You Are Being Unreasonable - 053 - In which we discuss potatoes and the complete annihilation of all human life

Episode Date: September 12, 2019

"I would buy Potato Frownies... I don't want to grow up but I'm also not happy." It's Carbs Week on You Are Being Unreasonable as we discuss the fine distinctions between chips and various other types of potato products, we invent the Po-Table, a table made off and built for potatoes, and we discuss how to peel potatoes with the arm of an executed serial killer. We also get into anatomically correct dinosaur clothes for children, getting a photo with your EXtended family of exes, whether or not to tell your partner if you're working from home, and how to dress for an interview as a spooky undertaker. Oh, and the benefits of planet-wide voluntary human extinction. 

Hello, driving on drugs feels better when they're prescription. All I know, the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day. Hello.

Hello, welcome to You Are Being Unreasonable, the podcast about, people being unreasonable on mumsnet.com. Yep. We're back for my holidays, traveling the length, if not the breadth of this great land. Really just the length. Just the length. Yep. And we're back. Yeah. If you've ever been at Kings Cross

and seeing that train that goes from Kings Cross all the way to Aberdeen and thought, why? Why wouldn't you get a flight? That's us? Yeah. Yeah. Always travelling like Grand Old Danes. Grand Old Danes taking train journeys through Europe. You got a cup of tea and a fine Tomatyn 14.

being your old aged in port casks. So, we're ready to wrong. Yeah, what we always have every week. Should we do the speed round? Am I being unreasonable? Boys and Noise. Noisy boys. Noisy boys.

Always noisy with the boys. Am I being unreasonable, family portrait with exes family? Seems like a strange thing to do. Yeah. Not going to stop you, but maybe don't do that. Maybe this person's gathered all their exes for some sort of big portrait. Would you call exes your family? My extended family of exes

Am I being unreasonable to tell you why I voted leave Yeah no one cares And am I being unreasonable to think it's rude It is rude Those noisy boys Very rude Those rude noisy boys Noisily telling you why they voted leave

During the family portrait with your ex Rude Should we do a proper thread Am I being unreasonable to think Chips or potatoes implies potatoes are an option. D.P.'s turn to make tea tonight. He wants Kiev's, but has realised we have nothing to go with them. I offer to go to the shop, as we need a few bits anyway. He says, and this is important, OK, get either chips or potatoes. I come home with potatoes. He sees the potatoes. All hell ensues.

Why did you get potatoes? You know I can't peel them. He has a bad arm at the mow. Okay, says I. I will peel the potatoes. Nope, not good enough. Apparently, I am selfish and never think of him. So why on God's green earth did he tell me either chips or potatoes? Am I being unreasonable to have made the assumption that either chips or potatoes

means that they should get either chips or potatoes and not just chips. Crumbs? A few potatoes short of a bushel over here. The writing in this is incredible. I was going to say, this person's a great storyteller. They are. Just a great way to spin a yarn. Because the little flourishes, we're not your additions.

He says, and this is important, okay, get you the chips or potatoes. That's all in the text. Yeah. That's all text. He sees the potatoes. New sentence, all Helen's use. It's good. It's snappy writing.

It's quick. Yeah. Okay, says I. I will be all the potatoes. Nope. It's a great. Not good enough. Apparently, I'm selfish.

And I never think of him. My only complaint is that the bad arm could have been introduced earlier in the narrative. No, I like it. It comes out of nowhere. It's like a Diasex Machina, a bit late in the story. Is it a J.S.X. Mackina? I can't peel potatoes because of the bad arm. It should have been introduced earlier.

Yeah, maybe. He wants Kievs, but can't because of his bad arm. That's how you introduce it. If he wants Kievs and he wants her to buy chips, he is making a bit of a statement by claiming that he's making tea tonight. Let's be honest. D.P.'s turn to put things in the oven tonight. I mean, no disrespect.

Keyefs and chips, that's the meal you want. That is the meal you want. But it seems like a bit of a reach to then, if she has to go out and buy the chips anyway. And probably the Kievs. Probably the few other bits they need are Kievs. It does seem like reaching for him to then be like, you know I can't because of my arm.

