You Are Being Unreasonable - 029 - In which we undertake daring fork heists from Pret

Episode Date: September 27, 2018

"Who'd have thought the robot uprising would begin on Gransnet?" It's a special cosy edition of You Are Being Unreasonable this week as we welcome autumn by checking in with the grans of Gransnet again. Once again, we are tasked to only watch and to never interfere as we watch the grans go on a coach-trip with people carrying their carrier bags full of other empty carrier bags, take their own pre-mashed vegetables to the pub for lunch, and use a series of ladders to get a pervy cat down from a tree in the garden just at the back and to the side. Meanwhile we realise that Brexit means Brexit which means the Toby Carvery, call out Summer as a sexual harasser, and work on jazzing up our speaking patterns to attract more listeners and develop parasocial relationships with existing listeners.

Hello, driving on drugs feels better when they're prescription. All I know, the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I'm like that. Hello.

Welcome to Your Being Unreasonable, a podcast normally, about people being unreasonable and mumsnet.com. September. You know what that means, hells? What does that mean? Cozy times. Cozy as. Blankets, hot chocolate, winter duvet.

Yes. People call me crazy for putting on the winter duvet. Don't listen to them. But I think it's been fine on balance. Yeah. Maybe a little hot at times, but it's worth it. Yeah, I mean. So vindicated.

Also, they don't have to sleep in our bed. If anything, I've rather, they didn't. No, ideally not. So, in all, good. You know what else is cozy? Tell me. The bake-off. You know what else is cozy?

What else? Grans. Gans. Cozy, cozy, grands. Cozy Grans. Because it's September and it's cozy times and it's dark outside, we've gone back to the Gransnet well for those cozy, good grans. Thanks, grands. Thanks, grands.

As ever, going to Grandsnet has been a real treat compared to Mom's Net. Yeah, grandsnet's like the... You know, in Star, in Star, you know, in Star, where there's the mirror universe, where they have the goatees and their evil versions of the regular Star Trek characters. Go on. Gransnet is like the regular universe to Mumsnet's evil universe. It is. So GrandsNet is not the mirror, but the original good universe. The good timeline. Mumsnet is the darkest timeline. Yeah, I was about to go for a darkest timeline thing. For new listeners, Gransnet is the equivalent to Mumsnet, except for Grans. So it's a lot

It's just adorable. It's just beautiful. Let's start with the speed round, which will really highlight how adorable the questions are. Am I being unreasonable? Railways. Aww, no, you're being adorable. Am I being unreasonable? Curly hair underrepresented.

Kelly hair is underrepresented. Thank you, Grants. Am I being unreasonable? Food sharing. Aw, no, go ahead. Am I being unreasonable to expect British gas to audit? British gas to honour its contract. No, that's the least you can ask for.

Amma being unreasonable? Channel 5. It's not as good as it used to be, is it? It's fine, Grans. No, don't worry about it. Just don't watch it. No, you're not being unreasonable at all. Okay, we're going to begin.

I'm going to add now that this one wasn't supposed to make the cut, but Simon's intro really inspired me to go for it. Yay. It also highlights that the Grans on Gransnet are the cutest people in the world. Am I being unreasonable? Autumn Are I being unreasonable to be looking forward to autumn Beautiful colourful leaves Wellie boots, squelchy walks, fireworks

Home baking Okay, perhaps not that one It never turns out the way I envisage Do you have a favourite season And what is the reason? These lovely grands Oh, grand's the best Autumn's great

Not too chilly No Just chilly enough, a little crispness in the air We talk about autumn being great a lot and people, you know, cream their pants for pumpkin spice lattes. They do. And people love it, but we don't talk about the corollary of that, which is that summer is awful.

The worst. People are a lot less willing to call out summer. I'm willing to call out summer, say it's problematic. I don't know that it's problematic. But... Take down summer. I really have nothing more to add to this thread. I just wanted to read it to maybe explain that spiritually Simon and I are grand.

