You Are Being Unreasonable - 005 - In which children eat calamari and girlfriends steal buttons from ashtrays

Episode Date: February 8, 2018

"Water, pour with me." This week, we mash food for children, we listen to the sounds of water, and we build a bin-fort!

Hello, driving on drugs feels better when their prescription. All I know, the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now

Hello, welcome to You're Being Unreasonable. Hi! Once again, Helen has done herself irreparable mental harm by trailing the Mum's Net forums for people being unreasonable. It's been a difficult week

because I found a post that I thought was absolutely brilliant and then it got removed by Mum's Net because it was a previously banned poster. Shit. Transgressive. Yeah. So, so, sort of.

Sorry if this isn't Mumsnet's A-game, but all the best people turn out to be trolls, it would seem. And Mumsnet, not in life. Yeah, we don't want people going on to Mumsnet and posting obviously fake ones for us to pick up on our popular podcast to get famous, because I'll get banned. Shall we begin? Am I being unreasonable to take daughter's money for her toys? Yes. Yeah. Am I being unreasonable to ask if corn is healthy or...

unhealthy? No. Good to check. Am I being unreasonable? Children's TV characters, you can't stand. No. Am I being unreasonable? Looking at you, Penny Crown. Hey, Penny Crown's fine. Okay. Where was it? The Queen's nurse. She was fine too. Let's carry on. Peggy Patchwork. She was not good. And the Ybird. She had a terrible filing system. Am I being unreasonable to ask about your pelvic floor? Yeah. Not your business. Okay. Should we go into some, some bigons, go for the deep cuts? I don't think that's what that means. No, it's not.

Maybe we'll edit that out. Yeah, let's find some unreasonable people. Okay. Am I being unreasonable? Adult and child foods? A British thing? I got bitched out yet again today by the group I meet for lunch occasionally. They find it very strange that my three-year-old eat adult food.

I've lived in four countries and have only ever come. come across this in Britain. Is this very strange? Why would child's only eat plain food? My DD had calamari for reference in case that is odd. I'm part Japanese so she's no stranger to fish. Am I being unreasonable to find it equally strange that some toddlers were still being fed mashed food? There's a lot going on here. There is a lot going on here. So this woman presumably has gone for lunch with her sex and the city friends. Well she doesn't ever call them friends they're just the group she meets for lunch occasionally she never says friends that's that's nice yeah just a group of people who dislike each other and take their three-year-olds for

lunch yeah um and she fed her child a full adult serving of let's say knocky no she does say her dd had calamari a full adult serving of calamari calumari often comes to start or a side so it wouldn't be the same as having a full adult serving of fish and chips, for example. That's not... An adult serving of Kalamai is quite small. So I think that's fine for a kid. Yeah. There's a lot of stuff on Mum's Net,

usually on threads about food, where people are like, My DD will only eat carrot sticks and quinoa. And My DD just loves steamed broccoli. Steamed broccoli is my DD's favorite food. Yeah, there seems to be a bit of self-boast in there. But it's just breaded fish. It's like saying, oh, my kid had some fish fingers, except presumably more expensive.

Well, the kid's part Japanese, so he's well acquainted with fish. Yeah, it's a weird thing to say, right? Well acquainted. That is a weird thing, I think that's a weird thing to say. The kid isn't part Japanese, the parent is part Japanese, so the kid is even less Japanese. Well, the kid's still part Japanese, just a smaller part. But it doesn't sound like they're from Japan, and the kid grew up in Japan. No, they just fed it sushi.

I don't think we call children it. I don't know what it is. Then? Fine. But there were mothers feeding the baby's mashed food. Toddlers. Toddlers mashed food. I had mashed food for lunch yesterday.

What did you have? mashed potatoes. And peas? And a pie. Ah. For reference, Simon said before we began recording that he'd had peas yesterday lunchtime. That's why I... Mashed potatoes and peas and a pie.

Okay. Well, that's good. I had lots of things. So it wasn't all mashed. I'm allowed adult portions. But the pie wasn't mashed. No, the pie wasn't mashed. What would that even be?

I don't know. I think she's saying that these kids had food that was only mashed. Like, everything was mashed. We're talking like baby food, like mashed carrots and turnips and Swedes and whatnot. For babies? Yeah. Because babies can't chew. Yeah.

