You Are Being Unreasonable - 003 - In which pantsuits are considered and the greatest wizard is discovered

Episode Date: January 25, 2018

This week, we cower as postmen try to deliver post to us, we get our bedsheets all sweaty with fever, and we discover the identity of the Greatest Wizard.

Hello, driving on drugs feels better when their prescription. All I know, the world looks beautiful. The world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day,

when I felt the way that I do right now, right now Hello, and welcome to You Are Being Unreasonable. Hello! It's Helen and Simon here, talking again about people being unreasonable on the internet, specifically on Mumsnet. Mumsnet.com, home of the famous Am I Being Unreasonable Board,

and the famous answer, yes. What have you got for us today, Helen? Well, to begin with, I've got this... Stilted. That was a stilted of me. Never mind. Am I being unreasonable? Primark PJs destroyed my sheets.

I don't normally wear pyjamas in bed, but I've been plagued by insomnia, and having a regular bedtime routine was suggested. A relaxing bath... That's what I said last week. Remember? I had the flu. And I was saying,

Hells, I need routine to get to sleep. That's true. I feel an affinity with this person. Okay, for now you do. So, where I was? A relaxing bath, then taking some time to wind down, not wanting to traumatise DS and his friends with the sight of me and my night dress, nor for the cat to use my bare legs as a pin cushion.

A couple of months ago, I decided to buy some PJs in Primark to wear post-bath before bed. They were great. They looked fantastic, a plain black jersey V-neck top with wide-leg pants with velvet trim. They were comfy. They washed well. no need to iron them, they came out of the washing machine creaseless. My legs have not been scratched to pieces and no one has been blinded by them. All good. Until this week, I've been home alone in bed with flu, with no one else to tackle the laundry mountain after several

sleepless, sweaty nights. I was out of clean nightwear, so I resorted to wearing the Primark pyjamas in bed. The next morning, my beautiful white, 1200 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets have been turned into a filthy looking grey stained mess. I've tried washing them with colour rum remover, but it's done nothing. The stained part is still grey. Not just a bit grey, the same colour as DS's actual grey bed sheets. Am I being unreasonable to think that pyjamas that you can't actually wear in bed without staining your sheets are not fit for purpose?

Three angry faces. There's a lot to unpack here. A lot of it is completely irrelevant as well. I don't know why she talks about scaring her son and his friends. Yeah, that bit was unnecessary. A lot of it was extraneous detail on the pyjamas. Yeah. Like, we didn't need to know all this.

She also makes a point about how they don't crease and you don't need to iron them, but they're pyjamas, so why would you iron them anyway? Am I just a slovenly bitch? I think generally people do more ironing than we do as a couple. By me as a couple, that means Simon. I don't iron. Yeah, that's what I mean. Like, you don't do any ironing, and I do the bare minimum.

Well, I just think... You know my grandma irons pillowcases. Well, that's good for her, but I just think, don't iron your jammies, life's too short. Well, she don't have to. This is the advantage of jammies. Oh, yeah. Is the implication that she was ironing her night dress?

I think so. That's weird. Well, obviously she wears it around her son and his mates. All the time. Or she used to do anyway, so she wanted to look presentable for when she was being a creep. I don't know. Descending down the master staircase at 6pm in her nightress.

I'm imagining it being a nightdress with like a forever friend's logo on it, like a kid would have had in the 90s. Jeremy, introduce me to your friends. I'm also picturing that Jeremy is probably about eight. Yeah. This is just after school. Yeah.

We've fallen down a rabbit hole here. Well, there's a lot of rabbit hole. in her story. So, I mean, I do feel an affinity for this woman because I had flu last week and I was in bed, all sweaty, in my pyjamas, which probably from Primark like this lady, and I didn't ruin our sheets as such. No. But I did request that our new sheets were taken off because I wasn't familiar with them in the same way I was familiar with our old sheets. But this again is an aside. Our sheets, by the way, not 1,200 thread count Egyptian cotton.

Now. But we can't all be as fancy as this lady. No, if any sponsors want to send us some sheets. We'd be happy to talk about how soft and lovely they are. So basically, she bought some pyjamas that she's had for absolutely months. And the colour still seems to run. Yeah, so the problem seems to be that she sweat all through these pyjamas. Yeah, I imagine that's why they've run.

