You Are Being Unreasonable - 047 - In which a dentist tells us raisins are bad for teeth

Episode Date: June 20, 2019

"I want the baby to have a monogrammed smoking jacket... I want the baby to look like Hugh Hefner otherwise what's the point?" Hopefully this week's episode gives you a good ol' boost in the fanjo as we continue what is definitely a serialised podcast with a strong season-long arc. We ask which kind of mysterious conspiracy could have sent unexpected letters all in braille, how to handle visitors who don't like your attention-seeking dog, whether dentists should intervene in people's supermarket shopping, and what is the absolute best present to give to a newborn baby for Christmas? Is there a secret Illuminati-club for blind people? What kind of art would a baby want for Christmas? Is a dog stronger than a baby? Are the raisin sections of supermarkets getting too big? Why do we keep talking about Gillian Duffy, the bigoted woman? Why did she say everything? Tickets are now available for our live show at the Camden Fringe 2019 on Thursday 15th August 2019 from 08:30 pm at the Chapel Playhouse at 308 - 312 Grays Inn Road, London, United Kingdom, WC1X 8DP. Go to https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2401 to book tickets.

Hello, driving on drugs feels better when they're prescription. All I know, the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day. Hello.

Hello, welcome to You Are Being Unreasonable, a podcast about people being unreasonable on mumsnet.com. They mentioned Mumsnet on Komoda Mayo this week in relation to that thread where the woman was getting all jizzy about Rocket Man. The one where she said, if you're a menopause, lulled hound like me, the gay sex scene will put a boost in your fanjo. That's the one.

Which is enough to make me hope that I die before the menopause, really, because I never want to reach a point in my life where that's a phrase that I think it's appropriate to use. Boost in the fanjo. It's disgusting. It's most disgusting turn. a phrase. So in that film, Richard Madden is playing the character of the manager, who's played in Bohemian Rhapsody by Aidan Gillen. Yeah. Off of Game of Thrones and The Wire. Do you think

it would have put a boost in the Van Joe if it were, Aiden Gillen doing the gay sex scene? Would he be doing his weird accent, which I thought was a character choice for Littlefinger, but I have now realised it's just how he always sounds. Just how he talks. Is he Irish? Don't know. We just don't know. Nobody knows. Nobody's ever heard him not doing that accent. Is that accent powerfully erotic? I don't think so.

The best accent he does is in The Wire, where he's just putting on an American accent. And I just thought, yeah, that's his accent. Apparently not. Or if it is, he's never used it again. Almost reinventing himself. Yeah. He's like David Bowie in that respect.

Or Elton John. Yeah. Not a music podcast. No. This is a mum's net. podcast? Are you talking about Mum's Net? Am I being unreasonable to think Joe Brown should be allowed to joke about anything and everything? What did she joke about? Everything.

For anyone who doesn't understand, that's a very niche reference to the exact turn of phrase Gordon Brown used when asked what Gillian Duffy had been saying. Before he says she was just some bigoted woman, someone said, what did she talk about? Gordon Brown said, everything. She explained everything. Now, to be fair, if you are going to say everything, like every single thing, some of the things will be bigotry. That just comes to the territory of saying everything. Yeah, if you're giving an exhaustive catalogue to a sitting prime minister

of all things in the world, you're going to say some bigoted things because bigotry is part of everything. Yeah. Yeah, there's an article on bigotry in Wikipedia. Wow. Maybe Gillian Duffy was reading that to Gordon Brown all those years ago. just clicking random article and reading it to it Gordon Brown unaccountably

the best Prime Minister of our lifetimes Incredible scenes Without fail Wow Am I being unreasonable Am I taking this in the wrong way Yeah probably Probably not just a bigoted woman

Probably just reading from Wikipedia Am I being unreasonable Daughter squirtes a little juice over another bugging Oh, when you said squirted, I did not know where that was going. No! Oh, you're being unreasonable. Fanjo. Oh. I'm being unreasonable.

He shouldn't pay for your children. No, he shouldn't. Gordon Brown? I don't know. Gordon Brown should not pay for your children. Okay. As a rule. Well, yeah, it's not up to him.