Yeah, it's probably not making the Kievs from scratch because of the arm. Exactly. Because he has a bad arm at the moment. What is a bad arm? Like, is it broken and in a sling, or is it like a bit stiff? I assumed he got arm replacement surgery and the arm was the arm of a former serial killer and it's gradually taking over his body.

Oh. So if he puts a potato peeler in it, it will just start stabbing and he'll have to hold it back through his other arm. I mean, we do know he can't peel them. You know I can't peel them. Yeah. And he didn't say why, because of the bad arm. Oh, well, to be fair.

If he has an evil arm, I don't think that introducing the bad arm this late in the game is the issue. I think the fact that she never explains this important plot point is quite significant. Well, that's because she's selfish and never thinks of it. She's only worried about her own. He's got a serial killer arm that he's gradually taking over his body. If you had a serial killer arm that was gradually taking over his body. your body. I don't know that I'd be posting on mum's net about potatoes. I think I'd have other things that were worrying me, like your serial killer arm taking over your body. Probably a good

outlet though, the concern about the potatoes. Yeah. You're going to focus on the things that you can change. That's true. You can't change my serial killer arm. Yeah, no, that is a good point. Unless you're a medical doctor. A medical doctor only. Yeah. Don't come around here with your PhD trying to fix my serial killer arm, bringing me potatoes. Yeah, I don't want, I don't care about your PhD in art history. That's not going to fix my serial killer arm, which is taking over my body. I don't care about your honorary PhD, Dr. Seamus Heaney. Yeah, Dr. Seamus Heaney. With all your potatoes. Oh. I don't even know if Seamus Heaney has an honorary PhD, but I assume some university in Ireland has been grasping enough to give him one. Oh, he wrote

about the potatoes, so he did. He's on the GCSE syllabus. You're fortunate to have two people with degrees in philosophy here so we know about formal logic and the exact meaning of awe it's very rare that anyone has ever said the words you're fortunate to have two people with degrees in philosophy here but here we are so lucky this is the podcast we have become and i can say whether it is an inclusive or an exclusive or the awe should cover the potatoes this is just transparently obvious to me. Get either chips or potatoes, whether it's both or just one or the other, potatoes were always an option. They were always on the table. The table was full of potatoes. They will remain on the table because he cannot peel them. The potable. Yeah, the

potable. The potable, a table made of potatoes, per table. Are you just saying the word potable? Maybe. Potable, potable, potable. He also, he also, he, he screws himself over by saying either. Like, if he says chips or potatoes, you could say like, oh, you know, maybe he wasn't thinking about it. But he says either. The intention is so clear. Yeah.

That is an either or, literally an either or. Maybe there was a word missed. Maybe he said, okay, either chips or mashed potatoes. Yeah. Maybe he had a very specific thing in mind. Like, you know, you can get those potatoes that, like, come in a little packet and they've got some butter on them and they're ready to microwave in case you can't put them in the microwave yourself.

because of your bad arm maybe he was picturing that and then she came back with actual potatoes so when I was at primary school a load of the girls I went to primary school were like oh what mash does your mum buy my mum buys the red mash my mum buys the green mash and they got to me and I was like my mum buys potatoes

and everyone just thought this was the most ludicrous thing in the world they were like what sort of terrible Irish povo family if you come from that you're buying actual potatoes mash comes in packets and it's red or it's green ha ha ha Helen Ha, ha, ha. Just so happy to get potatoes, your family. Historically, it's not always been an option.

Yeah. But maybe he came from one of these families where potatoes meant smash in a coloured box. Yeah, smash means mash. I mean, that is an advertising slogan. No, she obviously isn't unreasonable at all. He seems deeply unreasonable. Get either chips or potatoes. What could you expect?

other than either chips, which he obviously expected, or potatoes, which is an equal option in that statement. If you were going to the supermarket and I said to you, get either veggie sausages or pork sausages, and you came back with pork sausages and I was like, you know I don't eat pork sausages. I thought it was an odd statement. Yeah, but I had said, get either or.

I mean, I would have messed up there. I couldn't get angry. What if she was already through the door? She's closing the door. he says, okay, get either chips or potato, she closes you a door. Oh, and he meant like potato smiley's. And he says the word smileys, that's the door closes. I love the idea that two adults sit down to a Sunday night tea of Kiev's and potato smileys. Sounds great. They're not so smiley anymore, are they? Because she got the wrong potatoes. No, potato frownies.