And that's why they've run onto the sheets. Yeah. Really, we can't isolate a variable because for some reason she doesn't appear to have worn these pyjamas to bed until this week when she's swept through them in a fevered dream. So, I think that she was so sweaty that the colours ran, and if something's running after months and months, that's not great. Yeah, I think there's special dispensation for being super sweaty. That's not what clothes are designed for.

You need to go to a special sweaty shop. A sweatshop. Sweaty Betty. If you like. The sportswear shop, Sweaty Betty. Is that a real thing? Yeah. I would have wicked away her sweat.

I don't know how good that is for getting over. Like a sweater? No. A sweats shirt? No. Sweat pants. Like leggings? Sweat pants.

Okay. I think fundamentally the problem here is that she's bought some pyjamas that she doesn't believe a fit for purpose in the first place, hence having them for months and not wearing them. So has the dye come out of the pyjamas? I assume so. I don't think that she's sweating grey dye. So it must be the jacket.

jammies. I don't see how, if you've washed them, at least once. Like, surely they're colour fast at that point, because... That's what I'm saying, it doesn't make sense to me. Sounds like bollocks. Yeah, I mean, I think probably the jammies are crap. They do sound a bit, like that might be the case, but also... I don't think Primac jammies are of the best.

No. But also, I feel like, I feel the sort of person who's got twelve hundred thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. Why didn't you buy your jammies from Marx and Spencers at you? at the very least. Sunk all of money into sheets. Well, that's fair. Spent a small fortune on sheets. I'm all about treating yourself to sheets.

Treat yourself, but still. Well, she's going to have to now, because they're ruined. They're the same colour as the kids' grey sheets? Yeah, just in case you were wondering about her son, he has grey sheets. Why does the boy get grey sheets? I'd have to see his mum in a night dress all the time in front of his friends. Because he's been bad. actually what do you unpack all of this other stuff which is completely irrelevant her question is am i being unreasonable to think that pyjamas that you can't actually wear in bed without staining your sheets aren't fit for purpose that's not what happened and i would say to that if that is your am i being unreasonable no you're not being unreasonable that seems fair yeah but that's not what happened there's all this other stuff going on that just makes me think that she is fundamentally unreasonable yeah it sounds like she wore the pyjamas dozens of times without incident until she got all sweaty and

I bet that when she's not sweaty and fluid, she's always swaggering around with a boa and a large red wine as well. She seems like... In a nightdress in front of... Exactly. Her kids. Yeah, in front of Jeremy's friends. Jeremy, put on the grey sheet tonight. So, do you want to hear what some people from the thread have said and then we'll do our final conclusion? Yes.

My primite pyjamas have never done this. My white company ones have. You've had an unlucky pair. Okay. Um, someone else has said... Who's this person who's buying paedamas from both Primark and the White Company? I don't know, maybe some were Christmas presents. The Primark ones. I meant the White Company ones, but we'll never know. Someone else has given a really long, really detailed thing about how it might not be diet,

might be tiny fibres. I'm not getting into that. Microfibers. Sure. Someone else has said that their DD's boyfriend bought her PJs from Primark. And then in bracket, she said, She says, they're only 16, as if that's somehow, because she's a snob, clearly. Yeah, there's no shaming it. I have pyjamas from Primark.

Yeah, you know, I don't understand the problem here. I sleep in a slovenly grey bed. We've die everywhere. The final word on this seems to be, Primark has its place, but I put it to you that it is not our beds. So, that's someone being unnecessarily haughting. All in all, I think, this poster seems like an unreasonable person, but her actual question, I would say, is not unreasonable.

opinion, then we'll move on. Yeah, the question as it's posed is not unreasonable, but that's not what happened to her. Yeah, okay, well... Can't this go dragging Primark's name through the mud? Plenty of other ways to do that. Okay. The aforementioned sweatshops. So, question, is she being

unreasonable, or is she not? She is. She is, okay. But the question that she's posed is not. Okay. You look exasperated. A little. Let's move on. Am I being unreasonable? Postman trying to open my front door. Postman just tried to open my front door, when an item wouldn't fit in the letterbox.

He hadn't even knocked. I could see this happening from inside, and I opened the door. I asked him if he was trying to open my door, and he said he was only going to leave the item inside the door. I said I didn't think he should be trying to open people's doors, and he got a bit shirty. Is this a thing? I don't know him, and he is not a regular posting. In fact, the postman in this area changed frequently. It just made me uncomfortable.

