Yannis Pappas Hour - Winning a Jada

Episode Date: April 1, 2022

Yannis is in Austin to do Rogan after a weekend in San Antonio and the young gawd Jared Harvin is with him. The boys talk the Oscars of course mostly and what was supposed to be a wild extra Longday bonus episode was so fun we didn’t want anyone to no be a part of it!This weeks bonus ep: https://www.patreon.com/yannilongdaysLive shows coming up: Phoenix Cleveland Newport, RI Tickets: https://www.yannispappascomedy.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up everybody? Welcome to your bonus episode. We are still in Austin. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful 20-story mansion minus 19 floors and 19 stories, which are the same thing. We're in a nice Airbnb. Yes, we are. As you know, of course, this bonus episode is going to be about why is Detroit so close to Madison, Wisconsin? Yes. Yes. We're trying to figure that out right now. We're flying into Madison. As you're watching this, we are obviously in Madison doing shows. And we're trying to figure out why the flight is five hours from Austin

to Detroit and then 20 minutes from Detroit to Madison. Moreover, during all these years that Detroit has been in a downslide, if it's only a 20-minute flight away, why didn't more people leave Detroit and go to Madison? Yeah, it doesn't make sense. The numbers are not lining up. They're like Biden's election numbers. Yes, yes. We got to review those.

Those have to be still reviewed. And you know who wants that more than anybody? Who's that? Donald Trump. Yes, he does. He's still on the case. Yeah. There's one investigator on that case, and that's Donald Trump. Yes, he does. He's still on the case. Yeah. There's one investigator

on that case and that's Donald Trump. He's on the case. Yeah, he's still on the case. He's politically constipated. Yes, he's politically, he's still caught on it. Yeah.

That's like me trying to figure out who stole my lunch. Yeah, it's gonna be you. It's probably gonna be me. Yeah. It was me and in college it might have been me

during a drinking blackout. Yeah. Sometimes you accuse yourself of stealing your own stuff yeah you're a guy that gets confused easily i mean you were looking for your own glasses for about an hour yesterday and they were on your face they were on my face they were on my face um i'm a guy who is not good at multitasking no you're not i'm not a multitasker yeah yeah i when i do one thing i'm doing that one thing and that's it Yeah Even if that be driving If you start a conversation with me

Oh no You're guaranteed one thing And that's to miss the exit Yes you will You know that now from experience Yes from experience I gotta talk to you I gotta talk to you

You're no Columbus behind the wheel No I'm no Columbus behind the wheel Yeah I'm more of a woman behind the wheel Yeah You're Lewis and Clark And I'm your sack of Julia Yeah

That's what it is Because women don't have a sense of direction Because as you know They were born by nature with smaller brains we've said it once we've said it a million times oh but you said that not me but go ahead yeah i've said i tried to throw you in there yeah don't throw that no you know yeah yeah you see yeah you're at the point of your career where you're like i still gotta watch what i say and i'm at the point of my career where i know i don't have to watch what I say anymore. It's two different places, but it's a nice seesaw to be on.

It's a nice seesaw, but it's opposite when it comes to our diets because you have to watch what you eat. And I can eat whatever I want. Yes. It's opposite of the diets right now, but I am trying to watch what I'm eating. Yes, you're doing a pretty good job. I've been doing pretty good. I've been working out. I feel a lot better. I'm going to get cut again. Yes, you're working out. I just. I've been doing pretty good. I've been working out. I feel a lot better. I'm going to get cut again.

Yes, you're working out. I just want my wife to be attracted to me again. Oh, yeah. Because right now I just look like Tony Soprano when I'm walking around. Yeah, you look like Tony Soprano. You're not helping yourself out because you're 14 years older than your wife. It's not helping myself out at all. Is there any way to lose age?

Everyone's got a diet plan for food, but is there any way to lose age? Can I go on an age diet? I want to lose everyone's got a diet plan for food but is there any way to lose age can i go on an age diet i want to lose years yes i think you have to go to age diet and it's called having a million dollars in your bank account that helps that helps you ever know i mean all the especially being in hollywood yeah somehow those people i guess when you have 22 hours a day months in between movie roles, during the pandemic, years between movie roles. And if you're certain actors who aren't hot anymore, years between movie roles. You got time, son. You got time to take care of yourself.

You got time. In fact, that's your primary job. That and the baby blood helps them keep young. Oh, yeah. You have to mix it with beet juice. And you got to mix it with – I've been watching a lot of Liver King on Instagram. You got to eat a lot of liver, apparently. You got to eat a lot of liver.

Yeah. And you got to mix it with a Brooklyn cannery. That's what you got to do. You got to have a Brooklyn cannery. Yeah. Shout out. I am totally sick of turning on these fucking Instagrams. Every night I'm scrolling at night, right?

Because my circadian, whatever it's called, circadian rhythm. Circadian rhythm.adian yeah yeah yanni pappy been saying names and things wrong since the 80s yeah yeah i mean you're white so you always have a problem with rhythm yeah yeah i um what was it saying that your circadian rhythms and your sleeping habits yeah i'm sick of i'm sick of scrolling around and watching these like one notenote influencers who just post the same video again about what it's like to eat as a raw vegan. And then every, here's my day. And then they eat. There's a few of them I follow just because there's something calming and soothing about vegans' voices. It's just like because they're so low on energy. Yeah, it's very breathy. Dude, it's something calming and soothing about vegans' voices. It's just like because they're so low on energy.

Yeah, it's very breathy. Dude, it's very calming. They're like, hey, this is what I eat as a raw vegan. Today I had a full watermelon. And then they sit there and they go, mm. And they do this overly, it's the histrionics of it. It's like they do this overly flamboyant kind of, mm. As if, dude, we know what watermelon

tastes like. I love watermelon. But after the hundredth meal with watermelon, I just watched a hundred videos of you in a row eating watermelon for lunch. I don't care how good my food is. By the second or third one, I'm not going, oh, I need to get something out. Get me a barbecue chicken from

Schlotzky's. Which is what we just had. Texas size. Which is what we just had. Texas size. Texas size, son. Which is a small's a large. The people too. Especially in San Antonio. Yeah, yeah. San Antonio, you gotta watch yourself, son. You gotta watch yourself.

You gotta say excuse me a lot of times. We were in San Antonio having fun, and I think this may be switching from the bonus to the main episode. We don't know. Yeah, we messed around a little bit. We'll get back on track. But talk about San Antonio, then we'll get on track. San Antonio, we performed there, and I was worried about whether we were going to be able to fit in San Antonio.

Yeah, yeah. We were walking in San Antonio how Tom Cruise walks on a ledge from It's Impossible. Yes. It's just not a lot of room in that town because the people take up a lot of room not at all they have a city ordinance in San Antonio where buildings can only be a certain height because they don't want any of those San Antonio natives on the top floors causing a solar eclipse yeah yeah I mean they're spacious people you know there's there's a lot of shade in san antonio gets hot that shade is under

trees and people yep yes and we saw the alamo that's a nice little brick wall brick wall yeah we saw some israelites and we saw a fight uh with uh see the israelites right and then the other influencer was the liver king he's the other way they're just like oh one influencer is telling me only eat fruit and the other one's telling me only eat meat yeah how about a balance disregard your brand yeah and how you've turned yourself into a content and i just eat a little bit of both and not as much as people in san antonio eat that's all you and i think i'll be fine just get yourself a balance that's all you need. Yeah, because look, if we weren't supposed to eat meat dog, I don't think God would have put protein in animals' flesh.

