You Are Being Unreasonable - 041 - In which we see the apparition of the bins

Episode Date: March 21, 2019

"This website is the bad take machine." Welcome to another episode of the only podcast focused on the Am I Being Unreasonable board of Mumsnet. The only podcast that ever has been or ever will be focused on this area of the internet. This week, we discuss binbag thieves, the Plastic Police, and the finer points of stealing someone's identity; couples who go the GP together and speak in unison; we investigate some Mumsnet detective work into international dialtones; and we compare babies and cats. Spoiler alert: they are very different.  Sorry, the audio got a bit squiffy on this one so there's some alternating between stereo outputs. You might want to skip it if you find it uncomfortable to listen to.

All I know, driving on drugs feels better when their prescription. All I know, if the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, Except for maybe when I think about I felt that day. Hello, welcome to people are being unreasonable, a podcast about people being unreasonable on mumsnet.com. It's a pretty blustery day outside.

It's a very blustery day outside. Who's blustery day? And it's blowing opinions hither and fiver on the internet. And they're all coalescing in a big vortex in Mumsnet. That's good. I admire your commitment to doing a topical intro, even though we record five days before we release. And therefore all of our topical bits just. sort of fall apart anyway.

I'll hopefully it's still blustery when this comes out. I hope not. Real blustery. I have a fringe. Why will no one think of my needs? The victims of the bluster, the fringe have us. It's true. Should we do a speed round? Yeah.

Am I being unreasonable about this money? Yeah, usually. Am I being unreasonable, brother's wedding, kid, uninvited. Just the kid, just the one kid. You're putting our own kid and you describe them as kids It doesn't sound like you want them there Am I being unreasonable? What should I do? It's broad but quit your job and go and live in Paris I guess

And am I being unreasonable to think six month old don't talk No These are facts Am I being unreasonable to think fish don't fly No No apart from flying fish famously Yeah, so what about the kid in Look Who's Talking? That was a baby, wasn't it?

That kid wasn't talking. That name was a complete misnomer. I haven't seen it because it sounded rubbish because I thought it was about a talking baby. Now, you hear the baby's thoughts, and the baby's thoughts are voiced by Bruce Willis. Oh, no, I'm glad I've never seen it. Yeah, you also see the first five minutes of the film

is a talking sperm heading towards a talking egg. No. We should at least watch the first one. five minutes. No. Let's do a thread. Creeped out or am I being unreasonable? I am home alone for half of each month with baby DC as DH works away. DC has been six. I have been cleaning like crazy. So rather than the normal one bin bag, I had seven plus some smaller ones. I put them out this afternoon onto my drive beside the car. It's been stormy and wet here all day. Now DC asleep and I've just been to add to the recycling boxes and someone has taken every single

bag. To do this they'd have to squeeze past my car. I saw my neighbour over the wall as I came back in. She heard my side gate and came to check no one was breaking in. I asked her but she didn't know as bin men come tomorrow. This has happened at least once before in the three years that we have lived here. DH is not due back until tomorrow. Am I being unreasonable to be creeped out? Rational explanations please I think the rational explanation is a wolfman took the bag bags tell me more wolfmen love pinbacks well famously famously and need them for warmth are they very good at sneaking past cars real good oh think at how a wolf would sneak past a car now think about how a man would sneak past a car now think about how a wolf man would sneak past a car sounds like a shit show

Just scraping the side of the car with the coarse, coarse fur Yeah Maybe, bending back the wing mare Yeah, I don't... Howling Who's the most well-known wolfman in popular culture? Seth Green's character from Buffy the Vampire Slayer He was very slender, he could squeeze past a car

She thinks Seth Green has stolen her bins I mean... I don't know how much he's worked since, you know, the early naughties, but I'm sure that he's got other stuff to do He does that show Robot Chicken with the little dolls doing skits. So maybe he took all this stuff to, you know, make his little skits. How embarrassing would it be if you were watching little skits and you realised it was all of your rubbish? You're like, oh no.