Because they don't have teeth? Yeah. Cool. Imagine to be the first parent, I mean ever, and then your baby starts growing these things out of its mouth? How freaked out would you be? No, because you would remember when you lost your baby teeth and your adult teeth came through and you'd probably be able to piece together what had happened. No hells, because the Lord God Almighty created Adam and Eve from the clay, complete with their teeth. Okay, so is it unreasonable that she thinks that it was weird? that the toddlers were having mashed food I don't know when a child stops having mashed food

I don't know why we ever stopped sometimes textures are nice I like my food to have at least two textures usually I'm good I had mashed for lunch then you said you all had a pie and the pie wasn't mashed we've been over this already they're just bragging about a pie

that's not why we set up this podcast thanks to the Bloomsbury Farmers Market for selling me a pie Okay, so mashed food we don't know. Is it weird for the kid to have had calamari? I don't think so, that seems perfectly reasonable. Doesn't seem that different to giving you kid fish fingers. No, I don't think I had calomire until I was like an adult.

Like 30? No. Like 19, 20. Yeah, you remember your first calamari? Yeah, I remember where I had it. Where did you have it? That restaurant near Crime Lake. Oh yeah.

Crime Lake is a lake in Falesworth Turns out that's a real name for a lake It's a terrible name for a lake In Falesworth It's a nice Italian restaurant though So shout out to Sol Argo If they're looking to sponsor any podcasts We're really doing all the shout-outs

For food businesses today We are One other thing She says that these people Who she goes for lunch with Who she clearly doesn't think of friends Bitched at her yet again Why do they go for lunch together

If anything The thing that seems most unreasonable is that these women, men and women maybe, who clearly don't like each other, keep on going out for lunch. That's what you do when you have babies. You have to hang out with other baby owners. So you just, you know, meet up with people that you don't like, because all your friends have abandoned you. Because you had a baby. Your baby keeps stealing all their calamari, and that stuff's expensive. It is.

Yeah. Taking their tartar. Okay. So, from the thread. Lots of people who say, you got bitched at. I don't know that you did get bitched at. And the OPs come back to say, sorry, I forgot that you were there.

So, the O.P. seems like a difficult person. Someone else has said, I would love my kids to eat calamari. Sigh. I don't know why they would love their kids to eat calamari. Maybe she can't afford it. I don't know. I don't know.

It's what we all want for our children, though, isn't it? them to one day eat Kalamahoe. Well, I suppose. Maybe it is. Maybe it is. Someone said that the reason that kids eat weird food is because of Heinz and their marketing campaigns. Heinz? Yeah.

Heinz are... The tomato beans means Heinz. Okay, yeah. I don't... What? I don't know. Heinz aren't marketing Kalamai. No, this is saying Heinz are marketing kids' foods.

Oh. Maybe Heinz... I don't know. I don't really watch. kids' programme, so I don't know what the advertising is like... Yeah, I don't know. Big Heinz. I think she's being unreasonable.

Yeah, it seems like she's come on here to try and have a bit of a boast and everyone's like, what is going on? Yeah. I'm sure no one really cared that your kid was having calamari, and then she's got more and more head up about how actually people did care, and people are just saying, well, okay, sorry about that. Nope, unreasonable. Children shouldn't eat calamari.

Okay. Too good for children. It is too good for children. Am I being unreasonable? Is this witchcraft? D.H. made me a cupper. I had just come into the house and he poured water into my mug. I couldn't see the water at that point, but I could hear it being poured.

And I said to D.H. Did you boil that? Because it did not sound hot. D.H. checked and it turned out he had not boiled it. But he's concerned that a few hundred years ago I would be burned at the stake for being a witch. he argues it's impossible to determine the temperature of water by the noise it makes when poured who's right i think very hot water sounds more tinkly and cold water sounds splashy am i hallucinating

am i a witch or is this a thing this question started like a david lynch film just a load of images that don't really have a connection i walked in water pouring mugs I hadn't seen the water at that point. Fire, walk with me, mugs. Water, pour with me. Ooh. Does hot water sound different to cold water? Yeah, I think it does.

Really? Yeah. Like being poured into a cup, yeah. Okay, so Simon just paused the recording so that he could go and get a kettle, little spritzy bottle of water in two mugs. Is that kettle freshly boiled? More or less.

She said very hot water. Not so hot. Medium hot water. Okay. So, I think that... So, you need to close your eyes. Okay. And then identify which one I'm putting.

So I'm going to do all my preparation now. Okay. I feel like I use this phrase all the time and I probably use it in every episode of the podcast, even though it shouldn't be relevant but I don't know that we're going to be able to isolate a variable here those cups are very different densities they were as close as I could get we're already drinking from the identical cups with our actual tea don't we have a cup that looks like this is not interesting to the podcast okay

ready I'll shut my eyes okay cold or hot I think cold okay wait and listen to the next one yeah that's the hot one That's definitely hot. Well, you get them both right. The am I being unreasonable, is it witchcraft? So actually, it's not really about whether they sound different. It's about whether it's witchcraft. So now what we're doing is questioning whether I too am a witch.

