You Are Being Unreasonable - 032 - In which we invent the outbound phonesex line

Episode Date: November 8, 2018

"Vote: that'll do, pig." In all our time delving into Mumsnet, we've never stumbled across that Mumsnet staple, the Poo Troll. Today we narrowly avoid this bad bad troll and instead discuss whether children (and pigs) should be allowed to vote, whether Ferrero Rochers are appropriate sweets for trick-or-treaters, whether to be friends with a half Jim Davidson, half Owen Jones abomination, whether you need to explain WHY you can't make it to an event, whether to eat children's Hallowe'en sweets, and we come up a radical new way of eating sweets to vote.

Hello, driving on drugs feels better when they're prescription. All I know if the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day when I felt the way that I do right now. We're back in another episode of You're Being Unreasonable, a podcast about people being unreasonable, on the internet.

On mumsnet.com. Any explosions you can hear in the background are not terrorists trying to get into our house. It's just fireworks, because it's that time of year, in it? We are recording on the 4th of November, so actually, if you can hear fireworks, these people really should have remembered, remembered, do it tomorrow. We're recording. We're busy. Remember, remember the 4th of November. Not the time for fireworks.

exactly that does seem like quite a mum's netty approach to fireworks so with that in mind shall we do the speed round what like don't don't have them apart of one the fifth don't have any fun am i being unreasonable to tell you my mashed potato cheat oh no am i being unreasonable d h disappointed oh well yeah don't disappoint d h it's great am i being unreasonable to think people shouldn't have dogs a little a little Sounds like you're advocating dog genocide Doggy side Oh no Doggy side Am I being unreasonable To tell my friend he's a hypocrite

Not if he is And am I being unreasonable Delivery Driver just had a dump at my house Oh Yeah No That's not on Mr Delivery Driver I mean I hope that he asked

I hope it didn't just Like he didn't barge in with the parcel But we'll never know Because it's the speed round I actually do know because I saw this on our sort of sister Twitter account Mum's Net Manness earlier today so I've read the whole thing and it is unpleasant Is it worse than The Shitting Man for episode 4 or whatever it was? Hells, it may be the shitting man

Oh no! But certainly in terms of assault on the senses it sounds worse Oh dear he may I'm glad you covered it in the speed round So you don't have to go into excruciating detail. I don't like to do poo threads too often. They come up all the time. So much so that a Mum's Net thing is asking,

Are you the Pooh Troll? I'm guessing whether or not there's one or several poo trolls on Mum's Net. Anyway, let's do a thread. It's not about poo. Am I being unreasonable to not be able to decide if he's as horrible as he sounds? The poo troll? No. Not a romantic interest, just someone I'm frequently in contact with.

What he says is awful. Racist, homophobic, sexist, etc. Basically, he's a one-man daily male bingo card. His actions, however, don't actually reflect any of that. He's kind, helpful, friendly, and nice to everyone, regardless of their race, age, sex, etc. It kind of goes like this. Homophobic comments, but staunch supporter of his. his gay friend getting married, happily attended and was involved in the wedding. No issues

whatsoever with rights for gay people. Racist comments, but he never treats people of another race as less. He interacts with them, no issues with mixed-race relationships or children, socialises, and helps them when needed, etc. Sexist comments, but he treats women with respect, never a bad word to say about his ex or ex-wife, still friends with them, and he'd help them in a heart. if they asked comments about people on benefits but when someone expressed surprise that how well raised a child from a family on benefits is he jumped on that person for being a snob and of course the child is lovely and well behaved as the parents are the same why should she be any different the

examples are many and I can't get my head around it the way he acts and interacts with people all people make him a decent human being though he speaks makes him an awful ignorant bigot he had we for genocide on a regular basis. But when the chance came up for him to participate in some genocide, he said, no thank you, and walked away. Pretty much, yeah, that sums up, this garbage post. I would love to know more about this poster.

I'd love to know if the poster is, as I have expected, a cis-hete middle-class white chick, who's saying, well, I haven't seen any evidence of him being horrible. Because some of the ways that she phrases things suggest that she's got a lot of her own unchecked privilege, where she might not notice if he's actually going about being bigoted. But maybe not. You can be homophobic and have one gay friend.

