You Are Being Unreasonable - 011 - In which Boomers slowly invade Millennials' houses

Episode Date: March 22, 2018

"Muttering incantations in the long-forgotten eldritch language of the Elder Gods is a bit much." This week, we endlessly move their fruit bowl to keep up with the neighbours, we ponder the inscrutable and impossible geometry of the mysterious box room, and Simon gets obsessed with summoning the Elder Forgotten Gods.

We all I know, driving on drugs feels better when they're prescription. All I know, the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now

We're back with another You are being unreasonable. You are being unreasonable. How are you today, Hells? Very unreasonable, how are you? Pretty sleeper. Oh no. So I'll either be really funny, I'll really sleeper.

Not necessarily mutually exclusive, but we'll see how it goes. Shall we begin? Let's do a speed round. Am I being unreasonable to wonder WTF has gone wrong at Northamptonshire County Council? Yeah, yeah.

It sounds like a massacre. I know what that might be about. Haven't they gone bust or something? Yeah. So, yeah. Why is it allowed that to happen? I don't know, but it's a speed round, so tough. Am I being unreasonable to be really annoyed,

our local soft play centre has installed three iPads within the play area. Yeah, categorically, not soft play. Not at all. Am I being unreasonable to ask you what this is? Yeah, figure it out for yourself. Am I being unreasonable to think Kaylee is actually a bloody good song No, I thought that was about Kaylee the regional dance No, it's spelled differently

Oh yeah, yeah Kiley's great, Kaylee the dance Usually called a Kaley, not just Kaley Kaley, love that Kale Am I being unreasonable about this erection situation Ah yes Yeah, be careful with erections You want to be careful with that

Have someone die out Am I being unreasonable, how long to cook a beef stew start to finish? Not really the forum for that question. Unreasonable to make a stew though, I hate stew. Shall we do a proper thread? Yeah, so we look at threads from the Am I Being Unreasonable Board of Mumsnet where people go to ask, are I being unreasonable questions? The beef stew question seems like it belongs in the cooking section of Mumsnet.

Yeah, I think that section of Mumsnet is called Feeds the Word. Yeah, Mum's down. It's got different sections like Reddit, so we only look at Am I Being unreasonable? Yeah. Which is why we're not regularly reading out recipes or cooking tips every week, because that's not what we're interested in. I categorically could not care less about beef stew. Please do not tweet in with any tips about cooking a beef stew. I will ignore them. And I will judge you. I think a beef stew takes, what, like 20 minutes? It takes days and it tastes foul.

Am I being unreasonable to not attend nephews, and now it's in scare quotes, birthday party? Ah, yet again, I'm perhaps rationally annoyed by sister-in-law and her over-the-top habits for her son. Name changed, as this will out me without question. She's planned a first birthday party for her son, so my nephew. Yes. It's in a big country pub with an attached hall and beautiful.

I've looked the place up, so extravagant and a bit ridiculous. The invites look like bloody wedding invitations. She's even added at the bottom that she doesn't want any presents for her DS, but asked everyone could bring a book along for him. Grabby. The worst part? There's a theme. Everyone, including the adults, are asked to dress in either blue, or white, or blue and white.

I've seen the cake she's having too. It's three tier. Three fucking tear! Here. Am I being unreasonable? This is bloody ridiculous and to avoid it through sheer principle. I never actually said we'd be going, but our family usually go to each other's events no questions asked, and I presume she's assumed we will go. She has formed for this type of thing. To give you an idea, her DS only wears white baby grows, which she irons. Me and sister-in-law, her sister-in-law also, find it hilarious, and we will have

a good chat about this one but don't think I'll be attending. She knows me and D.H. a skint. Plus she's always showing off by buying everyone's kids fancy stuff. We've advised her before. It's okay love. Just get them something for a tenor. Am I being unreasonable? I'm fed up of all this extra nonsense from her. Am I just pregnant and hormonal? I don't have anything in blue really and my boys don't have anything in white or baby blue, the look she obviously expects for everyone. So, there's a lot going on there. I thought from the title, am I being unreasonable to not attend nephews, quote, birthday party, unquote? It wasn't a birthday party at all, that it was like some kind of summoning gathering

to summon the nephew from the Eldridge beyond, because the nephew is actually one of the old gods. But that's not the case. No, it's an actual birthday party. So, Heaven knows why she's put it in quotes. Well, it does sound fairly cultish, like everyone dressing in white, like the polyphonic spree. I would go to a birthday party where the theme was the polyphonic spree.