If summer was a manager in a firm Forcing people to wear fewer clothes Summer would be sacked and rightly so You can't do summer for sexual harassment though can you Summer needs to be taken down as part of me too But then on that basis winter is forcing people to wear more clothes And I feel like you could make some sort of argument there about like Well if winter can't just you know

Keep itself together It needs people to wear more clothes just to control itself Yeah, yeah, it falls apart a little, doesn't it? Whereas Autumn, Orton's a bit like, do what you want. Use your judgment, it might pan out okay. Yeah, Autumn's not micromanaging you. Yeah. You can wear what you feel comfortable in.

You don't have to wear too much. You don't have to wear too little. Exactly. Don't worry about it. Autumn's a good boss. It is. Should we just hear from one grand, then we'll move on, because I really only did this one because it made me laugh

that there's a gran on Grands Net who's just like Simon. Yeah, I didn't mean to get into sexual harassment chat. Well, that's kind of what we do, though, isn't it? We take something a little bit silly and benign, and then we turn it into a big political moment. The fact that anyone is still listening is a miracle. Thank you. Thank you all. One thing from, one the grands,

I love every season. They all have their perks. I'm now looking forward to all the good dramas coming back on TV after the dross that we had this summer. Yeah, yeah. You do get better TV in the autumn, that's just a fact. Yeah, we've already started getting series that we can watch together again. Yeah.

We only had re-watching Brooklyn 9-9 for the longest time. We've just been re-watching Brooklyn 9-9 and having to go out and socialising the sunshine, and it's been... Yeah, going out to pubs and sitting in the garden. Nightmare. Nightmare. Let's move on. Am I being unreasonable? Rustlers?

What is with some people and plastic bags? I recently did a coach trip, and the number of people with a bag full seemingly of plastic carrier bags, which they proceeded to rustle throughout the journey, was amazing. Everything, it seemed, was wrapped in plastic, and an inordinate amount of time spent searching for objects that naturally gravitated towards the bottom. Big problems from the grounds here. You can't go out without your big bag of carrier bags. Big serious problems. I wonder... Not paying 5p. How did this Gran end up on a coach trip if she's alarmed by people having a bag full of carrier bags? If you haven't got a bag for a carrier bags, you're not the

demographic for a coach trip, surely. You would think. Something's gone wrong. I imagine that all coach trips are just people picking through carrier bag after carrier bag that have got like, there's one that's got little, you know, one of those little ten packs of hankies in it. And then there's like another one that's got, you know, their little bit of tuna sandwich wrapped in foil.

Oh, I see. So every individual item for their trip is in a separate carrier bag. Hmm. Yeah, one carrier bag for one pair of pants, one for your socks. Yeah. One for your little sandwich, one for your shink. Yeah, like they read in love it somewhere, it's some sort of tip. Got to have, yeah, got to have lots of carrier bags and empty carrier bags.

Yeah, the next thing you know, you've got 52 people on a coach. Each of those 52 people has 52 carrier bags. You got yourself a Rossley Maths problem there. And then you've got one person who, for some reason, doesn't have any carrier bags. Yeah. Just on a coach trip. Well, she'll be sorry when she has to beg for a carrier bag at some point. I think she's already pretty sorry that she went on this Rossily coach trip.

It goes to the service station and they sell her a scotch egg and she can't put it in a carrier bag. She'll be begging one of her carrier bag laden friends. She will. She'll be ruining the day. Yeah, she will. And when the coach crashes and they have to form a new society on an island, it'll be divided into the carrier bags and the non-carrier bags. Do you want to be on the non-carrier bag side?

I don't. No. I want to have a carrier bag. look. Shall we hear it from the Grans? Let's hear it from the Grans. I thought the thread was about some hideous looking burger that went by that brand name. One of my sons brought them home occasionally when he was in his late teens. I used to eat them when I was in my teens. Oh no. Possibly they could have been plastic which is why they were called Rostlers. Anyway he's still here smiley face. Yeah I hope so. Well it would have taken a real term wouldn't it if this

Well, we'd come on Grands net, like, lo, lo, lo, lo, there's a type of burger that's called that. It killed my son. Well, who knows? He used to have rustlers all the time. He's dead now. Curry sauce and chips. A person couldn't finish their meal and emptied the remaining meal over my car, which is parked in front of the drive. Polystyrene box thrown over my garden.

