You Are Being Unreasonable - 038 - In which we wear very many hats to contain our beautiful hair

Episode Date: February 7, 2019

"Join us the week after next for another dip into the well of misery." We've emerged from our blanket cocoons to ask the important questions: What do parents do with their kids' teeth? Why do people keep umbilical cords? Should we advertise that we're stocking up on food? And should he not leave when I visit? Along the way, we ask Nobel-prize nominated ambassadors to leave the room, we take other people's children to underground no-questions-asked barbers, we print all our children's identifying characteristics on their school leaving hoodies, and we stock up on food for Brexit. That last one is not even a joke.

Hello, driving on drugs feels better when they're prescription. All I know, the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day. Hello.

Hello. Welcome to You Are Being Unreasonable, a podcast about people being unreasonable on mumsnet.com. Yep. We've emerged from under our blanket cocoons, turned on audacity, clicked record in audacity, and we are recording a podcast. We are. That was a lot more detail than we usually go into, and I'm not sure that anyone will care. Let's get into the threads. Let's do a deep dive onto the forums and mumsnet to see what's going on. Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed with D8? Uh, yeah, probably. Am I being unreasonable to need your confectionary recommendations urgently? Urgently?

Urgently? It's not even Easter yet. Am I being unreasonable to be disappointed that my children's teachers have not come into school? Well yeah, that seems like the minimum requirement for their job. And am I being unreasonable, husband pawned his wedding ring? Um, I'm gonna say no, because my dad did that. But he had a good reason He didn't like wearing it

And he wanted to buy some golf clubs Well, I mean that's fair Let's do a proper throat, shall we? Am I being unreasonable? D.P.'s step-mom took D.D. for her first haircut. I'm probably being unreasonable and over the top, but I don't care. D.D. was born with quite a bit of hair. By six weeks old, it all fell out.

It grew back thick, incredibly curly and a beautiful blonde colour. I was in love with her hair. We, me and D.P., weren't planning on cutting her hair for a while. We were going to let it grow out. D.P.'s SM, stepmom, suggested that we get a trim to help it grow faster. We did not follow through on this advice because it was growing quite well already. D.P.'s stepmom had her for the day yesterday, and D.D. returned with a beanie hat on. I asked D.P.'s stepmom where the hat came from. She looked sheepish and said she bought it as a gift.

Thinking nothing of it, I thanked her and started chatting away about how cold it was, assuming that's why she bought the hat. Dee Dee does own multiple hats, by the way. She left quicker than usual. I started removing Dee's outwear. I finally got to pulling her hat off and I was gobsmacked. Her curly hair is gone. It wasn't a trim.

All her hair is completely gone. I know it's a silly problem and it shouldn't bother me, but she knew I didn't want a trim, let alone it all chopped off. I rang and she answered and immediately started apologising, so she knew what I was ringing about. She said the hairdresser took too much off. I told her I didn't agree to her getting her haircut at all, so she was out of order for taking her even for just a trim. I then asked, and she at least save a curl for me to have. I've told her before that when she has her first haircut, I wanted to keep a lock of hair.

She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me. That added fuel to the fire, and I told her she's completely out of order, and she best avoid them. you for a while. Thinking about it, I'm probably overreacting. I'm just so mad. Goodness me. All this thick, luscious, curly, beautiful blonde hair. She was in love with this hair. She was in love with that hair. It was great hair. Everyone thought so. Everyone said so. It was like the hair that the Adam's family baby has when it turns good in the Adams family values. Because it's corrupted. It's beautiful blonde locks. Yeah. Beautiful hair.

My favourite part about this thread is that the stepmother just put a hat on the child and ran away. Yeah. Okay, here's the kid back. I bought a hat. Okay, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, don't remove the hat until I'm up. Like, what did she think, what? Don't remove the hat, I'm just getting in the car. Not yet, just having some troubling, don't, don't remove the hat. It's very cold today.

Okay. I'm just turning the corner at the end of the street, and now we've moved the hat back. What did she think was going to happen? Well, yeah, because then she gets the phone call and immediately starts apologising. Why does do that in person? She just wasted money on a hat, and as we know, D.D. has many hats already. D.D. does have many hats. I'm imagining this, like, fabulous baby with a Carmen Miranda hat.

Although she mentions that she started removing D.D.'s outerwear, the long process. of removing the many hats that the kid wears to contain the beautiful curls The luscious cloak that she had The first stole Until eventually the hat Why did the stepmom keep one lock of hair

And why did she then After realizing what a mess she'd made of it Why did she say no I'm keeping the lock of hair I think that was Yeah after what you've done Which seems bad Just give them the hair Do you think there is a lock?

