'm still at the top, and people want to kill me.

I am a talented guy. That takes a lot of talent. I mean, Putin is a talented guy. And I got to listen to you morons. I got to listen to you fucking morons. And then I got people wanting more food and asking questions like, hey, how come you get to stay in the big house? We're not worried about food right now.

I'm fucking taking over the world, buddy. Yeah, I'm taking over the world. I get to... You go to them and you're like, do you trust me? Yeah. You trust me. You hate them, right? Yeah.

You make a good point. Look me in the eyes. Like, dictators, there's a lot of skill there's a lot of talent to that like you know but the minute it stops going great

people kind of uprise against them that's the thing yeah those are fun to watch the best yeah those because they I love a good uprising

yeah a good uprising because you know they've been holding it in for so long yeah that they always overdo it yeah

the people the people always like Gaddafi they don't just murder you they go into it yeah it in for so long that they always overdo it. The people? The people always like Gaddafi they don't just murder you. They go into it. They really it's like they've been pent up.

It's like they're raising their son. You're getting stuff shoved in your ass. Yeah you're getting shit shoved in your ass. You're getting dragged. You're getting a baseball bat

with nails and shit like that. Yeah you're getting hung upside down like Mussolini. Well that's the no pressure release whereas if it goes back and forth in America

they have you go pretend like oh, our guy will be a shot. You get to go back and forth and pretend that it changed. Whereas there, they never got one change. Imagine you're fucking the biggest Hillary supporter and you had 25 years of Trump. Right, right, right, right. When things get really bad, you're fired up.

Yes. Political constipation. Yeah, it gets you mad. Yeah, it's really, it's backed up and then you just explode. It's backed up. Like the funny thing about-

You've been sharpening your dildos. Yeah, right. Mussolini, dude, they, I think every like, citizen, like whoever was there just walked by and punched him.

Didn't they play soccer with his head? They played soccer with his head. Yeah. I mean, yeah poor Gaddafi do you see what they did to him on the when the guy was the craziest one yeah they got him on the they got him on the truck and he's just like oh it's funny to see guys though that were once like Mousseline you see those people he's up there and the next thing you know he's just upside down with his mistress. Vulnerable. Yeah, a little vulnerable. He's so powerful. Next minute, he's in the Lord of the Flies. Yeah, it just goes from one extreme to the next with those dictators.

You know, that seems to be like a common running theme in nature. It's like the more, whatever, how far you go this way is how you're going to end up that way. You know? It's like, because it's like, you know, like the game Pac-Man, you go to one side, you come out the other side. Yeah. Because everything's finite.

So however extreme you get, is like the, like, you know. Yeah, what's a good real world example? Like someone's a Christian conservative. Like we were talking before,

when you were like, he's not a good Christian, because he was doing the opposite. I was like, no, that sounds actually like a perfect Christian. Because that's the whole thing you get. When you do, when you go. I was saying, he, that sounds actually like a perfect Christian. Because that's the whole thing you get. When you do... Yeah, I was saying he's like a

phone... Like, that's every Italian guy. It's like, you know, and like Hood Dude, where I grew up, the most thing they care about is the Lord. They got all the gear. They got all his swag and merch. They have all Jesus' merch. Yeah, they're just killing people. It's like the more extreme you

are, the opposite is happening. It's like the more extreme you are, the opposite is happening. It's like the more straight you act, you're like, you like to go all back. You know, it's like, that's just what nature does to us because it's a. Well, because it's naughtier now too. Yeah, it's naughtier. And also like there's something about going that extreme. What are we doing? There's got to be a balance.

I think it's even, I don't, I think it's, I think it's like a. Energy thing a little bit. I think it's more of an energy thing. Yeah. I think it's more of a nature thing. It's more of like. Well, I agree with the energy component too. Yeah.

It's just like, it's all this energy the other way. And like, well, what if it just got Steven Seagal like a keto back? Yeah. And then all of a sudden now you're sucking a dick. Yeah. Because just like with that Pac-Man analogy, I get the farther you go, you get to a point

where you can't go any farther except for back to the other side. You notice it's like, have you ever noticed how much in common like right-wing Christian conservatives have with like

Al-Qaeda? Al-Qaeda? Who they hate? Their enemies? It's like their tenants are all the same. But are they the opposite because they're both

Christian religious people? Good point. Well, they hate each other. Or no, their enemies. It's like their tenets are all the same. But are they the opposite? Because they're both Christian religious people. Good point. Well, they hate each other. Or no, not Christian. Or conservative religious people. Well, yeah. So good point. They're very similar,

except that the reason why they're extreme is that they want to kill the other one. I think that's why a lot of people here, they're pro-Russian. They're like, I agree more with those guys. They're like, you know. I'll tell you what, they ain't no one fucking trans bathrooms in russia like if you're against that shit but then go i don't want to hear about it anymore see because my thing on the trans thing

is it's talked about too much but like look if you want to chop off your kid's dick that's your it's your kid just if you're gonna chop off your kid's dick chop off my kid's dick too it has to be fair don't be no no but i mean like yeah it's a good point it's like yo if you love russia go do you remember ever go there there was a while where you got to live there when it's it's probably the it's the same thing where you have conservatives that go so far they love russia you have the other where it was uh i think there was a while that kind of like social justice type people hated you know kind of like white Americans

or whatever so much that they would like join the Taliban and then always just end up getting like raped for six months straight exactly

do you remember that yes yes they go they're always like I don't want to do this anymore it's not what I thought it's never what you think it is never worked out good for her it's never's not what I thought. It's never what you think it is. Never worked out good for him.

Never what you think it is. Look, it's not what you think it is when you get hired at SNL, and it's not what you think it is when you join the Taliban. Yeah, yeah. The reality is always different. It's all you seem so glamorous. You know what I mean? You're just smashing tail with the boys, riding go-karts around.

Next thing you know, what they don't tell you is you're biting biting on a chew toy while they take turns with you yeah next thing you know they're like why did you just show a piece of your hair and then they have to gang rape you to put you put you back in your place in your order in their society yeah but that's why i think it would be a great there should be a program it's like what are you if, if you're extreme, it's like, you gotta go do that. You gotta go do that thing. Like, if you're like, hey, Putin's not so bad, it's like, all right, go.

You go to Russia. Can you, though? Can you just go, you know? Just dump him. We got planes that can dump people. Just shut up. Just fucking parachute him in. Just get rid of him.

It kind of reminds me of though in America, wherever we used to go. Well, if you fucking hate it here so much, go move to Canada. Well, maybe I'll move to Canada. if you fucking hate it here so much, go move to Canada. Well, maybe I'll move to Canada. Or behind you, go, you can't just move to Canada. We're still a country. Everyone in America has this idea where you can just go move to other countries.

Yeah, all the liberals. You just show up and they go, do you have a green card? You go, I'm American, you fucking moron. I don't know if you know this, but I'm from America. Yeah, you're actually a country that believes in a border. You're one of those countries that go, hey, man, no, you can't just sneak in here illegally. I know some boys that come to America, actually some Cuban dudes, too, that they live in Canada, but when they want to come to America, they don't want to have the hassle at the border,

even though they technically could. So they just cross back and forth at the places where they can cross. There's one in Quebec. There's one on the West Coast. And they just know. You go to this road, you can just come to America and come back. No one bugs you. I mean, if you get caught, you get banned for fucking 10 years or whatever it is.

But it's not uncommon. It's a pretty known thing. Is Cupid's in Canada? Yeah. Well, I think a lot of them ended up here because they're trying to be in miami and then for one of the dudes i'm specifically thinking of he went he was a cuban that straight up lived the cuban dream of meeting some chick while he was working at the resort and then married her and then got the green card that way like he straight up was you you know, changing the sheets.

Yeah. Ended up smashing some girl in a bachelorette party. Got her to bring him to Canada. Yeah. But he wants to go to Miami. That's where he wants to be. That's the easiest way

to get into the country through a pussy. It's the easiest way to get into every country. Yeah. People are always trying to sneak in the border. It's like you just got to sneak

into somebody's pussy. Get online. Meet a girl. Yes. Swindle her out of samanian yes do you know how many russians there are here my enemies are after me you gotta tell me you got you have to marry me my enemies they're coming for me oh the tiddler swindler is great it's amazing i mean i can't i might have swindled them i told you yeah you Yeah, you told me. I love it how they made that documentary and they thought I wasn't going to root for the Tinder swindler. Well, the girl one was Anna Delvey. So the girl Tinder swindler was the girl.

Do you know this one? Yeah, the forgetting Anna. Yeah, forgetting Anna. So she worked her way. But the guy one's the Tinder swindler. Yeah, his enemies were after him. Yeah, I support her and I support him. Yeah.

Look, dude. It's like. Hustlers. You're like a hustler. If you can do it. Yeah. I mean, if you're dumb. Like, I'm supposed to feel bad for these women that like look the other way just because

they got on a private jet. Dude, can you imagine dating a girl like a couple months in and she goes, listen, crazy. I need 200 grand. You go. Yeah. I'll get that right to you. yeah yeah i'm each at the bank two months in no yeah he's still doing two for 20s of applebee's two months in he's going he's going uh and i love when she's like well i don't have that and he's like well figure it out she's like okay i have known you six weeks so i guess i should go take out a loan from a bank. You got to get the loan.

Because I did see your private plane, so I trust you. It's like, you're stupid. Basically what he's doing, the Tindler swindler, I think, exposes how women in a lot of ways are just blinded by money. Right. She thinks it's the Nigerian prince. Yeah, but mostly money. He's like, you want to get on a plane? And then she fucks him the next night. And then he asks for money. It's like she, he's like, you want to get on a plane? And then she fucks him the next night

and then he asks for money, she gives it. It's like, would she have done that for a guy who took her for the two for 20 at Applebee's? Would she have fallen in love and head over heels for a guy who was like,

let's go share a slice? Yeah, she's not doing that for a guy that works sanitation. It wouldn't have happened. No, no. She did it because she thought he was Prince Charming and he had a plane and, you know,

they were going to fall in love and get this. She was looking for these apartments. The rents were like $25,000. Of course, she was like, I was so excited. It's like, yeah, of course you're excited. She thought she was printing money. Yeah, of course you're excited. Because you're a gold digging whore.