I don't want to lay into Gordon Brown. He is the best primary issue of our life patterns. But he shouldn't pay for him. our children. That's not laying in him. That's defending him from people saying he should be paying for our children. We don't even have any children. I just want to be clear that I'm not damning with faint praise. Okay. I don't know how we got onto Gordon Brown. He was against Scottish independence, which I'm for Scottish independence. Yeah. But saying someone was the best Prime Minister in our lifetimes doesn't mean we think they were a good Prime Minister. Like we all know

the field they're competing in. Sometimes I wonder if this Jokey podcast cast of ours is too political, but then we spend five minutes talking about Gordon Brown and assessing his political career. And I think, nah. Just right. I think we hit just the right tone. Just the right sweet spot. I think we should change it to comedy slash political in iTunes. Let's do a thread. Am I being unreasonable to be cross about visitors not liking my dog? I have a Labrador who is the daftest dog you'd ever meet. Due to my work, children and parents visit my house. They know I have a dog. who is harmless, yet people still make comments like

why is he barking and I don't like dogs and physically wincing if he comes near them. This is only on arrival and I put the dog in a different room for the duration of their visit, but I'm getting really tired of anti-dog people making comments and someone even asked me to ensure the dog was locked in a different room on arrival. Given the fact that new people are informed I have a dog and he's playful and barks, I don't understand people's reactions.

I understand not everyone likes dogs, but why can't people stop acting like snowflakes and move on? Am I being unreasonable to be totally fed up and only invite dog-friendly people to my house? Always great to end an argument by calling people who disagree with your snowflakes. Absolutely. Always gets people on side. I think this dog sounds like he tries too hard. He sounds like a bit of a pain in the ass, doesn't he? The daftest dog you'll ever meet sounds like the person who shows up to the party

and he's purposefully wacky. Like he's wearing novelty glasses and he's trying to get a laugh out of people. He's trying to be a comedian. This is a Michael Scott of Dogs. It is the Michael Scott of Dogs. The David Brent of Dogs. It's, just calm down, chill out.

You don't have to be the comedian little dog. I also, like, sorry if I'm going to make the OP cross by saying this, but when some prick in the park has got a dog that jumps at me and starts barking, I don't find that cute and it makes me jump. And then people are like, oh, he's a big. baby. I'm like, no, because no baby has ever leapt up to above my waist height and shouted in my face unexpectedly. That's not what a baby does. A baby is not stronger than I am, but some dogs are stronger than I am. So no, he's not a baby. You're deluded. Yeah, it's true.

There's not a baby that's younger than you are, not even Benjamin Button, because Benjamin Button and was an old man as a baby and quite frail. Yeah. You know, not an old man as a baby. An old man when he was. I haven't seen that film in ages. I don't know how it works. I don't know how he got into the conversation.

But yeah, the dog sounds like he's turning up to the party and trying to be wacky it and trying to be playful. And it's too much for some people. Some people just want calm. Some people want cats who are not daft. No. The most serious cats you'll ever meet. I feel like I should warn people that about Ozzy.

People come around expecting they'll get to play with a cat and Ozzy just stares at them and skulks off. Yeah, he's a serious boy. This is the least daft cat you'll ever meet. Yeah, the Werner Herzog of cats. He is the Werner Herzog of cats. It's very serious, quite serious and aloof. Can we just look at another part of this as well?

Due to my work, children and parents visit my house. And then she says later, oh, all these people are snowflakes. you're going to invite dog-friendly people, won't that cost her work? So, like, she can do it. It's her home? Yeah. That's perfectly reasonable,

but if it's going to have a business impact, maybe just put your dog in another room. If it's fine for the dog to be in another room for the duration, why do you think the dog should come and greet them at the door? Yeah, like, the job I assume this person has got is running a builder bear workshop from her home. Of course. So the parents come here,

but if you're only bringing parents and children who can't have a dog while they build a bear, you're going to really limit your builder bear potential. Yeah. You shouldn't have taken on the franchise. You shouldn't have done, or you should have at the very least, found a small outbuilding you could have used.

Yes. The dog can have free run of the house and the children can come to this shack in the garden. A small non-powered outbuilding that you've turned into a workshop, like in Pioneer Woman. If you want people to like your dog, the dog needs to put some effort in.

She needs to train her dog not to jog, jump up at people and bark. Because she might find that charming, but it is quite overwhelming. A Labrador is not a small dog. I find dogs quite overwhelming. If they're little dogs, fine, whatever. Big dogs jumping up at me and barking. Oh, no.