Seth Green took them and he's making little skits with them. Oh, they can see all the individual wrappers from the processed cheese slices that we've been nibbling. Oh, don't want someone going through your bins? No, it would be embarrassing if someone looked at all the individual wrappers from two slices in our bin. Well, I was just giving an example. Now, that would be embarrassing, though, because that's plastics, and the plastic police are, you know, the bane of my existence. Maybe this was the plastic police.

Do you think someone's turned up? They've snuck past their car, and in a desperate attempt to shame her, they've taken seven bin bags away to do some investigations. It's like a vigilante recycler. Can I just say, I've just noticed that this person's username is creepy, or am I being unreasonable? Which is probably just for this post, but I want to believe that. that they've got a whole series of posts. Every time they post, they're like, creepy, or am I being unreasonable? Like a listicle.

I thought I had more ketchup in the bottle when I went to use it, but it was almost empty. Creepy, or am I being unreasonable? I went to turn on the shower, but only cold water came out. The boiler's working. Creepy or am I being unreasonable? Exactly. The DC's been six, so now there's seven bags of rice. Was this baby sick?

In the bag? That'd make more sense of a baby being sick on seven bags worth of stuff that could all just be thrown out and not cleaned up. Like the baby, like the kid from the exorcist but a baby. Yeah, just sleeping on the bin bag

so you just scoop it up and then put it out. If these were bin bags full of sick, baby sick no less, this changes the whole question. because I think neither a wolfman nor the plastic police one knows. It's been stormy and wet all day. Don't know why that's relevant. I mean, we started the podcast saying it was blustery,

so we're not really ones to judge. You did that. Yeah, I mean, between pointing out how stormy and where it is and people moving bin bags, I related a lot with this question. Were you passing by, and you were like, there are seven bin bags just sitting on that driveway? That's obscene.

I'll just sneak it And earlier on I was walking back from yoga And Simon just appeared on the street And said my name And I jumped out of my skin Because he's so sneaky I didn't just appear on the street I was walking down the street

Like an apparition You just didn't notice me Like an apparition with the bins No But this is a call-out For people in our building They'll just leave bin bags By the bins

Rather than lift the bin lid and put the bin bags in. So I have to do it. So I'm the kind of person who would move seven loose bin bags and put them in proper bins. This is a call-out with people in our building. Cool-out culture has gone too far.

Going to end up on BuzzFeed. Okay. This man was so brave. Then the baby goes to sleep and she goes out to put the recycling boxes out. So the seven bags we know are not recycling. That is seven bags for landfill. Yes.

What a baddie. And then there's the recycling. Good to clear out. And then the neighbour came to see what was going on to check no one was breaking in. Why would the neighbour check no one was breaking in? Yeah, this implies that the neighbour saw someone or something. Yeah, I think the neighbour is hiding something. I don't think they're hiding something.

I just think they saw a person. I think they're involved. Why, you think it's an inside job? No, because the neighbour's not... The DC and the neighbour working together. The baby only pretended to be sick to distract the parents so that the neighbour... could get in there and steal all the bin bags. This is baby to the neighbour.

The mum is out of the house. The mum is out of the house. She does end by saying, Am I being unreasonable to be creeped out? Rational explanations, please. So do you have any rational explanations? Because the thread do. Someone hoping to steal your identity.

That's the only reason I can think of. You don't need piles of people's crap to steal their identity. That's too much. That's too much commitment to the bit. That's stealing someone's life. That's stealing someone's former life that they're now throwing away. In that case, that likes up for craps.

Reduce, reuse, recycle. Having the many, many wrappers from the processed cheese slices I eat does not equal my identity. I like something going more than that. Quite often where I live, anything left on the curved so hang on let me start that again so someone's come along and it's very poorly written I don't really know what's going on but they think maybe it's travellers oh oh great so the racism

prepped in early and then she said oh we do have a traveller settlement about two miles away because I'm sure that what the travelling community really want is to travel two miles to get seven bags of baby sick and to do it unnoticed look man this person doesn't want this stuff It's gone. What's the problem? It's when it comes back that you have to worry about. Oh, if it came back, that would be too creepy. Yeah. When three months from now, the bin bags just end up, turn up in the same place.

