You Are Being Unreasonable - 039 - In which we start a new centrist podcast

Episode Date: February 21, 2019

"He calls his wife. But who's on the other end of the line? It's Barry Scott." We're pleased to announce that one of our hosts is branching out to start The Independent Podcast which accepts hosts from all other podcasts and is definitely a real idea and not a publicity stunt. While we're still doing this podcast, we learn the correct order in which to undertake life events, we investigate a case of egregious chocolate theft and cut off teenagers' hands to prevent theft, we look at funny pictures of Ronald McDonald on our phone, we speculate about McDonald's mascot Grimace's road-to-Damascus moment and their resemblance to adult toys, a mother time travels to protect her daughter from bad soup, and we remember Barry Scott, the shouty spokesperson for Cilit Bang.

Hello, driving on drugs feels better when their prescription. All I know, the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day, Hello! Welcome to Your Being Unreasonable, a podcast about people being unreasonable on Mumsnet.com.

Yep, it's Simon, Helen, and the third host, Leon. Leon's here, because Leon loves podcasting. The not-so-silent partner in this venture. Perring away, paring away for all the people who only listen because they've got a weird cat-ASM-R thing going on. Leon's here for you. Yeah, we're happy to prevent that service. In the meantime, shall we start whittering away with a speed round? Let's go.

Am I being unreasonable to just say one of my cats? No, we did. Am I being unreasonable, D.H. possibly lying. Possibly. People are lying all the time, though. Am I being unreasonable? Do you think we're too old for this crap? No. Am I being unreasonable? Restaurants. Yeah.

And am I being unreasonable? Twat face next door. Nah, sounds like a twat face. Twat face, mate. I hate twat faces. Got yourself a classic twat face. Twat face. Yeah, it's a really nice flat in a nice location, two minutes from the station. Twat face next door though. Twat face next door, real twat. Let's do a thread, shall we?

Am I being unreasonable to ask what happened to having traditional values? I am 23 and from a very young age I was told it was right to live in a traditional order. For example, being in a relationship with someone, buying a house, getting married and then having kids. Not trying to be smug or on a high horse, just wondering what happened and why people are getting pregnant after knowing someone for five minutes. I'm generally considered to have old-fashioned views, but want to know why no one else feels the same way. That's from mozzarella sticks. Traditional values mozzarella sticks age 23. Just want those traditional conservative mozzarella sticks.

Yeah. I have some mozzarella sticks please, but hold the spice. I want them plain. Oh, mozzarella sticks Just good old English Mozarella sticks They're just a vehicle for dip But imagine just getting

Moxarella sticks and no dip No, no Make them more English cheddar sticks Oh Oh no Warm hard cheddar sticks It's not oozyk

It's not mozzarella No It's just hard cheddar No dip With a bread A bread Bress of brown bread Maybe mayonnaise

Mayanase seems suitably plain Moxerella sticks here It's 23 and she learnt from a young age, arguably she is a young age, that it was right to live in a traditional order. What do we think about this? Yeah, and so you were lied to.

I'm sorry people put moral value on these ideas of traditionalism that they don't hold. But, you know, whatever, live your life how you want. You do you, mozzarella sticks. Yeah, if you want to live like that, great, go for it. That doesn't make it right, because it's also right to, you know, not being in a relationship with someone. Or as Marzor Mastik says

Why are people getting pregnant after knowing someone for five minutes? Well, listen, love, you're 23. I seem you know how people get pregnant. It's possible. It is possible. So that's... I know she wanted the why, not the howl, but I feel like they're one on the same, really. How is it possible?

Speed pregnancy. You know, like speed dating, but for pregnancy. Yeah, I mean, you would really have to get a wriggle on. You wouldn't have time for pleasantries. Yeah, yeah, that is really short. Imagine. Silly. Oh, very silly.

I'm generally considered to have old-fashioned views. The fact that this person says they're not trying to be smug or on a high horse, but then... Maybe don't post it on the internet then. And they say right. They say that they were told something was right. It does seem a little bit like you think other people are wrong, which does make you seem a little bit smug. on a high horse.