The link knows. I have no idea. I have no idea. what Poppy 11 is on about. Palestine in bucksies don't rustle. They squeak. Why would you tip your remaining meal over some Grand's car? Oh, too much for me.

I'm stuffed. Oh, you see how people just put their rubbish in the baskets of bikes that are parked up. Yeah, you see a lot of... It's nonsense. People just deposit their shit anywhere. A lot of cutesy Amali bikes that have got a banana skin in the front. Yeah, it's gross. And you know why people do it?

Because they're not carrying empty carrier bags. It's true. Maybe these women on the coach have got the right idea. Let's think about how many carrier bags there are in the world. Like, lots, right? Yeah, I guess lots. We personally have a pile of dozens of carrier bags that we've accumulated over our years ago. We've got enough of the cats have decided that it's his bed now.

Yeah. He's concluded it's softer and more padded than any of the furniture. Like a little nest. But yeah, we have dozens of carrier bags. I bet other people have dozens of carrier bags, just in cupboards and stuff. I know my parents do. Yeah. So we should distribute these more evenly.

We need to redistribute the carrier bags. We should carry around carrier bags on little, like, utility belts, and give them to our fellow people. But should we be rustling, though? That's part of the problem, isn't it? People on the train who, you know, throw rubbish down on the train. We should say, no friend, here's a carrier bag. You know, those people. will just put the rubbish in the bag, then put the bag on the ground.

No, I want them to put the bag, I guess, in the bin, ultimately, which isn't... Which they could do with the item. I've just had to look through the thread to see if there's any more choice cuts, and all I've really learned is that the Grans on Gransnet really cannot keep one train of thought going. Like, this is a thread about carrier bags, and then it's just turned into all sorts of nonsense. Are they talking about different meanings of the word Russell? Someone said, nope, not chops, chips or chicks, all predicted by my iPhone when I went to write chocks. I will avoid posting from my phone, this isn't the first time it's decided to operate independently.

All right, but chops, chips, chicks and chocks are all seemingly irrelevant. Who'd have thought the robot uprising would begin on Grandinette, the predictive text? Yeah, and then the final comment anyone's left on this is the original poster has come back after lots of people that said, all bags are annoying, aren't they? Too many of them. The original poster came back and said, ah, well, not just me, then.

Like, on Mum's Net, the original poster can come back, and everyone will still be trying to flame them for their first post, like, you're the worst parent in the world. Everything bad in your life is your own fault. And it'll go on for, like, ten pages after the original poster comes back and says, maybe I was being unreasonable. On Grandinette, the original poster's come back, she's like, not just me, everyone's like, all the conversation's over.

Yeah, like you're wrapping up a conversation in the WI. Yeah, so they'll move on, so we should do the same. Am I being unreasonable? Lack of vegetables. We're off on a few days' holiday on Friday, and we asked our lovely lady at the B&B for some local pub recommendations. I then looked up the pubs and reported back to D.H. The menus looked good.

His immediate reply was, do they do vegetables? He gets so upset, and I do a bit. when perhaps you get some nice pie in chips but no veg Sunday lunch seems the only time we get a good variety of veg Is this just something that happens in southern pubs What do you experience it too I mean there is a lack of veg in the pub food generally Well yeah because you don't go to pubs to have a nutritious meal

No And no So I think he's correct I just think maybe you should go somewhere else for veg A veggie restaurant Well, I can see that if you could just have a pie and chips, you might want some veg on the side. Yeah. Even if it is an afterthought, you'd think they might have the afterthought and chuck some, I don't know.