She thinks she thought it'd be better to lie and say that there was a lock but she was keeping it than to a bit that there was no lock at all. Maybe. It seems like a weird lie though, because someone's going to have to come and look at that lock at some point. This is the woman who thought she could just put a hat on a child and run away.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Don't take it the hat off. So do you take the cat off and the kid is bald? That's what it sounds like, as if she says, oh, just a little trim to help the hair grow and they've been like, okay, and then giving her a number one all over. Yeah, kids like Uncle Fester underneath that hat. Or just one little curl of blonde hair sticking out the top.

Well, there's your lock. Yeah. Just hack that bit off. The great thing about a lock of hair is that you can just cut it in half to produce many locks of hair. Yeah, if this kid's hair really was as luscious as this person's making out, then there should be plenty of hair to go around from that one lock. Yeah.

It's so thick and wonderful. Yeah. Should have kept the hair from when it fell out the first time. I've never really understood keeping locks of hair. It just seems extremely weird. Maybe it's a thing where, like, if you have a kid, you understand because there's some sort of evolutionary need to want a little bit of your kid's hair. By that logic, you keep all the teeth.

Yeah. When them teeth fall out. Or when the stepmother gets the kid's teeth removed so they'll grow faster. And then returns the kid wearing a kid. gum shield. Bye, bye, bye. One of those little breath masks that people wear around London, like a smog mask.

Yes. Don't take that off until I'm gone. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Just get in the car. Yeah. I mean, the tooth fairy, if there's any kids that listen to this podcast, just skip the next 30 seconds.

But there is no two fairy. So, when your parents take your teeth and leave a pound. Oh, however much. Not everyone gets a pound Did you put your tooth under the pillow? Yeah We left the teeth in a glass of water

By the bedside Yeah That seems less gross And also if you've got a kid who's a light sleeper Much easier Yeah Our tooth theory is very hygienic And I am a light sleeper

But it meant that The 50p in the morning was wet You just had a pound I forgot it was 50p This story's all over the shop Anyway What do the parents do with the teeth? I had no idea. Did you not get a note from the tooth fairy?

No, because it would have got all wet. Yeah, that's what I was just thinking, you can't put a note in a little bit of water. Why would the tooth fairy leave a note? The tooth fairy always left a note, and the note was in like font size four. Wait, the two very prince sees out? Yeah. Wow. Again, I mean, sorry for any kids listening, but I don't know which of my parents it was,

but I know that my dad is pretty extra. This does sound pretty extra. What didn't the note say? Just like thanks for the tooth I don't remember Every time So polite I suppose So it came in like a little jewellery box

Jesus And you put the tooth in the little box And then in the morning The tooth was gone And instead there was a little typed up note And a pound Anyway you don't do that with hair If you put a little bit of hair

In a jewellery box under your pillow You're not going to get a little typed up note And a pound But yeah that was your dad typing those notes And giving you the pound It might have been my mum. I don't want to... It was one of your parents.

But what did they do with the tooth? What do you do with the tooth? Do you just from away? I don't know. The alternative is to keep them and that seems worse. Yeah. Because people keep like umbilical cards and stuff, right? Hmm?

It's a mum's net trope to say, I spat out my tea. But seven said that as I had a mouthful of tea. And I was so horrified that I nearly spat out my tea. people keep umbilical cards why don't they surely the baby is enough of a souvenir

the baby's not a souvenir okay but like the existence of the baby is you're not going to forget that I thought mom did in my baby album but in retrospect it was a little hospital thing that was attached to me as a baby like made of plastic

so it's not you know skin that's going to decompose Yeah, mom didn't keep my umbilical card But I'm sure some people do In like jars, pickle jars, pickle it Pickle like a milk, pickled umbilical We've got a long way off the topic of why people keep hair Piclilical

But why do people keep hair? I don't know, because it's so thick and lush And they're in love with it It's like, you know I'm surprised that the hairdresser just did this haircut And then that was that Because I was at my grandparents' house The other day

And they had all the things up of me and my cousin's first haircut certificate because apparently that's a thing and it's a certificate that says like the kid's name and the kids date that they got their first haircut and then a little bit of hair taped onto it or whatever

you have to go to a barber that you know we'll ask no questions yeah like some shady backstreet barber oh yeah we cut children's hair no questions asked no certificate no evidence maybe that lock isn't even of the DD's hair it's just a bit of hair that was on the floor

They're like, uh, do you want this bit? Whatever. We'll cut any child's hair. We don't need to know if it's the first time. We don't even need to know if you're the parent. Just as well, because I'm not. Did brazenly be like the hairdresser took too much off when she wasn't supposed to go to the hairdresser at all?