Yeah, makes it sound like you think people are wrong to not get married or buy a house. What happens after you have kids? No, that's it. You've done it right. When the day finally comes, the kid will kill you, and the cycle will begin in you. But I guess until the day comes, you just eat mozzarella sticks. Post on Mum's net. I love you, Mum.

Time to smother you with the pillow. Oh, that terrible existence. I love you. At least she died doing what she loved. Living life in a traditional order. Exactly. Relationship. Buying a house.

Getting married, having kids, death. Exactly. You don't want to do death and then buying a house because... You don't want to get married and then buy a house. Discraceful. Disgusting. Could you imagine being married and not owning a home? Awful business.

You must be some sort of reprobate. Where would you be married? Just in the streets? Where'd you eat your mozzarella sticks? Just wandering around the streets. Married in the streets, nothing in the sheets, because you don't have any sheets, because you don't have a house to keep them in. No, exactly.

Now where to order your mozzarella sticks too. Cheddar sticks, sorry. I'm glad this person's brought up traditional values, though, because I wanted to make an announcement. Yeah? I'm going to split off from this podcast and form an independent podcast. You in Leland? No, he elected not to join me.

Oh. I had 30 other podcasters lined up, but they all backed out, so it's just me. on the independent podcast. Well, possibly they'll join you later when the moment is right for the greatest impact. Maybe, but since announcing this, I have said something racist. Oh. Just off mic there, so it's not going well. No.

Well, maybe someone from a rival podcast, an opposition podcast, will also split off and form a new group. Hopefully. They're welcome to join my group. I'll accept anyone. Those brigands at the you are not being unreasonable podcast. Come and join me. Come on. There's room for all.

It's a broad church. I look forward to the day that in the name of centrism, you and a turf from the feminism boards host a podcast together, in which she just goes on and on and on about how there was a spectral penis in the changing room, and you say trans women are women, and that's all the podcast is for an hour every fortnight. It's me and Graham Lennon. Oh, no.

I keep trying to stare it back to the writing of Father Ted, but he keeps moving it onto transphobia. Oh, let me just do a little shout out for the fact that mermaids got their money from the lottery. Yeah, good work, merma! So, the centrist podcast will come later. Should we get back onto this podcast for now? Yes. While you plan the coup against me and then decide to just leave instead.

I like that in this analogy I've become Jeremy Corbyn. I'm Jeremy Corbyn. I'm Jeremy Corbyn, Mozilla Sticks is Chuckerumana. Sure. You can be Angela Smith. Angela Smith. Who even knew she existed until she did a racism after leaving her party? Should we hear it from the thread?

So, yeah, people are like, what's your problem? So, yeah, someone who's username is Yippie Kayak Other Buckets, which is good. Wait, you're living together before marriage in your scenario, slut. Very good. To be fair, it just says they're buying a house. You can buy a house together, but not live in it. They're probably being landlords temporarily. probably that's maybe their thing one of my parents lived in the house on their own before they got

married oh and then afterwards the everyone came they just potter about making it homely so the other one could come into a nice home yeah i guess so organizing their things in their slippies that's what i'm picturing it's really cute it's like a pixel film the way i'm picturing it sure yeah then the opes come back and said i don't feel like anyone bothers getting married anymore either maybe that's because you're 23 and most of your peers are not going to get married for 10 to 15 years. I think this is the one to really shut this person down. I did it all in the correct order.

It was widowed at 35 and now planned to shag about a bit. So there we go. I'd like to see if they've got to come back to that. I doubt it. That seems fine because they did the traditional order. And afterwards, it's fair game. Yeah. Afterwards, do what you like.

Do you have to just start again in the traditional order? No, experiment. Oh, I pictured it as... You know, polysexuality, pen sexuality. to go for it. Yeah, maybe buy a house with a load of strangers and then start a polycommune in there. Buy a vicarage with a load of students. Yeah. This can all be done. Choose your own adventure. You do you. Choose your own adventure indeed. Am I being unreasonable to ask if it is normal to call to say you are in front of a McDonald's? My husband really likes his cell phone and he calls

people all of the time. He calls me all of the time. He looks at funny pictures, he plays cell phone games and so on. So he phoned me to tell me he was in front of a McDonald's and he was going to go in. Am I being unreasonable to think this is odd? Am I being unreasonable to ask if you think there is some deeper sense like he might be sad, stressed, afraid? Or do people just do this nowadays? And it's normal and I suck at being a millennial because I don't do this. He told me he wasn't afraid or sad. Imagine that phone call. I love it. Hey, I'm outside McDonald's. I'm go in? Are you afraid? Are you sad? Are you stressed? Ah! No, I'm not afraid or sad. Bye.