No, he wouldn't. He did, that's how you know this place is vicious and this could be hell. Imagine setting up a game where you put the protein that you need to survive in other animals' flesh. Like dogs, if like you, any of us could eat each other and we'd live at least a week or two well you guys would live at least three or four weeks because my body's a

little bigger you can eat on my fat yeah i would be more tasty i'd be like a ruben yeah yeah you have a tender forearm for sure i'd be like a ruben if you ate me i'd be like i'd be like a marbled ruben yeah yeah you you'd be like um You'd be like a Cold cuts No fat on them You know Just pure protein Don't fill you up that much Yeah

Because you're cut You're skinny Yeah But me if you ate me You're gonna It's gonna be I'm gonna be a juicier meal Oh yeah

Yeah Melting fats Yeah you can make gravy out of you Yeah So In San Antonio We took a nice little walk Down to the river walk Which I swam for Ukraine.

Which all that money that you donated me on my Kickstarter, I promise we'll make it to the Ukraine. By the way, how's all this money making it to the Ukraine? I don't know. That people are raising for it if they don't got internet? I don't know. I mean, how's it go? I don't believe everyone who's raising money for the Ukraine is actually getting that money to the Ukraine. Yeah.

Because they're in the middle of a war zone. They can't just make a stop at the ATM right now. No, they can't. There's definitely some people with jailbroken iPhones in Ukraine right now. I'm pretty sure the banks are closed in Ukraine. Yeah. Yeah. And if you think they got Bitcoin over there, you got another thing coming.

Got another thing coming. Okay, they're in Ukraine. They don't even have the newest Will Smith movie yet. Whenever you go to those countries, I going to greece as a little kid and in like not even a little kid i remember going to greece in like 2006 yeah and i was watching like yo mtv rap videos from 91. like they get late over there yeah fine young cannibal she drives me crazy i think is a hit right now in the Ukraine. Yeah. Those guys are touring over there as the new thing. Yeah, they're world premiering Aaron Brockovich right now.

Yeah, Justin Bieber's not even born yet in the Ukraine. Yeah. They're behind. So if you think they got Bitcoin, you got another thing coming. They don't. They haven't even heard of Bitcoin yet. I mean, you know, the rest of the world is behind. But shout out Elon Musk for giving him Starlink, which I'll pretend to understand what that is.

I guess it's internet out of a truck or something. Yeah, it probably shoots up to the sky and then beams it down into Ukraine. Yeah, because I saw a picture of it. It's just like machines in a truck. I was like, that's like internet that fell off a truck. Yeah. That's like buying sneakers off the black market. Oh, yeah.

You know, you're like, where do these sneakers come from? It's Wi-Fi from Jamaica Avenue. It's Wi-Fi from Jamaica Avenue, I guess is what Starlink is. I don't know. It's Wi-Fi from Jamaica Avenue. It's Wi-Fi from Jamaica Avenue, I guess, is what Starlink is. I don't know. It's portable internet. Yeah. So they're giving them internet, and that's helping them catch up to all those Russian games. I'm in between a war and a Final Four news, so my fault.

Yeah. I just mixed up my March Madness and World War II news. Yeah. Because I called it they're in the middle of a game. They're not in the middle of a game. Yeah'm sorry that your ukrainian people are suffering i just referred to what you're going through as a game yeah they are suffering but they are up 2-0 right now yeah but let's be honest this final four coming up is gonna be a war yes it is so ukrainians you guys think you have it hard but think about the mountain that the underdog north carolina has to climb to beat

the plus minus four favorite duke yep on sheshefsky's life year so ukraine i'm kind of sick of hearing you complain okay because duke's got to get ready for a game so does north carolina yeah so everyone's prepared preparing for war everyone's preparing you know everyone's preparing for war we had a little war at know, everyone's preparing for war. We had a little war at the Oscars. Yeah, we had a war at the Oscars. We did have a war at the Oscars. I mean, you know, these people overseas, they think that their problems are the only problems that matter.

No. They think that their problems are, like, serious. We got worldwide issues right now. We got issues here, too, man. Yeah. We got issues here, too. And to me, if St. Peter's can make it that far, Ukraine can make it. Yeah.

I mean, come on, guys. We have issues here too. You know? We had a war that broke out at the Oscars, which is a very, very, very, three verys, important ceremony. Very important. It's important. Yes.

I mean, here's how I put level of importance. I'd go health, the Oscars, education. I put Oscars number two on the list of important things in life. Like if you don't watch the Oscars, you're probably gonna die earlier or something bad's gonna happen to you. Yeah, something bad's gonna happen to you. It's definitely second on the list. Third being Pete Davidson's sexual escapades that's that's a tie yeah i think

that in the oscars is a tie keeping up with what that what that big dick pencil fucking guy's doing that is a tie he's throwing it everywhere in hollywood because he looks like a pencil came to life yes and then when his dick comes out he looks like a tripod doesn't he look like a pencil that got animated yes yes he looks like a decon got animated? Yes, yes. He looks like a Decon DeRoga number two. Yes. Yeah, those two things are a tie, keeping up with those two things. But yeah, I mean, you know, we were in one war with Kanye

and whichever Kardashian he's dating. I think it's Khloe. Which one's he dating? Kim. Kim. I just don't care about this. You know what the funny thing is? I don't even, I'm not even pretending when I say I don't care. I don't care. You don't.

And I even had trouble caring about the second war that America's going through right now. Like, that wasn't enough to be fighting one war on that front. Yeah. Kardashian versus Kanye. Then we had another war happen at the Oscars between two more fucking billionaires. Between Will Smith and Chris Rock. Will Smith. Two guys that were scrapping for food

aoc yeah two guys that the the violence broke out because of the pandemic and a scrap for food yeah they were on the ration line would happen crime only happens when people are hungry and i love i would love to live in that reality because i would feed everyone yep that would be great if some guy comes up and fucking wants to rob your cell phone and you're just like, dog, can I take you to Schlotzky's instead? That's what AOC basically advocated in New York. She's like, look, I remember the video

too. This dude drove up on a dude walking with his daughter and shot him in the head and then drove off and then it was like side by side with her tweet going like, the crime rate's gone up because you know people are hungry and they need diapers or something like that and i was like that's not always why crime happens sometimes just people want your yeah you know i mean poverty generally is a main cause for for crime of course but there's also a lot of people who are born rich who become criminals too. Sociopaths,

psychopaths, they just like crime. You got some people that are born on the bad side. Some people are born bad. Yeah. Some people are born bad like Will Smith. Yeah. Will Smith's a bad, bad boy. Yeah. He assaulted. He assaulted a smaller man who had his teeth

fixed. His smile looks great now. Yes, it does. Yeah, his teeth did not used to look great. No, it did not. I mean, he was the better version of Kanye West. Do you think that was part of his motivation to make it and that's why he was so ambitious and he did so well? Because he knew that he needed to get his teeth fixed?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because his teeth, I mean, his teeth were, I mean, Chris Rock's teeth. His teeth looked like they were in an argument with each other. Yes. Yeah. His teeth looked like a mosh pit. Yes, the teeth looked like they were getting divorced. Yeah. Yeah. He got a

nice pearly smile. Nice. Nice pearly smile now. He got hit in them. Yeah, he got hit in them. He looks like the Black Joker. He does kind of look like the Black Joker. Yeah. Has anyone ever made that comparison? I don't think so. His face looks like, or he looks like a puppet. Yeah, the bottom half. Yeah. He looks like a ventriloquism puppet.

Yeah. Like with the way he smiles. He was made for show business. He has a face that's funny. Yeah. One of the great comedians, one of the goats. You know, he's had, there's been, within, inside baseball, there's been some talk back and forth in green rooms about that he has writers.

I don't judge him. Okay. Amy Schumer has writers too. Yeah, and it's called Twitter. It's called Twitter. Yeah, so I don't know. I heard he doesn't have writers. I heard he has people help him punch shit up.

Not a big deal. Chris Rock's one of the great comedians of our generation, of all time. Doesn't need to do the Oscars, which is my argument. I just want to get my argument out at the front. Why? Give that to an up-and-coming comic who needs it.