What he should, what she should, what I would do in this in scenario is go you know what i have this 12 pack of bottles you could take those back that's a start uh you know he's there listen if you want to pawn these old shoes that's somewhere maybe get on ebay you give you give him some ways to make money you know you i gotta help you to help yourself yeah easy it is like well yeah do you have any old clothes you could sell on Poshmark? What happened? You swindled the Tinder swindler? Well, the Tinder swindler has Cameo. Of course he does.

And he wants some crazy amount for business, and it's like $200 for a personal. So I got him, and I changed my language around to make him do a business endorsement for my new special. So basically, I've got it back, and it works. He was like, you know, congrats on immigrating here. This is your special day. And I can't get him to say the special day fire like the specials coming out and talk about the immigrant stuff so I got him to see you want to G for the business one yeah so I swindled the swindler can we see it can we watch it somewhere is it up the I haven't I

haven't edited but I could probably pull it out okay well can we put it in later so we can show it? Sure. Hold on, I've got to look at the email. You do got a special coming out. When's the special coming out? Yeah, March 7th. Yeah.

What day does this come out? This will be coming out... Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. So Monday, my new special's coming out. You know what? The stuff that was kind of interesting that we were talking about, the decentralization,

there was... Today, I was posting promos and this this uh person like quote tweeted being like oh dropping a special on youtube that's like a uh someone saying they're self uh promoting their own producing their own book or whatever it was funny to how people still see it and you go yeah it would be like me self-producing my book if i had a mailing list of over a million people that buy my book which would be actually very smart thing to do right right and it's like they they but the gatekeepers in industry or whatever needs people that still think like that and it's interesting to see them you go so the biggest comedians in the world right now selling the most tickets all are releasing their specials on youtube it's kind

of like a better move but they still have some people swindled into thinking like, he's not even on Comedy Central, you know? Where no one would see it and I would sell less tickets. It's about the platforms, it's about the people. Yeah. Well, you know, Comedy Central is a great place to hide your special if you want to see it. If it's too offensive and you don't want anyone to see it, you don't want to get canceled. You just want it in the closet. You don't want to get in any big controversies online, for example. Yeah, if your special's not true. Dude, they're not even a network anymore. They just want it in the closet. You don't want to get in any, you know, big controversies online, for example.

Yeah, if your specials don't show up. Dude, they're not even a network anymore. They just run office reruns. Yeah. Here's the thing, though. Also, that just shows people are awful. People are awful. You know, it's like they just go against whatever the thing is, no matter what, and they'll

always say something negative. So it's like, that person's just saying that because it's like, yeah, at a certain point they're going to, they'll give you shit for anything it is yeah but people sometimes deserve a dictator so you are right

yeah but I'd also think that they do believe that like there's still you know they still have this mentality where they need to believe like mom and dad

are still you know looking out for us and good you know what I mean no dude their stamp of approval still matters and you go

yeah no like your stamp of approval matters not and you go yeah no like your stamp of approval matters not fucking what some dude at netflix thing whatever they never got that in their life that's why they're so hard pressed on you a little bit yeah that's what i mean well they got no real approval so they gotta well that's one of the biggest things that's why i think it worked uh so well against comedians but then also comedians jumped at it when the opportunity was there to go like independent um because we are kind of rebels and we do our own thing creating our own material um but also we are broken people who need attention so anytime you

go to like a club or and someone creates their club is like this great thing to get into, you know, that tugs at that like need for attention. Like the. You also want that. Yeah, because like you're good. You're past here. Like, oh, mommy said I was good. You know, the good news, I think, is that they made it so hard, impossible to get in for so long that now you don't need it it's like the the chicken high school that you know you maybe didn't want or whatever it's like a dictator

but then now you got you got all the other you got better than that it's like yeah and now she got two kids she gained some weight yeah yeah yeah i don't want that no more she's you know you you walked into her and she's still looking okay but she's got arby's mustard still on her face now and you go oh you you just ate Arby's you go oh no I just got promoted I'm actually the chef there you go that's great she goes

that's funny the comedy industry is a woman who aged out of her power she's getting Botox being like no I'm still hot I'm still hot

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Get in the game. You got to be in the game to be a player. And you're a player. Did you watch this? A little disheveled today. Did you watch the State of the Union? No, I didn't watch that. Yeah.

I jerked off to the stills, obviously. Yeah. I mean, look. There's a few. I mean, I was watching it. I got kind of bored. It's usually the same thing. They stand up and clap

But there's a couple of hotties Right now In DC Really When they AOC is Disturbingly hot You're happy with AOC

She's got Yeah she's got You're a New York guy too right So that's got that like Is she hot to you or no That's fine Yeah yeah I kind of like it

Yeah but I feel like A New York guy Specifically like She reminds you of that Fucking hottie From high school kind of thing. She's like Jenny from the Bronx.

If Jenny from the Bronx got accepted into a gifted program. Yeah. A little bit of a digger. She got a scholarship to go to Brown or something. But she's hot. Yeah, it's not your type. You're more like Tats. You and Jason Rouse could go hunt some tail together.

I would, yeah, I think. You like a girl who cuts herself. I feel like AOC's too big. Yeah. Was she tall? Jason Rose, yeah. No, I just think. I do like tats.

You like tats. I like. Self-armors. But she seems big for me. What do you mean big? Isn't she like 5'10"? Dude, you're 6'4". Yeah, there's too many big people.

I think that's one of the reasons why. You know how if I'm walking around with a girl that's like 5'10", it feels to me like everyone's like, oh, you don't even have a girl. She likes him because he's big also. You know what I mean? Because her options are limited. And then also it's a lot of person in the bed.

Right, right, right. I love how you're thinking. I love your criteria. Like, I need some room in my bed. You're too big. You like a small girl. Yeah, a little bit petite. I don't like to go too much higher than 5'7", I don't think.

Is that because you like to toss them around a little bit? You want to toss them around a little bit. They're bad, yeah. It may misbehave. Yeah, you don't want a girl who can fight back. You don't know what you don't want to do? You push a girl, she pushes you back. No, the girl you pick up and you go, oh, let's just meet on the phone today.

You know, let me pick you up. You go, oh, maybe you pick me up, I guess. Like, flip it. She got your legs behind your head. I'm telling you, she looks like a big girl, AOC. I don't think she's that big. Maybe on a magazine. She's hot. Is she not hot? Smokeshow. She's not smokeshow to you don't think she's that big Maybe on a marriage She's hot

Is she not hot? Smoke show She's not smoke show to you? No she is She's a smoke show Dude she's like Why don't you all three Of you marry her then?

Dude I mean but her politics She'll probably support that Yeah Well that even makes it hotter Because she's crazy Like her politics are crazy How great

Dude have you ever had Great sex with a normal girl? I feel like Who has ever had Great sex with a girl Who's like together And says I love you to her dad? It's not possible. But I also don't think I've dated many girls that don't have those politics.

I mean, that's like your classic city girl politics. You're from Canada, so that's kind of like Canada. But even here, is there a big surplus of girls that aren't into Bernie Sanders or whatever? True, true. That's like she's the vintage model. True, good point. You've got to go's the like vintage model. True. Good point. You gotta go to the South for that. Yeah.

Or go to like Midwest. I don't think I'd want a girl that has like more, yeah, they're too far the other way. You go in and they're just like calling you a cuck. Now her in Canada, is she considered a conservative? Well, she probably would have different politics if she was in Canada. But yes, like what she proposes,

maybe we should have health care. Like our conservatives in Canada wouldn't dare even, you know. Right. So even, you know how you'll have conservatives that get involved, like they actually say, our conservatives that are against abortion or whatever, if you ask them, they go, don't talk about that issue because it's not on the table. Right. Like it's just over.

You know what I mean? Because they know there's no shot. Conversation's over. Yeah, yeah. We don't't talk about that issue because it's not on the table right like it's just over you know they know there's no shot conversations over yeah yeah we don't even talk about it it's sort of what the dem should be doing with trans bathrooms but they say we're not getting involved yeah so i think that that's nobody cares but there's no one that wouldn't say we shouldn't have you know so she'd be like a nazi in canada but she would switch that's the thing that's the funny part is everyone just switches to be whatever the most is where they're from yeah which which is you like better now that you're you're american obviously you like america better here because you can like rise beyond yuck yucks which is good yeah because that's like a dictatorship a little bit i mean toronto's a super cool city but i was

thinking about this kind of the other day where obviously my, I think my life's been better here other than the people I like, uh, you know, I just say fucking, you'd spend your whole, you know, you have your whole comedy squad. Like you spend your whole life putting this world together and then you

just leave it all. Right. So I don't love that's the crappy obviously, but the, um, even think about like COVID or whatever, right. All the parts you don't like about America or whatever,

it's all still happening in Canada and it's over here. So, you know, all of the cultural conversations and the things people are arguing about or whatever, which one's better? I'd prefer the one where things can open up and it aren't, you know, that's still happening. So go, where would you rather live? The place where it's over

or the place where it's still basically locked down? Right. So with regards to COVID, definitely America, for sure. But regards, this kind of goes back to that conversation we were having even before too, where I was saying like, what's better for you

isn't necessarily what's better for society. I love that point too. Yeah, so if you go, okay, so if I go, what the biggest one that I always, okay, so the first easiest one would be like, let's say you say that I want to be like the type of guy that's just like out there smashing tons of girls

and have sex with fucking 500 girls. If you don't, you're gay. And that's how I want to live. Yeah. But I might say that like, I probably don't think this life is for everyone. This shouldn't be like the normal thing that's encouraged to everyone.

Right. But I want to live this wild life. Same with comedy. I bet you'd say to people like, you don't want to join comedy, but I want to do it. Right. But I'm telling you, most people probably don't want to do this.

Great point. So that would be the same as that. Whereas it's not, it may be that the, all of the things that make a society fucking less free and more of that might be better. It depends on the culture.