You're sure you're not afraid or sad? Because you're in front of her by dolls and you've just threatened to go in. I think you might be afraid. Have you taken steps? Yeah. You've got a plan. Please don't. I love you. I feel pretty called out by what the husband does on his cell phone, which is, well, he calls people all the time. I don't feel called out by that. Calling people is the worst thing in the world. I was going to say, how often do you call anyone. I don't call no one if I can help it. Yeah. Text, text, text. What's up? WhatsApp, WhatsApp. Signal, signal. Yeah. I don't want to talk to someone on the phone, ideally. No. But looks at funny pictures. I mean, that's a lot of what I do on the internet. It just feels

very, I don't know, useless when you're saying. Look at funny pictures. Yeah, but I mean, if you're not going to look at funny pictures, you might as well have a Nokia 3210. Come on. Your phone has given you all these possibilities all these funny pictures you can look at have a look at them have a funny picture of a man outside of McDonald's

and be like that's meta on his cell phone and then on that cell phone there's a man outside of McDonald's on his cell phone and on that cell phone and we zoom in infinitely this is my entry

for the Venice Film Festival but yeah that's all my tumbler is it's just funny pictures when it comes down to it people like funny pictures that a lot of people wouldn't find funny. I wonder what sort of humour this man is looking at.

Like, she says funny pictures, so she's not questioning that the pictures are funny. It's definitely... They're objectively funny pictures. Objectively, they are funny pictures. Yeah, it's a picture of a clown. Maybe one on the Donald. Why would you look at it on your phone? Why aren't you living in the moment?

Put your phone away. Speak to each other. Look at Ronald here, on the mural, in the kids' play area. It's called talking, guys. It's what we used to do. Not a cell phone in sight. He looks down at his phone and he smiles because he's just seen a picture of Ronald McDonald's. That would be weird.

Imagine if he looked at a picture of Ronald McDonald's and then phoned her to say, I just looked at a picture of Ronald McDonald's. That would be weirder. Mm-hmm. I don't know why it would be weirder, but I feel like it would. Yeah, and McDonald's ancillary characters

like Grimmis and the Fry guys, Weirder still. Yeah. And Birdie. Who's Birdie? Birdie was a yellow anthropomorphic bird. I think she was supposed to provide the chicken nuggets. Oh.

It's pretty grim. Of all the characters in McDonald's Land. Like the hamburger, you know, steals hamburgers. Yeah. Grimmis is a big purple triangle. I don't know what he does. The fry guys were fries. Is Grimmis a lost quality street who stumbled into Mackeys?

I don't know. I'm going to look up Grimmis. When you say you're going to look up Grimmis, McDonald's wiki. You're going to look at a funny picture? Yeah. It is a funny picture. We'll share it when we put the episode out.

This is on the McDonald's wiki, and the picture I've looked at is labeled the iconic, brackets, good, grimace. Is there an evil grimace? Presumably. Oh yeah, originally Grimus was evil, and he was stealing milkshakes. What reformed him?

So I guess he's the milkshake. What was his moment where he looked deep inside his soul, and he thought, I need to make a change? I don't know. Do you want to view the grimmis? Gimmis Gallery? Yeah, I want to view the Grimmis Gallery. There's evil Grimmis.

Evil Grimmis looks quite content with life. There's happy Grimmis. Grimmis looks quite like a butt plug. Oh, cannot be unseen. That's Birdie. I feel really sorry for Birdie. Is Birdie stressed or afraid? Birdie should be making a phone call saying I'm outside of McDonald's.

Are you going to make me into Nuggets? If this person's husband is Birdie, then yeah, this is a worrying phone call. called, deeply troubling. Also deeply troubling that this person married Birdie, but you know. Birdie, the early bird, is the first identifiable female character using the McDonald's land commercials. So he phoned me to tell me he was in front of McDonald's and was going in. I guess if that's all the content of the phone call is.