Maybe you should take your own veg. You can't turn up to the pub and take your own veg. Excuse me, Russell, Russell, Russell in a plastic bag. All your little carrier bags of your own veg that you brought. I've got this cabbage and these potatoes. Can I have these with my pie and chips? And they'll be like, no, sod off. Oh, harsh.

Well, I went to the pub a few weeks ago with a friend who took some pre-mashed swede that she bought from Sainsbury's with her as a little snack. Very good. And then when I went to the bar to order drinks, she was like, oh, you ask them for a fork? And I was like, absolutely not, because I'm not ordering any food. She's like, but I need it to eat my swede. And I'm like, no, because I'm not ordering any food. So I'm not asking for a fork.

This is my local and I have to come back here. And then she made out somehow I was being wildly unreasonable because I was making her eat swede with her bed. hand. Like, well... It is cheeky to ask for a fork. No. When you're not eating food from there. I mean, fair play. I think this is the thing though, isn't it?

Like, she obviously wanted something nutritious and knew that a pub was never going to offer that. So, yeah, good job. You've got to take it yourself. Talk your own. But you need to take a fork too. You do? I just think maybe... I feel bad when I steal forks from Pratt. Oh, I don't. I do it all the time. I do it all the time, but I feel bad about it. But when someone says just before I'm going to go for my lunch, if someone says,

oh, I'm going to prep, do you want anything? I might say, oh, yeah, can you get me a filter coffee, please, and give them the money? But I'd never say, yeah, just steal me a fork. Yeah, no, I wouldn't ask someone to steal a fork. No, that's, I know that I'm breaking the social contract. Yeah, I have to do that daring, smash and grab road. Look around, see if there's any employees in the other thing. Do you do this? Well, the one at City Road, the forks are directly next to the door, so you don't even have to step through the threshold to get a fork.

Oh, there's one in Bloomsbury that's pretty similar, but I still like to scope it out. Oh, no, because what if you lock eyes with someone? And then, next thing you know, you've had to buy some kale crisps out of embarrassment. And they're going straight in the bin, because they smell like farts. I like kale crisps. But you've got to move in quickly, grab the fork, and then go. Just go over the door. Yeah, but if you don't even go inside, you have to move in quickly.

You just reach an arm round from outside, like a vampire that's not been invited in. Grab your fork and then bolt. Is there anything more satisfying than getting that fork and getting out? Do you think anyone's ever been challenged on that? No, because the staff at Pratt don't care. It's good at Pratt because they wear those white uniforms as well so you can recognise an employee. Yeah?

Yeah. It's not like other places where the uniform is more laissez-faire. I mean, the Pratt that I go to is opposite quite a big hospital, so there's quite a lot of people wearing white tunics during lunchtime. Oh, no. It's like, where's wallet? Yeah. Yeah, trying to...

That's why I don't step through the threshold. To reach in from the outside. Just your arm going through the door. Yeah. She's back. The arm, the arm woman. But they never see my face. That's how they get them.

Mm-hmm. Should we go back to the threat? It's disappointing if you go for a meal and there's no veg, but it depends on what the meal is. Like, if I was the burger and chips and it came with a side of, like, cabbage, I'd be put out and confused. But this sounds more like they're looking at sort of roasts and you would expect those to come with a good selection of veg. Yeah, like a Sunday lunch.

Yeah. That would come with a good amount of veg. Like a roast that doesn't come with a good amount of veg is really just a plate of dried out weird meats, isn't it? We went to the pub quiz the other day and... My brother and his wife got a roast each and they were laden with veg. There were kinds of veg there that I'd never seen. It came with the side of Ratatoui, which was weird. It came with an apple.