I think any woman who does something against social norms is a witch. Any woman who has a skill that a man lacks is a witch. So this man obviously can't hear the difference between water. It's not a useful skill, but it's a skill that he doesn't have. So he's said that she's a witch. Yeah, a man who goes out on his own is a hermit A woman who goes out on her own is a witch As they say

I see Just backing up a little bit How did he not realise Yent Boiled the kettle And why had she come through the door And he was filling her cup Like, did they only have one cup each? Yeah

It all sounds really weird Welcome home Presumably she had the mug out as well Because she says my mug Yeah So she's walked through the door Holding her mug And then he's opened the door holding a kettle of not boiled water.

This is why I thought it was very lynch. Yeah. Because none of this makes sense. Did we conclude that she is a witch or that she's not a witch? Well, you seem to be able to do it. I don't know. Is hot water heavier? I don't know.

I think there's physics to it. But then I am the first to admit that I think that physics and magic are essentially the same. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguish war for magic. No, but I think all physics is just not. magic. Physics is just maths taken to the point when maths becomes magic. I understand maths, that's great, but you just do maths so much that boom, a thing happens. Magic. That's what the kettle does. So if it is a physics thing, then it's also a magic thing, and so maybe it is about being a witch. I don't think it's about being a witch. I just think she's more observant than

her husband, who apparently regularly pours cold water into mugs, because he hasn't checked The kettle's boiled. He just sounds quite dim. He does. Yeah, actually, now I'm just picturing a man pouring cold water onto a mug and then be like, Oh, how do you know this isn't tea? Witchcraft! Ah!

Now, sweetheart, you've done it again. You need to click the kettle on and the light will go on. Ah, witchcraft. It's not, it's just a little LED. Ooh! Let's move on. Am I being unreasonable? What lies does your ex tell people about you?

I'm evil, apparently. I left him in thousands of pounds worth of debt and about to be evicted. He tells this to his mates. Anyone we jointly know, his family, strangers, and the doctor, apparently. In reality, the reason we are in debt is that he kept walking out of jobs lying that they laid him off, or leaving because they made him do something he felt beneath him because he wanted to game all day, and my wage alone wasn't enough to manage on. He's been paying five pounds.

paying five pounds a month off in debt. I've paid thousands off because he's never worked since I left and I have. I've finished paying off pound sign, pound sign loan for stuff that is in his house and he definitely wasn't about to be evicted as housing benefit accidentally made a payment of nearly 2K to his landlord after I left and his landlord doesn't have to pay it back, but I do. Funnily enough, his fiancé prior to me also left him in debt and emptied him out. He's new girl from recently told me that she's been told all about me, knob. Doctor, doctor, I'm glad

I caught you. My ex. She loves me in debt. Pull yourself together then? No, that's curtains. Comedy gold. Yeah. Wow. What? There's a lot. What?

There is a lot. I'll say you what, there isn't. There is not, and am I being unreasonable question? Anywhere in the post. And the thread title is, What Lies Does Your Ex? tell people about you? I don't know. How would I know that? Well, I guess...

I'd like to know how she knows what the doctor's heard, because the doctor shouldn't be going around saying, oh, yeah, your ex was in the other day. It's true, doctor patient confidentiality. You can tell the doctor anything. If you've done a murder, you can tell the doctor, and they can't tell anyone. And I think some doctors think that they can tell you stuff

and it's confidential, because I had a doctor when I was at uni. I don't think that's how that works. But she was telling me some story about her boyfriend in Glasgow, And then my flatmate saw the same doctor, like a week later, and she was talking about her husband in Edinburgh. And... I mean, unless in the couple of days between my appointment and his appointment, she got married and her partner moved,

I think she might have had a bit on the side in Glasgow. So she was obviously telling us all these things because she figured that we weren't going to talk to each other. That's an aside. I just want to know how the doctor has been a factor in this. The doctor has never confide in me. You don't have a trustworthy face No, you do

It's lovely So he's paying this debt off five pounds a month She's paid off thousands So they have this debt together? Yeah That they racked up together Yeah It sounds like they racked up debt

Because they were living as if they had two incomes But he kept wandering out of jobs We're all tempted to do that And then lying and saying they'd laid him off I feel like if she knew that he was lying about this She should have confronted it at the time This whole thing sounds very biased. We're only getting one side of the story.