Oh, no. You know what I've recently found quite good for chilling me out and calming me down? Diasopan? Diasopan. I think she should give the dog some prescription diazapan. How is she going to get... Go to the doctor. and say your dog has flight anxiety.

They'll get prescribed diazepine. A few diazapam and you're chill A.F. I was certainly chill A.F. When I had to take that flight earlier this week. Yeah, but... I'm not a dog. Yeah, and your default state isn't jumping at people and shouting in their face.

Yeah, my default state... Being the daftest Simon that they're ever of course. It's relatively chill A.F. Until I need to take a flight. Yeah. Then I'm decidedly not chill A.F. Anxious A. I understand that everyone likes dogs, but why can't people stop acting like snowflakes and move on?

I mean, they're not the ones who've posted on a message board. You're the one who's posted on a message board. Maybe you should move on and accept that some people won't like your dog. Like some people won't like our cats, because they don't like cats or they're allergic to cats. It doesn't make me cross. And, you know, fine. They don't have to interact with them. Yeah.

Let's hear from the thread. if parents and children are coming to your house then I don't think they should have to deal with your dog I had a rapid change of friends once I got a dog I'm sensitive to people not liking them and it gets too much like hard work people are still sniffy however hard I try imagine cutting out all your friends because you've got a dog

why don't you just train your dog yeah seems a bit much this is beyond me I really want to know what her business is I really want to know what her business is dog groomer Am I being unreasonable, mysterious letter in braille, no return address? I'm a bit confused face about this. A letter through the door, this AM, addressed to DH, and I with two copies of a letter inside

all in Braille. Neither DH or I are blind, or know anyone blind, and can't think of what it is. Return address is a P-O box. Is this an edgier kind of glitter bombing? Have I on my tictor box saying we're both blind. Anyone read Braille here? Picture attached. It's one of my favourites, the mum's net genre of mystery, which is so rarely a real mystery.

No, but this is a real mystery. Who could have sent these two letters in braille? And what could they say? And why would you ask an internet for them if they can read braille? Isn't touch quite important to reading braille? Posting a shoddy photograph of braille. Yeah, that's not going to make it easy to read. No.

I'm sure it could be done, but my understanding is it's done via touch. Yeah. That's how you learn, even if you're sighted. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, because what would be the point if you were cited of learning braille visually? If you lost your sight, you wouldn't, you'd have to remember how to put it all together. No.

Also, just an aside from me, a very, very small proportion of blind people actually use braille, and it's this real misunderstanding that like all blind people, people can read braille. That's why I also think if they've said somewhere that they're blind, I don't think that necessarily explains why they'd have braille, because I think a lot of places would try to send you, like, something you could use for a screen reader or an audio thing. Yeah. So I think they're quite specifically put down that they use braille. So what? Or, alternatively, it's spies, who sent blind spies, who sent this braille missive to the wrong address.

The wrong name on it? spies who have all learned braille so that they don't have to write down their secret communications and sent it to the wrong address. But they've addressed it to this person and their DH. They must have addressed it wrong, careless spies. Yeah, I mean, if the name and address match. Hmm, it's mysterious. It is mysterious.

Maybe it's a treasure hunt. Maybe it's blind people encouraging these sighted people to join them in some kind of blind changerala. Well, that would be interesting. A secret club for blind people. Wow. The only way to get in is to read these braille letters. I wonder why there's a copy for each of them.

I assume that they have the same message on them, but yeah. We don't know. Maybe it's different instructions. Oh, no. Do you think it's all a ploy to divide and conquer with this couple? Get them on the back foot, spook them. They'll be like, why are we getting stuff in braille? By the time they find out what the things say and they realize that they're different.

They'll just be so confused that they'll follow the instructions. I think you've cracked this wide open. I think it's a conspiracy of blind people, getting together, some kind of secret society, eyes wide shut style, coming together, so to speak, to divide this couple, to break them apart through the mystery of the braille letters. And I think, you remember last episode when we're talking about the couple on the cruise who didn't seem to be getting along,

I think they got two braille letters that said go on this cruise, they've gone on the cruise, and there's nothing there. There's nothing on the cruise? Yeah, it was a ploy to break them up. It's just an empty ship with all of the instructions in braille. Yeah, apart from that other family who we're trying to interfere. Yeah. Refer back to the previous episode for this.

Sure, yeah. Let's go back up to see what this person's on about. Right, so a letter through the door this a.m. Like, they're really looking for some sort of intrigue here. Just say morning. This is what's made me think it's a spy thing. 9.01 a.m. Post through the door.

