You Are Being Unreasonable - 006 - In which fresh milk is opened and Hugh Jackman puffs himself up

Episode Date: February 15, 2018

"Am I being unreasonable re. shitting man?" In this sixth episode of You Are Being Unreasonable, we ask about toilet etiquette, we drink ONLY the freshest of milks, and we meet BBC One's newest detectives, Driver and Pedestrian. (We had some trouble with the audio on this one so, particularly in the first five minutes, it might be bit janky. Sorry!)

Hello, driving on drugs feels better when they're prescription. All I know, the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now.

Hello. Welcome to Eurobeing Reasonable, a podcast about people being unreasonable on the internet. Specifically, people being unreasonable on mumsnet.com. We're going to look at the Am I Being Unreasonable Forum and decide for them. Am I Being Unreasonable, re-shitting man? I need to know if I am being unreasonable. And if not, help to resolve this. I have my own business and provide services for children slash adult in an office setting.

It's a small office with one small window for staff slash clients. I'm currently working with a fantastic tea you're not on a Saturday morning, and it's all going very well. Unfortunately, her dad has developed a routine of dropping her, head into buy the papers and a massive coffee, enjoying these in my waiting area, then locking himself in the toilet for 20 minutes, and doing the most foul, stinking, revolting shit

that was ever shacked anywhere, ever. It's just awful. this has been going on for five weeks and I can't deal with it again last week we had to have all the office windows open for 30 minutes and even then it lingered and it's freezing

so am I being unreasonable to pretend the toilet is broken tomorrow do you have a better idea so wow I don't want to name the poster but this poster has been quoted in this podcast before

She is an interesting lady and I would like to meet her one day. This man has set aside, you know, he's taking his daughter to work. He's taking his daughter to work. He's got a big coffee. He doesn't like that. He doesn't like that. I know, but that's why it's a nice thing to do, but he's got... I don't think the daughter works there either.

I think she's a client. But, you know, he's setting aside 20 minutes on a Saturday and he's got a big coffee and you know what that means. I think we might need to reread some of the bits of this post because you're understanding. of it, it's different to mine. Unfortunately, her dad has developed a routine of dropping her off, heading to buy the papers under massive coffee, enjoying these in my

waiting area, and then locking himself in the toilet for 20 minutes. Yeah. So he hasn't set aside 20 minutes to have a coffee. He's having a coffee, and then he's set aside 20 minutes to do a big poo in the toilet of what I think is likely to be some sort of therapist's

office, by the tone of the post. I might be wrong. No, I get that. Okay, so you seem to think this is some sort of radical self-care? Yeah, I think he's sat aside that 20 minutes after the coffee. Why does he have to do... Because he's just had a big coffee. Why doesn't he go to a coffee shop and stay at the coffee shop? Because the coffee shop doesn't have the kind of privacy that he wants.

He wants a nice windowless room where he can be alone with his thoughts or tumbler on his phone. I really don't know what to make of your reaction to this, because I think this man sounds truly awful. You seem to think that it's perfectly reasonable for him to... Hey, if she's providing a toilet. She says that the nob is for staff and clients. Yeah, he's a client. He's not a client, his daughter's a client. So, something that I need to tell you about this thread now,

I maybe should have said at the start, so it's not a rip feed, is that this thread is dated the 17th of November 2017, but is back at the top of the boards, because this is still an issue now, where she's still not managed to get this man to stop stinking out her office and you've said oh the coffee shop doesn't have the privacy but what I'm picturing is a tiny little toilet that comes straight off a waiting room slash reception area separated only by a door

that probably doesn't quite block out all of the external world I was imagining a basement toilet no she said that there's just one small one and it stinks out the whole office so I think it is more like a tiny cupboard off of a fairly public space. This doesn't sound as private anymore. Yeah, so maybe we've just imagined different toilets. I don't know. I really don't

think that it's in any way reasonable to go buy a coffee and the papers and then have some sort of luxury shit at someone's workplace. No, I think he's just paying for therapy so you can use this lovely bathroom.