Does your postman slash woman do this? this. A boost for gender equality there. Yeah. I'll start by saying that this person, the O.P, has more social confidence than I think I will ever have. So I think if the postman were trying to open my door, I wouldn't open it and confront them. I'd hide. I would, yeah. I'd hide in the other room and wait for them to go away. That is exactly what I would do as well. I'd see them through the kind of I imagine frosted glass of this house and I'd stand stock still so it doesn't well that's not going to work because the door's going to open this is the worst situation imaginable so yeah I can just meekly say excuse me what I'm picturing is this is this must

be a porch door right because if it's not a porch door who the hell tries to open a door but the other thing I have noticed is she seems to be someone who knows who the postman is like she knows that she doesn't recognise him and that they change frequently so maybe it is somewhere very small and very insular and very scary where everyone knows everyone's damn business and maybe in that sort of community the postman would think well she'll probably want me to break into her house to leave her post here well because you know I don't think it's breaking in just open a door is it I don't know, if someone just opened our door and came in and put stuff down, then left quietly.

I think I would consider that a breaking. That's the opposite of a breaking, because you've gained stuff. You've gained the knowledge that someone has been in your living space when you weren't there, or when you were there but you were hiding behind a table or something. Yeah, and the post. Hmm. That's the opposite of a burglar. Anyway.

Someone came in and festooned the living room with glorious lights. No, I've not. That would be creepy. She never explicitly says it's a porch. That's my issue, because if she said it was a porch, I'd be like, this is fine. Like, yeah, that's a great place to leave your parcel. Yeah. But because she doesn't...

We have to assume her house opens onto the street. Yeah, and some houses, you know, like the living room opens directly onto the street. There's no little hallway, there's nothing. It's just the street, and then one door, and then there's your sofa, but you're hiding behind. Yeah, pretending you're not in. Yeah. Anyway, I think... Assuming it's a porch, I don't really see the...

issue. If it's not a porch, then I think the postman's in the wrong. When did it become unacceptable to knock on doors and just ring the bell? Because these delivery companies, you know, they say they've been, but they haven't. They haven't room the bell and they haven't tried to deliver. Yeah, and then they send you a thing saying that your property is inaccessible. Yeah. What are you on about? You didn't even try. I was home all day. Yeah. The doorbell works. Just give it a go. I don't know, but I have noticed that, um, On other threads I've looked at for this very podcast, there seems to be a real belief that someone knocking on your door

is the most audacious fucker out there. You need to put them in their place by ignoring them and then writing an angry thread. It's tough, isn't it? As a millennial, I would never knock on someone's door. Wow. I would text them and say, I'm here. Someone was expecting me, or would knock on their damn door?

No, I think even so. But what if because they're expecting you? They've put their phone down somewhere. Because... They've got their podcast laying in the kitchen, but then they're wondering about... Because of the aforementioned social anxiety, I think whenever I go to someone's house, no matter how many times I've been there, there's always lingering fear that I'm actually at the wrong house. And I'm knocking on the wrong door.

And the person who opens the door won't be, my friend, it'll be someone else. And I'll have to explain why I'm knocking on their door. It's just a friend you haven't met yet. No, it's not. It's a stranger. Oh. You shouldn't talk to strangers. Okay. So no matter how confident I am, there's always the doubt that I'm at the right place.

It's safer to have the other person open the door. It's safer to just try to open the door and walk in with the parcel. No. No. What I'm doing there is highlighting that we've gone off topic again. No matter at hand is whether or not this postman is a baddie. Do you want to know what people on the thread have said? Mm-hmm.

The thread does not seem to agree with me. He's your postman, not a safe, relax. My Posty does this, no biggie. If you're that bothered about people trying their lock on your door, then maybe you should lock it. That's a good point. Well, actually, the OPE comes back and says, I just lock the door.

Oh, so the doorman was, the person was just trying it. Yeah. Just jangling the lock. Yeah. Like a murderer. That sounds really frightening. Yeah, people seem to think that there's something really wrong with this woman because she doesn't want someone jangling the lock

to try and leave a parcel inside her house. And for all we know, it may well be, her door opens directly into the living space. Yeah, I very much think the door, the postman should have knocked. I'll talk to the doorman. The door, oh. Maybe there's a doorman.