That's creepy. When they turn up and it's the content of the bin bags, but it's not in the same bin bags. It's the original content of the bin bags, but it's been presented in, like, just a really big trunk. Like a trunk gets delivered, and you open it up. You'd have to spread out everything in the bin bags to make sure they're... there's nothing extra, or to see what's been lost. Yeah. Because there'll just be like a human toe in there or something.

People seem convinced that these bags have been stolen and they've been done by some sort of bad actor. I don't think it's theft if you didn't want it. I really don't think it's theft at all. And also, I really, I would put money on the fact that they probably don't have to squeeze past the car that much and someone thought they were being helpful. Am I being unreasonable?

Couples who do absolutely everything together. Not so much in Am I Being? unreasonable as obviously it's up to them but I must admit I'm slightly miffed by this I know a few couples like this one for example that go to the GP together a couple parents in my DS's class appear to be joined at the hip they do pickups together there was a class meeting recently where due to space it was requested that only one parent attend and of course they both came DS had a play date at their house and both came to the door to meet me I reciprocated recently

and both came to the door to collect their DS. A friend got married abroad, did a girl's day at her house to show the video, and one woman brought her partner, because it would be more fun. Again, this is lighthearted, and I don't think there are any social anxiety, ASD, DV issues going on.

The women concerned just seemed to want their partner's there all the time. Let's role play. The two parents, the couple, come into the door to meet the, uh, son coming over for the play date. So are we both being the parents? Yeah, so they come to the door.

Welcome to the play date. Your son will be down soon. Soon. I don't think of it to stairs. see we can't do it because we're not a couple who do everything together no we do a podcast together but this podcast is not everything no imagine if it were imagine if this was all we did if we only put out one in every fours the episodes we recorded because all we do is constantly make podcasts together yeah when we recorded this it was a blustery day a year ago because we have a

back-lock. No, we don't do everything together. No. I don't go sneaking around, picking up bins, for example. That's a hobby that I leave you to do alone. Yeah, we did go to Sainsbury's together earlier for no reason, just to spend time together. That is true. That was after you made me jump. I was on the back foot. You'd made me jump, and so I just came to Sainsbury's in a panic. And I got you to buy me a lemon, so to score. I wouldn't have had that lemon of Adam.

come impulse by impulse by lemons you're going to edit this out nope imagine going into the GP together that's odd but what's more odd is that other people know this so they obviously have just been going around

like oh yeah do everyone we were at the GP the other day darling oh yeah yeah when we were both in the appointment and it wasn't an emergency my love yeah how do people know this level of detail the fact they go into the GP together is only part of what's weird here Yeah. But what I still think is

weirder is that he's gone in with his person and they've told people about it. That's what's weird. Do they assume that everyone goes into the appointment together and they're like, oh you know when you're at the doctor's appointment together and everyone's like, no.

I have no secrets from my wife. That is the thing that comes up a lot of mum's that people think that being together all the time and having no boundaries is the mark of a healthy relationship and they're like, obviously I know all of DH's passwords and we never go anywhere together because I trust him so much. Like, what? What are you on about love? Chill out. I don't have room in my brain for all my stuff, let alone all my stuff and your stuff. Yeah, and my stuff's very chaotic stuff. You don't need that in there. There'd be no way of taking all of my thoughts

and then reorganising them into the filing system that your mind works in. They're just kind of like a loose bag in my head. It's like a loose bag of taters and opinions on the backst up. Reminiscences about pretty dresses I used to own when I was thinner. That sort of thing. Right, so she says, oh, you know, obviously it's up to them, but I'm slightly miffed. Slightly miffed seems a little strong. Miffed is one of those words as well that really could be anywhere between a little bit like

raising an eyebrow and being absolutely fuming inside, depending on who's using it. Bringing your partner along to a girl's day isn't really on. Yeah, I think that's... Like, unless the partner is a girl, but still, she would need to be invited. Yeah, I think that's the point at which it becomes weird and unreasonable. I think, like, if you go to a house that a couple live in, and they both come to the door to say, hey, I don't think that's that unusual, really.