Don't try and blame the hairdresser. Can't blame the hairdresser. No. It's not like it was a little bear giving you a shave. Oh, little Paddington. Paddington. Accidentally shaving this baby's hair. That's what, she should have stuck the hair back on with marmalade.

Perfect. Why didn't the stepmother stick the hair back on with marmalade like in Paddington too? That would have been perfect and foolproof. That worked out so well for Paddington. Anyway, should we hear from the thread? Someone has said she's marking her territory. Cut her loose. When you cut her loose, keep a lock.

Interestingly, my dad took my curly baby with him for his haircut this week. I said she won't do drastic haircuts, cut off curls on dad's instructions, only on mums. Yeah, you went to the wrong barber. You need to go to this back street, no questions asked barber. What if you're a single father, and your baby is just getting more and more out of control? Tubbs, shit. Find someone to pose as a mother. Anyone. Bring in a note. Bring in a typed-up note. 1.4.

The tooth fairy is the baby's mother. Gabarge She's a cheeky fucker Someone's asked with mother-in-law I'm just for a different culture I don't know Someone said it's a salt And they would call the police

People love to snitch Can you imagine calling the police? Hello Yes, my partner's stepmother Took my baby for a haircut Booh If people actually called the police But all the things that mum's letters

claim you should call the police for Police never get anything done. Just... Steal with it internally. Do you think maybe all of the people on mums that agree with me that, you know, A-Cab? And this is a way that they're trying to undermine the police force. They're like, if the police are busy dealing with women who've had a baby's haircut or people who peered through a window at night

or someone who took a package in and then wasn't there when you went to collect it, then they won't be out doing police brutality, Maybe that's what's been going on this whole time. No, this just lends the police more power. It's a bad idea. Yeah. Am I being unreasonable? Should he not leave when I visit?

I visit an old childhood friend when I go home a few times a year and her boyfriend, who I hardly know, always just sits in the room. It makes it really awkward for me to have banter with my mate and relax with him there. He even takes over the convo often and starts chatting about himself, etc, when I'm clearly there to see her. Would it not be common courtesy to leave when a friend visits? He makes it so awkward. He doesn't know me, or most of the people we'd be chatting about.

So I don't know why he even stays in the room. How should he go? Also... It's his house. Maybe he would know you if you weren't so bad shit. Yeah, he's trying to get to know you. He's trying to talk about himself. So you can become friends in the way that you become friends with your partner's friends.

No, the way to exist is just to... go to someone's house, demand that somebody leave, then have banter about the past and not talk about anything current and not get to know someone who your friend cares about enough to live with because you're busy having banter with your mate and talking about people that they don't know. So I'm guessing this is then being like, ha, do you remember in year 7 when someone's I had that big spot, banter? And the friend is probably like, please stay in the room, I hate her.

She comes round every few months and talks about the past. and takes no interest in my life. Please, please. Maybe you could try to join in the conversation. Talk about your award-winning research in Africa. Oh, he's talking about himself again. Taking over the convo. So we managed to completely wipe out smallpox in Uganda.

Oh, me, me, me, me, me. The children came up to me afterwards with flowers. Do you remember when Stacey fell down the stairs after P.E.? So the Nobel Committee will be making their decisions soon, and I hope, you know, fingers crossed. This is actually making it very awkward for me. Okay, I'll get the tea. Just leave it at the door. Would it not be common courtesy to leave when a friend visits?

The next time I go to one of your shows, I'm just going to sit at a table on my own, rather than talk to your friends beforehand. Our friends, really. Yeah, I was going to say, we should have established this pattern. five and a half years ago. So it's going to be more awkward now for me to stop contact with friends from your side. There was a time, like, a couple of years ago where you had a couple of friends over and you were doing some stuff with computers.