I mean, you kind of have to if you get homophobe. You need to have a gay friend. Actually, my friend is gay. Yeah. Actually, I've got a gay friend, and he says, I'm cool. Yeah. Actually, my gay friend agrees that being gay is disgusting, and he actually hates it, so, yeah.

Actually, I know a few dog owners, so it's cool if I kill all these dogs. Yeah. They're happy with it. So, yeah, should we go through each of the, uh, the things and the weird defences that this woman offers. Homophobic comments, but he was a staunch supporter of his gay friend getting married. Sounds like he pushed his gay friend into marriage.

It's also very specific to one person. Not he's a staunch supporter of marriage equality. Just his gay friend. Just his gay friend getting married. Yeah. Maybe he just wanted to marry him off so that he wouldn't, you know, look at him. Yeah. We'll never know.

issues whatsoever with rights for gay people, says the O.P. Well, that's the baseline. That doesn't make him a good person. That's the baseline. So what are his homophobic comments are what I want to know? Well, yeah, but she doesn't include any. He didn't have problems with rights for gay people, but that doesn't mean he couldn't say, I find this icky or whatever. Yeah. Which is in itself homophobic, but nothing to do with rights. You know, Like, he might see a gay couple walking down the street and be there shouting, like, but then he'd be like, no, no, let them marry, but it's my right to shout homophobic slurs. He might tell people on the train that they've dropped their gay card,

and then when they bend over to pick it up, say, uh, gay. I hope that he's going around. I fully support your rights. I'm glad you carry a card, though. Yeah. To be clear, you should carry a card. Or maybe some sort of visible marker. Yeah, visible identification, stitched onto your arm.

Let's move on, so homophobic comments, we don't know, just because he was a staunched supporter, which is too much, a staunch supporter of a friend getting married, sounds weird anyway. Racist comments, but he never treats people of another race as less. He interacts with them, he has no issues with mixed race relationships or children, he socialises and helps them when needed. Now, the OPE has used them in a way that is a bit weird. Yeah, you're perfectly happy to help them interact with them.

He just would preferably weren't here. Yeah, also he thinks you should send the buggers back. Yeah, I mean, he's actually helping them to... Helping them to move. Yeah. I'm really concerned about you after Brexit. I think it'll be really hard. So I get you these papers for application to indefinite state in the US.

not here. Yeah, again, we don't really know enough. Sexist comments, but he treats women with respect, never a bad word to say about his ex or ex-wife, still friends with them, and he'd help them out in a heartbeat if they asked. Again, what are the comments? Yeah, I mean, this is absolutely meaningless, and it all feels like the whole stretch, the whole post, sorry, is this person feels like perhaps they're friends with a bigger and they really want to justify it to themselves and inexplicably all of Mumsnet. Like, if you're friends with a bigot, just keep quiet about it. Comments about people on benefits.

The examples are many and I can't get my head around it. The way he interacts with people, brackets all people, make him a decent human being, but the way he speaks makes him an awful ignorant bigot. Well, I mean... You can't ignore that, but maybe he's just saying one thing with one person to please them. Maybe he just wants to please people. So when he's around bigots, he says bigoted things. Which is why she's hearing all the bigoted things.

Maybe she's a bigot. Maybe she's there saying... Yeah. But when he's around his LGBT, black and minority ethnic female friends, he's all sweetness and light. He's all happy to help. I mean, she's the sort of person who starts a thread on mum's net. So maybe she's rocked up.

She's been all turfy and he's like, I guess this woman's into the bigot chat. Oh, what are the gays like, eh? Oh, yeah. Gays. Oh, man, but I do have a dear friend who's gay. Yeah. I love him very much. She's rocked up with all her mum's let bigotry,

her low-level, posh white lady bigotry, and he's trying to lean in to make her feel less uncomfortable about being a horrible bigot. It's a Jekyll and Hyde situation. It's a half Jim Davidson, half Owen Jones kind of man. Hmm. Maybe he literally undergoes a transformation at night and turns from a... a helpful gent into a bigot.

