You Are Being Unreasonable - 019 - In which we fancy people from the olden days

Episode Date: May 31, 2018

"Adam Ant: not as bad as Stalin." This week, it's the most ambitious crossover event in podcast history as we're joined by Stuart Moses of the Improv London Podcast (https://soundcloud.com/improvlondon) to dive with us into Mumsnet's AIBU forum. Together, the three of us list soft cheeses, obliquely reference the theft of a dog on Facebook, we seduce Nye Bevan's wife, and go to the Mirror Universe version of Mumsnet where all the OPs have goatee beards.

Hello, driving on drugs feels better when their prescription. All I know, the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now.

Hello. It's Simon and Helen And Stuart We recorded another episode of You Are Being Unreasonable And we're joined by our very special guest Stuart Hello

We're doing a cross-over episode That's right Stuart is from the London Improv podcast Close Yes close But crucially incorrect The Improv London podcast Oh yeah

Which is recommended for all fans of people who love improv and indeed London, one of the two. Good. We'll plug this again at the end. Shall we do a speed round? Yay! Yes. Right, I will direct the questions to you one at a time.

Am I being unreasonable to think it's not a holiday for me, Simon? No, don't go on that holiday. Am I being unreasonable? I don't know what to do. Chip shop dilemma, Stuart. Oh, I know the rules of the game and I know we're not allowed, We can never find out what the story is, but yeah, I think you are being unreasonable. Just get chips. Or don't, I mean.

That's the dilemma. Or don't get chips. I mean, you know. Am I being unreasonable to serve sandwiches as a wedding? Simon? No. No. Did you have...

We had hot dogs at our wedding. This is the question I was going to ask. John Hodgman's rule. Our hot dog sandwiches? A hot dog is not a sandwich. A hot dog is not a... How many podcasts can we reference in this? so you didn't have sandwiches you had hot dogs apparently not no we had hot dogs so yes a sandwich is not

enough okay so I realise I've misunderstood the nature of the speed round as I wish to discuss all of them getting into some shit sorry yeah I've listened to every episode but I still don't understand how it works am I being unreasonable to have exploded with a truth bomb Stuart whoa no truth bombs are my favourite type of bomb they're probably the only yeah I'm really in favour of actually. I can agree with that. Amhergates bombs in general, but truth bombs well. Well, yeah. And last one for the speed round. Am I being unreasonable to object to people pressure washing garden paving, Stuart. Yes, you are being unreasonable. Let's have clean paving stones. Good. I think. I don't know, not a reason we've really given a lot of thought to

before. Yeah, man, clean those paving stones. Yeah. Or don't, man. Seems unreasonable to have opinion yeah am i being unreasonable to tell d h he is pronouncing dd's name wrong dd is mainly known as a shortening of her name occasionally we call her the full version however i have noticed d h pronounces it in a different way to how i have ever heard it pronounced i assumed there was just one pronunciation of it i'm wondering if it would be reasonable to point it out or do i just live with it. So my first question and there are many. But the first one is did the poster OOP not say the child's name aloud before the child was given the name? Did they draw it from a hat? Did they just pull names out of a hat but they just look at it? It was just written

down and they never actually said it aloud. Maybe they came up with a list on a Google dock and just added to it and then they picked one by pointing at it and then wrote it on the birth certificate. But never actually said it aloud. I've never been to register a birth. I don't remember my own birth being registered obviously. But when you go and do stuff at the register office like for a marriage, they repeat things back to you relentlessly. So surely even if they never said it out loud, even if somehow they slipped a piece of paper to the registrar, like this is what I'm calling her, the registrar would have then said, oh, Stephanie. And at that point, the husband would have said, no, no, no, Stathalie.

I mean, I have registered two children's names. I have to say, I don't remember them reading it back to me. Oh, there we go. Oh. But I think this should be introduced. Yeah, to prevent just this kind of misfortune. Quite something. The thing is that every time they said it wrong, you would get more and more angry

inside until you had to release it as a truth bomb. Yeah. Until you explode with this truth problem, my mum's net. And then suddenly you're the unreasonable one. Well, I'm not sure about that. How do we know that it's the DH who's saying it wrong? It's a good point. Maybe it's open to interpretation.