And I have been in the living room and I was like, I'm going to go and sit in the bedroom and watch TV. And your friends were so like, no, no, don't feel like we're making you leave. I'm like, no, it's not that. It's just there's a finite amount of space in here. And what you're doing is really boring. I'm pretty sure one of your friends was not following what was going on and was like no come back come and sit in here and drink with me

but there's a big difference between like I'm just going to pot her off because I feel like at this point I haven't got much to contribute to what's going on and I personally would prefer to pot her off in your own home than someone coming into your home and being like leave now yes be gone get out Whenever either of us have someone round

At this point, it's just a given that it'll be someone that we both know because we've done this normally But there's definitely never been a culture of like My friend is coming over so you better get out So you better, I don't know, go to the library I don't care where you go as long as you go Take a baby for a haircut It's a great way to spend time

She thinks that's why the stepmother did it Because the stepfather had a friend round Yeah Too awkward to be in the house I visit an old childhood friend when I go home a few times a year this feels to me like this person has moved away and

thinks that because the friend hasn't moved away the friend's life has not moved on in any way but the friend's life has moved on it's just geographically they're in the same place so they don't know the same people should he stay at all should he make pleasant chit chat for 10 minutes and then excuse himself

no he should silently you should leave he should be like he's back against the wall and just like side step out of the room as if he was never there He should be neither seen nor heard Yeah He should leave through the back garden

So they don't have to interact Exactly He goes in the front He should do it in the style of that Homer Simpson meme Where as he's leaving through the back garden He's just backing into a hedge Yeah

Anything else would be frankly rude and awkward You don't want to take over the convo By leaving too noisily Yeah Leaving too visibly It makes it really awkward for me to have banter with my mate and relax with him there. There is

the possibility that he is an awkward presence. Maybe he's just very intense, like Michael Shannon he just stares at you dead in the face. I'm sure we've all met people who don't say anything but just their presence there and the fact they're not saying anything does

make it a bit weird. I thought Werner Herzog said about Michael Shannon when Michael Shannon came into interview for my brother, my brother, what have you done? Michael Shannon just came into the the audition and just sat down and stared Werner Herzog dead in the face and Herzog was genuinely scared of this person and Herzog's not scared of anything yeah so if that's what the boyfriend is doing then that is a baller move when your girlfriend's obnoxious

school friend turns up but also I can see why she's not happy about it got a very intense face and maybe he's he's like that yeah perhaps he sits there very intently or you know perhaps if he's being like weirdly territorial and controlling, there is a difference, I suppose, talking about yourself as in like trying to get involved with the conversation or talking about yourself as if they're talking about something they have in common, he's like, I played football on Saturday, and it has no bearing on the conversation, maybe. I do still think though, why do they just go and sit around this woman's house? Why does she go back to her hometown three or four times a year to sit around this woman's house?

Why don't they go to a cafe or a pub or anywhere else? If you have a problem with the boyfriend being there, the solution surely is to try and meet on neutral territory rather than in his home. Yeah, maybe the boyfriend is, you know, saying to the friend, don't go out with her because she's always really rude to me if she lives. I don't like her.

Yeah. Someone said, in response to her saying, he tries to take over the convoy, selfish bastard. Put your finger to your lips and shush him every time he tries to speak. I just worry that this OP might do that. Yeah, there's always a chance

that that coming to be serious. Better yet put your finger to his lips. Shish, shh, shh, no more. Not another word. If I'm honest, I would agree with you. It would be a lot better for all of you, including him, I think, if he just swaned off to another room after pleasantries. There we go, that answer to your question.

However, I would never make that expectation known. It is his home, after all. Yeah. Yeah, you can't make it... Even the O.P. Who has no grasp of social scenarios doesn't appear to have suggested that she's going to go in and make it no. She's not going to go in, hand him her coat, and then say, well, you'll be off then. Bye then. Bye-bye.

Yeah. Don't forget your hat. Someone said, my other half had exchanged pleasantries and then make himself scarce. And someone said, yeah, I thought that's what most people would do, unless the friend knew both of the couple. How does the friend get to know both of the couple? Yeah, you need to get to know them. and that's what this person's doing. They're crying out for connection.

They're just reaching for someone in this harsh, dark world. Yeah. And you're batting their hand away. I just don't seem to think that unless you already knew these people, then you maintain a clear delineation of friends. Oh, you get to know people. You get friends with your partner's friends. If you had a friend who set you up with your partner, then that friend is a friend of both of you,

but all other friends must clearly be a friend of one person or the other person in mums that. world. You'd be able to divide up the friends in case of divorce. Someone said, think long term. Could this BF be her DH one day? Oh yeah, don't show many respect now. Kick him out of his home.

But if they get married, he'd ain't an honest woman of her. Wait until marriage. On the wedding day, you go up and say, Nice to meet you. Finally. On the wedding day, you observe that he got up and spoke about himself for a while. And you think, I always knew. I always knew.

he was a bad apple. Someone said it smacks of controlling behaviour. I don't, the boyfriend remaining in the room. I don't think the boyfriend is abusive because he won't vacate his own home when a terrible woman turns up. That's what I mean. This isn't behaviour, it's just being in your own home.