Some people are getting really shirty with the OP. How dare the postman tries to deliver your post the first time and quickly? He didn't knock. No, I don't think this woman's unreasonable at all. What do you think? No, I think the postman's in the wrong. Okay. He should have at least knocked once, rang the bell.

texted her, ideally. This is why I get everything delivered to lockers, so I can go get it, because I don't want anyone coming in my house. So, I'm going to give you two thread titles here, and we can decide which of these we're going to do as our last one. It's exciting. Before our speed round. Can do them both.

They're quite long posts. Am I being unreasonable to ask you to help me dress Dee Dee Dee? As we've said before, that is Dear Daughter or Darling Daughter. sure, it doesn't matter they mean the same thing. That's one of the options. The other option is, have I just been mocked? Mocked. Mocked. Am I being unreasonable? Have I just been mocked? Was on a call about our broadband, was told twice what a wonderful lady I was and how it had been such a pleasure to talk to such a wonderful lady as myself. And if the rest of his customers were like me, he'd be very pleased. I was also asked twice to forgive him for

sounding awkward as he has a cold. Oh, and also, I was told after all this that what guaranteed 30 MbPS means is they'll try their hardest to get you within 70% of that. I don't understand why this woman thinks she's been mocked. Presumably because she's not a wonderful person and knows this. There are two options here either. She knows that she's a piece of shit and she's like, well, why do you keep saying I'm wonderful? Or she agrees that she's wonderful and she wants everyone to know that this man has said that she's wonderful. when she's come on here to do, as Mumsnet call it, a stealth boast.

Yeah, I think there's something of the stealth boast about this. Like, oh, I was on a call and he kept saying I was wonderful. Little old me. I've had nice interactions with our broadband provider. If you ever gone on the internet and made a thread about it. I have not. I've just, you know, enjoyed it, smile to myself. Yeah, I mean...

I was once talking to our broadband provider for a while about video games, and we talked about Bloodbourne into the game for the PS4 and we had a great old chat about it and then he tried to seg you awkwardly into well with this new broadband package you'll be able to play online faster but we were both aware that BloodBarn's not online multiplayer we both knew that it was really awkward

it does sound awkward poor guy was only trying to do a job though I suppose there's a kind of multiplayer it doesn't matter I suppose from that story, that sounds like quite a natural interaction, whereas I guess this man, laboring it about how she was wonderful, does sound a bit stilted, and maybe it would sound like you're taking the piss. I guess, like, if you came in and you'd, I don't know, just been telling

me about your day, and then I was like, well, that's wonderful, you're wonderful. Well, that sounds sarcastic. That's all in the tone. Okay, how about, that's wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. Maybe if someone just says wonderful that many times, it sounds fake. so wonderful to me. Maybe this poster should have got into an in-depth chat about something else. What was the bit about 13 megabytes per second? Yeah, so guaranteed 30 megabytes per second means they'll try their hardest to get you within 70% of that.

Yeah, that's right. They can't actually guarantee 30 megabytes per second. Her issue is, I don't know why she brings that up. Is this why she thinks she's being mocked? Maybe she was being mocked. I've come right around on this. Really? Yeah. What, you think the person on the phone thought that she was a bit dim?

Yeah. I don't know. Just dim people can be wonderful. Yeah, of course. We're not bigots. We're not bigots. Heaven forbid. I don't, I think it just sounds like a slightly crap call centre script. Do you think he was mocking her then?

I don't think this person's wonderful anymore. Oh no. Why? What's she done wrong? I think I'd struggle to get that across if I were a Colson to worker. What's she done to, or he, done to make you think they're not wonderful? Why don't anything wrong? No.

Unreasonable. Okay, I... So we do the dressing up one? Yeah, let's do the dressing up one. So there's a lot going on with the dressing one. Let me just take a moment to read through it and then we'll get there. Okay. Am I being unreasonable to ask you to help me dress D-D?

daughter, darling daughter, whatever. My DD is 14 and would definitely describe herself as a tomboy. Her outfit of choice would be dark skinny jeans and a black oversized hoodie. She has short hair, wears sneakers and rejects utterly anything feminine. Normally, I am perfectly happy with her style choices. I want her to be herself and be comfortable with what she wears. However, D.H. and I are renewing our wedding vows next month. It is a It's a very special day and I want everyone to look smart. We went shopping this morning for outfits. I had already resigned myself for the fact she wouldn't wear a dress.