I think that might be that they're like, oh, we should both just say hello, rather than one of us say hello, and then the other one steadfastly ignore, the person. I don't think that's particularly weird at all. And if they've both gone for the pickup, maybe they've been together. Maybe they're like, oh, if so-and-so's having a play date, we could have a little date. Then rather than one of them leave the date early to go home separately so that only one of them picks up the kid, maybe they're together. All this, I think, is just someone being a bit judgy and everyone lives their lives differently. But it is definitely crossing a line to take your husband to a girl's day because it'll be more fun. Yeah. Like, it's

fine bring people I'm all for like the more the merrier but when someone just brings one random person you get there and they're like oh can we just wait for salmon so like no one told me they were coming and now because inevitably the person that has been invited without anyone warning me is late and lateness of horror sometimes when I'm out as people like friends who know you they'll say oh like where's simon today as if they expected you to be there and I'm like well as that was never disgust as part of the plan and I think he's quite happy to have some peace and quiet and watch a film on the projector. He's at home. They're like, oh, okay. People seem a bit worried, like, hmm. Everything okay in the match. You're not getting a secret divorce, are you?

Just because you're going to be out for three or four hours without him now. People do sometimes seem a bit weirded out by it. These will be the people who one day will bring their husbands to girls' days, and that'll be the point when I stopped seeing them all together. That'd be nice. That'd be nice. I don't have. Am I being unreasonable? Urgent advice re phones abroad needed. Suspitions re

D.H. Dun, dun. Hi. D.H. flew to European City today with work. Not too unusual to happen, but some things have got me thinking. One, he bought new trainers,

coat, and had hair cut yesterday. Two, he text me to say not to tag him, on Facebook as some people at work were saying this trip was a jolly. I rarely post on Facebook and probably tag him two or three times a year for holiday photos. So this seemed a really odd request. Three, I missed a call from him, so I rang back from my mobile. His number is saved without the international dialing number in my phone and it rang as normal, i.e., not the abroad ringtone I was expecting. Does this mean he isn't on mainland Europe?

I said I would call back. Is there a way of doing this that means I could establish where he is? Hope that makes sense. Thanks in advance. One of my favourite things on Mumsnet is when people play detective over situations that seem fine. Even situations that don't seem fine. But Mumsnet detective work is one of my favourite things about this whole website.

You bought new trainers, a coat, and had a haircut. I had a haircut this week. I can't believe you're cheating on me. And I'm going away next week. Oh no. Without you? Because we're not joined at the hip. Well, I'm going away to Scotland with some friends.

All right, just having a brag. But I had a haircut, so I'm having an affair. Yeah, but you haven't bought a new coat or new trainers and all the years I've known you. Harsh. Harsh and unfair. I kept my trainers from the binbags left outside, just like everyone else. You did wear that new coat.

A few months ago. Which I think did come from the bin bags. We were at the train station in the morning. And Simon suddenly looked really perturbed. And I said, what's wrong? And he looked down and said, this isn't my coat. And it wasn't. It was just a coat.

It must have been a coat. that I'd forgotten that I owned and when winter came I took it out thinking it was my winter coat but it's not my winter coat it's too bulky for that If it's not your winter coat then what is it?

Just another coat She didn't recognise it Did you reach into the pocket and find an ID belonging to the previous poster A piece of ID with some baby sick on it Anyway Right then he says not to tag him on Facebook As some people at work were saying this trip was a jolly

Missing tag DH Because he's at work trip Wish I was on a jolly With at DH That's what Next time you're doing any sort of work thing I'm going to tag you on Facebook Well I'm just in work on Monday

Yeah I'm going to relentlessly tag you on Facebook Wish I was on a jolly like And then tag you I wonder if the DH said I'm going to European City today with work Because, you know, for the next few months at least, that could be Newcastle. Newcastle's a European city.

Well, we'll get on to this, but she is a bit sketchy about saying where it is, and there is some uncertainty as to matter what she knows which city it is. There are lots of things about this that are odd, but very few of them are the things that she mentions in the post. I mean, the smoking gun, trainers, coat, haircut, this is nothing. Facebook, bit odd, but nothing. The smoking gun is the lack of international dial tone when she called his mobile.