Yeah. Yeah. We got married recently. Congratulations. And we chose a new surname. And this surname has two valid pronunciations. And people have been asking us, how do you pronounce it? And I don't think I've said it the same way,

twice. Because I don't know. Somebody called me over and in front of Simon said, how do you pronounce your new surname? And I looked at Simon and said, you go first. Because actually we hadn't settled. We hadn't decided it. We never said it out loud. Oh no. Where is as bad as the original poster?

Well, that's what came to mind as soon as you read it. We have a surname that we can't pronounce. The other thing that came to mind is after me banging on about how the registrar keeps saying things back to you. The registrar that filled in all of our paperwork who did say things back to me was not the one who did the ceremony when we got married

and she could not pronounce my middle name. No. So maybe registrars don't go around saying stuff or if the registrar said it one way maybe this woman was like oh this person's not relevant to my daughter's life going forward. Obviously my husband knows how to say it and didn't think anything of it. I mean initially I was thinking

the OPE was being unreasonable but having heard your story. Just because we are doesn't mean... Yeah, me too. What could the name be I really hope it's something that's really straightforward and one of them is just a wild card saying in a ridiculous fashion. It's like Louise and Louise. Llewis. Llewis. Dinner. I did know somebody who knew somebody else so it's probably not true but they gave birth in the toilet and that's why they called their child Lou Ease. I don't move in those sort of circles anymore. I mean there's also

argument that there's no shame in having read more words than you've heard. Oh no, no, no, no, no, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So... I didn't know how to say quinoa until relatively recently. Yeah. But I wouldn't name my child quinoa. You take your child with Noah.

Exactly. The only thing I can think of that would make this person really unreasonable is if the kid's name is Hermione, because everyone always talked about how they thought Hermione was pronounced before they saw the films. It's a thing that comes up a million times. times. So if the kids have called Hermione and one of them saying Hermie 1, then everyone's being unreasonable. Hermit 1. I've never heard that. Hermit one. I've had this conversation several times. This suggests that's a hermi 2, Hormi 3 and plus me hermi 4. Okay, who's being unreasonable? We need to conclude that someone is being unreasonable, if not everyone. I think

the DH is being unreasonable. Maybe the daughter? I think the daughter's a flavor. having this name for being called Hermion 2. Well, how does the daughter feel about it? Because the daughter must have her name mispronounced. That's a good point. How old is this daughter? I imagine quite small. Yeah, that's what I thought.

See, I'd assumed like 13. Oh, I can't imagine it's gone on for 13 years. But they've waited for 13 years later to post up on months now. Makes more sense. I'm imagining a matter of months. Yeah, that makes more sense. I think you'll play it out then. Can't go on for 13 years.

need to put it out aggressively, she could just say, oh, I've only ever heard it pronounce like this before. And then he could say, well, that's ridiculous, or he could say, oh, okay, and it doesn't need to be a whole thing. I could just carry on with the shortening of the name and never address the elephant in the room for years. That's true. Maybe that'll be better, avoid all the conflict. Well, let's move on then. Am I being unreasonable? I've been accused of stealing a dog. Oh no! We've all been there.

Well, have we? Have we? Feel there's a story. Story to be told there. A message was being shared of a dog going missing in our area. It was a beautiful dog and I commented as such and said I'd keep an eye out.

The O.P. replied with some more info so I asked if he was microchipped and advised him to call the local vets to advise them of his disappearance. It's a big dog, a breed that would be desirable to wrongens and I suggested it had probably been stolen. I shared it on my Facebook. Someone else has now commented that my replies suggest I have the dog and I'm trying to find out info in order to cover my tracks. I'm so pissed off. I was only trying to help and

now I feel like I'm under suspicion all over bloody Facebook. Am I being unreasonable to think this was out of order? If they suspected they could have PM'd me without publicly accusing me like that. Stealing a dog is very different. And it was in my day when you'd have to cut, you know, letters out of the newspaper and send a ransom note. May he just put it on Facebook, apparently. She didn't post on Facebook that she stole the dog. No, you obliquely reference a theft on Facebook. But the thing is that that's kidnapping.