I haven't seen her leg since 2014, but I didn't think it would be so hard. Nothing I picked out was right and she would choose nothing. Eventually we settled on a dark navy trouser suit which she consented to try on with a few different tops. In the changing room she took ages to change and then when I asked to see she was standing there looking in the suit but crying her eyes out when I asked what was wrong she said she felt too feminine and not like her we figured out it was the top that she really hated and after discussing what she would like I found her a wrong neck top to wear underneath the suit outfit purchased she looks more like she's off

to a funeral now rather than a vowel renewal though when we got home I couldn't stop thinking about it a big part of me just wants her to wear what she likes and be comfortable on the day I want her to be able to express herself as she sees fit but there's another part of me that just wants to say to her it's only one day please dress smartly don't want to fall out with her and I can't explain why this is so important it just is help so there we go I like to imagine the daughter going into the changing room as a kind of you know tomboy look quite short black hair putting on the pantsuit and coming out with a perfect Hillary Clinton bob just completely transformed and weeping

We've been, what? I thought you were going to say coming out and, I don't know, like taking her hair down and shaking it out, taking off some glasses and suddenly being the hottie for every film from the 90s. No, because now she's just like Hillary Clinton in a sensible navy pantsuit. Right, so there's various things here to break down. Firstly, she's 14, so I get that it's a special event, but maybe. Maybe she should have just been left to pick out some stuff and then run it by her mother rather than having this whole ordeal.

14's old enough to pick out your own clothes. Yeah. I mean, when you were describing how the deedy is dressed, that's just how I'm dressed. Yeah, fair. Yeah. The weird bit where she says that she hasn't seen her daughter's legs since 2014. I don't know, it feels like... It's the opposite problem to the lady with the night dress.

arguably her son's seen way too much of her legs well yeah but the fact that she brings up that she hasn't seen her daughter's legs since 2014 makes me think that she's not this cold non-judgmental woman that she's trying to make out she clearly cares no obviously thinks it's some sort of crying shame a clear skew towards traditional femininity absolutely yeah

you know a dress perhaps not a pantsuit is just a compromise oh yeah then she goes on to say nothing I picked out was right and she would choose nothing It sounds like you've already put so much pressure on this whole shopping trip that you were doomed to fail really, weren't you? Then she says, oh, she took ages to change. Again, I don't know why that's a problem. Because she was doing her hair in the Clinton bubub.

There's just a lot going on that makes me think that really this woman was never going to be happy with anything her daughter wore. I don't know. Why are they even renewing their vows? What's the point of that? I suppose what's the point of anything? I don't know. Maybe they've had a rough patch.

Oh no. I hope that they weren't having a rough patch because endsing their daughter's legs and the stress of it was making them... It was tearing them apart. Oh shit. This was the reason for the rift in their relationship. Oh no. Right, and then can we just go back to what the daughter finally picked out?

But they finally pieced it together. Now it's time to renew their vows in front of God and man and the daughter. Right, so she's wearing this suit. She looks stunning in this pantsuit. Like Hillary Clinton. But she's wearing a nice blouse like Hillary Clinton. Like Hillary Clinton. And she hates it, so then she puts on a roll neck top,

and now apparently it looks like a funeral outfit. Now, surely the roll neck top could have been in a light colour, and it wouldn't have looked like a funeral outfit. That seems like one option. What's a roll neck? Is that like a turtleneck? Yeah, I guess so, yeah. So she looks like Steve Jobs in a puntsuit.

Yeah, now she's dressed like Steve Jobs at this point. Okay. But if that was like a white roll neck with a navy suit, that doesn't sound like a funeral outfit at all. No. No, I guess I assumed it was a black turtleneck like Steve Jobs. Well, yeah, I mean, what, I think it probably is a black turtle neck like Steve Jobs, but I don't understand why they didn't just have a bit more of a chat about the colour of the roll neck.

Was a roll neck acquired in the same shop? Yeah. Hmm, I should get some pyjamas while they're there. Just in case. Some pyjamas that don't run. These are different people. These colours don't run. This isn't one woman's online diary.