It depends on what people actually want. But for me to move to somewhere, try to take over, run a business, grow as fast as I can, make a name for myself, whatever, do all that stuff, then obviously I want the place

where I can do that better, which is where it's more free. Another good example in the real world would be something like this, right? Just to sort of piggyback on what you're saying and make it more of a serious example, would be like, I think abortion's wrong, for example,

but I don't think- You do, personally? Or are you just saying if you were a person? No, yeah, I'm just saying hypothetically. I'm just saying hypothetically, I think abortion's wrong, but I also think it's not the state's job- I don't think it's-

Yeah. To say that you can't do it. I don't think that should be imposed, yeah. That would be an example of something you're saying, yeah. That would be an example. Why can't people do that? Why do people, that's the interesting that's the that seems to be the big flaw in freedom is like we have this kind of conflict between our tribal nature like of wanting to everything be the same like well that fascist tendency and then like hey man isn't

freedom about like that guy wants to do that i want to do that can't we just like peacefully disagree like he goes to the gay club over here. Yeah. I go to the cutter bar over here. He goes to the hip hop club over here. And like everyone's happy and everyone's cool

because that's what freedom is. Because we can't all like the same things because then that's not freedom. That's fascism. Yeah. But I think collectivism you need to,

you're fighting for what the culture is. Right. So you're kind of, everyone, every four years or whatever, you're fighting for which culture is going to win and then're kind of, everyone, every four years or whatever, you're fighting for which culture is gonna win and then impose on the other people, right?

But people can't do that, that's the point. People can't just go like, hey man, if you wanna be trans, be trans. And then the trans people can't stop. They can't be like, all right, we're trans, we're good. They gotta be like, now we need to create more genders. We gotta create more trans people. You're like, can't everyone just be,

why does everyone got to win? The undergrad college. Why does everyone got to usurp the other thing? Yeah. It's like this, we don't want to admit it, but it's like in us. And it already works out pretty good. This is what I'm saying.

I go, listen, I fucking think Toronto's sick, but I do if I wanted to do what I want to do, I kind of had to be in America, right? It's already, listen, like if you're a super fucking liberal person that lives in texas yeah maybe get out and if you're in you know new york city and you live beside nyu and you're like these fucking libtards and their genders like maybe nyu isn't for you you go this might not be the spot for you yeah here's the thing that That's what I'm saying. Ben Shapiro maybe shouldn't be living right outside.

Right, right. It's like, let me get a little more realistic here. Like, Arkansas is never going to be open-minded. When there's more animals and there are people in your place, they're not going to be welcoming of new people. I know that now because I live in the country, and I'm not welcoming of new people. And I'm from New York.

I see someone on my block. I just grab my shotgun and I'm not welcoming up new people. And I'm from New York. I see someone on my block. I just grab my shotgun. I ask questions later. It's like it's part of it. Most of who you are is based on your environment in some way anyway. So it's like, for example, like guns. Like, all right, look, if you live in the country, you need a gun. Right?

A lot of people who say we should get rid of guns have never lived in the country. Because you live in the country, first of all, you need a gun because of bears and cougars and all that shit. Second of all, if someone breaks into your fucking house. Fat gay guys and old sex fiends. You got to be careful of those fat gay guys. They will break in your house in leather. But like somebody breaks in your house in the country, dude, you can't rely on the state police. That's a completely different thing. You need your own shit that depends on.

And in the city, I get it. Like not everyone can have guns because like if a fight starts in the train it ends like a quentin tarantino movie where everyone just pulls out each other yeah so it's like uh i don't need a gun personally because i would steven seagal akira them put them in a figure four yeah my brother would just hulk smash hulk smash he's six six is a big kid big boy big canadian one of those like you want to go but you want to fucking drop the mitts and body you want to go buckets and gloves yeah and dude canadians like to fight yeah fist fight you guys like a good like a working class canadian likes a fist fight when you go to aj like you go to hamilton or fucking ajax at nighttime at the clubs you're like i

didn't grow up there i grew up in Toronto, which is like here. Yeah, I know, but I'm just saying... Everyone wanted to be black. Like, you know, I grew up in the fucking white, like, G-unit era. Right, right. But when you go to those areas, it's really a lot of fighting, right?

It's like a lot of... Like, I'm... Because I've been to Hamilton a few times. And then there's still bodies after the fighting. Yeah, they're just like, yeah, that was a good one, bud. Yeah. They just pound...

You go at the club. There's like a strip in Hamilton. And at like 3 o'clock. Hamilton's garbage. Dude, it's just. Charade. I've never seen so many fistfights in a, like a, what do you call that? Like a per capita?

Yeah. I've never seen more fistfights per capita than in Hamilton, Ontario. It's a hell hole. When I got kicked out of my residence at university, I went and lived there for like six months. Yeah. And yeah, it's just every night you go to the bar, try to get in a fight, then you come back. Yeah, yeah. That's one of those ones where it's very common to see, you know, someone in a wheelchair,

like with hospital garb on that like left, kept the gear on, smoking cigarettes with the fucking, the bag still on and stuff, but just hacking darts. For sure was advised against this. Dude, I think Hamilton, I don't know if this is a fact, but I think at some point Hamilton was rated the city with the most mobile,

what do they call those?ers most scooters for mobility yeah mobility school i think it was the place with the most mobility scoot when i was in dallas i went to the stupid fair and you can rent a mobility scooter and they have like tons of them so you'd see pretty normal people just cruising around just a girl that was like kind of fat and she's just it's pretty normal apparently over there around just a girl that was like kind of fat and she's just it's pretty normal apparently over there where they just grab a scooter dude texas is i think they fuck on those things i think that's so i don't think i think a lot of people in texas especially like san antonio i don't think they can get out of them hamilton's not because they're

fat though i think it's because they're all they're all like diabetes some shit yeah because america is the land of the fat. Yeah, America is really the land of... Canada is catching up though, right? You got fast food up there. They're catching up. They're getting pretty chubby out there. It's important.

Successful for a reason, dog. They're still not like, we have eating competitions fat. No. Yeah, what's that like? That's your national sport. Yeah, what's that looking down on us? What's it like?

What's your opinion on... Like when you look down... At the white immigrant? Yeah, it's like's your opinion on like when you look down because the white immigrant yes like whatever like because you know Americans we don't think about Canada like I spent not at all that's like Irish people you ever go to an Irish family and they'll kind of be like you know Irish people they say this about us and you go no one says anything about you don't even do cross you don't cross anyone's mind right right but right. But in their mind, it's anyone gives a shit. Right. I grew up, we didn't think about Canada.

No. And Canada's a whole country. It's big. And it's like the cities are great. It's like a whole place. But we didn't think about Canada at all as a thing. Nobody ever goes, let's go to Montreal for the weekend when it's one of the dopest cities and it's like a drive away.

That's a cool one to go to, yeah. You know? Only Canada is trying to get into America. All the Canadians are always thinking about us because like we're America. Yeah. You guys are like, you're like the G League or like the intramurals. You're like practice. You get good.

You're like, you get good in the intramurals. Yeah, it's a hellhole. I left that shithole in the dust, dude. That country could suck my dick. Justin Trudeau could suck my dick. Yeah, it's a hellhole. I left that shithole in the dust, dude. That country could suck my dick. Justin Trudeau could suck my dick. Yeah, so what do you feel about Canada now? Are you a Trudeau fan? Of course, yeah.

I have it tattooed on my back. I'm him. I got Hilldog, Trudeau. I got Hilldog and Trudeau holding hands. Doesn't he look like a French cartoon? Yeah, he does look like a handsome guy. Yeah, he's got like a look of the way a French cartoonist would draw hands. Doesn't he look like a French cartoon? Yeah, he does look like a little guy. Yeah, he's got like a look of the way a French cartoonist would draw a handsome guy.

Don't trust the French. That's the old saying when we used to tour. Friends don't let friends date French girls. Why? Because they're... Dirty. Swindlers. Whores.

Just dirty fucking... Just... Why can't you trust a French girl? What wrong with them because they uh they don't have souls so that okay no he said he said like that he said that like the delivery forgot straws he's like there's no straws in the bag they don't know they're just they don't have souls the french girls are here they just don't have souls yeah they're hard they don't have souls. The French girls are here. They just don't have souls. Yeah. They're hard. They kind of just don't give a shit a little bit. They've got this laissez-faire attitude where they're just the type of person that your

friend starts dating one and then she leaves him in shambles. They just know how to break a man. Right. Right. And French dudes are all just, they have two looks. French dudes, and this is Quebecois French. Paris French has one dude. They all look like girls.

But Quebecois, which is like, oh, tabernacle. There's the two types of guys. There's one that looks like a skateboarder from 1995. So he's got high socks still, a band T-shirt of a band that was famous in you know 1995 like simple plan and or they're like a five foot four ufc guy just ready to fucking oozing fucking just geared up yeah saint pierre saint pierre yeah so those are the two types of the two quebecers those are the two quebec law types dude canada is so interesting in how there's like, like we got rid of all the, like England just like won. It was just like.

Toss them. Yeah, but like you got the French part of Canada and the English part of Canada and they wanted to leave for a little while. They're like the Texas of Canada. They want out. They still want out. Does Texas want out?

Texas always wants out. They want you out. That's what that abortion law was really about. They're like, okay, guys are coming from Canada. You guys are coming from California. How about this? You can't kill babies anymore. And you know Californians are like, what?

No. That's what we love to do. How am I going to prove I'm a liberal if I haven't had an abortion? Well, I always, you know, people say it's obviously not ideal to get, like, to go with your chick and get the abortion. What's ideal is she goes, doesn't tell you about it. Like, why am I involved? Hear no evil, see no evil. You don't know.

Can't kill you. Stealth kill. I was like, by the way, I got rid of the baby. Don't tell me. No, no, no. I actually had a girl back in the day call me. This is when I was like 21. And she was like, listen, I got bad news.

I got like a miscarriage and it was yours. And you just went, yes. Yeah. It's also funny. Like, what's the bad news? But this was a joke. But I said, well, you're just calling me to tell me that I'm good at making babies and you're bad at making babies.