Of course we are. This person who thinks they've been lied about. And like, of course, apparently when she met up with his current girlfriend for cocktails and a coffee, she's got bad things to say. Of course, that's how it works. Yeah, it's weird, though, isn't it? Also, how did the housing benefit accidentally get overpaid by £2,000? landlord. The landlord doesn't have to pay it back but the poster here does. Maybe the landlord is

the ex. Oh, wait, but they had no money. No. And landlords have lots of money. Yeah. And landlord is one of those jobs where actually you can just wander off and you'll still get money for it. It's true. Like, I mean, I'm quite grateful that our landlord doesn't come round. I find him troubling. He looks like a bad magician. But he hasn't been into this building. Like Sutty. For, I don't know, years, years and years. But he still makes money. He still makes loads of money out of us.

This isn't a side again, sorry. We need to focus. We need to focus on the lack of a question for us to answer. She also mentions that, funnily, his fiancé prior to me, also left him in debt and emptied him out. So I don't know if she met up with the old fiancé when she was with the ex, or if the ex told her about the old fiancé. But this all sounds like there should have been alarm bells ringing before.

I don't want to blame the OP, but it's a really weird post. Sounds like there's a network of people who've been involved with this fella. Yeah, and they're all meeting up and establishing that this is a terrible man, but that they're all terrible too. I don't know. Men are trash. Yeah, I guess so. It's quite interesting, actually.

So she said, what lies does your ex tell about you? And almost everyone commenting on it has said, oh, that I stole from him. I don't, I hope I haven't got exes out there telling them what I stole from them. We always put out if that's the case. All you'd have to do is take a pen without their permission and they could say that and it wouldn't even be a lie. Oh, she stole from me. Yeah. Oh.

You can say she stole from me and you don't have to specify the scale. Yeah. A paperclip, a button. A button? Yeah, because all my exes have big jars of buttons lying around to tempt me. I'll just leave this ashtray of buttons out and a false takes one then I'll know I need to break up with her

constant button inventory every day to check my trustworthiness Yeah you don't have to set the scale It doesn't have to be thousands of pounds It just has to be a button or a coaster A coaster does seem like a dick move to steal They usually come in sets It seems if you're breaking up

You want to fuck with them By taking one coaster One coaster, one pillowcase. Oh, one pillowcase is dastardly. Yeah. What else can you take? One curtain? One of their shoes?

One of all of their shoes. Yeah. The same one of all of their shoes. They can't even mixy-matching. Yeah. Anyway, so, what lies does your ex tell people about you? There was no, am I being unreasonable? And we don't know what lies our exes might tell people.

Maybe I sold buttons. Who knows? We'll do this as our last full-length one. I feel like this is going to be a topic very close to your heart, Sye. It's about wizards. It's about bins. Nice.

Am I being unreasonable? The bins outside our flat are a constant mess, and I'm the only one in the building who does anything about it because I care about my community. Do you care about your community or do you care about your bins? Because bins are not the same as community. They're one and the same. Your community of bins.

Am I being unreasonable to wonder WTF, is doing with my bins. We have one general rubbish bin, one garden bin, one mini food waste bin and then boxes for paper, glass, metal and plastic. Over the last couple of months I've gone to bring in my bins and one of the boxes has been missing on several occasions. It has been windy so I assume they'd blown away and ordered a replacement from the council. Yesterday I was messing around in the garage so next door neighbour couldn't see me. He walked into my drive, poached around my bins, picked up two boxes with their lids and walked back to his house. I called over just as he was opening the side gate and asked for them back.

He claimed he thought they were his. They've got my house number on, but he gave them back. Now I'm wondering if he took the previous ones I've lost. The weirdest thing is, the council provides as many as you want for free. Why on earth is he doing this? So, again, there is no how I being unreasonable. Which in itself is unreasonable to post on this board. without an am I being unreasonable question?

But... And there's going to be no jokes in this segment, no quote-unquote jokes, because I take bin theft very seriously. Too seriously, to be honest. Someone took our green recycling bin two years ago? Yeah. Gone.

Don't know who it was. But you need to get those little stickers, the house number stickers, and stick them on. But she said that she has... If only say you can identify your bin. She said that the bins that the neighbour crept into her garse,

to take, had her house number on. Very strange. People are very strange these days. People are very strange these days. How do you think you're going to get away with that? Because when bin time comes around, you can't just keep it in the house. You're going to have to put it on the street. Unless he's not using the stolen bins as bins.

Maybe he's using the stolen bins for something else. To build a fort! Ah! Yeah! Bin fort! Bin fort! Bin fort! Bin fort! I mean Binfought actually sounds kind of horrid. That sounds like horrid. Yeah. Maybe he's going from Robot Wars and he's using the bins to make a robot?