It's nothing. Am I being unreasonable? First and surnames on Levers Hoodies is a safeguarding issue. Just found out the Year 6 Levers Hoodies. For fuck's sake, when was this a thing for Year 6? have the full names on the hoodies in the year number with their own name above the number and the school emblem a name on the front. Am I being unreasonable to think this is a big

safeguarding issue as should not be permitted? Am I also being unreasonable to want to take this up with the PTA who are organising this? Hoodies are worn all week on Year 6 school trip. Goodness. Wait, so these aren't leaving huddies? It says they're leave as huddies. But they're also going on a school trip. Yeah. So how close to leaving could it be? Yeah. I guess it's like, where'd you go if you're from Manchester for your terrible year-sixth trip? I went to Swanage. Swanage.

Yeah, where did you go? We went to several places. Eden Camp. Eden Camp is a World War II reenactment. I was talking to a friend yesterday about how he used to go on school trips to the heights of Abraham. What's that? The Heights of Abraham is a cliff top park in Derby. It's only accessible by cable car. Wow!

It's also got caverns. That's extremely cool. Yeah, it just sounds great. I remember seeing signs for the heights of Abraham a lot, like those brown motorway signs that we have in the UK. But I never knew what it was, and it sounded like a synagogue. But I never found out until this week. How did it come up?

Was your friend wearing a levers for defense when you shared this story? He was wearing his year six levers for dinner. It was very tight, and it said, I survived the cable card to the heights of abrap, year six, and it had his full name and address. Which we can't disclose on the podcast, because that would be a safeguarding issue. Yeah. Yeah, what they need to get on these hoodies is full name, address, parents' names. Mother's maiden name of applicable. Mother's maiden name.

First pet. Let's just put a pin number. How many year six kids have a PIN number? I don't know. When do you get a debit card nowadays? Surely not when you're in year six. I had a bank account when I was that young because I needed it to get those net worth piggies. Save £200, get the whole set.

I had a bank account, but it definitely didn't come with a debit card. It was like a little, like a Building Society book account. Well, yeah, I'm sure it didn't actually come with a debit card. And if it did, Dad kept it. A 11-year-old Simon. and just, this would be before chipping pins, so what, just like running it down the thing and signing for stuff.

I'm picturing this as being like all those American high school films you see where you've got loads of like big fancy bags from department stores and wearing a hat and you're just signing for stuff. Age 11. We're wearing glasses, big floppy hat like a fashionista. Exactly.

How is it a safeguarding issue? Because you don't want, you know, paedophiles knowing that this kid has a number, name. You don't want paedophiles to be able to say, hey, Johnny Bradshaw, get in the van, because then they would. Or they just go to the kid and say, hello, Mr Bradshaw told me to pick you up from school today, get in the van, because they've just read Bradshaw on the van. That's a weirdly formal way to interact with a child, because if it just had the first name, the paedophile could say, hey, Johnny, your dad told me to pick you up from school today.

So the inclusion of the surname doesn't appear to me to make it any more or less. dangerous. I don't understand how it's a safeguarding issue. I do feel icky about it, like I get it, but I don't know why. Maybe it's because I don't believe children should have identities. There should be assigned identities when their personalities come out. Rather than at birth. Yeah. Is that progressive or is it very regressive? I think it's just a bad idea. Yeah. I don't think we need to interrogate the wokeness of this idea. I interrogate the wokeness of every idea so that I can slide everything into my hierarchy of woke

Simon may or may not be pretty woke he doesn't think children should have names until they're 10 years old I don't know I can see how that could be good and also how it could be bad it's hard to say that's my centrist take for the day yeah get off the fence I think partly, right, it seems weird, but it seems weird and I'm well aware that I don't

have Instagram, I don't use my real name on any of the social media that I do have, I'm a bit weird and private and cagy, and that's just me. But I still think, like, if there was a hoodie that had hells on the back, I wouldn't feel weird about that, but I'm a grown-up, so it's different. My concern, not concern, my irritation, is that people are moms there are obsessed with the word safeguarding and not one of them seems to know what it actually means. Oh yeah, I don't think it's a safeguarding issue. They use safeguarding

whenever they're like, I feel icky about that, I'm being a turf right now I'm annoyed at my mother-in-law all of these things they'll say come down to safeguarding and it's never about safeguarding and like oh should I take it up with the PTA? Well if you're going to

take it up with anyone take it up with the PTA since they're the ones organising the hoodies but frankly it doesn't seem worth taking it up with anyone who does it. Everyone always goes to the PTA for these hoodie issues. It's because the PTA are the ones that organise the hoodies. Why anyone ever joins the PTA when all it is is signing up for someone to be mad at you about a hoodie. You have to do loads of fundraising throughout the year because the school isn't, you know, in a position to buy any pritch stick. And then the thanks you get is some parents screaming at you about a hoodie.