Jesus Christ. Wow. Good joke, though. And also a little true. Hello? Hello? Are you crying? So you guys called the wedding off after that?

She's like, maybe he's not the one. Maybe he's not the one. Or at the age of 21 21 a guy who would say that that would be the guy that the girl would keep pursuing oh yeah like no i just like i can't get enough of him yeah yeah yeah you're talking about the guy who just said you're bad at making babies because you had like yeah that's the one hard part about i feel like as you get older if you date a younger girl is they still think things are cool that you like don't do anymore and you're like yeah i don't do that because it sucks and they still think it's cool that you like don't do anymore and you're like yeah i don't do

that because it sucks and they still think it's cool and then you have to try to convince them like a guy's actually a loser right right you know some fucking deadbeat snowboarder that like treats her bed but like that would have been you but now you're gonna be like actually freaking sucks right right because i was that guy and you're an idiot yeah yeah that's true that is kind of the one flaw well that's why that Well, that's how you can determine maturity level, really, is what someone's into. Totally. Because sometimes you'll be with someone younger and they're not into those guys and you're like, that's mature. Sick.

Yeah. Age really is a number, but what makes you young is the shit you're into. If you're into skater dudes or guys who snowboard, you're immature. Or just a guy that's a mess. Yeah. Yeah. Because that's hot for a while. shit you're into. Like if you're into skater dudes or guys who snowboard, you're immature. Or just like a guy that's a mess. Yeah. A guy like a mess. Yeah.

Yeah. Cause that's hot for a while. That's hot for a while. Gets in fights at bars. Like, you know what I mean? That's hot to them. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, it's objectively like was cool people as far as high school went. Yes. Yes. But if you're, yeah, if you meet the girl that's 30 and you get to the bar and she's, you know, some guy bumps you and you're like, oh, fuck, sorry, dude. And she goes, huh. It's funny how a lot of those people can't see that, too. It's funny how they're oblivious to it. You'll meet a 35-year-old woman and she's still single.

And then she tells you the guy she's dating her into. And it's like a guy like that. GSB. You're 35, girl. Get yourself a guy with a bald spot and a job. Like, what are you doing? You're going after this fucking guy. He's younger than you. And he sells weed. Yeah, he sells weed.

You're 35. You got three eggs left. Like, choose them wisely. Yeah, you're waiting for a guy to come out of the bin and you're pumped yeah it really i think when you break down humanity it really comes down to like two categories people uh the conscious and the unconscious like the aware and unaware have you noticed that at all you could go you i mean i feel like every philosophy gets to some version of that you know even if you go on the internet and they're red bull blue but whatever yeah you know there's always like some version of

am i just kind of accepting the thing or am i let's go what the fuck's going on here yeah yeah there's like what huh yeah there's like the guy or the person you know who's like aware that they're shit and then the other then there's another type who like thinks they're the greatest yeah it's always manifests in everything like you know that's why whenever the media is all saying something i'm like it'd be the equivalent of you know you show up to a party and everyone's like yo isn't fucking dave sick and then and that three the third person you go what's going on here right you know something's up yeah you're trying to sell me on dave and then by the end you go oh you guys want me to offer him a job like okay we'll just say that like i know

when i'm being sold something right and i feel like then it's the more that happens the more you're kind of you know don't trust any right that's the comic sensibility that's like what makes you a comedian that's what makes comedians comedians i think so yeah we're always going like what's this about now what's going on here yeah what's going on here let me get to the bottom of this things don't things aren't what they seem probably yeah it's annoying with your chicks sometimes you're just like what is this what are you doing right now yeah yeah it's a no this is a chick-fil-a yeah so nice and it's like yo you finally they hate gays like oh that makes sense yeah that makes sense there's always something in there yeah my pleasure like yeah it's like, yo, you finally, they hate gays. Like, oh, that makes sense. You gotta make up something. There's always something in there.

My pleasure. Like, yeah, it's definitely your pleasure. We got to the bottom of that. Yeah. But you know, it's like, we can't, the world can't be run that way. The world can't, but that's my- What, so cynically? Well, can the world be run, like, you know, people always, you know, philosophers, everyone's

like, people need to get awake. People need to, you know to realize we're one. It's like, do you know how annoying that existence would be if we were all aware all the time? Well, it'll just become its own. Being awake just becomes its own. Now you're just like, in that community, we'll split. That community will split off to the people who are awake

and not awake of the awake people. So they'll always be not awake people. I think they'll always be a binary. Yeah, so stop with this love shit. I hate this like, oh love, it's like John Lennon, he was like, oh you gotta love, and then like some guy come up with a fucking revolver and put it in his head.

You should have had an armed security guard, is what you should have had, because it's never gonna be that. Right. And even if it did become that, it would be the most unlit fucking planet. Like we were just walking around going like, am I being cool, are you being cool?

Like we'd be way too aware. Like are you okay, am I dead to start? Like what's going on, are you being loud? Why am I being loud? Who am I? What's going on? Am I weird, am I gay? It's like sometimes you just gotta go with the con.

Everything's a con and just go with the con. You know, you don't need to know how the sausage is made all the fucking time. You gotta pick your cardinal issues that you're gonna dig into. Yeah, and then the rest of it, just let the evil happen. I always kind of try to say like, yeah, you want to be cynical,

but like still positive. Yeah. Because it's like, it's very easy to drift into just like, everything sucks, everyone's lying. How do you do that? Well, because you find how to get excited about things i think that's to me especially being in entertainment like you know we're talking about like energy

pockets and stuff like that like how do you find things you actually like right you ever you ever have people that they go this sucks this sucks you go what do you like and they go i kind of don't like anything right yeah but you go yeah you find that thing where you go go, even if it's like new music or anything where you're like, oh, this is sick. Like this comedian is sick. Oh, I like this movie. So it's like you be defined by things you like as much as the things you don't like.

That's maybe how to be positive and still cynical. No, that's good. That's a good way to do it. That's balance again. That's like achieving balance. Yeah, I think that's a good way to look at it. But then eventually the things that you like, you start to hate because they become been you've been it's too they

become trite you know this is why fight that the the hipster urge sometimes too I feel like with myself I'm always hope you have this dude cuz yeah you're pretty well wild dude we're like I feel like I could always kind of get easily radicalized but because I'm extreme you're like I that guy's making a point like i'm going to afghanistan yeah to fight the americans well i feel like there's two people that get radicalized people that take things to their logical conclusion and people that are overly emotional so i'm i'm very like well then if this well doesn't that mean this so it's like you're always trying to get to the logical conclusion which takes you far out to places You know what I mean, right? So then you always feel like you you're always kind of

Radicalizing and then de radicalizing yourself Just to stay centered first You talk yourself into you talk yourself into Nazism and then you technically talk yourself off the but it couldn't even just be Nazism It's just be like Alabama. It could even just be like you know this type of comedy is hack right like imagine you go this type of thing is hack and then before you know it you're so far in you're the guy like rolling around on the stage to be like so different you know what i mean right so you could you could it could be in any sort of way it doesn't just have to be in like political you know you could be like i hate this type of girl and the next thing you know i mean it just i'm always radicalizing and then non-deradicalizing i love that that's i do the

same thing all the time too yeah this sucks and then i figure out ways how it's like how it does it yeah because you're probably like an extreme guy even with like if i'm like okay i'm gonna get you know in shape then it takes um you know you go all in yeah so you go and then you need to be like hey you're not like your whole thing. Isn't a gym guy this week now. I think that probably happens to guy, people who care a lot. People who are like, or you call them emotion, like over emotion. Like, I think I was no, no. What you just did.

I was like, yeah, there's two types of people. Super crazy, logical, like myself. And then really emotional. And you're like, yeah, emotional ones like you. And I was like, no, i'm fucking just so fucking logical yeah no like yeah because sociopaths don't have that problem and also people who are just super balanced and rational don't have that problem they can see things i'm i don't have that i'm like you. I go all in and then I de-escalate. I go war and then I de-escalate. I'm Putin.

I put all the fucking troops on the border and then I go in and I'm like, okay, that was a mistake. How am I going to get out of this? I got to get out of this. They're going over there.

They're fucking bankrupting me. This is not good. Maybe I'll just blow it up. Oh, I can't do that because I got kids. I'm one of those. Yeah. You're probably similar.

If you don't take things far as an artist, you'll make anything great so it's like there's that too right even starting companies I think it's the you know the like entrepreneurial sort of mindset versus the like you know there's certain people that they kind of like to set up their machine and then they like to run it and tinker with it where I think certain people like to leave it and start a new machine. Right, right. Well, and it suits you well. It suits us well in being in a creative field because if you don't have that personality,

you would never dive into something where a rational person would be like... You would never get past the thing. We see the... Like, there's... I read that Bernie Brillstein

is like a legend in the comedy industry, right? Yeah. He founded Brillstein Gray and I read his book.stein is like a legend in the comedy industry, right? Yeah. He founded Brillstein Gray. And I read his book. It's called You're Nobody in Hollywood Unless Someone Wants You Dead, which I think is a great title. Really?