I've completely misunderstood the premise of this podcast. She didn't wake up, see that her sheets were... ruined, have a postman try to break in, then have to take her tomboy daughter to buy an outfit for a vow renewal. I thought all these episodes we've just been doing the continuing adventures of one woman. No, no. There's a various women. Huh. I know. I thought it was mum net. Mumnet. The adventures of one mum. Mum. Dot net. Yeah. Hello, I'm the mum. My daughter can't look where I can't pull off a pantsuit. So, yeah, I don't know, I feel like...

So what? She's 14. I don't know why the mother had insisted on making them do this big ordeal of a day. I think they need to go to some vintage shops and find something old school, but funky. Are you saying this based on the fact that her first outfit sounds like what you wear and you are looking for a vintage suit to wear to your own wedding? So you assume that this 14-year-old girl has the same tasting clothes as you? and just needs a nice, I don't know, thin white duke look.

Too close to the bone, hells. Too close. You're really over-relating to this 14-year-old girl, aren't you? Yeah. So the people on the thread have got some opinions, of course. I know what the 14-year-old girl should wear. Go on. Like, don't tell the mum, just rock up on the day.

Full wedding dress. I don't think that's going to make anyone happy, is it? No, it's going to completely ruin the day. It is. And the 14-year-old girl clearly doesn't want to wear Even a nice blouse was too feminine So I don't think a full wedding dress is going to do it for her She don't have to show her legs

Unless it's one of those short wedding dresses So yeah, what are people What's the consensus on what So some people have said how about You get her some black skinny jeans And a nice smart top And she could wear that rather than A suit

Someone has said Why doesn't she get a nice blouse As if they're illiterate and didn't see that she cried when she had a blouse. Only because she was just entirely like Hillary Clinton. And who wouldn't cry? Someone else has suggested a crisp white shirt with some red shoes, which seems really specific.

It needs more detail as well. There's no trousers. No, I think they're saying the same suit, but with a crisp white shirt and red shoes. They're not saying... The difference does that make? El. No, that's just garnish on the salad of the suit.

Someone's told some irrelevant story about wearing a cropped-top and leggings to a wedding. I don't know what that's about. Um, yeah. Someone's saying, how about a blazer over regular jeans and a clean, clean trainers? Clean trainers, that's the answer. It sounds like they're renewing the vows, partly so that children can be involved in the ceremony in a way they might not have been when they were first married. That's a big, generous leap you've made. I think.

They should all wear the same. Like they're all wearing the same suit. Okay. I think that's a bald look. It's happening next month though, so I don't know if they're going to have time to do that. Hmm. Yeah, I need some tailing probably. Right, and then this person has said something that's make any sense at all. I think you're right to compromise on a smart suit slash polo neck,

but your D-D needs to get over herself and understand it isn't actually about her. It's about her mum and dad renewing their love for each other. Looking smart isn't necessarily about looking feminine. Well, I don't... That's the daughter's point. Yeah, isn't it? It is. But, you know, there's always someone who's quick to get in

to have a dig of teenagers needing to get over themselves if they've forgotten what it's like to be 14. Being 14 is rubbish. Being 14 is rubbish at the best of times. That alone you're going to have to go out dressed like Hillary Clinton for all your elderly relatives to coo over you at a pointless event that doesn't need to happen.

Yeah, it does sound a bit rubbish. So, yeah, all in all, I think There's no being, no, am I being unreasonable to this really? It just says help. She says help and I'm saying, no. No, you don't deserve my help. Precisely. You're unreasonable.

Don't dress your daughter up like Hillary Clinton. She didn't even win. Okay. I've got one other one that I'd like to do before a speed round. It's a very quick one. It's almost a speed round. All right. Am I being unreasonable?

Wizards from our childhood. I told my DD there was a wizard from my child. ordered Ali Bonga. Did I get it right or not? She thinks Harry Potter's the best one ever. Is there, I imagine that we fall in the generation gap between this woman and her daughter, so I don't know who Ali Bonga is. Isn't that what they drank in the Congo? Well, that's Mbongo. That's different. Allie Bonga. Interesting. And then loads of responses just say things like Cat Weasel, Wissorra.

Wizzardor was a witch. Well, she's got wizard in her name there, hasn't she? this bit Gandalf It's great It's just a list of wizards I was going to say Gandalf is the best wizard Yeah

Gandalf the Grey You got a bit sanctimonious When he came back It's Gandalf the White Oh did he Yeah I see I think this needs a kind of

Wizard Battle Royal Yeah Yeah And so it's tough to say Because like Voldemort's a wizard Voldemort versus Cat Weasel Go Yeah

Voldemort would just kill him Hey This is it And like Gandalf The Grey is a great wizard, but he wouldn't just kill Voldemort, and Voldemort would just kill him. Okay. Now, this is tough.