I can't think of anyone I'd less want to spend time with than a half Jim Davidson, half Owen Jones, Jekyll and Hyde character. Can you imagine? I think independently... Bigoted, but sanctimonious. Yeah, independently it'd be bad enough, but the mixture is just a bridge too far for hells. Really not sure why I thought of Owen Jones as some kind of social justice warrior.

There's got to be better examples. I don't know. We just don't know Someone said Isn't he like all the idiots Who make racist generalisations Then don't get me wrong The ones I know are lovely

It's all the others Which does sound like That's basically what he's like Yeah he just sounds like Middle England Like he'll be perfectly charming To a LGBT black person To their face

But vote for policies That actively discriminate against them Yes Exactly Yeah he sounds A bit like that guy That used to run Our local forum

Who always said that he was just a very rational man who was, you know, interested in making sure hard-working people had the best possible community. But then occasionally would come out with like proper hate speech, but it was always hate speech under the guise of him just being concerned about people's well-being. Yeah, it's Tory ideology. I know what's best for you. So maybe, yeah, this man is just a Tory and on that basis, given that her... I think he's just a Tory and there's millions of them, unfortunately. Given that her question is, Am I being unreasonable to not be able to decide if he's as horrible as he sounds?

Yeah, he probably is, but I mean, if you cut out every tory. Tories are everywhere. Ask your kids if they're Tory. If you see a child kicking a homeless person to death, they might already be a tory. Okay, with that, should we move on to our next thread? Am I being unreasonable to think children should get a vote? Ooh. I was thinking about democracy and voting in general and was wondering what people would think about allocating a vote to everyone irrespective of their age.

Obviously, those who were under a certain age, 16, 18, would rely on their parents to make an informed decision about who to vote for on their behalf, but this would surely mean that everyone's interests are better represented. My arguments are 1. If you are a single parent with five children under the age of 18, then your family of 6 currently only have one vote to cast. Your influence over the end result would be the same as any other individual,

despite the fact you are effectively representing six people's interests. Two, parents who vote may genuinely think that one party or result is best for them, but another party or result may offer better policies for their children. The current system requires parents to set aside and compromise on individual preferences in order to effectively cast a family vote. Three, it is impossible to combat the impact of the grey vote if children and teenagers are not properly represented. The current distribution of votes

does not represent the distribution of the population and is skewed heavily in favour of the older generation and therefore their interests. I'm not an expert on this, so we'd be interested in other views on it. It's a good last sentence to throw in there. I don't think that we needed that sentence. I think we probably could have gathered that.

We figured out from context. Yeah. Not an expert. I think dogs should vote. What if you've got four dogs and only one vote. But we have no dogs and we have two votes between us as a couple, which means that dogs aren't represented. But when we're voting, we're representing the interests of two cats as well, one cat each. But are we representing the interests of one cat

each? Am I the proxy voter for Aussie's best interests? Or are we collectively representing the interests of cats? Yeah, we're representing the interests of cats. And I've got to be honest, I don't look that closely at the main party's stances on cats. Perhaps what we've done here has gone down a weird tangent and we need to accept now that cats and dogs and children are three very different things. So we're accepting a sexual distinction between cats and children right away? Yes, I think we need to do that. Otherwise we look mad. All right. Let's do that. Yeah. What about pigs? Pigs have almost human level intelligence. Well, in that case, I think they should cast their own votes. Just imagine Farmer Hoggett directing Babe into the

voting booth and then babe in turn directing all the sheep into the voting booth yeah directs all the sheep into the voting booth they all come out and vote and farmer hoggit gives him

a little nod and says and then he sings that song that makes me cry he doesn't sing the song he just says if I had words to make a day for you says that'll do

pick that'll do because he's voted weigh vote that'll do pig That'd be a good slogan If you're an American listener

You should go out and vote in the midterm elections This will come out after the midterm elections You should have voted That'll do, pig That'll do That'll do For an American listener Will you understand babe?