Chris Rock does not need to be there. You're humiliating yourself by going to that fucking narcissistic circle jerk. You're the highlight of that. Nobody would watch it if there was no comedians. And now I hope there are no comedians because one's been assaulted. So I hope no more comedians go to these things and make them watchable.

Because can you imagine the Oscars or the Golden Globes without Ricky Gervais, without Chris Rock, without a comedian? I mean, can you imagine that? No. Who would watch that? Who would watch these guys up there fake crying about, thank God, thanking their publicist? Nobody gives a shit. No. It's a circle jerk.

So comedians should just stop doing it. Just stop fucking doing it. He's not getting paid for it. He's not getting paid for it. And the crowd fucking sucks. And then he's shitting on people. And then they're fucking getting mad. They're getting sensitive.

Boo fucking who, guys? You got a billion dollars and you're the most famous people in the world. Boo fucking who? Yeah. Get rid of the comedians And the Oscars And put rappers as presenters Now we're talking

Yeah no one's gonna smack money back yo Yeah now we're talking Yeah yeah That's what we need to do Now we're talking Enough of this fucking triple headed Female comic host What are they

Amy Schumer Who hosted it Amy Schumer Wanda Sykes Who I'm a fan of And Regina Hall Yeah Regina Hall Wanda Sykes, who I'm a fan of, and Regina Hall. Yeah, Regina Hall, Wanda Sykes, and what was the other one? Amy Schumer.

Amy Schumer, yeah. Yeah, so those- It looked weird. Two black women and one white woman like that? Looked very weird. Yeah, well- It looked like Wanda Sykes and Regina Hall stopped on the side of the road to help Amy Schumer with the flat tire.

And Amy Schumer made the joke that they hired three women because it was still cheaper than a man. And I agree with her because the male comics are better. So that's why they cost more. I would say it like this. It took three women to do that job to equal what men could do. Wanda Sykes could have done it by herself. Wanda Sykes is funny.

They're all funny. It's all jokes. Okay? I'll pretend. Everyone's great. Wanda Sykes is just as funny as fucking Chris Rock. Yeah. Yeah.

No. Chris Rock, one of the goats. Wanda Sykes, very funny. Very funny, yeah. Very funny. You know, they all go a little Hollywood for me, dog. I'll be honest with you. I'm a Chappelle guy. Yeah.

I like a guy who walks away. Obviously, you can tell. I have not based my career on Hollywood. And I'll just pretend that I don't like Hollywood because that's my principle, not because they haven't called. Okay? Because once they call, you'll hear me condemning people on Twitter too. That was bad, Jessica Kerrison. Don't do that voice.

That's bad. Let's get rid of Apu. That is bad. As soon as they fucking ring me up and ask me to be in a Marvel movie, dawg, you know what? Everyone who I knew, I don't know you anymore. But for the time being, I'll pretend like I don't like Hollywood. Look, comedians can't be stars.

If you want to remain a good comedian, you can't be a star. Base level foundation to relate to everybody. You have to be relatable. You have to be the perennial underdog. Just like the little tramp was, Charlie Chaplin, that's what he played. That basically encapsulates what a comedian is. Someone who's the perennial underdog, down there with the people, relating to the people, because we basically work for the people. We're trying to make them happy.

We're trying to, and the way to make them happy is to go through the things that they're going through. The way to make them happy is to go through the things that they're going through. When you have to go through a tuxedo fitting of a Tom Ford tuxedo that costs $3,000 to not get paid at some dumb fucking circle jerk. Everyone's in gowns and giving each other make-believe awards that were paid for by the studio as promo. You're not going through what the people are going through. Yeah, it's real hard to relate to the people. Now Dave Chappelle's going through what the people are going through. Having to listen to Donnell Rawlings all the time. Because I've been going through that for 20 years.

And that's less of a conversation and more of just listening to Donnell Rawlings. Yes, it is. I love Donnell Rawlings. Donnell Rawlings gave me my start. One of the funniest guys you ever hear in your life. But that's my point. My take on this is I would like to not see comedians

do those shows anymore. I feel like, ironically, ironically, I feel like they're deigning to do it. It's beneath them. It's beneath them to do that show unless they go up there and they really rip it to shreds like Ricky Gervais did. And I guess now they can have security. I guess now we need security.

Yeah, because, you know, comedy is a low art. You know, it's a low art. It doesn't have a lot of respect. I think we're an inch above yo-yo performers on the street. We are. So, like, we're not. We don't even get an Oscar. No, no.

Yeah, so we're not really meant to relate to those people. We're meant to rip them to shreds, you know, condescend upon them, you know, as a part of a spoof. So that's what they want to see.

You know, they want to see themselves made fun of in those situations. Yes. And if they, if they behave badly and they don't take it well, then we should punish them

by having rappers instead of comedians. Yes. And see how that goes. Yes. Because here's the deal. The comedians make the show. That's what people tune in for.

Nobody tunes, except for I guess some women are tuning in to look at some fucking dresses because that's what they care about because they don't understand mathematics. But that's another thing. That's another issue. Okay? But everybody else is tuning in. I like having fun with equality. Yeah.

But especially on a Patreon. Especially on a Patreon. I'm undecided of where this is going to go because this is a good app. Yeah. I'm undecided. Yeah. Right now you're watching in the process of figuring out whether this is going to be a main episode or a bonus.

Yeah. And those are the best episodes because we're walking the line, baby. We're walking the line baby Call me fucking Johnny Walker What's his name? Cash Johnny Cash Yeah

Johnny Walker Yeah we're walking the line There's three of us in this room If it comes to a split decision We're gonna have Rogan break it Rogan will have to break it Yeah Here's the deal

We should We should record every episode Where we say it's gonna be the bonus Because we always go a little wilder on the bonus Yeah I would do that I wouldn't do that No Yeah because then you's gonna be the bonus because we always go a little wilder on the bonus Yeah, I would do that. I wouldn't do that Yeah, because then you could be gonna be calling your wife asparagus in the public episode again So we don't want that I can't release that clip. No, you can't not unless you want to go home safely That's what I go home. Yeah, baby. He yells at you for going up the steps

So I don't think she's gonna take too lightly when you called her a vegetable. She likes it quiet when our baby asleep Yeah, sure. Yeah runs the house. It It's what it is If you want a successful marriage The old adage is true Just go along with it She's always right And she usually is Women usually are I try to be nice

I try to go along with it I try to bring her cookies She yelled at me for bringing her cookies She was like why are you bringing cookies You're going to make us fat But she ate the fucking cookies That's why cookies are dangerous, because they get eaten. Nobody has the willpower to walk past cookies.

You know, it's funny. I can walk past them. I don't really have a sugar tooth either. Yeah. I can usually walk past them except at night. Because they're just sexy at night. Cookies are kind of like women. Yeah.

They look better at night. night yeah the prostitutes for you yeah i mean you know because women get all dolled up at night they put on those sexy outfits yep so when you're walking like to get to one of my bathrooms in my house there's a there's a you have to go through the kitchen yep and many a nights like you click on like a little nightlight and you just see the box there you're going to take a night piss and it's just harder to resist one cookie yeah you know because there's nowhere to go to you in your ear like the prostitutes hey daddy you want to come along for a ride they go hey daddy yeah what you doing and you're just going because you know other you when you when you're trying to do something on that when you're trying

to avoid doing something unhealthy yeah the only way to do it is and this is what people make the mistake the only way to do it Is to have something Better to do You have to have something Other to do You can't just resist it You can't just go No no no You can't go

No no no no And sit there Because eventually You're gonna do it You know Like if you're A drug addict or whatever You can't just go

No I'm not gonna do coke You better figure out Something else That fills that void That made you wanna do coke Yeah you better be Sniffing fun dip Yeah you better be

Sniffing fun dip Or doing something else. Some people work out until they bleed. They pee blood. Whatever it is to paint over the pain, you better paint over that pain. So the problem is when you're walking at night, you don't have anything else to do except go to sleep or go to the bathroom. Yep.