Mysterious Braille. Addressed to D.H. and I, with two copies of a letter inside, all in braille. Neither D.H. or I are blind. Or know anyone blind. I don't know why they think knowing someone blind would make a difference. I don't know. I just, that seems like a strange thing to include. Yeah, a blind person would not send a sighted person a letter in braille.

Yeah, that's not like they necessarily write in braille. It must be extremely difficult to prepare a letter in braille as well, because you'd need paper that you could put the punch marks on. Yeah, that's why I'm leaning towards global conspiracy, because they need the resource. Illuminati confirmed? Blind Illuminati. Balluminati. Balluminati.

Yeah. No, there's something better here. Because Illuminati has Illuminate, and blind people don't need rooms illuminated. So, there's a good joke here. Yeah. Assemble it yourselves, folks. Illuminopi. Hmm.

Not it. That's not it, Chief. The return address is a P.O. box. That is quite weird. Yeah. I think there is something going on here. Do you think they've looked up the P.O. box? Because I think that would be the first thing I would do.

It's like when a weird number calls you when you. Google the number. You reverse image search the number. They should reverse image search the braille one. Yeah, it's, it's mysterious. I think this is legit mysterious, and I do not think they're being unreasonable. Uncharacteristically, for Mumsnet, normally when there's a mystery, people are all over it. People love a Mumsnet mystery. You know how there's so much Mumsnet sleut sleut that I enjoy so much, but this one, no, rubbish, absolute nonsense. What, no one cares? No. Even I think this is a conspiracy. Yeah, I think this is a brilliant one. But the response is, so someone said,

it sounds like you've wrongly marked down that you're visually impaired and need info from them in braille. But I don't know who it's from. Yeah, that's the boring answer. Also, I think that most companies would still have their own franking thing. So even if what was inside it was in braille, if it was coming from a business address, the franking would say the name of the company on the envelope. Sure. In braille?

No, because you aren't Frank in braille, can you? Can you send an envelope with the address written in braille? The post office would not deliver it, right? That's a tall order. Yeah. Yeah. That would be my guess, but I don't know. And then someone else has said,

picture attached, I can't see a pick. How ironic. Should you leave it there? Yeah. I will keep an eye on this one to see if anyone ever comes back and explains what the heck was going on. Yeah, please do. Please do. I think this is a season-long arc for The You Are Being Unreasonable Podcasts.

Do we have seasons? Between the crews, this one, this is the arc. How to make a podcast even more impenetrable, arcs and continuity. I absolutely cannot stand podcasts that have got arcs and continuity, because occasionally you will miss one, then I'll be like, uh-huh, nothing ever will make sense again, because you missed episode 43. And somehow this is the joke that everything else has been built on. We had 42 episodes first.

Then at 43, that was when we really started to lay the foundation stones. Am I being unreasonable? Dentist in Tesco tackled me. Shopping with three-year-old yesterday, stopped by the raisins. Old woman came up to me and said, Excuse me, but don't buy them. They are terribly bad for teeth. I must have looked incredulous because her husband stepped in to say she was a dentist.

Are I being unreasonable to think, go away and let me shop in peace. I'm a sensible grown adult who can make choices. Okay, here we go. Another patented you are being a reasonable roleplay. Oh yeah. Do you want to be stopped by raisins or dentist? I want to be... Or three-year-old or husband.

We'll have to play two parts each. Well, yeah, we're going to have to play multiple parts. So stopped by raisins. and husband has to be played by the same person, and three-year-old and dentist? Yeah, I'll be stopped, no, I'll be dentist. So you're being dentist and three-year-old, and I'm being stopped by raisins? Yeah. Okay.

Come along, Liberty. Let's just stop here, buy the raisins. Excuse me, please don't buy them. They are terribly bad for teeth. Hello, she's a dentist. Good day. I want raisins! And seen. So I thought it was just unnecessary detail at first

when the person was talking about how she stopped by the raisins That section that every supermarket has of raisins Yeah Raisins in Isle 15 and 16 You know the raisin aisle, the raisin bit The raisin section Yeah The Saltona section is a bit further down

But it's not, it's important It's key information They're bad for teeth. Wasn't they're bad for teeth or not. It's not the issue here, surely. The issue here is that this dentist needs to shut up. This dentist needs to know when to clock off. Yeah, like, what the hell?