This luxurious bathroom. It's nice to find a bathroom that you feel comfortable. okay but I mean he probably has one at home that he doesn't feel comfortable in right so he holds it in for six days well there's an update further down that says there's also a public loo in the stairwell like downstairs from her office the stairwell you know what I mean like not just open peeing on the stairs they're going to hold drunk. Okay, well, so I personally don't think that she's being unreasonable. Do you think she's being unreasonable? There's nothing wrong with people having a poo. I think it's when

it becomes a routine. You go to a place that you have no cause to be at. You deliberately buy a gigantic coffee first, so you really get your money's worth out of it. Got to clear them pipes. Yeah, see, she doesn't say that she doesn't want people to use the toilet. She says that this particular man has a routine, which is... This man. The shitting man. Yes, the shitting man. The shitting man from, Am I Being Unreasonable, re-shitting man? The very same.

And I think she's not being unreasonable at all. Hey, you're the shitting man, of Fumsler. Further into the thread, she gives a description of him, and he's like a tweedy, public schoolboy, red-faced, middle-aged gent. So, look out for him. Okay, I think she's not being unreasonable. No, Yambu. Simon?

Yanbu it is. Okay, next thread. Next item on the agenda. Am I being unreasonable to be given milk to drink that had been open for three days? Now I expect to be flamed for this and for it to seem really silly to lots of people. But I was diagnosed with IBS around four years ago now after being terribly ill on and off for a few months. I was told to keep a diary to find out what triggers caused. what triggers caused me problems. After around a year I worked out what foods and

drinks caused me to be poorly. I love milk, I'll drink half a pint of milk a day on its own or have it with cereal. I rarely drink any hot drinks. However I soon realised that if my milk was not really fresh used same day opened or day after I got terrible stomach pains. So even though it's more expensive I tend to buy a pint at a time for home use and I avoid drinking milk elsewhere. I nipped in to see my sister today after work. She's well aware of this strange issue of mine. She asked me if I would like a drink.

I said I fancied milk, but if she didn't have any fresh milk, I would have some water. She went to the kitchen and came back with a glass of milk claiming, I've just opened it. I drank it, and soon after, I left. About an hour ago, I started to feel really funny, stomach pains and grumbling pains. I couldn't figure out where I'd gone wrong, so I rang my sister to check on the milk that she'd given me.

She laughed and said it had been open a few days, but it was fine, so she didn't think anything of it. Am I being unreasonable to be upset with her? I didn't say much on the phone, other than explain, I do think that could be why I now feel poorly. We're back on that shitting train, eh? This shitting train's going to lead this podcast to glow. For podcasts who don't, podcast listeners who don't know me,

I actually find talking about shit really quite grim I get really squeamish about this sort of thing so I don't know why I've chosen these threads but I read this one and didn't think that it was necessarily about poo I thought it was about a grown-ass woman who really likes milk

I think the poo is implied okay but she never mentions that so we're not going to talk about poo for a second thread running and if you attempt to I'm going to keep diverting you back to what's actually in the post she is saying and I'm being unreasonable to be upset with my sister

who gave me some three-day-old milk so there's an awful lot going on here an awful lot so she's got IBS she kept a diary to see what her triggers were she thinks that her milk has to be opened that day otherwise it makes her poorly but she really likes milk she doesn't like hot drinks

she drinks half a pint of milk a day she popped in to see her sister she said to her sister I'd like some milk she drank her milk and then she left so that's a bit weird anyway while she'd go into your sister's house, neck half a pint of milk, and clear it off. Maybe her sister's trying to discourage these little visits. Maybe it's just a routine they have in the evenings, like a clockwork orange,

where they drink milk all the time. Yeah, her sister's one of her droogs? Is that supposed to be milk, or does it have drugs in it? I can't remember. I've never read the book. I think it's just milk. Is it? I don't know.