I would buy potato frownies. For the millennial in your life. I don't want to grow up, but I'm also not happy. Get me, some frownies. Why would I be happy at the state of the world right now? I love some potato frownies, please. Brownies and beans. That was my dinner. Let's hear from the thread.

This is the worst thing that's happened to him this week. He can't really complain. I mean, there's a whole serial killer arm, but this is a worse thing on top of that. Yeah. Just to mention, the person who said this has broken up the two sentences with a picture of a woman shrugging

and then a venus symbol. Like, oh yeah, frozen potatoes linked to chips, A woman shrugs, the Venus symbol. But if it's the worst thing that's happened to him all week, I don't know why she's done that. Women, am I right? Just mum's net as keen to be like,

I am a woman, womaning around. Venus symbol chips. I want some potato venus symbols, please. And then someone says, maybe he meant jacket potatoes or even new potatoes. Those are potatoes, though. If someone said, get me some jacket potatoes, I would get them a type of potato

that was suitable for baking. I wouldn't get them jacket potatoes. that were already jacket potatoes. Again, based on the door hypothesis, he'd have had to ask, okay, get either chips or potatoes, door closes, comma, jacket. From his glossary of potatoes, his mental index page of potatoes. The potatoes were for mash, we generally prefer to do our own mash rather than use a mixture. However, upon some deep reflection, I admit I should have bought some packet mash on this occasion.

occasion. He didn't ask for packet mash though. He didn't, he didn't ask for mashed potatoes. He asked for potatoes. Chips or potatoes. Oh, I mean, if you're not fit to mash a potato, you just don't have a mashed potato that day. Just have a mashed potato when your arms are better and have chips instead. What would have been unacceptable to bring, given the instructions, get either chips or potatoes? Let's play the game. Fries, acceptable? Well, some people would call fries chips or call chips fries. Hmm. Controversial then. They are different products based on their, you know,

surface area and size. New potatoes? No, those are potatoes. That would be fine. Yes. Nocky. Absolutely not. Even though they're made of potatoes. No, but just because something's made of potato doesn't make it a potato. Okay. I think I know how you'll like on my next. Well, you get me some tomatoes, please. And you came back with just a tube of tomato

puree. Like, here you go. I'll be like, oh, okay. I'll go and buy my own tomatoes. those then. Just because something's made from a product, doesn't make it that product. I feel like you're not going to like the next question. Go on. Vodka? Vodka? Not potato.

Kiev's and vodka all round. See out the week, as is appropriate given the arm situation. Am I being unreasonable to think human extinction is not a bad thing? Apart from your nearest and dearest, is it such a bad thing? What have humans done for this planet? If we all died, the planet would survive. If insects died, the planet wouldn't. Bugs are more valuable than us.

Come to this, then. These people have spent enough time on Mum's Nets. I'm being unreasonable bored, that they're completely sick of human life. And I think we're 53 episodes in, and we're getting there. We are getting there, yeah. Pretty soon. Pretty soon we'll agree with this poster.

Apart from your nearest and dearest, Okay, but... But everyone has nearest and dearest. Yeah. It doesn't make any sense, does it? Like, if we became extinct, that would be everyone. To be perfectly honest, in a scenario in which humans become extinct, I would want us all to become extinct.

I don't want my poor nearest and dearest surviving with just the bugs. Everyone I love and the bugs and every other human has died, like some sort of weird apocalypse situation. I don't want that. That sounds much worse than what we have now, and much worse than being extinct. This is the worst. possible middle ground. This is like what I always say about how in a zombie apocalypse, when it reaches the point where all you can do is hide inside the supermarket, just go free running out there, just wait for a zombie to get you

because what sort of life is it really if you're just hiding in the supermarket? Just relax, go join them, have fun. Yeah, and bizarrely you do always say that, like it comes up a lot. Yeah, often at proper of nothing. Yeah, it's a strange motto to have. I'll just be there mashing a potato and I'll be like, in the zombie apocalypse. I'm going for it. I'm leaving the supermarket. I don't want my nearest and dearest to survive and everyone else to go extinct. That's mad. The planet will survive without humans. Yeah. Like that's undeniable. It'll be a different ecosystem if climate change continues on its current pace because the planet will fundamentally change and

a lot of the life that is currently supported won't exist. But probably life will continue. But But, I mean, on this kind of scale, what does anything matter? It seems weird that she's trying to make it out to be this altruistic thing as well, that she's advocating that all humans go extinct because the planet will survive. Like, you get a lot of one-upmanship on mums net where people are like, oh, yes, because I'm so worried about the environment I haven't flushed my toilet in six weeks. I'm so worried about the environment that I've only eaten food that I found just stuck to the underside of the bin lid outside.