Yeah Yeah, because you'll understand babe It was made by an American production company I don't know Filmed in New Zealand, famously Oh, what an international film Babe is the film we need in these bleak times I might be wrong but I think the director was Australian

You know, Farmer Hoggitt's a vegan now Farmer Hoggett got like arrested for his political activism Yeah He was properly thrown in jail and everything What a guy Should we get back to this thread I'm completely lost track of why we're doing this We think pigs should vote

Pigs should vote And sheep pigs should be able to direct sheep into the voting booths I think it's a very bad idea to let sheep vote I think they've got a real herd mentality Yeah famously Yeah Okay so no votes for sheep

I take that back I just got carried away with the I also think there shouldn't be votes for sheeple. I think you should have to get tested to see if you're a sure person. I think if you look like a sheeple, you should have to open your eyes before you vote. That's a thing. Okay, back to the thread. So the AP says, Parents who vote may genuinely think that one party or result is best for them,

but another party or result may offer better policies for their children. That seems to me to suggest that there are some like properly nasty individualist parents out there who are like genuinely able to compartmentalise their interests from those of their children. By talking about children who aren't old enough to have a vote? It's like the little people who live in their home who depend on them. And that seems weird. Like, that seems really weird. I would like to think that if you've got some kids living in your house

and you look after them, then hopefully you'd be able to see the bigger picture and you wouldn't be like, yeah, I mean, it's great for me to pay less tax. But it's a shame this little Jemima's not going to be able to have any pristick. won't be funded, yeah. I don't know. But if that is how people work, then don't give them loads of extra votes because they just won't use them for their kids. They won't be like, oh, well, this votes for me and my tax cuts,

but this is for Little Jemima's prit sticks. They'll be like, ha ha, score. Because of Little Jemima, I've got a spare vote, so I can use that to make sure that I definitely have to pay as much tax. I think the underlying assumption of this whole post is that people, in general, are rational actors. Like, you know, the kind of rational actors that traditional economics looks at and imagines,

and that people always vote in their best interests after strong thought and thinking about the issues and whatnot. And this has been extended to children who, because they're people and because they're sentient, must therefore be rational. Yes. But this is not the case at all. Because if this came to pass, all the kids have just voted for the Pepper Pig Party

or, you know, Theresa May dressed up as people. Pepper Pig. David Cameron dressed up as pepper pig. But the kids don't get to go and vote in this. The parents just get allocated extra votes for breeding. Right, and the kids will say, I want you to vote for David Cameron, who's friends with that pig. So, so you're

saying that kids aren't rational actors, whereas I'm saying that adults are selfish and not to be trusted. Yeah, I'm saying no one's a rational actor. Yeah, but you're saying that the kids would at least be able to make a suggestion and the adults would follow it, whereas I don't think that would happen. I think the kids it'd be like, mommy, mommy, vote for Pepper Pig. And then Mummy would be like, yeah, of course I'll vote for Pepper Pig, darling.

And then she'd be like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Here are all my spare votes for the Tories. Fuck the schools. Fuck the children. Ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, I don't think they'd do that evil laugh, but yes. Oh, I would. I think they'd just vote irrationally, as in say, Brexit.

Yeah. Should we see what the thread has to say? Completely ridiculous. What a ridiculous idea? What nonsense? Are you on the wind-up? I think the voting age is fine as it is. Perhaps it could be reduced to 16.

Well, that's completely not the point that the O.P. is making. This basic lack of comprehension is more of an issue. Perhaps if we made sure everyone had basic comprehension skills, we wouldn't need to be allocating votes for children. It's impossible to combat the impact of the grey vote. What's wrong with the grey vote? Don't their interests count? Yeah, but they're saying it's disproportionate.

They're not saying cull all the oldies. lock them in a box on voting day just that it's not proportionate and that seems to me to be the only part of the OP that makes any sense I just think their solution is crap Their solution's nonsense Who's being unreasonable there

Is the OP being unreasonable? The children are being unreasonable Demanding a vote Is Babe being unreasonable? No, babe's never unreasonable Very good Babe is unreasonable in wanting to go in the house That's no place for a pig

Yeah but it's chilly And he thinks he's a dog He's not a dog He's a pig He's so chilly He gets so sick That's why Farmer Hogg has to sing the song I remember

Don't make me sing the song again Just creating work for you to edit out Let's do another thread Babe Three Picking the Voting Move Ha Ha Ha! Would Watch I think there might already be a Babe Three