It's a goal for help. I'm in front of McDonald's and I'm going in. Then he puts the phone down. Then you would be like, what the hell? We know that isn't all that happened because we know that she said, are you afraid or sad? and he said, I'm not afraid or sad. Maybe it's like a code word. Remember, like episodes back, I told you about the thing that kept coming up on my Twitter

where it was a code word for kids who'd been kidnapped. And it was like, Mom, I'm with Joffrey. It's like, well, that sounds really troubling. Like, if someone called and said, Mom, I'm with Joffrey, you'd know that that was a code word. Yeah. Maybe this is a code word, but he hadn't told her in advance. He just knew that it would be sufficiently odd that she'd worry, but now she doesn't know how to help. I think Bad Grimmus has got him.

Oh no. Yeah. He's back. Bad Grimus is back. We thought he only wanted milkshakes, but he's moved on from milkshakes to consuming souls. Grimus, devourer of souls. Someone said, was he asking if you wanted a bacon big mac? Which I think is interesting, because there's that advert where people are talking about bacon bigmacks.

And when it comes on, you've said before, no one talks about bacon big macks. No one cares. Who cares? But this person does care. They've made a bacon big macs. joke. It's called a Big Mac with Bacon. Now you're talking about the advert.

Now you're one of them. Oh no. But it doesn't call itself a Big Mac because it's a Big Mac with bacon. The addendum is right there. If you just ask for a Big Mac and you've got bacon on it, you would have a valid point in saying that's not a Big Mac.

But they're saying it's a Big Mac with bacon. It's not a Big Mac. Yeah. Yeah, okay. The menu item is Big Mac with bacon. You have to say, all those words to get the bacon. They're not just throwing bacon at people willy-nilly, at people standing outside calling their wives. Being pelted with bacon. That'd be a terrible business model. And probably a hate crime in a lot of places. Let's go back to the thread.

I don't see what being a millennial has to do with it. Maybe he just likes it. Maybe he likes to talk to you. Maybe he likes to talk to his friends. Why do you assume that because he wants to use technology to communicate with people, he must have some kind of mental health issues? If I called you at like 12.45 and said, I'm outside Taco Bell, I'm going in. What would you think? If I saw that you were phoning me, I'd panic. Yeah. Like, if I saw that you were phoning me, a panicked moment. Yeah, I would think something terrible had happened. So would you think I was panicking? But then if you said, I'm outside Taco Bell, I'm going in, I'd be like, I know you love Taco Bell, but this is too much. This is too much. Love Taco Bell on their four new London location.

Are you being paid for this? No, I just really like the stacker, available for a limited time only. Okay. But you would be worried about me. It's not normal behaviour. It's not normal behaviour for you, but it sounds like it is normal behaviour for him. He loves phone calls. He's always yacking away.

Chat, chat, chat, he's giving it all that. So, she's come back. He often phones because of reasons I don't understand. For example, to ask which kind of yoghut I want, or to tell me he's in a traffic jam. Those are good reasons. I understand those reasons. A text would suffice. No, yoghurt's good. Traffic jam is not. But if they're meeting somewhere and he's running late,

or if he's just bored because he's in a traffic jam? I think those are funny. He can be on his phone. Unless he's got a hands-free kit. Oh, this guy who loves to chat, he's got hands-free. He's got hands-free. Yeah. All right. It's probably been about 10 years since this was the case,

but I still picture hands-free kits as headsets. you know with the wire leading down to the phone that's probably not the case anymore you can use speakerphone on your phone yeah but then someone said well what's not to understand you want to know what type of yoghurt you want these people don't seem very compatible

from McDonald's oh McDonald's yogurt please never buy me in Mackey's yogurt that sounds awful and then the OPs come back and said I eat all kinds of yoghurt I don't care and now the thread is just to generate

All kinds of yogurt. That's nonsense. This is just degenerate into people arguing about yoghuts. I don't understand. A rhubarb yogurt is very different from a strawberry yogurt. Yeah, but this person eats all kinds of yogurt.

I don't believe that. Every yogurt. I bet they'd even eat the yoghuts that we get the cats that are like salmon flavored. Fine. Salmon yogurt. Don't phone me, just bring me my salmon yogurt. Meaty McDonald's salmon yogurt.