And I would say this, this O.P is essentially not a gifted kidnapper if she has to be, that's this subtle to get the message across that she has the dog. Yeah. I find that subtlety is not prized among kidnappers as a core skill. No, you gotta go in there and say, I literally have your dog and I want X amount of money for it, please. You can't be all subtle on Facebook and hope they get. And then they work out how much you want and we've been to drop it off in.

What breeds are desirable to wrongens? But also beautiful. Is she admitting that she's a wrongan by saying it's a beautiful dog desirable to wrongans? Yeah, I desire this dog. Therefore, I am a wrongan. And would likely steal a dog. as a wrong and would. Yeah.

They're convicting themselves with their own words. I mean, I find the use of the phrase wrongans. I mean, who says wrongens these days? Well, people are mums that say all sorts of shit.

And do wrongans? Okay, we'll let that pejorative term go. Do they like big dogs? I thought they like small dogs. They like big dogs and they cannot like. Is it a star? Stuffy?

I guess that's what I was picturing, like a pit bull or something, Rockweiler. That's not, I would say that was a big dog. Maybe I've got high expectations of the size of dogs. You're picturing one of those ones that looks like a bear? Yeah, I am. That's going some to steal one of that. Well, why did she post unsolicited that she thinks this dog's been stolen? What's it to her?

And then start asking about microchips and vets. If you've got a dog, you probably know these things already. Yeah, she's done. yourself into this little hole. Yeah, I think she's behaved suspiciously. And now she's come on mum's net to back this up by being like, oh, people think I stole a dog. Why do people think that? It's like when you're at school and you fancy someone and you want to talk about it, but you don't, so you're like, everyone says I fancy this person? And like, no one has said it. You're just trying to introduce it into conversation. Now she's like, everyone thinks

I stole a dog, because she feels guilty. So I take it you think she stole the dog. You think she fancies the dog. So it's a beautiful dog. Well, I mean, you know. Oh my. That love is one that cannot be denied and that she will steal the dog if that's what it takes.

We also reflect on the fact that she seems most put out that this has been done publicly. Like she feels like they should have private messaged her to accuse her of stealing the dog. Which I think is far more threatening and sinister.

I'm going to start just messaging you randomly sigh. You steal my dog? One day you're going to get him as well. She's rumbled me. Maybe I did. Yeah, but you're going to say, oh, I admit it,

and it's going to trans why you've been hiding a dog all this time. Yes. Shall we have a look at the thread? Should we have to say? Do people think she stole the dog? A lot of these posts are fake, slash out of date, slash angling for money, so best not to share unless you're 100% sure.

Cynical. Me thinks the person who accused you of dog theft is the real thief. Poirotot. Poirot is on Mums net. This is the real, he who said the rhyme did the kind of logic to detective look. Someone else has said, you should reply,

Ong, Sherlock, how did you guess? It's actually in the billiard room with the candlestick as we speak. It's not a good suggestion. It's not as good as they think it is. It's not. Someone else has said, all dogs have to be microchipped by law.

Is that true? No idea. Citation needed. Yeah. And then, I think this is the most mum's net. See, I'd reply, are you fucking thick? Or just pretending to be a fucking dullard.

Goodness me I live 50 yards from the dog owner I think she'd notice if I'd dog gnapped Insert dog's name Seeing as he's the size of a Shetland pony Told you I might just stop me if I take it out For its morning shit

Or very similar Sage advice from mumsnet there But what's is very similar to a morning shit I think it's very similar To the whole thing Oh it's sorry Rather than afternoon Morning pee

Yeah that's quite similar It's sort of similar It's pretty much the range Of the opposite it? No, a pea's not the opposite of a poo. No. We're getting into semantics. Yeah.

No. Well, let's hope that the dog is returned. Yeah. By the O.P. Yeah. By whoever the guilty party is. Yeah, whoever stole this dog. Because someone did.

It's obvious. I don't know. Maybe the dog just potted off. Maybe the dog died of accidental circumstances. And then the owner decided to say it been stolen to cash in on the... The insurance. Yeah, an insurance. That's tough.