It's ironic that you don't even get a hoodie as a member of the PTA. My God, if I saw a grown ad on wearing a PTA hoodie, I would cross the road. Mr. Bradshaw, PTA member. No, absolutely not. What if it was glittery? What if it was in sequence? And it was a leather jacket. A leather hoodie jacket.

Oh no, this sounds foul. I'm Mr. Bradshaw. I'm Mr. Liberace, PTA. What is they had ranked one? Like you get more insignia as you grow in, the PTA. So you have like sergeant stripes and, you know, medals on the front. Sargent of the

PTA? Yeah. How did you become sergeant of the PTA? Do some really good brownies for a bake sale. Oh. So how does this... Are you just following the sort of military ranks with this? Pretty much, yeah. Pretty much. Yeah. Colonel of the PTA.

Kernel of the PTA. Field Marshal of the PTA. Oh. Talent Hughes of the PTA reporting for duty. Should we hear from the thread? Yes. The very first comment, this is not a safeguarding issue.

It's possibly a privacy issue. As anyone who cares to look will know the child's first and last names. But that categorically is not a safeguarding issue. It's extremely unhelpful when that word is banded about incorrectly. There we go. That sums up everything that I think about this.

Lots of people are just saying, just don't buy your kid a hoodie. Just don't buy your kid a hoodie if you care that much about it. Yeah. And then someone says, surely the hoodie's not compulsory. Even if you get the hoodie, you don't have to wear it all the time. You do on the year six trip for one week. Why do you have to wear the whole?

What if it's too warm for a hoodie? Yeah, that's a good point. When we were in primary school, we had to ask to take off our sweaters. That's barbaric. That's what Sergeant Dobbs at the PTAX. No, they weren't happy, but the school didn't change the rules. That's really sad. Why? I don't know.

You just had to put your hand up and say, can I take my sweater off? The teacher would invariably say, yeah, you do it. Well, what does that teach you for the real work? Imagine if you were in the workplace and you were like, can I take my sweater off to your manager who would be like, oh my God, how did you get through the interview process? Yeah, but if you were in the army, you would have to ask to take your uniform off. This is why I object to school uniforms.

So you feel like, it prepares children for the real world. Like, no, it prepares them for a subset. A subset of careers where you have to wear a uniform, many of which are not the careers that you would necessarily aspire to for your child. The army. McDonald's workers. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with these jobs.

I mean, except cops. Cops wear uniforms and there is something wrong with that. Don't be a cop. Cops. Yeah, so if this hoodie is now somehow part of the uniform, if the school uniform is that you have to have your full name on your uniform somewhere visible, then that's weird. But that clearly isn't the case, is it?

Because it was the uniform, it would come down to the PTA. Your full name, the address of your school, the route you take home and a list of sweets that you like. Yes. Perfect. Yes. Also, with the route you take home, there should be information to denote whether you travel with anyone else

and at which point you become the lone traveller on that journey. Yeah. So if it's like you and Becky walk most of the way, but then she turns left and you turn right, they need to know the junction at which suddenly there's two lone children. Yeah. Who's being unreasonable? Becky will be going down.

Bradford Avenue. And like Sherbert Dibbbs. Yeah. Katie, we'll be going down Sherbert Avenue and likes Bradford dibbs. Am I being unreasonable to think they shouldn't be advertising that they're stockpiling for Brexit? So with Brexit approaching, some people, including me, are concerned about the possibility of food shortages, etc. afterwards. One of my Facebook friends has started posting photos on Facebook of them stocking up. Photos of crates and crates filled with a variety.

variety of tinned food, dried food, UHT milk, bottled water, other drinks, toiletries, medicines, etc. With comments along the line of where stocking up for Brexit will be okay, I think they are daft. Not for stocking up. I'm buying an extra stuff too just in case. But I think it's daft telling hundreds of people on Facebook. If things get to the point where shelves are bare and they're reliant on their sash of food, now there's loads of other people who know they've got loads of non-perishable food stashed, people who might be very hungry. How are being unreasonable to think that telling everyone about your food hoarding is a really bad idea if you're planning for a possible shortage?