But to be like, I'm so worried about the environment. environment that we should go extinct because the planet will survive, which seems to be the subtext here, like, grow up. Yeah, I mean, this is some Thomas Legotti, voluntary human extinction, humans are blight on the planet scale misanthropy, which is quite extreme misanthropy. Like, this is worse than, you know, your sartras and your Nietzsche's. This is Logotic, humankind is a cancer on the side of the earth. Well, on that note, should we hear from the thread?

You are not being unreasonable, O.P. we are vile as a species. Wow. Maybe this thread should have been last. And we just cut like the Sopranos at the end of it. We never do another episode. Oh. I don't think this is the place to talk about the Anthropocene

and human extinction and the world without us. This isn't the forum for it. No, Mom sets the forum for everything. And if anyone ever says it's not the forum, it's because they don't want the women talking. That's what people say. they're saying that you as a man are trying to put the little ladies back in their place but I'm not like a lot of the theorists on the Anthropocene are predominantly women like

Donna Harroway and Karen Barrett I just want to clarify I don't believe that but what I'm saying is if you ever suggest mums that's not the forum they say people don't want the women talking yeah I'm not saying that well hopefully we'll all go extinct before they can hunt you down and tell you what they think about you suggesting it's not the forum Another thing from the thread. Been saying this for years. I'm glad someone's come along to be a hipster about human extinction. I was into human extinction before it was fashionable.

I'm sick of these hipsters coming into the voluntary human extinction movement late in the game. Like, what have you been doing to extinguish our life on Earth? Yeah, what's your favourite album track? I've been drinking through plastic straws. I just buy packs and take them to pubs. What have you been doing to accelerate the decline of our species? Should we do another thread? Am I being unreasonable?

D.H. Not telling me he's working from home. So this morning we leave to do the school drop-off. D.H. in jeans. Oh, you're casual, I say. Yeah, he says. Fine. He drops me at the station, then does the school run.

Text me to say, oh, fine with the drop-off. Fast forward to this afternoon. I text him, say, I'll pick up the kids as I'm leaving work early. Oh, the car is actually here. at home, so I'll do it. We carl-share. I've worked from home today. Oh, why didn't you tell me? I said. Oh, I had a 7.30 a.m. meeting that I wouldn't have made, so I stayed at home instead. Why didn't he tell me? Am I being unreasonable to think he should let me know? Even if I am being unreasonable, I forgot to get some bolognais out of the freezer for dinner, which he could have done

if he told me he was working from home, but he didn't. Because he was working from home, he could have peeled all the potatoes, but he didn't want the potatoes. He said he wanted chips. Because he was working from home, he could have had the heating on really high and he could have been throwing plastic around and he could have got out and got plastic bags and made us extinct. But he didn't. Why didn't he drive to work to kill the planet? He is not doing his bit. Now on its face, this one looks pretty simple. Like, the DH is fine.

Why should he tell he he was working for men? Yeah. But if we look a little closely, his story doesn't add up. She's right. A 7.30 meeting that he wouldn't have made. And yet, he had time to go and do the school drop-off, which presumably wasn't before 7.30. Breakfast club Breakfast club

There might have been a breakfast club It means a breakfast club I used to go to a breakfast club in the mornings I don't remember what time it was But you know Like wrap around care for people who are working Before 730 I don't think I went before 730

But I think there were people who did go before 730 It sounds like no Okay Because he'd have had to get up At like Go out at 7 to drop the kids off To be back by 730 It's a very early breakfast club

Yeah No A 7.30 meeting, he would have had that before the school run. Like, he would have had that before she saw him in the jeans. Do we need to get a big cork board out with all the pins? Yeah, always. He's explaining his movements. Yeah, like we do at our live shows.