I don't know. We'll look it up. I thought it was... milk laced with something. I didn't think it was straight up milk, but maybe I'm wrong about that. Anyway, I don't think this is that. No. What about UHT? I guess that she can't have that either, because she talks about buying a pint and then using it and getting rid of it.

You don't generally get UHT in pints. UHT is generally regarded as lower quality milk. Yeah, it is. I probably wouldn't want to have half a pint of UHT milk, but I could see that maybe, on occasion, I might want half a pint of normal milk. Nice full-fat milk. I've stopped drinking dairy, but when I did, maybe. Presumpt, so the sister must know about IBS. Yeah, she says that her sister knows about her, as she describes it,

strange issue of mine. Yeah, well, there's no need to discover it as that. A lot of people have IBAS. I think the strange issue of hers is not the IBS. It's the painfully fresh milk. Painfully fresh milk. If it's not straight from the cow. The worst stomach pains.

That can't be good for your tummy. The sister shouldn't have given her old milk The sister does appear to have lied about it as well I think that's my issue Here this milk's just been sitting out next to the radiator for a few days Is that cool? Yeah, it does say the sister said She just opened it

And then admitses later that that wasn't true So that's not a good thing to do The sister's being unreasonable for doing that Yeah, she shouldn't have lied She shouldn't have given a bad milk That's been sat in the sun that's not what she did though she just gave her some milk that hadn't been opened

there and then which for most people is fine but most people don't most adults don't turn up to someone's house and ask for half a pint of milk to drink I do think the crooks is whether the milk was UHT or not how why

because if a UHT has been open three days it's fine no once you open UHT there's no different in shelf life really to fresh milk it feels different different. Yeah, so one time, before we

lived together, Simon had some milk that he'd opened, it was a U-H-T carton of milk, and I had been to visit him, I lived in Poland at the time, and then he had the same carton of milk the next time I visited that had been opened the whole time. About six weeks had elapsed,

but because it was U-H-T, that was apparently not an issue. Yeah, it lasts longer. It doesn't last six weeks. It says on the thing, it lasts longer. Unopened. It's fine, won't it? Well, no, I don't think I consumed it. I think I went to put it in some tea and it was a weird texture.

I can't believe you came all the way from Poland just for a half hour and you got to know. I know. We've got a flight to catch. If you have a medical issue and your relatives are aware of that medical issue and how to mitigate it and they don't respect that, then they're being unreasonable. That's a dick move. That was a bit of sincerity then. I agree, I think the sister was being unreasonable, I do wonder if the sister has done this because the sister is fed up with this woman turning up, demanding milk and then swanning

off again, demanding brand new, very fresh milk, which she, by her own admission has said, is more expensive. Maybe the sister was like, I'm just going to put a stop to this, I'm going to give her some terrible stomach cramps, and then maybe next time she comes around she'll just have water, or better yet, she won't even turn up. I'm saying it's perverse to turn up to someone's house and ask for milk. That's not a drink that you would normally offer. You're like, how can I get you anything to drink? Milk is never what you expect.

The other, like, you know, tea, coffee, a glass of water, maybe some squash. Those are normal things. It is strange. What I'm saying is there's something inherently weird about going to someone's house and asking for milk in the first place, and yes, the sister is in the wrong. But you don't go to someone's house and ask for milk. It's true. Not unless the sister owns a dairy farm.

It seems unlikely. Yeah, I think if the sister has a dairy farm. the sister had a dairy farm. It's a whole different ballpark. There's no reason she couldn't have got fresh milk. Exactly. So let's have a look at what people on the thread have said. I'm amazed you have IBS and you're drinking that amount of milk.