How has it come to this, hells? How has it come to the fact that we're worrying about advertising the fact that we have food to other people? Hundreds of people, hammering at your door because you've got some beans. Yeah, presumably Facebook friends will want to come over and steal my food. How has the government let it come to this? Where people are worried about not being able to get food. Observe.

No, no, no, no, no. This is stupid. Let's just stop doing, let's just stop it. Just stop it. We don't have to do this. We do it. It was the will of the people. The people are now stocking up on food.

The people are now hammering at their neighbours' doors. The people have become the people who are locked inside the mall in every zombie movie and the people have become the zombies hammering at the door you know how I always say

we don't even hear from pro breaks the tears anymore we don't even hear from them where have they gone they've gone they're not left

they've all wandered away you're not hear from them anymore because they're not because they're ashamed of what they've done they're all in a bunker full of dried penne

nonsense nonsense photos of crates and crates filled with a variety of tinned food, dried food, UHT milk, bottled water, other drinks. I really want to

believe that someone's like, we're stockpiling and it's just a wine cellar. They're like, if we're going down, we are going down in style bitches. Stockpiling, big critter tizer. Nothing else. Just tizer and aspirin.

Been to the Polsky schlep and cleared off the shelves because you're not going to be able to get that anymore. Got some silasian sausages and some pierogi. Those things are perishable. Oh no, I stuck. You know what spooks me, right? Part of me thinks, like, yeah, maybe a little bit of stockpiling, sure.

But it's the fact that people are stockpiling to this extent with non-perishable goods. I'm like, I can imagine disruption to supply chains for a couple of weeks, but I can't imagine a situation in which you're going to need 70 kilos of penny. Yeah, that seems a bit much. Well, I mean, it's a national disgrace that it's good to this point and that people are worried about this. It would be an absolute disaster if supply trades were worse than that. If the government let people go hungry because of this foolish errand. Yeah, I mean, they would, though.

That would be a humanitarian disaster. Oh, yeah, but they would care about that because the government are the worst. Yes. Maybe a little box of supplies couldn't hurt. As an aside. but let's not advertise that on the podcast. We shouldn't advertise that, except being able to stockpile is something that people can only do from a position of privilege.

If you have the means to stockpile and you're not living hand to mouth, you are not going to be on the people who needs that stockpile. The people who will be in need of that stockpile will be the people who will not be able to afford the food when the prices go up. Stockpiling creates an artificial scarcity at this point and pushes the price up for the people who really need things to be at the most affordable price.

I've done it with ventilin inhalers, and if any of you cannot afford a ventilin inhaler and cannot get one after Brexit, hit me up. Wow. But actually, stockpiling is kind of morally abhorrent. Yeah. And it's bad that the government have let it get to the point where people feel the need to stockpile, and I'm not blaming people who feel so insecure about the future that they are hoarding U.H.T. milk. But if you can in any way put your anxieties aside and not do some stockpiling, I would really recommend that, Because it is a thing that you can only do from position of privilege,

and it is a thing that is just going to make the situation worse for people with less privilege than you. Makes things in the long run, perhaps, yeah. Yeah. If we stockpiled cream eggs, there's a high chance we'd get that white cream egg. Yeah. Which would be some comfort, you know. When we have 10,000 pounds in April, we'll be able to buy a loaf. Exactly.

Trade it in for a euro. Exactly. I might start stockpiling euros. That's the thing that I don't think is going to create artificial scarcity, is it? I think that's fine. I've genuinely had a conversation with a friend about us each turning £1,000 into €1,000 or whatever the rate is now, and keeping it because we think by the summer we'll double our money on that.

Yeah, I mean, if worse comes to worse, I'll sell my net west pigs. And that'll get us a slice of bread. Also, like, presumably when you're posting your pictures on Facebook of all of your U.H.T. milk and your tins of beans, you're not posting your address. You're not doing it with a drop pin. You're wearing a hoodie that has your name and a dress on the back. John Smith stockpiling for Brexit on the back and Brexit proof on the front.

Should we hear from the thread? Yes. Presumably they don't actually believe there will be any serious sausages and are doing it for fun slash attention. For fun. I sure they are. I think people are genuinely worried. Yeah, I'm genuinely worried.