Unless they are a dentist working for the supermarket. Why would the supermarket stock something? And then, as well as the costs of having them shipped in and the costs of keeping them there and the shelf space. A lot of shelf space for reasons. The iron space, the whole aisle. And all of the other things. things that go with that, why would they then also have the associated cost of the dentist

to pop up and say, no, you mustn't. Does a bad for teeth. I mean, yeah. If the dentist wants to do this, surely there's better places in the supermarket than the raisin aisle. Like maybe go in the Chubba Chubb's oil. Because Chubba Chubb's a bad for teeth. But maybe the dentist thinks that people don't know that raisins are bad for teeth. I didn't know that raisins are bad for teeth. All dried fruit is extremely high in sugar and quite sticky, which is a share. for teeth. Shame.

Bad news if you're a tooth today. It's bad news for teeth as it turns out that dried fruit is quite sticky. No, it's dried fruit. If you're a tooth, look out on the M25 today. A lot of raisins has overturned and jacked out. You don't want to get stopped by the raisins Yeah I got a mysterious letter covered in raisins

Is it bad for my teeth She said, that's what the letters said The letter was Don't eat the raisins But it's in braille Because blind people might not know That raisins are bed for teeth I'm a sighted person

And I didn't know that raisins are bed for teeth So it takes all sorts Yeah so dried fruit is in theory quite bad for your teeth because of the higher sugar content per 100 grand and the stickiness. But, you know, if you take care of your teeth, I'm sure that having some raisins won't do you any harm. I used to have a little box of those little sun-made raisins every single day for like the whole of infant school. Oh yeah, me too. And none of my milk teeth ever needed filling or anything, despite me just gnawing on raisins like they were going out of fashion.

Raisins will never go out of fashion That's why there's aisles full in the supermarket Don't you worry about that little lady It's also the white knighting husband Coming along Just to boast about his Old Woman wife's dental credentials It's okay

She's gone to dental school Do you think that she's still a dentist Or do you think that she's a retired dentist I don't know, it says old woman I've never had an old woman dentist Me neither It's very impressive that she got to become a dentist back in the day when there was probably less gender equality.

Yeah, this is a movie waiting to happen. Yeah, and the big moment at the end, that's like the breakthrough, feel-good, uplifting moment is her stopping a woman by the raisins and saying, no. And then the credits roll, everyone weeps. And then over a black screen, it says what happened next. The woman did not buy the raisins. No.

I'm not saying that's the denouement. I'm all for graduating from dental school. It might be like Aaron Brockaville. or legally blonde. Legally raisins. Should we hear from the thread? You are not being unreasonable. I probably would have bundled the whole shelf of raisins

into the trolley while glaring at her. Don't do that. That's cutting up your nose to spite your face. Then you've just got a trolley full of raisins. Yeah, that's too many raisins. And they are bad for teeth. Like, however we think about this woman's behaviour, she is a dentist and therefore is to be respected.

And it's correct about that. the effect of raisins on teeth, especially children's teeth. I expect she has dementia, you know, because she's old. Old women and there's... Let me finish the... Old women and they're still employed husbands, quite often across mothers to warn them about the dangers of raisins. How do you can't speculate that this old woman has dementia...

How do you know her husband's still employed? how do you work and it's really common on mums there that if an older woman does something unreasonable people are like probably the early stages of dementia dementia makes people act very unreasonably like this

I don't know it does come up a lot do you think this woman was a dentist because if you're my wife and if you'd gone up to someone in the supermarket to say they shouldn't be eating raisins and the conversation looked like it was breaking bad I might come up and make up a lie about you being a dentist.

Yeah, to try and get me off the hook? She's a dentist, don't worry, she's a dentist. It's a dentist, and then I bundle you away. Oh, if you did that to someone, if you were saying, oh, don't have raisins, I'd turn up and I'd be like, he's got dementia, he's old. Because apparently that's a thing. Ages and clearly rife on here again.

Just lots of people are very upset that she mentions that the dentist was old. It's all got a bit weird, really, hasn't it? It's a mixture of people saying you're being agist and other people saying I would have put every raisin in my basket. That doesn't seem to be much of a middle ground. I would put every raisin in my mouth. That's me with a mouthful of raisins. I think you could get more raisins than you have teeth in your mouth. Yeah, easily.

