You Are Being Unreasonable - 004 - In which we split the bill and then the New New World Order is unmasked

Episode Date: February 1, 2018

"Next thing you know you're drinking a flaming glass of milk." In this episode, we explore clichéd mother-in-law drama, the social anxieties of going to a pub, and we uncover the secrets of the New New World Order.

Hello, driving on drugs feels better when they're prescription. All I know, the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day when I felt the way that I do right now. Hello.

Hello, it's Helen. And Simon, we're here with your favourite podcast about people not understanding normal social norms. It is, you are being unreasonable, in which everyone is being unreasonable. Yep, Hells has bravely dived into Mum's Net once again to fish out the best cases of people not understanding how to behave. Secretly, I quite enjoy doing this, so it's fine. Thanks for indulging me. Um, okay, I've got some ones to get into detail with, to begin with. They are trivial as hell.

Shall we begin? Let's go. Okay. Am I being unreasonable, drinking in a pub? I haven't been out to a pub in years. I'm going to one this weekend. Am I being unreasonable to ask what you like to order to drink? I need ideas so that I know what I'm doing when I get there.

I think this is fine. I have social anxiety, and I tend to plan things in advance. So I would be this person if I hadn't been in a pub in a while. Oh. So whereas I think, well, you know what you like. Why do you want the internet to tell you that you have to have, like, I don't know, some sort of shitty cocktail when you could just be like, I for one quite enjoy wine.

I will order a nice glass of wine of whatever colour you prefer. What if that's not done in the pub you're going to? What if it's like a specialist bear pub with, you know, full of grumpy old men and you order a pino grigio and everyone, the music stops and the entire bar turns around, the record scratches and the entire bar turns around to look at you? I can't help but feel that that is then very much on the people that she's gone to the pub with rather than her, because if they've said, I know it's been, I don't know, a decade, but come to the pub tonight. and then they've picked a really niche very unfriendly working men's club I think... Oh yeah, it's a real roof. I think that's on there.

You know, there's some bikers in the corner. We don't know enough at this point about the OP to be sure that maybe she'd prefer that. Maybe they're going to a lovely cocktail bar and actually she just wants a pint of bitter. Whereas I imagined an American kind of roadside bar with motorcycles parked out front. Yeah, no, I can picture that.

Some guys ready to cause start trouble. I mean, I know that mum's that is a big site with a lot of users, but I imagine that every single person who ever posts on Am I Being unreasonable just goes to All Bar One. Not the respondents, necessarily, but all the posters, but that's really unfair of me, and it's very snobby, and there's nothing wrong with All Bar One, they do a lovely brunch. But I kind of picture that she's probably going to All Bar One. Is it true that All Bar One does a lovely brunch? We've been to an All Bar One for brunch, and it was lovely. You know, Weatherspoons reportedly do a lovely breakfast. So between these various chain pubs, I think you could have one hell of a meal, one hell of a day's meals.

I suppose her problem though is it shouldn't they want to have to drink. Yeah, yeah, this is bringing us back to the topic at hand. Eggs Benedict, but what will I have to drink? The answer, I suppose it's just... Bloody Mary. Yeah. I reckon she should just see what her friends order, unless none of them have been to a pub for 10 years, and then no one can judge her, so whatever.

Yeah, this is the key in this kind of situation. Let your friends go first. And then just saying, that sounds nice. Yeah. That sounds good, I'll have that too. Unless one of your friends is like a real wild card who thinks they're wacky and they're like, you know, whenever I come to the pub, I order a flaming sambuca and then get new friends. Wow, it's a tall order.

Well, I don't know. I can't really see what the am I being unreasonably is. She says, am I being unreasonable to ask you? you what you like to order to drink. And I feel like the answer is, yes, you're being unreasonable. Just do what your pals do. I don't know. No, absolutely not.

It's fine to ask and get an idea of what other people do. Shall we see what the respondents do? Please. So. I have a gin and tonic. Let me see. So someone said what sort of pub is it, which I think is a fair question. We've already covered that.