Yeah. Is that a smoking gun? I don't think it is. What dial tone do you get when you call a British phone in mainland Europe? I think it depends on which international network it's connected to. Yeah, I don't think this is the big thing that they think it is. Like, I think if you connect to a network that exists in the country that you're in, but not in the UK, then you'll get the international dial tone.

But if you connect to like 02 Germany, then I think you'll probably just get the normal tone. I think it might have all changed recently anyway when they sorted out sort of data roaming and calls abroad in Europe. Oh, yeah. When the new EU regulations came in place. It just seems like such an odd thing to be so focused on. Right, so when I was about 16, 17, I knew this idiot boy, absolutely idiot.

And, like, so for the four months, five months, whatever that I knew him, he was reading the same Dan Brown book consistently, and it wasn't even the famous one. It was a different Dan Brown book. And then he told me he was going to France for the day, and then he phoned me from France saying that somebody had drowned, and I was like, what the hell is going on? It was really odd. And it was a bit panic-inducing. Anyway, as it transpired, nobody had drowned. It was a funny joke, and he was in South End. And then when I was like, that wasn't very funny, why did you do that? He was like, well, when you called back, why didn't you notice that it wasn't the normal French dial tone? No, it was like, well, it was a bit concerned because you told me somebody had drowned. I don't know. But I feel like that's the calibre of person who gets hit up about dial tone, the sort who would pretend to go to France but go to South End and who would take over six months to read not even the most famous Dan Brown book. Simultaneously details focused and dumb.

Yeah. Is there a way of doing this that means I could establish where he is? Have you thought about asking where he is? It's just be one of those couples who does everything together. That's the solution. Yeah, I guess so. So there's quite a lot of odd bits that come up in the thread with this. So let's have a look at the thread.

So people have really fixated on the saved number thing. They think that whether it's a saved number or not makes a difference. I don't see how or why it would make a difference if it's saved or not saved. What are you on about? Then people are saying call from a landline, and they think that will be different. And then there's just post after post where people phonetically explained

what they think the various ring tones sound like. So let's have a look at these. So there's derp, which is spelled D, four U's, three R's and three P's. That's the international dial tone. Just a long derp. Durp.

Durp. There's one somewhere that says that the international dial tone is bleep, space, bleep. bleep bleep bleep what country is he supposed to be in maybe one of us can tell you something very specific for him to bring you back that he could only get there oh yeah send him on a scavenger hunt if you think he's having an affair he probably just needs a scavenger hunt yeah that time i went to budapest uh and hungry is famous for his paprika so i bought you back some paprika oh no is that to throw me off the scent of the affair yeah mate you can get paprika everywhere And then a lot of people are saying it's like unacceptable that he hasn't told her the name of the hotel. But when you go away for business, I don't ask you the name of the hotel. Sometimes you tell me over the course of a thing.

If it's like a fancy hotel and it's a chain and you're like, here's a picture. It's the whatever, Sheraton or something. That's not particularly fancy. You know what I mean? Yeah. But like, if you're going away for work, I'd be like, okay, love you, bye, have a nice time. I wouldn't be like, you need to give me all the details off the hotel. It's unacceptable if you don't.

And then, this is the other big feature, is people saying that it doesn't make any sense why he would need trainers for a work trip, because he needs to be wearing work clothes, as if they think that he's going to just be wandering around in a suit and proper shoes all the time. Like, from the moment he gets up to the moment he goes to bed. I don't wear a suit at work, and I wear trainers.

Yeah, but they all seem to think that the trainers are the smoking gun, like, ha ha, gotcha. You wouldn't wear trainers on a work trip. so he's definitely having an affair. None of this is a smoking gun. There's no smoking gun. I don't even think there's a gun. Well, I will concede that you might not wear trainers on a work trip.