Yeah. Easily. A raisin is smaller than a tooth. That's why they're so bad. They get in between them. And also the capacity of your mouth. Anyway, final thread, am I being unreasonable not to get my baby anything for Christmas this year? So I'm due December 1st and I'm debating whether or not to get my newborn baby some presents for Christmas this year.

The youngest he or she would possibly be is two weeks old roughly. I'm telling myself that I should save the money and baby will have all sorts of new things and gifts from the baby shower. But one half of me is saying buy a personalised dressing gown or my first Christmas gifts. It is Baby's first Christmas and obviously I'll never be able to buy anything with first Christmas on it again and I don't want to miss out on the magic, albeit Baby won't know what's going on. And I don't want my little one to miss out. I was thinking of getting the following. Personalised dressing gown.

My first Christmas Eve box, soft toy pyjamas. That's where I've got to. What do you think? Before we get into a discussion on this, there's a couple of points I want to make. The first is that this was posted on Saturday the 15th of 3rd. June 2019 about Christmas. The second is that I am not judging this person for wanting to do all of the stuff that is special for them and I think I understand the logic behind if you're a Christmas person you want to have the baby's first Christmas thing. That I totally get. But it's the fact

that it's June and also it's personalised dressing gown. Yeah, I was pretty much on the side of you're having your baby in December you're going to be busy looking after a newborn I wouldn't bother with the baby stuff this year just chill out until they said they wanted to get a personalised

dressing gown for a baby and yes yes a thousand times yes get that get it embossed with their initials it's a red velvet dressing gown and it's tiny and it's for a baby

and it's perfect and you have that baby wear that dressing gown all the time I want the baby to have a monogram smoking jacket That's what we're imagining Absolutely get the baby a dressing gown The OP mentions the personalised dressing gown twice Yeah

I am so here for the personalised dressing gown Absolutely Having a newborn baby sounds really tough And I think you've got to do anything that makes you feel happiest and most comfortable And if you're into the magic of Christmas Go for it, but please, please, whatever you do, make sure they get the personalised dressing gown. Holy shit hells, if you search for baby dressing gown, it's a thing and you can get personalised dressing gowns for babies in fleece, grey fleece, blue fleece, dinosaurs, unicorns,

gingham, you can get your baby. I mean, a lot of these don't look like babies, so this one looks like. She's like four. A child. Yeah. But there are a lot of babies in these dressing gowns, and you need to buy your baby a dressing gown, a personalised dressing gown. When we did, at Christmas time, we did a live show,

and one of the threads there was about someone who did not like their small relative, as they kept describing them. So they bought them a dressing gown for Christmas to spite them. And this is just like the flip side of that. Like, this is a dressing gown as a real, joyous and beautiful thing. And now that I've seen pictures of very small babies in dressing gowns, I know what our niece is getting for her first Christmas. Well, yeah.

It's a monogram smoking jacket. That's the problem with the dressing gowns on this site I've found. None of them are high-class enough, and none of them look like smoking jackets. They're not sophisticated enough. I want the baby to look like Hugh Hefner, otherwise what's the point? Exactly. So, should you get your baby,

a first Christmas present when they're not even a month old at Christmas time. Probably not. Don't worry about it. I think do what you want to do, though. If you want to get them one, then absolutely it's your baby. If you don't, baby's not going to know. Who cares? Sure. But if you can get a personalised dressing gown for a baby, always get a personalised dressing gown for a baby. Absolutely. Especially a one month old, because that's going to be a tiny wee dressing gown.

Yeah. It's going to be such a small dressing gown. And later, you can put it on your... ditsy dog. Yes. And that'll look good too. Just make sure your dog and the baby have the same initials. That's her monogram.

Or, oh, better yet, have the monogram, but then also, like, somewhere on the inside, maybe. Have the baby's full name with titles of everything. Like those hoodies from that fred. The safeguarding issue hoodies. Yeah. No, I'm picturing like Master Joe Baby Esquire. You know, babies don't have the last name, Baby.

I'm just giving an example. It's not like John Snow, where he gets a bastard surname. The bastard surname is just baby. I think, look, personalized dressing gowns are a good idea for people of any age. Yes. Get a personalized dressing gown that says, on the front, calm down, and then on the back, my wife's a dentist. Keep calm and reflect on dentistry.