For my next birthday, I'm going to have a polyphonic spree party. I can see how that does look like a cult, though. It does look like they're summoning the old gods. Just to clarify, this poster never ever mentions the old gods. This is all you. Should we go through and discuss the various parts of this? Well, let's talk about the theme.

Okay. The theme is people dressing in blue or white. Or blue and white. Like sailors? Well, I mean, not everyone would have these things, but maybe a pair of jeans and a plain white t-shirt. That would be the theme. It doesn't say the theme is sailors. It just says blue or white, all blue and white.

It doesn't need to be striped. I don't know if that's a theme. No. It doesn't seem strong enough to be a theme. So do you think there should be more of a theme? Is your problem that... If you're going to say there's a theme, then yeah, because... And the theme is the old gods.

Spoilers for our wedding, for anyone attending, but we've used a lot of kind of ivy on the invitations and various decorative elements. And people have asked me, is Ivy the theme? What weird! And I don't think that's a theme. That's not a strong enough element to be a theme. No, I don't understand what an ivy themed wedding. Yeah, we're all going to grow exponentially and cling to the walls.

Me and hell's just love either. You've seen our flat full of overflowing with plant life. So there's the theme. She's very angry about the scene. Not a theme. She hasn't got anything blue or white. And then she says, my sons haven't got anything in baby blue, which is obviously what she imagines. But it doesn't say baby blue anywhere.

And the way that she's phrased it, I think, concedes that her sons do have blue and or white clothes. And she's just looking for problems where there are none. Oh, it's not the shade of blue that I've taken it upon myself to think the theme means. Also, did the baby only have one set of clothes? This white baby grow. This single white baby grow. I think the baby has endless white baby grows, like a cartoon character's wardrobe. Yeah, like when Donald Duck would open his wardrobe and just have sailor suits.

I think that's what's going on. Why is she so mad that her sister-in-law irons the baby grows? It does seem excessive, but I wouldn't get mad about it. No, it makes no difference to her life. And I think the real kind of crux of this whole story comes right at the end. Am I just being pregnant and hormonal? Does she know she's pregnant? Or does she think, oh, maybe I'm worked up about this for no reason?

Maybe I'm pregnant. Maybe I'm preggers. I assume that she is actually pregnant and she knows that. But it would be quite good if this was the first time it's occurred to her, so you can go and take a test. Maybe having written these several sentences about this party, this nondescript party that my nephew's having, maybe I'm pregnant. I'll say that's the first sign that you can go on a message board and write sentences about a child's birthday party. It does sound a bit much, though, the party. Okay, yeah.

A free-tiered cake for babies is nonsense. But she's invited all these other people. She's clearly trying to organise a nice family gathering. A bit extra, though. Yeah, a bit extra, but I like cake right enough. People like cake. Yeah, yeah. I don't really see why this woman's so het up.

Yeah, I mean, I would go. I mean, it's not the worst thing in the world to go to a party that's a bit much. No, not at all. And she's said, it's really obvious that she just doesn't like her sister-in-law and probably just doesn't like her nephew. Like, she's even added at the bottom that she doesn't want any presents for her DS, but asks if everyone could bring a book for him, grabby. Well, no, if you go to a child's birthday party, you probably think, oh, I should take a present. Yeah. And she's saying, don't bring toys or plastic or whatever.

Books are nice. We don't have enough books. We've got more than enough clothes. And books for one. Baby grows. We're good for baby grows. We want books. Books for one year olds are very cheap. You know, it's not... Like the board of books. The ones that kids just eat. Yeah, that sort of thing.