It's a tough question. Ali, Ali, Bunga. Ali Bonga. Ali Bonga. It's like, have you heard of Shazam? Shazam, the wizard? No, Shazam the genie. No.

Shazam's a film that people believe exists, but doesn't. Or maybe it's Kazam, that's the film that you... People believe that this film exists where Shaquille O'Neal plays a genie. The Simbad Jean, maybe Shazam is real, and we have proof? No, it's not. They have proof! No, because they think... Collegehumour.com have proof.

They don't. They're thinking of another film with... Did you say Simbad? With Shaq. Where Shaq's a genie. Oh. Maybe this Ali Bunga is the same thing. Should we look up Ali Bonga?

Also, I've got to point out, the OP never asks who people's favourite wizard is. Everyone's just piled in to talk about Catwee's on. The OP doesn't give a toss. She just wants to check that Ali Bonga exists. And apparently, it's actually Ali Bongo, and he's a British magician. A British magician. That's what Google says. Hmm, well, this sounds...

Ali Bongo was a British comedy magician, and the president of... The Magic Circle. That's not a wizard. No. No, it's not. That's not a wizard at all. Rincewind is another good wizard from Terry Pratchett. It means nothing to me.

Classic wizard, mate. Classic wizard, I see. I mean, he was bad at being a wizard, but that was the comic conceit. Oh, okay, no, someone said Ali Bongo is married to Victoria Wood, and someone else has said, no, Victoria Wood was married to the Great Suprendo. What are all these magicians? Magicians and wizards aren't the same thing. And so on this basis, they're being unreasonable because they're different things, aren't they?

You know what? It's funny how Americans all seem to know clowns, the names of clowns, from their youth. Yeah, that's... And I think the British equivalent is magicians. Like stage magicians. Because there's that clown... What's the name of that clown? Bonzo or something?

I don't know. They joke about it in Seinfeld. Anyway, I think the British equivalent is these terrible stage magicians who are... The only magician I remember from my childhood is Suti. Yeah, Suti's not a wizard. He was a magician. Yeah. Anyway, so this person has...

It's a fine line, though, really. Telling their daughter about Ali Bonga, and then it turns out that the name's actually Ali Bongo. So their question, am I right? No, you're not right. You got a vow wrong. No. And everyone who's just posted saying,

Cat Weasler, nothing else. You need to do something else with your evening. Yeah, Ali Bonger is... Not a wizard. Not a person. It's Ali Bongo. They were a magician and Gandalf is the best wizard. No one asked to the best wizard. Okay. Should it speed round? Gandalf. Speed round. Am I being unreasonable? No nuts on a flight as one person has an allergy.

Yes. Am I being unreasonable to tell women to get married before they have babies? Yes. Let me find some more. Sorry. Am I being unreasonable to ask if he is single? No? Am I being unreasonable? Red sauce? You mean ketchup? No.

Am I being unreasonable to buy a diesel car for our family of five? Uh, no. Environmental considerations, I guess. Uh, am I being unreasonable? Cats waking me at night. No. Am I being unreasonable to be alarmed that the teacher called a child a twat at school? Yes.

Yes, they're being unreasonable. to be alarmed? It just happens. It happens all the time. These snowflakes can't handle being called a twat. I know this is a speed round, but quick anecdote. When I was in primary school, one of the teachers wrote the word twat on a little boy's head in what turned out to be permanent marker. That didn't happen. It did. He got suspended. The little boy? Oh, he really was a twat. No. The teacher. You meant to write twit, but you got... I mean, you messed it up, so it got carried away.

This is supposed to be the speed round, but I just want to bring you this weirdly reasonable response. Hmm, it is inappropriate, but I think it's mitigating the word has completely different connotations depending on where the teacher is from. More like, you dingbat rather than you cunt. So there we go. You dingbet?

I mean, I don't know that it's really okay. It's called a Kid a Dingbat. But it is better than calling them a cunt. That's about it from us for this week. Yeah, let's leave it there. Let's stop it right there. Thanks for listening.

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Thanks. Bye. Bye.