There's not a Babe Three Oh, okay, I was wrong I don't think they're a Babe Three If it's it straight to DVD Oh There's no Babe Three Don't search for Babe Free people I mean, yeah

It came up with some pool but yeah that's probably to be expected really we should have thought about it whereas weirdly I've got an advert on the side of my screen for a sweatshirt that says babe how does it know it doesn't it's fine it's coincidence you mean the microphones listening to us there was an episode of reply all that dealt with that yeah I heard that you should all listen to reply oh it's probably less meandering than this it's more focused because they're professional journalists and broadcasters and we're not no am I being unreasonable to think she was rude. Trick or treating, am I a C. F? Long story short, we went

trick or treating as an extended family tonight, about five kids in total, including my one-year-old. I came to the door for every knock. We only knock on decorated houses or those with a few pumpkins and collected sweets in a bag for my DS. On one of the knocks, I collected a sweet in the bag and the woman who answered pulled me to the side and said, he looks cute, he's getting those for you, though I suppose. I said ha ha, thinking I had mistaken her tone and she was joking. She was not. She said, I saw you

eating them from across the road. If truth be told, I was eating a sweet a little earlier. Am I being unreasonable to say this is bloody rude? Just give sweets to whoever is dressed up or don't do it at all. It would be different if I was dressed for Halloween and there alone. But I was standing with my DS in my arms

with four little children surrounding me. Hardly the cheeky fucker of the century. I like the way the O.P says the woman who answered the door pulled me to the side. Hey, hey, come here, come here, come here, come here.

You're eating them sweets? You're eating them sweets, though? You eating them sweets? Ha-ha. That's all you eating the sweets, though. Trisbee told. Photosy photos of you eating the sweets. Big manila envelope.

Yeah. Time stamped. Black and white, just loads and loads. So many, you could make a flip book. 6.37. 638, drumstick 639, sherbet Oh, you'd be sick, couldn't you?

It takes ages to eat a drumstick Simon had a drumstick the other day And it took It took me hours to consume It didn't look very enjoyable As an experience But yeah, who's this person, the sweet police? Well, I just, dude

Why did she pull her on some? It does sound like this woman was a little Oz No, I'm going to gorge my children With all these sweets I think it's responsible to eat a few of the sweets so the children don't stuff themselves full of sweets Yeah, I don't see the harm in her having the odd sweetie And I don't see why she pulled her aside

Like, way to be dramatic about it I must say, the thing I think is most alarming I don't care if this one wanted to eat the sweets or not Good on her, if you have to go traipsing around with a load of kids trick or treating then you should get some sweets out of it I think parents should have say, you know, grown up sweets on hand Like thorough rushes

You open the door and it is just It's the pyramid of Threra rushes You should only get those if you go dressed as the ambassador Next Halloween We've missed our chance now But next Halloween we should both dress up as the ambassador One of us dresses up as the ambassador

And one of us dresses up as a pyramid of Frereuxes And then we don't go out We just sit at home laughing about how funny we are I'm wondering why no one invited us anywhere That's just recording this podcast It really is I tell you what I like the most about this post Long story short

We went trick or treating as an extended family tonight About five kids in total So five votes You need to be sure how many kids You've taken out trick or treating Otherwise at the end When you're doing the tally You've blown it, haven't you?

You're like, great So we've got 30 sweets And I think we started with five Did we start with six? Have we lost a kid? Oh no wonder she was eating sweets She's not clear on the percentages of who gets what.

And it's all fun and games while you're wondering about. But if you get home and you're still not sure how many kids you started with, you don't know if you've left one, if one of them has been taken by this lady who pulled her aside as some sort of punishment. It's like on voting day when you go down to the voting booth and they say how many kids and therefore how many votes do you have. And you're like, oh, five?

I don't know. And they just give you like eight votes. You're already there. But then they pull you aside and they say, ah, those votes are really for you, aren't they? I saw you eating the votes. does votes are really for you aren't they I saw you voting Tory

that's not in the best interest of your children is it because it's how in this new system you do eat the votes they're just big bowls for each party or each candidate and you eat a sweetie and whichever whichever has the least at the end

has the least at the end wins yeah I think I'd instinctively vote labour in that case because I think red food is more appetising than blue green or yellow I don't know what if it's blueberries I love a blueberry

oh Simon I accidentally wrote a Tory I don't know why I'm doing that, like, gorged myself. Luby's more of a sort of purple colour, so you don't want to end up voting UKIP out of this. Oh, God, no. Lord, no. No. Maybe this eating voting system isn't going to work, and we put a lot of thought into it. Oh, why don't I even bother making suggestions?