They should have insured their dog more comprehensively because our cats are insured so even if they just die of, you know, old age. We get a payout. Nice. I mean, I hope it doesn't have for a very long time, but, you know, it's good to know that that's on the way. It's a disaster strike. And silver lining.

So the moral here, insure your dog. Ensure your dog. Microchip your pets. Spay and new to them. We can't emphasise this enough. Yes, that's important. We get this message across. Public service broadcasting.

The combined listeners of you are being unreasonable in the Improlandon podcast. Yeah. So who's being unreasonable here? The dog. The dog. I've just got so confused. It's not easy when you're just listening to this

and enjoying it while you're going around Waitrose and Iceland. You're tune in and out. You don't have to keep hold of what everyone's saying about things. I think I'm sure that Simon and Hells will probably tell me what to think in a minute. Yeah, brilliant. No, we need you to think for yourself. I think everyone here is being unreasonable because those local Facebook pages

are always just full of people looking for trouble so the first person probably in good faith wants to know where their dog is but this person's come along and been like, it's been stolen she's just looking for some drama and then the next person is also looking for some drama if we all just had better things to do with our time than go on Facebook and look for drama

this woman could just focus on finding their dog yeah maybe Mark Zuckerberg is to blame in the grander scheme yes he's to blame for a lot of things the particular instance of the talk. Not specifically the theft of the dog, but the platform on which the accusations and nonsense. But I don't know,

there's a direct correlation between the rise of Facebook and me getting married, so... Correlation, it's not correlation. The motto of the podcast. No, what was the motto of the podcast? Something about isolating variables. I don't know. We don't know.

I feel I should know. There's an Uber fan, though. I went through that phase wall was saying we needed to isolate variables Am I being unreasonable? I hate the food on holiday gutted We're at a villa in Greece with parents-in-law I'm pregnant This villa, organised by parents-in-law, comes with a chef

Who you give money at the start of the week And they cook breakfast, lunch and dinner It's run by an English lady who manages the chef My problem is The food is cooked fine, but it's very, very plain And the same thing over and over I can't have a bloody drink, I love food anyway, so it was really, really looking forward to nice food on holiday. For lunch yesterday, it was spinach and feta pie, plain tomato, onion, olive, pepper and cucumber salad, a loaf of bread and a slab of fessor.

Fine, a bit dull, but fine. For dinner yesterday, it was plain cooked chicken, no sauce of any kind, cooked potatoes, and the same salad. A loaf of bread, a slab of fessor cheese. For breakfast, it's been eggs, a loaf of bread, Greek yogurt, jam, cut up fruit. For lunch today, it was the chicken from yesterday, the spinach pie from yesterday, a slab of feta, a loaf of bread, and salad. I am fucking gutted. I know I'm putting too much importance on this, but I can't have anything to drink. I'm pretty bloody food-focused anyway, and now I'm pregnant I'm dying for nice, interesting food to relieve some of the massive fucking boredom of being pregnant.

I've privately moaned to DH, and he's said we can go to the supermarket. If I see that fucking salad again, I may scream. Please, Mumsnet, I know I'm being unreasonable. Hand me a grip someone. Wow. Wow. This does seem like a fetter heavy diet. That post is a long boy, and we can sum that whole post up with,

I'm on a free holiday and the chef isn't cooking what I want. Yeah. I mean, go back to the start, they said you give the chef food every week and they cook something. No, you give the chef money. You give the chef money. So the chef presumably just bought a load of feta and chicken. And no sauce. No sauce.

Some salad leaves. Well, no, the plain salad that she describes as being a plain salad It's got quite a lot of nice stuff in it. Tomato, onion, olive, pepper, cucumber. That doesn't seem that plain to me. That's not like an iceberg lettuce. I made the mistake of having a McDonald's salad. Oh, I'm sorry.

I had to go back and buy the chips that I should have bought the first time around. But if I had this... Sounds like a nice salad. I'm just really excited about the insight it gives you into another world. Often with the posts you talk about this podcast, I find out about things that I never knew existed. And even just going on holiday and having your own chef, it seems like another world to me.

I'd be like, I haven't had to make this. Brilliant. It sounds amazing. No, that would be great. But I think the issue is, I can't have a bloody drink. He's mentioned twice. Yeah, that's tough.