Or, you know, like picture books that can be read to the one year old. Like spot. Yeah, sure. That sort of thing. It's not like she's saying, oh, I want the first edition of the complete works of Shakespeare for a little Timothy. And don't turn up in anything of them, Baby Blue, you shit. She's gone all out She's delighted to have a son She's doing this all at her own expense

I really don't understand why this woman's so angry about it Yeah, it sounds nice Shall we see what the thread has to say I can see one comment that just reads You're not coming across very well here And I would agree with that person That's going to be my new response to people on Twitter You're not coming across very well here

I prefer this slightly blunter one Don't go You're horrible Kids better off without you in his life That's a bit more pointed Well yeah I mean There's only so well you can look

When you're criticising a child's birthday party An infant's birthday party Yeah What's it to you The original post has come back and said I think no presents Just your presence is much nicer no and then someone's responded that expression is really really annoying because it is not

sincerely meant so yeah yeah I mean fundamentally this woman clearly just hates her sister-in-law and the nephew yeah she's now taking it out on a baby she won't get the baby a book she's bitching about his party he didn't ask for any of this he's won and if he did ask for any of this I'm quite impressed actually and if he can articulate such particular desires regarding theme and gifts at such a young age. More power to him. Let's not forget he's either one or millennia old as one of the elder forgotten gods.

And with that, let's move on to the next thread. Am I being unreasonable? Is it common to have the fruit bowl on the dining table? Hi, hubby and I have a dilemma. He wants the fruit bowl on the dining table. I always thought it was common. Currently, we have it on a side table. Please be gentle with me.

Let's talk about the meaning of the word common. Okay, go on. Does the poster mean common as in, you know, working class and crude? Yes. Or common as in something that everyone does? I assume common as in working class and crude. Because, yeah, one way, as the previous commenter said, they do not come off well here. the fact that she says

I always thought it was common we currently have it on a side table and also if she thought it was the norm and the thing that many people did it wouldn't be a dilemma for her would it so I think that she is a terrible snob a terrible snob with too much time on her hands if she can worry about

what the class implications of the location of the fruit bowl are yeah I mean this seems a bit higher synth bouquet in keeping up appearances supremely so absolutely yeah reference dates me that's okay because you're also one of the elder gods.

It's true. I didn't realise that there were any class implications as to where you put a fruit bowl. No, I grew up in a house where there was a fruit bowl on the table and contained oranges, the occasional banana. We had a fruit bowl on a side table and then sometimes it was on a window ledge

and sometimes it had fruit in it and sometimes it had like an old mobile phone in it because, you know, that's the way life goes sometimes. Well, we're clearly different social classes then because you've got a side table fruit bowl and I've got a working class dining table fruit bowl. The layout of our parents' homes is very different though

in that if we had a fruit bowl on a dining table it would be in the dining room and it wouldn't be particularly handy for just grabbing a piece of fruit as you go which is kind of the point of a fruit bowl, whereas... We had a kind of knocked through living room dining room, open plan, I think is the phrase you're looking for. So the fruit bowl was visible from the dining room.

So you could think, we've got some fruit. Yeah, yeah. So maybe that's why. Maybe it depends on the layout of your home as well. This is a scene with it over thinking this. Yeah, we are. Because the posters led us down a blind alley, thinking about placement of fruit balls and social implications thereof.

Shall we hear from the thread, just the one. It's all bollocks. Put it wherever's most convenient, you silly billies. Thank you to that poster. Aw, silly billies, it's quite sweet. It's very cute, isn't it? Yeah, that's not. Nice.

Yeah. They are silly billies. We all are. We talked about it for minutes there. Yeah. Who cares? Silly billies. Put your fruit where you want.

Silly billies. That poster came across very well. Yeah. Well done then. Okay. Someone who isn't being unreasonable. Amazing. Amazing.

With that, should we move on to another thread? Am I being unreasonable? Should I ask my new lodger to leave? I've recently taken on a male lodger much older than me. He is in his 50s. I'm 25. I own my own home, just me and my pug living here, and have previously rented one of my single rooms out. My new lodger only moved in last week, paying two weeks rent as he wanted to have an initial trial period. However, since moving in, he appears to have moved half a house worth of belongings with him, despite only renting a very small single room. He has now occupied most of the garden shed, several kitchen cupboards, it was only agreed to have one cupboard and half the fridge, half the understairs cupboard, and half my third bedroom too.