No one ever takes them on board. Let's hear from the thread, shall we? Was the OP dressed up? Because that seems like a salient point. It does, actually. She says, just give sweets to, well, she says, He says wherever is dressed up, but it seems to mean whoever. Yeah.

Which I think implies that she was dressed up. Yeah. At the very least, she probably had like a little witch's hat or something. Yeah, I don't want to tell parents what to do, but I think you should be dressed up when you grow up with the kids. Halloween or in general. In general, yeah. Like when you see a kid wearing their Superman costume.

You should always see an adult also wearing a Superman costume. Otherwise the kid looks silly. Don't make your kid look silly. Yeah, if the kid's dressed up as Superman, you need to be dressed up as Lex Lufor. full bold wig What does that say about your perception of parent and child relationships?

I was going to say Lois Lane. I'm glad you're up for Lex Luton in that case. I've got a great costume idea. Your kid goes out as Batman and you go out as Thomas Wayne and whenever you're knocking someone's door you just fall down dead and Batman cries. Yeah, I might be a bit much

for the mum's name crew. Yeah, so a lot of people are pointing out that a one-year-old probably can't eat that many sweets. And they seem to be saying that as a point against the O.P., but I think it fully backed up the Ops point that why not have the odd sweet? Yeah, otherwise what? You're just going to leave the one-year-old at home in an answer. Well, someone has actually said, did she expect the one-year-old to stay at home?

Yeah, you take the one-year-old and then you eat their sweets because they can't eat the sweets, but from soft, soft marshmallows. Oh, God, the one-year-old's got loads of dietary requirement. This is just getting we're actually went to a lot of trouble dressing him up. His outfit wasn't bog standard either. Yes, I did eat most. of the sweets. But the children wanted us to join in. He's veggie and dairy-free, so he couldn't eat the chocolate or the harabo. It was a one-year-old. Yeah. I like the idea that the children

wanted us to join in. The kids say, like, go on, have some sweets. Is she not veggie, though, so is she ate the harrybo? Yeah. Why she got a one-year-old vegetarian baby? I assume for reasons of allergies, but it might just be that she's decided, or maybe it's like she always wished that she was veggie, but actually she just really likes chicken, but if the kid never gets a chance to like chicken then it'll be easier you know making up for the mistakes that she made seems like the kids should have that choice

don't make the same mistakes as me kid she says as she gorges on his harrowbone someone has pointed out yeah she's admitted that she was eating most of the sweets that were given to the one-year-olds and they said well then this one was right you can be right but still be rude yeah it's about the experience for the kid

and having fun with his brothers and sisters and I think it's important to know that you can be right and still be rude. People on mums there are so often like, well, I'm right, so I don't see how it could possibly be rude. Yeah. Like, okay, but if I went up to someone who objectively rinked of B.O., and I was like, you stink, mate, that's rude. Rude, but true. Ah. Couples costume, babe and farmer Hoggett.

I think that's more of a parent and child costume. If someone came to the door dressed as Farmer Hoggett with a little baby dressed as babe, I would weep on the spot. I'd ask what they're doing, because it's a... 12th of November. I wouldn't care. I'd be so enchanted by it that I would just be weeping. You'd go get the jaffa cakes out of the cupboard and stop throwing them at them. I'm just offering them. Am I being unreasonable to want an explanation if someone can't attend something? Or is I can't come a complete sentence. It generally bugs me because I feel

good friends should explain why. To be honest, I wouldn't mind if the reason was I really want an early night. I just think giving a reason is how you treat good friends. What do you think? Is it none of my business or is it more? polite. I felt conflicted about this one. Well, I don't think I can't come is a good invitation, rejection. That's rude. Sorry, I'm afraid I won't be able to make it, is fine, and you don't have to offer further stuff. If it's for, like, a wedding, I think you should offer further stuff. Yeah. If it's for a dinner party, you know, further stuff. If I was... But if it's just to the pub. Yeah, exactly. If I was texting a friend and I was like,

do you want to go to the pub? And they said, I can't come. I'd be like, all right. Are you really angry at me. I'd think that's a coded hostage situation. If I was like, do you go to the park? But they were like, nah, not tonight. I'd be like, okay, cool. Yeah. I can't come.