And pretty accurate for Hollywood. It's a fucking, yeah, that's a real shark show, Hollywood. But anyway, he had this quote in there where he had, not a quote, but he said on top of his desk, he had this painting and it was an open road and a stop sign right and he said he could always tell where his mind was when he was thinking by which which one of the two he noticed right so it's like he would notice the stop center or you'd notice the open road and when he noticed the stop sign he would try to go okay i got to start notice the open road and if you open if you notice the open road too much he would a stop sign he would try to go okay I got to start notice the open road work and if you open if you notice the open road too

much he would be like oh maybe I need to notice the stop sign so I think people who are ultra rational a lot of times don't get anything done because they just see the stop sign a lot they're like oh yeah if I did most the time they're right right I always have the argument right you know it's that kind of well why should I do anything it's like because of this and then you that you go, yeah, you're probably right. But it takes the person that believes it won't be to actually do it. Right. And then you're just stuck doing nothing because you convince yourself you're right. And you are, yeah, you're right. You're right. It is going to come with a lot of hassle. It is going to come with all these things, but the unknown

part about it is what you're ignoring. Cause like, if you do it, yes, it's going to suck. Yes. It's going Yes It's gonna take a little lot of time. Yes, you're gonna have to go out of your comfort zone Yes, there's gonna be all these negatives, but there's an unknown thing like that. You're ignoring Yeah, and like the super rational people ignore that like unknown thing whereas the emotional people Go like I wanted the adventure. Let's see what happens Yeah You know like I see the open road whereas the rational person and the stuff and the people that all that like you know the idea of like working on yourself and making yourself you know the best you can like that person sometimes misses it too because you know there's all like you know like arnold sports and i hear in those

guys you've heard of him yeah yeah he's i love he's this american bowler i believe yeah i always mispronounce his name too but that was the best one i've ever heard that was a good one arnold sports a nigga i did not it's okay i mean it's a hard name i went gg5a's i call him schwarzenegger right well what's his real name you got it schwarzenegger. Yeah. No, Negger. Like he's negging people. How do you pronounce it accurately? This motherfucker will have to do some editing. Wait. How do you pronounce that name?

I think you nailed it, dude. Say it again. Just stop putting such a big space after the R. Yeah. Stop before you get demonetized. But people, I mean, yeah. I mean, isn't that his fucking name though? Say it one more time.

Schwarzenegger. Perfect. Schwarzenegger. Should we just go Schwarzenegger perfect schwarzenegger should we just go schwarzen edward i mean it is what's the spelling of his name it's with an e schwarzenegger yeah just replace the r with a it'll be all right well he was you know he was kind of schwarzenegger you know when i was doing my thing his dad called schzenegger, so it's important to say Negger instead of Schwarzenegger. Like, he's negging people.

You know, that's how he picks up girls. I mean, tomato, tomato. Which, by the way, he was into negging. Like, he would go to people at competitions and he would go, Hey, you're looking a little fat. Like, he would do that to people. Yeah. Is that called negging?

Is that what negging is? That's the, like, pickup artist. You know the pickup artist? Yeah. Basically like, you know, a guy with a funny hat that convinces a lot of people to give him money to pick up girls. Yeah. And then you have a bunch of like losers trying to use like the hot guy's techniques where

he goes up to girls and he's like, your face looks weird. And then he comes back and they go, I want my money back. I didn't get any pussy. How long have you been doing comedy in Canada before you got here? 12 years about now. Oh, yeah. You've been doing it a while. No, well, total, including since I was a kid.

And how hard was it to get that green card? What is it called? Body. I heard it. Oh, that was a real Canadian body right there. That was kind of what I... Body. Body.

Body. I did that. That's why one of the things I call my special white immigrant, I thought one of the funny things was people would be like, I'd be like'd be like oh you know I immigrate here or whatever and they'd be like oh but you didn't actually like immigrate here and you're like

yeah I did like you stole I think people just have the idea because oh I'm from Toronto it's like oh yeah that's just like being from another state you came

it was like so I did a basically like a I think it was a 600 page package with 70 letters like I had two TV shows in Canada

and a million whatever a million other things. So you have to prove you're an exceptional man. Yeah, yeah. Extraordinary. Except for being a Build Back Better plan. Yeah.

So it's a whole debacle. Then you wait for like a year and a half. You know what's funny? I remember. You should have just fucked an American chick, dude. You know what's funny? So that's not that much less of a, that's another thing that people think.

They go, oh, you marry them and you get the green card. still have to do the thing so you know you'll ever hear where it's like they got married but they have to live in separate countries and stuff like that still so if you marry someone from a different country you can now do the same application you go well my reason isn't that i'm like an entertainment my reason is that i'm a marriage but you know for example if this was in covet you'd still might be waiting like two and a half years to get this right so it's still a debacle i often wonder if the united states is so hard on canadian immigrants they're not more hard i don't think well they're a lot harder than the one on the southern border sometimes oh yeah because i think on the southern border they go like what kind of work do you do? And they're like,

you know, we do landscaping. They're like, how much do you charge? I know a few people that have gotten banned for life. And then the Canadians are going like, I'm a lawyer.

And they're like, I don't want that competition, but I do need my lawn done for half the price. I show up with a shovel. I go, I thought you wanted it. Well,

I thought we were going to shovel it. Just like everything else, the people in the middle get fucked. That's the running theme I always see. It's like, so if you're extraordinary, you get in. If you're like an incredible coder or incredible comic, you get in. If you're just an ordinary guy who's like, you know, I just want to try something different. They're like, fuck you, buddy. You're Canadian until you die.

It is true. And you're like, wait a second. I want to know what it's like to open a pizza shop in America. And they're like, fuck you., I want to know what it's like to open a pizza shop in America. And they're like, fuck you. Not happening, yeah. We got enough Italians. Or if you're like, hey, I'll do your, you know, I'll build your house for 12 cents

because I, you know, they're like, all right, you just, shh, we'll look the other way and bring you in for a little bit. You know, just don't. No, it is. Don't tell anybody you work for me and I'll give you cash.

It's off the books. So the poor, and it's the same thing in government. It's like the poor get all the benefits. The rich get all rich get all the benefits which is why people that are against like health care it's so fun in america for me it makes no sense because you go you're already paying for it for because if they're poor you go what i should just pay for the poor people's you go you already that's already happening it's already done it's just a matter of whether you're gonna get some of it right that's the only thing you're like the people that vote against you go yeah that's already happening. It's already done. It's just a matter of whether you're going to get some of it. Right.

That's the only thing you're arguing. Like the people that vote against it, you go, yeah, it's already happened. Right. Where those people, like they're not letting those people die. They're paying for it. Right, right, right. Yeah. No, it's crazy.

It's crazy. And that's, that's, that's just because that's how convincing propaganda could be. Yeah. Talking points. Like if you have an interest and you send out your minions to to uh to you know to uh speak your this is where i'm searching for words and i realize how stupid i are when you send out your minions to do your propaganda when you send out to to back up your cause yeah you know on news networks and stuff like that it works and it works like so

100 yeah rich people go like hey we don't want that or whatever and then they send out their people on the news networks who are like they're gonna raise your taxes not gonna be yeah and people go i can't have that and you're like well you need that socialist or whatever you know they just don't like the principle you a commie or whatever but it also doesn't i always felt like that one specifically even doesn't make sense in the context because you go the whole thing about you know markets or whatever is like the incentives right and i there is a lot of things where you go okay listen if we give everyone welfare and you're the one i can argue it incentivizes them not to work and you can say that it doesn't

and there's obviously an answer of how much it actually does right but i actually don't think anyone you go hey listen everyone across the board if you get sick or whatever that's covered i actually don't really think that messes with anyone's incentives in the markets. It just messes with that one market. But I don't really think it changes people's incentives, which I think should be the goal of everyone. Well, I think that's the reason why there's healthcare

in every single first world country except ours. We're the only one. We're the only one. It's like, let's cut away all the talk here. We're the only first world country that doesn't have universal health care. There's not one other country that has it. I guess you kind of do in like New York and California. Not really.

No. If you're poor, that's my point. That's why the middle gets fucked. That's why the middle gets fucked. Because the rich, it doesn't matter, right? They're getting the best care no matter what. If they actually were looking at you, if you had real politicians in a in a absurd world that will never happen and they were like companies not political parties you would be able to get

like hey listen this is the deal the trans both like the trans bathroom stuff we're not going to talk anymore but we get health care all right like you know what i mean people can actually make real deals yeah where they go that's a People can actually make real deals where they go. That's a real deal. Yeah. A real deal where we go, hey, we don't want to hear nothing about this, you know, Christians or the devil or whatever, but we're not going to take your, like this whole gun debates over.

You can have your guns, but we get. Yeah. No, we don't have universal healthcare in New York and Cal. No, you have to meet a certain income requirement to get it. So if you make over it, you're not eligible for Medicare. So it's a funny thing because the rich are taken care of, the poor are taken care of, and the people in the middle who happen to be the people who only make enough money that they can't hide it, so they have to pay their taxes.

The poor don't pay taxes. No. They receive taxes right the middle pay the taxes and receive and the rich pay very little because they hide a lot and they don't it doesn't matter to them because they can get whatever they want i know so it's like and that's how you really that's what that's how you really up your country is when you have a war on the middle coin salt bitcoin is a great way for fucking actors and influencers who have no skills to convince people who are in the middle to buy this fucking form of money.

NFT and me and Giannis' dicks touching each other. No, but I get it. People get really angry at me when I shit on Bitcoin because it's like a real dream. It's a religion too. Yeah, it's become a religion. Yeah, I'm mostly on their side. I know, but it's like they go, oh yeah, that means you love the Federal Reserve.

No, it's just I have a few questions. Yeah. Like I said, if I can tip a stripper in Bitcoin, I'm in. And now they're starting. Just throwing a fucking hard drive at her? If it could pay for sex, it's real money. That's my, because that's only what we care about.

Yeah. As people, we only care about fucking. I'm sure people are already screaming at you in their heads like, you Ken in El Salvador. Exactly.

Well, now they're starting to be Bitcoin strip clubs. So now I'm becoming a believer. Well, you know, the propaganda thing that I was actually thinking

of last night was that, you know, we all have all these fucking arguments, but you go every single one of us when we watch a movie 99% of time we root for who they tell us to root for you know like how often you go and you'll watch a movie about the

police chief and then you'll watch a movie about the Mafia head and then you'll watch a movie about the restaurant owner that they just got killed because he every whatever one they decide to tell you the story of, that's whose side you're on. So it's like, we're all so easily to be programmed for whatever, right? Usually, I think that, yeah, people usually root for the phoniest people because they're always the cleanest. Right. Phoniest people, what they project is always the best version because it's fake. Right.

So people always gravitate towards that. I think there's still like even the biggest defund the police person is, you know, probably without even noticing it, like within that six month, probably watched like a cop movie with Mark Wahlberg and didn't even realize that they were like on the side of the, you know what I mean? Right. That's what I was loving. Exactly.