That's tough when you're on holiday and you can't have a drink. You want to relax. Do you think everyone else is getting sloshed as well? That wouldn't help. Like, do you think they're washing down their really dry chicken with some delicious, I don't know, Metaxa, Ouzo, what do you drink in Greece?

I was trying to work out what the correct wine to go with the chicken was. Yeah, and maybe the chef. Maybe they invite the chef. Come on, have a drink with us. So by the end of the day, you know, even by lunch, dinner, chef's plastered. No wonder there's no sauce on the chicken. The chef put the chicken in three hours ago.

Stop to get wrecked. Pulled it out. I forgot to make any sauce. Again, every day. You're so drunk. It's definitely something I'm meant to do. Oh, sauce. You know, there are some cheeses that pregnant women are not supposed to have

because they're not pasteurised or whatever. It's better one of them. They're soft cheese. It's not ideal in pregnancy, apparently. That is true. So if every meal a whole slab of fetters turning up and the OPE can't have it, I could see why you'd be getting a bit aggy. I'm going to Mumsnet's rival site made for Mums.com.

Whoa! I know, we're stepping over into the dark side. It's like the dark dimension. It's like, do they all have sort of weird goaty beards and things like that so you can tell that they're evil? And it says, yes, these soft cheeses are safe to eat as long as they're pasteurized. Oh, so it's probably fine.

Yeah. Okay. So, Mozilla, feta, Halumi, Havarti, cream cheese, panera, ricotta, etc. Thanks for joining us. I thought you were going to do the whole list. Thanks for joining us for this list of cheeses. Yeah, I really want to say this person's being unreasonable. They haven't paid for the holiday and they've got a chef,

but something about it, I do feel like I would be inclined to agree with. Why don't they just have a word with the chef? I'm sure it's not the most natural thing, because I don't know how to have a word with my private chef. You just click your fingers, don't you? And then you bark an order. I say, I say, chef, do come over here, just one moment. I have a few requests for the kitchen.

Could we have some sauce? No, knowing me, I'd probably send them a text. Or do a scathing sub-tweet about it. And hope they see it. I mean, I rang the doorbell today, and I was thinking they're not going to answer this, because I know Simon doesn't like it if people ring on the doorbell. No, I don't. It's okay.

I knew you were coming. That makes it okay. We had pre-raises in advance. Exactly. Well, what happens if the chef doesn't follow you on Twitter, doesn't see your passive-aggressive tweets? I guess you have to follow the chef, hope they follow you back. Yeah. Then leave it a super amount of time that it could just be about someone else.

My other private chef. My other villa. Or you find like a me. of it and you re-tweet it like oh TFW the chef didn't make sauce the picture of like a sad person is this a good meal

yeah I know this person's being unreasonable they know they're being unreasonable but a little bit of me really thinks if you're on holiday and all the food is making you sad that is shit like fair play to her for going to mum's neck to have a moan rather than going to her parents-in-law who've taken her on a lovely holiday

being like, your chef sucks. But, I mean, I agree. But, as with many of these things, if people just talk to each other... Oh, of course. But that's not going to happen. I mean, I wish I could be there. I wish I could be in Greece and just sit and down and talk to the chef because

there's no need for this sadness in the world. The chef doesn't... The chef's not going to be offended, is he, or her? I find it interesting that she starts off by saying, where is it? It's run by an English lady who manages the chef. Why is there a woman who then manages the chef but the family have no input into the chef the chef's being

micro-managed by an English lady. They need to talk to an English lady. And the first person who said, I don't like fish. Why at that point was it like, well that's the only thing we're going to accommodate? Why wasn't it a conversation about like, what sort of things do you like? I don't know. Maybe he or she can only do fish and slabs of feta and salads. That's all they're going to do. Here's the plan. Go on. You say to the chef or the English lady we want to get an authentic Greek experience so we want to go to the supermarket and we'd like to buy the ingredients for dinner if that's okay and you buy the finest freshest artisanal Greek ingredients and pass them to the

chef and hope that they don't fuck this one up maybe go a bottle of ketchup just in case yeah just a case yeah put that all over your fetter alternatively I feel like if it's just if she could just get by for most of the holiday occasionally she could say I'm pregnant I'm here with my partner. This might be the last time we get to have a holiday without a kid in tow for decades. Maybe we'll go for a romantic meal or two.