He is also leaving the heating on constantly, even when he's not home. Another reason for me taking on a lodger was to look after my pug a couple of nights a week, and to feed him should he finish work earlier. He's home earlier than me every day of the week, so the agreement was that he would feed my dog and let him out. etc before I'm home. He seems to be quite reluctant to do this now that he has moved in and has been quite a stand-offish towards looking after the dog, despite claiming to be a dog lover himself. Am I being unreasonable to give him notice at the end of his two weeks trial period? He's not very easy to talk about problems with and makes me feel like I'm the one creating problems already, even after just one week. I don't know if I can stand living with someone who

takes over the entire house and all my free space and has no regard for my ever-increasing house bills and isn't keen on looking after my dog. Advice, please. This is how boomers have so many houses. They just move into Millennials' houses and gradually take over. More and more stuff, less and less space from the dog. And eventually they just own the house. Wow. It's just how it works. God, they're cany, aren't they, these boomers? Boomers and their insatiable lust for housing. I want to know what all of this stuff is. How has he got so much stuff? I like to think it's completely incongruous.

So the garden shed is filled with pans and the kitchen cupboards are full of books. And it's just his stuff everywhere. But none of it makes sense. The lawnmowers in the hallway. The thing that I think is the very worst part of this. Like, he shouldn't really be in the shed. He shouldn't be using this understairs cupboard

if it wasn't agreed that that was part of the space he could have. That's not on. The third bedroom, how... Dare he? That seems really beyond the pale to go into the third bedroom and just plonk all of your, I don't know, like fishing stuff there. Yeah, I'm not good at being in other people's houses generally. So I think if I was lodging with someone, I wouldn't even go near rooms that I wouldn't allow it to be in. Yeah, I would feel... I'd never open that door. If the third bedroom door was closed, I'd never open it. No, me neither. I'd want to. I'd be so curious. What's he?

secrets are in there. I lived in a flat once where we had this box room and from the way the flat was laid out we could tell the box room was quite sizable but it had internal windows but no external window so it couldn't be a bedroom and the internal windows were quite high up so you couldn't really see into them unless you went and got a ladder and the landlord kept their stuff in this box room and me and the two people that I lived within that flat all had dreams at various times about what exactly was in the box room because we were was just so curious, but we never even got a ladder to peer through the window at the top because we felt like that was somehow invading their privacy. We worked out from the size

and the geography of the room. We worked out from the geography of the room that it must be the size of St Paul's Cathedral, but we weren't allowed in there. It was forbidden. Fine, it wasn't that big, but it was big enough to get a double bed in there. We're sure of that. But it was where the landlord kept their stuff. So we didn't even get a ladder to peer through the window at the top. We just all had fevered dreams about what might be in there.

Ranging from perhaps it was a beautiful library with mahogany shelves and a leather chair. Right through to maybe it was just full of dirty needles and broken glass. A summoning circle for the elder forgotten gods. Yeah, sure.

Or, I don't know, just where Hugh Jackman hangs out. Yeah. But we never even looked because that wasn't part of the agreement. So, for him to have gone into this room is where I really think that he is terrible. Yeah. A horrible person. Also, I know what this is.

Go on. This was an episode of Inslide number nine. That's why it seems faux familiar. The guy took in a rough sleeper and the rough sleeper gradually took over his life. Yes. Like he put on a suit and he shaved his beard. and he became the rough sleeper, the man who owned the house, and the roof sleeper took over his life by inches.

Yeah, so yeah, ask him to leave. The other thing is, otherwise they're going to take over. It seems a weird setup to get a lodger with the agreement being the lodger will look after your dog if the lodger is home first. Like, so maybe the lodger helps with the dog, maybe the lodger doesn't help with the dog. It seems a bit of a haphazard way to make sure that your dog is cared for. But that aside, my advice to the dog,

the OP is, yeah, get rid. You don't want some dreadful boomer in your third bedroom with all these crap. Not looking after your dog. Being standoffish to your dog in fact. Maybe the third bedroom is the dog's room and it's unacceptable that you're taking it. Should we hear from the thread? Yes, please. Get rid of him ASAP. He's taking the absolute piss, tell him to fuck off. Tell him to leave at the end of his two weeks. Be blunt, let him know now. Tell him immediately the trial period isn't working out and he'll need to move out by. X date, get rid of him ASAP. Mine is worse. He has a habit of inviting his friends over who then take over the kitchen, dining room and nutter in a language I don't understand. It's