Yeah. Yeah. side of the you know what i mean like that's what i was exactly yeah yeah people people vote or think against their own interest all the time because they love bullshit people love bullshit me included probably we all love dude the truth sucks the truth the truth because the real truth is what happens when you die nobody knows that's the truth i'm not gonna say there is or isn't the truth is nobody knows right uh the truth is uh we're all gonna die we're all gonna get kids like the truth is harsh that girl doesn't really like you your friendship is probably more uh an arrangement it's probably more of a like mackey of these aren't your real friend this guy's probably in your life because

he wants so that's the truth that's why we were talking about before it's like not too great to be too aware because like if the whole world was like that nobody would get anything done yeah you can't you have to have like some kind of yeah sell the dream make it a story even like when you or or you if you want to find a way to you know come to terms with that where you go i don't really see a problem with that like you know what i mean i i've had friends where you know there is some version of it like oh you kind of friends because of this and this you're like yeah but i do like hanging out with them so then who cares like then who cares exactly but that it's accepting that that like hey that's reality that's what these kids need to accept is like look nobody does it

better than the gay community they let you know how the world works i'm'm a bear. You're a cub. You're a young Thai guy. I'm a young Thai guy. I'm ordering you. You're into bears. You're ordering me. We're fucking because this is what we like. This is what we want.

It's an arrangement. Nobody has any sort of illusion about what it is. Leave it to dudes to figure it out. Yes. Always. Because women got smaller brains. Lesbians don't have nothing figured out, dude.

No, lesbians just sit in miserable, monogamous relationships. And then often they'll be in a range where it'll be like, I'm not talking to you, you dumb bitch. Women. She heard you say smaller brains. She said, what? Yeah. Sometimes it'll be like, often it'll be like a guy with money and then a guy who's banging

that dude with money. And they both like are extremely aware of what the- And everyone else is going on here. And they joke about it. They know, like, I'm with him because, you know, I'm not with him because of that. I mean, you know, look at this lifestyle. And everyone thinks it's funny and they all kind of get it. And nobody's pretending.

The guy's single tier. It's just like kind of get it and nobody's pretending. The guy's single tier. Yeah. It's just like, they get it. Like everyone, like they, he chose that guy because that was a guy who would give his body for the money. And that guy chose that because he wanted the money and like,

they all know it. There's no pretend thing. Well, I guess that's how, you know, Indian marriages or whatever, like, you know,

85% of them are 70% of it's still arranged or whatever. And it's, you know, they, that's how it used to be. Well, you should be should be I think it's 75 but it's like you and her are together well because this makes sense but boy they do it fucking logically and they go you'll learn to love her they're still doing that in India right most yes because I said that once in a bar comedy show and Hari Kondabolu got very mad at me. It's still true, though. Yeah, of course. Of course it is.

Are you shaking your head like I'm wrong? No, I'm just saying. Oh. Harry Kondabulu. Let's look that up, because I want to find out whether we just created... I want to know whether we just committed an hate crime. What percentage of India's marriages are arranged?

Yeah. I put an Indian gay marriage by mistake. Oh, Freudian. I know. Jesse, you're gay. Jesse, you're gay. Yeah, you're gay, dude. I think it's... I better be fucking not wrong here.

But I think it's... And what's up with the gay flags? You're not a country. You're sexuality. I get it at the beginning. It was your cause. But now that you've won, you know,

either we give them a country like Greenland and make it Gayland And it'll be a lit ass country Where you go there and you fucking listen to techno music And it's fun Or it's like we don't need flags anymore What you need to do with a flag

That's not really useful anymore Is you turn it into a white person do-rag Everyone knows this A biker do-rag Do you think there should be a Gayland So they can put that flag somewhere There is. It's called Brooklyn.

It's called Fire Island. Yes. Yes. Yeah, there's already a Gayland. It's your fucking house, dude. No, but Gayland would be lit, dude. Imagine there was like a Gayland Airlines. Yeah.

And you went on there and it was just dudes in biker shorts. Like, the whole theme was just gay. Now we're talking. And the food was fucking awesome. You're serving snacks. Be like, pretzels or penis. Yeah. It was just boys.

Fucking McDonald's. You get on there and it's just like Madonna's playing. Then you get off the plane and there's grumpy little lesbians and then just hot guys partying. They get excited. I'd go there as a tourist attraction to gay land to just like. I've gone to gay pride parade a bunch and it's frigging lit. Is it lit? Yeah.

I had a threesome at fucking pride one year. Did you? Yeah, me and two dudes. I was about to say. I was some chick. Yeah, yeah. People are fucking throwing it around.

What gay stuff are you into? Everyone's into a little gay stuff. I don't think I'm into gay stuff. You're straight. Maybe hanging out with you. Yeah. That is gay a little bit. When you hang out with a Greek kid,

it's a little... You're gay. We're close to the gay... No matter what, we're just... It's a little closer. When you hang out with a Greek kid, it's a little... We're close to the gay... No matter what, we're just... It's a little closer. What's your gay stuff? My gay stuff is... I guess, like, trans women,

if they're hot and look like women, I'm attracted. Yeah, I don't really think that's gay. It's not really gay, yeah. That scientists don't either, but I don't care. If it's gay, I'll be gay. I think the only thing I would say- I don't like anything that looks like a dude. The dick in your mouth feels to me a little gay.

That feels gay to you? Yeah, but you know, I didn't used to like oysters either, and then I got into them. So maybe it's just an acquired taste. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. As long as as long

as if the dick doesn't have hairy arms and looks like a guy i mean i'm yeah i'm into the future i'm i'm future i am bold i i mean think about this though imagine they go to you and they go they go i'm i'm a meat guy like i don't like vegetarian shit right and you go i've in general i don't like vegetarian shit and then they you know behind your back switch your burger with a burger that tastes exactly the same then you take a bite no like that's right you fucking you're a vegan and you go well you know yeah if you slip it by me then fine I'd say the same thing about that I go if it's completely possible then I go what's the issue here yeah I never yeah I mean I never

understood the guys who like look i'm not going to tell you what to think it's that whole you're free to think whatever i'm not going to put my thing on you but i will make fun of it it's like those guys go like look man if i hook up with you and i think you're a chick and then we get there and there's a cock i'm gonna murder you it's like why why are you so angry that's on you for not knowing you're saying no i'm just saying like why are you so angry about it it's like what do you so like it's like you just said if someone switched the burger like if i said i was a vegetarian and someone gave me meat i'd i'd be like i'm not a better but i wouldn't be like now you have to die okay let me play the

devil's advocate on here like there is something about being you feel like you're a swindled like you're like oh every relationship is a swindled. Like, you're like, oh, you. Every relationship is a swindle. Do you think everyone, do you think people are showing their true selves when they fuck?

Right. Yeah, you know. But, okay, then. If I'm a hot trans chick and I want to fuck you,

and I know that you're a little transphobic, I'm not telling you. Let's say this then. So, in your thing, Until I get you to bed, did I make you suck my fucking shemale cock? Imagine you went, like, imagine that was like, you know, some girl swindled you out of a bunch of money or whatever.

And then all of a sudden you're like fucking super pissed off and you find out she did all that shit that was like, lied to you. And then you find out that's actually not a chick. It's a dude. And you're like, all right, now I can fight him. That you got 90% oh no okay so did we find Indian how common is arranged marriage in India

so this is my favorite my body's got a chick that his friend that was Indian or he works with her and she was getting an arranged marriage

and then she went to India to get their marriage and the guy saw her and waved it off that's hilarious that's cold I don't think you can

ever recover from that that's tough that's tough it's so fucked up too that he can wave it off but That's hilarious. That's tough, man. I don't think you can ever recover from that. That's tough. That's tough. It's so fucked up, too, that he can wave it off, but she can't. Oh, I guess, yeah, maybe she can.

She can't. Well, no, she could. She lived in Toronto, Canada, right? If she wanted to wave it off, she goes, yeah, I'm moving back to Canada. That's the thing, is like the patriarchy does exist.

It just doesn't exist here. You know what I'm saying? Like these chicks who are like complaining and going like, it's like the patriarchy, why are you not railing against this shit? We don't have arranged marriages here.

You know, if we do, it's because of some subculture that comes from someplace else. Yeah, women took a while to get the right to vote, but that was completely understandable because they have smaller brains. So once we opened it up to smaller brain people, you know, that's a different thing. They let the Greeks in, the girls in a whole bunch of stuff greeks are too emotional they shouldn't

been allowed to vote either right germans are too fucking evil didn't let them vote finally they got the vote the irish are too drunk they shouldn't have been voting yeah and you tell me so we should have been let we should have been letting irish, but not women? I mean, come on. The women got the smaller brains, the Irish drink too much. None of them were allowed to vote. Yeah. And then now they're choosing their own partners. It's like, no, that'll do that for them.

Yeah. So, I mean, it's like, if you're going to criticize America, also think about the good parts, too. I mean, nobody's trying to sneak into Canada to do comedy. No. That's my point. No, I mean, if you want to do something, great, I think. But that's the biggest difference is I always think that, you know, the old thing that like a fucking old manager once told me is like,

stop thinking that everyone wants the same things as you. And I feel like. And I love that. Yeah, and I feel like young people think that. Yeah. And it's like the more when I finally like clicked in my mind I felt like everything in my life was better because you realize that like Every people don't want what you want. Like, you know, you're like a hungry, dude

You're like, you know fucking one this I want to take over. I want to write the bed So most people don't want that so for them they don't you know, you're like, yeah But like how will the next Amazon start of this and they're like the fuck you talk like, you know you're like yeah but like how will the next amazon start of this and they're like what the fuck you talking like you know i'm just want to get through the day and do my show so everyone has different uh and they all have to live together so i love that dude i love that and it took me a while to learn that too and when i did everything was a lot easier business partners and stuff is the hardest you know what i mean because you're then you'll be like well i'm fucking working this many hours and doing this why don't you care and they're like because they don't fucking care as much as you.