And then they go out somewhere and she fills their boots with sauce. I think that's wild. She's going to this place in the first place. Oh, Stuart, no. Not that kind of podcast. Don't know what happens on the Impro of London podcast.

Increasingly shady in your own. Should we see what the thread has to say? Yes. Sounds pretty shit to be fair, O.P. Can you ask for something specific? Yeah, fair enough. It's really a shame Greece doesn't have shops where you could buy some food

if your personal chef is not to your liking. Ooh. Yeah. Harsh. I just saw one that accused the OPE of having a drinking problem. Do you have a drink problem? Which is my point, yeah. Oh yeah, there's more than one like that.

And there's also one that I found earlier where someone said, like, do you not normally eat healthy foods? As if having a loaf and a slab of feta every meal is a healthy food. And is there some confusion between sauce and the slang for alcohol, which is also sauce. Yeah, I did wonder about that. Well, I thought for a few minutes about how to make a joke about it, but fail. I mean, I didn't make a joke.

I just made a joke. I just made it. You just said it. And I hope that somebody else would save the day, but... This is a DIY joke, so please assemble it. to tweet I like this one I think it sounds delicious frankly Greek salad fresh bread

spinach Greek pie cold frozen chicken Why are you just listing the things that she's told you Like if she said I don't like this meal You listing it back to her It's not going to make her want to eat it Listening to you to list

Panet Riccata Mascaparra No This is my new favourite thing Someone said why don't you get some of those super super Sweet things like shredded wheat coasts in honey. I think they mean backlava.

Oh, they mentioned the fact that they had three boxes of cornflakes, so I don't know if they meant. Yeah, they could just go out and get some honey. Yeah, same thing. What do you eat for breakfast? I don't eat breakfast. I don't eat breakfast. I have a box of breakfast bars at my desk. I'm one of those people who comes in and starts nibbling.

Maybe if I had a private chef, I'd eat breakfast. Because they could get up at six and make me a nice breakfast. Pull the cold flakes into the bowl, put the milk on. If that's what I wanted, that does. No, I like a spread of meats and cheeses in the continental style. And if my chef could lay out this platter of meats and cheeses and then throw it all away once I'm done, that'd be great. I hope that all the money you make from this podcast will go to providing that every morning.

Our advertising millions. Someone suggested complaining and getting the chef fired. Right, this is all done. Talk to them first. No, just get them fired. Get killed. Murder them. I'm really bored of your son and die.

I think you can get assassins just by posting on Facebook. We're not directly. Not directly. Indirectly. You might want one. Let's do our final thread, which is Stuart's thread, which he found. Yes. Well, I had said to hells like, oh well, I'll find my half of the threads and I just didn't.

I'd never been on here before and I just I just laughed so much anyway and not that I thought that you were making it up or anything I thought these aren't anyway so this is my favourite thread that I saw so it doesn't follow the AI BU formula but anyway people you really used to fancy in the olden days in the olden days I used to fancy much the Miller's son Is there a body to this or is it just... Well, I was bloody obsessed with Barry Gibb, Dave from Shawaddywadi, Alvin Stardust and later Richard Clayderman, the wet pianist. The what?

No! Can someone explain to me what a wet pianist is, please? Not on a family show. Yeah. Oh. To be fair. Disgusting. I still fancy Barry.

I think it's just the use of the phrase Olden days Yeah, yeah, yeah, when they said olden days What's what they meant like Napoleon Or James I first Yeah Lance a lot Yeah

Which would have been a well not necessarily better thread But far more interesting one Young Stalin Young Stalin Young Stalin was a hottie Famously hot Yeah I mean who did you fancy in the olden days

Hmm Good question Joan of Arc You fancy Joan of Arc She was hot, especially burnt at the steak. Yes. Are we now just going to list people who in one way or another were burnt? The problem is as a straight man, and there's lots of problems with being a straight man, as we know.