Someone said Malibu and Coke, so they are unreasonable. someone said beer obviously but beer is quite a broad church so that's not really the helpful response you think it is because if you go to the bar and order a beer unless you are in a soap opera that is meaningless this reminds me of when I first you know started drinking beer and going to pubs

and I didn't know the difference between different kinds of beer so I didn't know what to ask for you can't order a beer so yeah you know if I had just gone up to the bar and ordered a beer that have asked me for specifics

and I'd have been so anxious I'd have run out of there Yeah be a slim and shaped hole in the wall But, you know I was never, you don't get taught at school The different kinds of beer Which is understandable

I'm still hard pressed I don't think I could tell you the difference Between an ale and a bitter Well, they're equally delicious But it depends what mood you're in I think both will not be delicious for me Well fair But yeah, I wouldn't know

So that advice, to just order a beer, is completely useless. That person is being unreasonable. Yeah. Yeah, of course. The thing is to look at the taps when you're going. To look at the taps and look for the word laager. I like to look for the one that is lowest in volume, so that I don't inadvertently get very drunk.

Because I really like a nice, you know, I like a nice ale, but sometimes they're like 6.5%. And the next thing, you know, you're much drunk and everyone you're with, and it's really awkward. So, like, have a look at the chap, see what looks a bit like it might be nice, and then pick the one that is lowest volume. That's where I stand. I think I'm just always intimidated by bar people.

They're really friendly, usually. Yeah, I mean, I've had good interactions in bars. I just am afraid of saying the wrong thing and exposing my ignorance. I said I like a gin and tonic, but if they ask what kind of gin, I freeze up. I go stock still, like a rabbit in the headlights, and hope. They don't see me. Our local always says what kind of gin, and if it's me ordering, and it's for Simon while I'm ordering my lowest volume ale, I just say, house, as if house gin is a thing.

Yeah, exactly. I don't know. But then I follow it out with, it's not for me, and that somehow makes me feel okay. So, anyway, the posters have said, Crem de Mont, Absinth, Absinth, a Snowball. I feel like they're not taking this woman seriously. No, we don't get Absinth. There's a lot of suggestions for absinthe. And then someone else has said, maybe go to Aldi first.

I'm not really sure why. Then someone else has listed every possible type of red wine, but they haven't made any suggestions. They've just said these are the types of red wine that exists. Just get house. Yeah. Oh, someone said a flaming sambuca. And someone said half a pint of milk.

And on that, I feel like there are times where maybe you definitely are being unreasonable to ask, and that is one of these times. because no one's going to help you, they're just going to mock you. And next thing you know, you're drinking a flaming pint of milk. Jeez. Yeah. Awful business.

I don't think milk could even set on fire. Well, we'll try that after we finish recording. Shall we move on? Yes. Was that one being unreasonable to ask? No, not at all. Were the posters being unreasonable to tell her, absent, cremdement, flaming sunbaker and milk?

Yeah, I don't think any of those are good suggestions. Good. As long as someone's being unreasonable, I work here, it's done. Next up. I feel like it's sort of related, but it's not really that related. Am I being unreasonable? Should men pay for dates or at least offer to pay? This is a subject I have a lot of mixed feelings about really.

On one hand, I can see it's not fair to expect the man to pay. If he was going on many dates initially, he'd be severely out of pocket. But my experience of men who don't at least offer to pay is that later on they generally seem very tight. On the other hand, I'm very bit off by men who make huge grand gestures. What of your experience has been? I get the impression this woman kind of thinks that all men in one way or another are in the wrong, and that's fair and relatable and not unreasonable. But she's narrowed it down to a very specific set of circumstances

in which they can't win but she has chosen to spend time with them, and now I'm not really on her side anymore. So a fairly heteronormative question. Well, yeah, I mean, I'm guessing. What happens when two men go on a date? Well, I suppose they have to keep offering to pay at each other. Back and forth. Like old Irish women do to each other.