So why would they? They don't want this. They think it's kind of cool to be involved in this thing, but they're not about to like, that's their whole fucking brain 24-7 like you are. Right. And it's in every facet of life too. Everything.

With relationships. That's why like. With your chick, yeah. With your chick. That's why it took me a while to learn that. It's like people always get caught up in the wrong reasons in the relationship. It's always the most romantic reasons why they think the relationship is going to work.

But relationships really only work for the most cynical reasons. What would be a good example? A good example would be like, this is what we, like a girl says to you like, hey, I want to be in a relationship. You know, like the un-hottest thing you can say. Yeah, yeah. I know. I just, you're filling a role that I'm looking for. Yeah, I like you. I love you. Like, I just want to be in a relationship. You know, like the un-hottest thing you could say. Yeah, yeah, I know. I just, you're filling a role that I'm looking for.

Yeah, I like you. I love, like, I just want to, I know a girl would be like, this is what I want. I just want a relationship. I want a family. I want that. You're like, that's not exciting.

Yeah, you're okay. That's like asparagus. Yeah. But that other girl's like a Skittle. Skittles taste good, but Skittles will rot your teeth and fuck your best friend. You don't want that shit.

So everyone chases the Skittles because why do you like her? I like her because we laugh together or I like her because the sex is good. You're like, none of that stuff is the basis for a relationship. And all gets crappy after a while. Yeah, exactly. That stuff is the basis for a really short, good time. You're just, you're not mature enough to know that that's what that is. Because the stuff that's best's what that is because the stuff

that's best for a relationship is like the boring we want the same thing i want a relationship you want a relationship and then the rest of the stuff is secondary like we're just you know oh we get along pretty well but we both but we we have the same similar vision on the big thing yeah if you get in a relationship with a girl who's like and the one girl's going like yo man i want to start my own line i want to become a big fashion designer wherever it takes me and you're like yeah me too yeah i want to become the biggest comic in the world for like a little while you guys will bond on that but eventually it's like she doesn't want to be with you yes you know she wants to be a big yeah she wants to be a big fashion designer and you don't really want to be with her you want to be like

the biggest comic tour in the world so it's like people only see what they want to see because of our immaturity or ego whatever you want to believe yeah but it's that thing that you just said people don't want to accept that not everyone is like you not everyone wants what you want yes we all want everything to conform for what we want but that's not that's not what it is and it's like management 101 too when you're just dealing with anyone. You're just trying to convince people. You'll see them selling it. And then if you get this, you could have this and blah, blah.

And really, if you fucking have any brain, you're like, they don't care. Okay, they go, huh, okay. I don't need any of that stuff. It sounds like stuff you want. Or your chick being like, and then we go on vacation. I go, yeah, that's something you want. So I guess this begs the question how do you keep danny in line well he's a perfect example of some of me and him like you know i think that you've been working

with someone forever and then it fits when you it aligns that you want this want this it's like just don't expect people to want the same thing. Yeah, don't expect them, but, and he doesn't for me either. Yeah, you guys work really well together. Yeah, well,

I think we have a pretty good, like, working relationship and like a friendship too, but that's why. Yeah. Yeah. Until one of you gets like

a Subway commercial and then it's over. Then you're fucking. You're like, I can't be affiliated with you anymore. Yeah. You said this.

And then they go, oh, you did all the same stuff in Jared's real life you'll probably be good at the subway stuff too they work backwards you did all the same stuff but you're not in jail oh they work backwards yeah i love the lip thing you what was that? A picture you took once? I think that was a...

I don't know if it was a composite picture where he took... I just hired someone to do this. And I just sent him a bunch of pictures. And he used that one, yeah. Yeah, but I... Yeah, it might have been just the picture that my podcast photo. Yeah. I can't remember.

I made that a couple years ago. It's a cool drawing. Yeah, I like a lot of times I'll just hire... A lot of times every now and then I'll do things where I'll just go to on like fiverr or you know whatever they can but there's a bunch of these weird little sites and then just scroll through all the thing and just like drop like 500 bucks on paying people to buy make random shit yeah and then best yeah just how yeah and they'll just have a bunch of shit sometimes it'll end up being promos sometimes yeah it's kind of a weird yeah yeah yeah we're in this phase now where as a comic

you have to do all that yourself. You have to be your own PR. You've got to do so much other stuff besides be funny. I've got two full-time people right now that I'm managing. It's a whole other

thing. For what? For content? Yeah. That's what it is now. We have a whole other thing. A whole other thing. For what? For content? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what it is now. It's like the comic. We have a meeting every Monday. Yeah.

You guys think of ideas and you come up with shit. It's not so much that. It's more about like what are we doing this week a lot of times. It's usually like, okay, do this video and then you edit this. Then like can you do this and blah, blah, blah, this, that. Right, right. But I still do all the writing. I don't really write with anyone still.

Right, right. That's great. Yeah, everyone blah, this, that. Right, right. But I still do all the writing. I don't really write with anyone still. Right, right. That's great. Yeah, everyone's kind of doing that. That's what the internet has opened up and that's how the environment has changed and it's great. Is this your first hour special coming up? No, I did two specials before in Canada.

Actually three, but the first one I've since scoped from the internet. Are they in English or are they like in Canadian? Half English, half French obviously you don't have to watch it in subtitles you can watch it just you know

do a little research on Babbel find out some of the translations Aluni hey buddy check out the special they go what is he saying

they go translation translation hey pal yeah hey pal I got a special out son yo you know what it is we got a special coming at you

you know y'all already know it's dropping Monday March 7th gonna be fire yeah where can I find the first two specials they're both on my you they're both on my youtube channel slash Ryan long comedy yeah first one did really well and that's when I first moved here like a lot of the clips from the first special like kind of what popped my channel because they did a lot of you know millions of views on different platforms or whatever. Yeah. So that's really, for you, I think people just go to your YouTube.

That's like where everything is. That's where I built kind of my whole thing. So I figured, like, it just seemed like the move. Yeah, like I said, I had a few other offers, but it just seemed like. It's great. And so it's dropping Monday. Go check it out on his YouTube channel. This is my first specials right there. Ryan Long, the first specials right there as the featured video.

You can't miss it. And it was, it's called 2018 AKA Nanette 2. It was right after Nanette came out. So check that out. Check out all the videos

that he does. There's one a week you do. There's, Rogan just sent me the Brian. Which is sick. Stelter one yeah the the rap song he just did he sent it to me out of nowhere and the sex machine yeah so uh lots of funny stuff me and ryan did one once oh yeah you had me in one of yours that video i've watched i actually

was i think we caught it didn't even make sense to cast me but you did it anyway because you really needed a girl for that no yeah i just knew you did the character whatever but like i don't know to me it just seemed like it'd be funny and we were talking or whatever but like dude you were so funny and that was fun i remember i was very like impressed with like leaving being like because i don't know you just knew like every line you know how to put the sauce on to make it funny i don't know you're impressive yeah it was fun they're all great the videos are so great it is a big difference i mean i'm sure you've edited stuff where it's like you do stuff with people and it's like you don't even need to look at more takes you go you pick anyone it's so easy to edit this person or the other person that you're

ah you know what let me fucking figure out some music to make this funny and for sure i'm very well acquainted with that for sure it, yeah, people who do comedy just make it easier. It's like that comedic timing. And in comedy, editing is so big too. Like the rhythm of it and everything. So your videos are great. So many of them, a lot of them, you guys have probably already seen them. But if you haven't, go to Ryan Long's page.

There's so many funny videos to check through. And definitely check that special and share it. That's the thing. Don't just check it. White Immigrant, March 7th. YouTube.com. It's actually a Don't just check it. White Immigrant, March 7th, youtube.com. It's actually a white supremacist special called White Immigrant.

Yes, subtitles. The only one, the only good one. That's actually brave of you to even put the word white in the title. Yeah, I thought, I did think that,

Sponsored by the truckers of the blockade. Yeah, I mean. The Oath Keepers. Yeah, obviously it's not, but even just the word white, I did think that sponsored by the truckers of the blockade yeah I mean the Oath Keepers yeah obviously it's not but even just the word white

you're like in this era people are going like what is that what is that I did think that a little bit where I was like is this a lot

and then I was just I don't know I just that's everything where you just have that 90% of my life is like is this too much

and by the way one thing I'll say is I'm never right on what was too much right right like all all fucking stress sometimes where i go you know especially i'm just like is this not you know i don't mind being offensive or whatever but it's like is it the wrong one to do it on or whatever and it's never it's all those things it's never anything and then it's something else everyone's like like, oh my God. And I'm like, what? Yeah, that's because a lot of it is just random and selective. You never know what's going to touch their nerves.

It's not real, really. Because white immigrant is obviously tongue in cheek. You're Canadian. There's a northern border. It's tongue in cheek. And I do talk about that a decent amount on the special. Yeah, but that's the world we live in now. But obviously, that's just the world we live in which is funny

but check out the special listen to the boys podcast yeah boys cast also on this channel the boys cast it's called the boys cast I also did an episode yeah this was on the boys cast

we got a cool studio now too in East Village I'd love to come back and do a real one yeah cause we did that one by Zoom I think yeah that was the

thank god Zoom's over I know yeah yeah we have a pretty cool studio. I mean, I'm always looking for stuff to steal. So, okay, in conclusion... Next time you're going to come by, there's going to be the other boxing glove there.

Yeah, you just like put it, yeah. Really? I go, oh, you have one too? That'd be funny if your studio was just an accumulation of things you stole from other studios. And then when the people come to the show, they're like, what the fuck? So in conclusion, tell us how do we get out of this situation without a nuclear war with Ukraine? I think, you know, I think there should be nuclear war.

So I'm on the side of I'd like to see the bombs drop tomorrow. Yeah, finally, someone says the truth. Yeah. What if Russia and United States come together to invade Iraq again? So... Unity. You know what?

Like neither one of them, well, Afghanistan, neither one of them could successfully conquer Afghanistan. But if they teamed up, like a new NWO in the WWE. Putin and Biden, you know? On each other's shoulders sort of situation.