As I've heard. Is that, you know, there's not that many prominent women recorded by history, because history is recorded by the men. So I'm stuck with, you know, the standards. Helen of Troy, Cleopatra. Lair, Cleopatra, Bodicea... Helen of Troy was famously the place that launched a thousand ships. Yeah, but everyone fancies Helen of Troy. It's not new or original.

Is that what we're looking for? I mean... Well, every time travelling man is going to be going back to try and get with Helen of Troy. It's just too much competition. You mean someone else, like, I don't know, Churchill's wife. Churchill's wife has taken. I mean, Churchill's hot wife. I'm just, I don't know that someone who...

Well, because he's sorry, he's going to be really busy fighting the war, saving the Western world, so you're going to nip in around the back and she's Churchill's wife. I also, because I was going to say a woman who fancied Churchill might not have you as her type. Just you and Churchill, I wouldn't say the same type. I mean physically, maybe not, but I mean certainly

in resolve, in bravery and in courage. In strength, in yeah. Ability to win wars. Your oratory ability. Yep. In willingness to oversee a famine in India.

Maybe you should look at Nye Bevin's wife. Nye Bevan's wife. Or maybe. No, what if I get with Nye Bevan's wife, then he might be depressed and he might not invent the NHS. Or the NHS might care more about mental health

issues. No. I mean, we're looking at the fact that The issue is that these women are married, but also the fact that Simon is also married now. So you're all travelling days of wooing women. It's got to come to an end, I'm afraid. But does it count if it's in the past, if you go back in time to before you're married? This is just the premise of Goodnight Sweetheart, isn't it?

It's all right because it's in the past. So you might, yeah. That's what Nicholas Lindhurst used to say to himself. It's before I met you. Yeah. Yes. Oh God, hang on, no, Good Night Sweetheart had a really problematic message where he decided that he rather me with his old school wife because his current wife was too busy having a career and she

neglected him. Yeah, man. She was too busy with women's lib to. So then he just stayed in the past where he was more comfortable. That really is troubling. I thought it was the poor Stevie's ambition that was the problem. He's going to go back in time and just sort of hook up with the first woman he meets rather than... That's true. I mean, you know, I mean, I'm not saying you have to, you know, like manipulate the cause of history to make stuff rich or anything, but maybe, you know... Yeah, he just sort of stumble into the past and he's like... yep you'll do yeah think big man think big I don't know so okay don't go back in time to steal anyone's wife you're not allowed to know before that you could have done oh oh ask for

forgiveness wrong permission but now you've been explicitly banned from doing it yeah sorry mate fair enough who would you go back in time to woo to woo uh Julia Sawala during press gun good choice very specific very quick choice yeah I thought about that on the train you saw the thread title and you were like yeah that's what I'd do that's a good question a great female from history yeah I was dating somebody who was also very grumpy

around the same sort of time that looked sort of familiar so I think maybe there's some transference going on type but my girlfriend didn't edit her newspaper for children or already adults so Julia Linda Day is better anyway well fair enough Helen?

Oh, I don't know. I mean, Stalin was hot, but... Problematic. Quite problematic. But maybe if you went back... You could steer him away from him. Say, hey, Trotsky's your friend. Don't kill him.

Yeah. He's your pal. I probably wouldn't do that, though, you were. Also, as time went on, it wasn't kind to him in any respect, but facially. No. And also in terms of levels of evilness, so maybe not. he could have a I mean I hate to suggest that you had a brief dalliance with him but maybe less of a relationship more of a fling fling yeah that for a good time not for a long time

casanova no he seemed busy so I like the fact that Simon is concerned about competition and hells is worried about them being just busy busy yeah very busy I'm so lucky we found one another Yeah, you're not too busy There's not too much competition for me It's all good Who are the good people from the olden days?

The olden days Morton Harket, that well-known medieval troubadour Ooh yes, Morton Harket and Marty Pello There's a very specific definition of olden days at work here It's the 1980s Which shows not much imagination Adamant was my first love Young Adamant, yeah, nice I saw Adamant

in about 2010 not going well for him oh no he seemed quite mad he's had a troubled life not as bad as Stalin but you know still troubled no adamant not as bad as Stalin I'm not afraid to put those other controversial ideas out there you knew what you were getting when you share in our popular opinion being hot take a steaming hot take uh Jason donovan hey we've got a book about him when I was young we can do a whole episode reading from this book Because it's great. It's a Jason Donovan special. Can I just hold this up to my face?