Would you wear trainers to pull? I can't imagine anyone being like, you know, I wasn't sure if I wanted to get with that guy, but he had new trainers. You get some new shoes on. Suddenly everything was right, if you know what I mean. Essentially, what happens is the whole thread go on and on and on about whether the ringtone does or does not mean anything and then someone comes along and says

why would anyone have sex with a man who owned trainers which is a really weird thing to say it's like you're trying to sound like you're really like important and snobby and you've got such values but also trainers are for exercise so good to know that you don't find men who ever do any exercise attractive interesting tape beep beep space beep beep beep beep space beep am i being unreasonable to wonder if dc are easier if you already have pets i read the thread on all the things that are bad about being a mum a lot of the things on there are my life now

lack of spontaneity with trips as we constantly have to think about the cats even down to a spontaneous night out after work being woken up at 6 a.m and every other blooming day of the week the constantness of things scoop litter trays feeding playing with them, etc. Having DC is bloody hard, but am I being unreasonable to think that maybe the transition

might be just a tad easier if you already have pets such as cats or dogs. I want to talk about grammar and use of words. Come on. Because am I being unreasonable to wonder if DC are easier

if you already have pets has the implication that DC are pets. that's the implication of using the word already in that sentence you need to think about word placement and choice am I being unreasonable to wonder if DC are easier if you have had pets is what you want to say

no but that sounds like you have to wait for your pets to either die or leave home before you can have DC DC are not pets DC are children I think it's also important just to highlight the other salient point here which is that pets are not DC

Yeah Now I don't have children as you know hells Just as well But I do have pets Yeah We have two wonderful boys who are cats They are very much cats Yeah

And that's how I hope they remain Yeah and I think they're a good deal Less responsibility than children I hope What on earth are they thinking A lot of the things on there are my life now. A lack of spontaneity. Blur, blubbler, being woken up at 6am.

Right, the cats sometimes shout at us at 6 a.m. And then we have to get up and open the door. But then usually it's fine. It's broadly equivalent to a baby coming and knocking on that door at 5am, bloody babies. Yeah, a baby that can get up, knock on the door at 5am. Then you let the baby in, and then the baby just comes and sleeps on a little stool near the bed

and you go back to sleep. that's not how babies work no and oh the constantness of things scoop the litter trays let's go through them scoop the litter trays so we do scoop the litter trays but fortunately the boys do poo in a box

designed for it rather than anywhere and everywhere yeah and like babies as a rule you know you scoop the litter tray a couple of times a day I'm pretty sure that you have to change nappies all the time and then clean the bum The cats clean their own bums.

They do. They do. Good, good. Sometimes they come and sit in front of us to do it, and that's unfortunate. But I'd rather that than us have to clean their bums. Feeding. How often do you have to feed cats? We feed the cats twice a day.

Yeah, and, you know, for some babies, this involves quite painful lactation processes. Yeah. We don't have to lactate. No. We don't have to. We choose to. That's how the cats like it. Playing with them, etc.

We do play with the boys. Playing with them is fun. Yeah. You can play with a cat more easily than you can play with a baby, I think. Like, you can pick a cat up and shout in its face, you're a fluffy and then wave it around. But if you did that to a baby, social services would get involved. They would.

You should be concerned if your baby's a fluffy anyway. I'm not here to baby shame. What if someone has a baby who is indeed a fluffy? I was talking to a friend about babies and, their hairiness. Because some babies come out with hair and then all the hair falls off. Yeah.

I mean, just on their head, no, for their entire body. Yeah, they're not a fluffy. No. And then the hair falls off. Then, like, what do you do with that hair? Do you keep it for sentimental reasons? You're always bringing up this sort of thing.

I'm always worried about keeping things for babies for sentimental reasons. Yeah, you are. Like, I feel like if we had a baby, you'd have like a really horrible filing cabinet of woe that was just like teeth and hair and nail clippings and umbilical. chords. Yeah, and then one day, when I've gone on a suspicious work trip, you put it all in bin bags and leave it outside. If someone takes it, clones are baby, then there's two babies. Nightmare.