So you grab the cookie. You grab the cookie. At least I grabbed the cookie. Yeah. I've grabbed those cookies. Yeah. That's what I'm most vulnerable to grab cookies. You choke the cookie. At least I grabbed the cookie. Yeah. I've grabbed those cookies. Yeah. That's what I'm most vulnerable to grab, cookies. You choke it a little bit too?

Yeah. I just, I grab two. Yeah. You smack it around. Well, what happens is you grab one and then you go, oh my God, that was so good. And then you grab two. And then if there's any left, you finish the box. Right?

Okay. Yeah. That's a big step right there. It's a movie I'm writing about Bobby Kelly. So what I'm doing is I'm just workshopping the script that I'm working on for him. It's called Bobby Kelly, Cookies at Night. Cookies at Night would be a funny movie with him just walking by. The whole movie would be him walking by just sweating, trying to avoid the cookies.

Making up excuses to go to the bathroom just to see the cookies like a stalker and then he finally just gives in and he just face fucks him yeah that movie's gonna be a horror movie it'll be a horror movie all right i'm sorry bobby kelly would have loved that so what's your take on this dog you're a young comic in the game yes you're coming up yeah all right i'm very twisted on multiple let's hear multiple friends on this we we're we're happy you guys are tuning in so you can finally get a take on this yes because i don't think i don't think anyone is turning this into content yeah no one is that what our american economy is now only fans patreon and takes on horrible things that happen yes i

think so that's what it is that. That's all it is nowadays. I'm split on multiple fronts. As a black man, I don't want to see two legendary black people go at it. That was not great for the black community. No, it was not great for the black community. The only time I want to see two men in their 50s fighting is if it's on a trailer undercard. Right.

Yes. Right. That's the only other time you want to see that. Yeah, that's the only other time. As a comic, I don't like it because you can't just go up there and smack a comic doing their job right so you have two you're you're exploring this as a comic and also as a young black yes but also as a fan of will smith i understand because with everything that jada put him through with the entanglements with august alcina jaden's uh friend and also her red table talk on the tv, the Facebook, saying how she's not satisfied with Will's sexual actions.

You push a man to a certain point, he can't take it anymore. And with the Chris Rock joke, he has to defend himself to not become another meme. Because, oh, if he's not sticking up for Jada, Jada's going to let him hear it. It's going to end up on a red table talk. And now he's emasculated as a man. So you think that's what happened? It just sort of built up? Yes.

And he projected it on Chris, took it out on Chris. Yes, because he had to defend himself. He had to defend Jada. And he took it. He projected it on Chris. Yes. Yes. Because he had to defend himself. He had to defend Jada. And he had to defend himself from becoming a mean. Right. Or the latter one. And might be a problem. One is that Chris is that Will Smith is secretly gay.

And he has a crush on Chris Rock. I doubt that. Yeah. I doubt that. Yeah. But that's been rumored for many years that he's gay. Everyone who's famous gets that rumor, though. It's hilarious.

Yeah. Have you noticed that? Everyone in Hollywood. It's like, you know, you know, everyone is rumored to be years that he's gay everyone who's famous gets that rumor though it's hilarious yeah you notice that everyone hollywood it's like you know you know everyone is rumored to be gay george cootie i've heard from and then i you hear from people who say they work with me you know but i mean you know are they all gay is everyone gay i've heard matt damon's gay everybody thinks everyone's gay everybody's a little gay everyone's a little tad bit gay a little bit gay some people more than others some people go all the way with it. Some people 1%.

Everyone's at least 1% gay. Yeah, when you shave your beard, you become gay. When I shave my beard, I am a woman. Yeah. I look like a woman. You look like a woman. I look like an overweight woman. Yeah, you look like you're on a PTA meeting.

Yeah, I look like I do comedy in rooms that smell like spilt beer and wet dogs. Yeah, you look like you feature for Tignotaro. Yes, I do. Yeah. Exactly. I look like I perform comedy for people who need it the least. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Which is people... Why does my nose always itch when we do podcasts? I don't know. It's the cedar down here. I need a snooze. Talk to the people for a second.

The cedar down here in Texas, it smells like alcohol. I don't know. My fucking allergies are running wild. And you know what that means? That means I need to take my Claritin. Yeah. You got to take your Claritin or it's just the allergic reaction to the kombucha in the air.

Because this is a hipster neighborhood. Yeah. I need my Swedish snooze to continue this. Yeah. But get it back to it. I do think it comes down to Will defending his honor against the meme, against the world, which was started by Jada. She's the mastermind in this. You know, she has alopecia.

He had to defend her honor. but he was laughing at the joke in the first place. He had alopecia, meaning he had a black girl, a side piece named Alopecia? That doesn't sound like a black name. Like a baby food company. Or like a

region in Montana. Go hike the alopecia Mountains. Yeah, don't go to Alopecia. You won't come back. Yeah. All right. Okay, let's unpack this. Let's unpack this.

A lot of people think that he acted emotionally. Yeah, he did. With no reason. I disagree. I disagree. I think there's reason, but he went over the top emotionally. I think the people who become, this is my take. Go ahead.

People become that big and who are that talented are very aware. Extremely. They're very aware. Yeah. They know how to promote themselves. They know the moment. They know the gravity of the moment. All right.

Will Smith is a planet. Mm-hmm. Let's not mince words will smith is top five most famous people maybe in the world yeah okay he's a a-list top a-list movie star okay there's not many people who are more famous than him i think you have to look to either putin i think putin may be more famous than him. I think you have to look to either Putin. I think Putin may be more famous than him. Yeah. Zelensky's number six.

Zelensky's a flash in the pan. He's like a ball brother. Yeah. He's like the middle ball brother. He's big on Instagram, but it's not going to last long. Yeah. It's actually pretty funny calling him the middle ball brother. Yeah, like he's having a hot moment.

People are talking about what's going to happen. Is he going to make the league? Is he going to win this war? They're studying his jump shot. Yeah, but the other two ball brothers are Biden and Putin. Those guys, we're going to keep talking about them. Zelensky, we're not going to, you know, he's going to be big in, I guess, Ukraine. The G League.

Yeah, which is like, you know, being big in a local comedy scene. So we're talking, both of these people are incredibly famous, incredibly successful, and incredibly beloved. Will Smith even more. Will Smith even more.

Incredibly beloved. He's just coming off of what he knows is gonna be an Oscar winning performance because I hate to break it to you folks, they know that they're winning. The studio knows. It's a big promotional opportunity for the movie.

They don't leave that to chance for Will Smith to go up there and go, oh, thank you. Whenever they're going, oh, I can't believe I won this. They're actors. That's what they do. It's a performance. So you're saying that they need an awards for Oscar acceptance speeches. They do.

They need an Oscar for Oscar acceptance speeches. They do. Yes. They need an Oscar for the acting that they do, pretending like they didn't know they were going to win the award. Yeah. The studios pay for these as well to apply. There's a process. It's not as pure. Of course it's not because it's not a real competition.