driving me nuts. It's not really a competition. It's not, and also this one, I think it's one thing if your lodger takes over all of your cupboard space and they ignore your dog despite an agreement that they would, you know, look after your dog. This one, it just sounds like the lodger wants to treat this place as if it's there. home, which it is, and she's not happy about that. So actually I think that poster is unreasonable. Her lodger isn't worse. I think she is worse. I don't know. muttering incantations in the long forgotten eldritch language of the elder cuts is a bit much. Always, always with this this term. Okay, so was the poster being unreasonable? Yes. No, no, the lodgers.

Okay, is the pug being unreasonable? All pugs are unreasonable. Okay. Very good. Final thread. Am I being unreasonable to be shocked? Dun, dun, dun. My son has just come back from an army insight course. He spent a night out on patrol, ran a mile and a half, marched around, took all the shouting and drilling and so on.

That was fine. However, he was a bit surprised at the behaviour of some of the seasoned soldiers who were running the course. In fact, he was quite shocked by some of the behaviour and some of the things the men said. Some of the boys on the course were 16, like my son, and the men were about twice their age. I do not want to say too much about the behaviour

or the content of what was said, but I was a bit shocked. My son said the men were desensitised, and he does not usually use words of more than two syllables. I don't expect soldiers to act like angels, but I was a bit shocked when my son told me about their behaviour and the topics of discussion. Am I being unreasonable to feel that this was insight into something the army would not be proud of?

Yeah, hells, hells, health. Yeah? This army insight course certainly gave him an insight into the army. Oh. Why has she written a post where she won't tell us a damn thing about what has happened? I think I know what happened. What happened? Was it a bit blue?

It's a bit, I don't want to... A bit boredy. Hells is a woman, and I don't want to say these things in front of a woman. So, Helsie's going to step out of the room. So it'll just be me and you. Soldiers often talk about sex. Hells, you can come back in now. Cui!

Yeah, soldiers often talk about sex. That was a bit. Oh. Wow. You were here all along. That was a bit. It was a bit. Yeah, I mean, soldiers got a soldier.

That's what they do. I worked alongside soldiers for a bit. And, yeah, I was shocked. But you're so shocked that you went on the internet and said that you were shocked but you wouldn't say why you were shocked but it was shocking At the time I tended not to use words of over two syllables

so I found it hard to express myself To be honest it sounds like it's been a good thing that he went on this insight course because it's expanded his vocabulary so nothing else that's a start Yeah it's all just talk about sex and violence that's what they're into

I do feel like if you're trying to molly coddle your son maybe don't encourage him to have a career in the army. Maybe encourage him to do anything else. Yeah, yeah, because quite a thought, apart from the bawdy nature of the army. There's the bit where you go and kill people for a living. There's a bit where you kill people for money. So I've had a little look through the thread,

and she does come back and says that they were making jokes about rape, they were grabbing each other's balls, they were driving like idiots in trucks down country roads, and talking about blowing people up. Again, having worked with the army, none of this surprises me. I really do think that... The army's lads, lads, slads. Slads on tour.

What did she think would go on? That's what I don't understand. Like, what... Did she think they'd all have a nice sleepover? They'd talk about kittens and... Make up. Make up. And then they'd all...

Sing, come by art. Make a den. and watch Paddington. I really don't understand what she thought was going to happen here. It's a bit naive about the army. It's not, I mean, there is the sort of above sergeant class, the kind of well-to-do people who've gone to, what's it called, Sandringham, who go to the big military academies,

and they tend to be quite upper-class, upper-class gents yeah um but the lower ranks and i'm generalising here the lower ranks are bawdy lads yeah bawdy lads and bawdy girls the other thing is you can join the army at 16 can't you yeah so for her to be like oh well they were twice the age of the people who were there and they were only 16 like well the thing is you can be in the army at 16 and it's not like the moment you turn 18 or the moment you turn 21 suddenly it's fine to be making rape jokes rape jokes Freight jokes aren't great, but joining the army isn't something that I particularly think is great either, so you kind of got a role with the punches. If you're going to join the army, you can't expect the other army officers to be like, oh, oh, you're only a wee kid, because you're not a wee kid, you're in the army. Yeah, you're about to do horrible, horrendous things that will probably leave you with PTSD. Yeah. And if you've got to find a way to vent and sort of deal with it, that's part of the job.