I hadn't realised there was a thread called all the things that are bad about being a mum. But as there's not a thread called all the things that are bad about having a cat, I suspect that being a mum is considerably harder than having a cat. That would be my guess. I think so. And that is ostensible the purpose of Mum's Net, you know, quite apart from the transphobia and the Am I Being Unreasonable stuff. There's a whole wealth of Mum's Net that is devoted to actual parenting questions and discussion. There is, yeah. And we don't tread on those toes because, you know, we're not parents, we're not here to laugh at you.

No. Do you know what else there is on Mum's Net? And I think I feel especially in the pipeline. A whole board called Preppers. Wow. For Apocalypse. Yeah, there's a prepper. Borky. Maybe we'll have a little look at that to put out in a damn week.

Do you feel like prepping for the apocalypse is easier? You've already prepped for having cats? Yeah. It's the same. Yeah. We didn't really prep for having cats. We just got them one afternoon. Yeah. I thought we should have done... That's going to be my approach to the apocalypse as well. I didn't really prep for the apocalypse. We just got it one afternoon. Just happened. Yeah. Should we hear from the thread? Yes. Unless you worry for the rest of their lives about educating your pets, someone has. hurting them when you're not there, worrying that social services will be called if you leave

them for 20 minutes at 8 years old, wonder whether a lack of vegetables at age 3 might raise their risk of cancer at age 33, or you're constantly feeling judged when your cat has a tantrum in Tesco because the brouche was out of stock, or you weigh up whether it's worth risking a fine to take a two-week holiday in June, or whether a child's vague stomachache at 7pm keeps you up all night. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Basically, they're saying it's very different. It's harder to raise children than cats. When someone's come along and said, I think you might. might be right. We had a very active and spontaneous social life. Lots of travelling at the drop

of a hat. Thought nothing of finishing work and driving across the country to meet up with friends and either crashing on someone's floor or sleeping in the van. Didn't want children and really couldn't see how they would fit into our life. Then we adopted a very tiny and very sick stray kitten. We spent weeks getting up every two hours to feed him and give him his medicine. We took turns taking leave and then working from home to look after him. By the time he grown into the most glorious long hair black. The weird subtext of this is that they got a cat

that kind of ruined all their plans and then they were like, oh fuck it, we've come this far. Should we just have a baby? Have a baby then, shall we? Yeah, like, just, just, ugh. No, I think this is one of the worst takes I've ever seen on mums there and this is the

board that brought us screaming at the Sistine Chapel serving oven chips as starter and giving votes to children. based on this i think we should give votes to cats we should give votes to cats because that would help them prepare for when they have children yeah yeah okay now bad take put it in the bad take machine this is the bad take machine this website is the bad take machine this podcast is the bad take machine uh no bad unreasonable very good should we do one more speed round yeah

am i being unreasonable read the false round We do, we always do Am I being unreasonable What's the difference between an emotional affair? And? Well, am I being unreasonable To wonder what the fuck is going on in the flat upstairs No, I always do

And out the bins Am I being unreasonable, let's play Why do you have a cob on? Who would win? What's a cob? Why do you have a cob on, I think is like, why are you angry? Oh, I thought it was a euphemism for an arrest. And then let me just find the best one. Am I being unreasonable?

Rhetor Rick. Rhet or Rick? Rhet or Rick? No, rhetoric's, you know, part of life. Yeah, that one, the gist of it, was actually people were putting the stress in the wrong parts of words. But because of the way it was written, I really thought it was just someone chanting for rhetoric.

More rhetoric. Rhetoric. Rhetoric. I think we've got quite enough rhetoric, but with all this Brexit shenanigans. political. That was some good material. I could be on How I Get News for You.

Yeah, you could, because... BBC producers, give me a call. The standards for being on have I got news for you are much lower if you're a white man, it's true. You don't need to be that good. I'm available. Yeah. Hit me up. So thanks for listening.

If you want to hit me up for your podcast or panel show, tech avail. Cool. I just wanted to thank some of the people who get in touch with us this week. Dan said that Helen's Mum's Net Voice gives him life. She's nice. That is nice. That's nice, Dan. The Improv London podcast was very nice about our Harry Potter special that we put out.

Thanks at Improv London. Thanks for listening. All right, thanks for listening. Bye. Bye.