Yep. Any competition that's judged by dudes who I don't know who these fucking people are. They're like 85 men that you never see. You know? And it's like, it's not a real competition. You're not watching March Madness. There's nothing pure about this. So he's coming out with this movie, King Richard,

which he knows he's going to win the Oscar for. He's playing someone who might do something like that in defense of his family, right? Which was part of his speech. I'm not saying it was planned i'm saying will smith it was a combination of things it embodied he embodied himself and the character at the time himself in the character because actors are psychotic um i mean whoever can like pretends to be other people you're a little sociopathic yeah if you're not like full-blown sociopath you

have the potential when you're pretending to be someone that good that're a little sociopathic. Yeah. If you're not like full-blown sociopath, you have the potential. When you're pretending to be someone that good, that's what sociopaths do. You know? They lie about who they are. Which is a talent that they cash in on

being, you know, like Daniel Day-Lewis, probably full-blown psychopath. Yeah. And that's fine. You know? That's fine. Race car drivers

are a lot of times psychopaths too because you have to not be able to fear fear to go 800 miles an hour in a fucking Italian car. Yeah, there's got to be something missing. Yeah, there's got to be something missing. So that's fine. That's fine.

I'm not trying to drag him for that. I'm not dragging him. What I'm saying is he understood the gravity of the moment. He knew how to get people talking. He also knew the whole thing with Jada, you know, goes back. Yeah. People talking about them. He also wrote a book where he talks about how he's always felt like a coward.

Sergio Chacon, shout out, told me he read his book just now. And he's always felt like a coward because I think his dad was a little abusive. Yeah, his dad was a military man, would abuse his mom and his family when he was coming up. Yeah, so he says in the book, and I think he carries it even further, that one of the things in his life is that he's always kind of felt like a coward. He's hard on himself for that. Yeah. So I think this was a moment where at first he laughed and he said, wait a second.

I'm just being the Will Smith that I've always been that bothers me. This is a moment for me to go up and hit a much smaller man. Yeah. me this is a moment for me to go up and hit a much smaller man yeah because let's be honest you know if uh joe rogan was hosting he ain't going up yeah he ain't doing he's getting a kick to the chest it's gonna break an organ yeah if it's the rock hosting instead of chris rock he ain't getting smacked yeah if it's serena williams hosting he ain't getting smacked no she's not that's a strong woman yeah okay if it's britney Williams hosting, she ain't getting smacked. No, she's not. That's a strong woman. Yeah.

Okay? If it's Brittany Grineer hosting, he ain't smacking her. He's getting boxed out. He's getting boxed the fuck out. Yep. Okay? So Chris Rock is a tiny little puny guy. Okay?

Even if Dave Chappelle. Dave Chappelle's big. Yeah. He used to be skinny, but now he's jacked. Yeah. All he has to do is breathe in Will's face. Yeah. I mean, it would have been more of an even fight between Dave Chappelle.

Two multi, multi, multi millionaires who don't know how to fight. But at least Will Smith practiced his throw. He played Ali. He knows how to throw a punch. His smack looked pretty good. Now, here's why I think he thought about it. It wasn't just an irrational emotional moment. Because he smacked him.

That takes thought. Yeah. Because if you're angry You're going to punch Yeah I don't think He was going to lay him out On the floor Yeah so he was thinking So that means he was thinking

Like when I've lost it I don't think Yeah I do I lose it And I don't I don't I don't

Rail myself in What's the word I'm looking for Roll myself in I don't Reserve Rear myself in There you go I don't pull myself in Yeah's the word I'm looking for roll myself in I don't uh reserve myself in I don't pull myself in yeah it just didn't you know I was hoping something smoother would come it's all right we're staying next to a community college so their vocabulary rubs off on you exactly

yeah we're right by Austin Community College so I think it was like a marketing chance he talked yeah I think that was very calculated that he smacked him rather than punching him. He got to kill a lot of birds with one stone. He got to like, he saw the moment as, this will be good for the movie, which it is. I want to see it now. Yeah. People are going to talk about it. The Oscars, waning relevance.

Movies, definitely waning relevance. They're not making a lot of money. They're not being viewed as much. Nobody's talking about them as much. That's just a fact. He wants people to see this movie because it's he knows he's winning the Oscar. It's probably one of his best performances He's an amazing actor. Mm-hmm. Will Smith is amazing actor. Yes. He's a talented guy He's a versatile actor can do comedy can do drama has done

Magnum Opus level drama. Yes has action movies will smith's talent is crazy okay the rapping it's low level but it's still he can't he managed to have a hit yeah he managed to have it summer summer summer time yeah you know i'm going to miami it's a shit song going to miami but it you got to know how to sample old beats you know yeah it's only about a level that a rapper can reach if they don't curse. Yeah, he's not. Well, yeah, I mean, that too. But, I mean, he's just not a great lyricist.

He's Bill Nye, the science guy of rap. That's perfect. Yeah. That's perfect. Yeah. That is perfect, actually. I mean, how did you pull that out of thin air as the perfect reference? You know, because Bill Nye is just the guy that everyone can relate to, that you don't hate, that you like him.

Yeah, and he's like kind of a scientist, kind of not, you don't know. Bill Nye just smacked the shit out of Neil deGrasse Tyson, so now we're at a crossroad right now. Yes, yes. He's Bill Nye the science guy rapper. So he's great at everything, dog. And I just think there was a little premeditation in this. He also had time to think when he was walking up. Yeah.

He was also kind of smirking. I think it was a mixture of emotion and premeditation yes now the emotion came out when he sat down because he lets a couple f-bombs off yeah yeah keep your name keep your wife's name out your fucking mouth and chris like i'm going to okay that motherfucker turned effeminate real quick, son. Yeah, I'm going to. Yeah. Now, here's the deal. I don't want to mince words because it's probably going to be a main episode.

I'm loving this app. I don't know. But it is never okay. It is never okay to attack a comedian. We, our job, and also it's not okay to not have security when there's a comedian performing at any club. Yes. And if you're a club and you don't have security or a venue, you're cutting corners because almost never anything happens. But it is the most vulnerable job on the planet. We're up there making fun of people.

People are crazy. And it's expected to go good. Yeah. People get upset. And they take things personally. They take things wrong all the time. It's easy to go good. Yeah. People get upset and they take things personally. They take things wrong all the time. It's easy access, son. We can get knocked the fuck out real quick.

And we're up there alone with a microphone. We're alone. And you give these people alcohol so they can act irrational. And then you throw alcohol in it, which is when most fights happen. Yeah. And you throw in a stale plate of nachos that can get thrown at you. It's just not a good scene. People probably have stomach problems, which is making them irritable because they're eating the cheap fucking nachos.

Yes. And the cheap comedy club food. Yeah. You need security. You don't want to get blinded by a Velveeta. Yes. Yeah. So I give credits to the clubs who have security and the ones that don't.

You're fucking cheap fucks. You're exploiters. Yep. That being said, it is never okay to approach the stage, and I hope nobody glorifies this and tries to recreate the moment, because it did become a big moment. Yes, it did. And it was a bad look for one of the biggest stars of our generation.

I mean, I don't think anything like that's happened on camera. I mean, it's never happened. I don't think so. It's an unprecedented moment. Yeah. So when you really think about it, Chris Rock made the ultimate sacrifice for Will Smith's sanity as a man, as a lover, and just as an overall figure. Because like you said, this is the way that he thought about it. He said, I'm going to stand up right now.

I'm going to smack him. I'm going to get some cred back. I'm going to push away the memes. I'm going to turn people on Jada. Because Jada now said, oh, some cred back, I'm gonna push away the memes, I'm gonna turn people on Jada, because Jada now said, oh, this is a process of healing, and people are like, yo, shut the fuck up, because you pushed him to this point. So Chris Rock kind of really helped Will Smith out

in this situation, you know? Right, and what I also don't hope is because, you know, we live in this era now where nobody has any principles. Nobody does anything for right or wrong. Everything is being done for people's interest. They're so brand conscious in how big it will be. I also hope that we don't see a bunch of

staged incidents like this because, let's be honest, the facts are what they are. Chris Rock's tickets now are going for like 10 times the price of what they were and he sold that immediately. Now when they sell out they're being resold for like 10 times the price of what they were. They sold out overnight. And he sold out immediately. In Boston, yeah. Now when they sell out, they're like being resold for like 10 times the price. Yeah.