Yeah, exactly. What are your tech requirements? A big cork board. Yeah, and we'll need a lot of string in different colours, please. Yeah, non-negotiable. Everyone in this thing. starts every sentence with oh, oh, you're casual. Oh, yeah. Oh, the car's actually here at home. Oh, why didn't you tell me? Oh, I had a 7.30 AM meeting. They're constantly

surprised. There's no sound that surprise and emerge. So I've recently noticed that you can say oh in a way that's extremely judgmental, but no one can do you for it. Like, they can't pull you up on the fact that you're definitely being judgy, because all you've said is oh. Oh. So maybe they go through their whole relationship just judging each other. Oh. Oh. You've had a car today. Oh, wearing jeans.

Oh, casual. Oh. Oh, I've got to get the ball and lays out. Oh. Why does he need to tell her what difference does it make? Well, so I have to admit that part of the appeal of this thread actually comes from the responses in the thread. Someone said, it's not a matter of him reporting it, it's just normal communication. reporting it

at the family meeting reporting it's like reporting an absence maybe at school not even at work at work you just notify someone you don't report it the 730 meeting would make sense if it was a family meeting where you were reporting absences for the day yeah because you need to do that before the start of the work day as early as possible so that cover can be arranged

yeah I'll be working from home today but I will be unable to take the billanies out because of my serial killer arm. Yeah, exactly. Oh. Oh. Your serial killer arm. On balance, there's no reason why he has to tell her what he's doing.

It does seem like something that you might mention in passing, but if she's the sort of person who talks about reporting it, maybe he's just sick of her shit and he felt like, oh, this will be funny, I'll get one over on her by living my life without having to report something. Tiny Actra of Rebellion, just being an independent adult jeans is very casual for a work at home day there jeans is very formal for a work at home day

If you're working at home, why not pyjamas? No, I think if you're working from home You should wear the same attire you would wear to work So a full suit You wear jeans to work Can't believe you're putting me on blast like this on the podcast You work in an environment where it'd be weird If you'd end up in a full suit

imagine you rocking up wearing a full suit and a top hat turning up to do your IT job in the library at a university dressed like Jacob Rees-Mogg People would assume I had a job interview The top hat Yeah, in the 18th century Oh, Simon's doing a career change I hear he's going to be an undertaker

From a spooky book A spooky undertaker If I wore a soup to work people would think I was going to go an audition to be on a game show. Like an 80s power woman suit. Yeah, they'd be like, oh, have you got a one-woman show on at the moment in which you are Hillary Clinton?

They'd be like, no, this is just what I wanted to wear to work today. And they'd be like, oh. Oh. Oh. Have you ever worked from home without telling me? I don't think so. I don't know. I'd go out before you, so what would I do?

I'd have to go out and then hide. And they'd come back. I get in before you So I'd only have to hide until you left for your train Yeah I wouldn't have to then hide again at the end of the day You just have to hide around the corner Watch me leave

And then dash back in I'd like to think that if I was going to go and hide I would find a coffee shop that was open at 7.30 in the morning And sit in there until 8.15 and then come home Probably better Rather than lurking around the corner This has got away from us a bit But it's another one that's very well written

I'll give it that They don't have to tell you everything like this is mundane nonsense why would they tell you this it feels like she's brought up the bolognese to try and make people side with her like this is some sort of passag unnecessary bolognaise aside

to be like well I know that you're going to say that it's not relevant but actually it is relevant because of the bolognaise could have got the bolognaise out I just I never want my life to revolve around who's wearing jeans and wear the bolognaises at any given moment It just sounds terrible.

She posted this at 8.53 in the evening. By that point, she must have realised a long time since that you've worked from home. Why is she still stewing on it and have to go on mum's there? I hope his 7.30 meeting was over by then. Otherwise, that's a long-ass meeting. It is a long-ass meeting. I'd probably mean jeans too, when refusing to touch the Bolognese if I had a 13-hour meeting.

Yeah, I'm too busy. Someone has just said, you've answered your own question. He thought you would have been asking him to do jobs, and he didn't want to be disturbed while working. Come on that, who's so busy and important that they can't get some Bolognaise out of the freezer? Oh, she's giving me so many jobs to do. Oh, the old ball and chain wants me to open the freezer,

remove an item. I mean, ultimately, why bother getting Bollinoles out of the freezer when the whole planet is dying slowly in heat fire? Maybe the best way to defrost the Bolognais would just be to leave the freezer open so it has to work extra hard and still doesn't do any good. But so the planet dies just a little bit quicker, and all the bugs are left on the moon. Yeah. Finally.