Yeah. I mean, I'm much older now, but there was a time. Same. So are there stories in here about Jason Donovan? There's like a Q&A. The questions and answers are really weird. Like, one of them is, is Jason a good flatmate? Yes, he is.

Is Jason a good flatmate? Wow. Yeah, I feel you should do a special Jason Dolovan themed episode. These people aren't going as old in days as I had hoped. Like, one of them says Ryan Giggs. How old is Ryan Giggs? now, like 40? Who else?

Oh, Gary Glitter, that's problematic. Yeah, don't, oh no. No. Yeah, a lot of 80s people are. Michael Prader's Robin Hood. Heaven, go back up. Is there someone getting genuine narrated the person who put Gary Glitter?

Just ignore them and move on with a thread. Didn't dare put Gary Glitter. We used to go and see the Glitter for a Christmas treat, to be fair, we had no idea. I thought that said, don't you dare put Gary Glitter when you were scrolling past. Don't you dare put Gary Glitter. Don't you dare put Gary Glitter.

attracted to him. A lot of Keanuves and Debbie Harry. Debbie Harry is a good shout, a very good shout. But again, not going back that far. No. That'd be like, oh yeah, I'd like to go back to about 2006 and say Brody Down. Like, it's not far enough back. Yeah, I mean, if the thread had been called, who did you fancy in, who did, people you really used to fancy in the 80s days. There are over 100 messages though I don't feel we should... No, that's... People have really run with this one.

I just think the olden days is older than the 80s days. It's feudal times. Yeah, exactly. It's Catherine the Great Times. Yeah. Speed round. Speed round.

Speed round. I should ask why you have a Jason Donovan special. It was a present at my Hendoo. Of course it was. Because... I told you about my friend who borrowed my Jason Donovan. t-shirt and it stretched over her boobs and then someone fell off their bike right yes I don't if you've told it on the podcast I mean that's so I've got a Jason Donovan book that was a

present at my hendoo because at uni I had a t-shirt and it had Kylie and Jason on it and I lent it to a friend and she had much bigger boobs than me and Kylie and Jason's faces were spread right over her breasts in quite alarming detail and as she was walking back a cyclist stopped and stared and nearly crashed his bike because he was so alarmed by the sight of Jason and Kylie spread over women's breasts so in recognition of that great incident she bought me a Jason Donovan special

Right, that one Let's do the speed round Let's Am I being unreasonable, radicalised dance teacher Stuart Now I'm not an angry man It really depends which group. Yes, you are being unreasonable.

Am I being unreasonable to think urinating in the shower isn't a bad thing, Simon? No. Am I being unreasonable to think going on holiday alone will be shit, Stuart? Yes, you are being unreasonable. Am I being unreasonable repunishment for not tidying Lego away, Simon? No, they really hurt if you're standing on them. That's true. the punishment is, we'll never know.

Am I being unreasonable... I'm having to stand the one. Are I being unreasonable? Chessington World of Adventures, Stuart. No, you're not being unreasonable. Am I being unreasonable? Just got told that I'm racist towards my own child, Simon.

Yeah, no, no. It sounds like you might be racist. And on that note, we'll stop. Thank you very much for having me as a guest. Thank you for joining us as a guest. Thank you very much for joining us, Stuart. The Improv London podcast is a weekly podcast that documents and celebrates the improv scene in London and beyond.

If you like improv, you should listen. If you don't, it's probably not really going to appeal that much, if I'm honest, because it's really improv-based. But do check out Helen's episode in which she does talk about Greg's quite a lot. Just a normal amount for me. in the grand scheme of podcasts more than normal I said a lot but I don't mean too much if you have any threads

please send them our way at YO be unreasonable we'd love to have them yeah thank you thanks for listening bye it's fantastic and I never felt as good as how I do right now except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day

when I felt the way that I do right now right now