Drinking milk is the cause of your stomach issues. What adult drinks a glass of milk? Milk is for babies. Have you tried not drinking milk at all? Surely three-day-old milk is as fresh as newly opened milk, i.e. not really that fresh. Milk is not ideal when you have IBS. You know the milk you buy in the supermarket

didn't come out of the cow that day, right? Still fresh. I shouldn't really be drinking milk. Milk is for babies. What is... That's not very nice for your sister to do that. Yeah. I'm a bit confused by this, seems strange,

as the use-by date matter, or just when it was opened. You drink a lot of milk, by the way. So the sister is being unreasonable, and in my opinion, so is the poster. Everyone's being unreasonable, once again. Yay. Another. Am I being unreasonable? Collie can't drive. I'm doing all the driving. This may be quite long. I work for a company where we travel for work. The arrangement was that I'd be the one being driven until my old partner left and the only other person who was trained in the role of my old partner cannot drive. This girl, however, is taking lessons. I understand they're expensive and she is. is genuinely doing her best, however, I'm just getting a little sick of doing all of the driving. I get paid probably five times more per day than what this girl gets paid. My role is

higher, so not sure if I'm being unreasonable. I'm self-employed, and my partner is pay as you earn, so I do sometimes feel I have no obligations to cart this girl around. There's no one else who could replace this girl, and in all honesty, I love my job, and our working days are always fun, but I can't be sure if I should speak to our boss and see what he thinks. What does everyone else think? So, there's quite a lot going on here. I'm going to assume this pair are detectives, and they have to drive to crime scenes.

One's a self-employed detective based on the notes. One's pay as you work. But, yeah, they're detectives. Okay. And she's got a new partner. Yeah, two detectives. Okay. Hot on the beat.

Yep. They don't get along. She said they have fun together. This March on the BBC. Driver and Pedestrian. Shirley Driver and Tony Pedestrian. I thought you were going someone with that, but no. Okay.

That was the bit. Oh, okay. Good. So let's just go through and pick out the key points here. So the arrangement previously was that she would always be driven and never, ever have to drive. Then her old partner left. And the only person able to do her old partner's job

was this new person who can't drive, the person that she keeps referring to as this girl. Then when she can't drive, she's a child. Woman, she's a woman. Right, well, when the old partner left, the deal ended. Well, yeah, if they've hired someone who can't drive, it can't be that doing all this driving is necessary. Yeah.

Unless it's in your actual work contract that you get driven everywhere, then, you know... I want my contract to say that I get driven everywhere. You'd have to take that up with HR and your manager. But if you just made an informal deal with your old partner and then they retire, they move somewhere else, the deal is none avoided. Yeah.

You need to make a new deal. And you're not going to be in a good bargaining position because this girl can't drive. Also, it doesn't make any sense why this woman should be driven around all the time and never do any of the driving. Yeah, so she says, oh, she's sick of doing all the driving. That's probably why her old partner left, because her old partner was sick of doing all the driving. Then she needlessly tells us she gets paid five times more than what the new person, the girl. It's irrelevant, stealth post.

Yeah. I don't know if she's saying that because she gets paid more, she appreciates. that maybe she should just suck it up and do the driving or if she's saying I get paid more therefore I'm more important so I should be driven everywhere. I don't know how much one gets paid to be Miss Daisy. Yeah and then randomly talking about their tax arrangements doesn't seem relevant either. So she wants to speak to her boss and see what he thinks but I don't know what he's going to suggest. It doesn't change the fact that this new person can't drive and I would imagine that most of the most of the most of the

companies where you have to be able to drive for the job will hire someone who can drive and if you don't need to be able to drive then they're going to be probably quite unwilling to ensure someone who passed their test yesterday to drive for work they'll probably want you know driving experience yeah five years valid driving license something like that you would think couldn't you i don't know damn it pedestrian we need to get to the crime scene and i just got shut in the leg. Driver and pedestrian. I went back to develop it.

Very good. It's probably quicker to get the tube in London anyway. They live in Sheffield. I believe they have traves. The BBC aren't going to take this script, this kind of negativity around the creative directors. I'm sorry. I'm sure the BBC will take this script.

Let's not give too much away, because you want to keep that for when you submit your script. Yeah, trademark, train mark, train mark, train mark. Very good. Okay, so, yeah, she wants to speak to her boss because she is self-employed. She gets paid five times more than this person and up until recently she hasn't had to do any driving of her own.