No, if I sent someone out to get yogurt and they came back with, like, a Greek yogurt. Yeah. It's not what I wanted. It is a yoghurt. You've upheld the letter of the task, but not the spirit. Would you prefer? Because obviously I wanted a flavoured fruit yogurt. Would you prefer if they phoned you to clarify that?

If that's what it takes, to get it right. But you don't eat every kind of yogurt. This person eats every kind of yogurt. I don't believe that's true. Eat every yoghurt Fun fact This thread was suggested by a listener on Twitter So thank you Josie

Thanks Josie If anyone else ever wants to suggest this thread Hit us up Am I being unreasonable One of my three teens Has stolen a bar of chocolate I know it sounds petty But I feel really upset

I had a big bar of chocolate in my bag To share after lunch an hour ago And now it has vanished Stout denials all around I feel like throwing lunch in the bin It really upsets me that one of them would go through my bag and steal from me and then deny it. Well, they were going to share it anyway.

Are we going to share it? Yeah, but still, it has gone. Yeah. But I suppose by saying they were going to share it, that's worse because they haven't deprived one person of chocolate. They've deprived three other people of chocolate. The needs and the many and all that. Are you, Corbyn now?

No, I'm Spock. Needs are the many outweigh the needs of the few. Okay. From Star Trek too, Raff of Khan. Okay. A big bar is just like a sharing, like a sharing dairy milk or whatnot. That's what I'm picturing. Yeah.

Not like they're rocking up at home with, yeah. Not fun size, though. Unfund size. Non-fund size. Boring size, tedious sized twigs. Ordinary twicks. Ordinary twicks. No, it's a big bar and it's gone missing in the space of an hour.

My God. That is a lot of chocolate to get through in an hour, isn't it? Assuming that it has been stolen. Assuming it's a big bar. And assuming... Toblerone. Impossible. Oh.

Oh, imagine if she just rocked up at home with a big airport toaderoom for no reason. Yeah, and now it's gone. What a fun mum. No, it's gone. Now it's gone, and she can't trust anyone, and she is throwing lunch in the bin. Oh, yeah. Don't do that, because you'll be hungry enough having not got the chocolate at the end of the meal. Yeah, it does seem like cutting off your nose to spite your face, but isn't that just what mum's net is?

I guess. So on the surface, this is pretty straightforward. The O.P. itself, you're like, oh, one of your kids seems a bit weird. They're teenagers, they could go and buy their own chocolate. There's a mystery to solve, though. There is. Where did the chocolate go? So someone has said, Sit them down and explain that you cannot trust any of them

as they went through your personal belongings. Regardless of it being a bar of chocolate, they still stole it. So whoever did it, own up and will move on or you'll all be punished slash treated like a thief. Goodness. Good punishment, like in class. Yeah. Someone else has said, make them all sit cross-legged on the kitchen floor until one caves in. Teens?

Yeah. A teens. I don't think you can make them do... Are they... No, they're not going to do that. A teenagers. It's in the O.P. title. It mentions that they're teenagers.

Yeah, they're not going to do that. The only way you're going to make them do that, it's like brute force and locking them in, like some sort of Guantanamo Bay situation, put them in a stress position. But that's not going to work. You're not going to work. say, sit on the floor, cross-legged, and they're going to go, no.

And then they're going to go out and just buy some chocolate and not share it with you because you made them sit on the floor, cross-legged, and through lunch in the bin, like a crazy person. Someone said you could threaten them with Eastern world methods of dealing with thieves, cut their hands off. Right, but they might know that that's an empty fret, because you're not going to cut a human being's hands off, let alone your children's hands. It'll be very difficult to cut their hands off while they're sitting on the kitchen floor as well. you want them up at counter-level for that. Eastern World Methods, that seems racist. Is that racist?