You know. Or trading blows, like, you know, when you meet your exact double and you're fighting them. And you can't land a punch because every punch they do blocks your punch. I do have friends who always want to pay when we go out and then I always try to pay. And maybe this is where my old Irish women comes from. Because you're only friends who are old Irish women. Well, precisely. Friends who have come from a heritage of old Irish women where we go out and then we're like,

no, I've got this one, no, I've got this one, no, I've got this one, no, I've got this one. And it gets really boring. So maybe that's what this woman thinks gay guys or men who date men who are not gay but are into that. Do? I don't know. I think they both just reach for their wallets at the same time. As if they're like going to draw their guns. Yeah, like a Western draw. Well, that sounds like much more fun than her just sitting there judging anything that this man does.

So the question is, should men pay for dates? Yes, that is the question. And the answer is no. No. Whoever wants to pay should pay. Part of what she says is should they at least offer to pay? And I feel like that is true. Well, yeah, but everyone should offer to pay.

But every person on the date should offer to pay. if I were on a date and someone offered to pay I would say oh no I'll get this and then we would reach a decision based on who was more insistent or we'd split it and that'd be fine but yeah I don't know what she doesn't seem to say what she would do if they

offered to pay but didn't insist I don't know whether she'd then judge them but she seems to think that a man who doesn't offer to pay for a date then turns out to be tight but I think that is not about being a man that is about being a person I offered to buy you a drink on our very first date I am okay thank you all by my own

and then my brain said I hope I didn't say that loud to you I'm not going to owe you anything thanks I'm pretty sure you did say that oh it's fine he still asked me to marry him apparently you can be that aggressive I didn't want to owe him anything at that point

yeah so to be clear you're not marrying me because you owe me a beer exactly them's the rules We've gone off topic. Massively. Yeah. So, I don't know.

What, what, what? I feel like she thinks that as a rule, men should offer to pay for the entire date. She doesn't seem to mention the idea of splitting it. And it sounds to me like she would not offer to split it. Is that called going Dutch? It is, yeah. Why is that? The Dutch big proponents of splitting the bill?

I don't know. They seem fairly sort of modern, don't they? The Dutch? Widmills. Yeah, they've got quite progressive views on, like, weed and sex work. True. I don't know. I've not been on a date in Holland.

Can't tell you. So what do other people think? Other people. Go harvors? Yep. Go dirt. Yep. Someone else says,

I think the traditional rule has been that the person who does the asking should pay. That's a good rule. But then, someone else has said, by which you mean the man pays, as if a woman can never ask a man on a date. So that's old-fashioned. I think it should be D&D rules. Go on. I think the Tinder app or the Grindr app

or however people go on dates nowadays should also include a dice roller application. Right. So you click on the dice roller and it gives you a random number between 1 and 20. 11 to 20. Okay. One person pays.

one to ten the other person pays basically heads or tails okay why don't we just do heads or tails in rather than rolling just 20-sided dice I don't know yeah just flip a coin flip a coin or build app functionality to flip a coin for you okay so basically among posters the idea is that the man should offer but you should always insist on going half so you don't owe them anything I think a woman should offer which makes you feel like you're asking a man to waste time offering on something you don't want. I don't know.

I just feel like, why don't we all just say that Harvors is fine? Was this person being unreasonable? They didn't have an Am I being unreasonable? Their question was just, what have your experiences been? I think...

When did dating start? Like, dating as a thing? Do you mean courting? No, I mean specifically dating. Because I can't imagine if you're courting someone. I assume if you're courting someone, the woman has no money. Because it's 1800.

Yeah, because she's a woman and she lives with her father or her husband. Well, hopefully not her husband if she's courting, because I think in those days that was frowned upon. But the concept of the modern date must have started somewhere. I don't know, maybe it was around the same time that we invented teenagers. What was that at the 50s? Yeah. I don't know. Those things seem to go hand in hand. Go for a milkshake, have a night out. That's good for teenagers and dates. Have a malt with two straws please