Am I being unreasonable to think girls can wear clothes with dinosaurs on? I was looking at baby clothes for my baby with my family. I don't know the sex. I pick out a nice set with dinosaurs on. I think it was green. D.S. says, what if it's a girl? I say, girls can wear dinosaur packing clothes too. D.M. thought I was going too far.

Am I being unreasonable? Or are they being insane? Would you dress your daughter in clothes with dinosaurs on? It's too far. It's political correctness gone mad. Too far! You've gone too far this time. Health and safety making children wear these dinosaur clothes.

What's DM? Daily Mail? It's dear mum, but... There's not a poster on mum's there who doesn't have a dear mum who isn't a bit daily male. Having a daily male mum makes you go to mums there, I think. Which dinosaurs do they think are coded as male and female? It sounds like they think all dinosaurs are coded as male. I think the most popular cultural depiction of dinosaurs comes from the 1993 movie, Jurassic Park, directed by Stephen Spielberg,

in which explicitly, every dinosaur on screen for the whole movie was female. That was a core plot point. So where do people get this idea that dinosaurs? are coded as male. Where hells? Where? I don't know, but what I do know is I think we've just outed you as a mum's letter with that comment because Happy Punky, who is probably you, has said, Has she seen Jurassic Park? The dinosaurs are female?

Who knew you were a mum's letter? The dinosaurs are female, but because of the frog DNA and the ability of the frogs to spontaneously change sex in monosex environments, the dinosaurs ultimately do change sex. some of them become male but I don't think any of those are shown on screen that's all off screen we just see the eggs it's hard to say I mean this is mum's going out into the park and and lifting up the dinosaur skirts this is mum's net though so we probably shouldn't get into whether or not is possible to change sex because they'll start some sort of tiny protest of three people outside the flat shouting about something oh no

desis says what if it's a girl girls can wear dinosaur clothes I mean With the mum, we can maybe argue that it might be that she's just an older generation. The sister, surely these people are just trolling now. Maybe they're like, should we go shopping and we'll troll this pregnant relative? Bitches love dinosaurs. You got me a dress with dinosaurs on it, and I hope that wasn't your way of saying, I think you're a man. We got our baby niece dinosaur clothes. I mean, there are a lot of examples of me arguably going too far with

not gigging my politics to myself. This podcast is one of them. See the previous 52 episodes. But I didn't realize that a dinosaur outfit from a nice organic baby clothes thing in East Dulwich was one of those examples, I thought that was the least political thing I could do. I thought that was just normal, boogie, auntie shit.

Yeah, man, that baby was rocking it. But now, now I know that we probably went too far. Oh no. I know. Where the wacky liberal left? We are, the loony left. We are the loony left. Putting babies in dinosaur clothes.

I can't believe it. Making them raw. Watching Jurassic Park. Oh, beans. Yeah, this is just madness. I mean, can we just stop to reflect on something that actually a friend pointed out to me? So, courtesy of Jen, who's shown me this thread before. The original poster is called Dominic Cummings Gilles.

Is it any surprise that Dominic Cummings Juley has a weird family? Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Does Zizuilia have dinosaurs on it? We just don't know. Don't know. We don't know.

I don't know if Dominic Cummings cares about dinosaurs. He's a little busy with Brexit. Brexit. There's a lot of people here saying, but dinosaurs were girls as well as boys. It's true. Someone said, personally, I'd probably opt for plain green or camo rather than dinosaurs. But I'm not into dinosaurs. Well, then this isn't for you.

Yeah. It's for a baby anyway. I don't want to see a baby in camo. A baby in camo is too far. That's stolen valour. Wow. Bizarly defensive of the military. All of a sudden, what a take.

I am going to do a series of stolen valour videos in which I hound babies for wearing camo. That's stolen vammer, that stolen bala, stolen bala, sir. Goodness me. No, more than the point, cammo isn't really appropriate. because of the military connotations. I don't want to see a little military baby. And I mean, if you let your baby run around in the park, you'll never find them again.