An entire poached apple The entire poached apple It was great And a carrot All kinds of veg Maybe Nan Kate The original poster Should try going to our local

Yeah Although if she's going on a holiday It might be a bit weird To go to a suburban London local But you know It's a nice pub Get a coach there Watch out for the wrestling

Russell Russell Someone said I'm not advertising But DH and I Go to a Toby Carvery now and then I love they've said They're not advertising Because they've mentioned

They occasionally go to a place. I'm not advertising, but D&H goes for Toby Carvery now and then. They always have about six different vegetables. We went to a pub in London for dinner at the weekend. I had scampian chips with a spoonful of rather wizened peas. Wisand peas. Those poor old peas. I feel like they're judging the pub where they had scampian chips, but if you get scampian chips from a pub, the best you can hope for is wizened peas. It's not going to come with carrots, peas, cauliflower, broccoli. That's the remit of the Toby Carver. No. You get a lot of food at the Toby Carver.

I like this one. It's like a haiku. Do you want to read this one? I like vegetables. I like salad, too, but not with a hot meal. That's it. Just print that on a metal plate and hang it in your kitchen as a tweed decoration. Done. Ah, we're really lucky living here in West Cork.

It really is the foodie capital of Ireland. The Irish love their meat and veg. We have a farmer's market. It just goes on and on and on, expecting that, like, other people don't have vegetables or a farmer's market. It must be nice in the EU. Well. All those vegetables from Europe. Yeah, I bet they're not waiting for the food crisis to hit.

Exactly. Are we no vegetables then? Let me tell you. Well, there's no vegetables now by the sound of it. Maybe that's why old people voted for Brexit, because they were just like, well, whenever we go out, there's no vegetables anyway, so I don't see how it's going to be any worse. All I want is a little bit of cauliflower with my burger. Yeah, veg deal is better than a bad deal. Well, any deal it gets us veg.

Would you rather have no deal or a deal but have to eat at the Toby Carvery every day forever more? I think that is Brexit. That's what Brexit means. No deal and the Toby Carverie. Very clearly. Brexit means Brexit and that means that. I see. I understand now. Thanks Grand Net for helping me understand. Just by the way, Leon has turned up, so expect. purring into the mic from here on out. Yeah, some people on Twitter said they enjoyed Leon's purring.

So if you want him, DM us and we can put him in a plastic bag and send him over. Yeah, put him in a few plastic bags. I mean, he'll be in one piece, it'll just be double-bagged. Oh yeah, of course. Because he's pretty scratchy. Yeah. And they'll be holes in there to breathe. He'll be fine. He'll be fine.

We should edit this out, but we probably won't. Am I being unreasonable? My neighbour wants to climb my tree. We noticed a meowing at the bottom of our garden this morning. It appears a cat has got itself stuck. The tree is covered in ivy and very tall, so we can't actually see the cat itself, though we can definitely hear it. I've called the RSPCA and their advice is to leave it. It will come down on its own. My neighbours, however, are insistent on rescuing the poor thing and keep knocking on my door. They want to bring ladders

through my house and into the garden to try and get at it. I'm not particularly happy about this and I've put them off so far. Not just because of the ladders, but also I don't know these neighbours very well. They're at the back to the side if you know what I mean. So I know one of them by sight, but that's about it. I'm not being unreasonable, am I? The key piece of information that's missing here is the owner of the cat. Because they don't explicitly say that this cat is the neighbour's cat. That would be a reasonable assumption given the neighbours... A very invested. Yeah, investment in this cat's safety. but it doesn't say it's the neighbour's cat. Maybe they can just hear it meowing at all hours and want it out of the tree.

Please do something with this cat. Maybe they're going to take it down from that tree and they're going to take their ladders and then put it at the top of a tree a few blocks away. We know it can't get down. So if we just stick it at a tree somewhere out of earshot, jobs are gooden? Get it down.

It keeps looking at us through the window. It won't stop looking at us. Pervy cat? Yeah. Purvy spy cat. It especially looks at us when we, you know, get down to it. Oh, oh no. Please move the cat. It's watching us.

You're right. It makes a huge difference, really, doesn't it? If it's the neighbour's cat, then, yeah, I think you should let them in. Yeah, let them in, let them get their cat back. If it's not the neighbour's cat. Well, I think you should let them in anyway. They've got a ladder. They want to get the cat down. Let's just get the cat down. The cat's stuck.