I don't know. It seems a bit racist. I mean, I just said crazy women, which is ableist, so we should all check our language today. Are there any developments? Do we find out who took the chocolate? Yeah, so this just goes on and on. People come up with increasingly ludicrous suggestions, and then they're like, look, why don't you talk to them before you go nuclear? She's like, well, I've gone nuclear, and they're still denied. denying it. And this goes on and on. So the first thing the OP comes back to say is,

I feel ugly betrayed that not only has one of them gone through my bag, but also is denying it. That was at 1613 and 48 seconds. At 1614 and 52 seconds, the OP is back again. It was at the bottom of my bag under a book. Oh no. It was in the OP's bag the whole time. And you've already tortured them and made them sit on the floor and cut their hands off. You cut their hands off. You cut their hands off. Now you've got a bag full of hands. You couldn't find it because it was under all the hands. Kids hands everywhere, but you're looking for your big dairy milk. How do you come clean? Do you tell them? Yeah, you're going to have to tell them because, like, what, do you think she should

keep punishing them rather than admit her mistake? Your son mistrust among the teens. The teens can no longer trust one another. Yeah, they'll think that they're going through each other's bags. Yeah. No one will be safe bringing home a Tobler on. Given how upset the AP was that she thought that her kids were thieves and they went rifling through her stuff. Upon realising that it was in her bag the whole time, someone had said, oh no, you poor thing. No, it's embarrassing, but you poor thing, I'm sorry that your kids aren't thieves and they don't go rummaging through your stuff and you don't need to make them sit on the floor. This all happens in the space of seven minutes as well, so the first post goes up at

I would love to have seen what was going on in that house. She obviously thought the chocolate was missing. Exploded. Exploded. I don't know if she's on the same time zone as us, but if she is, she was having a very late lunch anyway, so who could blame them if they had stolen it? Because it was quarter to four when they were sitting down for their lunch. Someone said I'd deny it and then scoff it all myself. Yeah. Come clean. And then now the rest of the thread is just people saying, but did you find it or not? Just read the... Oh, no. No.

Sometimes your family members really aren't stealing from you and maybe you shouldn't immediately jump to that conclusion with no evidence and you definitely shouldn't try to make them sit on the floor or cut their hands off and you probably should own up when you find out that it was just in your bag I'm really quick to assume that things are missing if I can't immediately have eyes on them you see me do this all the time but I've never said you have it and then make you sit on the floor I'm always putting my big toblower own down You're always putting it under big books

Like art books Exhibition Catalogs Yeah Yeah make sure that I only buy books Big enough to cover a Toblerone I like everything to be very big It's my aesthetic So that happens all on the first page of the thread

Goodness But there are 11 pages of this thread Where after that people just keep on going on and on They just keep going on and on About ways to punish these teenagers Who didn't see in any chocolate Eleven pages of creative punishments For Innocent Teenagers

That's what this forum has turned into. Punishments for innocent teenagers. That sounds like a difficult second album, doesn't it? My Chemical Romance. Punishments for Innocent Teenagers. That I'd have some bangers on it, though. Underappreciated at the time, but 12 years later, if I'd be on Twitter, it was a banger.

Yep, when I was a young boy, my father punished me, but I was innocent. Shall we do one more thread? Yes. Am I being unreasonable to be irrationally angry at DM for eating my soup? I stay with DM during the week for work reasons. I eat soup for lunch. A couple of weeks ago, I knew I was travelling up on the Sunday, so I left my Monday soup in my mum's fridge.

I got there on Sunday night, and the soup was gone. She'd eaten it! Bit of a minor grumble, but lots of piss-taking of the mother about taking food out of her daughter's mouth, all meant in a joking manner, and also that the one that she'd eaten had given her an upset. set stomach, so calmer. Last week, I left three cartons

in the fridge over the weekend, two of the same flavour she'd eaten the previous time and one that I really, really like, but you can only get in some shops because it's a special edition. I made a joke with her that I know there's three cartons in the fridge and I've marked them against theft. I've got a slightly snotty

reply. If I want to eat one, I will and I'll replace it. So she did, except she ate the special soup. When I commented on it on Sunday night, she said, I'll replace it tomorrow but didn't quite get that she couldn't replace that flavor unless she drove 25 miles to the nearest very very large branch she replaced it with a crappy lentil one cut off her hands cut off her hands make her sit on the kitchen