I said to you earlier should we be doing some stockpiling and then you said we haven't got anywhere to keep stuff and then I also remember the point about the structural bullshit around stockpiling. Yeah, we just don't really have much room. The best way to create shortages and then you can blame Brexit is stockpiling.

Exactly. That's what you said, yeah, yeah. It's a marketing dream for people producing long life stuff. Long life stuff. This is what we've been waiting for, boys. After Brexit, are we all going to have to eat long life stuff? Is that going to be the brand name? We're going to go and get our government stipend of long-life stuff.

Some fat cat at the executive board of long-life stuff company. Just a carrier bag of loose long-life stuff. Smoking cigars, laughing at the rest of us. Cigars are long-life stuff. Maybe you get one of those in your goodies back. They produce cigars, they produce U-H-2 milk. It's all one company. Explain to me how shopping and building up a store slowly causes shortages.

Have you seen any shortages in the shop? See, yeah, if there are shortages, it'll be a result of difficulties in the supply, and panic buying. Nonsense. How did it come to this? This is a disaster. People seem genuinely... I think we can make a difference by publicly calling on this broadcast to put a halt to Brexit. I'm not afraid of pinning my colours to the mast.

I pin my colours to the mast every single podcast. I'm surprised anyone's still listening to be banging on about my colours off against the mast. Don't do stockpiling. Men are the worst. I hate the government. All cops are bastards. Like a broken record. I am.

I wonder if I've got any hot takes I haven't mentioned on this podcast yet. Should I just get them all out in the way now? Pim my colours to the mast. What colour do you think mash should be? Brown. I'm just picturing a wooden mast. Why? What colour do you think masts should be?

Yellow. You said that like it was so obvious. Why is that obvious? I don't know. It's just a nice colour against the blue of the sea. This is you coming out as a Lib Dem. Ah, I'm not afraid to say that I think Brexit's bad. I think yellow's the best colour.

I'm Tim Farron. I didn't say yellow is the best colour. I didn't say I'm Tim Ferrown. I can't believe you're a homophobe now. I didn't say I'm a homophobe. Well, you're Tim Farron. I just said, yellow is a good colour for a mast. For a mast.

For a mast. For a mast. Should you one last speed round? Yes. And we're being unreasonable. Not a Lib Dem. Wow. That remains to be seen.

Oh, there you go. Dropping the word Remain in again. A bit of Lib Dem subliminal messaging from Simon. There's nothing wrong with being a Lib Dem, by the way. I mean, someone has to be. Yeah. Lib Dems are a dying breed. Yeah.

Do you remember they used to have posters that said smokers are a dying breed? But now, no, Lib Dems, they're the dying breed. Well, I mean, with Brexit, we're all a dying breed, aren't we? We are. Speed round. Am I being unreasonable? Sorry, I've lost it. Am I being unreasonable?

Package holidays aren't chavvy? No. Depends who goes. That's an interesting take. I like that. Only as chavy as the company. It's only as chavvy as the people who go. The word chavvy in love itself is fairly chavy, though, isn't it?

Am I being unreasonable? Netflix, bawning, triggering, spoilers. Well, yeah, don't give spoilers for Netflix shows. Don't post a thread that's just triggering spoilers. Yeah. Sounds... No, I haven't finished watching sex education yet. Am I being unreasonable to ask if anyone lives in Eastbourne?

I'm sure someone lives in Eastbourne. No, it's a ghost town. Are I being unreasonable to go to the cinema alone? Nope, going to the cinema alone is great. Am I being unreasonable to think that mum's there is more objective than crack cocaine? Well, I mean, we're 38 episodes in, so they might have a point. We might have a problem. We do this every two weeks.

Yeah. Dip back into this well of misery. It is a well of misery. Join us the week after next for another dip into the well of misery. That's our new catchphrase. Another dip into the well of misery. Yay. Here's the thing to plug.

If you're a woman in London, so any self-identified woman, not a mum's net woman, like an actual, any sort of woman. Come along to Crafty Women on the 12th of February. We're going to be doing self-care, Palantines. It's like Valentine's or Galantines, except it's the day before Galantines. Self-care crafting, 7pm, the Hope, Peckham. Nice.

If you're a man, don't come. Yeah, it's not a space for you. By all means, go to the Hope as a public venue, but don't sit at our table. Yeah, sounds good. How about you? Anything to plug? No. I do writing at Medium.com.

slash at SimonXXX so go on that show it with your friends show it with your pals have a blast it's good stuff perfect thanks for listening great thanks for listening bye bye bye fantastic and I never felt as good as how I do right now except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day when I felt the way that I do right now right now right now