So. The Chris Rock tickets are like bread fours. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right now they are. Yeah. They've just, I mean, the market.

So that's a little sad to me too, that people kind of like, we've become like this real housewives audience. Yeah. That loves the drama. I am not. We're only motivated by that. I have tried to that loves the drama. I am not. We're only motivated by that. I have tried to care about this shit. I don't.

I'm not making that up. I don't. I don't care about the Kardashians. I don't care about what happened. Chris Rock doesn't care about me. I don't care about Chris Rock. I don't care about Will Smith. Will Smith doesn't care about me.

Two people had a fight. One smacked one. The only thing I'm concerned with Is like In the future of comedy I hope we don't have any Copycats of this shit Yeah

Nobody was hurt It was a smack When you watch the replay He The wind up looked worse He got him like on the fingers He like kind of missed A little bit

Yeah he smacked him like He offered him a French duel Yeah It wasn't really Nobody got hurt Or anything like that But there's so many things That people are upset about Now Jim Carrey has come out him a french duel yeah yeah it wasn't really nobody got hurt or anything like that um but there's so many things that people are upset about now jim carrey has come out and jim carrey

has really come down hard on will smith he's come down on the people in the audience who were applauding him after he did that he's coming down hard in the academy and him and will smith were friends are friends yeah um probably more closer to the Chris because of In Living Color and things of that nature. So he's friends with both of them. And he's come down hard on Will for this. And he's come down hard on people clapping afterwards. Yeah. Will Smith was partying afterwards.

Like nothing happened. Singing Get Jiggy With It. Also not one of hip-hop's finest moments I mean he's you know there's a couple guys who became great actors who were just really bad rappers first yeah two of those people being Will Smith and Mark Wahlberg yeah okay but I'll say Will Smith's better than Mark Wahlberg. Of course. But that's not saying a lot. Yeah. Even though Mark Wahlberg did have sex with my high school girlfriend.

And he did make the happening. He did make the happening. Yeah. He also did blind an Asian guy. But that was in a former time. You can't mention that because he doesn't identify as that anymore. Yeah. And you can't mention anything prior.

Those are his days. Whatever someone is now, their past is not relevant. Or else you are. Those are his days in Dorchester, those won't count. You're not misgendering him, but you are misrepresenting him. He's no longer a scumbag from the streets of Boston. No, no. He is now Marcus Wahlberg.

And I will fight back. If you see now Marcus Wahlberg and I will fight back Yes, if you see this mark Wahlberg and you get upset want to smack me at the Oscars that I'll never be at I will fight you back. Yeah, you charge the stage. I will fight you back. This is not a challenge. Don't hit me. Yep Don't hit him, but I think Chris should hit him back. I Don't know how you don't, but I give credit to Chris. I give credit to Chris. He handled it like a fucking pro. He handled it like a pro.

His lack of reaction would make people believe that it was a setup. Right. But, like, I think his lack of reaction shows how masterclass he is. He's a professional. I think it shows 30-year chops of a headliner. Yeah. Yeah, because right after he was struggling, it looked like he was at an open mic and a joke just didn't work.

Yeah. He didn't know what to say. He looked to the left or right. He looked to the left like, yo, is that my light? Can you give me the light? He just wanted out of there. Yeah, he wanted out of there.

But he continued. Yeah. He got, he got. And I think it really speaks to how he understood Will's situation. Right. Because when he said the joke,

he said, hey, that's okay. That's all right. That was a nice one. So I think he kind of understood that there was going to be a little bit of turmoil there right whether it was jada and you and chris knows that if jada doesn't like it it's gonna fall on will because of the media outlets and shit like that so i think he kind of knew ah i might have stepped on the line right so was he was he warranting a smack in the face no but could he see it coming I think so

So Chris Rock Really He really kind of Saved Will Smith Right And also Do we have to stop Or are we good

Also Let's not Forget That this is not Where the story starts Unlike Leah Thomas Yep Where her story

Started last year Yep This story goes back And there might be Some relevant factors Unlike Leah Thomas there might be some relevant factors, unlike Leah Thomas. Yes. There's no relevant factors beyond a year ago

to who she is. But this, there are some relevant factors. Chris Rock has made jokes about Jada in the past, one of which was a harsh one. Yeah, 2016 at the Oscars, he made a joke when- She boycotted it. Yeah, 2016 at the Oscars, he made a joke. She boycotted it. Yeah, they boycotted it.

Her and Will boycotted it. And he was like, Jada boycotting the Oscars is like me boycotting Rihanna's panties. I wasn't invited anyway. Great joke. Yeah, great joke. And he said that she's mad that Will didn't get nominated for Concussion.

He said it was unfair. And he goes, it's also unfair that Will got paid $20 million for Wild Wild West. Right. so some shots have been displayed before fired yeah shots shots fired he's taken a few shots yeah he took a few shots but i don't think anyone knew that she had alopecia i didn't i didn't know it either i don't think any of the 20 000 subscribers on the facebook page for red table talk knew either no i think most people didn't know she had propitia yeah i thought she was just trying to emulate tupac because she loved him so much.

Yeah. She can't take a joke. Which is surprising because she seems like such a chill gal. Yeah. I mean, doesn't she just seem chill and easy going? Yeah. She doesn't seem like a handful for Will at all. No, she doesn't. She just seems like go with the flow, very supportive. Yeah, any woman that doesn't take your own last name is gonna go with the flow.

I mean, look, any woman who's gonna fuck your son's good friend is pretty chill. Yeah, any woman that doesn't take your own last name is gonna go with the flow. Yeah, I mean, look, any woman who's gonna fuck your son's good friend is pretty chill. Yeah, yeah. And the only reason I'm saying it is because she told everybody. Yes, she did. She told everybody. Yeah. So she turned their private life, which nobody should know about, into fucking content. Yep.

When she felt her relevance start to slip. Because compared to Will's career, I mean, it's like the difference between the NBA and the WNBA. into fucking content when she felt her relevance start to slip. Because compared to Will's career, I mean, it's like the difference between the NBA and the WNBA. I mean, it's pretty sure the guy's career is like the NBA and her career is like that WNBA. So, you know, her career started to slip in relevancy a little bit. Her kids started getting more famous. Will, again, we all know how big Will is. You cannot get bigger than Will Smithith there who is bigger than will smith it's will smith brad pitt who's bigger leo leo that's as

big as you get yeah yeah they're on the same you know that's the ceiling that's the ceiling dog yeah so she decided to go on some fucking facebook live show, right? Yeah. Like she was goddamn, like she was fucking a podcaster. Yeah, she turned their whole house into a set. Yeah, I mean, it's like she was Kevin Brennan. Yeah. She went on like Kevin Brennan and started ripping her husband, saying he wasn't a good lover. Is that true?

Yeah, saying that the sexual life isn't the same. I mean, Jesus Christ. Had sex with August Alsina, you know. Yeah, and how old was that kid? He was like, I think like 26, 27't the same. I mean, Jesus Christ. Had sex with August Alsina, you know. Yeah, and the kid, how old was that kid? He's like, I think like 26, 27 at the time. At the time he was in his 20s, dog. What is she, a 50 year old, 50? Yeah, she's up there.

She's 50, dog. And it's also Jaden's. Jaden's friend. Jaden's a squeak. Yeah, well, I mean, he's a little guy. He's got kind of ripped now. Is he ripped? Yeah, a little guy.