I don't think her son's cut out for the army since he came back and they meant crying to mummy. Yeah, I don't think she's cut out for her son to be in the army. No, from the thread again. Maybe the army isn't for him. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Or maybe it isn't it would be great if the army actually attracted guys who were shocked at fucking awful toxic behaviour, someone says.

Well, yeah, but we're talking about larger systemic problems. We are, aren't we? The culture of the British Army and probably militaries in general. Yeah, probably. Someone said, I'd feed back to whoever is in charge of the course in writing, so it's recorded and officially responded to. The response you're going to get is we're terribly sorry for any offence caused, we will look into this matter, and they won't look into the matter. They'll just be like, someone's mum got involved because you made a joke or you did something and everyone will think, well, that's utterly ridiculous.

Yeah, it'll go to some well-to-do Sandringham captain who will push it down to the sergeant, who will just deal with it. Yeah. Tell the lads off, don't be so bawdy. Then they'll just do it in secret. Someone said, if your son was doing an insight day at a law firm, would rape jokes be acceptable? It's a different context.

It is a different context. And, you know... Lawyers don't kill people directly. I just, I think they're missing the point. It's not about it being an insight day for teenagers. It's about it being an insight day for the army. He's had an insight into the army. He didn't like what he saw.

he's lucky that he had the chance to go for by the sound of it a weekend and realise it's not for him so great onwards and upwards yeah go and find a new career that you're interested in you had your insights and they came back to tell you you don't like this I don't know why she isn't viewing it like that does she think that everyone should just I don't know change to see what she wants I don't know I absolutely don't approve of any of the stuff that they've said happens here but it is the army yeah it's not. It's not like you went to an Insight Day for Teach First, and they're all like dangerous driving and making bawdy rape jokes. It's the army. The question is, am I

being unreasonable to be shocked? And yeah, because it's not surprising. It's not. It's unreasonable, perhaps, of the army men and women, to have toxic behaviour, to exhibit it. Mm-hmm. But it's, it's unreasonable to be shocked at it, because this is a fairly well-known phenomenon. Yeah. Also, it's her son's life, not hers. Well, yeah. Now someone's moved on to saying, oh, it's like when Trump talked about grabbing women by the pussy, so let's give up on this threat, because it's just a load of garbage. Toxic nonsense. It is. Let's do one more speed round. Am I being unreasonable to not understand the point of homemade chocolate making? Yeah, what more chocolate? Am I being unreasonable to think St Patrick's Day is just an excuse for drunkenness?

Yeah, and a little racist. Yeah. Am I being unreasonable to think there should be competition between support groups? Yes. I have no idea what that's about. Some Anne Rand. I'm sorry that your bereavement support group didn't win in the Battle of the Bereaved. You're on your own now, kiddo.

Am I being unreasonable? Fucking shitty tea room job, lambing time and my mum's new hip. A lot going on there. No, no. The world, they get the weight of the world on their shoulders. Am I being unreasonable posting for traffic, Manchester? Manchester's not unreasonable. It's very laid-backs at you.

Am I being unreasonable? I looked like a starved cow. Oh no, grim. With that image, let's call it a day. Yeah, thanks for listening. You can find us at Apple Podcasts and Player FM and all these kinds of places. Loads of places. Loads of places.

We should mention, because we never have done, that our theme song is by Jonathan Colton. It's I Feel Fantastic from one of his albums, which is licensed under Creative Commons licenses. And it's a good album. Should listen to the rest of it. Pretty good. Follow us on Twitter at YAB Unreasonable. Let us know if you come across any good mum's net threads. Yeah.

Happy to hear from them. But they have to be from the Am I Being Unreasonable boards. Thanks for listening. Bye! this how I do right now except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day when I felt the way that I do right now right now right now