Robot Wars is back. So I'm going to survive with Robot Wars. HypnoDisc is going to tear that bin apart? That's fine because it's not this man's bin. Someone else's bid, isn't care? You can care if he's on Robot Wars? Getting embarrassed in front of Craig Daniels. Craig Daniels?

Craig Charles. Craig Charles. Craig Charles Funk and Song? Yeah. Do you still do it? I don't know. Craig Charles and Charles Dance. I don't think Charles Dance presents Robot.

She sounds really chilled about this. I don't know how I'd feel if someone came into my garden and took my stuff, but she sounds like she would just sort of notice this. Then she was like, oh, Kumi! Well, yeah, I wouldn't confront them, I don't think. I'd wait until later and steal it back. Yeah. But she kind of confronted him, but it sounds really jovial.

Like, ooh, is that my bin? And then he was like, oh, I thought it was my bin. No, no, it's not your bin. Also, she has an impressive number of bins. I'll see. For our block of six flats, up until very recently, we had, what, two functional bins? No recycling.

It's a constant struggle. And this council just gives them out for free. Where does she live? We should move there. All the bins you want. BIN provision is important to me. Okay, so from the thread... Well, don't steal bins is a fundamental rule for life.

Yeah, that's just basic ethics. Yeah. This is Ethics 101. We've got two philosophy degrees between us, so we know a bit about stealing bins. Yeah. And we've been watching The Good Place, which is all about ethics, so we know... What are you going to say it's all about bins? So we know...

No, you've been watching a different ship. So we all know what Cheedy would do. Cheedy would just stand there and wonder why the man had taken the bins and get himself all worked up. They'd get a tummy ache. Aw. Welcome to the bin place, our good place for. Mancast. Everyone on the thread seems to think that the neighbours

using the bins to store small items. Okay. I don't know why you'd use bins to store small items. Like buttons? I guess so, yeah. Because you need to put a lid on those buttons so people don't steal them. But you also need to have

a full list of buttons. Yeah, exactly. So that you can trick your partner inventory. Exactly. So what, you think he's stealing? the bins for his button inventory. Yeah, so store his buttons securely. You gotta keep buttons secure.

Okay, final thoughts on the bin situation. Stealing someone's bins is apparent and unreasonable. Do you want to do another speed round and then we'll call it a day? Yeah, you know, people seem to really like the speed round. Yeah. Several people have said, speed round's great. Which suggests to me they'd prefer if we wrap this up in five minutes without all the waffirm The quote-unquote jokes.

I don't think I've ever called them quote jokes. A classic bit. Yeah, that's all you. Okay, speed round. Am I being unreasonable to consider a menstrual cup? No. Am I being unreasonable to scrub my eyes with wire wall after seeing this? No.

I imagine this is awful. Yeah, that's why I decided not to open that one. So he was. Am I being unreasonable to be exasperated but the school parking situation? Probably. Am I being unreasonable to think choosing your wedding dress is not the magical experience I have been peddled? I don't know. Am I being unreasonable to hope the Foreign Office don't waste any time on Laura Plummer?

No, who's Laura Plummer? Should I know that? Let's have a look. I don't know. It's like Laura Palmer. I don't think it's... Back on Lynch again. Oh, Laura Plum is the person who took an ungodly amount of prescription medicine into Egypt for personal use, allegedly. Okay. It's very political, but am I being unreasonable? No, they get like this sometimes.

They get all riled up. We have to stay away from the political ones because quite often the political ones are just massive, massive transphobia, but occasionally you get a political one that's not that. Last one, am I being unreasonable to judge this kid's clothing? No. That's kids. K-I-D-A-Postrophe S. So just one kid being judged.

No, it's fine. Kids are skank. We used to judge this little boy who we saw on the way to work when we went to work together. No, not because he's clothing, though. He said a very bouncy walk. I didn't judge him. I was just worried that he might get bullied.

Yeah, when he was just getting bullied by us. We weren't bullying him. I was just concerned about his bouncy walk. Yeah, we were just talking behind his back. It seems as good a time as any to call it Yeah. Join us next week when there'll be far fewer sounds of water being poured into cups. Yeah. Probably. Comment on SoundCloud if you enjoyed us. Give us stars on Apple Podcasts. Also on Player FM now, which is a neat little podcast app. It is. That we both use. So yeah, listen to us in

many, many, many, many places. Yeah. Download us twice. And I think I'll try in there. Put some speed rounds on Twitter as polls. So engage with our excellent content there too. At YAB Unreasonable. Bye. Bye.