I feel like that's a weird, slippery slope, isn't it? Well, they've got a ladder, let them in. I don't know, I mean, it worked in. Clarissa explains it all. That's fair. If you've got a ladder, you can come in. Oh, was it a boy who came in through the window? Yeah.

Yeah, I remember that. And if it's their cat, they've got a ladder, let them in. But just having a ladder, I don't think is a good reason to let someone into your home. If anything, if there's no reason for them to have the ladder, that's a good reason to definitely not let them into your home. It's a tricky one. I think you should get the cat down. You don't want the cat there on your property.

Eventually that's going to become your cat. Do you want that? But if it becomes your cat, it also never gets free and it starves to death. And then it's your cat and it's mummified in a tree. Yeah, that's going to attract birds. It's going to attract a lot of birds. And they will be noisy. Yeah, and they're going to want to watch the neighbours doing it too.

It's a lot harder to get a ladder and get a load of birds down from a tree. Because even if you get them out of the tree, they'll be back. Oh, they'll be back. They'll be back watching you. You call the Fire Brigade and say I've got birds in my tree. I'm just going to laugh you off the line. You'll probably get prosecuted for wasting 999's time, won't you? They're not going to send around a hunky fireman to get the cat out.

Maybe that's what Ninja Gran is disgruntled about. Maybe she's waiting for the hunky fireman instead she's got Bob from back one and to the side. Turning up with these ladder, getting all up in her grill. And she's like, no, I want the sexy fireman. Where's the big sexy fireman? Is there a paunchy bobs there? He's got his own ladder. Hello, it's Bob from around the back to the side.

She's like, oh, I know you by sight, but that's about it. Yeah, I know you're running back to the side, but hmm. No. Can you clean that ladder before you come in? It's very dirty. Oh, that's a point. You have to track it through the house. Yeah.

Because he's back into the side. He's not just over a fence. Yeah, you can't just lob it over the fence. You would need two ladders, one to go over the fence, and then one to go up the tree. Yeah. But also, once you get up to the top of the fence on your first ladder, you'd need to get down the other side.

Yeah, three ladders. Well, you could reuse the tree ladder. Yeah. So you set up a ladder going over the fence and a ladder coming down and then move one of them. This is like a riddle, how you get the fox, the chicken and the... A cat.

Across the river. How do you get Bob, the tree and the cat out of your bloody way? Yeah, all you have is a ladder. Well, Nana Billy has got some suggestions. Firstly, she'd like to know if the OP has to let them through the house. Can they put the ladder over the fence to climb over? That's what we said.

Then she says, I can understand you not want them to go through your house. You have to be careful. If you only know them by sight, then doubly so. Then she says, the cat will probably come down on its own. I'll die. I'll jump and die. Yeah. Cats are stupid.

I mean, a lot of... We don't have trees in here, but we've got a sofa. and the cats have got stuck behind it. Yeah, they have. It was really funny. Lots of people are talking about bringing the ladder through the house being the thing that's the problem. I have an idea. Go on. As we've discussed, everyone has dozens and dozens of carrier bags.

There's probably more carrier bags than people in this country. Yeah. So get the carrier bags that you've got in stuffed in a bag or whatever, or stuffed in the pantry, and stitch together a makeshift net for the cat to jump. into like a little soft trampoline. Oh! We've established that there are dozens of carrier bags, that cats love carrier bags,

and that cats can jump into carrier bags. You need to tell Ninja Gran about your ideas. Yeah, if only we were allowed to interfere, but we're just allowed to watch like you are to the watcher. Yeah. It's a deep Marvel cut. Old Meg has got some information from the RSPCA. Cats are not squirrels.

Thanks Old Meg. The RSPCA told her that. Yeah. The RSPCA goes on to saying, their good climb is going up, but not good coming down. Cats must climb down a tree backwards due to physics. Some cats eventually figure out this concept. Only some cats.