Also, she makes some point about how expensive driving lessons are. I don't really understand how that's relevant either, but if this person's being paid five times less than this woman. Maybe it is relevant because maybe she doesn't want to spend all her damn money on driving lessons so that this arrogant bitch can be chauffed about. Driving lessons are expensive. I think they should be, you know, subsidised by the government. Well, that's not going to happen. The government can't even subsidise children to have preschool lunches, so... I just think driving is increasingly essential, unfortunately.

Yeah, but kids being able to eat lunch is also essential, and the government... I don't value that. So, I mean, that's nice and everything, but at this point... Yeah, it's not going to happen. No. I'm depressed. Let's go to the next one. Oh, no. I thought this was a funny one because this woman is patently a complete cow. Should we hear from the thread?

So, from the thread, do you think, because you're on more money, you should be driven around? Are you going out of your way driving your colleague? Yeah, someone has to drive there. Yeah. someone else says why won't it be split between you both when she does pass yep uh everyone is saying that she's being unreasonable basically you want to put her in your position five times less pay even though she's working hard to be able to drive your ungrateful ass around

it's still not fast enough for princess chazelle why a b a c you are being a all right wow this this person's really angry about this post disproportionately so. I don't know how she's summoned the energy to be that mad. I mean, this is a wider, a wider question really about the whole premise of our podcast. Okay. Why, how much self-awareness do you need to lack to go on this board and post this post and think you're in the right? Oh, but the fact that there are so many people like this, so many.

Bizarre. I think some people are just really, really, really. really confident in the fact that they're definitely always right and, you know, more power to them. But also I wish that they would stop. Then we wouldn't have our podcast. That's true, yeah. Someone else, if you're self-employed, then you get to set out the terms under which you agree to work for your client. And then loads of other people pile in and point out that if she's self-employed, you should get to set out her own terms and say maybe she isn't really self-employed. Maybe there's something

a bit dodgy about her contract and then that becomes kind of the theme for a while lots of people putting her in her place about what exactly is going on with her tax arrangements wow what an epic thread yeah there are 235 posts in this thread oh good lot so I'm not

going to go into all of them but let's just see what the final post at the point of recording is and then we'll move on to our final light-hearted one I don't get why being a dentist means you can't share the driving. Is there something about dentistry that I don't know? Twist. Dentist?

She's a travelling dentist. That's really creepy. I don't want a dentist to come to my house. They have equipment. They have specialised equipment. Yeah. What a twist. What did we miss in the intervening 234 messages?

I've got no idea, but I do not want a dentist to come to my house. I don't like the idea of a hairdresser coming to my house because they wouldn't have all the equipment they need. We used to have a hair dresser. dress i come to our house when we were kids that creeps me out but at least it wasn't a dentist if you said oh we used to have a dentist yeah that's fine a dentist can't just throw a towel down no if they threw a towel down ask what they were doing i think this woman is being unreasonable i think this woman is being unreasonable very good final one final long one

am i being unreasonable to think that hugh jackman is the perfect man seriously he can see He can dance. He is faithful to his wife. He's a father. He's confident. He's fit. He does charity work. Seriously. I'm not even sure. What could make a man any more perfect? This is a strange one for this for him. But, um, no, not being unreasonable at all. He's a wonderful man. You think he's the perfect man? Uh, yeah. You can watch Hugh Jackman in Logan. And he's very compelling as a conflicted on the run Wolverine and then you can watch him in Les Miserables

where he's perfect as a conflicted on the run fugitive for sealing a love of bread. Okay can we just look at what this poster thinks makes someone the perfect man. He can sing. That's great I wouldn't care either way if someone couldn't sing

but okay. He can dance again great but I don't know that I would think someone was imperfect if they couldn't dance because I don't know how often dancing comes up and how long it would take me to find out they couldn't dance Yeah, I've never seen Hugh Jackman dance He's faithful to his wife

That seems like setting a low bar A really low bar Yeah Yeah, that doesn't make him perfect He's a father It doesn't say he's a good father Just that he is a father He has managed to reproduce

Yeah, so I don't know how that feeds into being the perfect man, but apparently just having a kid. Sure, great. He's confident. Well, we don't know that. Yeah, we don't know Hugh Jackman personally. Maybe he has crippling self-doubt.