I mean, you can. I like Jaden. You can fight any kid who wants to cut their dick off. Yeah. Oh, he wants to. Yeah. So, and they're friends, right? Yeah I like Jaden You can fight any kid Who wants to cut their dick off Yeah Oh he wants to Yeah So and they're friends right It was her son's friend

And so she's talking about it On Facebook live Like you can't get You're giving Maybe you're not aware Of how you're You're portraying yourself No you're aware

The wives do that all the time Aisha Curry did it Aisha Curry with her Cooking show Oh yeah she did that shit too Yeah it's real hard To balance a life When Steph gets all the Bitch. Aisha Curry did it. Aisha Curry with her cooking show. Oh, yeah. She did that shit too. Yeah. It's real hard to balance a life when Steph gets all the fame. Bitch, are you leading the NBA in three pointers every goddamn year?

Have you changed any game? No. Have you changed anything besides your shoes when you're going out to whatever event Steph Curry invited you to? Yeah. Have you made everybody want to have light-skinned babies that can shoot threes? No. So shut the fuck up. I mean, can't these ladies just accept the fact that they were chosen by great men

and just deal with it? The only reason why anyone knows who you are, Aisha Curry, is because Steph be fucking draining threes. Yes. Yes. So that's what you gotta do. Steph Curry with the shot. Nobody goes, I should. Nope. Everyone goes Steph Curry with the shot. They don't go Aisha

Curry with the egg break on the pan Yeah, Ayesha Curry with the avocado toast No one says that Nobody says that, it's not gonna be in a rap song No, no So at a certain point you gotta know when your support is needed You don't gotta take the forefront You can sell your own, you have your own business

Supply for the kids, supply for your husband And sell Tummy T and shut the fuck up That's what you got to do. So, it's the talk. It's the talk. Every single podcast, every show. Everybody's talking about it. I mean, how many times, what's been replayed more, you think? The Will Smith smack or the planes going into the building at 9-11?

Yeah. Which I guess Hollywood is such a stupid town, that is the building at 9-11. Which I guess Hollywood is such a stupid town. That is the Hollywood's 9-11. Yeah. It's the only bad thing that happens to those multi-millionaires. Yeah, those are the only two videos that's been played in slow motion back to back to back. Yeah, I can't wait till there's Will Smith slap truthers. Yeah.

Who are like protesting in front of his house. It's a lie. Yeah. The slap was a myth. The only things that have more views than that is a Mr. Beast video or Two Girls, One Cup. That's it. That is it.

That thing has been slowed down. There's already conspiracy theorists. There will never be anything that happens again on this planet that will not come with a concomitant, if you don't know that word, you know what to do. Gets murder. That will not come with the concomitant conspiracy theory. Everything that comes with the conspiracy.

Even people watching this podcast are going, is Jared Chance the rapper? Yeah, yeah, they don't believe I'm black. They don't believe you're Jared Harvin, you're just Chance the Rapper without a hat. Yeah, they just think I soak myself in Hennessy. Would anyone recognize Chance the Rapper if he wasn't wearing a hat? Probably, yeah.

Because when you're wearing a hat, people think you're Chance the Rapper. Yeah, yeah. And I'm not sure if that's racist because the person that did it to you was a black woman. Yeah, she was a black lady. So I don't think it's racist. I think in a hat, anyone who's light-skinned looks like Chance the Rapper. Yeah, you can't get much blacker than that. Black ladies have a chance to rap. You could not get could not get more black she looks like she cooks the whiting

at the church cookout i think she just wanted i think she was jada in you she just wanted to get fucked by a younger guy yeah her husband yeah did we'll watch uh i i think i don't care about people's sex life i I don't care about politicians' sex life. Do what you want, dog. This country has become so obsessed with fucking gossip, which as the great, late Charlie Murphy would say, and I used to love when he said it, he would go, it's real feminine behavior.

He used to say that with such like a, with his new pearly fake teeth. It's feminine behavior. He called it feminine behavior. And there's just nothing, I hate to say it. He called it feminine behavior. And there's just nothing. I hate to say it. Women, respect, respect. But you guys do like to gossip a little bit.

Women are a little gossipy. We'll talk, talk. I mean, can you say things that are generally true anymore? I mean, I know it's a generalization to say that women love gossip. But let's be honest. Men don't pick up Us Weekly. that women love gossip. But let's be honest. Men don't pick up Us Weekly.

The reason why Us Weekly's in business is not because me and you need to check out which celebrities go to the supermarket just like us. Yeah, men don't have notifications on their phone from E! News. No, we don't. We don't sit around and watch anyone talk about people's outfit on the red carpet. Name me one straight guy

who cares about people's outfit on the red carpet. Andrew Cuomo. guy who cares about people's outfit on the red carpet andrew cuomo andrew cuomo that's about it yeah why because he's looking at the yams he's looking at the yams yeah he wants to see the yams he wants as much he wants as much eyeball time on the yams as he can get yeah yeah that's what he wants the kid's gonna try to run again i love it dude it's come out That his book deal The money was all There was something crooked With the money It's come out That the book

Was all stupid Because he killed A bunch of old people With his policies You know At this point The sexual harassment allegations Whether they're true or not

Kind of don't matter Andrew Yeah It's kind of like You fucked up With your COVID policy And you killed A bunch of old people Yeah

You know So you try to run again I give people who are that out of it credit. The deed is done. But Will Smith did get a standing ovation when he won the Oscar after he smacked Chris. So anyone has the opportunity. When you see that, you go, maybe

Andrew Cuomo can win again. If Will Smith could assault someone on stage at the Oscars in front of 10,000 people who were watching at the time. Yeah, that you could just avoid 20,000 older people that died in a nursing home. Doug, how much do you think the ratings spiked up? We're talking about Bobby Kelly's fucking blood pressure numbers.

I mean, it went from pre-meal to post-meal. He had a salad in the morning. His blood pressure was that. And then that smack was Bobby Kelly caving in and eating a barbecue chicken sandwich. Yeah, those Oscar numbers look like COVID numbers in Italy. Yeah, it just spiked like fucking COVID in China. Because your vaccine is from Canal Street, you fucking Eastern Emmys. Your vaccine doesn't work.

There you go. There you go. The people who hate the American vaccine. How about you go get the Chinese vaccine? It's a knockoff. That's why they're having the spike because their vaccine sucks. So you know what I'm saying? I don't even remember what we said because we're having a damn good time in Austin.

I'm moving here. I am moving to Austin. Why not? I identified someone who lives in Austin, Texas. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, who lives in Austin, Texas. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, everyone's talking about this thing. You know, Jada, we wish Jada well.

I know her struggle with alopecia. Yeah. I thought she loved the Oscars. I thought she shaved her head for the Oscars. Yeah. Because she looked like the trophy. I thought she shaved it for you. Yeah. you yeah that might have been the best joke ever about what happened you know if that was a tweet i mean i'm glad it happened on the podcast yeah i mean that's the thing. Did someone try to grab her by accident?

Why did they give Will Smith the trophy if he already had it? He walked in with it. This is the main release. This is the main release. How long have we been going? Our producer today, Davis. I haven't even memorized your last name because your first name is a last name. Yeah.

First name Davis. Is your last name Johnson? What's the last name? Emmert. Emmert? Yeah. Davis Emmert. Great dude.

He filmed my special in San Antonio, which I didn't decide whether it was going to be my special right now. It's probably gonna be my special because who gives a shit anymore? Who gives a shit? That's my special, you're gonna take it. Nobody watches the full hour anyway, but it's a damn good hour, so that's coming out. So check that out. So we're here with Davis Emrit. Every time I just hear Davis, I wanna say Jefferson Davis

because you're from the South. Yeah, yeah. From Texas. But he did, his ex-girlfriend was a black woman. Yeah. Which you knew when we got in his car and he had fucking hip-hop blaring. Yeah. I mean, that kid, he was playing Nav on the way over. I think your ex-girlfriend left her playlist behind.

Yeah. She definitely shared some Spotify playlists in that car. So follow Davis Everett. And he was black because you got a Cadillac. You got a Cadillac too, dog? You got a Cadillac? Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, Jesus Christ. How long have we been gone? 85 minutes. Oh, look at that. We're getting right at the perfect button. So, I mean, we were prepared with so many other stories because I didn't know that this was going to last this long. I'm lying.