Only some. The rest of the stuck in trees. Tens of thousands of cats never figure out they can get down backwards and just live in trees. Two out of ten cats every year just have to live in a tree because they can't get down backwards. Oh no. It's like, is it horses or cows that can't go downstairs backwards?

Cows can't go downstairs at all, can they? Is that right? I thought that was it. Hmm. Yeah. You get a cow upstairs, it's going to stay there. It stays there now. You got a cow, that's where your cow lives.

Yeah, a cow's just up there now. Yeah. Poor thing! Some folks here seem to have the same attitude towards cats as the driver who hit mine and left him to die. I'm not sure about that. People have said, I don't want someone to bring a ladder through my house. I'm not sure it's the same as doing a hit-and-run. It's not, no.

You're more directly culpable for the cat in a hit-and-run than if you leave it up a tree. I do think they should rescue the cat. I think they should probably rescue the cat. And I think they should use Bob's ladder because he's back into the side. Yeah. If he has a ladder, might as well use it.

I mean, Ninja Gran is apparently a ninja, so I'm not sure why she hasn't just scaled the tree. Got the cat down, got on with her business. Maybe she needs to rename herself. Maybe she should be, I don't even have my own ladder, Gran. Am I being unreasonable? Plain speaking, please. Is it too much to ask slash expect

that participants of reality slash life entertainment programmes speaking a normal tone of voice without elongated emphasis? It's also catching on in real life and it seems to be the thing now to speak in a high-pitched tone and draw out and emphasise parts of each word, as in,

Hello! Goodbye! enjoy so good a please not sure what please is cool etc or am I just being a boring

grumpy old woman I frankly agree I think it would be better for entertainment programs if people just talked clearly and neutrally without elongating any words or adding emphasis where

it's not important to the meaning of the sentence. So you would like to see a world in which every single TV personality is just Captain Hulp from Brooklyn 9-9. Richard. You made me laugh. It ruined my bit. What's bleze? I would love to know.

I think it might be bless. Bless. But it's spelled B-L-E-E-E-E-E-E-S-E. E? Yeah. If anyone knows what bleece is, please let us know. Is this what the teenagers are doing? Is this what the young people are doing now?

I don't think it is, to be honest. Hello! That's what we do at the start of the podcast. Oh no. But we are trying to, you know, put on a lively tone so that people enjoy listening to us, and it's not an awful chore. If we spoke the way that we normally speak

for the intro to the podcast, it's me like, sup, doing a podcast, Joe. That's how you normally talk. Whatever. I just don't... Yeah, you need to lift yourself. Please! Some love into it to create this kind of parasocial relationship

between podcast host and listener. Yeah. Yeah. So you think you're our friend, but you're just a listener. We're the stars here. Yeah, we're the stars. It's a one-sided relationship. We are the stars.

We are your friends. Yeah. Listen to us every week. Every two weeks. Yeah, if you listen to us every week, you'll be re-listening, and that's... Fine. Yeah. Listen to the one where the woman screams in the Sistine Chapel.

That's a cracker. That is a good one. This is the shitting man. That was... Another classic. Good times. This is coming in a clip show. It is.

I think this person is being a boring, grumpy old woman, to be honest. I don't really understand what she's referring to. No, I think that's nonsense. Unless, like, maybe she's not just a grand. Maybe she's, like, properly ancient, and she is, like, a Victorian woman, and just thinks everyone should be very... quiet, very somber, because if you're a gran, you still would have lived through a time where people spoke with intonation. It's not, it's not a new phenomenon that people try to sound

engaging. No, I think that's been going on for quite a while now, thanks to commercial entertainment. And I think that's a good thing. I really don't want to live in a world in which everyone just speaks in a weird monotone. I don't know. No, that's the kind of dystopia where everyone wears grey all the time and limited to one carrier bag per person. Yeah, like in the Hunger Games when they go to District 13, everyone there is very... Everyone's wearing grey and... They're very matter of fact, very monotonous. Yeah, Julianne Moore speaks in a very calm tone, but very neutral.