A lot of famous people do. Yeah, that he can only get rid of by being a song and dance man. A song and dance man. So he is, so he is. He's fit. I assume they mean, like, physically fit, not like a hottie. Maybe they mean he's a hottie. He's both.

Yeah, sure. He does charity work. I do charity work in that I work for a charity. So I'm some of the way towards being the perfect man. I'm not even sure what could make any man more perfect. I just have to say perfect is an absolute. You don't get degrees of perfect. Someone is perfect or they are not. You can't be more perfect. And so for that reason, even if Hugh Jackman is the perfect man, Jackman admirer, the user. That's the username here. That's the username. Jackman Admira is a little unreasonable. Did they sign up just to post this? Presumably. Maybe not.

Maybe they've just been swanning around on all the other boards. Under the username Jackman Admira. Like, you're being unreasonable. Your baby should be eating broccoli. And like, you're being unreasonable. Parent and child spaces are for parents and children. Is there? Under the username Jackman Admira.

And they were like, oh, hang on. Maybe people want some context on why my username is like this. I'll start my own thread. Is there any chance that this is Hugh Jackman trying to drum up support for his film The Greatest Showman? It sounds a lot like something that Hugh Jackman would post on Mum's Net, am I being unreasonable? I didn't know that Hugh Jackman was like that. Well, allegedly, he's confident, so why would he need to puff himself up like that? Well.

As masquerading as Jackson admirer. Ooh, here's a good post. He really is as lovely in real life as you'd imagine. saying more as it was out me, really, really nice, genuine guy. So with that crap anonymous name drop of implying that this person knows Hugh Jackman, but then won't say who they are, let's call it a day on the long ones and do one more speed round. I think that was probably Mrs Jackman. Maybe that was Hugh Jackman. Maybe all of the posters on that entire thread of Hugh Jackman. What if all the posts that we've been dealing with are Hugh Jackman? What if you

Jackman was a shitting man. Oh, no, the poster would have recognised Hugh Jackman. Every day, Hugh Jackman comes into my eyes and there's a huge shit. I'm not the perfect man. Am I being unreasonable to kick Hugh Jackman out? Yes. What if Hugh Jackman is the colour you can't draw? Oh, no.

Another imperfection. Oh, oh no. What if Hugh Jackman is the person who drinks milk that's only just been opened? In terrifying quantities. Anyway, you've been listening to You Are Being Hugh Jackman. Do we want a speed round? Yes. Am I being unreasonable to ask pure motivational running songs?

No. Am I being unreasonable, swim rage? Yes. Am I being unreasonable to not know anyone who saw this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Am I being unreasonable so smoking does look cool? No, no. Am I being unreasonable?

I'm not. D.H. is dead to me. You can't... No. You're not allowed to answer your own... Am I being unreasonable in the title of the friend? Am I being unreasonable to love the greatest showman. See? He's here. He's haunting the bones, like the ghost at the feast. I've just clicked into that one

and that wasn't posted by Jackman Admira. Does Jackman Admira comment? I don't know. And there was one more about the greatest showman somewhere on the boards today but I've lost it but it was basically Am I Being unreasonable to love all the songs from The Greatest Showman.

This is self-marketing for the Greatest Showman. It's open your eyes, sheeple. Let's call it a day there. Let's call it a day. This has been you're being unreasonable with Helen, Simon and Hugh Jackman Join us again next week We'll be talking about the greatest showman probably

For more Am I Being unreasonable questions Follows on Twitter at YAB Unreasonable And download the podcast From SoundCloud, Apple Podcasts, PlayoFM Thanks, bye Thanks for listening, bye I feel fantastic

And I know I felt as good as how I do right now Except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day when I felt the way that I do right now, right now, right now.