Yeah, someone was talking about how much they enjoy a malt the other day And I was like, I honestly didn't know that was a real thing that people still had If anyone could write in and tell us what a malt is, that would be appreciated I'm pretty sure all the teens are going on dates To, you know, the malt shack where the boy pays for the malt For all the mults Well, okay Am I being unreasonable? Mother-in-law wearing white

this one feels like quite a long initial post go ahead i'll listen hi all sorry i don't drip feed but too long to write it all down so slight overview in case it's relevant my mother-in-law and i always got on brilliantly until d s was born a year ago since then she's been opinionated on every decision we make and as he's parents if we ask her not to do something

she will in front of us go against our wishes with the excuse it's what grandmas do that's a whole different thread we get married in september and yesterday mother-in-law announced she was wearing an off-white dress for the occasion am i being unreasonable to be a little hurt by this as i believe the etiquette of weddings was only the bride wears white i'm trying really hard not to take it personally as a finger's up to me although this is something she would do So always wants to be the centre of attention And we'll play the victim If we ever try to discuss the way she is with DS If I'm being unreasonable In that it's not the done thing Sorry, if I'm being reasonable

In that it's not the done thing to do Do we say something Or do we keep our mouths shut For the sake of keeping the peace There's a lot to unpack here There is, I feel like there's two separate issues One is that her mother-in-law wants to wear Off-white to her wedding

And the other is that she seems to be troubled by the way that her mother-in-law is grandparenting their son. My favourite part was when she said is this the mother-in-law giving two fingers to me, which I imagine she would do. Yeah.

I feel like that. That tells us a lot really, doesn't it? I think if your mother-in-law would actively give you two fingers. She'd probably do that rather than buying off white dress, wouldn't she? She'd just be there like, N-N-W-WEN-WEN-GU. Yeah, I don't know.

So, the, am I being unreasonable, is she being unreasonable to be hurt because she believed the etiquette of weddings was that only the bride wears white? She does describe the mother-in-law's outfit as off-white. Yeah, it depends. If the mother-in-law turns up in a full bridal outfit, a full wedding dress. Great. That's not good.

I think even if you turn up to a fitting, like the wedding fitting in a full wedding dress. Yeah. It's not great. No. No, not ideal. But it doesn't sound like she's going to wear a white dress. I mean, it doesn't sound like it's going to be a wedding dress.

Sounds like cream. It's probably cream, isn't it? Yeah, and that's just an elegant colour for her dress. She's fine, I mean... But fundamentally, the problem is she hates her mother-in-law. Yeah, that's a much, much bigger problem. Her mother-in-law has been overbearing when they've had a child, and now she's mad. Because of the child.

Yeah. And I think they should tell the child that... I don't think they should. I think that would be a very bad move. Jonathan, it's your fault. Grandma hates me. No, no. I think...

Jonathan, you've ruined everything. I just need you to understand that. You never see one, do you? Where they're like, oh, my mother-in-law's only started being a dick since the kid was born. They blame the kid. They was blame the mother-in-law, but, you know, the variable there to isolate is the kid. However... Very scientific.

To be honest, with the mother-in-law wearing an off-white dress, I really can't see. how you could get worked up about it. It sounds like there's a lot of underlying issues. I don't know. For context for listeners who don't know us, Simon and I are getting married in May and if Simon's mum turned up in an off white dress,

I don't think I would care. We said anyone can wear whatever they want. More than that, I've said, well, what makes you happy? And if for some reason what made Simon's mum happy was a wedding dress, I think I would just think that was really, really funny. Yeah, go for it.

Probably quite good podcast material. but I honestly can't see how this woman cares as much as she does about the mother-in-law wearing an off-white dress. It sounds like ultimately her am I being unreasonable is am I being unreasonable to not like my mother-in-law and we don't have all the details on that at all. So it just seems like we're going in blind with a question that isn't quite being asked but is being heavily implied. I don't know.

That's just what I think. And without more details on Jonathan the son. He sounds like a little brat. He's just made up Jonathan. There's no reference to Jonathan. I think he's playing them off one another. He's taking them out and offering to pay when he takes the mother-in-law out. Isn't Jonathan, like, 18 months old?

Yeah, but he's got fat stacks. Yeah, making it rain. Yeah. He's a very business-focused little boy. A boss, baby. If anything, Jonathan's being unreasonable. He should just be playing with blocks and not doing all these deals. Setting his mother-in-law.