Sounds like the terrorists have me. Yeah. But they've let me have my phone for some reason. But they're monitoring my text. Like, on Twitter, I get a lot of adverts for Find My Kids, a weird app where, I don't know, you like stalking kids. Where you find some man's kids.

Where you find your own kids. But a piece of fun. on there is as well as fitting this app so that you can track your kids you should also agree a code word and on the advert it's a little picture of a little boy with a speech bubble saying mom I'm with Joffrey

and that's supposed to be the code for like I'm in trouble in what situation someone kidnapped a child but they're allowed to phone their mum and then they say I'm with Joffrey unless the kidnapper is called Joffrey the kidnapper's going to be like what the fuck is going on have you just grasped on me that's clearly a code

whereas I can't come and be a much more effective on. I think that's not a good code because a lot of kids nowadays are called like Calisi and... Yeah, but you didn't call your kid Joffrey, would you? Sansa, you know, what have you. I don't think I'm an inheriting... I think it's conceivable that there'd be kids called Joffrey.

I've certainly heard of kids called Circe and she's not the most sympathetic character. That's true. So I think it's not inconceivable that a kid could be on a play date with Joffrey and then call up and say, I'm with Joffrey. The kids often just call up

to state exactly what they're doing and put the phone down. I'm picturing a child of like five. I'm with Joffrey. I'm imagining the start of Lost Highway where the guy goes to the door and says Dick Laurent is dead

but going to the door and saying I'm with Joffrey. Anyway, I can't come. Is I can't come a complete sentence? It is a complete sentence but it's not a nice way to say that you're not going to something. No. If all of the O.P.'s

friends are responding to all of her invitations with I can't come, she might need to reflect on some of her recent behaviour, because you'd only do that if you're pissed at someone, surely. If all of your friends are just constantly like, I can't come. It's better than I won't come. I shan't. We mustn't. No, full stop.

But then maybe she always wants to know loads more information. That's why people are just like, I can't come. I can't come. I ate too many sweets last night I gotta take the kids out voting tomorrow I can't I just can't You can't insist on knowing a reason

And also the fact that she's like Saying I want to go to bed early Is fine by me It seems like she's saying that But probably it's not really fine by her It seems like it's not that she doesn't It's not that she wants to know the reason It sounds like she wants the reason

To be good enough for her standards Whatever they are It sounds like you've got priori an interest in what other reasons are. Like, I'll say to my friends, no, I'm too tired. Oh, no, I just want a night in. Yeah. Why don't say that?

I say sorry, no, I can't have a time. Yeah, similarly, just saying, no, I'm too tired. No, I'm with Joffrey. I did send a particularly close friend just the Z-Z-snoring emoji the other day. But it was because he's sent the emoji of a little wine glass. Oh, that's fine. You can respond to an emoji with an emoji. Yeah.

Absolutely. What if she's just sending, can you come, and they're sending back, I can't come? That's a like-for-like response then. Yeah. By your logic, that would be... Will you come? I can't come. Imagine if you got a phone call from a friend.

It's just, will you come? I don't know, what the hell? Will you come? Are you working on a sex like that? I don't think you're supposed to make outgoing calls. A terrible sex line. Imagine an outbound phone sex lie, but they're just calling you up. I'm stating very seriously, will you come?

I can't come. Yes, I will come. Thank you for the call. No, but then if you say I can't come, the person on the outbound call centre phone sex slide wants to know all the details as to why? I can't come. Please elaborate.

Oh, wow. Let's hear from the thread. Someone said, is this a text message? Is what a text? No, this is a forum. This is Mumsnet. I know we're on episode 32, and we haven't really explained it, but a forum is a place where you post on the internet.