Yeah, and it's sinister. Yeah, it's sinister. Julian Moore's sinister. I think maybe the OP is Julian Moore in the Hunger Games? President Coyne. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Oh, man.

Should we hear from the thread? First thing on the thread, so bear in mind this has come from this OP being like, oh, all these people are light entertainment. Just don't watch them, Bridget. There's so much rubbish on these days. I find myself watching TV less and less. Feel free to be a grumpy old woman, though.

We've earned the right. Thank you, actually. What's the show, Grumpy Old Women? You would find they also speak quite expressively, being performers. One of them's Jenny E. Clair. She's extremely expressive. She's extremely exuberant and expressive.

Yeah. I danced to Kaylee with Jenny A. Clair. You did? And I couldn't keep up with her. That's how expressive she is. She kept turning up as well. Every time it's time to switch partners, Jenny A Claire was just there. Yeah, I kept getting Jenny A Claire.

Oh, hello again, Jenny A Claire. Someone who's username is Mind Your Granars. Nice. Nice. Said, how about going for a walk or reading a book or knitting a scarf instead? Oh, because you remember. read a book nowadays and you just hear them in your head, don't you? I mean, especially if you're reading my bookie book.

Yeah, I read Eleanor Olufant is completely fine. And everyone apart from Eleanor was talking in this wildly exuberant manner. Eleanor really wasn't, though. If we could just cut that book down to just Eleanor's dialogue. Someone said, Robert Peston talks good sense if you can get past his way of speaking. Peston apparently is not. now too exuberant for the Grants. Pestan does a weird way of talking, though.

He's got a very halting way of emphasising by putting halting pauses in his dialogue. It's staccato, I'll give it that, but staccato seems to be the opposite of the problem that this person's discussing. Yeah, he's not drawing out words. He's drawing out the gaps between words. He's ever like, I'm Peston!

Hello! No. No. I sat here this morning reading all of your posts. Thank you for a humorous half hour. That's nice. I agreed with all. It made me realise I've turned into my mum, which happens to us all at some point. I'm still smiling. As my mum used to say, speak the Queen's English. Are we asking too much? An interesting fact about this post is that this post is number 17 on the thread and someone's been reading for half an hour. Each post is about a sentence long It doesn't seem like it'd take that long No

It's nice for people to post to say thank you for the comments I've been reading It is but I just feel like maybe this person is exaggerating And drawing out their own experiences They're doing the posting equivalent of saying Lease And then someone said thanks all you cool dudes I'm off to get down with my besties Which I think is what they think young people speak like

Which is really adorable They're doing a little parody and their parody's just gone horribly wrong. Should we get down with our besties and do one more speed round? Speed round. Am I being unreasonable? My husband says I'm a tight wad. Oh, no, that's very rude of him.

Am I being unreasonable? Where are they now? Jeremy Corbyn's still the leader of the Labour Party. Where is he, though? Am I being unreasonable? Single grands. Oh, poor single grands. Am I being unreasonable? I just don't know.

I don't know. It's hard to say. Am I being unreasonable? Men and women are not equal. Ooh, yeah, a little. More context required there, but that's not the speed room. We'll never find out. Very good.

Should we call it a day? Wrap it up. Thanks, grands. Thanks, grands. They're just so lovely. I just love them grands. We're going to leave the grans in the living room, enjoying the cups of tea now.

Move on. Yeah. Step outside, back to the real world. Bye, Grans. Bye, Grans. I'll take some of these carrier bags off your hands. Thank you. Thanks for, thanks for the memories.

Thank you. Thank you. Goodbye. Well, we've left the Grans now. We're outside on the street. We can see a cat in a tree. Meow. Mea.

I'll go and knock on for Bob with these ladders. I'm going to go buy some veg. You can follow us on Twitter at At Way. Be unreasonable. If you want to send us any threads to read you can do it there or you can DM us or if you bump into us at a party just tell us yeah yeah thanks for listening bye fantastic and I never felt as good as how I do right now except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day when I felt the way that I do right now right now right now