I bet he's the one who suggested the off-right dress. I bet he bought it for her. Made it rain. Grandma. Granny, I think you'd look nice in this white dress. Wow, okay, well, do we want to see what the rest of the internet have to say about this? By the rest of the internet, I mean, people who have engaged far enough to comment on mum's there, I don't know. Or should we just decide that Jonathan is being unreasonable?

I think Jonathan's being unreasonable. Okay, well then we'll just, we don't care what everyone else has to say. But for the record, they're all saying it will reflect badly on her. Who? The mother-in-law. Yeah I still don't really see what the mother-in-law is done wrong If you think someone's being a dick

Just let them be a dick And everyone will see they're being a dick Yeah unless they're not being a dick And then you won't get to have that moment Where they rue the day You just have a moment where you're sad Which I think is more likely here But who knows

Unless they're a middle-aged white man And then people won't say they're a dick They'll give them a promotion And somehow you will lose your job Yeah and the presidency Anyway Actually that is a nice Segoy on to our next and final long form, Am I Being Unreasonable, which is this.

Am I being unreasonable to question whether we are actually in the midst of a New World Order? Wow. The post, as above, at the risk of sounding tinfoil hat. And if we're not, what the hell is going on? And what is causing it? Well, this is highly political. Is New World Order capitalised? It is, yeah.

Wow. Yeah, there we go. I'll screenshot it. This is some straight up. That's straight up Illuminati shit. Oh, absolutely. This is straight up Freemason, Illuminati, confirmed. What I don't understand if it is that, is like, if it's straight up Illuminati,

surely it's the midst of the New World Order, which you already believed in, or is it a new New World Order? That's where my confusion comes in. There was not already a New World Order, and this is the New World Order. Well, I thought if you were like into the Illuminati and all that, you already believed in a New World Order. I don't know. Maybe it's like Coke and New Coke. And we had New Coke. That was a New World Order. Yeah. Now we're going back to Coke, which is feudalism. Okay. To be fair, to question it, I don't think it's unreasonable. Question whatever you like.

Never stop questioning. Seems like a fair thing to consider. But then to then go on Mumsnet. Like if you're worried about the New World Order, why are you like, Mumsnet? Mumsnet will tell. me. Mumsnet is the place to broadcast my message. Yeah. That's where it seems a bit weird to me. I have news. I just got out of the clutches of the Bilderberg group.

I need to tell someone, Mumsnet. I'll go to Mumsnet. I'll post on Am I being unreasonable for traffic rather than chat. Everyone, I need to tell you what I've discovered. I must point out that at the time of recording, the thread only has 21 messages. And very often Mumsnet threads run to like hundreds upon hundreds. hundreds upon hundreds of messages. So this broadcast hasn't gone as well as it could. But then it's only been up there for a few hours, so maybe, maybe everyone will see the post and then we'll know.

Maybe the Illuminati will shut it down. Yeah? Maybe this is a false... Do you mean mum's their HQ where they'll send a message that says, Peace and love, let's all keep in the spirit. We're here to support parents. I think this is a false flag operation. Go on. I think this is, I think, hundred of these kinds of messages are actually posted on Mum's Net exposing the lies of the New World Order. And they've let this one through

because it sounds particularly tinfoil hat. Because it says tinfoil hat. It's a throwers off the scent. Hells who knows how deep this goes. Turning on messages in this case. This is it. Simon, do you think that we are in the midst of a new world order? No.

I think things are going much the same as they have always been on a steady trajectory towards being towards the worst yeah environmental ruin and the privileging of the rich over the poor the trajectory of capitalism

if anything yeah this is the old world order writ large yeah this is very much you know fact to Reagan politics brought to an extreme not even that extreme really when you think about it historically well

just the same but with more access to Twitter, that's how I feel. And a reality TV star as the US president. Yeah, yeah. Is he the New World Order? I assume that's what this poster is getting at, but there's not enough elaboration. I don't know. Do you want to hear from the thread?