I knew we were going to be able to talk about this because there's just so much to talk about. Yeah. knew we were gonna be able to talk about this like because there's just so much to talk about yeah um i think those people in that room a lot of people are blaming the way they reacted i think you can't blame them i think they didn't know what was going on i think there's that moment of shock you didn't yeah it seemed like a bit too because of how fast he turned he was laughing and then he was on the stage within three seconds. Yes. Yeah. I also think that all those people in that room

haven't seen anything real in so long that they probably didn't even understand it because it wasn't on the television. Yep. Like,

when's the last time you think anyone in that room saw any type of violence? Mm. You know? Yeah. It's been a long time. It's been a long time since Ike Turner was alive I'm just trying to go famous people who were

violent yeah I Taylor was violent right yeah yeah he was who was violent who was yeah not many of those people in that room were there at the 2008 mtv music awards yeah no that's where rihanna got beat yeah chris brown was not nobody in that room probably is friends with chris brown no no chris brown another guy who beat the shit out of her, and he's just Chris Brown still. He's like Chris Brown. Well, he took a little bit of a dip. He took a dip, but I mean, there was like photos of it. Like, whatever happened to Ray Rice?

Ray Rice, okay, Ray Rice, he's like persona non grata anywhere, Ray Rice. Michael Vick, I'm a dog lover, I hate what he did. He was fighting dogs, okay? i'm a dog lover i hate what he did he was fighting dogs okay he was fighting dogs i hate what he did but also persona non grata how did chris brown just with picture proof i mean picture proof i mean rihanna dude rihanna looked like she was just on the undercard of like a mcgregor fight Yeah. I mean, the picture did not look good. Yeah, she looks like a peach that fell on the floor in a supermarket. You're coming strong with the analogies

today. Yeah. And how did Chris Brown just continue to be Chris Brown? I think he put out of a hit or two after that. And by hit or two, I mean song. He might have put an extra hit or two on whoever his next girlfriend was as well. Yeah. But yeah, a lot of people in those rooms don't come into contact with anything that might be a real

moment i'm not even talking about violence a real moment and i'm not even sure if that was a real moment like i said i think it was part i don't think actors can turn off that part of their brain where they're kind of like a little performing yeah like shakespeare says the world is a stage yeah and i think for actors literally they take that to their brain where they're kind of like a little performing. Like Shakespeare says, the world's a stage. And I think for actors, literally they take that to another level where they're like, Will Smith always has to be Will Smith. Like just think about being Will Smith for a second.

And this is why I think those guys are always kind of a little premeditated. You're Will Smith, you're Brad Pitt, you're Leonardo DiCaprio, you're whoever is that big. You can never not, you can't have a bad moment. It's like being Obama or it's like being a politician. It used to be, at least. Politicians now just, they get famous off their bad moments.

That's what I'm worried about now because now we're seeing that happen in politics where it used to be like politicians always know, politicians always spoke respectfully. Yeah. Always tried to appeal to as many people as, and now it's like watching Nick Cannon's Wildin' Out. Mm-hmm.

So now, has this happened in Hollywood? Because those two towns are very similar. DC and LA are two power towns that are full of shit. And now you've seen

that trend happen. A lot of optics. Yep. You've seen that trend happen now. The optics have turned a little darker now where in Trump, the Trumpism, Boebert and shouting out in the middle of the president's speech. And people applaud this shit. Listen, it used to be it meant something to have some decorum.

Whether you were right or wrong, you don't just shout some shit out because you're in Congress. You respect the office a little bit Whether you disagree or disagree Or agree with the guy You respect him Even during a war People would unite with their president We're kind of in a little bit of a

I wouldn't say it's a hot war or a cold war I would say the water is lukewarm We're in a lukewarm war right now And people are shitting on Biden Like I don't care if it was a fucking corpse In office I'm supporting whoever the commander in chief is right now Because he's all we got because i definitely don't want him to die right now because kamala will go up there and just laugh when she's asked the question about

what we're gonna do she's gonna be like what happened was because that bitch doesn't know what to do no no so at least this guy's been around these fucking sociopathic killers in office for years yes and he may have a better sense of handling it than her. So he's what we have right now. But nowadays, there's like no decorum in anything anymore. And I'm just scared that this is bleeding into Hollywood now. It's all about the show. Is this the Trump moment for Hollywood?

It's all about the show. Everybody's got to be on. It's like a furnace in the wintertime. That's what it is. Yeah. That might be the name of this episode. I like that. What was it?

Furnace in the wintertime. It's a furnace in the wintertime That's what it is Yeah That might be the name of this episode What was it? Furnace in the wintertime It's a furnace in the wintertime Or I think the episode's gonna be like Was Jada Is Jada the Oscar Yeah Statue Yeah

But we can get demonetized for bullying Yeah we can't do that We'll figure it out But do you think this could Do you know what I'm saying? It's a fluttering of opinion Do you see what i'm like a trend that i see no yeah the trend it's a disturbing trend yeah everyone moves away from the respectable way the conventional respectable way you go into i don't know i don't agree with this i don't agree what's going on so

i'm gonna uh applaud my own opinions i'm gonna put my own opinions out there and you just have a deviation from how society produces itself in a manner that's respectable so yeah you're right i mean we're at the point now where it's like what's her name marjorie taylor green okay whatever swamp she crawled out of this woman is like giving a speech at like a some sort of like buttoned up white supremacy rally right then you got aoc who's just fucking sassy on her gram. It's like why is a congress, no congressperson, it's like when I look at Madonna's Instagram,

it's like why are you on Instagram? Like you're Prince level, dog. If Prince was on Instagram, I'd go like, dog, you don't need to be on Instagram. The people who are on Instagram need a following. You're Madonna. Your tickets are sold. Nobody needs to see you taking a filtered

picture in the bathroom alone as a 62 year old woman wearing fucking snm leather yeah i don't want to see it it is weird it's depressing it is weird it's depressing but instagram is how she adopts black children so that's how she gets to them yeah um you know it's the same thing with like a congressperson like when they when i Like when they do these dunking on people tweets or they get into a Twitter war, I'm like, aren't you a representative of the people? Why don't you act with a little fucking decorum and stop acting like a fucking YouTuber or teenager or TikToker? You're a fucking representative of the people. And now we're having a moment at the Oscars, the most pretentious bullshit but buttoned up event that got very lowbrow. But it was the biggest moment the Oscars has had since Cindy Pontier won an Oscar.

It used to be a very respectable thing. You know, it used to be a very respectable thing. So this may be the beginning of a trend where we see also Hollywood capitulate into this poor type of behavior where long days is where you come for class. It may end up in the future that you come to this show for class. Yes, yes. Because guess what we're not going to do? We're not going to smack each other. Okay?

We're not going to dunk on each other. No, we're not. What else? We're not going to do anything crass. We're going to build. We're going to facilitate with each other. we're not What else We're not gonna do anything crass We're gonna build We're gonna facilitate with each other That's what we do here on Long Days We are of upper class Upper diligence

I mean we have a Brita filter And there's Airbnb Okay We're staring at an Airbnb That was a good price Yes it was a good price And I have my own walk-in closet Yes

And we just had to go buy These microphones from Circuit City Yes I just gotta say something something to Best Buy. Why do you not have microphones, dog? Okay? Yeah. Get some microphones.

All right. This has been long days, and you know what? This week, we're taking a little break from the Patreon. Shout out to all the new members. You will be red next episode. All our small business shout outs. You will be red. You know who they are.

We're skipping a week. I owe you a week. No big deal. No big deal. We're just on the road. We're in Austin, and I'm doing Rogan. He's doing Rogan.