floor you can't drink soup with no hands oh as the old saying goes but you could get a straw soup special edition soup very very very very special soup. She really, really likes it and you have to go 25 miles to get that soup. They mention on the first time this happens that the one that the mother eats upset her stomach. Yeah. So it was bad soup. Yeah. I think the mother knew that. The mother did her a favour. I think the mother's eating all this soup because it's bad soup. She doesn't want her poor daughter to get sickly. Yeah, because it's gone 25 miles unrefigerated. The time that the

mother ate the soup the first time, the daughter had gone home ill. You think the daughter had a poorly tommy because of soup? Yeah, I think the mother is helping. I think the mother is groundhog daying or Russian dolling her way through life through this day and has to eat the soup to protect the kid. To protect the ungrateful daughter who stays at her mum's house and won't even buy some extra soup so her mom can have some soup if she wants some soup. Yeah, buy two cartons of the special soup. I don't know if she's paying her mum for staying there or whatever, But, you know, she's staying at her mum's house all week, every week, and she won't even let her mom have some soup. Got there on the Sunday night, and the soup was gone. Bang! And the soup is gone.

Did you know that that was a character? Barry Scott wasn't a person. That was a character that a marketing company came up with. Shouting Barry Scott. It's effective. Well, yeah, we're still talking about it, years later. but imagine pitching that. Imagine being the agent trying to explain to your client

that you got them an audition. Yeah, it's the part of Barry Scott. Sorry, who is Barry Scott? Who is Barry Scott? Do you think that was how Barry Scott was meant to be played? Or that actor came in and they were like, the marriage of this weird character and this weird actor is going to be something beautiful, believe me.

Or do you think Barry Scott was supposed to be like... Hi, I'm Steve Briggs, I'm here to play for the role of Barry Scott. I think Barry Scott was supposed to be a suave sophisticate, but that actor came in and they were like, this is better, actually, this is better. Hello, I'm Barry Scott. Bang, and the dirt's gone. Oh, it's creepy.

Oh, it's creepy. Oh, no. That's a reboot of Barry Scott. The sexy reboot. The smooth jazz Barry Scott. Yeah. That's the reboot I'm going to get funding for to play at the Venice Film Festival.

I don't know why you think you're going to get to do any of these things at the Venice Film Festival. festival, but I really admire your ambition and self-belief. Maybe the Catford Film Festival, to begin with. You can focus purely on your art. Purely on my art. Yeah. Barry Scott holding mobile phone.

We zoom in on the phone. It's Barry Scott. We zoom out. He's outside of McDonald's. What? He calls his wife, but who's on the other end of the line? It's Barry Scott. Is it smooth jazz, Barry Scott?

Betty Barry's got, are you afraid? That was Leon being afraid because I shouted. So then he headbutted the mic. Sorry for any audio disturbance. Did she just turn up on Sunday? First thing she did was like bustle past her mum and open the fridge. The soup's gone! That's because she's got in form for stealing soup.

Soup eating which? Maybe she should find somewhere else to stay where her soup won't get eaten. I'd like to see a hotel that would let you leave soup there over the weekend. Not many people would have gone. accommodate someone staying and clogging up the fridge with soup. Maybe buy fresh soup. No, she describes it as fresh soup. No, like a soup shop.

Like a cafe? If you like. Oh, like a soup shop in Seinfeld. No soup for you. It's funny, what? What's funny? Yeah. Seems really catty to be like,

ha, karma. My mom had a poorly tummy because of the soup. This woman just seems a bit unbearable. The mother is, you know, stealing soup. that is specifically marked and she's been asked not to eat. Yeah, that's a dick move. That is a dick move. But it does sound a bit like the first time she ate the soup

and probably didn't really think about it and just ate the soup. And then the daughter was so weirdly passive-aggressive about it that she probably ate the soup out of spite because the daughter was being so passive-aggressive. And I think this whole set-up just seems a bit toxic and the soup is probably not what it's really about. The menopause. No, but it's good to be.

say you think that that's the answer. Do you think that both of them are simultaneously going through the menopause? Because that would be unlikely. It's possible. Which one do you think is menopausal? Doesn't that happen at the same time? Like, eventually women sink up. Eventually, all women have the menopause together.

That would be the thing that kills the planet. Everyone has the menopause on the same day. This is my idea for a great sci-fi thriller that will play at the Sundance Film Festival. Okay, Catford first? Maybe. Okay. The day they all had the menopause. It's a bit on the nose.