If, I'll say this, if things, if events are being orchestrated by some shadowy cabal, they're doing a shit job. Oh yeah. Absolutely. Should we hear from the thread? Please. Okay, so user 1, 4, 9, 7, 8, 6, 3, 5, 6.8... This is one of them. They've escaped from their government pen. They say, it's an old one really. This sort of crap has been going on for centuries.

Cynical. Yep. So there's that. Another one, another user, whose name I'm not going to go into, says, I'm a bit of a prepper, but I don't really believe that nonsense. A prepper? Like a doomsday prepper. That's what they seem to be suggesting, yeah. Like a bunker in your back garden. But they don't believe this nonsense. Someone else says, it's largely down to the internet, I think.

Let's us talk to people all over the world with a false sense of anonymity. I'm sure there were people 30 years ago who didn't like the health visitor, but they probably just got on with it. I'm not sure what that means. I feel like I've missed some sort of context somewhere else on Mum's Net. And then let's end on this one. Sorry for the poor apostrophe placement. There we go. The world's not quite gone to shit.

We know the world is okay because people still value good spelling and grammar. Good apostrophe placement. That said, good spelling and grammar is what the New World Order people value more than, for example, creative thinking and any of the arts or the humanities. So maybe that in itself is an example of the fact that this poster was. not being unreasonable. This one really put all the others into perspective. Like, oh, should I go drinking in a pub? What should I drink? My mum's wearing an off-white wedding dress. Oh. Is there a new world order? Let's at least hope the people who run the new world order pay for

their dates. Because if you're going to secretly run the world, you should at least buy your date a nice, I don't know. Well, I think that can't happen because, as we know, who runs the world? Girls. And girls can't pay for dates. Because they're children. Because we should stop infantilising women by calling them girls. Who runs the world?

Women are slightly better but still untrue. Lyric, let's move on, I'm getting mad. Should we do a speed round? Speed round, speed round. Am I being unreasonable? The gin trend is causing ginflation. No Not being unreasonable

No So that's a reasonable thing to say Yes Am I being unreasonable To be freaked out by this banana No bananas are scary Am I being unreasonable

Does anyone else comfort watch TV They're not being unreasonable No people do Right Oh yeah I suppose I don't know We make a podcast Am I being unreasonable

To ask how I should stop my neighbour From messing with my wireless speaker No, stop that neighbour Am I being unreasonable to be bored of dry January? No Am I being unreasonable eBay spelling mistake any advice Yes Am I being unreasonable to think this vlogger is a CF

CF on Moms Net is cheeky fucker Why don't they just type cheeky fucker Do you know? No, in my experience vloggers are cheeky fuckers There we go Am I being unreasonable to ask if you are living the life that you hoped for. Jeez, another deep one.

Yeah. It's like New World Art or stuff. Yeah, a little bit. It's a bit private. And should we end on this one? Am I being unreasonable to think that Fagan isn't a bad man really? Yes.

Can I just give you what the full post on this is? Because I think it's a bit, you know, emotional really. Amma being unreasonable to think Fagan isn't a bad man really. He's just a product of his environment. And consider he better than the people who run. On the workhouse, I don't think that's unreasonable. I think we need to look at everyone in the context in which they exist. And if the context in which they exist is running a gang of child thieves?

Dem thieves did know how to sing, though. They were loving life. Consider yourself. Ah, mate. Okay, we're going to end it there. Because we don't want to get sued. My fagin. Cool.

So on balance. most people were being unreasonable but personally I don't think Fagin was yeah if you're keeping school at home that's five unreasonables to we didn't keep score as we made it so if you're keeping score at home like you can tweet us and tell us but we probably don't even respond why are you doing that we don't ask you to do that thanks for listening though really appreciate it yeah thanks

awesome we're on SoundCloud and Apple Podcasts yeah rate and review We understand that that's important Yeah For some reason Give us as many stars as you want to give us Five Five

Okay cool Bye Bye Bye I feel fantastic And I never felt as good as how I do right now Except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day When I felt the way that I do right now

Right now Right now