Yeah, that'll be lost. Plain green. I'd probably opt for plain green. But not talking about every possible thing a child could fare. The only thing I will insist is that if you buy your children clothes with dinosaurs on, those dinosaurs should have feathers. Yeah.

Because dinosaurs... You don't want your child. to be confused or embarrassed at school when they find out that actually dinosaurs were feathery. And they're like, but all my clothes, they're scaly. While with my clothes lie to me? Like in the Jurassic Park franchise. What's happening? No, they should have feathers.

The Tyrannosaurus on the little footsie pyjamas should look like a big chicken. And then someone said, dinosaur clothes are great for girls and boys. I'm glad that big dinosaur clothes is joined the thread. Clos are cheap and affordable as well. Dinosaurs clothes are long-lasting and fashionable. Dinosaurs' clothes encourage your children to think about human extinction at early age. What happened to the dinosaurs? Extinct. Like humans will be soon. Then someone said, dinosaurs for penis owners only.

Girls can only have flowers, unicorns and cute kittens. That's nonsense. I mean, if you say penis owners, you can be a girl and own a penis, because it sounds very much like it's just a thing in a jar. But also, women can have penises. Take that, Mum's Net. Women can have penises. But, oh, aside from the politics that I should keep out of it, I've gone too far this time,

penis onus is a fucking grim thing to say when you're talking about children. It is grim. Yeah. Anyway, from now on, I think all presents that we buy our niece should be influenced by what someone's mum on Mum's Net has been offended by. The mum's that has got a mum who thinks that it's gone too far That's what we'll get our niece Okay, so by the logic of this week's episode

We need to get our niece clothes with potatoes on them Like just potatoes Close depicting grand scale human extinction I thought that the thing that was offending them Was the lack of human extinction So just clothes with people merrily living Yeah People eating potatoes

And closed with husbands working from home Yeah A little baby wearing a little t-shirt With a picture of a man wearing jeans Doing some work And then your brother and his wife Can put that directly into the bin As soon as we leave

Should we do one more speed round Yeah, I'm getting close to wishing human extinction on everything So she'll probably wrap her up Am I being unreasonable to send an angry text No, send as many angry texts as you like Little frowny faces Potato frownies Potato frownies

Am I being unreasonable How often do you change your furniture And decorate? Every day mate Every day New chairs New tables Am I being unreasonable

Pin the tail etiquette Usually on the donkey now Who knows On the dinaside Today's PC culture Am I being unreasonable Is this infected Wrong for

Seacout a medical doctor, not a PhD in art history. And am I being unreasonable? A lot of people on MomsNet are so horrible. Yes, yes they are. They are. But I'll still flame you for it because that's the spirit of the board. Yeah.

So, yeah, on the 21st of September, I am going to be at Emergency Festival in Manchester doing my show, smashing it, doing a bit of my show smashing it, 9 or 9.30 p.m. at Zed Arts. It's a game show about the patriarchy, it's interactive. please do come along if you're in Manchester and you're into that sort of thing. Yeah, taking it up north for the first time.

Yep, you can say that because you're from Manchester. If I said taking it up north, I'd feel like one of those dickheads who's like, anything north of the M25, anything north of the Watford Gap. I don't even know where the Watford Gap is. So I've got that. I'm doing the Clapham Fringe on the 12th October

with the full length smashing it, the capitalist patriarchy game show. I am doing the Vagina Museum on the 9th of November with Smashing It, the Capitalist Patriarchy Game Show. And that's it for smashing it for now for confirmed dates. But please do come along to at least one of those if you can because it's really good fun, but also angry and apparently unpalatable.

And we have some very exciting live show news. Yeah, we have a Christmas live show coming up on the 8th of December in London at the Boulevard Theatre in Soho. Yeah. So that's very exciting. We're really excited about it and we're going to donate some of the money that we make from it to mermaids because we feel terrible about sending traffic to this shit show of a website

so we're going to use what little platform we have to try and do some good so please do come and support us and support mermaids they do amazing work so yeah that's the 8th of December at the boulevard theatre in soho full details and tickets available shortly yeah we'll tweet out a link or whatever I'll mention it on here when the link is available. Thank you for listening. Thanks.

Bye.