It's that the last line of the film as well. Yeah. Bruce Willis looks into the camera. This has been the day they all had the menopause. Is Bruce Willis the only man in the film? And he's only in it to say that line. Is the rest of it just women doing weird shit? No, it's all.

It's just be crazy. It's all men. Oh, it's all. It's just reportage. Yeah, that sounds good. Good work. Yeah, so she says herself, I suspect she ate the soup to make a point. She ate the soup when the daughter wasn't even there.

Imagine spitefully eating soup in an empty room just there like shoveling it down. I don't even like this soup, but I'll show her. Don't you drink soup? Yeah. I'd say you'd drink soup. So I was fairly distracted while you were reading it because I think you drink soup. I think you eat, you know, frozen soup. What, like a lolly?

I'd love it if that's what the mum did. if she just stuck a lolly stick in there, froze it. And then when the daughter arrived on the Sunday, it bustled in, she was just there eating this enormous soup lollie, just licking it and staring her dead in the eye. It's a power move. Yeah. It is.

You're in my house now, girl. You need to do that with stuff in the work fridge. Freeze it and then just lick it. And then lick it in a meeting. The only stuff that's ever in my work fridge is milk. I don't want loads of milk lollies. Do it. Everyone in this sounds ridiculous.

I think. She just needs to check under the book in her bag. Because the soup's probably there. The real soup is the friends we made along the way. Exactly. So you're staying with your mum and she has had your soup. I don't suppose you could buy her some as well by any chance. That's what I said.

Someone else has said, perhaps staying a hotel. But we've covered that you can't leave soup in a hotel over the weekend. So that is not practical. She needs somewhere that she can leave soup. Make your own from scratch, including growing your own veg. There we go. That's the most mums, that you think. Yeah, grow your own lentils.

She didn't like the lentil soup. Grew your own lentils. She likes a special flute soup. But do it in your mum's garden. And then your mum can angrily eat lentils at you. Power move. Yeah. Frozen lentils, lentil lollies.

This mum's such a boss. I know. She's dominating with all these power moves. Let's do one more speed round. Be more I break off and become an independent podcast. Yeah, you're not supposed to give warning about that. Or you are supposed to give warning, but then you have to make three years if you do make a warning.

Oh, people ask how far in advance we record this podcast. Far enough in advance that the independent group was relevant when we recorded this. And far enough in advance that at this stage there is no independent group of Tories. But I have my suspicions that that might not be the case by the point this is released. Ooh, grim portent of the future there. Well, I'll be proved wrong on that, and everyone would be like, oh, she's talking about politics again, she didn't know what she's on about ever. Are I being unreasonable?

It's a national non-emergency. Trump's read 91. 91? There's been 91 of these bad boys. Jesus. Am I being unreasonable to ask if it's okay to wear sunglasses in winter? Uh, no. Not at all. It's a good question. Barely even in summer. Only when it's actively sunny.

Like not at night. Don't wear your sunglasses at night. Am I being unreasonable to want justice? No. wouldn't that? Cut off their hands. Cut off their hands. Make them sit on the floor. Am I being unreasonable? Anyone leaving Labour Party with Chucker and his mate? Yeah. Yeah.

Very good. Me. To farm an independent podcast. You weren't even in the Labour Party. No. I'd be like me saying that I was leaving my brother, my brother and me to form an independent podcast. So yeah, join me next time. on this podcast and join Simon in his future endeavours when that becomes apparent.

If you're in London and you are a woman or non-binary person, come to Crafty Women on Thursday the 14th of March in Peckham where we will be crafting up some knitting. Knit happens. Nice. Nice. What's the Twitter account? At underscore Crafty Women or Instagram.

and those crafty women. Cool. Good, good. Have you got anything to plug? I'm back on Twitter for now. Twitter.com slash SimonXX to follow me. I'll follow your being unreasonable at Y being reasonable. Very good. Cool. We'll be back next week.

No, we won't. It's fortnightly. This splinter group might do the alternate weeks. Yeah, one week of Simon and one week of me. That's centrism for you. Everything's just a bit shitter. because no one's working together. Centrism. Thanks for listening.

Thanks, bye.