Yeah, dude, you guys are fighting thick of the damage you could do together. Of course. Biden and Putin, you guys can run into the sunset and fucking conquer South America. Yeah.

Conquer Ukraine. Fuck Ukraine, right? I'm big on a non-interventionist. I don't think... I mean, you know, it is what it is. The situation is what it is. I mean, some things you just got to be honest about.

Yeah, you got, they fucking, it is what it is. I wouldn't fucking want to, I mean, I wouldn't want to strap on a army helmet and go, you know, fight, fight this war. So I think the solution is clear. We join up and we bomb, we both invade Afghanistan. Yeah, I mean, you know, Yemen, there's a few other places that could still use a fucking, you know, good dust in.

And see, Russia, we can do it together. We can do it together as brothers in peace. As brothers. If brothers in peace, we can go murder other people together. No, they put their hands and press the button at the same time. We'll end it on that.

We are unified. A Russian and American hand. Mr. Biden, you're not so bad. You're not so bad yourself, Vladimir. He's like Frankenstein from the monster.

He's like Frankenstein from Young Frankenstein the movie. And they give him his black belt back yeah he gave him his black belt back and peace to the UK

you're not so bad yourself you're nuts thanks buddy guys I'm very excited for a brand new small business shout out

freaking cold spring water that's www.freakingcoldspringwater no G freaking freakingcoldspringwater.com. Go check out their website. It is absolutely delicious, pure spring water in recyclable aluminum bottles.

It is great for the environment, great for you. Jesse loves that, right? You love that. Baby turtles. Baby turtles. Save the turtles. We got some waters coming off to us. They're being sent to Jesse. I can't wait. love that. Baby turtles. Baby turtles. Save the turtles. We got some waters coming off to us. They're being sent to

Jesse. I can't wait. They're going to be in the studio. I'm very excited. Go check out his website. He's going to give us his info. You can buy the water right there on his website and eventually we will have some sort of promo code hopefully or something but if not, go check out freakingcoldspringwater.com right now.

Follow them on the gram. Freaking underscore cold underscore spring underscore water underscore. Okay? That's a mouthful, but you can do it. There's a lot of underscores in there. Freaking Cold Spring Water. Check them out. Very excited to have them.

I love having companies that are small businesses that I can get behind. He's in a couple stores already and very excited about that, about them. So shout out to freaking Cold Spring Water. Then I got a very great story to tell. I went and I was at a place and I had this, I just happened to select this soda. Like it was really just, you know, I'd never drink soda. And I was, I was in the mood for a soda. So I picked this soda like it was really just uh you know i'd never drink soda and i was i was in the mood for a soda so i picked this soda it is uh by brooklyn cannery and i contacted them because i was so

blown away from this by the soda this is a true story it was one of the most delicious things i've ever tasted in my life and it's actually a prebiotic soda so it's good for your stomach as well and it's uh very little sugar it's all natural and their flavors are like it's like hipster you know it's like hipster shit where they create some science thing you're like how does something taste as good i'm telling you this is the best soda you're ever going to taste in your life brooklyn cannery go check them out on the gram brooklyn cannery c-a-n-n-e-r-y brooklyn canner, all one word. Then go to their website, brooklyncannery.com, and go buy this.

They deliver right to the house. The key lime jalapeno is what I have. Before I asked him to join because I wanted him to be a sponsor, I just went and ordered a bunch because I want my whole fridge downstairs to be... I haven't even tasted the other ones, and I just ordered them. Wait, say that flavor again. It's key limealapeno. What? It is crazy.

It is crazy how delicious it is. And you can order them online to your house. I got a bunch because I want my whole refrigerator downstairs in my man cave just to be loaded with these things. Bye-bye Trulies. Yeah, no, we're still gonna have some Trulies. So they got ginger beer,

they got cola amaretto, which I know is going to be delicious. They got root beer and key lime. And then they're also sending me one more because I spoke to the guy. He's sending me a new flavor they just created that I'll be the first to taste. I'm very excited to be partnering with these guys. So go to brooklyncannery.com right now and just order them, try them, and trust me, it'll be the greatest thing you've ever tasted. Also, they're not bad for you, you know, like regular soda.

So I'm all about promoting these guys, man. It blew me away. It blew me away so much I went and pursued them, which has never happened. So we got two great new sponsors. And then we got one more who's sending us his copy. We don't know who he is yet. And then, of course, we got Nicholas Ragusa, Dr. Nicholas Ragusa, who I may go see.

Huh? Nicola. Nicola Ragusa. Dr. Nicola Ragusa. If you're in the New York area and you want LASIK, go to OCNY in Astoria, Queens, and get your LASIK eye surgery. They correct nearsightedness, farsightedness.

You'll never need glasses again. They got an exclusive offer right now with OCNY. They're giving 10% off LASIK eye surgery. All you got to do is mention my name or the Long Days podcast and they will give you 10% off your LASIK. So contact OCNYEYE.com. That's OCNYEYE.com to make your appointment or call 646-543-9474.

So if you're thinking about having LASIK, there's your guy. He's got great reviews, and he wouldn't be on this podcast if he wasn't great. Now, here's another one I'm excited about that I drink every morning. Now, are you going to keep giving me free coffee, or are you going to make me pay for it? Don't make me pay for it. I want to move this coffee for you. My favorite is Boss Babe. That's what I like. But I also got the Medium Roast too. I'm more of a

Boss Babe guy, so I want more Boss Babe. I like the Light Roast. You got the Light Roast, right? You like it? Yeah, real good. You're a Light Roast guy? Yeah. So, Jesse also tastes... It's delicious coffee out of Providence, Rhode Island. Stephen Miller, send me more Boss Babe. Boss Babe.

I like the dark roast, that little hint of chocolate. I mean, it's just delicious coffee. Another home run. So he was a high school, Stephen was a high school entrepreneurship teacher, and he left to start Longshore. So this is a great story where this guy just got out of teaching because the kids are fucking stupid, and he decided he wanted to start his own company. So support Longshore.

Get your coffee here, guys. It's delicious. It ships right to your house. Longshore Coffee, it's a small batch coffee roastery located in Providence, Rhode Island. They offer premium blends and single origin coffees. They ship nationwide and they even offer free local delivery in Rhode Island. So if you're in Long Island, in Rhode Island, they'll deliver it to you right there. So they're offering 15% off. It's a great deal at checkout with the promo code FUMES. Go to longshorecoffee.com,

promo code FUMES. Go to longshorecoffee.com, promo code FUMES. That's longshorecoffee.com, promo code FUMES. I absolutely love it. You guys better buy it because I want to keep getting free coffee. I love it.

Longshore Coffee, you're delicious. Another home run. We're getting some real home runs on here and I'm excited. And then of course we've got the home run. Nate, we're going to schedule it. I'm too busy. But we will get on the horn with you.

NateLinder.com, your social media manager. Guys, hit up Nate. Get your social media game right. He will help you do that. He is the best with video advertising, social media, Google search, analytics, everything. This kid, everyone needs a social media manager and consultant and natelinder.com

is where you go so go holler at Nate right now and step your game up I love it we got a great batch of small business shout outs going right now oh

he'll always be in my heart number one Chris Manetti Chris Manetti 215 750 3730 if you're in the South Jersey or Philly area go check out Chris Manetti financial services get your check cashed call him up and that's it that's his number there's no website

call him he'll tell you where he's, and he'll cash your check for you. TheBronxBrand.com. Go support him. They're leaving us, but we love you very much. We'll always support you. BronxBrand.com. Promo code FUMES for 15% off every offer. Guess what?

I ordered the shirts. I forgot to even put in the promo code. So I paid full price because I wanted to support them. Supporting the culture, son. Support it. So bronxbrand.com. Go support the artists that are on that website.

They get a revenue share and there's lots of cool art, prints, shirts up there that you can buy. Get yourself original stuff and one of those cool shirts. ForTheFree.us. Go check out all the hot music

that's happening in Hawaii. Find out about local bands, about shows. Watch free music that's happening in Hawaii. Find out about local bands, about shows. Watch free music that they post. It's forthefree.us. If you're a music lover, go there. If you're traveling to Hawaii, that's a must. But even if you're not,

if you just want to learn about some cool bands coming out of the Hawaii area, forthefree.us. Thank you, Aaron Leaf. Exclusiveautoshipping.com. If you're moving your car anywhere in the world, nationwide free quotes, go to exclusiveautoshipping.com

and get Jared to give you a free quote so you can move your wheels. You're moving to Austin, you're moving to Cali, you're moving to Florida, the kid will move your car for you. Okay, now I want to welcome our new Patreon members. We encourage you to try a funny name, but if not, it's no big deal. I want to just give a shout-out to each and every one of you.

You get this shout-out when you join up at the lowest level or a higher level. So let's give a shout-out to our newest long haulers. We have... Brian Jessup, William Johns, Stephen Sprague, David, Ethan Oja, Benjamin Scali, Joe Gibson. Help me with that one. Marshab, he's their new. Marshab Berwinski. Marshab Berwinski. He's Brooklyn Cannery.

Get that soda. It's delicious. BrooklynCannery.com. Then we got Ethan Melvin. Christos Papas Stefano. Papa Stefano. And then we have Charlie Kelly. Tom, what is that?

Tony. Tony. Bariski. Bariski. Tony Bariski. Barisik. Barisik. Tony Barisik. And then Kurt Norman, Burt Evans, John Mikas. That's our freaking cold spring water, baby. Then we got Alex the Greek with papers.

Then we got Kyle Leyland. Oh, come on. How good is this one? What is it? Oh, my God. The winner is this one? What is it? Oh, my God. The winner is Spank My Copina. Spank My Copina. That might be best of all time.

That might be best. Spank My Copina. Spank My Copina. Come on. We got Spank My Copina. Then we got Gene. What is this? Gene Dennis Claver.

Claver. Gene Dennis Claver. Then we got Ellen. What is this? Jean-Denis Claver? Claver. Jean-Denis Claver. Then we got Ellen Bro, Bruce Shelley, TS, and Zach. Patreon.com slash Yanni Longdays. We'll see you next week. It's been a... It's been a long day.