You started just texting Mumsnet to you. If you're going out of your business and you're getting every post on a thread, it's a text. Just throwing your phone into the abyss and screaming. Sign up for our text service. We'll send you the latest Mumsnet threads every minute on the minute.

Do you remember in like 2007 when Twitter first started but not everyone had smartphone so you got a Twitter text service? So if you didn't have a smartphone, Twitter would text you if you got tagged in a tweet. To be fair, that sounds like Don't. Trump's new emergency warning system

where they text everyone in America just whatever he wants just think about the state of Twitter now and imagine if Twitter text you God a hell from which there's no escape constant barrage of shit don't forget to sign up for the

URL being unreasonable text service where we text you our thoughts on a mum's net Fred we don't tell you what Fred we don't give you any context you just get a text from me saying oh it's just a shit show these people are bigots and I'm angry I just take you the word nugs 20 times a day someone explicitly asked us not to say nugs again yeah so someone said is it a text whatever lots of people saying no one needs to justify themselves to you which is true I don't think that is true I think you do need to justify

yourself to your friends yeah no but like this is where I was going with it it's true you don't need to justify yourself but that doesn't you don't need to but you lose yourself friends by not being a polite person. By not following the social contract. Interacting like a normal person. Yeah. So apparently this happens face to face to the OPE as well. Oh, I'm really starting to feel for the OPE.

There's either something terribly wrong with her. I can't come. It's even worse than the outbound sex call centre. Doing it straight to your face. Yeah. Sounds like they've got some rude friends. It does seem a lot more natural if you're declining an invitation to just casually say why.

Just say sorry. I say sorry all the goddamn time. I apologise for everything I do practically. You do? It doesn't hurt to say sorry. I'm the same. Yeah. How do we get anything done? I'll never apologise for, though, this podcast. There we go. So basically people are saying, yeah, I mean, it's not great, but they don't owe you anything. And everyone's saying, no one knows anyone anything, because Mumsnet has this real feeling that it should always be you and your little family. And if someone wants to interact with you, you should tend to fuck off. Nonsense. Yeah. Monset isn't... Anne Randy inspired, Max Sterner, individualism.

No one knows anyone anything. We're all just atoms floating through the void. Why bother doing anything? That's a very hip thing to think at the moment, though. A lot of people seem to be taking that view, and that's because a lot of people are terrible. That's because a lot of people have been brainwashed by capitalism. Yeah, same thing, terrible.

Should we do one more speed round? Yes. Am I being unreasonable to make Dee Dee go to school in socks tomorrow? She says she will be freezing. kids said wear socks, surely Maybe she means only socks Who knows? Am I being unreasonable

to self-indulge in this thread as a timeline Yeah, there's too much self-indulgence on the internet already Am I being unreasonable? Spellings that make you cringe Hmm, no Defiantly When people mean definitely and they say defiantly I can never spell the word bureaucracy No, me neither

I did a show with that in the title and then in the brochure it had a typo. Not a typo because I had written it. I just didn't know. Am I being unreasonable to not trust her? No, don't trust anyone. And Am I Being Unreasonable? Daughter dragged on floor by entertainer.

It doesn't sound great. No. No. Not unreasonable. And last one. Am I being unreasonable, the National Lottery can fuck the fuck off. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Burn it down. Burn it down. Burn it down. Just distribute the money evenly. Yeah, let's. Okay, so we're going to crack on and do that. And we will see you again in two weeks' time for another you are being unreasonable.

We've got various other projects going on. Yeah, I'm doing a craft group with Catherine Badman, who some of you will know, because I think a lot of our listeners are improvisers. It's every second Thursday in Peckham, and it's a craft group for women to craft and chat and smash the patriarchy, and buy drinks from the bar because they give us the space for, free and it really embarrasses me when the group don't buy drinks from the bar. That's my thing. Very good. I recently updated my website at SimonX.I.com so go and have a look at that

if you want to see all the writing and whatnot that I do. I'm going to be reprising my Clap and Fringe show at some point in December or January. Details to follow. Cool. Sounds good. Follow the show at Y. Be unreasonable. Send us requests and yeah, continue to listen. and subscribing and liking it. Continue liking us. Bye!