The only niece joke there. Keep calm. He's a good dog. Keep calm. Don't eat raisins. Keep calm. She was just some bigoted woman. keep calm and then the back is just in braille and no one knows what it says that's the best one um let's get back to the thread babies don't really need dressing gowns what why not get a bit of art or something

oh yeah because a baby needs that's better because a baby wants a fucking JCM and baby that wears a monogram dressing gown It's probably a baby that will want to start an art collection early. And that's why they're saying get the baby some art because they're like, well, they need to start their collection. It's an investment piece. Yeah, but what they fail to understand is that printed art and portraiture is dead and multimedia art is the future.

So what sort of art would you propose getting a newborn baby? A podcast. Podcast can be art. I would refer to this episode of an example. Can I only imagine that there are podcasts out there for newborn babies, like soothing baby podcasts and if there aren't someone should start one yeah i mean we started one like 47 episodes ago didn't we isn't this for babies that's for babies it's for babies it's very babyish no it's not for babies it's not it's not we do a lot of swearing and a lot of political commentary is for babies i just don't know that we're pitching it at an

accessible level we don't want to alienate them from any of this they need to come in at a baby level I mean, they won't know who Jillian Duffy is in common with 90% of our audience. You know, when people are like, oh my God, can you believe that 18-year-olds today were born after X event? I look forward to the day when we can be like, oh my God, can you believe that today's 18-year-olds were born after Gillian Duffy said everything. That's when I'll know that I'm old. One day, we'll get there. Just get the baby a box of raisins, a big box of sun-made raisins. And before you say it's bad for teeth

I'll remind you that babies don't have teeth Checkmate Lots of people on this thread saying Why not get a personalised bobble Because the person wants to get a dressing gown Yeah, because a personalised dressing gown Is better than a personalised bobble Let's think about babies and Christmas

And go back to the root of things The first baby to celebrate a Christmas Was the baby Jesus And what did he get? Gold, Frankencent. and mer so the standard is yeah you get a baby Christmas presents but Mary didn't get those things oh that's true they weren't from Mary they were from three wise men like I said three strangers who wrote up on the day but in this day and age you'd get three

mum's letters turning up with a personalised bobble a personalised bobble and a sense that Christmas is all terribly overdone and lost sight of the meaning of things so and And then people saying, oh, you'll just put it in a box and forget about it. But I thought kind of the thing with babies is you do keep a box of stuff that really you'll forget about, but it's very special and important at the time. Yeah, and one day you'll get it out again. It's the process of putting it in that box that feels important probably. It's a ritual to that.

It's not about thinking that every day you'll go to the box and look at the bauble and smile. Ah, yes. I don't know. I think people and mums that are a bit joyless about Christmas at the best of times, but the 15th of June was never going to go down well. No. Am I being unreasonable To expect DH to communicate

When he is golfing Another weekend ruined I mean He needs to communicate with his caddy Is that what we talk Is this from the caddy? Well no because It's a wife the caddy

Well that sounds like a difficult relationship anyway Am I being unreasonable Teacher presents End of term Teacher presents Like gifts Personalised dressing game Personalised smoking jacket

Am I being unreasonable blood donation? No, you should donate blood, in all seriousness. If you can, some people are excluded. Yeah. And am I being unreasonable, car leasing, a query for the clever people residing in my computer? Wow, they've really not understood how computers or mum's networks. No. It's not little people in your computer.

No. That's, no. If the people on this board were living in my computer, I mean, that would be a virus. we destroy it. Hurling it out of the window and screaming. You have more fundamental things to understand before you tackle car leasing. Very good.

Let's wrap it up there, shall we? Yeah, what a week. What a week for Monsnet. Don't forget that we've got a live show coming up at the Chapel Playhouse as part of the Camden Fringe. Thursday the 15th of August at 8.30pm at the Chapel Playhouse on Grey's In Road. It's part of the Camden Fringe.

All the details will be in the info that comes with this episode and on our Twitter. And on the Camden Fringe website. And on the Camden Fringe website. Yep. Please do come along. We will do some sort of raffle probably because that sort of thing makes me laugh.

Maybe there'll be a mysterious braille item. I'll see what I can find lying about at work. By a mysterious braille item, I mean it'll be the menu from Honest Berger. And there'll probably be a hoodie that's a safeguarding issue. Well, I think it's pretty clear what the audience gifts will be from this episode. every person will get

a box of raisins No Thanks for listening Thank you bye I'm going to I feel as good as how I do right now Except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day When I felt the way that I do right now

Right now Right now